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A
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.
B
You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. There you go. Thank you very much, Katie and the Hobbs. That's miles to know her. And I'm telling you right now, the 9th of October, here, we're staring at a Palladio. I'm already getting letters going, when do we submit? Like, oh, when do I submit? Like, when do I tap out? But it's coming.
A
Start practicing now, please, guys.
B
It excites me. I get excited for Playdoh. It's happening. It's going to be around in just a couple of few short weeks.
A
Brett, thanks.
B
Got a couple weeks left here in Rocktober, and then we go into November and, oh, my. By the way, here's the crucial piece of having a good editor with your news story. Sulfurous bumps in the story I read was a misprint. It's sulfurous burps. I read it again, and I'm laughing. It still. It says. It says. It says bumps in my story. And I'm like, I've never heard of that. That's why I thought it was a funny story. And then a guy emailed. He said, I think this is the sulfurous burps. And he sent all the side effects. I'm like. So I looked again, way down deeper in the story. It turns in from bumps to burps, but they didn't change it. One letter.
C
It wasn't a Brady.
B
No, it wasn't a Brady. It was an editor. And that's the fun of it. Have you noticed that with stories now, the editing is.
C
There's so many.
B
Well, there's so many misspelled words.
C
Yes, I have.
B
Yes, you have. Of course, throw your thorough research and reading. But, yeah, misprinted words. Like, it's one letter for the lack of a comma. Let's eat. Grandma changes without a comma. It's great. Brett, how much would it take for you to stay at the El Cortez in Vegas? Like, if I had to pay you, how much would it.
A
Oh, I'm getting paid to do that. I'm not paying.
B
No, you don't have to pay. Of course not. It's the El Cortez.
A
That's what I'm saying.
C
Would you stay if it's comped?
A
No, not comped.
B
Yeah, you need some. What kind of bonus? What kind of like, free play? Let me. Let me make the offer. Okay. I'll give you $1,000 in free play and free food and drink for the weekend. And count the rooms.
A
Five.
B
You want five grand?
A
Well, I got to get rid of bedbugs and everything else.
B
That's true. You do have medical expenses. That's. Somebody's got to cover the Alcortez med expenses.
A
You're right.
B
Well, they are making an offer to people brave enough. I'm so in on this. We going to investigate the potential paranormal activity at the El Cortez. Well, I am one who does not believe in ghosts. Perfect timing. And also, if I. If it. If I am wrong and ghosts exist at the El Cortez, there have been zero. And I. Statistically, I will stand on this forever. There have been absolutely zero accounts of humans being harmed by ghosts, ever. They knock stuff over in your room. They. The worst you'll ever hear is they'll slam a door. Zach Baggins is, like, always afraid that doors open and close. I'm like, but they never hurt you. They're incapable of. Of contact. So, sure, for 5,000 in my pocket, I'll go investigate your stupid El Cortez. And I'll come out and go, that's it. But I'll also trash the rooms, like I've always said in these. These stupid haunted house things. Or I'll go in, I'll trash room. Go. Man, you do have. You have a ghost problem up there. That place is destroyed. And I guarantee you they would then say, well, we're not giving you five grand. You trash the room like, no, no, no ghosts. That's what you were asking for. That's what you got.
A
Zach already lives up there, so why are they offering these to knobs?
B
Because they want. Because it's the El Cortez. And it's Halloween.
C
And it's Halloween. The.
B
The oldest and possibly most haunted hotel in Las Vegas has a contest for the spooky season. Thrill seekers are up for the challenge, have opportunity to apply and spend a weekend in the El Cortez hunting ghosts. And they could win $5,000. Gonna be a bunch of people. So it's not for everybody. You don't just get five grand for staying. Evidently, you gotta go through their. Their process. You gotta work.
A
I want 10 now.
B
Then screw that.
A
If I gotta go to work for this crap.
C
When you go, when you pull it up, do they post pictures of the rooms?
A
I don't know.
B
Yeah, the old Court.
C
I mean, I have never been there. Yeah, I been here.
A
You're not missing much.
C
It talked about for years.
B
It's a. It's a 90 year old hotel. It was one of the first ones. And it still kind of hangs on to its old ways. They've remodeled it to look like it used to look.
A
That's what Fitz said. He says the casino's nicer now, but nobody knows about the rooms yet.
B
Yeah, it's. Anyway, so you get kind of a. A vibe of going back in time to the 30s and 40s and. And they're, you know, they didn't really structurally change much. The casino's clean and nice, but it looks like an old west saloon casino. And the rooms are probably small. I don't know. I don't know what they've done up there. I would never stay there. But it says the chosen one is tasked to walk through the hotel's corridors, casino and other areas that are thought to be haunted. And they give you ghost hunting equipment. So you've got the stuff. I want to know what that is. So you get your ghost hunting equipment and then you gotta. You have a journal and all. So if you're looking to go to Vegas and just like get this done, it's not directly affiliated with a contest to have anyone. If they, you know, there's their suite. Yeah, there's your sweet. If you die or get hurt, it doesn't count. Like, so if a ghost actually does, for the first time ever in the history of man, kill someone, they're saying that that's incidental.
A
Oh, this is terrible.
B
They say the El Cortez basement is full of ashes and cremated remains of former employees who died without family. Making the hunt a little more eerie. That room's not terrible. This one isn't.
A
But look at this nightmare blue thing.
B
I couldn't sleep in a room. Yeah, that just. That just looks like a 70s Holiday Inn.
A
Well, you know, that's our like drapes on the wall and stuff like that. Look at that.
B
Oh, it is. It's a radio salesman suit on the walls.
A
Hang David Har from that thing.
