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You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, everybody, it's John Holmberg from the Morning Sickness talking to Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Now, Shane, I take great pride in saying I stand with someone when I tell a listener to go to their shop. I know why. You tell me what's different for a KUP listener to go to Orlando Auto Body than anywhere else?
B
Well, first of all, we've been in the Valley here for over 34 years. We do a quality job. We work for you, not the insurance companies, so that we can work together to make sure your listeners are getting the the customer service they deserve.
A
If your car's been wrecked and you need that thing fixed the right way, get on over there now.
C
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A
It is time now for the most moral man in all of Phoenix to give you his opinion on your problems and then judge you off the air like we do every week. Oh, we have a field day with you people. It's. What Would Brady Do? The word for nine o' clock once again is pay P A Y. Put it in the promo code and get it done. Qualify yourself for thousands of dollars, perhaps in your pocket. That's how it works. What would Brady do? Is brought to you by our friends at Mo Money Pond. MMP Guns right there at the same exact location they'll take care of in any direction you need them to take care of you. 12 street and Indian School. M.O. money pond and MMP guns. One in the same. Taking care of the Valley for. I'm going to make something up 300 years now, so great job. Happy anniversary, guys. Excellent work. Family business since before there were even families. All right, Brady, are you ready? Ready. I'm going to save Francesca's till last. I'll start with it. I like the name Francesca because she wrote Francesca and then fake name in parentheses. So she's not really named French. Oh, okay. She's guarding it just in case people at work here that she's trying to slot up. Here we go. Brady. There's a guy at my work that is awesome. Every girl at the office thinks he's great. I just started about a year ago and immediately I was drawn to him. All the girls say that. That happens to them too. Recently he came to my desk and said, hey, can we discuss a work thing over lunch? His exact words were, let's have fun while we do it too. We can get a couple drinks and fix this thing. I think he's choosing me. I need this job. But if he makes a move, I'm giving in. What would Brady do? Sign Francesca. The fake name. Don't give in. What? Brady? Brad. What's he doing? You blow this guy like you don't have a tomorrow and you never stop. He's awesome. You're killing the guy, Brady. What are you talking about? Don't give in.
D
This guy's the champ already.
A
Yeah.
D
I mean, but you know her job, she's like, you are putting that on the line.
A
Are you? Yeah. In what way is it a boss?
D
Well, benefits right off the bat.
A
Didn't say it was a boss, just said he was awesome.
D
They're working on a project together.
A
Let's be honest, in a gaggle full of broads, the awesome dude wandering around. We automatically made him boss because it sounds like a boss. But she didn't say anything about boss. It's the dude at work she likes. It's Jim and Pam from the office.
D
Yeah.
A
And all the girls are like, he is awesome. We all think he's awesome. He wants to take you.
D
So none of any of the girls. Bit on the opportunity?
A
Don't know.
D
Just tell you what you getting into. Okay. If you go for it, just know what potentially could happen.
A
Joy. Happiness and joy. That's it. No, Brady, stop it. It's joy all the time. If you just allow it to be joy, you're the one we gotta tell women that it's always a good idea.
D
What's the job?
A
Doesn't matter.
D
I need to know.
A
It's the blow. That's the job. We gotta start telling women all the time to stop worrying about it, to.
D
Go for it at work.
A
Go for it everywhere, Brady. All the time. They're always second guessing themselves. What happens if I do this? Then this will happen. If so, what are the dominoes Blow, man, blow. We have to stop wanting it from them all the time and then warning them constantly, if you do this, there's trouble. Blow. And don't think about it. Brady might have some points. I'm giving a counterpoint to Brady's moral view. But I'm trying to change the world. Brady's trying to just get this girl to be quiet. Blow that, man. There's one way to keep her quiet. Girl. It's a fact. Now, you'll look at. Yeah, ask. Maybe that's a good idea Brady had that them. Ask a couple of the other girls if they've ever gone out with them. But she's already.
D
She's pretty to begin with.
A
There you go.
D
There's no problems. You don't. I mean, there's guys lined up.
A
I'm sure she's not a pig, though. But she wants to pick her own guys lined up. That's a guy talking. Guys like I'm.
D
Pick her own.
A
Yeah, but she wants to pick this one. Girls don't care about that kind of stuff. They like the challenge.
