10-06-25 - BR - MON - w/Bret - John Worries That Travis Kelce Can't Go Back After Taylor Swift - List Of Most Gold Digger States - Man's Dog Saves Him From Grizzly Attack

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – October 6, 2025

Episode: 10-06-25 – BR – MON – w/Bret
Hosts: John Holmberg, Bret Vesely (Brady Bogen & Dick Toledo absent)
Main Topics: Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce, Gold Digger States, Sports Oddities, Bizarre News, Not-Safe-For-Work Videos

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Episode Overview

In this episode, John and Bret pilot the morning show, riffing on pop culture, recent sports absurdities, and offbeat news, with their signature irreverence. The absence of regulars Brady and Toledo leads to “The Brett Report,” a segment packed with quirky facts and edgy banter. Central themes include the scrutiny over Travis Kelce’s public relationship with Taylor Swift, the cultural anatomy of “gold digger” states, wild marathons, and the show’s standard barrage of outrageous listener-submitted videos.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Travis Kelce & Taylor Swift’s High-Stakes Relationship

• Pressure on Kelce:
  • John launches into a comedic yet worried rant about what happens to Travis Kelce now that he’s the public boyfriend of Taylor Swift, referencing the horde of protective "Swifties."
  • The hosts discuss Kelce’s pattern of adapting himself to suit each girlfriend, calling it the "Dapper Dan syndrome."
• John’s Take:
  • “He cannot screw this up more than any other man in a relationship ever. Travis cannot screw this up.” (05:28)
  • Bret adds that Kelce’s entire dating history makes the risk higher for him, observing drastic changes in Kelce's style and behavior with different partners.
• Comparison to Pop Culture:
  • Reference to Stedman and Oprah as another example of an impossible act to follow.
  • John: “Stedman just never got the fame. And people would understand if Stedman stepped out. I don't think people would be that mad at Stedman if he goofed up with Oprah.” (05:34)
• Big Takeaway:
  • They joke that Kelce is not just dating Taylor, but “marrying the Swifties” and that any perceived mistreatment could ruin his life, with the army of Swift fans ready to “kill him in their own weird way.” (12:05)

2. Riffing on Celebrity Dating Patterns

• Taylor Swift’s Ex List:
  • The hosts cycle through Taylor’s exes, from John Mayer (who “just didn’t care”) to Jake Gyllenhaal and Conor Kennedy, with a running commentary on fame, relationships, and revenge.
• Speculation About Kelce’s Future:
  • John warns that Taylor’s romantic track record and cultish fanbase could make Kelce “a massive pariah” if he ever leaves.
  • Memorable Moment: “Imagine you’ve got hundreds of millions of bipolar girlfriends at once, because that’s what he’s got.” (08:17)

3. Sports Quirks & Fun Facts (“The Brett Report”) (16:01)

• No No-Hitters:
  • 2025 saw no MLB no-hitters — a 20-year rarity.
    • Bret: “That’s the first time that’s happened since 2005.” (17:16)
• Pitcher Management Rant:
  • John gripes about the modern, overprotective handling of pitchers compared to endurance legends like Nolan Ryan.
• Baseball Past vs. Present:
  • “267 pitches, 13 innings. Three days later, they’re back out there. Now it’s four innings, and it’s straight to the bullpen.” (16:45)
• Pop Culture Trivia & Banter:
  • Public breastfeeding didn't become fully legal in all states until 2018 (17:42).
  • Fewer than half of global cultures kiss (“Maybe it’s a hygiene thing.” – 18:57).
  • Dancing wasn’t allowed at Baylor University until 1996, a “Footloose” moment in real life. (20:16)
  • TMI on Burger King’s “Halloween Whopper” and colored poop (20:35), as well as Princess Leia's bikini as a collector’s item (21:00).

4. Outrageous News Stories

• Taco Bell 50K:
  • A Denver race required runners to eat Taco Bell at ten stops over 31 miles — both hosts react with a mix of revulsion and admiration for the participants.
    • “You had to actually eat the food, too, or you get disqualified...finish within 11 hours, keep your receipts and wrappers.” (23:02)
• Gold Digger States:
  • Least Gold Diggers: Vermont, Nebraska, Montana, Wyoming
  • Most Gold Diggers: Florida, Nevada, Texas, California, New York (25:04–25:55)
  • John jokes, “Hard to dig gold? You’re a coal digger.” and riffs on regional stereotypes.
• Salsa Heist:
  • $35,000 in salsa stolen from a Canadian truck, sparking deep thoughts on why salsa is free at restaurants but expensive at stores (28:09).
• Busch Light Name-Change Stunt:
  • The beer brand’s campaign will award someone 19 years of free beer for legally changing their name to "Hunter."
    • “Bush Hunter. No, no.” (29:11)

5. Hero Dog Story

• Doberman Fights Off Grizzly Bear:
  • A dog named Knight saved his owner from a bear in Canada, giving John reason to rant about people carrying bear spray in their backpack where it’s unreachable.
    • “You had to wait till the dog was in a fight and you had bear spray?” (29:58)
    • “That dog didn’t save the dude’s life, the dog saved his own life.” (30:31)

