10-13-25 - Mercury Get Swept In WNBA Finals Meaning John's Bets Are Safe - Feeling Sorry Once Again For Cardinals Fans After Latest Loss Even Though Jacoby Brissett Played Well

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness — Episode Summary

Date: October 13, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Co-hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the wild ride of Phoenix sports fandom, focusing on the Phoenix Mercury's WNBA Finals sweep, the ongoing saga of the Arizona Cardinals (now featuring Jacoby Brissett at QB), and the psychological toll of rooting for chronic losers. John Holmberg and crew entertain with signature irreverent humor, targeting everything from women's basketball viewership to the agony and absurdity of fan loyalty. The show also touches on major news—hostage releases in the Middle East and their connection to U.S. politics—all while celebrating and roasting the panel’s own teams.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Indigenous Peoples Day, Holidays & “Apology Day”

• Opens with riffs on Indigenous Peoples Day vs. Native American Day vs. National Eminem Day (00:10).
  • Holmberg: “Bottom line is this is apology day to Native Americans for terrible white behavior. Here's a day day you can sit and say, you know, if you really cared about it, you wouldn't just give them a day, you'd give some stuff back. But what are you gonna do?” (01:01)

2. Phoenix Mercury Swept in WNBA Finals: The Bet That Wasn’t

• The Mercury lose the Finals in four straight. Holmberg had joked about wild bets if they’d pulled off a win:
  • “No tattoos, no breast implants. Yesterday, watching the Steelers…they’re like, hey, no tattoo. And then Jose goes. And no breasts either.” (02:41)
  • The imagined ritual if Holmberg had lost: shirtless touchdown celebrations, “breast owner of all time,” and gross-out jokes about cohosts “motorboating” him (03:49, 04:05).
  • “We all had such great plans for my breast implants. And you know who I blame? The Mercury. They screwed it up.” (05:40)

On WNBA Ratings & TV Math

• Listener email questions absurdity of WNBA’s claimed ratings (07:00):
  • Holmberg: “How many at Buffalo Wild Wings, Chili’s turning WNBA games on that no one’s watching and are counted?”
  • Panel muses on TV rating formulas, background noise counts, and bar viewing (07:45–09:09).
  • “My guess is how many weren’t actually paying attention.” (08:27)

3. Arizona Cardinals: The Brissett vs. Murray Quarterback Controversy

• Cardinals lose again, but Jacoby Brissett looked “pretty darn good.”
  • “The last thing they needed was a quarterback controversy with Jacoby Brissett. That is the last thing that mopey old Kyler needed was to worry that it’s been his fault the whole time.” (10:20)
  • “Let that sink in a little bit. You’re gonna be…I can’t imagine at all being a fan of a team going, ‘No, Jacoby Brissett should start.’ Why am I wasting my Sundays?” (11:33)

On Fans’ Suffering & Loyalty Fatigue

• Holmberg shares his journey “quitting” the Cubs as a lesson to Cardinals fans:
  • “They actually, if you think about it, abused the entire nation of fans for 108 years. They won it once and then started sucking immediately right after that again.” (14:28)
  • “Quitting is good for you. … It’s just like being a Bears fan.” (16:15–16:21)
  • On the futility of expecting more, and how freeing it is to emotionally disengage (19:16–21:02).

Analogy Overload: The Fat Neighbor Wife

• Jacoby Brissett’s metaphorical role:
  • “It would be like your wife…she’s not doing it anymore. And then one day you came home and the fat neighbor lady was standing where your wife used to be and she’s willing to blow you like crazy and do some stuff. … That’s Jacoby Brissett. He’s willing to, like, he’s doing all the things your wife wouldn’t.” (22:31)
  • "Jacoby is a fat, ugly neighbor wife. Sure, the PJs are off the charts right off the bat, but a couple of those PJs in, you’re gonna look down and see all those stretch marks..." (24:06)
  • “We’re going to get some temporary pleasure out of that, but there’s going to be some sadness and embarrassment later.” (26:53)

Advice for Suffering Fans (esp. Cardinals, Lions, Bears)

• “Now’s the time to abandon ship. … When they’re good in another seven or eight years, if that ever happens, get on board that little tiny three-year window of wins, and then they’re gonna suck again.” (36:34)
• Encouragement to spend Sundays enjoying Arizona instead of “watching Toxic Avengers 6”—i.e., more fun than watching the Cardinals (24:06).

