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You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought.
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To you by MMP, Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.
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Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here.
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Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude.
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98 the eve of PT Sam talent is here at the Tempe Improv this weekend, tonight and tomorrow. Oh, and a big fan. Yes. Yeah. You know what, though? Abductors usually love their. Their hostages.
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Yeah, no one' actually. Cool. I gave him Stockholm syndrome. Usually it's the other way around.
A
You made him love you.
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He put that pencil in his own ear.
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Oh, my gosh, that's beautiful. You've been driving around with. With Alex.
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Alex Souza? Yeah.
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That's for days.
B
Yeah, he picked me up at the airport at. Why? Yeah, there's like, a Big Brother program.
A
Oh, is that right?
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Alex is kind of lost in, like, this world. He doesn't know what has any value or meaning or nutrition. So now they brought me in.
A
You're helping him out? You're a life coach.
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You know what I like to think? Life partner.
A
Oh, my.
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Alex already has a life partner. Great guy.
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Yeah.
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So it's like, I don't know why I'm here.
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To be the third. That would be pretty good. How come we can't have multiple life partners?
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We can. Oh, I guess. You guys live in Arizona. That's a long history. The Mormons do that? Well, I wasn't going to say which religion.
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It's the Wacky Mormons.
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Hey, let's not say wacky.
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Oh, they're insane.
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These are your adjectives.
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You ever met one? Oh, I'll tell you all about them. They're bananas.
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I grew up with many Mormons in eastern Colorado.
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Oh, yeah? Yeah. So you know.
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Oh, I know those ladies, dear.
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Clear.
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Those girls have to go to secretary school before regular school. And boy, boy, did they need a ride back from the church. And they'll do anything.
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And you were that man.
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Sure.
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Let me help you out. That's right. You can soak with them.
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You guys have Soak City out here?
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Yeah, it's a. It's a water park.
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Yeah, it's my favorite place. It's great.
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Mormon water park. Soak. So it's just one room.
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You know what's funny about the soaking thing is imagining because I used to go to a bunch of, like, football camps with giant Mormon sabons. And, like, if you get you go to BYU and your roommate's a 400 pound Samoan guy who has to jump on the bed so you can soak your old lady. He's going to cripple the that bad. Like, imagine how many little girls got launched losing their virginity at BYU from some flowing Mormons. Yeah, cuz like a Tongan guy was like, I just want to be a good. I just. I'm not going to do the voice. They're like, they're my favorite people.
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The Tongans are wonderful, dude.
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Well, no, hey, they're all great. That's not all of them great.
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No.
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Every Pacific Islander is equally good.
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There are assholes in every culture.
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Alex is holding up some talking points right now.
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Please get off. We have many Samoan complaints.
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Yes.
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Already. Yeah. That's one thing we could do here in Arizona. Really kind of make fun of Samoans.
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Well, I'm telling you, MP Improv has the strongest chairs in the business. No wicker. All right. There's no hammocks. You get in there. Big boys.
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I would like. Are you big with the Samoans? Ever been to Samoa?
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I have not been to Samoan, but I played offensive line.
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Oh, did you?
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I had many.
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Knew them.
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Many.
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Where'd you play?
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I played. I played in college. I was going to play in college at CU Boulder. I hurt my knee. I signed a letter of intent. So I did not get to play football, but I did get to go to all the camps and just get demoralized by giant men who would eat 30 chicken wings after practice. These guys, dudes, it was nuts because I grew up in like the middle of nowhere, Colorado, and then you go to football camp and all of a sudden, you know you got black guys, Tongan guys.
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You've never seen any of these?
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No, no. I mean, your parents did a good.
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Job keeping you away from all cultures.
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Well, we had the Wire.
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Oh, you did have HBO.
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When it was free. That's right.
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Well, there trial. Yeah. Well, that's true. They did kind of did marathons of the Wire to get you hooked. Oh, yeah, for sure. So yeah, you guys were like, first one was free. Is this on our planet?