B
Yeah, it's the Vegas ghost hunt. And that's it. There's a different one called the Vegas Ghost Hunt. And El Cortez says, don't get them confused. Ours is for five grand. So they say that's a pretty good deal. $5,000 and they'll cover you for the weekend. And you go there and all you got to do is look for ghosts. And I'll tell you Right now, you've already gone as far as you'll ever go looking for ghosts here. So when you go to the El Cortez, keep your journal. It's all BS and try it. So I don't know how you. I don't know how you register for this.
A
All right, here we go. We can book a room for this weekend.
B
Can you find the El Cortez? Ghost search. How much are the rooms?
C
250.251Average.
B
The stay at the El Cortez.
C
All right. People said, oh, Vegas.
A
Here's 600 a night.
B
No wonder Vegas is dying.
A
There's 600 a night for that one room that looked okay.
B
It's a bigger room.
A
Well, yeah, it's higher up, too, so you can jump out the window.
B
Does that window open?
A
I hope so.
B
I'm making some bad life decisions at 600 a night. See how many good hotels in Vegas there are for less than 600 a night. Is that a weekend rate?
A
That's for this weekend, yes.
B
Okay, that makes a little more sense, because the suites over at the aria are, like, two grand a night now for weekends. But 600 bucks to stay at the El Corte? You better give me five grand to stay at that place. And the El Cortez has a history to it, so people like Fitz. But I would gladly. If you have a haunted house and you need me to stay in it and you have ghost hunting equipment, you give me a few bucks to do it. I'll run that scam all day. In fact, that's my retirement plan, is to play pretend I believe in ghosts and just knock on old people's doors and go, for a few thousand dollars, I'll get rid of your ghosts, like a ghost exterminator. And they'll be like, oh, thank God he's here. And all you got to do is have a vacuum wand, like a bucket from Home Depot that says ghost storage, and then, you know, walk around with a mask and act like you've been there. There's no such thing. There is no if there are ghosts neighborhood.
C
Yeah, I had a run in last week with ghosts. Nope. But the neighbors did.
B
Oh, they had a ghost.
C
I jokingly said to them, because they're. They're. The houses that they're in were built in the late 1800s.
B
Right.
C
So there's a history behind him and all this stuff. And so this couple has a younger kid growing up, and I go, oh, he probably had a tough time sleeping in that place with all the ghost activity. And he. I was Joking.
A
Yeah.
C
And he's like, you wouldn't believe it. I actually paid. I had someone come over and do a.
B
You've got too much money. You're bananas. How come they always say that too? The house has history. Every house that has ever been built, yesterday or otherwise, if somebody lives in it has history.
C
Yeah.
B
So if someone's in a house and happens to pass away, why would they stay? Like.
C
And the owner of that particular house where they live was an Italian guy. And it's above a quarry where it's built. So he built the house so he could look on the core to make sure guys are working. That's the story. He has a. A perch up there that.
B
So he's still there. So as a ghost. He's still a foreman and a supervisor. Like, he's still working to make sure that this Corey that's not quite retire yet. I don't have my forever money about this. Yeah. And how come he did have a.
C
Separate bedroom for his wife?
B
Well, yeah, he's Italian. You told us that already. You didn't have to. That's superfluous. We knew that.
C
Well, that's the first time I saw one that.
B
Of course he had that. Yeah. No, you said Italian. Of course. He's got two bedrooms. Gumar wife bedroom. It's. Yeah. Gumar gets the good one. Wife gets to sleep in the. The maids quarters.
A
Yeah, she's already there.
B
Yeah, she's already. She just stays. She's lucky to have a house in five across face. I spent a lot of time with Brett this week. I'm understanding a lot of things. How come it's never. How come it's always an old 1800s house too? How come a house from 1970 can't be haunted? Plenty of people have died.
C
I think they are. I think those are usually the ones that like. You bought this from the family where they don't disclose. Like murder happened.
B
They have to. They used to have to. Yeah, but still.
C
Okay.
B
A murder happened and they. You. You're haunted. No, nothing happens. Let me just tell people who believe in ghosts. They've never hurt anyone. Ever. Ever. It's like being afraid of lightning bugs. It's never killed a man. In fact, the lightning bug. The reason you should be afraid of a lightning bug over a ghost is because they're actually real. That could get in your eye while you're driving or something. A ghost can't do that. Ghosts have never killed anyone.
A
You want me to sign you up?
B
Yeah, sign me up. I would gladly go do this. And my journal would just say, no ghosts in this room. I'm staying in the yard.
A
No ghost. Send my stuff over there.
B
I think you've got an air conditioning problem. It clunks around at night. You suppose it's the ghost banging on the air conditioner? If that's the best plan they've got, I'm not real worried about ghosts. If a ghost's best deal is to hit your water heater a few times.
C
Okay, there's the equipment. EMF meters, EVP recorders, flashlights, thermal sensors.
B
And the worst that could happen to me in this situation is that, oh, my gosh, there are ghosts. And still I would be fine. He came by and he moved a couple picture frames.
C
The journal will be easy. Compile a short report of your scariest, funniest.
B
Yeah, this was hilarious. You guys think you have ghosts. I found it hysterical. So I showed up.
A
How about this for the Halloween portion? It opens October 6th, closes on Halloween, and the winner will be notified five days after it closes. Okay, so you're. You're totally getting rid of the whole Halloween scare part. You're into October, November by then. Come on.
B
Just give me my money. This is stupid morning sickness. Medicate K U P D.
A
And Doug.
B
Limu and I always tell you to customize your car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. But now we want you to feel it. Cue the emu music. Limu. Save yourself money today. Increase your wealth. Customize and save, we say. That may have been too much feeling. Only pay for what you need@liberty mutual.com. liberty.
C
Liberty.