4. Lions, Seahawks, Miscellaneous NFL Observations

• Dick Toledo lords it over friends as his Mariners & Seahawks both win (10:16, 24:24).
• On Lions finally being good: “It’s got to be like when an old man gets Viagra…a false…It’s got to be rough.” (22:12)
• Holmberg predicts the Lions will “put that weight back on…that’s what bad franchises do. Your window is now.” (24:24)

5. Major News: Hostages Released in Middle East (32:42)

• Brief but pointed take on political news:
  • “We got the hostages back. All the living hostages have been returned. And I don't care what side of the political aisle you're on. That's pretty damn amazing.” (33:49)
  • “We traded Brittney Griner for the Merchant of Death—still a better deal. … So far that hasn't backfired on us.” (35:11–35:13)
  • Light, irreverent examination about high-stakes negotiations and past political prisoner trades.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I would have been the most responsible breast owner of all time.” — John Holmberg (04:01)
• “No tattoos, no breast implants.” — John, on how the Mercury’s loss saved him from wild sports bets (02:41)
• “If you really cared about [Indigenous Peoples Day], you wouldn’t just give them a day, you’d give some stuff back.” — John Holmberg (01:01)
• “Quitting is good for you.” — John Holmberg, on letting go of lifelong sports misery (16:16)
• “Jacoby Brissett is a fat, ugly neighbor wife.” — John Holmberg (22:31)
• “Write a letter to the advertisers… if you stay on with the Cardinals anymore, they're offending me.” — John, parodying fan desperation (29:20)
• “Now's the time to abandon ship.” — John, to Cardinals fans, with no optimism for the remainder of the season (36:34)

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Segment Timestamps

• 00:10–01:58 — Indigenous Peoples Day, Musing on Holidays and Guilt
• 02:41–05:45 — Phoenix Mercury swept; the lost bet; breast implant jokes and imagined rituals
• 07:00–09:09 — Listener email about WNBA ratings and sports bars; TV math discussion
• 10:01–19:16 — Seattle sports happiness, Cardinals QB controversy, Holmberg’s Cubs fandom “divorce”
• 19:16–24:06 — Extended metaphors for fan pain, advice to Arizona sports fans
• 24:06–28:10 — Lions, Bears and the agony of hope; sports fandom therapy
• 32:42–35:13 — Hostage release in the Middle East, irreverence about political prisoner trades
• 36:34–End — Advice to quit, look forward to rare “windows” as a fan, wrap-up

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Closing Tone

The show blends hilarious self-awareness with a kind of gallows humor only long-suffering sports fans can appreciate. From poking fun at the WNBA’s search for viewers to commiserating with the Cardinals’ quarterback carousel, the episode is classic HMS: irreverent, brutally honest, and full of “did-they-just-say-that?!” moments.

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Summary prepared for those who want all the locker-room laughs and sharp sports commentary—without needing to tune into the full episode.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought.

[B]

To you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[A]

Morning Silver, Morning sickness. Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Monday Indigenous Peoples Day and that thing Brett's going to celebrate also. It is the morning Trump and President Trump. Oh, yeah, well, Trump's getting a lot. He deserves it. It's 5:45 this, the morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett. There's Big Dick Toledo. Yes, it is Indigenous Peoples Day, so Yata. Hey, if that's universal or not, I don't know.

[B]

How you doing?

[C]

They have both, too. As far as it's National Native American Day.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Or Indigenous Peoples Day.

[A]

Yeah, there's. I really don't understand either one. What's the difference?

[C]

Brady or National Eminem Day. You know, he's going, oh, wow, I like that.

[A]

You know, lose Yourself, one of my favorites. I like that one. Lose Yourself's good. And then Slim Shady, of course, I didn't know he got his own day along with the Indians, but congratulations, Marshall, that's excellent work. So, yeah, we got that. It's. Native Americans are different to indigenous peoples because not all indigenous peoples are Native American. Go figure that out. All right. Native Americans technically aren't Native to this either because they crossed over the Bering Strait from. It's a long, sordid history, but bottom line is this is apology day to Native Americans for terrible white behavior. It's terrible white behavior. Here's a day day you can sit and say, you know, if you really cared about it, you wouldn't just give them a day, you'd give some stuff back. But what are you gonna do? Happy. Have a great day anyway. And if you're in the banking industry, you get the day off. And schools. I don't think they go in today, but we, we still have to entertain America. Truck through this terrible weather and try to make it to work on an indigenous people stay.

[C]

We had a replica of Columbus's ship sank in Mexico.

[A]

Oh, no kidding.

[C]

Yeah, the boat's been around a couple years and they. It was floating over the weekend, I.

[A]

Think, and they broke it out. Huh. Tried to make it work. Didn't work out. We don't know how to make those old boats anymore.

[C]

I think, you know, it lasted a few years.

[A]

I don't like that you're still reading the story. I don't like that you're discovering this as you tell us about it. And it's different from how Well, I know. It's just not. It's not a story that's going to go places, is my point.

[C]

The replica.

[A]

You don't know anything.

[C]

In Mexico on Friday.

[A]

You're discovering it as. That just makes for a non story.

[C]

I was just trying to see how long it.

