10-06-25 - WWBD - w/Bret - He Caught His 19yo Son In The Pool w/17yo Boy - He Got His First Hemorrhoid

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona: WWBD – w/Bret

Episode Date: October 6, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Bret Vesely, (Brady Bogen & Dick Toledo absent)
Main Theme:
This episode features Bret Vesely stepping into Brady Bogen's shoes for the "What Would Brady Do?" (WWBD) advice segment. The hosts tackle two audience questions: navigating the discovery of a 19-year-old son romantically involved with a 17-year-old boy, and advice on when to see a doctor for hemorrhoids. Delivered with unfiltered humor and straight talk, the discussion explores legal, moral, and practical angles in unique HMS fashion.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Absences and Setup

• [02:00] The hosts note Brady is in Ohio—his mom had hip surgery—and Dick Toledo is away after kidney surgery.
• [02:30] Bret steps in for the WWBD segment: “Bret’ll try to solve the problems Brady usually comes at it with.” (John)

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2. Question 1: 19yo Son Caught Kissing 17yo Boy – Legal and Parental Dilemmas

• [03:33] Email from Justin: “I just saw my son and his friend kissing in our pool. He’s 19, the boy is 17… Do gays have the same rules with underage stuff? Can I get sued? I don’t care he’s gay, I just don’t want to lose my house and my money.”
• Legal Perspective:
  • [04:02] Bret: “I think, you know, Johnny Cakes there that he’s in the pool with is… I think it’s still an age thing. It doesn’t matter if he’s gay or if it’s straight kids, you know?”
  • [04:14] John: “It’s still statutory.”
  • [04:16] Bret: “I would think so.”
  • [04:17] John: “If the parents of the 17-year-old think your 19-year-old is manipulating him…”
  • [04:24] Bret (sarcastically): “He could be grooming. Veto, man.”
• Moral and Parental Advice:
  • [04:57] Bret: “I say play stupid. Act like it never happened. Didn’t see it. Didn’t happen. My mom got mad because the kid’s 19 anyway, he’s responsible for his own bills.”
  • [05:05] John shares a personal anecdote: “I was 22 and there was a hostess who was 16 or 17, and my mom kicked us both out immediately… she goes, 'If she gets weird, she’s gonna use the age thing.'”
  • [05:31] John adds, “I don’t know how it works for gays… but I think they’re a little more amorous. Couple of dudes, you know, nobody’s putting the brakes on is what I’m saying.”
  • [05:56] Bret: “Just ignore it. Didn’t happen. You didn’t see anything.”
• Humorous Take on “Pool Contamination”:
  • [05:48] John: “Had you been not home that day, your pool would have had a tint of brown.”
  • [06:01] John: “Well, also shock the pool. Oh, there’s terrible things going on inside there.”
• Liability Concern:
  • [06:20] Audience email: “How is a father liable for what a 19-year-old does?”
  • [06:24] Bret: “The kid’s 18, he’s an adult. Technically, it shouldn’t matter where he’s living.”
  • [06:29] John: “I’m pretty sure if you allow it, you’re…”
• Final Advice:
  • [08:28] Bret recaps: “And the twink and his boyfriend? Denied. Denied. I didn’t see anything. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
  • [08:33] John: “Shock the pool. Oh, yeah, that’s first… hell, I’d shock it while they’re in there.”
  • [10:45] Bret, joking: “I don’t want poo poo. No, because then, you know, you gotta deny it now.”

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Notable Quotes:

• Bret ([04:57]): “I say play stupid. Act like it never happened. Didn’t see it. Didn’t happen.”
• John ([05:05]): “If she gets weird, she’s gonna use the age thing. And you may not have done anything, but you’re alone in a house with her. Dumb.”
• John ([05:48]): “Had you been not home that day, your pool would have had a tint of brown.”
• Bret ([10:28]): “And the twink and his boyfriend? Denied. Denied. I didn’t see anything.”

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3. Question 2: Hemorrhoids – When to See a Doctor?

• [06:42] Email from Brian: “Dear Brady, Bret, how many hemorrhoids until it’s time to go to a doctor? My friend says just getting one is enough to go to a doctor… Another friend said he didn’t go until it looked like he had a period in his underwear…”
• Personal Experience:
  • [07:21] Bret: “Just the one little peanut thing. I don’t think you gotta go to a doctor for one or two… If it’s a constant thing, possibly. And definitely if you’re [bleeding]…”
  • [07:44] John: “Here’s the rule. Get into a little bathtub of water… If the water turns pink, you gotta go to the doctor.”
  • [08:14] John: “I popped the one not knowing what it was—extreme pain. Worst pain I’ve ever been in.”
  • [08:31] John (graphic humor): “It was a gusher… all over white carpeting.”
• Medical Advice:
  • [07:49] John: “…just get your butt underwater, and if the water turns pink, you gotta go to the doctor.”
  • [08:11] Bret: “I popped the one, not knowing what it was… extreme pain.”
  • [10:21] John: “So you say go to the hospital after there’s blood. Don’t worry about one.”
  • [10:27] Bret: “One’s nothing.”

