10-16-25 - Thursdays w/Former Dallas Cowboy OLineman Dale Hellestrae - Dale Learns About Brady's Bread Concert Experience And How Much We'd Pay To Be w/Our Dream Celebs

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – October 16, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is the Thursday sports hour, featuring former Dallas Cowboys lineman Dale Hellestrae. The crew—John Holmberg (host), Brett Vesely, Brady Bogen, and Dick Toledo—chat with Dale about music nostalgia, embarrassing first concerts (Bread!), and the hilarity of how much they’d pay (or be paid) to spend time with their ultimate celebrity crushes. True to form, the talk veers wildly, mixing in playful digs, locker room humor, sports banter, and surprisingly sincere takes on simple male psychology and relationships.

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Main Themes & Discussion Points

1. Bread (The Band) and Childhood Concert Memories

• Dale’s discovery of Brady’s “Bread” concert history:

  • Brady shares (to much laughter) that his first concert was with his Uncle Mike, seeing Bread, allegedly as a school music “assignment” ([03:25])
    • Dale: “Uncle Mike took two second graders to bread. And I was in fifth grade. Whatever.” ([03:39])
    • The guys dispute whether any school ever sent kids to a Bread concert.
    • Jokes about “repressed memories” and how Bread’s music works as a social lubricant, especially for Dale growing up:
      • John: “Dale’s comments about what bread’s done to some ladies in your world... basically it’s the KY jelly at SM or something.” ([04:53])
      • Dale: “Oh, I remembered it.” ([04:29])

• Bread as ‘makeout music’:

  • The group riffs on how Bread’s mellow sound was “the fastest way through the back door,” with plenty of jokes about who Bread truly appeals to, and jabs at each other’s masculinity ([05:34], [06:16]).

• John lays out the generational gap:

  • “Dale, I’m not, I’m not 80. No, growing up when bread was popular, I was three.” ([09:55])
  • The guys share what their parents made them listen to, e.g., Peter Frampton, ELO, Beatles, Boston ([10:49]-[11:00]).

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2. Family, Moms, and (Over-)Protectiveness

• Playful dissection of John’s family dynamic:

  • Jokes abound about John’s biological mom vs. his dad’s new wife (“new mom”), including conversations about nicknames for step-parents, overprotectiveness, and whether John was breastfed:
    • John: “That’s not my mom... My mom is a—I know my mom well.” ([11:21])
    • Brett: “You seem overly protective... somebody who’s, you know, been still suckling... Careful.” ([12:31])
    • John: “Still doing it... Delicious. You haven’t had it. Room temp milk. Forget about it.” ([12:47])
    • Eventually devolves into a debate on whose “mom” had “nice cans” ([13:12]-[13:23]); tongue-in-cheek, irreverent, classic HMS banter.

• Geographical distance and family visits:

  • John jokes about his dad living far away: “He lives where I have to fly to another city and then drive to him, and I’m just not doing that.” ([15:36])

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3. How Much Would You Pay/Be Paid for Celebrity Encounters?

• The hypothetical: 'Would you choose cash or time with your dream celeb?'
  • The table considers whether they’d turn down $100k for a 'night with Vanna White' ([16:11]), or what their price would be for margot Robbie or Dua Lipa
    • John: “Dua Lipa, I would probably would have to get close to like a million dollars.” ([16:43])
    • If given “two minutes” with a star crush or a million-dollar payday, which would they choose?
    • “Men are simple animals,” they conclude ([17:51])

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4. The Simple Psychology of Men (and How to Fix Relationships)

• John’s ‘Therapist of the Year’ theory:

  • John asserts all most male-female relationship issues boil down to one thing: (physical intimacy).
    • “All women need to do is just pull the stick out and whenever we’re mad, play with the tip and we stop being mad... And they won’t do it. And it’s because we’re dumb. That’s the thing.” ([17:54])
    • Dale agrees after 37 years of marriage: “If you look back over all the arguments we’ve had... most of it’s stupid.” ([18:23])
    • Memorable quote:
      • John: “They think what I’m saying is sexy... but men are too stupid to combat that.” ([19:53])

• The one-layer theory:

  • Men aren’t deep thinkers—women try to “get to the layers” but there aren’t any.
  • “I see these things online, ‘I wonder what he’s thinking’—I’m thinking if the Steelers are going to win tonight.” ([24:39])

• Imagined ‘Buddy System’ for Men:

  • Suggesting every man needs a “slutty gay friend” who can just “fix” things when the wives don’t want to. Largely tongue-in-cheek but delightfully boundary-pushing HMS comedy ([20:21]).

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5. Locker Room Banter & Who Would “Take One for the Team?”