B
Liberty. Liberty Savings. Very underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company affiliates. Excludes Massachusetts Homburg's morning sickness. And you have to compete with other people. So it's the one who has the most ghost activity. I'm trashing the room. I'm trashing that beautiful room the El Cortez gives me. I mean, the bed's going to get thrown out the window. I don't have any video proof of it, but the meters went off. This thing was going crazy. And then the bed flew out the window. These ghosts are furious. And then the owners would be like, you're an asshole. There's not a real ghost in there. We're just giving you a promotion. Although the best ghost promotion I've seen in a long time. And hand it to Disneyland. Some lady just dropped dead in the haunted house yesterday.
C
I know.
B
And they wheeled her out and they. Normally, you'd think a company would be like, let's try to keep this under wraps. It's everywhere, and it's great. The haunted house killed someone at Disneyland, and they're actually kind of grandstanding on it a little bit. We don't. We're so sorry for the family. But the haunted house will remain open through the holiday. Will it? Yes. You had, like, a heart attack inside the haunted house.
A
And that thing's not scary.
B
Not it. It's for children. If the haunted house scared you to death, you weren't. You weren't long. Imagine what It's a Small World was going to do when they went to Africa. Oh, my God. When those little guys in there, they have shields and. And arrows. Forget about it. Ah, it's like going through Compton. My heart. We shouldn't have taken grandma on that one. I like when we went through the Icelandic area. Those people seemed nice. And then we went down to the boogie, boogie, boogie parts with the drums and the who. I hated it. Yeah. She died in the haunted house at Disneyland. And everybody. Ugh.
C
They lied about that. It was on the Tinkerbell.
B
She was in the cups.
C
Yeah.
B
I almost died on those cups. That's nauseating. That was. That's a horrible ride. People were coming off of that thing looking like, man, are the cups fun. Like, you can get those things going pretty fast. And every grown man was like, it's the worst thing I've ever done in my life. You spin until you vomit, and you do it yourself. And you know, as a guy, you're like, how fast do these cups go? And the next thing you know, I was like, oh, no. I found out how fast they go, and I don't like it. Anyway, if you're scared of ghosts, don't be. I gotcha. They don't. You know what we never do if it. Tactical black ghost defense. It's not a thing. Jade never goes. All right, you have an attacker at the Circle K. And you got to also be careful that there's a couple apparitions nearby. And how do you defend yourself? You don't, because they don't do anything. Stop.
C
Take your cross and holy water.
B
Yeah. And then just stare into the empty space where you think they're. They're not there. I'm more afraid of mosquito. You should be more afraid of mosquitoes. Those are things you can't really see too often, and they carry disease like crazy. Number one killer in the world is the mosquito. They carry all sorts of nonsense. Not in America. Usually in some dump country that doesn't have any medicine. But still swimming around in that filthy water and stinging you mosquitoes are scarier than ghosts. That's why you have exterminators. They come by. There's proof in the pudding. Someday they may discover that in this dimension, we can't quite see yet. There are other things floating around, living life around us. But so long as they're not really interrupting anything and I can't feel them when I bump into them, what's the harm? Some guy emailed me a while ago. What if ghosts are actually air? And we need dead people to replenish the air, and they come. That's what we breathe. I'm like, okay, I think that's crazy, but what harm is that doing? Aren't you scared? Like, no. Look, the whole purpose of ghosts is that they can watch it doing stuff. If a ghost wants to hang out in my room and watch me fiddle with my balls. Cause I do it a lot, and they're getting a kick out of that, then. And I don't know, they're there. Okay, I'm fine with that. I mean, that's the whole principle behind religion in the first place, is there's some dude watching me that I can't see. He's seeing some stuff. He is seeing some stuff.
C
And then it piles up to see family members, like grandparents. They're out there now. They're watching.
B
Yeah. You know what my grandpa saw? If you have a crowd. Yeah. I should charge admission with all these dead relatives. If my grandparents are up there watching, how proud they are. Hey, is Alvar, Bill, Shirley. Hope you're doing well. And they're watching me. What they saw this morning in the shower was me kind of have like, a weird little moment with my nose. And then I did a farmer's blow. And instead of going down to the floor of the shower, it landed on my chest. And it was half of my brain. I think it was a big something. And it hit me in the chest. I'm like. And I turned and let the shower water kind of wash it down. And it got caught in my pubes for a second, so I had to kind of move. That's what my grandparents are watching me do. That's what the ghosts get to see. So, yeah, if that's something that they want, if they want to do that, have at it. I. I don't want to watch me shower. So if that's what my grandparents are, like, turning on John, they know your schedule. Okay, that may be, but I'm not sure they're getting much better than, you know. That was probably the highlight of my day because that's going to be the most memorable thing that happens to me today. Probably. You know, and this isn't fun to watch from above. You've got heaven at your disposal. Why are you on John TV all day long? Just want to watch him and let him know I care. I hate to break it to you. Every athlete ever. Your grandparents didn't watch you score that touchdown. They were busy doing something else on playing pickleball in clouds. They're not watching you. You know how often your grandparents used to call you? That's right. That's how often they're watching you, too. Maybe once every couple months, you'd get the phone to ring, and usually it was to tell you that they're about, you know, done. My dad went in for a terrible surgery. Oh, did he? Yeah. I'm not feeling real good either. The doctor says if I don't stop smoking, my head's gonna fall off. All right. Well, it's been great catching up the ghosts. Five grand, though, for dummies to pay me to pretend there's ghosts for a couple days. But I'm with you. It's the El Cortez. If the Aria did it.
A
Oh, yeah. I'm in.
C
And it's the five grand. But it would be great because it's just gambling.
B
It's.
C
Yeah, it's only your five.
B
I'm gonna gamble with your ghost money. I'm gonna take your ghost money, give it back to you.
A
But it says we're looking to pay one lucky thrill seeker a value prize of five grand. So they're valuing the rooms at probably five night.
B
Could be.
A
I thought so. You may not wind up even, like, a thousand bucks on free players.
C
Or is it $5,000 in free play? You don't get the cash.
A
And it could be that you just.
C
Have a credit and you have to gamble.
