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Brady
You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP guns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.
Toledo
Thank you. Miles to nowhere. Off we go. Rolling right along. People are getting ready. Sorry to the guy who just said I was in a meeting. Audio meetings at six in the morning. That's impressive. I missed the word. I missed the word. And then I told him it's 6:42. So hopefully he got row and. But that's dead now. And 12 more minutes. We'll give you the next one and promo word. You there and you can put it on there and take it in the app. Got our cash waiting for you. All I gotta do is be on the app, figure that out. People talking about their six, seven stupid kids. They got loads of them. Guys like Kyle said he was in Vegas at the Blue Man Group this weekend. He says that there was some audience participation and these stupid kids kept yelling 6, 7. Almost killed like 8 kids in the audience that wouldn't shut the hell up. They allow kids in shows in Vegas.
Brady
Kids shouldn't be allowed in Vegas anyway.
Toledo
Bring your children. Stop bringing your kids to Vegas and putting them in stuff. And if they're saying 6, 7, 67 the whole time, then you give them a whack. Disrupting the Blue Man Group like they think anybody in Vegas wants them there. Ugh. You don't take your kids to those shows. It's not for them. This one says, John, when it comes to kids, my ex wife is exactly who you're talking about. I found a bottle of tito's in our 13 year old son's bedroom. He told me it was his friends. I said, I don't care whose it is. There, it's in your room. That's possession. That's yours. So I grounded him. He ran right back to his bitch mother's house. That's his ex wife. That's how that ends up. Says Tyler doesn't drink. John, it was his friends. He wasn't lying. Fine. He gets off the hook. I get a call from a parent two weeks later, says that my kid was harassing a fat Mexican boy and he was using terrible Indian taunts. Not even the right angle of racism. I ground him again. Runs back to mom, ex wife says he would never bully anyone. We didn't raise him that way. The those parents are liars and they want him off the baseball team because their son is fat. Blah blah blah blah. Says I'm gonna bail on the whole thing, man. Trying to fight the mom and raise a son I had one question. Did Toledo's dad leave a blueprint on how to do what? He didn't get away with it. He's done.
Uncle Mike
Not my angel.
Toledo
Sad thing is he recognized a brown person and just went to the first racist thing he thought of and he missed by a mile doing Indian taunts to a Mexican kid. Now this guy says for two weeks. Oh my. My son got kicked off Xbox for two weeks. I didn't know Xbox could do that. For saying the following. And mind you, my son is black, so he's liberal with this. N word, I'm going to kill you. Then I'm going to. And he says in a very awful way, perform oral sex on your mother. That's not what he said. N word, I'm going to kill you. Then I'm going to do the oral sex thing. And then I'm going to come to your house and spit in your mouth and your dying breath so you remember where you came from. N word. All right, so I pay for the Xbox account. So I got the notification. I tried hiding it from his mom, but the idiot went and complained saying he didn't do anything wrong. They have nothing but evidence. He's now grounded from everything for two weeks. Completely off of everything. Especially EA's Modern Warfare.
Brady
Well, he's a creative kid.
Toledo
Yeah, he's got some good ones. Yeah, he needs to go over to that Tyler kid and teach him how to do some slurring. Absolutely. Cuz Tyler's just going to Mexicans and that's just pointless. It's not. It's not that I'm angry at that, that it's. That it's racist. I'm angry because the guy can't get it right. Gonna. If you're gonna do that, do it right. Don't just randomly grab closest color. Stupid. This guy says. I've been listening to you guys since I was 13 in the 8th grade. Today is my 29th birthday. Jesus Christ. That makes me feel a thousand. Can I get a birthday shout out? If you could play diluted by Slipknot, that'd be sweet. Thanks for all the laughs over the years, Raul Rivera. Happy birthday, Raul. And thanks for listening for the last 16 years. Keep in mind, Brady, that if someone was listening to us when we first started and they were 13. Gulp. They'd be 38. What? We've been on the air way too long and we ain't stopping. That's crazy. Happy birthday. Roll and maybe we'll get a little. Put that on the list there. Slipknot's diluted.
Jeff
Six, seven, man.
