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John Holmberg
It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness. And it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group. And Doug hopkins.com I tell you about the house down the street from me that has had a for sale sign in the yard for three months now. In fact, it's the fourth different sign. They've got a new realtor all the time. I do know this, though, they wouldn't be dealing with all this stress if they'd have just called TVs Doug Hopkins because he's more than a guy buying your house. He makes an offer for your house, cash as is, you don't have to do anything. The deal is over. So all you gotta do is start the process online@doug hopkins.com or sing Hopkins 1-800-channel.
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John Holmberg
You thought that was funny.
Limitless TRT Advertiser
You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you.
John Holmberg
Here in this glorious thing? This guy emailed me and he said, talking about that the neighbor documentary, perfect neighbor we were talking about earlier said he had a neighbor that was crazy that shot one of the kids in the neighborhood when he was younger back in New York. He said, we always were told not to bother him. Of course we bothered him. And he snapped and shot one of the kids. I'm like, oh, yeah, that documentary is. It's a strange one because just leave people alone who leave people alone who has to be left alone. Especially when your kids are involved because somebody's. They're gonna snap, you're gonna lose everybody like they are in this contest. Gig is the word for eight o'. Clock. Guess what? That's over now too. Here's me crumpling up that paper and we go on to the 9 o' clock word in just a little bit, which hopefully will be a precursor. I Still don't understand what happened yesterday. But evidently we've one of the days we had everybody. Because I just got. Donovan just text me. He goes, you prick. You told me that was computer was working yesterday because his. His app said it wasn't registering and I said it's working for everybody else. Just reset it.
Commercial Announcer
It was for a while though.
John Holmberg
It was working. So in our defense, the whole thing was on and then something happened where it all got deleted. I still don't understand any of that. I don't think anybody does. And then. So we'll add a day. So yesterday was a wash. If you entered yesterday, Toledo just wasted your time. It was a. It's a tough one. Tripp Reeb's already come in this morning. Not in LA stuff. Credit the trip for being a good.
Brett
Sport wearing the LA blue.
John Holmberg
Well, he's. Well, he's.
Brett
He's.
John Holmberg
But it's subtle. You wouldn't know if he was. If you. Yeah, he's cripping. If he was out at a restaurant, you wouldn't go, oh, Dodger fan. And he did walk him, but he still came in. Wasn't necessarily a huge fan of the Wake up song this morning of Loudness, the Japanese tribute to Sh Otani. And of course, Toledo had to sit quietly while one of the members of this gargantuan radio station is celebrating his team's trip to the World Series. While Toledo sits back in a puddle of his own misery. It's a tough one. It's flat out tough. Maybe we can give Toledo the money from yesterday's goof. No, no, wait. He's got to sell those tickets. I still think we need to come up with an idea for Rich to get his money back for those tickets, but have to somehow or another punish him for the jinxing of his team. We all know as sports fans, you cannot buy because somebody just emailed me and it makes tons of sense. He goes, hey, the Seahawks look good last night. Did Toledo get tickets to the super bowl yet? True, you would never do that. But he bought World Series tickets after The Mariners went up 2.0and now he's just got World Series tickets he's got to unload, and hopefully that benefits him financially in some way, shape or form. First thing I'm going to do is consult the IRS and make sure that Toledo is up and up on this. I think the first thing we should do is make sure the IRS is aware of Toledo's wins and losses on this ticket sale. So we'll keep a close eye on that. But they're only 2,400 bucks because they're way out there in right field, like 12 rows up. You know, when the. Like when Vin Scully would watch a home run go over right field, he goes. There's a deep drive deep into the night sky. That's where Toledo's sitting. I was like, that. That's. That's his seat. Deep into the night sky would be. I think that's the section he's in. Well, here are your seats. Deep into the night. SK row 12, seat Z, right behind that pole. But he's gonna try to get rid of those poor bastard. And it's hard to be in a room with somebody who's just had that happen. Just kicking the nuts. It is. It's just brutal. Like they just. It's just a tough one. And he's clearly not happy today. He's not angry. It's just a sadness that kind of follows him around like the girl from inside out. And I know I've gotten a few emails from some people who don't like Toledo that are relishing his sadness today. And my personal opinion. Paula. Paula has been. You know what? I gotta hand it to her. Paula has not emailed in and said anything terrible. I'm sure she wants to. She may be too euphoric to type, might have to take a day. But knowing that Toledo is at least sports suicidal today, it's a tough thing. We're gonna give you another word in just a little bit, the nine o' clock word, so you can.
