09-26-25 - BR - FRI - Woman Sues Hershey Over Halloween Candy Not Being Scary - Study On Smart Appliance Reliability - Sci News On Mangoes, Prostate And Urethra Health And Shark Safe Suits

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode: 09-26-25 - BR - FRI - Woman Sues Hershey Over Halloween Candy, Study On Smart Appliance Reliability, Mangoes & Men’s Health Science News, Shark Safe Suits

Date: September 26, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, Female Co-host

Episode Overview

Today's episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness features a cavalcade of offbeat news items, comedic banter, and irreverent takes on the week's stories. Highlights include a woman’s failed lawsuit against Hershey over “not scary” Halloween candy, a study revealing smart appliances' reliability issues, surprising science news on mangoes and men’s health, new shark-resistant wetsuits, and the crew’s usual riffing, including their delightfully absurd “Brady Report.” This episode is high-energy, packed with punchy one-liners, pop culture jabs, and, as usual, more boundary-pushing video descriptions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Cracker Barrel, Pancake Day, and “Feeling Like Crackers”

• The hosts open by riffing on various food-themed holidays (03:16), pancake specials, and the experience of eating at Cracker Barrel.
• Cracker Barrel's attempted gentrification becomes a comedic launching pad:
  • “People who wear overalls out of their house aren’t gonna feel comfortable if you start making the Cracker Barrel look like anything more than... the Boar’s Nest. It has to look hillbilly for them to feel comfortable… Crackers like feeling like crackers.” (Brett, 03:56)
• Humor on comfort and tradition, with playful stereotypes about customers rejecting change.

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2. Fun Facts & Pop Culture Laughs

• Oldest hotel in the world revealed (Japan's Nishiyama Onsen Kyokin, founded 705 AD), sparking jabs at Toledo’s brief trip to Japan (05:19).
• Discussion on age perception of Japanese people and K-pop stars’ “ageless” looks:
  • “I don’t know, the Asian girl might be 9 or 44, I can’t tell.” (Brett, 06:21)
• Left-handed kangaroos and boxing analogies (07:08).
• New dictionary terms:
  • “The real one—Hard pass. Riz.” (Doug, 08:23)
  • “I bet you Kirby says rizz to Brady 100%.” (Brett, 08:32)

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3. Woman Sues Hershey Over “Not Scary” Halloween Candy

(09:20–11:12)

• Story Recap: Cynthia Kelly sued Hershey for $5 million, claiming their pumpkin-shaped Reese’s lacked “cool carved designs” as pictured. Case got tossed.
• Reaction:
  • “She threw a fit right at Halloween last year.” (Brett, 09:36)
  • “Tell her to go home and talk to her husband... but we all know she doesn’t have one of those.” (Brett, 09:55)
  • “The products were not rendered worthless. In fact, they’re delicious.” (Judge, paraphrased by Doug, 10:14)
• Peanut butter cup ratios and the mini-vs-regular debate: “There’s nothing about the design of a Reese’s cup that’s bad. It’s the combination. And they’re the only ones that get it right.” (Brett, 10:23)

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4. Smart Appliance Reliability Study

(11:21–13:54)

• J.D. Power research: Smart (Bluetooth/Wi-Fi enabled) appliances have 87 problems per 100, worse than non-smart at 63/100 (11:41).
• Confusion over whether that’s percentage–leads to playful math arguments:
  • “I’m just trying to straighten out stories.” (Brett, 12:25)
  • “You are the messenger of the information.” (Brett, 13:33)
  • Laughter over Brady’s supposed “math skills” (14:00).

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5. Science News: Mangoes, Prostate Cancer & Shark Suits

(14:10–19:13)

Mangoes & Metabolism:

• Daily mango eaters have better blood sugar and less body fat than those eating lower-sugar snacks (14:33).

Men’s Health – Prostate Cancer Testing:

• New urine-based test to detect prostate cancer is a potential substitute for invasive exams.
• Brett riffs on doctors not giving up the “finger test”:
  • “They’re only fingering us because they like the power... I’ve seen through it for years.” (Brett, 15:13)

Urine Color and Stress:

• Darker morning urine signals dehydration and higher stress (16:18).
  • “I would use my urine as house paint. When you take vitamins, you look at your pee and it’s like, ‘oh, that’s beautiful.’” (Brett, 16:33)

Shark-Safe Wetsuits:

• New materials may lessen shark bite trauma, but Brett is skeptical:
  • “If somebody says, put this shark bite uniform on, I’m not getting in. There’s sharks in there...” (Brett, 17:32)
  • “I spent 53 years not even being in the slightest bit of shark bite peril...” (Brett, 17:46)

Leopard Shark Threesome:

• For the first time, endangered leopard sharks observed mating in the wild—“even better, they witnessed them having a threesome. Two males and one female.” (Doug, 19:10)
  • Brett: “Now they’re doing it to where they’re, like, adding in shark dicks.” (19:32)

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6. Oddball Crime: Stealing 91 Manhole Covers

(19:48–23:25)

• Kalyn Watley in Georgia steals 91 manhole covers in his Nissan Kick.
  • Group guesses the suspect’s background based on stereotypes, then learn he’s Black:
    • “That seems like a white guy crime... Well, good. Martin Luther King's dreams coming true. We can’t guess the crime as easily as we used to.” (Brett, 23:48)
  • Laughter at the improbability of a Nissan Kick as a “getaway car.”