Toledo
Look at that. Six, seven, bro. Six, seven, man. Here's some fun. Yesterday I was joking when I said in the hallway to one Dick Toledo. And keep in mind, just next to where we are is Tripp Reeb's office, big Dodger fan. And I jokingly jinxed the entire thing. And I said, book your tickets. The Mariners are in the World Series and he's been a Mariners fan his whole life and this is like a big deal for him like you are. There's nothing they can do to screw this up. And instead of Toledo going shut up, shut up. He bought tickets to the World Series in Los Angeles, which Trip highly recommended. The two of them have just this is they're done break. Breaking the biggest rule in sports, which is jumping ahead to the next thing. Ask Bills fans if that's a good idea as Cubs fans if that's a good idea. Anybody who's been down and you're like, oh, this is over. We got this one locked up and lost knows what did Yogi's great sentence. It ain't over till the fat lady sings. It ain't over till it's over. There is no fat lady singing. She might be tuning up a little, drinking some lemon water, but she ain't singing yet. And there's Toledo not, not going to Seattle, by the way, where there would guarantee be a game. He's anticipating both the Dodgers and Mariners will be in the World Series. And the Dodgers are now up 2 0, but at the time were only up one game in a seven game series. And you, how much did you spend?
Larry
Let's talk about that.
Toledo
How much did you buy take because you got to drive. You're not flying. It'll just be more money.
Larry
Well, and this is where the quandary comes in because Major League Baseball knows that they can play on die hard fans and their need to see this happen in history because they do a MasterCard pre sale for the World Series tickets Yesterday afternoon at 9am I got in a little late, so the tickets that I got are a little deeper in the outfield than what I mean.
Toledo
In the outfield, in the out. And not front row.
Larry
Not front row.
Toledo
You are, if you turn around you see most of. No, no, no, I'm midway.
Larry
I'm midway. I'm not that far.
Toledo
Okay, but you're not in Chavez Ravines parking lot.
Larry
No, no.
Toledo
But you're going to LA to watch two teams that have not qualified yet.
Larry
I don't know if I'm going anywhere yet. I Have two tickets to a potential World Series game in LA and you.
Toledo
Get your money back if the Dodgers don't make it.
Larry
And I bought the $150 insurance to make sure if anything happened I get all the money back.
Toledo
Like an earthquake, whatever. Oh, this is great.
Brady
Why did you go to la? So Seattle?
Toledo
Yeah.
Larry
Because I got to pay for a ticket and trust me, can't drive to Seattle. LA has been there what, five times in the last 20 years. They're used to going to the World Series. The World Series ticket in Seattle will be ridiculous.
Toledo
Yeah. Because LA is known for its bargain prices.
Larry
Tonight's game three in Seattle. The get in price for game three in Seattle tonight is seventeen hundred dollars.
Toledo
To go to the game.
Larry
To go to game three tonight.
Toledo
Game four is going to be a billion. You know you need to talk to is Craig Gass who sneaks into everything.
Larry
I've already tested him.
Toledo
I figured you did. You guys are already counting the chickens, man.
Larry
Well, because he goes, he gets on the field for the Seahawks because he knows Rod Marr who is one of the photographers for the Seattle Times. And so he lies and says that he's lugging Rod's equipment around.
Toledo
That's a good band name that is.
Larry
So he gets on field. I beg Craig to get me in touch with Rod a couple of times.
Toledo
Want to touch a rod? And you got a friend for it. Here's lugging Rods on The Izzy Show. 933. We're lugging rods.
Larry
Talk about it. I spent. I spent $2,400.
Toledo
$2,400 on tickets that don't exist yet.
Jeff
Correct.
Toledo
Yeah. All right.
Larry
They haven't even been printed.
Toledo
Or the Mariners screw this up and they don't go, but the Dodgers do. You're out. You're going to have to sell those.
Larry
Oh yeah, absolutely.
Toledo
I'll sell them to those LA fans that don't. Well, they're so used to the World.
Larry
Series they don't even go to Toronto fans. That'll go probably. Yeah.
Toledo
Man, oh man. You don't feel any shame or jinxy guilt in what could possibly happen? Thousand should have never done this because.
Larry
It was a pre sale and like I said, tonight's game is seventeen hundred dollars. When I was looking last week at going to game four on or game five on Friday night.
Toledo
Yeah.
Larry
I could get in for $620 to Seattle.
Toledo
Yeah. Now who are you going with? Two tickets. You've just bought two tickets just in.
Larry
Case because I'm not sure the wife.
Toledo
Is gonna go with that she doesn't want to know about this.
Larry
Right.
Toledo
That's just more money. You're gonna buy dumb stuff there.
Jeff
He's gonna deliver that.
Larry
Well, that's the thing is, like, I could take Alex, but then I'm out at least twelve hundred dollars, man.
Toledo
He's not kicking in for any of the hot dog, bro.