Brett
She could have celebrated too hard last night, too.
John Holmberg
Yeah, it could be. She might have right after the home run. She might have just gone crazy watching the Mariners whiff it all the way through the night thing striking out the side and then the Blue Jays celebrating. She probably hit the H pretty hard right then and there. So Paula's probably not up or she'll be back tomorrow. The word coming up at 9 o' clock will be the last one for the morning. And then of course, you know, you can take it in the app starting at 2 later today with Shan or no shame, man's gone. Fitz is back. Fitz is back now. And he'll have the words for you. Also at 2, if you haven't been playing along, all you gotta do is hop on there, stick the word in the promo code, and guess what? You're automatically qualified. There's no more hoops to jump through. Brett, do we have tickets to Dunham in there today?
Brett
We did last week.
John Holmberg
Did we today? And just to be nice for yesterday. I think right now we should hand over if they're in there. I'm pretty sure they are. Eh? Are they? Oh, we're waiting for the computer to load up because we screwed you yesterday. We wasted your time yesterday morning. I thought maybe just a nice gesture for us. No.
Commercial Announcer
We have a day to remember tickets.
John Holmberg
We'll give you a day to remember tickets. How about that? You call us right now, we'll take the 10th caller. 585-9800-10th caller. As a makeup for our screw up yesterday that I really wasn't part of, but I'll fix it. Our computers broke. Everything you did yesterday didn't matter. So how about a day to remember? If you want to go 585-9-800, you can do the 10th caller right now and we'll hand those tickets directly to you. It's 98. It's John Holbert here. Time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and doughns.com. i just sat down with TVs Doug Hopkins and we did some TV commercials while we're watching football. So you get to see me sit next to Doug and somehow or another make Doug look pretty. And I'm happy to do it too. I bought and sold houses using Doug Hopkins. So I've been through the process and he's the real deal. He is not going to cancel or change the game with fine print contingencies. Simple cash offer and the deal is done. Start the process online@doug hopkins.com or grab.
Limitless TRT Advertiser
The phone and sing Hopkins 1-800-channel now.
John Holmberg
Holmberg's Morning Sickness. There we go. Oh my God. I woke the beast up there. Toledo. Sorry. Paula the Toledo hater has finally emailed him. She goes, did you miss. Did you miss my first email this morning? She goes, I'm not gonna give a dumbass Toledo a dumbass pass. But that guy Chris who emailed in wanted him fired. And then bwahaha is written all over my screen. Says nothing could top this. Have a nice day. Toledo. Signed Paula the Toledo hater taking a swing at you on your worst day response.
Brett
Eat a dick, Paula.
John Holmberg
That's right, Paula. Eat the dick. And a few other people have tried to take swings at you and we've.
Toledo
Been, oh, there's a lot last night.
John Holmberg
Oh, were they hitting you good?
Toledo
Oh, yeah.
John Holmberg
See, that's where social media is just evil.
Toledo
It was email.
John Holmberg
Oh, they just took time to email you at home. Oh, you had your phone email on your phone? Yeah.
Brett
Oh, yeah, yeah.
John Holmberg
And you checked it?
Brett
Yeah. Put that.
John Holmberg
Oh, put it down.
Toledo
I know.
John Holmberg
Why dive in. Anyway, Toledo's having a rough day because the Mariners fell. Succumbed to his jinx and the Emerald City turned gray last night. Toledo did it. It's his fault. Have you bought super bowl tickets like that guy won last night? I'm going to go watch some. I don't know, Brad, if you want to go with two. Me and a friend of mine are going to watch some Fall league baseball today if you want to tackle. I know you love baseball, so you want to come watch some. There's.
Toledo
Like I said to Paula, eat a dick.
John Holmberg
There's some guys still playing if you're interested in.
Toledo
And like I said to you, why. So in five years, I can see the people who are going to crush my soul again.