• Surreal “Who would you choose for a BJ to fix a feud?”
  • The guys riff about if one of them absolutely had to “step up” to make John feel better ([21:12]):
    • John: “If I need to be consoled and it has to be good work... Brett’s your guy, but he’d be messy... Brady would cry the entire time.” ([22:24])
    • Dale: “Do you think both would swallow or...?” ([22:45])
    • Headed off by John: “Are you drunk, Dale?” ([22:48])

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6. Male Friendships Vs. Female Friendships

• Checking in on friends:
  • John tells a story of his friend Chris getting food poisoning and John not checking in afterward, to Megan’s disbelief ([25:05]):
    • “You don’t care.”
      • John: “If I text him and he’s dead, he’s not answering anyway.” ([25:05])
    • Contrasts how women worry deeply, while men move on.
    • Even among close friends, “You see him again; you don’t see him again—whatever.” ([26:49])

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7. Sports, Briefly

• Pick recap, debts, Steelers v. Ravens ribbing, and a tease for picks in the next segment ([23:38]-[24:00])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Bread concert with Uncle Mike:
  • John Holmberg ([03:54]): “Fifth graders are not told you have to go spend money at a concert for a break. That’s not a thing in UA. No, you don’t. That’s not a thing.”
• Music Therapy Insight
  • John Holmberg ([17:54]): “All women need to do is just pull the stick out and whenever we’re mad, play with the tip and we stop being mad.”
• Men Are Simple
  • John Holmberg ([19:53]): “They think what I’m saying is sexy. But what I’m saying is men are too stupid to combat that.”
• Dale on Marriage Arguments
  • Dale Hellestrae ([18:23]): “I’ve been married 37 years. And if you look back, most of it’s stupid.”
• Male Mind, Decoded
  • John Holmberg ([24:39]): “I see these things on Facebook… I wonder what he’s thinking. I’m thinking about the Steelers are going to win tonight.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:42–03:32 – Introduction of Dale Hellestrae, “Bread” concert flashback begins
• 03:54–05:15 – The “music assignment” origin of Brady’s concert, jokes about Bread as romance helper
• 09:55–11:00 – Generational music tastes, parental influences
• 11:05–13:48 – Family nicknames, “mom” talk, breastfed banter
• 15:36–16:10 – John on not visiting his dad because of travel
• 16:11–17:54 – How much to pay for celebrity encounters, “simple animals”
• 17:54–19:53 – John’s “therapy of the year” theory about men
• 21:12–22:45 – “Who would take one for the team”—fantasy resolution to male tension
• 24:39–25:57 – Male thinking: No “layers”, not deep thinkers
• 25:05–26:49 – Male friendships vs. female concern: Chris’ food poisoning story
• 23:38–24:00 and 26:52 – Sports betting, picks segments teased

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Tone & Style

• Irreverent, candid, and laced with unfiltered, old-school radio humor
• The banter is fast, crude, but always delivered with obvious camaraderie and affection
• Occasional moments of sincere insight are quickly cut down to size by the next quip

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Summary Takeaway

This episode is a classic slice of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: nostalgic, rowdy, and surprisingly insightful amid the provocative jokes. The heart is in the locker room, but the humor pulls no punches when reflecting on friendship, family, and the humble inner workings of the male mind. If you crave authentic sports radio where the game takes a distant back seat to good-natured roasting and real talk, this is as fun (and honest) as it gets.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

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[Brett]

Morning. S morning sickness. There we go.

[John Holmberg]

All right, quiet down, you morons. It's time to shut up. Dale's already talking. It is Thursday and that means a three time world champion from the Dallas Cowboys joins us to talk about sports. It's our sports hour and it is brought to you by our friends at Diamond Coatings. Oh, diamond coatings. Az.com did Brady's garage did his tiles your.

[Brett]

Your.

[John Holmberg]

Your pavers.

[Dale]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Fantastic look. Did my sport court in the backyard with something very special we designed and they got that thing done and it is glorious. In fact, they're coming by tomorrow to take a nice little aerial photo because they were so happy with how it turned out it looks cool. Steeler logos on a basketball court, Dale, you haven't lived until you've seen it.

[Brett]

Well, I think they also said they're coming and put a Super Bowl 30 trophy there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they can put all the Super Bowls in the trophy. Six trophies. There's six trophies you can see. Yeah. Super Bowl 30. You can add in ran, but there are six of them that we could do. In fact, I might have them come back and drop down some lombardies. But you know what? I don't want to commit to just six. There might be more. So I don't, you know, just. It's just a. Never ending every few years. Well, I know, but every few years you got to do it again. It's just a lot of work. And they do it. That's how good they are. Diamond coatings. AZ.com gonna have them over again tomorrow. And a price surprisingly spectacular for what we did. I thought it was when I got hit with the bill. I'm like, all right, what's the bid on this? I. I expected big numbers. It was very reasonable. So it was really good. And it looks.