Larry
No, bro, no.
Toledo
I'm sorry. I'm not a Rockefeller, but I'm hungry. I want a hot dog. Wow. Yeah. That's jinxy stuff, man. You just.
Larry
Craig Gas.
Toledo
You can't pre buy World Series. Yeah, he's, you know, taking Craig Gas. He's gonna sit in your outfield seats. The guy ends up in the dugout. He was sitting next to Bill Murray and gained seven of the Cubs championship.
Larry
Somehow, front of it or behind him.
Toledo
He was right filming Eddie Vedder, Bonnie Hunt, and Bill Murray and Craig Gass. And he didn't know any of them. He just somehow or another ended up sitting with him.
Larry
He gets in everywhere.
Toledo
He gets in Super Bowls. Yeah, he's on three, four, the game. He climbed a ladder.
Brady
Whatever.
Jeff
Little comedy clubs around.
Toledo
Oh, yeah, he'll do some shit. Doesn't matter. The shows are just to kill time when he's not doing anything. The sun's. When I had the suite for the finals.
Larry
Oh, yeah.
Toledo
He's like, where are you at? I'm like, we're in, like, I don't know, a 30 or whatever it was. And I turn around, and there's Craig staring at me. He's eating cookies. He's got a cookie in his hand. I'm like, how did you do it? And he goes, I know a guy who got me in the front door. I said, once I was in the front door, I walked by, another dude recognized me. He works here because he walks around and, like, looks people, like, dead in the eye, and they're like, there's that guy. And, like, some people know him. And then he said. And we were going up a staircase, and I saw a little door. This is his story. I saw a little door, and there was, like, an emergency ladder on the wall. And I climbed that up to the next thing, and I ended up in the suite level. And I'm like, your kid? What is the risk reward on that? And he goes, what are they gonna do? I just tell him I got lost or whatever, and he.
Brady
That you're climbing an emergency ladder? I got lost.
Toledo
Yeah, I got lost, and I needed out. And then he was standing there eating cookies in the suite. And I'm like, I can't and so I'm like, where's the ladder? Walk down the suite. Little tiny door like a maintenance room and a wall ladder. And I'm like, no one has ever seen this but you. I don't even think people who work here know this is. Here. He goes lead you right to the sweets. And I'm like, oh, my God.
Jeff
He gets the blueprints of the.
Toledo
Exactly. He's like, Jack Bauer. It's like, how did you know this would lead to the suite level I was on? Goes all the way up. Like you didn't have a harness or anything. You're climbing. You're climbing in an incredibly vertical ladder. Yeah, it's fine. Like, okay. He's made of KY jelly. He slides into everything. Almost want sickness. Magnetic Updale. Holmberg's morning sickness. So you need to call him. But you have blown it. If the Mariners lose tonight, you're gonna start feeling that weird feeling in your gut. This is your fault. That you mushed it. That he did exactly that, Brett, he mushed it. You cannot do this stuff. If they lose two in a row in Seattle, your whole world's gonna collapse. You're an idiot. To Toronto. Or it works out.
Jeff
And he's.
Toledo
Thanks, Brady. I knew.
Larry
I knew you had rose colored.
Toledo
You know why? Because he's an Ohio State fan. They're guaranteed. Exactly. Brady could buy a national championship ticket today and be like, well, Ohio State's.
Brady
Going to be in it.
Larry
It was pre sunshines and roses out your.
Toledo
He doesn't understand the jinx thing because Ohio State gets gifted a free pass every year. He doesn't understand the jinx factor of fandom. Oh, you have blown it. Knocking on wood all the time.
Larry
Did it this morning.
Toledo
I don't even like when announcers do that. The Steelers Browns game. The announcers, like, the Steelers have beaten the Browns nine straight times here in Pittsburgh, and the Browns have never scored. Like, shut up. What are you doing? We don't talk about the Nevers and the Streaks. He got a no hitter going into the seventh inning. It's almost like in the ninth inning, the shortstop calls timeout and goes to the pitcher and goes, hey, just want to let you know you got no hitter going. I'll be over at shortstop. Great job. Great job so far. Oh, I'm not supposed to talk about it. Brutal. So good luck to you. But you have absolutely blown it now. I don't want to. This is how bad it is for me as a superstitious sports fan. I was at the Suns preseason game last night and talked to Kevin Ray afterwards and we started to chat about stuff. What I saw with their draft pick, Mallory Walk. It's like a Indiana Jones name. Moloch malua. He is 19 years old and at one point during the game we're watching him and I'm like, that dude, he's guarding his. Deandre Ayton. Ayton plays for Lakers now and Ayton's got kick ass LA hair now. You got to see this. It's. He's kind of blonde.
