10-14-25 - Reactions To Brent's Angry Email - Silverback Cracks Protective Glass At Zoo Reminds Us Of Zoo Dangers - Tennis Player Banned For Testing Positive For Meth Reminding John Of His Meth Girl Encounter

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – October 14, 2025

Episode: Reactions to Brent's Angry Email, Zoo Dangers, Tennis Player Banned for Meth, Holmberg's "Meth Girl" Encounter
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Katie, Bob
Station: 98KUPD, Hubbard Radio

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Overview

On this lively episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness, the crew responds energetically to a listener’s angry email, share wild anecdotes about zoo mishaps and animal dangers, discuss a tennis player’s peculiar meth ban excuse, and John Holmberg recounts a close encounter with a supposed “meth girl” in his youth. The show blends sharp humor, irreverence, and distinctively candid storytelling, making for a fast-paced and highly entertaining listen.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Listener Reaction to Brent's Israel Email

(00:15–02:48)

• John reads a blunt, humorous listener email that dismisses the original sender’s outrage over international issues (specifically Israel), advocating instead for focusing on local, personal freedoms.
• The crew riffs on the idea of being self-centered Americans, likening foreign wars to “TV shows” that people tune into only when it directly affects them.
• Notable for its tongue-in-cheek patriotism and social commentary.

Quote:
"I could care less about what's going on somewhere else. I'm an American."
– Listener email, read by John Holmberg (00:43)

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2. Zoo Dangers and the Silverback Incident

(02:48–09:41)

• Discussion shifts to recent zoo incidents, including Arizona’s zoo closing due to a tornado, with John relaying a story from a friend who visited during the storm.
• They highlight a viral news story about a silverback gorilla at the San Diego Zoo shattering protective glass.
• Spirited debate follows about animal behavior, the illusion of safety at zoos, and wild humor imagining if the animal enclosures were removed.
• John and Brady share colorful zoo memories, including animal attacks and a code-word emergency at a high school field trip.

Quote:
"You put a piece of clear glass between what would normally be food and a gorilla... every once in a while, he gets a little pissed off."
– John Holmberg (03:28)

Memorable Hypothetical:
"If you're going to have all this sitting in one spot, the only thing dividing them from their own food is a fence. Take down the fences and then there's..."
– John Holmberg (06:24)

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3. Tennis Player Meth Ban – “Kissing Defense”

(11:26–17:58)

• John introduces a bizarre sports headline: tennis pro Goncalo Oliveira banned after both A and B samples test positive for meth.
• Oliveira’s defense is that he “made out” with someone who’d recently used meth, thus triggering his positive result—a claim the hosts find laughable and impossible.
• The crew riffs on how unlikely it is for someone to be intimately involved with a meth user while remaining clean themselves, drawing comparisons to other drugs and subcultures.

Quote:
"If you make out with someone on meth, you're probably also on meth. There's no, 'I don't do it, but she does,' kind of vibe with meth."
– John Holmberg (12:22)

• John also references Andre Agassi’s notorious admission of meth use, humorously speculating about Agassi’s social circle during his meth years.

Quote:
"My first thought back then was like, oh, Andre and Brooke [Shields] were meth heads together."
– John Holmberg (16:52)

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4. Holmberg's “Meth Girl” Story

(18:09–30:30)

• In a personal, comedic anecdote, John recounts meeting a former “Miss Mesa” pageant contestant during his broadcasting school days—and discovering (thanks to a tip from a friend named Ed) that she may have been a meth user.
• He humorously describes her “rotting” breath—"something's rotten in there"—and fears of being unwittingly linked to meth possession by association.
• The story detours into playful speculation about her real name and ultimate fate, highlighting the pre-internet era when fact-checking dubious personal claims was nearly impossible.

Quote:
"Anyone wants to make out with you at a Circle K loves meth... If you get a kiss at that one, there's meth involved."
– John Holmberg (22:23)

• The cast continues throwing out names and joking about how little people verified others’ backgrounds in the '90s.

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5. “Super Wood,” Contest Transparency & The 'Bobs'

(31:05–37:41)

• John mocks a misleading online ad promising “super wood”—which, disappointingly, turns out to be a literal construction material, not a male enhancement product.
• The hosts joke about how radio contest giveaways are really mechanisms to boost station app engagement for management (“the Bobs”), poking fun at corporate radio’s internal machinations.
• They encourage listeners to stream the station on speakers (for rating purposes), and lampoon management’s cluelessness through a running “Bob” character bit.

Quote:
"All I cared about was, can I get a harder wang? And they screwed me with some sort of construction story."
– John Holmberg (33:04)

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6. Bonus Gross-Out Story: Swallowing a Filling

(39:05–41:12)

• John shares a classic gross story about making out with a girl in Payson, Arizona, and accidentally swallowing a tooth filling that fell from her mouth into his.
• The story is played for laughs, complemented by the crew’s incredulous reactions—emphasizing both the wildness of younger years and the oddball things that can happen on the dating scene.

