← Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
09-26-25 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD
02:44:26
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A
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories. September 11 reminds us of a day when America stood under attack and stood together. We remember the victims, the heroes, and the everyday citizens who showed extraordinary courage. That same spirit of resilience lives in our Constitution. The Second Amendment protects our right to defend our families, our homes, and our nation. This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. If you've lost constitutional rights due to a past conviction, we can help restore them. For a free consultation, visit restoremycivilrights.com that's restoremycivilrights.com It's John Holberg and Larry McFeely here to put you to sleep in a good way with Verlo Mattress of Glendale.
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Let them find out for themselves. Larry Verlo Mattress in glendale. Go to verlomattress.com and search for their Glendale location. Holmberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday it is the morning sickness. My name's John. How are you? Good. You look nice. Hope you're well rested. There's Brady, there's Brett, there's big Dick Toledo. And we're flying through Friday morning. I'm especially fine with the way things ended last night with the Cardinals uniforms that look like somebody threw wet diarrhea through a screen on their jerseys. I'm not real sure exactly what the splatter is about, but I did love the field. I'll say that I thought the. The last night's game looked awesome. That was neat. And that the Arizona flag kind of the. The sunbeams that came to the. Did you go last night, Rich? You didn't go. That was a really cool field. They're there. But it does look like somebody threw a wet poop at them through a screen.
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C
The official explanation is that it's supposed to depict being in a sandstorm.
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A
Oh.
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C
When you play The Cardinals.
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A
Oh, they're. They're. Sandstorm. No, the Cardinals are in the sandstorm. Yeah. The other team doesn't seem to be affected. Yeah, the Cardinals are. I agree with that. Dirty. And they look like they need. Their uniforms. Just look kind of dirty. I love the helmets.
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C
The helmets are cool.
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A
I kind of dug the helmets. The new logo was cool. But at first I'm like, hey, those are neat. And I'm like, no, they just look. They look like diarrhea just chucked through a screen. It's gross. Somebody walked by a fan and they just. We got the whole Cardinal team with diarrhea and a fan through a screen. They're covered in our. That's hilarious.
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B
Freckles.
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A
It's freckles. Yeah. It's uniform freckles. I wasn't a big fan, but I don't care because I am currently at odds with the Cardinals thanks to their lack of any sort of action against Kyler Murray. For that whole Michael Vick thing. I can have that stand. I'll take that stand. So I was thrilled. Congratulations to your Seahawks. Loved it. At not only the Beatdown for three quarters, the comeback and the ultimate disappointment. I enjoyed the hell out.
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C
I told you when I came in, I'm becoming like you with Kyler Murray.
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A
And you don't like him.
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C
Lamar Jackson. I just.
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A
You're a Sea Sacks fan that really hate him. Sense that really hate him. But you're cursed with a ginger quarterback, and that will never, ever result in a super take white ginger quarterback. After last night, just know this. It has been preordained. Biblically, Quran, any sort of polytheism in India has all said, there will never be a ginger super bowl champion. It's never going to occur.
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C
Brandon Weeden?
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A
Who else? Oh, Andy Rifle. You will never see a true ginger. He'd like that. Holding up the Lombardi Trophy. It is. That is the seventh of seven songs. Okay, you want to talk Thief in the Night? Ginger holding up a Vince Lombardi trophy is never going to have. Sorry, Gingers. You can't have it. You never will. There will never be one. Ever. Name somebody who's been close ever. Gingers don't win championships like that. They're not. No. Nobody's even been in the championship because gingers have been invented to be the bad guy, never the hero.
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C
Boomer, now, he was blind.
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A
Boomer was an albino. Yeah, that's true. And he didn't win it. He got close. Yeah. You can feel sorry for the albino, but he can't Be a hero. Can't happen.
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C
Me thinking now, has any of them ever made the championship game?
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A
No, because they can't. It is. It's in the rules of the NFL that that can't happen. They'll take it from them. Fandom won't allow it. Wizard Rattler qualify there too. Spencer Rattler will never win a Super bowl for other reasons. But the ginger thinks not help. Black gingers are. My God. You think that the black quarterbacks had a rough road in the NFL? Imagine being a black ginger quarterback. My. My Christ. But yeah, it can't happen. So yeah, how about that? Take that, Toledo. But enjoy it because you're going to win some games and he's going to play well until obviously it matters and.
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C
Then see in January.
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A
John. No. I hope you've got a ginger quarterback and those things wizardry at play. You cannot have. It all comes back to balance. The earth's balance comes back to play. And a ginger will never be a champion. Can happen. Cannot happen. I want to kick in the nuts Friday off. He could play basketball as a team and share. And he never won one and share in a championship. The closest thing you're going to get to is Bill Walton. And that was sort of not gingery. It was more just that reddish brown. I'm talking ginger like Dalton. Like. Like your guy. Unfortunately. Yeah. Yeah, he's. He's got super ginger head. I don't know.
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C
Walton, when he won the championship, was pretty red.
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A
He's the only one. And I still don't know for sure. And he had a lot more going on, like kind of counterbalancing the ginger with stuttering and the drug addiction. I don't know what the hell was going on with Walt. Joe Klein. Did Joe Klein ever win? Doesn't know. You're just going to keep naming off gingers that are walking around with no rings in their hands.
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C
Damn it.
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A
Just like a ginger woman. No rings.
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B
Just trying to think of a ginger.
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A
Go ahead. Do it all day. I'll sit and wait for you guys and you can rack your brains. But you're wasting your time. And I'm doing some research. Yeah, the. The. The earth is at play here. It's not just what we wish and hope for. It is the balance, the axis of the planet.
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B
You should even have a ginger on your team.
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A
No, no, you can't have one at the helm, quarterback. You will never see one on a. On a stage hoisting the Lombardi. Can't happen. He cannot be the hero. Sure you can have some dude in the trenches pushing other guys. But he'll never be the guy that Terry Bradshaw or, you know, somebody interviews at the end going, you did it. You're the hero. Oh, my God. MVP is never going to occur. He can. He just can't be the hero. You can't have a ginger be the hero. I'm sorry. To all gingers. You can't do it. You're always the guy who helped the hero or got in the hero's way. You're cursed. It just can't happen. Carson Wentz. Maybe somebody's already. We're just talking football, right? Yeah, he's a little reddish, but again, some people say that was the work of the devil when the Eagles won that in the first place. I don't see that as true. Ginger. It's reddish. I'm talking ginger. I'm talking. You know what? A ginger is not just some guy who's like, brady's not a ginger. But you've got reddish features in your hair. It's not. It's not. Redhead. Holy cow. Redhead. Our friend up at Action Ride shop, Josh. True ginger. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he's asked me, he said, if you could grow your hair back but it would be ginger and you had to do all the things that ginger does, would you want your hair back? And I said, ah, maybe for a day or two. And he goes, never. He goes, don't you like being in the sun? I'm like, oh, I guess that's true. Yeah. I would eliminate. He would tell you, right? That's horrible. Oh, here he comes. Here he comes with an answer.
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B
Breaking news.
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A
Go ahead. Who is it?
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C
To your point, your qualifier still holds. Brian Scalabrine.
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A
I don't even know who that is.
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C
He's redheaded for the Celtics from a couple of years.
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A
Okay. Like I said, he's not the hero. He wasn't the one that said congratulations. Without Brian Scalabride, this would have never happened. Justin Turner. There you go, Rogers. Yeah. Okay. No, no, no. Take him off the team. They still win. Wasn't he the MVP that year? Covid year. Covid Year. That doesn't count for anything. Again, the devil's at play. Covid year. Yeah, and nobody could watch, so everything was off balance. Don't bring me Covid year or the Spanish flu. I'm talking in a normal time here. Gingers can't be heroes. In fact, in the worst time in our lives, a ginger rose up and brought the Dodgers. That tells you that I'm more. Right.
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C
The Internet lists Chuck Norris as the most famous.
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A
As the most famous redhead. Yeah. There's a difference to me.
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B
Just had his birthday.
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A
Reddish hair and gingers are two different things. Things.
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B
Nor is it 85.
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A
It's those devil eyes that the gingers have. The ones that are real. True redheads. The real gingers. Redheads, you're almost there. And it's going to be a harder road for you. True gingers will never win. And you can fight me all day with your kind of this, kind of that. But it's for. It's true and it isn't. Somebody just says it's ginger hate. And I'm like, no, no, no. I don't hate the gingers. I just know you have special. Like midgets, you have special powers. And I. And I avoid you, you know, And. And I would say this. I'll put my. I'll put this. I would say a little person or someone with autism will be a Super Bowl MVP before a ginger. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Extreme. Like Asperger's, too. We're not talking about, like, a little on this, but we're talking like this dude has social problems.
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C
Not football.
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A
But Sean White doesn't. Not. Not a sport. Mark McGuire cheated whole time ginger this way. And he never won a championship after the A's thing. And back when he was with the A's, hair was kind of brown.
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C
The last one I have is Dale Earnhardt Jr.
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A
I'm not going to count that either.
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C
No.
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A
And did he. I don't know. Was he got a cup title? Nobody even knows. Okay. That's how Hillbilly over supersedes the ginger part. Okay. Was it heroic? I drive.
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C
Yes.
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A
So does Megan, too. Yeah, exactly. Women. Women and Asians do it. I mean, how. Come on. That's not. All right.
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C
That's all I got then.
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A
Yeah. No. You want to throw Dale Earnhardt at me. He's not a true ginger. He's close. That might be the ginger. No, I'm talking ginger. If you've seen Andy Dalton, if you put.
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C
If you put Dale Earnhardt Jr. Next.
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A
To Sam Darnold just has reddish hair. We're talking gingers here. Everybody wants to equate poor people with just a little bit of red hair into the ginger category. And it is a very specific category. Dalton is it. And Darnold are both. And alphabetically ginger. They're just going to fall down the line of people who never hoisted a Lombardi. I'm right about this. It's just they've got the weird, like, kind of, oh, can't be in the sun face. And although Dalton is much, much more ginger. See, that's just kind of reddish. He's not a ginger. You would never. Come on. No, you're. You're pushing ginger on this one in a huge way. Look at the one in the blue up there. The. The. Without the hat. Come on. That's kind of reddish brown hair. I'm talking true. A doctor says there's some sort of DNA thing here. You have red hair. This guy's got a mix. Some of his dad's hair got in there. He's got some. He's got some.
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C
He's got red eyes.
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B
Yeah.
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A
He's got. He's got brownish influences. That's all you need is something to temp it down a little bit. He's not. Yeah, he's not a ginger. He's got reddish hair. But I'd say Brady is that kind of reddish hair. Not anymore. It's now silver and gone. So it's Mohawk. I mean. Yeah, I remember when he tried that, and it was like, this is ridiculous. Brady's hair is pink and clear now. So it's not. I know it upsets people, but it's true. And you can sit and rattle off a bunch of them. So Dale Jr. Never won a championship. He didn't. I don't know. That's what somebody said. I don't watch enough nascar. I don't know anything about that either. Canelo. Canelo's an interesting one. Canelo's an interesting one. I don't know if it applies to Spanish. Yeah, that might be just wizardry at play. I don't know. I don't know how that works. Yeah. Again, it's. It's out of the country. I'm talking about real sports. NFL, America, stuff like that. You can start throwing soccer at me. I'm like. Stuff people watch, like if a ginger wins in the wnba. And again. Tree in the forest. Yeah. I'm sure there's been ginger soccer players. No one cares. Ricky Carmichael. I don't know who that is. Super cross. Okay, come on. What are we doing? They're just. I can't even picture. Yeah, I know. They want to say Brad Johnson for the Bucks. No. Because he could do it without him. Brad Johnson was the problem. And he wasn't a true ginger, either. He had. Again, he had hints of red hair. You know what you're doing? You people are trying. You're throwing in these cotton. Yeah. You're stretching. I'm talking ginger. You know what a Ginger. When you see it. If you're in a restaurant and you see somebody come in with reddish brown hair, you don't stop eating. But when a ginger comes in, you're like, look at that shock of red hair. That dude is red. You know what I'm talking about with the ginger. Dalton Darnold. There aren't many that I went through.
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B
A harassment period with you.
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A
And you just had reddish brown hair. You didn't have ginger features. No.
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B
But when you were, you know, a few years back, accused me of being a ginger.
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A
Yeah. You didn't like it.
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B
Did you see it? No, I don't.
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A
He was reddish brown. Okay. I said you were borderline ginger. You were close just to get. To get your goat. Because. And why would it bother you? Because I'm no devil. Like. Like warlock. Just saying. And I think you're great fun gingers.
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C
But Texas gave us a new one.
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A
The Undertaker. His hair is black. I think it's just wet. Is that it? Yeah. I don't think I've ever seen it.
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B
Turns black whenever.
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A
Seen the Undertaker. Dry, then. So he's hiding his ginger.
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C
I wouldn't have immediately said.
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A
And again, if your best argument to me is fake wrestling, WWE scripted fake wrestling, then of course it's like, oh, fiction. They had to write it in there because it's so weird. And he's also the representative of death. Boris Becker. Yeah, Again, a sport that. No, I'm talking American sports out of the country. German American sports that people care about. That's what I'm talking about. You know, again, soccer. I'm sure there's some weird ginger cricket player in India. It's not a thing. American football, really all I'm talking about and care about. You're not going to hoist the Lombardi. Otherwise. Okay. Happy day. Ginger had a nice moment in a sport no one cares about. Ricky Carmichael, please. Canelo's the closest one you'll get. But I'm not sure if gingers work the same in Mexico. They do a lot of, like, voodoo and stuff, I think. I'm pretty sure that's accurate. I like that you guys are arguing with me about this. It's even more fun. I'm not arguing. No, no, I like that it's a double down ginger.
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B
Just pull.
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A
Think about. Oh, yeah. Conor McGregor is not a ginger. He's just a reddish brown. Now they're pulling out ginger women. Emma Stone, Lindsay Lohan, Amy Adams. And I'm like, do with anything. I didn't say we didn't want to See the girl ones? Yeah. Gingers are exciting naked. Especially the freckly ones that look like the Cardinals uniforms. Yeah, the Cardinals look like Emma Stone naked last night. Just. That was a good game. It was fun. I was at a dinner, so I had to sit through speeches and things like that, but the game was on in the background. Just to tell you how popular the NFL is, you go to a sit down dinner where they're trying to actually talk about things. You got people speaking and the game's on. It's like just we. We all know what we've done. The scheduling error is obvious. We're not taking it away. I was at Eos yesterday, so I didn't get to watch it. I was in a text thread with everybody. Did you see that? Yeah. How did Kyler look? Yeah, he was fine. He's got a receiver problem in Marvin Harrison Jr.
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B
Here's the problem with the second half was much better than.
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A
Well, if Marvin knew where to go. A few of those Pat. And if he could hang on to a pass. He dropped like two or three and then pitched one to the Seahawks for. I mean, Marvin if people. I did this on my wildly successful podcast with my permanent guest Dale Hellas Tray and the rest. I brought up the idea of we have to stop getting excited about people named after people who are great. Marvin Harrison Sr. Was awesome. He fought real hard to get into the NFL and he lived a life that made him tougher. Marvin Harrison Jr. Was always the son of Marvin Harrison. You didn't get Marvin Harrison. You didn't get all the stuff he. But you got the kid who was raised in the lap of luxury. Given everything he'd ever wanted, he's never really had to work as hard as his dad did. So whatever it is, he's got the work ethic of his father. It's not ingrained.
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B
Got all the tools.
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A
It's not ingrained. A lot of rich self made men have kids that are like lazy losers that are named Junior. And I don't. I'm not saying that Marvin's a lazy loser. He's just not his dad. And it shows. He's mopey. He quit.
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B
Well, he came out. I can tell you from.
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A
You're an Ohio State guy. Yeah.
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B
Was he dropping balls at Ohio State? No, he wasn't. What's interesting, that's how.
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A
Because there was no stress on him. The mind can work because he was better than everybody in college. That wasn't hard for him. Now that it's work, it does. You see this a Lot. You see this a lot with guys who are like, it's always been easy for me. I've always been the star. And now you're making me work, and I'm not gonna do that. Well, and it shows. He doesn't try on rundowns.
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B
It was definitely.
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A
Well, it's because he's not working. Yeah.
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B
Seemed like watching that game, it seemed like he got over the.
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A
He's gonna have flashes because he's good.
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B
You know, that tip thing. And then all of a sudden.
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A
But what you're talking about, Brady, is a guy who said, oh, now I'll try. Yeah, and you need that four quarters. I don't want to see a dude suddenly emerge in a game that he wasn't trying the first two quarters because he had something else.
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B
Well, it wasn't trying in. In his head, he had the drops.
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A
Just like he's had it all year.
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B
That's my take. But I do agree.
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A
Now explain the moping. Now explain the wrong. Now explain the no blocking. Now explain the. If it's a running play, he doesn't do anything. Now that's a guy who's never had to work to be great. He does. He can take plays off. That's because he's always. Ohio State was easy for him because he was better than 10 or 11 guys on the other side every week. He could loaf and still look good. Can't do that now.
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B
It was more unnoticeable.
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A
That's what I'm saying. Because he was. He could loaf and still look good. You can't do that in the NFL. And DeMarcus Russell is the. Joe Marcus is the perfect example of a dude who had all the talent in the world. And you're like, I'm not working for this. Deandre Ayton was always the best guy on the floor until he wasn't. And that didn't motivate him to get better. He just stayed the same. Like, I'm going to work for this. I've never had to. I don't know how Marvin Harrison Jr. Has to either get a work ethic because everybody keeps wanting him to be as dad. How many kids do you know who are lazier than their fathers? All of them. Almost a successful dad. Yeah, you're not going to be the same. It's just. How many boxers have we watched that have drugged their kids into the ring? Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. Didn't want a box. His dad wanted him to. And that name was the greatest boxer in Mexican history by far. There's statues Everywhere of that guy. He stuck his son in there and is like, oh, this is going to be great. He's got the work, his dad. It's in his blood. And he'd go out there and occasionally try. And when he put it out there, he'd be like, I'm trying, look. And he was like, man, he could be great at this if he'd put the effort in consistently. Marvin Harrison Jr. Is a guy who can turn it on and turn it off, and he does, and that makes him bad. Not that he's. There's so many talented dudes in the NFL, but it's all upstairs. You think the talent's there and it's just. Oh, it's 100%. It's up in his head. But you can't coach that. He's either got the I'm going to try on rundowns or I'm going to block and I'm going to do this or he doesn't. He's either gonna work or he's not. And he's got the Junior curse, which is everybody thinks he's his dad. The Cardinals got excited. They plugged him in immediately, like, you're just gonna become the next Marvin Harrison. We got the same thing in Pittsburgh with Joey Porter Jr. Everybody wants him to be his dad. His dad was an insane person. This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. It's still over 110 degrees outside and the political climate is just as hot. If you've lost your right to possess a firearm due to a criminal conviction, we can help at Restore My Civil Rights. We help Arizonans restore all of their rights because constitutional rights shouldn't depend on the next election results. To book a free consultation, call 855- GUN RIGHTS or visit restoremycivilrights.com today. That's restoremycivilrights.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Joey grew up R. Joey Jr. He doesn't have to be insane. He didn't have to fight for anything ever. He's an athlete. It's in his blood. Bronny Jr. Yeah, and that poor kid's just. I'll give it to Bronny when you watch him. He's trying, but he doesn't have the skill. He's got no way to live up to that name. Worst thing you could ever do is be the greatest of all time, arguably at something and name your kid after you. Michael Jordan Jr. Has a tough life. Walter Payton's kid, Walter. I don't know if Walter Payton was Walter Jr. But if you, if you tacked on a Walter Jr. Regardless, if you're Payton, Tom Brady Jr. Would have a miserable Tiger Woods Jr. Would have him. Charlie's gonna have a tough enough life, Charlie woods, to carve your own path and then just go ahead. It's. I, I, I, I said it on the podcast yesterday. I am all about the Cardinals looking at that and going, trade him while people still think he's good. Because what you're going to keep putting on tape is a guy who doesn't try a lot. And it's 50% of the game. Marvin's interested and that's great. 50% he's not. You see stuff bounce into the other team's hands. You can't ever equate how great they were in college because you just don't know what's. How many first round busts are there. Like this dude dominated. And the second they put him in a pro sting, he's like, this is a lot of work. I've never had to work. I've always been great. I'm not, I, this is what you're getting. And I think Marvin might fall into that category. I give it to little Kyler. He's just dumb. He's super athletic, but he's just, he's just too into himself and he's, he can't get, he can't get out of his own way. But I think he works hard. I question Marvin Harrison Jr. Being 110 guy, he's not. I can, I see it. I watch it on Sundays. I see it. He's just not. And Cardinal fans, you, I know you guys agree with me. I know you do. Yeah, it's just tough. But you throw a junior on it and then. But it's, it's, it's misleading because you think, wow, Maserati, Marv. And it's like, okay. They're just. Everybody's praised him his whole life, it's been easy. And the second it got hard, you either turn into a tougher guy or you turn into a moper. And that shows right away. And he's a moper.