[Brett]

You'll see.

[John Holmberg]

I put it up on the website soon. Anyway, welcome, Dale.

[Brett]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

To the big chatterbox of. And nobody wants to talk about sports. Oh, yeah. Listen to a little bread.

[Brett]

Yeah. Brett's been texting me all day yesterday. But we Pull some bread.

[John Holmberg]

You want a little real bread? Bring him some. Bring him some quality bread. Dale heard us talking about Brady's first concert with his uncle Mike.

[Brett]

I didn't hear the. I didn't hear the. Uncle Mike.

[John Holmberg]

Uncle Mike took two second graders to bread. And I was in fifth grade. Whatever.

[Dale]

Cousin Jeff was in sixth.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale]

And it was a music. He had to.

[John Holmberg]

That's what he thinks. It wasn't. It was Uncle Mike fingers projects that.

[Dale]

You had to do for music class.

[John Holmberg]

Go to a live concert.

[Brett]

Right.

[Dale]

And it was a Sunday family dinner, by the way. Do you want to go to the concert?

[John Holmberg]

That's also a lie. Fifth graders are not told you have to go spend money at a concert for a break. That's not a thing in ua. No, you don't. No. That's not a thing.

[Brett]

Ua.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brett]

What's that?

[John Holmberg]

Upper Arlington.

[Brett]

It's Columbus, not Arlington.

[John Holmberg]

It's called White. It's.

[Brett]

It's Whiteley.

[Dale]

Bexley's.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Dale]

They probably have to go to a concert.

[John Holmberg]

No, elementary school says, all right, your assignment is you have to go to a concert. Uncle Mike said, hey, get that sweet little cousin of yours. And we're going to take him over to Bread and they drug you over there and you've been fingered and it's a repressed memory and you won't remember it for a while. And then Dale's comments about what bread does to him.

[Dale]

Oh, I remembered it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I bet you did.

[Brett]

What song were you fingered to?

[John Holmberg]

I think it was this one. It was this one.

[Dale]

Hit after hit.

[John Holmberg]

It's easier to answer the ones that he didn't have a finger in.

[Brett]

Two hour show. There's a lot of good songs from Brett. Yeah, I'd be listening to it all yesterday. I was like, my God, I haven't listened to a bread song in 30 years.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there were, there were some comments you made about what bread's done to some ladies in your world. That I'm like, my goodness, Dale. Basically it's the KY jelly at SM or something. I'm not sure exactly. Or Saguaro High School. I'm not sure when it started, but it's a. You were at Saguaro when this was going on?

[Brett]

I was probably transitioning.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

So I didn't know. I'm sorry.

[John Holmberg]

Congratulations. Thank God he did it. Because if a woman looked like this. So glad you transitioned to being a man. Yeah. The bread. Yeah, it's a solid.

[Brett]

Look at this. I'm seriously, Josh, this is good music.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brett]

If you're sitting there on the twink. Yeah, you gotta be a twink to like. Am I a twink?

[John Holmberg]

Well, you did mention we're. We're listening to what you enjoy. Apparently. I'm going to. I'm going to AI. Well, that was before the transition. Exactly. I'm going to AI someize what Dale said yesterday to prove Brett's right. Essentially, Dale said it's the fastest way through the back door, which is twink behavior.

[Brett]

You guys were bad.

[John Holmberg]

Did he not? Don't make me read it.

[Brett]

No. Hey, wave of green. Oh, we're never going to do that to each other. What goes on our text from here?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sure, I agree. But that was safe. That's a. Safer to say that you scrambled some butt guts to Bread.

[Brett]

I mean that's the sub Broad. Yeah, that's just some. Yeah, there's nothing a 50 year old guy say. Broad.

[John Holmberg]

Well, what.

[Brett]

Who else would say a 90 year old.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's true.

[Dale]

You're closing deals with this mask now.

[John Holmberg]

Do you play these at weddings still? No, because everybody.

[Dale]

What's wrong with you?

[John Holmberg]

This isn't their daddy dance.

[Brett]

If you're driving a car, you're Sitting in the back seat. This song comes on, you go right to sleep, Johnny.

[John Holmberg]

It's Bill Cosby's.

[Brett]

If it doesn't get you in, Johnny, the nose is in the way. Or the ugliness because you think you're a Brady.

[John Holmberg]

If I can't get my poo, that's about it.

