10-08-25 - BR - WED - w/Bret - The Avg Size And Weight Today For Men And Women - Vid Of Jerry Jones Flipping Off Jets Fans - Long John Silvers Changing Its Logo From A Fish To Chicken

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – October 8, 2025

Main Theme:
This episode features John Holmberg, Brett Vesely, Richard Toledo, and guests in their signature rapid-fire, irreverent style, riffing on current events, oddball stories, and the everyday absurdities of American life. Core topics include national averages for height and weight, Jerry Jones flipping off Jets fans, a deep-dive into fast food branding decisions, and various viral stats and stories. Brady Bogen is absent, so Brett takes over the “Brady Report,” leading the news-of-the-weird segment.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Teddy Bear Day and Childhood Attachments

• [03:36] Brett highlights it's National Bring Your Teddy Bear to School Day, prompting a segment on childhood security items and abandonment issues.
  • John pokes fun at Toledo’s lack of attachment objects, joking, “Because you had abandonment issues.”
  • Lighthearted jabs at Brady’s “Puffy the Piss Pillow” and Toledo’s now-abandoned childhood teddy bear.

2. Average Height and Weight in America

• [06:26] Brett provides fun facts:
  • Average male weight: 199.8 lbs
  • Average female weight: 170.8 lbs
  • Average male height: 5’9”
• John reacts:
  • “That’s huge. We’re huge.” [06:48]
  • Focus on health, body composition, and how social expectations around weight have shifted.
  • John describes his own body scan, noting:
    • “I just had one of those body analysis scans, and I'm at 21% body fat.” [07:10]
  • Tommy Davidson anecdote:
    • “America’s so used to people being fat that I am now looked at as thin. And all I am is in shape.” [14:03]
  • Panel jokes about how almost all are above “healthy” BMI, with self-deprecation and humor about weight loss struggles.

3. Game Show Records and Gasoline Oddities

• [08:44] Trivia time: The most someone could theoretically win in an episode of Jeopardy is $566,400; actual record is $131,120.
• [09:32] One gallon of gas has enough energy to charge an iPhone daily for over 10 years, which is met with sarcasm from John:
  • “Yeah, there are gas powered iPhones.” [09:41]

4. Hollywood Casting Quirks & Harry Potter Clichés

• [10:24] The role of Tina Carlyle in “The Mask” almost went to Anna Nicole Smith over Cameron Diaz.
• [10:37] Fun fact:
  • Most common sentence in Harry Potter books is “nothing happened,” sparking an “Italian Harry Potter” bit.

5. Extended Weight Conversation—Societal Norms & Stereotypes

• [10:57–12:28] Panel discusses the perception of weight healthiness, recalling how “average” has shifted.
  • John quips at inflated averages:
    • “Women being 170. And the average height of a woman is 5, 4.” [08:06]
  • Comparing themselves against statistical norms, riffing on personal BMI and insurance targets.
• [14:50] Toledo asks if these stats will wake women up:
  • John: “Well, their heels are digging in on their own. They're fat. Their heels are going right into the earth.” [14:57]

6. Plane Safety and Dim Lights

• [15:14] Brett explains why planes dim their lights before takeoff/landing:
  • “It's so your eyes can adjust to low lighting in case of an emergency and you need to evacuate.” [15:18]

7. Jerry Jones Flips off Jets Fans

• [15:44] The crew discusses Jerry Jones being fined $250,000 for flipping off Jets fans:
  • John, impersonating Jones:
    • "My brain didn't react proper. So accidentally put my herpes finger in the air to Jets fans while I tried to give a thumbs up." [16:04]
  • Consensus: Spectacle is part of the game, and New Yorkers are no strangers to rudeness.

8. Workplace Time Wasting

• [17:59] Survey: 51% of worker time is busywork (email, data entry).
  • John jokes: “Or in Heather's case, yesterday, just yelling at me. That was busy work.” [18:10]

9. Pet Obesity Awareness Day

• [18:22] Up to 60% of U.S. cats and dogs are overweight.
  • 35% of owners would consider Ozempic for their pets.
  • John notes, *“Fat people’s dogs are fat because they never want to exercise.”
  • Comparing their own pets’ fitness.

10. America’s Best & Worst Cities to Drive In

• [19:40] Discussion of a study on driving:
  • Worst include Seattle, several California cities, Houston, Baltimore, DC, Chicago, Detroit.
  • Best: Corpus Christi, Greensboro (NC), Boise, Scottsdale.
  • John mocks his experiences in Scottsdale and local freeways, questioning the methodology.

11. Lottery Winner in Missouri (Misery)

• [22:00] Sick Missouri woman leaves home, buys gas and a lottery ticket, and wins $100,000.
  • John riffs: “Now she's the richest person in misery. A state so awful its citizens mispronounce it ‘misery.’”

12. Long John Silver’s Logo – From Fish to Chicken

• [22:55] LJS swapping their fish logo for chicken, sparking fast food nostalgia and skepticism:
  • John:
    • “It is the last place I'm going to a pirate named restaurant to have chicken.” [24:28]
  • Panel recalls the dismal experience:
    • “The dude behind the counter goes, ‘Ah.’ He was mad that he had to make food for us.” [23:44]
• Various locations in Arizona are discussed, mostly being fast-food hybrids and hard to find.

13. Bizarre News: Halloween “Effigy” Decorations

• [28:23] Kentucky man charged for Halloween decorations depicting local officials hanged in effigy. Panel agrees that's beyond the pale.

14. Safest & Most Dangerous States

• [29:10] Top safe: Vermont, Massachusetts, New Hampshire
• Southern states lead in most dangerous stats.

15. Heckling Players at Sporting Events is Declining

• [30:25] Only 14% admit to heckling players; panel argues underreporting and changing fan culture.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On U.S. Weight Averages:

• John [06:50]: “That’s average. That’s huge. We’re huge.”
• John recounts Tommy Davidson, [14:03]: “America’s so used to people being fat that I am now looked at as thin. And all I am is in shape.”

