10-09-25 - Remembering How Our Various Engineers Tackled Studio Problems - John Doubles Down On Mercury Bet Saying He'll Get Implants If They Win - People Taking Ozempic Are Reporting Surprise Pregnancies And Sulfur Burps

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode Title: 10-09-25 - Remembering How Our Various Engineers Tackled Studio Problems - John Doubles Down On Mercury Bet Saying He'll Get Implants If They Win - People Taking Ozempic Are Reporting Surprise Pregnancies And Sulfur Burps
Air Date: October 9, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Episode Overview

This morning's episode centers around three main themes:

• Hilarious tales of the show's studio engineering woes and the colorful cast of engineers who've tackled them over the years
• John Holmberg's escalating on-air bet regarding the struggling Phoenix Mercury WNBA team and what he'll do if they win
• A comedic but critical discussion about Ozempic and other weight-loss injectables, focusing on bizarre side effects like surprise pregnancies and sulfurous bumps

As usual, the crew mixes sarcasm, dark humor, and genuine banter throughout, poking fun at each other, pop culture, and some personal experiences.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Studio Engineering Disasters and Engineer Tales

[00:57–07:55]

• The show opens with technical difficulties—microphones acting up, boards misbehaving—prompting John to declare, "I'm an engineer at this point. I have to Fonzie so much stuff in here... punching the equipment and then lying about it later." (John, 02:11)
• The cast reminisces about various engineers:
  • Ray, the nocturnal, possibly drunken engineer: "Ray was a guy that he was never heard during the day. He'd show up at 3 in the morning when I was on the air smelling like the Jack Daniels distillery." (John, 04:58)
  • 'Super Queen', the gay engineer who solved issues by just ordering new gear: "Best part about having a gay engineer is they don't like old things unless it's shabby chic. Otherwise, they're going full modern, they remodel with new stuff and they overspend." (John, 05:37)
  • John shares a story about intentionally 'killing' faulty equipment to force upgrades: "I held it about six feet above the floor and dropped it on the concrete, knowing that would gut it. And then I said, yeah, it didn't work. Gotta get a new one." (John, 03:47)
• The segment is peppered with affectionate roasts, stories about karaoke at a Filipino birthday party (stereotypes and beyond), and reflections on radio station culture.

Notable Moment:
"Are you doing... you guys call about a computer issue? ... Can I punch it? I wouldn't recommend that. ... That's my theory. If you break something absolute, then they can't just come ham and egg it back together." (John, 03:11)

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2. John Doubles, Triples, and Quadruples Down on Phoenix Mercury Bet

[07:56–13:38, 26:26–34:04]

• John reminds the crew of his on-air claim: "I would get a Mercury tattoo on the top of my head if... those women won the championship. Now down 0-3 to the Las Vegas Aces." (John, 07:56)
• He doubles down: "If they win the championship, I will grow out my hair and braid it like Brittney Griner and never cut it again in my life, ever." (John, 09:08)
• And then, in true radio stunt fashion, he ups the ante: "If the Mercury come back, I will have breast implants put into my body, and I will have them as the—whoever the biggest girl is on the Mercury, I will by one cup size get larger... Breast implants with the Mercury win. Girl power, we'll call it." (John, 12:34)
• The cast eggs him on, suggesting car wraps and wigs. John plays along, joking about what kind of implants he'd get ("nice clown cans" or "pouty Bs"), declaring that anyone who's ever played for the Mercury would get to touch them (27:28).
• He's supremely confident the Mercury won't manage a 4–0 comeback, humorously taunting the idea: "Congratulations to the Aces, by the way. World champions." (John, 30:03)
• Running joke: Only because of his outlandish promises is anyone interested in the WNBA outcome: "You know what it took to make people interested in the wnba? A man doing fun things." (John, 11:35)

Notable Quotes:

• "If they go 4 0, I swear to God, I'm gonna hang myself. But I will live on the air. Breast implant surgery." (John, 13:07)
• "Brady slapping my cans around would be the funniest video in the history of KUPD because his discomfort with it... but deep down kind of liking it at the same." (John, 26:25)

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3. Ozempic & GLP-1 Side Effects: Surprise Pregnancies & Sulfur Burps

[13:38–26:09]

• The crew riffs on weight-loss drugs' popularity, poking fun at Americans' aversion to exercise: "How much do you people not want to work out? Ozempic side effects are becoming common... your breasts deflate. For women, that makes sense there. And then surprise pregnancies..." (John, 13:38)
• John is incredulous that people would risk bizarre side effects rather than just exercise:
  • "You'd rather take this... there's a chance it could make you susceptible to having a baby and not having any of the symptoms of pregnancy until it tumbles out of you, like six months later. What is wrong with you people? Take a walk." (John, 14:00)
  • "What do I do? You rub this on your face and I gotta let you know that if you even come close to a woman who's ovulating, you're gonna get her pregnant. You don't even have to touch her." (John, 15:07)
• The surprising side effect of sulfurous bumps gets extra ridicule:
  • "You smell like matches. Oh, gross. What is this? Oh, I take Ozempic. I've lost weight, but I smell like an ashtray." (John, 20:54)
  • "As soon as I hear bumps, I'm out." (Bret, 21:11)
• The team debates why Ozempic users are having "surprise pregnancies" (increased confidence, activity, or medical interactions?):
  • "You get confident, you're walking around, you're feeling good about yourself. But if your body isn't reacting with like loss of period or any sort of weird weight gain, because it's reacting to be like, you keep losing weight. That isn't normal with a pregnancy." (John, 18:35)
• Classic riffing involves references to smelly/sulfurous bumps, personal anecdotes, and wild hypotheticals about "back acne" and relationships.