John Holmberg
I don't know who's playing for the javelinas or the Solar Sox, but a couple of them probably are Mariner prospects. So you can see your uniform on a baseball field actually, still playing, if you're interested, so you can jinx those kids as you mush your way onto that stadium floor. Also, I don't want to. I don't want to insult the injury, but your wife's a teacher. Yeah.
Toledo
Yeah.
John Holmberg
Didn't we give them a raise a couple years ago?
Toledo
Well, brief race.
John Holmberg
Okay.
Brett
It took a back.
Toledo
It's fallen back.
John Holmberg
Oh, it did.
Toledo
We only a.
John Holmberg
Temporary. We gave him a loan.
Toledo
It was only temporary.
John Holmberg
I didn't know that. Well, good, because we got no results from that little temporary bump. I know the. The. The results are in from last year. And most. This is not a good headline. Most Arizona public school students have failed the state standardized test.
Toledo
Most.
John Holmberg
Not some. More than half.
Commercial Announcer
I just make the test easier. What the hell?
John Holmberg
That's exactly what we need to do for the teachers. So I'm glad they lost their money. I'm glad. Teachers, I'm glad you lost your money because when we gave you the money, you begged for and clogged our streets with marches.
Brett
So they got the bump and then now they're making less money.
Toledo
Well, the bump was temporary.
John Holmberg
Yeah, it was just a little bit steep. Let's see how you do.
Toledo
Okay.
John Holmberg
And they went from, like 47th in the nation to 49th. So we took the money away, and rightfully so. Teachers are doing a terrible job because the headline says most Arizona students have failed. Now, I know it's not fair for a lot of these teachers who are good at it to combo up with the Chin Lee Public high school system, because I imagine that one's not Too well funded. So if they're bringing the curve down, it's time for you to get loud. But, yeah, I'd like your. I'd like your wife to start a payment plan back to me for kicking in on that whole, you guys are gonna do a better job. I know. If I gave Brett.
Toledo
Wait a minute. If I. If I show you the results from her class and they're better than that, does that mean she gets to keep her money?
John Holmberg
You know what? On an individual basis, that's not a bad idea. A little one on one action, nothing will ever happen. You know what? I think I'm gonna go one on one with every teacher in Arizona's public school system, and then I'm gonna get some of my money back.
Commercial Announcer
Why don't we get Super Nintendo on this?
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Commercial Announcer
What's going on?
John Holmberg
Why is she. Maricopa county bog. Super Nintendo bogs.
Toledo
I don't know. I think it must be Maricopa County.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Because the state guy is that Tom Torn, the dude whose suits are too big for him now because he lost some weight and he does. I don't know if he got sick or he lost weight. I want to make fun of that, but his suits are way too big. His neck, it looks like a Wallace.
Commercial Announcer
And Tom, skim a little money and get some new suits, son.
John Holmberg
Yeah, do like other politicians do, Tom Skim, man. Anyway, most of your kids are dumb is what I just read a headline and congratulations. I don't have to listen to all you people talk about how smart your kids are. Yours are different, or anything else. Stats are in. Odds are. If I say your kid's dumb, I've got something to back that up. Standardized test block. So I want my money back from the teachers. You can start a line here at 1100 North. 50 seconds.
Commercial Announcer
Bring your results.
John Holmberg
I want to see. Show me your papers. I want to see your test results for your classes. And if. And if. Look again. I think I'd quit if a headline read, most morning shows beat Holmberg's morning sickness. That would be like, oh, geez, there's like 46 of them. Oh, yeah, and that would mean 44 are winning, and I'm like, 45th. I'd be like, I don't think I'm cut out for this. So if most of my students have failed the test, I'm gonna quit.
Brett
Yeah.
John Holmberg
You'd stick around if.
Brett
Well, no. Well, if you're. If the employee that you're working for still wants you employed.
John Holmberg
Yeah, but they suck, too.
Brett
Most you're Gonna walk away. I don't know if that points to a bright future.
John Holmberg
I was gonna say it doesn't, but.
Brett
What. What are you doing? Replacing that money.
John Holmberg
Because Home Depot, they don't make any money.
Brett
If you're at that level, you probably can. Hard to lose the job.
Toledo
Amazon?
John Holmberg
No, you can go get any job and replace teacher money. They don't make enough. It's an entry level bank.
Brett
I think it's bank of America. They've gone to 25.