On Jerry Jones' Gesture:

• John, as Jerry Jones [16:04]: "So accidentally put my herpes finger in the air to Jets fans while I tried to give a thumbs up to ... Ah, that's not true. The Jets. I hate them and they hate me."
• John [17:14]: “You in particular, go f*** yourself cowboy style. How about them Cowboys?”

On Fast Food Chicken:

• John [24:28]: “It is the last place I'm going to a pirate named restaurant to have chicken.”

On Pet Obesity & Owners:

• John [18:44]: "Fat person doesn’t want to exercise, so inevitably their dogs don’t. So they get fat. They always say that your dogs start to look like you, you get a fat. You got a fat person, you get a fat dog.”

On Missouri/Misery:

• John [22:15]: "So now she's the richest person in misery. Oh, man. A state so awful that even its own citizens mispronounce it misery after Missouri."

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |-------------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 03:36 | Teddy Bear Day & Childhood Attachments | | 06:26 | Average US Height & Weight Numbers | | 08:44 | Jeopardy Winnings & Gasoline Trivia | | 10:24 | The Mask Casting & Harry Potter Book Fact | | 14:03 | Tommy Davidson on America's Obesity | | 15:14 | Airplane Lighting Safety Fact | | 15:44 | Jerry Jones Flips Off Jets Fans | | 17:59 | Workplace Time Spent on Busywork | | 18:22 | Pet Obesity in America | | 19:40 | Best & Worst Cities to Drive In | | 22:00 | Missouri Woman Wins Lottery | | 22:55 | Long John Silver's Logo Change Discussion | | 28:23 | Halloween Decorations Incident (Effigy) | | 29:10 | Safest & Most Dangerous States | | 30:25 | Decline of Heckling at Sporting Events | | 34:16–37:24 | Videos: Home repair fail, face injury, wheelchair ramp |

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Tone & Style

The episode is classic “Holmberg’s Morning Sickness”:

• Fast, irreverent, full of playful insults and dark humor
• Jokes are quick and self-deprecating, often touching on taboos (obesity, fast food, regional stereotypes)
• News-of-the-weird meets drive-time banter, with deep Arizona flavor

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For First-Time Listeners

This episode offers a blend of offbeat news, pop culture snark, and local Arizona in-jokes. The hosts’ chemistry delivers plenty of quotable lines and absurd insights. Regular segments like the “Brady Report” (here led by Brett), recurring debates about food, health, and sports, and left-field tangents are all hallmarks. If you like your morning radio a bit wild and unfiltered, this is peak Holmberg.

Transcript

[Brett]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, Byron, I heard you have something new to announce from MMP Guns, Brett?

[Byron]

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[Brett]

Well, can you do this to my gun?

[Byron]

We can do it to nearly any firearm. Doesn't matter where you live, you can ship it to us or. We already have completed firearms and inventory daily with no weight.

[Brett]

Well, there you have it. MMP Guns on the northeast corner of 12th street and Indian School or online at mmpgunscustoms.com.

[John]

Sickness, you've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here.

[Toledo]

Come on.

[John]

No, no, he's not.

[Gene]

He's not evil. He's just a bit rude.

[John]

Wow, somebody says. Damn it, I didn't expect you to run with that. That's ej, the guy who came up with it. Said I'm in the middle of a Texas oil field and the whole crew laughing their ass off at Jew Crank. Thanks for playing Love Gun, by the way. It's one of my all time favorites.

[Toledo]

He's playing bastard.

[Gene]

It's not called Love Gun anymore. I think we cleared that up just moments ago. In fact, I brought my friend. Benny's here. Bibi, come on in real quick. Bibi Netanyahu. Bibi, do you have anything to say to the people concerning all of this violence that's in the world today?

[John]

I do, Gene. Thank you. Wow, pardon me.

[Gene]

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that we've started a new movement in Israel to try to curb violence, and we're going to have hats made. Here's a hat, Brett, for you. And for you, Richard, even though you're a lefty cook. Hey, it's the McJga hats. We don't have a catchy name like Maga, but it's make Jew Crank great Again Hats. I'm not wrong about that. Anyway, I'll be in the hallway if you need me.

[John]

Shalom, everyone.

[Gene]

Thank you, Bibi. I just wanted to take the time to do that. Gene Simmons from Kiss. Have a great day with your Jew crank.

[Jeff]

Thanks, ej.

[John]

EJ gave us a lot of material there. With two words, it's pretty good work. Once Again, Brady's not here this week. Well, he'd be back tomorrow, right? Well, all things fingers crossed. Fingers crossed.

[Brett]

You know, hopefully for Dale's sake.

[Toledo]

Dale needs him here.

[John]

Yeah, Dale's a baby. But also the idea, well, maybe we should pull a Dolly Parton sister and ask for prayers for Brady to get home. We're not real sure if he's gonna make. He's out there with the mom and everything's good. So he's gonna fly back. We'll have it. In the meantime, Brett will give you the Brady report. All of the news Brady knows, as reported by Brett, brought to you by our [e-mail] allproshade.com write it down, put it in your computer, do whatever you need to do, and then hop on board and get those folks over to your place to make sure that you're shady business as well, by the way, they can come to your work and say, you know, we've got this big patio sitting outside, absolutely no shade on it at all. It'll be beautiful, but the sun just beats down on you even when it's nice. Everybody's squinting. Umbrellas do nothing. You can do it for any place you want. Call all Pro Shade, get them over to your place for an estimate. They'll take a look at it. They'll analyze what you're thinking about, come up with some ideas, and then make it look fantastic. And they make it blend with whatever building or home you're talking about. They're not going to just plaster, you know, make it look like an old 1970s Baskin Robbins with those weird pink and white things hanging off your windows. They'll make it all look great. So check it out. You want shade, there's only one place to go. Allprochade.com Brett, report it.

[Brett]

How you doing? Here we go. Let's start off with, you know, today's. It's national. Bring your teddy bear to school day.

[John]

It's adorable. As a teddy bear haver and lover, I have a soft spot in my heart for the old teddy bear. Brett does, too.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah?