Notable Everyday Quips:

• "Confidence is a dangerous drug. Side effects of confidence are unwanted pregnancies." (John, 20:09)
• "A dude with sulfurous bumps isn't getting laid. No. By anything of quality." (John, 26:06)

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4. Brief Check-In: Brady's Trip & Ageing Parents

[30:24–32:09]

• Quick segment—Brady gives an update on his mom's hip surgery and the struggle of elderly parents with daily routines.
• John observes: "In your 80s, all you're trying to do is just get up right again... Running five miles is equal to getting dressed in the morning. Very tiring." (John & Brady, around 31:14–31:18)

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Notable Quotes & Moments (With Timestamps)

• "I'm an engineer at this point. I have to Fonzie so much stuff in here..."
  —John Holmberg, [02:11]
• "Best part about having a gay engineer is they don't like old things unless it's shabby chic."
  —John Holmberg, [05:37]
• "If the Mercury come back, I will have breast implants put into my body... Girl power, we'll call it."
  —John Holmberg, [12:34]
• "How much do you people not want to work out? Ozempic side effects are becoming common..."
  —John Holmberg, [13:38]
• "You put this drug inside you to lose the weight, and there's a chance it could make you susceptible to having a baby and not having any of the symptoms... What is wrong with you people? Take a walk."
  —John Holmberg, [14:00]
• "Confidence is a dangerous drug. Side effects of confidence are unwanted pregnancies. Big fat girls who are too confident probably have a couple babies they didn't expect..."
  —John Holmberg, [20:09]
• "As soon as I hear bumps, I'm out."
  —Bret Vesely, [21:11]
• "Brady slapping my cans around would be the funniest video in the history of KUPD..."
  —John Holmberg, [26:25]

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Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness delivers a rapid-fire mix of technology mishaps, outlandish sports bets, and satirical social commentary—with all the irreverence fans expect. The crew's willingness to escalate jokes (and bets!) to the ridiculous and their blunt, self-deprecating banter guarantees belly laughs, whether they're talking engineers, cosmetic surgery, or sulfurous side effects. If you missed the episode, this summary covers all essential laughs and moments.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by mmpguns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[B]

Wherever you go, whatever they get into, from chill time to everyday adventures, protect your dog from parasites with Cridellio Guattro. For full safety information, side effects and warnings, visit cordelioquatrolabel.com, consult your vet or call 1-888-545-5973. Ask your vet for Cordelio Quattro and visit quattrodog.com. morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98 things are broken. Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to the morning sickness. I got. Everything's busted. Oh, no, we're good. I'm working on it as I speak. We're working on what I got going on. It is 5. 45. My name's John. Look who's back. It's Brady. Brady Bogan is home for his two day work week, which we gotta love. I want, I want that to be the future.

[C]

First time ever. This is unbelievable.

[B]

Everybody talks about a four day work week. You figured out a two day work week. And that, my friend, is the future. If you ask me, that's fantastic. Brett's here, Toledo's here. We're all back in our seats and everything's back in order and good again. Except for now that the computer, which has been a mess all week, is not cooperating. And anyway, so we didn't get a.

[C]

New board while I was gone. Or phones. Did we get new phones?

[B]

This doesn't even turn on. You're right over here. You're over here today. Yeah. No, no. Oh, God, Brady. While you were gone, things got worse. Oh, I've got. I've got.

[C]

That's not going on.

[B]

Is that not working? How about that now?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

This one's none of those work. Toledo's isn't on either.

[C]

There's something.

[A]

Hello.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

There you go. You got this one.

[A]

Got my old one back.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know how that happened. Wait, say it again. No, no, no. Hello. All right, there we go. His. All right, we're good again. Look at that. I fixed it.

[C]

There we go.

[B]

I'm. I'm a engineer at this point.

[C]

Mike ninja.

[B]

I have to Fonzie so much stuff in here. And you guys see my technique, which is punching the equipment and Then lying about it later. And I say it on the air. I punch. I lie. They asked me if I punched. Dear God, no. I would never punch such precious materials. And they're like, all right, all right. But I do.

[C]

Then we produce the Ray Rice video, right?

[B]

Okay, fine. Fire me. I don't care. Fix it. Somebody should be fired. Somebody's got to fix something around here eventually, right? This thing turns off on us constantly.

[A]

So anyway, I think my Commodore 64 back in 87 worked better than this system.