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• On American Self-Involvement:
  "Israel's just a TV show. You check in every once in a while..."
  (01:26 – John Holmberg)

• On Zoo Safety:
  "Let's take down the glass and say, all right, best of luck to you. The zoo would... I'd start going to the zoo."
  (06:16 – John Holmberg)

• Zoo Attack Sarcasm:
  "I don't care about [animals] actually eating. What I like to see is their prey struggle for its life. And if you want to put yourself in the middle of that, I'll pay double."
  (08:10 – John Holmberg)

• On Meth Friendships:
  "Meth people hang together, you know, they're like Mormons. They like each other more than they like us."
  (14:02 – John Holmberg)

• Meth Girl at Circle K:
  "Just avoid kissing her. I mean, turning her around couldn't have been so bad."
  (24:12 – John Holmberg)

• Cynicism on Radio Contests:
  "What we're really doing here... is trying to make app numbers go through the moon."
  (34:22 – John Holmberg)

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Episode Structure & Key Timestamps

• 00:15 – 02:48: Email reading and riff: American self-interest, dismissing Israel outrage
• 02:48 – 09:41: Zoo tornado recap; Gorilla cracks glass; animal danger stories
• 11:26 – 17:58: Tennis player banned for meth; disbelief at “kissing methy” excuse
• 18:09 – 30:30: “Miss Mesa” meth girl story, reflection on '90s dating and trust
• 31:05 – 37:41: Disappointment at “super wood” ad; radio contest transparency; anti-corporate satire
• 39:05 – 41:12: Payson story: swallowing a girl’s filling while making out

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Tone & Style

Irreverent, sarcastic, and fast-paced, with a notable blend of off-color humor, unfiltered honesty, and nostalgia for less complicated times. The cast frequently veers into wild tangents and interacts in a way that breaks the fourth wall with their audience, making listeners feel like part of an inside joke.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

This episode is a rapid-fire mix of current events, personal misadventures, and observational humor. It skewers everything from public outrage and zoo safety to sports scandals and the foibles of youth—delivered in signature HMS style, with quotable one-liners and sharp, satirical takes on everyday absurdities.

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Transcript

[Katie]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP guns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you Katie and the Hobbs nine more minutes. We got another word. Jesus Christ. I got to get this binder again. I'm going to have huge Trapper Keeper out. Yeah, my arms are going to be massive when this is over. Alright, so the 6 o' clock word is gone, right? The next one go up here a few minutes. I'll keep this handy here. Listen, putting down the book, it's a lot. Then just a few minutes from now we'll have that. Now I got an email from guy says listening to that Brent guy from Gilbert email you about Israel. I can't imagine being so bent out of shape over a situation in a different country that doesn't even involve you. It sucks sure, but it's not where you are. Just be grateful I'm not bitching about it and ruining other people's day. It just make you look like an asshole. Tell that Gilbert douchebag to shove it. No one cares. By the way tell you how great America is. I'm listening to you and I just took a dump and tugged it to Elsa Jean getting pounded because of freedom man. I could care less about what's going on somewhere else. I'm an American. That's right. That's what we need to focus more on. All those other countries, they're just on tv. They're shows. Israel's just a TV show. You check in every once in a while, you get an update. It's like oh Jack married Jennifer. I didn't see that coming. I wonder if Trevor's gonna get involved there and the actual comin like you just don't care until we start getting involved. But yeah, keep it so we can keep, you know this dude doing candy ribbons on his turds in the morning listening to our show. How bad can life be? He's giving himself a hand, Blumpk. Meanwhile he's got to concern himself with what Netanyahu's doing with Hamas. Why be focused on your surroundings like the zoo is closed. You see that? That tornado thing went over the zoo. Our boy, my buddy that I hiked the stairs with for the 911 stair climb. A guy I met there, Kevin, Kevin Falcone and his son Yogi. Yogi Falcone. You know Yogi and Kevin of Falcones? They had the day off yesterday for indigenous peoples day. So Kevin took his son over there and said let's take a look at some indigenous peoples, huh? How you Doing like, these are the original people, you know, Australopithecus africanus. They're running all over out here. You got the. The early man. So he's there. He said, I'm at the zoo. And it starts to rain sideways and hail. Zoo got absolutely torn up. Won't be open till the end of the weekend. That's true. The zoo is.

[Brady]

No animals. Got it.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Yeah, let's just. Yeah, let's always hope that that should be something we shouldn't have to say or have a naked bike ride about if we're gonna have a zoo. Make sure they're always penned up. That's a good idea. The whole point. I think that's what zoo means. They're all penned up. Did you see the San Diego Zoo, the silverback that cracked the glass that.

[Brady]

You could drive a semi truck into?

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. Well, yeah, the glass, not the silverback. Say, don't. Highly.

[Katie]

Don't.

[John Holmberg]

Don't do that. Test your semi truck strength by hitting gorillas.

[Brady]

Talk about the strength of the glass.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, sure. It was very confusing the way you said it. We should just be Peter Bilton, you know, gorillas around. But my favorite part of the news story was because it was. It's. Well, the thing that the story says, Kata Sutil was enjoying her visit to the San Diego Zoo's gorilla enclosure when one of the apes suddenly charged towards the glass and slammed its fists into it, causing deep cracks just inches from her face. And then they interviewed her and she was. Oh, I was so scared. It was a six foot. Six foot tall. And I just start laughing. And then the news anchor goes, wonder what happened? Well, I don't know. You put a piece of clear glass between what would normally be food and a gorilla, and he might have had like a, you know, a little hangry moment. He ran over and tried to eat an Indian. I mean, excited, yeah, okay, they can be excited, but he's not where he's supposed to be. And they put clear in between him and food. So every once in a while, once he learned that clear's there, he gets a little pissed off. Imagine, Brady, right now if you put up some glass and then just did nothing but bacon on the other side of the glass. Eventually the guy's gonna be like, God damn, I'm getting one of those.

[Brady]

Could have been angry, too. Could have been curry. He's like, no, curry.