[John]

What was your thing? Toledo. As a kid, did you have a woobie?

[Toledo]

I didn't have a woobie. No. Never did.

[John]

Woobie isn't like another word for father. Did you have, like, a teddy bear?

[Toledo]

I also didn't have a father.

[John]

No, that's what I was saying. I didn't want you to be confused.

[Toledo]

No, no.

[John]

You didn't have, like, a little stuffy or something? Nothing. Brady had Puffy the piss pillow. Right, but it was just called puffy to Brady. But it was the piss pill at everyone else because Brady went to bed until he was Alex.

[Toledo]

Only even had like my mom got him this elephant that was kind of a blanket elephant. Heading with a blanket off of it. He had that for a couple, but he gave it up after.

[John]

He didn't have like two. Any emotional tie. You know why? Because you had abandonment issues.

[Toledo]

Yeah, absolutely.

[John]

So you probably shouldn't.

[Toledo]

The one thing he did have was a phoenix coyote teddy bear that he got at a game that he. He liked for a while. I still have that.

[John]

But like a typical Toledo, he abandoned it once all emotional ties. And once, once it got to the point where it's like, well, this thing loves me. I should go.

[Toledo]

Can't invest any time in it because it'll just leave.

[John]

It's just that. And you have it in your jeans to run a little as well.

[Toledo]

A little bit.

[Gene]

Which is.

[John]

We're still waiting on you. Alex has the best of it all. He's almost 20 at this point. You still haven't run out on him?

[Toledo]

Not only that, he's back at our house and he's making plans to redesign his room. I'm like, he stayed. Can't we. Oh, you're saying we put that like off to a.

[John]

By the way, your own place. Happy one year anniversary of him not paying his first month's rent last year. What sparked all of the. Dude, it was a year ago.

[Toledo]

You don't understand how happy I was that he got a friggin job after 14 months. He's got a job grubhubbing. Oh, he's had a job.

[John]

Doing what?

[Toledo]

I told you, he works for the restaurant. He's. He's a.

[John]

He's a bus boy.

[Toledo]

Expo busser. Host.

[John]

What restaurant?

[Toledo]

A Zona Cantina.

[John]

Oh, I don't think I remember you.

[Toledo]

Saying one down in Brayton. Well, near Brady's hood.

[John]

He's a host in Sandy, bro. People look at him like, don't call me bruh. There's four of us, bruh. I'm sorry, I'm not a maitre d in a French restaurant. What do you want?

[Toledo]

He's been getting more than 40 hours a week, John.

[John]

He's killing it.

[Toledo]

He's killing it.

[John]

How come he's not waiting tables?

[Toledo]

He's actually, he's trying to. He's. He's trying to learn. He needs to learn the menu.

[Brett]

Why is he redoing his room now? He's got a job.

[Toledo]

Yeah, because he's got A job, get.

[Brett]

Him his own room.

[John]

You save the money and get your. What he said.

[Toledo]

I know. We effed up allowing him to move back.

[John]

He should be on the streets, this one.

[Brett]

Yeah. Wasn't it worth it, paying for him to be in Tucson?

[Toledo]

There's part of that.

[Brett]

That was. I mean, it was money well spent.

[Toledo]

It was. It was a pretty panning, Brett.

[John]

But yeah, money well spent. That's what they say. Hilarious. Anyway, sorry. All right. Happy Teddy bear day.

[Brett]

Basic fun facts here. The average weight for males in the U.S. ages 20, 20 years old and older, obviously.

[John]

Oh, no.

[Brett]

199.8.

[John]

That's our average. Average. It used to be like 165.

[Brett]

Put your seatbelt on for this one. The average weight for a female, 168. Nice. Close.

[John]

What is it?

[Brett]

170.8.

[John]

Oh, wow.

[Brett]

Average. That's average. That's huge. We're huge.

[John]

And the average height is still five nine.

[Brett]

I don't have that. Okay.

[John]

Average height is still five nine. And we're running 200 pounds per. Everybody's running overweight. I just had one of those body analysis scans, and I'm at 21 body fat.

[Brett]

What are you supposed to be out of?

[John]

23? 24 is okay. That's pretty normal. What you'd like to be is in the teens as a man my age especially. And then you start getting down into the low teens, high, high single digits, and you're in great shape, but you start running the risk of needing a little fat. 199 pounds on the average 5 foot 9 inch body's got to be running about 30%. And that's bad. You start getting past 26 body fat and you're in trouble. The visceral fat starts kicking in. That stuff in and above and under muscles and things like that. And that's heart attack material. And heart disease still the number one killer in America. Nobody talks about it. It's crazy. 199 is our average weight. And women, you. 171.

[Brett]

It's basically 200. 109. 199.8. So 200 pounds.

[John]

Yeah. But women being 170. And the average height of a woman is 5, 4.

[Toledo]

200 is what I'd love to get back to.

[John]

Yeah. I'm 204, 205 right now.

[Toledo]

214.

[Gene]

And I could.

[John]

I could stand. I know. I have 10 pounds of yellow.

[Jeff]

Oh, yeah.

[John]

Easy that. Hang on.

[Byron]

Careful.

[John]

Chief.

[Toledo]

Actually meant that about me.

[John]

Yeah, well, we weren't talking about you right then and there. Yeah.

[Brett]

What an.

[Toledo]

You want to punch me in the gut?

[John]

I think I might gan in this guy.

[Gene]

Just don't use a gun, John. Don't use. Use your Jew crank.

[John]

Get him.

[Brett]

All right. The most. The most money someone can make on an episode of Jeopardy. Is $566,400.

[John]

Making all the answers and hitting everything.

[Brett]

Yeah, that would require getting the daily doubles as the last questions in both rounds and. And doubling up with them every time.

[John]

Oh, wow. The Most.

[Brett]

Someone's actually one on one episodes. 131,120.

[John]

That beanie guy or.

[Brett]

Yeah, I don't know, James Holzhauer or.

[John]

Whatever his name was.

[Brett]

Doesn't have a name.

[Toledo]

Or maybe Jennings did. Jennings.