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Notable/Funny Quotes

• On Travis Kelce’s Dilemma:
  • "Travis is marrying the Swifties." – John (12:05)
  • "Hundreds of millions of bipolar girlfriends at once." – John (08:17)
• On Culture & Dating:
  • "He cannot screw this up more than any other man in a relationship ever." – John (05:33)
  • "He's a lamb." – Bret on Kelce’s vulnerability (10:17)
• On No-Hitters:
  • "That's the first time that's happened since 2005." – Bret (17:16)
• On Salsa Economics:
  • "How can we pay for salsa everywhere but at restaurants?" – John (28:09)
• Gold Diggers:
  • "Hard to dig gold...you’re a coal digger." – John (24:49)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Taylor/Travis Swift Discussion: 03:16–13:00
• Brett Report – Fun Facts: 16:01–17:41
• Cultural Trivia (Kissing, Dancing, Breastfeeding): 17:42–20:27
• Taco Bell 50K Marathon: 21:40–23:28
• Gold Digger States Ranking: 24:24–26:25
• Salsa Heist, Beer Promotion: 27:35–29:14
• Dog vs. Grizzly Hero Story: 29:28–30:40

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NSFW/Outrageous Video Segment

NOTE: Omitted content warnings apply—segment not summarized here for brevity and content moderation. Main thread:

• The hosts gag, cringe, and riff their way through a series of increasingly disturbing listener-submitted videos, ranging from bodily function stunts to extreme displays of flexibility. Their banter pokes fun at shock value, often veering toward the absurd.
  • “I challenge anyone to try to touch their butt with their toe.” – John (38:41)

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Memorable Moments

• Bret and John’s detailed dissection of how high-profile relationships can become prisons under public scrutiny, particularly in the internet age.
• Quirky, genuine complaints about how things like salsa and bear spray are paradoxically used or priced.
• The hosts’ chemistry, quick-witted digs, and parade of odd news items keep the episode both engaging and unpredictable.

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Tone & Style

The episode is quintessentially irreverent, rapid-fire, and unapologetically crude. John and Bret’s camaraderie thrives on exaggeration, self-aware “bad jokes,” and a willingness to explore uncomfortable or taboo subjects for comedic effect. Their morning radio style is conversational, reactive, and full of Arizona-and-male-centric cultural touchstones—all peppered with playful one-upsmanship and affectionate ribbing of absent cohosts.

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For New Listeners:
Expect unfiltered commentary, pop culture takes, and “did you know?” factoids—delivered with equal parts side-eye and belly-laugh. Classic Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: Not for the faint of heart, but reliably sharp, self-deprecating, and always irreverent.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories.

[B]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for.

[A]

Some great comedy in the Valley this week. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com hey, Byron, I was looking at mmpguns.com's website. You have everything, and the prices are incredible.

[C]

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[A]

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[C]

Nope. We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.

[A]

Sounds simple. That's why I always go to MMP guns.com.

[B]

You'Ve been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[A]

He's evil sitting right here.

[B]

Come on. No, no, he's not evil. He's just a bit rud. It's just the. The John and Brett show. Brady's in Ohio with his mom and Toledo screwed up his own schedule and can't come to work.

[A]

That was on purpose.

[B]

There's no way you'd think it would be on purpose, but he's. He got an Airbnb all the way through Tuesday thinking we had a Monday off after Friday. It doesn't make any sense. Brett. I telling you, after this morning, I am. I'm going to call the Mercury. I'm actually not even going to call him. Just going to bill them. I'm going to put together an invoice and just say, here's what you owe 98 KUPD for all the advertising. And I shouldn't be talking about them as much as I am creating interest in their cruddy product. I mean, we're good, but we're fetch goods. Yes, I've got. I've got hundred emails over here. Everybody finally says Mercury finally have interest in the game. I can't believe I'll watch now with vested interest. Because you get a tattoo. If they win at all, don't worry about it. They're not gonna. Merk Mania. I. I started Merk Mania. You did. They didn't do it. You still don't know any of their names. If it wasn't for this show, you wouldn't know their coach is called Nate Tibbets.

[A]

I. I forgot to. I knew it was Nate. I couldn't remember last I remember.

[B]

There's quite a. Quite a lot of money of mine on that question. Tell you that right away. And by the way, to all you bigots who listen to this show, for God's sakes, I must have gotten 12, 15 emails in a row and saying flying taxis in New York. Didn't we already have a problem with Middle Easterners flying stuff around that city? All right, look, they're allowed. Not all of them. Plus they're putting a big rubber ring around the cab so they bounce off buildings. Haven't we already had a problem Middle Eastern flying in New York? Every one of them. This guy says, john, you need to get that tattoo in the back of your neck a tramp step for your head. That way when you become the boy toy for Wilma the bull, she's putting that strap on it. She has something she loves to look at. I'm not putting it on the back of my neck so my butch lesbian lover can rail me and love the Mercury more. But they're getting an invoice for that, too. That's another Mercury mention.

[A]

Bert.

[B]

The other thing, before we get into the Brady Report, sans Brady, did you see the Taylor. Taylor Swift album release in the theaters? Broke, like every record you can break. And again, she wrote a song about Travis Kelsey's We His Pee Pee, and it's like she talks about a redwood and like he's evidently packing her. He's. He's splitting her open.

[A]

Well, you've seen his old girlfriends. Of course he is.

