09-30-25 - FULL SHOW - TUESDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Holmberg’s Morning Sickness" – September 30, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness features host John Holmberg alongside Brady Bogan, Brett Fesley, and Dick Toledo, broadcasting from 98 KUPD in Arizona. The team dives into their trademark blend of sports (NFL and local teams), local culture, classic radio industry stories, and unfiltered comedic banter. The central theme is chaos and humor around the Phoenix Mercury (WNBA) finals, failed radio phone contests, and nostalgic tales from old-school radio, all laced with sharp wit and Arizona flavor.

---

Key Discussions and Segments

1. Sports Talk: NFL Dysfunction, Cardinals & Ohio Blues

Timestamps: 00:45–13:00

• Bengals & Browns Riffing: The show opens with John roasting Brady over his loyalty to the struggling Cincinnati Bengals and taking shots at sports franchises in Cincinnati, Cleveland, and even Kentucky.
  • Holmberg: “Being a Bengals fan can't be easy. ... That’s a rough watch. ... Outside of two wide receivers and a quarterback, oh, the flaws are everywhere.” (01:15)
  • Holmberg’s Theory: Bad franchises have brief spurts of hope, then revert to losing.
• Jets, Dolphins & Cardinals: Lamentations over Monday Night Football’s poor matchups and the ups-and-downs of Arizona Cardinals’ organization.
• Cleveland & Travel: Extended bit on why no one would vacation in Cleveland or Cincinnati, lampooning Midwest sports misery.

---

2. WNBA & Phoenix Mercury 'Merc Mania' Contest – Comedy and Chaos

Timestamps: 13:47–18:38; 47:04–54:07; 114:52–147:42

• Mercury Finals Media Frenzy: Satirical depiction of the city’s supposed fever-pitch excitement as the Phoenix Mercury enter the WNBA finals, with mockery of giveaways and contests (“Merc Mania/Merc Madness”).
• The Contest That Wouldn’t Die: A running gag—trying and spectacularly failing to hold a $500,000 giveaway via a random phone call. Their ancient or dysfunctional phone system derails every attempt.
  • Holmberg: “You need phones for a radio show. I don’t understand that.” (14:40)
  • Phones break throughout, forcing a promise to raise the prize, climbing toward a “million dollars” and threatening to “sell a rental property” to pay the winner.
• Merc Mania Culmination: After various false starts, Holmberg finally connects with an unemployed woman named Michelle from the West Side, who has no idea who he (or the Mercury) are and cannot answer, “Who is the current head coach of The Phoenix Mercury?”
  • Holmberg, on the call: “Are you familiar with the show?” Michelle: “No.” (138:31)
  • Holmberg, after she can’t answer: “You have no idea? ... Thank you most of all for not knowing the answer.” (140:44)
• Genuine relief and shared anxiety as Holmberg narrowly avoids having to pay $500,000, with the show team and audience on edge.
  • Holmberg: “I was horrified. Merc Madness—told you, it’s the most exciting thing that’s going to happen in the WNBA Finals.” (148:08)

---

3. Old-School & Wild Radio Anecdotes

Timestamps: 19:05–44:37

• Scandal Stories: The cast reminisces about Valley radio’s notorious scandals: DJ DUIs (Donovan McNabb), on-air mishaps, legendary personalities like Bruce Kelly (who, infamously, “showed his dick to Disney”), and more.
  • Holmberg: “You can Google it. ... And he did that thing at Disneyland where he pulled his wiener out.” (28:06)
• Radio’s Decline: Nostalgia for wilder, competitive, prank- and scandal-filled radio days versus today’s sanitized media landscape. The team laments radio’s lack of investment—even in fundamentals like working phones.

---

4. Local Life & Arizona Riffs

Timestamps: 49:26–56:11

• Halloween Home Displays: Humorous critique of neighbors’ over-the-top Halloween decorations, branding Phoenix suburbanites as “white trash at heart.”
  • Holmberg: “Deep down, we all want to park things in our yard.” (53:08)

---

5. World Affairs, Bacon as Warfare, and Geopolitics

Timestamps: 58:15–67:50

• Middle East "Solutions": John riffing—often irreverently—about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, imagining peace achieved not via bombs but by dropping bacon and sending in “gays, drag queens, blondes, and pork” to disrupt Hamas.
  • Holmberg: “Bacon is the answer here.” (62:12)
  • Brett: “Spam Force.” (65:35)
• Mock global “Super Jew” plan to blast pop culture and Jewish standups at Gaza for peace.
  • Holmberg as Gene Simmons: “We want to rock and roll all night and party... Gaza Strip, here’s some bacon!” (66:21)

---

6. News, Oddities, and Arizona Living

Timestamps: 83:31–106:33

• Brady Report: Daily quirks—fun animal facts, weird laws, fast food stories, and Arizona local color.
• Odd News: Cops using “drug-sniffing horses,” McDonald's Monopoly fraud, diabetics’ urine turned to whiskey, and the ultimate Arizona man stories.

---

7. Listener Interactions, Wrap-Ups

Timestamps: 144:36–150:24

• Post-Contest Jitters: Nervous hosts debrief, read listener emails, and reflect on the Merc Mania mayhem.
  • Holmberg: “I was nervous for you... nothing here got done... even our lesbian co-worker didn’t [know the answer].” (144:36)
• **Listeners propose technical fixes and congratulate the show on pulling off rare live radio magic despite tech issues.

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “If you had to be a fan of one of these two, who would you choose? ... It’d be like, are you better with AIDS or just HIV?” — John Holmberg on rooting for Browns vs. Bengals (08:09)
• “The only time I’d ever use the word ‘blight’—that’s what I see. It doesn’t look good. Your house looks like trash.” — Holmberg on Phoenix Halloween (49:41)
• “Merc Mania is just… it’s hanging by a thread because we don’t have phones now.” — Holmberg, on the failed contest (14:39)
• “I almost threw up. ... I don’t think people believe what just happened happened that I had a lot of confidence going into my question. I didn’t even know it.” — Post-contest anxiety (143:11)
• “Bacon is the answer here. ... Chuck Bacon at them. ... Gays, scantily clad blondes and bacon, we win this thing in a week.” — Middle East "peace plan" satire (62:12, 65:41)
• “I liked it better when old radio's… we hated each other. ... If you’re on in the morning, I hate you.” — On fierce radio rivalries (34:45)
• “The only people who go back to Cleveland have family that won’t leave.” — On Ohio travel (10:19)
• “How do you throw a dart and find an unemployed listener who can’t be sitting at her computer?” — On the Merc Mania contest randomness (145:33)

---

Memorable Segments with Timestamps

• Bengals’ Unending Misery: 00:45–08:00
• Merc Mania Contest & Phone System Rants: 13:47–18:38; 113:54–143:11
• Radio Scandal Stories (Bruce Kelly, Carla Fox, McNabb): 19:05–48:05
• Arizona Halloween Display Rant: 49:26–56:11
• Bacon for World Peace (Middle East satire): 58:15–67:50
• Brady Report (News & Oddities): 83:31–106:33
• Listener Emails & Wrap-Up: 144:36–147:46

---

Tone & Style

The episode is fast-paced, irreverent, and highly comedic, blending local sports frustration, radio nostalgia, and sharp social observations. The crew’s chemistry relies on jabs, callbacks, and satire, especially about Arizona life and culture.

---

Summary for New Listeners

If you missed this episode, you missed:

• Hilarious sports debates on why Ohio and Arizona teams always disappoint
• A live, technical-disaster radio contest worth $500,000, hilariously derailed by ancient phone lines and an unwitting unemployed West Side woman
• Wild anecdotes of Valley radio’s scandal-rich past
• Satirical "solutions" for world peace involving bacon, Jews, and drag queens
• Candid lampooning of suburban life and Halloween excess in Arizona
• Offbeat, newsworthy, and very “Arizona” local news, delivered with genuine comedic camaraderie

This is classic, no-holds-barred morning radio: skeptical, quick, deeply local, and gleefully unscripted.

Transcript

[Brady Bogan]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP guns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmer here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk again about my friends at Trajan Wealth. I always talk to you about the will and trust, the estate plan that I put together with Kent at Trajan Wealth. Kent was unbelievable. And, man, you want to make sure medical power of attorney and power of attorney are established because if something bad happens and you don't have anybody speaking for you, somebody you don't know will keep control of your life even when you're not in control. All you have to do is get it done. Today at Trajan Wealth. 480-990-3300. Trajan wealth legal services are offered through trades in the state law firm llc. Not great with finances. That's okay. Experian is your big financial friend. Explore credit card offers, some labeled no ding decline, which means if you're not approved, they won't hurt your credit scores. See experian.com for details. Applying for no Ding decline cards won't hurt your credit scores if you aren't initially approved. 2025 Experian. Experian. Still streaming. H's morning sickness. Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Tuesday. It is 5:45. This is the Morning Sickness. My name is John Holmberg. How are you? There's Brady Bogan, there's Brett Fesley, and somewhere around here is big Dick Toledo. We're off and running for a Monday. And let me be the first to say, the Cincinnati Bengals are on the clock. Oh, my God. I'd sell all of my trap, trailer trash, ugly Siegfried and Roy stuff. I was you, Brady. Being a Bengals fan can't be easy. That was.

[Brett Fesley]

I got a card wash in the bag already going to. If I was the Goodwill, if I.

[John Holmberg]

Was a Goodwill, I'd turn that down. I'm like, we're not going to dress these people in this garbage. Go get me a. Oh, that's. That is a rough watch. That is a rough watch. And again, proving my theory correct once again, that terrible franchises have blips for about five years and then fall right back into being a terrible franchise. And everybody can say, oh, it's Joe Burrows hurt and all that other stuff. No, it isn't. A team sucks. Outside of two wide receivers and a quarterback. Oh, the flaws are everywhere. That's a mess. And they'll. They're going to get Russell Wilson. I think that'll be the James. James Winston or Russell Wilson will be a Cincinnati Bengal. And that is just no way to end your career.

[Brady Bogan]

Poor little fellas.

[John Holmberg]

I'd rather stay behind Jackson Dart and just watch him play than ever go over to that dump. And then you got to wake up the next morning and be in Cincinnati. That's the worst part of it. Like you.

[Brett Fesley]

Well, at least it's fall. Very nice.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, it's Cincinnati, Brett. You're making the mistake of thinking that there's good stuff there. You're wrong. Cincinnati. And then. And then you realize that if you just turn to the right, you're in Kentucky. And that's worse somehow. And then also you. Bourbon. I just picture all of them after last night's game. Waking up, looking at their big, fat, ugly faces in the mirror, brushing their tooth, and then going outside and going, I'm in Cincinnati and this is the best my life can be. Do they realize how many other places there are on the planet? And they've chosen Cincinnati because they're stubborn. That's the only reason.

[Brady Bogan]

Eating their Skyline chili.

[John Holmberg]

Eating that spaghetti chili. That's just the reason they have autos and, you know, diabetes. What a dump. And then they dress up like Siegfried and Roy just came to town and they got all the merch. And then their other option is Cleveland. Another franchise that had a four year window of like, hey, you had like 41 first round draft picks in the last three years. Let's see what you can do with it. Nothing is the answer. We're a terrible franchise.

[Brett Fesley]

They wouldn't get one of their quarterbacks.

[John Holmberg]

They got a whole bunch of them, too. It's a disaster. That was tough watching. And I thought, you know the one reason to watch Miami?

[Brett Fesley]

I said, this time I didn't have any expectations.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you should.

[Brett Fesley]

I expected before the season.

[John Holmberg]

You did now. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm just like. But even still, last night, it was fingers crossed before the season. Cause you got three players. Yeah, last night was the. Well, without the one good one. Let's just see what the rest of this team's gotten. Hits? Nothing. There was some crap on last night that was some rough. That's the first Monday for the year that you're like, oh, boy. This is just for the local fan.

[Brady Bogan]

I told Matthiah, go close the bar. There's nobody coming.

[John Holmberg]

Did anybody go in? There's no way.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, no, we.

[John Holmberg]

Mercury basketball was like, optional compared to the jets and Dolphins. And again, we only watch the Dolphins games to watch 2 or do gang signs. I don't Root for him to get hurt. But I sit and wait on tightrope every night. You're like, if he gets hit, is tonight the night that the gang signs happen? And instead you get to see Tyreek Hill's leg fall off? So there you got something. It was gross, but that was tough. Jets, Dolphins is not good. And then, you know, you flip and flopping between. I had the dual screen on between the two games, and I'm like, I'm a sadist. This is not entertainment for anyone. But all I could do is continually remind myself that at least I'm not in Cincinnati. Like, as bad as things might think about that, and this is a nice little message from me to you. As bad as you think things are right now in your life, you wake up, you go outside, and you're nowhere near Cincinnati. So it's a plus. You've started on a good foot. You started on a hey, let's go forward kind of thing. That's a nice thing that you don't ever have to see people in, you know, like, Reds jerseys that could be used to fumigate a home. That's. It's not. It's a. You're here. So take your one positive. No matter how bad life's getting, and just know, at least I'm not in Cincinnati. And that's where you start. That's where the positive building blocks begin. I mean, it's. I mean, hopefully you're already known. Being in, not in Cleveland is the other option. That's it. And you know what? I text Doug Hopkins last night. I'm like, how are you a Jets fan? He's been. He's, you know, grew up in New York. How do you do it? How do you sit through this year in, you know, the one thing the jets do is screw up My theory that bad franchises occasionally have decent years. They don't. They're just always bad. They haven't had a good, like, quality season since 2010.

[Brett Fesley]

Well, the whole, you know, so hyped up for a couple of years that you had Aaron Rodgers. You're going to.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that was going to be huge. But they managed to destroy that, too. You had, you know, good defense. Everybody was, you've got the best corner in football. And you just watch them and you're like, wow, how does this franchise suck the life out of everyone? There's a few of them out there. I hate to break it to you Cardinal fans, you're just a bubble ahead of that Cardinals new stadium back in 06 and stuff. You started to realize, hey, these guys can start doing stuff because they've got a. They're. They're doing it right now. They're no longer borrowing a college team stadium. They're. They're their own. They're their own, man. They're their own thing. Yeah. And then they started to, like, show, like, hey, we can be competitive now. Five years up, but they come back a little more often. So they're in that second tier of almost terrible franchises that have five years of. They're on the right track, and then five or six or seven or eight years of, like, okay, we're rebuilding, and we don't know what we're doing, but it's rough. It's a rough one. Sorry, Brady, that you gotta. That you chose so poorly with your hillbilly Bengals support. And Was that a parents thing? How come? The Bengals.

[Brett Fesley]

Because growing up, the time with Anthony Munoz, when they came out with the.

[John Holmberg]

New uniforms, I thought that was 1981. You were 16.

[Brett Fesley]

I was in ninth grade, like, 79. 81. Those that run. And then younger when at Christmas, my brother had a Cleveland Browns and I got a bangle set of pajamas. I was like, five.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, those had to be awful. Yeah, just say bangles on it. They had no creativity. Just had the word bangles.

[Brett Fesley]

And then the other one, I had a set of 49ers.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Oh, you see, you chose poorly. You chose poorly. Oh, my God. And you went with the bungles. Just strictly out of Ohio loyalty. Yeah.

[Brett Fesley]

Because I see you wouldn't hear much about the 49ers.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. There was no.

[Brady Bogan]

It was that or the Browns. I mean, it's, like, no options. What do you do?

[John Holmberg]

Likes Ohio State. I wouldn't like professional football either. Those were my.

[Brady Bogan]

But I mean, this year, you're better off being a Browns fan or a Bengals fan.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. I mean, it's.

[Brady Bogan]

You're screwed either way.

[John Holmberg]

I get it. But it's like, you're better with AIDS or just hiv. I mean, you've gotten. You got both things to sit and staring at each other. Neither are good. Ugh. Brett, you've. You've answered. You've asked, like, the worst sports question ever.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If you had to be a fan of one of these two, who would you choose? It'd be like, oh, no. And, like. And you had to go to games and, like, nobody ever says that. It's like, ah, my Bengals are playing. I'm gonna fly back and watch them. I talked to my friend last night. I'm like, it's amazing to see. The AFC east always has just one good team. And then the market. The only bad market in that AFC east is Buffalo. You got New York, Boston, and Miami. Like, these are awesome cities that never do anything anymore at all. I mean, Boston will eventually again, but. And then when it was. When. When the Patriots were good, Buffalo was horrible. And then I looked over at the AFC north, which my Steelers are in, and I realized that the shining city on a hill in that division is Pittsburgh. It's the most. It's the Mecca. It's the Rome of AFC North. That's Cincinnati, Cleveland, Baltimore, and Pittsburgh. If you were ever to take a travel agent's worst day and say, here are your four cities. Not a soul chooses the other three. Like, Pittsburgh has bridges and beauty and stuff. I don't know. Baltimore's just crack cocaine and the smell of fish. Cincinnati has people from Cincinnati in it. That's bad, too.

[Brett Fesley]

There's bridges.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. To get out, and that's why you'd use them. And then, of course, Cleveland has a lake that starts itself on fire now again, it just. And Drew Carey. I guess that's it with the Rock and Roll hall of Fame. Yeah. That seems boring.

[Brady Bogan]

That's about it.

[John Holmberg]

And I would never travel to Cleveland for that. As much as I love, like, the idea of a music hall of Fame, the last thing I would do is hop on a plane to Cleveland. If it was anywhere else, it would be. Maybe. I'm serious. Anywhere else outside of, like, Toledo or Tucson. And I don't think they'd do that.

[Brett Fesley]

Unless you're going to the ballpark.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Brady, you're in Cleveland. Do you know how many other baseball stadiums there are in the country? Why would you travel to Cleveland for that? Why?

[Brett Fesley]

Because there's people that want to do the tour, want to go to every part.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And they come back and go, cleveland was my least favorite. It's the one you can skip. You already know it's bad. We've had cameras for years. We've seen Cleveland from afar. It's nothing. It's not a thing. The only people go back to Cleveland have family that won't leave. I've never met anybody that said summering in Cleveland this year. Oh, just on your own? Yes. We do it every year. Family. No, it's a destination for us. I'm like, oh, my God, they're retarded. They got metal plates in their head.

[Brett Fesley]

Lake Erie. It's really summer.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's a great name for a summer lake, too. The Word. Erie. Yeah. Look, my dad was from Northwestern Pennsylvania, about 40 minutes from Lake Erie. You know, where we never once went? Lake Erie. It's green dirt and it's real close to Cleveland. Awful. Sorry about that. But it was fun for me because I hate both Cincinnati, Cleveland, and of course, Baltimore is on that list. That's just fun to watch them sink back into oblivion. It's great. Brett, you don't feel this because you're a Bears fan? At least the city your team's in is an international destination.

[Brady Bogan]

Absolutely. There's lots to do there, too.

[John Holmberg]

You went to Chicago for a Bears game, you'd be like, well, that's like the thing that's going to interrupt the fun stuff of this whole entire trip. And I got baseball playoffs starting today. That's awesome. Evidently, the Mercury get going soon, too, and they've got that going on. And you've got WNBA playoffs and baseball playoffs. Anything's better than the crap they fed us last night on Monday Night Football. And they gave us two bad double dose. Oh, double dose.

[Brady Bogan]

Never thought I'd ask this, but when did the WNBA playoffs start?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no, look, if they're going to keep putting that stuff on like last night, I would have. I would have gladly lost that bet. Which one do you want to watch, NFL football or the wnba? I'm like, who's playing the second you say since wnba. Oh, no, no, wait. We're not done. You can watch the jets and Dolphins. Good Lord. I might watch the Bengals.