Notable Quotes:

• John ([08:14]): “I popped the one not knowing what it was—extreme pain. Worst pain I’ve ever been in. More than shoulder surgeries and all that stuff.”
• John ([07:44]): “If the water turns pink, you gotta go to the doctor.”
• Bret ([07:21]): “Just the one little peanut thing. I don’t think you gotta go to a doctor for one…”

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4. Miscellaneous Memorable Moments

• [09:21] The hosts riff on finding a used Preparation H nozzle in a woman’s bathroom—recalling stories about other hidden bathroom items and poking fun, Tarantino/Pulp Fiction style.
• [10:56] John (joking about not having kids): “High five. Yeah. No kids.”
• [11:00] John: “No poop pool is very true.”
• [11:21] Comic riffing wraps up the segment before they transition out of content.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (w/ Timestamps)

• [04:57] Bret: “Play stupid. Act like it never happened. Didn’t see it. Didn’t happen.”
• [05:05] John: “If she gets weird, she’s gonna use the age thing. And you may not have done anything, but you’re alone in a house with her. Dumb.”
• [07:44] John: “If the water turns pink, you gotta go to the doctor.”
• [08:14] John: “I popped the one not knowing what it was—extreme pain. Worst pain I’ve ever been in.”
• [10:28] Bret: “And the twink and his boyfriend? Denied. Denied. I didn’t see anything.”
• [10:56] John: “High five. Yeah. No kids.”

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Final Takeaways

Advice on Difficult Situations:

• For both legal/moral family dilemmas and embarrassing medical issues, the HMS team’s core advice can be summarized as:
  • Deny knowledge when it protects you legally (“Didn’t see it. Didn’t happen.”)
  • Only take drastic action (like going to a doctor) when symptoms escalate (bleeding, persistent problems).

Style:

• The hosts’ approach blends irreverent humor (“shock the pool,” “the twink and his boyfriend”), personal stories, and a don’t-take-life-too-seriously attitude.

For Listeners:

• This episode is worth a listen for its frank, funny takes on taboo and awkward issues, and showcases why HMS remains popular in Arizona morning radio.

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Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. All right, HMS Podcast, time again to.

[B]

Let you know where to go for.

[A]

Some great comedy in the Valley this week. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com we're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron, why should someone choose to go to M and P Guns?

[C]

The choice is simple, Brett. M and P Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting needs. We offer Arizona's largest selection handguns, rifles, shotgun, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. In fact, right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off. We have ammo ink, 9mm hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.

[A]

Well, it sounds like MMP Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.

[C]

That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at northeast corner of 12th Street Indian School or [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[B]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not evil. He's just a bit rude. And Toledo's texting us from the grave, for God's sakes, telling us you're late.

[A]

This guy.

[B]

You're late. Oh, we're late. You're not even here. You're late. You're showing up for work today, tomorrow morning. He's not wrong.

[A]

That's what happens when he's not here.

[B]

By the way, Kyle makes a great point about. What's his name? Laxmania? Hoover. Don't.

[A]

His name is.

[B]

You've got it right.

[A]

Yeah, I got his name here.

[B]

Lakshmi Narasimh. That's right. Lakshman. We have a caller named Missy who wants to try. Let's see, can you say his name? We go to the phone. That's it. Yeah, that's. She's nailing. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's right. That's right. Thank you, Missy. Guy says John, you treat. You say that. That kid's. They're gonna have trouble getting laid. There's 1.3 billion Indians. I don't think getting laid is one of their issues. That's a good point. They're banging each other like crazy. Making more smart kids with Too many letters. It's time now for Brett to take the place of the most moral man in America, while Brady's. Brady had to fly home to Ohio to see his mom, who just had a hip surgery. And of course, Bridges had his kidney pulled out. So I think they're just seeing each other, you know, one of those deals. And they took Kirby along with him to tour a school. Athens, Ohio. University of Ohio. There's. If she'll go. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Will go back to college. So he's fooling himself into thinking he's going to send her off. Wait for the Dateline special. Completely, by the way, don't I. I'll get into that tomorrow. But Dateline is now using Keith Morrison to say things that don't make any sense that are still interesting as hell. I love that. Anyway, so, yeah, brazen. I hear Brett's here to solve your problems. I don't know if that's going to be a thing or not, but we'll find out. Brought to you by MMP Guns. MMP Guns right there, 12th street in Indian School. If you want to hop in there, right in the center of mo. Money pawn. Roll in there and grab whatever you need for your gun. Have you shot yours yet? That you got from them? Have you taken.