[B]

His old girlfriend is there. Send to me. There's something wrong with Travis Kelsey as a person because if you go back in his time, he always adapts to the girl he's dating. He's one. We've all had that friend that he dates a girl, the next thing you know, he's wearing, like, turtlenecks. And then he breaks up with her and starts dating another chick. And he's in a leather jacket and cowboy hat. Yeah. He becomes what she wants him to be. I call it the Dapper Dan syndrome. Is that little girls like to take dolls and play dress up. And then they grow up and they get. And they get enough. She's got all the power in the world. I'd play dress up for the money, but she basically Is like, you're gonna do this now. Cause if you look at Travis Kelsey, he used to like thick ass black girls, like big asses.

[A]

And he wear the big fur coats.

[B]

And he wear fur coats and like leather jackets that were like from Arsenio's garage sales. I'm not sure where he was getting his clothes, but. And suddenly like now he's just sweaters and slacks and it's weird. And I noticed this weekend she wrote this song about how great his wiener is. And it's like kind of subtext wiener love and all the girls are giggling. I didn't think about this with Travis Kelsey. And he's gonna eventually have enough of her, you know what I mean? At some point or another. Not necessarily like permanently, but. And he, she has to look at his history and go, he's susceptible to the fat ass. And I don't have that. There's a risk. She got the bank. That's what he needs to look at. He needs to realize the risk he's running by locking this down. Because he can't screw this up more than any other man in a relationship ever. Travis cannot screw this up.

[A]

Except maybe Stedman.

[B]

Stedman just never got the fame. And people would understand if Stedman stepped out. I don't think people would be that mad at Stedman if he goofed up with Oprah. I don't think so.

[A]

Gail. So I mean, well, that's because she's been.

[B]

Yeah, she's been having like a full on relationship with someone else the entire time. We don't think of Stedman as Oprah's partner. Gail. Travis has an inordinate amount of pressure on him to never upset her because he will become a massive pariah and who. And, and then can never date again because no girl's ever going to want to be the one that followed Taylor Swift. She would then be a target from the Swifties. I think he's. I think this is a mistake and he, I think he's sucked in and there's no getting out of it.

[A]

Then John. Didn't John Mayer go around banging every broad in Hollywood and yeah, he's just fine.

[B]

But that was before Taylor Swift was Taylor Swift. She was a thing. She was a big deal. But not like this. Like she's got an army and you can't piss them off and it dictates what's next. But I worry about Travis Kelsey because the more you see him and the more you know he's that one dude. We all had a friend that whoever he was Hanging out with is who he dressed like my buddy Kurt. And it turned out he had some stuff going on mentally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He started hanging out with the dude who liked country music and Kurt started wearing country music stuff, started hanging out with us. The pockets with arrows in his shirt and like cowboy hats. And then he would hang out with me and he'd. You know, this was in the early 90s. And the next thing you know, he's in. He's dressed like he's a member of Pearl Jam. And then we stopped hanging out for a little while and started hanging out with this girl. And he's in a sweater and paint, like, then you realize, oh, he's seeking his own identity. She's giving him a.

[A]

A.

[B]

An identity for now. Because you look at him with. Was he dating Saweetie or something like that? Didn't he have some hot.

[A]

He had a couple. I don't know if there's any names in there.

[B]

Let me look. But the girls he was dating were like, thick, like. And he was dressed the part. Like he always looked like he was in their entourage. You take current day Travis Kelce and plop him down in one of those. His ex girlfriend's group of friends. And he would be like a Mormon missionary compared to what?

[A]

There was a page that had all.

[B]

Yeah, all the girls that he used to be with. And it's. It's a strange thing. Sorry. I just wrote a thing about her record breaking performance at this deal. It is astronomical what that woman is pulling off. But yeah, he can't. He can't make a mistake. Not even like, you know, cheating, like something small. He can't ever say, I don't want to be with you anymore, Taylor. He'll never. No one will ever like him again. Guys will be fine. We won't care. But we don't care now. The ones that care will ruin his life. Imagine you've got hundreds of millions of bipolar girlfriends at once, because that's what he's got.

[A]

Look at that.

[B]

There he is with an old girl. Mavis Ben or Maya Benberry. Just curvy, that one. He's in an all blue. Like, it looks like. I don't know what that is. Some royal blue suit. Yeah, he's super fly. All these girls he dated were hot black girls with big butts.

[A]

I know there were more, but these and then these are the big ones.

[B]

Then this.

[A]

Yeah, according to this, it doesn't look like he's dated a white girl years until this.

[B]

This is like what Brady's dealing with. Brady can't have the food he loves anymore. Eventually, he's gonna try it again.

[A]

You think so, Brady?

[B]

What do you know him for?

[A]

He's been. He's been holding strong. I'm trying.

[B]

So does Travis with her. Eventually, somebody's gonna wave some rib meat in front of Brady. And by rib meat, I mean a thick black girl.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

Look at that. He's in this. Yeah, he's. That is not the guy that's dating Taylor. He cannot make a mistake. And I'm not even talking about drifting. I'm talking about anything he does. And I'm worried. Nobody's. His brother needs to talk about it. On that podcast, they are. You blink twice if you want out, but can't leave because you're afraid of what will happen to you.

[A]

Swifties.

[B]

The Swifties will kill him. If she ends up heartbroken and it's his fault. They'll kill him.

[A]

Well, she's hoarded around quite a bit too.