[A]

It lasts, but you got to know that before you start. Okay. All right. All we're really celebrating is the mercury went down.04. Now I know how this. I know the beginning, middle, and end of this one already. Brett. I've started this story with an idea. Yeah. Is that. Yeah. Four. Four games is all it took for me to have no issues at all knowing that the bets that I had made about the Merc completely were intact from the beginning. No tattoos, no breast implants. Yesterday, watching the Steelers and Buddy, Jose and Joe, they were standing next to me, and they're like, hey, no tattoo. And then Jose goes. And no breasts either. And then we all kind of went down a different road of fantasy, of. Of whether or not I would have ever worn a shirt again had I. And I wouldn't. If I would have been the greatest breast owner of all time. Take that, ladies. I would have. Every day for Steeler Sunday. You know, we do after a touchdown, we all have this kind of parade of the way we celebrate. The music plays. There's a. There's a strict kind of like a walkthrough high five situation. That's. It's really a touchdown Congo line. It is.

[C]

It's.

[A]

It's really choreographed beautifully, and it gets going pretty well. There's a guy named Rick who screws it up a lot and then starts blaming everybody else because he steps out of line. But it works out beautifully. And then we started to talk about how if I had gotten breasts, because that was the bet I had. If the Mercury had won their stupid championship of stupid nobody watches sport, what would I have done? And then, you know, they kept. They kept pantomiming that I would have to take my shirt off as part of the touchdown celebration would be to motorboat me. And I'm like, you guys think that if I had pouty, you know, pouty bees or large D clown cans that I would have to lift my shirt ever. I'd be in jail, like, every three days. There's no way I'd ever have a shirt on. I would be the most responsible breast owner of all time. I'd come to work every morning and, like, we'd have a ritual like Notre Dame slapping the play like champions today, you guys Would each. You know, you'd latch on to a nip and start. All right, boys, we're ready for the show. Everything about it, my whole life would be all about dedicated to the nipples and their good luck. And I'd keep little. I'd keep little room.

[C]

And everyone makes that palate. Turkey's done.

[A]

Oh, no. I'll see. But that's just childish, Brady. After a while, you don't make those comments because we're grown ups. But I would have little wipes. I'd act like a grown up and you guys would be sucking my teeth like crazy. But I'd have little wipes after each one to clean it up for the next one. Like they do the chalice at church. It would be amazing rubbing the log.

[B]

Going on to the Apollo.

[A]

Yeah. For good luck. If you're like, man, I'm feeling it. I gotta.

[B]

Got a great show today.

[A]

Gotta have a good show today. And you guys, I'd stand by the door clapping while you guys rubbed the. The cans. And I started to feel bad that I didn't get them. Like we all had such great plans for my breast implants. And you know who I blame? The mercury. They screwed it up.

[B]

Broads again.

[A]

Broads. Prods ruined it.

[C]

We can think of another wager.

[A]

Yeah, we're gonna have to keep going until I got a set in me. We got to come up with something. Something better. But it was started. Started getting sad. I was, at first I was laughing like, ah, they got bounced out four games, didn't even put up a fight. And then I'm like, huh. Kind of think I wanted those cans. I thought, you know, you can't just go get them. They gotta have to have a story. You can't be like, oh, I did this for my friends. You have to have. I lost a bet near the lunatic. But guy emailed me and he says listening to the podcast through this last week about your Merck Madness, I'm just guessing you. I'm just guessing they got swept because you are officially my WNBA source. I'm a manager of a mid level restaurant. We had six TVs on WNBA Friday just because it was sports with the baseball on. Also I'm wondering how come we never mentioned that with the ratings you probably know better than me, but do they count six more view as six more more viewers? How many at Buffalo Wild Wings Chili's turning WNBA games on that no one's watching and are counted. So like on Thursday, whatever. You guys talked about 1 million viewers. What if. How many of Them were just background noise. I've been a restaurant manager for five years. Never once been asked to turn the TV to a W game. I know you guys are the background to plenty of shops around the Valley. And that counts for ratings, right? Is TV the same? No effing way. It did. Two million people on last Monday watching the Merc get on. You know, I don't know how they worked anymore. I know that they have subscription fees for restaurants that are a little different. So they can know when that's on, and they can monitor, you know, when a bar has it on. They. And they kind of. I guess they kind of make up a number and say, oh, this many eyes could get on. Technically, it counts even if you aren't watching. The same way radio would count if you were like, you know, ratings person and you have to be anointed one. And you go into a shop and they're playing cupd. It registers because you did technically hear it. So it's more for advertising than it is for anything else. It's like, oh, okay, it was on in this many places. It was in demand in this place.

[C]

The subscription number is popular. You know, up to 200 people in the restaurant.

[A]

But they wouldn't give you all of it because you've got, like, multiple televisions, and they can tell if all of them were on there. So then they'd probably just, you know, they probably have some formula. We don't know. But bottom line is it was on, so it would count towards ratings. And it's a good question, like, how many times is it just background noise versus people glued to their sets? And I'm guessing with that 1.9 million watching. 1.9 million would be. My guess is how many weren't actually paying attention.

[B]

I wonder if that restaurant manager would actually know what channel to put it on. Both if somebody asked for the W games.

[A]

I mean, I wouldn't.

[C]

I.