John Holmberg
25 bucks an hour. I heard that commercial too.
Commercial Announcer
Thousand hiring.
John Holmberg
Oh yeah, you could do that. Yeah.
Commercial Announcer
I mean, and a bumper stickers.
John Holmberg
Most of them failed the standardized test too.
Commercial Announcer
Yeah, you fit right in.
John Holmberg
Yeah, you'll know these kids, you probably taught a lot of them how not to be adults. It's pretty good stuff. But yeah, if most of the things.
Brett
You'Re at that point in the radio side of it, you. I don't think you'll have much of a choice. That company saying if most of them are beating you, you're not going to be there.
John Holmberg
Yeah, well, you would hope so. But if most of the students are doing it then. And they can't fire anybody because nobody's coming up, it's the same as radio. Nobody's coming up through the ranks. So you're stuck with these deadbeat loser teachers who can't get it done. And now most of the kids are failing. Donovan has an interesting take. Said it all went to hell the second Brittany Zamora went to jail. That's true. I mean there is statistics to point to the fact that once we arrested that little angel, the scores started to fall. I mean, at least the kids used to be motivated to try before they wanted to impress their teacher. She puts out.
Brett
They all are. Way above the average Dewey.
John Holmberg
Sexy teachers put her away. Better grades for sexy teachers. I don't know how it works, but I know I want my money back. I remember you guys clogging up streets and again, I hate those marches. Clogging up streets on a holiday, if I remember right, wearing your stupid red shirts and wandering around and it might have been a Suns game that day. It was pretty hot. I remember they did it in June and I'm like, ah, marches. And they got their way. To their credit, they had an agenda, they had a goal and they got it. And then they teacher that did the.
Brett
Shirts was able to retire.
John Holmberg
That's not. Yeah, the guy that made all those red shirts was like, I can finally stop being a mother teacher. That was horrible. Yeah, Brady's right. Bank Of America's running ad saying they kick in 25 bucks an hour at their minimum wage, and you're just kicking.
Commercial Announcer
Toledo in the nuts today between the mariners. And now he's gonna go home and.
John Holmberg
Deal with the wife and his thieving wife. You're right, man. I love Lisa, but she stole money from me because she was out loud about it, that I could afford it. You could afford it. I'm like, sure, I could do a better job. No, she said it to you, and you told me, oh, oops. Take money from guys like John because he can afford it. It was a joke, but still. Okay, well, now you can.
Commercial Announcer
You want results for your money is what you're saying.
John Holmberg
You get a dollar for every every f student, two for every d, three for every. And I'll be up. You know, you get, like, 14 bucks by the end of the day. I just want my money back.
Toledo
Well, it goes back to your Covid plan. Parents just want the kids out of their house.
John Holmberg
This is an awesome thing. Guy sent me. He goes in Indiana. They just did a study, and all the schools in this particular group, it's got this big chart of things. It's like, you know, school spending per student and school enrollment and shows all the number of the kids, and it says number of students who are reading proficiently for their grade. And it's just all zeros down the. Not one of them can read. Indiana can't read. But I'll tell you this, in fairness to Indiana, I went to school there when I was a little kid. Indiana's never been able to read. I don't know if you've ever been there before. They can't read.
Commercial Announcer
Well, they're holding strong, then. They're just keeping in a level player.
John Holmberg
Yeah. They're consistent.
Commercial Announcer
Yes.
John Holmberg
Yeah. But Arizona wants. I want my money back or quit your jobs again. That's my call out to the public school teachers to finally quit their jobs and then w I n win. I know I'd have to read that to you. You're an Arizona public school teacher. Win. If you're proud that you beat Mississippi in a learning derby, you've got a low bar.
Toledo
Have you been to Mississippi?
John Holmberg
No. I know. And we're just barely beating them.
Toledo
Yeah.
Commercial Announcer
I mean, we're losing, like, Alabama and Arkansas.
John Holmberg
49Th.
Commercial Announcer
Oh.
John Holmberg
They wanted more money.
Commercial Announcer
We got a bunch of dumb.
John Holmberg
If I. If I gave Brett a bunch of money and said, this is temporary, but start performing it, maybe it's permanent. And Brett actually started to decrease his volume and his output. You can expect that to go away, right? We give raises to people who are losing. So more importantly, Brett, high five. We don't have dumb kids like 53% of Arizona's public school parents. Pathetic. It's 9:19. We got hot releases coming up. Oh, what happened?