[B]

Yeah. Ridiculous. Even our engineer Dave's like, look, it's technology for the sake of technology. This all sucks. And I'm like, it's not his fault. You know, he's got. It's a lot. And I can't imagine it's just us, but we're getting out. Look at. Look what I've done. Nice. I just. You know what? I need an engineering like thing on my. I need to get it on. My signature on my email says, also head engineer David Mahoney show kslx. That's what I'm gonna put it right on there.

[A]

Well, if this radio thing don't quite work out for you, you always got. You know, you always got something.

[C]

Fall back.

[B]

Yeah. Are you doing. You guys call about a computer issue? We sure did. It's not really. How's your printer work now? It's. It's actually working. That was fantastic. Excellent job. So can I punch it? I wouldn't recommend that. You should probably pay me to do that. That's the first thing you do. You unplug it and plug it back in. And if you can't find the plug, like, all this stuff is just floating in the air, then you punch it. And worst comes to worse, you. You break it completely. So they have to replace it. That's my theory. If you break something absolute, then they can't just come, you know, ham and egg it back together. They have to absolutely replace it. And that's my goal. With broken equipment, I did. I learned that way back when my little sound effects machine broke and our engineer came in, and I watched him solder a wire to another wire. And then he had the nerve to tell me they buttoned over here on the right. Now only work on the left. And I'm like, what do you mean? Well, your play button is now number 21. And number 21 is. They've reversed. Like, this thing doesn't work. Oh, it works fine. You just have to. And I'm like, no, no, it doesn't work. So the next Time I just took it and I held it about six feet above the floor and dropped it on the concrete, knowing that that would gut it. And then I said, yeah, it didn't work. You're a little fixed. Yeah, we gotta get a new one. I'm like, ah, what a shame. What a shame. That. Imagine that. Highly recommend. My system soldered the wrong. Oh, he soldered just. He put something that fell apart back onto something else. And then he was smart enough to look and go, well, I did fix it. It works. It's just in all the wrong spots. It was rigged to his benefit. And then so he's like, you figure it out. I'm like, oh, I will. And then I broke it completely. Ray was an engineers and IT guys all get mad when you ask him to do something. Hey, man, this isn't working. What did you do? It doesn't matter what I did. It's not working. I'm gonna punch it. Did you hit it? No. Good lord, no. I would never.

[A]

Well, Ray was a guy that he was never heard during the day. He'd show up at 3 in the morning when I was on the air smelling like the Jack Daniels distillery. There's a few things I'm like, there's you're no thing way.

[B]

He's still alive.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because the bar's closed to two.

[B]

So. Yeah, because he had to be able.

[C]

I don't think he's listening right now.

[B]

No way. No way. If he's alive. He's just, he's like, you know, screaming, I got leeches on my head and there's a contrails. He's lost it. There's no way. And then we had super queen for a while who would outwardly admit, well, I don't know what's going on in here. I can't fix any of this stuff. All you gotta do is order a new one. And I'm like, this is an engineer I can get behind.

[C]

He got things done.

[B]

Well, he just. And he pissed off every owner ever because he's like, I just bought a brand new one. You're spending all the money. Well, this stuff doesn't work. Got put new stuff in. Best part about having a gay engineer is they don't like old things unless it's shabby chic. Otherwise they're going full modern, they remodel with new stuff and they overspend.

[A]

Money is no option to them.

[B]

No, they've got a got a man at home. They're both making full salaries. I'm not on any budget. It's your money. You're a billionaire trying to save pennies. I'm just gonna put a new one in there and make this thing work. You want it to work or no? I'm like, never fire that gay man ever. Ever. And then, of course, he threw his back out. Not working. Can't imagine how. Oscar and I used to. We went out this weekend, and my back hurts so bad. I'm like, I'm not asking any questions. That's all right. I'm gonna tell you anyway. So I was bent over backwards on this thing, and Oscar was inside me. Like, no, no, no, no, no. You should just fix things and don't tell stories. Oscar was his Filipino boy. You want to talk about stereotypes that are real? We went to his birthday party, Oscar's birthday party, and there was a Filipino family there. First off, the food I don't consider stereotypical. That's just, you know, that's just their way, you know, that's not a stereotype. That's just cultural. But I will say that karaoke is not cultural. That's all over, and those dudes will not let the whites go first if it's in their backyard. There was 14 dudes. That was great. Now who's next? I think John is next. No, no, no, no, no, no. But we have to get Asuka, then Marty, then Maria. They all go up first, then John. Oh, all right. I'm not gonna sing to you guys.

[A]

I just ran between your legs and got up to the table before you.

[B]

Yeah, I get up here, I do my song, then John, come on. Get out of my dream. Oh, yeah. Get into my car. And it's hilarious. But that is a stereotype. That's very real.

[C]

But then some are. You know, that's how they discover the singer.

[B]

Oh, look, Journey. That's all karaoke.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You're gonna. Every once in a while, you get to 10 or 11 people who are just. And then one dude is like, okay, that guy said he's to the next level. He's going for it. He's having his Pam Anderson moment here. But it's, you know, very. I don't think anybody's been discovered at the Grapevine, So if you want to go over there and sing, have fun, you might be the best there.

