10-22-25 - Scottish Woman Faked Her Pregnancy w/Fake Baby Bumps And Scans - No More Youth Leaders Who Don't Have Kids After Another Busted For Touching A Kid

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness (10-22-25)

Main Theme:
This episode dives into a bizarre real-life story about a Scottish woman who faked an entire pregnancy, complete with prosthetic baby bumps and Instagram posts, fooling her boyfriend, friends, and family for months. The hosts riff on the absurdity, drawing connections to other stories of deceit, discuss the psychology behind such behavior, and segue into a discussion about the risks of youth leaders without children, in light of another scandal.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Concerts: When Music Takes a Dark Turn

(01:07 - 04:24)

• John recounts his experience at a Shinedown concert where the singer continually brought up depression and suicide, dampening the vibe. He draws comparisons to Eddie Vedder's environmental rants at concerts.
  • Quote:
    "By the fifth time, I got reminded that there are people in the audience that may want to end it. I was out. Like, this is no longer fun." — John [02:07]
  • The hosts agree: concerts should entertain, not preach. Save the activism for the end.

2. Scottish Woman’s Elaborate Pregnancy Hoax

(04:24 – 12:24)

• Story Recap:
  Kira Cousins, from Scotland, convinced her boyfriend she was pregnant by using fake bellies, ultrasounds, a realistic doll, and detailed Instagram posts. She staged baby showers, got gifts, and kept the ruse going for nearly a year.
• Motivation & Discovery:
  The group debates why she did it: for attention or gifts? John reasons the gifts aren’t worthwhile without an actual baby, so it’s about seeking attention.
  • Quote:
    "She just did it because she's a lunatic..." — John [06:55]
    "She wasn't in a good headspace... Does not make what I did okay." — John, reading Kira's apology [07:43–08:23]
• Reaction to the Boyfriend:
  The hosts are incredulous that the boyfriend didn’t catch on, and riff on how clueless he must’ve been.
  • Quote:
    "He's dumb. Worse than her, actually." — Richard [14:24]
• Anecdotal Tangents:
  John shares a personal story about a girlfriend who faked a pregnancy to keep him around as a teen, expressing how terrifying that moment was.

3. Scottish Stereotypes & Satirical Movie Pitch

(15:00 – 27:50)

• The group runs wild imagining life as the outwitted Scottish boyfriend, creating an elaborate, comedic movie plot featuring a hapless Scotsman named Dip McKellops, hunting for Nessie (the Loch Ness Monster), oblivious to his wife's faked pregnancy.
  • Quotes & Moments:
    "I'm doing this for the family I don't have yet. But she's gonna expunge a child and I'm gonna come back with that Nissi reward." — Dip McKellops (character) [16:11] "I would watch that movie all day. Dip McKellops and his pregnant wife..." — John [23:01]
• The hosts continue to riff, casting Scottish icons and even Rod Stewart in cameos.
• They compare Dip McKellops to Forrest Gump, calling him "the Sherwood Forest Gump".
  • Quote:
    "Stupid is as stupid does." — Dip McKellops (character) [27:52]
• Satirical exploration of Scottish stoicism, gullibility, and the extremes people go to for attention or to maintain a lie.

4. Youth Leaders Without Kids: A Red Flag

(28:01 – 33:49)

• Discussion turns to the arrest of an Arizona youth group leader with no children, mirroring national headlines about youth leaders abusing their positions. The hosts contend that wanting to mentor kids without having your own is automatically suspicious.
  • Quotes:
    "If you are that and you don't have children in the youth group, you can't be around the youth group. That's it." — John [30:04] "No man says that. No single man with no kid says that. I'm gonna call the police for you." — John [32:04]
• The group reflects on youth sports, cliquishness, and the importance of strong, responsible adult oversight.

5. Music & Listener Interactions

(33:49 – 35:20)

• The usual "Wake Up Song" segment, with song selections inspired by the show’s themes (deceit, freedom, lies).
• Quick joke about baby dolls being more realistic than the infamous one from American Sniper [09:19].