[A]

And I'm not even being a jerk. I really wouldn't know. We have got to train. Buffalo Wild wings, cold beers and cheeseburgers. Arcadia Tavern's very nice. They got a lot of TVs up here. All these sports bars. We have got to train the bartenders and the staff to not go completely nocturnal ape face when you go, hey, can you change this to the game to the. You know, if you want. I want this on the Suns game or something. And they look at you like. And then for like, eight minutes, it's on the DirecTV guide. Like, they just. They. You gotta know, you're a bar that.

[B]

It'S on your iPad.

[A]

It's usually. Just Google it. One gatekeeper. And there's usually a guy with like, eight remotes. I'm like, you haven't mastered this down yet. We didn't spend the extra for the RTI panel. Okay, so you got all the direct remotes, and you're just aiming it at each tv, put a little label on it, take a marker, right? TV5, TV6. But, yeah, they can't do. I've never been to a sports bar where they're like, hey, can you change this one to the hockey game and this one to yeah? And then, like, eight minutes later, another TV has got, you know, I Dream of Jeannie. And, like, somehow they found some retro channel.

[C]

You're stuck watching the cornhole championships.

[A]

Yeah, well, Johnsonville brought cornhill. Let's. Let's give sponsor their due. Brady Johnsville Bratz puts a lot of money behind those cornhole titles. Anyway, no Merc for you. And I don't know how they can continually brag about their ratings, but they did.

[C]

Is there a parade? Second place parade?

[A]

Yeah, I think they're just going to meld it into that pride parade on Saturday. Act like they meant it. Not a thing. And it's. Toledo's going to be insufferable today because his Mariners and his Seahawks won. And it was a.

[C]

It was a strut in this oh banner.

[A]

And he deserves it. It's one of those moments as a sports fan where you're watching your favorite baseball team knock on the World Series door while your Seahawks are, you know, doing what they're supposed to do in the middle of the season. It's pretty great. And then we get into the Cardinals. Oh, boy. The last thing, the last thing they needed was a quarterback controversy with Jacoby Brissette. That is the last thing that mopey old Kyler needed was to worry that it's been his fault the whole time. Cause Jacoby looked pretty darn good. They lost the game. I had a couple of dopey plays. But that's Jacoby Brissette. The reason he's not starting anywhere is because of the problems. But he was still just as good, if not better than what you've seen from Kyler this year. And Marvin seemed to want to catch the ball for Jacoby and, well, his head got his boo boo on his brain. But, I mean, Cardinal fans, sorry, it gets worse now. I didn't think that was possible. You guys now have a quarterback controversy with Jacoby Brissette. Let that sink in A little bit. You're going to be. I can't imagine at all being a fan of a team going, no, Jacoby Brissette should start. Why am I wasting my Sundays? Why am I wasting my beautiful weekends? Shouting that would be like me going, dude, Mason Rudolph's the future. Like, you've got to stop. I At least my team admits we've got a one year bandaid. Just sit back and say, jacoby Brissette's not the answer. Just let Kyler play it out. Got a chance to win. No, you don't. You got a chance to be better than the losers you've been and not much. And I don't even think the Colts planned for Jacoby Brissette. They're looking like, oh, okay. Well, we didn't realize that. Okay, I guess we'll play him now. Still in the league. Yeah. Is he still playing? I wouldn't have been a bad backup to Indiana Jones anyway. We've got Indiana Jones now, so we don't think about Jacoby Brissette. He started for us until we just. We couldn't take it anymore and we threw him away. Then we gave him to the Patriots. Started for the Patriots and then he was horrible there. Then he won a couple of. He's going to be your starter now. He's the best one we've got, Michael. You guys need to take weekends and go to Sedona and do something better. Have fun. Holmberg's morning sickness. Show those beautiful in October run up there on a Sunday. What are you doing? It doesn't get better. And I feel bad for Cardinal fans. I feel really bad. Really bad. You know what's great for me? And I'll tell you this, Cardinal fans, is what you need. Friday, I got a quick little ask to go see the Cubs. I wasn't gonna do it. All right. I wasn't at all. I had a thing to do and I was gonna multitask. I end up having to. I missed a birthday party for my friend Winston's girl, India, and I was gonna go out there because I was like, I'm heading out that way. That was my excuse to not get wrapped up in this Cubs game. And, you know, you guys know my story. I abandoned my Cubs fandom about three years ago when the Diamondbacks sacrificed an animal in order to get into the World Series, which they are, by the way, two for two doing. Randy Johnson killed the bird with a baseball. World Series. Zach Gallen kills a bird with a baseball. They go to the World Series. I don't think it guarantees a championship, but it sure gets you there. So hopefully next year. And you can't fake it, you can't manufacture it, because then you'll piss off the animal sacrifice gods and you have to just plunk one out of the air accidentally. If you start throwing baseballs at birds, the whole thing reverses on you. And I don't think you win a game either way. I made that bet, said I'd give up because I was mad at the Cubbies. Well, they're the Cubs sitting there, you know, on the precipice of the nlcs. And you're like, oh boy, aren't I watch. And I found myself, you know, after they lost the game, a little upset still. It still bleeds inside me. The Cubbies, it was a little, you know, seeing the uniform and all this stuff still brings up memories of how much joy the Cubs gave me when I was a kid. And then when it was over, and this is for you Cardinal fans. I. I didn't care. I've dismissed myself from it. I. The lovable loser. Yeah, they got their championship. Why would I suffer with them ever again? They actually, if you think about it, abused the entire nation of fans for 108 years. They won it once and then started sucking immediately right after that again. I'm like, why would I do this to myself? So then I watched and as they lost, I was a little down as it kind of closed up within seven or eight minutes of the game being over. I was fine. I was basically Brett with the Bears. This is normal. Why am I getting upset about these things? I used to get. And then I started to think back. I used to get upset when the Cubs would lose. That's what the Cubs do. Of course they lost. Of course they lost. So I want to lose to it.

