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You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories. Hey, what's up? It's Mo and my friends at the University of Advancing Technology has been ranked the number one best college for computer science for not one, but two years in a row. Which makes total sense, because UAT are always on the lookout for those who don't just embrace technology, they live it. From advancing computer science and robotics to cybersecurity, gaming, and artificial intelligence, UAT is where innovation thrives. So if you're ready to lead the next tech revolution, visit uat.edu.mo. and don't just study tech. Live it. Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that? Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into MMP Guns, where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands. Okay, but what if he lives out of state? Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online. It's really that simple. There you MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms. You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? PD just offered, by the way. There he is. Everyone, look. Look behind me. It's Larry McFeely's birthday. Eve. Happy birthday, Eve, Larry. Happy birthday. Thank you. Want to be a square? I. I know a Larry can't play. He's afraid of you guys. That's okay. It's Larry's birthday, and I asked Corey, I said, how old do you think Larry is? 25. And he said, I'm going to be nice. I'll just say 50. He's younger than that, you prick. He's close, though. I did that at Tony Romas once when I delivered a birthday cake as a waiter to a lady, and she looked horrible. And I put the cake down, and I'm like, happy birthday. You don't look a day over 29. And she goes, I'm 27. Like, Jesus Christ. The life is treating you terribly. You look horrible. I was kidding. At 29. I was being. I thought you were, like, 40. Anyway, happy birthday, Larry. I think you look better than Corey says so. Nice job. Larry's birthday. Let's give something away for Larry's birthday, shall we? Day to remember. Tickets. The Guadalupe squares are upon us. Uh, we've got it all figured out right here. We're going to get right to it with our host, and you know him, it's Thriller Walsh, everyone. Thriller. Thank you, Chancellor. Let's begin. Hot Wheel Square. Vito Corleone starting off. I don't understand. I mean, why am I even here? What. What news broke this week that you would need to talk to me, Brett? Nothing. I don't understand. I was just having a friendly card game. You're not going to tell him? No, there's just nothing to tell me. I don't. There's nothing to talk about. I don't know. I'm looking for a good card game. I got a few of those. They're very friendly on the up and up. Card games. I got a few celebrities we can buy. What do. Oh, I had Chauncey Billups for a little while, but somebody came and got him. Typical of his people to end up in jail, though. I mean, let's be honest. You need some new fish. I don't know what that term is, but if you have one. Oh, yes. Show me your fish. Lucabrazi sleeps with him. So? Luca Brzzi. Done. He ain't showed me. He hasn't showed him the fish. I don't understand why I'm even here. I don't understand. Shh. I got the exact same thing going on where I am. What's going on over there, Tony? What are we doing here? Like, what's happening? Can't even friendly game anymore, Brett. There's not. I don't know what. I don't know what's going on. There's nothing going on. There's nothing. Was Noah. Noah got arrested, didn't he? Making some Tarzan movies or something. I don't know. I don't even know what. I don't know who this kid is. You introduce me. How do you know my name? I've heard good things. I don't know. That's exactly what I wanted to hear. Have an orange. Enjoy yourself. I don't understand anything that's going on around here. We don't want to bother you here, so let's hop on over to the top. Middle square. Bruce Springsteen in time for his film. How you doing? Very excited about my movies coming out today. Two, four. Two. There you go. Fans a little older, they take some time to. That's just Me passing gas, writing a movie about my album Nebraska City. I fly over and pretend I'm just like those people. Got a laughing kiss in Baltimore, Jack. I went out for a ride in em. Now I'm overrated that Curver. I don't know where. I don't pronounce words and I just keep going. By the way, blow Clarence. I don't know if he's in that song, but you can blow Clarence if you'd like. I got a hungry heart like Brady has hungry kidney. He's eating him alive. What does your podcast partner think of this? Your old podcast partner, Barack? Yeah, yeah, Barack and I are tight. He's here if you want to talk to him. Sure. Everybody's got a hungry heart. You are very clear. Everybody's got a hungry heart. It's good to see you of your movie there, Bruce. And. Yeah, all right, calm down. Join in, Big Mike. I want to see it. How many times you gonna see it? I don't know. I was just thinking