[B]

He's a lamb. Yeah, Swifties love him. But all of hers look the same. They're all about six, four. Everybody she's ever dated. And she's vengeful, man. What I'm saying is I'm a little. I'm putting about an APB out for Travis Kelsey. I'm a little worried about him because they'll kill him in their own weird way. Like, Travis Kelsey will be, like, poisoned or something, and. Or he'll. He'll have to claim CTE or something. Imagine. This is terrible, but imagine if he and she. Yeah, there's Joe Jonas and her. They dated early. I don't know who that is. Lucas till. That dude didn't last long. Taylor Lautner. And she has gotten around, I'm telling you.

[A]

And the list goes on.

[B]

Yeah, see, that guy's gone. He died.

[A]

Oh, did he?

[B]

Yeah, he was on Glee. There's John Mayer. John Mayer just didn't care. I seen John Mayer is the scariest one of the bunch because he's like, I don't care if your fans hate me. And he just moved on. Jake Gyllenhaal. I don't remember any of these people dating her. Yeah, it's Connor Kennedy. I don't know. That is. But bottom line, imagine. Oh, my God. Imagine if Travis has cte. Right, because they're blaming that for Mark Sanchez right now. That a CTE is. He didn't take enough hits to get cte.

[A]

No.

[B]

Imagine if Travis gets CTE and gets a little handsy with her once. He'll. He'll Kill him. Anyway, I'm worried for Travis. His brother needs to step up. We all love Taylor, but are you. Are you sure you want to do this?

[A]

I don't even think Jason could fight off the swifties.

[B]

You know how when you get married, you marry the in laws, you marry the family.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Can't pick your family.

[B]

Travis is marrying the Swifties. I worry about it. Everybody's all, you know, everything's rainbows and. And, you know, beautiful pictures and sunsets and. I'm telling you, man, I'm worried for him. I'm the only one looking out for Travis. God forbid he gets a little tipsy. Some CTE kicks in, and he grabs her by the arms and leaves bruises on that porcelain. Exactly. I've had it. Gonna take care of this myself. I'm a man. And then he grabs her by the arm and that. That skin of hers, that pasty white ass skin that'll bruise real easy. And she'll put those pictures on tmz. And all he did was hold her arm like, oh, and he's a big, strong man. Then he's got to go claim cte. Morning sickness Medicate.

[D]

K u P D Holmberg's morning sickness podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Back to school. Workplace upheaval. Relationship stress. Deadline anxiety. We all go through these moments in our daily lives that leave our mental health and wellness on shaky ground. It's Dick Tolito from Holberg's morning sickness for BetterHelp. I personally have felt the benefits of therapy to get through a rough patch and to give me a way to navigate that tough time and a strategy to recognize when I'm not handling situations my best. And with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. With BetterHelp, you can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button and switch therapists anytime to help you fit therapy into your life where it's best. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a broad array of expertise. So give yourself a helping hand and talk it out. With Better Help, Morning Sickness listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com Holmberg that's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com Holmberg Hey, Byron.

[A]

I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns.

[C]

Brett I sure do. It's M and P Guns Customs. MMP Guns is creating some amazing firearms. We polishing, plating, bluing, custom laser, engraving, laser Stippling, cerakoting and performance upgrades. We do everything in house with our master trained craftsman. You can select our designs or make up your own.

[A]

Well, can you do this to my gun?

[C]

We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live, you can ship it to us or we already have completed firearms in inventory daily with. No wait.

[A]

Well, there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at mmpgunscustoms.com.

[B]

I'm gonna make a prediction that eventually Travis Kelce just wander in the streets. Broke, penniless, crazy, talking to bugs.

[A]

This is gonna be like Steve Martin at the end of the Jerk.

[B]

He's gonna be exactly removed. My story, okay. I was born a guy who loved fat black chicks. But then telling you, man, keep your eyes open for that. This one I'm right about. I just saw a difference of it this weekend when I'm like, oh, he's in some like shirt. She dresses him. There's something going on.

[A]

How about that suit last week with the shorts on and stuff?

[B]

Come on.

[A]

She's dressing and the floor shine shoes.

[B]

And everything else in the floor shops. Anyway, Brady's not here, but Brett's gonna take over. We call this the Brett report. Oh, the dago news. It's brought to you by All Pro Shade Concepts, Arizona's best patio shades. 20 years of shade means two decades of quality, custom installed patio shades, awnings and sunscreens. If you want to get that together and get some shade in your backyard, man, it is perfect out this morning. An absolute glorious thing. So the best thing about the shade is if you got a spot. You want to sit out in this beautiful weather, but the sun's right in your eyes and makes it uncomfortable. The shade makes it so you just have a nice place to sit. Doesn't have to lower the temperature every time. It's perfect. Perfect. Walk around. We live in paradise. October reminds us every year. We live in paradise. There's a lot of time to spend outdoors. Don't spend it outside squinting the whole time. All Pro Shade Concepts will help you out immediately. All Prochet calm. Brett reported.

[A]

How you doing? Here we go. Let's start off with some basic fun facts for you. Major league baseball had zero no hitters in the 2025 regular season. It's been 20 years since that happened. 2005 was the last time.

[B]

No, it's, that's what it's Dodgers fault because they had four of them and they quit on all of them.

[A]

Well, it's their. That bullpen just crazy.

[B]

The bullpen too. But they had a. They pulled the pitchers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean Shohei had a no hitter through six. He'd thrown 68 pitches and they pulled him a week earlier. Glass now had 105 pitches.