[C]

Still trying.

[B]

Yeah. The best there that night. But you're not. You're not getting any record deals. Just gonna get a lot of praise from people who aren't very good. And speaking of things that aren't very good, Brady, you weren't here on Monday, when I made my claim on the air, I believe it was at 6:25 that I would get a mercury tattoo on the top of my head if, in fact those women won the championship. Now down 03 to the Las Vegas Aces. Happy to hear it. Happy to watch a little bit of that game last night and then giggle. And then, of course, other good things were on tv. So brilliant. The WNBA to put their finals up against NFL football on a Sunday afternoon. And then the other games are during multiple Major League Baseball playoff games. They're super smart and I came up with a theory of why they do it. If they didn't have competition from male sports to wreck their ratings, then if they had bad ratings, it would be just on them.

[A]

So no excuses.

[B]

So, yeah. So, yeah, if they've got excuses like, well, we're still, you know, they're still struggling to get the.

[C]

So only so many places.

[B]

Eyes on us. Yeah. And they're, you know, we're. We're up against some big. Some, you know, MLB playoffs and then, you know, football. So they're only. They're not putting it in a standalone position and they're raving about their ratings, which are a million people nationally that gets you canceled on any other show. I mean, unless you can have some.

[C]

Good viral videos coming.

[B]

Well, sure, if you've got a dildo flying around, that's awesome.

[C]

They could podcast the game.

[B]

That was the most tension they got this year. I remember CNN is the only one that's managing to. And MSNBC as well. If you look at the ratings at those, you're like, wow, they're under 500,000 viewers. And their evening programming, which is. That's hard to do and stay afloat. I don't know how they're doing it, but WNBA is better than that. But, you know, but you combo them up and again, their excuses. Well, we're the same. We're basically the same message. So you combo us up. We're doing pretty well, but problem is you're not. But the mercury are down.03. And to that I say thank you. The ladies of the Merc are very giving, I suppose, about how they're. They're allowing me to not have to worry about that tattoo. And now that they're down.03, I'd like to double down on this. I'd like to. I'd like to double down on this in old English letters. Oh, by the way, it's the 9th of October, so you can watermark this and timestamp it 5:55am, 10 9, 25. Not only if they win the championship, come back and go four and, oh, I will get the Mercury tattoo on my head. Also, if they win the championship, I will grow out my hair and braid it like Brittney Griner and never cut it again in my life, ever. I will have Brittney Griner's hair if they go all the way through. Now, that's going to take some time, but I will remove clippers and scissors from my life and grow out what's left of my hair and look like a mangy dog with a tattoo. Remember, being a bald man, it's really not going to come in. So you're going to see under the hair on top of my head, the Mercury's logo on my head, and I will have Brittney Griner's predator hair. That'll look good. I think so too, if they win it all. So that's it. You want to add something else to that, Brett? Oh, I'll wrap my car with a. I love the Mercury wrap as well. I'll spend a lot of money on this. So if that happens, they go 4, 0. And you're welcome, WNBA. For somebody finally giving you a reason to watch your car or your product. Somebody, Brett, you have the tapes. You put them in a safe place. I'm ultimate confidence over all things that this could happen.

[A]

Andy just messaged in saying, brett, can you call a few people, make this happen? We want to see this look.

[B]

You're welcome, wnba. Look, you're somebody who wasn't interested, is now interested. And you know what it took to make people interested in the wnba? A man doing fun things. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[A]

And Jonathan wants to know how much you're paying them to take the dive in this.

[B]

If they did, could you imagine if I got the tattoo and it turned out that one of them said, you know what? I want that guy to the Aces. We're in on it. Let's throw it and let that dude do it. And Asia Wilson or whatever her name is says, yeah, the guy in Phoenix is going to get to tattoo his car wrapped and grow Brittney Griner hair. In fact, I'll get professional makeup friend Annie Domie who does my makeup for the night of the Singing Dead stuff. And I'll have her make me a Brittney Griner wig while I'm growing it out. So I never miss just the wig. Just do just a wig from where that making sure. You know what, Brett? No, no. Here we are.

[A]

I'm leaving.

[B]

5:57Am all right. Cancel all that other stuff. Cancel it. Here's the real one. And I can get this done. I will. Oh, man, this is a tough one. 5, 57, 10, 9, 25. If the mercury come back, I will have breast implants put into my body, and I will have them as the. Whoever the biggest girl is on the mercury, I will buy by one cup size, get larger. I know that's safe bet, but I'm sure there's one on the bench that we don't know about that's hogging up some D's. I'll do that. Breast implants with the mercury win Girl power, we'll call it. If they go 4 0, I swear to God, I'm gonna hang myself. But I will live on the air. Breast implant surgery. I don't know if that's gonna be entertaining at all, but it would be fun. I have to wear that weird bra that they wear for, like, six weeks and then massage them all the time. Hey, look, at my age, that might be kind of fun to have my own set of breasts.

[C]

Could be relaxing.