Larry
Didn't they come back last night?
Toledo
Yeah, they won and like eight of their players didn't play because of the jet lag with China Maloak. I hate to say this and I don't want to Toledo the situation and jinx it. I think he might be super special. Like that dude is gigantic. And he hasn't filled out yet. The Suns might finally have a center. That's something. And I didn't know him from the draft, you know, when they drafted him, like he got a big kid, they got a bunch of center. This dude is massive. And he's not even close to being done yet, but he's got, I hate to say this. Jesus, I'm gonna Toledo. He reminds me a little of the early Giannis Antetokounmpo. He's got. His body hasn't filled out yet, but he's just different now. I'm not saying he's going to be a league mvp, but this is, this is one of those. You can't take your eyes off the one dude on the court because you're like, that guy's something different about him and just pushing. He's 19. You imagine being 73 and 19, still growing and you're not done growing yet. He could be huge and not just tall. Like every bit of him's like, when I get done, you're gonna see an animal on the court. Hopefully he doesn't discover Scottsdale. One thing I would do if I was a son's executive was ban Scott. If I catch you in Scottsdale, you're, you're getting fined. You're not allowed because it turns them into resort players. They, they stop trying, they get a little lazy. You can see the effort slipping away.
Larry
Is that him? 10.
Toledo
I don't even know what number he is. Yeah, Malawak. And that's him. That's him at the free throw stripe trying to block a three pointer by Luke.
Larry
Luke is seven foot two and he's taller.
Toledo
Yeah. Oh, he's huge. This dude is big. And still childlike. And it's like. It's crazy. So I don't want to jinx it. And I may have already done it just by bringing it up, but sons might have something there. Oh, by the way, it's seven o'. Clock. The code word is bread. What an awkward thing that is to do. Bread is the code word.
Brady
So if you get on Brady's first concert, remember.
Toledo
Oh, that's right. Pretty soft bread with that teacher that was trying to rape him. I forgot about that. Was it a friend's dad or a teacher? I don't know.
Jeff
It was my uncle.
Toledo
Oh, that's right. Your uncle was trying to rape you. I'm sorry, I got it all wrong. And Jeff, his son, he wasn't gonna rape his son. He's gonna rip his nephew. Those are uncle's finger nephews. That's how that works. Especially with this going on in the background.
Jeff
Brings back such good memories.
Uncle Mike
What's wrong with your pants, Uncle Mike? They got all stiff and not wrinkly.
Larry
Why are you twitching?
Uncle Mike
What happened to your. Why are you. The wallet in the front there? It looks like you got a big bulge.
Toledo
Shh. Before I finger you, I wanna. I want to feel how good this song feels.
Uncle Mike
Okay. There's a free ticket.
Jeff
This is terrible, man.
Toledo
Were you sway dancing with him from behind?
Jeff
He was holding me.
Toledo
Holding you up front like the Coldplay people? Yeah. Bread is the word in honor of Brady's virginity.
Uncle Mike
That kind of hurts, Uncle Mike.
Toledo
You get used to it. Where do you feel the thumb? No reason. Take children to bread. There's no. Uncle Mike didn't have an aunt. There was no wife.
Larry
Yeah.
Toledo
Why didn't she go to bread? Why didn't she go to bread with him?
Jeff
Because it was just. It was Jeff's guys night out.
Toledo
Jeff?
Jeff
I was his music project. I was in fifth grade.
Brady
You were a project?
Jeff
He was sixth grade. So he had a music report and that was going to a live show.
Brady
Better stuff in 75 or whatever it was.
Jeff
He picked bread. And it was, you know, it was a Sunday dinner and like, you want to go to a concert with us?
Larry
Oh, God.
Jeff
Okay.
Toledo
And Uncle Mike's finger started waving in the air. Oh, boy.
Jeff
I had no idea.
Toledo
The quiet chubby ones going, I'll go.
Uncle Mike
Watch bread with you.
Jeff
I go to a concert, Brad. And I'm like, hey, I've heard this song before.
Uncle Mike
I was in Uncle Mike's trunk. I've heard this through a back seat while laying there getting hit in the head with a tire iron.
Jeff
Over and over.
Uncle Mike
I made quick turns. Hey, Mike, this is the song you played when I was in your trunk.
Toledo
Shut up. Oh, hit it.
