10-10-25 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness (98KUPD) – Full Show Summary

Episode: 10-10-25 – FULL SHOW – FRIDAY
Date: October 10, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen (remote/vacation), Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Special Guest: Sam Tallent (comedian)

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Overview:

On this raucous Friday show, John and the crew swap stories about work avoidance, family antics, office hijinks, and Arizona living. With Brady phoning in remotely, they riff on the benefits of strategic vacations, mischievous parking disputes, office security, and wild headlines—like the infamous Ohio "ball sack" assault. Throughout, the team delivers their unique blend of comedic banter, regular features (Brady Report, Science News), news of the weird, and interviews. Comedian Sam Tallent joins to close the show, sharing his journey from offensive lineman to stand-up star.

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Main Discussion & Highlights

1. Strategic Vacations and Family Avoidance (00:24–06:14)

• John recounts how he once evaded a dreaded in-law vacation:

  "It was the greatest vacation of my life. They took a vacation and I took one from them." (03:11 – John)

• Brady’s “brilliant” approach:

  • Uses his daughter's (Kirby’s) school break as an excuse for a solo trip to Ohio.
  • “Genius” move: Revives the theme of cleverly dodging extended work/family obligations.

2. Parking Hijinks: Kirby Takes John’s Spot (06:14–09:38)

• Kirby parks in John’s prized space. John retaliates:

  "I put my jeep within an inch and a half of the passenger door... I put a card on her window that said, ‘You suck at parking.’” (07:20 – John)

• The crew riff on office space territorialism and generational lessons.

3. Security Woes and Radio Life (09:38–12:03)

• Critique of poor building security: “You could show up holding an AR15…and they’re like, ‘I got something for him!’” (10:26 – John)
• Debate over the effectiveness of a receptionist, alternatives (mannequins with ring cameras), and the sorry state of commercial radio offices.

4. Office Yard Sale & Downsizing (16:35–17:39)

• Jokes about selling old office furniture (“just iPads they had to buy themselves... Not allowed to have chairs anymore. That comes from the higher ups.”)

5. Wild News of the Day: “Ball Sack Attack” (18:09–25:46)

• Ohio woman hunted for slicing open boyfriend’s scrotum.

  "The balls are in the cops' court now to see how they handle it." (20:16 – John)

• The show lampoons the gendered double standard in mutilation stories.

  "The minute you start mutilating genitals, you’re going to jail forever. That’s one of them.” (21:11 – John)

• Hilarious roleplay: Sam, Brady, and John imagine the victim/couple dialogue with exaggerated characters.

6. Toledo, Ohio: A Warzone of Gloom (26:14–34:13)

• John’s infamous “jungle rot” foot story from stepping in a Toledo puddle.

  "Toledo is the Algonquin word for 'absence of blue.'" (29:16 – John)

• Running gag: There’s no such thing as a “nice house in Toledo”; riff on depressing Midwest towns.
• “Jamie Farr Classic” (LPGA) is mocked as Toledo’s main claim to fame.

7. Super Bowl Halftime Culture War (39:10–44:47)

• Turning Point USA to host “Christian, English-only” halftime as a countermove to Bad Bunny.

  "The more fun show, even if you hate him, is Bad Bunny. But these guys want to put Lee Greenwood up against him." (40:51 – John)

• Mocking “culture war” and the repetitive use of Lee Greenwood’s “Proud to Be an American” (which he’s rewritten for various countries).
• Pointed:

  "Just watch the transvestites. That's fun... If there's one group of people that will not tolerate men on stage and dresses singing in a foreign language, it's Christians. Especially on a Sunday." (46:06 – John)

8. Sports: Thursday Night Football & the Rise of Cam Scadaboo (56:40–64:27)

• The panel praises Cam Scadaboo’s running style (“little Mike Alstott vibe—make the most of three years before those hits add up”).
• Discussion on rookie QBs Jackson Dart and their beat-the-odds performances.
• Touch on baseball’s Kirkering disaster—Phillies’ pitcher’s wild throw that cost the game.

9. World Leaders & Immortality (65:36–68:56)

• Xi Jinping and Vladimir Putin caught on a hot mic discussing organ transplants to achieve 150-year lifespans.

  “That is proof that most leaders in the world are psychopaths, because nobody should want to live to be 150.” (67:43 – John)

10. Old Age is Overrated: Sister Jean and Japanese Longevity (68:56–75:59)

• John rants about the foolishness of wanting to live to 100+ years, lampoons centenarian news stories.

  “The happiest day in a 106-year-old's life is the last day.” (68:12 – John)

• Connection to Japan’s high centenarian rates (“Maybe the bomb made them live longer?”).

11. “Bluetoothing” Heroin—Addict Ingenuity (76:38–84:00)

• Segment on heroin users sharing blood post-high to “bluetooth” the effects:

  “Let’s just let heroin users do what they do...they’re not dealing with reason.” (78:38 – John)

• Mock-advice: “Heroin users, consult a physician.”
• Side: Brady’s diet slips during Ohio trip.

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Notable Features & Running Gags

Brady Report & Science News (96:11–112:45)

• World Egg Day: Crew debates egg preferences (“I’ll crack ‘em out and just gulp.” – John, 97:17)
• “Nachos” named after Ignacio “Nacho” Anaya.
• Absurd parent rules (no T-shirts with faces, shared family cup, no farting in the house).
• Office stories: One drink cup per family, curtains open to “look productive.”
• Naked mole rats: “And one of them is named Lamar Jackson” (111:45), with a payoff—poop joke.

“Radio Videos” & Listener Email (117:16–122:42)

• Runs through a string of odd home video clips for “science news” and “poop” gags.

Sam Tallent Interview (123:45–137:59)

• Hilarious, candid discussion with stand-up Sam Tallent:
  • Grew up in a tiny Colorado town.
  • Football dreams dashed by injury (“I was broken wide open, it was my whole identity.” – Sam, 130:29)
  • Transition to improv and stand-up via a “gift” from his mother.
  • Brief foray into the world of Mormons, promise keepers, and regional weirdos.
  • Offers life advice: “Our phones have replaced the world...get off your phone and get into the touch and the taste and the smell and the hearing experiences of life.” (137:19 – Sam)
  • Self-deprecating, sharply funny, open about weight loss (“I want to be a puddle.” – Sam, 135:56).

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Memorable Quotes

• On Avoiding Family:
  “I took a vacation and I took one from them. It was amazing.” (03:11 – John)

• On Office Security:
  “You could show up holding an AR15…they’re like, ‘I’m gonna help you.’” (10:26 – John)

• On Gender and Violence:
  “The minute you start mutilating genitals, you’re going to jail forever. That’s one of them.” (21:11 – John)

• On Toledo, Ohio:
  “Toledo is the Algonquin word for ‘absence of blue’.” (29:16 – John)

• On Aging:
  “The happiest day in a 106-year-old's life is the last day they’re here. Nothing about 106 says tomorrow's gonna be better than today.” (68:12 – John)

• On Drug Use:
  “Heroin users, consult a physician…you’re not dealing with reason.” (78:38 – John)

• On the Super Bowl Culture War:
  “Just watch the transvestites. That’s fun. Christians—especially on Sunday—they hate dudes in dresses singing in a foreign language.” (46:06 – John)

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Timestamps to Key Segments:

• Vacation Avoidance & Family Stories: 00:24–06:14
• Parking Spot Retaliation: 06:14–09:38
• Office Security and Staff: 09:38–12:03
• Downsizing & Selling Out: 16:35–17:39
• Ohio "Ball Sack" News: 18:09–25:46
• Toledo Rant: 26:14–34:13
• Super Bowl Halftime Debate: 39:10–44:47
• Sports Segment: 56:40–64:27
• Putin, Xi & Immortality: 65:36–68:56
• Longevity Riff: 68:56–75:59
• Heroin “bluetoothing”: 76:38–84:00
• Brady Report: 96:11–112:45
• Sam Tallent Interview: 123:45–137:59

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Tone & Delivery

• Loose, sarcastic, rapid-fire banter
• Politically irreverent, proudly non-PC
• Blend of authentic local flair and universal “guy humor”
• Frequent callbacks to inside jokes and previous stories

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Episode Takeaway

From dodging in-laws to “ball sack attacks,” workplace absurdity to the new front in culture wars, this episode is packed with stories that border on the absurd, kept lively by the crew’s relentless ribbing, flashbacks, and willingness to take jokes to the edge. The show's unfiltered, off-the-cuff camaraderie, combined with Sam Tallent’s comedy, makes for a rollicking Friday morning radio ride.

Transcript

[Brady]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[John Holmberg]

Morning sickness.

[Corey]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[John Holmberg]

He's evil. Sitting right here.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98 the Eve of PT Good morning everybody.

[Sam Talon]

Hello there.

[John Holmberg]

Welcome to Friday. It's 5:45. This is the morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett, there's Big Dick Toledo. Once again, Brady has figured out what even Canadians haven't figured out. The two day work week. God damn it. That sounds nice. We're just jealous. Actually, that's what it is. Most of the time. You have to get sick for that. This isn't. This is good. This is smart. This is. You take it five days off and work for two. I mean, that is the American plan. I mean I thought Toledo had it.

[Brady]

Figured out, taking the extra day off.

[John Holmberg]

But no, apparently, yeah, Toledo. Just one time I didn't want to go. Like the only time I've ever pulled something like what Brady and Toledo did this week, which is just scandalous. I remember we had vacation planned years and years ago. Ex wife had a. Had a plant. Her dad wanted to take the family to Tulum, Mexico, which is supposed to be beautiful and you got the ruins. And I've seen people's videos when they've gone and I'm like, man, I looks beautiful, should go there someday. Well, he had done all the work and all he, all we had to do was just pay to get there. Well, we took a vacation in August to go and I didn't want to go with him and his C word of a wife. That was a big thing for me. I just did not like them. And all I could feel was that no meet the parents anxiety because that's who they were. They were De Niro and pressure Wife Danner. It's not even pressure. It's just this passive aggressive oddness anxiety. I would have been fine. I just hated them so much that eventually the more I hung out with the in laws, the more I'd have been like, you know what, that's enough, I'm not going to eat this anymore. And I'd have just exploded on him going, I'm not, I'm not going to pretend to like you anymore. We were getting there. So I, I don't even know if you know this scheduled the vacation along with the boys of the show. To say, okay, we'll take this week off in August, knowing that the vacation to Tulum was the week after. And then when it started to creep up, she's like, you gotta go get this ready and this ready. And I'm like, wait, we've got two weeks, right? Or we've got. It's next week, isn't it? She's like, no, it's. What are you talking about? Oh, no. I said, well, and then the guys have already planned their trips, and I don't know, like, it's three against now. I don't even know what to do. I think I should just stay home. Well, you want to go, like. Well, I mean, what am I supposed to do? I can't. I gotta work the week you're gonna be gone, and I can't make everybody else. Yeah. I'm like, ah, exactly. I pulled that.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Greatest scandal I've ever pulled in my life when it came to that. Oh, I'm so sad you're gonna miss it, like. Yeah, me too, you dummy. This stinks. Well, have fun with your dad and that wife of his.

[Brady]

Shucks.

[Corey]

Shoot.

[John Holmberg]

You know, and all I had to do was, like, be around for the phone call at night. That was it. I had a party. I was doing anything I wanted. It was the greatest vacation of my life. They took a vacation and I took one from them. It was amazing. Amazing. The guys always say that. It's like, I forget who it says. Somebody said, what'd you get for your birthday? And I said, well, I always ask for no complaints for 48 hours. It's impossible. You're gonna hear something. And then my friend. My friend says, I always ask her for complete silence. And I'm like, that's the gift we get now. I just want silence. Just leave me alone.

[Brady (on vacation)]

That's what you want for your birthday?

[John Holmberg]

100% all day and night. I don't want a word said. Yeah.

[Brett]

So I definitely gotten more popular with Mother's Day and Father's Day requests.

[John Holmberg]

Dead quiet. What do you want to do? Just silence. Just leave me alone for a day.

[Sam Talon]

All right.

[Brady (on vacation)]

That seems reasonable.

[John Holmberg]

And they want it, too. It's not, you know, so, yeah, that was it. And Brady did that, too. He's like a.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Got that trip to Europe I can't.

[John Holmberg]

Go on because of my kidneys, but.

[Brady (on vacation)]

I better get out of here anyway.

[John Holmberg]

It's brilliant. It's brilliant.

[Brady (on vacation)]

I'm still going to do it.

[John Holmberg]

Something. It's genius. Next thing you know, he's like, on this, taking care of mom trip. And then yesterday, I hear him. I'm like, goddamn bastard, you genius, you.

[Brady (on vacation)]

As the Ohio State came, we ran down you. Oh, you.

[John Holmberg]

Kirby Derbs was with me. Like, you and Kirby had a vacation. Did Ronnie go? I didn't even ask.

[Brett]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, what a dream trip this was. No wife, you and KBS running all over Ohio, going to Ohio State games. And your mom was fine. A week earlier, she's walking around. I thought she had surgery. This guy pulled it off. Yeah. No, that's okay. Hey, he got us.

[Brett]

I let the heavy, heavy lifting happen. Mom had the surgery. My brother and sister were there.

[John Holmberg]

Brilliant. Just all of it was brilliant. And you still get points as good, son, for taking the time to cue the Kenny Law. Yeah. To fly in. Yeah. To fly in. And probably met with some friends you haven't seen for a while, had some dinner. Oh, yeah.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

This was a full on. Yeah. I hope mom's okay. I'll see her in a minute. And I got some.

[Brett]

I got some things to do.

[John Holmberg]

This is genius, man. Genius. And abandoning your duties just for. Because you felt like. Because Kirby had vacation. Brilliant. It's the opposite of what I did. I took one because my father in law had vacation. I was dodging him, so I swapped it. You realize Kirby's gone break. Kirby's on break. Daddy's on break. It was genius. But I will say this about your daughter. Never again will she take my parking spot. I had to go to Lost Her Home Pet Resort. Oh, yeah, she did. I almost got closer. Wait, what happened? Well, I. I came back from Loster Home Pet Rescue because they had a lot of things to do here. I left at about 10:30, went over there, did the dog. Beautiful dog named Madison. Awesome, awesome kind of puppy cattle dog. I don't know, like, whip it. I don't know what she is. What's the other one? The border collie. Yeah, she's got everything in there.

[Brett]

Like what Ollie is. Ollie, catch that? We have.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, just something, but it's black and white. Just. Gorgeous dog. Beautiful dog. So I go over there. I have a blast with this dog for like 30 minutes. I get to play with the dog. I do the video. I. I get to know her. I kind of, like, play. Oh, she's awesome. So if you're looking for a dog that has got some energy but want to train, Madison's the one. The adoption fees are waived. Lost Her Home pet rescue. Go to 98kupd.com Pick a litter. Click on that. So I come back from that, and I See, somebody's got a red Mustang parked in my parking spot, right?

[Brett]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'm like, well, this is a. It's no good. And I drive by. One of the biggest mistakes that people make when they want to jackass around with their car is throw their name on their license plate. So I didn't know whose car that was. I had no one, no idea that was. And I see KGB on the back. I'm like, ah, Kirby Grace. I know who this is. So I put my jeep within an inch and a half of the passenger door, knowing that it was going to be either be popped. You had to back out the old man you hit. Yeah, well, she drove. Did she back it out from that situation? No kidding. And you had to wait to get in.

[Brett]

Gotta learn.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Well, at least you did the right thing as a dad there instead. And I put a card on her window that said. I believe it said, you suck at parking. Is that right? Is it? Did she get that off of there?

[Brett]

No. She kept on saying there's a piece of paper on the like. Okay, I must have caught on the highway or something.

[John Holmberg]

It's great to keep. It's a business card that says you suck at parking. And it's reusable. You can use it later. I had one that just had Mickey Mouse flipping me off that said you suck at. So I. I pushed the. My jeep within probably an inch and a half of the. I mean, the tires were an inch and a half way. I snuck out through the passenger door. Cause I couldn't get out of my car either. So I snuck out through the passenger door. Just knowing this was going to be a turmoil for Kirby. But good for you that you made her back it out. Straight back, you know, and then let pop pop in. I thought, yeah, that's what was going on.

[Brett]

I know exactly what was going on. Yeah, Parked in John spot.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. You got to just park and visit her parking sister. You don't own this place. You might have the name Bogan.

[Brett]

Interesting. She chooses that spot.

[John Holmberg]

You're not the employ employee.

[Brady]

Hundreds of spots out there.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly.

[Brett]

Now she knows.

[John Holmberg]

Now she knows.

[Brady]

Or does she?

[John Holmberg]

And if she doesn't, she'll learn the hard way doing it to somebody else's spot. Next thing you know, she's over there with Brett's spot. Brett comes back for a minute. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[Brady]

Look here, toots.

[John Holmberg]

These aren't assigned spots.

[Brady]

They are.

[John Holmberg]

But they are. They are creatures of habit. No, it's assumed by everybody that That's. That. That's mine. And that was a weird decision for her to make. To park way over in that corner that I park.

[Brett]

Saw me go in the side door.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, I think she knows.

[Brett]

When she dropped me off yesterday morning.

[John Holmberg]

I think she just had a little bit. She's a little full of herself, thinking, well, I own just as much as this as anybody else. I'm like, no, no, sister, you don't actually work here. You're a non factor. We're gonna have to teach you a lesson at this point. I had to get some of my car in that spot again. And boy, did I. I pulled that thing. It was tight for a second there. I was just gonna leave the tire leaning on the door just a little. Just kind of turn it and just kind of leave it touching her car just to see her freak out.

[Brett]

Glad you did.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it would have been probably a lot of tears. I thought of that. It wouldn't erect anything, but would have caused for. I believe the word is consternation. And I'd have laughed.

[Brett]

It was a challenge enough.

[John Holmberg]

Was it tough for her backing out of it?

[Brett]

No, she. She's pretty good.

[John Holmberg]

Was she pretty angry at the whole situation? Yeah.

[Brett]

No, she was just confused.

[John Holmberg]

How so?

[Brett]

Man, that parking job over there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. She knew it was me and I.

[Brett]

Well, she didn't know after first. She knows the white Jeep. I knew exactly.

[John Holmberg]

Why don't you tell her I did. Right.

[Brett]

When she goes, whose Jeep is that? That's John's jeep. And you're in his spot.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. That's right. That's right. You did this. You did this to yourself, Goldilocks. Laying in other people's stuff. That's mine. But it did actually enjoy tight security.

[Brett]

She went through that on the way in.

[John Holmberg]

What's up?

[Brett]

Going in the front door.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

You know, she's like. They buzzer in like, who you are. My dad's upstairs. Okay, go ahead.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Here we go again.

[John Holmberg]

Was it Marcus again?

[Brett]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If you want to shoot all of us, just knock on the door, knock right in. This is like the. It's like Three's Company. They never shut the door of that apartment. We've got locks and buzzers and all sorts of stuff, but if you just stand there for a second, you could show up where's. We have so many idiots that work here. You could show up holding an AR15 in your hand in tactical gear, and they're like, I'm gonna help you. It's like, yeah, I'm here to deliver the tactical gear to Brett.

[Brett]

My dad's upstairs.

[John Holmberg]

Or that. Or. Yeah, I know. Brady. And this is his. Oh, okay. I got something for him. They'd march it to us. This is the second time this has happened. Yeah, well, the other time, the poor guy that we were looking like.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Who the hell are you?

[John Holmberg]

And Marcus, do you have a visitor? Hey. Who is it? Is it the guy standing next to you? He says he's here for a meeting with you.

[Brett]

Who?

[John Holmberg]

That's all it took for you to take him to our studio.

[Brett]

Did you recognize him on the big screen?

[John Holmberg]

All because of you. And all of it is because the. The owners in the picture. The owners of the company have done such a poor job over the years. We're not even allowed to have a front desk girl anymore. That's true. We can't pay anybody minimum wage in the front.

[Brady]

Even Chuck used to pay a front desk person.

[John Holmberg]

We gotta replace her. Why? Some lunatic may wander in and try to kill us all. You know what, old man. That's right. That's exactly right. Tripp's hands are tied. It's not his fault.

[Sam Talon]

Oh, man.

[Brett]

Anybody?

[Brady (on vacation)]

You don't need fire then.

[John Holmberg]

Because we've just done a terrible job up here.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Terrible. Just cratering the business. Thanks for doing the. Being the only station that's any good.

[John Holmberg]

Can we have someone guard the door? Nope. Okay.

[Brett]

It's either way. You have someone at the door that doesn't do the job or no one at the door that doesn't do the job.

[John Holmberg]

It's true. At least there's eyeballs at the door that, you know, have one objective, which I don't understand.

[Brett]

What?

[Brady]

Press the button, open the door.

[John Holmberg]

Why can't we take somebody who's, like, doing a job and make the front desk their desk?

[Brett]

Such a great workspace.

[John Holmberg]

It's huge. There's computers there.

[Brady]

So we move some big screen TV behind you.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what half those people do in that corner over there. Or they need their own desks.

[Brett]

Party table.

[John Holmberg]

That's a great question.

[Brett]

That has all the coffee drinks on it every morning. On the side. In the side room.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Shift that over there where they all gather there.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean?

[Brett]

Instead of having that.

[Brady]

Move the party table into the front lobby.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I see. Yeah.

[Brett]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

I. Look, that's not a bad idea either. Everybody's just planning smoke breaks. That's a good point. Somebody has an office who shouldn't. That could go down there. That sits here all day. You know what? Screw It. From now on, we're just gonna do our show from the front desk. If you're gonna shoot us, you just do it through the windows. We'll make it easier for you. That way we don't, you know, get taken by surprise up here. At least we see it coming.

[Brett]

What if we put a mannequin there with some ring cameras in its eyes so if you're walking by, then we see who's coming.

[John Holmberg]

That's more cost effective than you think, that the bosses are going to be like, how much does that cost? A couple grand? Good lord, no. We'll never invest in that camera.

[Brett]

It looks like surveillance.

[John Holmberg]

Let's just do. Yeah, mannequins isn't a bad idea. But I mean, we're not getting good new ones with eyeballs and robotics and servos. We're getting like Sears going on a business sale.

[Brett]

We got old equipment. We can just throw it in there, make our own.

[John Holmberg]

Just light it up like an alien and just have it stand in the door and wave.

[Brett]

Is that an on air light?

[John Holmberg]

Honestly, is Santa Claus their front desk person? Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. It's July. Yeah, we just keep all of our mobile things out anyway.

[Brady]

Well, maybe Marcus is the smart one now. He's not going to be stuck at that front desk because he already proved that.

[John Holmberg]

You know, I go to KTAR sometimes to do their thing. You want to talk about an operation, they got a front desk lady who sits in a box and you got to tell her, hi, I'm here for blah, blah, blah. And then she lets you in another.

[Brett]

Box, like getting in back of a brink.

[John Holmberg]

And then you stand in that box for a second while this box opens and then you're finally let in and then you got to walk all the way through and another security door gets you into where the studios are. But I mean, that's because they've got like the governor there every once in a while and. Or because they care. I don't know, one of the two. Or maybe it's because they haven't cratered talk radio half as badly as they have regular radio. So they can afford a lady up front. But I did go there the one day and she was sick and it was like it just said, you know, deliveries and stuff to leave them in the hallway because nobody's going to answer the door today. There's nobody. She didn't feel good.

[Brett]

So they just put Pat McMahon at the front desk.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, because that wouldn't. Nobody would get in any high here to see. To see Mike Broomhead. That's wonderful. I've been friends with Mike for over a decade. Can you let me in, old man? I remember a time when Let me in, old man was the password to the San Carlos. Oh, Christ. I'm just gonna leave. There was a speakeasy next to Seamus McEfrey's and the door would slide open and all you would see is two yellow eyeballs rife with jaundice. What's the password? The door would say let me in, old man, and I would be adorned with prizes. The second the door opened, Wallace Ladmo were there. He looks outside and the guy's hanging. It's like airplane. Any story Pat tells, the guy kills himself within five minutes of it starting. I was a pilot heading to Macho Grande. Oh no, here we go. Striker.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Striker.