[Brett]

Pure bread songs.

[John Holmberg]

So you're saying if I suck, if I'm in a situation like it may or may not be on bread should push it over the top.

[Brett]

You get the eight track and you put the bread.

[John Holmberg]

If you want, poop, wiener.

[Dale]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

In my 77 Grand Prix. And then, of course, if it doesn't happen, it's because I'm too ugly. Even Brad can't fix it.

[Brett]

Even Brad can't fix it. Meanwhile, I mean, that's talent. This is talent right here. Rather than yelling and screaming, you guys play on here.

[John Holmberg]

You know what's funny? Dale sings along with bread, but at the end he always adds a lyric.

[Brett]

Which is, don't tell anybody.

[John Holmberg]

Because that's usually how he had to end each bread song.

[Dale]

It hurts, Dale.

[Brett]

Bread, Bread.

[John Holmberg]

Bread doesn't hurt.

[Brett]

Bread's good. Bread good.

[John Holmberg]

Of course. Frankendale likes bread.

[Brett]

Bread good.

[John Holmberg]

Fire bad.

[Brett]

Anyway, how you doing, John?

[John Holmberg]

I'm doing well, Dale. It's good to see you.

[Brett]

I see your Steelers tonight. Pullovers on and. All right.

[John Holmberg]

It's a pullover. Yeah, I got that. Clothes. They call them shirts and pants nowadays, but. Yeah.

[Brett]

The little dealy on the back.

[John Holmberg]

It's a hoodie. I like that. You might as well call it a blouse, but. Okay, I'll pull over.

[Brett]

It's a.

[Sarah]

Whatever.

[Dale]

You got a nice one of those from the Ravens?

[Brett]

I do.

[John Holmberg]

You got a couple of those? Yeah. Steelers tonight. Big night for Thursday night football.

[Brett]

Can't wait till I get invited over again. Because you're more than.

[John Holmberg]

Your door's always open.

[Brett]

Because I. I got some more paraphernalia from the Ravens this year. Did you?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Got the nice hats and I'll be sporting that one. Well, good. You can. You'll look just like Lamar on the sidelines.

[Brett]

Exactly like.

[John Holmberg]

It's awesome. Yeah. Because you guys have a very similar look.

[Brett]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Very dumb and kind of lost. I'm just saying, if you're going to call me ugly the whole time, it's fair play, my friend.

[Brett]

I just said it once.

[John Holmberg]

All right. I did, too. I called you ugly once and compared you to Lamar Jackson's horrible, goofy, awful face. Ugliest man in football history. Who's the ugliest Guy you played with. Boy, if it's. If you can't name anybody, it's you.

[Brett]

Ugly.

[John Holmberg]

Ugliest guy you played with on the team. Just couldn't. I'm looking at him was hard. Lamar would be a tough one. Walking through the locker room you're like, oh God, he looks like he's probably.

[Brett]

Yeah, Plunket's not ugly.

[John Holmberg]

Plunkett was kind of in the helmet. Plunkett was super ugly. That helmet was way too small.

[Brett]

Yeah, it is way too dim. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Pumpkin head Plunkett. Yeah. There's some ugly dudes that have played football that Travis Hunter's running for ugliest guy.

[Brett]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

He's just a strange looking man, don't you think?

[Brett]

I. I guess I haven't seen him that close.

[John Holmberg]

Those Lamar top five for you?

[Brett]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No, currently a top five ugly.

[Brett]

I mean if him and I walked.

[John Holmberg]

Into a club, I'd even, even I would say, yeah, Dale's gonna get laid down. Cue the bread. Hey Dale, how come all the ladies pay attention to you? Lamar, you're scaring everybody. Close your eyes. I don't know if those are human finest cheese. How come Dale is scrambling all those butt guts and I'm just sitting at the bar now?

[Brett]

Johnny, did you ever listen to Brad growing up?

[John Holmberg]

Dale, I'm not, I'm not 80. No, growing up when bread was popular, I was three. No, hang on, let me find out.

[Dale]

Yeah, I was 10 or 11 when.

[John Holmberg]

I went to that so only 10.

[Brett]

Years younger than me.

[John Holmberg]

I know. And you were a weirdo and I.

[Brett]

But it all had this. My fire up song to get ready for football basketball game.

[John Holmberg]

No wonder it didn't work out in basketball. I. I know of Bread because I was listening to music at a very early age. So I know these song. The music was on at my house all the time.

[Brett]

Your parents listened to this?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, my mom big into like pop radio. So we had make it with you was a number one hit in 1970. Yeah, I was under two. That was zero.