[B]

Yeah. And, I mean, it's something I look around at most American men, they've already got huge. So, I mean, what's the difference really? I'd just be one of the fat people in America that wanders around with their cans. I just tell them, ozempic only worked on my tummy. Whatever. Have you seen that? The Ozempic. How much do you people not want to work out? Ozempic side effects are becoming common. They're, you know, sagging jowls. And that makes sense. You lose a lot of weight. Your face is the first thing to kind of look bad. Sulfurous bumps, your breasts deflate. For women, that makes sense there. And then surprise pregnancies have become a pretty high problem for ladies with. You'd just rather have that as a risk than hit a treadmill and eat some salads for a few months. You'd rather take this because you know what never causes a surprise pregnancy? Working out, like, actually trying a little bit. You put this drug inside you to lose the weight, and there's a chance it could make you susceptible to having a baby and not having any of the symptoms of pregnancy until it tumbles out of you, like six months later. What is wrong with you people? Take a walk. The weather's beautiful. Nah, I don't want to do any of the work. Rather have this thing just make it so I don't eat ever again. And then, you know, I'll take the risks with Sulfurous bumps and surprise babies. Now that's just worth it. You think so? No, I don't think any drug like you can get rid of your acne. I'm like, that's great, let's get rid of that. What do I do? You rub this on your face and I gotta let you know that if you even come close to a woman who's ovulating, you're gonna get her pregnant. You don't even have to touch her. Like really? Yeah. That's how strong this stuff is.

[C]

Eh.

[B]

Alright, I'll just, I'll take that chance. Never would you take that chance of unwanted babies?

[A]

That's the worst part about it. Fine. Jowls. Whatever. Right. Unexpected pregnancy. Yeah, I'm out.

[B]

Yeah, but that's one of the things they're saying. It's like new research suggests wildly popular medications that are GLP1s from Ozempic on down. The side effects are surprising people because they haven't seen, you know, when they were using it for its original purpose, which was, you know, diabetes and stuff like that, they didn't have it function. Yeah, they weren't doing it for, you know, weight loss. So it wasn't getting injected constantly and do it, you know, they didn't really see the surprise pregnancies. The usage jumped 740% when they found the weight loss part. So they're seeing a lot more people use it so they can get a really good idea of what side effects are. Biological changes improve your health, obviously, but also come with risks. The unexpected pregnancies have jumped quite a bit. And every single time they ask, are you on a GLP1 or you don't. Yes, I am. And I had no idea I was pregnant. You're six months pregnant, you don't even know it. And that's when they find out a lot of them are just standing in elevators and having babies. Ow.

[C]

My losing weight. So wait, they're still big or is it because they got skinny and they got randy that they started boning more?

[B]

There is a benefit, you know, that's a good question. I don't know, was it because they looked better? People would finally look better.

[C]

Yeah, but they still don't look as well to know that they're pregnant.

[B]

Well, I think there's still a lot of. Well, that's a great question. I'd like to be in on that little. Those findings meeting.

[C]

Lost a lot of weight, but I didn't. I thought that this was only takes one or two.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Unexpected baby.

[B]

Wait, have you seen Janice downstairs, you know, she used to be a pig, but now I'd her. Be careful, man. Her body doesn't react to that anymore. And she gets pregnant real easy. She doesn't even know it. Before you can give the 550 to her to have it taken care of. She's six months in. We have to have it. What the hell? Why? Because I.

[C]

It's.

[B]

I'm like eight months. Like, how did you do that?

[C]

She lost the jowls and she's hot.

[B]

Then the job. Aside from a jowls, which I actually like to hang on to while she's working, jowls should keep you from getting pregnant on their own. Get a woman with jowls. Why aren't you wrapping that up? This guy says, but, John, in fairness, unwanted pregnancies. Is there any other kind. That's a good point. To a man, it's like, is there a. Makes sense. That's a good point. A wanted pregnancy is hard to explain to a fella. Unwanted pregnancies right there. The word unwanted in front of pregnancy says that, you know, you better find out early. But it comes. I do. Toledo makes a good point. It may be because these women are, you know. Yeah. Feeling better about the way they fell. Well, no, they got their. They got their confidence back. They're trolling around. Dudes are interested, sort of. Again, they'll take the punch and.

[C]

And they blame it on the ozempic.

[B]

Well, no, the unwanted part is that they don't even know they're pregnant. Like, they're like.

[C]

The ozempic maybe helps too, that they lose weight all sudden. They become more active.

[B]

Well, that's what we're saying. That's what I'm saying. You get confident, you're walking around, you're feeling good about yourself. But if your body isn't reacting with like loss of period or any sort of weird weight gain, because it's reacting to be like, you keep losing weight. That isn't normal with a pregnancy.

[C]

Because I would say just losing weight, there's a chance of unwanted.

[B]

Oh, yeah, sure. You start looking a little better. Look at it the way the word unwanted.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Is a really kind of a. You know, it's kind of a gray area for pregnancy. You know, did you want it? No. And who's asking that? When you come in, you're pregnant. Did you want it? Like, what doctor asks that? But there's ways to become more active. Yeah. Yeah. Well, no, that's the sense of it all. But again, if it's just happening because you don't know your body and you're taking a squirt, and then the next thing you know, eight months later, you push a baby out here. Like, I didn't want this. When did this happen?