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7. Bachelorette Buys Billboard: marrylisa.com

(23:56–27:06)

• Woman in San Francisco, Lisa Catalano, tired of dating apps, buys billboard to find a husband.
  • “She’s not that bad looking... but it’s not, you know, should-be-alone-for-the-rest-of-her-life face.” (Brett, 24:17)
  • “If you’ve got to put a billboard out that says ‘marry me’, you just need to... start learning to tell better stories. Be a better communicator.” (Brett, 24:56)
• Listeners and hosts judge her personality via her videos and jokingly consider applying.
  • “You kiss her on the first date … she’s gonna want a ring by the third date.” (Brett, 25:54)
  • “41, never been married, no kids—there’s baby fever on board…” (Brett, 28:42)

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8. Viral Videos: Wheelies, Extreme, and NSFW

(27:14–around 36:00)

• Classic rapid-fire “Brady Report” videos: A disastrous motorcycle wheelie, graphic poop incidents, shocking bodily stunts, and NSFW antics—delivered with disgusted fascination.
• Wheelie banter:
  • “Why do people think wheelies are fun after like age 12? Is there any woman out there who’s ever seen a wheelie and went, ‘that’s my man’?” (Brett, 27:52)
  • “No woman’s ever moistened up from wheelie. And if she has, her name is Lisa, and you can find her at marrylisa.com.” (Brett, 28:42)
  • Satire on wheelies as “impressive” to women, ending with “If you don’t do a wheelie out of the parking lot, you have to sell it. The flock of sorority girls that would start following you around would just be uncomfortable.” (Brett, 36:14)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Cracker Barrel:
  • “Crackers like feeling like crackers. And they cannot walk in and realize you gotta have a button up shirt...” (Brett, 03:56)
• On Reese’s lawsuit:
  • “She’s just sitting at home stewing over Rees designed.” (Brett, 09:55)
• On Smart Appliances:
  • “You are the messenger of the information.” (Brett, 13:33)
• On Shark Suits:
  • “That’s how you don’t get bit by sharks. You stop around where sharks are.” (Brett, 17:34)
• On baby fever dating:
  • “She’s 41, never been married, no kids—there’s baby fever on board…” (Brett, 28:42)
• On wheelies:
  • “No woman’s ever moistened up from wheelie. And if she has, her name is Lisa, and you can find her at marrylisa.com.” (Brett, 28:42)
• On stereotype-breaking criminal:
  • “Martin Luther King’s dreams coming true. We can’t guess the crime as easily as we used to.” (Brett, 23:48)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Cracker Barrel & Pancake Day Banter: 03:16–05:02
• Fun Facts (Japan’s hotel, kangaroos): 05:02–07:33
• Hershey Halloween Lawsuit: 09:20–11:12
• Smart Appliance Reliability Study: 11:21–13:54
• Science News Section: 14:10–19:13
• Manhole Cover Theft Story: 19:48–23:25
• Billboard Bachelorette: 23:56–27:06
• Wheelies & Viral Video Banter: 27:14–36:14

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Summary

This episode balances pop culture laughs with weird news and gross-out video comedy, all filtered through HMS’s rowdy, irreverent style. Bret and crew are especially playful, poking fun at everything from Halloween candy lawsuits and failing Wi-Fi fridges to the supposed sex appeal of wheelies, with some of the show’s best comedy stemming from their delight in the absurd and the awkward. Regulars and new listeners alike will find the over-the-top, unfiltered banter quintessential HMS.

Transcript

[Brady]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Comedy Announcer]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Head downtown to Stand Up Live Thursday to see Ashley Gavin and Stephen Ho on Friday and Saturday. The Desert Ridge Improv up North features Aaron Webber all week long and East Siders. The Tempe Improv has Mikey Winfield on Thursday, and Ashley Gavin finishes her week in Tempe on Friday and Saturday. For the complete lineups and for Tank tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com.

[Brett]

Sickness the old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. We blaze through this Friday as the clouds come creeping in. God knows what's going to happen, but the weather center is losing their minds.

[Brady]

They're rooting for you to Our weather center's busy today.

[Brett]

Oh, my God. It's just down there. It's nuts. What was her name? Poon. Soon pun, you puny. She's running like crazy down there. The Poon. She's on Monpoon alert anyway. So yeah, be careful because evidently it could be pouring rain by you any second now. And the clouds that weren't supposed to be overhead on Phoenix are now over us. They basically said what I just read. According to Channel 3 First Alert, they're expecting over 10,000 people to drown. They are excited about this rain. They love storms. Give them something to do. It's time now for you to get all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report and it's brought to you by our friends at All Pro Shade. See how nice it is right now? It's like 81 degrees. That's shade the clouds provided sometimes, but not often enough out here. So you got to do it yourself. And all Pro shade will be the ones who help you get that shade in your space that you're looking for. You got a spot in your backyard. You're like, I'd sit back here all the time on my patio if it wasn't so damn sunny. Well, they can take care of that for you. You got a TV on your back patio that's got too much glare. You can only watch at night. I got that problem on mine. Throw some of those shades up there. Take that glare away. It's amazing what they can do. And they come up with the ideas. They'll come out, give you that estimate and you look around and say, this is a good idea and make a little outdoor space. That kind of is indoor space too. It adds to your property value. It's a good thing to add to your house. And it looks fantastic. All pro shade. They're the pros. Been doing it for over 20 years. They'll take care of you. Allproched.com Brady reported.

[Doug]

Good Friday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello world.

[Brett]

We've made it.

[Doug]

Happy Pancake day.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Doug]

Dumpling day. Chimichanga day.

[Brett]

Geez. That.

[Doug]

Sure there's some specials going around. I know the. The barrel.

[Brett]

Okay, but that's $5 all.

[Doug]

All you can eat pancakes.

[Brett]

That's a tough gut bomb you just threw at me in. Oh, man. Imagine taking advantage of all of that.

[Doug]

Yes, I can.