[Brett]

So it probably hung around for a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, I mean it's. You know these were popular songs that stuck around for a bit. Was I a big Bread fan as a child? No.

[Brett]

Were you a hard rock when you were in high school?

[John Holmberg]

I was kind of all over the road. I liked. No, I like. Well I liked like Peter Frampton. I was a big Beatles fan as a kid. Little boy. I liked what my mom listened to.

[Brett]

My mom.

[John Holmberg]

My dad listened to ELO in Boston.

[Brett]

Did you and your have you had your relationship. Because you get really upset. We talk about your real mom.

[John Holmberg]

I love my real.

[Brett]

Because I talk about your new mom. You know, she's not my mom.

[John Holmberg]

Because that's not my mom. That's not my mom. We don't like to talk about.

[Brett]

I don't see. You react to things very much. Right.

[John Holmberg]

Because you. Because I realized the day that everyone said, hey, I met your mom, I'm like, that's not my mom.

[Brett]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And I don't know why I was that way. So I play that, but it is true. It's like, no, don't call her my mom. My mom is a. I know my mom well.

[Brett]

What is this new one?

[John Holmberg]

It's my dad's wife. It's the. My dad scrambles her butt guts to bread. Yeah. They listen to bread together. She gets butt gut scrambling. You.

[Brett]

You are. You're overly protective of your mom.

[John Holmberg]

Not overly protective.

[Brett]

Yes, you are. Yes.

[John Holmberg]

All right, maybe.

[Brett]

I mean, the way you. You bow up. That's my mom.

[John Holmberg]

You can talk about my mom.

[Brett]

I don't talk bad about anybody's mom.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's not true. You've said terrible things.

[Brett]

No, I just. I said, you got two moms. It's okay.

[John Holmberg]

Don't have two moms. You don't have a mom anymore. After, like, 40. If some new lady's in your life, she's not your mom. You don't need one.

[Brett]

Or you're a wheel or Stephanie or.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, I call her Stephanie, but her name's Shauna. I just call her Stephanie. No, I call her Mom. No, I don't say Mama. Mama. I call her Shauna.

[Brett]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Or Mrs. Holmberg.

[Brett]

And what do you call your real mom?

[Sarah]

Mom.

[John Holmberg]

What do you call your mom?

[Brett]

What do you call the person who you came out of?

[Sarah]

Mom.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Wait a minute. Be more specific. I call her Mom.

[Brett]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Why wouldn't I call her Mom?

[Brett]

I. I don't know. You just seem overly protected. Like somebody who's, you know, been still suckling. Careful. Yeah. I think you're a kid who probably was breastfed till he was in first grade.

[John Holmberg]

Still doing it.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Delicious. You haven't had it. Room temp milk. Forget about it. Mom still lactates. I still go, what's wrong?

[Dale]

After the show, he's picking up the laundry. Should be done.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She's a good mom.

[Brett]

Why is little Johnny acting up after nap time?

[John Holmberg]

I had my Milkies. Johnny meets Milkies. No, I don't. I don't think I was breastfed at all.

[Brett]

I no. Would you put you.

[John Holmberg]

No. I think my dad was like, nobody's wrecking those.

[Brett]

Really? Your mom? They're nice.

[John Holmberg]

She had nice cans.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Real nice.

[Dale]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All my friends noticed. I'm not blind.

[Brett]

You were saying I suckled at that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I don't think I did.

[Brett]

I would.

[John Holmberg]

I probably was a pretty envious kid. Like, geez, this does. Why is my dad always getting all that? I don't know. I don't know what was going on there. But I'm pretty sure I think you're a Similac kid. Probably. I don't know. I think maybe she gave it a couple of tries and she's like, no. 2 turned on Dana ruined them.

[Brett]

Probably. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I was so sexy, even as a baby.

[Brett]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

That's it, Dale. That's what my mom said during breastfeeding. Why is the chair so ruined?

[Dale]

The nose got in the way.

[John Holmberg]

That could be.

[Brett]

I was looking at that and I was thinking maybe. How do you turn the baby's head?

[Dale]

You can go sideways.

[John Holmberg]

If they weren't made of stone, you can mash them. No, I don't know. I don't know if I was breastfed. I have to. I'll actually ask. Ask both of them if my dad.

[Brett]

Was breastfed or five.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the other mom, Stephanie. Well, yeah, I'll ask Stephanie if I could take a swig at one. See if we see whose milk tastes better. Real mom or new mom. It's John Holmberg here from my friends at New Vision Auto Glass. Six weeks and counting. My windshield is still perfect. Call New Vision Auto Glass and after about 15 minutes on the phone, you'll get. You need. You can get up to $375 back. Visit new vision autoglass.com to see what you qualify for. Then you get that delicious free dinner from the world famous Brazilian steakhouse Rhodesio Grill, now in Mesa and their new location in Scottsdale. There's no excuse for you not to have a good piece of glass on that car. I don't want to hear it. Pick up the phone and fix it. 480-210-9090. New Vision Auto Glass. Proud sponsor of the Arizona Diamondbacks.