D
There's some. There's some proof behind the company Inc. Thing.
A
Sure, sure. For men. Because men ascend to management positions. What is she, secretary maybe? Well, yeah. I mean, what else? She's a year into the gig, so think about it. A year ago, you got this job. Sounds like you're pretty hireable. I mean, unhinge that jaw, sir, and get to work. Francesca, she already said she's gonna do it. If he even gives the. You make the first move, Francesca. You do it. If he makes a move, I'm in. Well, then be in. Take a couple drinks. You know what the dangerous thing is? And here's where you can get them. Here's the good thing. You go out, you have a couple drinks, and then you make some aggressive move and then go, oh, my God, you were feeding me those drinks. Then accuse him of, like, dropping something in your drink. Balance the scales a little bit. Now you're getting paid if he turns you down. And now. And. Yeah, so. I mean, women have all the power. She's not getting fired for this. If he makes a move and she goes, what are you doing? Now there's trouble. If she makes a move, he's just going to be like, what guy has ever turned in a girl at work for making a move? Come on.
D
Haven't heard of one.
A
Doesn't happen, man. I don't know. It's the safest thing you can do as a female at the office is try to Bone a guy there. Safest. You know, if he's available and you're available, he's not turning you in. Unless you're a pig. Maybe down the hall. Well, that's different. Is he gay? That's a good point. Yeah, but even then, they're just gonna be flattered. I mean, if I went down the hall and I just grabbed one of them by the head and I'm like, I'm not even gay, and I tried to kiss him, they'd be like, oh, my go. Thank you. It's a. It's a guy thing. But you say, don't do it.
D
Just take a look at what you're getting into.
A
Yeah. His bed sheets while you're going over those spreadsheets. Oh, yeah.
D
Bed sheets and spreadsheets don't mix.
A
Yes, they do. Absolutely. They should make bed sheets look like spreadsheets. Sounds like a Megan Thee Stallion song. Yeah. Bed sheets and spreadsheets. All right. Brady says, don't make out with this guy. He's too awesome. Your life will be worse. Or make out with him and find out.
D
Promotion.
A
Yeah. You were meant to be forever. As a woman, you have nothing to. If this was a guy, I'd agree with Brady completely. Don't do this. Nothing but trouble. Because if you make a move and she doesn't want it, it's sexual harassment. No guys ever. That's why that movie with Michael Douglas was so silly. When Demi Moore was trying to blow him and stuff, he's like, ah. And he did it. And then he sued her. All he'd have done is keep that quiet for as long as he could till Ann Archer found out. Twink. That's a problem at home. That's not anything. No dude is turning you in at work. Unless you're a pig. Ever. Women have all the juice. Flip these roles, though. You're 100% right. Dude, don't dip your. Don't do it. If you're talking to him, don't do it. Talking to her. Climb aboard. It's the safest place. Dear Brady, my husband takes poops in the middle of the night and then comes right back to bed, and it's ruined our love life. He blames me for not wanting to do anything with him, but the truth is, it's a cycle. Repulsive. To think of that filthy ass laying in bed in our sheets. I leave the bed a lot and I wash the sheets every day and tell them why it's causing problems with us. How do I get him to stop? Angie, sleep in a Different bed. Yeah. You say allow the man to constantly come back to bed covered in poo. He takes dumps in the middle of the night. He probably wipes in the dark and he rolls into bed and then wonders why she sees him as gross.
D
Yeah. I got no answers on that. Get over it.
A
Get over it.
D
Yeah.
A
If Ronnie took a dump every night and rolled back into bed, I'm sure there wasn't. Ronnie isn't right.
D
And this one doesn't bother me.
A
It would bother properly. Oh, God.
D
Yeah.
A
There you go, Brady.
D
Yeah.
A
She better clean properly with it.
D
So you would clean your shoes.
A
Let me ask you this. You'll bang Ronnie after a poo?
D
Yep.
A
That's disgusting all day long. That is gross. You would. She won't. She's classy. She's not going to think I just had a dump, but I really want some. A woman would go clean herself real properly. Rust button isn't turning around. A woman with no way. Matthias goes. Comes climbing back into bed and you're like, I'm going in.
D
Oh.
A
And even if you showers right over there, even if you were a disgusting pig and went after it, she would stop you and go, you're not going in there right now.
D
Diving in.