[C]

It was one of the fun facts this morning that the Cubs most recent World series wins in 2016.

[A]

16.

[C]

They that the time between 1908 and 2016, Arizona became a state, got a Major League baseball team and got a World Series.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, man. Pretty everyone got a team that's not just Arizona. The Marlins got two. They were. They started in 1993 and they got two championships out of the deal. It wasn't about like, golly, just imagine if you had. All of it was just the whole thing. Any team that was around after 1908 pretty much got a championship accepted on the Cubs. And now the Mariners might do.

[B]

It takes a big man to admit that, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm impressed with you.

[A]

Thank you. You know, yeah, quitting is good for you.

[B]

It's just like being a Bears fan.

[A]

It is.

[B]

Training camp's done.

[A]

All right, this is it. You don't have to bury yourself in this unless you've got a team that consistently competes and it's not worth it. I'm telling you as a fan. Who did this from age, there are things. My mother has a bucket of things of mine from when I was a child. Prominently in this bucket were note notebooks, and this time not dedicated to a girl's vagina. That's later. But they weren't stolen either. Notebooks. When I was three years old, before I could write or read, I would watch the Cubs play, and if it was on the tv, I would write it down so it would say Cubs, Phillies. It wasn't good writing. It was like Brady's and I. And then runs, hits, errors. And it would come up on the screen and I would copy it. And then I knew after a while the rhe was coming and I'd make the little grid and after. She's got volumes of some three year old. It started when I was a kid. That's abuse. That was abuse back then. My mom should have picked me up and said, get away. I was addicted to it. And that lasted for a couple years until I could read and write. Then I'd just make up my own. But for about a year and a half, every game that was on, because, you know, when you're three, you don't do anything. There's no school. Watch summer baseball. Every day, locked in that room watching baseball and writing whatever was on the screen down as fast as I could. There are, you know, Dave Kingman, you.

[C]

Know, I don't even know at age.

[A]

3, it was amazing. Register it did to me. I was glued to it. Dave Kingman dot 2, 4, 9 avg. I didn't know why I was writing. I didn't know what any of the things meant. Just symbols that were something. And to me, I'm like, this is. It was hieroglyphics. This has to mean something. My mom would sit next to me and go, that's how many home runs he has. And I'd write down like, you know, at the time, in the middle of the summer, It'll be like 25, let.

[C]

Alone your mom know what's going on?

[A]

My mom, yeah. That was amazing. It was a little. I'd say it was probably pretty even. Our baseball knowledge, mine at 3 and hers at 26, which was about. Well, at 28, it was about Fair. So, yeah, she knew a little bit. And then I'd explained to her what the, you know, on base percentages were. The analytics of the game I could explain to her thanks to Brick House. But, yeah, so I broke away from that in 2018 pretty much. I'm like, I don't like this team anymore. The owners are jerks and something's going on and they're going to start sucking again and they expect us to just go because they got us a championship, that we're just going to fall right in line again. And then when the Diamondbacks killed that bird a second time, made that bet. And it felt good because I've got no real love for the Diamondbacks. There's no history there. But I'll root for him. It's. It's like what Brady does. He's got no passing interest in any real, like, team outside of Ohio State, but he doesn't. You're not going to get upset if the.

[C]

Maybe half a day for the Bengals, and now that we've got hope with.

[A]

No, you don't know. You got nothing. Don't do that to yourself. You got nothing. I watched that team yesterday. They're terrible. So Cardinal fans highly recommend, you know, many beautiful places there are in this state, especially in the fall, that weekends are just go, leave Friday, come back on Monday, you'll find out how they lost on Monday. In fact, you can probably watch up there, but you get in your shirts and you do your thing. It just. It's rough, man. Just rough. So sorry, Cardinal fans, but I think the worst phrase, the best phrase in sports. Game seven tonight. Worst phrase. We should start Jacoby Brissette. I think that might be the worst. I mean, the Bengals are. Brady made a joke about Joe Flacco. It's not that different from what you guys got going on in one weekend. You should just surprise the entire Cardinals organization and just not go to the game. Just explore Arizona. Go out there's, you know, Tubac is supposed to be. I guess that's gorgeous. Artsy town down south. Never go down south because Tucson's close. I might get screwed up and end up there. You try to avoid that. And the closer you get, the more south you go, the closer to Mexico and the chances of getting your head cut off just exponentially rise. You don't want to even think about that. The only time you're in Yuma is on your way to San Diego, and that's pushing it. Yes, that's the noise. Yuma should say that on their city flag. The prisoners were the happiest people in Yuma. So much so they named their high school team the prisoners or the convicts or something that just fly there.