about once try two, three, four times. How about that? Michelle's here if you want. She's seen the movie. Come on in, Michelle. Michelle, use the door. No. Oh, God damn. Go to Hungry Yard, lay down your money and you play your part. Michelle is a croo. Very, very good crooner. Yeah, she sounds a little like me anyway, I think. And she looks like you in more ways than you could ever imagine. You know, they say in a relationship that's going well that people love each other very much. Yeah, calm down. That penis size doesn't matter. I just wish you didn't have it. Why are you bringing that? I don't care that it's. I just wish it wasn't. I actually wish it was smaller, to be honest. Watch out. A dick. We know. All right. They don't have to celebrate it. We understand the joke. All right, now, Cuba, presidents here, top right square. President Trump. How are you? Great time. Great time. Go L A. Go L A. America in the World Series. We're in the World Series. And I'm not going to trade with Canada ever again. And I'm also going to ban all Major League Baseball teams from trading with Toronto. You can't trade with them either. Trade. No, no. Good. I also like that we got that Japanese import and he's now part of us. He's great. I love him. Shoi Ohtani. There's a couple in there, actually. They got another Japanese, too, and his last name is Sasaki. I like him, too. I like them a lot. I like them a Lot. And I'm gonna start my own thing. Cause we don't need Gannett anymore. I make my own maple syrup now. I'm building it on the White House lawn. I've just torn down most of the White House and planted maple trees. Trump syrup. Trump syrup. A little dab of Trump on your pancakes every morning. Suck it down. That delicious sticky juice that comes out of my Trump trees. Right between the cheeks. Right between the cakes. That's right. Exactly. Between the cheeks, too, if you're interested. Between the cakes. Between the cheeks. I don't know what you call your pancakes. You know what I don't like? What's that? When women have pancakes on their chest. Those pancakes. You'll throw it on those flaps. But you know what? With a little Trump syrup, it even makes women's pancake tolerable and edible. I think. I think it's a great thing tearing down the White House. Building a new one. A Trump one. And we're gonna name it the Monica Lewinsky Ballroom. I think that's a hilarious thing. I came up with that yesterday. I like, like it a lot. She always had some. What? She always had some ballroom. All right, we understand it. You don't need to celebrate it like that. I liked it. Corey. I thought that was a good one. Michelle's on the floor over there. She loves ball jokes. Anyway, Corey. No more Canada. All done. Canada. No more. I'm going to cross it out. The map. Kenagon. I call it Ken. To get out of here. Not going to do it. Going to kill. Kill everything with Canada. Okay. Mike Newcomb. Mike. Thinking about it. Mike Newcomb. Get rid of them. They're a pain in the ass. Like a bad neighbor. I watched the documentary the Perfect Neighbor. It's not Canada. I'm going to shoot through the door. I'm just going to shoot through the door and drop Canada. That's what I'll do. Stand your ground. Over now to the middle of square. Tracy Morgan joining us. I don't even know what I'm doing here. I just started commercial for Morgan and Morgan Law and they said that I was going to go represent them. I guess I'm a lawy now. That's me. Tracy Morgan, Esquire. Been hit by a truck. Esquire. What you talking about, Brett? You said different. Me. Esquire. Tracy Morgan, Esquire. And that's right. You got a problem in a wreck. Need a check. I got one. I know how to do it. You and the wreck need a check. You got to get in the Bigger. Let Walmart hit you, you walk away with millions of dollars, never have to do another thing again. Your life. Am I right, Brady? Oh, yeah. You used to get on the road, stand out, and get smashed up by a Walmart truck. I bet you get a new kidney. Lickety split. Speaking of lickety split, gorilla, how's your mom? She's doing fine. I like to lickety split with this mother. I'm Tracy Morgan, Esquire. Lawyer to the stars. You don't have that way in the courtroom, do you? I'm lickety splitter. Anywhere she wants to do it. Your mama's a freak. That thing's loose and I need that babies just. Yeah, babies just get to be about 3 pounds and tumble out of that thing real early. I'm gonna get a text later. That's right, you are. Cause your mama's sitting there just. She thinks he had to poop. She had two babies, end up limping around the house. The whole life she thought she had to poop. Next thing she knows, she's got to go live in a ranch style home because she can't have stairs no more. Every time she gets gas, she gets nervous. She's gonna be a mother again. She gotta make a house flat, no basements. Ain't got no basements. No one risk. That only reason she get a basement is because next time she poops, she can throw herself down the stairs. That one got homework. Real good