09-25-25 - Lively DBacks Game For John When Friend Dropped 8 C*Bombs - Stinky Person At Game Reminds We Need To Tell People They Stink - Showtime Shane Emails In About His Stinky Date

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode: 09-25-25 – Lively DBacks Game For John When Friend Dropped 8 C*Bombs – Stinky Person At Game Reminds We Need To Tell People They Stink – Showtime Shane Emails In About His Stinky Date
Date: September 25, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Episode Overview

This episode is a classic, wild ride through John Holmberg’s baseball night gone awry, complete with a play-by-play of a friend’s epic “C word” faceoff, deep thoughts on the duty to tell friends when they smell, and the reading of a listener email from “Showtime Shane” about a stinky-but-hot date. The show peppers in personal anecdotes (from stinky coworkers to awkward firings), impromptu debates, and trademark irreverent banter—serving both Arizona sports fans and anyone craving morning mischief.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. A Wild Night at the Ballpark

• John recounts the Diamondbacks game:
  • Key moment: Game went to extra innings, but D-Backs blew it with the bases loaded, losing to the Dodgers.
    • “A great day for Dodger baseball because the Diamondbacks absolutely the bed in the extra innings... Walk away, losers.” – John (01:00)
  • Umpire frustrations: John speculates umpires are setting up the need for robot umps, connecting it to gambling and potential for new sponsorship revenue.
    • “They’re going to intentionally screw up so baseball can bring on the robots... It’s a revenue stream.” – John (02:55)
• Seating drama:
  • John’s friends join him in great seats; Tom’s son and a friend sneak into vacant seats, only to be called out by a tattling fan—triggering a huge escalation.
  • That tattling woman, proud of her cartoon sign, becomes the target of Tom’s repeated (eight!) “C bombs”—not common for his mild-mannered temperament.
    • “You dumb C word!” – Tom (Paraphrased, around 05:30)
    • “I think the count was eight C bombs. Now that’s strong. I like that word a lot... To throw eight of them is just…” – John (09:58)

2. Confrontation at the Game: The C Word Showdown

• Escalation:
  • The tattling woman, invested in her DIY “be vewy vewy quiet, we’re hunting RBIs” sign, confronts Tom about his language.
    • “‘Just say it again, I’m gonna get you kicked out for being an asshole.’” – Tattling fan (paraphrased, 06:00)
    • “He goes, ‘Cause she’s a C word.’ And I’m like, oh my God, this won’t end. So he went off on this lady. They’re going back and forth. I’m like, this is better than the game.” – John (06:25)
  • John and Brian enjoy the spectacle; Tom is surprisingly feisty, possibly defending his wife after a dig from the woman.
  • The woman’s sign makes the big screen multiple times—adding to her pride and “mayor of three rows” attitude.

3. Stinky People in Public: The Ballpark Edition

• Mystery smell disrupts John’s night:
  • “Somebody had dirty flip-flop feet... It was the smell, and it was permeating.” – John (11:30)
  • He spends innings paranoid, sniff-testing himself and suspects the smell could even be him.
    • “I spent the entire first five innings trying to figure out who it was and then wondering, is it me? Do I stink? I couldn’t stop smelling. All the person had to do is wiggle their toes.” – John (12:00)
  • Moral: Friends have a duty to tell friends when they stink (“You’re not a friend unless you tell them you stink day”).
    • “You’ve got to do something about that. A good friend will tell you that.” – John (13:10)

4. Listener Stories: More Stink, More Drama

• Showtime Shane’s email:
  • A self-proclaimed “rootinest, tootinest” dude, “Showtime Shane” bailed 20 minutes into a date because his beautiful companion reeked.
    • “I went on a date with a woman that was absolutely stunning. A nine out of ten. But she stunk so bad, I bailed after 20 minutes.” – Email from ‘Showtime Shane’ (33:56)
• The crew roast both Shane’s nickname and the stinky date, providing skit-like banter.
  • “Why, you’re just absolutely visually beautiful, but you smell like a poodle getting a perm in a sewer.” – John (34:09)
  • “You want to know why they call me Showtime?” – John as ‘Showtime Shane’ (36:41)

5. Office & Life Etiquette: When (and How) to Tell Someone They Smell

• Personal stories about workplace B.O. and intervention:
  • The hosts recall smelly coworkers and the dilemma of whether, how, and who should address the issue.
    • “Tell a friend they smell today and do it and just say, look, I’m a friend or I wouldn’t be doing this to you.” – John (19:13)
  • Discussion turns to stories of firing people over cleanliness/appearance—especially in restaurants and promotions jobs.
    • “You showed up smelling like ass. There’s a difference.” – John (29:00)
    • “I fired three people for not having clean aprons... We worked in a barbecue place.” – John (29:32)

6. Nickname Nonsense

• The episode pokes fun at adults who insist on silly nicknames:
  • “If you know anybody that starts—introduces themselves with ‘but you can call me—’ No, I’m gonna call you your name.” – John (38:33)
  • The hosts mock “Razor,” “Laser,” and “Showtime Shane” as grown men desperate to sound cool.
  • “You’re a middle-aged man. No one called you—You’re not on the razor’s edge of anything.” – John (34:40)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |:-------------:|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|---------------| | 01:00 | “A great day for Dodger baseball because the Diamondbacks absolutely the bed in the extra innings.”| John | | 05:30 | “You dumb C word!” | Tom (via John)| | 06:25 | “Cause she’s a C word. And I’m like, oh my God, this won’t end. So he went off on this lady.” | John | | 09:58 | “I think the count was eight C bombs. Now that’s strong.” | John | | 12:00 | “I spent the entire first five innings trying to figure out who it was and then wondering, is it me? Do I stink?”| John | | 13:10 | “You’ve got to do something about that. A good friend will tell you that.” | John | | 19:13 | “Tell a friend they smell today and do it and just say, look, I’m a friend or I wouldn’t be doing this to you.” | John | | 29:00 | “You showed up smelling like ass. There’s a difference.” | John | | 34:09 | “Why, you’re just absolutely visually beautiful, but you smell like a poodle getting a perm in a sewer.” | John | | 34:40 | “You’re a middle-aged man. No one called you—You’re not on the razor’s edge of anything.” | John | | 38:33 | “If you know anybody that starts—introduces themselves with ‘but you can call me—’ No, I’m gonna call you your name.” | John |