[A]

It's money. They're not. They're not going to strain those arms.

[B]

Come on. Yeah, for the fans. They need to strain those arms.

[A]

Well it's back like when we talked about or when you mentioned it a while back when NOLAN Ryan pitched what.

[B]

200, 235 pitches in a 13 inn.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They and Louis Tiand finished the game. There were no relievers and they pitched three days later. Each of them.

[A]

That's what I hate about nowadays. I mean you get starters that go in four innings. That's might as well put the bullpen in playoffs.

[B]

Got rough to watch this weekend because if you had any trouble, you're getting ripped in the first.

[A]

Yeah. You.

[B]

Darvish got pulled in the first second inning. He'd only gotten through one. Yeah. It's weird but yeah. The no hitter thing is that's the first time that's happened since when?

[A]

2005 and prior to that it was 1989 was another year with no no hitters.

[B]

Every year we get one. Yeah, no kidding. I would have never. I'd have lost that bad.

[A]

I mean not perfect games but you know, no hitters might walk somebody or something.

[B]

But still. Yeah, I would have assumed those were fewer than annual.

[A]

That's what I was thought too. It didn't become legal. It didn't become leap. This was on Honor Brady's.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Brady's algorithms on Instagram. It didn't become legal to breastfeed in public in every state until 2018 when Utah and Idaho finally passed laws to allow it the Internet.

[B]

We can talk about him because he's not here. Exactly.

[A]

That's the best.

[B]

You and I looked over his shoulder that day and saw that he was just scrolling over breastfeeding videos.

[A]

Well and that was the whole thing was he's like get him out of my algorithm. He types B and then the breastfeeding things come right up.

[B]

It was the first thing after a B. Yeah. And then when he was showing us he scrolled like through nine videos to get to the one he needed to show us and they were all breastfeeding videos. Our little Brady friend likes that.

[A]

That's his thing that in deformities so he doesn't.

[B]

I don't know if any talking to.

[A]

That I don't Know I'm a lawful lot show up.

[B]

I'm not going to say he doesn't, but I don't think he does. The breastfeeding thing. He's taking a tug on that.

[A]

That's the same man that got caught in front of the fish tank. So who knows?

[B]

Yeah. Some weird stuff going on in his brain.

[A]

Less than half the cultures in the world actually kiss.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I'm sure those hillbillies in Alabama and stuff.

[B]

Well, they kiss black teeth. Who were. That's true.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Maybe it is a hygiene thing.

[A]

I've got to be.

[B]

Did they kiss in India? Oh, well, that's not why I asked. I didn't ask for the racism to follow. It isn't curry. Do Indians in India. Is that. I'm not saying, like, as a people. It's not the curry bread. It is. Jesus Christ. We've got curry here. And you're right, there's no cab.

[A]

You know, but it's.

[B]

I wonder if it's culturally something they do because I don't ever think of them as making out.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know.

[B]

Like here, if you dated an Indian girl, she's gonna make out with you.

[A]

So Indians from India.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

I don't think that. I don't think that's a culture that actually gets it on like that. I need to hear from someone. Which cultures don't make out? I think you're right. It's just the hygiene issues.

[A]

Let's see, who were the. It's not printed in the story. So I got to take Brady side on this at. See if they. I don't know if they'll list it. I don't see it.

[B]

No, it doesn't say, like, they don't like, French kiss or, like, even just touch lips. Probably the Middle East. I bet you they're not much on kissing those.

[A]

Well, you gotta get through those masks.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Take off that beekeeper's hat.

[A]

Here's one. I thought this was fake, but dancing was banned at Baylor University in Texas until 1996.

[B]

No kidding.

[A]

Loose taking. Taking hold until 96.

[B]

96. Like, dances. Baylor didn't have, like homecomings and stuff. Huh.

[A]

This one's for Brady in honor of. Because I didn't have any food news or anything, but 10 years ago this week, Burger King's Halloween Whoppers were released with the black buns and everything. And that was. Well, it was taking a different toll on people's poop colors.

[B]

Oh, that's right. It was making everybody's poo like they were going to the hospital and stuff, worrying it.

[A]

And also, 10 years ago, Princess Leia's bikini sold for $96,000.

[B]

The gold one.

[A]

Yeah. And it turned out to be a good investment because just last year it sold for 175k for Carrie Fisher bikini.

[B]

Was it washed?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Because, you know, some weirdo has ruined that.

[A]

That's John.

[B]

The value is going to start going down. The more dorks from Star wars get their hands on that gold bikini, because that's going to be. Imagine what those nerds are doing to that. Oh, God. No way to treat the memory of Princess Leia.

[A]

No.

[B]

You know, they're doing it, too.

[A]

All right, here's one. Here's one for the fatties. The taco bell 50k. It happened this. This last weekend, and it was a race in Denver, which is actually 31 miles. It included mandatory stops at 10 area Taco Bells where you had to order and consume Taco Bell while you're on your run.

[B]

But you were running. I was going to say you're driving or you're running. You ran.

[A]

Ran 31 miles. Yeah.

[B]

That's more than a marathon.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And you had to stop at all the Taco Bells along the way. I had 12, 15 hours.

[A]

Can you imagine running that? Like, just with. Oh, you'll get the Runo supreme and everything just.