[Brett Fesley]

Awful now with our bets every week. You know, I would say I'm never gonna get. I'm never gonna pick the Bengals, but.

[John Holmberg]

Well, don't. Yeah, you'll only be wrong twice. Here's the fun thing. FanDuel made it. So the tie with the Cowboys and Packers just washes out. It doesn't make it a loss. So we won our bet last night, our bet on Thursday with Dale, but Dale's team did not win. So Dale owes all of us, along with the money that we'll be giving from the bet, which I think we won, 600 bucks. I take 100 out for making the initial bet. Everybody splits their money, and then Dale owes us. He doesn't get any of that. So it's only going to get split three ways, and Dale has to give us $33 each for his team not delivering. Well, he better lose the game. They didn't win the game. We didn't. You didn't participate, you then owe. That's how it works for all of us. The one dude Whose bet didn't hit and his didn't hit. Owes. Owes the other guys the money.

[Brady Bogan]

Now, is that on? Is that on every or. If it's a. If it's an even odds. I mean, you know, a Pick them. Are we still.

[John Holmberg]

You choose. Okay. All right. Like, you get. Your Bears will play this weekend, and you. You will choose a team. And if all of us get ours right and you get yours wrong, you owe the whole team. Okay. And then we'll, you know, screw up the bat. It kind of screwed up the bet. Oh, Dale's gonna like a baby. He's gonna. It's gonna be great.

[Brady Bogan]

Did you tell him yet?

[John Holmberg]

No, he'll tell him on Thursday. It's even better that one. And don't forget, folks, I don't know if you were with us yesterday. Merc Mania. We're working on that. Merc Mania gets going today. And I am pretty proud to say the price for merc mania today. 500,000American dollars. Not doll hairs or whatever that second grade thing. People dollars with. With presidents. No, no, no, Brady. Don't even confuse it. Make it seem like we're money. Bank cash money. $500,000 if you can win Merc Mania. My random phone call out into the Valley, which I believe yesterday, Brett chose a 623 area code. First number was a 2, and last was a 9. 9. That's right. I keep wanting to say 7 was a 9. And then I'll just randomly bang out numbers in the center of that.

[Brady Bogan]

Phones work?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Do they work? Toledo's going to come. Look. Unbelievable. Merc Mania is just. It's hanging by a thread because we don't have worse now.

[Brett Fesley]

It could happen.

[John Holmberg]

They don't. Well, tomorrow. Tomorrow I will do 1 million Merc Mania dollars. 1 million Merc Mania dollars. And you know why? Because I'm the only one willing to put money in this entire operation. As Hubbard pulls the. The rug out from under all of us. And it's like you need phones for a radio show. I don't understand that. And then they ask all their other radio stations. Why is radio in trouble? Oh, I don't know. It's the investment. Perhaps. We get some phones that work. It used to be sort of a. A crucial part of a radio station, but not anymore. And you'll let it go? For a decade, we've had this problem.

[Brett Fesley]

What?

[Brady Bogan]

Grifter sold us this phone system? This is ridiculous.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it has been since 2016. Call that guy and say, hey, not for nothing, but this phone system you sold us 10 years. You know what he'll say? Well, it's totally out of date now. It hasn't worked since you put it in. Well, then it was too much technology when you first started somewhere in there. Shouldn't we had, like, phone symbiosis, Like a. An awesome moment where the phone's technology caught up with ours. And then now I could see where it's at it. But come on, it has never worked.

[Brett Fesley]

I think it was the same guy originally and that redid the ones in the old building. And he said the old building sometimes would flare up because it's Indian burial ground.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that. That was. Yeah, well, we're on theory that. Yeah, there was an action. That's actually true. I remember talking to a guy who said that we had rules because it was on Indian land.

[Brady Bogan]

Technically, what is Zach Baggins?

[John Holmberg]

Our.

[Brady Bogan]

Our phone guy?

[John Holmberg]

No, it wasn't. It was in a Tempe. Like a gerrymandered little jut out of Tempe. We weren't in Guadalupe officially. Our mailing address was Tempe. So there were no dead Indians under that building. I mean, there were, but according to, like, we weren't on Indian land. Although we owed Guadalupe money sometimes for just being that close to them.

[Brady Bogan]

But should have paid us.

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely. I mean, Jesus. And you start laughing at that because we would get, like, our phones would act funny, but they worked almost all the time. When they would shut off, it was because of, like, a legitimate Dig a hole, fix a wire. This one is like, you just dudes running around grabbing imaginary orbs in the sky and trying to put them back into their Internets attacks that went away.

[Brett Fesley]

With a new set of irons and a nice golf bag.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. We. We gave the mayor of Guadalupe a few prizes to stay off our ass. Golf. Golf clubs were usually. Every couple years. They'd threatened to raise taxes on us. We're like, we don't even really technically step. But all right. And our old boss, Chuck, would buy him a brand new thing at Callaway's, and the guy would shut up for another 24 months. Good stuff. But either way, Merc Mania today, $500,000. We get the phones going, I'll rip off that phone and I'll bang out that number. And then $500,000, if you can just answer my single Merc Mania question. Cause it's going through.

[Brett Fesley]

I mean, break they miss. Then it rolls over.

[John Holmberg]

And evidently last night, it was false information that the Jonas Brothers canceled because Merc Mania, evidently there Was still a Jonas Brothers concert last night. Ah, so that was just, you know, people with Merc mania couldn't get their time straight because everybody's just all drunk with Merc mania. Mighty Mercury. It says down there on the Fry's downtown. Mighty Mercury. I saw it on the news last night. Go Mercury. Yeah, the mighty Mercury. You know, we've been chanting that for years and years. Yeah, we'll get on that Merc man later if we can get the phones to work and if anybody would come.

[Brett Fesley]

That'S wearing his Merc shirt.

[John Holmberg]

Do you have your merc shirt on? You sure do.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, do you expect anything less?

[John Holmberg]

No. Well, you're in the heart of Merc mania.

[Brady Bogan]

Jesus.

[John Holmberg]

Driving into work today, I was like, geez, you know, it's nice to see, but eventually one of these supportive Merc mania flags is going to fall off of one of the millions of cars with Mercury flags on and just jam into somebody's radiator and blow their car up. It's, it's too much stuff. But we got too much support, too much passion for the Mercury right now, gang.

[Brett Fesley]

Hopefully I get it back today. I might be getting my car wrapped.

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna get the.

[Brett Fesley]

Well, you see the designs today.

[John Holmberg]

Get in line because that's happening to everyone, Brady. The mania. It's the mania. By the way, I've been talking about this in my commercials for the last seven weeks. My brand new new vision auto glass windshield. Yeah, yesterday took.

[Brett Fesley]

It took him.

[John Holmberg]

Seven weeks is my record. I got another one driving along and I'm like looking out the pristine window and I just kind of peered up and like, what's that? And over in the passenger side is about a, a nine inch crack. I'm like, that is going to be my eighth windshield for that Jeep 8. I've had like 14 in the last three years between the two Jeeps.

[Brett Fesley]

I see a new vision can have like a curve.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta do something, you know, I think I'm just gonna take it out and take the P myself. When a rock comes through, the odds of it hitting me are low. Most time I'm in the car by myself anyway. Just driving to and fro work. So let the rock just whistle into the car. I'll just take the windshield off there. No reason to have that thing up anymore. It's just, it's eating rocks.

[Brett Fesley]

You could wear a full mask.

[John Holmberg]

It's not a bad idea. Just put a motorcycle helmet on, drive around without a windshield. Can't be, can't be any different than what I Mean, I'd end up cracking the windshield on the visor on the thing. It's killing me. So I got that going. Then I realized last night whilst perusing the news that I am a. I'm a child and I way too competitive. Headline read, phoenix DJ accused of assault. And my whole body went, who did it? And Brady ran through my mind because I thought that would be the funniest one to find out that way too would be even better. And then I was like, going down the list of like, is it Beth? Did Beth beat somebody up? That would be a Gus, because I don't think anybody's gonna win that fight. And then Brett wouldn't, like, get caught.

[Brett Fesley]

Rosie. Rosie. On the house.

[John Holmberg]

If it was Toledo, it would have said Phoenix DJ assaulted.

[Brady Bogan]

How about Ladonna?

[John Holmberg]

Ladonna was on the list. Sharp. And I thought Sharp was in trouble. I almost text Jim and I'm like, are you okay? Tell me. Blink twice. And so I. But then it turned out it was just some club DJ named Christopher Villa. He's not a club dj. He's like a dj. Dj. That's a fair. And so the first article I looked at, because I was rooting for, like, Tim and Willie, I had. Remember in the olden days when great McMahon. Oh, man, huge. You know, sometimes I just get so fed up with your. I'm gonna throw a wild haymaker. He's slapping. I'm Pat McMahon. Watch your ass or you get five across the face.

[Brett Fesley]

Good. Assault finds.

[John Holmberg]

That's right, Brady. Sometimes a gets assaulted because assaults find.

[Brady Bogan]

Me better have my money.

[John Holmberg]

Where's my capital now? I wish that was it. Legendary Valley personality Pat McMahon arrested for. So this guy evidently saw his wife and he's like. He said, she's not working on the marriage. And he gave her a good fat shove into the bedroom wall. And I'm like, ah. In the olden days, that would have.

[Brett Fesley]

Been how you get her to know.

[John Holmberg]

You'Re not working on her marriage. You're not working on her marriage hard enough. And I want you to pay for it. Work harder. I love you. So it's just some guy. And then. So the first article I see says Phoenix DJ Chris Villa bringing Tio Santillas party to the Arizona State Fair. So he's an aunts and uncles dj. Evidently. I don't know Spanish aunts and uncles only. So I hope he's, you know, I don't know. He's getting his money's worth on this one, but he's gonna end up in trouble. The Old days that this radio used to have guys. And then you'd have those scandals. The one dude, that Ben character that drove around drunk after a. And then just showed up to work on Monday. Remember when Donovan McNabb worked with us?

[Brett Fesley]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And he was driving around in that mirror Lamborghini.

[Brett Fesley]

Well, and he's not supposed to be.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he wasn't supposed to be driving anything. Oh, he would drive to work in a Lambo.

[Brett Fesley]

This was the best black guy in.

[John Holmberg]

A Lambo going through Gilbert Rent a Corolla. Dude he had. He was following some lady homer. He worked with us. We saw him every day a block away from. Yeah, Malone, Mark Malone and Donovan McNabb. Five would come in every morning. Malone would sit with us for an hour. And still one of my favorite people I've ever met in this business was Mark Malone, ASU quarterback, went to the Steelers for a while, played for the Chargers. But Mark Malone and also Mark Malone, other than the transitional surgery, was the next Bruce Jenner. People Forget that in 1980 we got rid of the Olympics because Carter boycotted Moscow Olympics, not trusting that Russia wouldn't tamper with our athletes so he wouldn't send them as political nonsense. Mark Malone at ASU was going to be a decathlete for the United States Olympic team. He was a super track athlete on top of being Tom Selleck look alike who played quarterback for a major, you know, college that was on. I mean, this dude had life by the balls. But the decathlon, he was going to be the next Bruce Jenner. Bruce Jenner was 76 and Malone was going to be. And so Mark's stories were outrageous. Like, he's a great. One of my favorite people. I haven't talked to him forever in this business and any other. Just entertaining beyond belief. Off the air. On the air he was a buttoned up sports guy, did a good job. But off the air, if you could get Mark Malone to go two sentences without saying, or I, your mother it you had broken a record. He was unreal. He was amazing. So he and McNabb would go every day and do their show. McNabb gets in the news and all of us go to work on that next Monday. Like, oh, see what happened to five. He was driving around and had met some girl at a bar and was following her home. And it was a girl he knew, evidently, and it was the wife of some policeman or something like that. And he was. I don't know what he was doing, but he had his family there. He wasn't doing Anything. But there was speculation that he was going to follow her back to the house. Gets pulled over and gets his dui, right. And the camera footage is amazing. Holberg's morning sickness, Holmberg's morning sickness. So we know this. That's like, ooh, Donovan's in. Like, there's a lot of pressure on him. The news is going to follow him around. He's got to be. He's got to feel like he's in this weird cocoon that everybody's staring at him.

[Brady Bogan]

He's got a problem.

[Brett Fesley]

Sore throat, Needed some chloroform.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he needed chloroform. That's right. I was just. I've been driving around drinking chloroform because I don't feel so good. So I think that's like. You're drinking the cops as you're drinking chloroform. Yeah, because I got allergies. I'm like, oh, this is ugly. This is an ugly tape. And everybody saw it. We saw it. And instead, like. And you feel that pressure of the world, like you've made a terrible mistake and everybody's looking at you. And Donovan's answer to that was to drive to Guadalupe in a mirror Lamborghini. And he pulled into the parking lot, and he used to go by that window. And I remember Brady going, wow. Just shakes the whole building as it idles into the thing. You're like, oh, my God, it's made of mirrors. He hops out. Sup, boys? Walks by the room, nothing. And Malone goes, you got anything? And he goes, I'll handle this on the air. Then he went on the air, and one of the worst apologies I've ever heard in my life. And he had to blow start his mirror Lamborghini, but they didn't put the blow starter in that. They put another car. But he didn't like to blow start the car, so he just drove the mirror Lamborghini around all the time, risking it the whole way. And that's when radio personalities were entertaining. We haven't had. Brady, we gotta get you on this now. I don't want to root for it for myself. I got a lot on my plate here. I gotta get the weight of the world on my shoulders. One of you guys takes it. The ratings.

[Brett Fesley]

I sacrificed a kidney for this.

[John Holmberg]

That is pretty good. You did a nice job being, you know, for the sympathetic thing. We don't play that card too often here. And we're all rooting for you and all that, but it wasn't, like, newsworthy. But yeah, back in the days when, you know, I used to laugh at him. And he. Every time I bring this up, I get a message on my machine from him. But Bruce Kelly, that. Here we go. Was legendary. He does not like when I talk about this, but you can Google it. Bruce Kelly was the 1980s equivalent of our Rick D's. He was. He kicked ass. Dave Pratt always used to say, I'm wearing first place. We have a million listeners. No, you lost to Bruce Kelly all the time. The records show it. I've looked at them. Dave didn't beat Bruce maybe once or twice in a couple of demos. When he did not beat Bruce Kelly. Bruce Kelly was crushing everyone. And. And he felt the power. He lived over where you live or your old neighborhood.

[Brady Bogan]

Industrial.

[John Holmberg]

Bruce lived right off Los Altos, if I remember. It was right there. We go by his house all the time. And not, like, knock on the door, but we knew Bruce Kelly lived in there, and he got to legendary status. No, I wasn't. I didn't live in that neighborhood. So I would go down there. I would have. That would have been awesome. But I had. I have reverence for him. I thought he was. He and Maggie Brock were awesome. And then. And then he did that thing at Disneyland where he pulled this wiener out.

[Brett Fesley]

You gotta go.

[John Holmberg]

Airplane like tar. Like the. I already got.

[Brett Fesley]

I already got off the bus. It happened either way.

[John Holmberg]

Don't show the Disney officials your dick drunk. And I'll get it. He'll call me again. You know the truth of it? Like, it was, like, 28 years ago, dude. Deal with it. It's. It's.

[Brady Bogan]

Nobody cares anymore.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody cares. But you can still Google it and says. And it's not. It's like, no joke. Like, the story comes up, and it's pretty much, like, exposed himself in front of the Disney officials, right? As he was, like, greeted by them, he had it out. And he was, like, telling everybody, you know, gross stuff. And he was evidently a little bit tipsy. That was the story. Now, the truth probably has a different take on it. His side, the people at Disney, the traumatized executive that gave away this trip to Disneyland. And then he pulled the ultimate DJ move. Come back to work, and you're so fired for that. I don't care how good your ratings are. You can't show Disney your dick. It's just. You can't do it. It's just. That's, like, the first thing Tripp said to me is like, I know we have never worked together before, but I've got two Strong rules. You respect me and don't show your dick to Disney. And I'm like, okay, we won't. That's a big one, that second one. Kevin and Bean. I had to remind him every day, don't even think about whipping your wiener out for Disney. So I. He goes back to work, and I remember thinking to myself, this is fantastic, because I had just started doing mornings when Bruce did this. Dude pulled the ultimate move. Best I've ever seen. Comes back to work for his firing, because you gotta show up for that. And throws the alcoholic card out and makes him pay for his rehab. Fantastic. Hits him right on top of the head like a whack. A mole going. By the way, kind of your fault for not noticing. You guys owe me a rehab. And I'll be back in a few days and I'll start over. And then they. And then they can't fire him for a while because then you're firing somebody with a disease. Dude played him like a fiddle. And I admired it all day long. Remember Shotgun Kelly?

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's a guy in the 80s named Shotgun Kelly who had some, like, underage something or other going at his house. And that was the day I realized that maybe radio wasn't for me. I was just a boy, but it was. Was in the back of my mind, like, that seems like a fun gig. And then they said. I'm like. I just assumed everybody in radio was, like, wealthy or something. All the movies. Like, you ever watched the movie Clint Eastwood was in called Play Misty for me, he's an overnight jazz disc jockey in Carmel. Carmel, California, and he's got a beach house. Oh, it was great. And I'm like, huh, that's the business I want to get into. When they showed Shotgun Kelly, who works seven to midnight at kzdp. I think. I don't remember.

[Brady Bogan]

I think so.

[John Holmberg]

And they said he had some. So I don't know if I know. I'm. I'm throwing it out there. I don't know if it was underage person or if he had. He had something bad going on at the house. I don't know what it was. Maybe it was abuse. Maybe it was drugs. I don't remember. Don't hold me to that. And then they showed his house on tv, and it was like, condo. Like a weird one that was stuccoed by, like, actual Aztecs. I think it was. It was a old adobe hut, and the air conditioner was like a dude blowing on you. It was not good. And I'm like, why is he so poor. Like, I know his name. Like, shouldn't you be rich? I know your name. And then. Then you realize that radio is the type of business that doesn't even pay for its own phone system. So you start to recognize that there's only like two people that have ever money in the business.

[Brady Bogan]

The crazy part is WKRP was probably the closest to radio.

[John Holmberg]

Krp.

[Brady Bogan]

The goofy sales department. Johnny Fever living in some trash apartment. I mean, it was.

[John Holmberg]

And also it was Cincinnati, right? Yeah. There was no money there. It's. That's more of a reality show than it is a comedy. But radio DJs used to do stuff.

[Brett Fesley]

Brett, you would have loved in Columbus when I was a kid growing up. There's downtown. Most radio stations would have that where you could look in the. It's on the. On the street. You can look in the window. The studio's right there in front. Showcase window, like Channel 12 used to do.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brett Fesley]

But when I was growing up, you go downtown, you walk by. I think it's wtvn, and there's the afternoon show, Spook Beckman.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa. I see. The only reason you told that story was for that. This didn't have anything to do with what we were talking about. This had nothing. You. You just. You grabbed the wheel of the show and decided to guide it a different direction. No, no, because. And the only reason is because you were triggered by the word dj, and you're like, no, no. See, now look what you've done. Now look what you. This is your fault. You're adding on to it. No, I wasn't. I didn't realize that he was going to go down that road. I didn't either. Well, it's just not right. Brady decided. I know dj. I don't know what we're talking about, but I remember Spook Backman. Did that add to the story or just derail it? Way to go, listener. Bogan. There I am trying to tell great stories of Phoenix Radio past, like when Bruce Kelly showed his dick to Disney and you have to make it their spook back. But now we got pictures coming up. Bumper to bumper time. Come on, Brady, you did this.