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Key Timestamps & Segments

• [01:00 – 04:00]: John breaks down the game and the beginnings of row drama
• [05:00 – 10:00]: The epic “C word” incident with Tom and tattling sign-lady
• [11:30 – 15:00]: The stinky stranger disrupts the ballpark experience; John’s obsession with self-checks
• [19:00 – 24:00]: Office stink stories and the ethics of firing for bad hygiene
• [33:30 – 36:30]: Listener email from “Showtime Shane” and resulting roast
• [38:00 – End]: Nickname gripes and poking fun at adults clinging to childish monikers

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Episode Insights & Takeaways

• Game Day as Microcosm: One baseball night exposes all kinds of adult dysfunction—from entitlement and poor etiquette to passive-aggressive conflict and self-awareness challenges.
• The Real Friend Test: The team argues, with humor and frankness, that true friends (and colleagues) should have the guts to tell someone when they’re smelly or out of line.
• The Power of Nicknames: Ridiculous adult nicknames are universally skewered—being real, direct, and grown up is the better path.
• Hygiene & Accountability: Showing up clean is a basic sign of respect—if you violate it, expect to get called out (or even fired).
• Listener Engagement: Stories from fans like “Showtime Shane” keep the show relatable and interactive.

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The episode is a raucous mix of public meltdowns, hygiene horror stories, and the ethics of honesty among adults—and, as always, plenty of laughs at human nature’s expense.

Transcript

[Host]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[John]

Homberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Thursday. This, it's the morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett, There's Toledo. It's 5:45. Let's get it going. Let's move this thing right along. What a great night last night at the old ballpark. A great day for Dodger baseball. As it turned out, it was a fantastic day for Dodger baseball because the Diamondbacks absolutely the bed in the extra innings. Again, I gotta say sorry to Diamondback fans. Last two games I've been to extra innings. Both fantastic baseball. Diamondbacks leave the bases loaded in the extra innings. Get nothing out of it both times. Walk away, losers. What a game, though. It was absolutely spectacular. And as a person who loves baseball, it's rare to go to one and find out, oh, this is why you like the game. It was awesome. Corbin Carroll made a throw, got a guy at the plate. Nothing more exciting than taking in that dude that was running is this South Korean kid that the Dodgers have. That's just absolute lightning. So it was super bang bang, great play. But Dodgers end up winning it. Dimebags had a chance to jump into that six spot in the wild card. It's tight. I was with a friend of mine. Now, many of you remember us talking about a woman we call Sisquatch on the heat stroke open.

[Brett]

The lovely Sisquatch.

[John]

Well, that's what you say. She gets a little, you know, she started off the night a little drunk. I was teasing her pretty good about, like, the staggering situation. I know. Bone act surprised, Brett. We both did.

[Host]

Shocking.

[John]

So I was teasing her pretty good. And her friend Tom, we'll say, was with her as well. And that's Thomas, the one I got tickets from. So she's there, I'm there. My friend Brian's with me, and I'm sitting next to Brian Sisquatch and then Tom. Boom boom. And these are good seats. A lot of you saw me on the game last night and where my phone was blowing up. Like, I didn't know I was there. Dude, you're at the game. I'm like, I. I would be the one who knew that more than you, I think. But thanks for the updates on where I am. And just in case I've got dementia or something, you Put out a silver alert for me and you found me every time. It was hilarious. So my phone just buzzing, buzzing, buzzing. People are taking pictures of but I'm right there. These were great seats. So game gets going and I'm in. I'm invested. This is fun. This was great baseball. Good pitching, good hitting. Execution was good. Coaches were doing what they do. A couple little things. The umpire behind home plate, questionable at best with a lot of his calls, which makes me think we're going to start seeing that throughout the playoffs. And the umpires are going to intentionally screw up so baseball can bring on the robots, which I think is the goal. Because then think about this. Gambling changes completely with robot umps. And also they can put a new scoreboard up of just the balls and strikes and have that sponsored by something. And so it's a revenue stream to have the robots. I'm surprised the current umpires aren't sponsored by someone. There's sponsorship everywhere. So this. Everybody was bitching about the ump last night. I'm like get used to it because for the next year it's going to be oh, we're just human. We make these mistakes and it's screwing up the gambling and we just don't watch the salute robots. That's what they're going to do. And they're going to do computers that call other. That's happening. So it's going to be great. So I'm sitting there, I'm loving every second of the game Brian and I are talking about. And Tom's son was at the game too. So Tom text his son after the two people sitting next to Tom left in like the ninth inning. They didn't want to stay past 9:30 or whatever so they got up and they left. So there were two empty seats. So he texts his son and his friend. And his son is, you know, well, well mannered young man. He's in his 20s, he's a nice kid. He's, you know, he's going to keep came down with his friend. They were quiet, they did their thing, sit on the seats. Next thing you know somebody comes down and says you two have to go. Now I've been watching several people just come and sit in seats from other areas because for some reason people leave a tie game, well, it's a different topic. The Diamondback, Diamondback fans, I got to say, you suck. Two strikes. You're supposed to cheer in a tie game. 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th innings when the pitcher has two strikes on a Dodger hitter, you're supposed to get up and cheer. That's why that big screen says, get loud, because that's what everybody else does throughout. And you've got to be invested in the game. They don't make a peep. Anyway, so all these people are going. They leave early to what is a fantastic sporting event. And so all these seats open up right behind the plate. We're on the. We're in the third row behind home plate. So sitting there and stuff. So a bunch of people moving tight. Tom's son and his friends sit down. A few minutes later, lady comes down, points him out and says, you guys gotta go. One of those old, you know, ushers.