[John]

Jennings did great winning. He didn't win a ton. That James Holt Hauser guy doubled every time.

[Toledo]

Every time.

[John]

Yeah, I think he might have been the one who got the most. But then there was that weird bartender, Beanie something, and he started getting some huge cash.

[Brett]

See, there's enough energy in 1 gallon of gas to charge your iPhone once a day for over 10 years. We don't gas.

[John]

Yeah, there are gas powered iPhones.

[Brett]

Well, no, but they're just saying the energy that is in gasoline. Yeah.

[John]

How broke are you? Where's your ebt? That's an Obama phone if I've ever heard it. Hold on, let me. I gotta make a. I gotta make a couple phone calls. Gonna take me a second. Here we go. Little mommy there. Hey man, I only got a gun like gas left. I got to. If I need to borrow a couple bucks, I'd like to get one of them newfangled non gas phones, please. I gotta go, Mom. It's all.

[Brett]

Rolled the window to Hellcat. I can't hear you.

[John]

It is a gas powered phone. Who figured that out?

[Brett]

I don't know. Somebody with nothing better to do with their time. In the movie the Mask, Cameron Diaz's role almost went to Anna Nicole Smith.

[Toledo]

Oh God.

[Brett]

That'd be a different movie.

[John]

It wasn't very good to begin with. No, I know.

[Brett]

That's what I'm saying. But you. When you just. When you didn't think it couldn't get any worse with. Huh? The most common sentence in the Harry Potter books is nothing happened. Could be the Godfather.

[John]

I was going to say that's an Italian Harry Potter. What are you talking about? He's a wizard. What? Nothing happened around here. Put your wand down. Nothing happened.

[Toledo]

Good God, John. I'm a 6 foot 175 pound male. All these women nearly outweigh me.

[John]

Yeah, and that's the thing that's crazy is that like the average man used to be 581-725-8. Yeah, that. Well, you jumped up like in my life. I remember paying attention to that because I was real worried I was never going to grow.

[Toledo]

What are we looking at height here?

[John]

Still five nine. The average man, me six feet a little higher actually.

[Toledo]

Really?

[John]

I grew a little. I don't know what's going on. My feet got bigger and I got taller, but yeah, so I'm way above the average Joe. As far as average. Brett's like a monster.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John]

And then there's guys like Scott Haynes who screw it up for everybody. He's five three. And Brady's no good either. He's five seven.

[Toledo]

We put Scott Brady and Brett in a room and yeah, the average is way off.

[John]

Scott Brady and bred, it would go right back to five, nine. That's the average. But yeah, but 175 is a reasonable weight for a guy five nine.

[Brett]

I mean, broadsweight now.

[John]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

What do you think Scott Haynes weight is?

[John]

I think he's like 145. 100. He's normal. He's in good shape. He's in great shape, actually. He's a trainer. But you take like my ideal BMI on this body scan I just did was 180 and I feel like I'd look like I've got AIDS. Although it would be. It be hard to attain 180, but it would be a perfect weight for me. I just, I'm more. I just kind of rest around 200.

[Toledo]

Is it just. My perception has been blown away over these last 30 years. But isn't 6 foot 175 a bit wispy?

[John]

It can be. That's what I think. I'm sick if. Because if. If you go to my bmi, which insurance is a big push on that to find out what your weight is supposed to be. I'm supposed to be 180. That's a. That is a super duper healthy weight for me. I'm 200 and I feel fine. Toledo thinks I need to lose a lot of weight, but other than that, I look in the mirror and I'm like, nah, you know, I could drop a couple. But it's not. It doesn't. It's not noticeably bad morning sickness medicate get you PD.

[Brett]

Hey, Byron, I was looking at mmpguns.com's website. You have everything and the prices are incredible.

[Byron]

Yes, sir. Mmpguns.com has over 400,000 products for sale daily. Everything from firearms, ammunition, accessories, optics, clothing, decoys and more. The best part is, if you see it on our website, it's in stock and ready to ship.

[Brett]

Wait, there's no backorders?

[Byron]

Nope. We work with all our distributors, so what you see on our site is what's actually available. We ship all over the country, so we're not just for Arizonans anymore. If the firearm you want is legal in your state, we can get it to a dealer for you to pick up.

[Brett]

Sounds simple. That's why I always go to mmpguns.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Yesterday, it's your, you know, it's your voice. Today you're. Jesus, what's going on?

[John]

These people are mean to me. Maybe I've got body dysmorphia and voice dysmorphia because I look in the mirror and I'm like, hey, not bad. It's. I'm keeping it together. I'm, you know, I'm not going to win any modeling contest. But there's abs in there. I see them obliques. They're a little tougher to come by. There's a couple. They kind of creep out every once in a while if I don't eat. But. But, yeah, I could still, probably, according to BMI, lose £20. Yeah. I remember Tommy Davidson came in here from In Living Color, and he was in a tank top and shorts, and dude is ripped, but he's so skinny. And I said, man, you are thin. And he goes, called being in shape. And he called me the N word. And I said, no, no, I'm not saying you're not in shape. He goes, no, it's called being in shape. America's so used to people being fat that I am now looked at as thin. And all I am is in shape. And I started right. You're right.

[Brett]

Man.

[John]

You didn't have to call me the N word, though.

[Brett]

Hard R. He got the egg.

[John]

No, he hit me with kind of. Kind of somewhere in between.

[Brett]

Okay, all right.

[John]

I think it might have been an ar.

[Brett]

Okay. I was trying to mount that.

[Toledo]

All right, John, do you think this would be the wake up call for women? It needs to be. Or do you think that they'll grandstand on it and say they're just big.

[Brett]

Bones, they'll dig their heels in.

[John]

Well, their heels are digging in on their own. They're fat. Their heels are going right into the earth.

[Toledo]

They got flats on now.

[John]

They're gonna strike oil if they keep it up with their Heels.

[Brett]

It's a thyroid issue.

[John]

My mom and dad gave me medicine when I was eight. You're 40. You should. It should have left your system.