[Brett Fesley]

Bumper.

[John Holmberg]

This is Brady's fault. I had a theme going and it had nothing to do with what's going on over here. And what started over here. Spook Beckman is like a ghost. Why is he. Is that what I was expecting? Not at all. Well, I don't think what you were expecting would be named Spook Beckman. No, no. Pretty sure that's not the photo I expected. I didn't expect him to be so Leave it to Beaver clean though he does look like war. Damn it. This is not what I wanted to bring up. Talking about awesome old. Now turn that off. Turn it off. We're gonna run down the line. You're gonna get Captain Distract over here looking at pictures of Columbus going Right's bakery. It's a classic. Anyway, what are we talking about? It doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah. Now it's over because Captain Derailer over.

[Brady Bogan]

Here, Spook Beckman to have two dozen.

[Brett Fesley]

White Castles for breakfast.

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna. Your new nickname is Shimano because you're the Derailer. My God. Anyway, what I was trying to do is try to remind you that we need DJs to go out there and be stupid again. So really good ones like me.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, we got a good start.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh no. Well, yeah. No. Now I'm rooting for you to get some sort of weird kidney pill dui. I know you're not gonna drink it anymore. Took way too much chloroform. I got some medicine from Dmacca. You know about Spook Beckman Ossifer. And then guys like me get to make fun of those other guys. That was the fun of radio back in the day. They've ruined it. Executives have ruined it. Now I gotta sit in a building with other DJs who are part of the family. I liked it better when old radios. We hated each other. I still carry the torch of hating all other radio shows. Hate them when we're between 5:30 and 10:00am I hate you. If you're on in the morning, I hate you. I think you're the biggest prick on the planet. I root for you. And because I know for a fact that if I stepped in poop, I learned that the hard way. And I wasn't even stepping in poop. But the time I said that you should smear poop on the. Take your dog crap in a bag and next time the gas station decides. Back in 2005 and 6 when they were spiking prices up to like 5 and 6 bucks a gallon, I'm like, take your poop and rub it all over the handles and make them have to work for the money that we're paying them extra. And we called it Duclear war. And then I said, cuz that's the only way they'll listen if we do stupid stuff like that. Then I said the phrase, the only thing gas stations are afraid of is fire. So if you're serious about this. Just have that nearby. Well, they took it seriously. Sheriff Joe was mad at me in the first place. And my friend Jim Sharp, who was on in the morning, called me and said, did I hear what you said? I'm like, yeah, I was goofing around. It's no big deal. He's like, okay. Then he goes on and gets the news involved and tells him where I am. And I'm like, touche, Sharp. Well played. Well played, my friends. Cause I get in the airport, I was going to Detroit for the super bowl, and I get in the airport and there's Fox 10 and they're looking right at me. And I'm like, I know why you're here. And it was because my friend Jim told him where I was scooped. You ratted. But I'll tell you this right now, I'd have done it to him too.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, especially now.

[John Holmberg]

I know that was. That was my indoctrination. And oh, all of them, we're fighting for the same dollar. Well, screw you. So in my day of radio, you hated all the other shows. Now you got. Now they're saying stuff. We got this building. I did that stair climb for the 911 firefighters out of the kindness of my heart. I don't want it to be about me. I don't. I don't show up in CUPD stuff. This is not a promotion for any. I tell people to go. I'm happy when they hear us talk about it. And then I go do the event. Cause I want to. It goes back into some meeting here and the next thing you know, it's like, we gotta get the other morning shows involved in this. This is a great idea. Look, well, if you do that, you're gonna lose one of them. I'm not gonna be part of some, you know, hand holding nonsense with the people that want me to fail. I root for them to get DUIs. And then I come on the air and make great fun of that. For ages 28 years, I've been talking about Bruce Kelly's dick at Disney. That's gonna be forever. So I got super excited when I saw Christopher Villa and his tios and TS party. And I. I don't like that he pushed a lady around. That's not right. But I loved it when Ben. And I liked Ben Campbell when he was driving around drunk coming back from some event in LA and something happened with Peolene. Opio was crazy. He had a couple of them, but pulling was so dominant, it didn't matter.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah, that dude was Just what I heard. He had, like, a. A restaurant, a chef.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he had a. Yeah. In the morning. And we asked for that once, and they laughed at us. I'm like, piolin has. Has turned the kitchen into, like, a. He has a chef come in every morning and make the staff breakfast. And then there. And I'm like, can we get, like, McMuffins every couple days? No. Is this over? Yeah, it is over. Remember? What is it? Don't show your dick to Disney. Oh, yeah, I forgot. Okay. Yeah, good thinking. Great reminder. Anyway, I miss the olden days. Wouldn't have been great. The headline, spook Beckman exposes dick at Disney. I mean, how great would that have been at Columbus if it Spook Beckman arrested at Six Flags for indecent exposure. Bad spook Beckman coast to coast news. And then he comes back on. Because they always do. That was my favorite thing about radio. In fact, we even had the one time that Ancarlo character got into a terrible car accident. And this radio station didn't have the decency to make sure he was better before they made him come back to work. And the dude had head trauma to the point where he'd get through, like, three minutes of a break and go, hey, I gotta go.

[Brett Fesley]

Max Headroom.

[John Holmberg]

And then someone else. Yeah, he'd start repeating himself. Then someone else would have to step in in the middle of the show. And nobody was saying, this is not right. He'd be back again the next day. Radio wants production, man. They don't care about your health. They don't care about you. You took a day off for kidney cancer. That's pretty. He's getting a kidney removed. How long is he going to be off there? I had 911 happen to me. I got a call on. Remember? It happened on Tuesday, September 11, 2001. I got a call on Thursday from the managers. When will you be back on the air? I don't know. If you got to fire me, fire me. There's some big fish to fry over here. I. I got to go.

[Brett Fesley]

See, after three days of me getting called, you call them.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not. Yeah, I left on 911 that night to drive back. I was getting calls the next day. Well, I hope everything is all right. The woman I lived with at the time was there. I hope everything's just fine. Just fine. Do you think it's gonna be a while? Well, I gotta go to New York because she's afraid to travel. Because obviously, when you see a plane crash above your head intentionally, it spooks you for air travel. We might be taking a train. I might be driving her back.

[Brett Fesley]

If you could call the president and maybe allow our plane.

[John Holmberg]

I really need this kid on the air. God damn it. It's Labor Day. All the car dealerships are throwing out specials. If he's off, we lose ratings. So then I had our program director at the time call me on that Thursday and go, we need you to get back on the air as soon as possible. I'm like, dude, fire me. Like, fire me. I hate to do this to everybody, but I'm not even concerned right now about this. I don't know what I'm walking into with the person I'm going to pick up. And he's like, okay, okay. Then he called me back a couple hours later from his house, and he's like, dude, I had Chuck in the room with me. He didn't believe that I had asked you, because I hadn't. So he wanted to watch me do. I'm so sorry. You stay away as long as you want. You're not getting fired for anything. Like, okay. And he goes. He is losing his mind. I'm like, over nine.

[Brett Fesley]

Take as much time as you want.

[John Holmberg]

I'll see you tomorrow. Yeah, exactly. So as long as. By that, I mean today. Take all the time you need. Midnight is a new day. And you'll be back at what, 5:30? A. Probably won't be back for a week or two. Good Christ. What's Pratt doing anyway? I missed the old days of radio goofs. There's almost. It was almost annual. That like one of. And I say this. I better be careful. I say this, but like a. Like a dui. And remember Baxter got that DUI for the Diamondbacks. Driving around in the Baxter Mobile in it. Those are great local moments. You can't beat that. So I'm rooting for another couple to come our way soon. Someday.

[Brett Fesley]

There'S a meltdown right around the corner gonna happen.

[John Holmberg]

Don't. Don't come on anything. It could happen. I might end up in that. But it usually happens to the night guys. And then it gets on the news like there's something special. And then people like me make fun of it, like, hilariously, like, forever become synonymous. And that doesn't happen anymore. So I was excited when I said, valley DJ in trouble for assault. I'm like, now we're cooking some guy that spins records at weddings. No offense, Brett. He does the state fair.

[Brett Fesley]

Salt can happen.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Brady Bogan]

But he's in Man's going to now.

[John Holmberg]

I'd have to leave his apartment.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, you'd have to.

[John Holmberg]

He'd have to go out and be around people.

[Brady Bogan]

Kombucha is not going to really get him in trouble.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. I don't think that weird tea he drinks is going to make him. Maybe something in that would, like, register on a breathalyzer. But Shannon's driving around when the cops are like, go as fast as you want. We're not wasting our time with you. It's one in the morning. Yeah, there's nobody I like. Larry would be the fun one, especially because if you finally talked Larry about leaving the house and he had a Midori Sour and got busted on the way home. Oh, a legendary forever.

[Brady Bogan]

The cops let him go. Midori, please, just go home.

[John Holmberg]

What were you drinking? You've been drinking tonight. I've had two Midori. Larry, be really honest. I've had two Midori Sour. Sir, did you lose a bet with a woman's group? Were you, like, emceeing some sort of lady of the Year award? No, I love them. You need to go home. You're hilarious. What do you do for a living? I'm on the radio. Well, that makes sense. You're a riot. Yeah, guys, like, what about Jerry Foster? Yeah. We had a local helicopter pilot for channel 12 dealing weed out of the 12 chopper. Sweet.

[Brady Bogan]

Remember when they landed at our elementary.

[Brett Fesley]

School all the time dropping bales?

[John Holmberg]

No, it was. Yeah. We didn't realize we were a front for him to drop off his bales. He did that blue thunder thing behind the biggest tree you could find in the. In the park. He flipped out, man. But what we didn't know was he was hiding behind that tree chucking bales into the trees at Roosevelt Elementary. And then. Oh, we got such a kick out of that. And you think about that now. If anything went wrong today, you land a helicopter at an elementary school playground. That was a. That was a twice a year, awesome thing. Did you have the koi balloon come to your thing, too?

[Brady Bogan]

No, no, we just had Jerry.

[John Holmberg]

That was a full wasted day. The koi balloon would load up and they would never take off. They'd get it off the ground a little bit. Just light her up. Light it up. I mean, I didn't know what it was yet, but I think I might have been whacking it. Like, that was the neatest day of my life. We get up first thing, like, say, the pledge. Do the announcers, like, all right, everybody outside. The whole school's gonna stand out there and watch a balloon Fire up. And then the helicopter would land. And what did they do with the kids? Stood em like out there to watch it. No barriers, no fence, nothing. Right. Just a soccer field. And Jerry would come in and kind of like manage around the kids and land a helicopter and shoot all sorts of debris and nonsense and shrapnel up off the ground as those blades landed. That thing where just our eyes are getting peppered with stuff.

[Brett Fesley]

And nowadays money the station would spend for the theme song, the production.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta have huge for the commercials and stuff. But he would land there. Now imagine today at Gilbert Christian, how many lawsuits there would be when one of your prick talon Kaden Jadens gets a piece of dry grass in his eye. And we had to go to the optometrist because. Oh, and it's ruining his baseball. We play a lot of money to be in his club league. You could never land the.

[Brett Fesley]

First of all, they won't be allowed to go outside.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's true. Well, they're not going to stand him in a field while the chopper's landing. It's not mash, but we did it. All right, everybody go stand outside where we see the chopper. Yeah. Don't let it hit you. You're an idiot. And it was not far from us. That helicopter landed like.

[Brady Bogan]

No, because you had the whole school.

[John Holmberg]

Out there, literally from the front row of kids just. And we were free to ROAM like.

[Brady Bogan]

Any 400, 500 kids out there, any.

[John Holmberg]

One of us could have gone rogue and just run after it. But we, you know, they all knew. Everybody knew better. That was cool. You can't do that with these fragile ass prick kids you guys are raising today. They can't be near a helicopter landing. God forbid that koi balloon. We need a kupd. But we don't have any phones. We're not gonna. Trust me. I say we're not gonna ever put any money into this.

[Brady Bogan]

Can't afford helium balloons.

[John Holmberg]

Trust me, the days of putting money into a radio station are over. They're just gonna milk this thing dry until it dies. And it's close. As far as an industry, we're the last. We're the last ones on the mountain.

[Brett Fesley]

But HMS Balloon.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Maybe instead of Merc Madness, I should just buy a balloon. Fly that around every once in a. Take it to work. Just try to land it here. I don't know how to land one. There's so many power lines, I'd be scared to death. But now that would be a Store Valley DJ Dyson in homemade balloon accident. That's pretty good at 631. I like the olden times. Hearkening back to a day when DJs used to drink too much, tool around, drive around. Remember Carla Fox? Oh, yeah. Oh, that was a good one. She ran over someone, a lawyer. A lawyer. His finger got stuck in her Jeep Cherokee grill. And she went home, left him there. And they caught her because they're like, were you driving around tonight? And they're like, no. Well, we were looking at the front of your car and there's a finger in it. And there's a dude laying on Indian school with a finger missing. So not Sherlock Holmes, but I'm gonna go ahead and put one and one together and say you might have something to do with this. Oh, no, that's my friend's finger. Okay. Carla, they took her off the. I don't know if she went to.

[Brett Fesley]

Go to car with a. Another car dealer, the son of the owner. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I don't think I know that part. Yeah, I just knew. She clubbed a dude with her car and then took off. Not knowing that the dude put his hands out and one of his fingers snapped off in her. I don't. Did he make it? She had to go to jail. She went to jail.

[Brady Bogan]

I think she wound up in LA or something doing.

[John Holmberg]

She did. Somebody hired her? I think so, yes. She was in Los Angeles. Yeah. I used to always hold my hands up and say, look, I've got nine just to trigger her. Don't. Brett. Let's get a wake up song. Five at 59800. Be careful. You don't want to be in the news. And we'll get a wake up song to start off our day and scream it together. It's 98 KPD. Wake up. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. Still streaming. Homberg's morning sickness [e-mail] well, thanks. Miles to nowhere. That's Katie and the Hobbs here. Glorious Tuesday. It's beautiful. And I just dawned on me. It is the last day of September.

[Brett Fesley]

You gotta get your Halloween up.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God. I loved every second of this weekend. I've got neighbors who put this absolute catastrophe of a front yard. Look at us, pay attention to me thing those 30 foot skeletons and oh.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, we got that.

[John Holmberg]

They put these weird like wedding arches across their walkway in the front yard. Oh yeah, and they had hoops. Looks terrible. It just looks like blight. I believe that's the. The only time I'd ever used the word blight because that's what I see. It doesn't look good. Your house looks like trash. And you started it in the middle of September and it last garbage a little bit here and there. But let's calm down about September Halloween. So they got this storm. Wrecked everything.

[Brett Fesley]

Demolished it.

[John Holmberg]

It was awesome. It was like. I got up the next day. I got up the next day and I looked and I look. Ah. Laughing hysterically. There's giant 30 foot skeleton bones all over the road. And this thing blew up. Wow. Their whole. I want my house to look like I haven't washed it in months. Cobwe, the collection that they'd put it was just everywhere.

[Brett Fesley]

See that skull with the beady eyes?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I got one of those.

[Brett Fesley]

Looking around.

[John Holmberg]

An inflatable witch was just like dead on their roof. And their house looked. And you know it's. It actually looks better with. Now it's just trash in the front yard. Whereas before it was just organized trash in the front yard. Loved every second.

[Brett Fesley]

We probably got about four houses that are. I noticed around one of them neighbor across the street from me there. It's like Pinterest.

[John Holmberg]

It's out of hand.

[Brett Fesley]

As the design on it. It's.

[John Holmberg]

It's out of hand. It's like maybe a week or so.

[Brett Fesley]

It's probably. It's bigger than Christmas.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's not bigger than Christmas. Some people go crazy. But it is like everybody does something for Christmas neighborhoods. No. You've got a few people that are just. It's just sad and pathetic that they're just. They have to have their neighbors pay attention to them that much for a month. You don't even put that up there. Like there's a rule in Christmas not to go too crazy for too long. And it's the holiday season. It's Thanksgiving to New Year's. You get like you have a month of stuff and reason to do. Halloween is weird and it's just like, you know, only people who love it are Spirit and Home Depot. Home Depot's just fleecing you for.

[Brett Fesley]

Too late now. It's already sold out. If you're looking for your giant.

[Brady Bogan]

It's ridiculous. I was at Lowe's yesterday and there's. They got the 30 foot skeleton and then they got Yukon Cornelius and. And the Rudolph sitting right there.

[John Holmberg]

You go, yeah. I mean the Christmas stuff's out too. It's great. But those 30 foot skeletons are no longer unique. And now there's like eight of them on everyone's street. Hilarious. And when the wind blows and those. When there's just bones everywhere. Oh, it's great. I want to go out as an, as an archaeologist or something for Halloween and just dust those bones. They're laying all over everybody's front yard and they haven't cleaned it up because it's a pain in the ass to set up.

[Brady Bogan]

Get you a fedora and a bowl.

[John Holmberg]

Indiana Jones and just start dustin for don't touch this. This is an archaeological site. But yeah, I looked. I've giggled hysterically for about a mile because I know those people think that we're all looking at them going, that is amazing. But really behind their backs, we're all like, God, I can't wait for their cruddy dirt Halloween hillbilly festival to end. It's too much out here because you're like, it's nice.

[Brett Fesley]

You're wanting to get out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Fesley]

That the summer's behind.

[John Holmberg]

We're in the fall, but it's okay to decorate. Don't get me wrong. Yeah, but when you go crazy and it's September 18th and I gotta stare at cobwebs and dirt and you know, a 30 foot skeleton maybe sometimes standing, maybe sometimes laying across the street, it's. That's enough. Do it. Do it for a week or so. Even that's pushing it. You're fine.

[Brady Bogan]

You gotta start that stuff early.

[John Holmberg]

Why stuff as these people are putting out.

[Brett Fesley]

It's October 1st. Game on.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not. It's. You're just sheep who have eaten alive. The. They sell you more stuff, you suck it all up. Pretty soon we're gonna have inflatable moms for mother's Day and people will decorate their yards for everything. Deep down, we're all white trash. Deep down, we're all. We all want to. We all want to park things in our yard. Deep down, that's what it comes down to is just the white trash desire to have garbage in your front yard for a long period of time. We can't get enough of it. And really, truly, the only time it's special is Christmas. If you keep doing it over and over, it's going to make everything trashy. It's constant garbage. The hoas used to be for this reason. The biggest reason hoas existed was cars and Christmas lights. In March, they'd knock on the door, guys gonna knock it off. They were like the brave ones in the neighborhood that would tell you, hey, mow your grass. Get that. I don't know, what is that? An old firebird without a hood. Get that out of your yard. And then turn these Lights off. Christmas ended three months ago.

[Brett Fesley]

Now you've got third and you've got 30 days to do this. I mean, a lot of times if there's.

[John Holmberg]

Find them immediately on November 1st, if you're still rolling out the orange and purple lights and you look like your house is in hell, that's enough.

[Brady Bogan]

You're anti HOA too.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's the only time I'm kind of like. Because you just. You don't want to be, you know, a scrooge about how. But six weeks of staring at that, it's awful when you notice you're the only one on the road doing it. Knock it off. And God forbid it sparks other. But that's what I do like about my neighborhood. I don't have a jones's neighborhood. I don't have the one where somebody buys a new car. There's 15 new cars we look at. Like when somebody decides to step out, they're like, ugh. Put the. Don't, don't draw attention to yourself, you weirdos. Christmas, we all do our thing. That's nice. Nobody goes nuts. Respectful.