[C]

But now I think that's bad info because now this. One of the side effects is it can cause you to get pregnant.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Now more people will take it. Trying to get the ones that want to get pregnant, that can't you.

[B]

Well, no, it doesn't fix your ovaries. Like, I know, but that's. What if it was making yourself? If it makes you more fertile. Yeah. No, I think what they're saying is, yes, there's two sides of it. You're more randy. You're probably taking more chances because you haven't had sex, because you used to be gross and now you're better, so you're taking squirts. But then your body isn't reacting exactly as it should when you are. So you don't know you're pregnant for a long time. And the next thing you know, you got a baby falling out of you somewhere in an elevator.

[A]

Just tell those beasts to put the Ho Hos down and hit the treadmill, for Christ's sake. The hell's wrong with people?

[B]

But there is some unwanted pregnancies. Yeah, you're going to have a few of them in there, but at least their periods will stop because they're still not messing with their body's function. You know, it wasn't the Ho Hos that was keeping you, and I keep you from having sex, but at least the first month, you'll be like, hey, am I pregnant? These chicks don't even know it. But pregnancies, because they're out there feeling good about confidence is a dangerous drug. Side effects of confidence are on unwanted pregnancies. Big fat girls who are too confident probably have a couple babies they didn't expect at the very least. So. Yeah, I don't understand. Yeah, the. The sulfur. You know, that's the crazy part. We looked right past sulfurous bumps. That's a thing I wouldn't want either. Like, you don't get sulfurous bumps.

[A]

How else can you get those either Bumps?

[B]

I don't know. What else do you do to get sulfurous bumps? You smell like matches. Oh, gross. What is this? Oh, I take Ozempic. I've lost weight. I look good, but I smell like an ashtray. Oh, all right. I suppose I'll just go bang this unwrapped.

[A]

As soon as I hear bumps, I'm out Right.

[B]

I don't like bumps. Well, and if I'm thinking to myself, I remember rotten eggs. Look. Yeah, you got rotten eggs. Your bumps stink like rotten eggs. I'm not sticking around to finish the job there. Well, I don't like treadmills, so I'd rather have sulfurous bumps than no. Is that a better life? Sure, you've lost weight, but you're covered in sulfurous bumps and you smell like a gas leak. I don't think we should turn any lights on. No, no, that's me. No, I'm pretty sure the gas is leaking in the house. No, it's me. Sounds like the propane's going. I don't understand this. Yeah, just hit the treadmill.

[C]

Just got a call before you dig. Tattoo on her back.

[B]

I think we should evacuate the house, ma'. Am. No, it's just I stink from my ozempic. Oh, the sulfur bumps. That's right. Because that's the only way a bump can be sulfurous, Right? Is if you smell it. But again, I remember in high school, Yellow, there was a hot girl. It was after. Right after high school. We had just graduated, and she's. She was really cute, and I didn't think she was interested in me. And then. So the next thing you know, she calls me up. She's like, let's go do something. Summer between graduating from high school. So you're still, like, just, like, euphoric that school's over. So I pop over to her house, and she's there, and she's like, let's go swimming. And I'm like, awesome. She gets in a bikini. She looks amazing. Hop in. And then we go to, like, make out a little bit. And my hand hits her back. And this had happened before with an Italian girl. We were making out, and I felt her back, and I. Razor burn. No hair. Well, I wish it was flat hair.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

P. D. Holmberg's morning sickness. And it wasn't like a little bit. It was upper spine. And as I rubbed, it was going over my fingers. Like, it was kind of long. And it wasn't a little bit. It was a lot. So I cut that off.

[C]

Did you find seaweed?

[B]

No, that would have felt better. This was like, imagine.

[C]

Add a little more gristle to it.

[B]

Imagine trying to run your hands through Dr. J's afro in the late 70s. It was that kind of thick, coarse. But, yeah, you. Oh, you knew. So then I. So the other one, I'm in the pool with her. She kind of, like, straddles me on the Side of the pool, and we go to start to make it out, and I put my hand on her back, and it was bumpy. Like, really bumpy. And because I was. I wasn't even 18 yet. I was about to turn 18. I was still new to the whole process of, like, oh, what's is that? So I hadn't. When she got in the bikini, I hadn't analyzed. I just saw the shape and the boobs. I'm like, oh, this is good. But I didn't really look at skin or anything like that. And then when I watched her swim away in the pool, she had, like, 25 whiteheads on her. On her back. She had, like, back acne. Like, she. Like, she'd been taking steroids. And I didn't notice that because she was in such incredible shape.

[A]

She played for the Mercury now.

[B]

Yeah. Well, no, I don't know. But when I ran my hand up her back and I felt that, all I could think of later was 53. Yeah. Yeah, she's 50. She could know. But she. All I pictured was we'd get off the sheets, and you just see, like, just popped zits all over the place. And I couldn't. So I. I pulled the plug on that.