[Brett]

Yes, you can. Well, especially now that you're starving for your crappy food again. Let's point it out. Let's be pretty proud of Brady so far. At least in front of us. Yeah. Have you been a jackass at all? You can be honest. No, no. Been really good. Yeah. You gotta be. You must be quality.

[Doug]

You know, every now. Every now and then you think, well, let me try it. No, let's just dip in there. See how I feel afterwards.

[Brett]

You know who else feels that way? Druggies and alcoholics. Yeah. Let me just see if I can still have some. You can't.

[Doug]

I get a little taste.

[Brett]

It's an avalanche of salt and disease coming your way. Cracker Barrel is they got the pancake deal. Are they still. They still have the old man on the.

[Doug]

They're. They're going back to the original.

[Brett]

They are going to go back. They. The ones that they've already re.

[Doug]

Well, they're not gonna. They're not doing the redecorating.

[Brett]

They're not remodeling. Yeah, they have like four of them. They got done.

[Doug]

I'm not sure about crackers.

[Brett]

Lost their mind. That's a little too bougie. My theory about that is 100% right. People who wear overalls out of their house aren't gonna feel comfortable if you start making the Cracker Barrel look like anything more than what Brett said. The Boar's Nest. It has to look hillbilly for them to feel comfortable. And you made it nice and white and clean. And you're gonna invite Paradise Valley over. That's who makes them feel insecure. You scared them. Crackers like feeling like crackers. And they can't. They cannot walk in and realize you gotta have a button up shirt and.

[Doug]

Removing the golf tee game out of there.

[Brett]

Oh, remember when Uncle Jesse on the Dukes of Hazzard had to dress up every once in a while and they'd.

[Guest Female]

Show him like, oh, Uncle Jesse, you look fantastic.

[Brett]

Yeah, feel like a bag of. He'd walk back and he'd come back out with overalls over his suit. It's just what he is. The people at Cracker Barrel have to feel like crackers all the time. They can't, they can't have their hair all combed up and it can't be miserable. They want that place to make them feel like that's their home and they changed it. Crackers hate change.

[Doug]

Got a couple of basis fun facts. The oldest hotel in the world is a hot spring hotel in Japan called Nishiyama Onsen Kyokin.

[Brett]

Sure.

[Brady]

Toledo stayed there.

[Doug]

It's founded over 1300 years ago in 705 AD.

[Brett]

Yeah, Toledo's three days in Japan. I'm sure he got the inner workings of every resident. And I remember he was so tight with the elderly community in his 72 hour stay in Tokyo he started to regale us with his expertise on the Japanese culture which was. Oh those. Yeah, I saw plenty of hundred year old Japanese people. No you didn't. If I put up 20 pictures of Japanese people and said guess their age, you'd be wrong 20 times.

[Doug]

You'd be out so many plush animal prizes.

[Brett]

You ever see the Japanese hundred year olds, like they, they look like they're about 60. You ever see a Japanese 30 year old? They look like they're about 60. It's constant.

[Brady]

Well, think about those videos we're watching. We're like how old is she?

[Brett]

Right.

[Brady]

Should I feel guilty or.

[Brett]

K pop is hard for me. I like like blackpink. And there's another one that sings. They got a couple songs and they've, they're more diverse. They've got a redhead and an Indian girl and a black girl. I can't remember their name exactly, but. Cat Eye. Cat's Eye. Is that it? Cat's Eye. Have you seen them?

[Brady]

No.

[Brett]

And you watch that and you're like damn. Oh, you have that moment in the middle of it, like I don't know, the Asian girl might be 9 or 44, I can't tell. They age in like a day. Like they go from 40 to 118 and they say there's cat's eye. They're, they're an interesting group because all five of them sound exactly the same. I think it's an AI thing. But then I Saw them perform at Chicago and they were great. But when they get to dancing and stuff, they're all sexy. And then like two of them, you're like, I'm not so sure. She's out of fifth grade. And they dress them up like school girls. It's just. That's just wrong.

[Doug]

Most kangaroos are left handed.

[Brett]

Well, yeah, that's why they're going to the pros.

[Doug]

So if you're going at, you know, approach one.

[Brett]

Yeah, yeah. They'll lead with that left. That's in boxing. That is always a nightmare for a.

[Female Co-host]

Don't go orthodox.

[Brett]

No, you're. If you're an orthodox fighter and you got a lefty and they, you forget and you slip and they lead with that to their power hand. The lead left is a killer for a left handed fighter. So that's why, that's why the ruse have an advantage over Sylvester.

[Doug]

There's a word for half a decade or five years. Lustrum.

[Brett]

Oh, it's hard to believe it's been.

[Doug]

A lustrum since the pandemic broke out.

[Female Co-host]

Sounds like it was been banned in AZ recently. Verification.

[Brett]

I think I've had a lustrum. I think I've have to wipe the lustrum off of my body. At one point I used a sock. Well, there were no towels.

[Doug]

The Merriam Webster has just announced a major Update for the 12th edition of their Collegiate Dictionary. They're adding more than 5,000 terms including beast mode, dad bod, dumb phone.

[Brett]

Yeah, this is the joke dictionary that adds silly words every year.

[Doug]

Farm to table.

[Brett]

The real one.

[Doug]

Hard pass. Riz.

[Female Co-host]

You said that with a little bit of disdain.

[Brett]

Riz. I bet you Kirby says rizz to Brady 100%. Does she?

[Doug]

I've heard it text out before. Yeah, and saying it then I. I came home when I first learned about Riz.

[Brett]

You can drop her texts.

[Doug]

I've seen her text but. And I've heard a read something that she said. He text me and said this person has Riz. And I giggled.