[John Holmberg]

No, he could have smelled the curry. Like, they're very seasoned people is what you're saying. Yeah, it might have been, yes. Curry Brady. Why disparate. Either way, what happened is the d dumbest question of all time. They did that when that lion attacked that feeder at the mgm. Remember? He's got a bucket of bloody raw meat and he's throwing it like kind of haphazardly tossing it to one of the three massive lions in a box that he's decided to get in with. One of the lions trots over and sees the bucket like I'm gonna cut out the middleman and takes the trainer. What happened? We always ask. Well, I know the answer to that. You caged three massive beasts. You started to walk around with bloody meat in a bucket. Oh, by the way, you're bloody meat too. You just haven't been bled yet. He knows that. He can smell your organs. And he decided, I'm hungrier than you think I am. And he went after the other thing. We've got to stop asking that. And also, I'm all for this. You want to go to zoos, Take down the glass if you want to see them in their natural habitat. There is no giant bulletproof, truck proof glass. When you see a gorilla for realsies. That video that happened last week, I think you sent it to us. We watched it. The von Trapp family just walking through the forest and then a gorilla shows up and takes a lady like 500ft across. The entire jungle guy just smashes and it's like, well, you went on a gorilla venture. Let's. Let's look for gorillas. Usually is, you know, a little treacherous.

[Brady]

But even so, it was a friendly shove. Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Gorilla is a warning. There's a warning. Gorilla shovel, which by the way, I don't want to ever know. I don't want to know the gorilla that's telling me, hey, there's a business end and you don't want any of it. And I'm going to flick you once to let you know. But yeah, if you're going to go to the zoo, let's take down the glass. Let's take down the glass and say, all right, best of luck to you. The zoo would. I'd start going to the zoo. Glass me up just fine, but let's let it run. If you're gonna have gorillas, no, if you're gonna have all this sitting in one spot, the only thing dividing them from their own food is a fence. Take down the fences and then there's.

[Brady]

Not much glass at the Wildlife World.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. How about this? Just a habitrail for the people to walk through and just watch. What would happen if this was trail.

[Brady]

A screen habit.

[John Holmberg]

No, not a screen. Like, we're in the glass, they can't get to us. But we walk through and we watch what goes on out there. Gorillas living with peacocks and deer. And there's a lion nearby. Now you got price of admission stuff. In my world, it's like, oh. Duffed them all in the middle of Phoenix to see what they do. And we took down the walls. This is gonna get good. What happened? The news lady said, I don't know, they like Indian food. He just seemed to go crazy. No.

[Brady]

Call the glass doctor.

[John Holmberg]

Just remembered. There you go. New Vision Auto Glass. And get a meal at Rhodesio Grill now with two locations, Scottsdale and Mesa. Gorilla. Gorilla. Break your glass. I just find it hysterical that we still act like the zoo animals know that's where they are. Well, he knows he's in a zoo. You're not supposed to do that through the glass. Didn't he get trained? My only regret in life is I've been to that MGM enclosure with Those Lions probably 12, 15 times. They took it away. And never once did I watch one of the lines eat a trainer. I've been to the feedings. That's the only reason I went. I didn't go watch lions eat. I don't care. It's not them actually eating. It's throwing them, you know, filet mignon. That's not how they hunt. I don't care about that. What I like to see is their prey struggle for its life. And if you want to put yourself in the middle of that, I'll pay double.

[Brady]

I saw an elephant trainer at the Columbus Zoo when I was in high school, guiding a group of school kids through the herbivore carnivore complex.

[John Holmberg]

Cool.

[Brady]

And the elephant took one of the poles and pinned down the trainers where they were kind of hosing them down.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Brady]

And then stood on the pole.

[John Holmberg]

Double yes.

[Brady]

We had to call the phone. The code word why? For emergency.

[John Holmberg]

Wasn't an emergency of the elephant. It was just an elephant.

[Brady]

Couple of broken ribs.

[John Holmberg]

Did they shoot the elephant?

[Brady]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

I bet they did. They just didn't tell you. You were a kid.

[Brady]

They rewarded him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they didn't.

[Katie]

Yeah, I bet they did.

[John Holmberg]

Guarantee you that elephant didn't just go about his business from there on out.

[Brady]

It was a misunderstanding.

[John Holmberg]

It was. Yeah. A misunderstanding. You step on me, you die. That's the. You didn't understand the rule. There's your misunderstanding. Elephant. So long. He was in a different he in a Las Cruces zoo. He got demoted from Columbus to like dump zoo.

[Brady]

The code Mr. Wallaby to the herbivore carnivore complex.

[John Holmberg]

The kids are witnessing a murder. And we're gonna try to keep our voices real calm right now, but we're all horrified. And I've definitely myself the worst through nightmare is happening right now. Worst through nightmare. Oh, it's seven o'. Clock. Next word.

[Katie]

Lift that big old trapper keeper.

[John Holmberg]

Let's lift this giant 35 pound book of words. Because, you know, it's the 70s and we don't have computers. Oh, look at the tragedy that almost.

[Katie]

Happened at that point. We just call the day we're done.

[John Holmberg]

No more opened and all the papers almost went a flying. I wasn't sorting that either.

[Katie]

There's no way we just pick a random word now.

[John Holmberg]

There you go, shoving words out the seven o' clock word to take it in the app. Bills as in Buffalo or I don't pay my bills. B I double L s. You've got 40 minutes. Holmberg's morning sickness. You got 40 minutes to. And that word in the app. Meanwhile, I got to carry this binder around. Family Bible should have gone with a computer. And if you want to go to the zoo, you can't go till once. We can go to the other one, the one Brady talks about, the West Valley one. Didn't get attacked. Not at all. Not even a little bit. So there you go. That's a nice thing. We got another thing, Brady. I know you like tennis. This is the worst excuse I've ever seen in my life. There's a tennis player who tested positive for methamphetamine. Drug use. He's been suspended.

[Brady]

Mistake.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it was. He. You know how he said he got it? He gave a kiss to someone who does meth on their lips. It was. It was like a Romeo and Juliet. Like she had the poison on her lips.

[Katie]

Jesus Christ.