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• [08:23] Kira’s Instagram Confession, as read by John:
  "I know I've ruined trust and I'm sorry won't fix anything, but it's all I've got right now."
• [14:23] On the boyfriend’s cluelessness:
  "He's dumb. Worse than her, actually." — Richard
• [15:34] Scottish Stereotypes:
  "He's out looking for Nessie." — Richard (joking about the boyfriend’s obliviousness)
• [27:52] Satirical Movie Line:
  "Stupid is as stupid does." — Dip McKellops (as imagined by hosts)
• [30:04] On youth group leaders:
  "If you are that and you don't have children in the youth group, you can't be around the youth group. That's it." — John

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:07 – 04:24: Rant on concerts, Shinedown & Vedder stories
• 04:24 – 12:24: The Scottish pregnancy hoax: breakdown, reactions, personal anecdotes
• 15:00 – 27:50: Satirical riffing on the Scottish boyfriend (Dip McKellops, Nessie jokes, fictional movie script)
• 28:01 – 33:49: Discussion on youth group safety, red flags, and policies
• 33:49 – 35:20: Music picks with themed selections (“Freedom,” “I Only Lie When I Love You”)

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Tone & Style

The hosts deploy their trademark mix of dark humor, irreverence, and riffing—swinging from skeptical social commentary to wild comedic improvisation, often with an edge of Arizona grit.

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Conclusion

If you missed this episode:

• Expect relentless banter about absurd real-life fraud, a heavy dash of Scottish stereotypes, and cautionary tales about trusting the wrong people.
• The hosts highlight the importance of skepticism, especially regarding people’s motivations—be it for gifts, attention, or access to vulnerable youth.
• With witty fictionalized asides (Dip McKellops’ search for Nessie) and frank discussions of uncomfortable realities, this episode is equal parts comedy and social critique.

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For more, catch Holmberg’s Morning Sickness weekdays on 98KUPD.

Transcript

[Richard]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Brady]

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[John]

You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Thanks. Miles to Noa. Oh, beef stick in my mouth. Damn it. I can't say those things out of that rainbow shirt. Jammed it. Now Ian Schwartz texting me sup? And then a rainbow New bastard. Ian. Hey, Ian, where was the weather report yesterday telling me it was definitely gonna rain this morning? Huh? Huh? That showed up yesterday about 5 o'. Clock. It's raining. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

That's why he's not going in today.

[John]

Oh, he's always in. He's listening while he's over there puking out news weather reports every few minutes he pops us on in between. Ian's awesome. I should go to the game with Ian and take him to a fall league game. Wear that shirt again, I'll send you.

[Richard]

Have more of your Modelo nuts.

[John]

I'll send you a message, lady. That's what a guy said. He emailed and he said, I want to start shirts that say shirts with messages are stupid and the people who wear them are dumb. Like, yeah, I want a message on my shirt. And a lot of people brought up Shinedown. Shinedown was weird to me. When I went to go see Shinedown, I was there for the party and the fun and the hot, you know, the, the, the hits, the music and that. We were all there in Vegas. And I'm like. By the fifth time, he had mentioned that he gets letters from a lot of people that are down. I'm like, we got it. Like, the first one was good enough. And I know he's gone through a thing and his family member. I was like, by the fifth time, I got reminded that there are people in the audience that may want to end it. I was out. Like, this is no longer fun. Like, depressing. I don't even want to even hear about, like, depression and sadness and suicide at a concert. Remember when Eddie Vedder used to complain about the trees for 12, 15 minutes? Want to thank everybody for loving Even Flow? It was a great song we're so proud of. And you know what we're not proud of is the way we're treating this planet. And you heard the audience go, no, I'm not. I'm not going to stop. You can't stop me with killing the trees in the rainforest. And what we need to do is, like, you need to sing. That's good. Make us happy, and we might donate to your cause. At the end. At the end of the concert, just go, don't forget to give to my causes. I'm like, okay, but you bored me for 15 minutes. I remember seeing them at the Sun Devil's basketball thing with Nirvana and the Red Hot Chili Peppers when alive. And the dude was a. He was a primate hanging from the rail. Never seen anything like it in my life. Still to this day, Eddie Vedder could jump, like, 15ft. I don't know how he got up there half time. The only guy I ever saw close to it was Jared Leto. When Jared Leto brought 30 seconds to Mars here. And Tempe, he grabbed me before, and he goes, don't say my name when you introduce us. And I'm like, all right. Freak. Went up there, introduced him. He did his thing, and the next thing you know, they're calling firemen going, we told him not to do this. He crawled all the way up on the top rafter of those 30ft.

[Brady]

It was up there, and he's way.

[John]

And he's sitting up there. I'm like, how'd he do that? Like, I didn't even see him start it. And there he is in the middle singing some 30 seconds to Mars something. That's what Eddie used to do. Swinging around. What's up, mother? Everybody going to have sex tonight? Don't you love beer? Like, yeah.

[Dip McKellops]

Yeah.