A
No.
B
5. And free play is. That's reasonable.
A
No, it's not, because then you still got to be there.
B
Oh, I got to be the El court, right?
A
Yeah.
B
That's no good.
A
Can you just stay at, like, the Aria and then just Uber over for the. The ghost hunt or something?
B
Yeah, you could, I suppose. Yeah.
A
Because there you get bumps in the night. Regardless, all over.
B
Pumps in the night takes on a whole new different. It's a different animal. When you get bumps in the night that away.
C
Sulfur bumps.
B
If you. If you were, like, a virgin and you woke up with herpes, nobody's gonna believe it was a ghost. Ah, you were rubbing on something. Nobody buys it. No. Even ghost People, I've said it for years. If your kid went missing and a police guy came and said, we have no leads, we're pretty sure it's ghosts, you'd have him fired the next day. Even if you were like, the most. If you were Zach Baggins and someone you loved got kidnapped and the police said it was ghost, Zack Baggins would even go, oh, come on, you mother. Go find the guy. No, no, no. It was ghosts. That ghosts have swiped her. Aliens. And ghosts. And aliens are probably a little bit more like, maybe we think ghosts stole your car. Like, no, go to Maryvale. You'll find it. I'm pretty sure it was ghosts, not a real thing. And I know it hurts people to think that when they're, you know, grandparents aren't watching them. That's ego. To think that your grandparents care that much about you. They don't. Enjoy your life, have fun. But ghosts aren't part of. Cracks me up. And by the way, also almost a ghost. We had him in yesterday for quite a while when he introduced the. The Kiss 2026. 2026 tour with a Jew crank. Yeah, Gene Simmons passed out behind the wheel yesterday driving along, and he crashed into a parked car. And we. He's here right now to explain. Hello, everyone. Gene Simmons from kiss. Hello, Brett. Great job yesterday with Ju Crank.
A
We.
B
We had a great situation. Brady, welcome back. I'm glad to see you. I had a medical issue yesterday, and I have to tell you, I ran into a parked car after passing out. And let me tell you why, because I was listening to Holmberg's morning sickness and I laughed hysterically until I passed out. It was a marvelous program with Jew Crank. And then when you played it and sang it, we all laughed. And then I realized I woke up in a hospital. So legendary. Gene Simmons is okay, Kiss is going to be fine, and ju crank 2026 will happen. I know I was in Malibu, but it was a quick tour after I visited the show and then left. It was wonderful. Duke Rank is Amazing.
C
Final show, December 2nd.
B
That's right. The Jew Crank tour will begin next year. This is the final show before we get Ju Crank together. Get hot. No more tomorrow, baby. Time is today. Yes, we'll get that together. Let Paul sing the good parts, and I'll get involved in the chorus and. Sing along, everyone, because it's the new way. There's no place for hiding, baby. There's no place to run. You know it. Get ready for it. 24 hours later, I pull the trigger of my Jew crank. That's right. Jew crank is back. Making Jew crank great again. Radio you missed it. Yesterday was quite fun. But then I crashed my car and why? Cuz all the blood had flowed to my Jew crank and I had lost consciousness. They said, ladies, I don't know if you know that, But Jews over 6ft tall have just hammers down south. And we're willing to throw that hammer your direction. So tug a Jew horn today. I'm fine. I'll be out again later. And if I pass out, you'll know it's because my body's blood all went to my erection. That's it. So thank you very much for Drew Crankers. He's alive and well though. We're happy to have him back. His wife, Shannon Tweed said he's on new medication and he got dehydrated. So he just passed out.
A
He's probably singing while he's drowning to.
B
Do his new song. Listening to Kiss and probably overwhelmed him how great the song was and screwed him up. He's lucky. Just in a park car. Sure. Well, you know. Well, you know, actually, Brady, the person who's lucky in this is the person whose car I hit. Because in the end they got to meet Gene Simmons of Kiss. And I think that's pretty neat. So if you're gonna get hit by anybody, get hit by a superstar who's the leader of Kiss. That's me. Jimmons sickness. 98 KUPD. Holmberg's morning sickness. What a lucky man that was that I passed out and crashed into your car. It's the wheel of fortune. Really is that. You know, so many people have been hit by a nobody and they have to deal with their insurance. Now I've given you a great story. You know who ran into my car the other day? An incapacitated Gene Simmons. And that's a great story. So you're welcome.
A
He should have paid you. As a matter of fact.
B
In fact, that's true. Brad. I think Insurance. Yes, Kisses new insurance policies. If I ram into your car, you pay me for the honor of me damaging your vehicle. That's not bad.
C
I personal said the guy, he was a jerk because his eyes were closed the whole time. He didn't tell.
B
If you were going to get hit by a celebrity, that would be pretty neat. Hey, you dick. What did you do here? What happened? What is it? Hey, you're Gene Simmons. This is okay. Everything changes in attitude.
C
If Brady got hit by Gene Simmons.
A
Or was it Netanyahu? I'm not sure. But you know.
B
No, you. I think you'd figure that out in a second. Benji makes the whole thing go away. Yeah, if you get hit by like if you just get hit by some slug. If Brady. Oops, sorry. Rammed in you. You son of a bitch. I hate you so much right now. They get angry and all that, but if the guy gets out of the car. Gene Simmons, for Christ's sake. Suddenly this is kind of cool. Is everybody okay? I'm fine. How are you feeling? No, I'm fine. You hit a parked car. I'm good. Can I have your autograph? I realized that when my low level ass of local celebrity got T boned by that kid. And the next thing you know, we're taking pictures in the intersection next to the accident. Because the fire department, four or five of the guys listened and the kid's like, who's this? It's like, oh, you got hit by America's sweetheart. And then so he started laughing. Next thing, we had him on the air the next day. It was fun. It's fun. Even low level celebrity is better than getting hit by some average schmo. Some broad Knox India and just driving her kids to daycare. Sorry about that. You dummy. Are you famous at all? No. Well, this is garbage. I gotta call insurance.