thinking. Cory's mom chucking herself down the stairs so it don't happen a third time. She like a genie. You rub that lamb and three cripples fall out. We weren't sure if Tracy Morgan should be here this week, and now he's a hit. Oh, my God. I'm Tracy Morgan, Esquire. You need a lawyer. I'll talk to the judge until he just cancels the whole thing. I don't want to hear another word out. You might be a defamation suit at some point here. Maybe from your mother. All right, over now to the middle square, we have Brady, the patriotic man whore. That's right. I'm targeting Chinese operatives and I'm gonna fly over there. Okay. I'm gonna do what? Well, then I have to be a honey pot. It's called being a honey. I'm the sexy beast that goes over and lures these Chinese AI superstars. You're their type. Well, I'm gonna have to be okay. And I'm gonna get him in my honey trap. And then I'm gonna blow them until they give me secrets for Chinese AI and then, of course, because I'm so good at relaying information. Yeah. I'm gonna bring that back to America. And we're gonna steal all that. China's secrets. Want to try Morse code for this one? Who's Morse? The cat. Handsome Morris the cat. He had a code. Cool. I understand he's. He. He sent signals. The satellites? Yes. And the satellites were the drivers. It's a bit of an asinine thought that they would signal and their driver would move it. It's so. Wait a minute. They swerve. Yeah. It's sort of the same as my ideas. How stewardesses should be gravity booted down so they don't tumble anymore. Anyway, I'll be that break ankle. Don't give up my game. I'm the. I'm like Winnie the Pooh. Yeah. Same shape. Is that why you keep trying to blow me? I ain't got no secrets. I ain't Chinese. I don't know if Africa has any AI But I'm going to see if they do through this man here. Check if you're close. Over now into the middle right square. Shaquille o' Neal and Charles Barkley. This is crazy. This is a crazy weekend. How you doing, Corey? It's nice to see you. I would sue. I would use Tracy Morgan and sue Tracy Morgan for what he said about your mama. That ain't right. NBA is back. There was supposed to be focused all week on NBA basketball. Steph Curry went crazy. We had the kid from the Philadelphia 76ers go crazy. Yes. We had all that stuff. And all we talking about is gambling. And I bet you that it didn't happen. How much? $100,000. Said it didn't happen. I don't think we should do that, Chuck. I think we should be quiet about it and we should just go on. Maybe take a trip to JCPenney, who I am now the spokesman for. How about that JCPenney. You didn't even know JCPenney was a thing. JCPenney closed down in 1992 and you a spokesman for it today. You take money to do anything. You ain't never shopped at no JCPenney. I don't think they have your sizes. They have my sizes. They have all sorts of irregular clothes. JCPenney is the place to go if you're a friendly giant. You're crazy. Ain't nobody ever going over to that JCPenney shopping for shack clothes. Besides that. I look at how you dress. You look like a fumigation tent hanging on A man. Nobody want to look at you and say, I want to look like that. That's crazy. Anyway, I bet you the NBA that's what we learned. But I bet you $100,000 this NBA thing goes away in a couple of days, max. Very possible. Rich people. Ain't nothing going on. Icebreaker. Ain't nothing. Ain't nothing to go on. Nothing to bet. Morning sickness medicate. Kupd. Come on down to the Ranch House Grill. Comfort food is your next meal. Pork chili verde, chicken fried steak. Ranch House. You'll think it's great. Are you ready for the best breakfast in Phoenix? Ranch House Grill has been voted best breakfast four years in a row. We're famous for our chicken fried steak, pork chili verde and large portions. Located in the heart of Arcadia, join us for breakfast or lunch seven days a week, 6am to 2pm We're a family restaurant with a small town atmosphere serving southwestern comfort food for 18 years. Come on down to the Ranch House Grill for the best breakfast in Phoenix at 56 street and Thomas Road. Holmberg's. Morning sickness. All right, now over to the bottom right. Left square. Sorry, Brady. Secret square. Give us a H. Hello, everybody. I'm 89 years old and I used to play bass for the rolling stones. Oh, 89. Yeah. Jesus. What? Yeah. Docker, you're here, sir. Okay, 89. And your wife is how old now? 31. Oh, she's lovely. You've been married for how long? 22 years? Something like that. Yeah, it's been a while, young lady. Good welfare. That's right. Good work, Billy. Over now to the bottom of the square. Vince Scully getting ready for the World Series. It's a great day. Sorry, I got a frog in my throat. It's a great day for Canadian baseball. And who's ready more than Shohei Ohtani to represent the United States? Good old fashioned American baseball. Apple pie, hot dog. Shohei and Suzuki. We're ready to represent the US in the World Series against those horrendous Canadians. It's just like Kendrick and Drake are at it again. And I can't wait to call the game tonight and represent the United States. Sasaki. Shohei Ohtani. Names that scream Apple pie. Yamamoto. We're gonna crush those crooked Canucks like we did those Japs back in 45. Wait, we're using Japs? Never mind. I hope you have fun tonight. Over now to the bottom right is where our in savior trip Reeve. Hello, sir. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. A yeah. Hey, I'm a boot to get on my plane to Canada. Watch The Dodgers and Blue Jays. Yeah, that's where I'm a boot to go. Okay, get your tickets from Toledo or. Yeah, I bought. I bought two tickets and I gave them to make a wish, kids. And they said no worse seats I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, they're in section. What the is this? I'd rather watch in East LA with. I'm going up here to Toronto, eh? And I'm gonna hit in poutine City. I'm gonna be face to face with a little Canadian poutine, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. You know it's mostly gravy colored, right? Yeah, that's how I like it. As you get older, you want new things, and I like to dip my fingers in a little poutine and come up brown. Come on. He's my second favorite square today. Come up brown. That's disgusting. Canadian ass play. All right, who's on the phone? Tanner and Ashley. Tanner, are you there? I'm here. Ashley, are you there? I am here. All right, Ashley or girl. Go ahead, pick a square. The top left. Top left. Vita Corleone. I didn't hear a thing. I didn't hear. I don't know what she's talking about. What's going on? Ashley, are you high right now? It's only 10 o' clock in the morning. Ashley, answer the questions you're asked. Ashley, are you still alive? I am still alive. Yeah. You're stoned to be Jesus, huh? Do you have a job? Where do you work? Cause I'm gonna avoid that place like the plague. It's about to burn down. Please tell me a note. Oh, you're gonna be surprised if I work at a smoke shop. Work at a smoke shop. How about that? Brady, I'm gonna stop done this job a long time. All I need is a hello and I'll go, oh, she's high. We're done here. Tulsa King over here. That's basically what it is. Ooh. All right, Corey, let's do this before she needs to eat again. Of course. Question for you here, sir. All babies are born without fear because fear is a wholly learned behavior. True or false? I don't know. I assume you were probably pretty afraid. Everyone in the room crying and screaming. What happened? What happened? Oh, height of stairs. Yeah, there's a bit of stairs right off the bat. I mean, when a baby enters the planet and everyone is crying and yelling, there's probably a little fear. Was I born on the third floor? Oh, no. Good God, no. I wouldn't you fell off it. Maybe that's what happened. You blocked it out. If you were babies, probably have no fear. All right, so you're saying false. I put that to the test, though. Give me a baby. Let's try to scare it. All right, then. Ashley, do you agree or disagree with false? False. I'm gonna have to say false. Incorrect. Circle gets that one. The pothead fails again. How about that? All right. Nice try. K, over to Tanner. Make your selection. Bruce Springsteen. Oh. She disagree? What? No. She agreed with false. Oh. My bad. That next gets the square. I'm stupid. You got a little contact. Answer the phones. Yes. Anyway, regardless, Tanner, make your choice. Let me do Springsteen. All righty. Two, three, four. Yeah. You gonna go see my movie, Tanner? Probably not. Oh, crap. Brock. Take it. The day we sweat it out on the streets in a runaway American dream. Yeah, Michelle night runs is glorious Suicide machines but Dick, let's run some Jesus on Highway 9. Chrome wheel feeling jigged and stepping down over the line and by line, I mean the dick that Michelle rolls out. Anyway, get to see my movie. You get to hear great stuff like that. All right, I got a question. I gotta replace Clarence. Anybody have any gigantic black men that play the saxophone? Michelle does. Close enough, man. Blow, Big Mike. It's the same shape. She blows a. She's not the only one. Oh, man. All right. Doubling. I don't know why that was so funny to a weedy. I'm on your side. All right, go ahead. Doubling a penny every day for 30 days will result in a $500,360.12. Seeing as how I'm just like you guys and I don't know what it's like to have pennies. I have over $500 million. But you're just like us. I'm just like you. And my jeans. I now wear tuxedos everywhere. I've kind of left that whole blue collar guy thing and fly my private jet to my movie premiere. Holmberg would know. He's a Jew. Tell him about pennies. Blow. Big Jew. Yeah, I'd say that's probably true if you save double pennies every day to add up. So you're saying true now, Tanner, do you agree or disagree with true? I disagree. Correct. Then X gets that square. Oh, gets the square. Come on, Corey. Jesus. 