[John]

Fast forward five years later, the rainforests are dying, and we need to save the silver Bag gorillas. I'm like, what happened? Climb something. You used to be a silverback gorilla. Climb something. I don't like going to fall league baseball. I don't like going to sporting events, and I don't like going to concerts where somebody reminds me that somebody might end it all in the next few minutes. Sorry, that's just me. Then I had to sit and look at my buddy Craig, and I'm like, how are things going for you? Okay, I suppose. You're not. You didn't need that shirt, did you? It's crazy. And there are certain people out there you wish weren't on the planet. This lady. I just read about a lady named Kira Cousins. Keurig. Oh, by the way, it's seven o'. Clock. It's new word. Hold on. Got to get that out before I start my Kira cousins story. Oh, I like this. The word for seven o' clock is clams. Clams. C L A M S. Clams is the code word for seven o'. Clock. Ifs you take it in the app for yet another day. Hop on there and get that done. Anyway, this lady, Kira Cousins, she was. She got pregnant, she had a baby. Her boyfriend was like, yay, we're praying. We got a baby. And she's putting it on Instagram.

[Richard]

That's what he said.

[John]

I know. I'm positive of that. And here's how much the dude was paying attention. Brett, never pregnant, never had a baby. He lived with her the whole time. She's on Instagram with the belly. She'd go to bed with the fake belly. She got a doll that looked so real that she could put it on Instagram and people would. But people started to. She goes, that was a little early. He's got a heart. A congenital heart thing. She wouldn't let anybody touch it. The family wasn't allowed to be around. It's like, no, he's got some immune issues. And then. Then she just filled the beans like, I can't keep this up anymore because it's not going to grow. And anything else. This lunatic whole year had a gender reveal party, got $1,000 baby buggy from family, from a shower, from showers she was throwing. And I mean, you think about that and you're like, oh, baby shower. She got all sorts of presents. Yeah, but you don't get good presents if you don't actually have a baby. The present you get at a baby shower, suck. Diapers, baby powder.

[Brady]

You want all of that stuff if you.

[John]

If you have a baby, right? Yeah, that's What? I'm saying they're done.

[Brady]

You're saying her synthetic baby or whatever it was.

[John]

Anybody that would say, oh, she did it for the. For the gifts. Like, she doesn't have a baby. She didn't need those gifts. They're dumb gifts. So she was doing it for attention.

[Brady]

When she went to any other baby showers for friends and just basically re.

[John]

Gifted handed those back. I guess she started a little Walmart of her own to give. How many baby showers are you going to that you need all the presents for you to give away. Either way, she just did it because she's a lunatic and she. I mean, it's unreal. She.

[Brady]

And nothing legal about or illegal, right?

[John]

Well, other than, like, maybe, I don't know, like, I guess you would, like, start taking gifts from people under false pretenses. You start filming, it's still them buying it.

[Brady]

You're terminating a lot of friendships.

[John]

That's what. That's what you've lost most. And she even. So she said she went on Instagram finally. She's from Scotland. Her boyfriend didn't know he lived with her. That's how big the ruse got. She bought bellies to simulate.

[Brady]

That's amazing.

[John]

But she was going through a really rough pregnancy, so hands off.

[Brady]

That's true.

[John]

So he went 10 months without, like, touching her. Like, I understand she was. She faked being sick. It's like, it's all right. So he's like, I didn't know. And everybody's like, yeah, you did. It's like, trust me, I would have said something. I didn't know. She. And then. So she goes on Instagram the other day and she goes, okay, I wasn't pregnant. There was no baby. I made it up and it went way too far. I faked scans, messages, the whole birth story. Acted like the doll was a real baby. I know how bad it is. I effed up. I just didn't know how to stop once I got started. I don't have a proper excuse. I wasn't in a good headspace. It's not. Doesn't make what I did okay. I know this is going to stick with me for a while. That I probably lost friends that I'll never get back.

[Dip McKellops]

Yeah.

[John]

She says, I'm trying to figure out myself and get help because this version of me isn't someone I want to be. I know I've ruined trust and I'm sorry won't fix anything, but it's all I've got right now. And she told her boyfriend, I'm Sorry. You stuck with me through this. Through it all. You cried the happy tears. You picked me up, you brought me places. Believed everything I said. You didn't deserve to be lied to like this. He was taking her to the doctor.

[Richard]

What's this crazy broad look like?

[John]

She's not bad, surprisingly. I mean, that's not a great picture, but pretty good. You know, not bad. Blonde.

[Richard]

Yeah.

[John]

Young, Scottish. So probably 30. No. Here's pictures of her faking being pregnant, I'm convinced. Yeah, she's pretty, she's thin. But she put the baby belly in and dolled it up. Here's a picture of the. The baby. The baby that wasn't real. It's like, why do you sell this? The only reason you would sell a baby that looks the way it looks is for this very reason.

[Brady]

Better than the one in Sniper. Clint Eastwood.