- [23:51]
B
Like I said last night, it seemed like maybe the light, which does that every week.
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A
Every week he has a quarter where you're like, why don't you do this all the time?
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B
Well, that's the problem from the week before because he is in the height of it.
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A
He dropped him wide open. That's my perception. Again, it doesn't matter if your perception. You're going to pick out the parts where he's Good. Give me the three quarters that he's terrible and tell me why. Because he's clearly able to do it. He chooses when to be good. That's the worst player you can have on a team is a guy who takes plays off the worst player you can have on a team. And he takes tons of them off.
- [24:28]
B
I'm talking about getting over the hill of the, the catching.
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A
He drops the ball all the time. It's been a problem for a year now. Was he that way in college? No, because he never had to try in college. He was just better than everybody.
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B
Which is surprising because he, you know, he, he was the go to guy, of course, on there. So I don't think, you know, he. I don't disagree with the work ethic.
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A
You can't compare college to the pros. You can't do it.
- [24:55]
B
He's missed.
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A
You can't compare. You cannot compare college to the pros. He could, he could make mistakes in college and get away with it. He could half ass it in college and get away with it because he's more athletic than a lot of people. Worst thing you can put on a team is a dude who kind of plays when he feels like it. It's the worst. The reason George Pickens is in Dallas, that dude's got an astronomical amount of talent. Sometimes he didn't feel like playing.
- [25:19]
B
He was really good at Ohio State. I thought, man, they are really hyping him coming out of there. But that's what they're doing to get him in number one draft.
- [25:28]
A
You're making my point. His name's Marvin Harrison. It's already pre branded. It's pre branded greatness. Keep in mind, Marvin Harrison Sr. He's another one who got away with one of the most egregious crimes in the history of sport. And he had a gun in his car that was used in a murder. And when they found it, the police were like, this is the gun that was used in a murder. And Marvin said, that's my gun. And they're like, okay, well, it was used in a murder. They didn't accuse him of anything because they weren't sure. Like that's been. He goes, has anybody else shot this gun? It's never been out of my possession. Well, we've had, we've got the ballistics on this. It's been used in a murder. And he goes, I'm the only person that's ever shot that gun. And the cops are like, are you saying what we think you're saying? And he goes, it's my gun. And I don't know how he was going to go to jail. He had a little court hearing and he just kept saying, no one's ever shot that but me and the lawyers. And everybody's like, you're. Are you. Do you hear yourself? Someone was killed with that. With that gun. We have proof. Yep. I. I'm the only one who's ever shot it. Like, I don't know. How do we not throw him in jail? And they. It's a crazy story. The Marvin Harrison story is insane. I still don't understand it. But it's an insane story solved. I don't remember how they. It just went away. It's the. It is one of this. And. And everybody is kind of like, you know, he. He's. He kind of. It was in a car wash that they're, like, talking to. It was. It's nuts. This guy says with all the stuff you talk about with gingers, redheads are fire in bed. Yeah. Girl redhead said that? Yeah. They're still never going to hoist a Lombardi. I didn't say anything about them not having any skills. They're just not going to win a Super Bowl. If you're pinning your hopes on your quarterback being a super ginger and getting to the super bowl, start a new hobby because you got February's free. That's what Sonny agrees with you. He says, all we want to know about ginger women is. Are the carpet, the drapes. Yeah. That's it. See, Doug even texts me and he said his lady friend's name is Joy and she's a redhead. And again, I prove she will never hoist the Lombardi. Doug. That's my point. Justin Turner's kind. He's a super Ginger. Eh. Covid Year. Everything was off there. The whole world was off its axis. We had to put that back. And look at that. In the weirdest year we ever had.
- [27:42]
B
It was an opportunity.
- [27:43]
A
Yeah. It was there. It was their kind of porthole to get. Maybe that's why we had Covid. So a ginger could break through. But otherwise, it just doesn't make sense.
- [27:50]
B
That was their curse.
- [27:51]
A
Yeah. Yeah. They had to. We had to endure Covid and get the Earth back spinning. Right. And the ginger snuck in there. It's like, wow. That's proof something was really going wrong. And it's the reason Jimmy Butler calls himself Jimmy Butler and not Michael Jordan Jr. Because if we knew, the truth about it would be a problem. Other than Griffey, have there ever been any juniors that outdid their fathers. He's. He's one of the only ones. There's a couple. But man, it is. I mean, it's tough. And Ken Griffey was really good. He was. But he. I don't know that Junior was. Junior was a different animal. And there's been a few. You know, Pat Mahomes, he's not a junior, but his dad played and stuff. Like they get some guys who had. But his. Well, the dad was insane, but he was juniors. Yeah, it's.
- [28:39]
B
I can't think of any but like a father.
- [28:42]
A
Oh, father. Yeah, a lot of the time. A lot of times that happens. And that's what you hold on to with the junior thing. Pre branded. This has worked before, but we'll see. I look at Arch Manning and I think, he can't hold up a Lombardi because of his ears. He's like baby New Year under that helmet. Have you seen him take that thing off? They pop out, make a noise. Yeah. Everyone giggles. Baby New Year. I watched one time they. He turned off, pulled his helmet off and his ears started flying. He left the ground for a second. I'm like, oh, he's gonna fly. And. Oh, no, no. But I don't see Arch Manning holding a Lombardi up because of his ears until he gets those fixed. That's not a Super bowl head. And he's not even a ginger.
- [29:19]
B
He's gonna pick up the plays.
- [29:21]
A
Got those Magic. Just looked him up and woed. Look at this. Oh, fly away with these things. Yeah, those are things. Yeah, those are some Operation Dumbo drop ears. Now, maybe his head grows into those, but it would have to grow to the size of a tundra. Now I don't see Arch holding up a Lombardi with those ears. Now that one I may be wrong about Ginger. Think I'm not. You got them big floppy ears when you're 19 like that. I don't see good things for your future with the championships. He's got some crazy ass ears, that kid, and he hides it with a little hair.
- [29:52]
B
But man, he can't go high and tight.
- [29:54]
A
No, he cannot go. He's got a hair. Yeah, he's got. Yeah, yeah. He picks up a lot of channels with the. He stands in the side of the road and people stop their cars and go, shut your doors. I'm trying to go by. It's like I'm just a man with. Oh, my God, those are ears. Bikers don't Lane split next to him. Whoa. His mirrors are sticking out anyway. Yeah, it says Floyd Mayweather said Junior boxing's a little different because although it is tough to get the same name going, the Mayweathers were different. They made some sort of deal with like evil spirits and things of it. Floyd's amazing though, and it does happen. But I'm just saying it's, it's, it's tougher for the kid named Junior. You will have a few of those juniors pop up and Ken Griffey's perfect example. I'm a junior and redhead is a different conversation. You can get a guy named after his dad and his dad was great and that kid can be great too. But I'm seeing with Marvin Harrison is a dude who doesn't have that in his head to make him a four quarter superstar Michael Irvin would play. If it was 38 to 7, you'd see the same effort in the fourth quarter as you did in the first quarter and that had a lot to do with cocaine. But you, there's guys out there and Marvin's one of them. When you're like, you don't play the whole game and that's the worst teammate you can have by far. Especially when he flashes because then it's more frustrating. Like, will you please do that all game? Please Imagine the Cardinals if that effort that he put out in the fourth quarter was there in the first, rather than those routes he ran and then mope back to the sidelines like, this is boring.
- [31:32]
B
They go back and sit on the bench opposite sides of Kyler Murray, mopey little babies. Oh man, it is.
- [31:38]
A
They're tough to watch when it comes to that. It's like, man, if I was a fan of that. I don't like mopers. He's a moper. Ah, there you go. Let's get a wake up song for all you people who had a rough night as Cardinal fans to the Seahawk fans. Gay bars will be crowded tonight. Celebration all weekend for the Seahawks. Let's get it together Give us a wake up song 585-9800 a good one and we'll scream it together it's 98 KUPD. Wake up. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.
- [32:04]
B
No membership fee.
- [32:05]
A
I have heard enough of this. Up. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. There you go. Miles to nowhere. Playdio was 59 days away. 59 days to play to you. For those who know what that is, the cringe was real. For those of you who don't, we'll see in 59 days and maybe I'm rooting for Miles to Nowhere to repeat. I really liked the theme song and I don't really want to abandon that for next year. I do. I like what they did. So hopefully they'll come back, repeat, be a two time winner because that's all I'll allow is two in a row. Then you have to go off and make it. You can't keep winning this crappy local contest and feel good about yourself. Two times and you're out. They've entered it two years, they've won once. Third year, do it again. And plus they're incredibly pleasurable people that like. Super nice. I really liked them. So they've been a good champion. 59 days to play to you. By the way. For those of you who are driving in from the East Valley and you need a traffic report, don't worry about it because according to my phone, you're going to need a canoe. You don't even need the freeways.
- [33:18]
B
Stay home.
- [33:18]
A
They're scared to death of the like the flash flooding in Mesa. They say that it must be pouring out there right now. Is it? Let's take a look at the KUP weather window. I'll text my wife. Yeah, I don't know where the radar is right now, but hopefully it's everybody's all right. But alerts won't stop. I got to get over this whole first alert thing. Just because you're racing to be the first one to tell me it's raining. My phone explodes constantly now. Currently right now it doesn't look like there's much little in Gilbert. It's way out there. Globes getting just. It's gone. There's no more globe. There's not gonna make. There's the moving radar on screen here. Yeah, well, it's all going to New Mexico anyway. But it's coming up. Oh yeah. See what mine does. See if we have the same. Oh, it just explodes over the city later in the day. See, my radar is different than your radar. My moving radar kind of hangs around the town. Yours is leaving for a little bit and then bam. Yeah, it comes in about 9am it looks like it's gonna either way hammered. Practice your rowing skills because the phone is acting like we've never seen rain like this in our lives. It'll be like a half inch. I was looking at the news last night and they did a thing about. I think they're rooting for hurricanes at this point. Like when they're wrong and it's not a horrible hurricane. We're on H. Umberto. And they're like, it's almost October. And it's like, umberto. I'm like, that's h. That's a pretty good hurricane season. And they're like, but wait, there's more. We should be celebrating the fact we didn't have a ton of hurricanes because they're like, oh, global warming. We're at 15, 16. Every year, we're gonna have to come up a new way to name them. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. And then this one pops up, and Umberto is going to merge with some other thing. And they're like, it's called a hashi. Hashi. It's like some Japanese word. And like, you've never seen anything like it. I'm like, you guys are just making up words every hurricane season to try to make them worse for the news. So we. So we're more afraid and. And we watch TV longer because this. Like that. You haven't seen the hasi hoofie effect. And I'm like, that's not a thing. It was never a thing before. Oh, it's new. No, it's not. You're not. You haven't come up with new weather idea. Weather's not innovating new things. Yes, it is. No, it's two storms that come. I saw this in the George Clooney movie once. Two storms bump into each other and it gets bigger. Oh, it's called the hashidi effect.
- [35:40]
B
Team up.
- [35:41]
A
And Florida will. Florida will not only get flooded, it'll just. It'll erode. Okay. And they're, like, rooting for it instead of going, hey, we've had a pretty mild hurricane season. We're only on H, and nothing's hit land yet. We should celebrate that. Come on. Idiots. So if your family's in Florida, you're gonna start hearing about this new Japanese thing that hurricanes are doing, and they're doing it over there in the Caribbean. And. Oh, the guy last night seemed like, you know what you're talking about. Hurricane Smurricane. This thing's like, it's going to be like a category nine. Like, that's not a thing. Yeah, we'll make it one New.
- [36:17]
B
New and improved.
- [36:20]
A
The weather goblins have gotten together. They've come up with some new scary stuff, and we figured it out. It's like they act like they're private investigators. Weather's the same.
- [36:29]
B
I learned another new one on one of those shows. They were talking about the. We call them haboobs here. Dust Storms?
- [36:35]
A
Yeah.
- [36:36]
B
Followed by. There's one behind thunderstorms in tornadoes. It's horacho.
- [36:42]
A
Horacho. Isn't that just cinnamon milk? Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that was what that was. No, I. I find it very strange that they. They try to act like our. Our weather is, like, plotting against us.
- [36:57]
B
Grapple was. Is that what it was like?
- [37:00]
A
Yeah, grapple was a big deal. About 20 years ago here in town, we learned what grapple was and the news was really excited that they named something new. And it was. We finally got some grapple and it was nothing. Isn't what's. And the other one that I love is. I think it's Spanish dick. Otherwise known as verga. And that's rain that doesn't happen. The new weather would report we've got some verga that's falling from the sky. And then I'd be like, vega, falling from the sky. What an image. And then. Wait, they're serious. They're reporting on something that isn't happening. It's close to being a thing. We'll be right back. I'm like, it's rain that doesn't get to us. Which is that rain. It's. That doesn't count. It's called verga. No, no, you need the Internet. Look up what verga is, as in. I think there's. I don't know what I'm saying, but there's like a way that my landscapers have said verga and something along the lines of chulo or chupy. Chupy. Me verga. I don't know.
- [37:59]
B
I'm not getting.
- [38:00]
A
I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know what I'm saying. It's. It's gibberish to me. But I know the weather says it a lot, and if I ever. I think they're just trying to get white people stabbed. Because if you're at a bus stop or something and you're sitting there, you're standing out in the front, you're like, man, verga. What'd you say? I'm like, oh, I. Did I say something terrible? Did they follow with pinch a john right after John was was my name. And I paid those guys handsomely. Hey, guys. Like, that's right. That must mean, like cowboy or something. I had to look it up. I'm like, hey, wait a minute. I don't even think they like me. Pinch. John, what's up? Hey, guys, how's it going? It's good. It's 11 o'. Clock. You're already at lunch. Ah, Pizza John. Yahoo. And I do like a cowboy nose. And I go inside like, they call me Cowboy John. I looked it up. Like, that is not cowboy. Hey, Senor Mariposa. I'm like, that must mean, like emperor. Emperor of the planet. What's up, Senor Mariposa? Like, yeah. How's that. How's everything looking inside there, boys? You get the ceiling scraped? See? See? See? Yeah. Yeah. Kulo melabia. Okay, I will. You guys enjoy your lunch. Eh, Pinch. Look it all up. That guy just told me to kiss his butthole. And what is this pinchay they keep? And they all laughed because I'd wave.
- [39:29]
B
That's me.
- [39:30]
A
That's me. I'm Pinch a John. I still don't know what it means, to be honest with. I just know it's not cowboy. Like, I thought that would have been caballero. Because I looked up. How do you say cowboy in Spanish? Caballero. Well, that's not even. There's not even a. There's no two letters the same in the one. They're calling me. Mine must be like, king of the Cowboys. Like, yeah, he's like royalty. Cowboy royalty. That must be what pinch a John doesn't. It doesn't. Verga weather, Guys. We got a little verga in the air. That's just moisture in the air. That's not getting to us. That's not a news report. That's nothing.
- [40:12]
B
And what has happened to that we haven't had?
- [40:14]
A
Well, because eventually we all went back and said, you realize that's nothing, right? Why report that there's verga. Does it even come close to us? And at what border do we start reporting like, there's. There's water? Yeah, the cloud has water in it. That. Okay. Yeah. When. When do we not. Is it not disrupting traffic? The verga and I still think that. Yeah. Pull over. Your ver goes out. Weather goblins. Tired of them. I love Ian Schwartz. He's good. He's a good buddy. I like him. But he's got. He knows it. He's got the world's scammiest job of all time. They can be. That's the. I mean, we. Jimmy Kimmel almost lost his job for incorrect information. We talked about it the day after. Like, when do the weathermen get held responsible for any of this stuff? Curb youb Enthusiasm still has the best episode I've ever seen of what weathermen do, which is report bad weather the day before. They've got a golf game. So. No. Everybody cancels Their tee times. They have the golf course to themselves and it doesn't actually rain. Yeah, I don't know what it means. Nah, it's terrible. I just got told what that is. I didn't know what Spanish is. I got a D. Actually, I got a C in college because I talked the teacher into.
- [41:33]
B
You got some extra credit?
- [41:34]
A
Well, no. I had text as test anxiety. I would tell her and I'd be like, I know all of it. I just don't have. I'm so scared of tests. Oh, that's so sad. Because I recognized her as a bleeding heart. We felt bad for people with mental disorders. So I pulled to Marvin Harrison and I'm like, I'm gonna half ass this and see if I can get away with it. And I went up and I said, I have test disorder.
- [41:55]
B
I've got a very good problem.
- [41:56]
A
And anxiety when it comes to tests. I know. Yeah. And I know that it varied on the way in and I got nervous, so I pulled over because if it hit the ground, I wouldn't know what to do. But about 80 or 90ft above me, it was raining and I didn't know and I got scared. So I got a D on the test because of that, not because I wasn't prepared. She was an old bleeding heart. She's like, I know. I had a son with once. She said that to the class. My son had test anxiety and struggled all through school. So I can. I'm like, there it is. There's my end. That's what I'm gonna use. Cause she's got a. Got a soft spot for that. And I'm gonna tap it like a baby's brain. I'm going for the soft spot for sure. There was a crime committed yesterday, and people are, oh, by the way, before I get into that, Tom Brady, the crooked pile of garbage that is Tom Brady is now doing what the evil Disney bad guy would do when being accused. I feel very responsible for pushing this agenda as hard as I have that Tom Brady is up to it again. He's cheating as the owner of the Raiders and also as a broadcaster for Fox. And then he's sitting and there's something going on. I can't pinpoint it yet. I just know when I see something that isn't right. Other executives have finally said, what the hell is Tom Brady doing in the coaching? They're starting to step up on the NFL thing, and they're saying, yeah, don't worry about it. Tom Brady addressed it. And he addressed it the exact way a Bad guy would address something, basically saying things like, this is how he started. We're living through a great period of paranoia and distrust in the world. What does that have to do with you being a broadcaster and a 5% minority owner? You're blaming politics and, like, social disorders.
- [43:41]
B
I'm in the booth just serving the boys drinks and keeping them.
- [43:44]
A
And by the way, Tom, during the game, there's a reason we're paranoid and distrustful of you. Then he said, I love football. At its core. It's a game of principles, and with all the success it has given me, I feel I have a moral and ethical duty to the sport. Which is why the point where my roles in it intersect is not actually a point of conflict. A bad guy would say to the accusation of, I think you may have a little conflict of interest here. He would turn and say, no, I don't. And that would be his defense. It wouldn't be backed up with anything. And a bad guy, a good guy would say, oh, people think I'm being crooked, I better step away. A bad guy tells you you're wrong. So despite what the paranoid and distrustful might believe, I do not have a conflict. It's the place from which my ethical duty emerges to grow, evolve, and improve the game that's given me everything. When you live through uncertain and untrusting times like we are today, again he's reminding you there's a lot of things you don't trust. There's no reason to lump me into this bad guy talk. It's very easy to watch a person's passions and professions intersect and to believe you're looking at some sort of dilemma. Because when you're blinded by distrust, Great spin, Tom. It's hard to see anything other than self interest. Homburg's morning sickness. People who are like that, particularly to a chronic pathological degree. Now he's passive aggressively saying, you might be a bipolar person. Are telling themselves, and they're showing you their worldview and how they operate. They're admiring that they can only conceive of interests that are selfish, and they cannot imagine a person doing a job for reasons that are greater than themselves. Tom's quote was, wow, I'm bigger than you. You've got trust issues. The world is something you can't trust. I'm above that. And that's what he's trying to sell us. When somebody just said, is this a conflict of interest here? What you got going on? Simple question. And he broke down that Ukraine and Russia, and you can't you can't trust any politicians. But I'm above all this. That's bad guy talk.
- [46:07]
B
Dear unhoused people.
- [46:10]
A
Who is his speechwriter? I think it's him. He is. Is it smooth? I see right through it, Brett. No, it's smooth for the dummies out there. Oh, the dummies will eat that. You're 100% right. The dummies of smooth big words correct about that. Everybody in Boston's by Tommy. Come on, he's ethical. Tommy would never. Tommy would never got passion. You can't see it because you've got no passion. The Raiders are lucky. We wish I was a Raider. A Raider. I need to be a Raider to Army. Would never. You're right. They're eating it a lot because he's always waved his hand Obi Wan style and told them, nothing to see here. Bostonians. Tommy would never. He said so you. What do you think Tommy would lie? I repeat, Tommy would never. But he does.
- [47:15]
B
They don't seem to have that passion on the Belichick.
- [47:17]
A
Remember. Remember Tom Brady in his ski cap? He dressed like one of the kids from south park when he was in big trouble with the Deflategate. At first, before he. Before he ended up being right. But he came out with a. He was. He dressed like a 12 year old. He had the ski cap on and did the press conference. He's like, come on, guys, why would you think this about me? And he did this innocent fella act. I'll answer all your questions. I don't understand what's going on around here. And he was just, wow, you guys are just really. Geez, golly gosh. I don't understand what the. You're pointing fingers at me. And then you'd hear in the back, Tommy would never see people believe in me. I mean, here's the guy in the ski cap, looks kind of adorable. Maybe we should lay off.