[Brett]

Here's something. You know, you jump on the plane, first thing you do is dim the lights, everything else. And while it's not actually, you know, to help you sleep and make you comfortable, it's so your eyes can adjust to low lighting in case of an emergency and you need to evacuate.

[John]

That's why they do that.

[Brett]

That's right.

[John]

They turn the lights out in case it crashes. Y.

[Brett]

Well, so your eyes can, you know, adjust to darkness.

[John]

Oh, my God. That's. Look, I thought it was just to help us, you know, relax. It's a plan.

[Brett]

Well, Gannon's not the only one getting fined. Apparently, Jerry Jones was fined $250,000 for giving the jets fans the finger.

[John]

All right, Jerry, I didn't see that.

[Brett]

He claims it was an accident. He was. He was basically trying to give the thumbs up to the Dallas fans, but.

[Jeff]

Exactly right.

[John]

Brett.

[Jeff]

How you doing, everybody? Jerry Jones.

[Gene]

How you doing?

[Jeff]

Jerry's Cowboys. I just thought I'd let you know that I also have that weird herpes on my lip. I don't think I've seen that in the last couple days. And I was getting my fingers up to scratch the herpe and give a thumbs up at the same time. And being 105 years old, my brain didn't react proper. So accidentally put my herpes finger in the air to Jet's fins while I tried to give a thumbs up to. Ah, that's not true. The Jets. I hate them and they hate me. All right, I lied. I tried to get away with that one. I missed Michael Parsons.

[Brett]

There wasn't. It wasn't shown on TV or anything, but apparently a fans got video.

[John]

Oh, you're New Yorkers. Yeah, you crooked bastards. That was, you know what good on the New Yorkers.

[Brett]

Actually, it's bad enough for jets fans.

[John]

Did. Jerry just flipped me off. Oh, he died. Does he double him? Is he going double guns Jerry? And I think he did a little bounce off the crotch, too, to start.

[Toledo]

It did look like he went.

[John]

He throws a bird. What if it's at an individual? Yeah, he's pointing directly at one guy. He flipped one dude off. That's okay.

[Toledo]

Well, he pointed at him and.

[John]

Yeah, he pointed at him like you.

[Jeff]

You in particular, go yourself cowboy style. How about them Cowboys?

[Toledo]

That Steven sitting next to him? Don't do that.

[Jeff]

Steven said, daddy, daddy, daddy. Shut up, Stephen. That guy's an Asshole.

[John]

And I'm drunk. That's pretty good move right there. But you know what I like the most? Oh my. The clutching pearls. Did Jerry Jones just flip me off? I never. I'm from New York. We don't do that stuff.

[Brett]

You're a Jets fan. You got more problems than that.

[John]

All right. Yeah. You should be mad at your team for not just flipping you off, but actually penetrating you annually. Yeah, they've been us for a long time. Jerry's fingers nutting.

[Brett]

Apparently people at work, I mean, I guess we could go downstairs and look at this, but 51% of their day goes to just busy work, like writing emails, copy and pasting, data entry, all that kind of stuff.

[John]

Or in Heather's case, yesterday, just yelling at me. That was busy work.

[Brett]

I would get back to sending some emails in.

[John]

Yeah, do you job.

[Brett]

It's pet obesity awareness day as well. I just found this one.

[John]

Average pet, 175 pounds.

[Brett]

Up to 60%. Up to 60% of cats and dogs are now overweight. The poll founded 35% of pet owners would consider putting them on Ozempic instead of cutting back on the food.

[John]

Instead of exercising.

[Brett]

Exercising. Well, it's that apple fat ass back.

[John]

Into shape apple tree thing we're talking about there. The fat person doesn't want to exercise, so inevitably their dogs don't. So they get fat. They always say that your dogs start to look like you, you get a fat. You got a fat person, you get a fat dog. My friend Mark Stebbing says three fat dogs. I'm like, well, there's a reason why they see you. They think it's normal. Apparently I have to. Your dog's fat. You don't have fat dogs. Your dogs are good.

[Brett]

No, our two Dobermans and we got one that she's. She's a little. But she's a little chunky.

[John]

But yeah, yeah, they get older, they get a little chubby because they don't move as much.

[Brett]

Those Dobermans don't stop.

[John]

Yeah, that's. My dogs are in incredible shape. They play constantly.

[Toledo]

Well, yours flies on a rope.

[John]

Oh, he loves that tree ball. But, you know, Jack is a lean machine. He flies around buses. Just a muscle. Yardley's got three legs and she's in better shape than all of them.

[Brett]

Well, the, the survey came out of the best and worst cities to drive in. 100 cities. You know, the study went through 100 cities and Seattle.

[Toledo]

Seattle's awful.

[John]

New York, Louisiana.

[Brett]

Those are gonna be here. You're saying worst or best?

[Toledo]

No, no, no, not the best.

[John]

Houston's terrible. Houston's absolutely dreadful.

[Toledo]

La, of course.

[John]

Yeah. Actually, like driving in Los Angeles, everybody goes.

[Brett]

Los Angeles is on.

[John]

Yeah, it's on the list.

[Brett]

It's definitely four cities in California.

[John]

San Francisco sucks. LA sucks. I don't know about San Diego.

[Brett]

Frisco, Oakland, Louisiana and San Jose.

[John]

San Jose.

[Toledo]

They just say the one area. It's all the same place.

[John]

No, it's not.

[Toledo]

San Jose, Oakland and San Fran, 100.

[John]

Miles in between them. It's all the same. What are you talking about? They call them different things for a reason.

[Brett]

Apparently Ravens fans aren't good drivers because Baltimore's on the list of worst.

[John]

They have cars in Baltimore now? I thought they were all just traipsing along. Yeah, yeah, well, that's true. They're all from dc, where they were stolen. Okay, that makes sense. DC steals the cars and then trucks them down to Baltimore to get chops.

[Brett]

DC's on the list. Chicago, New York, Detroit.

[Toledo]

By the way, I don't know if you've been up north lately, but those flex lanes are open on the 17 flying up to Flagstaff.

[John]

No kidding. It's awesome.