[B]

There's running.

[A]

Oh, man. Yeah.

[B]

That was the thing I was most amazed about when I ran marathons. The competitive ones. The Ethiopians and Kenyans that got to go first because.

[A]

Because nobody.

[B]

They're not in the mix with us. So they, like, they finished two hours later. But you'd be running along. In the very first marathon, I did the rock and Roll Marathon here, running along and there's poop in the road. Like little tiny rabbit poops and pee. Those dudes don't stop.

[A]

Oh, man. Their bodies just let the pens on or anything.

[B]

No, they just go. And there was a little like. But it's like little rabbits and that. Because whatever's going on in their bodies, they let go and they eat and dismiss it fast. It's crazy. And the peeing. They just go. They run through it. It's gross.

[A]

I wouldn't want to follow these guys.

[B]

But the Taco Bell. Imagine that.

[A]

Well, the. You had to actually eat the food, too, otherwise you get disqualified. And it included a Chalupa supreme or one Crunchwrap Supreme. Oh, and one Burrito supreme or Nacho Bell Grande by each place. Yes. And you needed to finish the 31 miles within 11 hours. And keep all your receipts and wrappers. Drinks do not count as food.

[B]

That is disgusting. And how many people did this? What city was it?

[A]

Denver. Have you seen some of them? Yeah, hippie pigs up there. All right.

[B]

Any place you like.

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Phoenix.

[B]

That's right. Yeah. That was well played.

[A]

East of Central Avenue.

[B]

That's right. You don't want to go too crazy. I was in Maryville all day.

[A]

How were you doing?

[B]

Played Grand Canyon University golf course. And the course is very nice. But if I challenge anyone to get through a round of golf at GCU without hearing a siren, you can't. Four in our round yesterday.

[A]

Four horns, too, on the lowriders going by. And.

[B]

No, but some dude drove by blasting Mexican music. Like, I. He was super excited that Bad Bunny hosted us and all the night before or something. But it was loud and Peso Pluma was. Yeah, there was a lot, but. Yeah, you can't get through that. Not here. Sire. Four is my record, and I've only been there once.

[A]

Jesus. All right. Well, there's. They put together a list of the states with the most and least gold diggers in. It doesn't say. I think it's in order, but I'm not sure.

[B]

Least has to be, like, West Virginia and Mississippi, because they don't have any. Well, Mississippi's got some millionaires. It's hard to dig gold. And, like, you're a coal digger.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why did that sound so bad? I'm laughing at it.

[A]

So, you know, it's got to be.

[B]

Like it even to me. I had a Brett moment with that one. Like, that sounds terrible.

[A]

It's. It's a lot of the. You know, the first on the list was Vermont. With the least amount.

[B]

Least. Well, because everybody's rich already, right? Okay.

[A]

Nebraska, Montana, Wyoming.

[B]

Hard to find millionaires.

[A]

Yeah. Maine, South Dakota, Alaska, Iowa.

[B]

Like, Utah would be up there, too. Idaho.

[A]

Mormon money.

[B]

Yeah, but they got money, but you can't dig for it. You know what I mean? They're looking for a specific type of gal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And usually everybody's coming for money. Idaho Mormons don't drift over to the ghetto and grab a lady. They stay within their own.

[A]

And the. And the state said supposedly has the most gold diggers, which you can kind of figure that most of them. Florida got that whole Miami thing down there. Nevada, Texas, California, New York, Colorado. For some reason, I don't think the hippies were that much gold diggers.

[B]

Yeah, they got a lot of money.

[A]

In Colorado, Georgia, Tennessee, Maryland. And there you Go Indiana.

[B]

Indiana. Well, that is true because northwestern Indiana, you get close to Chicago and you start getting all those farms and stuff. Oprah lives up there, so there is some money that kind of escapes. And what is like the like gold digging in Indiana is I make eleven hundred dollars a year. So if I meet somebody who makes 35,000, it's like I'm marrying a Rockefeller.

[A]

Are you looking for the biggest meth dealer around or is that how it goes?

[B]

Yeah. Universe Morning sickness medicate. Kupd.

[A]

We're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron, why should someone choose to go to M and P Guns?

[C]

The choice is simple, Brett. MMP Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. In fact, right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off. We have ammo, ink, 9mm hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.

[A]

Well, it sounds like M and P Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.

[C]

That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at the northeast corner of 12th street in Indian School or online at MMPGuns Do.

[B]

Hey everybody, it's John Holmberg here from the Morning Sickness and you hear me all the time talking about my friends at Lost Our Home Pet Rescue. We do the pick of the litter and it's brought to you by our [e-mail] Every week I head over to Lost Our Home Pet Rescue and I meet a brand new beautiful animal that needs a home. The work they do at Lost Our Home is unbelievable. Not just your average pet shelter, that is for sure. They help people in a lot of situations. Look them up online lost our home.org and check out everything we do at 98kupd.com in the pick of the litter section.

[A]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness, a truck and trailer in Canada was stolen a week ago and was packed with $35,000 worth of salsa. It's unclear if the thieves were targeting it just for the salsa or they were looking for something more valuable. That's. Where's Brady at again?

[B]

Yeah, no kidding. Has he come back with a new truck? I got us some salsa. It's good.

[A]

Problems is that they got nowhere to unload $35,000 worth of salsa.