- [48:04]
B
For the love of the game.
- [48:05]
A
Yeah, swami. He is kind of a bad guy. A Disney villain. The accusation doesn't even exist. I'm the only one making a full on accusation. Other people are saying this might be a conflict. That looks a little strange. No. Other owners in football sit in the coach's booth. Jerry Jones dabbles in things he shouldn't, but he doesn't sit down with the coach's booth. Remember when it used to be a problem when your own owner would go down on your sideline, get away from the coat. Get out of this. Everybody thought it was crazy. Jerry Jones changed that. You don't want Your owners hobnobbing around with the dude now. They're all down, pushing the buttons. A lot of them are.
- [48:44]
B
They. Wait.
- [48:45]
A
But most of them.
- [48:46]
B
But at least if they're winning the game. You know what?
- [48:48]
A
You never see Jerry in the other team's booth. Wouldn't happen. But there's Tommy. Tommy would never.
- [49:02]
B
You.
- [49:02]
A
You don't trust the world. And that's what he's saying. The world is kind of a dangerous place. There's no reason to trust the world. But me, I'm. I'm my own world.
- [49:12]
B
He can't do anything. He's just got 5%.
- [49:14]
A
Yeah, I can't possibly. This is not. This is not the behavior of a man like me. Ethical and moral. You've been surrounded by the least ethical and least moral stuff in football history. You were at the. You were at the crux of the most crooked thing I've ever seen in pro sports in my life with those tapes. And the NFL just said, burn the tapes. We never want to revisit this again. And they did. Because they didn't want the Italians to kill everyone for robbing them with fake gambling. That's exactly what would happen. You know, you want to know the reason why we gamble now? And it's okay. Other than the finances, because it was an appeasement to the NFL, was like, we'll never have a team in Las Vegas. There's too many opportunities to sully the great nature of this game. And then like, whoops. Well, we robbed the Italians for about six years with that Patriots scandal. And we weren't on the. And we lied about it. And then we burned the tapes. Maybe we should just let them have gambling. And they gave it to us. Put a team right there in Vegas.
- [50:16]
B
They get a vig from all the gambling sites.
- [50:18]
A
Oh, yeah, they got in on it. No, I don't. Come on, Patrick. I agree with what Patrick just emailed. Tom Brady is a textbook high functioning sociopath. I agree. He's. He's Patrick Bateman. I don't trust him because there's, you know, once. I'll forgive you seven, eight, nine times of being involved in something crooked. And see, I'm just asking questions like, this dude's done this before. If you've had a dude steal your wallet and like five times, you know, like, he's stolen wallets and they. But, you know, somehow or another got my wallet back. It wasn't the same wallet, but he got my wallet back. And then there's Tom hanging around behind you. Hey, guys like don't stand behind me anymore, Brady. Like, why? You steal wallets. That's why. Oh, I've never been actually prosecuted for that. Yeah, but you've always been around wallet theft. On the flip side, though, they keep allowing it to happen. Exactly. So who's the smart one again? Tommy. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy's Teflon Tommy is Teflon. Teflon Tommy. But if you're like, I know you haven't been caught doing it, but you've been around it too much. Don't stand behind me. That's all I'm saying. Don't stand behind me. You steal wallets. I don't. All right, well, you've been around wallet theft a lot. If Brett. Suddenly the truth emerged. What? And you're like, hey, Brett, you know what you shouldn't do? Hang around the carpet store and pick up rolls of carpet because, like, you've got a rep. And Brett would say, ain't never been caught. Yeah. Tune around it a lot. Probably the.
- [51:44]
B
Probably at the Home Depot on the west side. Isn't there one closer to where you live?
- [51:48]
A
He's an interior decorator. I've been to his house. It wasn't that nice. Fine Barons. Yeah, the people who know loved that. Also off on time. I'm just going to keep your. Keep your antenna up, that's all. I might be wrong, but I'm thinking he's around it again. Something. He's always flirting with stuff that's like, well, this isn't kosher, is it? Sean Rockefeller makes a good point. Goes, only my Raiders would clearly cheat and still manage to lose again. How about the Raiders falling for the wizardry of Tom Brady? The dude who cheated them wasn't his fault, but cheated him out of going to the AFC championship game in 2001 with a tuck rule, and now he's your. That's a double agent. That's like. That's like trading Brittney Griner for the merchant of death and then saying, and you can also have a house in Tennessee. Merchant of death. He's like, oh, thank you. America is letting me live there. Now. This is pretty cool.
- [52:38]
B
But if we bring him on the enemy championship.
- [52:42]
A
Look, I. I would. I would possibly go ballistic if Tom Brady was 5% minority owner in the Steelers. I would not be comfortable with that at all. I'd be like, why is he here? Why is he here? It's not right. The dude who banged your wife for years before you, that she's still like, I always loved him. We just didn't work out he's just. And suddenly he's, like, sleeping over on weekends as a guest. I have to stay in Phoenix every weekend. Do you mind if I live at your house? I'm like, a little bit. I do. Come on. That's all behind us. I don't think you should be here. I'm not saying you're doing anything, but I don't think you should be here. Tommy's got plenty of places to stay. Tommy can bang any girl he wants. Not your wife. Tommy would never. Tom had a baby with a famous woman and just gonna say left. It's like, I'm done with you. I like this hotter one here. He upgraded. In the middle of a pregnancy, nobody cares. And the one he left was hot. And he left for a woman that looks a little like me in a wig. Scares me. Giselle's nose and my nose aren't different. And she's got better cans. Granted.
- [54:03]
B
He's moved on.
- [54:05]
A
Bridget was a bitch. Tommy moved on anyway. And I do like. Brady brought up that squirrel a couple days ago in San Francisco that's trying to kill people. Yeah.
- [54:15]
B
Two ladies.
- [54:16]
A
So it's all over the news. And I watched a thing last night, and they interviewed Brett's friend. I don't know, but it was on the thing. And the guy's like, that's. I don't know where they found him in San Francisco. This dude does it. That guy. That squirrel jumps out and gets me. He's got another thing coming. I'll kill that thing with my bare hands. This guy was gonna be. I swear, there isn't a person on the planet alive. If a squirrel jumped out of a tree, you wouldn't squeal and piss all over yourself. That's gotta be the scariest thing that, you know. A bee gets in big guys, like, ah.
- [54:46]
B
So fast.
- [54:46]
A
A squirrel shoots out of a tree and hits you. You're not duking it out. You're screaming, dribbling pee, and everyone's gonna laugh at you. And before you even know what happened, the squirrel's gone. Did that squirrel just punch me in the nose? He got another thing coming. I'm gonna kick that squirrel's ass. A squirrel leaping out of a tree might be the scariest thing in the world. Two people have gone to the emergency room.
- [55:12]
B
I flip out when one lady started on its legs. Start on her legs. And then.
- [55:16]
A
Then it went crazy. Now it's jumping out of trees at people.
- [55:19]
B
And I could see your hand, your head just shaking because, like, this behavior probably happened because people are Feeding the swords.
- [55:27]
A
The Bradys of the world decided woodland creatures want to be our friends.
- [55:32]
B
No, I'm like, they're not feeding them right.
- [55:34]
A
No, they're feeding them, which isn't right. They. They're dying to be our friends. No, they're. They're. They have rabies. They're rats with tails. And you want to give them peanuts because you think it's cute how they use their little hands. But inside there, they're looking at you like, if they had the chance, they. They'd eat your jugular. And this one's starting it. I watched this dude. Big dude, too. White T shirt and squirrel jumps out at me. It's the way I treat the queers over there here in San Francisco. I'm fighting them up. Yeah, I chuck them. I chuck them down a hill. It's a very hilly town. What am I doing here? I'm a huge fan of the Pelozzi's. Like, he just didn't fit. And they found him somewhere down there in Haight Ashbury. I got these queers and these hippies all over this town. They're taking dumps and stuff. I'll take them down, too. That squirrel comes at me, forget about it. You better get your cameras rolling, get your popcorn ready, because I'm gonna kick that squirrel's ass.
- [56:31]
B
There he is in the park. There's a shredded envelope.
- [56:33]
A
Oh, my God. Come out, come out, wherever you are, Squirrel. The squirrel's even like, what's he doing here? Then you just hear from the treetops, are you gay? Oh, them Spike. Where are you, squirrel? Why are you here? I got transferred. I live in San Francisco now. It's my own hell.
- [56:53]
B
Describe the squirrel.
- [56:54]
C
Safe place.
- [56:55]
A
Nobody's looking for him there. No one is going to look for me here.
- [56:58]
B
What'd the squirrel look like? Yeah, well, it had yellow sunglasses.
- [57:03]
A
I didn't see nothing. All I know is if it comes after me, it better pack a lunch. And he's badass. On the squirrel, I'm like, nobody. No one. Toughest guy in the world. Deontay Wilder, Tyson Fury, Canelo Alvarez. Anybody? Conor McGregor. John Bones Jones. That squirrel jumps on him, you're gonna hear and pee's gonna dribble out of him. What was that? What was that? You ever have a. You ever see somebody when one of those carpenter bees bumps into them?
- [57:30]
B
They freak out.
- [57:31]
A
It's like ricin touched someone. Those things, they get me because they don't. They don't move normal. But those carpenter bees, and they're huge. And Pterodactyls Yeah, but they're stealth. You don't see them till they're like right next to you and you hear and they hit you like a rubber ball.
- [57:47]
B
Football helmets out of whatever. They're designed because they can take some hits.
- [57:50]
A
On my bike, I swear to you. I rode my bike once and I saw it, and it did that weird helicopter hover those things do. And then it was gone. And then it came back and I just felt this spongy off my face. That's all you heard through the thing. I was losing my mind. I didn't know what it was. I thought I got beanbags. Not like that. You know what I mean? Although I don't know which I'd rather had. If you get spontaneously beanbagged and you don't see it coming, you are asking for it. And it's probably Tom Brady. Yeah. So this squirrel that jumps out, I want to hear tough guys talking about the squirrel and what they do to it. You do what every other human being would do. You'd piss yourself. Just a little dribble. It would be a good dribble, be enough to make a mark. And you'd probably hit the ground crying like the time I thought I'd badass. I thought that was a dog toy. I picked up what I thought was a dog toy in my backyard. It was pink and the white rope braided with the pink, but the white had turned kind of brown because it was dirty. And it was sitting in a thing. And I went and reached down to pick it up and it slithered out of my hand. And my reaction wasn't like, oh, snake. I better. I just went and I laid down on the ground. I didn't have any body juice left at all. I just laid on the ground where the snake was. I didn't know what kind of snake it was. Is it poisoned? Whatever. When it left, when the rope that I thought I was picking. It's like when you drink tea and you think it's coke and you take that sip and you're like, bleh. And you're try picking up what you think is a dog rope and it leaves your hand and you get that weak kid cry. You get maul legs. I hit. I laid down.
- [59:40]
B
You woke up zip tied.
- [59:41]
A
I wasn't asleep. I was just too weak to stand. What was that? And then I kind of scrambled to my feet and said, that's a snake. And I left. And I went to the Internet and I started looking, and evidently that's okay. We named it was like some sort of. It's a friendly, nice snake. You still don't want to pick up a snake when you don't know you're picking up a snake. If you reach for your toothbrush and a snake is in your hands, you're gonna. And you're just gonna lay on the ground for a minute. It doesn't matter if it's a worm. If you reached for something and a worm was in your hand.
- [60:17]
B
Nightcrawler.
- [60:18]
A
Your body reacts so much less tough than you think it will when it comes to that stuff. Woodland creatures leaping out of trees in San Francisco.
- [60:27]
B
Cute.
- [60:29]
A
Yeah. Here come the furries. Yeah, they don't think you should be leaping from the trees anymore. Bullwinkle. Ah, screw you. I'm pounding the face of these gays. He's anti homosexual. The Rocky is. He's from a different time. Take that, homos. And he's just leaping out of trees, bashing into people in San Francisco. Look, it's the flying squirrel. Do you think he's gonna. He hit me in the face. Take that queer bait.
- [61:01]
B
He doesn't like these homos.
- [61:03]
A
Up. Hitting the homosexual. Rocky, you're giving us a reputation. I never cared for it. The world's going to hell in a hand basket, Bullwinkle. You should be more accepting. Rocky. I'm hitting every last one of them. Rocky, the flying squirrel has definitely got some problems, but. Yeah, you would not. You'd not be touched.
- [61:25]
B
Deer woods has a rash of homophobic squirrels.
- [61:30]
A
They've had it with these liberal policies. I hate this city. Used to be something. Now everybody's taking on the road. I sometimes the road. Yeah, but you're a moose. That's true. There are people, they're supposed to be above it. I'm gonna smash them in the nose. You've got a dead drinking rock. Ah, you. Bullwinkle. I'm crushing some gays today. I don't care what happens to me. You know, I'm directly associated with you. It's the Rocky and Bullwinkle show. Ah, you, you oversized horse. It's like Brady the Tap Dragon.
- [62:12]
B
Yeah.
- [62:14]
A
I'm going to the Tap Dragon. Oh, not again. He's gonna come home and hit me. You know it. You keep your mouth shut, you stupid zebra. Oh, now he's misgendering me. San Francisco sucks. But yeah, they've got a picture of the squirrel too. Flying at people. Not like he's doing it like that. That's the. Have you seen that? The Attack Squirrel posters. They've got. They got A picture of him like in full flight with his eyes, like right at you. He's gonna kill you. It's great. Remember when you used to walk the streets? You didn't see two dudes holding hands? It was a better time. I don't know. Love is pretty. Isn't it wonderful that they all. Ah. Why don't you take your big moose, shove it at another moose then, you queer moose. Oh, he's just treacherously drunk again. I also wanted to talk about something that I don't think we should celebrate. And they're making it a big celebration. Alyssa Milano holds a special place in my heart because as a 12 year old boy, I realized she was my age on who's the Boss? And a massive crush developed. Like I had a chance. Because when you're 12, you think the people on TV may somehow or another see you too. So I liked her a lot. Then she grew into an absolute stunner when she put the. Remember? Oh, yeah. Oh, and she did the additions. Was that poison ivy? Poison ivy, floor, whatever. And then she did that one with that the Golden Child girl. And she had a lesbian scene with her classic gem there. And she started to show us those cans and now she's. She's 52 and she's decided that she's taken those out and she's saying that she's liberating herself from the thing that.
- [64:09]
B
Made her let go of the body that was sexualized.
- [64:13]
A
See? Yeah, I'm letting go of the body that was sexualized and abused by.
- [64:16]
B
But let me show you my authentic self.
- [64:18]
A
When in the world were you going to take responsibility for allowing it to be sexualized and abused?
- [64:24]
B
Yeah, I mean, the pictures that they're showing in the article that I show, you know, were. She's definitely displaying them.
- [64:34]
A
No, Mr. Skin has her as like a five star. She was solid there. She did a few of them. Like, I, I understand that you're. And then she says, and I'm also liberating my daughter from ever feeling like she has to be. This is the standard of beauty. And I'm like, you're 52. You've never needed these more in your life. This like, go, go get new ones. That's the thing you should be talking about.
- [64:54]
B
Don't tell Bella she doesn't need jugs.
- [64:57]
A
Bella, look, let her make her own decisions. You did. A fella decides that she wants to go out and put some cans in so people like her more. That's a good thing. It's up to your brain to wrap around the idea that people liked you more when you had cans. Maybe that's your personality's problem because you turned into kind of a raging C word for a little while, and even your boobs couldn't overcome it. But if you think people liked you just because of your breasts, it's because you didn't develop a personality. And now you're 52, and you're mad at the world for you only like me for my. My final. Take him out. Like, now you're left with nothing but your personality. You're gonna get ignored forever here. Nobody's gonna talk to you. You were tolerated for a while. She's still pretty, but she went nuts. And, yeah, she had him pulled. And she's, like, making it a celebration. And I'm like, huh? There's a certain aspect of being sexualized that's pre, too. Yeah. I think women that get mad when women don't have personalities then and. But they're pretty get upset when people stop sexualizing them. I. I firmly believe that, like, she liked it through her 20s and 30s. She got paid for it and everything else. She. She led with it. She knew she was pretty. She was on that show, the. The Three Witches Show. I can't remember. Shannon Doherty and Rose McGowan. And she was charmed. That's right. And she was gor. Like, she's gorgeous, but everybody's kind of like, alyssa Milano's a little bit off. We'll give all that money back then. Well, fine. No, keep the money. But don't say that we sexualized you when you presented it that way. And we're like, she's pretty. All we were saying was you were pretty. And yes. Did we tug it every once in a while to your naked scenes by design? Yes, we did, and so did you. But when you turn 50 and you're like, now no one likes me for my boobs, they get mad and they start blaming the boobs when they should be blaming their lack of personality skills, their lack of social skills, that you're realizing that people only like me for my. I'll show them. It's like, this is why we only liked you for your. Because you have that whole I'll show them mentality. We like boobs. That's. It's a good thing. Don't get mad at us for knowing that men like only breasts. Yeah, that's awesome. Do you know what men would do if we found out one thing women loved a lot? We'd go have it surgically implanted and we'd Never complain about it.
- [67:21]
B
You're gonna need those when you move into the villages.
- [67:23]
A
Yeah, exactly three years till you're an adult living. Nobody's gonna pay attention to you there either. Until you put those back. Because right now they're just scarred, empty water bags. I think it's great if you had a great person. Girls with little boobs and great personalities are sexy. Kate Hudson has no breasts. Sexy. When you go and put boobs in because you didn't develop a personality and you've been hot since you were 12. Like, everybody I thought, like, she had posters and she was a teen sensation. And then when she turned 20, she's like, I never developed breasts. So she jammed those in there and people are like, alyssa's back. We didn't know you as a person, but what we got to know wasn't that great. And then. And then you take them out when you need them more than ever. It's an unfair beauty standard. Yeah, but you took full advantage of that, and now you're yelling at us for liking it. That's what I'm saying. Give the money back. Then if you're so far against it, then I'm with Brett. If women said the only time, like, in unison, like, all men, Democrat, Republican, as long as they're straight, and even some of the gay ones think breasts are great. And if women said all across the board, all heterosexual women said, what I love is a man with a third nipple on his forehead, there would be a billion dollar industry that started the next day of dudes putting nipples on their heads and never once complaining about, like, I can't believe this is. This is an unfair standard. Oh, it's what they like. We're going to do that.
- [68:59]
B
Interesting to see if they, you know, her daughter all of a sudden are natural and they're super chance on her own.
- [69:07]
A
Good question. It's a great question. If you're naturally huge, you go get a reduction just to shove it in the face of men. Women find out what men like and they remove it. Men find out what women like, and we add it and we never complain. Women find out we like cans. They go out, put cans in. You know, for the last 12 years, women found out dudes kind of like thick asses. Billion dollar industry. And now what are they saying? Sick of you looking at my ass. Like, what?
- [69:37]
B
To the extent they're going to get, they're buying silicone at Home Depot and doing it themselves.
- [69:42]
A
They get liquid nails. They got liquid nail in their ass, and now they're at a Doctor going, I want to remove this. Too many dudes stare at it. I'm like, you think, well we can't because you're full of Home Depot gear. You got a bucket, a trowel, liquid nail, one of the umbrellas.
- [69:57]
B
There's a story yesterday, saw a guy in Mexico. The woman lets her boyfriend give daughter 11 year old daughter breast augmentation.
- [70:09]
A
At home. Yeah, in the house. This the stepdad. Sort of just a boyfriend and he's like I'll just chop it open and stuff that. How hard can this be? I filled a trash bag before some 3m and just fill it up with the silicone there or what? Read the side and it says, oh, you can eat this. It doesn't even warn you this will fit in your body. You're good.
- [70:27]
B
Crushed up some chiclets. Got em.
- [70:29]
A
Yeah. Got a Ziploc, yellow and blue made green. You made the bag, you shoved it in. We're good here. Feels pretty good so long as you don't squeeze too hard and open up that latch. But yeah, I don't understand that. She's taking them out and she's yelling at us like we made her do it. Never made Alyssa Milano put cans in. I was happy she did. Morning sickness. But we like boobs and we shouldn't have to apologize for that. And when you take them out and you throw a finger at society saying you made me put boobs in, what's wrong with you?
- [71:09]
B
We didn't abuse you.