[Brett]

The ushers, yeah.

[John]

They're like, oh, okay. And Tom says, why? He's like, there's nobody here. These people left. That's my kid. He's not missing. He goes, this lady here said, you guys kind of stole the seats and go. So I didn't hear any of this, but Tom looks at like, what'd you do that for, you dumb C word? And. And I didn't. I kind of heard C words floating a little. Well, the kids get up, mind their own, go back to the seats, which weren't bad anyway. They just wanted to go, come down, hang out with their dad. So no big deal, no harm. And I'm still in the game. I'm hearing the C word a few more times, but it's not super loud. Just enough. It's a con. It's conversational C word. Next thing you know, this woman comes over, and she goes, what the did I do to you? And. And I'm like, wha. And she's leaning over Tom, and they're going. And he goes, you were a C word. She goes, you say it again, I'm gonna get you kicked out for being an asshole. And the guy behind the mean lady says to Tom, why don't you stop being a jerk and just let her be? And he goes, cause she's a C word. And I'm like, oh, my God, this won't end. So he went off on this lady. They're going back and forth. I'm like, this is better than the game. This is outstanding stuff. So Tom almost fights this woman who had a sign, kept putting up her sign. She had a homemade sign, and it was. She had drawn Catal Marte as Elmer Fudd. And it says she'd be very, very quiet. We're hunting RBIs. Ribbies. Like, not rabbits, but ribbies. Which is not a timely joke in any fashion. Exactly. But they put it on the big screen, like, three times. And she was super proud of her. She was super proud of herself that all that work with, you know, magic markers and her poster board.

[Brett]

Worth it.

[John]

Oh, totally worth never having had a job and living off her husband's money. That's my. Because who else has time to do that on a Wednesday is to make Elmer Fudd drawings at home. You haven't worked a day in your life. Tom's right. You. C word.

[Host]

Anyway, when you sit that low, you don't have a poster board with Sharpies.

[John]

And.

[Host]

Come on, those are good seats.

[John]

That's bleacher stuff.

[Host]

Up, boys. Come on, have some class.

[John]

Red for president right here. Yeah, but she's a wealthy. She wasn't like, this dude with the money could have done a lot better for himself. She gets on Tom, they start yelling at each other. The whole thing starts to kind of boil over. Tom's fuming his wife Sisquatch and her giant. You see her on tv. She's the one with the carpet roll for hair. Like, she's got gigantic hair. It is. It's so heavy.

[Brett]

Impressive.

[John]

Insane. Yeah, it's insane. So Brian and I are laughing like, this is outstanding. But it just. It stirred up the whole night, and I'm like, this might be the best baseball game I've ever been to my own.

[Brett]

And he was obviously able to stay in the seats. They didn't come down.

[John]

No.

[Brett]

Anybod.

[John]

Well, no. I mean, the lady could have done another one, but, yeah, mind your own business. You know, two people come and sit in two seats that aren't. They were not disruptive. They didn't do anything. They weren't bad. And the two people that were there had left already. She went and tattled. Now, I'm all for, like, stealing seats being something that. But it's the venue's job to see that you don't tattle. I remember at Suns games, I used to watch that when kids would come down and sit in the seats in front of us, and, like, you'd see it. And I'd look back at the lady in the thing, and I'd shrug my shoulders, and she's like, okay. She saw it, too. But it was, like, time to. And I started laughing because she'd have to come down and go, all right, let's go. And they'd wrangle them up. For some reason, I was in a stolen seat, A rich environment of stolen seats. And I found it hysterical to watch them go, oh, because these idiots thought they were getting away with it they'd show up in like the second quarter, they'd sit up high, look down and see seats that hadn't been used yet. Poach em and then try to poach em, right? And then they'd come. You know, most of the time they were just idiots. I didn't tell on em but I'd look back, I'm like, did you see it? Cause I loved it in the Sun's games. But I never went up and said like this lady, these kids just came down here and sat and tattled and everything else ridiculous. And then she threatened to throw someone else up. Mind your own business. You made your little sign. Live in your own little world and just be one of those kids. Weren't doing anything to you. And if you're gonna do that, tell on everybody. But she's evidently the mayor of those three rows and decided that she was because she made her sign and she was on the. She was on the big screen two or three times. So I think she thinks she works for the Diamondbacks or had a hand in it. But I agree with Tom. What a C word. Eight. I think the count was eight C bombs. Eight. Now that's strong. I like that word a lot. And I think you, you know, he went nuclear option early with the C word. To throw eight of them is just.

[Brett]

You know, maybe that's how upset he was at the sign because he's a.

[John]

Dodgers fan, but he's. Yeah, but he wasn't upset at that. Tom doesn't. He was, he was, he was mad at the C word. He was mad at her.

[Host]

Tom's a mild mannered dude. Blows me away that he's throwing the sea bombs like that.

[John]

Incredibly mild mannered. Like sometimes I just grab Tom's arm, he goes, what are you doing? I'm like, pulse. Checking for your pulse. I'm not sure you're still here. Mild mannered is not like. That's an understatement. I mean, the people from the movie Awakenings had more energy sometimes than Tom Holmberg's morning sickness. Nathan Sutherland would date Tom Sizer. That's what I'm saying right now. Nathan would look at Tom and go, that's my speed right there. Tom is a very even keeled fella, but boy, did he go after it. And I think it's because the effing C made fun of his wife's hair at one point and said something about her being like something. And then. So it was defense. It was awesome. It was awesome. And it took away from another Thing I'd noticed last night, somebody had dirty flip flop feet.