[Brady Bogan]

The gays don't put up a big display in their front yard.

[John Holmberg]

Christmas.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No, they have a. They have very low key, subdued, beautiful decorations.

[Brett Fesley]

They go crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, June. It's just. It's like living at the biz. I feel like pots of gold will just start showing up. It's a rainbow festival.

[Brady Bogan]

Comes Dorothy and Toto for somewhere over the Rainbow.

[John Holmberg]

I can't stop making fun of my neighbors Michael and Troy, because I. Since they've lived there and it's. I don't know, it's been like seven years now. Once a week, maybe twice a week, they have a new plumbing company take a look at some stuff. And I always have. I always say that I'm like, what are you guys doing to your plumbing? That requires a. And I didn't know until they moved in across the road that there are seven to 900 different plumbers in this city. It's never the same guy twice. I'm like, what are you dudes doing to the pipes? And there, like, how much.

[Brett Fesley]

Maybe they're waiting for that right plumber to be like the pool boy maybe. Try this company.

[John Holmberg]

They're grooming plumbers is what you're saying. They're going to grape one or they're.

[Brett Fesley]

Trying to have the same ass moment.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think it's that far, but maybe, maybe they're just looking for.

[Brett Fesley]

Let me see your monkey wrench.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, that maybe. Perhaps they want to see this big fat monkey wrench. And I'm just here for the plumbing. It's in our bedroom. I was afraid of that. All right, you guys. Stop flushing towels. Oh, sorry. What else are we gonna clean each other with? Not this. This is a beach towel, man.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah, there's a boot.

[John Holmberg]

There's a boot. Oh.

[Brett Fesley]

How did that get in there?

[John Holmberg]

Handcuffs. A fez. Well, it got dirty after. God damn it. It was covered in poopy. Poopy goes in the toilet.

[Brady Bogan]

You flush that Astroglide is not good for the plumbing.

[John Holmberg]

And then the head. You think it would be the opposite, but it isn't. He's right. It the plumbing up. How did that turn you on? I was telling you. Your pipes full of astro glide. Oh, stop it. And that's why there's a new plumber there every week. The plumber leaves, you call somebody else. I'm not coming back. Come back. No. It's a crazy house in there. Quit flushing your towels. I've told you guys this a million times. You cannot put bounty rolls in the toilet. But then you won't come back. Call someone else.

[Brady Bogan]

Sup, Keyshawn?

[John Holmberg]

He's back. Hey, I'm your plumber. What's going on? We flushed a towel. Yeah, there's notes about you from the other plumbers. I drew the short straw. What did that turn you on? Anyway, but Halloween is. It's a fun holiday. And I fear it's being sucked dry by people who need attention so badly that I feel sorry for for them. 38 days of Halloween. Skeletons in your front yard is. Is 36 days too many. Keep it special. It's fun. The weekend before Halloween. Now this is on a Friday this year, so you get a whole week. Put it up that Saturday before, and everybody's like, oh, this? It's here, it's Friday, and it's great, but for a month, I'm just like, sick of looking at the garbage.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah, but if you spent two days putting it up right for just two.

[John Holmberg]

Days, it takes weeks.

[Brett Fesley]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

Some of them just. Yeah, well, then scale it back a little bit. How about that? If it's taken more than a weekend to put up, that's a job. You're wasting your time.

[Brett Fesley]

My white trash setup is, you know, maybe an hour.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that seems reasonable. That seems nice. But you don't litter your yard with cobwebs and PVC pipe of trash, do you? No. Yeah. You're not doing that.

[Brett Fesley]

But I don't. You know, again, it's. It's cool to see when you, you go around there, just get you that week, season that. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[John Holmberg]

In September. It's not, it's just. Oh man, I gotta look at it for 33 days. That's crazy. Crazy. Calm it down a little bit. And also, we might not make it to Halloween. Yesterday I was, you know, just, you know, perusing the news and they had the Trump and Netanyahu talk. Did you guys catch that? And they were talking about, talking about blowing everything up. We'll take care of this is gonna end ugly. I don't know if they're serious about, like, we got Gaza on a 21 point plan. If they don't accept it, Benji, we'll do whatever it takes to blow them off the face of the planet. Any questions? We're not taking questions like what just happened? One of them said, if they don't accept our peace plan, I'm gonna let him finish the job. It's like you've got a dog on a chain and just raw meat. You know, if they don't want to listen, Hamas, it's over. That's exactly right, Mr. President. If they don't accept our terms of peace, we will chop them up into bits and stew them. That's right. And we're gonna walk away, leaving you with that. And I'm like, that's not good. So it's this or that. And you know, Hamas, I always worry about warning people who can't wait to go to heaven about like killing them. They love the idea of getting blown up. That's like the ultimate thing. I don't think telling them we'll blow you off the face of the planet is a good idea. I think. You know what we should do, like make as much bacon as we can and just drop it on them. That would freak them out to kill us. They're hitting us with cloven hooven pork and just chuck pork at them. Pork bombs, loads of hams. Things they hate. Women just have women walking around like women bombs like fembots would drive them insane.

[Brady Bogan]

Just dropping honey baked hams from B52s over.

[John Holmberg]

Gays just have.

[Brett Fesley]

Just glaze them.

[John Holmberg]

Gays glaze them? Yeah, put some. And it touched the ham. Oh, the glazer touched the pig. And then they just start running. I liked it better when they were killing us. We just throw ham at them. Sending the twinks. Yeah, we've got a pretty good plan here. And I'm not a big ham guy, by the way, as a Jew, but we're gonna chuck Bacon at them. And we're gonna let them live in seas of bacon. From the river to the sea of bacon. Get em.

[Brett Fesley]

The prisons are a bath house.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, just make it. Make it the gayest bacon festival of all time. And they will surrender. But they like dying. From everything I've read about Hamas, they love to die. Like that's why they're here. The faster they do it, the quicker they serve Allah, the more you kill them, the better off they feel. Bacon is the answer here. They hate bacon. They're Old Testament people. They're like way back in the day, the bacon and shrimp. If you chuck some crustaceans at them and oh, they'd lose their minds and just splatter them down with milk and say it's from a Covid thing.

[Brett Fesley]

No wonder they're so angry.

[John Holmberg]

They're furious. They don't have any bacon. We've known this for years. And you know what? Maybe the piece will be one of them steps out of rank and bites down on some of the delicious crispy bacon we've shot at them. And they tells the others, like, guys, Muhammad was wrong. This is amazing. Don't. I want. Don't believe it's amazing. Don't eat the bacon. Smell it. I mean, if you drop bacon all over the Gaza Strip and then said, do you guys smell this? Like, this is the greatest. This could be every day if you wanted. Maybe we have been a little pushy. And then they might.

[Brett Fesley]

They'd be sleeping in, waking up to.

[John Holmberg]

The smell of bacon that their wives who are no longer dressed like beekeepers are making. You know, I don't want to make them love the west because they hate us, but bacon is the answer. And it isn't about making them love bacon.

[Brett Fesley]

Glizzy guns.

[John Holmberg]

Look, shooting, it works. It works every direction. It works every direction. If they get hit by bacon, they start losing their minds. If they start eating the bacon, they're going to start liking it. So either way they're going, this is an assault. They did not expect bombs. They love those things. They attack so you kill them. They're not attacking to win wars. When's the last time a Middle Eastern country other than Afghanistan won a war? They don't win them. They just antagonize you to kill them because they don't like it here.

[Brett Fesley]

We don't want to win. We want to continue on.

[John Holmberg]

For hundreds of years. Thousands and thousands of years, they've been picking at whoever will throw bombs at them so they can go meet Allah. Let's leave them Here and hit them with some bacon grease. They'll lose their minds. But that press conference made me nervous. Trump was like, you know, a lot of. I'm trying. I'm very odd. All I want is peace for an eternity. Wouldn't that be great? And I'm like, that would be great. That's a great sentence. Peace for an eternity. Wouldn't that be great? But if we don't have it, Benji, I'm going to blow them to kingdom come, like in a day.

[Brett Fesley]

Just say the word.

[John Holmberg]

Say the word. Tell me. I dare you, mother, to say you don't want peace. It's so contradictory. We. All we want is peace, but if we don't get it, I mean, it's going to be an explosion and a death count you can't even imagine. Isn't that right, Donald? That's right. Because we're here as peace brokers. It's horrifying.

[Brett Fesley]

You want more info, go to Benji. Boom boom dot com.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Boom Boom. Hey, by the way, that's the noise you'll hear and it will be over if you don't accept peace. I'm watching that going, do they hear themselves? We're dying for peace. Me and BB have been talking for days. Just love peace. Peace is the way. But if not winking a nod, bye bye. It's scary. Morning sickness. 28 Holmberg's morning sickness. And I'm not altogether against it, but I think there's a better way. And I think that that way is ham. And we as Americans have a surplus of ham. We've got lots of food. Chuck it at them that way. You're also doing the humanitarian thing where they say we're starving them out. No, we're not. We're shooting bacon at them if they're not eating it. It's their own choice.

[Brett Fesley]

Spam Force.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Spam. Actually, would they eat that? They might eat that. I don't know if that's actual meat.

[Brady Bogan]

I think there's pig in it.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, drop them. Work. Yep. Gays, scantily clad blondes and bacon. We win this thing in a week.

[Brady Bogan]

And Twinks.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. I said Gays Khalifa sent her over there too. Or yes. Drag queens. Gays, Scantily clad broads and they're just coated in bacon. Just throwing it.

[Brady Bogan]

Kiss. Doing a concert over there.

[John Holmberg]

That'd be great. Oh, my God. My God. Transvestite Jews singing Rock they surrender tomorrow. Hello, Gaza Strip. We are Kiss. Of course, you already probably knew that.

[Brett Fesley]

And Lil Kiss.

[John Holmberg]

I sound exactly like the Prime Minister of Israel. I am Gene Simmons of kiss. I want to rock and roll all night and party. Gaza Strip. Here's some bacon. Bacon from the guns. They keep shooting pork at us. We have no. We have no defenses.

[Brady Bogan]

You could send disturbed in Dave Draiming.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, yeah. Jews everywhere. Ladies and gentlemen, a special message from Billy Crystal. How you doing? I'm a super Jew. How's everybody out there? Not the Super Jews. No. Have you seen When Harry Met Sally? I mean, come on. Not bad. Super Jews and bacon. Where do we sign the peace accord? You were supposed to kill us. What were you doing? That'd be a great leader. People would laugh. And then when you shot your bacon at them, be like, it worked. You know what else would work? They'd start rebuilding their country fast to keep us from doing it again. Coat him in bacon. Sorry. Sorry. Coat him in bacon, I said. Everybody should listen to me. Jane Simmons is here along with me. Bibi Netanyahu. Gene Saylor. Hello, baby. It's wonderful to be here occasionally. That's the way you tell us apart. I will a couple of chs finish.

[Brett Fesley]

Them off with Kenny G. Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

That's like the. That's a 24 hours of all the Jew. Clarinet guy. What is going on? We are. They're supposed to kill us and let us meet Muhammad? Well, no. They're giving us bacon and juice. They don't want it anymore. And just on a loudspeaker. Good night, Gaza Strip. Kenny G. Put up a bunch of. They aren't shooting us. They're building gigantic speakers. What are they thinking? I was gonna put you to sleep tonight, Gus. Oh, it's bb. You're up all night with bb. That one got me. I don't know why. BB Night Speedy nights all the way from your incredible neighbors to the east. Here's more. Kenny G. The Super Jew put you to sleep there. Always remember that we want peace or the bacon and Super Jew attack will continue. This is on a loop. Then it's going to get louder with more speakers. Please stop putting up speakers and return to shooting at us. We have weighed down our arms and picked up Super Jews with talons. City Slickers won and two will be playing everywhere starting tomorrow with Super Jewel. Billy Crystal. Don't forget Monsters, Inc. Yeah, we got to do that. Monsters, Inc. As well. Billy's in that. It's the voice of a Super Jewel. Will haunt you for years. Kenny. BB up all night Gaza Strip radio. Kgza. It's a good idea. It's Better than what we're doing. Because that thing yesterday, I was eating a. I had a Jersey Mike's turkey sub. And I put it down. Oh, what? I took a bite and I'm like, what'd he just say? And I like 30 seconds back, I'm like, that's what he said. I love the idea of peace. I love it. It's a great day for peace. I think peace is the way to go. Benjamin, do you have anything? But if they don't accept it, you know, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Bye bye, Brown town. It's weird, but I think I'm right. I'm firing lackeys at them. Everything they hate. They love bombs. When will we learn? This is a thousand years of trying one way and they still fight. They got on hang gliders and blew up. They love dying. Take away what they love. Shoot stuff they hate. Bibles, just launching Bibles and pictures of Jesus and just those Mormon blonde Jesus, that one. That's got to drive them bananas. Drop some dreidels on dreidels and Jew toys and sales. Yeah, yep. All that stuff. Things from delicatessens. Bagel them, pickle them, bagel them.

[Brady Bogan]

All that Mel Brooks Film Fest.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God, if you did enough of the Jew.

[Brett Fesley]

Adam Sandler.

[John Holmberg]

History of the world was pretty funny. Hello, jama. I am Super Drew Adam Sandler and I'm a dbg. Peace Saturday. Meet Zohan. Excellent work there, Zohan. Excellent work. It's like Farm Aid, only it's just to piss them off and else we'll lose some people. They're going to shoot Billy Crystal. I don't know what I did. They're going to kill you, Billy. I was just trying for peace. Billy did his best, but he's a martyr now because they still shot at him. But we get him long enough and that's enough. But I don't like this hole that that starts making. I'm not a Palestine fan. I don't understand people who are. But you start to understand why they'd put their dukes up. When people have like, the most powerful nation in the world standing next to the one you hate. And they say, if you don't listen to us, we're gonna blow you off the face of the planet. And they say it on tv. That's new. That's never been a thing before. I actually don't mind the strong Armin, but they like that. That's what they're shooting for. And the next thing you know, they're gonna release videos of Us blowing up schools because that's where they'll hang out. We're gonna have to. All their leaders are gonna go hang out with a bunch of 6 year olds and we're gonna launch bombs and blow them up. And they'll only show the pictures of the kids they blew up. Can't do it. Bacon. Bacon is the answer to so many problems. This world has ass. Tell me that. If Pratt came over and said I wanted to. I want to talk. Buddy. Let's have a chat. I'm like, no way. I brought bacon. I'm all right. I'll hear you out for a minute. What do you got? Is it crispy? It's none of that fatty, weird double cut. Oh, the double cut's a little much for me. I prefer a real good crisp. That Ranch House Grill, they make some good bacon. It's perfectly crispy. It's not too thick. I don't want it to feel like beef jerky. I want it to be like. Like a nice crunch. The whole room smells good. Double cut's too thick. Although it's good. I ain't complaining. I have a preference. It's like pizza. You order pizza, I'll eat it. Yeah, I know. You. You calm down. This is a bad time for you.

[Brett Fesley]

You can't have it.

[John Holmberg]

You're not allowed to eat it. And we're just basically waving it in front of your nose.

[Brett Fesley]

Ronnie made some the other day.

[John Holmberg]

That's mean. Oh, in the house?

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She made bacon. Him?

[Brett Fesley]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

And you were there? Did you have to leave?

[Brett Fesley]

No, I. I hung around. The smell.

[Brady Bogan]

She's still walking.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Fesley]

Took the smell in.

[John Holmberg]

Wait a minute. I just read a headline. Says Valley DJ Assault's wife. Are you sure? Ah, she can't go making bait. I thought she was, like, all super healthy.

[Brett Fesley]

It was in there. And it had to be either.

[John Holmberg]

In what?

[Brett Fesley]

You know, in the refrigerator.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we'll give it to the neighbors. Give it to a Muslim. Them.

[Brett Fesley]

That's how strong I was. John, you can make it.

[John Holmberg]

I'm powerful. I'm strong. That's good. Proud of you.

[Brett Fesley]

Who's snacking on it yesterday?

[John Holmberg]

And you had like a what, a tofu bar and a glass of hot water?

[Brett Fesley]

No, not quite that bad, but. No tofu. No tofu.

[John Holmberg]

Tofu's pretty good.

[Brett Fesley]

It's not bad. I've had it a couple of times.

[John Holmberg]

Makes you gassy. But you're already gassy. Anyway, I've solved the world's problems once again. Will anyone ever listen to me? No. Or end up in A never ending war with the. These people who again, love dying so much, they took the fun sport of paragliding and made it a weapon. They're crazy. They love. You're not getting out of that alive. If I paraglide over to Gilbert and try to fight a guy, I'm not leaving. You know hard it is to get a paraglider off the ground. Have you ever seen that?

[Brett Fesley]

I don't know how they. I mean, it's amazing what takes forever.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah, you're easy. You're an easy target.

[Brett Fesley]

Or how many of them?

[John Holmberg]

A ton of them. But then you land and you start a fist fight with somebody and you got to get out of there. It's. It's. You got to start a lawnmower. You got that? And then you get rolled down like a thousand foot thing and you're barely off the ground. You're like the Wright brothers, for Christ's sake. You're not getting out of there. They didn't plan on leaving. They just wanted everybody to kill them. They. They pick. They're passive aggressive. They. They hit you, and when you hit them back, they cry that you're, you know, trying to kill them. And then it doesn't help that the guy on TV goes, we're trying to kill them. We want to kill them dead. Like all of them. All of them. Leave none behind. Unless they accept our peace treaty. That is contradictory. And I'm with them. Hopefully Hamas comes to their senses. But from what I've known and I've been around for 53 years now, I'm not an expert on life, but one thing I do know is you tell the Middle east you want peace, they start blowing stuff up, they don't want it. They want to meet Allah. They love that dude, Muhammad and whoever else. They can talk to Barack, the horse that sends him back and forth to the sun. And I don't know what the hell that religion is, but I've read a little bit about this. Isn't that. And they ain't quitting on it.

[Brett Fesley]

Ted Nugent and the boy shot should hustle up some of those feral hogs in Texas and drop them over there because they populate like crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Now, that's the nuke of the whole thing. If we just start throwing pigs at them, it's some type of hairy boar. Can we eat that? I don't think we can. That's not. Why is he making us go through this? You'd get them to convert if God didn't protect them from pig attacks. Come on. Maybe that's the answer. And I know it's graphic and disgusting, but let's put bombs in pigs and then just let them walk around in Gaza and it. When it explodes, they're more worried about the pig blood than they are the bomb. I don't know. Seems like a great plan for me, but it's weird. I don't understand. It seems like we could solve it a different way. We gotta look at it from a new angle. Don't be like, radio executives. Quit doing the same thing over and over and expect different results. Let's throw pigs at it like we've done with radio for years. Just throw pigs at it like a midday. A midday radio show. That's been the philosophy of radio executives for years. Who do we put in middays? And somebody goes, let's just throw a pig in there. And that's what happens. That's usually what a midday girl is.

[Brett Fesley]

Keeps peace.

[John Holmberg]

But front butts live in the middays. Hey, everybody, I'm front butt, and I'm running the after middays here. They got so bad, they put a. A man front putt at kslx. He's the sexiest midday girl in the air. Long Paul.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, we got Larry.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. We have one, too. Larry used to be a front butt, but he got real thin. Yeah. Larry's the second. Second sexiest midday girl on the air behind Long Paul. Long Paul is the traditional midday guy. Long hair, balding, a little bit overweight. Most of them try to have sex with you with their voice, and then when you meet them, you're like, mom. Whoa.