[C]

Then you don't have.

[A]

Yeah. Fly to San Diego. Yeah. I don't know why you're still driving to San Diego. You're not saving that much money. I know Brady likes to actually physically cross state lines with an underage neighbor, but you can do it in a plane, too. It is a good feeling. We're in California now. Law officially broken. That's a state line and you're 16. I'm basically Manson, so. Cardinal fans, I feel for you guys. That's not fun, but you know, you don't. Not everybody's going to win the Super Bowl. I don't have any grand thoughts that the Steelers are going to win a Super bowl this year, but they're going to stay competitive and they're. Look, they're probably going to win their division. It's fun. And then you never know. You know, I feel bad for Lions fans right now because they've been mired in this weekends free kind of environment for their entire lives. In the last couple years, they're getting a taste of having an erection again. It's got to be like when an old man gets Viagra there. It's been years since it ever got hard. And then it works. It's got to be. It's sort of a false. It's got to be rough.

[C]

For KC it's the super bowl hangover finally kicking in. This year seems to be going the other way.

[A]

Oh, no. Kansas City. You should be involved with Kansas City.

[C]

I know.

[A]

You should definitely be involved with Kansas City. They can win a Super Bowl. They can turn it. You never ever are out with them. Baltimore Ravens fans, they're one in five. And there's. I'm still saying, guys, watch out for them because when they get right, their schedule gets you. They could easily go 9 and 1 and walk right into this thing. That's a team that when they're healthy, you just have to. Cardinals, Jacoby, Brissette. Stop it. Stop. Stop having emotions about it is what I'm saying. I know that comes from me. It's hard, but just stop it. You shouldn't feel anything. It would be like your wife was. She's pretty and she's always been like, attentive and then she's just not doing it anymore. And then one day you came home and the fat neighbor lady was standing where your wife used to be and she's willing to Blow you like crazy and do some stuff. And it seems great the first day until you realize it's the fat neighbor lady. That's Jacoby Brissette. He's willing to like, he's doing all the things your wife wouldn't like. It's. There's ass play. There's like, everything's on board because he's just trying to. And then you realize, oh, no, I've got a fat, ugly neighbor wife. Like, she's doing everything I want. But this is not good. Jacoby is a fat, ugly neighbor wife. Sure, the PJs are off the charts right off the bat, but a couple of those PJs in, you're gonna look down and see all those stretch marks and that thing around the nipples that happens to fat ladies. That starts to look like somebody was pulling them off. It's just. Yeah. And then you get the Pringles tummies. It's. You're gonna see it soon. They usually say, see the warts, but you don't want to use that analogy in this.

[C]

Well, if you got season tickets now, it's like, do you want to go to the show this weekend? It's like going to a movie.

[A]

Yeah, but you're always benefit from. You're always seeing Toxic Avengers 6. It's not like you're ever going to see a great movie. Yeah. Cardinal fans, I feel for you Lions fans. You're in the mix. This is rough.

[B]

I got a buddy who's a huge Lions fan. We were watching the game last night and talk about his CTs. He's just like, here we.

[A]

Oh, remember Lions fans, how much easier it used to be. Yeah, you go like a Bears fan. Like new. If we win this, it's hilarious. Like, it was almost a laugh riot when the Lions would beat your team. You're like, I remember the Steelers tied the Lions a couple years ago. That was embarrassing. And that was. The Lions fans are strutting around. We tied you. Like, they knew it was hilarious that their team did something and now they're good. And Lions fans got a taste of it. Holmberg's morning sickness. And that's like having your wife always be the fat, ugly neighbor wife. And then she starts on the Ozempic and takes it serious and starts doing sit ups and she comes back in looking like Madison Beer. And they're like, this is my wife. And everyone knows but you. Yeah, for now. But it ain't gonna last forever, brother. Eventually, Lions fan, she's gonna put that weight back on because that's what bad franchises do. Your window is now. Because she's going to put that weight right back on. It's the carriage. It's going to go pumpkin for you. And I don't know what's worse. The Steelers are never terrible, but they can't win a playoff game. So now I'm just sitting here mired in the middle. Sports. It's devastating. And then you got Toledo. You got to deal with pricks like that. He's got. He's, he's. He's dealing with it right now. He's got two. He's got a potential World Series team, and his Seahawks are looking pretty okay. Prick bastard walking around in his Seahawks. You know. You know what? You know what's the worst part about Toledo today? I don't know if you guys saw it. He's donning his Seahawks baseball jersey, which was a smart move on his part. I like that. But on the back, it isn't supporting a player or it just says fan. It's him. He's celebrating himself today. Me. It might as well say sports. Sports. Sorry, guys, we should start. Jacobe Brissette is essentially like saying, I should blow Brett. It's just not a good idea. We're going to get some temporary pleasure out of that, but there's going to be some sadness and embarrassment later, and we're not going to be able to look each other in the eyes.