[Host]

Oh, circle K feet.

[John]

Circle K feet. But it wasn't visual. It was the smell. And it was permeating around the area. And I spent the entire first five innings trying to figure out who it was and then wondering, is it me? Do I stink? And I couldn't stop smelling. All the person had to do was wiggle their toes. I didn't see flip flops, but somebody smelled like footman. Dirty feet. And it was strong, dirty feet. There's. You have to be a better friend. Somebody's got to be a better friend than say, it's you. You stink. Because I kept telling Brian, I'm like, I don't know who this is. Is it me? There can't be. I'm wearing new shoes. I have deodorant on. I smell my shirt over and over. It's not it. It's that. It's that damn thing where somebody, you know, the mill, do laundry, and they don't know. But how do you not know how your friends have to tell you, dude, you smell terrible. And we're in public. You've got to do something about that. A good friend will tell you that. And I was trying to find a person. I'm not even a good friend of, whoever it was. But if I'd have identified who stunk so bad that I could smell them every time they even, like, gently drifted, I was. I was bending over constantly, like, wafting air from between my legs, like, is it me? And I was so paranoid. And then I was sitting there thinking, do people think it's me? I wasted so much of my night.

[Brett]

Around.

[John]

No, I could. Well, yes, there was a couple, but it's the second row of the baseball game. Most everybody's done good laundry down there. Second row, there was a guy who moved around. Every time he moved, it tended to be the stink, but they left and the smell didn't. So it was something. Then I thought, maybe it's somebody behind me. And then it went right back. Maybe it's me. And then I'm like, I've got brand new shoes on. So I'm wondering, did the. Did they show up stinky? So I would cross my legs, bend down a little bit, try to do, like, a.

[Host]

That kind of walk.

[John]

Yeah, kind of. Like I move my hand really fast and my nose picks it up, and I'm like, it's not me. I would have noticed this in the car, you know, I would have. I would have smelled myself driving down here.

[Brett]

That Would have been a great viral.

[John]

Video of me smelling my balls.

[Brett]

And the. The camera comes down there and it's you doing the smell of the fingers. Oh, you know, like those ones where they capture.

[John]

I did that.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John]

I reached down once and just casually rubbed between my. My legs and kind of hit a hard. And you know, you're. It's hot. It was 100 degrees, so I kind of rubbed my hands down in the crotch area and then brought my hand up and I'm like, don't touch. Like a doctor. I just kind of let it linger and then acted like I was wiping my nose. I'm in the same clothes I was in last night, right now. I put them back on.

[Brett]

I do smell.

[John]

No, you don't. I smell. I took them off last night and just smelled every inch. And I'm like, I know. It's just. Nothing crazy. And I've got that. Like Kelly says, you got that giant Juno's. Of course. Of course. It could have been a section over, but somebody. When you've got a stinky friend, say it. Tell them, don't go in public with them. Don't do it. You're making everybody's night weird.

[Brett]

Come out in the flip flops and then spell, spill a little beer on there.

[John]

Oh, it just. Well, it wasn't. It wasn't.

[Brett]

The drips get on the floor.

[John]

It wasn't stale. It was pre dirty. It was. Yeah. You know when people don't wear socks and then, like, their shoes come off and you're like, whoa. It ruins a room. That was in a stadium. How bad do you have to stink that? I can't pinpoint which one you are, but you're stinking up a stadium. That's hard. We're not in a car. Somebody in the car had to smell him. He had to ride here with someone. Even a Waymo would pull over and ask him to get out. Like, please remove yourself from the Waymo. You're destroying it for the next passenger. Horrible. So Today's the day, September 25th, that I'd like to announce. You're not a friend unless you tell them you stink day. You have to do it. We. We have to do it.

[Host]

Wash your goddamn feet.

[Brett]

And.

[John]

And your whole body. Because it was more than that. It just smelled like dirty feet. Like. Like. Like beach sand in a, you know, hotel room. After you're at the beach all day and you get that salt water, you don't rinse off, and then your clothes stink. Like beach. It's gross. It didn't Smell like the beach. It smelled like beach. Dirty beach.

[Host]

Crandall just wrote, and he goes, you know that dumb broad is calling into Beth and friends right now complaining about the guy at the ball economy.

[Brady]

We paid a lot of money. And then he had the nerve to use vulgar language that I have, like a trucker.

[John]

And there's Tom and his, you know, his collared shirt looking. Looking exactly like a guy who should be sitting three rows behind home plate. Just drum cuz you're a C word.

[Brady]

Oh my God, I'll have you kicked out for being an asshole.

[John]

And then that was the best moment. Tom nailed her.

[Brady]

She goes, I'll have you kicked out for being an asshole.

[John]

He goes, hey, language. And I just started dying. He'd hit her with the bomb a bunch. Great night, smelly person. You wrecked it. And you made me wonder the whole time. In fact, I am in these same clothes to see if they fermented. And then I put them on in the car and I'm like, it was me. I would tell that story. I would be happy to do it. You've got to know when you stink. You have to. How do smelly people not know how to smelly people? Friends not know. It's them all the time. You're ruining them.

[Brett]

All I have is my shirt and my gym bag. That's been there for a couple of days.

[John]

I don't. You know what the worst part of that is? And I actually brought this up last night. I was like, it wouldn't be so bad if it was like hard work smell. It was dirty ass, dirty feet smell. It was just somebody who just didn't. Their laundry had been sitting in the washer for hours and then they just stuffed it in the dryer. Now they've got mildew, dirty ass, dirty feet, dirty laundry. They're just gross. And they're, you know, somebody's gotta say something and that's. It's just gross. That's it. Alex says people need to understand, if the smell travels with you, it's you. One time in high school, I noticed a weird smell, waved it off, went to one class, and I smelled it again. Like, Jesus, everybody stinks. Dismissed. It, went to pe and after that next class, I smelled it again. My friend, who I trust with everything to this day, said, dude, your feet smell horrible. It's you. It was your shoes. A cat got into the garbage and pissed all over my shoes. That's the day I realized if the smell travels with you, but that's being self aware. This person had to Smell it. But. Or they're so used to stinking it doesn't register.