[John]

Oh, yeah, that movie. The. Yeah. American Sniper. No, there's. Yeah, nothing was worse than that. That thing was. Had like tags on it. It was plastic and melted if it got too hot in the room. But yeah, I mean, the. Selling realistic babies is.

[Richard]

Yeah, this is not good enough to go back to what I'm saying for.

[John]

That pretty good baby, though, look.

[Dip McKellops]

Oh, good Lord.

[Richard]

That's what I'm saying. You know, he's staying. That's what I'm saying.

[John]

Yeah.

[Richard]

I mean, what a. What an idiot.

[John]

You're not even married to her. You're. You're out scot free. You don't owe her a penny. Get out of there.

[Brady]

It's like that documentary of the mom.

[John]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Set up, scammed. A bully or daughter.

[John]

Bully. Her own daughter.

[Brady]

And then. Sorry, I wasn't in the right head.

[John]

Then she's like, yeah, kind of. It got so far along and I just didn't know what to do. It couldn't stop because then people would figure it out. But the mom was. She's in jail for it. She was so bad, she had to go away for a little while. Yeah. That is a deal breaker. Like you even. Look if you even fake a pregnancy test. It's over. It's over. I had a girl do that. First time I ever had the. The man. Woman relations. And then right afterwards I. That was the. She was. Look, she was very nice. But then you realize, oh, I'm in over my head here. I don't think I'm going to do this anymore. And so we. We broke up and she called me like three months or three weeks later and said, I'm pregnant. I've taken two tests and my whole body Just melted into my feet. And I'm like, Well, I was 17. I'm like, this is bad. Nothing good has ever. I'm never going to be normal again. And then a couple weeks later, you know, she. Well, a couple hours later, I made her go take another one, but she was doing it. And then her friend told me later, she goes, she was just like, seeing if you'd come back. And I'm like, oh, that's it. That's.

[Brady]

That.

[John]

That's crazy, people.

[Richard]

Oh, Dan would have been happy. Oh, because anyone you were straight.

[John]

First off, he would have. While he killed me, he would have done it with a smile. He would have killed me. Had I gotten a girl pregnant at age 17. The girl was 15. He would have killed me. But you're right, part of him would have been like, I thought he was gay. And that would have like, he would have had great joy that he did his job right up until the part where I didn't have any self control. And then he would have killed me knowing I killed my. He'd have told people that when I killed my straight son. He would have told people in jail, yeah, but I killed my straight boy. Oh, he would have murdered me. And that's all I thought about, to be honest with you, when she called me and she goes, I'm pregnant. I'm like, those only noises that could come out of me. All I thought was, I'm gonna have to let Dan know this. The first three thoughts I had, how much money do I have? Which was at the time, probably about $350 to my name. That was just enough to get on a Greyhound and go anywhere else and just hide from Dan.

[Dick Toledo]

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[John]

Morning sickness. Second was, who do I have to like? Like, how do you hire someone to kill people? Like your brain just went. I went, I went nowhere. Not one thought was, this is going to be wonderful. I can't wait for this little gift. All of it was, it's me, it's her or it's greyhound.

[Brady]

Time to go buy milk.

[John]

I gotta be honest. Yeah, gotta get milk. And then I drove off in my. I wouldn't have known where to go. It's too dumb. Oh, that was horrifying. I'm not saying she was faking. I saying she was really confused and young and did weird like. But tried to tell me she was pregnant to make me stick around. That didn't work. I was still. I. Maybe I'd have just gone. Toledo's dad on that one just disappeared. I don't know what would have happened in my life. Drastically different world. But if I'd have gotten fooled by somebody and I wanted a kid and she got, you know, fake baby. Bella, when don't you find those land. He's just not paying attention.

[Richard]

He's dumb.

[John]

He's dumb.

[Richard]

He's just dumb. Worse than her, actually.

[John]

Like, you'd think that you'd see like the three month belly and the five month belly and the seven month. But like, you'd go figure. And she was getting real prosthetic bellies and putting them on, leaving them on all day and all night. And when he'd go to work, I'm sure she'd unstrap everything. Just breathe for a minute.

[Dip McKellops]

I can't do this anymore. My belly, it's all sweaty.

[John]

And then she waited like a month after she had the kid. Like, how. How did she think this was gonna.

[Richard]

A month after she had the kid?

[John]

She was putting it on Instagram and telling family and where was he when.

[Richard]

She had the kid?

[John]

That's what I want to know. Well, he wasn't around a lot at the end there. I don't think. I think maybe he was Toledo dad.

[Brady]

He was working. He was working.

[John]

I had to go for a pack of smokes, but she had it. And she said that the doctors, like, he didn't pay Attention to any of it. He's a Scottish man.