[John Holmberg]

And it got off her. Goncalo Oliver. Yeti Oliveira. I don't know if it's Spanish, Italian, I don't know what the hell says. He represents Venezuela, so he's Spanish. Provisionally suspended in January. A test in November of 2024. They've been added the ATP challenge in Manzanillo, Mexico. Both his A and B samples contained the banned substance of crystal methamphetamine. He's Portuguese. He denied ever doing those drugs and made his argument.

[Brady]

He was also lobbying for 10 set matches.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he never wanted to stop playing. It's like, I'll go again if you guys want to go again. He Said, I've never done that. He had an independent, independent tribunal and they decided that he couldn't prove the drug's presence was unintentional, but he said it was because he was making out with somebody who's on meth. And I say if you make out with someone on meth, you're probably also on meth. There's no, there's no, like, I don't do it, but she does kind of vibe with meth. I'm pretty sure meth are like minded.

[Brady]

How can you not find somebody that's.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I mean, look, if you said, I don't do the meth. Ronnie does a lot of meth though. Like, I kind of feel like maybe you're going to do meth. I don't think there's a. Oh, it's not like smoking where I can't stand it. My wife smokes. Like, my wife's on meth. Like you would leave or you'd start doing meth with her. Nobody hangs around the casual meth user without going, me too. Like, they just. You don't tolerate meth if you're not.

[Katie]

A tournament in Apache Junction this weekend or what?

[John Holmberg]

I mean, the AVP rolling out there to the, the superstition a long time ago. Well, that's, you have to test. If you're not on meth, you can't play. Like, that's the Apache Junctions tournament. Oh, is it all method? What are you doing? Your blood sample came back spotless. Go make out with somebody. So that can't be a thing. But again, I, I can't imagine there's anyone listening right now going, and my wife smokes meth like crazy. I'm clean as a whistle. I just don't see it. I, if she is, you wouldn't know about it. So when you tested positive for meth, you'd just be confused. You wouldn't automatically go, oh, this is easy. My wife smokes loads of meth and I was making love to her last night. No, you weren't. You're on meth too.

[Brady]

It was in your tennis grips.

[John Holmberg]

You're on meth.

[Brady]

Someone wrapped it.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even. You don't even hang out with people on meth if you're not on meth. Meth people hang together, you know, they're like Mormons. They like each other more than they like us. I don't do meth and I don't have a lot of meth friends going, wanna go out this weekend? They're like, sure, what do you Want to do meth? Like, ah, no, I'm gonna stick around the house and watch tv. You go out and have meth.

[Katie]

Gonna do meth at the Rah Rah room?

[John Holmberg]

No, no, tonight's a Sunday. I'm going with my buddy Anthony. And he didn't. He called me. He goes, hey, you wanna go to the. Come with me. And I'm like, yeah, I'll meet you down there. And he said, all right. I said, what do you want to do after? And just get a drink? No, I figured we'd just do some meth. I'm like, no, I'll just watch. No, you are. You're in. You're in Cocaine. A little different. I've been around people who do cocaine and they're like, eh, not gonna do that. Meth is one. You know when you're digging around under the kitchen sink for a drug to make the other people, usually the people who are normal, leave. Like, if you went home and Matthiah was just on the glass dick, you'd be like, ah, this might be over.

[Katie]

Let's see.

[Brady]

One, two, three.

[Katie]

Oh, that's five across the mouth.

[John Holmberg]

Five across your meth face. Mouth.

[Katie]

Unbelievable. Might as well. You're gonna lose your teeth anyway eventually.

[John Holmberg]

Let me knock those out early.

[Katie]

Do you a favor.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, would you? I wouldn't even waste my time because then I'd go to jail for hitting a methy. I'm just gonna leave.

[Brady]

Would you?

[John Holmberg]

That's a good point. Just say the methy tried to burn me with their glass stick. Your honor, you gotta understand, she was high on meth. I had to knock it down. Normally I frown on that, but she was on the meth. You're clean as a whistle. I question. Because the meth house is a meth house. No, clean people hang around the meth house. I've never known one guy on meth who isn't around. More like the people that surround him aren't like, you know, normal. It's just not. They are, they are. They travel in bunches. They're like hyenas. Like a pack of them. When you see him alone, they're usually going to meet someone else for that shared common goal and that experience together. But anyway, he's not going to be able to play tennis anymore because absolutely no one believed him. And I know, I know absolutely no one believed him. By the way, Brady, he was a ranked 77th in doubles. Not bad. Hey, that's really good. You're doing all right in the world.

[Brady]

You know what's amazing? Is Agassi, in 2009, admitted doing meth, but he lied and said it was spiked in his drink at the tour.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's not how it works. And they just let him play because he already had a name. Also, it is definitely a performance enhancer. For sure. You're gonna do a little bit more work. You might not be as accurate as normal, but you're going to put in the effort that you didn't realize you had thanks to the meth. And that told me once I saw that when Andre Agassi wrote his book and he's like, when he was married to Brooke Shields or they were together or whatever, I'm like, oh, Brooke Shields did meth? My first thought back then was like, oh, Andre and Brooke were meth heads together. Brooke wasn't not doing meth, while Andre sat around the house and blew the glass weenie. It's just a thing.

[Katie]

Is this his new walk in music?

[John Holmberg]

What is this? And now, on court number one, Gorkalo Oliveira, the liar.

[Bob]

I kissed her. I kissed a girl. I like it.

[John Holmberg]

I like this. Methods on my list. I had no idea that my. You know how oblivious you have to be to not know your wife's on method. Hey, go home. But she's on the meth. Huh? I like making them Italian. I don't know why.

[Brady]

At least the house is clean.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. Yeah.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The house is spotless. I guess there is kind of. That place never look better. I'll tolerate this until her teeth fall out.

[Katie]

Your Blu Ray players in pieces. Because they're rebuilding it and everything else.