[C]

That chlorine was.

[B]

Oh, she was bubbling. And I feel bad because she was such a nice person, but I had to. And I didn't say why. I just said I had to go. I think I was the. I think I played the 1980s good guy in the movie. You know, I. I was like a John Hughes character. You're a ducky. No, it was worse than ducky because we made out a little. I felt the zits on her back, and then I just remember. I think if I kind of. I. In my mind, I want to imagine I handled it well, but I probably didn't. But in my. Like, what I remember was me saying, I don't know if we should do this because we've been friends for so long. And I. I don't want to wreck that. I did want to wreck it. I just didn't want to wreck her sheets with blood and pus. Oh, I would have ended me. I was turned off is basically what happened. And I got in my Jeep and I drove home and just thought to myself, well, the drought continues. This isn't gonna get better. Should have taken advantage of it. Couldn't do it. Lovely girl, though, if it wasn't for the sulfurous bumps. And no one's ever said that and meant it, so good luck with your GLPs. If you've got sulfurous bumps or you. You know. You know what? I feel most sorry for the husbands of the lady who's lost the weight through Ozempic if she's got sulfurous bumps. Because he has to be nice. He can't just say what the hell's going on with these stink bumps. That you're like a bug. Every time I touch one gas rotten eggs, nastiness pops out of you. Well, I'm losing weight and I feel better about myself. You feel better about yourself smelling like rotten eggs and sewage than you did just being overweight because you were so averse to actually working out.

[A]

Should have became a pig anyway.

[B]

First of all, that's right, Brett. You know when we should. We. You know what you should have done is saved your money and built a time machine back to before you became a pig. The Brett way. Dudes are no better. A dude with sulfurous bumps isn't getting laid. No. By anything of quality. I'm not a fan of that.

[C]

That's always him.

[B]

Calm. Yeah. My buddy Anthony just text me and said, man, I hope the Mercury win now because the only thing missing from our friendship is you having a great set of. I agree, Anthony. I think it's pretty. I'll let you use them too. I'm. No, I'm not some prude Catholic school girl. They're getting out and they're getting played with a lot. Brady slapping my cans around would be the funniest video in the history of KUPD because his discomfort with it viral but deep down kind of liking it at the same. And I'm getting good ones. If this happens, it's not going to be just cram a couple in there. Teardrop little ski slopes, nice little pouty bees. Maybe D's if somewhere in between Caesar. That's just what everybody does. Either go pouty Bs or nice Ds. Cs. You're trying to make it seem he didn't get one. Why are you doing Cs? Cs look nice. They're great. But I mean, I don't want anyone. You didn't have any and now you've got some. Everybody knows. Just let's go for it. Clown them up.

[A]

So you're saying just basically either. Yeah. Cs are basically like the natural version. Either go clown cans or just little perky slopes.

[B]

Pouty pouty bees, I call it. Don't say perky slopes. Great band name. Probably not going to go too far with it. Yeah, this one Says John. You know, I'm part of the Alphabet group, but damn you, I'm only interested in the WNBA because of you. So thank you. Signed Aiden. That's right, Aiden. You're even in their crew that they're trying to appeal to. And you're only interested because of me and my breast implant. That. I'll do it. I'll do it. And the Mercury can be there to play with them too. I'll let the Mercury have lifetime access to my incredicants. That's what they're getting called the incredicans of John Holmberg. It's a Disney film. Start a whole new product in credit and credit cans. Lost bet in credit cans. I do kind of like the idea of pouty bees. I think that would be nice. But nice clown cans would be good too. But Brady, you get to touch them. And the Mercury, if you've. And it's a perk of being a Mercury player ever. If you've ever been on the roster of the Mercury, you get access to my cans. If you're in a drought and you're like, I haven't had a broad in a while. I used to play for the Mercury. You can come over and you can massage them and play them. Do whatever you want. Get in the motorboat. Yeah, you can motorboat them. Yeah, that's it. You.

[C]

You suit up.

[B]

Yeah, you gotta wear your Mercury gear. And it's like. It's like a veteran's discount. It's like AARP is or. No. What's that? The. The veterans thing? The one that Gronkowski is always doing. That medical insurance that they do for usa. Yeah, usa. Yeah, that's it. Only my cancer for Mercury players. All of them. I can't wait. Four wins in a row. The Aces will probably lose the next one. Make me nervous. But I don't think you can win four in a row. But a team, a girls team, can lose four in a row. So we'll see. My buddy Winston text me last night and said you were sweating that fourth quarter. And I'm like, you think I watched it? No, I tuned. I tuned in for a minute, and one of my stomach stopped hurting from the laughing. I turned it to men's sports and baseball. There I am with my Brittney Griner hair, and it actually doesn't look bad.

[C]

That could work.

[B]

You got to get the Mercury tattoo in my head. That's bald Griner me, man. I kind of like that.

[C]

I'm putting that up for my Halloween display.

[B]

That's Pretty awesome. I look a little like Lajean from 7 Dust if he was, you know, emaciated or something. Yeah, that's pretty great. Yeah, I like that look. Actually, I'm. That's pretty good. I look like David and Joku of the Cleveland Brown, so it's pretty impressive.