[Dip McKellops]

So I. I just have to go.

[John]

To the football game and watch the.

[Dip McKellops]

Rangers play that Celtic.

[John]

All right. He's gonna be easy to fool.

[Dip McKellops]

Is there a Rangers game?

[John]

I think.

[Dip McKellops]

I think Koisty McCoisty's over at the. Oh, is he at the supermarket signing autographs? I've got to take the weekend to meet Koisty.

[Richard]

He's out looking for Nessie.

[John]

Yeah.

[Richard]

Dumb, he is.

[John]

That's what you have to do. That's what you tell us every weekend.

[Dip McKellops]

I do believe they're having a. They had a sighting of Nessie. Ah. You don't say hi and you gotta go look for him. He'll be the one to find him. They give you $5 million. That could help me out with a pregnancy. Okay, I just need you to go for about three weeks. I'm gonna find Nessie for you and my lady.

[John]

Then he leaves for three weeks.

[Dip McKellops]

I'm doing this for the family I don't have yet. But she's gonna. She's gonna expunge a child and I'm gonna come back with that Nissi reward. Cause I love him.

[John]

Everybody's like, where's your husband?

[Dip McKellops]

Oh, he's looking for Nissi. He's an idiot, isn't he?

[John]

Hi.

[Brady]

She took care of all the hospital bills.

[John]

Yeah. Everything. And then came back with a baby that's so realistic that he. And he wasn't allowed to see it because she said it was like, sick. It was born a little early. She got tired of like 5.

[Brady]

So sick that I have to keep him in the room.

[John]

Yeah. All sorts of things.

[Dip McKellops]

I don't want that baby to get.

[John]

That's bad news. Kira Cousins is horrifying. It says the girl's name is on every news website. She's either going to off herself unless she sees that shirt, or she's going to start an only fans. Onlyfans is the option that she's got here. That's the modern day playboy we used to. You know, people would screw up in public and then Hugh Hefner would call them and go, $100,000. You can get naked for us. And they'd do it. OnlyFans is the new way. I think you're absolutely right, burner boy. This one says, in an alternate universe, John did knock that girl up and we had to suffer Pratt's morning sickness for another 20 years. That would be horrible. It would be a fun serendipity moment to find out exactly what would have happened had I Oh, I. That. I can't imagine how bad my life would have been, what I would have done. Oh, did you ever almost knock someone up in school? Never got the call.

[Richard]

No, I don't think so. A couple sweat, you know, like.

[John]

Oh, Christ, I never peed on the stick. And then, yeah. Oh, it's the worst feeling in the world when that thing comes back, go, oh, you wished you were a gulper. I wish my dad was right. I was gay. If I had a kid, I might encourage that luck. You can't get chicks pregnant. A lot of guys are fun. They're nice, they have good personalities. Get used to the feces and the sweat in the hair and be homosexual. There's no chance of a false pregnancy there. And if your gay boyfriend starts pretending to be pregnant, you know he's gone crazy.

[Brady]

So.

[John]

Yeah, it's nuts. Yeah. This chick is everywhere. She's going to be. She's going to kill herself. She's the most famous person from Scotland in quite a long time.

[Dip McKellops]

I have to go meet Alistair McCoist. He's the greatest footballer of all time. Brady. This is the best I've ever watched. And he's over at the grocery store signing autographs.

[John]

My wife's in the hospital. She doesn't want me in the room.

[Dip McKellops]

With her while she gives birth.

[John]

She said she gave birth, by the way. Surprised her in the bathroom by herself. That's what I figured.

[Brady]

Hey, what a trooper.

[John]

What a trooper. And it was fine the way he.

[Brady]

Wouldn'T question it, right?

[John]

He's like, oh, he was at work. And she called him, goes, you're not gonna believe this.

[Dip McKellops]

I had the baby. Where? In the loo. You had a baby in a loo? Who's gonna clean that? I thought, have you cleaned it up? It's like it never happened. These are all clues for the future.

[Richard]

When did dummy finally figure out she.

[John]

Was lying when she said so? She might have sat him down before and said, I'm about to make an announcement on Instagram that's gonna kind of maybe go viral.

[Richard]

He didn't want to see his baby or anything like that. Like get up close to it.

[John]

Maybe he was a little Toledo's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she was saying he had the baby was not well. So I don't know. This dude's story is the one. He's the one I want the movie made about.

[Brady]

Well, if you're having a kid and you don't have to do anything with it, like he didn't have to wake up and feed it well, you'd see the day.

[John]

Yeah. You think you'd want to touch it once?

[Brady]

Yeah, I know. That's what I'm saying.