[Brett]

Your story is terrible. That's a mess. Giggled.

[Doug]

Halloween's right around the corner.

[Brett]

It's Friday. Quits on things. So loudly without saying a word. Oh, this guy over here. All right.

[Doug]

Last year there's a woman in Florida named Cynthia Kelly. She sued Hershey's for $5 million claiming that their pumpkin shaped Reese's peanut butter cups were falsely advertised. She said the packaging shows the pumpkins have cool carved designs.

[Brett]

I remember this. Yeah, she threw a fit right at Halloween last year.

[Female Co-host]

Yep.

[Doug]

And there are no faces on them that Bothered her. And the was the only thing. She pointed out that several of their Halloween candies are also less spooky than that they appeared in the wrapper.

[Brett]

She demands that she'll not be getting.

[Doug]

Her $5 million payout.

[Brett]

I tell her to go home and talk to her husband about this and get some common sense, but we all know she doesn't have one of those. So, yeah, she's just sitting at home stewing over Rees designed.

[Doug]

And her point was.

[Brett]

That's right.

[Doug]

Deceiving America with the wrapping of the packaging.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Doug]

So the judge dismissed. Dismissed the lawsuit.

[Brett]

Good.

[Doug]

She ruled that the plant has failed to prove any concrete economic injury and the products were not rendered worthless. In fact, they're delicious.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah. They're fantastic. Even if you leave a Reese's cup in the. In the car too long and then put it in the freezer when you get home and have that weird. The paper won't come loose. You'll still, like, scrape it on your teeth until you get it all off the paper. There's nothing about the design of a Reese's cup that's bad. It's the combination. And they're the only ones that get it right. Any other company that tries peanut butter and chocolate together, it's not the same. They are head and shoulders better than all other peanut butter chocolate manufacturing. All of it. Nothing close. Unless you spend like $80 for a little ball of it. And that's the special stuff.

[Female Co-host]

The only bad part about it is the ratio. Like when they do those Easter eggs. The For Easter.

[Brett]

No, Too much generic ones or. I'm with you on that.

[Female Co-host]

Too much.

[Brett]

There's a basic Reese's Cup. Yeah.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Brett]

You're not losing that deal.

[Female Co-host]

Best ones is the Minis because they have the.

[Brett]

I like the. I like the old school. Only one. That's right. You're too big into the math of a Reese's. I just like the regular one.

[Doug]

J.D. power just did a study on the smart appliances and found that they have more complaints on service reliability. 87 out of a hundred problems. Or basically 87 out of 100 of the appliances always have a problem. 80.

[Brett]

87% of their products are bad.

[Doug]

80. Let me phrase this.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Doug]

Bluetooth and wi fi enabled appliances had an average of 87 problems per 100 appliances.

[Brett]

That's 80. So there's 87%. What is 87 problems per 100 appliances?

[Doug]

So you take 87. You take 100 appliances.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Doug]

And 87 will get a complaint.

[Brett]

That's 87%. Holmberg's morning sickness. Yeah, I don't think that's. I don't think that's what you're actually saying.

[Doug]

Well, that's how they phrased it.

[Brett]

Yeah, but I think you're trying to say something else. I think. Let me see that. Because they would have just said 87. Brett, don't look at me like this. I'm just trying to straighten out stories.

[Doug]

Look, genius over there.

[Brady]

Hey, I'm trying to figure it out. I'm just trying to figure it out.

[Brett]

It's just your opportunity.

[Brady]

I say a goddamn thing.

[Brett]

I'm sitting here trying to figure out.

[Brady]

What the hell you're talking about.

[Brett]

I love subtitles.

[Doug]

It's pret.

[Brett]

No, it isn't. Because you had furrowed eyebrows and tried to re explain it twice so you knew that you were not making a ton of sense. And that's all it is. That's all I'm trying to do is make some sense of it. Don't get mad at Brett for rolling his eyes. You were the confusion. In fairness to Brady, while you talk.

[Doug]

Let me do this.

[Brett]

I looked over.

[Female Co-host]

You grabbed your forehead too, Brett.

[Brett]

You looked like you were in hell.

[Doug]

Jackass. One kidney. Brady is awesome.

[Brett]

Blue tooth. Yeah, not that much time left. He's got to get it out now.

[Female Co-host]

Feisty.

[Brett]

My financial 87 problems per 100 appl was 87% then it said non enabled appliances had an average of 63 per 100. Okay, I don't know why they're not saying percent.

[Doug]

Take it up with them.

[Brett]

Well, no, you're the one delivering the information. When will you recognize 25 years that you are give me my pain? You are. You are the messenger. You are the messenger of the information.

[Female Co-host]

On his way out, kicking down the.

[Brett]

Board, just throwing math out. His biggest.

[Doug]

Great with math.

[Brett]

You are not great.

[Female Co-host]

Oh my God, don't start that.

[Doug]

You have eight inches of butt crack.

[Brett]

What?

[Female Co-host]

I don't remember that.

[Doug]

112 of the 20th biggest hotels in the world.

[Brett]

Come on, that's an eye roll. That's not our fault.

[Doug]

And now it's time for some science news.

[Brett]

This'll be good.

[Doug]

Hello, my friends, Professor Brady Bogan here with your science news in fruit news. Fruit science news, the people that are mango fans.

[Brett]

Don't roll your eyes.

[Brady]

I'm not even looking.

[Brett]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Female Co-host]

Are you doing this on purpose?

[Doug]

Because a lot of people say mangoes, they have, they're so sugary. But the George Mason University study found daily mango eaters showed better blood sugar control and less body fat than those eating a Lower sugar snack mangoes.

[Brett]

Better natural sugar than a sugar snack. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

[Doug]

Urethra news. Researchers have created a new urine based.