Larry
The shirts off on their album cover, like we were talking about yesterday.
Toledo
No, but Mike and Brady shirts were up. Terrible, man. I like it because. And Luann's the one that showed you her cans?
Larry
Yeah, that's.
Toledo
The whole family's a mess. Just a disaster. Did your mom have a talk? I never asked her that. With Luann after the breasts were exposed to the children in the hot tub?
Jeff
No.
Toledo
She never went over and said, what are you doing? Why are you showing my son your cans, you freak? Is it her sister or your dad's sister?
Jeff
It's my mom's sister.
Toledo
Oh, she didn't talk to her once?
Jeff
No.
Brady
Had to give you some proper music.
Jeff
Hit after hit, hit after hit.
Toledo
Oddly enough, that's the noise Brady made when the thumb went in.
Uncle Mike
What are.
Toledo
Mike. I would do anything.
Jeff
And that's where I'm like, how come, Uncle Mike? How come people have their lighters up? Why are they doing that?
Toledo
They're trying to shed light on and all the atrocities.
Brady
Can you guys do this at night? The singing day for Brady. Serenade him.
Jeff
Uncle Mike.
Toledo
Is Uncle Mike still alive?
Jeff
Throw this.
Brady
Oh, somebody from Bread's got to be dead, too.
Toledo
So we're good? Oh, yeah. We could do this all day.
Jeff
Uncle Mike, why does it smell like a skunk?
Toledo
Cause you didn't wash.
Uncle Mike
You've been eating. Hey, somebody's got, like, some Devil Dogs. Why are your hands covered in chocolat?
Toledo
Yes. Chocolate. That's right, son.
Jeff
That Uncle Mike. The law school at Ohio State is named after him.
Toledo
Yeah, because he knew the law, that's for sure. He knew how to start it. He took a couple underage kids to Bread.
Jeff
Man.
Toledo
It was awesome. At the end of this concert, did you say so?
Uncle Mike
That's what French kissing is.
Toledo
If you go to bread and you don't get laid. I think if I went to Brett, I'd be like, I have to be gay. Like, I'm banging the first thing. Who brought the K?
Jeff
I think you probably had to wake me up at the end of the.
Toledo
Concert because your punch tasted funny.
Uncle Mike
My punch isn't.
Toledo
Ooh, I'm dizzy. Wake up in the middle of the night, and Mike's an inch from your face singing this.
Uncle Mike
That's the stuff, Mike.
Toledo
Okay. Aunt Luann's in the back massaging boil onto her exposed breasts. And not one person from your family's like, what's going on? That's Good stuff, Trip. Read on. The great wlkl, New York. That's bread. In the future, I'll employ a man who was fingered by his uncle. Oh, this is Brett. Yeah. Oh yeah. Also romantic.
Jeff
You feel the energy.
Brady
You felt the revisit.
Toledo
We revisit this.
Jeff
Feel the electric.
Toledo
Every couple years, for some reason, the word bread and we revisit Brady's first rape. And we. And it's always funny. It's always just cuz he had no.
Jeff
Idea this was one of my dreams. I've heard this song before.
Uncle Mike
Yeah, and then only half of it though. Cuz every time I hear it, the world smells like almonds. And I go to sleep.
Toledo
I can't stop listening to it. Cuz I just picture that white. Yeah. Hey Brady, I want to make it with you. Sing it back to me. Okay.
Uncle Mike
I think that we should make it, Mike.
Toledo
Yeah, me too. Jimmy, go get your cousin and I some hot dogs.
Brady
Whatever.
Toledo
I don't care. I finger my own kid. I don't care what his name is. I got my eyes on you. So speech cans. You're developing into a beautiful young lady, Brady.
Jeff
Wow.
Uncle Mike
I'm a boy.
Toledo
Well, your top f disagrees. Chocolate ice cream all around your lips. Staring at Uncle Mike.
Uncle Mike
What are you looking at me for, Uncle Mike?
Toledo
Why?
Uncle Mike
Concert's up there.
Jeff
The following Sunday was Captain of Steel.
Toledo
Oh my God. You've got beautiful lips, Brady. Thanks. Want some more ice cream? You know it with you. Hey, Brady.
Uncle Mike
Yeah? I really think that we could make it pretty.
Jeff
Can we go now?