40 work weeks. No, I'm telling you. I told you. I'm losing it today, man. It's all right. You'll get it all back when you go see my movie tonight. That's true, dude. In a Jean jacket. I've lost sense of who I am. What the hell's the movie called? I forgot. Is it Born to Run? That would. I don't know what it's called. Nebraska. That's right. Nebraska. All right, then. Springsteen. Deliver Me From Nowhere. That's right. Brady's right. Blow, big boy. All right, go ahead. I get it wrong and Brady's right. It's opposite day. Anyway, back to Ashley here. Make your choice. Ashley, wake up. Oh, she hung. She's gone. You got the phone? Just. Tanner, you win. A customer. Tanner win. She got tired of me yelling at her as Bruce Springsteen. She dropped a bomb. Yeah, she. Yeah, she laughed too hard at the Obama joke and then ran away when we made fun of it. Oh, Ashley. Why? All right. Tanner's the winner this week. That'll do it for us. How about that? That's good stuff. Nobody picked me. Come all the way over here. I had to limp like Corey. It's harder for me to walk. Cory's an og. I did it. I did it newfangled where I stood in the street and got smashed. Corey came out of the box like he got hit. Like a Walmart truck. Since day one, man. Day one. Walmart survivor. Can I go now? Yeah. You don't have to be. No more Bill Wyman. You call him to your beautiful wife anyway. All right, that's enough. That's silly. She hung up because it was silly. That must be it. Too heady for her. Probably ran out of minutes. What's that? She might have run out of minutes. It is late in the month. He's right. Wheaties run out of minutes last month. She's only got a week left, and she was blowing it on video games. All right, that's it. We're done. You got anything happening you want to talk about? Yeah, I got NAU football tomorrow and then Raiders on Sunday. That is tragic. You and the Raiders. Is NAU any good? They're doing solid. What does that mean? I think they're about 500. That's horrible. In college. That's horrible. College record. If you're like 2 and 2 in college, you're one of the worst teams in college. Am I right? Right. Who. Who they playing this weekend? I try to remember. It was. It was. I think. No, last week was Idaho. I forget which one it is. Well, good luck to that. And the Raiders are just as bad. Boy. Oh, they're fun to watch. Station's making. Last week was fun. The 31. Nothing cool. I like scintillating on the radio. Kenny Picket dropping the first snap. That was the win. The first half was a lot of like, oh, they could turn it around. Second half was not the case. Wow. All right. All right. I'm out on Saturday. Oh, yeah? Where are you going? Yeah, I'll be over at the grand opening of America First Credit Union in the QC. 11 to 1 going back to Queen. Your own. That's where Brett spawned for a little while. You used to originate from the qc. Go by the old house. Would you? Yeah, why not? You know, if I'm out there, there's no other reason. I mean, you know. Yeah. Nothing else to do except for look at Brett's house. Yeah. And signing up for Nine Inch Nails tickets and Avatar tickets. There you go first. So come on out. 11 to 1, Rittenhouse and Queen Creek Road, and I believe, Signal Butte. Oh, no, no. Rittenhouse. Usually that's the word that has to be involved in Queen Creek. All right, there you go. That's it for us. We're done. You guys have yourselves a spectacular Friday. And tell Larry happy birthday. It's Larry's birthday? He's under 50, you son of a bitch. Take a guess. Good for him. Take another guess. Try again. That's it. Have a great one. We'll see you on Monday. Right here in the morning Sickness. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio issue.
In this episode, “Guadalupe Squares” takes over Holmberg’s Morning Sickness, Arizona’s top irreverent radio show. John Holmberg and his crew (Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo) host a star-studded parody of Hollywood Squares, mixing rapid-fire banter, celebrity impressions, and no-holds-barred humor. The episode features impersonations of figures like Vito Corleone, Bruce Springsteen, President Trump, Tracy Morgan, Shaquille O’Neal and Charles Barkley, and Vin Scully, plus the recurring character “Patriotic Man Whore Brady.” Topics range from pop culture to sports to political absurdity, underpinned by biting one-liners and satirical riffs on current events.
Each square brings its own parody twist, often riffing on personal quirks or pop culture:
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Bruce Springsteen:
President Trump:
Tracy Morgan:
Shaq & Charles Barkley:
Vin Scully:
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The episode is high-energy, whip-smart, and unapologetically crass—on-brand for HMS. Nearly every impression and riff is steeped in parody, non-sequitur, or local in-joke, with rapid pivoting between raunch, absurdity, and social satire. Fans will appreciate the improvisational goofiness, relentless mockery, and boundary-pushing humor—while newcomers get a window into the madness and invention that makes HMS Arizona’s favorite morning show.