C
Margot Robbie faded.
B
Oh my God.
A
I'd faint too walking up to the car.
B
Oh, could you imagine you get hit by Marco Robbie. Like that car's coming in pretty hot. It's gonna hit us. It's gonna hit us. There's no doubt about it. Oh my God, we've been hit. It's. This bitch is crazy and open the door and there's Dua Lipa. What happened? I'm so sorry.
A
Oh, must my fault.
B
Nothing. I was in your way. I. I parked in a bad spot here between these lines and this was my fault. I'm so dizzy. All I need to do is make love to something. I'm here for you. Dua.
A
Is there any Jew crank around here?
B
You have a Jew crank? Yes, yes I do.
C
Would you sign my car? It's all good.
B
The doctor says the only thing I'll survive with is if a large nosed bald Jew in my bottom. Yes, yes. I am the cure. Dude, I'm so glad you hit me. And then I'd be just parking where I know she is in case she hits me again. Oh, you hit me again. It looks like that whole in your bottom from a big noseball Jew is the key. I fixed it last time. If you want to run away with me, I know a galaxy and I can take it for a ride. I'm doing it. It's a thing getting hit by celebrities. A lot better than some nobody. Last thing you want to do is have the door. And this is so true. Brady's been through this. The door of the guy that hit you open and. And they're like, hi, Adios meal. Like, oh, no. Nobody has insurance in this one. I'm paying double rates now. But if it's like pio lean or peso pluma, suddenly like, oh, wow.
A
Edward James almost.
B
Oh, my God. If I get hit by. Is he still alive? He's old enough. He'd probably hit you.
A
Oh, my God, I loved you. And standing delivered.
B
Nobody ever talks about that. The dude whose car got hit, they're all talking about Gene Simmons passed out behind the wheel. That's a good one. That's kind of a neat story. I would. That's something you'd. El Cortez wants to give you five grand. For $5,000, I'll let a celebrity cram into the side of my car for the story. Here's $5,000. Now, at any given time, unexpectedly, a celebrity's gonna run into your car. It's like that thing I do at Rip Valley, the card place.
C
John, we have Shatner scheduled for next week.
B
He's coming in.
A
I bet your luck it'd be Guy Fieri or something. Into your car.
B
You go down to Rip Valley, and they have a thing buy. It's an awesome place. Never been down to Rip Valley. It's over downtown. I don't even know. It's like Third street by Roosevelt, something like that. But they sell merchandise, memorabilia, and they've got these cards. It's. I think it's like 500 bucks. And you buy trading cards. Trading cards? Yeah, a pack of cards, like sports cards. Inside of the trading card thing, I think there's one of them that's like three, and it's like 250 bucks. And you get three cards. But inside is a guaranteed autographed card from. From someone. And you can. My, my. My buddy got a rookie, Dak Prescott with a. It has a Jersey. It was one of 100. It's actually got severe value well past the 250. My other friend Matt Coman got Vilas Jones, kick returner for the Bears. We looked it up. It was worth 17 cents. So you run that risk. It's gambling.
C
Frame that.
B
Oh, it was. I told him, I said, you're keeping this forever. I got a couple of good ones in there. I've played that game quite A bit. Rip Valley's awesome. You've never been down there. Go down there because it's an awesome spot. But it would be the same thing. It's like you go into this thing. Celebrity car crash. And then you just go in and go, for $5,000, you get. It's this list of celebrities. And you don't know which one's going to hit you, but it's a guarantee that one will. And it's like Corey Feldman, Todd Bridges, Dale. Hell, yeah, Dale Hellstray's on there. But the top of the list. Yeah, exactly. And then the top of the list is like Peyton Manning. You get some really cool ones up there. And in the middle, it's just like middling people. Like an influencer that was on Dancing with the Stars once or, you know, you know, Kevin Cobb, the former backup quarterback for the Cardinals. You can get some cruddy ones in there, too. But for five grand, you take a chance that at some time in the next 14 days, you know, there's a chance that Margot Robbie rams into you. You would do that.
C
Oh, I'm sorry. They're not gonna take this celebrity level that you're at. They will not hit a Prius. It's Mercedes.
B
Yeah. They won't hit any of the cars that save the environment. That's true. But like 10 grand to get Larry David or Dua L. I would take that chance. But they always throw in some clunkers. Like Feldman's on every single. He's in the platinum package. He's in the bronze package. He's in all of it. Gene Simmons is in there. Like Eddie Vedder. That's a good story.
A
Upper echelon. No, he's not down there with Feldman and stuff.
B
No, he'd be in the middle.
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
B
Somewhere between Feldman and Dua Lipa lies Eddie Vedder.
A
He definitely is not hitting the Prius.
B
Yeah.
A
Or you can save the environment.
B
You can kind of go, this is a good business. They can kind of customize it, like for your need. Like, for me, it would be cool to meet Dave Kingman or Jerome Bettis. So that's High Williams. Yeah. Well, if you love the Brady Bunch and Greg is on your list. Yeah. Let's get Greg to ram the car into you. And he's dressed as Greg. It's live. It's those live cameos. It just happens to you. Rather than a phone call. They fly him out, they put him in a crash up derby car, and you just sit and wait to go out to your car and See, a celebrity has ran into it, nobody gets hurt. The damage is minimal and it cost you some money, but your insurance should cover it.
A
Jesus Christ. The lead singer of Air Supply. Hit me.
B
God, this sucks.
C
You're surprised by a friend they have you hit your car.
B
Oh, hey, aren't you Lamont from Sanford? Desmond. That would be cool. Oh, my God. Yeah. Brett and I would both go for.
A
That one call kiss 1230 and bring that up in here.