[Brett]

Sorry, that was a good one.

[Doug]

Researchers have created a new urine based test that can identify prostate cancers. So that'll stop a lot of probing.

[Brett]

I told you, for years the doctors have been able to do this. They're only fingering us because they like the power. Well, there's been a million advances in medicine, and the only one that they're hanging on to is shoving a finger in her ass. And they're like, it's the best way. Like, no, it is for you. There's a better way to do this. And I'm not going to you until you come up with it.

[Female Co-host]

Well, we had that fact in the Guadalupe squares last week, too. You can. Men can pee on a pregnancy test to find cancer if it's pops positive.

[Brett]

They scream at you that that isn't 100%. So they scare guys into thinking it's not because they're dying to finger you. It's a power move, doctors. And I've seen through it for years. You guys, look, this is an 1800s thing. Nobody's still doing this for any testing. Gotta finger you. Like, even gynecologists can kind of like, you know, they gotta take a look at it. And I don't blame them, but I'm sure there's some stuff they're doing that like, they could advance technology, make it easier.

[Doug]

More urethra news. Your morning urine color can signal how your body handles stress. We already know that the Boulder colors are a sign of dehydration. Now they say, like a darker.

[Brett]

Yeah, so you only get one color. Really?

[Doug]

And now they know that. They say darker urine means you should increase your daily fluid intake to improve both your hydration status and stress resilience.

[Brett]

Mine is light neon yellow, especially since I've gone pure water. Stayed away from the coke. It's amazing. My urine is actually pretty. And they take vitamins and it glows. I would use my urine as a house paint. If the vitamins. When you ever start taking vitamins, you look at your pee and it's like, oh, that's beautiful.

[Doug]

I think with low sodium, low sugar, and the electrolytes I have in my mind could be a sport drink. It's so clear. Triple filter.

[Brett]

But for years it was red.

[Doug]

No, it's single filtered.

[Brett]

That's. I mean, well, your kidneys aren't filled. They don't filter your urine.

[Doug]

They filter the blood. Everything.

[Brett]

Yeah, yeah.

[Doug]

Shark Experts are testing four innovative wetsuit materials that reduce shark bite injuries. They're not a perfect shield, but in an event of an emergency, they can lessen trauma, blood loss, even save lives.

[Brett]

Here's my.

[Doug]

So it's a suit if you get hit.

[Brett]

I already have a foolproof plan to not be bitten by a shark. If, in fact, somebody says, put this shark bite uniform on, I'm not getting in. There's sharks in there. That's how you don't get bit by sharks. You stop around where sharks are. If somebody says there's a shark in there, my first response isn't, oh, I need a better outfit. I just need to be out of the water. I know where sharks aren't. Easy. I spent 53 years not even being in the slightest bit of shark bite peril. You tell me a different pair of pants will make. That's where the sharks are. I'm not trusting that. That's stupid. You know, I know where cars are. But if somebody said the suit army could cross the freeway, like, oh, no, that's dumb.

[Doug]

It'll lessen the injury.

[Brett]

No, you know what lessens the injury? Not getting in with sharks. If you're aware enough of sharks possibilities that you're wearing a shark bite suit, you're. You're in danger of getting bit by a shark.

[Doug]

Remember, the guy never gotta be there. Years ago. The grizzly, that protection.

[Brett]

How'd that go?

[Doug]

Gigantic.

[Brett]

How'd that go? Is he the guy that died? Not real practice. I just don't understand, like, if you're worried about getting bit by a shark, here's the answer. No, there's a better answer. Don't get in there. They don't like land. It's real easy to avoid them.

[Doug]

Scientists have observed endangered leopard sharks mating in the wild for the first time, which is a good thing, but it's even better. They witnessed them having a threesome. Two males and one female.

[Brett]

Nice. The devil's trying.

[Doug]

And the leopard sharks, that's your science news.

[Brett]

I like the English. And that made it seem like we have witnessed them having sex for the first time. Yeah, that was our witnessing for the first time. They've had sex plenty. Now they're doing it to where they're, like, adding in shark dicks.

[Doug]

Just throw shark dick in there.

[Brett]

One over here, brother. She's into it. I don't know, man. She got no teeth. She's a shark with no teeth, man. You ain't gonna find us anywhere in all the Atlantic.

[Female Co-host]

You gotta try it.

[Brett]

I've been to Pacific. Seen some of these message sharks and got no teeth. But man, the Atlantic. This is a big gift.

[Doug]

There's a man in Georgia. He's been arrested after he was caught stealing manhole covers. Not just two or three, at least 91 last month.

[Brett]

Oh, wow. Is this still science news?

[Doug]

No, I didn't know.

[Brett]

I'm sorry. I didn't know.

[Doug]

The suspect's name is Kalyn Watley. And his mug shot. I'll show you in a minute. He's wearing a T shirt that says free hugs.

[Brett]

Now he's stealing hubcaps on home surveillance camera. Manhole covers? Yep. What color is this?

[Doug]

Crime covers were were so heavy that he needed someone else to help him carry them.

[Brett]

What color?

[Doug]

He put them in the trunk of his 2020 Nissan Kick.

[Brett]

Oh, man.

[Doug]

Neighbors were worried that joggers Asian could accidentally fall into these gaping holes.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Female Co-host]

Is the Kick that boxy? Because that says a lot.

[Brady]

I know. I'm gonna pull it up.

[Brett]

I don't know what a Nissan Kick looks.

[Doug]

It costs about 200 bucks to replace each manhole cover.

[Brett]

And can you sell the manhole cover? Is that way you'd steal it or is this some sort of political state.

[Doug]

Trying to figure out.