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I was in Colorado and I was like, black people are crazy.
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Only exposure. How many people lived in your city?
B
800.
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That's it?
B
Yeah.
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That isn't. You shouldn't even know the language, I don't think.
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No, no. We had our own indigenous.
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Yeah, you had your own. When you go back, do you ever go back and go, how did I make it? How did I get out of this? Yeah.
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I go back to visit my father. Yeah. He's there.
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And he didn't leave?
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No, he didn't leave. Whole life. Yeah. Same house.
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Fascinating.
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It's very strange.
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Yeah.
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He's not like a square. Like, we've been all over the world together, but he likes it there. He has this sense of peace.
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It's so strange because my. My dad's sister is, like, nine. She's never left the city. Mount Jewett, Pennsylvania, is like 1600 people total.
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Well, Mount Jewett has everything you need right there.
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Yeah, the name is very diverse.
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You're in the vicinity to Lebanon, you know, I mean, she is.
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You're basically dividing up the West Bank.
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Hershey Park's right there.
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But do you never leave a small city? That's so strange to me.
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I don't get it, man.
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But I want to live.
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Most people, like, live within. They live their whole lives within 100 miles where they were born.
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Yeah.
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And that's very strange to me because the world's so big and beautiful, and there's Longans and Samoans and Micronesians.
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Yeah. CRO nations have met those. Well, the bigger ones get me started. They're a blast. I like to play with the Micronesians.
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Yes. They're like a puppet master situation.
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That's why they got the name. It's a thing. What's your favorite place?
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My favorite place? Right here.
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Tempe.
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Tempe, Arizona, man. And I'm there tonight and tomorrow.
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That's why he has the last name.
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And guess what, guys? Tickets are available.
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You got a couple tickets to sell. We'll get rid of them. How much did you weigh when you played O line?
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£325.
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No kidding.
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Yeah. Then I would have to cut down to wrestling in, like, two months to 275. Jesus. So it was all oranges and egg whites and, like, crying.
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Yeah. And a lot of misery.
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And my mom. Tears and spit. Oh, tears and spit. Chewing, dude. Chewing cope. Big old horseshoes of cope. Just sitting in class. And your teacher's like, one of the wrestling coaches. And everyone's like, sam's chewing. Yeah. He's like, sam has a letter jacket.
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Yeah.
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Where do you have. What are you making him flinch?
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Sam's allowed to do cocaine in my classroom.
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Yeah. And he can rock it up if he wants. Get him some baking soda. I know it's history, but we're doing chemistry today.
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We're helping Sam. He's got a. He's got a match. He's gonna be the volcano.
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So you rested at, like, 280, 275.
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Okay, so. And you're running 320 during football?
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I wasn't running.
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You're moving around a football field. Field.
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But that.
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Yeah.
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Why?
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Offensive line, didn't you want to, like, was that something that was, like, a goal? Were you good at football? And you're like, oh, no, I got too big, and now I've just got to stand here and hit.
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I wanted to dance.
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Yeah.
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No, I. First of all, it was never an option for. To do any other. You're gonna be on.
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Really?
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Yeah. Yeah.
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You were always the big kid.
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In third grade, I was, like, 5 foot 6 and, like, 180 pounds. They had to make special rules for me where you could line up over center because I would just crush the center into the quarterback. And then the coaches were like, this man is ruining our boy's time on the field. And my dad was the coach, and he's like, that's my boy. Yeah, you don't make my boy feel weird for his body. And they were like, but he should. I mean, look at him.
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He's a man.
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We had to import a helmet. His pants are sewn together. What are we talking about?
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You were the first technically kind of trans athlete. Well, you went into a sport you didn't belong in. I sort of dominate.
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Yeah.
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Well, there was that.
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I was very busty. Yes.
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Very sexy. I'm sure. I'm not gonna say you were young. They were. They were pouty.