[Brett]

Holmberg's morning sickness. Does your. Does your new mom have good cans too? No. Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Because you made me think of it.

[Brett]

You made me think it.

[John Holmberg]

And I did. I don't know. I haven't even looked.

[Brett]

Honestly, I have not.

[John Holmberg]

No, I haven't looked. I haven't looked. I don't. I don't think. Look I don't think my dad would tolerate bad ones. So I'm gonna have to go ahead and lean on the side of who I see.

[Dale]

They're out of the park.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Dan wouldn't like if they were sloppy, messy. I don't think Dan would play games.

[Brett]

I mean, you, you, you. You have not visited them in this.

[John Holmberg]

They. They're too far away.

[Brett]

And just accidentally catch a glance of her getting out of the shower? No, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

I've been in the shower with her. But she's always facing the other way. So I don't know if it can't. The. Yeah, they live too far away. It's too much of a hassle. I don't think I love anybody that much.

[Brett]

It's your dad.

[John Holmberg]

I know he can come here. I live in a city. He lives where I have to fly to another city.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then drive to him. And I'm just not doing that.

[Brett]

What city's in Fredericksburg? Oh, that. Big time Frederick. It's got no airports there. I tell you. Flies there.

[John Holmberg]

Terry Jones.

[Brett]

Yeah, yeah. Private jet.

[John Holmberg]

He's got a place.

[Brett]

Johnny. Private jets.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but. Okay, I have.

[Brett]

I have a friend.

[John Holmberg]

I have a friend with one.

[Brett]

You're gonna turn down a hundred thousand dollars to get oral sex from Van White?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brett]

74 year olds. Van away somebody.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's still a great story. Somebody said if they offered. And I know Margot Robbie. Dua Lipa are the two go to's. But if that was a prize over the money, that wouldn't even be a question. If that was jeopardy. I'd study for months. Oh yeah.

[Brett]

No, but there is a number. Oh, there's always a number for any Dua lipa. No, where you say give me the money, it's DO A. Oh, sure.

[Dale]

45 grand, is it?

[John Holmberg]

45 grand for Vanna and she's in her 80s. Dua Lipa. I would probably would have to get close to like a million dollars. Yeah. If Dua Lip. If I had a million dollars in a suitcase or it's the. It's the indecent proposal. It cost me a million dollars to have 24 hours with Dua Leap.

[Brett]

No, no, no. You've got two minutes. Maybe a minute.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe. That's what I'm saying. Okay.

[Brett]

What'd you just say?

[John Holmberg]

Best minute you've ever heard of. You know what they call it, Dale? They call it the million dollar minute. I don't even know if I would like. It would be so disappointing that it would be. It would.

[Brett]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Like, I probably wouldn't even get hard. I'd be too excited. That would be good because then we just lay there and talk. She had the. The deal is she has to finish. She has to finish.

[Brett]

So how about the Steelers? Do I. Yeah. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

How about watching Aaron Rodgers? Thoughts? All I want to do is have oral sex, John. I know. I know. We'll get to that. I just want to talk for a minute. I'm kind of nervous. Yeah. That game show. That's an idea. That is an idea right there. Cuz. Men are simple animals.

[Brett]

Billion dollars. You. Come on. You can. You can fantasize.

[John Holmberg]

We talked about it this morning. Men are simple animals.

[Brett]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

All this money that goes to therapy, marriage counseling, books. It's a full section. All women need to do is just pull the stick out and whenever we're mad, play with the tip and we stop being mad. It's this. It's the solve. And they won't do it. And it's because we're dumb. That's the thing. The problem though, they won't accept it.

[Dale]

They're mad.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. When they're mad, it's not going to work. But what would they ever be mad at if they did that all the time? We would never piss them off.

[Brett]

Here's the thing. I've been married 37 years. And if you look back over all the arguments we've had over 37 years.

[John Holmberg]

What would have fixed all the ones.

[Brett]

That were like, legitimate arguments? Yeah. Less than 5. Most of it's stupid.

[John Holmberg]

It's all dumb.

[Brett]

And yes, you're correct. Johnny. You, you, you get your. Get therapist of the year.

[John Holmberg]

Totally agree. Thank you, Dale. I've been saying that for a long time.

[Brett]

You're the greatest.