[Corey]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So we don't have a front desk.

[Brett]

Person if you'd like to pretty here to see Gamble.

[John Holmberg]

Don't know him, never heard of him. Good radio finds me so if he was good, I'd know. Anyway, I don't know. I don't know what to expect next. But yeah, great. Well, Kirby is not going to kill anyone. But you never know. She's the age of the killers. She dresses like the killers.

[Brady]

She could bring one of the talons down here and we might be in trouble.

[John Holmberg]

One of these Gilbert goon I know. Anyway, I don't know what. I don't know what to expect anymore downstairs. Surprised we haven't sold desks or parts yet to appease the bosses for.

[Brady]

Let me check Facebook.

[John Holmberg]

You know what I'm wondering if there's a quiet yard sale going on with all of our things we don't know about. Katie PD's the Last man standing. Phoenix. I'll say that. Phoenix, this our group is the last group standing. The rest of them. If you read the gloom and dooms that come out of. Oof. They had a couple of buried this.

[Brett]

Business game tables we could sell.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we got some. Oh yeah, we got a whole bunch of stuff. We could say I'll be a nice sale.

[Brett]

We should just do a yard sale.

[John Holmberg]

And put it towards the bottom line. Yeah, it's not bad.

[Brady (on vacation)]

What did Phoenix do?

[John Holmberg]

We gutted the dump. There's nothing left but a couple mics and some peanut granola bars and that's it. Great job.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Everybody got your places?

[Brett]

I didn't ask but you know the side door that we come in that the furniture there is gone. Do you know where that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that moves around. Okay, that goes. So when you walk in there's like.

[Brett]

A couch, someone spun it.

[John Holmberg]

A couple chairs and a table and sometimes, yeah, maybe, you know, it might have gotten picked up in the estates they were not aware of.

[Brady]

Ed and Har are gonna be and have no desks, writing on clipboards and stuff like that.

[John Holmberg]

Just iPads that they had to buy themselves. And they just walk around because they can't sit down.

[Brett]

Everybody out front, spin in the side.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody's crisscross. Yeah, everybody's crisscross. Applesauce on the floor doing their work. Not allowed to have chairs anymore. That comes from the higher ups. Chairs are costly.

[Brett]

Hard getting your Statue of Liberty outfit. Get out there.

[John Holmberg]

He's got to dress his Uncle Sam and almost everything must go. Well. You were in Ohio this weekend, Brady, was there big news about the lady who sliced her boyfriend's balls open.

[Brett]

No, there wasn't.

[John Holmberg]

I'm always going to read a headline and I can't imagine that this isn't the first generation of news where the headline is, it basically, whoops, I screwed it up. I bumped it. It says Ohio woman wanted for cutting open boyfriend's ball sack. I can't. I can't imagine my grandpa ever opening up the Cedar Lake Times in Indiana, seeing the story. But we get information from every story in the world in the news in every city. We're over informed. It says break in, balls out. An Ohio woman is the target of police. She's. It's a woman hunt. She broke in at her boyfriend's house where she sliced open his nut sack. This is. I'm not being graphic. This is what is in the news story. They've issued an arrest warrant for a lady named Janita hoppings. Hoppings, maybe. 45 year old woman kicked in the front door of her boyfriend's Toledo home. What? Janita, can you. I didn't say anything. Well, you're unfortunate. It's not wrong. And Toledo. Toledo, Come on. I mean, it's Toledo. Genita is definitely. That's an easy one. Yeah, I mean there's nobody. Come on. Brit's laugh, albeit inappropriate. That's so incredibly accurate. Anyway, Janita pops in the door with her. She fat Alberts that door right off the hinges, flies it off. She goes in there and performed a little amateur surgery. Cops say hoping cut her boyfriend so badly one of his testicles was exposed and hanging out needed immediate treatment. I've been charged with felonious assault where the victim was seriously harmed and aggravated burglary.

[Brett]

No how this is a life cut done.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. But the Fact that she did and that it's in her system, that's. That's a life sentence. If a man breaks into his ex girlfriend's house and slices her labia off, he's going to jail forever. And should. This is not a.

[Brett]

It's gonna be attempted murder.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Like torture plus attempted murder. Says the mug shot above is floating around from another thing she'd done in the past. And then of course, the very funny end of the story says the balls are in the cops court now to see how they handle. Okay, they always say that. Remember when we've talked about this before? But when. When John Wayne Bobbitt got his balls cut off or his pee pee cut off and the lady chucked it into a field. And I remember the argument. It was on Sally Jesse Raphael. Any man does that to me. He's getting his dick cut off too. And the crowd's like, woo hoo.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And I can't imagine if you ever went on a, you know, on this show and said, yeah, I cut my girlfriend's off because she made me mad and did stuff I didn't like. And the guys were like, all right, yeah, just deserve to have her cut off.

[Brett]

Chuck the lady out the window.

[John Holmberg]

I chucked him out of window. I was driving around for a while with it. I'm like, I don't want this anymore. I hate it. And I threw him out the window and I hit a farmer or something. I don't care. But she deserved it. You can't celebrate that. The minute you start mutilating genitals, you're going to jail forever. That's. That's one of them. Let's not figure out how long she should be put away and then back into society. And by the way, never hire Janita again for Don't Brett. But for whatever job she's gonna apply for if she's like, oh, I went to jail for a little while, you're like, oh, yeah, what four? Oh, I opened, I filleted my boy, my ex boyfriend's testicles, because in a fit of rage, I couldn't handle anything. Oh, why are you out of jail ever? That's forever. And I don't care that you didn't kill him. That's one of those times where a life sentence isn't attempted murder. That's just cutting open a ball sack. I don't know that. I don't know that. I'd rather you didn't murder me to have my nuts splayed open like a. You know, and how in the hell? Did this guy not fight that one off? What is he, Stephen Hawking?

[Brett]

For Christ's sake, I was set up.

[John Holmberg]

I thought she went. I bet you that's what she did. She went in there and said, I.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Want to make this all right.

[John Holmberg]

Janita. Baby, I'm going to reenact. Baby, what you doing here? Kicking my door down? Now, girl, I got to wake up early for Toledo stuff, so my alarm set for noon.

[Brady (on vacation)]

I just want to make love to you one last time.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, baby, baby, of course you can make love to me. But I. I don't. I don't want to lead you down any false roads. This. This house here in Toledo is all mine and will remain all mine. And I don't want no ties. You know what I'm saying?

[Brady (on vacation)]

I just wanna make love, that's all. Just pull your pants down, lay back.

[Brett]

Like you're floating on the Maumee River.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Let me tie you up to that headboard like you always wanted.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, baby, baby, baby. This is gonna be wonderful, I think.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Oh, you know, it's gonna be wonderful for both of us. What was that girl's name you had that you stepped out on me with?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, baby, baby. Why you like an archaeologist, always digging up the path? Edwards, morning sickness. 88. KUPD. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Okay, let's just lay you back.

[John Holmberg]

What you doing down there? That tickles. Oh, my. Kiss 12:30. I don't know if he would scream kiss 12:30. I think he has to post it. He has to post everything. Baby, baby, what you doing here right now? It's 6:08 in the morning here in Toledo, which is an insane time for us to be awake. Has somebody been murdered?

[Brady (on vacation)]

No, nobody been murdered yet.

[John Holmberg]

There's nothing. Baby, baby. I tell you, Janit, I didn't want you around my house no more here in Toledo. Beautiful, beautiful Toledo, which has never seen a blue sky ever in the history of time.

[Brett]

72 degrees.

[John Holmberg]

72 degrees outside downtown Toledo. Three people have been shot since we started this conversation. 18 fentanyl deaths in this building. Okay, so anyway, Janita, what. What can I do for you, baby?

[Brady (on vacation)]

Why don't you lay down, open your legs, just say.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. That's what I'd usually say to you here at just 12:30, by the way. 6:09. Still very, very early. Did you get any, I don't know, Cafe au lait started before you come in here? Little Hennessy in that.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Over your legs?

[John Holmberg]

God damn it, Turn the radio off. That's Lou Rawls, the man's gonna have his ball split in half. And you gotta listen to Lou Rawls while I do this. That's the noise you make when your balls get cut open. Rewind a little bit.

[Brett]

A coffee drink. Put it in the bag.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, put that in the bag. Put that. Put that cafe in the bag. That. This. That's the noise you make when your balls are split open. No, my nuts. My balls. My beloved ball.

[Brady (on vacation)]

You just stay there. I can see one of your nuts.

[John Holmberg]

Is on the outside. My God, you emptied my bag. Six pins, but 74 degrees outside.

[Brett]

Hey, back life, you open up my bag.

[John Holmberg]

God damn it. I'm gonna miss my appointment today. I'm supposed to meet with Haywood Nilsen today from what's happening Toledo special out there over at the Dollar store.

[Brady (on vacation)]

I'm gonna touch your nuts. I'm gonna touch one.

[John Holmberg]

Don't do that. Don't you dare.

[Brady (on vacation)]

No, I'm gonna put my finger directly on one of your exposed nuts.

[John Holmberg]

Janito, baby, baby, please don't do it.

[Brady (on vacation)]

I'm telling you right now, I'm gonna touch one of your nuts with my.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna bite one. Don't do it. I can't move my hands. You've tied me to my headboard. Oh, lordy Lord. And no, he's gonna touch it. Oh, I thought he didn't know. Again, sorry we missed time. That here at Kiss 1230. And she touched my nuts and I just went into the chorus checking with.

[Brady]

Dan Abrams, filming once again in Toledo.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, OP lives in Toledo for a reason. Yeah, Toledo's horrible.

[Brett]

You got anything else in your pockets?

[John Holmberg]

Toledo's the. The one time that I actually almost punched Brady for no reason whatsoever when I told him I came back from Toledo with rot foot. I had jungle foot. It was rot foot. I'm not kidding. It was diagnosed. I had jungle rot. That's what my foot was called from the winter.

[Brady]

I had Toledo.

[John Holmberg]

Toledo. I stepped in water into everything except Toledo ice. You don't have a choice. It's all that we went to the and I this one in the other room, he went to the Steelers Seahawks super bowl in Detroit. And he's like, toledo's an hour away. We'll stay at Johnny's house. I got a friend in Toledo. I've got a friend in Toledo is the worst phrase I've ever heard. So we go there and I, you know, it's two day trip. I had one pair of tennis shoes. We're gonna wander. I stepped in a slight puddle. Cuz they're everywhere. And within an hour, I had to throw my shoes away and go to what I didn't know what a Dick's sporting Goods and buy new shoes and then that. Shoe your shoes away, Brett. You've never smelled anything like this. You know, like, do they have those bugs? That skunks were like, what the is going on here? So I'm like, what is happening to my foot? It was on what we have Friday night. Stepped in the puddle Friday night, Saturday, things were weird. My shoes were ruined. Had to get new shoes. Then the super bowl, obviously, is on Sunday, and I got new shoes, and my foot stunk through the shoe so bad. I'm like, I'm dying. This is. This is an amputation. And somebody in Toledo. When I said I got new shoes, but I don't even know what. You step in a puddle. Are you kidding me? This is normal, Nick. You got jungle rot.

[Brett]

No one warned you of the risks of going from Toledo into Detroit.

[John Holmberg]

Detroit was the clean Beverly Hills of that weekend. Detroit was better. And I stood next to a building where a brick wall opened, and a man offered me a Heineken for $5. Hey, nay, what the hell? The building just has. You want a Heineken? No light. Where he was, he was in a dark space with a brick false wall. And the wall kind of slid open. About 20 of us are standing there, and there's just a brother standing inside a dark. Like he was people under the stairs. You need Heineken. $5. Where did you come from?

[Brett]

It's already open.

[John Holmberg]

And, oh, it was half gone. So I was only five bucks. I mean, it was delicious. I bought it. I mean, what am I going to do, man, from the building. But, yeah, Detroit was beautiful. Toledo, not so much. So then I. I go to their Walgreens. I explained to the lady, I'm like, what's going on here? You've got jungle rot. You stepped in one of our puddles. And I'm like, I've stepped in puddles before. This has never happened. Like, I thought that meant I was in Vietnam for months. And my shoes. Like, after rice paddies and swamps and Florida, people get, like, one puddle. It's all it takes. You're in Toledo, I guess. Did you eat one of our donuts? I did have a Toledo donut. Oh, yeah. You definitely have jungle rot. Jungle rot. You don't have a jungle? No. Have you been to the west side? Anyway, Toledo's the worst city ever. And I remember saying that when I came back. That is the. The worst town I've Ever been in?

[Brady (on vacation)]

There are plenty of really nice places in Toledo.

[John Holmberg]

Kids are defensive of Ohio and I'm like, no, there aren't. Toledo is the Algonquin word for absence of blue. There's not one thing in the day you'll not see the sky of the space ever. Toledo is gray. The buildings are gray. If their cars are painted blue, they turn gray. It's the worst city I've ever been in. Tucson is Shangri La, even though it's close.

[Brett]

Well, the one time I went there, I stayed in a nice house.

[John Holmberg]

I. I don't. No, you didn't. You stayed in a house in Toledo. So. No, we're doing it again.

[Brett]

We're tied.

[John Holmberg]

We're tied.

[Brett]

No, been in Toledo same amount of time.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't stay in a nice house in Toledo. You just didn't. You were in Toledo. It immediately negates the word nice. Nothing about it was nice. You can catch jungle rot in Ohio.

[Brady]

So Maryville, Toledo, Maryvale.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Ripley, hands down.

[Brett]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. First off, I'm not in Ohio. No offense, Bravery. I don't ever want to go back to that place. And second, yeah, at least there's the sun in Maryvale. They've not seen it in ages. They all have big eyes. They're nocturnal because they have to be. It's dark all the time. That city's the worst jungle rot in Ohio. And they, they had treatment for it and the like. When you checked out, it was like a heath bar to them. I gotta grab one of these. It's the worst town ever. And that doesn't count all the little towns between Toledo and a real town you go through in that crap area to figure out what's next. The little imagine the people are like, toledo's too hustle bustle for me. I gotta live over here in this tiny town, do my meth there. Jungle rot you have not smelled. And it takes a week and a half for it to go away.

[Brady]

What do you got to do? You gotta take heads and stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Jungle rot crap all over your feet. I didn't believe I had it till I came back and told the story here. And some lady said, yeah, you've got jungle rot. And I'm like, I was in Toledo. I was not in a jungle. They're like, have you been to the west side?

[Sam Talon]

Shoes and socks were on the front stoop.

[John Holmberg]

They went into the trash. I ended up selling it.

[Brett]

That's what you ended up doing.

[John Holmberg]

When I got the new shoes, they put the old ones in a box, put Them in the garbage and the garbage melted. You've never smelled anything like this. It is atrocious. And you can't get rid of it for four days. Your foot smells so bad. I triple socked. I poured baby powder in every sock just to try to mask.

[Brett]

I'm more attuned to it.

[Sam Talon]

But every once in a while you'd.

[John Holmberg]

Go, oh, when you catch a whiff, homeless people were like, dude, take a bath. I didn't want to use the shower in Toledo either, because here's a 21. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The home was like, let me dig around in my wallet and give you a little help. Like, no, I'm good. No, you're not. It was horrible. Toledo.

[Brady (on vacation)]

I stayed in a nice house until.

[John Holmberg]

It'll go yourself. No, there is no such.

[Brett]

Brady brings up all the places you're talking about.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Classic is places.

[Brett]

Only place I went the only time I was there.

[John Holmberg]

The golf course is Bifford. If you're celebrating Jamie Farr, Ottawa Hills. Yeah. Okay. If you're celebrating Jamie Farr with signs and you name a golf course after him and a golf tournament after him, you're like. And everybody else in the world's like, who in the Jamie Farr? Everyone too is like, he's a legend. Like, no, no. You guys have to hang on to anything that survived long enough to tell your tale.

[Brett]

But also, the Jamie Farr Classic is the women's tour, right?

[John Holmberg]

Is it?

[Brett]

Yeah, I think it was the women's tour. Worse still, the most famous stop, that.

[John Holmberg]

Hook nosed Albanian is the biggest. Who cares? I hate it if it came from other than Jeeps. Just north of there, they got that big plant. Those poor people have to live there. No way. It's awful. It is.

[Brett]

That city boy should have known.

[John Holmberg]

No, you gotta wear boots. No, you don't. You're not a jungle. The jungles of Ohio. No, it's just dirty. It's swampy dirty. And now you got some lady going around chopping a dude's balls open in Toledo, doing him the best favor of all time. Yeah, he's probably okay with it, actually. At least I don't have to date Toledo women anymore. Could you imagine being single in Toledo and realizing every day I go out, the only options I've got just because of geography are Toledo broads. Like, I just hang out near an airport.

[Brett]

Tough gig.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man, it's bad enough hitting an Ohio hog or an Indiana hog or a Michigan hog in the first place, but Toledo, oh, it's disgusting. The jungles of Toledo and They were totally. Everybody's like, oh, everybody catches that. It's February. I'm like, what do you mean you don't have any plan to fight?

[Brett]

Fix this.

[John Holmberg]

How bad your streets are that puddles develop and it creates jungle like illnesses?

[Brady (on vacation)]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Why is that so bad? That happens everywhere, doesn't it? Get out of here. Get everybody leave. This is this.

[Brett]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

We got to burn this place down. Chernobyl is a nicer walk. Less can happen to you. Less bad can happen to you if you just walk around Chernobyl during the war.

[Brett]

Anyway, so my buddy Rolf Sandberg never got the jungle rod.

[John Holmberg]

I bet he did. He just didn't talk about it. He's just. Was he. Did he live in Toledo? Yeah, but he wasn't your friend long. But after he left for Toledo, it was like, nice knowing you, Rolf. I'm going up there. I met a lady named Janita Brady. It's been nice knowing you, but I got a precious little angel up there in Toleda. Ahaya. Her name is Janita. She's good with her hands. Steady hands. What you doing down there, Janita? What is that?

[Brady (on vacation)]

No.

[John Holmberg]

My balls. She's a butcher, God damn it. If this song plays again, Kiss, 12:30 on a 36 straight out. Lou Rawls. I had my balls splayed open last night. I'm gonna tell you that story after Lou Rawls, but you know we're gonna be down at the Funkin Donuts when the lawsuit is not yet complete, but we think we can get away with it for a little while longer. You get to meet Raj from what's Happening along with Hayward Nelson, as promised. As before. Oops. I made a shift here and I touched my own nuts. I'm gonna throw up for half an hour. Holy Toledo. It's horrible. Anyway, anybody splays your balls open, you have. You have every right to rage and destroy that human life sentence. It's an if. If the dude didn't take your life for cutting your ball sack open, the. The state should. That is not something where we're like, we're gonna. It's a felonious. Yeah, it's felonious. That's murder. And that are even. Plus, she planned it so it's like first degree ball splaying, filet of guy's nuts. And people are laughing at it, making funny jokes. Poor bastard. Again, you mutilate a woman's genitals and it's, you know, it's tragedy. And it should be. It should be the same for a man. Man step out on me, I cut.

[Brady (on vacation)]

His nuts wide open.

[John Holmberg]

No, I imagine she gonna get out.

[Brady (on vacation)]

And like, I had a boyfriend for a little while.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, Baby, Baby, it's the same guy. It's a different. How'd that end?

[Brady (on vacation)]

Well, he stepped out on me.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, baby, I would never do that. Then get caught.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Yeah, that's what I say. So anyway, I busted his daughter and chopped his nuts off.

[John Holmberg]

You cut his nuts off? Not exactly.

[Brady (on vacation)]

I just kind of opened them. You know when you go to like, you go to the Food City and they open the bag and it's got a hole in it, but that's what it looked like.

[John Holmberg]

You cut that man's balls in half.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Nice balls in my chest. Just open the bag up a little bit.

[Brett]

Toledo oysters.

[John Holmberg]

You ever seen your nuts, baby? No. It's supposed to stay in the bag. Never supposed to come out that bad. I've seen him before.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Never. Wait, I was surprised by that. I gotta be honest with you.

[John Holmberg]

I don't like that part. Anyway, I'm gonna just not pay the bill and go to the bathroom for a minute. Anyway, woman nut sack attack is what it's called. I'm pretty sure my grandparents never opened a paper and saw that story ever. And balls were cut off when our grandparents were alive. But you just didn't get that information if it happened in Corpus Christi, Indiana. Didn't hear about the ball sack attack. It just wasn't a news story.

[Brett]

A woman disappeared.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, right. Maybe. But even then, people disappeared. It was regional. Before the Internet, news was just regional. Occasionally a story would strike us and that was the old, you know, it was Dave Chappelle's thing. It's like, you know, missing people happen all the time, but when they're blonde and pretty, we know about it nationally. A little blonde white girl falls in a well, nobody says, what a stupid kid. There's like vigils and candle and like news cameras and everybody helicopters. And most of the time somebody falls in a well, you're like, what a. What were they doing? But if they're cute. That was the way the news used to work. Now anybody falls in and not only is it a. Is it a news story, somehow or another it's Trump's fault or it's AOC's fault, and then we can fight over it for hours.

[Brett]

It's a citywide search for someone who pushed her in the well. Yeah, she's in fault there.

[John Holmberg]

Toledo probably has a Democrat mayor, which is why it's such a dump town. No offense. Democrats, but it's true. And Republicans don't do much. They make everything crazy, too. But they're gonna go on Fox and say, well, she should have been in jail for her last crime. These lenient magistrates led her out to cut that man's nutsack open.

[Brett]

He's been cutting balls for years.

[John Holmberg]

We've known about it. And just because I took a swing at the Democrats, to be fair, since, to prove that I hate both of them.

[Brett]

I don't know why you did that.

[John Holmberg]

Look, I know why I did it, because they're absolutely insane. And then I'm like, jesus, this side's nuts. And then I turn and I look. And the turning Point usa, the Charlie Kirk thing, which has had such good press, has decided. And what is the big knock on Turning Point USA by people who don't understand they're racist. They lean towards racism like they. Charlie Kirk was. Oh, he's a racist. And I don't know if you've never really watched his videos. I don't think he was a racist. I think he had some views that aligned with religion, if you really want to point it out.

[Brett]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

You know. So it was one of those deals. If you want to call him anything, just call him a consistent Christian and one of the only. So then what do they do? They announced that they're going to have a counter program for the halftime show, and all of it will be in English, unlike the Super Bowl. Like, Jesus Christ, could you guys look worse Right now, we're still in mourning for your leader. If this is your first move after Charlie Kirk, you just lost all the fence sitters. That Spanish tranny nonsense. Brett, let me pitch you an idea here, all right? I'm putting on a show. I'm putting on two shows this weekend.

[Corey]

Okay, cool.

[John Holmberg]

I need you to buy tickets to one of them, all right? One is going to be Lee Greenwood singing the America song and then a bunch of other Christian artists who are singing only in English songs that praise the United States and the Lord Jesus. On the other side, I've got this Puerto Rican kid who dresses like a broad. Sometimes he sings in Spanish and he might be a Satanist, we're not sure. But, you know, some pop hits in different language. But he's tranny sometimes. Sometimes he's not. Real racy guy. And it's all. Which tickets are you going to buy?

[Brady]

It's not often I'll go with subtitles, but I'm taking subtitles in this one.

[John Holmberg]

The more fun show, even if you hate him, is Bad Bunny. But these guys want to put Lee Greenwood up against him on some.

[Brady]

Are they literally doing the Lee Greenwood thing?

[John Holmberg]

Yes, they are.

[Brett]

Because he. Did he come out first?

[John Holmberg]

No, Mike Johnson did.

[Brett]

Wanted to.