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No, but there was something about me.
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Yeah.
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I brought a sultriness to. Yeah. To the field.
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To the old line.
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Yeah.
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It's not hard to just lowball.
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Yeah.
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Did you. Did. Did you. When you realized, oh, I'm not gonna be able to play anymore, was it crushing or were you, like, good?
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No, I was. I was broke. It. I was ripped wide open. It was my whole identity.
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No kidding.
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Yeah. I mean, it was like, okay, I'm gonna go play football. I'll go to see you. Boulder. Boulder's the big city. It's cool. There's chicks with armpit hair. Like, it's gonna be awesome. I'm gonna live in the future, you know? But no, instead, I went to a Metro State University of Denver.
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Oh, geez.
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Yeah. Which was a commuter school, which was the opposite.
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Denver's morning sickness medicate. Kupd. Limu. Kmu and Doug Limu. And I always tell you to customize your car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. But now we want you to feel it. Cue the emu music. Limu. Save yourself money today. Increase your wealth, Customize and save waste. See, that may have been too much feeling.
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Only pay for what you need@libertymutual.com Liberty Liberty.
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Liberty. Liberty Savings.
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Very unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance company affiliates. Excludes Massachusetts.
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Holmberg's morning sickness.
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Because, like, Boulder, when I was. I was being recruited, like 2004, 2005, they got in huge trouble for, like, hiring strippers to come to recruitment stuff in Boulder.
A
That's great.
B
So when I went in 2004, they were like, hey, do you guys. Do you guys like playing Jenga? Huh?
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That was the sell.
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Yeah. And like, when I went to tcu, like, they made, you know, they made the prostitute dig her own grave. We had a lot of fun down there. I mean, byu. Let's just say we were all jumping on the bench. Okay.
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So you go to a metro college in Denver.
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Yeah.
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And then you realize I'm either funny or I'm gonna.
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My mom got me improv classes for my 18th birthday.
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Is that right?
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Knew how, like, sad I was about going to Metro. Yeah.
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Nothing better than putting a sad kid in improv.
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Oh, sure.
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Yeah. That's the best medicine.
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There's no yes anding. There's a lot of What? No. What's the point?
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What happened? Nihilism and improv are always fun. This isn't wow, right?
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It was.
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That got you started.
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Yeah, and it was like. It was fun, man. I mean, she bailed me out.
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No kidding. You give her the credit for starting this whole thing?
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Well, yeah. I mean, my dad had something to do with it.
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Well, sure.
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The miracle of life.
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Yeah, he put life inside my mom.
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She did crap out the 12 pound baby.
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Yeah. So you were 12 pounder. You were an O lineman in the maternity.
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Oh, yeah, and I was a football.
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My God, you don't look gigantic now.
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Well, I lost £85 since the last time you guys.
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No kidding.
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Yeah. I'm very sick.
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Doing what?
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Yeah, well, it's HIV right now.
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Okay. Well, yeah, but they, you know, you know, a little big tarvy and you're gonna.
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Alex says there's a lot of stuff. There's a lot of medicine you can take. I'm new to it. He's an old hand dude. Have you tried this?
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Yeah, well, that's what he gives everybody for Christmas. You get big tarvy and a flower and I'm like, what in the hell is Alex?
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You know the names.
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Oh, of course. The commercial's hilarious. It's a. It's that massive trans Indian a couple of Views. He's attacking a small, bald Filipino man.
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Let's not say attacking.
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Attacking.
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No.
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That's two men, for God's sakes. It's an attack. It's a complete and utter attack.
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It is funny to me. He blinked twice.
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Yeah, it's like his help me written on his eyelids.
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Look, the Filipinos. It's a beautiful culture.
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Yeah. You know, look, it's an attack if you tell me I've got hiv, but I'm pilled up and I don't get away me.
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This morning, Alex is watching ticket counts go down somehow.