Toledo
The word today is bread. We can go anytime you want, honey. Hey, dad, how come I don't get any ice cream? Shut up, Jeff. You're ruining everything trying to make it with this lady. That's my cousin, Brady. I don't care. It's not. My cousin Holmberg's morning sickness, was he, Mike? He was by marriage, so he wasn't technically related to you at all. Yeah, your babies were always on. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Uncle Mike
I was worried we'd have retard babies with Luann, but not with Mike.
Toledo
Anyway, sorry. Bread is the word today. For a seven o' clock hour. 33 more minutes. Thanks, Larry. Thank you for making the Word. Yeah, thanks Larry, for bringing bread up. If you could make the next hour's word thumb. We can do this all over again. Nope, it's not.
Brady
Damn it.
Toledo
Darn it all.
Larry
How about make is make the next hour's word.
Toledo
What was it? Let me take a look. No, it's tune. Oops. I said it the world's gonna go crazy now. I don't know if you guys saw the other. That's. I guess it's not as gross as what Brady went through, but the. I don't know what's going on, but I want to see people in these. And I have to thank one of our sales ladies downstairs for going.
Uncle Mike
Did you talk about the new skims thing today?
Toledo
Oh, have you seen them? She did, yeah. Kim Kardashian Skims has released a new product they're already sold out of is these. I bet. I want a pair. I want to see them on thin baby thong. Right? Like this ultimate bush.
Uncle Mike
I'll get to it.
Toledo
Jesus. And it's got this thin, tiny thing, and, you know, you can barely see it, but the front is pubic hair. So when you put your underwear on, it looks like you've got extra bush. Yeah, look.
Brady
Who wants that?
Toledo
The. The top. The middle one sort of looks a little steak, but they do gray and blonde and dark and red. They have all the colors, so it.
Brady
Sticks out through the Lululemon. So you can see.
Toledo
Yeah. So you would see full bush.
Brady
I would go the other way. Yeah.
Toledo
Maybe it's a deterrent. Maybe it's smart. Look at that picture right there. The top left and that picture Toledo just pulled up the top left one. Or I guess it's kind of bottom left. The dark one looks like a beef ribbon. Yeah, it does.
Larry
Oh, God.
Jeff
There's 12 colors.
Toledo
Yeah, 12 different colors to match your drapes and curtain situation. I don't know what's going on, but so.
Jeff
But they're bucks.
Toledo
I mean, it is from belly button to taint thick bush. Disgusting. It's a Black Crows album. Oh, and look at that. And some of them are thinner hair and others. And it's kind of all thick. It's sort of all thick. Well, yeah. Well, I mean, it looks like they.
Jeff
Got, you know, light, medium.
Toledo
The bottom one. That bottom one looks like she's molting, but. Ugh. God, it. I. I think they were kidding. And they sold out. There's women out there that are gonna wear these underwear just as a joke.
Brady
If you needed another reason to hate the Kardashians, here you go.
Toledo
Evidently, they've got the world famous figured out because they bought them like they. Kim Kardashian said, here's pubic underwear, and they sold out in, like, five minutes. It's bananas. But if you want to get them, I guess you can go to skims and get on a waiting list for your pube Underwear.
Brady
But they're on ebay already.
Toledo
Ultimate bush.
Jeff
Ew.
Toledo
Used underwear on ebay.
Brady
Just people selling them, buying them up.
Toledo
Well, Toledo will get them.
Larry
Is there a presale?
Toledo
Throw money at anything that's there.
Brady
Or not.
Jeff
Anyway, says with this iconic new panty, your carpet can be whatever color.
Toledo
Clear. Well, like, clear is the answer we're looking for. Yuck.
Brady
Like Wonder Woman's plane. Invisible.
Toledo
Invisible. I like to bang into it. I like to see. I don't want it to hit me. It is weird. But, yeah, chicks are nuts. Like, that is the grossest thing I've seen in a while. And you know what's really weird? You can grow your own. So it's kind of a vagina toupee. Like, you know, it's wigs.
Larry
It's just merkins.
Toledo
Well, merkins are for people who are, like, sick. And they glue it on like, this is. You can remove it and. And merkin's also for dudes. Just. It's like a donut. It just goes over. That kind of probably falls off a lot. These are just.
Jeff
And now will be a knockoff product. You know, it's not the real skims people start doing.
Toledo
Oh, yeah. Just. Yeah. It'll be made a version, right?
Jeff
Like, pick them up out of china.
Toledo
And rat hair and stuff instead of, like, real. Who's donating their hair to this? Is this real hair?
Jeff
No, they say it's faux fur.