[Toledo]

So there's four or five lanes now going up and then coming back down on the heavy days.

[John]

They still a problem when there's a wreck. One with one lane in, one lane out. If you're ever coming back from FLAG on a Monday and there's a wreck on a three day weekend, you're sitting in that thing for hours.

[Gene]

It's brutal.

[Brett]

The best cities, though, five in Texas, as a matter of fact. Corpus Christi is number one.

[John]

You better get a living, Corpus Christi.

[Toledo]

I know.

[Brett]

Greensboro, North Carolina, Boise, Idaho's on the list.

[John]

These are cow towns.

[Brett]

Well, no, Scottsdale's on the list. Scottsdale is one of the best towns in Drydale.

[John]

Different than anywhere here. First off, there's one freeway in Scottsdale. It's the 101. And it sucks, right? Yeah. And all their streets.

[Toledo]

I guess.

[John]

I get stuck in McDowell every day. How can Scottsdale suddenly be good? And then you cross over and you're in Phoenix and it sucks. Tempe's the worst. Oh, yeah. We shouldn't be on the list either good or bad. We're not quite terrible yet. And we're not. We're certainly not good.

[Brett]

Now, there was a woman in Missouri, and it's bad enough to live in Missouri, but she was sick in bed for a week. But she's feeling much better now because she finally decided to get out of the house, go to the gas station, get a pop and a lottery ticket and hit for 100 grand.

[John]

Nice.

[Brett]

So not too bad.

[John]

So now she's the richest person in misery. Oh, man. A state so awful that even its own citizens mispronounce it misery after Missouri.

[Jeff]

Misery.

[John]

It's terrible. The Kansas City's in there, you know. Ugh.

[Toledo]

Kansas City.

[John]

The bad part of Kansas City's there. Misery. What a dump. Well, apparently. Rubes, I've been there. Trust me, Kansas City's awful. If Kansas City's the. The beacon of that region. Jesus Christ. I don't want to know what else there is.

[Brett]

All right, here's some. Here's some food news for Brady. If Cracker Barrel didn't set the precedents for everything. Apparently now Long John Silver is ditching its old logo, replacing the fish with a chicken. They insist their seafood isn't going anywhere. They're just hyping up the chicken.

[John]

You misread that. Our seafood's not going anywhere. We need to start selling chicken.

[Toledo]

We aren't moving any.

[John]

They insist their seafood's not going anywhere. So their longshoreman fisherman type. Yeah. Has gained. He's given way to chicken fishing.

[Brett]

Yeah, with the slicker on and everything else.

[John]

Wasn't he wearing a gear? Because their new logo is just a fish that looks like it's jumping.

[Brett]

Oh, I haven't been to Long John Silver in years.

[John]

Have you had their food?

[Brett]

I don't even know where one is, to be honest with you.

[John]

Last time we went, we went to Tempe and walked in, it was dead empty at like 12 o' clock on a weekday. It should be a restaurant's busiest time. Right. And we walked in and the dude behind the counter goes, ah. He was mad that he had to make food for us. Ain't this a bitch? I work at Longtown Civil, so I don't have to do. What are you doing here? I have some hush puppies and a number two hush puppies. Mother. Have you had those? They're terrible. I will do it, but God damn.

[Toledo]

This is the old one. And then they revised to this one and now I'm trying.

[John]

Yeah, it's like a fish chicken. Well, I don't know if they've introduced it yet. They're just going to. Why not just go right there? That's a flat.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John]

Sure enough. It's like a full whole chicken. And it is the last place I'm going to a pirate named restaurant to have chicken.

[Toledo]

Right. Famous for his chicken.

[John]

Welcome to Long John Silver's. Would you Like a land fish. What's that? You call it a chicken, we call it a land fish. I catch them with hooks. It's more humane. See, now I would go if they had a tank of chickens and you got to fish them out, pick your own one. Oh, they had to, cat. You had to catch one. And you have like a little piece of corn on your bait and it gets in the chicken beak and you hook it and you drag it out.

[Toledo]

That dude was angry enough cooking our fish. Imagine him having.

[John]

I'm not saying he'd do it. You go into Long John, they got plenty of space and a lot of time. You have a tank of chickens, you drop your line in and a chicken pecks at the hook with corn on it and you, you get it out of there and then it's yours. Morning sickness Medicate K u p d.

[Brett]

We're here with Byron from MMP Guns. Byron, why should someone choose to go to MMP Guns?

[Byron]

The choice is simple, Brett. MMP Guns is your one stop shop for all your shooting. We offer Arizona's largest selection handguns, rifles, shotguns, new and pre owned. We also have a large selection of ammunition, accessories and even training. In fact, right now all pre owned firearms are 20% off. All new firearms are 10% off. We have ammo, ink, 9mm hollow points for only $12.99 a box and much more.

[Brett]

Well, it sounds like MMP Guns is committed to providing the customers with the best possible service and selection.

[Byron]

That's a fact. You can visit us at the store at the northeast corner of 12th Street Indian School or [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Toledo]

I don't even know if there's any around still. That one that we went to, I think is gone. That one in Tempe.

[John]

Yeah, they're evidently they're around, but it's now Long John Silver.

[Toledo]

They're all in Baltimore.

[John]

Chicken of the sea. I don't know what they're doing. Yeah, that dude was pissed off and I got Hush Puppies because I said, yeah, he. Oh, that's the first thing we heard.

[Jeff]

Not high.

[Toledo]

That was the second. Ah, because you, he asked you, you want Hush Puppies?

[John]

Oh, I took the Hush Puffs. Yeah, well, I'm like, yeah, you're known for Hush Puffs. Oh, mother, I gotta turn the fryer on. Like you should have had that ready for prep. You think I was gonna use this? This was not getting used today, man, till you came in and root it. Hush Puppies. Hey man, I saw that. Don't worry about it, brother. It's the best tasting part of my meal. He was so mad and we couldn't stop laughing. This dude took a john at Long John Silver's because he or job because he did not want to see people. It was a smart move.

[Jeff]

I'm in isolation to see.