[John]

Yeah. The movie. I would call it. Like, the movie would open up with the credits and just a gray day and rain. And you're in Scotland and you see this guy walking down the street and he's kind of got, like a pep in his step and music starts. Walks in the door of a grocer there, tring.

[Dip McKellops]

Hey, if it isn't dip McCallops. How are you this morning, Dip? I'm wife pregnant. Coming down here to get myself some lettuce. She asked for more of that. Anything for you, dicks.

[John]

McCallops off to build a bridge.

[Dip McKellops]

I'm off to go find Nessie. Go find him dead or I'll count on you.

[John]

Then he wanders off into the.

[Dip McKellops]

What are you up to today, Dip? Gonna find Nessie. Good luck to you, Dip. There goes the dumbest man in Scotland. That's Dips McAllister. I wonder where I could find Nessie. Have you tried Loch Ness dip? No. That's a great clue.

[John]

Then he wanders over to that.

[Dip McKellops]

How's your wife's pregnancy going, Dip? Going great. Eight months along, not allowed to touch her. You keep it up.

[John]

The whole opening of the movie is great. Got a hobo sack for no reason with a lunch in it. I packed myself some haggis.

[Dip McKellops]

Another un. Horrible, horrible, inedible Scottish cuisine items. What's in the hobo sack, Dibs. My lunch. Heading off the Loch Ness, eh? Gotta find Nessie. The wife's put me on a crusade.

[Brady]

Then his wife. He was told his wife's a robot. Buys into everything.

[John]

But here's the thing. I'd make Dip McKellebs like the dumbest man in the world. And then when he. Then. And then that emotional scene later when he's just. So. I don't have any good crying music outside of Rocky, so I'll just go. Stop.

[Dip McKellops]

Stop that. Why won't it stop?

[John]

The happy wanderer is forever for us now. It won't turn off.

[Brady]

It's locked in.

[John]

Wow. It's never going to turn off.

[Brady]

Either way, I'm having a great day.

[John]

Yeah, he's just. But he starts to sob when he realizes his wife lied to him the whole time about stuff.

[Dip McKellops]

And then.

[John]

And then old Dip McKellops finds the loch Ness monster. And he's Scottish, Scotland's greatest hero of all time. They have to build statues for Dip. Not his family, though, because his lion wife and stuff the music will never end.

[Richard]

George wants to know if that lady's baby looked like Donkey from Shrek.

[John]

What he's ensuing here is.

[Richard]

Keyshawn came by.

[John]

Keisha came by. That would be it. No, this is. Now. Now it's stopping.

[Dip McKellops]

I just found out my wife weren't pregnant at all. There is nay baby. I am the biggest dip in the McKillops family.

[John]

Don't be so rough on yourself, Dip. We all thought she was pregnant.

[Dip McKellops]

But I live there.

[John]

You need to stay unfocused there, Dip, and find Loch Ness monster and rub it in her face. Aye, that's all I got left.

[Dip McKellops]

And I know people for the rest.

[John]

Of their lives will have dips on.

[Dip McKellops]

The tip of their tongues forever.

[Dick Toledo]

Freedom.

[John]

No, we've already done that one, Dipsh. Don't scream that. That's someone else's line. I would watch that movie all day. Dip McKellips. And his pregnant wife says, as dumb as the Scotsman was, he probably didn't buy tickets to the World Series after his team won the first two games. We have our own version of Dip Allison.

[Dip McKellops]

So you're telling me it's not even a real baby? Sorry about that.

[John]

Deep. Oh, I'm never gonna be. Wait a minute.

[Dip McKellops]

Was that Nissi? We're back, baby.

[Brady]

He handed her a cup of seed. No intercourse. Had her. Had him duped the whole time.

[John]

Well, he probably still banged her. I mean, let's get.

[Brady]

Oh, they probably, probably.

[John]

You think he cupped it up and she poured it in? That's. I don't think. I don't even want to say dip. Is that dumb? Holmberg's morning sickness. I'm writing that screenplay today. The Life of Dip Callister. And he finds Nessie. In the end, he wins because he's been through hell. And he's like, we're saying it's all the way in Phoenix. This happened in Scotland. And we're talking about him in the story, not her. She's clearly in Scotland. Insane. He's just dumb. He's gotten famous because he hung around someone and was so oblivious to his surroundings. I like that character quite a bit. Maybe, maybe, maybe he would. Damn it. That song won't end again.

[Richard]

So happy.

[John]

There's no double clicking on this thing.

[Dip McKellops]

It won't go away. That's because you're in the presence of dip McCallops.