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Should we use condoms? Come on. Come on.
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You crazy?
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The pills stop everything now.
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I use condoms.
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Yeah. The. The bigarvy. Oh, did you find her that true? As prescribed and getting to. They get married. Have you followed this?
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Look, I love love, bro. Yeah.
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The big Tarvy commercial is like a soap opera. Each one progresses with their relationship. And the giant Indian man.
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I don't think if you have hiv, you're supposed to get tattoos. I think that's one of the big. That's very frowned upon. Breastfeeding or a veg, probably. You got to disclose that when you walk in.
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Did they say that at the. I didn't see the fine print underneath this. You shouldn't be doing any of what these people are doing.
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Yeah. It's like, no going on hikes with your loved ones.
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They get married. And that little Filipino victim has been married to that Indian chief for a long time now.
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Well, at least she's the chief.
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Well, that's true, you know.
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Progress.
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If you're gonna. If you're gonna do it, dig for gold, man.
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That's right.
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It's true.
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If you're gonna fall in love.
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I mean, if you're gonna fall in love with your attacker, make sure that they've got a little success again.
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Me and Alex.
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You and Alex. All day long. Sam Talents at the Tempe Improv tonight and tomorrow. Are you married?
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Yeah. Happily. Are you?
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Okay, that's good. Kids?
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No kids.
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Don't want them. No. It's awesome not having them.
B
I'm so selfish.
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Yeah. That's why I. People get mad at you when you say that. Yeah.
B
You got this young, hot body still.
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Thank you.
B
Yeah.
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It's old, but it's.
B
I came in and you're over there stretching. I'm like, okay.
A
Because my hips are.
B
I understand. I get it.
A
It does it everywhere. My feet. My hips are. I've had both my hips replaced.
B
Really?
A
Yeah. I'm like.
B
Well, they replace them with elbows.
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Yeah. They put my elbows down there just for fun, Just for giggles.
B
Gotta keep them guessing. Yeah.
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I just had people, like, watch what I can do, and I can kick footballs with my arm now. It's an amazing thing.
B
Are you married?
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I am. Awesome.
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I love being married. I love my wife.
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Oh, well.
B
Keepers.
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All right.
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Yeah. I'm a Promise Keeper.
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It feels like you're coming after all of us.
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We had those guys where I grew up.
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Promise.
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That was the.
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In Colorado.
B
Yeah. I went to. And I grew up 45 minutes from there, and I went to a graduation party at a Promise Keepers, like kids house boy. Howdy. Was that a. Not a good time.
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Yeah.
B
He made us pray before we cut the cake. And I was like, this is a graduation cake. What's this? I don't know. I have a big question about the cake. Not about, like, honoring the covenant with God and your wife?
A
Yeah. I liked it so much. I've been married twice. Wow. Hey, just keep doing it.
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That's cool, man.
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Yeah.
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Is it?
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Yeah.
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I. Hey, love. And with Vic Tarvey, you can love.
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Whatever you want whenever you get ink up. That's true. Yeah. Get ink. I can get some HIV tattoos.
B
Yeah. You should get positive on your bald head.
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I'm positive. Yeah.
B
And everyone's like, what a great attitude.
A
He's a winner. Yeah. I might want HIV now. I think Sam just sold it. It sounds more fun.
B
You know what? It's working great for me and my body, and.
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You look great.
B
I feel great.
A
What's the end goal of the weight?
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110 pounds.
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That's good. That's really.
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I want to be a puddle. I'm going to have my friend. I'm going to just come in a wheelbarrow and plop onto the stage.
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Yeah, well, you know, puddle time. He oozes on the stage. You should want to try to get back to birth weight. Let's just go for it.
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You know what? That one ten was my birth.
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Okay. You're a big baby.
B
It's kilos.
A
Yeah. You go all the way around and you know you're done. When you're back to 9.3 and I.
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Dig up my mom, go back in.
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Just going back in. I'm crawling in this old.