[Brett]

In college, Brennaman went through a phase where his feet were smelling. Had to put it. He kept his shoes in a drawer.

[John]

And closed them up because his feet stunk so bad.

[Brett]

Yeah. Keep it permeating in the room.

[John]

But he'd go put them back on there.

[Brett]

Yeah, he. He would put them back on. He'd open the drawer, get the shoes. But the guys knew that in the fraternity house.

[John]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And they used to take the. All the shoes out and put them in his bed.

[John]

Oh, God.

[Brett]

So he'd go there and then he finally said, enough. And then he finally.

[John]

One of you mother put this into great Tom Brennaman's bed. Now I've got a problem with my feet, I admit that. But boy, oh boy, he got it fixed. Which one of you of city.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah.

[John]

Now I'm sure he threw that some terrible language around when he gets worked up.

[Brett]

It's hilarious.

[John]

Oh, and get them all kicked off of the air and stuff. Why would he keep shoes that stunk?

[Brett]

It was. I know.

[John]

Well, why do people do these things? I don't get it.

[Brett]

It wasn't like their shoes that you could throw away.

[John]

Yes, they are. If they can't be indoors, other people, they're trash.

[Brett]

I think he felt it's not the shoes fault.

[John]

It's my feet is the shoes.

[Brett]

So he got medication.

[John]

Okay, great. But the shoes you've already wrecked that people have to put in boxes to keep from wrecking a room are ruined. They're not coming back. Those aren't shoes you can't throw away. Unless it's like, these are my great great grandfather shoes. He wore them in the revolutionary world. Okay. Then those needed to be in a museum and not on Tom's dirty ass feet. Tell a friend they smell today and do it and just say, look, I'm a friend or I wouldn't be doing this to you. People talk about it. You stink. You don't smell good. In fact, maybe we should do that today and do a little intervention. You guys tell us who. And you know, the only problem with that is I think it would be dudes joking with other guys. I go to the radio station called Kevin and say, he stunk. I want real like people who are like, yeah, I realize it. Like, I want those moments where they're like, I know I don't know how to do laundry.

[Brett]

And they've told the person themselves.

[John]

You've got to tell people. Nobody ever says anything. You Stink. Nobody ever tells people that.

[Host]

I would appreciate it.

[John]

I would, I would if some. If you guys told me right. Hey, John, not for nothing, but your laundry stinks. I am so self aware of smells. Like I, I. There's nothing worse than being the stinky guy, the stinky friend.

[Brett]

Pull him aside.

[John]

You know, just tell them.

[Brett]

I know, but I, you know, don't. I think it's, you know, you tell them in front of a bunch of people.

[John]

Yeah, I mean, have some class and not necessarily get a group together in a microphone and start going, hey, here's what we're gonna do today.

[Brett]

They smelly feet.

[John]

Yeah, Gary smells. We all know it. He just did. It's just stink. People stink and you ruin it. And all I did was spend the whole night trying to smell my own balls at a ballpark.

[Brett]

I had to do it. One time I was asked to talk to one of the people. This was a Milwaukee man. One of the promo people smelled like Marborough's Copenhagen cologne and had too much.

[John]

Yeah. Oh, God.

[Brett]

You're coming to the event. And that Copenhagen is not overtaking the.

[John]

Other stink you smell. Yeah, you have a odor. I don't mind if you smell like the thing you do, but body odor and unclean just cut through everything. If you smoke, you smell like smoke.

[Brett]

Just arriving to work.

[John]

Yeah, I don't like people that smell like smoke. But if you smell like smoke and you smoke, that's just part of it. Holmberg's morning sickness, Copenhagen, whatever. That's just personal preference. Some people think it smells good.

[Brett]

Well, nobody thinks chew. It's that Royal Copenhagen cologne.

[John]

Oh, my God.

[Brett]

With this, with the munge comboed up.

[John]

Who wears Royal Copenhagen Cologne? Wow, 1991. Did you do the thing where you're like that?

[Brady]

Lamont, I need to talk to you for a second.

[John]

Was that the case?

[Brett]

No, it was a country station.

[John]

Oh, dirty old country guy.

[Brett]

Hillbilly.

[John]

He was gross. Hillbilly. Yeesh.

[Brady]

You smell funny.

[John]

What are you talking about now, Brady? Come on, let's bring it on down here.

[Brett]

Rodney, I need to talk to you.

[Brady]

I don't like the way you smell.

[Host]

His name was Rodney too.

[Brady]

I'm not the only one. There's been a chunk of chicken wing in your big red mustache for a week. It's driving me crazy. Not only can I smell it, I.

[Brett]

Want it smell Chet. Ask him what he uses.

[John]

Well, which would you like me to stop doing here, Brady? The Royal Copenhagen, which I believe covers up a lot of the smoke smell, which also covers up the massive Alcohol. Alcohol problem. Which also covers up the fact I ain't done laundry in almost a year. Yes, that. All right, I'll just stop. Did he. Did it work?

[Brett]

Oh, yeah.

[John]

He came back in better. But did he hate you?

[Brett]

The toughest thing was, man, if he had a couple of top row teeth.

[John]

Oh, for Christ's sake. Well, this is a hiring. This is a hiring.

[Brett]

I did.

[John]

You should have just fired. Fire.

[Brett]

I'm like, well, he did. He didn't last long.

[John]

But you didn't fire him.

[Brett]

No, that's a program director.

[John]

Oh, it wasn't in your department?

[Brett]

No. Well, he's a promotions assistant.

[John]

And weren't you in charge of promotions in Milwaukee?

