Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – "Phone In The Shower / Adult Changing Tables Debate"

Date: October 3, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Episode Focus: The team riffs on odd modern habits—like taking your phone into the shower—and hilariously rails against the push for adult changing tables in public restrooms, spinning the discussion into a comedic (yet pointed) commentary on disability accommodations, hygiene, restaurant etiquette, and cultural shifts.

Episode Overview

The hosts explore a recent story about advocates pushing for adult changing tables in public bathrooms, towering it with their signature humor, irreverence, and a dash of genuine social commentary. The discussion pivots between bizarre hygiene practices, the logistics and implications of installing adult changing tables, and the broader issue of where to draw the line with public accommodations—packed with anecdotes, banter, and classic HMS bluntness.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Why Are People Bringing Phones into the Shower?

• The team starts by mocking the idea of people needing their phones in the shower. Questions are raised about the necessity and risks (especially of wrecking your phone or, as John puts it, "slipping when you’re watching porn in the shower").
• [01:45] John jokes, “What’s going on in that shower that I need more information or I need a chat and put it close by? I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

2. Segue to Bathroom Technology and Habits

• Transition into bathroom-related products, reflecting on the weirdness of modern bathroom behavior and people’s inability to disconnect even briefly.
• [03:50] John: "Don’t take us in the shower. I don't want to be in the shower with you. You're mostly fat."

3. Debate over Adult Changing Tables

• Discussion turns serious (and then absurd) with the story about disability advocates calling for adult changing tables in public spaces, a move the hosts find both impractical and too accommodating.

Positions and Logic:

• John's Rule: If someone poops their pants at dinner—disabled or not—“night’s over, folks. Everybody to the car.”

  • [09:15] “If someone just goes, ‘uh, oh, like, what is it, Grandpa?’ ‘I just took a...’ All right, night’s over, folks. Everybody to the car. I’ll grab the bill.”

• Concerns Raised:

  • Is public changing the least humiliating?
  • Is it encouraging people to not try to control their bowels in public?
  • Is the problem widespread enough to need expensive infrastructure?
  • Are these tables going to be abused (e.g., by drunks as beds at concerts)?

• [19:50] John: “If we’re gonna do this for the disabled person… if you’re pulling somebody out of a chair and wiping their ass and then putting them back in and then going back out to have some more ribs, I’m not interested.”

Logistic Realities:

• The group details just how unpleasant and impractical adult cleanups are—these aren’t comparable to babies (“it looks like they sat in mud” [22:05]), and they’d require showers, power washers, or even decontamination rooms.
• Brady: "You need a Chernobyl room to clean this person off."

Tone & Humor:

• The conversation is woven with irreverent, sometimes dark jokes, but there's a recurring point: public hygiene is everyone’s problem, and public accommodations should have a reasonable limit.

4. “You Dump, You’re Done” – The HMS Golden Rule

• A running theme emerges: social situations abruptly end when accidents happen, regardless of disability.

  • [25:10] John: “If you take a dump in your pants, dinner doesn’t continue. No, I tell you what… Kurt Vesli’s gonna learn Uber Eats, ’cause I’m not taking him out when he gets to that point.”

• Parental Pacts: John shares a personal agreement with his dad about not becoming each other's caretaker past a certain line—a humorous but poignant take on dignity.

  • [26:40] "My dad and I have a deal that if I ever have to wipe you more than three times because you’ve lost it, it’s a pillow to the face... That’s proof I love him.”

5. Reflections on Parenthood and Life Choices

• The crew riffs on being childless and the perceived perks, in tongue-in-cheek contrast to parents dealing with baby changing tables in public.
  • [32:50] John: “Every day I haven’t had a child is better than the day before. I have more love in me because of not having a child.”

6. Personal Anecdotes and Embarrassing Stories

• John recounts a college story about a friend who accidentally "rooster-tailed" up his own back in class, reinforcing both the horror and the necessity of “you dump, you’re done” social protocol.
  • [37:00] “I could have had a full ride to Harvard if I did that... I’m done at Harvard. I’m dropping out. I took a dump in math. I rooster-tailed up my own yellow shirt.”

7. Where Do We Draw the Line on Public Accommodations?

• The hosts discuss the slippery slope of constant accommodation, noting if adult changing tables are installed everywhere, the next expectation might be even more intrusive support.
  • [43:45] John: “If you ever in your future fold down an adult changing table, just kill yourself. Or the thing you’re watching now, just kill yourself. You brought yourself in that situation.”

8. Concluding Thoughts, More Ridicule, and the Office Table Hypothetical

• They fantasize (with morbid hilarity) about the structural engineering required for a “Brady-proof” adult changing table and riff on the unlikelihood of anyone in the studio ever helping another with an accident.

  • [49:55] John: “Imagine the structural power of that table. Jesus couldn’t build the table that good.”

• Hypothetical for Staff: For the “right price,” would junior staff help clean up? Most agree: there isn’t enough money (save for one named Brattle).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On public restrooms:
  “You can't just go wipe an adult's ass and then rejoin the party.” – John, [14:10]

• On the necessity of changing tables:
  “If the one thing that keeps you from going to restaurants is too much [bathroom trouble], then you don’t go out.” – John, [41:10]

• On childlessness:
  “Every day I don’t have a child is better than the day before. Every day I get that feeling you got once.” – John, [32:54]

• On staff willingness:
  “For the right price, Brattle will wipe all our asses.” – John, [52:10]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:00 – Phone in the shower: why is this even a thing?
• 07:20 – Media and technology addiction in bathrooms.
• 09:15 – Introduction/Objection to adult changing tables.
• 14:10 – Dinner’s over rule: You dump, you’re done.
• 19:50 – Would you clean up an adult at a restaurant?
• 22:05 – The grim logistics of adult cleanup.
• 25:10 – Personal pacts and family dignity.
• 32:50 – Childfree lifestyle as a source of daily joy.
• 37:00 – “Rooster-tailed in class” story.
• 41:10 – “If you need it, you don’t go out” philosophy.
• 43:45 – Extreme hypothetical: is this even a real problem?
• 49:55 – Building the mythical “Brady-proof” table.

Episode Tone and Summary

As ever, Holmberg and crew deliver biting humor mixed with social critique—skewering trends they see as excessive while highlighting everyday discomforts around hygiene and dignity. Their comedic stance is clear: some lines shouldn’t be crossed in public life, and not every personal need can (or should) be met in public accommodations. While unapologetically irreverent, the banter provides food for thought on modern culture’s boundaries.