A
She's not letting you. There's no woman. No decent woman will allow you down there if she's taken a dump and hasn't showered in between.
D
So what I want to know on this lady, how long they've been together. It sounds like for a while.
A
I don't know. It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness. And I'm chilling away from my friend Shane Orlando from Orlando Auto Body. Shane, people wreck their cars. They gotta deal with the insurance companies. Insurance rates have gotten weird. You deal with insurance all the time. What are we doing wrong?
B
Well, I would take the car to a shop. You know, we've got to take the car apart, evaluate all the damage, and that's a process. Right.
A
So Shane will handle that for you. The insurance companies are not going to be your best friends, but Shane will be. Shane Orlando, Orlando Auto Body. All the locations you could ever imagine surrounding the valley.
E
Holmerg's morning sickness podcast is sponsored by Better Help. Back to School. Workplace upheaval, relationship stress, deadline anxiety. We all go through these moments in our daily lives that leave our mental health and wellness on shaky ground. It's Dick Toluto from Holmberg's morning sickness for BetterHelp. I personally have felt the benefits of therapy to get through a rough patch and to give me A way to navigate that tough time and a strategy to recognize when I'm not handling situations my best. And with over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. With BetterHelp, you can join a session with a therapist at the click of a button and switch therapists anytime to help you fit therapy into your life where it's best. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a broad array of expertise. So give yourself a helping hand and talk it out with better help. Morning sickness listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com Holmberg that's betterhelp. H E L P.com Holmberg Holmberg's morning.
D
Sickness it's always been this way, hasn't it? Or did he just now start doing this?
A
It hasn't always been that way. There's no possible way when you first start living with somebody that the first.
D
Couple am dumps, drop and has to go to the bathroom and then and showers up and gets back in, you know. No, she's like, why, Why'd you stop showering?
A
No, he didn't get up to him. He probably held it because you know.
D
Those things, like if someone had the eat something, right?
A
Good upset stomach, then you have to shower. If you're taking. Are you talking about food poisoning, diarrhea, and you come back to bed, clean up. Oh, that's disgusting.
D
But I wouldn't. I mean, a lot of times I would know it too. At 2am if they're up, I don't know if they got up. I'm asleep.
A
A dump. Yeah, but if, if sleep through it. If she did it every night and then every night came back and you're like, hey, would you mind mopping up and not driving, dragging that dirt ass in here every.
D
The next thing I would ask her is, have you talked to him about this?
A
She did say that I've talked to him.
D
You gotta, you gotta revisit it again.
A
That's gross.
D
Just say, well, you change the sheet.
A
This one's on the dude. If you're gonna take dumps in the middle of the night, don't drag that back into bed with me.
D
Yeah, if it's a regular thing.
A
The reason you're not getting blown is because I see you as filthy.
D
See if you can speed that up.
A
Everybody does it, but it's like I want to flaunt it.
D
It's.
A
I've ever taken a dump in the middle of the night. It's awoke. Like, unless I was sick. I'm sick, though. But if I'm sick, I'm not coming back into bed with you. If I can't control my ass, I'm staying somewhere else because it's gross. Probably close to the bathroom or laying in the bathroom, or I'm going into the guest room or something, I'm gonna lay down in there and just be like, I gotta be on my own because this is repulsive. Poop bed.
D
You won't have to worry about that with a new toilet you're installing.
A
No, I won't at all. But I'll still shower up because soap is important. Soap is very important. And, dude, if you're. If your wife's not blowing you and you're complaining about it, and she says to you it's because you come to bed filthy every night, why is it her fault?
D
Well, and if he's doing every night, it sounds like he's regular, then.
A
Right.
D
Then try to speed it up. Like, right before you go to bed, take.
A
Do your due, okay? And then take a shower, shower, and.
D
Then go to bed.