[Brett]

Yeah, but I inherited this.

[John]

Yeah, but you could have fired.

[Brett]

I got. I mean, I said, might be time for Rodney to you, dude. No, I didn't fire him. I said, I went to the program director. I'm like, I think that's all right.

[John]

Then do it. Would you have fired him? Never fire anybody. I just know how to fire.

[Brett]

I would have put him on the schedule.

[John]

You would have done that? The coward's way out.

[Brett]

Yeah, because he.

[John]

You wouldn't have just sat him down and said, we're just gonna make a move here. You're out.

[Brett]

Well, he was making strides in the right direction.

[John]

Explain that.

[Brett]

Hard work.

[John]

He was the smelly guy. When we talked, needed to be fired. Hold on.

[Brett]

Corrected.

[Host]

He took a goddamn shower.

[John]

Big deal. You said you had to go to the program director to get him fired. And now you're saying he's taking strides in the right direct. And this is 35 years ago when I'm just putting the heat on you to fire the guy imaginary. And you started to say, he's doing a good job.

[Brady]

We say, it strides in the right direction.

[John]

Brady, you should have fired him yourself. That would have been good. You need to fire someone. Haven't lived till you've canceled. Really? It really is like, man, it's a life. It makes you know. You know, it makes you understand that it's just business thing. It's not fun for, you know, like the thing. But you haven't, like, experience life. Tell you if you found I gotta let you go. It's the worst awesome feeling ever. Because you realize at that moment you're letting go of something that just isn't working. This guy said, we knew this dude in high school. Smell like BO all the goddamn time. It was so bad. He wore tank tops routinely. And I don't want to name names, but he has the same name as the president in the 80s, his name was Reagan. I'm guessing that one. I'm thinking his name was Bush. Cameron Flansburg wrote that. So if you were friends with Cameron and you were named after a president in the 80s. You stink. Yeah, Stinky people. Yeah, you smell like dude juice.

[Brady]

I gotta have you come in there, Rodney, and gotta talk to you about some stuff.

[John]

What is it, Brady? Am I not getting the job done?

[Brady]

Oh, no, no, no, it's not that.

[John]

Is it my odor?

[Brady]

Oh, no. We've. You're taking strides in the right drive. I just wanted to give you a raise. Go ahead. You're. You're gonna make another two bucks an hour. Thanks for popping in here, Rodney.

[John]

We have a dental plan. Brady just give me a raise instead of firing people. Brady would supposed to talk to him. But I think we should make you do the next firing in this building.

[Brett]

All right.

[John]

You think you could do it?

[Brett]

Sure.

[John]

No. No, none of us do. You would start crying.

[Brett]

Well, that would help.

[John]

Help who?

[Brady]

I hate to do this.

[John]

Do you think you could fire anybody here?

[Brett]

If I had to.

[Brady]

No.

[John]

If we just said he's the guy.

[Brett]

Go fire this guy.

[John]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Yeah, I think I could.

[John]

Could you?

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John]

What do you think? No, he couldn't do it. No, none of us. Too nice. Yeah, you would be. You'd be. You would be broken. Look, I can't imagine what it would do to you afterwards, especially if you're a snapdragon. I just had a baby.

[Brett]

It would be tough. It would be tough to fire if you felt like. He doesn't need to be fired. But if the guy's not doing the job or the.

[John]

Come on, woman, whatever. I mean, it's harder to believe the guy's not doing the job or the woman.

[Brady]

That's probably a lot easier to fire.

[Host]

Like the way he sneaks out.

[John]

I would love to see Brady lose it. Because, like, you'd say that. Like if. You'd have to. Just have to. What are you doing? I just had a child. I have a child and a wife. What am I supposed to do? They're fired too. You're all fired. Never come back. Brady would be like, I'll just.

[Brady]

Here's my generator. You can have it for when they.

[John]

Turn the power off. You son of a bitch. My wife, she's got some sort of disease.

[Brady]

Oh, God, no. All right, you can have my job. I'll quit.

[Brett]

Not cutting it. Good day, sir.

[John]

I don't think you'd. I don't think you'd do it. I don't think you can fire people. I'm gonna talk to Tripp today. I'm gonna say, who's on the block next? There's somebody you know. Radio's in the dumper. We're doing great, but nationally, our company is trying to cut corners everywhere. And they're taking away from the rich to keep the cruddy stations alive. We're losing people like mad for no reason. Everybody's getting consolidated.

[Brett]

Could you imagine? That's a horrible job of firing. You know what? You're fired.

[John]

Tripp's got his eye on somebody. I'll go in there. I'm like, hey, Brady wants to do the next. Next slice. If he's. If you. Yeah, it's getting tiresome for me.

[Host]

So once he stopped laughing at your.

[John]

Idea, you think Brady can do it? Like, I don't know, is there somebody that a lot of wages or somebody that if Brady fails firing them, you don't mind if they're back again tomorrow because they're probably going to still come to work after Brady fires them.

[Brett]

That you put some cologne on.

[John]

I don't even clean it up a little. I don't even think you could be the witness in the room to fire someone. That's a tough gig. If you've ever been the one that. Because they have to have like a. An HR person or a manager or something sitting in there, a witness to watch the firing and to keep it. I don't think you could do it.

[Brady]

Come on.

[John]

No, I don't see it, man. The second, you know, my wife just left me to. I'm really. I know I haven't been getting the job done and stuff, but my life is just a mess.

[Host]

That's why.

[Brady]

Give him another chance. Stop this madness. This poor bastard.

[John]

Anyway. But stinky people should be fired today. I don't care if you're working on earlier. You know, again, it's not. It's not hard work. Smell that comes with the territory. A roof and construction, stuff like that. It's. You showed up smelling like ass. There's a difference.

[Brett]

There's time. This. You know, like restaurants and certain business, you come in smelly like, go home.