[B]

Friend of mine said this to me the other day and he's right. How can we pay for salsa everywhere? But at restaurants.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know.

[B]

Salsa's free everywhere. Well, except the store.

[A]

I think they want you eating those salty chips and everything. So you're ordering more beer.

[B]

That's true, you know, but still free across the board. Everywhere you go. You want some sauce with it. Here, it's free always. But we pay for salsa. And it's not like a little dab, like ketchup.

[A]

Oh, it's a. It's a bowl.

[B]

You get a bowl of it and you get as much as you want. Forever and ever, you go to the store, it's like $14 for a thing of salsa.

[A]

Buschlight is currently running. I don't get this one. Running a campaign where they're encouraging consumers to legally change their name to Hunter. One lucky person will score themselves 19 years worth of bush beer just for changing name. Changing name Hunter.

[B]

Why?

[A]

I don't know why it doesn't say that. I don't know.

[B]

Bush Hunter. No, no.

[A]

And Hunter's not even a hillbilly name. I don't get it.

[B]

No, it's kind of an annoying Gilbert kid name. Yeah, that's like one of the goons would be called Hunter. Hunter Talon Talent Hunter Braden. Yeah. Spilling with like schwas and stuff.

[A]

And we'll end with some good news here. A dog in Canada made it into the Purina hall of Fame after fighting off a grizzly bear and saving his owner's life. 70 year old Craig Campbell was hiking with his 10 year old Doberman named Knight last year when they crossed paths with a mama bear and two cubs. Knight fought it off long enough for Craig to grab the can of bear spray that he had with him and basically f the bear up.

[B]

Hold on a second. You had to wait till the dog was in a fight and you had bear spray?

[A]

I don't know where his bear spray was. I mean, you would think if you're going for a hike, you have it in your hand. Yeah, yeah. At least on your belt.

[B]

You're holstered up. You get in your backpack.

[A]

Right.

[B]

What's the point of bear spraying your backpack? It's like those people that carry guns, but they're not loaded and they've got a magazine in their pocket and the gun in the back. You're not getting to that. Like a gun safe. Hey, never. Bear spray has to be out when you're in bear country.

[A]

Stupid.

[B]

And the dog got into the. And by the way, the dog didn't save that dude's life. The dog saved that dog's life.

[A]

Right.

[B]

The dog Dumbass. You have bear spray, and I've got to fight a bear.

[A]

Your dog probably bit him afterwards. You son of a bitch.

[B]

I would immediately name that dog Mark Sanchez.

[A]

And then here's another one that. Because you always seem to come in like. And you know, like, when wintertime hits or something and reaching your pockets. Hey, I found a 20. Hey, I found it. You know? Yeah. A woman in Virginia was cleaning out her closet, found a bunch of lottery tickets and some old clothes that she forgot she scratched off, and one of them hit for 100 grand.

[B]

What?

[A]

Yeah. Your twenties are nothing compared to what this broad found.

[B]

But my laundry. I had the most. The biggest hit I've ever had on a laundry day was a coat I had $300 in. I'd forgotten.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

That was a nice one.

[A]

I think I. I think I hit for 40 or something.

[B]

You grab that.

[A]

Yeah, you grab that jacket, you know, that you have worn in six months, it's like.

[B]

Oh. But you feel like it was a win, but technically you lost.

[A]

That was your money anyway. Yeah.

[B]

It's not like some money fairy drops it in your winter coat. Yeah, my winter coat's always. I did it for a while there, where I put money in there on purpose and then try to forget it was there. But then I couldn't, so I never had cash. I just go into the winter coat. So it stopped being a thing because I was so excited when I reached in and found the money. But I don't think I've worn a winter coat in 10 years, so maybe there is money in one of mine. I don't know. All right, Brett, what do you got for videos? Okay.

[A]

I didn't have a chance to. We're just gonna go through these.

[B]

We're going blind.

[A]

Yeah. I don't have a chance to read.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

Everything being a little crazy with Brady going here, so.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, this one is.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[A]

It's titled, like, Nickelodeon slime.

[B]

All right.

[A]

And these are from Friday, since we were off, so these may be a little heavy.

[B]

All right, let's see what these go. All right, here's a lady. Oh, my God. Oh, what is it? There's a Asian sort of woman. Oh, God.

[A]

Try to explain this.

[B]

I'm trying. I don't know what's going on. How do I explain what I don't understand? All right, she is performing orally on another Asian.

[A]

And that's not pixelated?

[B]

Unfortunately, no. And underneath these people who are having the act of love performed in their mouths, a mouth hug. Is another woman with her mouth wide open, and you think that the guy is going to do something to both of them, but turns out the one performing the deep throating is throwing up green slime and coating the one underneath them. While she was eating, she's being gagged.

[A]

It's like she's drinking a Midori Sour beforehand.

[B]

That's what Larry looks like when he's drunk. I mean, he doesn't have a wiener in his mouth. I don't know. Depends on how drunk you get.

[A]

We know.

[B]

Yeah. I think this happens to anybody who drinks too much Midori Sour. End up with a wiener in your mouth, and you're throwing up all over an Asian girl.

[A]

Oh, all right.

[B]

That was horrible.

[A]

This one says, like, a cave echo, but you got to listen close.

[B]

What are you grossed out more by, like, when people do pee and poo or puke?

[A]

Pee and poop.