[Female Co-host]

Yeah, melt it down, man.

[Brett]

I don't think you can melt down.

[Female Co-host]

I can't go to the metal.

[Brett]

There's a Nissan Kick. All right. This guy might be Asian, but I don't think Asians are strong enough to lift manhole cars. Last name Watley and Watley. Man, this is hard.

[Brady]

This one's tough.

[Female Co-host]

I'll go Ginger since we were on it earlier today.

[Brett]

Crazy ginger. Good choice. I'm going to go. I just going to go with the basic wild hillbilly.

[Brady]

That's what I'm going.

[Brett]

White messy will. White messy nut bag.

[Female Co-host]

Are you calling for overalls and sort.

[Brett]

Of almost a machine gun? Kelly Hillbilly. Oh, you know, like a young kid who's just annoying looking and a weird tattoo. I don't know.

[Female Co-host]

Go with you.

[Brett]

This is a tough one.

[Female Co-host]

I'll stick with Ginger, though.

[Brett]

Let's go.

[Doug]

You're missing a big element.

[Brett]

What is it?

[Doug]

Atlanta, Georgia.

[Brett]

Oh, he's black.

[Female Co-host]

Damn it.

[Brett]

Holy cow. Oh, man. Wow. We didn't even come close. You're right. I didn't pay attention to the locale. But even still in Atlanta, they're still going just fat hillbilly is all with diabetes or something.

[Brady]

I would have stuck with hillbilly. Still a manhole cover. Scrapping them.

[Brett]

Yeah, that seems like a white guy crime. That's yeah. And he looks like he's, you know, looking at that guy, I think he's like a, you know, a. He's doing really well at the University of Georgia. Yeah, he looks. He looks. He doesn't look behind criminal at all. He looks like Tommy Davidson on steroids. Yeah, he looks super healthy. There's no meth thing here. Hair looks great.

[Doug]

91 manhole covers.

[Brett]

He's just whipping manhole covers around in a Nissan Kick. Damn it. And he's got a Nissan Kick. That guy is just bucking all the trends.

[Doug]

But he had someone helping him, so who knows? That could have fell into one of the categories.

[Brady]

No, no, the Nissan Kick threw me instead of Hellcat.

[Female Co-host]

All right, me too.

[Brett]

But yeah, he's like, that dude's got like a 4.0 at the university of Northern Georgia. Like, he's. He's. He looks like he's got book bags and, like, smart. He's got his stuff together. He just lost his mind for a little while. You don't buy a Nissan Kick and then go into a life of crime. No. I venture to guess that's the first time a Nissan Kick has ever been a getaway car.

[Brady]

I mean, how many Nissan Kicks you.

[Brett]

Think are rolling a Maryvale? None.

[Brady]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brett]

I don't even know if they sell them.

[Brady]

Where do you live? Nah, man.

[Brett]

The guy's like, all right, congratulations on your new Nissan Kick. I just need your zip code. A5036. You live in Maryvale? I can't sell you this.

[Doug]

I bet you there are a few.

[Brett]

I don't think so. Well, I mean, driving stolen. Yeah, nobody's ever purchased one in Maryvale. It's parked and it's about to get parted for no reason. Nissan Kick. Yeah, those are like girl cars for ASU and mcc and texters didn't listen.

[Female Co-host]

To the whole story either. There's like four or five of them. Man, you had me too. I was guessing white hillbilly the whole way.

[Brett]

That's a white person crime. Well, good. Martin Luther King's dreams coming true. We can't guess the crime as easily as we used to.

[Doug]

We got a bachelorette in San Francisco. Her name's Lisa Catalano, and she's tired of using the dating apps, so she's taken. Bought a billboard that says marylisa.com, man. Sign up to be a candidate.

[Female Co-host]

Crazy.

[Doug]

Yeah, just calm picture of her.

[Brett]

She's not that bad looking. So this. This has something to do with her insanity. Go to Mary Lisa, marylisa.com. i mean, she's not great looking, but it's not, you know, should be alone for the rest of her life face.

[Doug]

Right. She's gonna get a lot of candidates.

[Brett]

Okay, but why? These dudes are gonna kill her. Like, she's asking to be stabbed in her sleep. Holmberg's morning sickness. If you've got to put a billboard out that says marry me, you just need to go to like a looking.

[Doug]

For the love of my life.

[Brett]

You need to start having better stories. That's all. Just start learning to tell better stories. Like, be a better communicator. Get a sense of humor. Pull the stick out of your ass. More than likely you've got something going on that pushes people away. Look at her. She did professional photos. It's not great, but it's good enough to get somebody. She's insane. Yeah.

[Guest Female]

Kissing on a first date.

[Female Co-host]

Cleavage.

[Brett]

Oh, it's video.

[Guest Female]

It's a video.

[Brady]

Let's see what her.

[Brett]

Her views on kissing on a first date are. Here we go. Where is it?

[Lisa Catalano]

I definitely will kiss on a first date. I have before and I will do it again. I have no problem with kissing on a first date if that's something where you feel like that's the natural progression of things. And if things are going well and you're interested in one another. I don't think that there's anything wrong with kissing on a first date. I tend to initiate quite a bit on the first dates. And I think that there's the problem right there.

[Brett]

I'll tell you this. You kiss her on the first date, figuring out if she's gonna want a ring by the third date on that date. Yeah, there's a lot of chatter.

[Lisa Catalano]

Nothing wrong with it.

[Brett]

First story you told me was horrible. Lady. Your. Your personality is boring and you're all about like, what you want to do.

[Brady]

Oh, we can apply here. You can apply to.

[Doug]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Let me ask you this. What about on a first date? How do we feel about that? Because that's really what I'm talking about. Yeah, here we go.