Toledo
Okay. So we can't throw paint on her or anything, but we could. As much as women are shaving, donate. So you grow out for a month, you shave it. You pick it up off the shower floor, you send it over to skims, and she makes authentic you bush hair. They send it back to you, and it's your own bush, but, you know, it's removable.
Brady
They're single. There's no dudes putting up with that.
Toledo
Can you imagine looking in the laundry and seeing that? Oh, or if you had a puppy, because they love women's underwear. They got pubic hair and whatever.
Brady
Right away. Should not be with her.
Toledo
Women don't talk about that enough. Maybe they do with each other, but not out loud. That needed to be an Oprah episode years ago. What is going on down there that puppies like so much? Because if you've got a puppy and you take your underwear off within about 30 minutes of that underwear hitting the ground, if you leave it there, that puppy's tearing the middle out of those. Puppies love whatever is being sneezed out of some lady. They love it.
Larry
John, is this for people who suffer from camel toe? I don't know that this really covers that problem up.
Jeff
They put that on and then put their bikini bottom one over top that.
Toledo
They wanted for camel toe. The visual look, camel toe, you just need to just wear looser pants. That's an easy fix. John.
Larry
John. I dabble as an antifa activist. Can I throw red paint?
Toledo
Yeah, you can. Yeah. No, it's faux, but you could anyway. You can do that to anybody you want. I mean, not legally, but if you feel like is weird. I mean, it is. The world's just crazy weird. And I think, you know, she made these novelty. It's Halloween. She got. They sold out so fast. And now women have these joke bush panties.
Larry
John, you think these are for the bad Bunny crowd, The Tuckers?
Toledo
Oh, it could be a great Halloween costume for a fella. You get a pair of clear pantyhose, you stuff yourself backwards and then you put these on. Pretty good idea there.
Jeff
I mean, the brilliant thing is she could have made 50 of them. They sold out now. Now it just adds more orders.
Toledo
You're saying that they didn't make that many, so it sold out fast. Now people think it's in demand. Six, seven. Here we go again. It's the sheeple getting in line for pubic underwear. Well, it does ruin it because women's pants are way too tight as it is, and not many of them should be wearing Lululemons. Now, if you've got, like with Brett, if you can see the, you know, the afro. Get a divorce right away. Yeah. I mean, if she does it and it's for a laugh and then she strips them right off, that's fine.
Brady
Found a song for it.
Jeff
Oh, God.
Toledo
What's the song? A girl's got a very. Is this AI? Yeah, AI's song, which was banned in the 1940s, according to AI. I got a very hairy bush.
Female Singer
Cover your eyes. I have a very, very, very hairy bush.
Toledo
All right, I don't want to hear any more. Can that lady, please.
Brady
Even in the 40s, they knew.
Female Singer
Just a little hair down below my knees.
Toledo
Below her knees.
Jeff
Wow.
Toledo
Why in the world is the picture of the lady singing in the AI thing? Is she surrounded by dudes with shovels?
Jeff
Got to dig. Dig through them.
Toledo
They're going to kill her.
Jeff
Should.
Larry
Well, Brady, shouldn't it be like a set of clippers?
Toledo
Yeah, yeah. Why would you dig there?
Jeff
He's got a rake.
Toledo
Okay, that's still.
Larry
Oh, well.
Toledo
And the picture is a real bush. Like, she's Talking about the one in the front yard. You're being pervert.
Larry
Yeah, it's our fault.
Female Singer
Watch out. The situation is about to get hairy. Now you know my secret. What shall we do? I really hope that you're still in the mood. Why don't you start by exploring down underneath? It's not that hard. Don't need no masks. Just dive in there and make a pair. And when you're done, you can go ahead and floss your teeth.
Toledo
Come on.
Female Singer
I have a very, very, very hairy bush.
Toledo
All right. I can't hear her say that. Brady, Uncle Mike just emailed me. You want to go to that concert? Bread is still the word for seven o'. Clock. You got 19 more minutes. Brett, what do you got on the big board of musical treats over there?
Brady
All right. Wake Up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop and Giannis's girlfriend.
Toledo
Yeah.
Brady
So if you're out there mountain biking this weekend and your bike just doesn't quite fit, you're getting those bruised thighs. Well, Josh and the boys over at Action Ride Shop and get you on a properly fitted bike, head on over to either location. Right there, the OG on Gilbert Road and Southern, or the brand new at Power Road and McDowell.
Toledo
Yeah.
Brady
Got the new Pivots, new Santa Cruz's Rocky Mountains. You name it, they got it. They'll get you fitted for the right bike so you don't bruise your thighs.