[Brady]

Go home.

[John]

Change. If you show up for the day, no goodbye restaurants. No, you're done here. If you had the nerve to come into my restaurant, let alone changing the outfit.

[Brett]

Oh, you can't be wearing that.

[John]

And you stink like dirty people. I'm like, what? You have no thought process. This is not a one off. It's one time. And that's the Only time I would tell you when you got hired. I don't tolerate two things. Showing up dirty, showing up smelly. Otherwise you're gonna have bad days and everything else. You show up stinky in a restaurant setting. I fired three people for not having clean aprons. And it was Tony Roma's. We worked in a barbecue place. But I'm like, dude, you got yesterday juice all over your apron. I didn't have time to wash it.

[Brady]

Yes, you did.

[John]

You went home last night. You went. I would tell my. I'm gonna let go of this guy after the night. Why? Oh, he showed up covered in yesterday juice. He said he didn't have time to do laundry, but he also was out with us last night drinking till two, so, yeah, he did. I had time to do laundry. I was out with you the same time. The kid's name was Tony. The one I just calling him out. Oh, yeah, he was horrible. Came in. I mean, just. He had barbecue sauce on his shirt. I'm like, it's 11 in the morning. We haven't even served anything. How in the world are you going to tell the employees or the customers that this. You're covered in dirt? Well, they won't even notice. I'm like, I saw this first thing I saw. So he finished his shift and I let him go. It was awful.

[Host]

Did Bill Osborne have to go through and fire people too?

[John]

I tell you what, Bill taught me how great it is because I would come in, I would come into work, open the door, and I'd see Bill behind the bar. And again, those of you who've never heard my Bill Osborne stories, picture Gene Wilder who sounds like Jack Nicholson. And he would lick his hands as I walked in the door. And I'm like, what are you doing? I killed again.

[Brett]

Like, I'm like a cat.

[John]

Yeah. Like, yeah. Like, yeah, he's licking the. Licking his paws.

[Brett]

Paws.

[John]

I laid in the high grass and I waited for Rosalie to come to work today. And I pounced right as I had the opportunity. It's time to take your cheap two dollar perfume and your even cheaper shoes to another restaurant because you don't work here anymore. And it felt good. Do I have any blood on me? Like, no. All right. And then he'd tell me, johnny, like, what is it? I'm laying in the high grass again. All right, who is it? I'm looking at Jacques. I've about had it. I think he drinks on the job. You gotta find stuff for me. So I was kind of his right hand man. Holmberg's morning sickness, if you catch it.

[Brett]

The hitman.

[John]

And then Jacques was the gay one that asked me to have sex with him.

[Host]

Wait, what?

[John]

Jacques was? Oh, yes. Jacques was an insanely homosexual man in 1988. And I mean crazy.

[Host]

Did you bring him home to meet Dan?

[John]

Good lord, no. And I had bleached my hair. And it looked good. It looked good. I looked summer. It was summer. Summer, Johnny. Trust me, Brett. It was the best it could get. And I was tan and I had the glowing blonde hair. And Jacques had at the end of the bar and said exactly this in front of Bill. I'd give you my car if I could get you to just call me daddy once. And I'm like, what? And then Bill's like. And then he called me Moses because he said, I saw the burning bush. And that's when my hair turned white. Jacques trying to Moses right in front of us. It was okay back in the 80s to say that kind of stuff. But then he laid high. So I was happy when he wanted jock out of there because I felt uncomfortable. But anybody stunk or anybody showed up dirty. Once I got the. Once I got the keys. That ain't flying. You gotta have some pride at your job. Show up and actually be clean. At the very least, we don't have to dress up for this job. But none of us show up, like unbathed and smelly or anything like that. I mean, occasionally Toledo's got that coffee thing going on, but big whoop. We told him. Remember when Toledo was breathing over your shoulder and you're like, I can't do it. I can't do it. Whatever coffee that you're drinking smells like ass and it's coming out of your face. And Toledo's like, oh, thanks. And it has never happened again. This guy says, I went on a date with a woman that was absolutely stunning. A nine out of ten. But she stunk so bad I bailed after 20 minutes. And that's from a dude who calls himself Showtime Shane.

[Host]

That's.

[John]

I had to print that one. If you can't impress Showtime Shane, he's the rooting as tootinish Shane I've ever talked to. Why you're just absolutely visually beautiful, but you smell like a poodle getting a perm in a sewer. So I gotta shut her down. Adios. From Showtime. Shade. Yeah, Showtime Shane.

[Host]

And ranks up there with the Love wolf.

[John]

The Love Wolf. Showtime Shane Brady's neighbor. Call me Razor. No jackass now. I like to be called Razor. You're a middle aged man. No One called you. You're not on the razor's edge of anything. Can I call you Dull? So time Shame. You know what? The best thing that ever happened to that smelly girl you took on a date that you didn't like her because she was like.

[Brady]

I went on a date with a guy who wouldn't refuse to just be called Shane. Every time I'd say Shane, he'd go blap.

[John]

We both know that's not it.

[Brady]

Showtime Shane. Will you pass the salt?

[John]

Yes. Showtime Shane is here for you, my love.

[Brett]

What do you do? I take tickets and Harkins.

[John]

That's right. Cause it's Showtime and my name's Shane. So combo those things up. Cause I'm Showtime Shane. 7:15 Theater 9 down the right in the hall.

[Brady]

Thanks. Showtime Shane.

[John]

Showtime Shane. And you know we talked in third person. Showtime Shane would like to take you out again.

[Brady]

Oh, I don't know. Showtime Shane if that's a good idea.

[John]

Ricky Anderson. Yeah.

[Brett]

Oh yeah.

[John]

Showtime Shane's seeing a little bit of trepidation from his lady.

[Brady]

I don't like that you call me your lady.

[John]

Oh, my lady. Showtime Shane has offended thee.