B
I get Lam from Sanford and Son on the list. It would probably be a pretty cool one too, to be like, okay, at any given time, a Pittsburgh Steeler is going to hit your car. Past, present, current, any of any time during.
A
Yeah, but you might get like Justin.
B
Fields, like Christian Coons or even Michael Vicks on that list. Yeah, but you don't get to choose who. But he at one point was on the Steelers roster and played for the Steelers in a regular season game.
C
Tad Weed.
B
Yeah. You get that kicker that you always talk about. Tad Weed. Yeah. You. Yours is risky because it could be Ohio State. Like, you'd love that. But so many failures from Ohio State. It would have to be a deal where they're like, it's an Ohio State player that started for a national championship, 70s and up. Yeah. But they didn't necessarily go pro. They weren't, you know, could be some tight end from the 1980 team. That was a blocking. You can get screwed, but it's worth the fun, which is why I always love going to Rip Valley. They've got. That game is a blast. It's expensive, but if you're into like, collectibles, you still get cards. And you'll get some really good ones.
C
You can go a higher level.250.
B
They have a couple of different games. No, they have. They come in like sealed boxes.
C
Yeah.
B
So you buy like, this is the one with three cards. And then they have a baseball one.
C
That has what they call the.
B
Where you buy the whole season.
C
It's like 10 grand.
B
Some of them, it depends on the year, but you could. Yeah, but that's just like, that's the. Like, if you went back and said, I want to buy the 1990 top season, they'll give you every card they printed. 1990. But most people in that case know who the rookies were that year, like, what they're getting into. And the price of that box is going to be reflective of who's in there. They know this one is just a blind chance. And so you go. And it's a. It's a black box. And then they film you opening it. So it's like, let's see if we got a winner. It's the lottery, but it's gambling and it's a blast. I've had three or four different trips down there. One day we spent a thousand dollars just constantly going because we got a couple of really good ones. And I got a rookie Ben Roethlisberger in one that was awesome. It's well past the price. And then a couple of them that stunk. And I got the baseball one and a friend of mine got a. Can't remember which one it was. Was a commemorative. It was like Barry Bonds, I think it had his jersey, like a clip of his jersey from the game that this, this monumental achievement happened. I'm like, that's a great one. I got Mark Appel in a third year, Mark Appel autographed, and it was worth 19 cents. Sometimes you lose.
C
Trade him for credit on the next grid.
B
Well, you can, you can say they'll buy it back from you if you want. But he's like, I'm not buying that one. You need to sell that.
A
I'll buy.
C
I'll give you 8 cents.
B
Yeah, you get a ton more if you sell it on your own. Yeah, this one says, damn it, you hit my car. Oh, it's Margot Robbie. Well, if you want to keep this off insurance and out of the papers since you ran me, I get to ram you.
A
There you go.
B
That's right. And she'd be for that. All right, just to keep it off my insurance. Great job, mate. Let's have anal sex, right? Just because we don't want anybody to know about this. And we certainly don't want that rate hike. You said it, mate. Oh, this guy George knows our friend Thomas Wells. He says you should ask Thomas Wells about the picture he took cleaning out that bank. Owned home by himself. And there was another person in the mirror. Oh, George, I know about that. Holmberg's morning sickness.
A
Hey, what's this?
B
So Thomas Wells used to go through bank owned homes that people got kicked out of. And he'd go and kind of clean out the stuff they left. They usually left it a mess, right? And then he'd go kind of fix it up after they'd walk from these, you know, foreclosed houses. He calls me one night, johnny, you got to come over here. You're not going to believe it. I'm like, what is it? Oh, they got this old dump of a house. This old lady wasn't paying a bill. So we outed Her. And she's gone. So I go clean it up, take a look around. There's mirrors everywhere. And I'm cleaning away, and I turned, and there's a guy reflection next to mine in the sliding glass doors. And he wouldn't move. And I took photos. Well, it just so happened that as he took the photos, the flash was making a photo not do a thing. So I go over there. He's like, take a look at that. And I'm like, it's a flash. It's you taking a picture. And what are you looking at? This one right here. There's a body there.
C
Like an entity.
B
No, there's not. Well, it is, Joni. This place is haunted. She's scared in me. Like, the lady that lived here is still alive. Like, why would she. No, because she knows I'm gonna sell it. Like, her spirit leaves her when she sleeps to haunt you. Like, you're all right. I'm never. I'm near going back in that house again. I'm like, well, then you're gonna lose money. This is dumb. If the. If the ghost's best move, Thomas, is to get trapped between you and the sliding glass doors, you're gonna be all right. You don't mess with the supernatural. You just do it.
A
All right, so he believes in that, but not the Loch Ness monster.
B
Oh, we believe in the Loch Ness monster.
A
Oh, he does.
B
Again, I remind you, Scotland's national animal is the unicorn. They're all nuts. Hey, you gotta believe the unicorn will come down here and fix all of Scotland and finally give us firm ground to walk on instead of this muck and mud. We don't have surface area that isn't wet. We're always sinking in the mud. No, he was scared to death of that. He called me. Get over here. I'm like, why would you want me to be there? That's like when people take a bite of something and go, ugh, this is gross. Taste it. No. There's a killer ghost in the house with me. Come over. You think that's a snow? Go yourself. You're gonna die. Prove it. And I got photos. You can photograph ghosts now. You need to take that camera over to Sweden and get your Nobel Prize, because that's a machine that nobody has. You're just a cynic, Johnny. Yep. I'm all right, though. Are you still alive? I. And the goat. You're still in the house. Hey, the ghost is cool with you calling people to come over and see him, all right? You're just an. I shouldn't have called you.
C
I didn't know how many photos seen that a friend has taken. And it's got that light flash in it.
B
Yeah. I said, john, what if the person that hit me had crappy insurance and the best celebrity they have is Dobson High school football legend Eric Zellner?
A
Oh, man, there you go at Coach.