A
But if your wife is telling you, here's what solved the problem that you complain about, and you're like, then you're not getting blown, and you have no one to blame but yourself. If Mathias told Brett every night, hey, wash your ass before bed. Otherwise, I see you as a pig. And that translates for women 24 hours a day. It's not just the bedtime thing. It's like, ugh. I think of him coming to bed with that dirty ass. Then her brain goes, is it. They think that way, Is he have dirty ass now? When's the last time he showered? I know. He's taking, like, five dumps. I'm not going down there. They immediately talk themselves out of it. If she wasn't talking to him and not saying, hey, I'm not blowing you because I don't like you. That's different. Which leads us to this. Listen to this one. Dear Brady, my wife hasn't given me oral in 13 months because she said out loud. Now she hates it. The woman doesn't work, the kids are out of our house, and we can be free and fun again if you want to. But now she's taken away one of my favorite things in the world. I tried to tell her, and she said, why do you want me to do something I hate? Which is where she's got me. What do I do now? Garrett, you've done no blow jobs. Goodbye.
D
There's other things that you could figure out if she's not shutting it completely down. Yeah, I mean, there's other adventuresome things you can do you can figure out.
A
Yeah, but she's cutting off that one. She's not being that adventurous. When there's boundaries up, the adventure is over. You know, when you've taken things.
D
I guess if you can't, you know, if you can't get over the fact that she doesn't like to do that anymore and that's a deal breaker for you, then so be it.
A
But if I have an idea. Quit paying for food.
D
What are you saying? She's a pig?
A
No, she doesn't.
D
Work.
A
Take away something she loves eating. Say, oh, I don't like doing that anymore. What? Yeah, it's something I just don't like doing.
D
Take away your credit card.
A
Why? Are you gonna make me do something I don't want to do? I'll pick up food on the way home for myself. You're on your own. Take away your credit card. Yeah, take something that she loves from her and just say, I don't like doing. What don't you like doing that you do, and that you could go, you know what I could do without doing this. It doesn't help me anymore. And if we're taking away things we don't like doing, the other one's feelings don't matter. Take it away. Stop buying food. Sorry. I got my food allowance. It's just for me now. I'm not gonna buy you food anymore. Watch how fast.
D
I was gonna say, the most important thing to do is research beforehand. That's something they don't like to go. You know that going into it.
A
Sure, if she used to do it all the time and now she's grown tired of it.
D
Yeah, that's called marriage.
A
Well, see, and that's too many guys say that. Too many guys do check in with the boss. Yeah.
D
Yeah.
A
Too many guys allow it to say, oh, okay. Well, here's what I don't like. Not having sex with girls at work. What?
D
A guy never says that.
A
No. Guys never said, nah, I don't like it going down on you anymore. You're gross. Yeah. So you just, you know, take away something she loves, get rid of it. Why did you stop doing that? I don't know. Well, you know what guys hate most of all? Talking. Talking about your day. And next time she comes, you're not gonna believe my day. It's like, ah, let's give it a hand. What are you talking. Why are you doing that? I'VE decided I don't like this anymore. This is something I don't want to do anymore.
D
I used to love providing for you.
A
I used to like that.
D
I just don't like it anymore.
A
I just hate it now. Why are you doing this? I don't know. I thought we were doing takeaways of things we hated. I don't want to hear you talk anymore. Yuck. Your words just shrill. Why are you doing this? I don't know. Same reason you don't blow me. I just don't like it anymore.
D
I used to like listening to you.
A
Because it led me to something. When you. Yeah, when you were blowing me, it was tolerable. Now that you're not. Yeah, because I knew at the end of listening to you, it meant something. Now I gotta just listen. Nick, call a friend. You're horrible. Yeah, well, I'm all pent up. And whose fault is that? Go wash your ass. That is bad. If a woman says, what's interesting is.
D
That the fact that she's now not only said, you know, she's hardcore saying, I hate it now.
A
Hate it.
D
Then what made that change?
A
Time. Your enjoyment?
D
Yeah.
A
A guy liking it too much. Chicks hate that.
D
You know, if you're like, I'd like to take a break from.
A
I mean, I can relate to her. I think I hate it, too. From her perspective. I don't think I'd want to do it. No. But I'm not gonna sit here and, you know, give Brett one every day for years and then gets used to it and then, like, threaten his job if he gets it somewhere else and then take it away from him. By the way, Brett, I'm not gonna blow you anymore. But even if you try to get it somewhere else, you're fired. You lose everything. It's like, now I have to stay.
D
That seems reasonable.
A
This isn't a deal for anybody. I mean, put it that way. Tell her you don't want to hear any more of her stories or just go home and go, hey, you know your friend, what's her name? Francesca. Yeah, I'm never going out with her and her husband and you again. Like, the play dates are over. Why don't we have fun with him? No, I've been faking it.