[Brady]

Oh my God. I think it's time to go home. Showtime Shane.

[John]

Oh, oh. Showtime Shane. Sensing a little horniness, he wants to just skip dinner and go right to the house.

[Brady]

No, just I'm not feeling well.

[Brett]

He let her know when they're at their date at Medieval Times. My lady.

[John]

My lady. Showtime Shane will take care of whatever ails you. We'll stop by a CVS and get you some Pepto. Only thing Showtime Shane's afraid of is a little diarrhea. Because I don't want that chocolate fondue going off while I'm downtown. Cause I'm Showtime Shane. And guess what? It's Showtime fires off that he was with us. Stinky broad. Shocker. Well, it's 10 o'. Clock. Date's just about over. You want to know why they call me Showtime?

[Brady]

No, not at all.

[John]

Was it Showtime? Showtime Shane Jr. Is out. Showtime Shane met her at the Lost Dutchman's. This is my friend, Nighthawk. Nick. Between Showtime and Nighthawk, you're surrounded by badassery. Now let's get you in a shower because you stink.

[Brady]

Showtime Shane.

[John]

I wonder. Showtime Shane got married to someone that tolerated it.

[Brett]

His best man was Hollywood Bob.

[John]

Well, I remember Hollywood Bob is actually a nice guy. But that nickname was not Hollywood Bob's fault.

[Host]

Yeah, that was. That was given to his.

[John]

Dave Pratt gave people dip. I almost said it. Get nicknames I'm gonna call you Hollywood Bob. Yes, Scuba Steve. And your Hollywood Bob. And I'm a wretched prick. I met a guy once at a wedding and one side of the wedding was just all normal people. And then the. The bride side of the wedding was just two people. Like, you couldn't put this in a funnier movie. And the two people that were sitting there in support of the bride or a woman that I didn't really think was supposed to be there. I think she looked like she maybe just wandered in. And the guy she was standing next to was a guy named Edward. And I went up to him and he goes, kids, you know you just met the bride's party. So I wondered over and I said, I've been friends with the groom for a long time, saying, hi, my name is Eddie. I'm like, hi, but you can call me. I'm like, then I already know we're in trouble when a guy says, you can call me Fast Eddie. And then Fast Eddie proceeded to limp out with a cane. It was the slowest one there. And it wasn't an ironic nickname. He really thought he was pistol quick with a line. If you're. There's another thing on today that if you stink and if somebody's like, if you know anybody that starts that introduces themself with but you can call me. No, I'm gonna call you. Your name Carl. You can call me Hot Carl. You haven't even looked. What are you doing, Carl?

[Brett]

Sounds cool.

[John]

Yeah, this is my friend Showtime. Shane. Nope. I'm calling you Shane. I'm calling you Carl. This is ridiculous. You're adults. Knock it off. Showtime. The dude wrote over. And then the best part about his email was his name Showtime was all caps.

[Host]

Yeah, everything else was normal, but the.

[John]

Showtime was all designed to be yelled Showtime Shade. Wahoo. That is ridiculous. Yeah. Do you ever tell that that neighbor yours, like, do you call them Razor, Laser. Laser. Whatever it is. Yeah. Who cares, stupid?

[Brett]

Not anymore.

[John]

No, he's now he's grown out of it.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John]

Has he grown out of it?

[Brett]

Yeah, he doesn't care either way.

[John]

Well, no, he should. Like. Yeah, you just call him his name.

[Brett]

Yeah, I. And I might throw it in every line if I wanted to get his attention. Making a fun of it.

[John]

Yes, because it's the most ridiculous thing anybody's ever done when they've moved into a neighborhood and you were kind enough to go over and greet them. He, at that point did not realize this would happen every day. He just thought the neighbors were coming over. To say hello. He didn't know that you were going to live in his driveway throughout the entire tenure of his existence. But he.

[Brady]

Hi, my name is Brady. It's good to have you in the neighborhood.

[John]

My name is Laser Beams.

[Brady]

That's awesome. Thank you.

[John]

I think he said that to you to keep you off his driveway. And it didn't work. He didn't realize that Brady's, like, backfired nicknames.

[Brett]

Awesome.

[Host]

Brady's a nickname kind of guy. Yeah, I mean, it just, you know, the. The fraternity torp. I mean, every. Everybody around him is all. Is all nickname.

[Brady]

Calls himself Laser. You can call me Beowulf.

[John]

Idiots. Yahoo. Showtime Shane. At first, I felt sorry for Showtime Shane for being in that date with that stinky girl. And then I felt great for the stinky girl that she didn't get locked into Showtime Shane. I wonder if at his wedding, the. You know, the guy goes, and do you, Mary Lou, take Shane. Sorry, Showtime Shane. To be your lawfully wedded Showtime husband? That's better. Nice job. Oh, my God. This guy said, that lady probably spent the entire night rubbing on herself to get away from Showtime Shane. She lost a bet.

[Brady]

I have to date that Showtime Shane.

[John]

Why?

[Brady]

Oh, he's making trouble at work. So I just said, if I go out with you, can this end? You know what you should do is rub all over yourself so he never asks again. You know, it's worth it to never be with Showtime Shane again.

[John]

Showtime Shane. Alice in Chains, Alan. Iron Maiden people. There's a lot of Iron Maiden blanks. I've met five Iron Maiden mics. Time to stop that. You're grown up now. It's time to nickname some folks. Stinky Pete and Stinky Dave just tell people they smell. And whoever that guy was last night, I put the onus on his partner at the game to not say anything to him and then to drag ass around with him. And the worst part was I seemed to be the only one going. Come on. Is no one else concerned that the people around you think you stink and you don't know if it's you? Everybody else is minding their own. Drove me nuts. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? 585-9800. A good one. And we'll scream it together and we'll do it for Showtime chain. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up. Hey. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[John]

That's okay.

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