[John Holmberg]

I remember that Mike Johnson, the Speaker of the House, said, why don't we do Lee Greenwood? He's like, because nobody would want that. That's not entertainment. That's a rally. And I like that song. It's a fun song for, you know, America, Fourth of July stuff like the second. If you're not doing this at your Fourth of July party, you're blowing it. But I don't need it for half. This is boring. At halftime. It sings it in English at the very least. We're America, for Christ's sake. So is Puerto Rico, you dumbass.

[Brady]

Isn't the halftime show like 15 minutes long? This is gonna keep replaying this.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Name another Lee Greenwood song.

[John Holmberg]

I can't. And then what? After this?

[Brett]

He'd have numerous guests and play the remix or what?

[John Holmberg]

I don't even want to know who tours with Lee Greenwood. If Lee Greenwood's the headliner, what's under it? It's not good.

[Brett]

I didn't realize this, but back in 92, Fox Comedy in Living Color did an episode at the same time, the super bowl halftime show. It was great because they were basically combating how the goofy halftime shows where.

[John Holmberg]

They used to be stupid. Yeah, I think that was the one here.

[Brett]

20 million.

[John Holmberg]

Wasn't that the one here?

[Brady]

That was the Motown one, wasn't it?

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Living Color wouldn't have done the Motown. Well, ours was Diana Ross, and it was the Motown, but it was local.

[Brett]

It was a salute to the big band era.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The old super bowl show.

[Brett]

World children. A world of children's dreams.

[John Holmberg]

Yuck.

[Brett]

Was another.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, yeah. And Living color was right.

[Brett]

93 is when they brought out Michael.

[John Holmberg]

Michael Jackson showed up and they're like, we got something here. And then progressed from there. But prior to that, marching bands and like, performance art, they did. One of my co workers at Tony Roma's mom was a flag it for. I think that's the word, where she waved the flags while Diana Ross lip synced a song for one minute on the halftime stage here at Sun Devil Stadium in 95. 96. Terrible, horrible show. Nobody cared about the halftime show.

[Brett]

I don't even remember it.

[John Holmberg]

It was bad. Only reason I remember it is because I had to go over to Liz's house every once in a while. Her mom practiced flag work in the backyard. Like, what's she doing she's one of the flag people. Like, oh, I don't think you can call people that. She did God Hates Flags. But yeah, so she was wandering around doing that. And I'm like, what is this thing? She was a halftime show for the Super Bowl. I'm like, you can just show up at that. And she goes, no, she had to audition and everything. Diana Ross is gonna do a song and that. As a football fan, I'm like, I didn't even know they did a halftime show. That was when you go pee and drink beer and talk about the first half. Nope. They had a big performance and then Michael showed up. And you're like, oh, oh, this is gonna be a thing. And I'm proud. I'm a proud American. But that gives me the right to stare and laugh. If Bad Bunny wants to go bananas and dress like a broad, I'm there. Forget the popcorn. Ready? I'm. Nothing stops me faster than an obvious guy. You know, a man with a beard in a dress. If I'm on Central Avenue, I'm treating that like a halftime show. If I see a dude with a beard walk by me dressed as a woman, I stop everything I'm doing to see what he does next. Hilarious. I see a Christian walk by with a Bible, I cross the street and run for my own God. He's going to drive me nuts. The tranny's just funny. It's never unfunny to us normal folk to see a man with a beard in a dress. It's hilarious. Remember the Washington Redskins? They used to have the whole Hogs. They would beards and dresses and it's hilarious.

[Brady]

Didn't Bud Light have those?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that was the Hogs.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's great. So give me tranny over. Celebration of Lord Jesus in the United States.

[Brett]

Did we have enough of that football?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, didn't they Fringify that enough for us there? Before the game, you do the national anthem and you feel all patriotic. Can't do it twice. It's overkill.

[Brett]

Well, is that going up against the Puppy Bowl?

[John Holmberg]

And Puppy bowl is great too. That's fun. Lingerie. Both still on. No, I can't do that anymore. Too many people died. Yeah, I'm sure it's a thing anyway, at 6:30, so. Yeah. Good job. Turning Point USA. You had me. I was in. I'm like, you know what? It made me go watch old Charlie Kirk videos. Kind of understand the broad nature of what he was about. I disagreed with him a ton of. I agreed with him a ton I found common ground in a lot of areas and he lost me whenever he just leaned into the religion. I'm like, good for you. You believe it, you do it. That's what we're supposed to be. But I don't think he'd ever say, if they don't speak English, I don't want to hear them sing. I'm not sure that's what the message should be when everybody thinks you're already racist. At least your opposition. It's crazy. We've all gone crazy. Uh, let's get a wake up song, shall we? 602-585-9800 and make it Lee Greenwood or Bad Bunny and we'll battle them together and see which one bursts into flames first. It's 98k upd wagon. Hey, it's not weird.

[Brett]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this for you. P.D. hornberg's morning sickness.

[Corey]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[John Holmberg]

He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98 evil. Ah, there you go. It's miles to over. Thank you, Katie. And those hobs people emailing in, saying stuff about the Bad Bunny and, you know, so turning point once I'm like, I'm fine. You can have your thing. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm just making the observation that it's something stupid to complain and like be crazy about. Just watch the transvestites. That's fun. And you know what? I am wrong on this one. Because if there's one group of people that will not tolerate men on stage and dresses singing in a foreign language, it's Christians. Especially on a Sunday. They hate that. They hate dudes and dresses singing in a foreign language. They've been adamant about that. You take Sundays and you see a man in a dress singing in a foreign language. My God, what's this? Wait a minute.

[Brett]

Well, if you're looking at a time to get exposure and people to open up, like you said when they. When they did it in 92. Yeah, the cat's out of the bag already. Now there's people know. They're going to check out.

[John Holmberg]

No, they're not.

[Brett]

They'll check out a curious.

[John Holmberg]

What are you more curiosity. Curious about a tranny or Lee Greenwood. And by the way, this was pointed out to us by a listener. Do you have that ready?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Listen to this. Lee Greenwood, proud American. Proud American. And I'M proud to be in Canada where at least I know I'm free and I won't forget the men who died he just replaced America with whoever paid him. Play the one that I'm proud to be in Afghani. How's he pull this out?

[Brett]

God bless you, Canada.

[John Holmberg]

Don't even try. Evidently he rewrote that for like eight or nine different nations. If they. I'm proud to be a capitalist. Good work, Lee. That's pretty good stuff. I didn't know he did that. That kind of. I didn't either. Minimizes his strength as. What did that sell Captain America? Well, how would you like to be Canada? And you get that it's like some second rate knockoff version of the American song, you know, that's like adding, you.

[Brett]

Know, for him, though, He's. He's touring in Canada. He's like, this is our closure.

[John Holmberg]

Why is he touring?

[Corey]

His song.

[John Holmberg]

Let's modify. Yeah, he wouldn't sell him tickets in Canada. Maybe if I just added a or something. No, just say the word Canada. Where. It's where America is. They'll do. Yeah, they're dumb. They don't. They don't even care if it rhymes. That's like having other countries. That's like telling Canada their new national anthem is the Star Spangled Banner. A. Oh, say a. Can you see A? This is knockoff A. Now this guy says, why would anybody care about that stuff? You talked yesterday about how awesome Rammstein was in concert. No one's complaining. They sing in German. It's good. It's good. I agree. I don't care. And I'm watching, watching the fireworks. This guy says, john, there's nothing worse than high energy Latin music that gets young women in short skirts and thongs sweating and shaking their asses. I prefer brain dead music like Lee Greenwood. Signed Christian musician Nathan Sutherland. That's right, Nate. You want to put him to sleep. Bad Bunny's not the way. Jason says, can I sign up to protect my balls from a crazy with a knife at react defense? Well, we're gonna have to start working on that. I think the first thing they teach is if someone kicks your door down, probably bad things coming. That's not the last bad thing that's going to happen that night. Never try to make love to someone who kicked your door down. I think that's a rule that they would. That's a rule I have.

[Brett]

It's a good rule.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, they're professionals. I'll leave it to the Ackerman clan and Everybody who trains up there. But I'm pretty sure if someone kicks the doors off my hinges, that's not easy to do. How big is this woman? And then comes in my room, the last thing I'm gonna do is take my pants off and let her have at my genitals because she came in with some bad intentions. There has to be a cooling off period of at least 24 hours before my testicles are exposed. Within her range. That's right. And then Ryan says, geez, John. Crying like a. What else can you complain about? Someone took your parking spot. Boo. You like working out so much. Walk a little further. No receptionist at work. No one wants to hurt you. Get over yourself. Second opinion for the halftime show. Jesus. At that time of the month? And yet, Ryan, you took the time to email me all these complaints and you don't like. You press some buttons. Yeah. You don't like that I've chosen topics that you don't care about and made jokes about, by the way, Kirby taking my parking spot. I don't care about that. Hilarious. To pin her car in there. That's what I did.

[Brett]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

And by the way, hold on two seconds. Pull the tampon out of yourself. Next time you start hammering out a complaint letter about how you don't like complaining, just think about that for a second. All right, go ahead.

[Brett]

We thought it was very funny.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's very funny. It's a riot. Because, I mean, it's absurdly close.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because when you have a Jeep, the cars don't touch. The tires do. I've leaned. I've turned my tires into friends cars to where they just can't back up.

[Brett]

It's funny now when you don't know the person.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, if I did that to somebody I didn't know, well, they have every right to key and bash my car in because I'm. I've hit them. But I didn't. I didn't spin the wheel because I don't want to make Kirby scared.

[Brett]

I don't think it's going to be a core memory.

[John Holmberg]

No, I think. I think she's like, what a jerk. All right, you got me. You got me. One of those.

[Brady]

That's Jim Manley about your parking.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. I've made friends out of hitting people with my car, and that wasn't intentional. Kirby's was. He parked. I mean, it was the valet's fault in that one. He put the car so close together, and then he couldn't pull the car out. I had to. Of course, I'm gonna run over the Lexus. I can't see.

[Brett]

I enjoy the fact that she didn't identify your Jeep. I mean, she just thought the white Jeep.

[John Holmberg]

She thought somebody did that, which is hilarious, man.

[Brett]

Who did?

[John Holmberg]

I hate that. I hate that. She didn't pull the thing that said. You're blaming her.

[Brett]

She kept talking when we're on the freeway, like, there's a flap of paper that's.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Do you see it? And I could. I couldn't see it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you can't see over the dash. You're very short.

[Brett]

Yeah, I told her that.

[Brady (on vacation)]

You know, I can't see over the radio.

[John Holmberg]

You. What is it? Plus, it's up by those windshield wipers. And we've seen Brady try to work those before, and that is. He needs a step ladder and a friend. I'm not doing it. Yeah, it's hilarious. But yeah. Lee Greenwood singing Proud to be a Canadian. Yeah, I just said. I just saw that. It was up to 7 on the thing when I said, how many. How many different nations? Probably I'm proud to be an Englishman. I'm like, all free countries and stuff. I'm mildly proud to be a Frenchman.

[Brady]

On his Wikipedia page, it's basically. There's a bunch of covers of it, but there's only the Canadian version.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

American Idol did it. Beyonce did it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you know, people have. People have done it and sung it.

[Brett]

I understand the cities. You know, when I mentioned cities in the song.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But if there's a list of cities. Huey Lewis and. Yeah, they were always the one where they're like, Phoenix and everybody's, oh, my God, we got mentioned in a Huey Lewis song. But he did that for every play. All the major markets got a special mention, so. Yeah. What are you gonna do? Weirdos Sons are playing right now. By the way, if you're interested in watching some Suns preseason basketball in China, that game's about. That's a half. Actually. It's probably about over. It started at 5 this morning. Probably tipped off about 5:15 Arizona time, which is a Chinese night. And then they had basketball there. Did they win? Final score. Oh, we're in the third. Sun's up. 86, 83 over. The Brooklyn Nets over there in China entertaining the Chinese today because there's no better gift American can give to an adversary than preseason basketball. Oh, boy, that's good times. I'll say this. I might want to watch the WNBA finals game before I'd watch a preseason basketball game at 5 in the morning. I text Kevin Ray this morning. Who? I think he's got a broadcast from a studio here while he watched. Just like they used to with COVID Yeah, when Kevin did the COVID games, he had to do it in another building. And they just watched the TV and told you what was going on. And he's like, we do the COVID thing. I told him, I said, how's your new schedule working out? And I said, you could say the c word 25 times this morning on the broadcast and absolutely no one would know it. There's no way. No one. No one. Basketball Jones didn't wake up and try to watch a 5am pre season Suns game. But yet it's on somehow. Another. They're just filling that time and I don't know why we're. I mean, China's got a lot of money, but boy, oh boy, that's the one.

[Brett]

Hey, they're paying for it. Okay, we'll take the chance.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, there is absolutely no chance they're getting an NBA franchise. So this is just a little bit of a. I don't know what it is. I don't know why we would do preseason bass one time.

[Brett]

Imagine those spies that's all make it to the championship.

[John Holmberg]

China, if they had like Xinjiang rockets or something. It's not a market. We're going tonight. Then it's 5am and also your schedule is like, you're gonna fly to China for the 17 hours and then you get a day off. It's got to be brutal. Oh, the French version of the Lee Greenwood song is I'm Proud to surrender to America. That's the. I'm proud to surrender to America. Anyway. Yeah, that makes it. But yeah, I didn't know that. That kind of does that. That changes a little bit with Lee Green, doesn't it? It's kind of him marching around being like the new, you know, Francis Scott Key. And he's up at all these events being, you know, super America. But if Canada pays him, he'll do it there too. So it's like, oh, proud to be a capitalist. I've got no issue with that. And we should also praise quite heavily our friend Cam Scatterboo. That was awesome last night. The Giants running roughshod over the Eagles and killing people. Suicide pools and wrecking all your. I mean, that was a. That was an easy one. Seven and a half points. But never bet the road team on a Thursday night to cover. It's a weird stat, 80 something percent that even in walkaway games that the road team struggles on a Thursday night and that's. That happened again last night. The Eagles look terrible in the second half and the Giants Jackson Dart. He looks great.

[Brett]

They got something.

[John Holmberg]

He's got something. Well, I mean the tape's not out yet, but I mean he's there for two games, three games and he's looking pretty. And Cam Scatter Boo.

[Brady]

He's going to be an RG3 though.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I could.

[Brady]

The way he's just getting crushed.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's the thing I, you know, having been golfed with Camp Scatter Boo two times, the thing I walked away from was, boy, he's not as big as I thought he would be. As battle tested and as powerful as he seems in football pads. He does. And he's just all heart and he's strong. I know that. But I expected him to be a box and he was, you know, obviously in great shape. He was good. I just didn't. I looked at him like you were not nearly as big as I thought you were going to be. And it made me think to myself, you've got about three years of your mentality ramming into walls and you're going to be good for three years. But I hope he, you know, you can. You got to be so incredibly smart after about three years because the first. I don't want to see him get hurt. But the way he. His running style not conducive to longevity. He's. It's not a long term career but man, is it impressive when he hits four dudes and then just starts digging those legs in the ground, that low center of gravity. And he is a stud. And on top of it all, like I said to you before, when I golf with him, like there's just something different about it. He's just a special. Like he's just got that you're going to be all right kind of thing. Like you're going to. This is going to work out for you.

[Brady]

I was talking more of Jackson and Jackson Dart. He's going to be. He's getting crushed out. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no.

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying. RG3 right there.

[John Holmberg]

That's.

[Brady]

He's got a couple years for sure.

[Corey]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If they don't get in his head to stop taking unnecessary punishment. But how in the world did they miss so badly? Not starting Jackson Dart earlier. And the coaches didn't see this difference between. Russell went in the game for a minute last night, just chucked one into the ground and got booed immediately by the entire crowd and it was terrible.

[Brett]

See him huddle around in the timeout.

[John Holmberg]

And he's, you know, he's one of those rah, rah guys. Tough night for Philadelphia because if you weren't watching baseball, you missed. If baseball was still America's sport, that would be an icon. It still will be an iconic, horrible play to end. It ended a series. It ended a team season.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The Philadelphia Phillies, bases loaded, but was bottom of the 12th or something like that. Bottom of the 11th, 11th, I think. Bases loaded. Dodgers are up two outs. Kirkering's on the mound, throws. I think there were two strikes, too. Little Nubber barely hit back to the pitcher, man.

[Brett]

Had some.

[John Holmberg]

It had something on it. He bobbles it a little bit because it, you know, got to him. He can go to first base and get the runner very easily. The dude coming from third was on contact running, so he's already a third of the way down the base by the time he's got the ball. He goes to throw home instead. Even the catcher's pointing. First base. First base goes to throw home. And your pitch. Your first pitch was better low. Yours. No, it was.

[Brett]

It.

[John Holmberg]

It wasn't low. Yeah. Yours was still insanely high.

[Brett]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

But it had an equal chance of being caught by the catcher as what he threw, and it ended everything. And even if the guy would have caught it, if it was a perfect throw, it was so late. Yeah, he was. It was the worst. It's one of the. It was Bill Buckner.

[Brady]

He threw that thing to Pittsburgh.

[John Holmberg]

It was.

[Brady]

It wasn't in Philly because that guy was so far off.

[John Holmberg]

It was gone. And then he just grabbed his knees like, I just. The whole season's over. It's over. Because I didn't just compose myself for half a second, throw to first. It was tough to watch. And I just said immediately, oh, we got a Donny Moore situation here. That guy. Just keep an eye on him for a little while. Because thank God people don't watch baseball like they used to, because that would have had. That the word Kirkering would become normal to say, you know, if you threw me my keys. And it was like, hey, Kirkering, I'm over here. Like, if you. If you. Yesterday I asked Shannon, I left my keys in the studio, and I said, hey, Shannon, you grab those for me? He goes, yeah, from like me to the window. Eight, nine feet. He. He underhand tossed me keys that went over my head. Seven to ten feet. I couldn't. How did you even do that? And I just started laughing. I'm like, shannon, that's the worst throw a Man could make. And he goes, I don't even know what. Like it just great velocity, way over my head. I'm like, if you did it on purpose, it's a hilarious joke. But if not, dude, practice.

[Brady]

Was he pitching for Philly last night.

[John Holmberg]

After he got off the air again? It would have been called a Kirkering had that already happened. Hey, Kirkering. But because it's not a good reference point because nobody pays attention to baseball like they used to. Luckily, this pitcher for Philly won't be synonymous with, you know, errant throws for the rest of his life. It was really bad and it was back breaking.

[Brett]

So there's philly losing by 10,000 batteries, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's true. It happened in LA. So yeah, yeah, they were busy in, in Philadelphia chucking batteries at each other because both their teams lost on the road to New York and Los Angeles, which Philadelphia just loves being to those two towns, that's for sure. So to all you people from Philadelphia.

[Brady]

Imagine the water bottles that be thrown at him when they see him on.

[John Holmberg]

The street through a water bottle of Kirkering. You know what? I'll hit him. He won't hit me. Hey, Kirkering. Safest thing I could do is give you a baseball and tell you to throw it at me. I'd sit in a dunk tank over there and Kirkering would let me. I'd sit there for a month. He'd kill 10 people outside the tank. It was bad and I felt terrible for the guy. And then I realized, oh, this makes people in Philadelphia unhappy. This is awesome. I love this. Anytime you can kind of make Philadelphia sad as a whole and then do it twice in one night. Highly recommend you take that up because that is great.

[Brady]

Does this save daybell's job?

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, he's on his way to being saved at this point.

[Brett]

You know, coach of the year, two.

[John Holmberg]

And four now they just beat the Eagles. Yeah, pretty good deal there. So yeah, I was. That's impressive. So nice job. But yeah, Cam, Scatter. Boo. I, I'm rooting so hard for him to, to, to be healthy, just to be the anomaly. But a dude that runs like that. Your careers make hay, man. And what sucks about it is a fourth round draft pick. So we'll have a four year rookie contract that they're not going to touch unless he just, you know, goes for 2,000 yards. We had three touchdowns last night, but.

[Brett]

Get him on some commercials, man.

[John Holmberg]

He's just got to survive those four years and get that first major deal with a huge signing bonus. And because boy running backs who are big a lot of the times don't have long shelf lives. And he's. He's a strong man though. I love that. Cam fun to watch. Yeah. People are saying the same thing. It reminds me of Philip Lindsay and Peyton Hillis. He reminds me of poor man's Mike Allstot because Mike Allstot was. He was bigger but allot was the same thing. It's like where's. He would look for numbers to run into. He didn't. He didn't try to dodge anyone.

[Brett]

Cannonball.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And that's. And Cam's got moves like he can spin out, but he chooses to bash into dudes and man, does he do it. But it's very Peyton Hillis. It's. It's very cool. So he's kind of a. He's kind of our own little ASU production that's fun to watch. So many teams now starting to look around going, we might have blown it on Jackson Dart and Cam Scatter. Boo. Letting them fall as far as they did. Plenty of teams that need quarterbacks. Pittsburgh that looked at Jackson dart and said, not quite ready for prime time. He looks pretty good. We'll see though. Tapes not out. Usually a rookie needs three or four games before it becomes permanent. And defensive coordinators get your. And like what Brett said, Eventually DCs are going to be like, he doesn't slide.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Take him down.

[Brady]

It's going to get crushed.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Teach him a lesson. And those. One of those linebackers that comes around, puts a lick on him pro style, which he hasn't been. He's gotten hit a few times. But you get a good one. Look out. You get a Micah Parsons or TJ Watt or get a few of those dudes that are looking at you like I'm gonna drop you like a bad habit. This happened in September, but I saw it last night on the news or on a Internet thing and I thought at first it was AI and then I looked into it. It wasn't. Xi Jinping, leader of China, probably at the game today watching the sons and nets. He's with Vladimir Putin back in September. And a hot mic caught them talking. You know what they were talking about? Amping up medical research for organ transplants for them so they could live longer. Like if they like to make the technology of like and to harvest citizens organs who were healthy and young and save them for those two. So question.

[Brett]

What Was it in Russian? Was it in Chinese?

[John Holmberg]

Well, I don't know how they talk.

[Brett]

Or do they have the.

[John Holmberg]

The things in their ears. And I don't know if you. When I told you my Meta glasses did it for that Mexican guy whose car broke down from the door dash I had. But yeah, they basically were like.

[Brett]

Because you're thinking about that. Like, so the hot mic is picking them up and either got an earpiece in there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, yeah, because, well, it's just. And it's, you know, computers too. Like, meta will do it. Like, you don't need a translator anymore. And I don't know if you either speak the other's language or whatever. But Putin said, the interpreter caught and gave it back to us and said, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are they doing? Putin said, you know, with advances in biotechnology, human organs will be increasingly transplanting. Transplanted. It's going to let us live younger and younger and perhaps even achieve immortality. And then Xi said, yeah, in this century, it's anticipated it may be possible for people to live to be 150. I'd be first on board with that. The both of them want to live forever.

[Brett]

Life's good right now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And they're basically kind of like, you know, it would only be good if it was us first, though. That's horrifying. And, you know, if Trump gets word of this, he's going to try to get in on this organ thing.

[Brett]

They're gonna start it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Brady, you're lucky they don't want your organs. Guys like Brett and I, we're perfect targets for these guys. They borrow us for 25 years. They do another one later. Yeah. One of their deals is to try to amp it up a little bit. So they. And I already do that for leaders in most countries, even here, they get, like, health care that you can't imagine. And all the stuff that we can't have, they'd get, like, if they had something going on. But those two shouldn't be openly discussing organ harvesting to keep themselves alive forever. Although if I was in their position, maybe I'd do that, too. Holmberg's morning sickness, that's kind of their water cooler talk.