[John Holmberg]

When I went to the Academy of Radio and Television Broadcasting, there was a really cute girl there, and she liked me a lot. And I'm like, something's wrong with her. This is perfect. So I remember the Circle K right here on. That is now the quick trip.

[Brady]

52Nd.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. 52nd street at McDowell. Cause the Academy of Broadcasting was on 48th street in McDowell. And we were all going to go to The Applebee's on 44th. Going, I gotta get gas, like, now. So I randomly. She went with me. She's in the car. And there was a dude behind me named Ed. And I think Ed liked her, too. She was a former Miss Mesa.

[Brady]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I think she may have lied, but she. It was. The thing is, even if she lied, it was believable.

[Brady]

No one.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there was no Internet.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

What are you gonna do? You're not gonna. People used to just tell you stuff prior to the Internet, and you'd be like, all right, maybe. But you never, like, went down to the hall of Records to find out whether. You just didn't seem to give as much of a. About people lying. I was Ms. Mesa in 19. Maybe. Okay, so we go to the. The Circle K, and I'm getting gas, and she's just banging short, dark hair. Like, just like. Something about her was, like, amazing. She gets in my face, I'm like, oh, somebody needs gum now. Like, she's got four rotters back there. I can. You can smell them, but I couldn't see them. I couldn't see them. They were in there. You know the difference between bad breath and, oh, yeah, something's rotten in there. So I'm like, I'm still gonna make out with her, but I just need her to chew some gum first. So I tried to offer a gum, and she's like, no.

[Bob]

No, thanks.

[John Holmberg]

What? Well, she wouldn't chew it because it would hurt. Yeah, you ended up with a molar in your mouth. That actually happened once in Payson, but that's a different story. A filling, I think it was, that fell into my throat. But this one, this hottie. So my. My buddy Ed's getting gas at the pump next to us, and he turns and he goes, careful, dude. She's. She's big into the mess. And I didn't even want her back in my car, like, from that moment, just the rumor. Because, again, I didn't go down to the hall of Records or take a blood test like we would today. Well, I demand a DNA test. I'm gonna go to the. I'm gonna go. We didn't have the Internet, so I would just look at Ed and go, really? Oh, yeah, she is. She probably got it on her. And the reason I didn't want it on her car, because it was in her purse.

[Brady]

You figured you could get arrested.

[John Holmberg]

I get a ticket, they go through her purse. And then we're two meth heads. Because the cops would be like, really? You didn't know? Dude, I don't know this girl. The girl with rotten teeth and great cans. I gotta give you that. She was. She was hot.

[Brady]

The police were like, what are you hanging out with this twink for?

[John Holmberg]

Started to lock her up. This isn't for the meth. You shouldn't even be in the passenger side of a car. Your vision is terrible. You were gonna kiss that guy. He's not bad. He's a candy apple.

[Brady]

Clearly, you're on drugs.

[John Holmberg]

His head is massive and he lives on a stick body. What's Wrong with you. You are high as a kite. We're gonna do what? We're gonna call your parents and put you in a second home. The day I tried to kiss John Holberg changed everything. For the better that for. Maybe she's got a story too. I was on meth pretty bad. So bad I almost kissed John Holmberg. Are you familiar? And people like why? H's morning sickness. H's morning sickness. The one on the radio. Yes, I know. It was a rough go for all of us.

[Brady]

Drug free intelligence.

[Bob]

I started to.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm 39 years sober now. I tried gonna make out with that guy. Have you seen pictures of him? You have to understand how high I was. You'd have to be. I needed to be high to hear your story. Yeah, but I didn't. And all it took was saying she was on meth. I had no proof of it.

[Brady]

So you took the gas station or.

[John Holmberg]

No, I took her to the Applebee's and I. I think I just hung out at Applebees for a little bit with other people and ran out of there. Never did anything. She wanted to kiss, though. At the Circle K. That's a. That's a sign.

[Katie]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Anyone wants to make out with you at a Circle K. Loves math. Let's go make out at the Circle k. Especially at 52nd Street. McDowell. You get a kiss at that one.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's meth involved.

[Brady]

So.

[Katie]

Did you ever hear what happened to her? Did she OD or anything? Or.

[John Holmberg]

She probably married one of the hunts from the Chief's family universe. Yes. You probably went off to like. She's like Bill Gates girl. She won.

[Brady]

Her name was Melinda.

[John Holmberg]

Melinda. I forgot her last name was Spanish, but yeah, she moved on. I've seen pictures of her since. She doesn't look too good. No, I didn't. I don't know what happened. I don't even remember her name. She had to be. I don't even know. There was a Miss Mesa. That's a pretty effective lie. I was Miss Mesa. Who's looking into that nowadays? People would. I'm gonna look it up. It would have been like this was 95. So maybe 91, 2, 3 or 4. I can't imagine she was Ms. Mesa and go into the Academy of Radio and television broadcasting. 95. It had to be like 92. She was young. I was like 22. Probably 20. 21. I don't know how it worked. Maybe she was Miss Teen Mesa. Either way, just. I mean, it wasn't just one dead tooth. She had multiples. That breast was bad news. You know when you first walk into, like, Karchner Caverns gonna take us. I get used to that. That was her mouth rot. Like there was bat guano and sulfur.

[Katie]

It was bad.

[John Holmberg]

Worst part is, is that I probably would have followed through if it wasn't for Ed that had not said anything and have been like.

[Brady]

That. Casual head shake.

[John Holmberg]

Just avoid kissing her. I mean, turning her around couldn't have been so bad.

[Brady]

Anyway, she and Ed have been married.

[John Holmberg]

For could be 30 years. Ed got together with a girl I thought was on meth because she was so skinny and she was not the hot mess. That's the big misnomer about meth is that it immediately turns into what the posters say.