[A]

We'll post that one.

[B]

Yeah, definitely. All that happens. Giant head of hair, new cans, and a tattoo on my head. If the Mercury can win four, four in a row, I do not see that occurring. Congratulations to the Aces, by the way. World champions.

[C]

Not yet.

[B]

No. No. Brent, it's a 300 lead, babe. Come on. 04 Red.

[C]

Start the.

[B]

We're talking about real teams. Come on. This is over. It's over, I tell you. Absolutely. Brady, how was Ohio? Was it fun? Mom's good. It was good. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Bunny's doing good. She got her hip replaced and she's still just days away from just using a cane.

[B]

Yeah, she's wandering around, just scooching around the house with the walker. First few days, no fun. In your 80s, all you're trying to do is just get up right again. That's what they. When I had my hip replaced, they did the thing. Like, you're young, so this is going to be harder for you. And I'm like, why? And looking around PT and it's all just a bunch of old people. Like, all these people want to do is just walk from here to the bathroom. They don't care about what you're about to do. Like, you want to start fighting again and jogging. Like, none of these people are doing that, Michael. Okay. Running.

[C]

Running five miles.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Is equal to getting dressed in the morning. Very tiring.

[B]

She gets beat up by that, huh?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Just getting up and getting dressed. And that has nothing to do with her hips.

[C]

Flexibility. Oh. She comes out, I'm like, buddy, you okay?

[B]

But that's not because of the surgery.

[C]

No, that's just.

[B]

That's just being 80 something. Yeah. Sounds great. Sounds awesome. To get into your 80s just sounds awesome.

[A]

Not some of me.

[B]

No, no, no. Putting my clothes on was like running a marathon. I can't think. I think you wanna. You really want to eat eggs and bacon now? Let's just check out what happened. I peed. That's all I've got left. I need a nap. You want some salt? No, salt will kill me. Okay, it's time to get in the box.

[C]

It drops down to the part like, you know, I can't get dressed. Or like, I need help with my pants.

[B]

No, I need help with My pants as my last sentence on earth. That's it. I need help with my pants. What? Because I'm getting in the coffin and I'm just gonna lay there for a few minutes if I can't put my own pants on, and that's permanent. If I look at stairs like Dale Hellas Dre. I watch him with stairs. He looks at stairs like most people look at. Like, you know, Ed Gein. I don't want anything to do with that. Like he runs from stairs are the enemy. Like Christopher Reeve didn't look at stairs as frightening as Dale does.

[C]

It's kryptonite.

[B]

Yeah, it's horrifying. Christopher Reed would wheel up to the bottom of him. Have a better chance getting upstairs than Dale does.

[A]

He starts at 8:45 to get up here. For his 9 o' clock segment we have.

[B]

He has to use that slow ass elevator we've got. Yeah, those are those. If I need help with my pants or wiping my ass, it's all done. I know. George says, dude, be careful. The aces are girls too. They could lose. They could start their monthly menstruation session and lose four in a row. Pretty. No, they can't. They'll stumble. They'll stumble into one win and so will the mercury. They'll stumble into the next one. They'll get the next one. I'd bet pretty good amount of money on the mercury in the next one if I was a girl sports betting man. But I mean, anything can happen. Somebody takes a dildo to the top of the head, you know, she's got 14 points now she's out cold. You never know what's going to happen at a wnba. You just don't. But I do know that my pouty breasts be worth it. The big winner in that wouldn't be them toting around a trophy at a parade no one's at. It would be me. And all the ratings we would get from my brand new breasts.

[A]

I'm just looking forward to motorboating those things.

[B]

Oh, it'd be constant nude. I'd be arrested for indecent exposure three, four times a day, every day. It'd be like, will you put your cans away, sir? But I'm a man. It's no different than when a fat dude with D cups, you know, runs around with his shirt off. I'd be so proud of him. God, they'd look good too. I draw my line at you putting your member between them. We're not doing any of that stuff, you know.

[C]

No.

[B]

Okay. The boob Bang. But you want to kiss him and stuff, Freddie. Yeah, absolutely. You gotta. You can have at that. Sorry. I wish I was still in Ohio. Good God. Six. And that's.

[C]

Yeah, I did check it out yesterday. I had no idea what was going on for about three. Three minutes.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And not knowing where it stood. And I'll go. Oh, the aces look like they got this under control.

[B]

Yeah, they had a 17 point, but.

[C]

I think they took. They went to commercial break while the play was happening and then he came back.

[B]

Nobody knows. No, I don't know. But sometimes they just. We're gonna. They turn the channel on themselves. Let's see what else is on tonight at the Mercury game. Then they just do play by play of like Els Beth on CBS for a minute. Now we gotta go back, see how the Mercury are doing. Even the broadcast turns it. Let's get ourselves a wake up song. 585 9, 800 and we'll scream it together. It's 98 kufd. Wake up. It's not weird.

[C]

It's pretty cool actually.

[B]

No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.