[Brett]

That's all they have in common.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody's ever said that, like, if you and I are sitting in the office, I'm like, you know what, Brady? We should. We should take all our money and invest it into biotechnology to see if we can get some organ stuffed in our bodies that would make us live to be 150. That is proof that most leaders in the world are psychopaths, because nobody should want to live to be 150. No, no one. Not a soul. Did you see that old lady, that, that nun that just finally died? She's 106. I mean, people, people in the news, listen are. Oh, that's so sad.

[Brett]

Do you think God likes basketball?

[John Holmberg]

106 years old and the news was talking about, oh, it's just so sad. It is the happiest day ever in 106 year old's life is the last day they're here. Nothing about 106 says tomorrow's gonna be better than today. It's just a downward slide into misery.

[Brett]

And you made it longer. But the whole nil thing.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, she hated college basketball took a turn. It got too, you know, got too commercialized and messy with money. So she checked out. Nobody ever said, you know, she's better at 106 than she was at 95. Nobody's better. You get worse every day.

[Brett]

Did you know she was still alive?

[John Holmberg]

I think I did. I think I just saw a story about it. I didn't. Well, I think it's because I just saw a story about her a little bit.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So probably prior to that I didn't. But 106 is not. It shouldn't be anyone's goal. It should never be anybody's goal. You should want out of here. But Sister Luisa, Louisa. Louisa is out. And I'm. I'm the only person who's like, oh, yeah, I remember.

[Brett]

Yeah, okay.

[John Holmberg]

Sister Jean, she cheered for Loyola at the. And she went nuts talking about basketball. And she knew her stuff. And the only thing people were impressed by was that she wasn't babbling incoherently like the bar.

[Brett]

Pretty sharp, but okay.

[John Holmberg]

But the reason we say that is because we assume the bar is set so low to impress me. When you're a hundred, all you have to do is not two things. Don't yourself in front of me and complete a sentence. And you're like, wow, she's got it together. Still somehow nobody's supposed to be 100. You're not supposed to get that old. And if you do, the only thing people are surprised by, it's like when a 50 year old woman is hot and they post pictures of themselves going. And then you know, she's hot. 450, it's always added at the end her age. Like, yeah, because none of them are. Or 50. That's hard to do. Like the bar is so low to be old and hot because most people don't do it. 106. I was so happy she died. Congratulations, Sister Jen. I was never been Happier to see a death notice in my life. Did, did. No. Did someone say, oh, if I could have just had some more time with her? You, you blew it. She lived for 106 years. You had plenty of time. If you have regrets with 106 year old relative, you, you, you wasted a lot of that time not being around them.

[Brady]

Just wanted that one last goodbye.

[John Holmberg]

Just, just needed. I missed out on so much. Nope. She was 106. She laughed you twice. She shouldn't have been here 40 years too long.

[Brett]

You didn't look at it, John, like 53. She's middle aged.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that would be. I'm exactly halfway to 106 and let me tell you, prospects aren't real great for 106. If this is 53. My feet hurt. I can't imagine what hers felt like. One of, no, it isn't amazing. It's a tragedy is what it is. It's a tragedy. Nothing about being 106 is amazing. It's tragic. And you've got to put people out of their misery every time. I have my friend Paula, who's 94 and she's spry and in great shape, but constantly says, well, any day now, like it's just looming over her because she knows, she even says that. She's like, I still got it together. But she's worried that tomorrow's the day that 95 grabs her and says, here's what happens to you now. And then she lingers on and nobody wants that. Nobody says, you're going to make it to 107. You turn 106 and everybody's like, this is probably the last Christmas with sister Jean. Just probably. 106. Are you kidding me? 107. I'm shocked. You see, those Chinese men are like 114 and they're just potatoes with eyes and they're just looking at you like, please, for God's sake. They've got that one row of teeth. Because your teeth, even if you take great care of them, aren't supposed to last much longer than like 65, 70 years. That's their life expectancy. And they got that one broken down picket fence of bottom teeth. And they Twinkies and drink scotch every day. It's Twinkies and scotch and then some idiot news anchor from Toledo, Twinkies and sketch. That's the key to longevity. That guy's trying to kill himself. You didn't hear him? You didn't read between the lines. Someone finish me, finish me off. I can't. I'm trying and it's not working. Twinkies and Scotch. Did you hear me? No one lives this long. You're a resource sucker. But Sister Jean, I'll be the first to say it. I am so glad you're dead. It's. It's fantastic news today because you got out before it got real bad. Anybody wishing for her to live longer was wishing for her to sit in a puddle of her own feces and not know who anybody is anymore. 106 with your wits about you. Time to go.

[Brett]

Japan is leading the clubhouse with old people. Over a hundred.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

99, 763.

[John Holmberg]

It's insanity. Japanese people. And that's what I said a few years ago. And somebody got mad at me. I'm like, maybe that was one of the side effects of what we did. Like one of the mutations of the bombs. If you make it through, you're gonna live to be a hundred.

[Brett]

Sunshine.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we planted some sunshine. Evidently sunshine's great for your. Your long.

[Brady]

So they should be thanking us. Is that what you're saying?

[John Holmberg]

Or thanking us? So we had a third one we didn't use. Crushes your birth rate. But you're going to live a lot longer. It's a Green Mile bomb. We made those Japanese people live so long. Now, I'm not a scientist, so don't hold me to that, but it's just a theory, you know. It's the only place that's had a couple of nukes thrown at it and it's leading the league with old people by a lot. So the secret to long life might be fat man and little boy. Just say Oppenheimer might have had something. The side effects, you know, like, you know, Ozempic. It's not for weight loss. But nuclear bombs aren't for long healthy lives.

[Brett]

You'll just have to put up with a lot of rotten eggs.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's a sulfur stink. But you know what? You get used to it. You never hear India complain about the smell of their country. It takes somebody who's never been there to go, jesus Christ. You guys smell that? What? To smell what? All of you.

[Brett]

So you get used to it after a couple of days.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because you're hanging. Yeah, because the. Then you finally found the Indian CVS where they sell nose plugs.

[Brett]

It's like the cows in Gilbert back in the day.

[John Holmberg]

That would waft over on warm days after a monsoon and Gilbert would muck up the whole city. Then they moved them to Queen Creek. Now they got. I don't know where they're Going to move them next. They keep pushing those cows away. They're going to be in Mexico soon. Yeah, Sister Jean. Good riddance. So long, sister. You overstayed your welcome by about 14 years. At least. Resource suckers. I don't like centurions. I'll fight every last one of them. Brady.

[Brett]

Foot race.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I give them all a head start. We could do a hundred yard dash. And all they have to do is 10. I'll get to the hundred. I'm walking. And that's proof. It's like, what are you doing here? You can't go 10 yards. It hurts. Like you said. Your mom putting her clothes on. Now imagine her in 21 years, like. Like just looking at her clothes is gonna take her breath away. I gotta get dressed. Just the thought of it.

[Brady]

None of them want that.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody wants that. I always think you're a lunatic. If you want to live to be a hundred.

[Brady (on vacation)]

I want to live to be 100 years old.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God, you're crazy.

[Brett]

Well, we found two leaders yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, and they're nuts. Like, you got to be a sociopath earlier this year. Yeah, you got to be a sociopath to want to live that long. It's crazy.

[Brady]

My dad's parents each went to 94, and he. He's always said he goes, I don't.

[John Holmberg]

Want to go that far.

[Brady]

No way. Because I saw the end, and it was.

[John Holmberg]

Last few years are like, oh, no, we've let it drag on. We shouldn't have made the sequel. So good luck to everybody out there who's dreaming of being 100. But you know what? What would you rather be? A Philadelphian or 106 years old? Because it's equal. It's equal. Equally painful. Equally.

[Brady]

I might take 106 at that point.

[John Holmberg]

Now, the flip side of that is what drug addicts are doing now. Boy, you druggies, that. That stuff must be fantastic. There's a new thing they're warning people about called blood. Blood bluetoothing and hot spotting, where you're officially in need of heroin or whatever it is you're firing into your body. Because the stuff must be amazing, because the things they do to get it are crazy. I mean, right now, the withdrawal. Yeah. Right now, I want Coke Zero so bad it hurts because I haven't had my steady stream of Coke Zero poured into my body since I unified with Brady, since he's had to have a better diet because of his stuff. So I'm like, you know what? Kill something for yourself in support. And I got rid of drinking Coke zero. Because I drink a ton of it or drank a ton of it. I want one. But I would never resort to, like, blowing Brett to go get me one. But that's what heroin users end up doing. Like, I will do things. I'm. You know, I will sell my soul.

[Brett]

Makes you think how powerful great it must be.

[John Holmberg]

So now they're doing this hot spotting and bluetoothing where let's say you and I are dead broke heroin addicts. Brady. And. And you've got some. And I don't. And you're like, well, I could share it with you, but I really want it all. I don't have any money. So what you could do is inject it into your body. Right? And then I'll take that needle. After you get real high, draw some of your blood out and put it into mine.

[Brett]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And you get, like a minor heroin high off the heroin infused blood that came out of your heroin friend.

[Brett]

That's hot spotting.

[John Holmberg]

It's called hot spotting and it's bluetoothing.

[Brett]

I don't. Yeah, I guess the bluetoothing is just.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I mean, it's like. I don't know. That's just the name they came up with. I don't know. But it says. Yeah, they're warning people. I'm like, it's time doctors did one thing. Stop warning heroin addicts. What healthy is. Just knock it off. You're wasting your time warning dull heroin users. It's terrible idea to take a needle and put it in yourself. And then someone. They weren't listening before.

[Brady]

Why are you warning.

[John Holmberg]

Why are you warning heroin users? Let's just let heroin users do what they do before we have studies on how to tell them to do it better. They don't care. Here's what you guys need to know about this. And heroin user. Like, yeah, what I really. What I really need is healthy heroin use. Help me out with this, doc. I want to be the healthiest heroin user of all time. They're not thinking about their health. You shouldn't do that. You think they don't know that? I know I can be caked out on heroin. And I know for sure that my needle in my arm being used immediately on Brady is not a good idea. Heroin addicts already know. This wasn't like, what did you hear that? We're not supposed to do this. And the other heroin was what? It seems so reasonable. Like they're not dealing with reason. I thought for sure this would be okay. We're friends. What I can't Use a needle you just used to shoot your blood into my body. I saw it on a medical. Yeah, like they're reading the. Almost said it. Like they're reading the medical journals on their off time. I was really high on heroin the other night, but I grabbed the, the most recent AMA papers and really found out a lot about what we're doing is bad. Did you know that? No, I didn't try, bruh. What about heroin use could possibly be bad? Everything. It's shockingly bad. I yuck at it. I put it in my yuck. It's a zero out of 100, man. There are no benefits to it.

[Brett]

I wonder if Bluetooth it works. If someone pounds a bunch of pizza and I take.

[John Holmberg]

All right, you calm down. I know you want to slice right now, but you can't. Did you stay good in, in Ohio? Did you slip up? I, I, we knew you, we knew.

[Brett]

You'D slip to an Italian place. And you had spaghetti.

[John Holmberg]

You crammed some red sauce and some flour.

[Brett]

Yeah, well, the red.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, you got those flour noodles. That's not good. You didn't ask for the protein or wheat noodles. Oh, the worst kind. Tons of butter. Yeah, it was a rough one. I knew you'd slip. You'd have to. You gotta back. You gotta backstep every once in a while.

[Brett]

Vacation. It was one night.

[John Holmberg]

Vacation is one of his kidneys is on permanent vacation? It doesn't.

[Brett]

The difference was I did.

[John Holmberg]

I left half foot for later.

[Brett]

Usually. Yeah. No, I never.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't touch it. See?

[Brett]

Give it to Bunny.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, it's good. Give it to the 86 year old.

[Brett]

She's ready.

[John Holmberg]

He's good. Nothing bad can happen to her from here on out. Let's load her up. I'm a medical professional. You heroin users have it all wrong.

[Brady (on vacation)]

What?

[John Holmberg]

This is my workout juice, man. This is my pre workout. I know you're all very interested in physical health, but this whole shoving needles into each other and putting your blood in the other guy. Surprisingly bad.

[Sam Talon]

What?

[John Holmberg]

I gotta stop doing that. When I go to the gym to use heroin, I want it to be like as pure as possible. Next thing you're gonna tell me is sucking that guy's for some drug money is a bad thing. You didn't know that? What? Is there anything I do that's good? Heroin users need doctors. Yeah, that's why they call you junkies. It's in the name like. Nothing you're doing is good, Trey.

[Brett]

You got some rock or some blow, I'll suck you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it taught us all in our early 20s in Boyz N the Hood. You got some rock, you got some blow? I suck your. Keep your babies off the street. Trey had the proper answer. I'm not even going to hit you with any more realities. Keep your babies off the streets. She had that crack face, white powder around her lips. It's all dried up.

[Brett]

Even Robert Downey Jr. Didn't he do that in less than zero?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, less than zero is hard to watch. Yeah, he blew a dude. Unless. That's right. I forgot about that. I forgot that movie existed. But, yeah, you're right. That scene where Jamie Gertz in her prime wanders in and sees him down between some dudes stuff in that Corvette. Get him out of there getting his neck stuffed by a fella, and he turns, oh, Jesus God. How. How good is heroin? I mean, how good must that stuff be that a dude had that idea, you're gonna get high, and I'm not? This isn't fair. Hey, man. Sorry, man. Life's not fair. I blew a guy for eight bucks and I got some black tar. You know, I wonder if you put your blood in me after you're getting high if I'll get a little taste of that. I don't see a downside to that. They already don't follow the medical procedures. Why do doctors bother with this stuff? And do you think there's one that said, hey, you want some of my blood in you? And the other guy's, no, that's not healthy. I just want straight heroin. Nobody's gonna say that. If you're on heroin right now, consult a physician on how you do it, because I know that health is a priority. Bluetoothing. How good is heroin? Must be great. You should ask Bunny to try some and give you a report now that she's 86. We should have gotten Sister Jean all jacked up on that stuff. That's not a bad idea.

[Brett]

I've been at the tail end.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's true. They might. Well, that might have been medically induced.

[Brett]

She could have been in comfy town.

[John Holmberg]

This guy says, I united with Brady when he had his thing. I took my oath to do better, eat better. I'm down £8 since Brady's kidney went away. Look at that. You're helping people. Good on you, man.

[Brady]

Good.

[John Holmberg]

People said, why'd you stop drinking Coke Zero? Because Brady had to change his diet. And I wanted to be, you know, supportive of that. It's like when people get the cancer diagnosis and they go through chemo and Lose their hair. And some of their friends shave their head. Or in John Stamos just put a bald cap on. That wasn't very nice. Dave Coulier lost all of his body hair sitting there with no eyebrows in the picture. And their. Stamos, like, I support my friend, dude. That's a bald cap.

[Brady]

You get to go head of hair like that. You wouldn't have shaved it either.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but that dude, it would have grown back in an ass. Take it from a couple of bald guys. If you shaved your head, it'd be back like, a week from now. It. It didn't. And John Stamos is a beautiful man. Even if.

[Brett]

Yeah, if he shaves, it grows back in a day.

[John Holmberg]

Even a Greek woman grows her body hair back in, like, an hour after she shaved. She got to shave her legs twice in a day. That's ridiculous that he wouldn't. He didn't dare. And I understand. Like, if I had that hair, it would be precious. But it's growing back later that he's gonna have five o' clock shadow, and then tomorrow he's gonna Chia pet. It'll be a week. John Stamos will be back to normal. He probably looks great bald, too. The curse of it all. So sometimes you do things to kind of show support for your buddy who's going through a thing. Stamos. How dare you. There's the picture. How dare you. Stamos put the bald cap on him. He looks good. He's got a pretty face. He's 63. The guy looks amazing. That would have been back in a day or two, and that would have pissed Coulier off even more. But he had the nerve to pose in that magazine with him like, I'm a good friend. You're a dick. That's a dick move. That's like me getting, like, kidney stew. Meeting in front of Brady Ham with you, buddy.

[Brett]

Come with on the can of kidney.

[John Holmberg]

I'm support. Taking Jackie Onassis to the shooting range. Taking a 911 survivor to the airport. It's just stuff you don't do. You don't play. Pretend you're with him. With you, man.

[Brady]

Oh, he shaved his head.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So. So they had clippers.

[Brett]

Stamos, that was a pose.

[John Holmberg]

Hold tight. Stamos helped shave off the hair from Koolier. That was. That was wispy. That was because you see that sometimes for that. Well, you think so he's got clippers in his hands. Yeah, right. You know, old clippers and take a. I understand that. You know, what you could have done with those clippers. To be a real friend. The only excuse. And look at. He's actually kind of beautiful bald. Look at that. He looks like a genie that just came out of a lamp. He looks amazing.

[Brett]

Those eyebrows.

[John Holmberg]

Just fantastic.

[Brett]

He's shaving those every day.

[John Holmberg]

Please. Those things abroad.

[Brett]

Is that his wife's wife?

[John Holmberg]

It's not Stamos's wife. That's cool. She didn't shave her head.

[Brady]

Better looking at Alanis. Nice.

[John Holmberg]

He's saying he won the Atlantis? I think so. All right. There you go. So you got to do that. But again, heroin users consult a physician. You guys are doing it wrong. Evidently, there's a healthier way. I don't understand that. Brett, what do you got on the big board of music?

[Brady]

I got wake up songs stacked to you guys from Action Ride Shop. And it's a little rainy out there, but it's nice and cool out. Now's the time to get out there before the heavy rain starts. And if you don't got time for that, you need to get that bike serviced for when the sun comes back. And that is the best place to do it. Action Ride Shop, with two locations right there in Gilbert Road and Southern, and the brand new one right there at power Road and McDowell. ActionRideshop.com is where you're gonna find everything you need.

[John Holmberg]

There you go.

[Brady]

And on the list here.

[John Holmberg]

What a time to ride, too.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah, it's beautiful.

[John Holmberg]

Get the rain this weekend in the mud. It changes. No dust. Oh. Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Get a little.

[John Holmberg]

You get a little mud on your back. But it is pride week, so that's okay. Thank you. Thank you very much. I got nothing. Proud of that one. Proud of that one. I need three. Three. Oh, I'm sorry.

[Brady]

On the list, all that remains Slayer, Seasons in the abyss, which turned 35 years old yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brady]

Doesn't make you feel old?

[John Holmberg]

That was 90.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Brady]

Overkill, Mushroom Head, Metallica, Megadeth, Van Halen, Running with the Devil for Scat, Motorhead, the Cult White Zombie, Van Halen, Mean Streets, because David lee Roth turned 71 years old today.

[John Holmberg]

He does?

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All right, we got to do a little David Lee Roth mean Street. He's 71.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Good Lord. Is that right?

[Brett]

And I just told you, the freaky one, that Daryl Hall.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

79.

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[Brett]

The dude who played Tyrion Lannister on Game of Thrones? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brett]

Same age. 79.

[John Holmberg]

He's also 79. Wow. Well, that's fascinating. How about that. Well, there you go. They are. Charles Dance, 27 years younger than sister Jean. Come on in. 27 years of Daryl hall trying to croon out. Sarah, smile. You don't want that. You don't want 35 more years of this dude.

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

71 year old David Lee Roth. Don't make it to 106. That'll embarrass everyone. Uh, it's Mean Street. Happy birthday, DLR. It's 98. It's not weird.

[Brett]

It's pretty cool actually. No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this for you. P.D. kornberg's Morning Sickness.

[Corey]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[John Holmberg]

He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98. Yeah, I screwed something up. I got curious. That's all that matters. Curiosity killed the cat and evidently kills your technology. I just realized.

[Brady]

Mike.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we gotta call Mike. We'll get our computer expert up here. I just realized that. I don't know. I'm not well versed in the control letter. I hit control P to print on my computer. Then I'm like, I wonder what all the other letters do then. I didn't look first. I. And you were the problem, Brett. You encouraged me to just try. In fact, your words were, what's the worst that can happen, right? Well, I hit control something or other. I don't remember which letter it was. And now I can't use the mouse. Why would that turn off?

[Brady]

Here you go.

[John Holmberg]

That's it.

[Brady]

Here's all your shortcuts right here.

[John Holmberg]

That should never be something. Oh, I fixed it. You said to restart.

[Brady]

Okay. There's all your shortcuts.

[John Holmberg]

Control C is copy. I knew that when I never need it. Geez, there's a lot. Yeah, I only use control P. I'm like, there's got to be. And Brett just told me this little Windows button. I never even seen that one. I don't even know what that's for. By the way, those of you keeping up, Doug Hopkins keeps giving me updates on the on the Suns in China preseason game. Let me tell you right now, suns are up 5 in overtime with 10 seconds left. Amazing. All those Chinamen are getting a eye full of American basketball this morning. And I'm sure Kevin Ray is thrilled that this game went to overtime. So he could have gotten up at three in the morning to prep for this, broadcast the game and have a go till 8:30. He probably had plans with his Kids to go get breakfast at 8. Hell, he could have walked away from this preseason game at fourth quarter. I gotta go, Eddie. Dinner with the kids. Son's gonna win the game. Son's gonna win the game. Don't worry about that. He's almost Charles Barkley. Eddie Johnson.

[Brett]

Kevin.

[John Holmberg]

Son's gonna win the game. It's a few gay. If you. If you hit Charles Barkley with an elephant tranquilizer, it's Eddie Johnson. Tell you right now, Sun's gonna win this game. I don't know, eddie. They're down 35. Sun's gonna win the game. They're gonna get a shot at the end, and they're gonna win the game. K, right? Smooth shooter. Said so. Must be a thing. They gonna win. Kevin told me. He said, I had a problem with Eddie for a while, watching other games while he would have his phone and an iPad and he's watching football or something else. You have to give him a little elbow like something great just happened. That was great. And then he just go right back to being normal. Hope they cover. Going to win again. It's 8:05.

[Brady]

We got something on the screen, too.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Well, yeah, but imagine if Brady brought his own screens. Like, hey, we got to take those away from you for a little bit. Your what? Your ability to multitask is not good. I know breastfeeding is exciting, but you can't do that all day. Before we get to the Brady Report, James Strong has emailed in and said, I need advice for a ticket. At the Van Buren last night, my friend paid for my parking, and I came out to see the notice on my truck after the concert. Was never handed the notice. It was paid for. It's not even my license plate number. Do I ignore it or dispute it as it says on the bottom. Well, if it's not your license plate number, that means somebody took it off their car and put it on yours.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So I would have dismissed that. I don't know. I might go down just in case something weird happens and show it to the court and go, hey, this. Somebody just put this on my car. It's not my license. It's not my car. So here and then. But I think you're safe to ignore it. But it would. It wouldn't be a bad idea to just take it because since you're so obviously innocent here, you'd be doing that.

[Brett]

The person who has the ticket belongs to. Yeah, kind of a favor in a way. Either way, I guess they're turning the ticket, then they can say, oh, the car.

[John Holmberg]

I guess that's true. Because then the city would be like, oh, the guy we gave it to. Well. Or they'd say, contact you, put it on somebody else. But you can't prove that. So the whole thing gets dismissed.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You're not on the line. You know what? I think that's the right thing to do. I might ignore it, but I also just might take the few minutes. Here's what I would do. I don't know where you take it though. The court.

[Corey]

Yeah.

[Brett]

If there's no one in the, you know, booth on the way out.

[John Holmberg]

Because sometimes it's a booth, sometimes it's not. They do a lot of paid prepaid parking stuff downtown. There's no booth. You go online, you pay, and you get a spot assigned, and you go to that. And it's usually a pretty way the.

[Brett]

Guy'S gonna get something. Even the guy that got the ticket, because triple hit form or whatever, they still have it on record.

[John Holmberg]

But I would go down to wherever you go to pay to, like, the municipality. I don't know what it is. You go down where they tell you the courtroom, courthouse. And if there's a line or something, I just ignore it. If it's a quick bounce in, I.