[Brady]

But that was the case in a way. I mean, their teeth were going out as far as the meth pictures and stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but. But her love. Oh, no, no, no, no. She was a stunner and just built like, just like, just. Just good.

[Brady]

So right now, if you're not sure you were somebody, have them open their mouth. Let's take a look.

[John Holmberg]

We'll investigate. Yeah, if they're really hot, I need.

[Brady]

You to open your mouth hot.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to do that to just anybody. But if you got, like a hot date, let me take a look in there. If they've got any dead teeth, they're probably on meth. I got a dead.

[Brady]

She's a ball of energy.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing but fun. Couple dead teeth. That's sign one.

[Katie]

That funk just coming out.

[John Holmberg]

Makes that noise like when the. When mummies return. Yeah, that's a. That's a new question. You know, what's your credit score? What's your relationship like with your dad? You ever been to Portland? What'd you think of that? And let me see your teeth. I'm like, mangele, let's take a look at your bite real quick. You know, you give her an impression thing. You take one of those gummy dental things, just bite down on this and hold it for a few seconds, and you get an impression of her teeth. And if she's got any dead ones back there, I think she's cool.

[Brady]

She's cash only. She doesn't have a place to live, but she knows all energy.

[John Holmberg]

She knows everybody at the checks cash place. Everybody like they like. She's like, norm. I don't remember her name at all. I think it started with a J. Jessica. That doesn't seem right. Jasmine.

[Brady]

Stacy.

[John Holmberg]

Stacy doesn't start with a J. But Stacy, I'm Just throwing names out here. Just Stacy.

[Katie]

I'm just. There's like lists here and I'm trying to go.

[John Holmberg]

I think if she's just Stacy. I don't remember.

[Brady]

Just.

[Bob]

Hey, John, you want to make out at the Circle K?

[John Holmberg]

Sure. Just Stacy.

[Katie]

And it was just Mesa.

[John Holmberg]

That's what she said.

[Katie]

It wasn't Arizona.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Miss Mesa. But she moved on to the Miss Arizona pageant. Because she was Miss Mesa.

[Bob]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

No, you know what? It was Miss Mesa. And then she had to move on to like a county thing after. I think after that, I think it goes cities and then county, then state. Yeah, I think she would have. She was vying for Miss Maricopa, which is always like a real badge of honor. Yeah, I think she was. I think Mesa turned into.

[Katie]

And here's maybe Arizona.

[Brady]

You could go right to the state from the. Winning your city.

[John Holmberg]

Can you.

[Brady]

And then you're running for Arizona. Miss Arizona.

[John Holmberg]

I think you have to do counties. I think cities and then counties. That's what would make sense otherwise. If you win Cities, there'd be 700 contestants. You got to go counties. You got to win your county. Yeah, I don't remember any of those names. I don't think she won. I wouldn't if she was like I was. If she's. If. Because I knew her in 95. So if she was winning Miss Arizona or even competed, I don't even think she won Ms. Maricopa, to be honest. She wouldn't. Miss Mesa.

[Katie]

Miss Apache Junction.

[John Holmberg]

With all that mess, man, it had to be far east Mesa, I'll tell you that. Cuz she was crossing Meridian to go get her supply. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know we'll ever find her. I think we've looked for her before. Cute, really short. That's what I remember. She was like maybe five feet tall, maybe. God, I wonder what happened to her. Let me rephrase that. I wonder how she died. She's making out with me at a Circle K in the.

[Brady]

Jennifer.

[John Holmberg]

No, maybe Mesa.

[Brady]

Jennifer. 94.

[John Holmberg]

No, she wouldn't. Because 95 is when I knew her. She was still Ms. Maybe Stannis in.

[Katie]

92, but we're looking close.

[Brady]

Match there within a year.

[John Holmberg]

Pictures of the city. They didn't even have pictures of the girl. Does it have an expiration date? Who's that one? Jennifer What?

[Brady]

Jennifer Tisdale.

[John Holmberg]

No, it would have been a little bit more urban. Last name.

[Katie]

Well, Danis Shepard.

[John Holmberg]

No, she was sort of Mexican.

[Katie]

What about this one?

[John Holmberg]

What's that? One say Mary Carol.

[Brady]

The Lynn Verlinda.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's. That's a lot going on. She was Tempe. Anyway. I don't know, maybe she lied, but she was hot enough that you'd believe it. And back in the 90s, you never followed up on people. It was a better time. That is true, that.

[Brady]

That was a better time for that 90s. And she could have been 43 at the time. She looks young.

[John Holmberg]

Usually goes the other way. But it was her fountain of youth. Back in aught six, I was Miss Mesa. Well, all right. You look great. It's the meth. Okay. Want to make out at the Circle K?

[Bob]

I wouldn't be in a Circle K if I didn't. What else is there to do with the.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, Use your fingers, boy. All right.

[Brady]

The gum would have yanked the polyden out. And those dentures.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, I'm hitting a bag or something.

[Bob]

Mind the baggie.

[John Holmberg]

If that comes out, there's hell to pay.

[Katie]

Now people are sending over Jennifer Tisdale.

[John Holmberg]

I don't.

[Brady]

That's who we were.

[John Holmberg]

Just. I think so. Oh, I do not remember her name. It was a very quick passing of a girl who claimed to be Ms. Mesa and me not making out with her at the Circle K because of Ed. His name was Ed Hammers. He went on to actually do radio stuff, too. You know Ed Hammers? Yeah. Ed's the one who stopped me from making out with that meth head.

[Katie]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Or alleged meth head. Also alleged. Ms. Arizona.

[Katie]

Let's message him and find out. Yeah, maybe he remembers.