[B]

You think the pee and poop's worse? Some reason that, like, the puke makes me. Because I've tasted puke.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I know what that would be like coming into your mouth, but I don't know. Like, I can't even grasp the taste of poo.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. I don't want to either. I mean, everybody's puked, so I already know. Yeah.

[B]

How bad?

[A]

It's bad.

[B]

Somebody else vomiting in my mouth would be.

[A]

Somebody take a dump over you.

[B]

I just don't know. Maybe it's good. I don't know. Maybe. Hey, Cereal. We've been to Cereal together.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And I'm pretty sure that's on another level. I might have reached in and had that meal again.

[A]

That was on another level, though.

[B]

Brett and I went to dinner once at a place called Cereal in Vegas, and we both had movements within the proper time to evacuate the cereal from our bodies. Both of us talked about how our poop smelled just like the meal we ate.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I want.

[B]

I would have considered that.

[A]

I would have thought about it. Yeah. I opened the door. I didn't even turn the fan on in there. I wanted a. I wanted it in it. It was amazing.

[B]

I wanted it in the whole house. It was amazing. But vomit. I've never vomited and gone. That's nice.

[A]

No, that's true. But.

[B]

So when I see these, I get weirded out, like, thinking, I know what that tastes like. I don't have a. I don't have a concept.

[A]

Cereal may be a different level, though, because you. You wind up with somebody that just got done at a carne asada burrito you know, Roberto's. Or it's like, all right, I'm out.

[B]

Point made. No, none of it's good. I'm just saying what. All right, go ahead. Next one that we're. All right. The lady with one of those speculums that has her. Her lady bits opened up. You could. You could put a football in there. She's.

[A]

Microphone.

[B]

What is that? Is it a microphone? She's putting a microphone all the way. And I've never seen anything like this. What is that? Is that her urethra? I. This thing's. A football. Could go in this. It's being opened up by the tool, and then she's thicken like a. Oh, my God. This is. She's got some sort of tube in there. That's it. She looks like Cindy Crawford with huge nipples. Oh, my God. Is that a Phillips head screwdriver? And it looks like a little, like. I don't know. It looks like an eyeless baby. What is that?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Is that what we're going into? I'm gay.

[A]

Yeah, I'm with you on that one.

[B]

That's what it looks like on the inside, apparently. I'm gay.

[A]

I'm not digging deeper.

[B]

I'm gay. I never want to look in there again.

[A]

Oh, well, here you go. This is what we were talking about earlier.

[B]

Okay, here's somebody pooped in the. Is that a sink?

[A]

Looks like a urinal.

[B]

A urinal. And now somebody pooped in the urinal and has now scooped it out, putting it in the trash. Oh, this is not gonna be good. It's a little sanitation worker. Oh, he's dry. Even the whole time he's dry. It made this little Asian guy, the poor little dude had to clean poop out of a urinal, and some friend filmed it. All right, well, just still awful. Lord, this lady is so limber. She has her own foot in her butt.

[A]

And there's a rosebud too.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I'm saving this for Brady.

[B]

Her ankle is like gum. She can put her toes in her butt. Oh, the rosebud. She's rubbing it with her foot. Oh. And then back in goes. Look at how damaged the. Oh, now she took her foot out of her pocket and put it in her mouth. All right, play by play. Oh, all right. She's play by play putting her toes in her butt. And keep in mind, the thing up top is doing all sorts of stuff, too. Rewind that a little bit, Brett. Watch this. When she puts her foot in her butt, it puts pressure on her lady bits, and they, like, start to birth something, and that goes back in. And then she takes her foot. She rubs her rosebud, which is with her foot about the size of a softball hanging out of there. Then she put her foot back and she. You know what the best part about this lady is? Is that she tattooed her ankle, like, so it's. Oh, God. And then she opens her B hole.

[A]

Then she rubs it with her foot.

[B]

Look, she's got, like, an ankle bracelet. And she accessorizes that and she's smiling like people. And then she put her whole mouth in her. Or her foot in her mouth. We're done.

[A]

We're done. We're ending there. That could be a top tenner, though.

[B]

That's got some. That's got some legs guarding the pun. Come on.

[A]

That's it. I'm not going any farther. Now we're done.

[B]

I've confused Kevin Cyverson. He says you just said the phrase. It's more confusing than ever. She looks like Cindy Crawford but with huge nipples. And I don't know if that's hot or not. Sort of. Good Lord. I've never, like, I challenge anyone to try to touch their butt with their toe. You're thinking about it. Like, how would you even do it? Your chair broke. Oh, what in the world is going on?

[A]

What the hell is this world coming.

[B]

You people out there. I'm gonna go home and smack all your mamas. You don't have mothers. You don't have parents. You're all raised in swamps. There you go. He's not here for it. But that's your Brady report. It's 98. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of.

[D]

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[B]

Whoa. Wayne, did you hear that?

[A]

Sounded like a monster.

[B]

Not a monster, Larry. Just a car in need of Amco. Grinding, clunking, screeching those noises mean trouble. So what do you do when your car sounds haunted? That's easy. Bring it to an amco. Our experts will diagnose the problem and get you back on the road quickly. No tricks, just treats.

[A]

So this Halloween, don't fear the road.

[B]

Fear missing out on great Amco service. Google Amco for your nearest location.

[D]

That's Amco Double A MCO transmissions and.

[A]

A whole lot more.