[John]

Anyway, I like this. Yeah, there's a great scene in this John. If you had DS McKelleps go over and ask the statue of William Wallace for advice, that's what A Scotchman would do. I'll just have to go over to.

[Dip McKellops]

The statue of the great William Wallace and ask what he would do.

[John]

That's a stupid thing we do in Scotland. It's.

[Dip McKellops]

W, w, w, w, D. What.

[John]

Would William Wallace do? He should have done.

[Dip McKellops]

What would Braveheart do? WWBD but the bracelets were already printed.

[John]

I like him. He's my new favorite guy. You just want to hug him. And he's talking to the statue of William Wallace.

[Dip McKellops]

I think I should end it all.

[John]

William. And then William puts a hoodie on and turns around.

[Dip McKellops]

The guy in front of you thinks you're pretty special.

[John]

Aye, thanks, William.

[Dip McKellops]

That's a great Prevention sweater.

[John]

Go find this. Make your name as synonymous with Scotland as mine.

[Dip McKellops]

Soon, William Wallace will stand side by side with the biggest dip ever known to man.

[John]

I'm gonna reenact the whole.

[Brady]

You can have them all in, too. Everything's Scottish. A cameo from Rod Stewart?

[John]

Well, that's just s. Maybe he gets.

[Dip McKellops]

Well, William Wallace is a legend in.

[John]

Scotland, so that's pretty low end. You can't compare William Wallace to Rod Stewart. Maybe at the end he knights him or something. I don't know. Maybe the end. Ryan, that's. Now. We're just. Now, Brady, now you're just getting ridiculous. You've turned it into a Brady Bunch fun hour. You can't have Rod Stewart show up out of the blue. Yeah.

[Dip McKellops]

Kick off your shoes, sit right down. What's he doing here?

[John]

I don't know. It's a cameo. Brady wanted.

[Dip McKellops]

You're the greatest, dipshit. Scottish history.

[John]

We love you.

[Dip McKellops]

Thanks, Rod Stewart's cameo. You're welcome, Dipsh.

[John]

The best part about it would be it would be based on a true story. Up till the end, when he finds the monster. Oh, we've done it, everyone. We've created the greatest movie never made. Anyway, that's what it's like when you have a. He's kind of the dip. McKellops is the Sherwood Forest Gump. I like that a lot. Sherwood Forest Gump is perfect.

[Dip McKellops]

Stupid is as stupid does.

[John]

What brings you to these words, dipshit?

[Dip McKellops]

Well, my wife pretended to be pregnant, had the baby.

[John]

I wasn't allowed to touch it. It was a good year of my life. I was fooled. So I'm gonna find Loch Ness. The lake or the monster? Well, first I have to find the lake. I don't even know that is. I'm sitting at the wrong lake. For the last four months, he's not there. Anyway, I enjoyed that this Is my girl shows me she's pregnant and I want to make sure that kid looks like me. Show me the kid. Signed Matthew. Yeah, that is true too. It's like, I kind of want to see it. If a woman won't let you see the Offspring, probably there's a Benjamin Moore color chart problem. I'm thinking it's fairly obvious just on site. She makes you peek through windows and stuff. Maybe she incubated. I don't know. It's a great story, though. And she'll forever be remembered on this show as Dick's wife. And then we got another thing in here. It's time also that I think if you have a youth group leader that has no kids, he can't have the job. Part of being a youth group leader is one of the kids in the youth group is yours. Every single time this happens. It's the one outrageously upbeat dude who doesn't have any ties that wants to hang out with the youth groups. Well, he molested a bunch of people again. His sex crimes. Phoenix YOUTH GROUP LEADER arrested yeah, it's that you don't want to hang around kids if you don't have kids. Like, there's something immediately our eyebrows should raise. When I was a little kid, we had a baseball coach bring in some guy he knew and he had no kids and he hung around the baseball team. And I'm like, he's like 25 years old. What is he doing here? We're all 11. He's going to help. He didn't help anything. He just was there. And then if you ever have a baseball coach that doesn't have a connection to the team, he just signs up to be a little league coach. No. Good. Same. Any youth group?

[Brady]

Well, a lot of times the youth group, you know, like at a church, whatever. Are college age students.

[John]

Yeah, this guy was.

[Richard]

It's like in his 40s, I think.

[John]

Almost 50, 47 years old. If you are that and you don't have children in the youth group, you can't be around the youth group. That's it. Anybody who desires to be around tweens automatically. We should be like, sorry, you can't have that. Are you bringing your kid with. I don't have any. Yeah, you're not doing this. You're not sticking around here. You're childless and you want to hang around kids in your 40s. There isn't a man alive that thinks that's a good idea. That's bad. I'm on fire for the Lord. Yeah, go do that with the Adults. You go do that over there with the other adults. But, yeah, they got him. And then you look at him and, you know, this dude automatic. I don't think he.