[John Holmberg]

I haven't talked to Ed in ages, but he was one right there at that. And that was before. It was a nice quick trip. It's just two pumps. Well, that's what I would have been, too, but it was two gas pumps. Man, she was all in. Ran around. I tried to give her. I remember also. You know, it's weird. I don't remember her name, but I remember the gum I tried to give her was. Was bubblegum flavored. And I remember in my mind going, I'm not sure if this fixes breath. She needs, like, winto green or something, but I don't know if bubblegum's gonna fix that.

[Brady]

Put a little shave.

[Katie]

Altoids.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she needed, like, a box of Altoids. It was a couple of dead teeth, and they were real dead, like, anyway. And had I kissed her, it would have been. I'd had a positive, positive project. Couldn't have paid, couldn't play tennis professionally anymore. That would have been rough for me. I'D have had a hard time with that. And then I also have to admit that I am still a child and always will be and my phone knows it. There was a CNN article and it said, do you want super wood? Men crave the new Superwood. Click. It's literally wood. It's just this new building material they're making. It's 10 times stronger than steel, but it's actual wood. And I'm like, you bastards, look. Now when you click on it says, scientists create super wood 10 times stronger than steel. But when I clicked it initially, it said, do you want super wood? The craze men want. And I'm like, oh, they made wood that is 10 times stronger than steel. That's right. Yeah. Take that, Al Qaeda. Holmberg's morning sickness. Smash your planes into that. It's called Superwood. Great name. Launched at a commercial product manufactured by Invent Wood, a company. If this has to be the most cancerous thing of all time to make wood 10 times stronger, we've got at.

[Brady]

Least a good year, 20 years run with this before the cancer comes out.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, no, yeah, we won't have to worry about it. Yeah, load it up. But says the real goal is to make wood stronger. And, like, are we trying to not have steel anymore? I thought we liked steel.

[Brady]

It has the strength, but yet the flexibility got me.

[John Holmberg]

All I cared about was, can I get a harder wang? And they screwed me with some sort of construction story. I started to read a little bit of it. I'm like, this isn't what I thought was going to be written. I wanted super wood now, but evidently.

[Brady]

It'S built with two by six super wood.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care about that.

[Brady]

It's selling point.

[John Holmberg]

Look, I don't understand how any buildings work, but I do know the difference between stuffer and a good one. And if you can give me super wood. Yeah, it's what men crave.

[Brady]

I. I would have clicked.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, of course you would have clicked. You want super wood.

[Katie]

Of course.

[John Holmberg]

What do I have to do for that super wood anyway? You can still throw in the word bills in the app contest. If you go to our app and find that thing and clickety clack and then find Your way to 7am Bills is the way to do it. You got about 15 more minutes for that one. Then at 8 o' clock we do another one. Then at 9 o' clock we do another one. Why? Because we're just going to qualify you like crazy and at the end of the week, pull one of you and Give you a thousand bucks. How's that? And it is an effort to make you feel like we're paying all of you $1,000, but essentially all we're doing, if you think about this, what is this? Four or five weeks? It's only costing us five grand.

[Brady]

That's not bad.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, look, I'd take a thousand bucks. I'd take the opportunity. But what we're really doing here, because I'd like to be transparent with you, is trying to make app numbers go through the moon. So then when the Bobs have meetings and justify their jobs.

[Bob]

I see that your app contest went real well, Larry.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks, Bob's.

[Katie]

Yeah.

[Bob]

Told you it was a good idea. Try to do it at every station in the nation.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks, Bob's. And then Larry goes, boy, the Bob's sure happy with Larry.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Cause we implemented a plan and we pulled it off. And we told the listeners we're pretending to pay all of you, even though we're only paying one a week. So the Bob's will be like, and.

[Bob]

Then the app numbers went through the boon.

[John Holmberg]

And then what happens after that? Oh, you damn well know it. Flying around telling everybody we got a million people on the app. It's genius.

[Brady]

It'll be. The apps went through the roof. Awesome. But this talk about Superwood.

[John Holmberg]

Here's the thing that you don't know, and this is why Bobs are so dumb. When you had that in a year.

[Bob]

From now, what happened to your app numbers?

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Bob]

Well, one year ago, they were through the moon. It seems you've lost all of them.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. The promise of paying people seems to help quite a bit. Wow.

[Bob]

We're not gonna do that again. You should have held onto them.

[John Holmberg]

People are busy, Bob. Make them jump through hoops for a grand. But they're not gonna do that every day for nothing.

[Bob]

Maybe we should play more Cult.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Do some research on that and call me back a jackass.

[Bob]

The Bobs have spoken.

[John Holmberg]

Every industry's got a team of Bobs. No one understands what they do. They put suits on, they tell you their resume constantly, and then they do the same thing over and over again. Bobs. Blech. And you know, you got a Bob at your office. He's the one that walks by your desk, and when he's not looking, you flip him off. That's a Bob, everyone. Jackass.

[Bob]

How's it going today, Brett?

[John Holmberg]

Going great.

[Bob]

I saw your numbers slipped from last year.

[John Holmberg]

Remember last year when you gave me thousands of dollars to hand to friends?

[Bob]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Numbers Bumped. Imagine that. It was pretty good.

[Bob]

That was great. Real successful deal.

[John Holmberg]

But the whole thing is basically to get you guys to listen to the app. But we need you to do it on a speaker because the Bobs didn't think about that. It only counts for ratings if you listen on the speaker. It's in your ears. And a Bluetooth, it doesn't matter. I mean, we like the number, so you punch it in and out. But yeah, what really matters is if you listen on a speaker. Could help us out a little bit.

[Brady]

Pull the buds out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, pull the buds out, put it on a speaker. Don't get fired for it or anything.

[Brady]

But maybe next time we get packaged in a speaker, you win a thousand bucks.

[John Holmberg]

They got a speaker. So my suggestion.