[B]

How many Brisette jerseys are being sold today?

[A]

Oh, none. Don't buy any of those. See? And the Cardinal fans are flooding my emails. It's looked way up and better than Webster. Like, I know, guys. I know. Of course he did. He's the fat neighbor wife. He's fighting for his life. He'll do anything. He surprised. Give her a couple of weeks, she's going to be that fat neighbor wife again. You're like, oh, I've been. Oh, I got fooled for a second.

[C]

Two weeks.

[A]

Yeah, these blowjobs were amazing. And she was. She was. She's fat and ugly, but she was so willing to do all of it. And then after a while, you roll the fat neighbor wife over and just. Her ass has got that weird darkened skin where her. It looked like the hull of a ship's been barnacled out. And she's got the.

[B]

It's a little early for that.

[A]

Where it rubs and it turns pachyderm. You know what I'm talking about? You see those fat ladies and their legs rub long enough that the inside of her legs just stop. They start making pachyderm skin starts going gray. We've all seen it. Yeah, it's that grayish brown. It looks like old ice cream, only hard. And we've all seen those porns where you accidentally the jokes and you start laughing and then the big girl rolls over and, like, how come her inner thighs are like a purple gray?

[B]

You can't hit the back button fast enough.

[A]

Get. Oh, I'm trapped. It's like. Anyway, Cardinal fans, I felt for you yesterday because there was a little hope. And Doug Hopkins just texted me, said, hey, it could be worse. Could be a Jets fan. No, Doug, you've got it easy. Your team literally had negative 8 yards passing yesterday. I mean, what do you have? Why do you have expectations? But why do you have expectations? Why? Well, because it was the worst football game I've ever watched in my life. The. Did you watch that? I was up. It was on. I did not plop down.

[C]

And Sarah, good. I saw the second.

[A]

Oh, it was horrible. Horrible football and. But jets fans, Doug, look at it from a different perspective. You've got it so easy. You have nothing. No expectations. None. Your weekends are free if you want them to be because you already know the outcome. This one says. John, at what point can we say we don't give up about the Cardinals? Now? Yes, Matthew, now's the time. Because before you enter a debate of whether it should be Kyler Murray or Jacoby Brissette, as if that matters.

[C]

How many houses Hopkins is going to be buying for cash on Sunday?

[A]

He's going to spend all day Sunday the best deals ever. Because you know why? He'll be happy on Sunday making deals. I don't know. I should either probably. Shut up. Guys, there's a debate going on over here. I'm trying to. Either I'm going to Roseanne Barr or Lizzo, and I just can't make up my mind. It's like, why are we having this talk? It's my options. My options are to Rose Ambar or Lizzo. Why are you doing this to yourself now? Replace Roseanne Bar and Lizzo with Jacoby and Kyler. It's the same conversation. Being a Jets fan is easier than being a fan that argues over Jacoby Brissette as her starter every. You know what? Cardinal fans, everybody. This works, by the way. I hate it, but it works. Write a letter to the Cardinals about how much you hate them and you just. You're never going to use their advertisers and, like, I swear to God, write a letter to the advertisers. If you stay on with the Cardinals anymore, they're offending me. They do it to me all the time. They're offensive. I mean, people get like, some mom can write a letter to my owners. One, and there's meetings. Like, people are screaming, we need have a. Write a check to this. And two, but, like, wait a sec. One person threw a fit. Damn. But she's got friends. What about all the people who didn't care? I got this one. Write one single letter that says you're gonna call the advertiser and then do it. And then call the advertisers. Go look at the stadium and say, all right, you advertise in here. And you advertise and write them a letter and see if the Cardinals bout it. They won't. I guess they're better. They're better run than radio. I should point that part out. What? Look, a preschool playroom is run better by the kids. When the teacher's like, I'm gonna take a nap, the kids are like, we got this. That's a better group of executives on what we got going on. But either way, write letters, do whatever you can. Just get out of this mess. I feel for you guys. I feel for you. Would you. That hostage got released. They released. Hamas, gave the hostages back. See what the first guy said? You should start to Colby Brissette. No, it doesn't matter to him. He doesn't care. Like, his life is better now. He doesn't know he can come back. And he. They. You know how they tortured him? They made him watch cardinal games. Hamasa, you will watch. Who do you think they should start, Kyler or Jacoby? Oh, it's torture. Those people. You know, look, if they told you Hamas is going to let you go and you get lifetime tickets to the Cardinals, congratulations. Be like, I'm going back to, like, get me back in there. I'll stay. Sticking around that neighbor wife. Jacoby's a fat neighbor wife. She is blowing your lights out, man. And you are fooled by it, but don't be. It's not a good thing.