[John]

I want to sit in a room by myself all day and do nothing. How are the sales going down there today, Jeff? Perfect. In my world, zero. We're still at zero. So we're holding.

[Toledo]

They also call their fish planks. Give me fish. Fish. Don't give me a plank.

[John]

I hate to ask you this, Jeff, but do you think if we change the logo to chicken, people would come in? I think yes.

[Toledo]

There are only four locations left in Arizona.

[John]

Where's the closest one?

[Toledo]

Oh, geez. There's one in Maricopa.

[John]

Well, that doesn't count.

[Toledo]

93Rd and Baseline in Mesa. So that's way east Mesa.

[Brett]

Oh, that's like.

[Toledo]

And that's a combo power road. And that's a combo Taco Bell. Long Johnson.

[Brett]

Oh, no, no.

[John]

Very confused.

[Toledo]

The one in Maricopa is a combo also Long John's kfc.

[John]

Well, then they've already got Chick, right?

[Brett]

I mean, what are they doing?

[Toledo]

The two solo ones are the one on Power Road.

[Brett]

Okay. Yeah.

[Toledo]

And then the one on. There's one up on Bell Road. 19th Aven Bell Road.

[John]

Nowhere near me. I'm never gonna. Never gonna go.

[Toledo]

We can order online if you'd like.

[John]

Yeah, fire it over. Let's get some doordash Long drink because nothing deep fried fast food fish does better than travel.

[Brett]

Toledo printed this one up, I believe so a man in Kentucky. Stanton, Kentucky, Powell county, whatever. He's facing charges because his Halloween decorations depicted bodies of local officials.

[John]

Oh, you can't do that.

[Brett]

According to an arrest citation, Stephan Markham was arrested on Saturday and is charged with intimidating a witness in the legal process and third degree terroristic threatening.

[John]

You can't do that. You can't take local celebrities and hang them in trees. That's. There's the word. Effigy kicks in. And hanging an effigy is not a Halloween decoration.

[Toledo]

That a.

[John]

Was that me and that guy's tree? What? Not just me, but everyone I work with is hanging in that man's front yard.

[Brett]

And of course the list of this comes out every year. The safest, the safest states in America came out. The safest, safest and most dangerous.

[John]

Idaho's number one. Maryland is first and most dangerous.

[Brett]

Idaho is not on the list.

[John]

They're not.

[Brett]

Well, not on the. You know, the. The top list. Yeah. Vermont. Number one.

[Toledo]

Is that lake you like in Vermont or is that New Hampshire?

[John]

Hampshire. I just figure a bunch of. Where old people.

[Brett]

New Hampshire's in there.

[John]

No, Hampshire, because we're a bunch of old people. Just stayed in the woods is going to be safe. So Montana, Vermont, New Hampshire.

[Toledo]

Remember Unabomber. Montana.

[John]

1. You can name one guy. There's always an outlier. Geez. Oregon maybe even though. Portland. Yeah.

[Brett]

The least safest states, all in the South. Louisiana, Mississippi, Texas, Florida, Arkansas, and the.

[John]

Whole line just right down there. All right. Okay. What was the safest one? Vermont.

[Brett]

Vermont. But Massachusetts is in there. Are they not including Boston?

[John]

Okay, I gotta include Boston. I mean, I'd like to exclude Boston for most everything.

[Brett]

Yeah, and apparently the ball games aren't what they used to be because only 14% of adults admit to heckling a player at sports events. 14.

[Toledo]

Admit it.

[Brett]

Admitted. You know it's better than that.

[Jeff]

That's why I had to take the reins. You fans become a bunch of pussies flipping off jets fans. About as fun as it gets. And that's how I used to get into football.

[Brett]

And that'll about do it. I'm done.

[John]

All right. You got videos?

[Toledo]

That's how he closes up.

[John]

That's my channel 12 inch their news now, too. I got no more papers in front of me. I think we're done. Good night. What do you got on the videos?

[Toledo]

I got nothing.

[John]

Brady, you don't need to worry about that. We're talking about this guy right here. Hang on now. I'm kind of hankering for some Long John Silvers. I gotta be honest.

[Brett]

Don't let's doordash some.

[Toledo]

Oh, God, no.

[John]

I don't know if I could do it. I don't want it delivered. It's especially for.

[Brett]

Who's gonna go get it?

[Gene]

Nobody.

[John]

But it's the distance.

[Toledo]

You go get it?

[John]

No, because then I'd have to drive to. Yeah, 93rd and Baseline. It's just not gonna work out.

[Brett]

Sorry, LJ.

[John]

What if we put chicken on the menu? I got it. Can't even tell the difference. What you guys have been serving is just deep fried meat.

[Toledo]

Skipper still around?

[Brett]

Who?

[Toledo]

Skippers.

[John]

What's that?

[Toledo]

Skippers is the other seafood restaurant.

[John]

I've never heard of that one either.

[Toledo]

You never heard of Skippers?

[John]

Is it like poor people. Long John Silver's Better than.

[Toledo]

Better than Long John Silver's.

[John]

If it was, I'd have heard of it. Skippers?

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John]

You don't know what it is either.

[Brett]

I've never heard of it.

[John]

Is that. Is that one of them truck stops you have to drive by to go? No, no, I've never heard of skippers. I don't know what that is. Is that a Midwestern thing?

[Toledo]

No, I thought it was everywhere.

[John]

I've never heard of or seen a skippers, and I've lived everywhere. And they've got one of those boat wheels for steering a boat, or they call that thing a boat steering wheel, helm.

[Brett]

I've never heard of a skippers.

[Toledo]

Wow. Maybe it's just me.

[Brett]

Are there any here?

[Toledo]

Let's look.

[John]

If I want a fish sandwich, I'm going to McDonald's, getting a filet of fish. They have chowder.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John]

Jesus Christ. What kind of daredevil are you? Yeah. Evel Knievel would be like, this is too risky. We can't. You have fast food chowder. You're paying people minimum wage to make you soup. Think of what you're doing. If you went on the streets and said, I'll give you $10 and that's it to make me soup. You think that soup's coming back without something of that guy in it?