Commercial Announcer
If they can afford preemptive world series tickets, then they make enough.
Toledo
They. They.
Commercial Announcer
It would be you and your wife.
John Holmberg
Yeah, that's true.
Toledo
I never asked for your money.
John Holmberg
Oh, no, that's true. Well, Toledo never says, hey, I want more from you. You have asked for loans in the past. That was a long time ago when that other wife of yours was swiping the world blind. At least Lisa had the different time Lisa had the decency to ask. Your other wife just took it. She went to the who's cow. We got the hot releases coming up in just a little bit. Put it in the promo code box. Win W I N that is the 9 o' clock word. Hot release is coming up next. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.
This raucous episode of “Holmberg's Morning Sickness” tackles the fallout from two sore spots: Toledo’s sporting heartbreak following the Mariners’ tumble from postseason hopes, and Arizona’s embarrassing drop to 49th in the nation for public school test scores. The crew mixes sharp wit, sports misery, and acerbic local commentary, placing teachers and sports fans alike in the comedic crosshairs. As always, the tone is brash, irreverent, and unfiltered.
(01:22–09:29)
Toledo’s Loss:
Notable Reactions:
“Toledo did it. It’s his fault… he bought World Series tickets after the Mariners went up 2-0. Now he’s just got World Series tickets he’s gotta unload.” (John, 03:35)
“I'm not gonna give dumbass Toledo a dumbass pass… bwahaha… nothing could top this.” (Paula, 07:54)
“Like I said to Paula, eat a dick.” (Toledo, 09:19)
Teammates pile on:
“You're just kicking Toledo in the nuts today between the Mariners and… now he's gotta go home and deal with his wife…” (Commercial Announcer/John, 15:26)
(09:29–17:14)
Latest Results:
Blunt Appraisal of Teachers:
“I want my money back from the teachers... you begged for it, clogged our streets with marches… and now, most Arizona public school students have failed.” (John, 10:21)
“If most of my students have failed the test, I’m gonna quit.” (John, 12:32)
Faulty System & Accountability:
Who’s to Blame?
National Perspective & Arizona’s Low Rank:
“If you’re proud you beat Mississippi in a learning derby, you’ve got a low bar.” (John, 17:14)
“Have you been to Mississippi?” (Toledo, 17:14)
(13:12–17:29)
Wage Comparison:
“You can go get any job and replace teacher money. They don’t make enough. It’s an entry-level bank.” (John, 13:27)
“You want results for your money is what you’re saying.” (Commercial Announcer, 15:58) “You get a dollar for every F student, two for every D, three for every… and you’ll get, like, 14 bucks by the end of the day.” (John, 16:00)
Parent & Student Accountability:
On School Rankings:
“Stats are in. Odds are, if I say your kid’s dumb, I’ve got something to back that up.” (John, 11:57)
On Handling Failure:
“If most morning shows beat Holmberg’s Morning Sickness… I’d be like, ‘I don’t think I’m cut out for this.’” (John, 12:32)
On Teacher Pay:
“Most of the kids are failing. Donovan has an interesting take—said it all went to hell the second Brittany Zamora went to jail… at least the kids used to be motivated to try before, they wanted to impress their teacher… she puts out.” (John, 14:16)
Relentless Teasing:
“You're just kicking Toledo in the nuts today between the Mariners and… now he's gotta go home and deal with his wife and his thieving wife.” (John, 15:26)
On Arizona's Low Standards:
“If you're proud you beat Mississippi in a learning derby, you've got a low bar.” (John, 17:14)
The hosts maintain their signature mix of sarcasm, gallows humor, and candid banter. They confront local issues with a blend of mock outrage (“I want my money back from teachers!”), exaggeration, and pragmatic commentary, all while using Toledo as a comic pinata after his sports disappointment.
This episode highlights Holmberg’s knack for turning local bad news and personal tragedy (sports and otherwise) into a comedic free-for-all. If you like your morning talk radio edgy, topical, and slightly mean-spirited—with lots of Arizona inside jokes—you’ll find a lot to enjoy (or argue with) here.