Holmberg's Morning Sickness — Episode Summary

Date: October 13, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Co-hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

Episode Overview

This episode dives into the wild ride of Phoenix sports fandom, focusing on the Phoenix Mercury's WNBA Finals sweep, the ongoing saga of the Arizona Cardinals (now featuring Jacoby Brissett at QB), and the psychological toll of rooting for chronic losers. John Holmberg and crew entertain with signature irreverent humor, targeting everything from women's basketball viewership to the agony and absurdity of fan loyalty. The show also touches on major news—hostage releases in the Middle East and their connection to U.S. politics—all while celebrating and roasting the panel’s own teams.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Indigenous Peoples Day, Holidays & “Apology Day”

• Opens with riffs on Indigenous Peoples Day vs. Native American Day vs. National Eminem Day (00:10).
  • Holmberg: “Bottom line is this is apology day to Native Americans for terrible white behavior. Here's a day day you can sit and say, you know, if you really cared about it, you wouldn't just give them a day, you'd give some stuff back. But what are you gonna do?” (01:01)

2. Phoenix Mercury Swept in WNBA Finals: The Bet That Wasn’t

• The Mercury lose the Finals in four straight. Holmberg had joked about wild bets if they’d pulled off a win:
  • “No tattoos, no breast implants. Yesterday, watching the Steelers…they’re like, hey, no tattoo. And then Jose goes. And no breasts either.” (02:41)
  • The imagined ritual if Holmberg had lost: shirtless touchdown celebrations, “breast owner of all time,” and gross-out jokes about cohosts “motorboating” him (03:49, 04:05).
  • “We all had such great plans for my breast implants. And you know who I blame? The Mercury. They screwed it up.” (05:40)

On WNBA Ratings & TV Math

• Listener email questions absurdity of WNBA’s claimed ratings (07:00):
  • Holmberg: “How many at Buffalo Wild Wings, Chili’s turning WNBA games on that no one’s watching and are counted?”
  • Panel muses on TV rating formulas, background noise counts, and bar viewing (07:45–09:09).
  • “My guess is how many weren’t actually paying attention.” (08:27)

3. Arizona Cardinals: The Brissett vs. Murray Quarterback Controversy

• Cardinals lose again, but Jacoby Brissett looked “pretty darn good.”
  • “The last thing they needed was a quarterback controversy with Jacoby Brissett. That is the last thing that mopey old Kyler needed was to worry that it’s been his fault the whole time.” (10:20)
  • “Let that sink in a little bit. You’re gonna be…I can’t imagine at all being a fan of a team going, ‘No, Jacoby Brissett should start.’ Why am I wasting my Sundays?” (11:33)

On Fans’ Suffering & Loyalty Fatigue

• Holmberg shares his journey “quitting” the Cubs as a lesson to Cardinals fans:
  • “They actually, if you think about it, abused the entire nation of fans for 108 years. They won it once and then started sucking immediately right after that again.” (14:28)
  • “Quitting is good for you. … It’s just like being a Bears fan.” (16:15–16:21)
  • On the futility of expecting more, and how freeing it is to emotionally disengage (19:16–21:02).

Analogy Overload: The Fat Neighbor Wife

• Jacoby Brissett’s metaphorical role:
  • “It would be like your wife…she’s not doing it anymore. And then one day you came home and the fat neighbor lady was standing where your wife used to be and she’s willing to blow you like crazy and do some stuff. … That’s Jacoby Brissett. He’s willing to, like, he’s doing all the things your wife wouldn’t.” (22:31)
  • "Jacoby is a fat, ugly neighbor wife. Sure, the PJs are off the charts right off the bat, but a couple of those PJs in, you’re gonna look down and see all those stretch marks..." (24:06)
  • “We’re going to get some temporary pleasure out of that, but there’s going to be some sadness and embarrassment later.” (26:53)

Advice for Suffering Fans (esp. Cardinals, Lions, Bears)

• “Now’s the time to abandon ship. … When they’re good in another seven or eight years, if that ever happens, get on board that little tiny three-year window of wins, and then they’re gonna suck again.” (36:34)
• Encouragement to spend Sundays enjoying Arizona instead of “watching Toxic Avengers 6”—i.e., more fun than watching the Cardinals (24:06).

4. Lions, Seahawks, Miscellaneous NFL Observations

• Dick Toledo lords it over friends as his Mariners & Seahawks both win (10:16, 24:24).
• On Lions finally being good: “It’s got to be like when an old man gets Viagra…a false…It’s got to be rough.” (22:12)
• Holmberg predicts the Lions will “put that weight back on…that’s what bad franchises do. Your window is now.” (24:24)

5. Major News: Hostages Released in Middle East (32:42)

• Brief but pointed take on political news:
  • “We got the hostages back. All the living hostages have been returned. And I don't care what side of the political aisle you're on. That's pretty damn amazing.” (33:49)
  • “We traded Brittney Griner for the Merchant of Death—still a better deal. … So far that hasn't backfired on us.” (35:11–35:13)
  • Light, irreverent examination about high-stakes negotiations and past political prisoner trades.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I would have been the most responsible breast owner of all time.” — John Holmberg (04:01)
• “No tattoos, no breast implants.” — John, on how the Mercury’s loss saved him from wild sports bets (02:41)
• “If you really cared about [Indigenous Peoples Day], you wouldn’t just give them a day, you’d give some stuff back.” — John Holmberg (01:01)
• “Quitting is good for you.” — John Holmberg, on letting go of lifelong sports misery (16:16)
• “Jacoby Brissett is a fat, ugly neighbor wife.” — John Holmberg (22:31)
• “Write a letter to the advertisers… if you stay on with the Cardinals anymore, they're offending me.” — John, parodying fan desperation (29:20)
• “Now's the time to abandon ship.” — John, to Cardinals fans, with no optimism for the remainder of the season (36:34)

Segment Timestamps

• 00:10–01:58 — Indigenous Peoples Day, Musing on Holidays and Guilt
• 02:41–05:45 — Phoenix Mercury swept; the lost bet; breast implant jokes and imagined rituals
• 07:00–09:09 — Listener email about WNBA ratings and sports bars; TV math discussion
• 10:01–19:16 — Seattle sports happiness, Cardinals QB controversy, Holmberg’s Cubs fandom “divorce”
• 19:16–24:06 — Extended metaphors for fan pain, advice to Arizona sports fans
• 24:06–28:10 — Lions, Bears and the agony of hope; sports fandom therapy
• 32:42–35:13 — Hostage release in the Middle East, irreverence about political prisoner trades
• 36:34–End — Advice to quit, look forward to rare “windows” as a fan, wrap-up

Closing Tone

The show blends hilarious self-awareness with a kind of gallows humor only long-suffering sports fans can appreciate. From poking fun at the WNBA’s search for viewers to commiserating with the Cardinals’ quarterback carousel, the episode is classic HMS: irreverent, brutally honest, and full of “did-they-just-say-that?!” moments.

Summary prepared for those who want all the locker-room laughs and sharp sports commentary—without needing to tune into the full episode.