[C]

And we're talking to Sanchez for next week.

[A]

Hey, look, at least you get some press with that one. That's pretty solid. Not some rolled eyes. Yeah, I go out and I go get, like, Derek Carr's only 36 years old. He's retired. Go ahead. Consider it.

[C]

I know he has to run after a famous Jamis.

[A]

Jameis Winston. Russell Wilson. There's, like, dudes over there. You're going to suck either way.

[B]

Kaepernick still Available?

[A]

Yeah, why not?

[C]

It's time.

[A]

Get that cat off his knees and get him back out there behind center. He's only like, what, 40 at this point? Yeah, he's fine. Anyway, we did mention that the hostages overnight, while we were all asleep, sure enough, done. They. They unloaded them. Now, what I didn't know is we were going to give 200 Palestinian prisoners back. We, Israel. So they released a bunch of Palestinians, 200 of those, and we got the hostages back. All the living hostages have been returned. And I don't care what side of the political aisle you're on. That's pretty damn amazing. That's potentially. Probably not while I'm alive, but Kirby may, in fact, someday have two tickets to the Gaza Strip for vacation. Because if you've ever seen that thing without the people of Gaza running it, it's gorgeous. They did a shot of the beach. The rubble is everywhere. The cities, it tatters. And they did this pullback shot, and you can see the. Oh, my God.

[C]

Rebuild that mother.

[A]

It's gorgeous. Yeah, it's Dubai. Pretty like, it's just amazing. So hopefully they can speed that up, but, you know, we won't see it. It'll take 20 years, and I'm not running over the Middle east when I'm 73. But it's. That's going to be.

[C]

If this holds that 3D printing system going.

[A]

Yeah, once they get that going, 3D printing, some gorgeous buildings. I'd still have my head on a swivel if I was over there. Wait for that Hamas to come back. 3, 3, 4,000 years of them getting uppity. I'm not trusting that this one's going to be the linchpin to close her down. But step in the right direction, and people can hate Trump all they want. That's a pretty good move. I know people want to hate him out loud, but when good is good, you got to just say, all right, no matter how he did this one, we'll see how it ends up. And maybe Trump haters will be thrilled that it backfires on him, but as of right now, this is a pretty damn good deal. And American history, like, this is history. We got involved in this thing and said, enough. Somehow or another, through the whole works of it, man, that's amazing. So I know I'll get letters from people, Trump stole this. Whatever. Bottom line is, those people are home, and nobody thought that would happen. And that's amazing. At what cost? I don't know, but we traded Brittney Griner for the Merchant of Death still a better deal.

[B]

We still made a better deal this time around.

[A]

I mean, we've done some deals in the past. It's like, all right. And so far that hasn't backfired on us. Merchant to Death evidently has just been, you know, been quiet. Yeah, he's a merchant of kind of solitude at this point. I used to be Merchant of Death. Now I'm just Merchant of broken ankles. Seems like a decent guy. Maybe. You know what happened to him? Nothing as far as we know. Now we don't know when the name went public.

[C]

He was only known that.

[A]

Yeah, well, the bar gets raised so high when you're the merchant of death that we expect you to be. And then when he's kind of quiet for a few years, you're like, Merchant of Deaths of. I'm more of a merchant of death than he is.

[C]

How can I do a deal?

[A]

How do I do a deal when I'm known as Merchant of Death? I have to change my entire brand. Oh, this one after it says to talk about terrible teams. Have Dale wear a brown bag over his head Thursday for that embarrassing loss of the Panthers. Oh, I didn't wear a brown bag for another embarrassing reason. But that's a good one, too. We should bag Dale up. We should have Dale wear a bag on his head on Thursdays until the Cowboys like the unknown comic. The unknown hell is great. That's good stuff right there. All right, let's get a wake up song and stop worrying Cardinal fans. It's a. You're screwed. It's a gloomy morning, but you guys have nothing. You got nothing but green lights. An avenue of uninterrupted green lights for the rest of the season because your expectation levels are shot to the ground. Now's the time to abandon ship. And as a sports fan, I used to say, oh, no, you gotta sit through the tough times. All you have is tough times. It's time to stop having those. Trust me. Climb aboard. When they're good in another seven or eight years, if that ever happens, get on board that little tiny three year win window of wins, then they're gonna suck again. Ask Brady's a Bengals fan. They had a window of like two years. They took advantage of, didn't win at all. And now they suck again. And they're gonna continue to. Don't, Brady. We'll get Burrow back. No, you won't. You're terrible. That team's terrible.

[C]

He's a bust for me.

[A]

They're done. He's not a bust. He's amazing. Just can't stay healthy cuz he's just saying, you know, the bust is gonna get the one year franchise because they never protected the poor bastard anyway. Let's get a Wake up song. 585-9800 a good one and we'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD, Wake Up. It's out of control now 98.