B
Can we say that on the radio?
A
Sure. You can get in your mom's vagina anytime you want here. It's a safe place. Sam, I hate that you're maniacally laughing at the idea of being in your mother. This is Ed Gein stuff right now.
B
She'd be so bummed If I did that, you think my dad would be like, buddy, what are you doing?
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I have to. But you. That's disgusting. Part of my commitment.
B
That is horrifying.
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Sam's at the 10pm Prep tonight and tomorrow. Leave us with words of wisdom. Sam Tallente tell us how to fix the planet as quickly. If you were in charge today.
B
Yes.
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What changes?
B
I think that everyone needs to just hold their loved ones dear and find the nutrition and the simple things of life. You know, eating berries, going on a bike ride, watching the sun go down. Our phones have replaced the world. Yeah. The world's the most beautiful thing there is. It's the only thing there is. So get off your phone and get into the touch and the taste and the smell and hearing experiences of life.
A
So go touch a lot.
B
Go sensual touch strangers. Oh, yeah.
A
And the award goes to. You're going to jail. No, that's. No, it wasn't beautiful.
B
He told me that too.
A
You're gonna get your big Tarvy commercial. Yeah, don't touch people.
B
Getting involved. That's right. That's right.
A
Yeah.
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At the clock.
A
He's like Robert Ori comes in at the last minute, wins the game. You're Robert or big game? Big game. Bobby.
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I'm bloody Divock.
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Always, always a pleasure to have you.
B
Ditto. You guys rule.
A
Next time we see you, you should be down around like an 8th grade girl weight.
B
Let's see.
A
Let's work.
B
I might go all the way back.
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No, don't do it. It's a beautiful thing. Sam, always good to see you. 10:00pm Prov tonight and tomorrow. Go see Sam. Talon. It's 98.
B
Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool actually.
A
No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.
Title: 10-10-25 - Sam Tallent - Tempe Improv - In Studio
Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona (98KUPD)
Date: October 10, 2025
Host(s): John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Guest: Sam Tallent (Comedian, performing at Tempe Improv)
This episode features comedian Sam Tallent, known for his sharp wit, storytelling, and irreverent humor. He joins Holmberg and crew live in studio to talk about his comedy career, background, perspectives on small-town life, football, marriage, and the quirks of contemporary culture—all with the fast-paced banter and playful edge that defines HMS.
| Time | Speaker | Quote / Moment | |---------|------------|-----------------| | 00:57 | Sam | "I like to think life partner." (on helping opener Alex Souza) | | 01:27 | Sam | "Those girls have to go to secretary school before regular school." (on Mormon culture) | | 06:06 | Sam | “In third grade, I was like, 5 foot 6 and, like, 180 pounds.” | | 06:59 | Sam | "I was ripped wide open. It was my whole identity." (on losing football) | | 08:32 | Sam | "My mom got me improv classes for my 18th birthday." (origin of comedy career) | | 09:21 | Sam | “Yeah. I’m very sick. ... It’s HIV right now.” (dark comedic riff on weight loss) | | 12:03 | Sam | "I love being married. I love my wife." | | 12:23 | Sam | “He made us pray before we cut the cake. And I was like, this is a graduation cake. What’s this?” (on Promise Keepers) | | 14:16 | Sam | "Hold your loved ones dear... get off your phone and get into the touch and the taste and the smell and hearing experiences of life." (podcast close) |
The episode is pure, kinetic HMS: quick-witted, fearless, warm, and mischievous. Sam Tallent fits right in, blending candid storytelling with outrageous humor, and a surprising moment of sincerity at the end. The group jumps from edgy laughs to real moments of vulnerability, making for an engaging listen even for those unfamiliar with the podcast or guest.
If you enjoy comedy podcasts that mix irreverence, honesty, and a dose of heartfelt advice, this is a perfect snapshot of what Holmberg's Morning Sickness does best.