[Toledo]

It's West Coast.

[John]

Seattle, Oregon. Never heard of it.

[Brett]

A man goop said he would bring us Long John Silver's.

[John]

No, thank you. And no way it makes it from where it's got to go to here.

[Toledo]

With mango in one piece, you got.

[John]

A bag of fresh food. I know he's. I know he stays away from fish, but deep fried anything, he's going to eat the bag. Man goop would bring it to us. Come on. What's. How 93rd and Baseline, Mason.

[Brett]

Oh, there's one out on power.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Brett]

He lives out that way.

[John]

Okay. So he goes to power in the 60, right. And he's got.

[Toledo]

Hold on.

[John]

Yeah. He's got to get to 52nd street and McDowell with a bag of fresh.

[Gene]

Food in the car.

[John]

That's not going to make it. He's going to pull over. There's no. And he'll eat that, too. He said all of it's gone. He'll bring us an empty bag of crumbs and he'll be mad that we're eating the crumbs. Thanks for the offer, man goo, but that's silly.

[Brett]

All right.

[John]

That's like putting Brady in charge. Yeah, he watched my ribs for a second. I'll be right back.

[Brett]

All right. We're a little. We're a little light today, but we'll get to It.

[John]

Okay.

[Brett]

Here'S some home repairs, guys.

[John]

Putting a nail into a shed outside there. Looks like. Oh, he's got to remove it. He's got nail removing crowbars. He's 100 years old and he's shaky already. This. This is pointed directly at the old man's face. It might be AI set up. It does look set up. This is not how you remove a nail with. What is that thing called?

[Brett]

Crowbar.

[John]

That is a crowbar, yeah. Oh, all right. The sound effect.

[Toledo]

Come on, Brady.

[John]

Brady Jr.

[Brett]

I missed the little fella.

[John]

That was for Brady.

[Brett]

All right, how about this?

[John]

The tribute for the late Brady.

[Toledo]

Oh.

[John]

Oh, Jesus. We've taken a turn.

[Byron]

All right.

[John]

This is a massively.

[Brett]

Oh.

[John]

There'S an injured face. Oh, and it's in place. The doctor walks up to the face that's laying in a hospital bed and grabbed it by the right facial cheek under the eye, and then just opened it. It has been completely split in half, and the skin's. Oh, the eyes moving. That thing's alive.

[Brett]

Oh, it's alive. Yeah.

[John]

Oh, my God. Its whole face skin has been. This is Ed Gein. Somebody watched Ed Gein into this. This is a dead skin mask laying across someone's face. But it's still kind of attached. How did that happen? What injury is it that takes half of your face. Don't have. And goes in an inch? And it's like when they shave prime rib. Oh, that's what.

[Toledo]

Come on.

[John]

You want a thick cut? Rare. What do you want?

[Brett]

I mean, this is in this next one here. It's no Stephen Hawking's, but here it is in real life.

[John]

All right. Oh, it's a guy in a wheelchair going in a half pipe. Oh, he's gonna make. This is a huge pipe, though. What are we at? This is. Oh, it's a ramp is all it is. Oh, he's at one. Oh, he did not land it. No, no. Wheelchair guy just did what appears to be. I would assume that's that ski jump in the Olympics, but it's in the summertime desert.

[Brett]

Yeah, yeah.

[John]

And so you can. He's dead. Like the. The chair. No, he's moving. No.

[Toledo]

They had to remove the chair, though, from him.

[John]

Well, yeah, they have to get him out of it to take him to the hospital. But again, he can't move around. He might be okay because he wasn't moving to begin with.

[Brett]

Yeah, right.

[John]

You know, when he bounced out of the chair, that's it. It's just going to look like on his back.

[Toledo]

I Don't know. Whatever's left in his back.

[John]

Well, no, he didn't have anything to begin with. Maybe he can't move his arms now, but his legs weren't working to begin with, so he's just laying there like he would have if you just knocked him over in the chair on the sidewalk. It just so happened there was kind of a cool jump in between. Now, again, I reiterate, I'm not impressed when people in wheelchairs take risks. You don't have anything to lose. Oh, my God.

[Brett]

And it's moving.

[John]

Person that is still alive, that has been just splayed open by something I'm not. Is that a heartbeat I see?

[Brett]

Yes, that is its heart still.

[John]

But that's a lung breathing. So his outside parts are. This is a. This isn't an accident.

[Toledo]

Wow.

[John]

This guy's insides are laying all around him as if they were placed there.

[Toledo]

Yeah, that's.

[John]

This is a statement by the cartel. He ain't gonna make it, I'm telling you right now. Unless he starts scooping that stuff back in. That's it.

[Brett]

And that's all we'll do.

[John]

That's it. That's it. Brett, that was horrendous today. I killed Brady, will be back tomorrow. We'll get some. Some normal season now.

[Brett]

Now people are throwing Pete's fish and chips.

[John]

Pizza's great. Pizza's good. Pizza's what it is. And I like it because I don't know if they still hold up to it, but you drive up and like, no cash. No cash. We only do cash. I'm like, are you a laundering business? What, are you writing a book? Do you want your chips or not? Drunken Pete's fish and chips, 44th street and Thomas. Forget about it. Great stuff. I like Pete's. Get a little Pete's delivered. Still doesn't travel. Still doesn't travel well.

[Brett]

That's not as far, though.

[John]

It's right there. Even a mile in the car is not good. Mangoop will tell you when he's eating bottom of the bag fries. How many times has Mango said he'd deliver food to somebody? And then it gets there and he's like, oh, they forgot your fries. You know they didn't. They're in. You never let a big man deliver your food on purpose.

[Brett]

Frenchie just messaged, said, I'll have it to you guys in an hour. An hour? An hour of.

[John]

I don't want an hour.

[Brett]

John Silk.

[John]

Come on. I don't want our shelf ljs. Yeah, I have a hip name for it. Cool. And there you go, everybody. That is your Brady Report with special Reporter Brett. It's 98.

[Toledo]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[John]

I have heard enough of this.