- [71:10]
A
No, I. I abuse the idea of you regularly. Just needs to chop her hair off and go to title nine. They'll take her. She's getting to that point. She is. How are they so mad at us for liking breasts though? This unfair beauty standard. Mike, it's not that unfair. Don't do it. Yeah, nobody's forcing you to do it. You wanted to be beautiful. And you know what you did along the way? You let beauty lead and you never developed a fun personality. You're hard to be with. We tolerated you because you had nice cans. You took those out. Now you can go yourself. Samantha, Samantha, go put your boobs back in. Even Jonathan has nice boobs. They're on my back. We know Jonathan. Yeah, Mona talk her into it. Remember Mona had huge cans on who's the Boss? The grandma. And she was kind of Katherine Hellman. She was kind of slutty about it. It's weird. That's a weird story that she. And she's like if you read what she's saying that it's all our fault. It's our fault. That's what I'm saying. Chop the hair off. Yeah, you're not wrong. Outback and you're not wrong. You know what she should win. You know what you should get when you get your breasts removed? A free Outback. And she's probably got a guy in her life that's been trying to, you know, be with her for like the ducky in her life. That's for years. And he's got a ponytail and he's bald. Now he's looking at her, he's going, oh, I really like it that you don't have breasts. Now he's just, he's, he's just gotta get in there at all cost. He's got. And he's gonna be the one that nails her. Next time we see her, she's gonna be with a 62 year old ponytailed guy. And yeah, he's hitting that so hard. Now you gotta call PETA. Finally, now that she made herself wildly unattractive to everybody. I got in there, but now I gotta deal with her miserable personality. If you're mad at society for having breasts that we liked, something wrong with you. If women across the board said we love men with size 17ft, it would immediately begin the research on how to enhance your foot size. We would come up with surgeries to appease that immediately.
- [73:35]
B
And never once I'd just be wearing size 17 shoes.
- [73:39]
A
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Without the surgery, you'd be a stuffer is what you'd be. Yeah, that's right. You'd wear padded bra. That's essentially what that is.
- [73:45]
B
Come on.
- [73:45]
A
That's how it all look. That's how they start. But I want the authentic foot, man. I'm going out there. I want to be able to go on the beach and have people go, those are real. Do you have fake feet, man? Yeah, had them enhanced. I don't get it, man. Girls who are fun, great personalities and stuff like that, they can overcome not being up to the beauty standard. But girls that are fun have great personalities and then go get size double Ds put in. They're like, they should be president of stuff because they get it. Why in the world would you take out the thing people liked and then blame them for liking it? You know what men like if a man, dudes go out and buy cars and houses and stuff to try to impress women. If you pulled up in your, you know, your F1, you got a McLaren and a girl comes up, goes, nice car. Yeah, it is. Can I have a ride? Sure. Wait a minute. Do you only like me because of my car? I don't know you that well. You know what? I'm gonna crash it into a wall and buy a Hyundai. You either love me or you don't. The girl be like, he's insane. Peace out. What's wrong with him? If he had a personality, I'd like him because of his car and his personality. Why'd you buy the car? Yeah, why did I buy this car? Unfair car beauty standards. I'm pushing it into a wall. You, society. And I'm gonna drive this Yugo around until somebody loves me. Well, good luck with that. Idiots. Took her boobs out and yelled at me. I've been on your team.
- [75:26]
B
Just a McLaren.
- [75:27]
A
Yeah, get over it. It's a McLaren. You know, I got a lot more to offer than just the car. All right, well, then start showing that and quit yelling at me. You just like, because of the car. Get out. Like, no, I'm. You were gonna get laid. The car was just the. The key to the door that you had to open. Now you gotta do some work.
- [75:46]
B
That's not the recognition I'm looking for.
- [75:48]
A
I want that recognition. I just want the car to be the car. If I didn't have this car, would you? No man has ever asked a woman that. If I didn't have all this money, would you still love me? We don't care. We gotcha. You never. You never get mad at the fish who bit the wrong bait. Wait, I was using worms. I'm not supposed to catch you. I was going for trout and a bass guy. You're not supposed to be. You only like me for the bait. Yes, the bait is on purpose.
- [76:16]
B
For years, I was abused in my Bentley.
- [76:19]
A
People looking at me going, he's a Bentley driver. I'm like, I'm more than that. Why don't you see it? Dudes would be like, whatever got me in the door. I love it. Chicks crash the car and come back with a bicycle and say, now, do you like me? I'm like, no, you're crazy. You've lost your mind. Unfair beauty standards. You made me put breasts in, and you made me beautiful, and now I'm taking it away. All right, you better start being able to tell some jokes and stories and stuff, because people aren't like you. David said even Big Mike put cans in to appeal to Barack. I don't know if that's true. Did she have augmentation? Stop it. Yes, he did. I mean, yeah, she did. I'm not guilty for liking Your huge cans, Alyssa. Sorry. You made some money off of it. Maybe you weren't that great an actress. Now, in hindsight, you weren't getting a lot of roles in, and you were still willing to show your cans. Maybe your skill level was low. Should have worked harder. I say if you're the. She's a Marvin Harrison Jr. Of entertainment. If you made it into the Poison Ivy series, your career wasn't that great without your cans. Call it what it is. You were in the first two, right? Well, she was in number two. Was it two?
- [77:35]
D
Yeah.
- [77:35]
A
Jamie Presley was three. Yeah, she was three. Jamie Presley was just like, I have got to show people my right. Yeah, she loved showing them. She's like the Jane Mansfield. Like, I'm leading with these. This is what I got, what I'm doing. You're gonna like me for this. And then. And then she was charming and funny and fun, and she had a sense of humor. And Jamie Pressy was more than just the body. And she didn't have fake ones. No. She just went out there and said, here it is, and it's pretty great. You're like, we do like that. What else you got? She goes, I'm also funny, and I'm fun, and I got a sense of humor and a wink and a nod. And I know why you like me. I'm like, you're Marion material. Alyssa Milano's like, what are you looking at? My eyes are up here. Like, I don't know. You spent, like, 20 grand on those. You think somebody could peek at them? I'll show them in movies, but I'm not gonna show them to you, you weirdo. All right. Check. You tell me right now, ladies, what you like in a man. And you say, all us girls have talked about you could get us to do it. I like a dong hanging off of a chest. If you talk to a guy enough about that and get your friends to lie to him, you could run the best Jackass movie of all time. If you could talk to a lonely dude and say, a lonely dude would come back with a dong on his chest within a year. I got it off a cadaver. He'd go to Mexico and sell one of them cartel dongs right onto his chest and go back and go, is this what you mean? Oh, my God, he did it. Yeah, he did. Because we're here to please. We're loyal dogs. Chicks are cats. You look at the food you provide and go, why did you give me this? Like, Jesus. Because you got great cans.
- [79:13]
B
It's their agenda.
- [79:14]
A
Yeah. I don't know what they're doing, but Alyssa Milano is being hailed as a hero for taking her cans out.
- [79:21]
C
By who?
- [79:22]
A
By women. Title nine and post.
- [79:24]
B
The. The post op picture.
- [79:26]
A
Yeah, show us. Well, they're in there. I want it before and after. I want it before. Well, she. They're not showing them. She's in a hospital. Guy, I know you're a pervert and you're looking at her cans for the last time. So you see, but notice, of course, because you're a man. This was. Don't cuz it. You did it because you're a man. You know, you looked at a woman in a hospital gown and said, nice cans.
- [79:46]
B
Yeah, but I'm. I'm not saying those are way overblown or those are clown or she's in a hospital gown. Yeah, she looks good.
- [79:54]
A
You looked point made. Brady got half hard looking at a broad in a hospital gown because her boobs kind of poke out of them.
- [80:03]
B
I feel bad for him. Don't do this.
- [80:04]
A
Yeah, those didn't do anything wrong. They were your meal ticket, sister. You're gonna be playing pickleball with a bunch of old men soon. You want some attention? Be the one with great cans. Why is there never a woman who, like, turns 53 and goes, I'm going bigger. I. I'm coming up on a time when I'm gonna start losing my looks. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna get huge ones and they'll be like, yay. Like if you applauded every. Yeah, look, she's smart. That's horrible. Why would we make her do that? Like, we're not making her do anything. She's making a life decision. That's really smart. Is she going to stop at the Botox and stuff too, or. Well, you know, sometimes they go too far.
- [80:40]
B
Well, looking at the. On Monday, seeing that I watched 10 minutes of the Golden Bachelor.
- [80:46]
A
Oh, man.
- [80:47]
B
Every one of them, 66 years old, they're bolting.
- [80:51]
A
It's bad. Oh, she's getting rough. She kept it pretty natural, unfortunately. She kept it natural. She says, run a comb through your hair, sister. She says, today I'm free. Like she had a gun to her head for the last 30 years to keep her cans in. You're right. That would probably.
- [81:10]
B
I mean, at the same time, like, if you're having to do it, you have to, you know, re up them maybe. Like, I just. I just don't want to re up them. I'm just gonna.
- [81:17]
A
Yeah, well, don't make a news story out of it. Don't make it some women's rights act. Just take your cans out. We'll notice. We won't notice. Get a personality injected in there. Quit yelling at us at 7:29. What do you got on the big board of musical treats over there, Burt? All right, wake up. So I'm brought to by Action Ride Shop and it's supposed to pour the next couple days. So now's the time to bring that bike in and get it serviced. Best wrenches in town are of course at Action Ride Shop in two locations. They got them over there at Gilbert Road and Southern, the OG store. And while you're in there, you can check out all the new gear that they got. New bike models are out there. And of course, you got the brand new one right there on power Road and McDowell. It is Action Ride Shop. Actionrideshop.com on the list. Parkway Drive glitch for Cardinals fans. I saw red from a warrant Architects Seeing red. Kill switch Engage My curse for Cardinals fans and markers. I feel for you Cardinal fans. You know you got 31 other options. Yeah. Demon Hunter. Metallica Prodigy. Smack my up for Marvin Harrison Jr. Wage war fury. Cardinal fans, you literally have a Baskin Robbins amount of teams to choose from. You can leave this nightmare that you're in. There's 31 other teams. Take a shot somewhere else. This isn't worth it. Hey, breed I will be heard. Motorhead heartbreaker for Cardinals fans and White Zombie. Welcome to Planet Mother Effer. I do like I Saw Red by warrant, but it's not much of a wake up song. Seeing Red. You know, I like the Seeing Red song. Is the Chevelle. What's that one? The red seat. Yeah, it's the red. Want to go with that one?
- [82:59]
B
The red.
- [83:00]
A
Little Chevelle. The red. Poor Cardinals. Poor Cardinals.
- [83:07]
B
They rallied back.
- [83:08]
A
Come on. They dug the hole. They did this with Jake Plummer. Jake Plummer would be terrible for two quarters and then rally back and was like, they're great. Why can't you do that for four quarters? You dig your own hole and then come back from it and still lose. It doesn't matter. Nuts. Poor bastards. So, Cardinal fans, I feel for you, but I'm fine when the Cardinals lose.
- [83:28]
B
Especially when that the last kick didn't get into the zone.
- [83:32]
A
Oh, starting the 40. The last cardinals. They Cardinals. Cardinal's gonna Cardinal. The one thing you can't do is miss that landing zone. Yeah, they start on the four. You got 12 yards. You're in field goal range. And they won anyway. Poor bastards. And it also has a lot to do with wearing splattered uniforms. Well, I have dirty uniforms to start the game. It's the red. It's Chevelle. It's for you Cardinal fans. It's 98 KUPD. Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this. Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. We blaze through this Friday as the clouds come creeping in. God knows what's going to happen, but the weather center is losing their minds. They're rooting for you to. Our weather center's busy today. Oh, my God. It's just down there. Foreign. It's nuts. What was her name? Poon Soon Punyu Punyi. She's running like crazy down there. The Poon. She's on Monpoon alert anyway, so, yeah, be careful, because evidently it could be pouring rain by you any second now. And the clouds that weren't supposed to be overhead on Phoenix are now over us. They basically said what I just read. According to Channel 3's First Alert, they're expecting over 10,000 people to drown. They are excited about this rain. They love storms. Give them something to do. It's time now for you to get all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report. And as broad as our friends at All Pro Shade. See how nice it is right now? It's like 81 degrees. That's shade the clouds provided sometimes, but not often enough out here, so you got to do it yourself. And all Pro Shade will be the ones who help you get that shade in your space that you're looking for. You got a spot in your backyard. You're like, I'd sit back here all the time on my patio if it wasn't so damn sunny. Well, they can take care of that for you. You got a TV on your back patio that's got too much glare. You can only watch at night. I got that problem on mine. Throw some of those shades up there, take that glare away. It's amazing what they can do. And they come up with the ideas. They'll come out, give you that estimate, and you look around and say, this is a good idea and make a little outdoor space. That kind of is indoor space, too. It adds to your property value. It's a good thing to add to your house. And it looks fantastic. All Pro Shade. They're the pros. Been doing it for over 20 years. They'll take care of you allproched.com. brady reported.
- [86:03]
B
Good Friday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello world.
- [86:05]
A
We've made it.
- [86:06]
B
Happy pancake day.
- [86:08]
A
Yeah.
- [86:09]
B
Dumpling day. Chimichanga day. Geez, that is sure there's some specials going on. I know it.
- [86:16]
A
The.
- [86:17]
B
The barrel.
- [86:17]
A
Okay, but that's $5.
- [86:19]
B
All. All you can eat pancakes.
- [86:20]
A
That's a tough gut bomb you just threw at me in. Oh man. Imagine taking advantage of all of that.
- [86:29]
B
Yes, I can.
- [86:30]
A
Yes, you can. Well, especially now that you're starving for your crappy food again. Let's point it out. Let's be pretty proud of Brady so far. At least in front of us. Yeah. Have you been a jackass at all? You can be honest. No, no, nothing really good. Yeah, you gotta be. You must be quality.
- [86:48]
B
You know, every now then and every now and then you think, let me try it. No, let's just dip in there. See how I feel afterwards.
- [86:54]
A
You know who else feels that way? Druggies and alcoholics.
- [86:57]
B
Yeah.
- [86:58]
A
Let me just see if I can still have some. You can't.
- [87:00]
B
I can't. A little taste.
- [87:01]
A
It's an avalanche of salt and disease coming your way. Cracker Barrel is. They got the pancake deal. They still. They still have the old man on the. They're.
- [87:15]
B
They're going back to the original.
- [87:16]
A
They are going to go back. The ones that they've already. Well, they're not gonna.
- [87:19]
B
They're not doing the re. Decorating.
- [87:22]
A
They're not remodeling. Yeah. They have like four of them. They got done.
- [87:26]
B
I'm not sure about crackers.
- [87:28]
A
Lost their mind. That's a little too bougie. Yeah, I'm going up in there. My theory about that is 100. Right. People who wear overalls out of their house aren't going to feel comfortable if you start making the Cracker Barrel look like anything more than what Brett said. The Boar's Nest. It has to look hillbilly for them to feel comfortable. And you made it nice and white and clean. And you're gonna invite Paradise Valley over. That's who makes them feel insecure. You scared them. Crackers like feeling like crackers. And they can't. They cannot walk in and realize you gotta have a button up shirt.
- [88:01]
B
And removing the golf tee game out of them.
- [88:04]
A
Oh, remember when Uncle Jesse on the Dukes of Hazzard had to dress up every once in a while and they'd show him like, oh, Uncle Jesse, you look fantastic. Yeah. Feel like a bag of. He'd walk back and he'd come back out with overalls over his suit. It's just what he is. The people at Cracker Barrel have to feel like crackers all the time. They can't, they can't have their hair all combed up and it can't be miserable. They want that place to make them feel like that's their home and they changed it. Crackers hate change.
- [88:34]
B
Got a couple of basis fun facts. The oldest hotel in the world is a hot spring hotel in Japan called Nishiyama Onsen Kyokin.
- [88:45]
A
Sure. Toledo stayed there.
- [88:47]
B
It's founded over 1300 years ago in 705 AD.
- [88:52]
A
Yeah, Toledo's three days in Japan. I'm sure he got the inner workings of every resident. And remember he was so tight with the elderly community in his 72 hour stay in Tokyo, he decided to regale us with his expertise on the Japanese culture which was. Oh those. Yeah, I saw plenty of hundred year old Japanese people. No you didn't. If I put up 20 pictures of Japanese people and said guess their age, you'd be wrong 20 times.
- [89:16]
B
You'd be out so many plush animal prizes.
- [89:18]
A
You ever see the Japanese hundred year olds like they, they look like they're about 60. You ever see a Japanese 30 year old? They look like they're about 60. It's constant. Well, think about those videos we're watching. We're like how old is she? Right. I don't. Should I feel guilty or. K pop is hard for me. Yeah, I like like Blackpink. And there's another one that sings. They got a couple songs and they've, they're more diverse. They've got a redhead and an Indian girl and a black girl. I can't remember their name exactly but. Cat Eye. Cat's eye. Is that it? Cat's eye. Have you seen them? No. And you watch that and you're like damn. Oh you have that moment in the middle of it. Like I don't know if I. The Asian girl might be 9 or 44. I can't tell. They age in like a day. Like they go from 40 to 118 and they say there's cat's eye. They're. They're an interesting group because all five of them sound exactly the same. I think it's an AI thing. But then I saw them perform at Chicago and they were great. But when they get to dancing and stuff, they're all sexy. And then like two of them, you're like, I'm not so sure. She's out of fifth grade. And they dress them up like school girls. It's just that's just wrong.
- [90:40]
B
Most kangaroos are left handed.
- [90:42]
A
Well, yeah. That's why they're going to the pros.
- [90:45]
B
So if you're going at, you know, approach one.
- [90:47]
A
Yeah, yeah. They'll lead with that left. That's in boxing. That is always a nightmare for a. Don't go orthodox. No, you're. If you're an orthodox fighter and you got a lefty and they. You forget and you slip and they lead with that to their power hand. Lead left is a killer for a left handed fighter. So that's why, that's why the ruse have an advantage over Sylvester.
- [91:05]
B
There's a word for half a decade or five years. Lustrum. Oh, it's hard to believe it's been a lustrum since the pandemic broke out.
- [91:15]
C
Sounds like it was been banned in AZ recently.
- [91:20]
A
I think I've had a lustrum. I think I've have to wipe the lustrum off of my body. At one point I used a sock. Well, there were no towels.
- [91:31]
B
The Merriam Webster has just announced a major Update for the 12th edition of their Collegiate Dictionary. They're adding more than 5,000 terms including beast mode, dad bod, dumb phone.
- [91:49]
A
Yeah, this is the joke dictionary that adds silly words every year.
- [91:53]
B
Farm to table.
- [91:54]
A
The real one.
- [91:55]
B
Hard pass. Riz.
- [92:01]
C
You said that with a little bit of disdain.
- [92:04]
D
Riz.
- [92:04]
A
I bet you Kirby says rizz to Brady 100%. Does she?
- [92:08]
B
I've heard it text out before. Yeah, and saying it and I. I came home when I first learned about Riz.
- [92:15]
A
You can drop her texts.
- [92:17]
B
I've seen her text but. And I've heard a read something that she said. He text me and said this person has Riz. And I giggled.
- [92:27]
A
Your story is terrible. That's a mess. Giggled.
- [92:38]
B
Halloween's right around the corner.
- [92:42]
A
It's Friday. Quits on things so loudly without saying a word. This guy over here. All right.
- [92:52]
B
Last year there's a woman in Florida named Cynthia Kelly. She sued Hershey's for $5 million claiming that their pumpkin shaped Reese's peanut butter cups were falsely advertised. She said the packaging shows the pumpkins have cool carved designs.
- [93:08]
A
I remember this. Yeah, she threw a fit right at Halloween last year.
- [93:11]
B
Yep. And there are no faces on them. That bothered her. And the. It wasn't the only thing. She pointed out that several of their Halloween candies are also less spooky than that they appeared in the wrapper.
- [93:23]
A
She demands that she'll not be getting.
- [93:25]
B
Her $5 million payout.
- [93:27]
A
I tell her to go home and talk to her husband about this and get some common sense. But we all know she doesn't have one of those, so. Yeah, she's just sitting at home stewing over R. Reese's design.
- [93:36]
B
And her point was.
- [93:37]
A
That's right.
- [93:37]
B
Deceiving America with the wrapping of the packaging.
- [93:41]
A
Yeah.
- [93:42]
B
So the judge dismissed. Dismissed the lawsuit.
- [93:45]
A
Good.
- [93:46]
B
She ruled that the planters failed to prove any concrete economic injury and the products were not rendered worthless.
- [93:54]
A
In fact.
- [93:55]
B
They're delicious.
- [93:56]
A
Oh, yeah. They're fantastic. Even if you leave a Reese's cup in the. In the car too long and then put it in the freezer when you get home and you have that weird. The paper won't come loose. You'll still, like scrape it on your teeth until you get it all off the paper. There's nothing about the design of a Reese's cup that's bad. It's the combination. And they're the only ones that get it right. Any other company that tries peanut butter and chocolate together, it's not the same. They are head and shoulders better than all other peanut butter chocolate manufacturing. All of it. Nothing close. Unless you spend like $80 for a little ball of it. And that's the special stuff. Stuff.