[A]

No, I just picked up a new suppressor from them, so.

[B]

Oh, boy. Yeah, that was when I was there.

[A]

Yeah. But I had a. You gotta. You gotta fill out the paperwork on it. So I picked it up. Oh, Wednesday.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. Are you ready, Brett?

[A]

I am.

[B]

Brett. We'll try to solve the problems Brady usually comes at it with. Said, this is going to be a tough angle here, but we'll see. Dear Brady. Brett.

[A]

All right.

[B]

I just saw my son and his friend kissing in our pool. He's 19, and the boy he was with is 17.

[A]

Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

[B]

Don't interrupt with your nonsense. As a father, what the hell do I do? I could say not in my house. But do gays have the same rules with underage stuff? Can I get sued? I don't care that he's gay. I just don't want to lose my house and my money when this kid's parents say that my kid did something terrible. Justin.

[A]

Well, I think. I mean, I think, you know, Johnny Cakes there that he's in the pool with is. I think it's still an age thing. It doesn't matter if he's gay or if it's straight kids, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You can't straight making out. There's.

[B]

It's still statutory.

[A]

I would think so.

[B]

Right. Like if the parents of the 17 year old think that your 19 year old is manipulating him. Right.

[A]

But you know, he, he could be grooming Veto man. Well, I mean, so it was just kissing or what were they?

[B]

If it was your 19 year old son and a 17 year old girl, what would you do? Because the same rules apply, I think. Right.

[A]

Yeah. I mean it's so close.

[B]

It's just a lot more hair.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, get them out of the pool with all that floating their pubes around. You're gonna clog up the filter. All that gum and weirdness they're shooting around.

[A]

I say play stupid, act like it never happened. Didn't see it. Didn't see it. Didn't happen. My mom got mad because the kid's 19. Anyway, he's responsible for his own bills.

[B]

Yeah. I was 22 and there was a hostess who was 16 or 17, a Tony Romans and she came over the house. We weren't going to do anything. She was beautiful and my mom kicked us both out immediately. Not in my house. Get out of this house. Like what? She goes, if she gets weird, she use the age thing. And you may not have done anything, but you're alone in a house with her. Dumb.

[A]

And that's a lot closer too, you know, 19 and 17, that's.

[B]

Yeah, that doesn't seem bad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know how it works for gays. I know the law says once they. Well, yeah, but I think they're a little more amorous. Couple of dudes, you know, nobody's putting the brakes on is what I'm saying. Like with a girl, she's like, no, I won't, I can't. And then you start dabbling into that. He forced her, right? That's not happening.

[A]

No, dudes aren't doing that.

[B]

Those two dudes.

[A]

Chocolate lebarons. Ready to go.

[B]

Had you been not home that day, your pool would have had a tint of brown.

[A]

I said, yeah, like I said, just ignore it. Didn't happen. You didn't see anything.

[B]

Well, also shock the pool. Oh, there's terrible things going on inside there. And it could have to be the girl and a boy too, but I'm just saying the 17 year old girl can't. No, your dad's home. Two gay guys. Okay, it's just happening. Poop.

[A]

Wiener.

[B]

This one says, how is a father liable for what a 19 year old does?

[A]

It's true.

[B]

Because the kid's 18 yeah, but it's in his house.

[A]

I don't think it matters on the location.

[B]

I'm pretty sure if you allow it, you're.

[A]

That's why you deny it. I didn't see anything, man. Saw nothing.

[B]

You got me, man.

[A]

Yeah. The kid's 18. He's an adult. Technically. It doesn't. It shouldn't matter where he's living. I don't think. I don't know.

[B]

Ian says, man, the father should think about this. He just saw him kissing because that was what was above the surface. There was a lot of bread at big surf going on under that water. Oh, God, you guys are gross. All right, this is an interesting one. I think you can. I think this is built for you. Although I like Brady's opinion on this. Says, dear Brady, brad, how many hemorrhoids until it's time to go to a doctor? One of my friends says just getting one is enough to go to the doctor. It should scare me. Another friend said he didn't go until it looked like he had had a period in his underwear. Oh, when would you go, Brian? You ever had one?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Roy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you get a bundle like a grapevine or just.