[Brady]

Craig Gas.

[John]

He kind of looks like Craig Gas a little bit. He's like, if he ate Craig Gas.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John]

It wasn't Tucson. Maybe he's related. His name is Casey Goslin, and he was arrested a week ago because somehow or another ICE was involved. Homeland Security. ICE and his Special agents in Tucson. Police said that he was. They found him being part of the youth group.

[Richard]

He's bringing Filipinos or something like that.

[John]

He's shopping people, he's trafficking. It was not good. Anytime a man in his. I'm gonna go so far as to say late 20s starts saying, love to hang around that youth group. Like, no, no, you're not. You're out. It's the hiring practices that are the problem. Too trusting. Far too trusting. How old are you? 46. You got any kids? No. What do you want to do? Work with kids. Why? I just love them. All right, you're out. Go ahead. No man says that. No single man with no kid says that. I'm gonna call the police for you. Even applying for this job. Police would throw you in jail for at least two years. Like, you need to think about what you were doing. I just applied for a job. Yeah, but you applied for a job to watch kids. Why? I love him. See, there you go, right there. That's it. That's. You can't be around them. Nobody loves kids like that to want to be around bunches of them if you don't have your own. This guy says, didn't you coach a youth basketball team? Yeah, and I had a connection. My co coach was my best friend, and it was his nephew's team, and he didn't know what he was doing, so he asked me if I would help, and I just took over because they were. My friend was kind of retarded about basketball, but had I just shown up and said, hey, I got no ties to this league, but I'd love to coach one of the teams. Somebody should throw me in jail for two years. Have you ever played basketball? No, just in, like, junior high and stuff. I played a lot, but never, like, you know, okay, get out of here, you weirdo. You're just wanting to be around kids. One of the parents wanted to coach, but he didn't have time. He loved me because I had the group of kids that was. They had the draft for the tryouts, and there are, like, 14 left that nobody picked and they made a team out of them. That was my crew. We were the Bad News Bears. We were, we were not good. But we did win a game against the best team because I was motivating. It was like Gene Hackman, but I drank as much as the other coach. Good stuff. But if you want to be around children and you don't have any of your own, that would be like if I all of a sudden said if I was on the air one day, Hoff Brand would be like, you know, I've been working with this youth group. You immediately be going, what are you doing? Why? I just love being around them. Like 13 year old kids in the house all day. It's like. So Brett would be immediately like, I'm gonna put a stop to that.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John]

I can't do it. No kids. No kids means you stay. No kids. You can help. You can't be part of. That's it. Brett, what do you got on the big board of musical treats?

[Richard]

Wake Up Song brought to you by of course, Action Ride Shop. And Josh and the boys are getting you guys ready for bike season. That's right. The trails are open and man, the weather is great. So now's the time to pick up a new bike, get that old bike fix, even rent one if you're not sure if you want to get a new E bike or something. They got full rental fleet at both locations right there over at the power Road and McDowell, the brand new store of the OG on Gilbert Road and Southern. It is Action Ride Shop. Check them out on all socials and.

[John]

Of course [e-mail] people asking about the word for seven o'. Clock. It's clams, clams, clams. This one says John, did you read that that tubby bitch also worked at a collector's market in the toy department selling toys. So he was always around kids. Yeah, that's another thing. Working at a toy store. Keep your eyes on those guys. That's who we have to keep our eyes on. Judge away. That book needs to be judged by its cover immediately. It works 95% of the time. That works. Always judge. Which ones do you want on the list?

[Richard]

Ghost Inside Sleep Token, Non Point. Whole Doll Parts, But It's Whole Corn. Metallica Escape for Fake Daddy. Fake Baby Daddy. Royal Blood Trouble Ministry. Lies, Lies, Lies for Fake Baby. Broad Dirt House, George Michael. Freedom for Fake Baby.

[John]

The one thing we're not concentrating on is that the guy's off the hook. Yeah, and he was a stand up dude. That was even going to raise a fake baby. So, yeah, freedom's pretty good.

[Richard]

But the problem is he's going back.

[John]

Yeah, he's sticking around for. According to that article, he's staying. Oh, my God. I like this. I only lie when I love you by Royal Blood. Okay, Toledo, just put it in. That's a good. That's a good call right there, Richard. And it's for our friend, old dip over there. Good kid. We like him. This is a great song, too. If you don't know this one, go grab this. How do we get so dark as the. I think that's off the ep. That is such a great song. I only lie when I love you. It's Royal Blood. It's your wake up song. It's 98 Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.