[John Holmberg]

I'm the go to therapy. Save that, Toledo. I see. I agree. I spent zero time in school and I think Dale's right. I might be the best that's ever done it.

[Brett]

And it's so simple.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brett]

And you can close your eyes and you can pretend it's somebody else. You don't have to look at John while you're.

[John Holmberg]

You think of somebody else to solve your life problem. And they're so into like wellness doctors and taking pills for gut health.

[Brett]

I want to go pay $200 an hour.

[John Holmberg]

God forbid they get bangs that's every three weeks to a hair. They got to keep up with that. Everything's got to be on point. Got to be on point. You're mad at me or I'm mad at you. And they're like, no, I'm not fixing this. Everything is. Everything's proactive. They go to the doctor when they're well, they have wellness days.

[Brett]

Belt comes off, all the problems are gone.

[John Holmberg]

All gone.

[Brett]

I don't even know what I was arguing with.

[John Holmberg]

All she has to say is, I get so turned on when you're mad at me. This doesn't fix it. And then it does, because it fixes everything.

[Brett]

You're gonna walk away? Go. I don't even know.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care that I was mad at you. I'm so sorry.

[Brett]

You're right, Johnny. Congratulations.

[John Holmberg]

I know, but they won't charge 200.

[Brett]

Bucks an hour for that.

[John Holmberg]

They think what I'm saying is sexy. But what I'm saying is men are too stupid to combat that.

[Brett]

Because here's the way. You know, you're right. Because if women enjoyed it as much as men do, then if a man went down on a girl, then it would all go away. But no, that's not gonna fix things.

[John Holmberg]

We like things too much.

[Brett]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

They don't like when we like things too much. If we start showing interest, they start going, what's that? Is that gonna replace me?

[Brett]

Take one for the team.

[John Holmberg]

Take one for the team. We need a buddy. You know, that's why all men. We should consider this. All men should have a kind of a slutty gay friend who every once in a while, you just go, roger does it. What's wrong with you? Watch this. Call Rod. Roger, I want a bj. See you in a second. And he's right there. How come it can't be like that?

[Brett]

Who's your buddy?

[John Holmberg]

Brady or Stebbings?

[Brett]

I talk about Stebbings.

[John Holmberg]

Look, I'd let both these guys blow.

[Brett]

Me, but who would be your choice?

[John Holmberg]

My buddy Mark Stebbings and I have been friends since fifth grade and have had zero fights in our entire existence.

[Brett]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And we always talk about it like we should have been gay, but we were born this way. It's ruined all the hair and feces. We can't think about that. But we'd have had so much money and just been. We'd have been playing one on one basketball every day. Plowing each other, spoon and napping. Getting up, fighting.

[Brett]

All right, so you're really, really, really, really mad.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Who are you choosing between Brett and.

[John Holmberg]

Brady to figure I'm mad at the.

[Brett]

Whole room.

[John Holmberg]

Dale included. I'm inconsolable. I'm. I'm so. I'm so mad at the whole damn staff. You guys have let me down, and one of Them has to step up for your app.

[Brett]

You're. You're mad.

[John Holmberg]

One of them has to step up and do it. All right. I got. I got the order.

[Brett]

And they're both. Yeah, I can see. Brett would go choose me. Yeah. No, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

I can't. Like, I. I would do it. Brett would put in the best job. Brett's blue collar.

[Brett]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

I think, Brett, you would.

[Brett]

You'd be.

[John Holmberg]

You'd be the best ever. Look, Brett is. Brett's a fixer. Brett's like, I need this to. He's pragmatic. He's like, if this fixes it, I'm gonna do a good job. We're gonna get out of here. This is it, Brady. I would do it for the laughs and the tears. Like, Brady would cry the entire time knowing that his Lord Jesus is just done. It's abandoned. And that would be for sure if I was not really that mad. But only a blowjob solved it. Brady's my guy. Because then I get. I get a few laughs out of it if I need to be consoled. And it has to be good work.

[Dale]

You want some sleep afterwards.

[John Holmberg]

It would pass. A few exams after. Yeah, like. Like the.

[Brett]

It.

[John Holmberg]

It matches all the CC and RS and all the standards of what a BJ is. Brett's your guy, but he'd be messy. He'd be sloppy. That crying. He would talk. Sometimes. I don't know if we should. Like, it would have to be. Shut up.

[Brett]

Do you think both would swallow or.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God, Dale, are you drunk?

[Brett]

Yeah. Who would be?

[John Holmberg]

We do have to take a break. I don't know, Br. You know what, Dale? I'm gonna put him to the test. I'm gonna get back to you. Brady is not a go.

[Brett]

You ever thought about it?