- [94:33]
C
The only bad part about it is the ratio. Like when they do those Easter eggs. The For Easter.
- [94:39]
A
No, too much generic ones. I'm with you on that.
- [94:41]
C
Too much.
- [94:41]
A
There's a basic Reese's Cup. Yeah, yeah. You're not losing that deal.
- [94:44]
C
Best ones is the Minis because they have the.
- [94:46]
A
I like the. I like the old school. Only one. That's right. You're too big into the math of a Reese's. I just like the regular one.
- [94:53]
B
J.D. power just did a study on the smart appliances and found that they have more complaints on service reliability. 87 out of a hundred problems. Or basically 87 out of 100 of the appliances always have a problem.
- [95:12]
A
80. 87% of their products are bad. 80.
- [95:16]
B
Let me phrase this correct. Bluetooth and wi fi enabled appliances had an average of 87 problems per 100 appliances.
- [95:26]
A
That's 80. So there's 87%. What is 87 problems per 100 appliances.
- [95:34]
B
So you take 87. You take 100 appliances.
- [95:37]
A
Yeah.
- [95:38]
B
And 87 will get a complaint.
- [95:40]
A
That's 87% Homburg's morning sickness. Yeah, I think that's. I don't think that's what you're actually saying.
- [95:55]
B
Well, that's how they phrased it.
- [95:57]
A
Yeah, but I think you're trying to say something else. I think. Let me see that. Because they Would have just said 87. Brett, don't look at me like this. I'm just trying to straighten out stories.
- [96:08]
B
Look, genius over there.
- [96:10]
A
Hey, I'm trying to figure it out. I'm just trying to figure it out. It's just your opportunity. I say a goddamn thing. Why am I sitting here trying to figure out what the hell you're talking about? I love pretty self. No, it isn't. Because you had furrowed eyebrows and tried to re explain it twice so you knew that you were not making a ton of sense. And that's all it is. That's all I'm trying to do is make some sense of it. Don't get mad at Brett for rolling his eyes. You were the confusion. Fairness to Brady while you talk.
- [96:39]
B
Let me do this.
- [96:40]
A
I looked over you. Grabbed your forehead too, Brett. You looked like you were in hell.
- [96:45]
B
Jackass. One kidney.
- [96:48]
A
Brady is awesome. Blue tooth. Yeah, not that much time left. He's got to get it out now. Feisty. My financials. 87 problems per 100 appliances was 87%. Then it said non enabled appliances had an average of 63 per 100. Okay. I don't know why they're not saying percent.
- [97:04]
B
Take it up with them.
- [97:05]
A
Well, no. You're the one delivering the information. When will you recognize 25 years that you are? Give me my page. You are the messenger. You are the messenger of the information. On his way out, kicking down the. Just throwing math out. His biggest frustration. You are not great. Oh my God.
- [97:27]
B
Don't start that. You have eight inches of butt crack.
- [97:32]
A
What? I don't remember that.
- [97:34]
B
112 of the 20th biggest hotels in the world.
- [97:38]
A
Come on. That's an eye roll. That's not our fault.
- [97:42]
B
And now it's time for some science news.
- [97:44]
A
This will be good.
- [97:47]
B
Hello, my friends. Professor Brady Bogan here with your science news in fruit news. Fruit science news. The people that are mango fans.
- [98:01]
A
Don't roll your eyes. I'm not even looking. Yeah, go ahead.
- [98:04]
C
Are you doing this on purpose?
- [98:06]
B
Because a lot of people say mangoes. They have. They're so sugary. But George Mason University study found that daily mango eaters showed better blood sugar control and less body fat than those eating a lower sugar snack.
- [98:20]
A
Mangoes. Better natural sugar than a sugar snack. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.
- [98:25]
B
Urethra news. Researchers have created a new urine based.
- [98:30]
A
Sorry. That was a good one.
- [98:34]
B
Researchers have created a new urine based test that can identify prostate cancers. So that'll stop a lot of probing.
- [98:45]
A
I told you. For years the doctors have been able to do this. They're only fingering us because they like the power. Well, they are. There's been a million advances in medicine, and the only one that they're hanging on to is shoving a finger in her ass. And they're like, it's the best way. Like, no, it is for you. There's a better way to do this, and I'm not going to you until you come up with it.
- [99:03]
C
Well, we had that fact in the Guadalupe squares last week, too. You can.
- [99:06]
A
Men can pee on a pregnancy test.
- [99:07]
C
To find cancer if it's pops positive.
- [99:10]
A
They scream at you, your marker, that that isn't 100. So they scare guys into thinking it's not because they're dying to finger you. It's a power move, doctors, and I've seen through it for years. You guys, look, this is an 1800s thing. Nobody's still doing this for any testing. Gotta finger you. Like, even gynecologists can kind of, like, you know, they got to take a look at it, and I don't blame them, but I'm sure there's some stuff they're doing that, like, they could advance technology, make it easier.
- [99:35]
B
More urethra news. Your morning urine color can signal how your body handles stress. We already know that the bolder colors are a sign of dehydration.
- [99:48]
A
Boulder.
- [99:49]
B
Now they say, like, a darker.
- [99:50]
A
Yeah. So you only get one color, really?
- [99:53]
B
And now they know that. They say darker urine means you should increase your daily fluid intake to improve both your hydration status and stress resilience.
- [100:05]
A
Mine is light neon yellow, especially since I've gone pure water, stayed away from the coke. It's amazing. My urine is actually pretty. And they take vitamins, and it glows. I would use my urine as a house paint. If the vitamins. When you ever start taking vitamins, you look at your pee, and it's like, oh, that's beautiful.
- [100:25]
B
I think with the low sodium, low sugar, and the electrolytes I have, my mind could be a sport drink. It's so clear.
- [100:32]
A
Triple filter. But for years, it was red.
- [100:35]
B
No, it's single filtered.
- [100:37]
A
I mean, well, your kidneys aren't fil. They don't filter your urine.
- [100:42]
B
They filter the blood. Everything.
- [100:44]
A
Yeah. Yeah.
- [100:47]
B
Shark experts are testing four innovative wetsuit materials that reduce shark bite injuries. They're not a perfect shield, but in an event of an emergency, they can lessen trauma, blood loss, even save lives.
- [101:03]
A
Here's my.
- [101:04]
B
So it's a suit if you get hit.
- [101:06]
A
I already have a foolproof plan to not be bitten by a Shark. If in fact somebody says, put this shark bite uniform storm on. I'm not getting in. There's sharks in there. That's how you don't get bit by sharks. You stop around where sharks are. If somebody says there's a shark in there, my first response isn't, oh, I need a better outfit. I just need to be out of the water. I know where sharks aren't. Easy. I spent 53 years not even being in the slightest bit of shark bite peril. You tell me a different pair of pants will make. That's where the sharks are. I'm not trusting that. That's stupid. You know, I know where cars are. But if somebody said the suit army could cross the freeway, like, no, that's dumb.
- [101:52]
B
It'll lessen the injury.
- [101:53]
A
No, you know what lessens the injury? Not getting in with sharks. If you're aware enough of sharks possibilities that you're wearing a shark bite suit, you're. You're in danger of getting bit by a shark.
- [102:02]
B
Remember the guy? Never gonna be that years ago, the grizzly suit, that protection.
- [102:07]
A
How'd that go? How'd that go? The guy that died? Not real practical. I just don't understand, like, if you're worried about getting bit by a shark, here's the answer. No, there's a better answer. Don't get in there. They don't like land. It's real easy to avoid them.
- [102:28]
B
Scientists have observed endangered leopard sharks mating in the wild for the first time.
- [102:33]
A
Time.
- [102:34]
B
Which is a good thing. But it's even better. They witnessed them having a threesome. Two males and one female.
- [102:42]
A
Nice. The devil's trying.
- [102:45]
B
And the leopard sharks, that's your science news.
- [102:50]
A
I like the English in that. Made it seem like we have witnessed them having sex for the first time. Yeah, that was our witnessing for the first time. They've had sex plenty of now they're doing it to where they're like adding in shark dicks. Just throw shark dick in there. Come on over here, brother. She's into it. I don't know, man. She got no teeth. She's a shark with no teeth, man. You ain't gonna find us anywhere in all the Atlantic. You gotta try it. I've been the Pacific, seen some of these mess head sharks and got no teeth. But man, the Atlantic, this is a big gift.
- [103:20]
B
There's a man in Georgia, he's been arrested after he was caught not stealing manhole covers. Not just two or three, at least 91 last month.
- [103:30]
A
Oh, wow. Is this still science news?
- [103:32]
B
No, I didn't know.
- [103:34]
A
I'm sorry. I didn't know.
- [103:35]
B
The suspect's name is Kalyn Watley. In his mug shot. I'll show you in a minute. He's wearing a T shirt that says free hugs.
- [103:44]
A
Now he's stealing hubcaps on home surveillance camera. Manhole covers.
- [103:48]
B
Yep.
- [103:49]
A
What color is this cross?
- [103:50]
B
The covers were. Were so heavy that he needed someone else to help him carry them.
- [103:56]
A
What color?
- [103:57]
B
He put them in the trunk of his 2020 Nissan Kick.
- [104:02]
A
Oh, man.
- [104:04]
B
Neighbors were worried that joggers Asian could accidentally fall into these gaping holes.
- [104:10]
A
Yeah.
- [104:11]
C
Is the Kick boxy?
- [104:13]
A
Because that says a lot now. I'm gonna pull it up. I don't know what a Nissan Kick looks.
- [104:18]
B
It costs about 200 bucks to replace each manhole cover.
- [104:21]
A
And can you sell the manh. Is that way you'd steal them or is there some sort of political state.
- [104:24]
B
Trying to figure out.
- [104:25]
A
Yeah, melt it down, man. I don't think you can melt down. No, you can't go. Can't go to the metal Kick. All right. This guy might be Asian, but I don't think Asians are strong enough to lift manhole cars. Last name Watley and Watley. Man, this is hard. This one's tough.
- [104:41]
C
I'll go ginger since we were on it earlier today.
- [104:44]
A
Crazy ginger. Good choice. I'm going to go. I just going to go with the basic wild hillbilly. That's what I'm going with. White, methy will, messy nut bag.
- [104:52]
C
Are you calling for overalls and sort.
- [104:56]
A
Of almost a machine gun Kelly hillbilly. Oh, with, you know, like a young kid who's just annoying looking and a weird tattoo. I don't know. This is a tough one.
- [105:05]
C
I'll stick with ginger, though.
- [105:07]
A
Let's go.
- [105:07]
B
You're missing a big element.
- [105:08]
A
What is it?
- [105:09]
B
Atlanta, Georgia.
- [105:10]
A
Oh, he's black. Oh, damn it. Damn it. Holy cow. Y elevator. Oh, man. Wow. We didn't even come close. You're right. I didn't pay attention to the locale. But even still in Atlanta, I'd have still gone just fat. Hillbilly is all with diabetes or something. I would have stuck with hillbilly. Stealing manhole covers, scrapping him. Yeah, that seems like a white guy crime. That's. Yeah. And he looks like he's, you know, looking at that guy. I think he's like a. You know, he's doing really well at the University of Georgia. Yeah. That he looks. He looks. He doesn't look behind criminal at all. He looks like Tommy Davidson on steroids. Yeah. He looks super healthy. There's no meth thing here. Hair looks great.
- [105:55]
B
91 manhole covers.
- [105:57]
A
He's just whipping manhole covers around in a Nissan Kick. Damn it. And he's got a Nissan Kick. That guy's just bucking all the trends.
- [106:07]
B
But he had someone helping him, so who knows? I could have fell into one of the cabinet pictures.
- [106:13]
A
No, no, the Nissan Kick threw me a hellcat.
- [106:17]
D
All right?
- [106:18]
A
But yeah, he's like, that dude's got, like, a 4.0 at the university of Northern Georgia. Like, he's. He's. He looks like he's got book bags and, like, smart. He's got his stuff together. He just lost his mind for a little while. You don't buy a Nissan Kick and then go into a life of crime. No. I venture to guess that's the first time a Nissan Kick has ever been a getaway car. I mean, how many Nissan Kicks you think are rolling a Maryville? None. Yeah, exactly. I don't even know if they sell them. Where do you live now, man? The guy's like, all right, congratulations on your new Nissan Kick. I just need your zip code. 85036. You live in Maryvale? I can't sell you this.
- [106:56]
B
I bet you there are a few.
- [106:58]
A
I don't think so. Well, I mean, driving, stolen. Yeah, there's no. Nobody's ever purchased one in Maryvale. It's parked and it's about to get parted for no reason. Nissan Kick? Yeah, those are like, girl cars for ASU and mcc, man.
- [107:14]
C
Texters didn't listen to the whole story either. There's like four or five of them. Man, you had me, too. I was guessing white hillbilly the whole way.
- [107:20]
A
That's a white person crime. Well, good. Martin Luther King's dreams coming true. We can't guess the crime as easily as we used to.
- [107:28]
B
We got a bachelorette in San Francisco. Her name's Lisa Catalano, and she's tired of using the dating apps, so she's taken. Bought a billboard that says marylisa.com, man. Sign up to be a candidate.
- [107:45]
A
Crazy.
- [107:46]
B
Yeah, just calm picture of her.
- [107:49]
A
She's not that bad looking. So this. This has something to do with her insanity. Go to Mary Lisa, marylisa.com. i mean, she's not great looking, but it's not, you know, should be alone for the rest of her life face.
- [108:02]
B
Right. She's gonna get a lot of candidates.
- [108:05]
A
Okay, but why? These dudes are gonna kill her. Like, she's asking to be stabbed in her sleep. If you've got to put a billboard out that says marry me. You just need to go to like.
- [108:17]
B
A looking for the love of my life.
- [108:19]
A
You need to start having better stories, that's all. Just start learning to tell better stories. Stories like be a better communicator. Get a sense of humor. Pull the stick out of your ass. More than likely you've got something going on that pushes people away. Look at her. She did professional photos. It's not great, but it's good enough to get somebody. She's insane. Yeah. Kissing on a first day.
- [108:43]
C
Cleavage.
- [108:44]
A
Oh, it's video too. Let's see what her. Her views on kissing on a first date are. Here we go. Where is it? I definitely will kiss on a first date. I have before and I will do it again. I have no problem with kissing on.
- [108:57]
D
A first date if that's something where.
- [109:00]
A
You feel like that's the natural progression of things. And if things are going well and you're interested in one another. I don't think that there's anything wrong with kissing on a first date. I tend to initiate quite a bit on the first dates. And I think that. I'll tell you this, you kiss her on the first date, she's gonna want a ring by the third date on that date. Yeah, There's a lot of chatter going on with it. First story you told me was horrible, lady. Your. Your personality is boring and you're all about like what you want to do. Oh, we can apply here. Yeah, you can apply to. Yeah. Let me ask you this. What about on a first date? How do we feel about that? Because that's really what I'm saying. Yeah, Here we go. 41 expired five five and looks good for 41. I'll say that she was probably in her early 30.36C. Not bad. And that's pushing it. I'm looking at her. That's not. That's not accurate. Self employed. What does that mean? Real estate agent. Yeah, it's probably it.
- [109:59]
B
Not religious. Non practice Democrat, Liberal.
- [110:02]
A
Well, she's in San Francisco. Enjoys wine and an occasional cocktail. Great sense of humor. Loves going out and doing things. No. Can you fan? She's crazy.
- [110:13]
C
She's a convertible owner.
- [110:14]
A
Is that what that says?
- [110:15]
B
Yep.
- [110:15]
A
Loves cats.
- [110:17]
C
Oh, no, she's.
- [110:18]
A
Better get used to that. Has not had any cosmetic procedures. No kidding. Yet.
- [110:22]
B
She's autistic and creative. Oh, I'm sorry.
- [110:24]
A
Artistic. That's right. Here you want. How do we apply here? No, we don't want to apply for this. We can apply for someone Else, let's apply for Larry is not right. I don't want Lisa hanging around the station. I just have one radio video. Okay.
- [110:41]
B
It's a guy hot dogging on a motorcycle.
- [110:43]
A
Okay. This is gonna end poorly, isn't it?
- [110:48]
B
Sure will.
- [110:48]
A
Okay. And people are on the side of the road watching. So this is one of those nations where something weird's going on. Is this America? Oh, geez. Oh, we did a wheelie and then lost it and got run over by the car coming out him. Well, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It's not good, man. That's a bad wheelie, though. That went right into that 1991 accord. Why do people think wheelies are fun after, like, age 12? And why do they think, is there. Is there a woman out there who's ever seen a wheelie and went, that's my man? Is there any you dying to get on the back? Zero. You think there's women out there that are, like, moved by wheelies? I think guys think they are. Chicks don't take wheelies. Not in the freeway or just general traffic. Chicks aren't big on, like, I wish you'd pop a wheelie right now. Like, I don't think a girl has ever said that. I hope that guy pops a wheelie. I've never been in a car with Megan. And we're driving on the freeway. Look at the guys on the motorcycle. If he pops a wheelie, you need to pull over. No wheelies have ever. You don't pop a wheelchair, and you're.
- [111:55]
B
Signaling the truck driver to honk the horn. The girls rolled out of the window.
- [112:01]
A
You'll get my nethers in a humid bunch. No woman's ever moistened up from wheelie. And if she has, her name is Lisa, and you can find her@marylisa.com. yeah, third date. That woman's asking for a ring. She has got some. She's 41, never been married, no kids. There's baby fever on board, and she doesn't want to have one of those Tylenol babies. She wants a regular one, and she's got, like, a year before she's running the risk of having one of those R words. So she's trying to lock this down now. But there's a reason you're 41 and never been married and you don't look horrible. You're nuts. You probably show a guy on a second date, like, ideas for wedding dresses, and he's just like, oh, okay. Don't you think this one's beautiful. I think I'd look glorious in this. Guess, Greg. My name's Gary. All right, what do you got, Bert? Friday morning. Here we go. Put your seat belts on, boys. Oh, boy. This one. This one is in answer to Brady's poop video. Yesterday, the one was just floating there, so they. They came up with one for us. Oh, a better one. So here's a. Okay, so it starts off with Brady's video here. Oh, there's video. There's a poop. There's a poop just floating in water. Brady thought that was worth video. All right, here's the Brett video. It's a guy walking down the sidewalk, and he squ. Oh, my God. That's pure blood. That is. He just dropped his pants and shot out liquid blood. Whoa. On the side of the street.
- [113:29]
B
A week later.
- [113:30]
A
He needs a prostate exam. That was what Brady looked like when I walked him up to the emergency room hospital for his operation. I gotta go real quick. Hold on. Oh, no. All right. I'm looking at a very small white woman with a gigantic black woman's breasts. And these things are the size of. Of hefty bags there. And she is squeezing this little white girl's head between these giant hefty bag boobs. And they are clapping. And I don't have sound on this. This is a tragedy. And she is drowning her. And I'm not kidding. Those are 20 gallon trash bags that she calls boobs. And this poor girl is naked on her floor as a hostage. That's got to be illegal. She didn't live through that. Look at the size of those things. They go from her shoulders to her knees. We haven't had a nice rose. Oh, it's. Oh, God. That's the biggest beehive I've seen. That is a disgusting fat woman. Oh, what's in there? What's in there? Oh, God. She's got something. Her rosebud's out, and she's got something inside of her other. Her honey hole. It looks like blue cheese. Yeah.
- [114:39]
B
Cause it's so dry.
- [114:43]
A
It is dry. She's well shaven, I'll give her that. Oh, my God. What was in there? I don't know. It looked like blue cheese crumble inside a woman's genitals while her butt was rose budding. Damon Wayans Jr. Up in just a few minutes. Man, here's some fun. Okay. It's a guy sitting on a cinder block, and another dude just knocks him out with a watermelon, rushes him in the head With a watermelon and knocks him cold. I didn't know watermelon could do that. No, I don't either. All right, next one is a woman with a nub. A whole foot in her bottom. It's not her own foot. It's another person's foot. They agreed on this beforehand as friends. Yeah, they're just buddies. She's going to the ankle all the way. Heel is now all the way in. Aren't you worried about damage? Gotta be toenail damage. I just think of like a hangnail would just destroy your inner. All right. And now she's dumped. She's actually having a. Oh, okay, then.
- [115:38]
B
Anal pedicure.
- [115:39]
A
I don't know if that's accurate. How about that for a band name? No, no.
- [115:45]
B
Butt file.
- [115:46]
A
No, that's not a butt file. It's just love. I think we're witnessing love.
- [115:56]
B
Oh, that's the best.
- [115:56]
A
Yeah. Play the end again. See if you can guess when the foot comes. God, I went off this planet so bad. I don't know where. Brady thinks there's some sort of higher power, that we're in his image, But I don't want to meet him.
- [116:23]
B
Please vaporize me.