[Brett]

Think if it's not my license. And you might just ignore them. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. All right. Two options. Both good. Ignore it. Heavy, leaner, probably 56% in favor of just throwing it out. I put another 35, 40% on the idea of going down there and just seeing if the lobby's full. There's too many people there. Right back to ignore it. But if there's nobody there, you go up to think, oh, this isn't mine. Was on my car. And then the old lady will be like, give me five minutes. And then it'll be like, 18, 20 minutes later, she comes back and says, you can go. Yeah, Brady's right. Brady. Brady consults. Jesus. Ignore it. What does the law know? Screw them.

[Brett]

Oh, this person was dodging it.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. There's somebody who tried to. You know, that's kind of a cool move by the other guy, too, is take the ticket and put it in your car and hope you don't go through the details and pay his fine. Yeah. Anyway. Okay, the game's over. The Suns have won 132 to 127, and they covered the spread. And if you're betting on preseason basketball, you've got a problem. Text Next Step immediately. Yeah, no. No bets on preseason basketball. It's time now For Brady to give you all the news that only he knows after he crumples up all your speeding tickets and just chucks them. And it is brought to you by our [e-mail] get that shade together. You don't need it today, but when you do, my goodness, it'll make every day feel like a nice little cloudy day that you can sit outside, enjoy your patio. If you've got a space in your backyard you'd love to use more, but there's too much glare, too much sun, and anything else, they'll make it look great, and they'll get rid of all of that glorious, glorious sun. They'll put that shade on it. It's like what man's been trying to do since the beginning of time. Blot out the sun. See? Montgomery Burn style. So if you want to do it, AllProchade.com is the place to get it done. And get it done right. Head there right now. Brady reporter.

[Brett]

Good Friday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world. We've made it.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Brett]

Happy World Egg Day.

[John Holmberg]

Cool. Eggs are great. It's the perfect food.

[Brett]

The International egg Commission started 1996, so it's the 30th year it's been celebrated.

[John Holmberg]

Prior to that, we didn't have a commission on eggs. They were just running roads.

[Brett]

Happy World Egg Day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's what the commission was started. They started just to get a day together for eggs.

[Brett]

They put the commission together. Hey, let's have a celebrate.

[John Holmberg]

What the world is clamoring for is Egg Day. And here we are 30 years later. It's the first I'm hearing of it.

[Brett]

84% of Americans like or love eggs, according to a recent poll.

[John Holmberg]

How do you get your eggs? Bread.

[Brady]

I'm Sunnyside.

[John Holmberg]

Your Sunnyside?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Brady. Over easy, super gooey, sloppy.

[Brett]

Yeah, I like that.

[John Holmberg]

Beyond the yolk, like, do you like them a little bit snotty?

[Brett]

I'm okay if it comes back and it's over medium.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brett]

But most of the time, full yolk.

[John Holmberg]

I'm rare. I'm rare with eggs, too.

[Brady]

That's sunny side.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I mean, like, I'll crack them out of the shell and just gulp.

[Brady]

What are you, rocky?

[John Holmberg]

It's. It's delicious. And it cuts out all that cooking. You get your food immediately. It comes right out of the little shell.

[Brett]

Ketchup on eggs?

[John Holmberg]

No, Not a fan.

[Brett]

A third of us are on board with that. It says 32 other wrong.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they're very wrong. I like eggs to be eggs.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't need like all that extra on them. They're good by themselves.

[Brett]

About deviled eggs.

[John Holmberg]

I like deviled eggs. I don't like when they over mayo though, or they put whatever that goo is. I like to take over easy eggs and scoop them up from underneath and keep the yolk intact. Put the whole thing in my mouth and push my tongue up on it and pop it like a zit in my mouth.

[Brett]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

It's good. Try it. I'm not kidding. You'll love it. I eat like six eggs and I. The plate goes away dead clean. Looks like dogs licked it because I never break the yolk. I break it in my mouth like a male hooker and have the toast.

[Brady]

And sop that stuff up.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, I'm not a hillbilly. I. I chug it like somebody shot a load in my throat.

[Brady]

So you're not a hillbilly.

[John Holmberg]

But 93. 3. Let's have eggs. Oh, there you go. That's what it sounds like. John's eating eggs again. And it's a skill, by the way, to take a fork, quick, slide it under the whole egg and shove that little thing in there, and it's quivering around like the bottom of a catfish. And then you got to get it just right on top of your tongue. Roof of your mouth, quick push up, and the thing goes in your mouth and you got egg. I think they call that egg in your mouth. I'm not real sure that's mine.

[Brett]

Couple of baseless fun facts.

[John Holmberg]

There's somebody trying that right now, but making a mess.

[Brett]

Nachos are called nachos after their inventor, Ignacio Nacho Anaya. He's the host of a Mexican restaurant called the Victory Club. One night in 1943, some U.S. army wives came in late, but the chef had already left. So Nacho went into the kitchen, threw something together for him. Essentially nachos as we know them.

[John Holmberg]

No one had ever put cheese on chips before.

[Sam Talon]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

No. Nacho just claims that that. Had the first Mexican refuted it. Yeah, I call it. The inventor of the nacho is a man named Ultimo Hombre. The last man. He was the very first one, the only guy the first Mexican put cheese on.

[Brett]

And evidently they were the first to eventually just put them on the menu as nachos.

[John Holmberg]

What were they doing with chips before cheese? Just eating them.

[Brett]

Plain salsa.

[John Holmberg]

You invented salsa after cheese, Ernesto Salsa made those. No way. Yeah, yeah. There is no way salsa came before cheese on chips. No way.

[Brett]

Maybe, maybe they were dried out tortillas. He just crumbled Them up and threw some cheese on.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they've done that before. There's no way. The Spanish showed up and they're like, you guys haven't put cheese on these yet. Yeah. Nobody eats a bag of Tostitos without putting it in the microwave and making that weird gum on top.

[Brett]

When the AE Network launched in 1984, it came on after Nickelodeon signed off for the night, so it was on the same channel. You might have done this one before, but Amtrak started in 1971 and has lost money all 54 years. And exit. It's been in existence.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Survives mainly on a one billion dollar government subsidy.

[John Holmberg]

Joe Biden loved that thing.

[Brett]

He kept alive, wrote it every day.

[John Holmberg]

Scranton all the way down to dc. I was good every day.

[Brady]

Then. Delaware.

[John Holmberg]

I want to build a train over to Hawaii. It's a good idea.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Remember that?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I was gonna be able to turn away. I had that plan. Remember that, Brady?

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's a big deal. Yeah. Come on. We're gonna take a train all the way to Hawaii. The guys building the tracks, they need Mexicans for that. That's why we let the borders go open. They love swimming and they love building stuff for us. I thought it was double down. That was his plan. You Mexicans like swimming. See, you like building things. See? Train tracks to Hawaii. Symbiosis. Big deal. Brandy, Big deal. And girl, smells good.

[Brett]

Serve nachos on the.

[John Holmberg]

No, they wouldn't do that. Nachos. Yeah. That's a bull. That's a bull story. Ignacio invented him. He just named him. Let's say that he named. Same way that, you know, there was never a discovery of gravity. Somebody just named it. Newton was like, what the hell? How do we stay here? And then he's like, I'm gonna do a little math. And they go, wow. Then he invented trigonometry. You want to talk about feeling lazy? Look at Kirby later today and just shake your head. Because Newton not only invented. Invented trigonometry and started to invent quantum physics, he kind of figured out not only what gravity is, he named it and then came up with a mathematical equation. Then he turned 25. I mean, think about that.

[Brett]

That's the second one I've heard. Like, Nacho was invented by a guy named Nacho.

[John Holmberg]

Right. He just gave it a name.

[Brett]

Caesar Salad. A guy. Right, Caesar.

[John Holmberg]

And that's Mexico. Yeah, yeah. It was a thing before. There's. What do we call this? Like, it doesn't have a name yet. Name it after me.

[Brett]

Google released a list of the top trending Halloween costumes. And it's dominated by the characters from the movie K Pop Demon Hunters. They've got the entire top five. Other popular one is the chicken jockey from Minecraft Movie.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Labubu dolls.

[John Holmberg]

They're huge. It's that. It's the people are collecting them. They're going nuts. And it's a thing kids are losing minds over. They've been doing it for a while now, and they're going. They're like the same way that kind of Beanie Babies got the way. They just became valuable just for being.

[Brett]

Oh, okay. And the little Boo Boo is now the number one for dogs to put them on dogs.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. To have the Labubu costume. Okay. Yeah. The Boo Boo is gone bananas. And you go online and try to buy Labubus, and there's chances like you get four or five hundred bucks charged for a stinking Labubu. They're everywhere.

[Brett]

Stupid.

[John Holmberg]

They're hard to get. Well, all those things are stupid. But it's. You know, every generation has a thing.

[Sam Talon]

So now we're gonna have a market crash on Labubu.

[John Holmberg]

Like, ours was the Cabbage Patch Kids. When you had the original sewn Cabbage Patch, those things were going for like a thousand bu. Eighties.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Beanie Babies.

[John Holmberg]

No, Beanie Babies was a massive one that got crazy. Pokemon. Those weird. What were those? Flip chips for a little while. People Pogs. Yeah.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's just dumb little trends.

[Brady]

Funko Pop. Things were good for a minute, and.

[John Holmberg]

They cost your parents a fortune. And then they just sit there and you're like, what the hell did we do here? That was 800 bucks for that rainbow Beanie. That was so hard to get. Another every. Everywhere.

[Sam Talon]

John.

[Brett]

Say what you want to about Newton.

[Sam Talon]

Dude died a virgin.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he was a nerd. He had a lot of time on his hands. You don't invent gravity unless you're, you know. You know. No woman will touch you. And he talked about him. No woman could relate to him. Back then. They weren't even allowed to educate women. You think a date with Newton was fun for them? Those women barely knew what water was. And he's like, I understand the thermodynamic properties of, like, ah, this guy. I need an idiot.

[Brett]

People online were sharing the strangest rules their parents had growing up. Like, no turning on the lights during thunderstorms.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Brett]

Someone said no wearing clothing with faces on them. So no Mickey Mouse shirts or kitty cat shirts either. Plain shirts were okay with no graphics.

[John Holmberg]

Mickey Mouse shirts.

[Brett]

I'm guessing Mickey Mouse shirts.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You said Mickey Mouse.

[Brett]

I did.

[John Holmberg]

It's like, why would that be a thing? They're often confused, though.

[Brett]

But they could wear a shirt with a soccer ball on it or a pumpkin.

[John Holmberg]

Unless it had eyes.

[Brett]

But what about. Yeah. Jack o' Lantern.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No.

[Brett]

We had one drink cup by the kitchen sink. If you're thirsty, use that. Drink up. Put it back. For the other family members.

[John Holmberg]

You were.

[Brett]

They would wash it every few days.

[John Holmberg]

You were wildly poor. You shared bathtubs.

[Brett]

The curtains had to be open first thing in the morning so the neighbors wouldn't think you were sleeping in.

[John Holmberg]

Well, because he had to keep up appearances. I'm sure Brady's neighborhood had a lot.

[Brady]

Of your goddamn business.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Brady had that someone that opened the curtain. Yeah, well. Yeah. You would always have a helper do it. I mean, please. Morning sickness medicate. KU PD Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brett]

We had to leave the room to fart. And fart was a curse word.

[John Holmberg]

That's one thing. That's totally different. Now kids are just able to cuss all they want in front of their parents. That was big doings when I was.

[Brett]

You didn't do it.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't do it. My rule at home was. No, that was my dad's rule. And I've said it before. No pens or pencils in your pockets. And not because of what you think that the ink or lead would get on. He thinks they would fall out of your pockets on the couch. And the next time he sat down, it would go in his ass.

[Brady]

Can I get a Bic up his ass?

[John Holmberg]

He always said that. No, go, follow. And he would tell you every time. We would do it on purpose. Sometimes put a bunch of pens or pencils in our pockets. Don't you sit on this couch with that. What? What? Oh, you got pencils in your back pocket. It'll fall out of your pocket and it'll drive itself right up my ass. What kind of life fear is that? I'm not kidding. Get those out of there. Have you seen this happen before? No, but my friend Dick Dale had that. The guitar player? No, just a guy. Like, his parents love Dick Dale. So anyway, he had friends named Davey, Dick and Dick Dale. One town of like 1200 people had two dopiest names kids ever. Yeah, he had that. Had a pencil drive right in his anus and he died from it. I don't think that's an act. And that didn't happen. You'll see.

[Brett]

This person wasn't allowed to watch anything that depicted a defunct, a dysfunctional family.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, wow.

[Brett]

Maybe in case he realized it was them.

[John Holmberg]

My dad's thing, too, was. I used to love this. It was hilarious. It's a pencil in your pocket. You said. You forget you had it. You had a goddamn pencil in your pocket. Keep messing around, buddy. Like what? Keep. Keep. You know, keep it up. Keep what up? You keep screwing around. Like, that one's going in. You're insane.

[Brett]

Person said I wasn't allowed to invite a friend over for a second time until they invited me over to their house. My mom kept track of how many times I invited friends over and demanded they reciprocated.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Before I could invite them over.

[John Holmberg]

That makes sense.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Otherwise you're feeding some strange person's kid and giving them a break from children. It's a. Sleepovers are. What you don't realize is it's babysitting duty. Some family doesn't get their kid for a night. They finally get to have sex and have a nice night with dates. They get to. They get to do terrible things to each other in the kitchen. Because you and me and Mike Burkhart were hanging out so Glenn and his wife could go bone each other for the first time in a year and a half. So it was only fair that they took me in every other weekend to have a slumber party and play on Mike's Commodore 64 so my parents could have at each other two times in a row. Parents noticed that. Wait a minute. We took that kid in last week.

[Brett]

And now it's time for some science news.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, do kids still do slumber parties? Does Kirby have a slumber Every once in a while.

[Brett]

Every once in a while?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, that's right. You had that one where there were boys involved.

[Brett]

He takes him across state linestacks.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right. I forgot about that. Brady will drive you around the country for weeks. But you had the boy sleep over that time.

[Brett]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you did. You told us about that. You said you had the boys coming by and you made everybody stay in different rooms.

[Brett]

No, that was her birthday party. But they. It didn't. It wasn't a slumber.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they didn't stay? No. They had to get up. Too much drinking and drugs ready to move them. You not had a boy sleepover?

[Brett]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, good.

[Brett]

And Halloween related. Related science news. A study proved that large bats sometimes attack and eat birds in mid flight.

[John Holmberg]

Cool.

[Brett]

Researchers in Europe recorded one doing it.

[John Holmberg]

Do we have the video?

[Brett]

Doesn't know. Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brett]

Renewable sources like wind and solar now generate more electricity than coal for the first time ever. That's globally. We've got the first ever shot of two black holes circling each other.

[John Holmberg]

No, we don't. Toledo. I was gonna say, I know they shut down pornhub, but I've seen this. I have seen this several times.

[Brett]

And Starlink satellites are now falling out of the sky at a pace around two per day.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brett]

I looked into it. Starlink's Elon Musk, Elon Musk's company, they fired up over 8. There's 8,000 satellites up there.

[John Holmberg]

Each one of those rockets, when they say it's to get rid of satellites, they've got tons of them on there. It's not just one.

[Brett]

They only last five years before they are decommissioned. And they've been doing them since I think 2019, or maybe a little before that. Naked mole rats had a big week. They look like rats, but are hairless and uglier. They live up to 40 years and that's 10 times longer than most roach rodents. And they rarely get cancer.

[John Holmberg]

And one of them is named Lamar Jackson because if they're ugly and. And gross, that's exactly what I see when I see him. He's a naked mole rat to me.

[Brett]

The study figured out the specific genes that repair their DNA. Experts say it could lead to new anti aging treatments to help humans live longer. I'm sure Putin's on this.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brett]

A separate study found naked mole rats have specific jobs within their colony. Some dig, some breed, some spend all day cleaning. Poop.

[John Holmberg]

Don't look at me like that was a laugh line. You said poop.

[Brett]

You're an adult janitor.

[John Holmberg]

Mole rats. You looked at me like, did you.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Catch that gem of a closer?

[Brett]

That's you dropping your bomb. Poop.

[John Holmberg]

That's your science. Man, that last one. If that was the goal, to get through the naked mole rat story just to say poop. That face that Brett's making right there says it all. Delete that next time.

[Brady (on vacation)]

It's a long way to go. But at the end I get to say poop.

[John Holmberg]

Then you eyeballed me. Get it?

[Brett]

A couple in Florida is facing charges after they left their 16 year old son by himself on the side of the interstate. Told him to fend for himself. They only left him some cash and a bag of handguns.

[Brady]

Oh, well, you know.

[Brett]

A bag of handguns, sure, like a bag.

[John Holmberg]

That's how it works. A duffel of handguns.

[Brett]

Never gone to mo money pond or MMP Guns and gotten a bag.

[John Holmberg]

They don't sell them that way. But Brett would give You a bag of handguns in a heartbeat. I'm sure he's dealt with a bag of handguns before.

[Brett]

What do I do with this?

[John Holmberg]

No, he knows what he's doing. It's a delivery.

[Brett]

Said the teen got home from school, walked the dog. He came back to his parents frantically packing, saying they were going on a trip either to Guam or Idaho. Tough to drive to Guam. Not according to Biden.

[John Holmberg]

Get a train there. Go to either one. Train.

[Brett]

A little while into the drive, they kicked the boy out of the car with the cash and guns when the police found him, took him home. Where the front door and the garage door were left wide open. But no one knows. No one was home. The couple was later found another address in Florida, and they were charged with child neglect. They were allowing a juvenile to possess a firearm. Sounds like they were running away from something.

[John Holmberg]

The story is incomplete, too. What's wrong with you? The story is they found a kid. Something happened.

[Brady]

Is this all the same story?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Got found with guns.

[Brett]

An 18 year old sibling or an 8 year old sibling?

[John Holmberg]

I don't want their 23andMe. Were they both on the side of the road?

[Brett]

Nope, just the older one. Well, as a parent, you do have.

[Sam Talon]

Those moments where you're like, you want to get rid of the kid?

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's just a tiny born. Yeah, that's in your blood, Trip. You were born, Trip.

[Brett]

And we were getting into a hotel in time in Utah, and Chris was throwing a fit, and so I said, get out.

[John Holmberg]

You kicked him out?

[Brett]

I laughed. No, I kicked him out of the hotel. I put him outside and I shut the door. Like Lisa's like, what did you do? And I'm like, I told him to get out.

[John Holmberg]

It's time for us to move.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Can we go out the back door?

[Brady]

Any handguns?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Give him a bag. Here's a bag. I call Brett. We need a bag of guns. That story didn't have a finish either.

[Brett]

More details.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Brady]

On a special episode of.

[Brett]

They're holding off on the details.

[John Holmberg]

These are the worst cliffhangers I've ever heard in my life.

[Brett]

Wait for the follow up on Monday.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even care about that kid. Some Guamanian boy got found with a bag of money.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Parents were nowhere to be found, and something happened. We'll be right back with sports and weather.

[John Holmberg]

Dodgers played the Phillies last night and there was a score more to come later.

[Brett]

One guy hit a home run.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Another guy caught a ball. It's pretty awesome.

[Brett]

According to new research, Americans lost an estimated 15.7 billion to Porsche pirates last year.

[John Holmberg]

Man.

[Brett]

All right, that's 241 million stolen packages. The average loss isn't huge. 65 bucks per package and 85% are under a hundred bucks.

[John Holmberg]

It adds up.

[Brett]

Most common, commonly stolen packages. Amazon 72% UPS 31%. Scott says FedEx and USPS are about the same.

[John Holmberg]

Scott Haynes says we should apologize to Brady. We got to give him a break. And I didn't even think about this. That poop line's been going huge for the last few days. He spent a whole week with Kirby, so he just. He forgot where he was holding on to. That changed audiences. And he thought that that's been getting big hit. Had laughs with his last audience of a teen girl and the R words from Ohio probably got a kick out of it, too. And then he came back to society and it's like, oh, yeah, he's got a reset. I'm sorry. That was. Yeah, you had curvy humor going for a while. Poop.

[Brady]

Oh, now you're laughing. See, now you're feeding into it.

[John Holmberg]

It was the look he gave me. I wish that was on TV or on the radio. You guys could see it and clean their own poop. Big pause. Eyeballs keep down on the thing. And then they just raised up till his head didn't move at all.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Did you guys hear that?

[John Holmberg]

How come nobody's laughing?

[Brady (on vacation)]

I did that in Ohio and the place fell out.

[Brett]

I just have two quick radio videos.

[John Holmberg]

Knock him stuff.

[Brett]

First. First one's this lady that makes a weird sound on her throat. I had to listen to it a couple times because I thought, she's not actually making the sound.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's called talking. They all do it.

[Brett]

Well dubbed the sound that she makes with her mouth. Okay, pronouncing Rs.

[John Holmberg]

Huh?

[Brady]

Hard R. Or thinks.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm not sure I want to play this video.

[Brett]

Rolling. An R. Are we getting into something?

[John Holmberg]

Rolling.

[Brett]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

It's a woman just doing something strange with her throat. Science news going, you can't get the. What do you mean? That's what she says. You don't think it's real? Did you watch the video?

[Brett]

Oh, yeah, I watched it. I think it's real. But she said. She opens up. She said, these are ours. What? You have to walk.

[John Holmberg]

You're trying to explain it, making it harder. All right, I think she's just laughing. No, she's not speaking English right now. She didn't say anything about These are ours. She's just a pig who makes a funny noise when she laughs. You're saying these are ours?

[Brett]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It was really early when we watched that.

[Brady]

Yeah, that one took three days off.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna take four days off next week.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Ah, this is how this lady says ours, Kirby. They're weird over there in Chinatown.

[Brett]

Hey, man, I don't think she's saying.

[John Holmberg]

She goes, man. I'm pretty sure she's just making noise.

[Brady (on vacation)]

No, Chinaman make funny sounds.

[John Holmberg]

Write that down, get it in your notes.

[Brett]

Next one's a mountain lion going for a bowl of candy.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my gosh. This is like last Halloween. They left the bowl of candy out. Oh, and then the jack o' lantern that comes to life. Motion detection scares the mountain lion away from the. The Three Musketeers. That's pretty cool. That's a good one.

[Sam Talon]

I like that.

[John Holmberg]

Bad idea, by the way, if you live in mountain lion territory, to leave sweets on the porch.

[Brett]

Heck of a hike to get candy. I can imagine that neighborhood.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, I don't think a lot of kids are going to show up for that, but thanks for decorating and involving yourself.

[Brett]

We'll put it out anyway.

[John Holmberg]

Rough night there in Halloweenville, too. Is that the kids have to jump over mountain lions to get their.

[Brett]

Watch out for the mountain lions.

[John Holmberg]

And as I always remember, there's mountain lions everywhere.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Sure, we know that.

[John Holmberg]

Yikes. My mom wouldn't let me go out if it was cloudy. I want a mountain lion in the area. All right. Bert's Friday. Go get them.

[Brady]

All right. They're not as.

[Brett]

Can you toss that?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. Jesus. Why'd you yell that? My ears just exploded. All right, go ahead, poop.

[Brady]

All right, there is one F bomb in this one. So I just. When you hear after source, you know, or right around source.

[John Holmberg]

So here we go. Just kill the word after source. All right, here we go. It's a lady's naked butt. Yeah. Aimed at the camera. It's kind of a thick ass. I'm gonna let you sniff straight from the fucking. Nope, I missed it. I know I missed it. That's right. Oh, she's farting in the guy's face. And she's not got green hair like her. Algae in the pool Is this is what you deserve? Her chemicals are off.

[Brady]

She's standing on him, too.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she. Oh, God, she is. Her feet are up on his legs. Oh, man. That's how she says ours. That's exactly how that woman says ours.

[Brett]

I think he's doing raspberries. He's blowing.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe. Maybe yes. Mountain or B hole. Either way.