Toledo
Giannis, who's got the bruised up thighed wife, go over and talk to Josh and the gang up there at Action Ride Shop and ask them. Take a look at their thighs. They're always on rides. I don't see it. But you might have a fat wife. That's the other. That's the only other thing. A girl emailed earlier and said you can get bruises as a woman. Female mountain biker can get bruises on your inner thighs if you squeeze the saddle too hard. She may have one of those bigger seats. It's. It is possible also. Then she writes. So is she a big fat lady? Everybody thinks. Yeah, everybody thinks. Maybe she's a really big fat person on the list.
Brady
Theory the dead man. Bad girlfriend for Giannis's chick. Pull the plug from the band Death for those six, seven people. Prodigy Smack My up for Giannis, Living Color, Slipknot, Stone Sour, Demon Hunter, Suicidal and Allison Chains. Check my brain for Toledo. Buying tickets early.
Toledo
Oh, you idiot.
Brady
I think that one's kind of fitting.
Toledo
I want to give that birthday guy a thing, but since he started listening. He was 13 and now he's 29. You made me feel bad on your birthday. So you don't get six. Seven, bro.
Jeff
Six.
Toledo
Seven, man. Let's do a little Check My Brain by Allison Chains just for Toledo. Who? And he's in his Seattle gear today. And, you know, I'm proud. I'm proud of him. He's got his. Is that a King Felix jersey he's wearing today? Good on him, but you just don't do that. Oh, you just. It's like making a bet on Fanduel. And they're like, oh, I'm up 15 in the third quarter. I got this. I'm just gonna go pre. Spend the money. I'm gonna win. Idiot. What are you gonna do, though? He's Toledo in the Toledo. Well, hopefully Seattle gets there. That would be fun to watch. And then even better to watch Toledo try to figure out this ticket. No. Oh, that's the thing, Red shirt. What if LA doesn't win in Seattle? Gets in, Is he gonna fly off to Milwaukee? Are you gonna go to Milwaukee or Seattle? If they. If the Dodgers aren't in, go to Milwaukee. It's gonna be cheaper.
Larry
Yeah, I'll have to go to Milwaukee.
Toledo
Yeah, it's a whole day in Milwaukee.
Larry
Never been. Oh, there's a reason I'll stay in Chicago.
Toledo
It's an hour and a half. You like driving around two hours, then you gotta rent a car.
Larry
Rent one.
Brady
Anyway, new Great American U turn.
Toledo
You know what? Everybody loves Milwaukee in late October, early November. Oh, the weather is just four. Anyway, well, good luck. I hope LA gets in for your sake. But if it's Milwaukee, Seattle, you'll be the only one watching two really good teams that. I just don't care. If they win anything, the world won't care. That'll have lower ratings than Texas and Arizona. Oh, yeah, yeah. That'll be really regional. Anyway, well, good luck to you. It's for you. Thanks. I feel the support. Yeah, no, I'm just. I'm just trying not to double jinx it. I was kidding when I said, oh, it's a lock. They can't screw this up. I didn't know you're gonna go spend three grand.
Larry
It was already in the work.
Toledo
Idiot. Bread is the word. Toledo's gonna need it. And you might get some at the end of the week.
Brady
So did Brady at the concert.
Toledo
That's right. Brady squirming around. His behole has triggers. Uncle Mike. Thumb. It's Allison. Change. Check my brain. It's 98k u p d.
Larry
It's out of control now.
Toledo
98K u p d.
Episode Theme:
A whirlwind of irreverent banter, today’s show covers listener stories about unruly kids, sports fan superstitions, a hilarious (and cringeworthy) re-telling of Brady’s infamous “Bread” concert with his uncle, and the crew’s take on Kim Kardashian’s new “Skims” thongs with pubic hair patches. As always, the tone is sarcastic, edgy, and bawdy, with brutal honesty and wild tangents.
| Segment | Timestamp | |----------------------------------------------------|---------------| | Kids in Vegas & Listener Parenting Stories | 00:17–04:54 | | Listener Milestones & Show Longevity | 04:22–04:54 | | Toledo's World Series “Jinx” Debate | 04:54–13:15 | | Bread Concert & Uncle Mike Bit | 16:33–25:24 | | Kim Kardashian’s Pubic Hair Skims | 25:26–33:50 | | “Hairy Bush” AI Song | 32:11–33:50 | | Wake Up Song, Biking Sponsor Plug, Sports Wrap-up | 34:05–37:42 |