[Bob]

How do we get people to listen to the radio at home again?

[John Holmberg]

Buy them radios.

[Bob]

You know what? I'm tired of you.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's the only way to do it. They don't have radios anymore. They got phones, your computers. All right, we'll have this meeting when he goes home.

[Bob]

Don't you go home early? John, why are you still there? It's noon.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know, Bob. I wanted to hear what terrible ideas you guys had. Next.

[Bob]

Again, great syndicated show named the Woody program.

[John Holmberg]

It's gonna go crate two months later.

[Bob]

You know, it didn't work out like we thought. He just doesn't listen.

[Katie]

I've never done that.

[John Holmberg]

It's fun to watch when you don't care anymore. What do you got on the big board of musical treats there, Brett? Wake up.

[Katie]

So I'm brought to you by Action Ride Shop, and, well, the weather's gonna be in the 80s this week, so now's the time to hit those trails. And the best way to do it is to get up on, get those bikes serviced or pick yourself up a new one. Any which way you roll. Action Ride Shop's got you covered with two locations right there on Gilbert Road and Southern, the OG and of course, the brand new one right there at power Road and McDowell Raft, the Haas trailhead. So actionrideshop.com for bikes, gear and repairs, they got you covered.

[John Holmberg]

This one says in 1995, about the time you're talking about that I found a Miss Mesa. Even though it was Colorado, her name was JonBenet something or other. Oh, geez. Now we know what happened to her. Oh, she looked a lot older. There is. Maybe she didn't mean Mesa, Arizona. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I wasn't paying too much attention to her words. Too busy Turning my head when she'd talk not to breathe.

[Katie]

On the list, Ghost Primus, Mud Vein, Beastie Boys, Allison Chains, Hate Breed, Thrice Queen Bicycle Race for Portland.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Katie]

Deftones, Mastodon and Corns Blind for Portland.

[John Holmberg]

Because that's what we should all be looking for. Unless that bike ride was for the blinding of all society. Yeah, that's against it. Some guy just emailed and said, john, did I hear you say you had a filling fall in your mouth? Yeah, real quick, I'll recap you. Did you ever hear that one?

[Bob]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I was in Payson and my friend Mark and I were camping and it got too cold, so we got a room at what is now, I believe the Night's Inn, but I can't remember it was called then. Anyway, it's the last hotel on your right as you're leaving Payson. We pulled in there and we were too young to get a room, but I convinced the guy behind the counter we're just gonna stay and leave first thing in the morning. Just needed a bed, it's freezing outside. He's like, ah, no noise, no parties. It was an 80s movie. All right, so what's he do? He lets a bunch of 19 year old girls have the room across from us within like 30 minutes of us getting in there and they've got beer and all that and they see us in the thing and I'm like, all right. So I put my Bugle Boy shorts on and a tank top because it was cold and I packed accordingly. And we go over there and we start drinking with them. And then one of the bigger ones liked me. So we went back to the room and we started doing that dry dance and she starts making out with me. And in the middle of it she's worn out, I need a smoke. She has a cigarette and I'm fine with that. And then she climbs right back on top and she starts kissing me. And as we're open mouth kissing, something tumbled out of her mouth and into mine. And it was hard and metallic and weird. And then I swallowed it. And I'm pretty sure it was a filling.

[Brady]

It's still there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it still lives inside me somewhere. There's. Yeah, someday on an mri, like we can't figure out what this weird shiny metallic. Did you swallow like a fishing lure or something? I ate a Pace and Broads filling once. That has to be it.

[Katie]

You're going to be Roy Hobbs where it comes out like, I'll take one.

[John Holmberg]

Golf later and my. My side will open up. John, you're Bleeding out the side of your. Yeah, I know. It's that damn Payson filling. And you know it's mercury. They didn't have quality stuff up in Payson, so I got a mercury filling from some. A little bit overweight, pacing broth.

[Brady]

Slowly.

[Katie]

Could be liquid nails, too.

[John Holmberg]

She dry humped me. And then we got kicked out of the hotel and went back to her house when her parents weren't home. Like, why'd you guys get the hotel?

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

We just want to mix it up, have some fun. So we're in their house watching movies, and she won't stop. And that's when I got the blue balls, and I didn't know what those were. And we were driving my. I was alone in my Jeep, driving back, and I couldn't move because my everything hurts so bad. So I had to pull over one of those truck off ramps and tug it on the side of the beeline.

[Brady]

90. 91.

[John Holmberg]

This was 80. This was 90.

[Brady]

Check out Ms. Payson.

[John Holmberg]

Late late August of 1990. It was the week before school started. Somehow another got so cold at night, and we're like, this is awful. Freezing. And we just thought it was normal, like a couple days of camping. School starts next week. Let's get this together. And man, oh, man, brutal. That was a rough one. Within 24 hours, I ate a filling and beat off in public. Take that, Bob's. That's a story no consultant would say I should share multiple times. Go ahead and pick a song there, Brett.

[Katie]

I mean, if we're talking about Portland, I think Blind is probably the best one.

[John Holmberg]

All right, let's do it. Corn. Blind. Naked bike ride in Portland.

[Brady]

Although Colony of Birchwood.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good one, too. The Colony of Birchman is exactly what that looks like. I like Blind. We'll go with that. Corn is your wake up song this morning. Still got eight minutes to put the word bills in the app and try to qualify yourself and do it every hour. The more you do, the more entry. It's just like dropping entries into a box. And then on Friday, evidently, somebody, hopefully from our team, calls you up and says, you want a thousand bucks? Then you can do it again next week and the week after that. I'm just gonna keep trying to buy your love, boost our app numbers, and then everybody wins. We're a team, huh? It's blind. It's corn. It's 98. It's out of control now. 98. KUPD.