[Brady]

All right, we'll just continue on to this.

[John Holmberg]

Here we go. Oh, it's a. Oh, God. It's a African American nun performing oral sex on black parishioner. And there's a naked lady with her head backed over a toilet, and she's throwing up on the lady on the ground. It just doesn't. It doesn't. I don't like that at all. I don't like the puke ones. So she's given one guy a mouth hug, and then when it gags her, she throws up on a friend's face. Yeah. All right, all right. Here's a lady birthing a blue thing out of her butt. We don't know what the blue thing is yet, but here it comes. Mario Rubbery.

[Sam Talon]

Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

The blue cube fell out of her ass. And then like. Like a load of.

[Brett]

That's it. Right?

[Brady]

That's about it.

[John Holmberg]

Watered down, mayonnaise came out behind.

[Brady]

And we'll just do that once with this gem.

[John Holmberg]

There's another lady birthing something out, everybody. Oh, it's a big silver ball.

[Brady]

Oh, not just one.

[John Holmberg]

There's two coming out. Oh, she's like a magician. Like when magicians pull eggs out of mouth. Here's the second one. Beautiful mirror. Lots of lubricant leaking out. Here's a third. This is something I'd pay to see in vnaments. Yeah, they. Well, they look heavier than that. There's three. And just the goo. That Four. Are you kidding me? She stacked these gigantic. They're about the size of a softball. And each one that. If there's a fifth one, I'm gonna get up and clap.

[Brady]

All right.

[Brett]

She tapped.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Four is as far as you need to go with that, but I'm impressed at two.

[Brady]

That's all we got. We're like today.

[John Holmberg]

So she's going to win that Crystal Award at the nab. That's. That's. Submit that to Susan, who's asking.

[Brett]

She's a giver.

[John Holmberg]

Susan is asking us for information that we can give to win the Crystal Award for radio. And I think that's one of them. We give to the community. That's how they hand the awards out up there in Vegas for the radio stations. And the Crystal Award for most charitable radio station in America is Katie. KB. What?

[Brett]

John Holmberg, Bluetooth with over 10,000.

[John Holmberg]

Here's the winner. Let's. Can I have the award, please? Thank you very much. Here it is. All right, Sam Talon coming in. Yep. All right, beautiful. We'll talk to him next. There goes your Brady report. It's 98. It's not weird.

[Brett]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard in enough of this morning sickness, you've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here.

[Sam Talon]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Sam Talent is here at the Tempe Improv this weekend, tonight and tomorrow, and a big fan. Yeah, you know what, though? Abductors usually love their. Their hospital hostages.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah, no, it's actually cool. I gave him Stockholm syndrome.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Talon]

Usually it's the other way around.

[John Holmberg]

You made him love you.

[Sam Talon]

He put that pencil in his own ear.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my gosh. That's beautiful. You've been driving around with. With Alex.

[Sam Talon]

Alex Souza? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's for days.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah, he picked it up at the airport at. Yeah, there's, like, a Big Brother program.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, is that right?

[Sam Talon]

Alex is kind of lost in, like, this world. He doesn't know what has any value or meaning or nutrition. So now they brought me in.

[John Holmberg]

You're helping him out. You're a life coach.

[Sam Talon]

You know what I like to think? Life partner.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my.

[Sam Talon]

Alex already has a life partner. Great guy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

So it's like, I don't know why I'm here.

[John Holmberg]

To be the third. That would be pretty good. How come we can't have multiple life partners?

[Sam Talon]

We can. Oh, I guess you guys live in Arizona. It's a long history. Well, I wasn't gonna say which religion.

[John Holmberg]

It's the wacky Mormon.

[Sam Talon]

Hey, let's not say wacky.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they're insane.

[Sam Talon]

These are your adjectives.

[John Holmberg]

You ever met one? Oh, I'll tell you all about them. They're bananas.

[Sam Talon]

I grew up with many Mormons in eastern Colorado.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah? Yeah. So you know.

[Sam Talon]

Oh, I know those ladies, dear.

[John Holmberg]

Clear.

[Sam Talon]

Those girls have to go to secret school before regular school. And boy, boy, do they need a ride back from the church. They'll do anything.

[John Holmberg]

And you were that man. Sure. Let me help you out. That's right. You can soak with them.

[Sam Talon]

You guys have Soak City out here.

[John Holmberg]

It's a water park.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah, it's my favorite place. It's great.

[John Holmberg]

Mormon water park. Soak City. It's just one room.

[Sam Talon]

You know what's funny about the soaking thing is imagining. Because I used to go to a bunch of, like, football camps with giant Mormons, Samoans, and, like, if you get. You go to BYU and your roommate's a 400 pound Samoan guy who has to jump on the bed so you can soak your old lady. It's gonna cripple that. Like, imagine how many little girls got launched losing their virginity at BYU from some flowing Mormons. Yeah, because like a Tongan guy was like, I just want to be a good. I just. I'm not gonna do the voice. They're like, they're my favorite people.

[John Holmberg]

The Tongans are wonderful, dude.

[Sam Talon]

Well, no, hey, yeah, they're all great.

[John Holmberg]

That's great.

[Sam Talon]

No, every Pacific Islander is equally good.

[John Holmberg]

There are assholes in every culture.

[Sam Talon]

Alex is holding up some talking points right now.

[John Holmberg]

Please get off. We have many Samoan complaints.

[Corey]

Yes. All right.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's one thing we could do here in Arizona is really kind of make fun of Samoans.

[Sam Talon]

Well, I'm telling you, the Tempe improv has the strongest chairs in the business. No wicker. All right. There's no hammocks. You get in there. Big boys I would like.

[John Holmberg]

Are you big with the Samoans? Ever been to Samoa?

[Sam Talon]

I have not been to Samoan, but I played offensive line.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, did you?

[Sam Talon]

I had many. Knew them many years.

[John Holmberg]

Where'd you play?

[Sam Talon]

I played. I played in college. I was going to play in college at CU Boulder. I hurt my knee. I signed the letter of intent. So I did not get to play football, but I did get to go to all the camps and just get demoralized by giant men who would eat 30 chicken wings after practice. These guys, dudes, it was nuts because I grew up in like, the middle of nowhere, Colorado. And then you go to football camp and all of a sudden you got black guys, Tongan guys.

[John Holmberg]

You've never seen any of these? No, no.

[Sam Talon]

I mean, your parents did a good.

[John Holmberg]

Job keeping you away from all cultures.

[Sam Talon]

Well, we had the wire.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you did have HBO.

[Sam Talon]

When it was free.

[Corey]

That's right.

[Sam Talon]

The trial.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, that's true. They did kind of did marathons of the wire to get you hooked. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah. You guys were.

[Sam Talon]

The first one was free.

[John Holmberg]

Is this on our planet?

[Sam Talon]

I was in Colorado and I was like, black people are crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Only exposure. How many people lived in your city?

[Sam Talon]

800.

[John Holmberg]

That's it? Yeah. That isn't. You shouldn't even know the language, I don't think.

[Sam Talon]

No, no. We had our own indigenous.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you had your own. When you go back, do you ever go back and go, how did I make it? How did I get out of it?

[Sam Talon]

Yeah, Go back to visit my father.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's there. And he didn't leave?

[Sam Talon]

No, he didn't leave. Whole life. Yeah. Same house.

[John Holmberg]

Fascinating.

[Sam Talon]

It's very strange.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

He's not like a square. Like, we've been all over the world together, but he likes it there. He has this sense of peace.

[John Holmberg]

It's so strange because my. My dad's sister is like, night. She's never left the city. Mount Jewett, Pennsylvania, is like 1600 people total.

[Sam Talon]

Well, Mount Jewett has everything you need right there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the name is very diverse.

[Sam Talon]

You're in the vicinity to Lebanon, you know, I mean, she was.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You're basically dividing up the West Bank.

[Sam Talon]

Hershey parks right there.

[John Holmberg]

But you never leave a small city. That's so strange to me.

[Sam Talon]

I don't get it, man.

[John Holmberg]

But I want to live.

[Sam Talon]

Most people, like, live within. They live their whole lives within 100 miles where they were born.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

And that's very strange to me because the world's so big and beautiful, and there's Fongans and Samoans and Micronesians.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Macronesians. Have you met those? Well, they're getting me started. They're a black.

[Brett]

Don't skirt on that.

[John Holmberg]

I like to play with the Micronesians.

[Brett]

Yes.

[Sam Talon]

They're like a puppet master situation.

[John Holmberg]

That's why they got the name. It's a thing. What's your favorite place?

[Sam Talon]

My favorite place? Yeah, right here.

[John Holmberg]

Tempe.

[Sam Talon]

Tempe, Arizona, man. And I'm there tonight and tomorrow.

[John Holmberg]

That's why he has the last name.

[Sam Talon]

And guess what, guys? Tickets are available.

[John Holmberg]

You got a couple tickets to sell. We'll get rid of them. How much did you weigh when you played O line?

[Sam Talon]

325.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah. Then I would have to cut down to wrestling in, like, two months to 275.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus.

[Sam Talon]

It was all oranges and egg whites and, like, crying.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And a lot of misery and my mom.

[Brett]

Tears and spit.

[Sam Talon]

Oh, tears and spit. Chewing, dude. Chewing cope. Big old horseshoes, a cope. Just sitting in class. And your teacher's like, one of the wrestling coaches. And everyone's like, sam's chewing? Yeah. He's like, sam has a letter jacket.

[Corey]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Where do.

[Sam Talon]

Where do you have. What are you making him flinch?

[John Holmberg]

Sam's allowed to do cocaine in my classroom.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah. And he can rock it up if he wants. Give him some baking soda. I know it's history, but we're doing chemistry today.

[John Holmberg]

We're helping Sam. He's got a. He's got a match.

[Brett]

He's going to be the volcano.

[Sam Talon]

So you rested at, like, 280, 275.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so. And you're running 320 during football? I wasn't running around a football field, but that. Yeah.

[Corey]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

Offensive line, didn't you want to, like, was that something that was like, a goal? Were you good at football? And you're like, oh, no, I got too big. And now I've just got to stand here and hit.

[Sam Talon]

I wanted to dance.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

No, I. First of all, it was never an option for. To do any other.

[John Holmberg]

You're going to be on the.

[Corey]

Really?

[Sam Talon]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You were always the big kid.

[Sam Talon]

In third grade, I was like. Like 5 foot 6 and like 180 pounds. They had to make special rules for me where you couldn't line up over center because I would just crush the center into the quarterback. And then the coaches were like, this man is ruining our boy's time on the field. And my dad was the coach, and he's like, that's my boy. Yeah, you don't make my boy feel weird for his body. And they were like, but he should.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, look at him. He's amazing.

[Sam Talon]

We had to import the helmet. His pants are sewn together. What are we talking about?

[John Holmberg]

You were the first technically kind of trans athlete. Well, you went into a sport you didn't belong in. I sort of have dominate. Yeah. Well, there was.

[Sam Talon]

I was very busty.

[Corey]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Very sexy. I'm sure. I'm not going to say you were young. They were. They were pouty.

[Sam Talon]

No, but there was something about me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

I brought a sultriness to.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. To the old line. Yeah. It's not hard to just lowball. Yeah. Did you. Did you. When you realized, oh, I'm not gonna be able to play anymore, was it crushing or were you, like, good?

[Sam Talon]

No, I was. I was broken. I was ripped wide open. It was my whole identity.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah. I mean, it was like, okay, I'm gonna go football. I'll go to see you. Boulder. Boulder's the big city.

[John Holmberg]

It's cool.

[Sam Talon]

There's chicks with armpit hair. Like, it's gonna be awesome. I'm gonna live in the future, you know? But no, instead, I went to a Metro State University of Denver.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, geez.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah. Which was a commuter school, which was the opposite, because, like, Boulder, when I was getting recruited, like, 2004, 2005, they got in huge trouble for, like, hiring strippers to come to recruitment stuff in Boulder.

[John Holmberg]

That's great.

[Sam Talon]

So when I went in 2004, they were like, hey, do you guys. Do you guys, like, Playing Jenga, huh?

[John Holmberg]

That was the sell. Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

And like when I went to tcu, like, they made, you know, they made the prostitute dig her own grave. But we had a lot of fun down there. I mean, byu. Let's just say we were all jumping on the bed.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

So you go to a metro college in Denver.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then you realize I'm either funny or I'm gonna.

[Sam Talon]

My mom got me improv classes for my 18th birthday.

[John Holmberg]

Is that right?

[Sam Talon]

Knew how like, like sad I was about going to Metro.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Nothing better than putting a sad kid in improv.

[Brett]

Oh, sure.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's the best medicine.

[Sam Talon]

There's no yes ending. There's a lot of. What? No.

[John Holmberg]

What's the point? What happened? Nihilism and improv are always fun. This isn't wow, right?

[Sam Talon]

It was.

[John Holmberg]

You started.

[Corey]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

And it was like. It was fun, man. I mean, she bailed me out.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. Yeah. You give her the credit for starting this whole thing?

[Sam Talon]

Well, yeah, I mean, my dad had something to do do with it.

[John Holmberg]

Well, sure.

[Sam Talon]

You're the miracle of life.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He put life inside my mom.

[Sam Talon]

She did crap out the 12 pound baby.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So you were 12 pounder. You were an O lineman in. In the maternity ward. Oh, yeah.

[Sam Talon]

And I was a football.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. My God, you don't look gigantic now.

[Sam Talon]

Well, I lost £85 since the last time you guys.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah, I'm very sick.

[John Holmberg]

Doing what?

[Sam Talon]

Yeah, well, it's HIV right now.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, well, yeah, but they, you know, you know, a little big Tarvy and you're gonna.

[Sam Talon]

Alex says there's a lot of stuff. There's a lot of medicine you can take. I'm new to it.

[John Holmberg]

He's an old hand dude.

[Brett]

Have you tried this?

[John Holmberg]

That's what he gives everybody for Christmas. You get big tarvy and a flower and I'm like, what in the hell is Alex? You know the name. Oh, of course. The commercial's hilarious. It's a. It's that massive trans Indian.

[Brett]

A couple seconds, a couple of views.

[John Holmberg]

He's attacking a small bald Filipino man.

[Sam Talon]

Let's not say attacking.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's two men, for God's sakes. It's an attack. It's a complete and utter attack. It is funny.

[Brett]

He blinked twice.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's like help me written on his eyelids.

[Sam Talon]

Look, the Filipinos. It's a beautiful culture.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You know, look, it's an attack if you tell me I've got hiv, but I'm pilled up and I don't get away. Alex told me this.

[Sam Talon]

Alex is watching. Ticket counts go down somehow.

[John Holmberg]

Should we use condoms? Come on. Come on.

[Sam Talon]

You crazy?

[John Holmberg]

The pills stop everything now.

[Corey]

They use condoms.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady (on vacation)]

The.

[John Holmberg]

The. The big Tarvy. Oh, did you find her that as prescribed and getting to. They get married. Have you followed this look?

[Sam Talon]

I love love, bro. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The big Tarvy commercial is like a soap opera. Each one progresses with their relationship. And the giant Indian man.

[Sam Talon]

I don't think if you have hiv, you're supposed to get tattoos. I think that's one of the big.

[John Holmberg]

Rules that's very frowned upon.

[Brett]

Breastfeeding.

[Sam Talon]

You got to disclose that when you walk in.

[John Holmberg]

Did they say that at the. I didn't see the fine print underneath this. You shouldn't be doing any of what these people are doing.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah. It's like, no going on hikes with your lover.

[John Holmberg]

They get married. And that little Filipino victim has been married to that Indian chief for a long time now.

[Sam Talon]

Well, at least she's the chief.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's true. If you're gonna. If you're gonna do it, dig for gold, man. It's true.

[Sam Talon]

If you're gonna fall in love.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, if you're gonna fall in love with your attacker, make sure that they've got a little success again.

[Sam Talon]

Me and Alex.

[John Holmberg]

You and Alex. All day long. Sam Talents at the Tempe Improv tonight and tomorrow. Are you married?

[Sam Talon]

Yeah. Happily.

[John Holmberg]

Are you?

[Sam Talon]

Okay?

[John Holmberg]

That's good. Kids?

[Sam Talon]

No kids.

[John Holmberg]

Don't want them. No. It's awesome not having them.

[Sam Talon]

I'm so selfish.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's why I. People get mad at you when you say that. Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

Body still.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you.

[Corey]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's old, but it's okay, man.

[Sam Talon]

You're over there stretching.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, okay. Because my hips are hurt. I understand.

[Sam Talon]

I get it.

[Brett]

It does it everywhere.

[John Holmberg]

My feet. My hips are. I've had both my hips replaced. Really? Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

I'm like, what, they replace them with elbows?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they put my elbows down there just for fun. Just for giggles.

[Sam Talon]

Keep them guessing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I just had people, like, watch what I can do, and I can kick footballs with my arm now. It's an amazing thing.

[Sam Talon]

Are you married?

[John Holmberg]

I am. Awesome. I love being married.

[Sam Talon]

I love my wife.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well.

[Brett]

Keepers.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

I'm a promise keeper.

[John Holmberg]

It feels like you're coming after all of them.

[Sam Talon]

We had those guys where I grew up.

[John Holmberg]

Promise.

[Brett]

That was the.

[John Holmberg]

In Colorado. Yeah. I went to.

[Sam Talon]

And I grew up 45 minutes from there, and I went to a graduation party at a Promise Keepers, like kids house. Boy. Howdy. Was that A not a good time. He made us pray before we cut the cake. And I was like, this is a graduation cake. What's this? I have a big question about the cake. Not about, like, honoring the covenant with God and your wife.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I liked it so much. I've been married twice. Wow. Hey, just keep doing it. That's cool, man. Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

Is it? I. Hey, love.

[John Holmberg]

Love.

[Sam Talon]

And with Vic Tarvey, you can.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you can love whatever you want.

[Brett]

Whenever you get ink up.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. Yeah. Get ink. I can get some HIV tattoos.

[Corey]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

You should get positive on your bald head.

[John Holmberg]

I'm positive. Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

And everyone's like, what a great attitude.

[John Holmberg]

He's a winner. Yeah. I might want HIV now. I think Sam just sold it. It sounds more fun.

[Sam Talon]

You know what? It's working great for me and my.

[John Holmberg]

Body, and you look great.

[Sam Talon]

I feel great.

[John Holmberg]

What's the end goal of the weight?

[Sam Talon]

110 pounds.

[John Holmberg]

That's good. That's really. I want to be a puddle.

[Sam Talon]

I'm going to have my friend. I'm going to just come out in a wheelbarrow and plop onto the stage.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, you know what?

[Sam Talon]

Puddle time.

[Brett]

He oozes on the stage.

[John Holmberg]

You should want to try to get back to birth weight. Let's just go for it.

[Sam Talon]

You know what? That was my birth.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Sam Talon]

That is.

[John Holmberg]

You're a big baby.

[Corey]

It's kilos. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You go all the way around and you know you're done. When you're back to 9.3 and I.

[Sam Talon]

Dig up my mom, go back in.

[John Holmberg]

Just going back in. I'm crawling in this old.

[Corey]

Can we say that on the radio?

[John Holmberg]

Sure. You can get in your mom's vagina anytime you want. Here, here. It's a safe place, Sam. And I hate that you're maniacally laughing at the idea of being in your mother, but this is Ed Gein stuff right now.

[Sam Talon]

She'd be so bummed if I did that. You think my dad would be like.

[Corey]

Buddy, what are you doing?

[John Holmberg]

I have to. But you. That's disgusting.

[Brett]

Part of my commitment.

[Sam Talon]

That is horrifying.

[John Holmberg]

Sam's at the Tempe Improv tonight and tomorrow. Leave us with words of wisdom. Sam Talent tell us how to fix the planet as quickly if you were in charge today.

[Brett]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

What changes?

[Sam Talon]

I think that everyone needs to just hold their loved ones dear and find the nutrition and the simple things of life. You know, eating berries, going on a bike ride, watching the sun go down. Our phones have replaced the world.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

The world's the most Beautiful thing there is. It's the only thing there is. So get off your phone and get into the touch and the taste and the smell and the hearing experiences of life.

[John Holmberg]

So go touch a lot.

[Sam Talon]

Go sensual touch strangers.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett]

And the award goes to.

[John Holmberg]

You're going to jail. No, that's. That wasn't beautiful.

[Sam Talon]

He told me that too.

[Brady]

You're going to get to commercial.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Don't touch people.

[Sam Talon]

Getting involved.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brady]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Sam Talon]

At the clock.

[John Holmberg]

He's like Robert Ory comes in at the last minute, wins the game. You're Robert Ory. You are. Big game. Big game. Bobby.

[Sam Talon]

I'm Vladi Divock.

[John Holmberg]

Always a pleasure to have you. Ditto.

[Sam Talon]

You guys rule.

[John Holmberg]

Next time we see you, you should be down around like an 8th grade girl weight.

[Sam Talon]

Let's see.

[John Holmberg]

Let's work.

[Sam Talon]

I might go all the way back.

[John Holmberg]

No, don't do it. It's a beautiful thing. Sam, always good to see you. 10:00pm Prov tonight and tomorrow. Go see Sam. Talon. It's 98. Hey, it's not weird.

[Brett]

It's pretty cool actually. No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this morning sickness.

[Corey]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[John Holmberg]

He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. It is officially time to bring it up and get it done. How about this? Tickets available at Copper Blues. Doctor for Night of the Singing Dead 2025. It is official. You can get on there and get your tickets. Copperblues. Doctor.com. it's on our Halloween night this year. It's the Friday the 31st. We do the entire night of drinking, dancing and having fun. It is a fun show. We have a good time doing it every year. The costume this year I'm very excited about. Should be great. I've got an idea for you and Brett. I'm gonna need you guys to follow up on Brady. That. That I think will be fun. And then we'll make all this happen. But it's just basically a night of us singing songs with bands who have had someone in them die. A lot of times the singer's dead, sometimes it's somebody else. But the band is not unscathed from the inevitability of death. And we bring that person back to life right there on stage and do the Night of the Singing Dead. It's a blast. We have fun. It's a desert ridge out there. You know where that is? And it's copper blues. Doctor.com the place isn't even open right now because they're still going through like remodel stuff. They're gonna crank it open just for the this special event. Bring you ghouls down there, costumes. We're gonna have stuff for you, KPD stuff all over the place. And just, you know what, if you've ever been to one in the past, you know, it's just a dopey party. That's all. We're doing a Halloween party where we sing and dance and everybody has fun. So get your tickets now. Copper blues doctor.com for Night of the Singing Dead 2025 got a rehearsals beginning and pretty excited about it. A lot of new things. And yes, Ozzy will be prominently placed in several places. It's time for the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] that's the home of tactical Black self defense training. Yeah, that story we did this morning about the lady in Ohio kicked that guy's door down, walked into his bedroom and filleted his testicles or his scrotum. Opened it right up. Yeah, they got to teach a defense for that. There's a defense for everything. You never know when somebody's going to go nuts. And we read about it all the time. What if that happened to you? It's called preparation. It's not paranoia. Probably won't. But just in case, like having a fire alarm. You probably won't have a fire, but it's always good to have something telling you, hey, that's a fire. Same with your life. You'll get in great shape while you're there too. It's a blast to do. And you'll never get bored from the workouts that tactical black gives you. Tactical black is the way to do it. ReactDefense.com is the place to go go. It's the home of tactical Black self defense. Brady Entertainment.

[Brett]

Bradley Cooper is in talks to join Margot Robbie and the Ocean's eleven prequel, Ocean's fourteen. They're saying the Ocean's eleven prequel, which.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, a prequels Ocean's ten.

[Brett]

Yeah, yeah. They haven't named it yet. I don't think I. You think they'd go with Ocean's 10.

[John Holmberg]

But who's in it but Ocean's 11?

[Brett]

Bradley Cooper and Margot Robbie.