[John Holmberg]

Well, I am now. I'm not gonna lie to you. Like, you've placed it.

[Brett]

No, Brady's not. He's not.

[John Holmberg]

He's not either. Neither of them are going to do that. He. He. Like, when. When the.

[Brett]

When the.

[John Holmberg]

When the closing moment when Mario when Enter Sandman plays and it's about to end, Brett's gonna be like, go. He's getting out of the way like he's getting shot at. Brady would just go. It's everywhere. He'd cry.

[Brett]

It's in his nose.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Anyway, what a pleasant sports chat we've had so far today.

[Brett]

Did we win last week?

[John Holmberg]

You owe everybody 33 bucks.

[Brett]

No. Oh, no, wait.

[John Holmberg]

So do you.

[Brett]

Oh, you got.

[John Holmberg]

We're level, then. Did you pick Washington? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So, yeah, nobody owes anything. So, yeah, he used to owe everybody 33 bucks.

[Brett]

He said that last you. I'll fire it over there.

[John Holmberg]

I had a bunch of stuff going on. Don't worry. All right. We're gonna take a break. When we come back.

[Brett]

Hey, you could just. You can fix it another way too. Brett Got some bread. There we go. I'm so mad at you, Brett. And only one thing fixes this.

[John Holmberg]

It does. It fixes.

[Brett]

Get over here, you big pr.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think. I don't think it works between a dude's fight and we just have a fist fight and end it. Like, yeah, women.

[Brett]

You've got. Now, hold on. Have you gotten any feedback on your therapy session? Did people agree with you?

[John Holmberg]

Every guy's like, this is. I'm taping this. I'm sending this to my wife. It's so true, and we're so simple. And the one guy nailed it on the email. He said, women think we have layers, and they're trying to get to. We don't.

[Brett]

No, there's no layers. I see these things on Facebook or X or whatever. It's like, I wonder what he's thinking. I'm thinking about the Steelers are going to win tonight.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'm thinking of the Steelers. And I'm like, I wonder if I get blown. Like, the only thoughts up on my mind as Brett's last. Last mem was really funny.

[Brett]

That's always.

[John Holmberg]

We're not deep thinkers. We can talk about anything. We don't really care about anything.

[Brett]

You go for four hours. You come home, your wife goes, how's John?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brett]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

My friend Chris got so sick the other day at my house.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That he's like, you got to drive me home. And I'm like, really? He goes, did you eat something? Yeah, it was one of those. One of those.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He was eating stuff. It was.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And I filled him up, but he. He. He got food poisoning, and it hit him while he was at the house. He goes, I'm not gonna be able to drive. I'm gonna go out. We're driving back, and he's like, pull over. And he lives like a mile from my house. Pull over. Pulls over. He's throwing up for five minutes solid non stop. And they got him good. He gets back in the car, goes in the. Drop him off at his house. I'm like, you all right, buddy? He's like, yeah. I'm like, all right. I leave him. I get home. But Two hours later, Megan's like, have you checked in on Chr. What if he's dead? I guess I'll find out tomorrow. Like, somebody will call me. You don't care. I'm like, if I text him and he's dead, he's not answering anyway. You guys are jerks to each other. I took him home.

[Brett]

Yeah. That was way above totally. Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Could have gotten him an Uber. That's a mile. He would have taken you home. Well, maybe, but he wouldn't have called me every five minutes. I don't care if he's better. I don't want to hear him throwing up.

[Brett]

You might check in middle of the.

[John Holmberg]

Week and go, hey, you doing my buddy the next. Well, that. Later that night, because I'm selfish and not layered, I started to feel bad, and I'm like, did we eat the same thing?

[Brett]

Yeah, well, that's what I was.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I thought. Because I'm like, my stomach's starting to go. And it was fine. Turned out I was fine. I just. Sympathy kind of.

[Brett]

Where the food come from, John. Vietnamese food.

[John Holmberg]

This was on Monday, and we both had pizza together Sunday. So I'm wondering if it was that. But it wasn't. He just got something else. Anyway. Yeah, I don't care. I haven't called him all week. He still might even be alive if.

[Brett]

You just shut up.

[John Holmberg]

No. Listen to some bread. All right, all right, I'll do that.

[Brett]

I don't care about Chris.

[John Holmberg]

Oddly enough.

[Brett]

Nice guy. Yes. I see him again. I don't see him again.

[John Holmberg]

Whatever. And you're not gonna call to see if he's up. Neither am I, and he's a friend. We got Dale here. We'll talk sports picks, and I've got an interesting statistic that might change everything here. We'll chat up that and the FanDuel picks next. It's out of control now.