[Brady]

41 expired. 5. 5 looks good for 41.

[Brett]

I'll say that she was probably in her early 30s. 36C.

[Brady]

Not bad.

[Brett]

And that's pushing it. I'm looking at her. That's not. That's not accurate.

[Brady]

Self employed.

[Brett]

What does that mean?

[Female Co-host]

Real estate agent.

[Brett]

Yeah, it's probably it.

[Doug]

Not religious. Non practice Democrat.

[Brady]

Liberal.

[Brett]

Well, she's in San Francisco.

[Brady]

Enjoys wine and an occasional cocktail. Great sense of humor. Loves going out and doing things.

[Female Co-host]

Can you.

[Brady]

Convertible Giants fan.

[Brett]

She's Crazy.

[Female Co-host]

She's a convertible owner. Is that what that says?

[Brett]

Yep.

[Brady]

Loves cats.

[Female Co-host]

Oh, no, she's.

[Brett]

Better get used to that.

[Brady]

Has not had any cosmetic procedures. No kidding.

[Brett]

Yet.

[Doug]

She's autistic and creative. Oh, I'm sorry.

[Brett]

Artistic. That's right.

[Brady]

Here you want. How do we apply here?

[Brett]

No, we don't want to apply for this.

[Brady]

We can apply for someone else. Let's apply for Larry is not right.

[Brett]

I don't want Lisa hanging around the station.

[Doug]

I just have one radio video.

[Brett]

Okay.

[Doug]

It's a guy hot dogging on a motorcycle.

[Brett]

Okay. This is going to end poorly, isn't it?

[Doug]

Sure will.

[Brett]

Okay. And people are on the side of the road watching. So this is one of those nations where something weird's going on. Is this America? Oh, geez. Oh, he did a wheelie and then lost it and got run over by the car coming at him. Well, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It's not good, man. That's a bad wheelie, though. It went right into that 1991 accord. Why do people think wheelies are fun after, like, age 12? And why do they think, is there. Is there a woman out there who's ever seen a wheelie and went, that's my man? Is there any you dying to get.

[Doug]

On the back, hero?

[Brett]

You think there's women out there that are, like, moved by wheelies? I think guys think it's not as true. Chicks don't take wheelies. Not in the freeway or just general traffic. Chicks aren't big on, like, I wish you'd pop a wheelie right now. Like, I don't think a girl has ever said that.

[Guest Female]

I hope that guy pops a wheelie.

[Brett]

I've never been in a car with Megan, and we're driving on the free rooms.

[Guest Female]

Look at the guys on the motorcycle. If he pops a wheelie, you need to pull over.

[Brett]

No wheelies have ever. You don't pop a wheel.

[Female Co-host]

It's like when you're.

[Doug]

And you're signaling the truck driver to honk the horn.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Doug]

The girls roll down the window, pop.

[Brett]

A wheelie, Papa wheelie.

[Guest Female]

You'll get my nethers in a humid bunch.

[Brett]

No woman's ever moistened up from wheelie. And if she has, her name is Lisa, and you can find [e-mail]. yeah. Third date. That woman's asking for a ring. She has got some. She's 41, never been married, no kids. There's baby fever on board, and she doesn't want to have one. Of those Tylenol babies. She wants a regular one and she's got like a year before she's running the risk of having one of those R words. So she's trying to lock this down now. But there's a reason you're 41 and never been married and you don't look horrible. You're nuts. You probably show a guy on a second date like ideas for wedding dresses, and he's just like, oh, okay.

[Guest Female]

Don't you think this one's beautiful? I think I'd look glorious in this, Greg.

[Brett]

My name's Gary. All right, what do you got, Bert? Friday morning. Here we go.

[Brady]

Put your seat belts on, boys.

[Brett]

Oh, boy.

[Brady]

This one. This one is in answer to Brady's poop video yesterday. The one I was just floating there. So they. They came up with one for us.

[Brett]

Oh, a better one. So here's a.

[Brady]

Okay, so it starts off with Brady's video here.

[Brett]

There's a poop just floating in water. Brady thought that was worth video. All right, here's the Brett video. It's a guy walking down the sidewalk and he squats down. Oh, my God. That's pure bloody. That is. He just dropped. Dropped his pants and shot out liquid blood.

[Female Co-host]

Whoa.

[Brett]

On the side of the street.

[Female Co-host]

A week later, he needs a prostate exam.

[Brett]

That was what Brady looked like when I walked him up to the emergency room hospital for his operation.

[Guest Female]

I gotta go real quick. Hold on.

[Brett]

Oh, no. All right, I'm looking at a very small white woman with a gigantic black woman's breasts. And these things are the size of hefty bags there. And she is squeezing this little white girl's head between these giant hefty bag boobs. And they are clapping. And I don't have sound on this. This is a tragedy. And she is drowning her. And I'm not kidding. Those are 20 gallon trash bags that she calls boobs. And this poor girl is naked on her floor as a hostage. That's got to be illegal. She didn't live through that. Look at the size of those things. They go from her shoulders to her knees.

[Brady]

We haven't had a nice rice.

[Brett]

Oh, it's. Oh, God. That's the biggest beehive I've seen. That is a. A disgusting fat woman. Oh, what's in there? What's in there? Oh, God. She's got something. Her rosebuds out. And she's got something inside of her other. Her honey hole. It looks like blue cheese.

[Doug]

Yeah. Cuz it's so dry.

[Brett]

It is dry. She's well Shaven, I'll give her that. Oh, my God. What was in there? I don't know. It looked like blue cheese crumble inside a woman's genitals while her butt was rose budding. Damon Wayans Jr. Up in just a few minutes.