- [116:25]
A
Just obliterate this cell. And this seems to be the new common thing lately. There's another foot. Okay, here's a guy finishing on a woman's bottom. And there's a lot of. Yeah, here we go. She takes a straw. Straws too long. No, she's got it figured out. She's done this a few times. Yeah, she's snorting up. She's snorting up with the man. Yeah, Very pretty girls. Snorting up what the man left. Left on her friend's butt.
- [116:51]
C
Nice cans.
- [116:55]
A
Just a snort sound. I don't know what you're so glad roast out, but do you want some? She says to her friend, that's some good stuff, man. Yeah, that was good stuff. I agree. That was good stuff, sir. You know how they met the guy who did that? He was popping wheelies. How about some sounding? Okay. Oh, God. Is it a pinky finger in a mana. Oh, my God. Hi, Maria. Indeed. What the hell?
- [117:22]
B
Is that the new square? Is that the pinky penis square?
- [117:28]
A
Oh, again. Damage. I think he's trying to pee.
- [117:32]
C
She's got nails, right?
- [117:33]
A
Oh, is he finishing or is he peeing? There's like, blood on the tub floor. There's a lot going wrong there.
- [117:39]
B
It's very healthy.
- [117:40]
A
Don't put your pinky in there. Don't. And we'll just end with this One. All right. Hey, it looks like TV stuck Hopkins. It does. TV stuck. Hopkins has his arm and another man's butt all the way. All the way to the bott bicep. Ow.
- [118:02]
B
Biceps in there, baby.
- [118:03]
A
He has. He's touching another man's heart. His whole arm up to the bicep is in that, dude. Oh, yeah. Are they midgets? What's going. Oh, he's got. Does he have two arms in there? I'm not sure that's possible. Human. That body might be in there. Yeah. She send that one to Hopkins? Yeah, let's send it to Doug. New commercials came out great. I don't know what you're talking about, Holmberg.
- [118:30]
C
I love a girl who can pop a wheelie sign.
- [118:33]
A
Showtime Shane. Showtime Shane. Showtime Shane. You know how many times I've been laid from wheelies? Why, I wouldn't be known as Showtime Shane if it weren't for Wheelie Lady Gachen. I'm not sure I like you, Shane. Well, let me show you my last trick. The wheelie sold me.
- [118:56]
B
Look out for the Sentra.
- [118:57]
A
Oh, he tried. He was so persistent. He took me to dinner, he took me to movies, and I'm like, I just don't think I'm interested. Then he drove by my house with roses, threw them at the front door, and popped a wheelie. It's never been a thing. We as men think that. That for some reason, some sort of feat of strength that they're into. He may be a bit crass, muscle around the edges, but he sure can Papa Wheelie. You need to marry that young man. You have our approval. My parents said yes, it was because of wheelies. Never advanced society once. Not once. Brett, next time you ride your bike here, if you don't do a wheelie out of the parking lot, you have to sell it. But I understand why you wouldn't. The flock of sorority girls that would start following you around just be uncomfortable. Wheelies. Wheelies and multiple people with the loudest motorcycles ever going by outdoor cafes. Chicks dig that.
- [119:59]
B
They love it.
- [119:59]
A
That's why women go out and buy those loud motorcycles for themselves. The noise is so attractive. Anyway, that guy says that bicep video you did is a repeat. No, that one's. I don't think so. Not that. No, he's thinking of the. The twinks in the park. Yeah. No, there's. We've seen biceps in an ass before, but there you go. Damon Wayans Jr. Is going to be here in a little while. We're going to talk to him. And then later today, Jonathan Kite is going to come in and do the Jonathan Kite squares. Because why not? Got a great weekend for comedy. My God. Damon Wayans Jr. Jonathan Kite Hinchcliffe's over at the celebrity you got. And I think that one's all sold out. I mean, ridiculous. Us. This is.
- [120:41]
D
We're.
- [120:42]
A
We are a. We're a hotbed of funny. That's great. We'll talk to Damon just a little bit. There goes your Brady Report. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.
- [120:50]
B
No membership fees.
- [120:51]
A
I have heard enough of this. Homberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. I'm gonna throw up. Yeah, this was. We should have filmed all that and just put that on. That would have gone Damon Wayans Jr. Series at standup live tonight and tomorrow. And we just showed you some videos and hipped you to what's going on in the great city of Phoenix. Welcome, welcome. Yeah, that's.
- [121:24]
C
That's local stuff.
- [121:26]
A
Oh, God, I hope not. But that's my theory. My theory is that yes, there's a lot of foreign stuff, but there's an awful lot of English speaking going on in these terrible videos we watch. Yeah. So we showed Damon the. The. The girl snorting and then the rosebud, the fat girl rosebud with blue cheese inside. And you had never seen any of that before.
- [121:42]
C
Also never been harder.
- [121:43]
A
Yeah, no. Isn't it weird? It's hard. It's hard to rectify why that happens. But it does. I've been in on that. But I mean, but again, fully.
- [121:54]
B
Right.
- [121:54]
A
You're from LA20. If you were. What if you were. I gotta look. Okay, good. He's kidding. He's kidding everybody.
- [122:00]
B
Isn't that sick?
- [122:02]
A
Wouldn't it be great if we did show somebody one of those and like. Yeah, yeah. You'll be like Brian Posayn or something. You'll be like, oh, yeah, that doesn't surprise me. Yeah, that's Debbie. Yeah, well, I know her, but yeah, it's just. And again. Debbie. Yeah. The city. City of 5 million. It's going on right now. Somebody is having a prolapse anus right now.
- [122:22]
C
And then.
- [122:23]
A
Why record it? Yeah. For the masses. They need to see it because social media, we're all important. Anything that's happening to us, I would like it because pretty soon it's just going to be somebody's prolapsed ass and then they're going to be like, free Palestine. Like they're going to have a political. A flag.
- [122:39]
D
Oh, goodness.
- [122:40]
A
Yeah. It's just weird. Anyway, what I will say is I.
- [122:43]
C
Do like how everyone is a conspiracy theorist now.
- [122:46]
A
Oh, my God.
- [122:46]
C
I think that's great.
- [122:47]
A
Yeah.
- [122:48]
C
Like, because I. I felt alone initially. Like, when I was like, 2009, 2010, talking about 9, 11 was an inside job.
- [122:55]
A
Yeah. You know, and now you're just one of the normal. Well, yeah.
- [122:57]
C
Now my grandma's like, what about Building 7?
- [123:01]
A
Everyone is freaking conspiracy theory. Yeah. Do you have any that you still haven't? Like that everybody's still like, Damon might be off.
- [123:09]
C
No, no.
- [123:10]
A
Now.
- [123:10]
C
Now we're all.
- [123:11]
A
Everybody's even playing field. Flat earth. No, it's round.
- [123:14]
C
Not. Not quite. You know what?
- [123:16]
A
The theory.
- [123:17]
C
I'll consider it.
- [123:18]
A
But yeah, I would look into it. I'll ask questions about pretty much anything. I'm leaning pretty heavy against flat earth. Right. One that I do stand by and people just don't know. And I don't have an answer as to why is that. I don't think Helen Keller did anything.
- [123:31]
C
Oh, I. I kind of heard that.
- [123:32]
A
Yeah. I. I started years ago, and then the Internet started. Like, I've been on this page for a long time. Yeah. She was 5 and couldn't say water. Right. And when she was 11, she won a Pulitzer Prize.
- [123:43]
C
Yeah. I. I would. I would. I would agree.
- [123:45]
A
And. And then she was blind and she was deaf and deaf. And they also handler.
- [123:49]
B
What was her name?
- [123:50]
A
And Sullivan. They used to always throw in the word dumb too. Remember that? She was blind, deaf and dumb.
- [123:54]
C
Well, yeah, that was kind of back in the day, you could say.
- [123:57]
A
You can say people are dumb. Is that gone?
- [123:59]
C
Blind, deaf and dumb. Dumb.
- [124:00]
A
I feel like that it's a little extra unnecessary. Dumb is unnecessary. Obviously she's dumb. She's just an idiot. Yeah. Yeah. She's going through a lot. Why are we throwing that on? But that language that her and her friend invented. Yeah. There's been a blind and deaf guy since. And nobody's ever broke that out again.
- [124:16]
B
That if it was the greatest.
- [124:18]
A
Yeah. If this invention. You think that people who are blind and a little bit hard of hearing, it. Yeah. But could you teach me the Keller Sullivan thing? And like, no. Wawa. Yeah. And then you just start screaming wawa. And we gotta add dummy again, you know?
- [124:30]
C
Well, he's not deaf, but he's blind. Stevie Wonder. He wrote all his own music.
- [124:36]
A
Yeah.
- [124:37]
C
Like. And he's been selling platinum records since he was 13.
- [124:39]
A
But he could hear it. Yeah.
- [124:41]
C
It's true.
- [124:41]
A
Yeah, if he was painting, I'd be impressed.
- [124:43]
B
That's tr.
- [124:46]
A
I mean, the dude started a house painting company, and he was. I show up on my own. Like, you're here doing this. Where's your crot? Yeah. I do it myself. I'm like, oh, my God. And he does a great job. You're like, this is incredible. Devil.
- [124:58]
C
I'd love to take him to, like, a strip club.
- [125:01]
A
Oh, he had better seats for me.
- [125:02]
C
I mean, I would just take all the money that he throws out and just, like, pocket it.
- [125:07]
B
She's loving it.
- [125:09]
C
She loves it. Steve, who's the comedian? Shirt open.
- [125:11]
A
Like, Stevie, who's. Who's the comedian? Shaq. No, no, no, no, no. It was the comedian that does the Old Spice commercials. He was in Blackish. Oh, yeah. Who? I'm talking about Dion Cole. Dion Cole. Yeah. Dion was in here, and he had a girl he took to a Stevie Wonder concert. Concert. And Stevie took her away. Wow. And because somebody saw her in the front, he said, get me that girl from the stage.
- [125:33]
C
How did he.
- [125:34]
A
That's what. Dion doesn't think. He's really blind because he said he.
- [125:38]
C
Wasn'T allowed pointing right at her.
- [125:41]
A
And he had a guy go, Mr. Wonder would like to meet you. Wow. What? And then. So Dion stood outside the dressing room. Stevie had her in for, like, a.
- [125:47]
C
Half an hour, and she, like, came out with, like, beads in her hand pushing her ass.
- [125:52]
B
I don't think she came back.
- [125:53]
C
And strawberries.
- [125:55]
A
Yeah. But, yeah, the blind and deaf thing, I'm like, you'd think that that would. There's been that since. And that's all gone. And then she wrote, like, books and graduated from Harvard and all this other stuff.
- [126:02]
C
That's B.S.
- [126:03]
A
It'S not real.
- [126:04]
C
Yeah.
- [126:04]
A
And. And that's, you know, that's just not a thing. There's a few.
- [126:06]
C
We had to learn about her in.
- [126:08]
A
In school. Yeah. Why did they teach us her.
- [126:10]
C
That's random.
- [126:12]
A
Like, that was never. Didn't nobody related to it.
- [126:15]
D
No.
- [126:15]
A
Not one kid in a regular.
- [126:16]
D
We remember it, though.
- [126:17]
A
Yeah. Because we'll just, like, joke.
- [126:19]
C
Because a little bit of our head, we're just like. Like, you know, subconsciously, like, this is bs.
- [126:24]
A
Yeah. Deep down, maybe it was, too.
- [126:26]
B
I think the lesson of she learned to speak and all that, you know, going through that.
- [126:31]
A
Maybe it was a thing to say. If this idiot can do it, you. More like, why are you getting a D? Let me show you something. You guys should. You guys should be better students. Don't you feel horrible about your C average. She's a Pulitzer. Made it to Harvard. I just don't buy it. I think it was a. It never really worked.
- [126:50]
C
That's a good one.
- [126:50]
A
Yeah. We just kind of turned it into jokes about her when we were kids. We didn't really get the message. But now I look at it, I'm like, there's no way Helen Keller was real. And how did she. She wrote books. How did she know where the paper ended? Like, all of it. None of it makes sense.
- [127:05]
B
How did she know what paper?
- [127:06]
A
Why? Yeah. How would she. She'd have to. And. Yeah. Yeah. And she got to find somebody who speaks her hand language to say, I need paper. And then the people like, why? I want to write some.
- [127:14]
C
I gotta write something. I gotta win these awards.
- [127:19]
A
What are awards? That's my favorite trop. How do you know? Yeah, I know.
- [127:25]
C
Either she was blind and deaf, or she was lying about one of the things.
- [127:29]
A
Oh, I never really considered that. I thought it was all this. An Sullivan.
- [127:32]
C
Yeah, she. We're just. You know, she could be deaf, but, like, deaf has a spectrum, right? So does blindness, so.
- [127:39]
A
Yeah. She was not 100% of you. Yeah. She got to figure some stuff out. Then why did it take her five years to say water? Maybe she's getting better, Rebel. Every year she's getting a little better. Yeah, maybe in the end she's like, I see everything. Oh, she's an oracle now. Anyway. Yeah, I don't have a lot of conspiracy. My conspiracy theories are usually. Now it's so bad that I get people mad at me when I say Lee Harvey Oswald did it alone.
- [128:04]
C
Oh, that's interesting.
- [128:05]
A
My conspiracy on Lee Harvey Oswald is that the world can't handle one lunatic changing the course of everything. That it needs to be bigger for.
- [128:13]
B
Us to accept it that someone's in. Someone else is in on this dude.
- [128:16]
A
Yeah, the dude, probably.
- [128:17]
C
I've seen some interesting. Wait, Leah. Lee Harvey Oswald is Kennedy. Kennedy.
- [128:23]
A
Yeah.
- [128:23]
C
Okay.
- [128:24]
A
Yeah.
- [128:24]
C
So I've seen some interesting. What was called documentaries about that.
- [128:29]
A
Yeah.
- [128:30]
C
Have you ever seen a JFK to 9 11? Everything's a rich man's trick. Definitely worth.
- [128:36]
A
Gotta watch that. Yeah. So it's the. It's all a plot to get.
- [128:40]
C
And they keep taking it down off YouTube, but people keep uploading it. It's really.
- [128:45]
A
I love it. But I also know that some of the conspiracy. Are you a Tylenol guy? That this new one's out? Everybody's mad at Tylenol now.
- [128:50]
C
I mean, what if he. Yeah, but they have, like. They have, like, a bunch of articles that said that. Like, there was one from John Hopkins from 2019 that said that if you're pregnant, you should take Tylenol because it may cause autism or adhd.
- [129:06]
A
They were basically saying, we can't prove it, but don't sue us just in case.
- [129:08]
C
Exactly.
- [129:09]
A
Yeah. Yeah. And Tylenol used to put.
- [129:11]
B
What do we care? It doesn't affect us.
- [129:12]
A
Right. We're men.
- [129:13]
B
Yeah.
- [129:13]
A
I'll take all the Tylenol I want. Ladies born this way. That's right.
- [129:20]
B
That's your problem.
- [129:21]
A
That's your problem. But I would like. You get indignant about it and you start chucking Tylenol down your throat when you got a baby. And what if you find out he's right.
- [129:27]
C
That's interesting. I, I mean, I, I, I just kind of look that kind of stuff when it, when there's, like, kids involved. Like, I just kind of, like, stay away from it. Only because people are very passionate about their kids for some reason.
- [129:37]
A
Yeah. I don't get it. I've met their kids. I don't know what you're finding so attractive about. Sounds awful. Damon Wayans Jr. Is at stand Up Live tonight and tomorrow. If you want to go standuplive.com. check it out. You've had your shows, you've had movies and, and Marlin's movies out.
- [129:51]
C
Yeah.
- [129:52]
A
Have you talked to him? I haven't. He's. We have. We're birthday buddies. Me and Marlon are the same exact age.
- [129:56]
C
My grandma, actually. Well, she passed away, but she has the same birthday, too.
- [130:01]
A
No kidding. Yeah. So, yeah, we've. We've bonded over that for some weird reason. Super cool.
- [130:06]
C
I haven't seen it yet.
- [130:07]
A
You have.
- [130:07]
C
I want to. I want to.
- [130:08]
A
To.
- [130:09]
C
I'm not a scary movie kind of guy.
- [130:10]
A
I don't like watching even when family's in it.
- [130:13]
C
I just don't like overtly demonic stuff.
- [130:16]
A
Really.
- [130:17]
C
Right. Like, like weapons. I saw weapons.
- [130:19]
A
Did you like it?
- [130:20]
C
I thought that was great.
- [130:21]
A
See, I didn't understand why they kept having weapons in it. They never explained, though.
- [130:24]
C
I. But it wasn't over. Like, it got me from the. It was more like a murder mystery kind of thriller. I like stuff like that.
- [130:32]
A
Yeah.
- [130:32]
C
If you can get me into that world. But if you just start out like.
- [130:35]
A
Like demons drinking blood and.
- [130:39]
C
Yeah, just rose button.
- [130:40]
A
It.
- [130:42]
C
Just throwing the rosebud like a football. Just.
- [130:45]
B
The devil comes to me and says, you have to have a rosebud. You want to make it.
- [130:49]
A
If the movie starts like that, watch.
- [130:50]
C
This entire Rosebud video. You can make the.
- [130:54]
A
To the NFL Jordan deal. Yeah. I don't think Jordan's going to do the Rosebud scene, but if he did, I'd be like, that was a twist. I didn't see that happen.
- [131:02]
B
Maybe that's what Citizen Kane was all about.
- [131:04]
A
Out.
- [131:04]
B
Why Usually.
- [131:06]
A
Have you seen it? No, I haven't. But I'm with you on the demon.
- [131:08]
B
But I heard the same thing that, like, I don't get the weapon thing.
- [131:13]
A
Well, weapons is a weird. Yeah, Weapons. I didn't check it out. I thought it was okay. It's got some weird stuff in it that they never go back to. And you're like, what just happened? Why is there a gun floating over that lady? And they never talk about it again.
- [131:23]
C
That's true.
- [131:24]
A
Yeah. They had a couple things, but I. It was all right. But the him thing, like when, like demon stuff to me is so silly that when it tries to be scary, I find it funny.
- [131:33]
C
That's interesting.
- [131:34]
A
So I don't go the right direction. The movie wants me too. And I don't do it intentionally. I just kind of think it's usually pretty funny.
- [131:39]
C
So the last movie that I saw. So I've only. So the scary movie I saw before Weapons was, I think, hereditary.
- [131:46]
A
I didn't even know that.
- [131:47]
C
Is that hereditary? It was years ago with Tony Coletti. I think she was in it.
- [131:55]
A
Oh.
- [131:55]
C
And it was. It was very scary.
- [131:59]
A
I don't remember that one.
- [132:00]
C
Yeah, that's definitely worth. Is it either hereditary or heritage?
- [132:03]
A
I don't know. Something like that.
- [132:04]
C
Yeah.
- [132:04]
A
I don't. Haven't heard. I. Yeah.
- [132:05]
C
And I remember this girl. I was on a plane and I had seen it already. This girl. Yes.
- [132:10]
A
Hereditary.
- [132:11]
C
Yes. That movie was the last movie I saw before this one. And that was scary as hell.
- [132:16]
A
Yeah. I didn't heard of that.
- [132:17]
C
Yeah, it was way too. And it was one of those where it starts off like you just think it's a family drama. And then over the course of the movie, it just becomes scarier and scarier.
- [132:28]
A
And she's got good. Scary's got. That she's got.
- [132:31]
B
Got the carry.
- [132:33]
A
Yeah. Like the world's coming to an end phase.
- [132:35]
C
Perfect. This the.
- [132:37]
A
Yeah.
- [132:37]
C
I recommend if you like to get scared. I recommend you watch that.
- [132:40]
A
Yeah. I like thinking and getting scared. I don't like being scared.
- [132:43]
C
Exactly. So that's that.
- [132:44]
A
Yeah. I don't like when something pops up. Yeah. That doesn't scare me. It just makes me mad.
- [132:48]
C
Yeah. So I don't. I don't like scary movies, but I'll. I'll support it. I'll buy a ticket.
- [132:51]
A
Yeah.
- [132:52]
C
You know, to support.
- [132:53]
A
Maybe not go in. Yeah. You got my money? We're good. Do you tell them I didn't see it, or will you. Will you say hell? He.
- [133:00]
C
He kind of knows.
- [133:01]
A
He.
- [133:01]
C
He invited me to the premiere. He did one text because he knew I was probably not going to come.
- [133:06]
A
Right.
- [133:06]
C
Don't like that kind of stuff.
- [133:08]
A
And.
- [133:08]
C
But. But he. He offered.
- [133:10]
A
He. He's.
- [133:10]
C
He's bald.
- [133:11]
A
He's.
- [133:11]
C
You know, he shaved his head. Like, all my uncles are bald now.
- [133:15]
A
Yeah.
- [133:15]
C
And, you know, because, you know, dad and Keenan have been bald their entire career. But now Sean and Marlon.
- [133:22]
A
Sean is too.
- [133:23]
C
Oh, I think so.