D
And I'm canceling your Hallmark app.
A
Yeah, you got no more Hallmark app. You're paying for your own phone now, by the way, I don't have a job. Oh, you have one job you could do. Remember the job you used to do? Paid all your bills? Is that all? I am to you. Yeah, well, not all, but, you know, that's a lot of it. That's a good portion.
D
It's an important part.
A
It's one of the reasons I listened to you. Now I don't care. Oh, you know, Francesca, call a friend. Good luck to all these people. You got rust butt. He got all sorts of problems out there today. Blowjob issues here and there, lady trying to bone some guy at work. Brady putting a stop to that. I would totally agree if it's a guy. Guy says one thing Brady's right about is the other girls are going to get jealous if they find out and make your life miserable. Cat, that could be trouble. Especially if another one's boned him already and that's been on the down.
D
Why is there. It's weird that all of them have been holding off or they're just waiting. So he must be in a.
A
He's awesome. This dude's awesome. I want to shake hands with this guy.
D
He's working at a pig farm.
A
You think? I don't know.
D
No, I don't think so.
A
All the ladies liked him. I like to picture all hot women sitting in a bunch of cubicles. And this dude walks by. Hey, everybody. Oh, the swooning.
D
He's so hot. But Dustin won't go for any of us.
A
Yeah. Why is Dustin not interested in anybody? Hi, ladies. Big weekend. I bet everything about him's big. Anyway. Well, there you go. You're all screwed up. Good luck. But I say to that lady Hammer, that coworker, that's the big one today. Do what women should have been doing a long time ago. Dipping it in the company, Inc.
D
Kiss out of the way.
A
Do it. You can't get in trouble. You're a woman. Only men get in trouble for that. There's more secretary jobs out there. Don't worry about. Perfect. All right, There you go. Word you're looking for for another couple minutes is pay. And that's on the app right now if you want to hop on that. In the meantime, think about what Brady just did, because he did it.
D
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A
It's John Holmer here from the morning sickness. And it's time to talk again about my friends at Trajan Wealth. I always talk to you about the will and trust, the estate plan that I put together with Kent at Trajan Wealth. Kent was unbelievable. And, man, you want to make sure medical, power of attorney and power of attorney are established, because if something bad happens and you don't have anybody speaking for you, somebody you don't know will keep control of your life even when you're not in control. All you have to do is get it done. Today at Trajan Wealth, 480990 3300, trades and wealth legal services are offered through Trades and estate law firm, LLC. It's John Holmberg here for my friends@turfmonstersaz.com oh, my goodness. My backyard is perfect now that I've turfed it. No mud, no maintenance, no sprinkler repair, no sprinklers. I have a lower water bill, and I have a yard that looks perfect all year long. But that's not all. I've got a putting green. I've got a basketball play court. I've got an unbelievable situation. And I owe it all to Turf Monsters. If you can dream up a backyard that you've always wanted, Turf Monsters is the place. Call turfmonstersaz. Com.
In this episode's “What Would Brady Do?” segment, the Holmberg's Morning Sickness crew dives into listener dilemmas involving workplace crushes, late-night bathroom habits affecting relationships, and a marriage plagued by a year-long oral sex drought. Host John Holmberg, with Brady Bogen and the rest of the rowdy crew, give their trademark mix of blunt, comedic, and occasionally surprisingly insightful takes on adult relationships and office politics.
“Go for it everywhere, Brady. All the time. They're always second guessing themselves... Blow, man, blow.” —Holmberg (04:32)
“Repulsive. To think of that filthy ass laying in bed in our sheets.” (09:35)
“Quit paying for food… Take away something she loves from her and just say, 'I don't like doing [this] anymore.'” (16:46)
This episode’s "WWBD" segment showcases the show’s signature blend of raucous humor, blunt (and not always PC) advice, and playful disrespect of relationship taboos—from sleeping with coworkers, to bathroom habits undermining intimacy, to the silent wars couples wage when sexual favors go missing. Holmberg, Brady, and crew tackle each dilemma with candor, poking fun at double standards and the absurdities of adult relationships while still offering a surprising kernel or two of practical advice amidst the chaos.
Listeners come away entertained and, perhaps, a little more self-aware of the “bed sheets, spreadsheets, and rust butt” lurking in their own lives.