B
Clark pays that Derek Zellner to come over and smack him in the face once a day. I tell you what, Shoot. It's an honor to get some of Derek's DNA on him.
C
DZ is not even in the car. He's just ramming it.
B
DZ just dz. He. You know what? He. He'll ram you and probably get to the location faster. Shoot, he's quicker than anybody. In fact, he needs cars to slow him down. Even his car's faster than any other car I've ever seen. Your car's just a mother suck. Yeah, it would stink if you paid the money and your celebrity stunk. Yeah, but I'd be all in on that. I mean, it would kind of stink if you're like, all right, I'm just going to go for, you know, I'm the $400 package and I'm getting a local radio guy to hit me. And then, you know, you get clunked by Sean Kelly, a weekender. Like, oh, it was a weekender. I didn't. I should have paid the extra 100 for a guy who's got a full time gig. Chris Kelly. Not Sean. Chris Kelly. Sean Knight. You'd have a new best friend. Sean wouldn't stop talking to you. It'd be great.
A
Right?
B
Right. Sit your car. Right.
C
All right.
B
Where do you work? Work weekends at kupd? No.
A
Great fella hit me.
B
John. John Vella hit you. And then you're like, hat you get some merch. Look, Vella hitcha and his car, like, all of its contents unload into yours. Like the one chocolate went into the peanut butter. It's like, believe. These are my. These are my bags of weed I flew out of my window into yours. These are my pain pills I sell to people in pacing. It's a pacing job. It's an actual career in pay. Bella crashes his Tesla into you and it's just gonna be. It's gonna look like fireworks went off. All those belongings inside.
C
Is that baby powder?
B
Yes. Yes, it is. That's baby powder. No. No more questions. It'd be cool. Here's a bunch of flat brimmed hats they flew into your car. I believe those belong to me. That's A good idea. I like that idea. But getting hit by a slider? Yeah. Gene Simmons hits your car and it's parked, that's the best case scenario. I think you got a nice story out of that. It's pretty cool.
C
Got hit by a nice navigator.
B
Yeah, it's a nice car. Dude's got insurance. You know, it's all gonna work itself out. And you walk away with a story. It's like, yeah, my car got into a wreck. I asked Brady this morning where his car was. It said, he's getting something fixed. It would have been better if you'd have said, nah, it's parked at Walmart. Gene Simmons plowed through it, so it's getting dead. Wait a minute. What? Yeah, Gene Simmons. A kiss bashed into my ride. It's at Shane Orlando's place right now. Pretty cool. I got to meet Gene. He was sleeping, though. I would. Well, and the cool thing is, if it was Guy Fieri, that happened to be my draw. And he crams into me, goes, put it on a flip flop. Looks like I went wacky Whack on your whip. Oh, God. I'd get a chance to punch Guy Fieri, which would be worth the money I spent. You been Fieri? Welcome to Crash Town. Okay, enough of you, you talentless knob. Want some garbage nachos? Yeah, I do. Out of the garbage rather than what you serve. Because it's better out of the trash than it is in your table. Fresh from the garbage into a can onto your table. Garbage nachos. What? What? Put it on a flip flop. Welcome to Flavortown.
C
It's served on the door of your car.
B
Yeah, it's served on the ground. Remember that Indian last week that was eating out of the gutters?
C
Yeah.
B
Welcome to Flavortown. Oh, man, you can really taste the feces. What do you got in the big board of treats there, Bert?
A
Wake up. Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And, well, it is getting that riding season time again. And now it's time to hit up the. Hit up the boys over to Action. Get that bike tuned up or just pick up a new one, you know, I mean, they can fix anything, but if you're ready to step it up, get yourself a new pivot or something. That is the place to go. And, well, two locations as a matter.
B
Of fact, Brett, I'm out of a car for a little while. Do they have a Kiss Whip over at the Action Ride Shop? Do they make a pivot bike? Made as a Kiss bike? I think that would be fantastic. And those would Sell. Tell your friend Justin.
A
Josh.
B
Yes, Tell him. Tell Justin that. That that bike would sell faster than any other. The kiss pivot.
A
The pivot. You crank.
B
Good Lord, Brett, are you on a roll this week? The pivot Ju crank. It has a special compartment in the seat for your big giant. I need that to ride. But that's why I don't ride a bike. It's because my Jew crank gets caught in the spokes. Good thinking, Brett. Thanks. It would be like another bar across the front there. You just slide it in. The ju crank by pivot.
A
So if you're looking for the new pivot, they're going to be over there at Action Ride Shop, Both locations with the jukering.
B
Yes.
A
Over there at the OG On Gilbert Road and Southern, of course, the brand new one over there on Power Road. McDowell it is Action Rideshop, ActionRide Shop.com. all right, Allison Chains Sepultura Parkway Drive. Bottom feeder for all the fatties that are doing the Ozempic. Lamb of God, Ghost Inside Ghost ministry. Ray Parker Jr. Making an appearance.
B
Oh, the Ghostbusters song.
A
Slipknot Sulfur.
B
Every time you play the Ghostbusters song, Huey Lewis makes some money.
A
That's true. Three days Grace from last night's show.
B
Oh, yeah.
A
And skid Row. Get the F out for those people going to Neil Cortez.
B
How was the show? You went. You did the stage announcements?
A
Yeah.
B
Good show? Oh, no, no.
A
Three days Grace was really good. I was, like, surprised how good they were because they got both lead singers back.
B
So flipping it.
A
Adam's back. Yeah. And they complimented. I mean, they were great. I, in my opinion, Blue Breaking Benjamin off the stage.
B
No kidding.
A
They were. They were really good.
B
They were that much better. Or Breaking Benjamin wasn't very good?
A
No, they were that much better.
B
Okay. So bringing Benjamin. Put out a good set.
A
They were good.