[John Holmberg]

But it's the amount of people that they hire, which is why they had 11. Was Danny Ocean's 11 people. It wasn't the 11th installment. It was always the amount of guys they Needed to pull off the heist. That was the whole point of the original Ocean's Eleven with Sinatra. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good movie. The second people think it's like, oh, like, because we're so.

[Brett]

Yeah, they keep.

[John Holmberg]

I think it's like Freddy Krueger movies.

[Brady]

As long as they don't do Oceans Girls again.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they did. That was terrible. And remember, wasn't it called Ocean's Eight?

[Brady]

I think so, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And it was. And oddly enough, which is exactly 2/3 of 11, which is what they paid the women compared Ocean's 11 as well, which is pretty great.

[Brett]

WNBA star Angel Reese will become the first professional athlete to walk the Runway at the Victoria's Secret fashion show.

[John Holmberg]

Fantastic. Great statistic from Game 3 of the WNBA Finals. Again, we've all got the Merc Mania tonight. It all ends because one of their players can't play tonight due to confusion. That's a real thing. She's not in the game tonight. Confusion for confusion. She got a little concussion or something, so she's confused. So an amazing statistic. An amazing first happened in game three. It was a 90 to 88. I don't know if you talked about this on the sports channel over there. Thriller, the game three you haven't talked about. What are you catching up to game two. Oh, listen to this. I don't know if you know about this amazing statistic I'm about to hand out. Yes, game three the other night, 90 to 88. Buzzer beater, I believe by Asia Wilson, was it not? She hit the. Okay, hits the buzzer beater right over a double team. Now, normally when you talk about this situation, you have to explain double team. But no, in this was an actual basketball double team. It is the first time in NBA, wnba, Major League Baseball, NFL that a walk off a game winner. A buzzer beater was shot and hit over a married couple. It's never happened before in the history of sports. Her buzzer beater shot went over 2 Mercury that share a bed together and scissor. Am I wrong? Gore, you work at a sports station. Oh, wait, your mic's not working. Say again? Oh, wait, they're married. Yeah, I know they're married. Yeah, that's what I just said. Yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

Follow the bouncing ball.

[John Holmberg]

They're. Yeah, well, you can't. It goes over you if you're married. And were they spatting or something?

[Corey]

I don't believe so.

[John Holmberg]

Do you think they went home and fought like a married couple?

[Corey]

I talked about in the car. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You got in My way.

[Brett]

If we would have held hands.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, if you would have gone with my idea. That's what I. They gotta get in the car on the way home. First time ever a game was one with a game winning shot over a married couple. That's what you get in the WNBA that you don't get anywhere else. Gay marriage on the same team, huh? You act like you're not even amazed by this.

[Brett]

Play together, you can stay together.

[John Holmberg]

You think that's what they say? That's been an old adage since legalizing of gay marriage in like 2017.

[Brett]

Playing sports together.

[Corey]

It's coming to golf.

[Brett]

Don't worry.

[Corey]

It's coming to golf.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's. But you can't hit a buzzer beater over a married couple in golf. Now you could be in third place, sink a putt. Yeah, but still then you would pass two and they're competing for each other. It's an individual sport in team sports. Yes. There has never been a married couple standing in the way that got dunked on by a hoe. Great. It's a great stat.

[Brett]

Ryder Cup?

[John Holmberg]

Nope.

[Brett]

Alternate shot.

[John Holmberg]

If a couple of those dudes end up getting married on four ball day. And let's say Davis Love and Mick Fleetwood. I call him Mick Fleetwood because it's funny. They're playing and then let's say DeChambeau and not on live.

[Corey]

They're not getting gay married.

[John Holmberg]

They're not playing to live and getting gay married because you'll get strung up down there in Saudi. He's right. But let's just say, yeah, Scotty scheffler and Bryson DeChambeau got married and Matt Fleetwood or whatever his name was, and. And they beat him with a, you know, an eagle putt and jumped over him and go 1 up on 18. That would be the only way to happen. So we need a couple of golfers to get hitched. I don't. I'm gonna go out on a limb here. I don't see that happening again anytime soon. That's a tough one.

[Brett]

It'll be a while.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's going to be a minute before a married couple gets. Gets shot over game winner. The two people defending you are married.

[Brett]

They won't ever double team again, I don't think.

[John Holmberg]

Wow, that's not true. Maybe not in basketball.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's a great stat, I'll tell you that for sure. Can you think of it? You work at a sports station.

[Sam Talon]

No.

[John Holmberg]

What other times have a married couple even been on the floor together?

[Corey]

I mean, debatably you could say like a golfer in the caddy, but that'd be it.

[John Holmberg]

Are they married? Sometimes once in a while, you'd let a woman carry your bags.

[Brett]

Calcavecchia used to have his.

[John Holmberg]

His wife carried.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's slavery. That's a heavy bag. Good marriage, I guess it is. That's a good wife.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

And Calcavecchia is one of Brett's people. Carry my bags.

[Brady]

You know what's good for you.

[John Holmberg]

Know what's good for you. You're gonna. Hey, look, if you're gonna spend half of the winnings, you gotta earn it, all right? There you go. You imagine the fight on the way home if you and Ronnie blew a buzzer beater.

[Brady]

Whoa, careful.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's true. You imagine the fight on the way home if you asked Ronnie.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

To blow the buzzer. And Corey, that is a maniacal Ed Gein laugh. Please don't do that. Ever. It's fine. You should go as Ed Gein. Now that that's such a popular thing, man, would you pull that off?

[Brett]

Only guilty of two murders.

[John Holmberg]

Ed Gein.

[Brett]

Yeah. They found remains of ten.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they only found they didn't have.

[Brett]

Very good DNA evidence like the two we can confirm.

[John Holmberg]

Well, when they found the other one, when they found the skin suits, they weren't really worried about putting them away for murder anymore. It was a different time. He's got a lot under his belt there. That's just even worse than murder, right? Sorry, buddy. I. I got off my WNBA knowledge.

[Brett]

The greatest horror villain of every decade over the last 100 years.

[John Holmberg]

Horror villain? Yes, over the last 100 dot com. Oh, Nosferatu. In the 20s.

[Brett]

In the 20s, correct.

[John Holmberg]

Count Orlok 30 would have been Boris Karloff's Frankenstein. Frankenstein. That was my other one.

[Brett]

40S.

[Brady]

Mummy.

[Brett]

That was Cheney Jr. World War II.

[John Holmberg]

Not the mummy.

[Brady]

Phantom of the Opera.

[John Holmberg]

Wolf Boy. Oh, that's right.

[Brett]

50S.

[John Holmberg]

Had to be aliens.

[Brett]

That's what I'm not. Wrote a pen mark from the Bad Seed. One of the evil kid movies. Oh, it's a classic.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so classics we don't remember. 60s would have been. Well, it was a Sidney Potty and Guess who's Coming to Dinner.

[Brett]

Close.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but that's how white America saw that movie.

[Brett]

Who, Normie Bates?

[John Holmberg]

No, Norman Bates was not. Yeah, that's true. Good one.

[Brett]

70S.

[John Holmberg]

Michael Myers, actually. Was it Michael Myers?

[Corey]

Yeah, for sure.

[Brett]

You wouldn't go 79, right? Or 77?

[Brady]

78, I think.

[John Holmberg]

You wouldn't go with Pazuzu and Regan from the extra.

[Brady]

That one Scared me more. But Michael Myers was such a big.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

I mean, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

80S Jason. I'd say Jason or Freddy.

[Brett]

Freddy Krueger.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

90S.

[John Holmberg]

The Friends cast.

[Brady]

Blair Witch Project.

[Brett]

Candyman Candy.

[John Holmberg]

What was a weak decade?

[Brett]

2000S.

[Corey]

Scary movie.

[John Holmberg]

90S. If you're going to go with that kids movie, then the worst 90s one would have been Hannibal Lecter. That would have been a better choice there. The 90s. Yeah. What was Scary Movie? It would be this. Or Scream.

[Brett]

Yeah. You got the first jigsaw.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Okay.

[Brett]

2010S.

[John Holmberg]

Geez, I don't even know the doll.

[Brett]

Annabelle.

[John Holmberg]

Annabelle the doll.

[Brett]

Conjuring man.

[John Holmberg]

We got all of these, I think.

[Brett]

Except this one is 2020. They're saying.

[John Holmberg]

What would be a bad one for that?

[Corey]

The account centers.

[Brady]

The Kardashians.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's racist. You can't have that, Corey, as much as you're begging for it.

[Brett]

Art the Clown from the Terrifier movies.

[John Holmberg]

I have not seen any of them. All right.

[Brett]

Looks like Disney's gonna do a live action version of Tangled.

[John Holmberg]

The hair one.

[Brett]

Yep, yep. And they're looking to book Scarlett Johansson as the evil mother. Mother Gothel.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, a guy just emailed me, said, john, I just purchased a VIP table for the night of the Singing Dead, and it wasn't the cheapest thing, so I'm just asking in return that you don't suck. I'd have told you not to get a VIP table. That's insanity. One of the promises of that is that, you know, I meet you, I hang around afterwards the whole time. Like, I meet everybody. And not because I want to. It's just because where the drinks are.

[Brett]

Michael J. Fox asked for his role in the upcoming third season of Shrinking. He told the show's creator, you're doing a show about Parkinson's and you didn't call me. So whether or not because Harrison Ford.

[John Holmberg]

He'S got Parkinson's, he doesn't have what Michael has, which is uncomfortable to watch to the point where you would turn it off. Parkinson's. Nobody wants to. And I feel bad, but you can't. Like, nobody wants. Did you see that thing when he was trying to walk from a podium to his chair? And it's just like, don't show us this anymore. Like, this is a private life for him. And I know he wants to do a lot of work, but if they.

[Brett]

Get Monty Python it up, you know, like give him a pot of coffee or something in glasses where he's going there. It's just.

[John Holmberg]

You just want him to do random Sesame Street.

[Brett]

The guy with the cakes always drop.

[John Holmberg]

So what you're creating is a thing called Fun with Parkinson's. Yeah.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's comedy. Real silver lining you're putting on this.

[Brett]

Flash says there might be.

[John Holmberg]

I'm Michael J. Fox. Time for Fun with Parkinson's. Mallory. Michael's gonna try to take a cake all the way across a restaurant floor without hitting one person in the face. Look out, Doc. Marty, look out. He's got to play Tapper the live version. You're an asshole, Brady.

[Brett]

Slash says we might be getting close to a new GnR album in the near future.

[Brady]

That's always better than last one.

[John Holmberg]

It's underrated material. Standby. Chinese Democracy is being wildly underrated. It's because Axl Rose was involved. Anyone else puts that album out, you're like, this isn't bad. There's a but. Because the expectations for a decade were, what do you got? What do you got? And he wouldn't shut up about how great it is. And then it kept getting delayed.

[Brady]

I think it's average. Inevitably, nothing that grabs you on that.

[John Holmberg]

Album, I think it would have had it been timely. I don't know. Yeah. Came out 10 years after they said.

[Brady]

There's nothing like. Oh, that. That's the song. There's no welcome to the Jungle. There's no November Rain. There's no, you know, Sweet Child. Oh, my. There's not a song. It's. There's some good songs.

[John Holmberg]

I got that. The guitar work on that is unreal. Real. That. What's his name? The.

[Brady]

Name one song.

[John Holmberg]

I can't do that anyway. But I. But.

[Brady]

But you can name other GnR songs. That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

But it's a very.

[Brett]

I still don't believe it came out.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody, I'll say this. Okay.

[Brady]

I don't hate it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'll go with you on this. Everybody said it sucked. It didn't.

[Brady]

Right. No, I'm not.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe. Maybe it wasn't.

[Brady]

It just was.

[John Holmberg]

Not their best work, was there? But, yeah, it's. It had quality to it that everybody said, oh, it's. They dismissed it as terrible. It wasn't terrible. It actually was very listenable. It just wasn't great. That's fair to say. But people are like, I hope this. And I hope they do put on it when it was. Slash wasn't on it and all that other stuff.

[Brett]

But maybe they'll be part of the turning point. Halftime.

[John Holmberg]

Think the new GnR would be part of the new.

[Brady]

The Headline keeps going up there. They're looking. They wanted Creed up there for the.

[John Holmberg]

Turning Point halftime show. Good Lord.

[Brett]

Yeah, they talked.

[John Holmberg]

Literally, just watch the Puerto Rican kid dance in a dress. Shut up. I'm not watching anybody speak another language. In my country, okay? Enjoy never having busboys. It's okay to sing in another language. What is so scary about that? Our kids will be indoctrinated into speaking Spanish and wearing dresses. That's your fault. If your kid watches the halftime show, goes to his room, comes back in his mom's clothes and goes, hola, Papa, that. You've been doing a terrible job to begin with.

[Brett]

You got something.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I told you, honey. I told you. You have a fragile boy. If Corey starts showing up to work after the super bowl and make up very ed gain, by the way, makeup and dresses. And then goes, hola, I only speak Espanol. See? Pinch John. Like, hi, Corey. I get it. Bad Bunny did this to you. It's 9:32. We got the Guadalupe Squares sitting and waiting on us. What are we giving away? Do you know, Brett? What do you got in there? Give us a call. We need a girl, we need a boy. 5, 8, 5, 9800. The Guadalupe squares require two contestants. And then we play. You got it.

[Brady]

It's coming up. As soon as this computer.

[Brett]

Stretch, stretch, stretch.

[John Holmberg]

Saying stretch is not stretching. Just the opposite.

[Brady]

Oh, Nine Inch Nails tickets.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, for the March show. They're back in March. And you got tickets to go see Nine Inch Nails. You want to play 5, 8, 5, 9. 800 is the number. The Squares are next. It's not weird.

[Brett]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. You P.D. hornberg's morning sickness.

[Corey]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[John Holmberg]

He's evil sitting right here.

[Sam Talon]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. All right, everybody. Well, no, no, no. It's time now for us to do them. Guadalupe Squares. Yeah.

[Corey]

Didn't get to do them last week. Y' all left all of a sudden.

[John Holmberg]

We left and I forgot to tell you. I thought of that on Monday. Literally told Corey we weren't coming Friday. But you were already here.

[Corey]

Yeah, I was here. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't have to drive in.

[Corey]

No, no, no, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, good. Sorry.

[Sam Talon]

Thriller.

[Corey]

No, you're fine.

[John Holmberg]

You had something to say? Listen to this. Brett, you're gonna love this. Cory just told us this. Yeah, Last week you had a bone to pick with Brady, which is why? You were excited about coming in to host the squares and we weren't here Friday. Yes, but Brady, earlier in the week had announced that it was at one of the days of the week, it was National Produce Sprinkler. Produce Sprinkler Day.

[Brett]

Misting the Veg.

[John Holmberg]

Misting the Veg. Yeah. And we made Nathan Sutherland.

[Corey]

No, that's a band name for.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he likes to. Because Nathan Sutherland used to miss the veg. It was kind of a neat thing.

[Corey]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You had a beef with Brady.

[Corey]

I do have a beef. Because I looked at that same day, and I realized looking at, like, the whole list of holidays, one is Cerebral Palsy Day. What? I have.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, it was Brady.

[Brett]

I skipped you over because I couldn't pronounce vegetables.

[Corey]

The food you don't eat.

[John Holmberg]

No, he brought you up. Brady's got a point. If he'd have hosed you off, it would have been the same thing, right? Not yet.

[Corey]

Still, mostly works.

[John Holmberg]

So you. You were. You were listening to that as a person with cerebral Palsy. Yes, but a very light form.

[Corey]

It's a special form.

[Brett]

So one fist in the air, for sure.

[John Holmberg]

So, yeah, you were like, brady's gonna bring this up. And Brady says, hey, just want to.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Quickly point out Big national missed the veg Day.

[Corey]

I was like, come on, man. If I was in the room, you would have said it.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't hobble down the hallway and say, hey, man, I was already out.

[Corey]

When I heard it. It was an early day that day.

[John Holmberg]

You left at 6, 7, I guess. Yes. It was a weird overnighter. Brady, you should apologize.

[Brett]

I'm sorry I missed that.

[Corey]

That's all right. That's all right. I'll hold you to it, though, for next time.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Next.

[Brett]

Remind me always remember what it is.

[John Holmberg]

You know, what I'll never not think of. And I think you've planted a very bigoted seed. Whenever the misting happens at the grocery store, I'm gonna be like, cerebral Palsy. That reminds me of Cerebral Palsy.

[Brett]

Good Awareness.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry about that. Thriller.

[Corey]

Oh, no, I'm not that mad.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just.

[Corey]

Just saying, like, the one day of the year where.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What do you guys do on National Cerebral Palsy Day?

[Corey]

Survive.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Just another day in the.

[Corey]

Get through it. That's a. Mission accomplished.

[John Holmberg]

Just survival is.

[Corey]

Avoid staircases.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Or do I not try something?

[Brady]

Isn't that every day?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, every day. Cerebral. What is different about Cerebral Palsy Day?

[Corey]

It's just more like a national, like, awareness thing.

[John Holmberg]

We're aware of It.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah, it's there.

[Corey]

Everyone stares.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? I'm really aware of that I don't have it. So I. I now call it national Be. Be grateful you don't have cerebral palsy day.

[Corey]

That's a good way to look at it.

[John Holmberg]

That's a better way to do it.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I'm up and down those stairs 10, 12 times a day. Easy. Nothing to it. You take the stairs. Will you take the stairs with me today?

[Sam Talon]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Do you do the stairs?

[Corey]

Yeah, all the time.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Corey]

I never use the elevator here.

[John Holmberg]

You climb the stairs.

[Corey]

It's one floor.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I know, but it still is.

[Brady]

Meanwhile, Dale uses the elevator.

[John Holmberg]

What? Dale has a lot worse than terrible.

[Corey]

Oh, yeah, he's got.

[John Holmberg]

What would you rather have, Corey's thing or Dale's thing?

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Corey]

You get rings, though, if you go. Dale, you get rings.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you had rings. I'm talking about now. Oh, yeah, I'm taking your thing. Really? Yeah. At least I can get some sympathy pee off of that.

[Brett]

You don't walk in with a bunch of wounds.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. Dale's all chopped up all the time. Anyway, let's get to these squares. Brady, good thing you apologize. It's time for your Guadalupe Squares Nine Inch Nails to go. It's on the line today. Thriller. Take it away. Thank you, Chancellor.

[Corey]

Let's begin. Top left square. Gene Simmons starting out. How are you, sir?

[John Holmberg]

Exactly right. I'm very sleepy and I shouldn't be driving. But today I will be driving for Kiss Uber. Going out today. And you can take your chances that you'll be in a car with Gene Simmons and I'll fall asleep behind the wheel and crash and leave you with an amazing story.

[Brett]

I'm in.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly right. Brady, on the way in this morning, I smashed into your daughter's car just for fun. You're welcome. And you owe me $5,000 for being blessed by the Kiss chariot that smashed into your vehicle. Brett, you're next. It's a wonderful day. It's wonderful. Corey, do you have a car or do you have a driver?

[Corey]

No, I still drive.

[John Holmberg]

That horrifies me. One of us should not be driving. And I sleep behind the wheel. And it's safer than when Corey's legs flop around down there like some sort of fan man in front of an auto dealership. That's exactly how I see.

[Brady]

You can start a new Uber. You know, celebrity Ubers. You can bring Dave in with you.

[John Holmberg]

Great idea. Let's get him in here. Dave drove me today because I'm not allowed. Dave. Dave, come on in. Dave Draymond from Disturbed, everyone. Come on in. Dave, tell him this is a great idea. Brett, tell Dave your idea. Hi, Brett. I'm Dave Draymond of Disturbed. Hi, Dave.

[Brady]

How you doing?

[John Holmberg]

Tell me your idea.

[Brady]

Celebrity Uber. You and Gene can start this thing.

[John Holmberg]

Gene, The Driven by Rock Stars. What? What a wonderful idea. Gene, what do you think? Well, I. Dave, think that it's an amazing. It doesn't have to stop at just rock stars. It could be political figures. BB Netanyahu, everyone. Bibi, come on in here. Look at everyone. It's B.B. netanyahu, Dave dreaming, and Gene Bibi. Welcome. Hello, Gene. It's Bibi Netanyahu. People who have never heard this before are confused. It's amazing we all three have the same voice. I'm very busy right now. Verklempt, if you will, over the peace deal with Gachaza. Oh, we're working very hard. No, no, no. This is Bibi. It's clear by the hair.

[Brett]

I can tell.

[John Holmberg]

Jane. Gene. Gene, wake up. It's. I thought it was driving. This is hard for me to keep up with.

[Corey]

All right, now, over to the top, middle square. Jimmy Fallon. And how are you doing?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Jimmy.

[John Holmberg]

Jimmy Fallon, everybody. I haven't been canceled yet.

[Brady (on vacation)]

I'm the only late night show my.

[John Holmberg]

Million votes that has not been canceled. What's going on? I'm going to try a little edgier act now. Oh, okay. Doesn't everybody just hate Charlie Kirk? How about those queers? Js the queer. Just wipe my face. There. Have it been canceled yet? It's great for ratings. Everybody's done it.

[Brady (on vacation)]

You, Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa. I hope your kidney fails.

[Corey]

Whoa.

[John Holmberg]

And which leg is your good leg, Cory? I'm gonna it up today. Oh, my God.

[Sam Talon]

I'm edgy.

[John Holmberg]

Jimmy Fallon. Edgy Jimmy. Eventually the FCC's gonna pay attention to me and I'll get ratings, too. Like those other two absolute over there. I bet you those two have each other's D's in their mouths.

[Brady]

Cheers, Jimmy.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, Brett, how's your wife? I. Oh, never mind. I'll just taste my fingers. How you doing?

[Brady (on vacation)]

I'm Jimmy Fallon.

[John Holmberg]

I'm on the edge. Man, I wish they'd have aborted Corey at an earlier age. They only got halfway finished and he came out. Thank you. I mentioned Jimmy Fallon. Crowd's going nuts. Great. Brady. Jimmy Rickles over here.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Brady.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brett]

Who's on tonight?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Some Dago. Some whopping. A polo. What a lineup. It's pretty great. De Niro, Pesci and I don't even know the last guy. It's gonna be awesome. Looking to settle? What the hell's happening?

[Brady]

We sold out.

[John Holmberg]

I'll take the money. I'll take the money. There you go. Between Kimmel and Colbert. I'm getting my ass kicked out here and having. I gotta do something really edgy. Let's go drink tonight. I'm gonna a goat on the TV and then draw pictures of Muhammad. You guys. Well, best of luck, Scott.

[Brett]

There it is.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks. Thanks. Whatever your name is. I forgot I don't speak to your cousin. How about the blacks? Whoa, whoa. What that? Had enough of them.

[Brett]

Whoa.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, Mexico. There's a wall for a reason. You edgy Jimmy. Edgy Jimmy Fallon.

[Brett]

Quite the 180.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not a 180. No, you cuck.

[Brady]

You said cock, right?

[John Holmberg]

I did. Okay.

[Corey]

Phew. It's close though.

[John Holmberg]

I'll see you tonight at your house when I'm buried in your wife.

[Corey]

Talia.

[John Holmberg]

I meant you should be falling.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Have you been cancelled yet?

[John Holmberg]

I think so.

[Corey]

Well, best of luck to you there, James.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God. Donald Trump is a nimrod. I mean, I say that every night. Never mind. That's normal. Okay. Engine. Jimmy Fallon. Be around if you need me. Okay, don't abort me.

[Corey]

You just rest up.

[John Holmberg]

Abort the gays over.

[Corey]

Now to the top right square. President Trump. How are you, sir?

[John Holmberg]

Jimmy Fallon is begging for one. It's getting close. It's getting awfully close. Fallon's talent. Listen. He's going for it.

[Corey]

You don't listen to Ben, do you?