[Brady Bogan]

Say the least.

[John Holmberg]

Who ate the girl that I listened to? Hey, thanks for coming out. I'm front butt. Oh, there's so many times that happened. You get those phone calls, that chick that's on the air before you. Hot. And they used to hate that. Valerie Knight used to get mad at me because I did afternoons and she did middays. And Valerie was not bad. Yeah. Is she really hot? This is before you could see everybody on the Internet over and over. And I'm like, if she was, she'd be on tv. I guess that's probably true, man. Valerie be like, shut up. That's. Well, it's. How wrong am I? Am I? You don't see a lot of, like, smoke. Yeah, she'd be on tv. At least her radio show would be on television. Yeah. And then she'd guzzle, like, half a bottle of Scope and leave. Smell good. But there's a reason. Yeah, throw pigs at it. It's the old radio way. What do you got on the big board musical treats there. Brett, wake up.

[Brady Bogan]

Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And we've been telling you, and I, I'm going to keep telling you because now the weather is getting nice. It is time to get your asses back on the bike bikes and get in shape. Hit the trails. Action Ride Shops gonna get you all dialed in. Whether you got the old bike in the garage that needs a little bit of service or you need a brand new bike, Action Ride Shop is the place to be. They got all kinds of deals going on with the best wrenches in town and two locations, as a matter of fact, the brand new one right there on Power Road, McDowell right off the Haas trailhead, and of course the OG.

[John Holmberg]

Right there on Gilbert Road in Southern.

[Brady Bogan]

And it's gonna be. It's gonna start getting cold enough to where you're gonna want to head up north and get the skiing and snowboarding in. So Action Ride Shop right there at Gilbert and Sardin's got everything for you.

[John Holmberg]

Actionrideshop.com hold on. This is my problem with the general population. I'm all for blowing stuff up for, you know, the outcome, but it's not working. After all that talk, the suggestions for, they all said Brett always writes next to it. Why destroy everything? Trump and Israel, welcome to Planet Mother Effort. Trump and Israel. Israel killed by death. Trump and Israel, like, everybody's like, yeah, everybody just wants it to blow up. I do like March of the Pigs, though.

[Brady Bogan]

Well, who are you? For the Merc Fever, too.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's true, too. The big question everyone's asking is who? When we say the Mercury in the finals, who are you? Is great by the. That's for Merc, not Merc Fever. Merc mania.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because if it's Merc fever, that could be the final one of the team's name is Fever. And I don't know if Indianapolis plays the We've got Fever fever. I don't know if that's a thing, but we gotta have Merc Madness just in case they play the Fever Fever. Fever. Fever is I've got Fever fever. Yeah, it's dumb. The whole league's dumb. All right, now you pick it, Brett. I like a lot of those.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, I like. Welcome to Planet Mother Effort.

[John Holmberg]

It's always good. Never a problem. All right, we'll go with that. And that's what we'll have, Brett. If they don't accept my very generous peace offer, I just want birds and children outside Playing and singing all the time. But if I don't get it, Goodbye, browntown. Take your hats and your beekeeper wives and we're gonna push you right off the earth. It's over. You're gonna meet Allah and then you can thank me. And that's another thing. I. The middle easterners, they love me because I get to introduce them to muhammad regularly. And that's what I'm going to do. That was the actual phrase. If they don't accept my peace deal, I give Benjamin netanyahu and Israel permission to finish them off. That's bad. It's far away, so we can laugh, but that's bad. I didn't like hearing that. Come up with a new plan. They ain't going anywhere. It's gonna make new ones. If you blow them all up, there'll be new ones. In 20 years from now, we'll be doing this again. Do you have it or does he.

[Brady Bogan]

He should. It should be in the system, I believe.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. I don't. It's not in front of me.

[Brady Bogan]

I can pull it up if necessary.

[John Holmberg]

Now I have to. Welcome to planet. There it is. All right. I can do this. Blink. I got it. Good radio right there. Me doing some computer work. There you go. It's a zombie. And it's for you guys. Welcome to Planet Mother efforts 98, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. Still streaming Homberg's morning sickness [e-mail] we're ready to go with all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the brady report is brought to you by all pro shade concepts. Arizona's best patio shades. Twenty years of shade, they say. Two decades of quality custom installed patio shades, awnings and sunscreens. You know what I was thinking, Brady? When they come to your house for an estimate, they should just walk around with an umbrella the whole time that you are under to make you realize how great it's about to be. They never ever idea. They never ever let you stand in the sun. Ever. Little marketing idea. Between that and shooting pigs at Gaza, I'm full of them. You got free installation and all products. Free estimates. These shades there get custom built and they'll block up to 95% of the sun's UV rays. And that means they're going to help you out there. That's the bad stuff. Cut the dust and wind, drop the temps about 20 degrees. I mean, what is going on in your world that you still have that section of your house that Isn't shaded. Get on itAllPro shade dot com. That's where you go. Brady reported.

[Brett Fesley]

Good Tuesday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Brett Fesley]

Happy Pet Tricks day.

[John Holmberg]

Do you have, do you have any weird tricks that your dogs do?

[Brett Fesley]

Ziggy does the standard sit down.

[John Holmberg]

The sit stand stay and the paw shake.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah, big on that. Both sides.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean? Oh, both.

[Brett Fesley]

Both hands.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know. I've taught my dog Jack ham right from left. And I come home and I do a thing where I'm like, are you ready? And he's like, just. You could see him get excited like it's time for sweet greets. He loves that phrase. I'm like, sweet greets right side. And then he comes runs over and leans his left side into me and I pet his right side like sweet greets left side. And he spins around like he knows right from left. It's pretty awesome. It's a weird. And I don't know why we started doing it because he would always lean. He's one of those leaning dogs. And lean into my legs and I'd pet him. I'm like, you like that? You like your right side pet? And then I'm like, what about your other side? And I'd flip him around. It didn't take long for him to get right in the way left. Also, my dog Jack may be on the spectrum. He's a strange dog, very weird. He every day he goes in for dinner time and he washes his hands in the bowl. He stands in the interesting in the water bowl and just like scooches him around and then gets out. And I'm like, you. I mean it's you. If you go in there and open the door before dinner, he's in the. He's in the dog. Just the front feet just stands in there and kind of moves him and then takes him out. None of the other dogs do do it. He's a weirdo.

[Brett Fesley]

Couple of basis fun facts. The urine of a diabetic contains so much sugar that it can be purified and made into high end single malt whiskey.

[John Holmberg]

We can drink diabetic pee and get drunk off of it.

[Brett Fesley]

Sure can.

[John Holmberg]

I don't believe you. I need that to be proven to me.

[Brady Bogan]

Sure. We have videos about that.

[John Holmberg]

Who's diabetic around here? I mean, I got my guesses. Now that we've got mostly male midday girls, they're usually pre. Pre diabetic. Who's a diabetic? Woman in the building. Is it illegal to ask that? I think that's Probably.

[Brett Fesley]

You probably don't want to start with that.

[John Holmberg]

Which one of you guys diabetic? And can I have a cup of your pee? Those are two questions most offices frown on.

[Brett Fesley]

For Almost all the 1800s, maps of Africa had a mountain range called the Mountains of Kong.

[John Holmberg]

Cool.

[Brett Fesley]

Which didn't actually exist. They still show up once in a while on modern maps. And Atlas from 1995 even had them.

[John Holmberg]

And they're in Africa.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No one cared to just take a look. They just assumed it.

[Brett Fesley]

Or. What is that? Yeah. Or is that the, you know, Kilimanjaro or another.

[John Holmberg]

They just called him. But it is mountains.

[Brett Fesley]

Mountains of Kong. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Kilimanjaro's in Africa.

[Brett Fesley]

I think so.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'll take your word for it. Isn't it?

[Brett Fesley]

Jim Carrey had the chance to play Captain Jack Sparrow and the Pirates of the Caribbean him. But turned it down because it conflicted with his filming schedule of Bruce Almighty.

[John Holmberg]

That one did all right.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Wasn't the Pirates of the Caribbean money? But that would have been pretty good. He'd have been good at that. Although Johnny Depp nailed it with his take on that.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Jim Carrey is a pirate. Over the top would have been pretty good. Yeah.

[Brett Fesley]

There's a new poll that looked at how different generations use their time in the car. Gen Z adults are the generation most likely to want a calming environment or complete silence on their morning commute. 55% of Zoomers claim they enjoy driving in total silence.

[John Holmberg]

What's a zoomer? Gen Z. Oh, that's what they call them now.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah. They also are most likely to use their drive to mentally process their workday. Most likely to take an occasional nap in their car.

[John Holmberg]

Hopefully not driving. Hopefully they're in a carpool situation.

[Brett Fesley]

The survey looked at how different generations use their time in the car. And each age group is a little different. Millennials are the most likely to think about the future or make plans while driving. So more obsessed with multitasking or being productive. If you're a Gen X. Congrats. You still like jamming out? Rocking out in the car to tunes.

[John Holmberg]

That's me.

[Brett Fesley]

89 said listen to music in their car.

[John Holmberg]

Is their top driving NFL Network or just music? Rock music or an engaging radio show. But I happen to be busy when that's on same providing it.

[Brett Fesley]

There was a time when some people considered a badge of honor to show up to work even when they were under the weather. I know.

[John Holmberg]

Long time ago I used to feel that way.

[Brett Fesley]

In the new survey, 86% of people say they. They're concerned about their own health. When a co worker comes in work to work, visibly sick.

[John Holmberg]

Used to have to drag people out of work work. And now it's like, you get the sniffles and nobody wants you there. It's totally different. Bosses used to get mad when you took too many sick days.

[Brady Bogan]

Worst calling in sick here.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Oh, you especially because you were alone.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's like, what do you care? Just get in there. Right? Yeah. Now it's. I. I changed my tune on that. I used to say that, you know, just get into work. Our immune systems will be fine. And then everybody started to lose their mind. It's not worth the hassle.

[Brady Bogan]

And people show up to work with Mercer and stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Remember that guy we worked with, Fred.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Used to always walk around. Never taken a day off in my entire life. Not one. You're gonna regret that someday. And then they fired him. I never took a day. Like, that was his big fight back. I should have taken more time off. Like, he'd do vacations, but he never took a sick day in, like, 19 years. You should do that. That. I forget who the person is downstairs that told me, great plan. They come to work when they're sick and take sick days when they're just fine. It's like, why would I waste a day being sick at home? I've got these free days. I'm not going to say, oh, my God. So I'm like, that's genius. Like, I show up to work, if I'm sick, I don't care. Somebody else gets sick, that's fine. But I show up to work sick, and then I got those sick days. I use those for days I want to just do something else.

[Brett Fesley]

I'm guessing it's the one with the adjustable bed in his cubicle.

[John Holmberg]

It's a girl.

[Brady Bogan]

I think I know who it is.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm saying the guy's a girl. It's our sales. Our sales department.

[Brady Bogan]

I figured.

[John Holmberg]

He guessed it. I don't think many people are. Like, if you worked here, you'd know exactly who I'm talking about. But it's a great. I never thought of that. Why would I use sick days to actually be sick sick? If I'm calling in sick, it's because I want to do something else that day, and then I'll just show up to. Nobody ever gets, like, you know, super sick to the point where you can't. Like, sometimes food poison. I'll do that. I never thought of that before. Like, food poisoning. Throwing up.

[Brett Fesley]

Probably the most common is you come to work with a cold. That's just. I got a cold.

[John Holmberg]

I get like. Our job's a little different because if my head's foggy and I can't talk and this is no fun for anyone. Anybody. So I just like, you know, I'll chop it down. But man, that's a brilliant plan. If you're like calling in sick and actually staying home sick, that's dumb. Go to work.

[Brett Fesley]

In Pensacola, Florida, there's a restaurant called the Shrimp Basket. And they got a cook, Donnell Star Stallworth, and he makes this really good, you know, gumbo. And they have a customer there that's been coming in for a cup of his gumbo for the past 10 years. Every day shows up at 11am his first one in gets a cup of gumbo.

[John Holmberg]

And Donnell saying, gumbo. Just don't say it anymore. We understand. I'll notice annoying word.

[Brett Fesley]

He didn't come in one morning for the gum.

[John Holmberg]

For the gumbo.

[Brady Bogan]

There we go.

[John Holmberg]

Too many times you've said gumbo in the.

[Brett Fesley]

That sounds like this isn't right.

[John Holmberg]

He's dead.

[Brett Fesley]

He went in and donell checked on the guy's house, knew where he lived.

[John Holmberg]

The cook did.

[Brett Fesley]

Yep. And the dude is 78 years old, but end up he fell, broke some ribs, couldn't get up. And he was down for a while, just laying. Didn't check it out. Yeah. Could have died, saved him. And guess what.

[John Holmberg]

Got a couple. God damn it. You hit gumbo like five times in two sentences. There's a lot of gumbo.

[Brett Fesley]

McDonald's is bringing back Monopoly.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't they have a documentary about this, like going haywire fix the glitch? Wasn't it like they never had any million dollar tag.

[Larry McFeely]

Somebody on the inside kept.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

Handing off all the big names.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they were.

[Brett Fesley]

And it was all pocketing the price.

[Larry McFeely]

There was like a collective of like 12.

[John Holmberg]

The whole thing was vest lead. It was just not on the up and up at all.

[Brady Bogan]

Now we wouldn't have got caught.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's what I'm saying. The one thing about the Monopoly thing that wasn't mob is that they got sloppy McMillions.

[Brett Fesley]

It was the documentary HBO.

[John Holmberg]

They stole from all of us. I used to play that constantly. I had everything but like the one extra and I had covered that board and I could not even. Baltic and Mediterranean, the Bengals and Browns of Monopoly. And I could not get that second one.

[Brett Fesley]

Well, they fixed the glitch. It's back in action. Same thing. You basically buy Your item and you peel the tag to get your properties.

[John Holmberg]

Is there an NFL Monopoly board? Oh, yeah. See where. See where they put things? Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, which.

[Larry McFeely]

Which team?

[John Holmberg]

Well, the Cowboys have to be Park Place or Boardwalk.

[Larry McFeely]

Oh, you mean all teams. I think they do them for individuals.

[John Holmberg]

Because they never did the NFL one where they. Cuz that would be insulting. When they put the Browns and Bengals at that first row, where you got Browns, Bengals, Cardinals, Lions would be on there. Even though they're bucking that trend right now. Just terrible. Franchise around for a while.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Has to be in order.

[Brett Fesley]

Browns, they have to update it.

[John Holmberg]

Browns, Bengals, Jaguars. Yeah, you start getting into some weird stuff there. The Raiders have slipped. They used to be kind of. I'd put the Raiders somewhere around Marvin Gardens. The Yellows and then the green ones would be. I don't know. He's like the packers, the Steelers maybe. The packers would be Park Place and the Cowboys would be Boardwalk and then you'd have Steelers.

[Brady Bogan]

I found one from 1998.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah. Who. Who's. Where are the who's. Who's Baltic and Mediterranean? Got to be the Browns and Bengals. Gotta be.

[Brett Fesley]

And do they still do the go to jail thing? Probably have that more often.

[John Holmberg]

They probably just randomly looks like put them in there. Cardinals are the Colts and the Cardinals. Oh man, that's Baltic and Mediterranean. Yeah. Then the Bears, Rams and the Saints. Oriental or whatever they called that.

[Larry McFeely]

Cowboys around the corner. So this must have been related to where they finished the year before.

[John Holmberg]

Well, this is just Broncos and.

[Larry McFeely]

And packers were in the Super Bowl.

[John Holmberg]

That's why Steelers are North Carolina. That makes sense. The green ones are good there. But to get the Panthers in there, this wasn't. This was random draws because I see the.

[Larry McFeely]

But that's right, because the Jaguars were.

[John Holmberg]

In the division or in the conference championship in 98. That's true. Panthers, Jags, both in there. That's true. Packers. And you're right. Packers and Broncos were in the Super Bowl.

[Brett Fesley]

Browns and Bengals not even on the board.

[John Holmberg]

So this was. They aren't. They didn't even are. They're not the board. No. There's the bungles. They're over there in the orange.

[Brett Fesley]

Are you sure or is that the.

[John Holmberg]

That's a Tiger.

[Larry McFeely]

Tiger.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah. Yeah. There's the bungles. The Browns didn't make the board.

[Larry McFeely]

Browns.

[John Holmberg]

Were they a team in 98? I don't think they were there anymore. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, that's 98. So the Ravens.

[Larry McFeely]

Where are the Ravens at on there then?

[John Holmberg]

Well, they Weren't on there. Well, yeah, they should be.

[Larry McFeely]

There's over by Go to jail or.

[Brady Bogan]

Or free parking.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, I don't know. Well, it's probably by the jail because it's Baltimore.

[Larry McFeely]

Was the Oilers still there? Is that the Oilers logo?

[Brady Bogan]

A second.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Larry McFeely]

And the R words.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the. Up there. There's the ravens with their original logo next to the Bills. Oh, yeah. So that's a. That's basic, like 98 celebration monopoly, but if you did it for, like, franchise history. Brown spongles. Yeah. Are the Mediterranean. Baltic Cardinals, Lions, Jags. Are the next three. That weird pale purple Oriental Avenue.

[Brady Bogan]

And it's like they change it every. Every year, so. Because here's the 99 edition.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So this would be the one. So every time you win a Super bowl, that's the. So 99 would be. That's a Broncos again. Yeah.

[Larry McFeely]

Isn't it Broncos and Falcons or who.

[John Holmberg]

Who'd they. Is this. Yeah. Broncos and Falcons. Yeah. All right, that's kind of neat, but I want the real one.

[Brady Bogan]

Bangles.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The bungles were second worst. Eagles and Bungles making their annual appearance as Baltic Avenue. Wow, that's bad.

[Brett Fesley]

All right, there's this dude who, claiming to be Colonel Sanders, great, great, great nephew. And he says KFC blocked him from complaining about them sexualizing Colonel Sanders. So he leaked a secret chicken recipe.

[John Holmberg]

Salt and pepper, 11 spices. Salt, lots of salt and pepper.

[Brett Fesley]

And according to him, the 11 spices, he puts them out there.

[John Holmberg]

He nailed it.

[Brett Fesley]

Sage, garlic powder. That's a whole rundown.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Fesley]

For this guy, whether he's claiming to be legit or he's just getting fame, he's gone viral for it. But he's been doing it for the past three or four years.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. He. KFC can't get mad at him because then it would be a dead giveaway that he got it right.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah, but he's on the. You know, if you. He put the Tick Tock video out there claiming to.

[John Holmberg]

What they've been doing to sexualizing the Colonel cousin.

[Brett Fesley]

His Colonel was great, great, great nephew.

[John Holmberg]

That's not a cousin.

[Brett Fesley]

That's what he's claiming to be.

[John Holmberg]

He's not a cousin. That would be his uncle.

[Brett Fesley]

I thought he referred too much. I had to. I listened to it briefly.

[John Holmberg]

But if you listen to the story you just told.

[Brady Bogan]

No, he was reading the recipe.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I see. That's right. Of course, you got lost in that, because when nephew cousins are out, that's an uncle morning sickness. Holg's morning sickness. All right.

[Brett Fesley]

And Some people are claiming, you know, he's doing it for a publicity stunt.