[Brady]

Here's some fun.

[Brett]

Okay, it's a guy sitting on a cinder block and another dude just knocks.

[Doug]

Him out with a wall.

[Brett]

Washes him in the head with a watermelon and knocks him cold. I didn't know watermelon could do that.

[Brady]

No, I didn't either.

[Brett]

All right, next one is a woman with a nub of a whole foot in her bottom. It's not her own foot. It's another person's foot. They agreed on this beforehand as friends. Yeah, they're just buddies. She's going to the ankle all the way. Heel is now all the way in.

[Female Co-host]

Aren't you worried about damage?

[Brett]

Gotta be toenail damage. I just think of like a hangnail would just destroy your inner. All right, and now she's. No, she's actually having a. Oh, okay, then.

[Doug]

Anal pedicure.

[Brett]

I don't know if that's accurate.

[Female Co-host]

How about that for a band name?

[Brett]

No, no.

[Doug]

Butt file.

[Brett]

No, that's not a butt file. It's just love. I think we're witnessing.

[Doug]

Oh, that's the best.

[Brett]

Yeah. Play the ending again. See if you can guess when the foot comes out. God, I went off this planet so bad. I don't know where. Brady thinks there's some sort of higher power, that we're in his image, but I don't want to meet him. Please.

[Doug]

Vaporize, man.

[Brett]

Just obliterate this cell.

[Brady]

And this seems to be the new common thing lately.

[Brett]

There's another foot. Okay, here's a guy finishing on a woman's bottom. And there's a lot of. Yeah, here we go. She takes a straw too long. No, she's got it figured out. She's done this a few times. Yeah, she's snorting up. She's snorting up with the man. Yeah. Very pretty girls. Snorting up what the man left left on her friend's butt.

[Female Co-host]

Nice cans.

[Brett]

Just a snort sounds. I don't know what you're so grossed out by. Do you want some? She says to her friend, that's some good stuff, man. Yeah, that was good stuff. I agree. That was good stuff, sir. You know how they met the guy who did that? He was popping wheelies.

[Brady]

How about some sounding.

[Brett]

Okay.

[Female Co-host]

Oh, God.

[Brett]

Is it a pinky finger in a manga? Oh, my God. Maria and be. What the hell?

[Doug]

Is that the new square? Is that the pinky penis square?

[Female Co-host]

Oh, again damage.

[Brett]

I think he's trying to pee.

[Female Co-host]

She's got nails, right?

[Brady]

Oh, is he finishing or is he peeing?

[Brett]

There's, like, blood on the tub floor. There's a lot going wrong there.

[Doug]

Very healthy.

[Brett]

Don't put your pinky in there. Don't.

[Brady]

And we'll just end with this one.

[Brett]

All right. Hey, it looks like TV stuck Hopkins. It does. TV stuck Hopkins has his arm in another man's butt all the way. All the way to the bicepkins 1 800. Ow.

[Doug]

His biceps in there, baby.

[Brett]

He has. He's touching another man's heart. His whole arm up to the bicep is in that, dude. Yeah. Are they midgets? What's going. Oh, he's got. Is he two arms in there? I'm not sure that's possible. Human.

[Brady]

That body might be a course in there.

[Brett]

Yeah, send that one, Hopkins. Yeah, let's send it to Doug. New commercials came out great.

[Female Co-host]

I don't know what you're talking about, Holmberg. I love a girl who can pop a wheelie sign. Showtime, Shane.

[Brett]

Showtime, Shane. Showtime, Shane. You know how much time I've been laid from wheelies? Why, I wouldn't be known in Showtime, Shane, if it weren't for wheelie lady gin.

[Guest Female]

I'm not sure I like you, Shane.

[Brett]

Well, let me show you my last trick.

[Guest Female]

The wheelie sold me.

[Doug]

Look out for the Sentra.

[Guest Female]

Oh, he tried. He was so persistent. He took me to dinner, he took me to movies. And I'm like, I just don't think I'm interested. Then he drove by my house with roses, threw them at the front door and popped a wheelie.

[Brett]

It's never been a thing. We as men think that. That for some reason, some sort of feat of strength that they're into.

[Guest Female]

He may be a bit crass mother around the edges, but he sure can Papa Wheelie. You need to marry that young man. You have our approval. My parents said yes. It was because of wheelies.

[Brett]

Never advanced society once. Not once. Brett, next time you ride your bike here. If you don't do a wheelie out of the parking lot, you have to sell it. But I understand why you wouldn't. The flock of sorority girls that would start following you around just be uncomfortable. Wheelies. Wheelies and multiple people with the loudest motorcycles ever going by outdoor cafes. Chicks dig that.

[Doug]

They love it.

[Brett]

That's why women go out and buy those loud motorcycles for themselves. The noise is so attractive. Anyway, that guy says that bicep video you did is a repeat.

[Female Co-host]

I don't think so.

[Brett]

Not that.

[Brady]

No, he's thinking of the. The Twinks in the Park.

[Brett]

Yeah. No, there's. We've seen biceps in an ass before, but there you go. Damon Wayans Jr. Is going to be here in a little while. We're going to talk to him. And then later today, Jonathan Kite is gonna come in and do the Jonathan Kite squares. Cause why not? Got a great weekend for comedy. My God. Damon Wayans Jr. Jonathan Kite Hinchcliffe's over at Celebrity. You got And I think that one's all sold out. I mean, ridiculous. This is.

[Brady]

We're.

[Brett]

We are a. We're a hotbed of funny. It's great. We'll talk to Dame in just a little bit. There goes your Brady Report.

[Female Co-host]

It's not weird.

[Doug]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[Brett]

I have heard enough of this for you, pet.