[John Holmberg]

I don't. I. You know what? I don't. I don't. I like that the whole country is feigning crazy sadness, clutching their pearls. That I went after that lady from New York who tried to prosecute me and I got her. Bye bye. Leticia. You're going away. It's going to be great. And Gutfeld, he's the only late night guy that I like. The only one that's any good. I like him a lot. I also hate Stockholm, I hate Sweden, the whole country, the whole thing. They can go take it in their own mouths, I don't care. Because they didn't give me the Nobel Peace Prize today, Brady. They gave it some Venezuelan broad who I understand right after agreed to do the super bowl next year. And I say no. The super bowl with Bad Bunny, who's a Puerto Rican broad. And then the Venezuelan. Broader. Got the Peace Prize for what? Have you ever heard of a Brady? I didn't even know her name. What in Venezuela is peaceful? What? Nothing at all? I bring peace. Or else. That's how it is.

[Brett]

Take care of everything in Venezuela. All the boats and everything.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. I take out your boats when they're not peaceful. And also I. I cured the Middle East. It's been. They've been trying to do it since Jesus. And even he couldn't do it. I fixed it and I fixed it under the look. I told. I told.

[Brett]

Amazing.

[John Holmberg]

I told the Palestinians. I said, look, we need peace, everlasting peace. And I said I wanted that immediately or we're going to bomb the out of you. That's right. If you don't. If you don't do it, there will be bloodshed like you can't imagine. And I don't know why I didn't get the Peace Prize for that. Cuz they said, okay, hostages are coming home.

[Corey]

I'm sure you'll find a way, sir.

[John Holmberg]

I'll find a way. That's. And I like what Jimmy said about you. Half of your abortion. That made me laugh very hard. Oh, man.

[Corey]

Over now to the middle left square of Bill Belichick and Lou Holtz together. What's up, guys?

[John Holmberg]

Just a couple of college coaches out on the town. I'm gonna take.

[Corey]

You still have a job?

[Brett]

You got a big double date?

[John Holmberg]

Got a double date tonight.

[Brady]

I'm.

[John Holmberg]

I'm introducing Lou to my girl Jordan's sister. She's 22. I'm just so excited about tonight's date. I've got three Viagras in me right now and I plan the tar out of Bill Belichick's daughter in law. It's not my daughter. It's not my daughter in law. That's my girlfriend. Jesus, that seems like it's against God. But you know what? How much time do I have left as the coach of Notre Dame? I used to watch those co eds walk around, get half hard just like the priest, and get in my office and just take care of business. But tonight we're gonna put Bill Belichick, his girlfriend, his girlfriend, sister, and Lou Holtz on the old Lou train. And we're gonna go to town. People around the world. Tell you what, Brady. It's been 64 years since I've had puss in its 20s. And I'm looking forward to the evening like nobody's business. All right, we're gonna take them to Applebee's and Chapel Hill. Maybe go for a really short walk. I can't go for long walks. My knees and feet hurt something fierce. Yeah, mine too. I don't want to do that. So we'll go over the Baskin Robbins.

[Brett]

And order from the secret menu.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we got the secret menu. The Bella check in menu. That sounds exciting. I think I'll just have a vanilla swirl. Oh, you're gonna have a vanilla swirl tonight, that's for sure. She's gonna have a vanilla swirl in her mouth and then we'll swap out. Oh, good. We're gonna snowball with the Belichicks. This is gonna be Ted. I just made myself a little sick. All right, snowball. The Belichick snowball's coming your way tonight, Lou. That means that at the end of it, Bill and I are gonna make out and swap it.

[Corey]

You gonna deflate those two?

[John Holmberg]

Yes, we're gonna have those very displayed and so can be the footballs be deflated and our balls will be deflated at the end of the night. That's a good one. Corey did good job there. He's talking about deflated balls. And if we don't have them by the end of tonight, it's a failure. Bill's taking all us old coaches out for one last spin on the 22 year old training. I'm for one. I'm excited about. It's part of God's plan if you ask me. That's what I think.

[Corey]

All right, now over to the center square Vacation. Brady, what's. What's going on, man?

[Brady (on vacation)]

Hey, I'm out here at Bullfrog spot.

[Corey]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[John Holmberg]

I'm.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Yeah, Cory, I'm sorry. I was very busy. I was on vacation when I came back and you hear me in the studio and somehow or another also we've. The magic trick has died. Sales department went ahead and scheduled my phony phone call during the show. So I guess. I guess the jig is up, everybody.

[John Holmberg]

What are you talking about? You're there till two.

[Corey]

Great phone quality. What happens?

[Brady (on vacation)]

Sometimes that happens. Ask the sales department who scheduled a live phone in during the show.

[John Holmberg]

Magic.

[Brady (on vacation)]

I don't use this phrase too often, but what a bunch of dumb. So anyway, I'm out of Bullfrog Spa. You can come meet me.

[Brett]

Okay.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Because I can transfer myself through space and time like vapor.

[Corey]

It's after Peter Steele.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady (on vacation)]

The sales department is not paying enough attention to realize the show ends at 10. So why not schedule that fake Brady call in at 9:30? Great idea. Susan's crew. Great work. Anyway, weather permitting, I'll be at Bullfrog spot for the rest of my life as I'm trapped in this quantum cube all weekend. Yeah, it looks like I can. I can be here at the drop of a hat a wizard wishes me here.

[Brett]

Can't you make the rain go away.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Then and in the future? KUPD listeners just know when you hear any of us saying, hey, I'm out here at. And it sounds like I'm on the phone.

[Brett]

It's. Can't wait for the replay on Monday.

[John Holmberg]

You just gave it all away. Our secret it. All right, idea. Shannon's also at Bullfrog Spas.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Shannon just joined me out here at Bullfrog Spas.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Hi, Shannon. Shan man's here. We're all here. Look, John just showed up.

[John Holmberg]

What's up, Brady? How you doing, buddy?

[Brady (on vacation)]

Yeah, Bull frogs. Pauses, everyone.

[Brady]

Did Jean Simmons show up, too?

[Brady (on vacation)]

Yes, I did, actually.

[Brett]

I thought he said no.

[John Holmberg]

The phone call was so convincing during the air that I had to see this for myself. That Brady had found a wormhole or.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Some sort of time portal.

[Corey]

A KISS time portal.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Excellent work again, Corey. Yes, portal sponsored by kiss. I want to rock and roll all night and party every day. But there is no night and day for Brady as he has transformed through time and space to be at Bullfrog's paws and here at the same time.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Look, I can come and go as I please.

[Sam Talon]

Whoa.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Amazing.

[Corey]

A temporal ship. But, hey, speaking of wormholes, let's hop on over. Now in Middlebright Square, Stephen Hawking.

[John Holmberg]

How you doing, man? Having me in the show is a lot less impressive than having Brady in two places at once through the black hole that Brady has found. I am an AI sensation since I've died. I am now a skateboard expert. Beef it on the UFC champion. And also, I have wrestled Mr. Rogers several times for the amusement of people on the Instagram.

[Brett]

I haven't seen you win one yet.

[John Holmberg]

I am handicapped to the point where only my eyeballs move. What were your expectations? You might get one.

[Corey]

Think about the betting, though. Think about the payout, though.

[John Holmberg]

My favorite one, Corey, was when I appeared on the Maury Povich show and they said I was not the father, and I walked away. It was a fancy of mine the whole time. And I said, take that business. My computer, a brain word. Morning sickness. 98K PD Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Corey]

All right, over now, bottom left square. Brady secret square. Give us a hint.

[Brady]

Hello.

[Brett]

I'm 42 years old. I'm the lead singer of Hailstorm.

[John Holmberg]

Why Are you a thousand? Why are you the lady on grandma's cookies? Sound like stealth fire I know of if Mrs. Doubtfire was a double transfestite.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Who just showed up at Bullfrog's Pass. Mrs. Doubtfire.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly it.

[Brett]

Sorry about that.

[Brady (on vacation)]

I got involved.

[Corey]

Over now to the bottom of no square. Hugh Jackman. How you doing?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's my birthday, Corey. This weekend I'm here. Happy birthday, big boy. It's gonna be fireworks. And there's gonna be. There's gonna be the hats with fruit on them. It's gonna be amazing. Oh, we're gonna drink milk together like dinner at the Copa. Yeah, we're gonna do it out of the te like baby cows. Oh, it's gonna be. Hi, Brady. Oh, well, you're gonna come dressed as Wolverine again. Oh, yeah, I like that. Brett, you're definitely invited to my birthday. You tall drink of water, you. What a straight as an arrow. Have you seen I've been divorced from my wife for a while, and there are no rumors about a replacement, are there? I'm having the time of my life. Very handsome. It's pride week next week. As I've heard, I might involve myself.

[Corey]

I mean, they'd be happy to have.

[Brady]

You just supporting, right?

[John Holmberg]

I'm just supporting people's needs for in their mouths.

[Corey]

Supporting by example. Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And I'll show you. I'm not afraid of it. That's for sure. I'm Hugh Jackman, and I'm straight. But I can some guy like nobody's business down under is my. My favorite place.

[Corey]

Over now the bottom right square. Our Lord and Savior trip re. Hello, sir.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm busy right now. I got to get over to Bullfrog Spas immediately.

[Brady]

Where's the.

[John Holmberg]

Here we are. Live at Bullfrog Spa.

[Corey]

I've never seen you do a cal.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Br.

[John Holmberg]

How do you do it?

[Brady (on vacation)]

I don't know, boss. If you just walk into kdos, it's like a time machine radio. Yeah, it's like going back in time. So I figured this out, walked through another door, and I was here.

[John Holmberg]

Is it gonna last all day?

[Brady (on vacation)]

I don't know. When we go back, I'm a little scared.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, back in the square.

[Corey]

Wait, you got yourself up and not Brady? He's still down there.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want him here.

[Brett]

What?

[John Holmberg]

He needs to sell spas.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah, that's true.

[John Holmberg]

Great idea, Susan. I'm taking Susan to steak for 44 today for happy hour and a talk. All right, who's on the phone?

[Brady]

Adam and Teresa.

[John Holmberg]

Teresa, are you there? Yes, I'm here. Adam, are you there? Yes, I'm here. All right, Teresa, you're a woman. Go ahead, pick a square. I'm gonna go. Top left, corner, top left.

[Corey]

Gene Simmons.

[John Holmberg]

It's Gene Simmons from Kiss. Of course, you forgot to mention that part, Corey. But I'll take care of it from here. You've chosen Gene Simmons from Kiss. Like 20,000 other women in the world have done in the past. The reason I was sleeping behind the wheel is because when I ejaculate, I go right to sleep. And I'm constantly doing that. So on the road. Everywhere, Corey, everywhere. In fact, I got halfway done with your mom. And that's why you're halfway done.

[Brett]

Thank you very much.

[Corey]

Where's the money?

[John Holmberg]

Well, you have to prove it through DNA. And yours is so scrambled, I don't think it would match.

[Corey]

All right, question for you here. The average.

[John Holmberg]

That was mean. Well, it's true. Look at him. It's like somebody delivered him with a wire whisk.

[Corey]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

His mother took it very seriously. When she said she had fertile eggs. She tried to scramble them. Gene's on a roll. These are KISS jokes. And it is World Egg Day. Sorry about your house. You were deviled eggs, whatever you had.

[Corey]

I'm gonna get her in here one day, I promise.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, good luck. Does she climb stairs?

[Corey]

Yeah, she's totally fine.

[John Holmberg]

Bitch took all the good DNA. All right, go ahead and ask Gene Simmons from Kiss a question. Lisa eagerly awaits my answer.

[Corey]

Here we go. The average person will kiss 21.5 people in their lifetime.

[John Holmberg]

21.5 people. I do that in an afternoon. In fact, watch this. It's Gene Simmons at Bullfrog Spas. I'm going to kiss 21 and a half people before Brady says his next word. How is he?

[Brady (on vacation)]

He did.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Be right back, Brady. All right, so I'm here again. Yes, 21. And how many people have you kissed in your life, Teresa? Whore. All right. The laugh told the story. The number was not small.

[Sam Talon]

All right, Sorry.

[Corey]

Are you saying true or false?

[John Holmberg]

I'll say it's true.

[Corey]

All right. You're saying true, not true, because a.

[John Holmberg]

Lot of people don't kiss anyone. So the balance has to be. I mean, I'm throwing off the curve like Genghis Khan on But.

[Corey]

So you're saying true. Do you agree or disagree with true there, Teresa?

[John Holmberg]

I actually agree.

[Sam Talon]

Correct.

[Corey]

X gets the square.

[Brett]

Of course. You should be.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry. I fell asleep behind the wheel again. Very tired. It happens.

[Corey]

All right, over to Adam. Here, make a choice.

[John Holmberg]

Center square. Was it Brady?

[Corey]

Vacation Brady?

[John Holmberg]

Not really.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Vacation Brady. Grim Portal Brady. Bullfrog Brady discovered the distance between earth and space and time. And it's a man made construct. So I don't hear Bullfrog's paws whenever I wish it.

[Corey]

You see?

[John Holmberg]

Gone.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Do you have any call ins this weekend? Faked. And it will run while you're here?

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Did you guys, prior to this accident on the air, did you guys believe when we would say we were somewhere on the phone? Because it's all crap. All right, well believed. Go ahead.

[Corey]

I got a question for you. Through the wormhole here. Cutting bacon and alcohol completely out of your diet reduces your cancer risk by 66%. True or false?

[Brady (on vacation)]

I heard the question, but real quick, I'd like to say this question is brought to you by Bullfrog Spas.

[John Holmberg]

Belly flop. All right.

[Corey]

Sorry.

[John Holmberg]

Is that trip the belly flop? I found the portal and belly fluffed in the spa.

[Brady (on vacation)]

I'll say that that is true.

[Corey]

Okay, you're saying true now. Adam, do you agree or disagree with true?

[John Holmberg]

I disagree. Correct.

[Corey]

Circle gets the center.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Saved $4,000 on a spa because I didn't have to fill it with water. It's raining, so we're using rain water.

[Corey]

All right, back over to Teresa. Make a choice.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna go with the middle left. Bill Belichick.

[Corey]

All right, Bill Belichick and Lou Holtz.

[John Holmberg]

We're on to the next square. Bill Belichick told me earlier that sometime around noon I should clear my pipe so it lasts longer with Jordan because he's tight as a drum. And he said, I'll finish real quick. Is that Jordan? You learned that the hard way. No, I'm giving up Jordan's sister. Pay attention. So anyway, I. Yeah, first time I was in Jordan, it lasted about two seconds. Cause she's, you know, young.

[Brady]

Nice kill kid.

[Brett]

She's alive.

[John Holmberg]

And I just thought I should share this love of football and young ladies with another guy. Also, UNC football is brought to you by Semen X. Aw, that's right. I don't coach right now, but Semen X has made it so I can candy coat a big girl if I felt like doing it. And make her look like Carol Anne, come out of the TV and post her. Guys. That's my goals. Yeah, you gotta coat that girl. These broads I'm dating nowadays, they like that. They're the porn generation. Oh, this is good. You think she'll go back door? I've never done that before. Yeah, they'll do that they love that stuff. Just move the thong aside. I've never even seen a woman in a thong in person before. This is exciting. Bill Belichick, thanks for introducing me to young ladies. I can't do that one. It's too. All right. Gone.

[Corey]

All right, question for you here it takes around five months or 21 weeks. Weeks to fully grow a brand new toenail.

[John Holmberg]

True or false? Grow a toenail. About five months. I've already got them. You mean if one fell off?

[Corey]

Yeah.

[Brett]

You're big on pedicures.

[John Holmberg]

Do like pedicures. Jordan introduced me to those. Really big fan of that. I bought her one of those. Lulu. Lulu. What are those things called? Those little dolls everybody wants? Yeah. I got her a little Boo Boo for her birthday and she went through them. I don't even know who Le Boo Boo is, but I hope I see a pair of tight ones tonight. I'll say that's true.

[Corey]

All right. You're saying true now. Let's see here. Teresa, do you agree or disagree?

[John Holmberg]

I'll agree. Incorrect.

[Corey]

Circle gets that square.

[John Holmberg]

You know how Red Lobster has Lobster Fest. We're gonna do Lobster Fest tonight. I'm hitting some labs. Bitch.

[Brett]

How long's it been, Lou?

[John Holmberg]

It's been a long time. Jesus has not been kind to me in that department. I praised him and praised. Look, I prayed and prayed and prayed. Let me tell you something right now. It doesn't work when it comes to getting young girls on your rod. Speak for yourself. Well, just for you.

[Corey]

All right, here. Now we can go to Adam and you can get the win if you go for Stephen Hawker.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, let's go with him.

[Brett]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

You and I have very similar sound. You sound like I do when I talk on the radio. You have the same sound on the phone. Have you seen my kick ass new X adventures on the Internet that. Feel free. They're great. Thank you very much.

[Brett]

Are you a bullfrog? Spas too.

[Brady (on vacation)]

I think you shouldn't come out here. It's too dangerous. It's too adventurous for you to sit in the spa.

[John Holmberg]

You're.

[Brady (on vacation)]

You're a ball of energy.

[John Holmberg]

I would agree. It would be safer for me to sit in the spa than this dead weight. All right. Go ahead, Cory.

[Corey]

All right. The average cloud contains around 500 tons. Tons of water.

[John Holmberg]

True or false. By the way, Corey, would you look at me every once in a while and go. It could have been worse.

[Corey]

Yes. 1,000%. Yes. Like the smarts is nice, but I don't want to share.

[John Holmberg]

At least you fall down in the hallway?

[Corey]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even get the opportunity.

[Corey]

No, you. You tumble down there.

[John Holmberg]

I am in a motocross race. There's nothing better than Stephen Hawking's AI character. He holds the inside. That is so amazing.

[Corey]

You're already in third. Pick it up.

[John Holmberg]

They'll get it going. I'm listen to who's talking about slow movement. I would say that the average cloud contains 500 tons of water. Is true.

[Corey]

Okay, you're saying true now. Adam here for the possible win. Do you agree or disagree?

[John Holmberg]

That sounds kind of high. Disagree. Incorrect. Girl win. I don't know. Screwed up. Oh, last one should have been. Yeah, we gotta go.

[Sam Talon]

Yeah.

[Corey]

All right. One more here from Theresa.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Bullfrog's bow also has about 500 tons of water. Well, 500 tons. Me and water.

[Corey]

All right, Teresa, make your choice.

[Brett]

I'm gonna go with top middle for Jimmy Fallon.

[John Holmberg]

Top middle.

[Corey]

Jimmy Fallon.

[John Holmberg]

It's not just Jimmy Fallon anymore. It's racy Jimmy Fallon. Biggie Jimmy. That's right. I'm trying to get canceled screen for ratings. To get the FCC up your ass.

[Corey]

You gotta do what top 10 curse words.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what you said debut about the time I your mom.

[Corey]

Again. If you did, you'll be wrong yourself.

[John Holmberg]

I got myself in that one. I always laugh at my own jokes, but that one's really good. Teresa, what do you think of abortion for Corey? Okay, I see what I did. It's never too late.

[Corey]

Like a thousand months, man.

[John Holmberg]

When they walk around the aquarium for abortion up to the 312th trimester. Okay, ask me my question.

[Brady]

All right.

[Corey]

All right, cripple.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Am I canceled yet?

[John Holmberg]

No. What are you laughing at? They're very stain.

[Corey]

They're very lenient on cripple jokes.

[John Holmberg]

I think they are. Yeah. The FCC doesn't seem to mind that at all. It's like making fun of midgets. What do you got about Israel? The Jews? Don't get me started.

[Corey]

He's saving up for a big Hanukkah special.

[John Holmberg]

I say free Palestine and then have the Jews kick their ass. I'm for all people going, I have Jimmy or Gene. And you know who I love more than anything in the world?

[Brady (on vacation)]

World.

[John Holmberg]

A Ukrainian in front of a Russian soldier. Am I canceled yet?

[Corey]

I'll make this quick for you, man.

[John Holmberg]

I love those Russians. China rules. Am I canceled yet? Keep going, Fallon. You're one away. Go ahead, go ahead. Ask me a stupid question.

[Corey]

So sharks have survived all five mass extinctions in the history of Earth. True or false?

[John Holmberg]

If we could only say the same thing about the Jews, the blacks, the Mexicans, the Puerto Ricans, the Pollocks. What do you guys think of this bad bunny queer doing? Am I canceled yet? He's gonna go up there and dance around in a dress and make your kids blow each other. I just came for football. He just came. Thank you. Thank you. Jimmy found his edgy now. Oh, boy. And now for my final final solution. I need Joe. Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey.

[Corey]

Yeah, Larry up next year. Take it easy.

[John Holmberg]

Larry's not coming in today. Thank God. It's a true free environment. Am I canceled?

[Brett]

He's been handled.

[John Holmberg]

He's been taken care of. I've got two tickets for him to go someplace special. Okay, all right. I'm just. Am I canceled? I don't know what your question was, and I don't care. I'll say it's true. I'll say. Say it's true.

[Corey]

Okay, you're saying true. Now, real quick, Teresa, do you agree or disagree with true?

[John Holmberg]

I actually agree. Incorrect. Guy gets the.

[Corey]

Wins it.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody gets something. We'll give them both something nice. It'll be fun. One of them will get Night of the Singing Dead tickets if they want them. The other one gets the good prize.

[Brett]

Lanish Nails.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's exactly it. Stop showing me Stephen Hawking now is doing pole for over the top.

[Brady (on vacation)]

Clears it. The bar stays.

[John Holmberg]

He landed it. This gold medal is a. They always make him tip over. It is never ending. Hilarity. All right, let's get out of here. We're done.

[Brett]

And real quick.

[Corey]

Also, speaking of being handicapped.

[Brett]

Here.

[Corey]

It has been one year since I joined here.

[John Holmberg]

Is that right? Yes.

[Brett]

Replayed his first. His first episode.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you've gotten very good at it.

[Brett]

Oh, thank you.

[John Holmberg]

Nice job.

[Corey]

I want to celebrate the one year.

[John Holmberg]

It took a year.

[Brett]

And that was fast.

[John Holmberg]

It took a year.

[Corey]

It was fast.

[John Holmberg]

No one ever says that about Corey.

[Corey]

Are you kidding me? I got some bad news for you.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe the prostitute. I'm kidding. No one's ever said that to you.

[Corey]

Can't afford one yourself?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I was gonna say you'd have to sell so much bone marrow, you'd be asleep with the prostitute.

[Sam Talon]

Brady, you're putting some miles on that ride of yours.

[Brett]

Yeah, I am.

[Brady (on vacation)]

What are you talking about?

[John Holmberg]

Sorry. Oh, he's still out there. Hey, we're not doing any commercials right away. But if we did, Brady would be somewhere else. How stupid is this business?

[Brady]

Hey, I'll be doing the same thing tomorrow.

[Brett]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Dude, did you do fake phone calls? Too.

[Brady]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah. We're too cheap to just have you call in during the thing nobody trusts. All right, it's all fake. You guys now know. All right, that's it for us. Have yourselves a great Friday, great weekend.

[Brett]

And we'll see you for the next two from commercial.

[John Holmberg]

The fake calls. Are you going?

[Brady]

Are they new ones?

[Brett]

It's on.

[John Holmberg]

But the deal is you're really going out there.

[Brett]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

But you're not until noon. From noon to 2. That's right. But for some reason the commercial has you out there now and pulled the rug out from under all. All of. Right?

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, you kind of knew we were faking that anyway. But I mean, that's really bad. At least Theater of the Mind it a little bit. Sales department, I know you're starving for cash, but please. That's it. We're done. You guys have a KRP around there? KRP was so much more well organized. We're done. Have a good weekend. We'll see you on Monday. Happy anniversary, Cory. And happy Cerebral Palsy vegetable day. It's 9am hey, it's not weird.

[Brett]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this.