[John Holmberg]

But no, he can do it all he wants. He's given kfc.

[Brett Fesley]

He definitely dresses up. He has the tie, the Southern Tire.

[John Holmberg]

How are they sexualizing him?

[Brett Fesley]

The image of the Colonel?

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm asking him. Younger and sexier.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not sexualized the Colonel at all. They made him.

[Brett Fesley]

I don't necessarily see it.

[John Holmberg]

Reba McIntyre played the Colonel for a little bit and they had a couple girls do it. But I don't.

[Brett Fesley]

Maybe that's where it started, but I.

[John Holmberg]

Don'T find that was the sexiest I've ever found Reba McIntyre when she was dressed as the Colonel. Otherwise she looks like a Jeff Dunham puppet with the perma smile.

[Larry McFeely]

She does look carved out.

[John Holmberg]

Every. That's going on right there. Like, what in the world is going on with that joker smile? You used his cosmetics from the 90 movie.

[Brett Fesley]

The first ever state of stake report by Cargill. They're the company that did it. It was a report to find out what Americans eat and what their best steak cuts are their favorite.

[John Holmberg]

Are you backsliding a little? Your algorithm seems to be heavy food.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah, this is heavy food.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know. I'm starting to worry about you.

[Larry McFeely]

This is the product we actually pay for. So they're starting to know.

[John Holmberg]

They know Brady. This is. But Brady goes through all those stories and picks was. This is sort of like their la. This is the ending. This is the last salvo that they're throwing at Brady to try to get him back in algorithm. Brady's gonna fight back. Back. He's not going to eat your terrible foods.

[Brett Fesley]

It found there are only four main cuts we eat now.

[John Holmberg]

Filet, New York, T bone and ribeyes.

[Brett Fesley]

Are the most ordered steak in America. 52% of us would order that. Sirloin is next, then filet, then New.

[Larry McFeely]

York Sirloin's because of Roadhouse.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I was gonna say the steak and egg places. Yeah.

[Brett Fesley]

Cracker Barrel and Boomers love prime rib on the grill. Is the favorite way to cook it. Not even close. 73% of Americans say they prefer that method.

[John Holmberg]

This is like talking about next girlfriend.

[Brett Fesley]

And your next steak probably won't be from a fancy restaurant.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett Fesley]

According to the survey, over 90% of steak dinners are ordered at casual chains like Outback Apple, East Texas Road.

[John Holmberg]

They're packed full. Full. Yep. Texas Grill. Yuck.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah, I know you've seen this.

[John Holmberg]

He wants his box out. The best phrase I've ever heard in My life in a restaurant. And it was directed at me. He's breathing. He'll make it. Literally just choked to death. Threw.

[Brett Fesley]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

Threw up on the floor. And she still delivered my drink before anything else while I'm getting under. The worst time.

[Brett Fesley]

All the time.

[John Holmberg]

I know. And nobody lifted a finger. Toledo's like, not one person said, that's not how you do that. You're raping him. He learned his Heimlich maneuver skills from watching Mrs. Doubtfire. You just pick the person up and wiggle them and nothing. I swallowed. Whatever it was, it went down.

[Larry McFeely]

I noticed it didn't come out.

[John Holmberg]

And then the lady, while I'm getting the Heimlich maneuver, after drooling and puking on the floor, reached under the Heimlich maneuver to get me my second drink.

[Larry McFeely]

But I thought you said it was dedication. Steakhouse syndrome and not a piece of food.

[John Holmberg]

Steakhouse syndrome. It was the piece. It was potato.

[Larry McFeely]

Oh, it's too hot.

[John Holmberg]

Hot. Lodged in my. Yeah. And burning it. As it lodged. It slowly just slid down. Hot lava and torched my entire swallowing device. Swallowing device. Good band name. Sup? Oh, maybe that's it. Good bar name. More so.

[Brett Fesley]

I know you saw this, but there's three cops on horseback in Lubbock, Texas last Monday. They saw a guy walking on the street instead of the sidewalk. Seemed suspicious, so they went up and talked to him. Thought he might have drugs on him. So they asked to search his pockets and he said no. And one of the cops made a dumb joke and the guy took him seriously because he went up and he goes, this is my drug sniffing horse.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Fesley]

And the guy ran.

[John Holmberg]

He believed it. And he had drugs and he ran from a horse.

[Brett Fesley]

Got about 60 yards before the horse took him down.

[John Holmberg]

Like trotting next to him going, you want to. You want to tame it down for a second? You're not gonna outrun this thing. I'm on Secretariat, jackass.

[Brett Fesley]

42 year old Joseph Ramirez is now facing charges for evading arrest.

[John Holmberg]

How much did he have on him?

[Brett Fesley]

It didn't say.

[John Holmberg]

It didn't tell you that it. Huh?

[Brett Fesley]

He ran for if that evidence was drugs or not.

[John Holmberg]

Why would you run from a guy who said I'm a drug sniffing horse if you didn't have drugs on?

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's right. I want to know. Yeah, like how much he had on there right now?

[Brett Fesley]

Usually they do.

[John Holmberg]

I, you know what?

[Brett Fesley]

Do a breakdown.

[John Holmberg]

People make fun of Mr. Ramirez for running from that, but you ever seen the nose on a horse? Horse. This is Bigger than mine nostrils. I would imagine that it wouldn't say there. If he said, I've got a drug sniffing horse, I would sit back and go, that's probably a thing.

[Brett Fesley]

I'm sure you could train it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm not sure about that. But if I had drugs on me at that moment, I might. I might run. And then afterwards. You're an idiot. Horses can't do that. I'm like, did you see its nose? Like, if I came up and said, I can smell your period, you'd believe me because you look at my nose like that guy can probably smell that. A horse's nose. And they're always. I would run from that too, and then later be the idiot on the news. But at least I'd have drugs on me if I didn't have drugs. And he said takeaway. Well, yeah. Well, at the very least, I'm running from a drug sniffing something. If he had an elephant, it was just a drug sniffing elephant. I'd run because I have drugs. If I didn't have drugs, I'd be like, oh, that's awesome. I didn't know that horses did that. I might talk to him about it and then have the cop go, I was lying, dying. And then laugh. Is the cop in trouble for doing that?

[Brett Fesley]

No, I don't.

[John Holmberg]

Is that like a legal, like, lie? And he fooled them.

[Brett Fesley]

I think they can. I think he can chicken.

[John Holmberg]

Because he. Was he pulling the guy over?

[Brett Fesley]

Well, there's three horses there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Fesley]

And the one finally pulled up there. There are all three around the guy.

[John Holmberg]

But what was he doing walking in the street?

[Brett Fesley]

He was walking the street. They're like, it looks suspicious.

[John Holmberg]

Ramirez, I see what you're doing. Look suspicious. Eh? Is it in Gilbert? See a suspicious man enjoying the day. Could you describe him? All right, we're on our way.

[Brett Fesley]

He likes this sound.

[John Holmberg]

And I said, pe. And he turned around, so I know he's one of them. We're already there. So there. Thank you for being such a wonderful citizen.

[Brett Fesley]

Got a couple of radio videos. First one's an electric jump or a shocking jump.

[John Holmberg]

Don't have that one.

[Brett Fesley]

You don't.

[Larry McFeely]

You got shocked.

[Brett Fesley]

This guy was on top of a building and jumped on to grab the wires.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, and there's a live wire. All right. Oh, no. Taking that one down. Oh, I don't like the headline that's coming up next, though.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah. Got a football. Another.

[John Holmberg]

This is Jaylen Brown, wide receiver, Arkansas snaps his leg. Yeah. Oh, God. After Tyreek Hill last night. Oh, God. End zone. Oh, oh, his leg made a Z. Oh, he. He went for the catch and the toe. Dragon.

[Brett Fesley]

Turf eater.

[John Holmberg]

And they lost to Notre Dame 42:13. And that's the third quarter with six minutes left.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah, I think it ended up being 56:13.

[John Holmberg]

I would break my leg, too, just to not get hit anymore by Notre Dame's players. That was in the end zone. That's just. God just hates Arkansas. You're playing Notre Dame and you finally get a shot at the end zone and your receiver explodes.

[Larry McFeely]

Well, in college, you only need one foot down, John.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. He could hobble out there and grab a couple. Couple more.

[Brett Fesley]

Next one, you got a broad hot dogging on the motorcycle, doing the. Putting the front brake on and peeling out the back wheel.

[John Holmberg]

Is that Ohio or Puerto Rico's flag? I think that's Puerto Rico. He's waving a Puerto Rican flag before.

[Brett Fesley]

The motorcycle gets the burnout.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's about to burn out. She thinks. Oh, she's.

[Brett Fesley]

Oh, yeah, it's working.

[John Holmberg]

She's taking off.

[Brett Fesley]

Looking pretty good.

[John Holmberg]

Doing pretty. Oh. Oh. Jennifer Lopez just killed eight people. Awesome. You gotta. You gotta hold the brake, sister. You can't just. You can't just rev that thing. The tire's not even spinning. There it goes. You got a little of it. And then just take my hand up and break. Unfortunately, because of this accident, Bad Bunny's no longer gonna do the halftime show. You see that? Jason Whitlock went on TV yesterday and said that it's. That demons are at work. It's gonna be a demonic halftime show.

[Larry McFeely]

What has happened to Watt?

[John Holmberg]

And he somehow he brought Charlie Kirk into this. What? I don't even know how you do that. That's a stretch. And then to whip it around to Charlie Kirk and how America's now. And then he said something about American sports are built on Christian ideals. And I'm like, I don't think so. I hear the N word a lot. I'm not so sure that's a. Like, I run this. Yeah, I know. I'm on Ross St. Brown wasn't thinking of Christianity.

[Larry McFeely]

All the times you've seen LeBron just.

[John Holmberg]

Shouted, oh, yeah, it's great. But yeah. So then he said that it's demons and cross dressing and indoctrination of children. Like, how weak are the parents of those kids that they can't even watch Bad Bunny without becoming sexualized transvestites immediately.

[Brett Fesley]

Like, want the outfits.

[John Holmberg]

Like, 14 minutes of their lives. Like, that's what I'm going to start doing forever. Bad Bunny does it, I do it. I don't listen to my parents. But 14 minutes of bad Bunny, and.

[Brett Fesley]

I didn't even know that about Bad Bunny.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna start sucking, dressing like a woman.

[Larry McFeely]

You'll watch him differently now, won't you?

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah, well, you know, I'm not watching that.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. You might, because you're worried.

[Brett Fesley]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

You show up to work in a dress with a. In your hand.

[Brett Fesley]

Last one's another genius on a motorcycle trying to impress his friends.

[John Holmberg]

This Puerto Rico, too.

[Larry McFeely]

This looks like you. Isn't this a touring bike?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it does. This is British friends. In Germany, you can cross.

[Brett Fesley]

Even though there's water.

[John Holmberg]

An old man just trying to cross ride a motorcycle through a raging river. What is he thinking?

[Brett Fesley]

Actually, a road.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I can tell you right now, this isn't gonna go well. He's halfway down, everybody. Water wins. Water wins. And now he's just floating away. It's the Indian Bend Wash. It's a motorcycle. You're just not gonna win. Yeah, because she got an insurance policy on the guy. Evidently, it didn't go well. Halfway right about where I expect. About halfway across the road, the bike starts to lose to the water. I love the lady going, all right. Go die today, daddy.

[Brett Fesley]

It's all right. If you did it through Edelweiss Tours and you popped the deductible 500, you're fine. You can lose the whole bike.

[John Holmberg]

It depends on what's in that backpack of his, though.

[Brett Fesley]

That's personal.

[John Holmberg]

That's. That's the tough loss there. Yep. I could have told you that. Wouldn't have gone well. Genius. Is that it?

[Brett Fesley]

That's it.

[John Holmberg]

All right. What do you got?

[Brady Bogan]

All right, little light today, but we'll start off with this one. Okay, Is this guy lucky or unlucky?

[John Holmberg]

All right. Coming down a hill of stairs. Is that Stairs. He's on stairs. There's a guy just playing guitar halfway down the staircase. Here's another guy backing up. He looks drunkle. Oh, he drops that. He's doing somersaults down this gigantic staircase. And the guy playing guitar.

[Brett Fesley]

I'm thinking unlucky right now.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

Just wait.

[John Holmberg]

And then he almost gets to his feet. He hits the. He's on his feet, and now he's. There's more stairs.

[Larry McFeely]

This is like a Hollywood thing. It's like a Buster Keaton thing.

[John Holmberg]

You would think, dude is all the way down this gigantic staircase. Staircase.

[Brett Fesley]

He gets hit.

[John Holmberg]

Car, right? And he gets back up. He's okay. Lucky Is that a woman? I think that might be. Wait a minute. I mean, maybe wait for Hulk Hogan. There it is.

[Larry McFeely]

The way it landed.

[Brett Fesley]

AI can't believe you.

[John Holmberg]

Still. Great. I'm with you there, br. That's a good one. Normally Brady would fall for that, but that is. That is definitely not real.

[Brett Fesley]

I knew it.

[John Holmberg]

Right from the Chinese bowling. Chinese bowling. There's a guy going 100 miles an hour through a crosswalk. Oh, my goodness. Wow. It went like a thousand miles an hour through a car crosswalk. And then. Oh, here's the other angle.

[Brady Bogan]

No, this is a different one.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's a different one. Oh, geez. Another guy just blowing through a Chinese neighborhood.

[Larry McFeely]

That's the same angle.

[John Holmberg]

They're the same car. Yeah. How about that? And then, of course, car. All the. Oh, here's an angle from the actual car or from another car. Oh, my God. Oh, that's a car. That's another car's camera angle. Wow. Toledo sees this. It's just a bunch of them at this point, isn't it? Yeah. Well, here comes a guy. Oh, that's. I think it's all the same thing. So many. So many mopeds in China.

[Brett Fesley]

Another one.

[John Holmberg]

No, A lot of cameras. I mean, I don't want to sound. I don't want to sound like stereotyping a person, but they've got a lot of cameras over there. That's a camera filled nation.

[Brady Bogan]

All right, how about some tree cutting?

[John Holmberg]

All right. This guy's cutting down a big tree. I like this. He's cutting the tree down with one of them long.

[Brett Fesley]

It's a good one.

[John Holmberg]

Eight or nine foot chainsaws. And. Oh, swinging. Oh, the branch swings all the way around, takes them. There's the after of it.

[Brett Fesley]

No, we saw that.

[John Holmberg]

The branch comes all the way around the tree and hits the dude in the face. And then there's the after in the hospital. And from his upper tooth, right through his nose is just a gaping hole into his head and it's hanging off to the side. The tree just tore his face off. And it is. If you could. I don't think you can get realistic enough. His eyes are still moving around. Wow. Wow. All right. Okay. Oh, here's two. That's not. No, come on. All right, I think I want to see that. There's two girls in workout pants and they. They've got. Oh, they're farting. And then the other one drinks the juice that she just farted in. Oh, they were too hot for that. I told you that one's Got a little bit of a front, but that's about it.

[Brady Bogan]

And then we'll just end with this one.

[John Holmberg]

All right, here we go.

[Brett Fesley]

Speed Racer.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Like Speed Racer. Water gun attack. Now Squirtle. It's not Speed Racer. That's Pikachu and Pokemon. Oh, man. There's a girl who's just Squirtle. Firing Squirtle. Yeah, that's the Pokemon. She chose you. Wow. She's farting out a massive amount of shower water. How in the world? I don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

It's Bellagio.

[John Holmberg]

Did her body hold that much water? It was not a big body.

[Brady Bogan]

And that's all we got.

[Brett Fesley]

You do have some.

[John Holmberg]

That was weird.

[Brett Fesley]

Intestines storage.

[John Holmberg]

I know we do, but I mean, can you do that?

[Brett Fesley]

I've never tried, by the way.

[John Holmberg]

Also super clear. Like, Scottsdale's drinking water is not that clean looking. That was pure. I think she might have a filter in there anyway. Say 24. There's your Brady Report. Merc Madness is right around the corner. If we can make the phones work.

[Brett Fesley]

Merc Mania.

[John Holmberg]

Anything but fever. They don't have a team called the Madness, do they? They just play our house the whole time. Maybe our house. It's a very, very, very fine house. It's 8. 24. We'll do it. Merc Mania Madness, we're going to call it. Starting now. $500,000 from 98, KUPD and Hubbard Broadcasting on the line. If we can make our phones work. I'm gonna randomly dial one person. Answer my question, which I know you can't, and it's not that tough. 623 area code. The first number is a two. The last one's a nine. Somewhere in betwixt. I'll just randomly smash number numbers. If the phones work. If we can't get the phones to work tomorrow. I'm not kidding. $1 million of Hubbard's money, and it is the safest bet ever. We will be able to randomly call anyone in the city and ask this question without any concern that they'll get it right. And it's not a hard question. It's not a trick trick. Merc Mania. If the phones were coming up next. That's 98, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98. Still streaming. Homberg's Morning Sickness online at 98. KUPD.com still holds up. That one gets me going right there. The weather the way it is. Brett running out there, grabbing that song and hitting a bike or a trail. My goodness. Forget about It. Oh, boy, here we go. Mania. You're Phoenix or Arizona Mercury. I'm not sure what they call. Call themselves is in the WNBA finals, and that's W for woman. They are in the finals, and this city's going crazy. Face painting. Everybody's face painting. Putting that. Hiring those guys to come over to your restaurant to paint the logo in the. In the window. Two signs your restaurant's going out of business is the day you call the dude to paint in your window and the day he shows. Shows up. Oh, I'm excited for Merc Madness, Brady. Merc Mania Madness. A simple question, and I'm telling you right now, I've got the most confidence I've ever had in the game that I can randomly phone up. Well, maybe. God damn it. They just went down again. I had them going, told you. $500,000, Brady.

[Brett Fesley]

Make it happen.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to randomly ring up a human being here. I'm engineering right now. Please.

[Brady Bogan]

John Fonzarella.

[John Holmberg]

I look him and they go, please stop pounding the phone into the. Into the console. I'm like. I'm. I'm not. I'm pounding this block. The phone's over there. Yeah, John, Engineering is pretty much just punch it and hope. They actually asked me that when something was bent on the board and they said, said, did you punch that? No, I hit it with the side of my hand, though. That's not a punch. That's a hammer fist. You didn't ask that.

[Brett Fesley]

Gotta be more.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta be more specific. And if you're gonna start asking dumb questions anyway. So if the phones work, the number I've been told to call has a 623 area code. Brett chose that.

[Brady Bogan]

I gotta help out the west side a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

You know, it starts with a 2, ends with a 9 in between that. I can hit any numbers I want. Any buttons I want. Oh, boy. Phones are going bananas now. I don't understand why it's doing this. Well, well, there you go, everybody. That was Merc Mania.

[Brady Bogan]

So we're just raising the price tomorrow.

[John Holmberg]

Million dollars. I just punched the phone, and half my headphones were. Went out.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, mine did, too. My one side. My right side went out. Swear to God.

[John Holmberg]

So when you punch the phones, your headphones go out. Did you see that? I punched it and it made light. Oh, it. It kind of works if you hit it real hard. Hold on. Dial. I think I've got something here. No, no, I think I punched it out. Now I think it's out cold. Isn't there a Thing.

[Brett Fesley]

Unplug it.

[Brady Bogan]

We tried that yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this thing's no good. $500,000 sitting in my pocket. I will sell a rental property. If you answer my question, I will.