[A]

No, just. Just the one little peanut thing. I don't think you got to go to a doctor for one or two or whatever. If it's a constant thing. I would say possibly and definitely. If you're blood. Yeah. If it looks like chumming with Roy Scheider in Jaws there. Yeah. Then definitely hit the.

[B]

Here's the rule. Get into a little bathtub of water.

[A]

The Sith bath. Is that what it calls it?

[B]

The sits bath?

[A]

Something like that? Yeah.

[B]

But you get in there. I don't care about that part. And just get your butt underwater. And if the water turns pink, you gotta go to the doctor.

[A]

Yeah, well. Or you dab with. With the. With the toilet paper stuff, you know, that could.

[B]

If it's just leaking off of you, if you're reaching up there and getting it and you don't feel. But if it's leaking out of you like that.

[A]

See, I never had. Like I said, I've always had the little.

[B]

The little bump.

[A]

And I was like.

[B]

I popped the one not knowing what it was.

[A]

That I can't believe.

[B]

Extreme pain. Worst pain I've ever been in. More than shoulder surgeries and all that stuff. It was.

[A]

And that had a bleed, too, then, right.

[B]

All over white carpeting. Oh. Because I did it. I just pulled my pants down and did it on the floor and not knowing what it was. And it was a gusher.

[A]

Well, there was a time I had no idea. Came in and had to do overnights. I had one of those. Those pillows that I had to sit on. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it wasn't bleeding or anything like that. So he just.

[B]

You know, I had a friend of mine who had internal.

[A]

Oh, yeah, mine weren't.

[B]

And it was just aching and paining and itching inside there. And he said he was using full tubes of Preparation Age on, like, just jamming it in there. That's what that little nozzle. Yeah, yeah. I didn't. I've never.

[A]

I've never had to use the nozzle.

[B]

I. A girl's house once, Tony Romans, once again, back in the day, her apartment opened the. As you do, the cabinet in the bathroom. And her Preparation H thing had the nozzle on. That's exactly right. It was used. Let's just say it wasn't gently used. You have people over with you. You got goddamn company. You know, I'm going through that. Wash it up. Yeah, it was.

[A]

Is that the.

[B]

It was stained. No.

[A]

Skittles One?

[B]

No, it wasn't Skittles. Okay.

[A]

Why don't you just put that back? What kind of pig.

[B]

I. I didn't even go in there to look for that. I just opened it to see how full it was. And always to look for, like, wart medication or something like that.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Valtrex or something. Yeah.

[B]

And so I opened it, and that was the first thing I saw. And it was like. Almost like it was product branded for me. It was tilted up against the back. Preparation. Then it had the. What do they call that? The siphon or whatever that is. I don't know what that was, that big long tube on it.

[A]

Was it like when they opened applicator? Was it like when they opened the briefcase of Pulp Fiction?

[B]

Yeah, it just glowed. Yeah. And then. And then the Preparation Age says. What are you looking at? That's just pride with you. Pride, Mother. I just shut the thing and I left. I want to say your name because it's. But I'm not gonna. Deirdre. Anyway. All right, well, we gotta go quick because Toledo's upper. Nice job. Not bad.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Not bad. You did okay there, Brad. So you say go to the hospital after there's blood. Don't worry about one.

[A]

One. One's nothing.

[B]

And the twink and his boyfriend.

[A]

Denied. Denied. I didn't see anything. I don't know what you're talking about.

[B]

Shock the pool. Oh, yeah, that's first, and then, you.

[A]

Know, hell, I'd shock it while they're in there.

[B]

That's a hate crime. I think that's a crime. No, I'd tell him. I'd open the door. I don't want pool. Knock it off.

[A]

I don't want poo poo. No, because then, you know, you gotta deny it now.

[B]

Now, if you stopped it, though, I don't know. I don't know how any it works. Thank God. High five. Yeah. No kids.

[A]

Thank you, Dr. Lynn.

[B]

Good God. It's nine. 29.

[A]

No poop pool.

[B]

No poop pool is very true. Oh, guy says, did you sniff it at the girls? Come on, man. You people are pigs. That's what Brady did. And he would have done better than that because he wouldn't have ended with, did you sniff at you pigs? Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this. Hey, everybody, it's John Holberg here from the morning sickness. And you hear me all the time talking about my friends at Lost Our Home Pet Rescue. We do the pick of the litter and it's brought to you by our [e-mail] Every week I head over to Lost Our Home Pet Rescue and I meet a brand new beautiful animal that needs a home. The work they do at losterhome is unbelievable. Not just your average pet shelter, that is for sure. They help people in a lot of situations. Look them up online. Lost our home.org and check out everything we do at 98kupd.com in the pick of the litter section.

[D]

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