- [133:26]
B
And now with your.
- [133:27]
A
I gotta say, I'm.
- [133:28]
D
I'm nervous.
- [133:29]
A
Yeah, it looks good right now.
- [133:30]
B
Your hairpiece works.
- [133:31]
A
Yeah, no, it does.
- [133:33]
C
No, this is not a hairpiece. This is not a hair piece. And I literally have, like. I have conversations in the. In the mirror with.
- [133:39]
A
You ever go back and watch just.
- [133:40]
C
Like, appreciating it for being. Yeah.
- [133:43]
A
You see your dad's hair? We was on Saturday Night Live.
- [133:45]
C
Yeah. It was crazy.
- [133:46]
A
Yeah.
- [133:47]
C
I was like, you should have let that go.
- [133:48]
A
Yeah. He used to do this thing. He used to do this thing when.
- [133:52]
C
We would be, like, driving back home from church because he had his little hairpiece. He would do this thing where he would sneeze and it would come off. He would just be like. And it would just hang.
- [134:02]
A
Yeah.
- [134:03]
C
It would just crack us up every time.
- [134:06]
A
Yeah. But there. I didn't know Sean did it. I don't.
- [134:08]
C
I don't know if Sean.
- [134:10]
A
Sean had a beautiful head of hair.
- [134:11]
C
Yeah, he did. So I don't know. I could be wrong, but I know Marlin's been doing.
- [134:14]
A
Completely gone bald, man.
- [134:16]
C
I don't know if his hair is all the way gone. I think he's just.
- [134:19]
A
Now you realize you're talking preemptive strike. You realize you're talking to a bug about how horrible life would be if you didn't have hair.
- [134:24]
C
No, no, no. That' what I'm saying. That's not what I'm saying. I. I'm just saying that I'm nervous because I feel like, you know, your.
- [134:31]
A
Life comes to me. No, I'm telling you, as a ball guy, it does end. It's over. Save it.
- [134:36]
C
I'm just glad that they're, you know, black dudes, because four white guys making.
- [134:40]
A
Yeah. No.
- [134:40]
C
Stuffing off of, like, race jokes.
- [134:42]
A
Look. Yeah. We've done it for 25 years, but we had to do it on the radio. If anybody found out we're all bald, it's bad. Brett, take your hat off. Throw them that hair. Let them know we're not one of them. Look, we're fine. We're good. We're good. Look, all right, we've got one of those over there. I've got a hair friend. Mine's a hairpiece. Anyway, this is my hair friend. I've got a black friend and a hair friend. It's all working out nicely.
- [135:04]
C
We're good.
- [135:05]
A
Yeah, we're good. I can do whatever I want. Damon Wayans Jr. Is at stand Up Live tonight and tomorrow. What do you got in Hopper for us? What's coming up in your world?
- [135:13]
C
So right now I'm working on my. My special. So I'm planning on shooting a special, Top of the Year.
- [135:21]
A
Where are you gonna do it?
- [135:22]
C
Either D.C. or maybe here.
- [135:23]
A
Yeah, do it here. Yeah, these clubs are great for special. Like tv.
- [135:27]
C
I was talking to him about. About it and Jake Johnson, the guy who I did let's Be Cops with.
- [135:32]
A
Yeah.
- [135:33]
C
New Girl with. We're developing a TV show together, so we should be doing that. So look. Look forward to that.
- [135:39]
A
Cool.
- [135:40]
C
And I've just been riding.
- [135:41]
A
What happens? Like, is it, like, when you work with people on, like, the New Girl and stuff like that? What happens to you guys when it's over? Because, like, when normal people have normal jobs, you don't see each other anymore.
- [135:51]
C
Right.
- [135:51]
A
But TV seems, like, weird, because if they replayed my day at work at a place I used to work all the time, you're like, I just gotta call. I'm gonna call that guy.
- [136:01]
C
Yeah, no, we.
- [136:02]
D
We.
- [136:03]
C
We still have, like, this text chain going on.
- [136:06]
A
Yeah.
- [136:07]
C
Like, we talk every day. Max Greenfield, who played Schmidt on New Girl, he actually lives down the street from my dad.
- [136:13]
A
Oh, really?
- [136:13]
C
In real life? Yeah. Okay, so, like, he'll just randomly call me and be like, I saw Daddy today.
- [136:18]
A
Don't call him that. He wants me to. Yeah.
- [136:22]
C
He's like, is he not a daddy?
- [136:24]
A
He's my daddy. Big bald daddy. And you leave him alone.
- [136:28]
C
He's. Or daddy. Because they have the same birthday.
- [136:31]
A
They do? Yeah.
- [136:32]
C
Him, Beyonce, and Max Greenfield.
- [136:34]
A
Is that right?
- [136:35]
C
My dad?
- [136:36]
A
Yeah. No kidding. That's so weird. And it's so strange when you meet somebody with your birthday. Yeah. That it becomes, like, some strange besties. Yeah.
- [136:42]
B
I think we have to say, and I saw Daddy.
- [136:45]
A
Yeah. It's a requirement. We're naked together at one point or another if we share a birthday. Yeah, it's very strange. But so. Yeah, that's cool. But I see new girls and, like, was it Netflix and see.
- [136:55]
C
Click on Netflix on Hulu.
- [136:57]
A
Now it's all over. And I always wonder that, like, they're done, but do they look at this and go, yeah, we still talk to.
- [137:02]
C
Each other all the time.
- [137:03]
A
Does Zoe call and, like, try to redo your house and stuff with her new life? No.
- [137:08]
C
You know what's weird about Zoe is I've known Zoe since we were. We went to high school together and middle school, so I've known her for forever.
- [137:14]
A
No kidding.
- [137:15]
C
So, yeah, we. We stay in contact, too, but I talk more to the guys.
- [137:18]
A
Okay.
- [137:19]
C
Obviously.
- [137:20]
A
Yeah.
- [137:21]
C
And then Hannah also, who was Cece. Yeah, we still talk.
- [137:24]
A
You're still pal. So you guys still hang around stuff?
- [137:27]
C
Yeah, I mean, because I work with, like, we come up with ideas together. Lamorne, he did a episode of my dad's show. The show that we just did. My dad, Papa's house.
- [137:35]
A
Yeah.
- [137:36]
C
So we're, you know, we're always just going, hey, come do this.
- [137:38]
A
Hey, come do this now. You don't have kids.
- [137:40]
C
I have tons. You do have six kids.
- [137:42]
A
You do. That doesn't seem right.
- [137:44]
C
I do. I don't pull out to the baby shower.
- [137:49]
A
I didn't know you had kids.
- [137:50]
C
Yeah, man, I have a bunch.
- [137:51]
A
No kidding.
- [137:52]
C
I have old kids, too.
- [137:53]
A
What? I had.
- [137:54]
C
I had my first kid when I was 20.
- [137:56]
A
Get out of here. I didn't know that at all. I thought you were sailing.
- [138:00]
C
I wish.
- [138:01]
A
I got too many. Yeah, six of them. Are they funny? They're great.
- [138:04]
C
They're a super fun.
- [138:05]
A
Is there a whole new generation of Wayans now?
- [138:07]
C
My. My second daughter is probably my funniest kid.
- [138:12]
A
No kidding.
- [138:12]
C
No, definitely my funniest.
- [138:14]
A
And the other ones know that.
- [138:14]
C
The other one? Yeah, the other ones. They're all funny, too, but she's just like.
- [138:17]
A
She's a killer.
- [138:18]
C
She's a killer.
- [138:19]
A
No kidding. Yeah.
- [138:20]
C
Doesn't even try.
- [138:21]
A
Is she going to get plugged into the system?
- [138:23]
C
I would love her to.
- [138:24]
A
No kidding. You would encourage this for people?
- [138:26]
C
I mean, because they're grown now, so that's like. Yeah, she's 20. She'll be 21.
- [138:31]
A
Get out of here.
- [138:32]
C
And September 29th, I think of you.
- [138:35]
B
My birthday.
- [138:35]
A
No, I. I think of you as so, like, young.
- [138:40]
C
I know. I had them when I was young.
- [138:43]
A
I know, but I don't know why I would assume that you have, like, if you had one, it would Be. Yeah, that's because I'm old. That's my mortality saying, I don't want you to be. It's old enough to have kids.
- [138:52]
C
It's smart, man.
- [138:53]
A
Yeah.
- [138:53]
C
It's, it's. It wasn't. It wasn't the best move. But they all really like me. I like them a lot.
- [138:59]
A
Yeah.
- [138:59]
C
They come with me to do stand up. You know, I've been trying to encourage them to get on stage. Especially my, my second daughter. My first daughter, she's an actor. She was on an episode of the Papa's House show that we did.
- [139:09]
A
Okay.
- [139:09]
C
Yeah.
- [139:10]
A
So do you have any of them that are like not funny and are trying to be and you're like, I gotta talk this one out of it.
- [139:14]
C
I have one that's like, she's just gorgeous.
- [139:18]
A
Yeah.
- [139:19]
C
And she's not funny.
- [139:21]
A
She doesn't have to be. She's pretty. She doesn't. She. Comedy is her face till she's 43.
- [139:27]
C
Exactly.
- [139:27]
A
She wore about.
- [139:28]
C
She's got to pick it up.
- [139:29]
A
Pick it up. Yeah.
- [139:30]
B
Oh, she'll find out.
- [139:31]
C
Eggs are going away.
- [139:36]
A
Yeah. Once Hickman Farms down there dries up, she better have some juice jokes.
- [139:41]
C
And then I have two sons who are really funny.
- [139:43]
B
But I freeze some just in case.
- [139:44]
A
The pressure to be funny in the Wayans family has to be immense.
- [139:48]
C
Yeah. My. They. We have a bunch of funny people who aren't even in the industry.
- [139:52]
A
So you probably have like the funniest weigh ins is probably someone that didn't get into it.
- [139:58]
C
I would agree.
- [139:58]
A
Yeah. That's almost always the way it is. Like the funniest person is the one.
- [140:01]
C
Who'S like really funny. Aunts I have, I have cousins that are more in the background. Like I have a cousin named Craig who we call the funniest Wayne Waynes and he's a writer, so he helped write Scary Movie.
- [140:13]
A
Oh, cool.
- [140:14]
C
White Chicks.
- [140:15]
A
Wow.
- [140:15]
C
All those kind of movies.
- [140:16]
A
That's awesome. Yeah. Well, it's all working out and I love it. Damon Wayans Jr. Stand up live tonight and tomorrow. Leave us with words of wisdom. Save the planet.
- [140:24]
C
Save the planet.
- [140:25]
A
Anything you got.
- [140:25]
C
Okay. So I, I say you have to earn your food.
- [140:32]
A
Okay.
- [140:33]
C
Meaning either you go on a walk before you eat. You eat. Or you want to walk after you eat. Like 20 minutes.
- [140:40]
A
Yeah.
- [140:40]
C
30 minutes. It helps burn calories. It helps.
- [140:43]
A
Yeah.
- [140:45]
C
It helps you digest your food better and gives you clarity.
- [140:48]
A
That's right. Yeah. And to earn your food. That's great. Earn your food. That's great advice. So many people don't Yeah, I saw that on.
- [140:54]
C
On a tik tok.
- [140:55]
A
Yeah, don't look at Brady. Have to say he's working on it. He's working on it.
- [140:59]
B
He's walking fight for my food all the time.
- [141:00]
C
No, it's a fight. Oh, no.
- [141:05]
A
You still earn it. Yeah, the other dude's got to earn it if Brady's around because that's a. That's a battle.
- [141:09]
C
Earn your rosebud.
- [141:10]
A
Yeah, that's the truth. Damon's always good to see you. Damon Wayans Jr. Everybody. It's 98. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this case condition was to throw him in jail. Look at what this day is going to be. Easy, man. This is cake. We got to do the entertainment drill and we're going to do it with a special guest who, by the way, Damon Wayans Jr. Isn't even in town. What you just heard for the last 30 minutes was a marvelous impression of Damon Wayans Jr. The only person in the world doing A Damon Wayans Jr. Is Jonathan Kite, everybody. And that was incredible. We had to pull the. Pull the lid off of that whole thing. Thinking, guys, surprise. It's me. Yeah, see? I know, I know. Yeah. Look at you, so humble.
- [142:00]
D
I'll be doing his act all weekend.
- [142:02]
A
Yeah, and you're going to dress it all up, too.
- [142:04]
D
Yeah.
- [142:05]
A
Very risky.
- [142:06]
D
Yeah, but you can't tell if I'm Jimmy Kimmel or Dude Carl Malone or Jimmy Fallon doing Chris Rock or Remember Every American pre 1920.
- [142:17]
A
Remember when America was great?
- [142:20]
D
Yeah.
- [142:20]
A
We could get in blackface. It's all against whites now.
- [142:23]
D
I see. Said make America black face again.
- [142:26]
A
That's my hat.
- [142:27]
D
It's a maga hat, but it's black and it's actually red. But we paint it.
- [142:31]
A
Yes. Yeah. And we could all just loosen up a little bit and allow us to be.
- [142:35]
D
Loosen up, man.
- [142:36]
A
I think that's what's causing all of.
- [142:37]
D
This political Make Halloween great again.
- [142:40]
A
That was beautiful.
- [142:41]
D
I want to go.
- [142:42]
B
No limits.
- [142:43]
D
No limits, buddy.
- [142:44]
A
Yeah, I agree with that. Did you ever do blackface as a grow. As a.
- [142:48]
D
As a grown up?
- [142:49]
A
As a grown. Not as a grown up. As a person. I did it when I was 13.
- [142:52]
D
Really?
- [142:53]
A
It was Eddie Murphy's fault because me and my friend were Buckwheat and Alfalfa for Halloween. Oh. I went door to door. Really? I was in the full deal.
- [143:00]
D
I went as mlk.
- [143:02]
A
Did you really yeah, that's. That's brave. Yeah. Yeah.
- [143:04]
D
Not on Halloween.
- [143:05]
A
I think that was part of his dream.
- [143:07]
D
Yeah, just. I just walked to Selma. I did the whole thing. I did it all of February. I mean, it was. It was a leap year, so it was a little bit longer.
- [143:18]
A
Yeah.
- [143:19]
D
But 29 days of blackface.
- [143:20]
A
Yeah. That's.
- [143:21]
D
Oh, that's my new Ken Burns.
- [143:22]
A
I was gonna say it's my favorite. I was gonna use him. How did that happen? I almost said, that's my favorite Ken Burnstock, and you nailed it, dude. Allow the host his moment, Jonathan. You have plenty of time on television.
- [143:34]
D
Let's go back.
- [143:34]
A
All right. No, it's good. That's hilarious. Where are you? Where's he playing Desert Ridge Improv this weekend. You're kind of a last minute.
- [143:40]
D
I'm in, baby.
- [143:41]
A
You just showed up the other day.
- [143:43]
D
Yeah. And they said. They asked if I would do it. I said, absolutely. And then I said, could I come on here and talk about blackface?
- [143:49]
A
Yeah. And I said, oh, my God, it has to happen.
- [143:51]
D
This is a blackout date.
- [143:54]
A
But, yeah, you're gonna be at Desert Ridge Improv tonight. So if you go to desertridgeimprof.com right. Thanks for bringing all the info, Alex. And he's texting me right now the information because he is so on top of it.
- [144:05]
D
He's texting you. Stop talking about.
- [144:08]
A
Nobody wants to hear that. Damon was nice to you. Yeah. So what are you gonna do? But Jonathan Kite's here. He's gonna do the squares for us today, which is always good.
- [144:15]
D
Yep.
- [144:16]
A
Your Bourdain stuff. Thank you. Going bananas.
- [144:21]
D
We just did. We dropped in and out yesterday.
- [144:23]
A
It's. You did him at in and Out?
- [144:24]
D
Yeah, and I did it because he famously. He thought In N Out was the best restaurant in la. And he has this great line at the end where he says that he's a burger slut. And so I. I did a review of him going to In N Out, and I didn't realize how much religious symbolism there was everywhere. Like, there's psalms on the bottom and everything. There's verses and everything. And there's. So, yeah, we went there and we just. We just dropped it. And then. And then for. This is. Haven't announced this yet, but for. For October, I'm doing Spirit Halloween.
- [144:53]
A
Oh, you're going as Bourdain as Bordeaux. And you're going into the Spirit Halloween stores and just.
- [144:57]
D
And just reviewing all the costumes.
- [144:59]
A
It is hilarious. Caliento is the first one that sent it to me.
- [145:02]
D
Oh, that's sweet.
- [145:03]
A
And he was like, this is as good as it gets. And we both agreed, like, yeah, there's no reason to keep doing this, Jonathan.
- [145:08]
B
There's a Paula Dean documentary coming out.
- [145:11]
A
Do you do Paula Dean in blackface? Yeah, me too.
- [145:14]
B
She hates Bourdain. I guess they didn't like each other.
- [145:18]
A
She won. Yeah, she's the. Oh, is this. You have it up already. Look at this.
- [145:23]
D
Oh, the. In and out.
- [145:24]
A
Yeah, yeah. The. The makeup is a killer on this thing. Legend in and out.
- [145:29]
D
The holy grail of drive thrus where X marks the spot and everything's anointed with script richer, turning each meal into divine dining.
- [145:37]
A
Disagree.
- [145:38]
D
And the faithful will excommunicate you in the comments section because here slander is sacrilicious.
- [145:44]
A
Let's see. Do you have to get permission for all these things?
- [145:48]
D
If, if people are listening?
- [145:49]
A
Yes. But you just wander in and start filming it and then they're like, what's going on?
- [145:55]
D
Well, we've been thrown out the. We've had some. We've had some run ins. Yeah, honest. So we went to Chuck E. Cheese and, and we, we did bring a child. We, we went with my friend's family because people like, how do they let you in without a kid?
- [146:10]
A
Right.
- [146:10]
D
And so I actually took my neighbors and they have two little kids. So the, A whole family went and then we filmed. And actually we got through the whole thing because we went to one of the last ones that has animatronics in the country. There's only like 10 of them that have animatronics.
- [146:23]
A
What, did they replace them? Oh, they screw with nothing with crap.
- [146:28]
D
And so the thing that was, we had to get it. And we drove about two hours to get to this location. And then it was weird because this, this family was off to the side. We clearly, what I do notice is when you're filming something, people will involve themselves in it and then sort of try to penalize you for it. And this woman was complaining to the management that we were filming her and her family. It couldn't have been further from the truth. We're like pointed over here. And then she's like, what's going on? It's like, do you.
- [146:56]
A
I don't want to be on that camera.
- [146:57]
D
Do you know how a camera works?
- [146:58]
A
Yeah.
- [146:59]
D
And so we, we had gotten. They had asked us to stop in that moment, but we had just finished taping with just filming. But it was just, we just got it in. It was like Indiana Jones's hat under the door. So that was. We've been asked a couple times or. But we always go up. You know, I go up to, like, Red Lobster was amazing. Rainforest Cafe was amazing. And so we go up to them and just say, hey, we're showing. Obviously, it's very positive. Like, you know, I'm not taking shots at people.
- [147:24]
A
People.
- [147:25]
D
And. And we're just having fun. And I think that we tag them and some. We went to Blockbuster, the last Blockbuster in Bend, Oregon.
- [147:31]
A
Oregon. Yeah.
- [147:32]
D
And we called them ahead of time. They couldn't have been nicer hosts.
- [147:36]
A
Yeah.
- [147:36]
D
The woman who runs that shout out is one of the best people I've met in a long time.
- [147:40]
A
Is it the same people from the documentary or the same ones? They hung on to that thing. What are they selling them dreams? Yeah. I was gonna say that's all they've got left. It's. They.
- [147:49]
D
That place, by the way, we went on a week day. Packed, packed, really packed. And it was so nice. And they had. They were so accommodating.
- [147:57]
A
But nobody's buying anything. You got, like, pay admission. They are.
- [148:00]
D
They're buying there.
- [148:01]
A
There's shirts and stuff.
- [148:02]
D
There's merch. But also they have rental cart. Like, they. They work as a rent and they. They rent new movies. I mean, it feels like 1995.
- [148:09]
A
You walk back in time. Interesting.
- [148:11]
D
Yeah. It's like a time capsule.
- [148:12]
A
Truly. Huh. Well, I don't want to do that. 95 wasn't so great for me. Yeah. Yeah, it was. It was a tough year. Yeah. I don't want to go back.
- [148:19]
D
The other one that they had, there's actually a second one. It's themed September 11th.
- [148:23]
A
Oh, man. The blockbuster has nothing to do with it.
- [148:26]
D
But it, like, whatever movie you're watching, it just changes and you go, wait, hold on one second. Let's go back to as good as we interrupt. As good as it gets.
- [148:34]
A
Wait, hold on.
- [148:35]
D
What are we watching here? Every day?
- [148:37]
A
It's a.
- [148:38]
D
It's a reenactment.
- [148:39]
A
No matter what you rent, dude. And you just have to watch until it interrupts. You might be able to make it all the way through.
- [148:44]
D
It's a 911 watching reenactor now. It's not about. It doesn't take place in New York. York.
- [148:50]
A
This is what it makes you feel like. You were there.
- [148:51]
D
You're in Topeka, Kansas. You guys have Ernest Saves Christmas. Wait, hold on. We interrupt Ernest Saves Christmas. Wait, what's happening right there?
- [148:58]
A
Everything.
- [148:59]
D
This is in New York. It's every.
- [149:01]
A
Yeah. The ending accomplished. All the videos are interrupted. By a horrible news story. It doesn't have to just be 911. Although I do like if it was only 9 11, the Kennedy assassination, everything. What's the matter?
- [149:13]
D
No JonBenet Ramsey. They haven't found her yet.
- [149:18]
A
Did we break into programming when they found her? Yeah, I don't think we did.
- [149:22]
D
They didn't find her. She was in a build a bear box. No, no, listen, here's the thing. She's Megan.
- [149:30]
A
Okay. I didn't know that. Is that real?
- [149:33]
D
Yeah.
- [149:33]
A
There's a. That answers all a lot of.
- [149:35]
D
I'm here to spill the tea.
- [149:36]
A
So much pineapple and milk. I just had no idea it was our last meal.
- [149:39]
D
Gross.
- [149:40]
A
Yeah.
- [149:42]
D
I just saw the wizard of Oz by the way. In the sphere.
- [149:44]
A
Did you?
- [149:44]
D
It was truly amazing.
- [149:45]
A
I went for at you.
- [149:47]
D
It was incredible. It was incredible. It's my favorite movie of all time. And.
- [149:52]
A
And they made a few cents, you know.
- [149:54]
D
Yeah. Return to Oz.
- [149:55]
A
No, no. Just movies since 1939. You should probably lift that favorite of all.
- [149:58]
D
We're not in Kansas. Give me one second interrupt. We're starting World War II. Oh, sorry.
- [150:05]
A
But.
- [150:05]
D
But she was. Judy Garland was on a strict diet of coffee and cigarettes.
- [150:09]
A
Yeah.
- [150:09]
D
She looked great.
- [150:10]
A
She did. She peaked right there.
- [150:12]
D
That movie still holds up.
- [150:14]
A
Yeah, it does. And especially in. In that set in a dome, I hear. That is so cool. It really.
- [150:19]
D
They're making 2 million a day.
- [150:21]
A
Is that right?
- [150:22]
D
Yeah.
- [150:22]
A
And it was packed when you went.
- [150:23]
D
Packed.
- [150:24]
A
I see. I would love to go to that because they said the ones they said the wind gets going and then they throw leaves at the surround and what's.
- [150:30]
B
The ticket Run for the movie part. I know the concert. Is it as much as concerts?
- [150:34]
D
Yeah, it's a few. Maybe.
- [150:35]
A
Is Liza Minnelli making the money? Who's doing this? There's no one left.
- [150:38]
D
She's hosted.
- [150:39]
A
Hosting. She's dead live. Yeah.
- [150:41]
D
She's throwing the wind just paper back and. And she had. Well, apples drop when they. When they're really in the forest and so then. But they don't drop for everybody. So then people get them.
- [150:54]
A
Yeah.
- [150:54]
D
Well she. Yeah, that's Liza Minnelli.
- [150:56]
A
Yeah. She catches fire.
- [150:57]
D
She's doing a one woman show and then they melt her with water on where we interrupt this wizard of. Oh, and Les Minow is on fire. So they. Yeah, it was. I think they're like a few. Maybe a couple hundred bucks.
- [151:11]
A
Maybe. No kid. That's still worth it. It seems.
- [151:13]
D
It was amazing.
- [151:14]
A
It seems I had a blast. Well, the entertainment drill Was brought to you by reaction. It is. It is the home of tactical black self defense training. Look into that immediately. You actually did our entertainment drill force. There's no stories you want to tell, are there? No. Nah, we're good. Jonathan Kites at Desert Ridge improv this week and he's going to do the squares for us and get that together. Are you promoting prepared? I'm ready, baby. I think you are. I think this is going to be good. All right, we'll get the squares together. If you're a girl or a boy, we need one of each. 5, 8, 5 9, 800. And you can play those squares. They're coming up next. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.
- [151:43]
B
No membership fees.
- [151:44]
A
I have heard enough of this morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Let's get right to it. Jonathan Kite is a Desert ridge improv tonight and tomorrow, not doing Sunday. You want to come to the house again for the Steelers game Sunday?
- [152:07]
D
Oh, are you hosting people?
- [152:09]
A
6:00Am it's in Ireland. Yeah.
- [152:13]
D
Are you going to Ireland?
- [152:14]
A
No, I'm going to. I'm going to set an alarm for 5:40. On a Sunday, you said, like St. Patty's Day. Yeah. Oh, it's going to be brutal. Yeah, it's going to have some Irish stuff, but oh, my God. And you're playing his Vikings, so nightmare. You're going to be asleep after the show.
- [152:29]
D
I'll just walk over.
- [152:29]
A
Yeah, just come on by. Just do the show. Yeah. And by all means, walk. Earn that. Yeah. Sweat it up. Sweat it off the vodka. It's only about 18 miles from my house. You'll be fine. We'll hoof it over and you'll be ready to go ride an armadillo. It's perfect. It's time now for what we're calling the Jonathan Kite squares because why would I work when we've got this man? Brilliant. Jonathan Kites here. And here's your host once again again of said squares. Thriller walls. Thriller. Take it away. Oh, for Christ's sake. Timeout. Hold on. Oh, is it? We're going to fall. Go ahead. Thank you, chancellor. Let's start here at top left square. We got Bo Dane starting off. How you doing, sir?
- [153:03]
D
I've never been better out here in the cool Arizona sun as I'd sit back with tequila and hang out with the swaro.
- [153:11]
A
Where are you going to eat? Do you have anywhere going, Anthony?
- [153:14]
D
Probably a taco that I'll make myself and cook it on the side of the road.
- [153:18]
A
You revere your own.
- [153:19]
D
I'm a cook as well.
- [153:20]
A
Oh, okay. I didn't know that. I just thought you.
- [153:22]
D
I'm a chef Bourdain. You didn't know that Anthony Bourdain was a chef?
- [153:26]
A
I did, but he just ate everyone else's food.
- [153:27]
D
He cooks two things, food and heroin.
- [153:33]
A
Gets it done. Well, we're happy to have you regardless, sir. Let's go. Over and out the top middle square, we have Pierce, Morgan and Mickey. Excellent attempt right there. To be the, the host of the show. Let me handle this from here. Okay. My special guest is Mickey Raw. Mickey. Mickey, what's the last movie you saw that you really loved? Tell me about that.
- [153:49]
D
The last movie I saw that I really love was a wrestler. I was. I'll tell you, this is a true story. I, I, I won the Golden Globe for this and I won the SAG Award, and I, and I used my speech at the SAG Award to, to shame Hollywood for not hiring Eric Roberts and to talk about how I was taking.
- [154:05]
A
What's her name, the butt, Marisa Tomei. Yeah, I remember that quite well.
- [154:10]
D
I spent the whole speech then I was like, what am I doing up here?
- [154:13]
A
Yes. Now, anybody who've been in a film with that, you actually enjoy their work? Mick, was Hulk Hogan fun to work with or someone on the Wrestler? Yeah.
- [154:21]
D
Me, when I looked at myself in.
- [154:23]
A
The mirror, just like working with you, I said, she's a new Tom. Was it Tom Cruise film that Chris?
- [154:28]
D
Not a great actor.
- [154:29]
A
I don't know. What do you think of Daniel Day Lewis's work?
- [154:32]
D
Daniel Day Lewis is not a great actor.
- [154:33]
A
No. What is, what particularly don't you care for?
- [154:36]
D
I, I don't care for anybody. That's the guys who came before me, you know, Harvey Keitel, Christopher Walker, these kind of guys. Not these new guys, you know, they're not, they're not like us. They're not the real guys.
- [154:47]
A
They're like Morgan Freeman. You have to enjoy Morgan Freeman's work.
- [154:50]
D
I like Morgan Freeman in the penguin movie.
- [154:52]
A
Okay, understood. All right, now over to the top right square. President Trump, how are you, sir?
- [155:01]
D
Unbelievable. So great today. Absolutely fantastic.
- [155:05]
A
Yeah. Been busy week.
- [155:06]
D
I'm sure a very busy week. I played a lot of golf, okay. Nothing really happened in the news, so I was playing a lot of golf.
- [155:13]
B
We got Ryder cup going on today.
- [155:15]
D
I got a Ryder cup, okay? I got a lot of. I got a lot of things going on. Apparently, I'm selling merch now in The White House for 2028. Did you see that? They. They want me to run. Everybody wants me to run, okay? I've never run a day in my life, not even at a treadmill.
- [155:30]
A
Well, best of luck there to you, sir. Let's go over now to the middle left square, Mike Lindell, right behind Trump. Oh, the pillows. Let me just say this. I'm happy to be here as well. Okay? I better sleep in this studio all day. But I'm like Beetlejuice when you say my name only once. I awake from asleep, I wake from my dreams and I come into yours. Mike Lindell. Let me just say we're offering a special this weekend, okay? If you buy a pillow, I'll come and sleep on it for you. I need a place to stay. My wife kicked me out. You're like the Freddy Krueger of pillow sales. If I dream on your pillow, you show up. If it happens in real life, it happens in your dreams and vice versa. Oh, my God, that's horrifying. I'm buying a pillow. I am a pillow. Over now to the middle square, Pythagoras Brady. How you doing there? Yeah, I was doing some math earlier. Yeah, what you find then. I'm not good at math, basically, is what I found that. Do you remember I told you that 87 out of 100 things, what's the percentage of that? Can't quite do 80%. I don't know if that's accurate. I'd have to look into that. I. I have an Asian friend I'm gonna ask later, but I'm not real sure which one. Do you know any math, Jonathan Kite?
- [156:42]
D
I know that 87 is 87. Out of 100 is 87%.
- [156:46]
A
I don't know. I'd have to look into that. I am the math expert on the show. Correct also. Yes, very correct. Thank you. Other me. It's very true. I was doing math earlier this week on the air. That's one of the best radio bits ever. Middle aged man doing math. I think. I think that's a solid bet we're gonna do probably every day. Hey, Jonathan. Jonathan Kite's here. Cool. All right, now over to the middle right square. Tom Hanks joining us. Hi.
- [157:14]
B
Oh, hi.
- [157:14]
A
Guys, let me just say this.
- [157:17]
D
I am not here to play this game.
- [157:19]
A
I am here to say release the Epstein files.
- [157:23]
D
Well, because I am the only name that people associate with that story. And I am telling.
- [157:32]
A
I was not there. And I'm saying. Come on, guys, just release the file. Come on. Well, let's See if your wish comes through that one. Over now, the bottleneck square. Brady secret square. Give us a hint.
- [157:50]
C
Yes.
- [157:51]
B
How are you guys doing? I'm 57 years old today. I'm an actor. I played Jesus in the Passion. Passion of Christ.
- [157:58]
A
Wow. He's taking a gruff tone, this God.
- [158:01]
B
God bless you.
- [158:01]
A
Yeah, I didn't realize he was a.
- [158:02]
D
Ten pack a day smoker.
- [158:03]
A
I didn't either. Really. He's really had a rough.
- [158:06]
B
Rough jackass.
- [158:08]
A
Is that it? Yes. Okay, God bless. God bless. All right, all right, all right, all right. Over now, the bottom middle square, Jeff and Bo Bridges. How you doing? Hey, man. Hey, man. Hey, man. Hey, man. We're good to be here. It's good to see you, man. Brother, man, Man, Brother man. We.
- [158:28]
D
I was saying outside that, you know.
- [158:31]
A
I love seeing my brother and, you.
- [158:34]
D
Know, I hope I do today.
- [158:35]
A
And I turn around and there he is. That's what I said, man. I looked over, I said, look, man, there's that guy, man. That's my man, man, Man. We.
- [158:45]
D
We're here to say we're doing the fabulous Baker Boys too.
- [158:49]
A
Yeah, Starman, too, man. Star man, man. People don't know this man.
- [158:54]
D
He was my he, man, man in Starman, man.
- [159:00]
A
Yeah, man. Happy to see you both in a good mood. Let's go now, bottom right square, our Lord and Savior trip reap. How are you, sir? Yeah, no, I'm fine. I'm enjoying the show. Okay. I like it. And I'm surprised that President Trump didn't tell you why. That it just a little Tylenol and you'll be all better. I think it works in reverse for guys like you. Yeah, I haven't heard that yet. Is that true? I don't know. Guzzle as much Tylenol as you can tonight and let's find out. Wait a second. You just don't want to pay me, is that right? No, I think that's not it.
- [159:30]
D
You can guzzle as much Tylenol as you want as long as you're not pregnant. Okay. As long as you're not pregnant. And I am not pregnant, despite the gut that I wear around me that looks like I'm wearing. Excuse me, an Eddie Murphy clump fat suit. Okay. Eddie Murphy clump fat suit. Okay. This is all pure bucket of chicken. So I can take all the Tylenol. Okay. I can take. And I said, excuse me. I said, the women take the Tylenol. You'll be better at math. The autism is better at math. Okay. I'm gonna tell you Brady, take some Tylenol, okay? Maybe you can do the 87%.
- [160:03]
A
They said my mom did a lot of Tylenol. There is a rumor that my mom was a Tylenol.
- [160:07]
D
A lot of Tylenol. Okay. She loves trains.
- [160:10]
A
She freebased Tylenol.
- [160:11]
D
She can't make eye contact.
- [160:15]
A
All right, David's on the phone because their phones are broken. He's the only one because the phone's actually shot, shut off. If it works, he'll be the only one that we can do. Yeah, technology. It works great. They were all ringing, then the phone shut down. That's you, Jonathan. We know that when the phones stop working, it's because too many people have called in. They shut our phone lines down.
- [160:32]
D
I appreciate it.
- [160:33]
A
Yeah, that's a beautiful thing. David, are you there?
- [160:35]
D
Beautiful thing.
- [160:37]
A
I'm here. All right, David. Pick a square that isn't Brady Tripp or the secret square. And if you get it right, you get tickets. If you don't, you're out. Anthony Bourdain. There it is. That's the one I wanted, too. Nice job, Anthony. There you go. All right, over to Anthony there. How you doing?
- [160:55]
D
I couldn't be better.
- [160:56]
A
All right.
- [160:56]
D
Had a wonderful day and a beautiful day. Just having a drink right now. A scotch.
- [161:02]
A
It's a good start.
- [161:03]
D
It's a great start to a great day.
- [161:04]
B
10:00Am yeah, time.
- [161:06]
D
And I've had 14 cigarettes. I'm ready to go.
- [161:10]
B
All right, question for you.
- [161:11]
A
Here. All natural diamonds are at least 525 million years old. True or false?
- [161:18]
D
I would say the pressure of life that presents us all every day. That turns the coal into the magnificent rock, the diamond that lives inside us all. Aladdin, Prince Ali was once called it as well, a tale as old as time. I would say that is false.
- [161:34]
A
Wow. Okay, you're saying false here. Now, David, do you agree or disagree? Disagree with false. Oh, geez. That's my fault. David, do you agree or disagree with false? I agree it's false. Correct. Okay, that's it. That's all he needed to do. Congratulations. Once the phones rang again and then cut off, everybody again. So before this thing shuts down, David, Brad will get your information. You're going to win prize. That's how it works. See how easy it is to just promote how great Jonathan Kite is and what he'll be doing at Desert Ridge Imp this weekend. Love every second second of it. Every time. So silly. Yeah. If the phones worked, this would have been a lot better.
- [162:07]
D
This should have been. I've been Here before when the phones are working.
- [162:10]
A
Yeah, it's great. But there's. You know what will happen is if we start picking it up, it'll drop everybody else because we've spent a ton of money on Internet phones.
- [162:18]
D
How much? These phones, they've had a lot of Tylenol.
- [162:22]
A
Our phones are not great at communicating.
- [162:25]
B
Okay.
- [162:25]
A
Not great at all. Socially awkward phones.
- [162:27]
D
Socially awkward.
- [162:28]
A
Yeah. It's Tyler.
- [162:30]
D
It rings.
- [162:30]
B
They love trains, so I love it.
- [162:32]
D
They love it all, you know, Biden. These are. These phones are from the Biden administration. Sleepy Joe. These phones are asleep. Wake up, phones. America's calling.
- [162:42]
A
Who's your new favorite one?
- [162:44]
D
Well, I said I was bringing out. I was trying to bring out Mickey Rourke because I was trying to do. We were. Alex and I were talking about this in the way over. I will attempt anybody new, like if there's something. But I'm. I'm doing a little bit more Vince Vaughn right now.
- [162:57]
A
Okay.
- [162:57]
D
Because he's back with that. Nona's show and then Bad Monkey.
- [163:00]
A
Yeah.
- [163:00]
D
And. And. But I'm trying to do sort of whoever's in the. In the news, like, hey, my man. I'm trying to bring the energy right now.
- [163:10]
A
You know what I'm saying?
- [163:10]
D
Like, it's kind of early in the day right now for Vinny boy. I just went to bed, but I.
- [163:13]
A
Just had a little.
- [163:14]
D
You know what I'm saying? And I'm up. Daddy's up right now. Daddy's up right now. You know, but you know, I tried. Or RFK Jr. You know?
- [163:23]
A
Yeah, he's fun.
- [163:25]
D
I said, I look like if RFK Jr saw me on the street, he'd.
- [163:28]
A
Be like, all right, I guess I'll get the vaccine. What was the thing you said about he had a vibrator?
- [163:33]
D
Yeah, he always sounds like he's deep throating a vibrator. His campaign slogan was, I'm coming.
- [163:38]
A
I'm coming.
- [163:42]
D
People suck on skull. That guy's downing aquarium gravel. Who is his running mate? R2D2. He sounds like he has AT&T service.
- [163:51]
A
It's always great to have you. I wish it was more during the week and we could spend hours together, but I know leaving so quickly on us and that. That's.
- [163:58]
D
I'll be back soon.
- [163:59]
A
All right. Are you coming back soon?
- [164:00]
D
I hope so.
- [164:00]
A
All right, beautiful. We'll get you back here soon. Thanks for popping in late.
- [164:03]
D
Thank you for having me, brother.
- [164:04]
A
Appreciate you. Jonathan Kite is@desERT rimpro. Desert rimpro.com. i seriously, if you want to spend an Hour and a half, just hurting. And I mean, I don't mean, like physically. You will actually. Your stomach hurts. That's how.
- [164:18]
D
They felt in that scene. But I was banging her in the butt. And the wrestler. It's an hour and a half of hurt.
- [164:26]
A
Mickey Rourke.
- [164:27]
B
It's just so bitter to any other actor.
- [164:29]
D
That's what it is. I said, when you hear him talk about any other actor. I was saying this off air where, like, they brought up Tom Cruise and he was just like. Pierce was like, oh, aren't you excited that Tom Cruise is like, top Gun is bringing back the movie industry? And he was like, tom Cruise is not a great actor.
- [164:41]
A
You're just like, what?
- [164:42]
D
Like, he would just. So I'm trying to do a bit that I'm working on for TikTok called Cooking with Mickey where he. He's always on the phone about to start, and then he goes like. He goes, so the story was you. I said, I don't want the part. So they gave it to Meryl Streep. But then they made Sophie's Choice. He turned everything down. You know what I'm saying?
- [165:01]
B
He had a shot at everything.
- [165:02]
D
Yeah, he had a shot at literally everything. And then he's like, yeah. He goes, so. You know, I had a pretty deep voice, but I said, I don't know anything about soccer. Give it to Morgan Freeman. So they made Invictus. Wait, you were going to play Nelson Mandela? He goes, yeah, Nelson Mandela. I was going to do the accent and everything.
- [165:17]
B
Give milk to people.
- [165:19]
A
Yeah.
- [165:20]
D
So just like it. Like anything. I was supposed to be Alfalfa. I was supposed to be Buckwheat. You.
- [165:25]
A
You.
- [165:26]
D
You had a. You were okay with the black. Yeah, the black face didn't bother me.
- [165:29]
A
I just.
- [165:29]
D
I couldn't get my hair that high.
- [165:32]
A
I love that. My favorite thing with your Bourdain is the thousand yard gaze.
- [165:36]
D
Yeah, just.
- [165:37]
A
I noticed while you did it, he was staring off into the hallway. He's off. He's just thinking.
- [165:42]
D
He's imagining the world.
- [165:43]
A
Yeah. Just.
- [165:44]
D
He's somewhere else in time entirely.
- [165:45]
A
It's so good. Always good to see you, Jonathan Kite. Everybody, let's get the hell out of here. Thank you, Thriller. Thanks to everybody. We'll be back Monday. We'll see you later. So long. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.