[Brett Fesley]

Give you work it in through Toledo Studio.

[John Holmberg]

He had some weird thing that sort of started working but didn't. And then he tried to dial and it just shut down. We could do is go down to that sports station that no one listens to and use their phones. Hey, how about this?

[Brett Fesley]

Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

I got an idea.

[Brett Fesley]

In Toledo's let's place.

[John Holmberg]

How about. Okay, everybody listening? Let's play here. Let's do this. How about when I give you the clue, we all just move over to AM. What is it, 1060? Yeah, and then we'll do Merc Madness on that phone. And then we'll come back over here, let's see if we have any juice in this world at all and try to go over. We'll go over to the AM station and then you'll just see some massive spike in ratings and then come back to this normaly. Now see, people can call. Kenneth, are you on the line? I'm on the line, yeah. Kenneth, I can't do anything about this. I'm trying to call out, so stop it. I. No.

[Brett Fesley]

Why are you calling in?

[Brady Bogan]

I just told you, we're doing random call calls. You guys googled everything.

[John Holmberg]

Are these things because people are calling in? Broken auto attendant. Is that a thing? What does that mean, Brett? I don't know. Change priority. There's a button on my phone that says change priority. You know what? Not a bad idea. I'm gonna switch my priorities here. No longer am I going to be that philandering drunk I've been my whole life. I've changed my priorities. That almost works. When I hit them, they turn in and see now, now people.

[Brett Fesley]

Only people with the six, two, three, starts with a two, ends with a nine. Call in.

[John Holmberg]

This is Donovan. He's a 602. Sorry, Donovan, no can do this. This is ridiculous. I don't understand it. Our studio is a nightmare. If we could angle it to where I'm serious about doing this too. I'm curious. Look, if I have to sell a house for a radio contest, it would be fantastic. I'd be all over the place. Beyond Anderson Cooper, beyond Jussie Waters. If you get on AC, I'd be on AC360. Brady. I'd be on that all day. I'd be on that weird show on MSNBC with that lady that looks drugged with the red hair. There's people just calling. Carlson Tucker would talk to me. All the phones are doing or are dialing in.

[Brett Fesley]

We get you on the BBC.

[John Holmberg]

Who's this? Oh, call ended abruptly. It said. Is this a. Who's this? Are you there?

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, oh, there we go again.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Ronnie Calamity, are you there? Yeah, I'm right here. All right. You want to try to play for $500,000? No, he's not the right number. But I see if I could use the line he's calling on to call out. But we can't. Our phones don't work two days in. A guy's named Ronnie Calamity. I should give him a prize.

[Brady Bogan]

Anyway, tomorrow we need to do it and not tell everybody we're doing it and just do it because then everybody busts up the phone lines.

[John Holmberg]

It's your fault. It's listeners. Yeah, we can't call out because there's too many people calling in. And also these are broken. Jeez. My system is just not. I don't know what I'm doing engineering anymore. I can't take any of these calls. I don't want to do that. Cuz they're. They know what I'm doing. Yeah, they already googled it. I'm not giving it has to be random. Stupid. Not happening. How'd you do it?

[Brett Fesley]

Stealth.

[John Holmberg]

I can't make a call. Okay. Drop all. Hit that again. Open her up. Nope. You guys are just the 1. 500 grand grant. Well, I don't blame them.

[Brady Bogan]

I would be doing the same damn thing.

[John Holmberg]

But you don't have a chance.

[Brett Fesley]

You would if we're trying to call you.

[John Holmberg]

If I'm trying to call out, you'd clog up our line. Prove that it's broken. I'm not kidding. Half a million dollars. It's going to take me a minute to get the. Get the money together because I know my company's not going to get behind me on this. They'd be fools to do it. That's stupid. But.

[Brett Fesley]

It'S like winning that HGTV home.

[John Holmberg]

It is. This is. Is exactly like that. I'll either you'll have an option. You can have my house, or I'll give you 500 grand. But you got to answer my merc mania question. But I can't have you calling in. I gotta call out.

[Brett Fesley]

It's right to the final question. It's amazing.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't.

[Brett Fesley]

Because you could do a progressive thing, but.

[John Holmberg]

Oh no, no, no. Just one says, how about the next Person that calls in, you ask them to three way call a number that you want. But then the person calling in would want a piece of that because they'd yell the answer. If you've got. If you know, you know what I'm doing. You guys are all in on this together. We're trying to call somebody who's not paying attention. Not you.

[Brett Fesley]

These people have been studying everything.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, I've created more Merc Madness than the Merc have themselves.

[Brady Bogan]

They should be paying you for this.

[John Holmberg]

They should be. I've given them them more absolute attention than anything you could ever imagine. For no reason at all, one of the listeners decided to take a swing at Steve Moynihan. Borrow Moynihan's cell phone and call out. I don't know why he's taking a hit, but it's cuz we can get him to do whatever we want. Well, it looks like another day is in the books of Merc Madness.

[Brett Fesley]

I think Trip hit the phone switch.

[John Holmberg]

But he's not gonna have to worry about it. It's mine. Hehe. No calls out. Oh, hold tight.

[Brett Fesley]

Dial.

[John Holmberg]

This says I have an outgoing call. Dial. Already dialing. Who you calling? I don't know, but if they answer, it's time for Merc Madness. Well, now, hold on now. It went away. God damn this thing. All right, well, we tried. That means the number goes up tomorrow to $750,000. Then I'm gonna have to start worrying because that's about the value of the house. Yeah, that's about the value of the house. And then after commissions and fees and stuff, maybe 20. Ah, 20 years I'll pay you.

[Brady Bogan]

Oh, so this is like the lottery?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, look, Brett's a lot of dough, and again, I'm not worried about it. You're not gonna get this right, Rando.

[Brady Bogan]

John, everybody wants that money because that's three times the amount of Mercury player gets.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. You could. You could buy the Mercury with it, I. I think.

[Brady Bogan]

And have change left over.

[John Holmberg]

God damn it. Why don't they work? Why has no one come up here to fix it in 24 hours? Ah, you're right. Brit's face. You all saw it on the radio. Yeah, come on. I'm trying to give away half a million dollars on the radio. It hasn't been done in ages and but for. But for our phones not working at all anyway. Well, you saw Brady. People think I'm trying to skirt.

[Brett Fesley]

You know, it was exciting for a while.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody even comes in while it's going on. Yeah, she's just wandering around. He just wandered around. I don't have fixed farm phones anyway. Do we have anyone who works at a phone. Do they still have like, phone men show up with that weird fake phone that they used to keep on their hip. Remember that thing? Oh, yeah, just a receiver.

[Brett Fesley]

That could be universal call. They could just tap into a line and start dialing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they'd just. They'd be outside and plug into the side of your house and then start. And they had the rotary.

[Brett Fesley]

How much for that phone?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I wanted that phone in my room. But you couldn't talk on it. You just. I didn't have. Oh, you couldn't. No, it just had a receiver end and then like a dialing thing.

[Brady Bogan]

You could die into other people's phone lines. Yeah, this guy's calling you out.

[John Holmberg]

See, Cody, I'm with you. It sounds like a using quote, phone issues as a cop out to move Holmberg. Dude, I get it. I would think the same thing, but I am. I'm trying. $500,000. And it would be nice if you did win it. If it. If we in fact have to do that. If you guys would give some of that back so we could get a phone system in the building.

[Brady Bogan]

Building, yeah, that's the deal. You got to buy us a phone system. Can you help out 500,000, hook a brother up.

[John Holmberg]

If I have to sell that rental house, I'll take whatever's left and I'll put a phone system in here.

[Brett Fesley]

So even the phone guy with universal phone. Hack phone.

[Brady Bogan]

Maybe we should just go back to 2000, get a MagicJack. Because those seem to work.

[Brett Fesley]

I mean, that's a good call.

[John Holmberg]

Look, I always say this. It was 1999 when Al Qaeda started planning 911 and cave with the early day cell phones, those big blocks. Yeah, and they managed to pull that off. 20, 25. We don't have phones in our room. Let's just.

[Brett Fesley]

Let's get a cb.

[John Holmberg]

Start talking to some cross country. Yeah, Breaker one nine, got a little Merc Madness on my hands. Go ahead, Merck Madness. What you got one half a million dollars? You know I do, sir.

[Brady Bogan]

This is Smokey Bear.

[John Holmberg]

I'm grabbing your ass right now. Hey, you got a bubblegum machine behind you there, Smokey Ban. I'm telling your ass. Then we just recreate all the smoke in the Bandit and forget why we're playing Merc Madden. All right, well, Merc Manias, I'm. I'm with you guys. It looks like I'm copping out, but I am not. I am making a double point here that we haven't had working phones for a decade. Celebrating of 10 years of a faulty studio.

[Brady Bogan]

How much these Mercury broads paying you, Jay?

[John Holmberg]

All I'm trying to do is make fools of the Phoenix Mercury again. They're in the finals. And I will put. I put a house on the line that I can randomly dial anyone in this city and they won't answer my question. Simple question. Without the Internet, they can't do it without. Without it at all. And I can't. I can't get the phones to work. It's glorious radio. If we could get it, but nobody.

[Brett Fesley]

Hears, you know, it's gutsy radio, man.

[John Holmberg]

It's gutsy, brother. And it's basically we got U Hauls packed behind the building. Just, you know, take it out. Don't. Don't fix anything. If it's broken, just throw it away. We're not putting new in all old. We could use a cell phone, but we wouldn't get the dialing. You wouldn't hear it. It's just annoying. And now the phones are completely shut off for people calling in or going out, so. Well, we tried. We tried, everybody. Do you have Mike. Mike's number?

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Can you have him come up here and punch the phones? A few times I've tried it. My punch isn't working. My favorite thing is. And everybody deals with this when you call the guys to fix stuff, they come up and just look at it and then say they'll do it when there's nothing going on. Yeah. One more not on the air and nothing happens. I'm not saying they aren't willing to do it. I think it's just a giant admission that they don't know how to fix this, so they just ignore it. You know, it's like going to the mechanic going, hey, this thing's not running at all. Okay, push it over here. I'll take a look at it. And like three months later, your car. Have you looked at it? You know, I'll get to that. Yeah. See it on seat. It's right there. I can look at at it. Are you going to fix it?

[Brett Fesley]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

How come I never see you working on it anyway? Well, there's Merc. It's a wildly disappointing.

[Brady Bogan]

He's in a department meeting.

[John Holmberg]

God. Remember wires? They were so awesome. I loved wires. You plug it into a wall and then plug it into the phone. And like, every time it was successful, it was every time. Time very. The worst thing you could get is a busy Signal. It's just more proof everything was working.

[Brady Bogan]

Get a magic Jack. You can email [e-mail] and.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I don't have that yet. I'm still an earthling. Anyway, I'll try again. We still have an hour to have. Maybe someone will come up here and stare at it. Can we get. Does anybody work at Best Buy in the Genius Bar? Can we get one of those guys up here or the Apple. Apple has Genius Bar, right? That's the people. Yeah, bring one of them over.

[Brett Fesley]

Best Buys. Geek Squad.

[John Holmberg]

Geek Squad. Either. I'll take either. Roll on in here. We'll put you to work on whatever this is. I don't even know where this plugs in.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't think they do either.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody does.

[Brady Bogan]

Obviously.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Brady, no winners today. That means tomorrow the number grows $750,000. I have to sell that house for at least that. And it's. That's pushing it. That's going to take some time. But yeah, we'll get it out there and then you guys can walk out of here. Maybe tell your friend call and just get a.

[Brett Fesley]

Our own residential line in here. We don't want to. Yeah, can we get commercial? We just want a residential.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to set that up. Just a single. A single phone.

[Brett Fesley]

Then we could tap it into the.

[John Holmberg]

Just have a phone sitting here that works. That I can put. Yeah, that's not a bad idea. I just don't know who to call for that either.

[Brady Bogan]

Trevor says. Simone Biles says you're being a pussy.

[John Holmberg]

Shut up, Spinnies. Shut up, Trevor. Anyway, tryin'. We'll try it again tomorrow. 750 grand online. We might get up to a million dollars by the end of the week if nobody fixes our phones. And I'm willing to do it with these phones.

[Brady Bogan]

It's gonna be Powerball jackpots.

[John Holmberg]

About time this is over with. That's a good point for a billion dollars. And by then maybe somebody will know some answers. I gotta do this before this Mercury team goes on TV again. Merc Madness.

[Brett Fesley]

That's. We can add to it. You have to call us from a QT or Circle K. Just like the lottery, you know, you buy the tickets.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. To call us from a pay phone. That's not a good idea because that's somebody I give a house to and I'm not. I don't want to do this given actually. But I know a way to make it so it sounds good and I. No one will answer the question. It's a very unpopular sport. No one's going to answer a thing. Ever. All right, well, there you go. Sorry, everybody. We're trying. It's not our fault. It's nine o'. Clock. We got ourselves some hot releases coming up in just moments. And maybe, just maybe, someone will come up here and fix these Merc Madness looms. I know, but it's 98, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said for ECT. Still streaming. H's Morning Sickness [e-mail] I'm not. I'm not 100% sure, but I'm kind of thinking Toledo might have just fixed this. We might be in a situation where we've got phones. Toledo fixed it? Well, I don't know. One of my punches or Toledo Merc Mania's bad back. We've got. I hope this works. We've been dialing and it's been working off the air. Merc Mania. Brady, we're still at the $500,000 mark for. All right, all right. I'm nervous. You should be. I should be. This is insanity. Oh, I don't know if I want to do it now. I think I might not do it. The more delay.

[Brett Fesley]

Well, we could lose.

[John Holmberg]

Got it. He's in the other room fixing something. So we've got a we. I haven't dialed anything yet, cuz I want to do this on the air to make it legitimate. You got her? He thinks he's got her. All right, I'm going to let you handle all this. I'll let you do the dialing. 623 starts with a 2, ends with a 9. Right? That's all we need you to do, Rich. So if you can pull this off.

[Brady Bogan]

Pull up a Westsider.

[John Holmberg]

Where do I find what you're doing on that computer? Here.

[Brady Bogan]

Got the magic Jack hooked up or what? It's. I think it's.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady Bogan]

I think it's phones.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brett Fesley]

Just start pushing buttons.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know how that button works. Oh, we're using stuff we've never worked. Okay, I think I can fix that. All right, now this is locking me out. Oh, wait, I can fix that. Hold on. I think I can fix it. Oh, we are in the middle of Merc Madness, Brady.

[Brett Fesley]

So close, Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks for filling Stretch, Brady. You've been fantastic through this entire endeavor.

[Brett Fesley]

Well, you said stretch. I've been.

[Brady Bogan]

Give us the original recipe.

[Brett Fesley]

I've been doing leg stretches.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. All right. Start to dial in Toledo. Oh, no. Do we have a dial tone at all? You've hit the button. What's going on.

[Brett Fesley]

Oh, come on.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm gonna turn this down to save.

[Brett Fesley]

Go.

[John Holmberg]

Are these all buttons here? Numbers.

[Brett Fesley]

Give me a ring.

[John Holmberg]

Are you almost done? Oh, no, Please. But. Busy signal.

[Brady Bogan]

You better call Hopkins. It's a lighthouse.

[Brett Fesley]

How he's doing it slow, making sure it goes.

[John Holmberg]

That was the nine we're on. Oh, no.

[Brett Fesley]

I just kind of myself.

[John Holmberg]

What? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello. Hi. Thank you for answering. What is your name? Michelle. Michelle, I'm John Holmberg from 98 Kupds Radio. You're. Are you allowing us to put you on the air? You're on the air live right now. And let me tell you. It's a joke. It's. It's for $500,000, and I wish it was a joke at this point. I was hoping you wouldn't answer. We're randomly calling. Can we put you on live? Jeff, stop messing around. No, I wish it was whoever she just said. Are you okay with us putting you on the air? Otherwise, we can't do it. And I'm not kidding. It's for 500,000. It's called Merc Mania Mercury or in the finals, Merc Mania.

[Brett Fesley]

It's true.

[John Holmberg]

You can listen to my friend. Are you familiar with the. You said yes? Sure. Okay.

[Brett Fesley]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Are you familiar with the show? Show? Holr's morning sickness, wildly successful, 25 years. No. Okay, well, welcome. Welcome to the show. If we give you $500,000, would you listen? Maybe.

[Brett Fesley]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you. No kidding. You said are. Yeah. You're all right. We're not even going to get into how we got your number, but I just dialed you randomly. Michelle, you said yes, Okay? I just dialed you randomly. I'm going to ask you. Ask you one question, and I swear to God, $500,000 if you know the answer, because the city is on fire with this. With this particular situation. Oh, my God, my stomach is spinning, Michelle. It's like a lot of. Okay, you don't seem like you believe this. You seem. This is real. I don't. Okay. I don't believe this. All right, here we go. It's real. I'm not kidding. Listen, who Wants to Be a Millionaire Music. I wouldn't be playing that if it wasn't real. Okay, we've got $500,000 for you. Okay. What do you do. What do you do for a living, Michelle? I'm currently unemployed. Oh, my God. Really? Did you.

[Brett Fesley]

Are you single?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Are you a single lady? You try to hook up? Well, yeah. She wins 500 grand. I'm going to turn it down real quick. I'm going to try to bang my. Michelle. 500,000. Okay, Michelle, you didn't hear that. $500,000. What did you do before? Were you fired or did you quit? I just decided to take a break. Oh. I used to clean. I used to clean some houses. Oh, you're a maid. That's very Western. Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't want to offend you. All right. You don't know who we are, so. All right. Are you ready? Yes. You still. People don't necessarily believe this is happening, but it is, truly for $500,000. And I'm stalling because it's coming out of my pocket. Here we go. For $500,000. Merc Mania. Who is the current head coach of The Phoenix Mercury?

[Brett Fesley]

5 seconds.

[John Holmberg]

The current head coach of the Phoenix Merchant Mercury. I have no idea. You have no idea who that is? Do you know anybody who plays for the Mercury at all? That's not part of the. The giveaway. Doesn't that Griner? No, she got traded. She plays for. She's Atlanta now. Oh. Oh, Michelle. New Griner. Christ on a crutch. Do you watch a lot of Mercury basketball? I have never watched the game. So you're heterosexual? I do like men. Okay. This is great. Michelle, what's your favorite radio station? If it isn't us, let's see if she remembers. Oh, do you listen to radio? I listen to serious. That doesn't care.

[Brett Fesley]

Oh, well, what kind of music are you in?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, what do you like to listen to? A little bit of everything. Some rocks and pop. Okay. Even some, you know, other stuff. You know. You've made my day, Michelle. First off, thanks for answering. Second, thanks for playing along. Nobody answers unknown calls anymore, so you must. Yeah. And thank you most of all for not knowing the answer to. I'm unemployed. I have to answer the phone. By the way, I should probably tell you the answer. I don't know it either. If you. If had you answered anything, I'd have had to look it up. I don't know. I didn't think about that. I didn't hear about that part.

[Brett Fesley]

I tried to to. My phone blocks any Mercury questions the AI will answer.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if you want to know, Michelle, the current coach for the Sons is named. Or I mean the girl Sons is named Nate Tibbets. So that would have gotten you 500 grand. And I'm not kidding, we would have given you that money. That's not a woman, all right? That's you're a bigot. Don't do that. That's fine. All right, Michelle. Thank you very much.

[Brett Fesley]

That's a good question.