B
Yeah. And then Three days Grace, that was my thing with. And I told Corey Taylor this when I saw Stone Sour with Corn and Ramstein in Vegas. He went out and did his show, and it was really good. Then Corn went on, and it was the best corn could ever be. I've never seen them better than what I watched on that night. It was incred. And then, you know, the Germans went out there and just.
A
Right.
B
It was mind blowing. I told Corey, I said, you know, what's it like when, you know, you had a good set? And then Rammstein goes on. He goes, we knew going in, we didn't have a chance that night. He goes, we knew going in. He said it was Just. It's just such a gigantic moment. And, you know, we did our. And they did them great. They sounded good, but it was just this. They had confetti and, like, blow up guys. And, like, they were. They were having a party. And Ramstein went out there and owned it. He goes, we didn't own the stage. We didn't have pyro. We couldn't do our stuff. And he said, so we just went out there and did our songs. And I'm like, you guys sounded great. Great. And, like, it made you look like a. Like a sea act with them. He goes, well, we know. And it's crazy.
A
Yeah.
B
I was giving him.
A
He went in knowing that, but you.
B
Go, why even sign up for it?
C
Interesting to see if Jonathan felt the same from corn.
A
I'm sure he did.
C
He had Trump.
B
They had to walk off the stage going, we. We kid. We did everything we could do. And they had a good stage set up and everything. It was awesome. When. When it's. They're just different because you don't. You know, you. You only get to see them once, maybe twice if you're lucky. When Ramstein comes to town, see it. It's a spectacle. There isn't a second of their show where something weird isn't going on that's drawing your eye. That dude that runs on the treadmill the whole show and plays the piano. Yeah. And then they try to kill him a few times by blowing fire at him. And he's got a duck it. And keep the song going. And it's amazing. They put him in a tub, like, picked him up off of the treadmill thing and dropped him in a tub and then put his piano over that, and he was underwater for a whole song. It was wild. This big glass thing. I'm like, this is a. It's Cirque du Soleil with the. With the German music. Now I want to hear Ramstein. We're going with Ramstein. Okay. That's interesting. Three Days Grace Breaking. I would have put them on even keel, too. I'd have probably said, this is gonna be about even now.
A
I mean, like I said, Breaking Benjamin was good, but I think that Three Days Grace was just that much better. They had the energy and everything else.
B
Last Thursday night, I went and saw Bring Me the Horizon and I was knocked out. I couldn't believe how good they were. And I expect them to be good, you know, this will be fun. And, man, my eyes were opened. They were great. So we'll do a little file fry. That's what we'll do. Rammstein is coming at you. It's your Wake up song. It's 98. It's not weird.
C
It's pretty cool, actually.
B
No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.
A
Limu and Doug.
B
Here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug. Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us? Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you need@libertymutual.com Liberty Liberty.
C
Liberty.
B
Liberty Savings Ferry. Underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates. Excludes Massachusetts.
Episode Theme: Ghost Hunting in Vegas and Celebrity Car Crashes
Hosts: John Holmberg (B), Brady Bogen (A), Bret Vesely (A), Dick Toledo (C)
Duration Covered: [00:00 – 47:08]
This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is a freewheeling, irreverent discussion about two main topics:
Throughout, the hosts maintain their trademark sarcastic wit, poking fun at ghost-believers, Las Vegas hotels, celebrity culture, and themselves.
([01:33] – [19:24])
"You want five grand?" — [02:16] (A)
"Somebody's gotta cover the El Cortez med expenses." — [02:19] (B)
"There have been absolutely zero accounts of humans being harmed by ghosts, ever." — [02:26] (B) "It's like being afraid of lightning bugs. It's never killed a man." — [10:10] (B)
"I'll trash that room and say—man, you got a ghost problem. Place is destroyed." — [02:56] (B)
"The worst that could happen... is that, oh my gosh, there are ghosts. And still I would be fine." — [11:04] (B)
"It's ego to think your grandparents care that much about you." — [20:36] (B)
"...if a ghost wants to hang out in my room and watch me fiddle with my balls...have at it." — [15:16] (B)
"If you have a haunted house and you need me to stay in it and have ghost hunting equipment, give me a few bucks to do it—I’ll run that scam all day." — [07:14] (B)
"You never see tactical black ghost defense. It’s not a thing." — [14:36] (B)
([19:24] – [41:24])
"Ladies, I don’t know if you know that, but Jews over 6ft tall have just hammers down south." — [21:47] (B as Gene)
"I’m the $400 package and getting a local radio guy to hit me..." — [38:13] (B)
“If I ram into your car, you pay me for the honor of me damaging your vehicle.” — [23:57] (B as Gene)
([35:05] – [37:48])
“If you can photograph ghosts, take your camera to Sweden and get your Nobel Prize.” — [36:38] (B)
([41:24] – [46:35])
“Because it’s better out of the trash than it is on your table.” — [41:24] (B)
On ghost hunting skepticism:
"I should charge admission with all these dead relatives. If my grandparents are up there watching, how proud they are..." — [16:29] (B)
On haunted houses:
"If a ghost’s best move...is to hit your water heater a few times...I’m not really worried." — [10:43] (B)
On celebrities crashing into your car:
"So many people have been hit by a nobody, and now I’ve given you a story. You know who ran into my car the other day? An incapacitated Gene Simmons." — [23:56] (B)
On the guaranteed randomness (and risk) of Vegas blind box/contest scenarios:
"Sometimes you lose." — [34:03] (B, about trading cards but speaks for the episode’s attitude)
This episode is a classic HMS mix: hard skepticism, relentless humor, and local/celebrity culture riffs. If you enjoy sharp jabs at ghost stories and a wild take on the value of being crashed into by a rock star, you’ll enjoy the episode. If you’re a believer—or easily offended by off-color humor—beware!
Note: Skipped ad reads and music selections except where they served as punchlines or context for the overall conversation.