[John Holmberg]

That was well done. And now it's back to being unemployed. And good luck. I hope everything works out for you. I'll be hearing from Larry McFeed. That's right. Larry's going to call you later. And please, I hope you had fun. And I don't win anything like you're not even Fred. Do you have anything. Oh, we can give you tickets to something if you want that.

[Brady Bogan]

These Grace tickets or something.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? We'll give you tickets. Something. Hang on. Hold on, hold on. All right. There you go. I don't know how to put people on hold. There it is. Oh, Brady, my tummy.

[Brady Bogan]

I thought you're gonna be on phone Hopkins settling that house.

[John Holmberg]

My achy tummy.

[Brett Fesley]

Way too long to answer that question.

[John Holmberg]

Brady. Tomorrow goes back to 250,000. I'm so confident this game reducing. I. I am. I almost threw up. I wanted to watch that Asian lady eating flies. You have no idea how nervous I just was.

[Brady Bogan]

But how much of a rosebud did you have?

[John Holmberg]

I was. Yeah. Look after she didn't get it, I was like. I relaxed and everything fell out. I don't think people believe what just happened happened that I had a lot of confidence going into my question. I didn't even know it. Did you? I've never even heard of Nate Tiber. It's.

[Brett Fesley]

I would have guess can't be right.

[John Holmberg]

I would have said I would have started with somebody called Becky cuz I think that was a head coach. I would have gone with a girl I didn't know.

[Brady Bogan]

I would have guessed abroad.

[John Holmberg]

I okay.

[Brady Bogan]

So we're going to try again tomorrow.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe 250 grand. The money starts over when somebody answers. So hopefully we get the phones to work again tomorrow. Toledo Yeoman's work by Toledo on that. Oh my God. That was close. Dirks Manning checkbook out.

[Brett Fesley]

She was ready to write that check.

[John Holmberg]

No them. That's a pink slip. That's different than a checkbook. Those are very similar. There's carbons on it though. All right. I'm shaking. We're all done there. Thank you to that lady that answered the phone. If you need your house cleaned. Evidently Brett's about to get her information. So this worked out okay. Great. We'll do the hot releases in a second. Thanks for indulging. 250 tomorrow. We'll go until the Mercury start playing on TV and then people might start learning stuff. It's 98 Hol's morning sickness. Morning sickness. 28K Holberg's morning sickness. My tummy still hurts.

[Brett Fesley]

Damn it.

[John Holmberg]

You made mine turn. I thought we were going to be fine. Guy just emailed me. Just. Jesus H. Christ. John, I was nervous for you. I was listening to the show at work and I had co workers stop by and see what they were. They were listening. Nothing here got done. That was like the OJ trial. Everyone needed to know know what the results were. We collectively were laughing and sweating bullets for you. None of us knew the answer to the question, by the way. Even our lesbian co worker didn't know. Her response was I'm gay, but I'm not that gay.

[Larry McFeely]

God damn it, Jewburg. I was ready to rail on you all day long, but I have to give you credit, that was a legit question. I was expecting like something like who's their fifth all time leading rebounder in home games played on Wednesdays?

[John Holmberg]

I'm telling you. And here's the two things I was most confident with. Nobody answers their phone, right. Yeah, she answered it. She's unemployed looking for a job. But people who are unemployed especially don't answer because collectors call them all day.

[Brady Bogan]

That's true too.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't think about. But you're right, she could be have her resume out there and unknown calls are coming in.

[Larry McFeely]

How do you throw a dart and find an unemployed listener who can't be sitting at her computer?

[Brady Bogan]

It was a six three number cars.

[John Holmberg]

It's west side now. Stop it. They have the Internet side. I've already been yelled at, by the way. I'm unhinged. I've already been told if I try that again, I'm. I'm out. What the box. All of Chicago got nervous. They called immediately and they're like ah, can't run random. You can't just do what you did. Like it was. Don't worry about it.

[Larry McFeely]

Like ah, John, did you fire up your day? Your delay like triple time? Cuz I expected her to answer correctly. And you drop the mic and drop a few FPS bombs.

[John Holmberg]

You just heard. You just heard two panes of very thick glass breaking as I left out of the studio.

[Brett Fesley]

Evidently Mr. Tibbets was talked about a lot yesterday on the sports.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, and I got an email from somebody that said yeah, the sports stations brought up Mr. Tibbets a ton. If she'd have listened to that. Thank God.

[Larry McFeely]

Go back and listen to that call.

[John Holmberg]

Guys.

[Larry McFeely]

That lady cleaned up dead bodies.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know about that body.

[Brett Fesley]

She was very relaxed.

[John Holmberg]

This one says, hey, Brett, hook me up. Michelle sounds stupid enough to let me go. Ra. You can tell on the phone who's gonna allow raw. Wow. Anyway, it was fantastic radio. I'm pleased with the result. I'm gonna get yelled at all day for this, but it was worth it. And I do it for you. I am still a little nervous.

[Larry McFeely]

I mark the day in time so that when the ratings come out, you.

[John Holmberg]

Can watch that pinnacle. I was horrified. Merc Madness. I told you, it's the most exciting thing that's gonna happen with the WNBA Finals. And the entire time was what we just did. Also, Legal is thinking, I can't get a tattoo based on something I say on the air, because if I catch hepatitis, I can soothe them. Isn't that crazy? So it has to be like a henna. I. I'll do it for real on my own time. Just because I said I would do the bet. But I was told that that's something I'm not allowed to talk about. Not allowed to.

[Larry McFeely]

Not even in heaven.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not even allowed to place my own body in jeopardy for the show.

[Brett Fesley]

Man, that.

[Larry McFeely]

Can't give away 10 years of the show.

[John Holmberg]

Can't give away my own money. Anyway, everybody just got scared, and I'm with them. I'm kind of enjoying the idea of them saying, please don't ever do that again. Please. You scared us. Because I guess they can. I don't know. I don't know what the rules are. But that was the one and only time we're doing Murk Madness. Because first off, I didn't think she'd answer. My big thing was no one answers. I was going to get off the hook on that because no one answers their phone.

[Brady Bogan]

I just had a call a minute ago. I didn't answer.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, of course, screw that. All day long.

[Larry McFeely]

I can't believe I'm telling a company which I assume has multiple locations around the country and probably a lot of revenue to do this. But make a Google phone number. It's free online. And call through your computer. Then you can use that computer audio on the radio. That's just like you do the videos.

[John Holmberg]

It's an IT knob telling us how to do it. And I know there are other ways. Also plug a phone into a wall and make it work.

[Brett Fesley]

Work.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Why do I have to do that?

[Larry McFeely]

But we've established that we don't have landlines in this building.

[Brett Fesley]

It's a lot of hoops.

[John Holmberg]

John, I have to tell you that was better than the entire Bengals game last night.

[Brett Fesley]

That's true.

[John Holmberg]

Three and a half hours of entertainment. We. We did it. In a minute.

[Larry McFeely]

John, I'd like to remind you. And you just read this, but you just, you know, talked about this. But this guy says. I'd like to remind you that just because you're trying to give away all this cash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Way to go, Juj. Doesn't mean you're off the hook from getting that God awful tattoo on your body somewhere to win this whole effing thing.

[John Holmberg]

I might go leaning into the legal department there so I don't catch the hep C. I can't do that. This guy says a West side maid that's unemployed. She must have given birth a couple hours ago. Then she could have her other baby, watch her new baby. Who's watching the current baby as people think of that anyway? Nerves. Everything else.

[Brett Fesley]

Did she confirm she was west side side? Because you could have.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we didn't.

[Brady Bogan]

Unemployed.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah, his butt was too puckered to go into detail.

[John Holmberg]

All the. All the boxes got checked. Unemployed. 623 Number used to be a maid. I mean, come on.

[Larry McFeely]

And everybody who's telling us to use a speakerphone, we don't have that option.

[John Holmberg]

Not in the. She's not in the Biltmore area. I'm guessing she might have cleaned a house or two over there. But anyway, the entire thing brought to by new AC unit Dr. Want to make sure we get our. We want to get our proper test hot releases brought to you by. And I just had one. I just had a hot release in the bathroom. Save thousand, save time. Buy online new ac unit.com. the hot releases, we'll just delay those this morning because of the magic that we just created. That radio's dying. And that's the reason why magic just happened on the air.

[Larry McFeely]

John, I'm with Brady. Are you sure you didn't call a Mercury player who just got cut before.

[Brett Fesley]

From the playoff roster still doesn't know the coach?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, damn. I don't know my coach. That's what we would have heard. She sounded feminine. I don't think she played for the team.

[Brady Bogan]

That one dude in the building.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I worked there. I don't know. Nathaniel something or the Sutherland. Oh, no. All right, we got the. The entertainment drill coming up in just moments. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful Rocket League radio station. He said fully erect. 98K still streaming. Homberg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com and we're ready. I. The whole show's over. I mean, we're just going to do this and get the hell out of here because, I mean, there's nothing more we can do. Nothing more magical than what happened on already. Magic Brett. We made magic.

[Brady Bogan]

Billy wants to know if was her name Michelle or was it Consuelo? From hearing a lot of people say that.

[John Holmberg]

Don't do that. This guy said. Funniest part of that whole thing is that she immediately said she didn't know who you were. Like, okay, let's not get too crazy about that.

[Brady Bogan]

Should have played the lasers and stuff. She might have knew you then.

[John Holmberg]

Would have been. Would have been fantastic had she said, oh, I love it. I listen all. No. Is it. She didn't have a clue. It's humbling. But also it's a city of 5 million people. The odds of. Well, it's pretty high actually, if you look at the ratings, but still.

[Brett Fesley]

Michelle, how was your day? I think I was in a trivia contest.

[John Holmberg]

It wasn't real. It was. If you run into Michelle today, that was real. Man. I've already forgotten the guy's name. Mr. Tibbets.

[Brett Fesley]

Nate.

[John Holmberg]

Nate. There it is. Good job. It's time for the entertainment drill. While we all kind of settle from that Merc Mania. Catch it. Do they have a game tonight? The Fever and the Aces.

[Brady Bogan]

I'll look it up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, look up. Make sure. Because we're. I mean, people are on the edge of their seat wanting to know when that starts.

[Brett Fesley]

Right? That's good. We've already done the Merc Mania. Yeah, we're done.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I'm not doing that again.

[Brett Fesley]

Oh.

[Brady Bogan]

Tonight's the tiebreaker with the Fever and.

[John Holmberg]

The Aces going to game five. Most exciting. That's the most exciting phrase. The most exciting two words. In women's sports. Game 5.

[Brady Bogan]

Game 1 starts on Friday 7 in men's sports.

[John Holmberg]

Friday, 7 o'. Clock. Be there. Is it here or there? Doesn't be there.

[Brett Fesley]

Who's the. It's got to be on the road.

[John Holmberg]

You think why?

[Brett Fesley]

If it's a higher seed, though?

[John Holmberg]

We don't know.

[Brett Fesley]

I don't know.

[Brady Bogan]

That might be it. Maybe the Fever or the Aces are either higher or lower than Mercury.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty up there. Now that they knocked off the links. I think that they were a higher seat. I don't know.

[Brett Fesley]

I thought they were no.

[John Holmberg]

1.

[Brett Fesley]

They're an underdog going point.

[John Holmberg]

They were. But now they're the favorite to win.

[Brady Bogan]

It all because the Mercury was fourth overall. The Aces are second and the Fever are Sixth. So I guess it just depends on.

[John Holmberg]

So if the Fever win game here Friday. Yeah. If they lose off to Vegas. That's Merc Madness. And we're all. We're all over it. It's crazy. Crazy. What's going on with the wnba. Whole city's abuzz. Look. They just painted the entire National Guard Mercury orange.

[Brett Fesley]

I'm going to the viewing party tonight.

[John Holmberg]

Are you gonna. There isn't one. But. Oh, for the game. The. Are they doing that?

[Brett Fesley]

I think so.

[John Holmberg]

Title 9. What is that happening?

[Brett Fesley]

Okay, I know that's happening there for sure.

[John Holmberg]

For sure. Yeah. It's gonna be a big, big one. Anyway. Entertainment drills brought to you by our [e-mail] the home of tactical black self defense drop training. And you can fend off just about anything but nervous tummy because right now I need a tums. But they can help you out with anything. Get you in shape while you're out there running around every day in and amongst the crowd of lunatics. And with this Merc madness that's going on, emotions are running high. You don't know who's going to go crazy if the Merc lose. All the road rage is going to go through the roof. So you have to stop it. John, that's not funny, man.

[Brett Fesley]

Get out.

[John Holmberg]

Get out. Out. You're making a mockery of Merc Mania. I will not have anyone make Mark Mania mockery. Take your giggle somewhere else, John. This is not a show for laughter.

[Brett Fesley]

That's a nervous laugh.

[John Holmberg]

I won't have an audience of people giggling. He just might be excited. Game 5 tonight just might be too on edge with Merc Mania Madness. Anyway, you want to get out there and keep your eyes open because the Merc Mania's gotcha. And you see those people a bunch of look like they've got some sort of a disorder or something. They're Merc Mania eyes. And you don't want those lunatics coming at you without any sort of preparation or planning. Make sure you know what you're up to. Become a sheepdog. Stop being a sheep and get in great shape while you do it. Learn about you. Reactdefense.com it's the home of tactical black entertainment.

[Brett Fesley]

You'll love this. And an astrologer paired each zodiac sign with a Halloween moon movie.

[John Holmberg]

Say again?

[Brett Fesley]

An astrologer paired each zodiac sign with a Halloween movie.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay.

[Brett Fesley]

So in other words, this is the movie that matches not one of the.

[John Holmberg]

Halloween's one through six like a movie that is typically.

[Brett Fesley]

You'll See?

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Hotel Transylvania and stuff like that. Okay. That's probably Pisces.

[Brett Fesley]

You're Leo, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yes, sir.

[Brett Fesley]

You're Halloween Town. The Disney Channel classic. Man.

[John Holmberg]

We're Halloween 10 together. Want to watch that together?

[Brady Bogan]

No, Leo's.

[John Holmberg]

We'll put lion costumes on.

[Brady Bogan]

Who gets the good ones?

[Brett Fesley]

One Scorpio.

[John Holmberg]

They get Halloween because they're all bipolar.

[Brett Fesley]

Aries. Friday the 13th.

[John Holmberg]

What's yours? Aquarius.

[Brett Fesley]

The Nightmare Before Christmas.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good one. Jack. Skeleton.

[Brett Fesley]

Capricorns. Get the Addams Family.

[John Holmberg]

That was a neat thing I went to a while ago.

[Brady Bogan]

Is the Exorcist on there?

[John Holmberg]

Is that a Halloween movie? That wasn't Halloween themed.

[Brady Bogan]

It's horror. I mean, I just consider all the.

[John Holmberg]

Most of them.

[Brett Fesley]

Gemini's Hocus Pocus.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this is very Halloween based. I went to go see A Nightmare Before Christmas at the Phoenix Symphony and the symphony played the sound, the soundtrack, as the movie played. So it was just the. It was the movie without.

[Brett Fesley]

That's kind of cool.

[John Holmberg]

It was awesome. It was. And I've never really been as big a fan of that movie as some people. People. Some people lose it over that. I think it's good, but it's. It's a little bit dopey. It's more girl good than it is guy good. But it's tolerable. But when that symphony's playing live, man, was that cool. It was really neat to watch. Pisces gets Casper the Dead Kid.

[Brett Fesley]

Yeah, the live action Casper. I think that's about cancer. The. It's a Great Pumpkin. Charlie Brown around?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Right. That's one of my favorites.

[Brett Fesley]

Axl Rose is a half human, half robot. And a new cyberpunk graphic novel series. It's called Axel Rose Appetite for Destruction.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady Bogan]

Original title.

[John Holmberg]

But he looks like Ma Fratelli. Now it's not.

[Brett Fesley]

And it's set in a neon drenched paradise city.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, take me down to that city that you mentioned. Mentioned.

[Brett Fesley]

And it's this. Paradise cities where humans and robots are meant to coexist. Axel, the half mu. Half human, half robot. He lives on the fringes, finds solace in the music.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brett Fesley]

Of a black alley lounge singer. Back alley.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Not just any old alley lounge thing. It's black alley. It's a black alley lounge thing.

[Brett Fesley]

It's available. You can pre order it for 39.99.

[John Holmberg]

Sings in the back alleys. Black back alley lounge singer. Are there lounges in alleys now? I don't even.

[Brett Fesley]

This might. You might relate to this. What was the concert? You Went to. And you. You were worried about the smell? Oh, it was the ball game. The baseball game. You went to the baseball game and you were worried about if you smell.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, if I stunk. Yeah. Just a week ago. Yeah. I thought you meant to smell like there was a gas leak, but no. If I smelled there was a body odor stink in the area, and I kept smelling myself, like, is it me? But it wasn't.

[Brett Fesley]

Haim is on tour. The band and fans are reported. They reported rancid air that smelled throughout the concert.

[John Holmberg]

They're fans.

[Brett Fesley]

Dallas.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Fesley]

Austin, New York City, Seattle, Milwaukee. Now people are wondering if a serial farter is following them around on tour.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. It just smells like somebody's crapped themselves. It's a Haim show. Have you seen those girls? Do they shave?

[Brett Fesley]

No, I haven't. The series premiere of On Brand with Jimmy Fis tonight.

[John Holmberg]

I saw that.

[Brett Fesley]

The other one is the Chad Powers on who?

[John Holmberg]

I don't think you can milk that. Like, there's a certain aspect of that. If you've ever seen the Eli Manning thing that he did. That was Chad Powers, to start. It's very funny. And then to make it a show.

[Brett Fesley]

Mayfield, he did that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, did Baker do one? I didn't see that.

[Brett Fesley]

It's really good.

[John Holmberg]

I love the Eli Manning one, but he was.

[Brett Fesley]

His last name was Swat, Swazi or Swayze.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. Well, I've not seen that. But the one that they made the big hit out of is Ted Lasso. Because originally that was. Ted Lasso was just a commercial of an American soccer coach didn't know anything about British soccer, and they made a whole show out of it. So I think that they're kind of hoping that lightning strikes twice with Chad Powers because that was an Internet sensation, and I just don't think anybody would buy it. Like, the makeup's too over the top. Know. But I don't know. They have to give it heart and have to make him constantly put. It's like Mrs. Doubtfire. How often can you put that face on perfectly and take it off without anybody seeing any of the problems? It just seems stretchy. We'll see. Maybe curious. Yeah, it'll be interesting. I like that. Glenn. What's his name? Glenn. Yeah, he. I like him. I don't even know what he's been in, but he just seems likable. What has he been in?

[Brett Fesley]

He was. Wasn't he in the Maverick Top Gun?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, he was in that. He's been in a few things. You're like, oh, yeah, you're this and you're. He's been in a ton of movies. All right, let's get the heck out of here, shall we? We're all done. Larry's not going to dick around with the phones today. We broke him for a reason. Maybe that's why they broke him. Breathe a sigh. Relief, boys.

[Brady Bogan]

We're off him.

[John Holmberg]

We're off the hook. Never doing that again. I didn't expect anyone to answer. That's why I thought the whole contest was easy.

[Brett Fesley]

Thank God it was a maid.

[John Holmberg]

Thank God it was an unemployed maid. Said no one ever usually that is that that an in jeopardy. That would be to who on the west side. Did you just get pregnant? Oh, thank God it was an unemployed maid. That's it. We're done. Larry McFeely's coming up next. You guys have yourselves a great Tuesday. We'll see you tomorrow in the morning. Sing us. Hello, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect.