10-27-25 - FULL SHOW - MONDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

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Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona’s #1 Morning Radio Show

Date: October 27, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Co-Hosts: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Summary by Podcast Summarizer AI

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Episode Overview

This Monday’s episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness covers a sprawling, hilarious review of the NFL weekend’s trauma, Arizona’s sports woes, extravagant Halloween football parties, the universal tragedy of bad ‘gala chicken,’ hot air balloons gone wrong, restaurant “romance” crimes, and the dumbest kid in New Zealand. Classic riffs on relationships, sports fandom, and the absurdities of daily life are ever-present.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Post-NFL Trauma and Arizona Sports Misfortune

[00:39–09:44]

• John opens with the devastation following a collectively poor NFL weekend for show members and listeners: all their teams lost.
• Each recounts their team’s loss – John’s Steelers, Brett’s Bears, and even the Bengals – highlighting the absurdity of “playing for the dead” (e.g., the Nick Mangold tributes).
• The group notes the weirdness: only one close NFL game; every other was a blowout.

"Sports sucks. We all know that at this point. I can now feel what Bears fans have felt. I knew my team was fraudulent.”
– John Holmberg [00:45]

2. Injuries and “Scatterboo”

[06:10–08:16]

• They dissect the shocking football injury where a player's foot was “facing the wrong way,” noting Philly fans’ notorious lack of compassion (recalling the Michael Irvin incident).
• Medical morbidity and the strange resilience of pro athletes get the usual locker-room banter treatment.

"Philly fans cheered when Michael Irvin possibly was paralyzed…That tells you something."
– John Holmberg [08:13]

3. The Plight of Certain Sports Fandoms

[09:20–14:51]

• Holmberg ridicules the idea of being a Colts or Bengals fan and the lack of social cachet or “coolness” in rooting for these teams.
• They debate which cities truly have fan bases and mock the Colts’ dull branding and Indianapolis as a tourist destination.

“Nobody, and I mean nobody, has ever had a successful tourism business that’s keyed in on getting you to go to Indiana… It’s never happened.”
– John Holmberg [12:01]

4. Halloween Football Parties & Charcuterie Skeletons

[16:35–17:43]

• John relishes the Halloween effort at his Steelers party: a full-sized skeleton charcuterie board, “mummy dogs,” and elaborate décor, lamenting the upcoming return to “just pizza.”

5. Gala Season, Bad Gala Chicken, and Celebrity Fundraising

[17:09–32:52]

• John’s week was filled with fancy galas (Kurt Warner’s Treasure House, pet rescues, theater events). He rants about the universal curse of “gala/wedding chicken” – always dry and inedible.
• The group jokes that bad chicken should entitle donors to partial refunds.
• John highlights the wealthy hosting galas and awkwardly asking the less-rich for donations. Stories from Kurt Warner’s benefit (including catching footballs for donations and notable wardrobe malfunctions) sprinkle in absurdity.

"The event was glorious outside of that. But it's not the event. It's every single time you're at those circular tables and somebody's up there... and then you hear clank, clank, clank, clank of the forks and knives trying to carve through that. You need a chainsaw to get through this thing."
– John Holmberg [21:30]**

"It's tough when three billionaires are like, 'We need your help.'... Are we funding this billionaire’s passion project?"
– John Holmberg [26:45]

6. Hot Air Balloons: Danger, Romance, & Midlife Crises

[41:36–54:04]

• Expanding on seeing balloons everywhere during “hot air balloon season” in Arizona, John and team rag on the utter lack of control pilots have, the prevalence of “hard landings,” and how balloon excursions are mostly for desperate marriages or failed romantic gestures.
• They act out scenes of bickering couples forced into hot air balloon adventures, blending real suspicion with comedic dysfunction.

"Hot air balloons are for proposals... or marriages on the rocks. Like, that's basically all hot air balloons are now."
– John Holmberg [44:15]

7. Romance Crimes: Sexy Break-Ins at a Scottsdale Restaurant

[56:46–61:27]

• The hosts riff on the news that two people broke into “Mon Cherie” (a trendy rose-wall brunch spot), had sex against the famous wall, and stole cash and booze.
• They mock restaurants' “pearl-clutching” reactions and assert that every restaurant in town has likely seen employee or patron sexcapades.

“You build a restaurant out of roses. Chicks are going to want to bang in that... They love the idea of getting smashed in roses.”
– John Holmberg [59:50]

8. The Dumbest Boy Alive: New Zealand’s Magnet-Eating Teen

[68:41–78:45]

• The show’s “dumbest kid in the world” segment spotlights a New Zealand teen who ate 100 high-powered magnets, aiming to become a real-life Magneto.
• Wild speculation about his father’s “medical decisions” and the general rule that “if your kids eat magnets, it’s time to let them go.”

“Why save him if you’re the doctor? Wouldn’t it be great if doctors looked and went, 'I’m going to be doing the world a favor here. I did everything I could. He’s not gonna make it.'”
– John Holmberg [71:07]

9. Dumb Pets and Pika (Non-Food Eating Disorders)

[79:04–93:47]

• Listeners write in about dogs eating rocks (and the resulting massive vet bills).
• John’s own terrier repeatedly ate dangerous objects, prompting a discussion of pika (the compulsion to eat non-food items).

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Memorable Quotes & Banter

• “This next one’s for you” (about memorial games):
  “It’s kinda like saying, Brett died, so we’re gonna have Corey Feldman sing at his funeral.”
  – John Holmberg [03:23]

• Gala food:
  “I took a bite and I’m like, ‘This can’t be right. ... Is this paper mache?’”
  – John Holmberg [20:21]

• Relationship Therapy, Holmberg-Style:
  “Any guy that takes you in a hot air balloon doesn’t get a BJ. That’s it. It’s over.”
  – John Holmberg [50:01]

• On Nelly Furtado’s new look:
  “She looks like she ate Kathleen Turner.”
  – John Holmberg [149:01]

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Segment Timestamps

• NFL Weekend & Sports Trauma: 00:39–09:44
• Injury Recaps & Philly Fans: 06:10–08:16
• Colts/Bengals Bar Debate & Indiana Hate: 09:20–14:51
• Halloween Party Bragging: 16:35–17:43
• Gala Season, Bad Food & Charity: 17:09–32:52
• Hot Air Balloon Season, Dangers & Marriage: 41:36–54:04
• Restaurant Sex Scandal: 56:46–61:27
• Magnet-Eating Kid: 68:41–78:45
• Pets with Pika: 79:04–93:47

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Additional Noteworthy Segments

• Giveaway/PROMO CODE Moments:

  • 6:00 am word: MUSIC [15:42]
  • 7:00 am word: MOOLAH [55:13]
  • 8:00 am word: CONCERT [94:43]
  • 9:00 am word: STASH [117:04]
    Listeners should check the KUPD app for word slot opportunities.

• What Would Brady Do? (Listener Problems Segment):
  [117:04–131:43]

  • Includes dilemmas about helping ex-spouses, cleaning up after buying from “two dudes,” scams on old relatives, and more relationship oddities.

• NBA Hall of Fame Black Tie Story:
  “Are we funding this billionaire’s passion project?” [26:45]

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Tone & Style

• Irreverent, very laid-back banter; nothing is sacred.
• Mixes sports talk, local Arizona flavor, and crass, observational humor.
• Frequent, rapid-fire one-liners and wild, sometimes dark analogies.
• Many spur-of-the-moment side stories, acting out skits, and running jokes.

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In Summary

This episode is a comedic rollercoaster ride through defeat, local oddities, bad food, ballooning mishaps, and the inexhaustible idiocy of both people and pets. It’s perfect for fans of raw, unsanitized morning radio with deep Arizona roots, who enjoy sports takes as much as they enjoy unfiltered jokes about marriage, old people scams, and restaurant crimes.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[Brett Vesely]

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[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here for my [e-mail] oh my goodness. My backyard is perfect now that I've turfed it. No mud, no maintenance, no sprinkler repair. No sprinklers. I have a lower water bill and I have a yard that looks perfect all year long. But that's not all. I've got a putting green, I've got a basketball play court. I've got an unbelievable situation. And I owe it all to turf Monsters. If you can dream up a backyard that you've always wanted, Turf Monsters is the place to call. Turfmonstersaz.com come on down to the Ranch House Grill. Comfort food is your next meal. Pork chili verde, chicken fried steak. Ranch House knows you'll think it's great. Are you ready for the best breakfast in Phoenix? Ranch House Grill has been voted best breakfast four years in a row. We're famous for our chicken fried steak, pork chili verde and large portions. Located in the heart of Arcadia. Join us for breakfast or lunch seven days a week, 6am to 2pm We're a family restaurant with a small town atmosphere serving southwestern comfort food for 18 years. Come on down to the Ranch House Grill for the best breakfast in Phoenix at 56th street and Thomas Road. It's John Holberg here. Time to talk about TV's Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins.com I just sat down with TV's Doug Hopkins. We did some TV commercials while we're watching football so you get to see me sit next to Doug and somehow or another make Doug look pretty. And I'm happy to do it too. I bought and sold houses using Doug Hopkins. So I've been through the process, and he's the real deal. He is not going to cancel or change the game with fine print contingencies. Simple cash offer and the deal is done. Start the process online@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing Hopkins 1-800-now Holmberg's Morning Sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Monday. It is 5:45. Yes, it's the morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady. There's Brett. There's big Dick Toledo. And off for our post NFL mush weekend. All of us just hammered over the way every team lost. Sports sucks. We all know that at this point. And the good news is, Brett, I can now feel what the Bears fans have felt. I knew my team was fraudulent, and it hasn't really bothered me, but now that they've exposed themselves as such, only a few weeks left to go. You know, halfway through the season. I don't have to emotionally care that much. Well, it's good because I knew that going in with my Steelers with Aaron Rodgers at quarterback, then I'm like, this is just a patchwork thing. We'll see. And then after the game, the bad news is that they started to say, steelers making offers to Aaron Rodgers to come back for next year. Like, what is going on? They got to draft a quarterback. We'll see. Maybe they can just tank the whole season and do it. It wasn't his fault. He's not. It's the defense that's horrible. Of course, the Bengals managed to lose in ways that nobody can even imagine to a team that I thought was. I always get worried when a team has some tragedy happen. Their former player Nick Mangold died, and then they said, we're gonna. And the worst thing in the world is to die and have an 06 team say, this next one's for you. It's like, oh, the tribute is not going to be pretty. It's kind of like saying, Brett died. So we're gonna have Corey Feldman sing at his funeral. It's like, oh, this is gonna make things worse. And then Brett's Bears managed to f up against the Ravens, and that was weird. Lamar less. And they found out, like, the day before they had that they just exhaled and didn't try. Steelers lose to the Packers. Here's a weird thing. And I'm not.

[Byron]

I'm.

[John Holmberg]

I'm trying to find, like, the last time this happened only one game so far in this week's NFL games and we still have one left tonight. Only one game was not 10 points or more for the winners. Like they. The. The difference in score was not 10 or more points and only 10 was won. The Steelers and Packers, double digit losses for everyone except your Bengals, who lost by one to the jets, who made miracles out of the Nick Mangold thing. I remember the Bears had Brian Erlacher. His mom passed away. And like this one for Brian, we love him. It's mine. And they went out and just got slaughtered like 38 to 6 against the saints. And I'm like, I guess they don't love Brian that much because they certainly didn't put much effort out for his mom.

[Brett Vesely]

They did win. When buckets. When buckets.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. When Buckus. Yeah, that's right. They. They've had. They've had plenty of opportunities. Oh, yeah. But the. Yeah, so yesterday when they came back and won for Nick Mangold, that was kind of neat. But that was the only game with a single dish, single digit difference. Wow. And 10 was one game, 11 was the other. All the rest were like 17 or more. It was blowout weekend, which is weird. I don't think I've ever seen that before. It was really strange. But football, it's around. I have to give props to a friend of Min, Jeremy Marks, who brought his Viking wife over last night and watched the Steelers and Packers and big Packer fan.

[Byron]

And they behaved.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they're completely behaved. Everyone was well behaved. It was a good group. But hell came by and everybody booed and booed. It was great. But yeah, Dale came over in his stupid Raven ski cap and it's got. It's got his number 70 on the side. And he looks. Dale looks flat out hard. Hard R word. When he's got that ski cap on. Like, he looks like the biggest RIRI I' ever seen in my life. It's very funny. And then my friend John Sharpnick says, is that his number on the side of the ski cap or do they just put your IQ on that? And I. And everybody's like. And Dale goes, you're not smart enough to come up with that on your own. Who helped you? And it was just full battle. Dale's a good sport. That was fun. Very fun.

[Brett Vesely]

Scat.

[John Holmberg]

And then there's that cam. Scatter. Boo. Which was. And I was coming back from Sedona. I was up there on Saturday and Sunday morning with a couple buddies jeeping and my phone started just going buzz. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. And it's like, scatter boo. Oh, my God. And I'm like, oh, no. What happened? And then people started to send still pictures of their TVs of his foot facing the wrong way. That was not. That was not human. What happened to his foot. And then right there on the field, they kind of put it back and put it in that boot. They don't show that part, but he's in that boot and it's facing the right way. Which had to be excruciating just seconds later for some trainer to go, I was going to put her back where she kind of is supposed to be. Word is that Camp Scatterboo has a badly dislocated foot, and it's not broken. If the bones are broken, it's going to be a lot worse than 10, 11 months.

[Byron]

And ligaments.

[John Holmberg]

No, the ligaments healing and all that, but that can just stretch and pop and whatever that has got to. That has got to feel pretty terrible to have your foot facing the wrong way. And the way he bent.

[Byron]

Oh, he just tapped the top of his head.

[John Holmberg]

It was like, oh, yeah.

[Byron]

Dude was tough.

[John Holmberg]

He's. Yeah.

[Byron]

As far as the reaction, because you'd be.

[John Holmberg]

I think those things happen so fast. I don't think, you know until you know that it's like, oh, is my foot on wrong? It's like that video that go. The meme that. Or. It's not a meme, but it's a video of a guy riding a motorcycle. And suddenly he just goes, oh, my foot's gone. My foot's gone.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And he just looks down and there's like a tree thing that's just jammed through his ankle. I don't know that you would feel it. It would happen so fast. Turn around. And then a few minutes later, you're like, oh, there it is. That's the thing that hurts.

[Brett Vesely]

He had to be in the running for rookie of the Year, too.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, he was. Seven touchdowns. Already had one again yesterday. And, yeah, he's. And he's a hero. The kids played seven games, and when they carted him off, place erupted. It wasn't. It was in Philadelphia.

[Byron]

Philadelphia. And the fans got on their feet.

[John Holmberg]

Philly fans, they boo.

[Byron]

They.

[John Holmberg]

They cheered when Michael Irvin possibly was paralyzed on their field. It was one of the last plays Michael Irvin ever played. It might have been the last play, but he jammed his neck and dropped to the turf in Philadelphia. And the Philly fans cheered wildly that Michael Irvin was being carted off. In a neck brace and a helmet. Like, they're. Like, he might be paralyzed. And they were. That tells you something. Scatterboo's got a little push to him. That was pretty awesome. So, again, I'm hoping for the best. But his running style, his style of just constant contact and everything else for his body is not exactly conducive for a long career, but he is fun to watch. That was tough. That was a tough one. So, yeah, he's having his surgery, and that's just awful. Poor kid. And, you know, ASU lost. The Suns are terrible. Like, what is going on in this world that we just can't have nice things? Nobody can have anything nice. And I don't know any Colts fans. They're the only ones that can have any joy in this world right now. Just the packers are. Their record's pretty good. And.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I have to listen at my house every week.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's right. She's got happiness about. But it's still sort of a weird. Like, they don't play full games. They play two quarters a game. And it's been just enough. The Colts are just dominating everyone. The Colts. Did you hear me? The Colts and Daniel Jones. Anyway, football's around. It's quite a thing.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I can't think of one Colts fan.

[John Holmberg]

Cause there aren't any. If there's a Colts fan out there, he's. He's alone. Like, nobody ever says, oh, I'd go there on a Sunday, but it's a Colts bar. That's not a thing anywhere in the nation. There's no Colts bars. There's no. If there's a Bengals bar, it's probably a joke. There's no Bengals bars anywhere. I mean, that's silly. There's Bengals fans here and there more than there are Colts fans. Yeah, I know a couple guys from Indiana who are Colts fans, but they've been quiet for a while now.

[Byron]

They'll be coming out of the woodwork. Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. There'll be a bunch of them. You know what's bad about that, though? Yeah, but I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe some Indiana Jones jersey.

[John Holmberg]

The problem with the Colts bandwagon is that they're basically wearing T shirts with blue ink on them. They're boring. Like the.

[Brett Vesely]

Even.

[John Holmberg]

Even when the culture. Good. Their uniforms kind of stink.

[Byron]

It's the last of the originals, in a way.

[John Holmberg]

Change. No, they haven't. And what they've changed has been, like, so minor. They're a drag. You can't. Like.

[Byron]

I mean, it would have to be like the Browns and Colts.

[John Holmberg]

It. Colts used to have that weird thing riding a horse. They had a strange one for a second, but for the most part, it's just been that dumb horseshoe. Yeah, and they're all still dressed like Johnny Unitis, and they all still bore the tears out of you. And. Yeah, there's nothing exciting about being a Colts fan. And here's the thing about being a Colts fan. Even if they're good, you got a road trip to Indianapolis to watch your team. No, thanks. It's gross. That's why you don't see any of them. And that's why, you know, look, if you went to a Colts bar, you go to, like, a Steelers bar, and there's pictures of bridges and there's hard hats for steel. You go to a Packers bar, there's the cheese heads. There's all the pictures of Lambeau Field and Lombardi and all the history. Go to a cold spar. What's on the walls? Pictures of Indianapolis.

[Brett Vesely]

Peyton Manning, I guess.

[John Holmberg]

I guess a load of Peyton Manning and maybe some old Johnny Unitis. But they even abandoned their original city. I don't know. It's. It. Being a Colts fan would suck because it's. There's like, the least exciting fans ever. I mean, Arizona, Indiana's buzzing pretty good between the Colts Thrill, they get the Pacers iu. Indiana is the bastion of sport right now, and good Christ, why would anybody care when Indiana wins, America loses. I've said that since I was born. Nobody, and I mean nobody, has ever had a success, successful tourism business that's keyed in on getting you to go to Indiana. It's never happened. Like, I'm a. I'm a travel agent. And if I could talk you into a week in Indiana, like, I'm going somewhere else. Like, you're an idiot. This is the worst state in the. This awful. All right, all right, all right. Let's talk about Ohio and Kentucky. I'm like, ah, you're an idiot. You're going out of business. There's nothing about. You can see all those corn fields. You can see the place where they pretended to bury Joe Pesci and Casino at the end. And, well, then there's Notre Dame and. Anyway, we'll go someplace good. Chicago's close. Indiana stinks.

[Brett Vesely]

500 is about the only thing.

[John Holmberg]

Indy 500 is a thing. Maybe that's what they'd have pictures of. Indy bar. I've been to Vikings bars, I've been to Bears bars. I've been to Steeler bars. Packer bars.

[Byron]

Did the Cardinals even have Cardinal Stadium?

[John Holmberg]

Sure. Sure. That's great. Bus. I have no desire.

[Byron]

I went to a Monday Night Football game. Where'd you go in, Andy?

[John Holmberg]

In the old stadium? In the. In the hanky. In the big dome?

[Byron]

No, it was the.

[John Holmberg]

The Hoosier Dome. When was that? I think it couldn't have been because if I. You've never been to Indianapolis since I've.

[Byron]

Known how long is the Lucas Oil.

[John Holmberg]

But it was 15 years ago, so it was before. It was like 25 at least. Yeah, you were in the Hoosier Dome. That thing was a dump because it was in Indianapolis. You can't. You can't get nice things in Indianapolis.

[Byron]

I just remember they had that train station. Had a lot of bar and restaurants there. Or is either a bus depot.

[John Holmberg]

They've got food. I mean. Yeah, they've got food.

[Byron]

It's pretty cool.

[John Holmberg]

Market Square.

[Byron]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's. That's all right. It's typical of all cruddy cities that they have five or six restaurants. Kansas City was that way too. They've got the power and light and they think it's fun. And it's like Guy Fieri's restaurant and a Kansas City Sushi, which is the worst phrase you could ever hear in your life. Yeah, it's pretty. That's like, you know, Harlem hookers. Like what. I'm not taking any of that. HIV positive prostitutes. Shouldn't be a name of something. But that's basically what Kansas City Sushi means. Yeah, there's. There's Chiefs bars, for God's sakes. Trying to think if anybody would have you. You're the dumbest businessman in the world if you open a cult centric bar. We're focused in on Indianapolis and all the good things. And even still with all the. The teams good.

[Byron]

And it seems like it's mostly. Well, maybe. I know there's a Packers bar, there's Steelers bar.

[John Holmberg]

Chiefs, Packers, Steelers. There's a Redskins. There's some college bars too. But I mean there's. I mean there's Eagles bars, there's Bears, there's Eagles, there's. I mean there are loads of them in our city. Yeah, I don't know that. There's a Cardinals bar maybe on the west side somewhere. I don't know that I've ever. Yeah, I don't know if one would.

[Byron]

Be like the Central.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the place to go if you.

[Byron]

Definitely would have one in the East Valley because it.

[John Holmberg]

You think you can't reach the game. You don't know it. There should be a. There should be a great place to watch, I don't know, Title nine. You got me. And then you can focus on the one thing that's been going on. The Phoenix Rising. They clinched a spot in whatever league they're in playoffs. So congratulations to that group of unknown gentlemen.

[Byron]

Or will be fired up.

[John Holmberg]

They're great. Walsh will be fired up. That gives him a couple extra things to do on the weekends for radio soccer. Oh, and he's got to do that. So we do have sports still. But that's. That's enough of that. That's just brutal. We got the word to give you at 6 o' clock this morning. I can go in there and remember the app is still active and you go over and get the promo code and knock that thing silly. We'll give you the word. I'll show. I'll give it to you right now. You gotta wait one more minute. Music is today's promo code word for the app. Take it in the app and get that thing together. Music. My friend's wife catered our everybody. Every week, one of the people that comes to the Steeler games puts together usually just kicks in money and we get pizzas. She brought in a full size skeleton for Halloween and themed out the whole thing and made this incredible charcuterie out of the skeleton, putting, you know, all the salami on the chest.

[Brett Vesely]

Some pictures Megan posted.

[John Holmberg]

It's unbelievable what they did last night. And now my Steeler parties are ruined because we're going back to pizza next week.

[Melissa]

It's a.

[John Holmberg]

We can't do that now. Everybody's got to put in Halloween weekend on Halloween weekend. And you know, screwing up football. It was unreal. We had mommy dogs and like hot dogs that were wrapped like mummies and I was delicious. And I'm like, nobody ever puts this kind of effort into things at all. We had skeletons and charcuterie Board of It was unreal.

[Brett Vesely]

Guys are being civilized over there. What's going on?

[John Holmberg]

Look, I was at a gala on Friday. You know what I've discovered, Brett? I'm in the midst of gala season. I'm invited to too many. I got one on Saturday. I really like the one on Saturday. I get to host it. It's the lost our home pet rescue one. I'm going to a theater gala. I'm going to a. Yeah, you heard me. I went to Kurt Warner's Treasure House gala on Friday. And that was interesting because a lot of the times you go to these things, it's wedding Food. I went to Kurt Warner's thing for Treasure House on Friday night. Very nice. You know, it was a lovely, lovely place. And then the food came. And most of the time, they serve you chicken. Like, that's the safest one to go with. And, you know, everybody's been to a wedding. You've DJed enough of them to know that when people serve the chicken, you're probably not gonna get, like, the best flavor out of that chicken ever. Dry is a word's use.

[Byron]

Cause it's mass.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's. It's a lot.

[Byron]

Bring it out.

[John Holmberg]

But that seems to be an excuse. I think it's done on purpose. I think that the Cooks hate making 450 chickens the exact same way. And after a while, they just start effing with it.

[Byron]

But it's tough to begin with, because.

[John Holmberg]

Tough is the word.

[Byron]

All comes out at the same time. Making 400 different thing.

[John Holmberg]

It was.

[Byron]

But then you got to make it.

[John Holmberg]

And hold it and hang on to it and then just plop it on. But, I mean, McDonald's can do it. And grilled the chicken. But you're getting McDonald's.

[Byron]

You know what you're getting.

[John Holmberg]

It's juicy.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But this. I know what I'm getting, too. This was without a doubt. I actually asked for my donation back. I'm like, you're. You figure out the food sickness radiate. Kupd, it's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness. And it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group. And doughns.com I tell you about the house down the street from me that has had a for sale sign in the yard for three months now. In fact, it's the fourth different sign. They've got a new Realtor all the time. I do know this, though. They wouldn't be dealing with all this stress if they'd just called TVs Doug Hopkins because he's more than a guy buying your house. He makes an offer for your house, cash. As is, you don't have to do anything. The deal is over. So all you got to do is start the process [e-mail] come or sing. This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. I made a lot of poor decisions in my past that had lifelong consequences. After I was released from prison for the last time in 2014, I discovered the process to have my convictions dismissed and all of my rights restored, including my Second Amendment rights. Since achieving this for myself in 2018, our attorney has assisted over 3,000 others in doing the same. If you are still living under the consequences of past mistakes and would like to restore your rights as I have, visit restoremycivilrights.com and book a free consultation today. Holmberg's morning sickness. The chicken show. I took a bite and I'm like, this. This can't be right. Is this the food or is this a picture or a replica of what you're going to serve later? Because I think this is paper mache. I took another bite and I looked at other people were pushing their plates forward and I'm like, is it. Is it the worst thing? And people say, I think mine's made of wood. I'm not sure if it's. It was. I eat anything.

[Brett Vesely]

Should have doordashed.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, I thought about it. Well, we immediately. The whole table was like, where are we going to go after this? This seems like something.

[Byron]

And it surprised me because when he said where it was at Caesar.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Yeah. But it's convention food. No, it doesn't matter how nice the place is. They have not mastered the chickens. And I think it's time when weddings and everything else take it off the menu. It's never good. It's never good. I like the lost at home brunch because they usually give you, like, quiche. It's like an egg thing. It's, like, pretty good. I've been to that one.

[Byron]

Polenta.

[John Holmberg]

Polenta. Get the little rice thing in there. Yeah, Brady will be. Brady's busy not eating. You can do the menus for these places.

[Byron]

That's what I'm getting.

[John Holmberg]

But everybody, it's time someone said something. Everybody goes to these things, and the standard dinner is chicken, and it is always bad. So it's time someone said, all right, this is never good.

[Byron]

Give you chicken or beef, like at a wedding.

[John Holmberg]

Mix it up. I don't want any meat. Mix it up. You gotta do something. Like what we just said. Just a plate of eggs would be fine. Just some. Just give me some eggs. Nobody hates eggs. It's like, we'll just eat some scrambled eggs. It can't be worse. It was terrible. And I'm like, that's par for the course. Although I will say that one was the number one bad food. The event was glorious outside of that. But it's not the event' it's every single time you're at those circular tables and somebody's up there going, when I first started to do, blah, blah, blah, my passions, blah, blah, blah. And then you hear clank, clank, clank, clank, Clank. Of the forks and the knives trying to carve through that. You need a chainsaw to get through this thing.

[Brett Vesely]

That's when you start taking some money back out of the envelope.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I meant. That's the way you do it, Brett. That's your gallus. Our envelopes are usually just paddles, but you don't. It's for you and your family. Just give a little envelope over there with that chicken.

[Brett Vesely]

Here we go.

[John Holmberg]

You know, I did donate less.

[Byron]

You should.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I was going to donate a bigger amount, but I'm like, no, they got to figure this chicken thing out. It's terrible.

[Byron]

Spaghetti and meatball.

[John Holmberg]

Can that be? Yeah, but then sauces. Sauces would be tough. Everybody. You imagine serving him convention spaghetti.

[Byron]

He could hold that.

[Brett Vesely]

I'd have used that paddle on the side of somebody's head.

[John Holmberg]

You'd have just heard in the back what happened. Fred. This is not good sauce. This is. This gravy is. But it's. Yeah. It's time we all stopped saying yes to the chicken and acting like that's. It's just part of it. It's just such a stamped. Like, this is just what happens. And it's time we start.

[Byron]

What are we gonna get to eat after the gallows?

[John Holmberg]

Everybody leaves and eats something else. And you get people to stick around longer. If you had good food.

[Byron]

Yeah, but we're donating to a good cause.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's the. Yeah, it's the standard. It might as. It's cookie cutter, the whole thing. And weddings are no better. I've never been to a wedding. I've eaten, like, man, this meal at this wedding is spectacular. You can't do it. And it's always chicken.

[Byron]

The only good food at a wedding is your food. That's your wedding. The food at my wedding was unbelievable.

[John Holmberg]

Yours wasn't good. Yours was bad, too. I was there. It was horrible. We all just kind of. It was really good because there were, like, a hundred people there, and it's like, they can't do it. It's official. Cooks cannot make delicious chicken for 100 or more people. It can't be done.

[Brett Vesely]

And they come. Those. Those. You could tell it's those frozen chicken breasts with the grill marks pre put in it and everything else.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then they place it over, like, carrots and some of those weird finger potatoes. Like if some sort of Gordon Ramsay presentation sauce to cover it up.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Moistened it to make it have some sort of water on it. Yeah. You're absolutely right. It's time we understood it now.

[Byron]

You know, like, because you're always looking for the more upper. A nice plate of food that's hard to present. The people that were doing it when we had Porkopolis. Pulled pork ribs.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, make that.

[Byron]

But you're like, it's. It's less formal.

[John Holmberg]

Do it for 100 people, and I guarantee it starts drying up, there's just no way they can do it. You can't do it. Just don't. Don't screw around anymore. Get cut to the cheesecake. Just skip dinner, and everybody gets a piece of cheesecake and, like, a salad. That's it. And then bread. That's it. We'll just treat us like prisoners. Bread, Little dry salad, cheesecake. We're all getting food later anyway, you know that. And we know we'll save this charity some money.

[Byron]

Tamales.

[John Holmberg]

No, Brady, God damn it. I'm gonna throw this pen through your heart. We're getting into tamale season, too. I started at goddamn Halloween's coming up Friday, and then next thing you know, everybody's gonna hear it from that lady at work. My.

[Melissa]

My nana makes tamales, and I was gonna take an order.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, for Christ's sake. Do I have to?

[Melissa]

She's very sick, and we're trying to.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I got a bunch of wash down there, right? Yeah, I have a car wash. Ah, that's good stuff. Anyway, Yeah, I just, you know, I'm glad Kurt Warner raised a lot of money. That Treasure House thing is spectacular. It's a beautiful, like, concept. The idea is outstanding. I am a little bothered, and I wanted to talk to Kurt Warner about. This is why none of the other Cardinals show up. But I have been to several events, and when pro athletes have galas and stuff, usually they're on their own. And Kurt was there by himself. I'm like, where are all the teammates? Where are all the. Where are all the guys? Where's the Cardinals? Like, how come they're not? It's because everybody in football, and it's.

[Byron]

His night to shine super cheap.

[John Holmberg]

That's basically. I was at the NBA hall of Fame once, and everybody. Every table had an NBA player. And Jerry Colangelo's up there. He's in charge of this whole thing. And a couple other billionaires are up there, and they're trying to ask us for money. And it's tough when three billionaires are like, we need your help. I'm like, okay, what do you need? It's like, it takes, like, a million and a half dollars to keep this thing afloat annually, and that's just through donations. And then we'll handle it, like. And then nobody did. And then. And it's for the hall of Fame. You'd think the basketball players that are at the tables would be like, we need to. This is ours. We need to keep this. Not one basketball guy raised his hand. I'm sitting with Kevin Ray and a friend of mine, and I'm like, are we. Are we funding those billionaires? Suddenly I'm, you know, I'm like a Portland resident. I just wanted to lay down and light a fire and start barking at the 1 percenters. It was like, are we funding this billionaire's passion project? It's a million dollars.

[Byron]

You do it, and you could stroke that check. Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And why are you. And the worst part was, he's like, all right, we've got a trip to Italy. Eight days. We're gonna take the bids. It's an $8,000 trip. Let's start it at 10,000. It's for a good cause, the NBA hall of Fame. And I'm like, hey, Tom Chambers, raise your paddle. I can go to Italy for a grand. And I'm like, yeah, I know. That's. All of us are thinking that, why would I spend 10, maybe even for free?

[Byron]

Got a buddy that's got a place.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly like Tom Chambers. Like, going to that cheap Italy trip for eight. I'm going to spend more on Go to Italy for 8,000. I'm going to spend that on the plane tickets.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe it's those players at the table. They're like, I ain't never going to make it in.

[John Holmberg]

Why should I kick it, too? The guy that was sitting with me was a laker in the 70s. Yeah. I've never heard of him. And all he did was whisper in my ear. He goes, these cheap mother. And he was bitching about it. And I'm like. He goes, they call me out to these events. I'm like, did you get paid for this? And he goes, it's part of the program. When you're an NBA alumnus, that is part of your job.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm like, oh, you're not seeing Jordan at a table or anything like that, you know, well, how hard would it.

[John Holmberg]

Be if Michael Jordan stood on a stage and said, I need your help? No, you don't. That's hard. Like, I need you to say, this is my passion. Whatever we raise here tonight, I've put a group together that's going to match it. And people would be like, all right, cool. Now let's try to drive. Let's. Let's get into his pockets. So they raise 500 grand, he puts in 500 grand. And it's like, we got them. You know, it's a great feeling.

[Byron]

You know, I think at the same time, all these pro athletes have their own foundation.

[John Holmberg]

All of them do. Yeah.

[Byron]

They're all hitting us for money really hard for them. You know, like, I kind of. There's where my resources are going to.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm all in on helping out charities that are good. I'm all in. But it is hard to have.

[Byron]

You have to pick and choose though. I mean, because you can't help them all.

[John Holmberg]

Multimillionaires. With multimillionaire and billionaire friends asking Brady for cash, it just, it can look bad.

[Byron]

And that's where it comes from a lot of times. I mean, the people that don't have the money are the most generous.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's very true. Current Warner's thing was great. The NBA one, I'm telling you, that hall of Fame dinner, that was. That's one that I'm like, if anybody invited me to go back to that, I'd be like, absolutely not. Like that one felt creepy. It just, you know, it is a mental mindset. It's like if your boss started to ask you for a few bucks at work every couple weeks, you know, he comes in and he rides in in this beautiful new Porsche. He's bragging about it. He's got this great car. And then he comes over to Brady and goes, hey, I'm working on something at my house. I'm really excited about. I need your help.

[Melissa]

For what?

[John Holmberg]

Just give me a hundred bucks.

[Byron]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

It's a write off.

[Melissa]

Do it yourself.

[John Holmberg]

But if he said, you give me a hundred bucks and I'll kick in on your thing or I'm gonna match this. It's just I'm trying to do a fundraiser because I'm not allowed to go.

[Byron]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

It's weird. But Kurt was great. Kurt kicks in, that's his deal. It's coming out of his pocket a lot. Just get a little help there. That treasure house, if you've ever had a chance to go see it, it's in Glendale. They did an. It's an amazing facility that Kurt, he.

[Byron]

Said he has a kid there, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Curtain, his son Zach. But as Brenda and him have put together an absolute. It's a piece of work out there. It's nice. So you don't mind helping those kind of things. And then Kurt Warner at the End puts a glove on. And for every thousand dollar donation, he reaches into this bucket and pulls out an autograph Kurt Warner football and chucks it at people. And so the whole dinner, it is kind of neat. You catch, you catch a pass from a hall of famer and you know, put your paddle up, thousand dollar donation. And he whips a ball your direction and man, oh man, five balls thrown that night. Probably 33 I think. And that was after they'd already hit you for, you know, the, the tears they give. You like it for $25,000 donation. We're like, you get this specialty thing and then after that get into the 10, 5, 2, 500,000. Then everybody can give 100 bucks and everybody always gives 100 bucks. So the room just packs up. So for a thousand bucks he's starting to whip these footballs around. Let me tell you, if you're fans of Kurt Warner's, that means you're probably football fans. I don't know what happened to all the hands of the gentleman that decided to catch a pass from Kurt Warner, but how there was no Marsha Brady. Broken noses at this thing was marvelous. It was amazing that I figured, I mean as bad as it was watching men, even Kurt Warner goes, man, a lot of dudes just catching the ball with their chest. Like you'd hear thump and everybody's getting. And he wasn't throwing it that hard. But the, and guys, okay, I got it. Like. Yeah, but you caught it like a, like a six year old girl. And you know, and then the chicks were like putting the diamond up, looking it in.

[Brett Vesely]

No glasses got smashed on the table.

[John Holmberg]

There was one, one girl with just clown cans. We were, Mark and I were waiting all night for these things to bubble out. They were so close, but they were so hard. We were, Mark and I were like, they're coming out. Like those are so close. And her, her husband was, I don't know, the guy that had the hammer in Texas Chainsaw massacre. He was 180 years old. And, and she's probably, she's in her 30s, but all of her parts are. Six hurricanes were magnificent. His dress was barely covering areola. And we're like, if she, if she sneezes, they're coming out and she stands up. Oh, she bid for a ball, puts her arms in the air for a ball and, and she was six feet from the stage. And Kurt gives her a little tiny, you know, and I don't know how it ended up going over her head. She like just threw it up in the Air. And it hits the table next to everybody. And then she puts her hands up like, I dropped it.

[Melissa]

Throw another one.

[John Holmberg]

And they did. And she caught the second one. But I don't know. The most amazing part of the night was how she kept those cans in that dress. It's impossible to do what she had going on.

[Byron]

Good tape.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, it was NASA glue. I don't know how.

[Byron]

Gorilla glue.

[John Holmberg]

You know, sometimes you'll at least see the top of the areola start to kind of creep out, and she has to give a little. They had to be right there. Yeah, it's gorilla glue. And something like. It was those things. That dress didn't budge. Magnificent. So that was the fun of it.

[Byron]

That was a highlight.

[John Holmberg]

No. Still trying to get through the chicken. It was still. Even Cannes couldn't fix how bad that chicken was. Yeah, it was that. Other than that, it a good event, but got to figure something out. I'm in gala season. I got to go to. You know, it's a bad thing about going to one. Usually, then other people will start asking you to go to theirs. And then you start getting into these weird. And I'm not cut out for that kind of stuff. I'm not. That ain't me. Like, I am a fish out of water at those things.

[Byron]

Black ties, a tough sell.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And they'll ask me. Well, that's the thing. I'm sitting there talking to them. One guy's like, I do heart transplants. And my heart transplant surgeon like, oh, that's great. And then another guy's like, I'm a billionaire. Invented something for planes. That's great. What do you do? I'm a professional jackass. I'm like, I don't. I'm not telling you guys what I do. I just make it up. I tried my baby casket line that. Nobody laughed. I thought it was like, what do you do? Oh, I make caskets for little people. Little people. Like, one guy actually said midgets. Like, I don't think we say that anymore. But no smaller than that. What? Infants. Jesus Christ.

[Byron]

That's right.

[Brett Vesely]

Exactly.

[Byron]

What you do now is added to it. It's like, I'm retired.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, really?

[Byron]

What'd you do? Well, then, where you made your money.

[John Holmberg]

I made a hole carving out baby caskets. Baby cats. For what? You know, babies. There's loads of them. They don't make it. Not all of them make it. It's called SIDS R Us, and it is.

[Byron]

Check it out.

[John Holmberg]

It's one of the worst places in the world. But somebody's got to do it. Figured, why not me? So what'd you invent for planes? Good day, sir. And then they just walk away. But everybody is like this magnificent. You know, I'm friends with everyone in the honor health. In fact, they have a statue. My Anthony. My friend Anthony said that. He goes, you seen that statue in that building when you go in? And he's talking to some lady who. She did some naturopathic work, and he's in the medical field. And he said, you seen that statue when you go in there?

[Melissa]

Because she's like, I don't believe you're part of that.

[John Holmberg]

And he goes, go in there and look the statue. And he goes, you know the one that's right in the center? Look at the name on the bottom of it. It's me. And they, you know, dedicated to Anthony Puglitzi. And I start laughing. I'm like, is that true? And he goes, yeah. I'm like, oh, that's a. That's a strong flex to anyone that's telling you.

[Byron]

Uh.

[John Holmberg]

And sure enough, that's a thing. And then they turn to me, what.

[Melissa]

Do you do for a living?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. If I said prostitute, it would be more impressive than what I do. I'm a jackass. And then all my friends try to back it up. Oh, he's great. He does a radio show. He's still very. He's a very funny, viable human being. Yeah, that's what I provide. Society. You guys are pulling. My buddy Brinks ripping livers out. I went to Sedona with my friend Brink. He had to leave yesterday at 8. We got plastered the night before. Wake up in the morning, I gotta leave. Like, why? I got a couple surgeries.

[Byron]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

You're kind of hungover. He says nothing. I've got this down pat. He's like a car mechanic with these things. He's genius. I just start hanging out with you two more often. Three of us going out. At least I got a couple other dudes who are jackass.

[Byron]

You'll be home early.

[John Holmberg]

At least I'll get home before the sun sets if I'm with Brady.

[Melissa]

We gotta go.

[Byron]

It's almost dark 30.

[John Holmberg]

But yeah, it's not. I'm a professional jackass. It happens. The word is music for 6am let's get that in there and start off your week properly. We have our second winner getting drawn today. Thousand bucks on the line for you. You pop the word music in our app. Take it in the app, find it right there. Click on that at our 98kUpd app and put in the word music for the 6 o' clock promo. You're automatically entered. It's that easy. We'll have a word at seven also, so a few more minutes on that. You guys give us a wake up so 9800 a good one and we'll scream it together. It's 98 Kubd Wagah.

[Byron]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. Why choose a sleep number? Smart bed? Can I make my sight softer? Can I make my sight firmer? Can we sleep cooler? Sleep number does that cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side. Your sleep number settings enjoy personalized comfort for better sleep night after night. And now max out your savings. The more you buy, the more you save on beds, bases and more. Plus get free home delivery on any smart bed with base limited time. Check it out at a sleep number store near you [e-mail] today. Audible's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you when it comes to what kind of romance you're into. You don't have to choose just one fancy a dalliance with a Duke or maybe a steamy billionaire. You could find a book boyfriend in the city and another one tearing it up on the hockey field. And if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm. Discover modern rom coms from authors like Lily Chu and Ali Hazelwood, the latest romantasy series from Sarah J. Maas and Rebecca Yarros, plus Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander, and of course, all the really steamy stuff. Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com wondery that's audible.com Wondery Holmberg's Morning Sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Thank you very much Katie and the Hobbs. That's miles to nowhere. And the 6 o' clock code word is over 7 o'. Clock. We'll do another one. It'll be great. Guy says to me, hey, shout out to the jets for beating Brady's Bengals and winning me 645 on a $10 bet. And I have to thank you too, John. I almost took the $370 cash out, but I remember you guys telling Brady and Dale that cash outs are for pussies. That's right. Look what happened. You stuck to the bet you made. You walked out of there with 675 on a $10 bet. That's pretty awesome, pulling that out of your ass. Portnoy.

[Byron]

He. He bailed out on a buyout, cash, 190 grand.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he does a little bit bigger bet, but even still.

[Byron]

But what got me, what bothered me, he says he won 190,000.

[John Holmberg]

No, he did, because they offered it to him. And then I don't know if it was a bailout. And then he would have lost. I don't know if that's when he did. But those are the frustrating ones. When you take that buyout and then you end up winning what you took. You left half on the table. Some people can walk away with that. I'm not one of those people that can do it. It would have to be for 190 grand. I'm an idiot to not take that. I am a moron, though, because I remember betting on a Cubs brewers game about two years ago, and I had this lottery ticket going, and it offered me. I think it was like, one strike out away. It offered me seven or 8,000 bucks of the 11. Like, no, this pitcher is going to get one more strikeout, and I'm going to be fine. And as I was, like, saying no to that, the offer went away. I'm like, ah. And of course, it's on a delay. And I looked up at the tv, and for no reason whatsoever, David Ross, the coach of the Cubs, going out there to pull the pitcher. Oh, no, no, no. Let him throw to one more guy. Missed it by one strikeout.

[Brett Vesely]

Missed it by one.

[John Holmberg]

And I didn't take the buyout. But it's not just, you know, you only lost 100 bucks. Can't say I lost all that. Boy, that stinks. But congratulations to that guy. And a lot of people emailing Cam Scatterboo's ankle to me. I've seen it. That's enough. I understand that that happens. And it's, you know, stop it. You know, it is the football season, and all of our teams stink. And, you know, the Cardinals aren't good. So talking to the general public out there, a few of you've got your team still in the running. Congratulations to you. But the vast majority of people right now are starting to realize this season is just now for show, and it's probably not going to matter much in the end. So it's. You got to find other stuff to do. And it's the hot air balloon season. I watched about 20 of those as I was coming back Yesterday from Sedona in the morning. They're everywhere. The weather's perfect for. It's a little warm now, you can't go up. I mean you could go up right now and you'll probably see them popping up out there. But it is also the hot air balloon crash season because when you have hot air balloons you have hot air balloon wrecks because inevitably one or two of them are going to catch a, catch a wave and they already in Marana. It just started like a week ago. A hot air balloon ran into an apartment complex then bounced off of it and went to some field. And everybody I guess is okay, I hope, I don't know. But they're banging into stuff again. And I, and I've seen, I have a guy I tactical black that chase. He's a balloon chase.

[Byron]

Yeah, it's amazing.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm like, what are you doing? He goes, we guess. And he said, I'm like, really? Yes. He said we hope that we've got it figured out just right. But for the most part you just try not to fly over stuff like power lines, things like that. I'm like, how's it. It's unavoidable that you're gonna. So but you're just trying to realize where the wind's going. Like what about still days? And he goes, the best ones, you just go up, you float about 35ft and you come right back. I'm like that's perfect. That sounds nice but I would not. I'm, you know, we're talking about flying cars last week and how they're going to start hitting power lines and stuff. It's amazing that we don't have more hot air balloon wrecks but there's a reason why, and no one talks about it that hot air balloons. You know, we have 300 resorts in the Phoenix area and they all offer hot air balloon like excursions. Yeah. But you gotta drive like an hour and a half out into the middle of nowhere because they're like, yeah, we can't do it with people. We don't know where this thing's gonna end up. And it's a. How is this allowed with all these bubble wrapped human beings now they're afraid of everything. You can't get in your car anymore without it just constantly nagging you to put your seatbelt on. Like within a second if you put your car in reverse and you've forgotten to put your seatbelt on for you're backing out of them.

[Melissa]

Ping, bing, bing, bing.

[John Holmberg]

I'm getting to it.

[Byron]

How often are they dropping the ropes and just some, you know, out in the middle of nowhere. Hey, could you. Use your help?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry about that. We're gonna land in here. And then I go to. I've been. I lived in Albuquerque, and I was a little kid, and they used to float right over the houses, just right to the mountain. It was just this constant thing. But they're. They crash here. And it scares the hell out of me when I see them, because I'm like. I used to think it would be fun to be in one. I have become horrified of it. I have. Yeah. Brady's face is saying it all. No interest.

[Byron]

I would have signed up a couple years ago.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, me, too. And I'm kind of like, no. Something seems, like just completely off on this whole deal. I don't know how it was even mesmerizing.

[Byron]

The last wicker basket I saw on fire.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Did not look that far.

[John Holmberg]

And that's the thing, too.

[Byron]

Like, no chance either.

[John Holmberg]

They haven't invented, like, a thing I can lay down in. In case it crashed like a steel box. It's not. It's. Why does it have to be a Pier 1 Imports basket that I have to go. Give me a protective steel cage like. Like we're going. Shark sightings, you know, Put one of those at the bottom.

[Byron]

Kevlar.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Just build a light carbon fiber. I mean, a little more expensive, like.

[John Holmberg]

A jail cell, but it can be, you know, and then if it smashes into apartments, you know, the apartment takes the hit.

[Brett Vesely]

That's a waste of time.

[John Holmberg]

I agree with you.

[Brett Vesely]

What are you gonna do? I mean, you don't even know where the thing's gonna go. Yeah, you can wind up in Maryvale or something.

[John Holmberg]

You know what it's for? It's for proposals. And marriage is on the rocks. I think that's basically all hot air balloons are now. It's like you go up and propose or you're trying to, like, rekindle. So you're doing romantic things, like what they do in the Bachelor.

[Brett Vesely]

You're just taking a chance.

[John Holmberg]

Taking a shot.

[Brett Vesely]

Might wind up being okay. It may not. We may go west. We may go east.

[John Holmberg]

Either either my marriage is rekindled, or we hit some power lines. Either way, I'm out of this mess.

[Byron]

I might blimp.

[John Holmberg]

I'd blimp way before it. Hot air.

[Brett Vesely]

It's just direction. You can choose which way you're going.

[John Holmberg]

To steer a blimp. This thing is just, like, at the mercy of wind. That sounds Horrible to get in.

[Byron]

You have to know the wind, my friend. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If somebody put a sail on your car and said, do you know how to do this? You'd be like, no. Good luck. You're at the mercy of wind. I don't get it. You ever been in a sailboat with somebody and there's no wind? They can still make it go. Hot air balloons, like, I don't know, we get a gust, we're going that.

[Byron]

Way and go into the wind.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But it was down in Tucson and the Marana police department said a hot air balloon hit an apartment complex Sunday morning at about 7:38. And then they found the balloon in a field little or vacant field nearby where they're going to build apartments.

[Byron]

So you can't tack in a balloon like in a sailboat?

[John Holmberg]

No. You got no sails. Build them different. I just, you know, I've. Something's happened to me in the last couple years where I look at hot air balloons. It's like. Like one of the riskiest things of all time.

[Byron]

Skydiving.

[John Holmberg]

I'd rather do that than hot air balloon because I'm in a vehicle that can steer and do stuff. And then you get skydiving and you're just falling. You're supposed to fall like. And they have a target, they fly you to it. You know where you're going to end up. And you're not really at the mercy of the wind. Skydiving because. And then you got some dude strapped to your back that can kind of fly. I stopped being afraid of skydiving. At least as a horrible. The only accident that can happen with skydiving is your chute doesn't deploy. That's pretty much it pretty bad. It's pretty awful. But it's no different than if your airbags don't deploy and you're in a car accident. We take that risk all the time. You know, we're essentially hurtling through the air every day at like 70 miles an hour. So it's not that different when you think about it. But hot air balloons, it's a chick thing to do. It's a bachelorette party.

[Byron]

Get your champagne flute of champagne.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta tell you, sunrise toast. Yeah, that kind of crap. You gotta get up at 4 in the morning to tell your wife you love her still. And she's kind of 50, 50 on it anyway.

[Melissa]

Maybe if he does this more often.

[John Holmberg]

But really what you're doing is setting your future up for crap. Cause all you're doing is creating a year from now, whatever happened to the.

[Melissa]

Hot air balloon rising all the. You were wooing me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know. And I won. I got you back. Like, I don't have to do that anymore. You used to blow me all the time to make sure I'd stick around. And that happened to. That blew me in a hot air balloon. Problem with that is you don't think about that dude next to you. She's got good form, sir. It's good looking. It's a good looking blow driver. Get. Not looking. Yeah, I've. I used to want to be in one. And then I talk to people who do the chase teams and they don't know where it's going either. Either. And then they try to play it off. And the majority of the time we have a pretty good idea. But, you know, things can go wrong. Like, I'm not interested in that. And the fire. There's like fire and wood. It's all just. It's. It's like jackass doesn't do us daredevilia stuff. So if you're. If you're on your way right now because your wife's trying to make you woo her again because she feels like you've. You've lost her spark in here. You gotta try.

[Melissa]

Used to try to impress me.

[John Holmberg]

You're in sweatpants telling me this.

[Melissa]

I'm just saying maybe I would stop wearing sweatpants and tattered rags if you tried a little harder.

[Brett Vesely]

Used to be 20 pounds lighter.

[John Holmberg]

It used to be lighter.

[Melissa]

Well, I've had your children.

[John Holmberg]

Like. Yeah, but I didn't ask for that either. That was a mistake. For the cost of this hot air balloon ride, we wouldn't have kids. But you decided to save that 450 bucks for today. And now we're gonna go out there and. Anyway, I heard on the radio there's a guy who does baby caskets. What's it called? Sarcophagheads. I'm pretty sure I want to talk to him, but. Yeah. So if you're in there and she's like. And then she gets dressed up, it's like, all right. She does look pretty nice. She's trying, so. Should probably shoot her into the sky for a little while.

[Melissa]

It's so beautiful. This is what we used to do all the time.

[John Holmberg]

Never ever once have we done this. You just have. You watch a lot of television and then you land and she's happy and you get the bj and then you take her to a nice dinner and then the day's over. And then a couple weeks later, you're Back in tattered rags and sweatpants and I'm laying on the couch farting. It's hot air balloons, not the fix. All wonder how many guys have taken their wives up there to like rekindle marriage or like impress a woman and it goes sideways. I wonder if their marriages last. Like if every woman go 15% like the ones that have crashed or the people are trying to. We're working it out. And taking her hot air ballooning. Like no guy would ever tell his guy friends that. What are you doing Saturday? We gotta go. Tee time at 7:15. Can't make it. Wife and I have a thing. Seven in the morning? Yes. Oh, you gotta take her in a hot air balloon. Trouble at home. Yeah, it's not going that great. And take her in the hot air balloon ride and see if I can get those blowjobs back.

[Byron]

Fight on the way there. Seven in the morning when they finally get to the wall.

[John Holmberg]

Dead silence the balloon.

[Melissa]

We're gonna be late. It's your fault.

[John Holmberg]

Look, look, try to be nice. Just quiet. Just turn the radio up. You'll never find just playing romantic music on the way over.

[Byron]

And you know I don't like this song.

[Melissa]

Champagne at seven in the morning. This is gonna be amazing.

[John Holmberg]

Any guy that takes you in a hot air balloon doesn't get a bj. That's it. It's over. You can't have. What the hell is that? I never saw you digging around over there. Turn you on and see what you're up to. But yeah, you better do what I'm up to. No, this.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

On the hot air balloon. There. Gotta have this going. Honey, the car's going.

[Melissa]

I know, I just. How about in a second?

[John Holmberg]

You got roses in the passenger seat.

[Byron]

You'll go through that song by the time you get to the car.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Melissa]

Oh my God. You got me roses?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this. Cause you started. Look, you're wearing pants. Remember pants? Yes. Elastic waistbands. Got these.

[Melissa]

Don't hardly fit. Feels weird.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because you're used to wearing elastic pants.

[Brett Vesely]

Remember denim?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Remember?

[John Holmberg]

I remember when you used to try. It's great.

[Melissa]

Yeah, you too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. All right. That was never the physical reason we got married.

[Byron]

Do you need to go to the bathroom before we leave?

[Melissa]

Where are you taking me?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I don't know. Are you the dumbest person alive? It's 6 in the morning. It's 75 degrees. You're going in the hot airport.

[Melissa]

My God, it's gonna be so mad. Are we going to a breakfast or something?

[John Holmberg]

Okay, you're an Idiot. If you can't figure out where we're.

[Melissa]

Going, who's singing this?

[John Holmberg]

Lou Rawls.

[Melissa]

I love this so much.

[John Holmberg]

It's great. Hopefully this thing doesn't hit power lines. And you know that you get in that thing and bitch the whole time.

[Brett Vesely]

And sometimes you're hoping it hits power lines. Just. It'll just shut her the hell up.

[Melissa]

You get a hair growing out of the top of your ear?

[John Holmberg]

Why do you point out my flaws everywhere we go? Just saying.

[Melissa]

I think I should wanna.

[John Holmberg]

You should.

[Melissa]

Want me to tell you I don't want to get something in your teeth. Did you brush your teeth this morning?

[John Holmberg]

I got up really early to take you on a hot air balloon ride.

[Byron]

You're gonna hot air balloon in that?

[John Holmberg]

Wear something.

[Melissa]

What am I supposed to wear?

[John Holmberg]

Something comfortable, but not your sweatpants.

[Melissa]

Where are we going?

[John Holmberg]

I can't tell you. That's the point of the getting the blowjob. Wooing you.

[Melissa]

All right, Fine.

[John Holmberg]

Jeans? Yeah. Good ones, though. Not your mom ones. Not the weird baggy ones.

[Brett Vesely]

I gotta find those.

[Melissa]

I'm gonna wear my flares. Oh, I gotta dig into the old drawers.

[John Holmberg]

Come on. Put some good clothes on. We're going up. Good.

[Byron]

Is that your high school down the legs of the sweatpants.

[John Holmberg]

Is Centennial still even open? What have I done anyway?

[Melissa]

Oh, my God. Is that a hot air balloon?

[John Holmberg]

All right, my name's Roger. I'm gonna take you folks up in here this morning for your romantic getaway.

[Byron]

I got a good deal on this.

[John Holmberg]

Well, your husband tries to get his blowjobs back, and you try to hold your breath from wearing pants. For the first time in two years, I'm gonna stand within inches of you and hear your most intimate talk.

[Byron]

He's the only guy, too. No crew.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's the only guy up there.

[Byron]

I gotta say smoking deal on me.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta put my beard into a bunch of rubber bands because if it hits this flame, we're all going. And I don't think you guys know how to fly this, but frankly, neither do I.

[Brett Vesely]

What do you got to be to be a hot air balloon pile? Just have an arm to pull on the chain to explain.

[John Holmberg]

I think you have to own it. I don't even know where.

[Byron]

Yeah, I don't think there is training.

[Brett Vesely]

You can't steer it.

[John Holmberg]

Training.

[Byron]

You learn it from the guy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It starts lifting off the ground, you've done it. You need a meteorologist and a dude with a truck.

[Byron]

You need to know how much is in your tanks.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You know, Right.

[Brett Vesely]

So you Call Ian Schwartz.

[Byron]

What happens if it shorts out on you? You know, like the flame goes out. Like the pilot. I don't know what it is.

[John Holmberg]

The pilot starts to deflect your Zippo and just.

[Byron]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

I think with the torch, I think you just start coming down slowly, gradually, but a couple. It'll speed up and you're up there. Now's the time. I'd ask you to marry me if it was you. Thanks, Roger. Baby, I know things haven't been so great over the last few years.

[Byron]

It's so romantic with you.

[Melissa]

I can't hear you.

[Byron]

What in the park?

[John Holmberg]

Sorry about that. It was a big one. Anyway, when I met you, you were the light of my.

[Brett Vesely]

God.

[John Holmberg]

Damn it. Will you stop there?

[Byron]

I'm trying to talk.

[John Holmberg]

I have to do it, man. We're going down. By the way, we just caught a gust. We're. We're gonna have to evacuate or.

[Byron]

He's super calm when it looks like we're going down.

[John Holmberg]

Alan, I've been through three of these. Most of the time I make it.

[Byron]

Try to jump just before we land.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you get it.

[Brett Vesely]

You should have won.

[Byron]

Like going down in an elevator. You jump up, basket hits the ground, bounce out.

[John Holmberg]

I'll be God damned if I don't know why you guys keep telling your wife not to wear sports gear to these things. And get her out of those sweats. It's the worst possible time for her not to be in close. She can jump and run it. Lady, you're gonna die. Those pants have. They're at their limits right now with your mom butt.

[Melissa]

This is amazing. Champagne. You. Roses, Roger.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks for including me in that, man. That was mighty kind of you.

[Byron]

Excuse me.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, the word this morning, if you guys are looking, is moolah. Moolah. M, double O, L, A, H. Anyway, I want to spend the rest of my life with you again. Damn it, Roger. Again. Okay, you have to promise I have another post prenuptial agreement that you're gonna have to sell all your sweatpants.

[Melissa]

I like my sweatpants.

[John Holmberg]

You're the only one in the house who likes your sweatpants. You look horrible in those.

[Melissa]

I'm sorry I'm not a fashion model, Jeffrey.

[John Holmberg]

I am too.

[Melissa]

That's why we're in trouble. You just don't know when to filter.

[John Holmberg]

Folks, this doesn't look like it's going as well as we had hoped. Want to bring her down? No, I want to stay up here with you, Roger. Let's get rid of her anyway. I like those Ideas. But that's. It's water, Water, water, Air balloon, crashing season. They're out there. Beware of it. Also, I saw in the news last night that there's a. There's a restaurant called Monserrie over there in Scottsdale, if you've ever been by it. The only reason I know about it is come some of the girls that worked at the Rah Rah Room and one of the bartenders also worked there, and I'd never heard of it. And then like after, you know, when you hear about something for the first time and it's. And then. Then you can't stop. Like, you see it, it's on. They have a wall of roses there. And there's everybody.

[Byron]

Every woman does photos in front of them.

[John Holmberg]

Every Mother's Day bachelorette party, annoying girl get together. They do photos in front of the rose wall at Mon Cherly. And it's sort of like a champagne brunch place. And. Yeah, kind of, you know, so. And I've ridden my bike through Scottsdale and that's kind of where I turned.

[Byron]

I think I've seen a couple of pictures.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sure you have. And then. So then you. Like I've seen. I rode by like, oh, there it is. Right? That's that place that. And it's just small. It's right behind the coach house, which is more my speed. And so you go and see the roses and the things and all that. So the owners of that place called the news because somebody broke in. Two people broke into it and stole a few hundred bucks and then had sex in the rose wall. On camera. Nice. That's what I said.

[Brett Vesely]

Where's the video?

[John Holmberg]

They got it. They didn't show the sex video. But all the people at the. Even the restaurant owners were like, we can't believe that. That's just gross. Like you run a restaurant, you know. You know, Porkopolis, sex on the pork wall loads. Yeah. When you had your pork picture wall, like Ed Gein's barn, it was absolutely. Every restaurant in this city has had employees have sex in it. Every one of them. You can't not do it. They're doing it.

[Byron]

Can't prevent it.

[John Holmberg]

It's happening. It's in the walk in freezer. Somebody stuck it in. Now, I'm not saying they finished, but it's just a thing. You can't help because inevitably and Brady even had pregnancies at the Porkopolis, maybe even from the Porkoplus. That hot waitress you had that boned that chef and got Knocked up? Yep. They were in the Walk in every once in a while. Doing it on slow nights. I guarantee it. You can't. Yeah, you don't like to think about that. You probably.

[Byron]

It wouldn't surprise me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you probably went into the Walk in once.

[Melissa]

What the heck?

[John Holmberg]

Hey, Raul.

[Melissa]

There's something in here that won't quite freeze. Get it off the ground.

[John Holmberg]

You know what that was?

[Byron]

Someone's got a giraffe in the Walk in.

[John Holmberg]

That girl was beautiful. No way. That chef was not boning her. He was surprised he had her. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

They're down on all fours.

[John Holmberg]

He's got her on all fours. Oh, they do have the video. Most of that. Look at her. She bends over in the rose picture wall, and that guy starts going at it with her. What's he doing? Stick him in his mouth first. Take some immediate. Immediate Molly. And now. And now. So that happened, like, Saturday. And then the next day, a bunch of mothers went in there and take their pictures. Sort of a hideaway. Sorry. We still got Lou going here.

[Brett Vesely]

That's what you'd be fitting.

[John Holmberg]

Here it is. Perfect. Yeah. Managers say after the suspects had sex, they broke into the restaurant stealing $450, a liquor bottle, and a phone. It's such a happy and positive place. So the fact that they did that on our establishment is just so disturbing. Like, this isn't the place for it. Yeah. Yes, we're full of romance and happiness, but that's not what we're wanting. You encourage it. You built a. You built a restaurant out of roses. Chicks are going to want to bang in that. They consider it romantic now.

[Byron]

They've started a new tradition.

[John Holmberg]

I'm pretty sure that's Devin Booker and Diana Taurasi, too. That girl's nose is kind of big. If you recognize them, turn them in.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, you know, it wasn't Larry. The Midori bottle's still there. Look at that.

[John Holmberg]

Wow, that's amazing. Look at. It's right there. Yep. Larry is safe. Larry is not the culprit. And you know what's crazy? Evidently, Larry's been there. Half of that Midori was gone. Larry might go there. It was Larry's birthday this weekend. Maybe he went to Mon Cheri and treated himself to a jerk in the rose wall. Yeah, there's girls at the Raha, Kinsey and Julissa and another one that work down at the Rah Rah Room. We're talking about that place. And they're like. And they told Mark and I, like, you guys should come try it. And we're like, are you. No. That is, like, the girliest place. What, do you think we're gay? And then they. They didn't answer, which made me go, oh, maybe they do think Mark and I are a couple. So Mark's like. I'm like, mark? Have you ever heard of it? Mark's like, no, we're men. Why would we hear of the Roses?

[Byron]

Yeah, Mark and I checked it out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You don't go. You know, And I don't even think it's for couples. I think it's just women, and they want to be on Instagram, and they're all dressed up, and, like, it's weird. And now they're standing in some guy's. And Midori stains. That's how you know it's a chick place that dudes won't even take their wives to. There's Midori in it.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. And the bottle's half gone.

[John Holmberg]

Larry and Tripp and I went to. Who else was there? It was. I forgot. We went to Buck and Ryder. That's a nice place for, like, families, not kids. Good Christ. Well, the one in Gilbert is. But the good one over here. And they. And we went in there, and ours.

[Byron]

Is Buck and Rider and Sons.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, buck and Ryder Jr. Lil Buck and Ryder. And it sounds like gay strip club. The Buck and Rider. So we're in there, and I order a drink, and Trip orders a drink, and Larry goes, do you guys have Midori? And the lady's like, well, like, I think she's. Think we've got sushi and stuff. Maybe something's called a Midori. She goes, no, it's a drink. I'm like, yeah, it's neon green. It's electric green. She goes, I can see. And we literally watched her go to the bar, and they're looking around, and the bartender pointed like he saw Jesus. There it is. We do have it. They pulled the bottle off, blew dust off the top of it, and then went back. And then we went to a place with them. They did the same thing.

[Byron]

It struck out a couple of times.

[John Holmberg]

Midori asking for it. Of course you strike out.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like all the bottles there in Indiana Jones and the Chalice of Christ is up there.

[John Holmberg]

You chose poorly.

[Melissa]

So.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

But to have to check three stores, because we did. We got Larry a holiday present.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. So try to get a Midori.

[Byron]

Three different stores.

[John Holmberg]

You had to call your friend who runs, like, most of Total Wine.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Can we get Midori? He's like, no, let me order. It'll be there In a week, I gotta make some. The people just sit and wait for calls before they make a bottle. It's a waste of time otherwise. You're right. But yeah, the rose wall was designed for this very same thing. Sorry, mon cherie. You built a place with a pile of roses. Haven't you seen like any romance novels or terrible Hallmark movies? What do they throw in the bed to make the girl gush? It's covered in rose petals. They love the idea of getting smashed in roses. And Devin Booker did it this weekend with Diana Taurasi. If you watch the video, Holmberg's morning sickness. Night vision's always unkind to people's faces. But, you know, said definitely got my ex pregnant in the freezer at Iceberg in Gilbert. Best fry cook job I ever had. Oh, yeah, and what a classy broad that nailed the fry cook. I'm sure when. I'm sure when her period didn't come, she was thrilled that her life was going to work out exactly as planned.

[Byron]

Never heard of it. Iceberg.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, it's probably closed. The fry cook was dumping loads in the waitress raw. Dogging them in the freezer. Says the employees effing my beer cooler and restroom. It's the only place here without any cameras. Does he include the name of the place? No, no. His name's Todd. Oh, yeah. Every but to clutch your pearls and go, I can't believe someone would do that. It's just gross. I'm like, your restaurant, that's not the first time that mon cherie has had somebody humping in it. Right? It's happened. My buddy Stebbings, when we worked at Tony Romas, his brother came in with his girlfriend, and his girlfriend's name was Joy. And they sat on the same side of a two seater. So it was just one and one, but they crammed into one side.

[Brett Vesely]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

So Brian could throw digits in his girlfriend while they ate ribs. That's how classy that is. People do terrible things in restaurants.

[Byron]

That's a dinner there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's a date night. And a lot of the times there's a foot under the table, rubbing. Next thing you know, they sneak off into the bathroom if they can. Your restaurants had sex in it before. Now, Montuary might be a little different because I don't think men ever set foot in there outside to be the cool bartender. There's got. There's like three. There was a bartender over there, too. I think Drew was a bartender at Mon Cherie. And I knew him too.

[Brett Vesely]

I think Troy and Michael Maybe go over there.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, I think even twinks don't want. Okay, all right.

[Byron]

I mean, Humpty did it in the Burger King. Basketball.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly right. Burger King. Forget it. They're doing it on the food. Why wouldn't they? All fast food places, any place you got people serving the general public, they get aroused by each other. Because the commonality of hating people like Brady coming in going, I know it's.

[Melissa]

Not on the menu there, Ronald McDonald, but I'd like a grilled cheese. And I know you got the materials for.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta make a grilled cheese for this guy. And then you get all pent up, frustrated, and the next thing you know, Laquisha's all into you. You're all into her, and you're gonna nail her in the. In the walking.

[Melissa]

It's gross. It's gross.

[John Holmberg]

You have Midori. There's gonna be sex there. There's gonna be girls drunk on sugar. Highs. I don't know a man that, like. That's almost worse than the hot air balloon ride. As if a. I want you to.

[Melissa]

Take me to Mon Cheri.

[John Holmberg]

Really? I want a divorce.

[Melissa]

No, you've got to do it. We're gonna take a picture by the rose wall.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. Are you gonna put that on social media? My friends might see it.

[Melissa]

You're doing it.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Does this mean the blowjobs are back?

[Melissa]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Sweatpants still on. Okay. Yeah, but that's, you know. Yeah, yeah. Where's Jason Barry for that one? There were flies in the sink and sex on the rose wall. Three violations. I found male semen everywhere. Two violations.

[Byron]

Penis in the roses.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there was a dick in my hand. Two violations. But, yeah, you can evidently have that. They don't even ever mention that on the Dirty Dining Report. And that's some seriously dirty dining. But good for them. They walked out with 500 bucks, wobbly legs and a bottle of liquor.

[Byron]

A jug of hooch.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, a jug of girl hooch. They watered the roses, and off we went. You can't help it. You build a restaurant that encourages romance, and some girl's gonna say, I want.

[Melissa]

To do it in those roses.

[John Holmberg]

And the guy's gonna be like, we'll break in and do that. And my guess is this is an inside job. We're looking at a video, and every employee of Mon Cherie recognizes.

[Melissa]

She used to work there.

[John Holmberg]

She knew her way around it. They keep it in the. Most restaurants. Wouldn't keep the cash register full of cash. They happen to know that that was the 495 bucks.

[Byron]

That was a lazy clothes.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, it was. It's a bad close. You should put it in the safe. There should be no cash outside. That's a former employee guaranteed. And I don't know how she got Devin Booker to boner in the roses, but Devin did it. That's pretty awesome. So next time you're doing that Instagram pose in front of those roses, just know you're standing on a million.

[Byron]

Or just take that position for the picture.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Just do doggy style. And then the owners be like, we guys, stop that. No. It's going to be your thing for a long time. Quit it. You shouldn't have called the news. You should have just let this one go.

[Melissa]

We.

[John Holmberg]

It's good advertising, though, because KUPD talking about Mon Cheri has never happened before. So all press is good press. All of it.

[Byron]

Yeah. There'll be some people checking it out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The word for seven o', clock, by the way. Moolah. M O O L A h, like the great. What was the Moolah? The wrestler. The magnificent Moolah. Fabulous Moolah. That's right. Moolah. That's a good one. Also want to report on the world's dumbest boy? We found it.

[Brett Vesely]

Toledo's kids in these.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Toledo's kid is Einstein compared to this one. So he's 13, he's from New Zealand. And he went on TEMU and ordered a load of magnets. Tons of them. Hundreds. And after he'd gotten through his 100th one eating them. Oh, my stomach hurts. They started to kind of bash into each other and make magnet problems in his gut. Oh, man. They're super high powered magnets. And he survived. He ate 100 of them. And his friends had to be like.

[Melissa]

Isn'T a good idea anymore. Let's get it. Five was fun. Why'd he keep going?

[John Holmberg]

Kids went home. Like, the fun of it was watching them eat too. See what happens when the magnets fight each other. We've got a hundred magnets fighting. His intestines started to like explode and move because the magnets are pushing. Oh. It cut off all the blood supply. And he kept him in there for a couple days and it made the blood supply to his intestines die. So that part of his intestines died. And the doctors went in there and they said, how many?

[Melissa]

And he goes, he gets it as good as mine.

[John Holmberg]

And he just chopped him open and just pulled magnets out. And he was doing it, evidently, to try to. This was work. He's the dumbest boy alive. He'd seen something on TV where if you have magnets inside you, they'll, like, pans and pots will slide across the room and jam against you.

[Byron]

He's trying to be like Magneto.

[John Holmberg]

Magneto. Yeah. He was trying to be a magnet. Boy, what a moron. What a moron. But I. I bet you that he ate like 10 and then went and walked around the kitchen and none of the forks moved. He's like, gotta keep counting. Ten more. Walking around. Yes.

[Melissa]

I don't even stick to the car.

[John Holmberg]

Then he goes back to his room, puts 10 more in.

[Melissa]

That's 30. Damn. Bound to get something to jam to me now.

[John Holmberg]

Then he's, you know, nothing. 10 more. And then this friends are like, I.

[Melissa]

Think you should stop.

[John Holmberg]

Never. Then he goes in, 10 more.

[Byron]

I don't feel.

[Melissa]

I'm not feeling well. I bet it's the magnets. No, that can't be it. We're from New Zealand. We retarded. We're Australian's retarded brother.

[John Holmberg]

He goes, put some more in there. He gets up to a hundred. Still nothing jamming against him.

[Melissa]

Nothing's working. Not even stuck to the Subaru.

[John Holmberg]

He has to go to the hospital. And doctor just chops him up. 3, 4, 5. How many here, son?

[Melissa]

Over a hundred.

[John Holmberg]

You're the dumbest boy I've ever met. Why save him if you're the doctor? Wouldn't it be great if doctors looked and went, I'm gonna be doing the world a favor here. You're welcome back to the parents. And pulled the mask off. I did everything I could. He's not gonna make it.

[Melissa]

Mum, Dad, I feel fine.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's part of the symptoms, is the magnets make him feel good. But. But he's not gonna make it.

[Brett Vesely]

Like Monty Python. I'm not dead yet.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, you are. You're dead. You're done. In fact, I have to warn you that most young kids in New Zealand with magnets in their bellies scream out crazy things as they're dying. Like, I love you. And I'm not dying. I feel fine. That's a symptom of dying.

[Byron]

Just imagine pulling them out and then. Was it easy because they clinged to each other?

[John Holmberg]

Well, the magnets would fight each other. And then like some would, but break and fight and break and fight and. Yeah, so they were pushing and pulling on each other. They were rods. They weren't like little circles. They were like pencils. What a. This kid could swallow one after another. What's up. Exactly. I feel fine.

[Melissa]

Mom and dad. The doctor's a liar.

[John Holmberg]

That's one of the symptoms. He thinks everyone lies. And then the dad.

[Byron]

First off, your dad came home and you. He knew you swallowed two magnets.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, if I knew. If my dad knew. Look, I had a ruler break the back end of my throat, and I think my dad was ready to cash in on me. But after. If I was the doctor, I'd go out and I'd put, like, two of the long pencil length magnets, and I go, just pull two of these out of your son's tummy. What was he doing? He's eating these. There's 88 more in there. Would you like me to keep going, or do you want to just let him go? The dad had to be like, we need to talk about this back in the.

[Melissa]

We have to save him.

[John Holmberg]

Do we? We can make another.

[Byron]

It's covered by medical, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. If it's not covered, Doc, let him go.

[Byron]

Let him go.

[John Holmberg]

Let him go. Yeah. Chains of magnets. They started to make, like, lines and then fight the other magnets. And his stomach was just swelling and contracting and pushing, and the tissue died inside of him. Yeah, I don't think I'd want to take that kid home.

[Melissa]

Thanks a lot, mom and dad, for taking me to the hospital to get rid of me magnets.

[Byron]

Did they pack them up and send them back to TEMU for a refund? It didn't work.

[John Holmberg]

Now there's gonna be warnings on, like, TEMU can't order these magnets unless you're 18. Not to be eaten. There's now a warning on a magnet. Do not eat magnets, idiot. Yeah, it's a weird thing. And then they blamed China. This case highlights the dangers of magnet ingestion. Yeah, everybody sort of knows that.

[Byron]

What were they? Breakfast magnets?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Were they advertised?

[John Holmberg]

Is there a kid with a spoonful of magnets?

[Melissa]

You love it. It's lord of their magnets. I feel like a hobbit.

[John Holmberg]

You look like a hobbit. You're an idiot. What are you doing? 100 magnets. This just goes to show you what I'm saying. For years, my crusade against people eating magnets. You're the only one on that crusade. Any kid that does that, it's time to go. Good doctors should come out of that room and tell the parents. Not gonna waste my time or the world's time fixing that. He's 13.

[Byron]

If he was 2, maybe there is no magnet challenge. All right.

[John Holmberg]

But if you are Considering starting one. Go ahead. Let's just get. And no doctors. We don't cover this. I don't do it. I didn't go to medical school to save retards. Unless they're actually that. You bring him back again with more stupid stuff in his belly and I'm letting him go. This is a one time only deal.

[Melissa]

You took an oath. You've got to save our baby.

[John Holmberg]

I don't have to do anything. That's what it says. The medics say. This is an actual warning. I'm reading to you. Ingesting powerful magnets can have a serious consequence.

[Byron]

What are some side effects?

[John Holmberg]

If that's news to you, get in the box. Given that the majority are managed with. With surgical intervention, this can lead to further complications later in life, including adhesional bowel obstruction, abdominal hernia, and chronic pain.

[Byron]

And they forgot weight gain.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You're made of magnets.

[Melissa]

I'll try again with stronger magnets next time. I'm gonna get that spoon to slide across the table and stick to my belly for my friend's entertainment.

[John Holmberg]

I think it's time we gave him up, Melissa. I don't love him. I can't. He's too dumb.

[Brett Vesely]

How often have your parents ever said that he's too dumb? What are we doing?

[John Holmberg]

Guarantee you some of the whispers I heard across between. No, no. You, my friend, even Bunny and Tor. Like, you know I love everybody in the world and I don't see bad things. But the big one? He's too dumb to be part of the family. Mom, dad.

[Melissa]

The bed's wet again.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus Christ. He's 20. They had every whisper Dan had. I could hear my parents every once in a while. They had the room across the hall just an idiot.

[Melissa]

Your son.

[John Holmberg]

Kill him.

[Brett Vesely]

Don't blame me again. Our son.

[John Holmberg]

There's no way. That's my turn.

[Byron]

Not sleeping again? My dad wants to kill me.

[Melissa]

Look at his nose. Of course he's yours.

[John Holmberg]

DNA test. I guarantee. In that room, I couldn't make out all the words, but half of them would be like, he's too dumb to keep around. He's just gonna end up costing us a fortune.

[Melissa]

Love him.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to.

[Melissa]

I can hear you guys.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Jesus Christ. That's another thing. He's like a goddamn bat. He hears everything.

[Melissa]

Well, we have to love him. We made him.

[Brett Vesely]

Don't remind me.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna order a bunch of magnets. Just leave them around. I think. Just let nature take its course. He's gonna eat those. He shoved a Ruler in his throat.

[Melissa]

I didn't shove it in my throat. I had it in my mouth, and I bent over and hid it and.

[John Holmberg]

Shut up. Go to bed. See what I'm talking about?

[Brett Vesely]

You should love him anyway. Even though he jammed a ruler down his throat.

[Melissa]

We all think that was weird, and we're not really sure we believe the story of why, but it did happen. And I love him.

[John Holmberg]

He had to miss school because he was embarrassed to go tell people he had a ruler jammed in his throat.

[Melissa]

It was an accident.

[John Holmberg]

Bed. Shut up. Go to bed. Mother and I are talking. You can hear them scrawling notes to each other. You can hear everything. Planning my death. But then they run into this New Zealand boy who ate magnets. They had to be grateful that they didn't have that one moron. But what are you gonna do? Kirby ever eat anything? Like.

[Melissa]

Did you eat that?

[Byron]

No.

[John Holmberg]

No, she was not. She's not a kid who just picked it up and ate it.

[Byron]

She did. We never knew.

[John Holmberg]

It'll come up later. Hey, once she's an adult, it's on her. The magnets start.

[Byron]

She's old enough to know.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, man, I'm having a lot of stomach pain, dad. I'm just thinking maybe we should hit the hospital. Did you eat magnets like, eight years ago, man? I thought I could stick to the car, man. Why would you do it other than. And you had to have a friend in the room like.

[Melissa]

You should stop. No, no. Not gonna do it until something sticks.

[Byron]

To me, let alone quit calling me man.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, man, you raised me, man. I'll be in the yard outside trying to stick to the light pole, man.

[Melissa]

Why does your tummy make that weird metal noise?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know, man. It's not working. I moved in with Zoe Saldani, man.

[Melissa]

I see you on TV now.

[John Holmberg]

Kirby Daniels at 7:25. The word for 7 o' clock is moolah. And if you've got a kid that ate a bunch of stuff, that's dumb. It's kind of like when you're. You have to take your dog to the vet because it ate like. Like everything. I came. Oh, my God. I came home from. From a movie years ago. My little Karen terrier, Lexi, sweetest dog in the world, was on the couch shaking like it was 2 degrees. Eyes are huge shaken. And I didn't realize that I had left a package of Diamondap on the. On the table. Oh, she ate the whole thing. Every hour, it would release 13 different diamond tap in her system for. And make choose on meth. It was the biggest meth high she'd ever had, just spazzing out for. And then I'd have to. So we took her to the vet, and we got it all straightened out. And I remember thinking the bill was astronomical because she had to stay there for, like, four days. It was crazy. And I was. I'm like, I can't. I'm not putting her down. Like, unless they. They tell me that this is forever and that every hour, she's gonna have another time release episode with Dymatap crazy. So I was super, like, worried about it. She got better. Next time I go to the movies, I'm like, we make sure nothing's out. Like, this dog will get it come home from the movies. About a month and a half, two months later, she's in the corner of the room, bleeding out her mouth, shaking her head, and like, oh, no bathroom trash. She ate razors, and they were stuck between her teeth. Like, she had razor blades. She had worked out of the razor, bent them in half, and they were stuck between her canines, and her front teeth sliced her mouth all up. We had to take her to the vet again to do X rays to make sure she didn't swallow one, which she didn't, but she ate the handle. And I remember having that talk going, I love this dog more than anything in the world, but she might be the dumbest animal I've ever had. Turned out she was super smart. She was just extra curious and hungry a lot.

[Byron]

Well, maybe Magnakid is the same way.

[John Holmberg]

He's just a cairn terrier, but he's 13. I'd give it to you if you're a baby and you ate the garbage, but, yeah, New Zealand magnet boy is.

[Melissa]

Like, what's in your trash? I'll eat it. I don't think he can come over anymore. Quit leaning on a refrigerator. It's stainless steel. It won't work.

[John Holmberg]

Brett, what do you got on the big board of musical treats?

[Brett Vesely]

All right, time for the wake up song. And of course, it's brought to you by Action Ride Shop. Weather's getting nice. The hundreds are over, which means it is now time to start hitting those trails and thinking about heading up north. So if you want to do the bike thing while Action Ride Shop's got two locations for you. Rent a bike, get your bike running, get all the gear you're gonna need to get up there, and don't forget, they're gonna start taking reservations very shortly for skis, skis, skis, snowboarding. They got all the gear there at the OG location right there on Gilbert Road.

[John Holmberg]

Yesterday during the Broncos Cowboys game, they were showing it. Ski season's going. They opened up yesterday.

[Brett Vesely]

So Action Ride shop is your one stop shop. Check them out online.

[John Holmberg]

Actionrideshop.com guy named Michael Woj Tazak emailed. Says, I proposed to my wife in a hot air boon. He spelled balloon wrong. Says, thirteen year later, we are getting divorced. And that's another thing. You shoot too high with that kind of stuff. It's inevitably just a letdown. A proposal.

[Byron]

That big 13 year run. Maybe it's time to get back in the balloon.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, that's. I bet you that she's like. But then you got to do that again. And these are these peaks and valleys of trying. You put a girl in a hot air balloon, you take her on mask, you're trying to impress her. You're no different than a girl who blows you every night for the first year of the relationship and then that dries up. Were you taking her on hot air balloon rides and, you know, extravagant trips and gifts and things like that? Dries up. She's gonna miss it. And your relationships, you gotta start low. They always still have to be surprised when you try. Never shoot it out of the gate that big. You can't live up to your own expectations. You set. Sit in a room with her, stare at her, and eat magnets. That'll impress a broad.

[Melissa]

Why are you doing this?

[John Holmberg]

I think I can make four slide across the room. It's gonna be awesome. At restaurant.

[Byron]

Gulp.

[John Holmberg]

86.

[Melissa]

You need to stop.

[John Holmberg]

87. All right, we gotta go over to Hillstone and walk by the table, see if we can make the silverware move. Walking by. This guy keeps walking by and showing her belly to our table.

[Byron]

Nothing.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing. Lady's earrings didn't even jiggle. Stupid. All right, what do you got over there?

[Brett Vesely]

Godsmack on the list, Dio, Judas Priest, Black Crows, for some reason, Metallica, 6am, the biscuit, AC, DC, Primus, soil, white Zombie, and Jimmy's Chicken Shack.

[John Holmberg]

It's all good.

[Byron]

This guy would have been Scott Weiland's birthday.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, is that right?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

How old would Scott have been? What year was he born? He's 67.

[Byron]

He had been 58.

[John Holmberg]

What year is.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, we played Velvet Revolver before we signed on.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we already played that. We covered Scott. Well, happy birthday, Scott. That was for you. We knew. We knew deep down. Yeah, you pick one, I'm fine with it.

[Brett Vesely]

I like that Jimmy's Chicken Shack song because we haven't played that in forever.

[John Holmberg]

So my girlfriend and I came home. Cody says, my girlfriend and I came home from dinner, went to pick up my dog. I put my hand on his belly and he winced. It was like picking up a bag of gravel. He had 23 and a half inch rock in his Chihuahua belly. Oh, one inch rocks. He ate 23 of them or he couldn't have eaten a 23 and a half inch rock. That would have been amazing. I'd have liked to seen that. Our friend Thomas Wells the boulder, he had a mass he had to get rid of river rocks by his pool because he had a mastiff that would eat them. Oh, my God.

[Byron]

Like, not small ones.

[John Holmberg]

He called me one time and he's like, johnny, I can't go golfing with you today. I'm like, oh, come on, I'm getting ready. We're like 15 minutes from going. I know. I just came home and his dog had the crazy. Like, Matthias just ate five river rocks. He's laying in the backyard moaning and groaning.

[Byron]

Too big to pass.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, he's too big for a mastiff to poop, but he would go out and just swallow river rocks. The dog so dumb, he eats rocks the size of shoes. I've got to take him to the vet. It's gonna cost me 5K. And you know about me and money. I'm like, hey, your Scottish are cheap as can be.

[Melissa]

Aye.

[John Holmberg]

But yeah, that river rocks big ones three times. And then, yeah, the best thing was he still had his stitches. That dumb dog eats river rocks. He's got his guts all cut out from the last river rock Pull out next. You're not gonna believe this. Matthias ate two more river rocks and he's already got a cat. I'm like, well, I'll just unzip them and take them out. That's gonna cost me another 3k.

[Brett Vesely]

But he's no homo.

[John Holmberg]

No, but he ain't no homo. He's near homo, Brett. He's right. I won't have that. Unless he's taking him anally and I don't know. I have to see it on the video. Aye. Matthias, are you putting those rocks in your bum? You know, if he was homo, those things would fly right out. But he's still got a heterosexual dog's bottom. So the rocks are too big to pass. It's the only time I wish my dog was homo. Would have saved me 8k. Do you know what homos have, Brady?

[Melissa]

Gigantic arses.

[John Holmberg]

That's from all the butt play.

[Byron]

It would have Fallen out. No problem.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it would have tumbled out like nothing, save 5k. Yeah, I could have just. If I'd have pushed him the right direction. We could decorate the backyard in river rock one after the next. Nay, not your. They put that rock there. Come over here, Matthias, and crepe out your homo rocks here. Look at him go. I'd like to see a dog eat a river rock. That's. I mean, how do they think this is an idea? It's like you have to have a. You know how big your mouth has to be. My old pit bull, Ben, used to take these gigantic. Those bones, you know, the big ones that are real.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And he'd get half of it in his throat and it's just sticking. He'd have his head straight up because he was like a sword swallower and it's jammed in his throat. And I just hear in the backyard. And I'd have to reach in there and rip, like, shoes out of his. That he'd look at me like, that's cool. And then go right back to doing it.

[Brett Vesely]

Dan Holmberg relates.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

[Brett Vesely]

Payback, son.

[John Holmberg]

You got a gay dog, huh? No, he just likes shoving bones in his own. I see where you get it. I see what you're saying. I heard myself. Let's do it. It's Jimmy's Chicken Shack right here. The word for seven o' clock is moolah. Got a few more minutes to pop that in there. We'll give another at 8. Here's your wake up song. It's Jimmy's Chicken Shack.

[Byron]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this homburg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. The 8 o' clock word is coming up a little bit too, as we're cruising through this beautiful Monday. Man. I was up in Sedona with a couple buddies just whipping around the jeeps. They got new jeeps and they wanted to play with them. I've never seen, like, it was. It was a. The sky was so weirdly blue. It made you want to write poems. Like you're just staring up at this thing. Like, this is the strangest, perfect, cloudless sky I have ever seen. And of course. And I have some pictures of it. We got up to a place, Broken Arrow Trail, and I took the guys up and we gotta come over here and look. We go and stand at this lookout point and what's down below us What I like to call the. Of course it is John Holmberg special. There are eight ladies laying down on mats, like asleep. And some kind of attractive lady sorta and you know, inner spandex. Just walking over them with like rain sticks and stuff saying. And we all just said, which one's the one getting divorced that's trying to get her groove back and made her seven friends come up here. It was hilarious.

[Byron]

It's a sound class. Probably sound.

[John Holmberg]

It could be. I don't know. Well, they weren't playing bowls, they weren't making noise.

[Byron]

But a lady breathing.

[John Holmberg]

A lady had a thing. And then she. All the other girls were just laying there, there. And I'm like, how? What a ripoff. Like you paid for this. Like she got you up here and then you guys just took a nap like kindergartners. And you gotta give this. This gets 100 bucks from each of you at the end. We're gonna lay out mats and go to sleep for 30. That's what kindergartners do. Get your sleep mat. Your nap mat.

[Byron]

Professional meditation, bro.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it isn't though, because you could if you know that like you tell a friend, like the girl that's hosting, this isn't doing anything special. She just happens to have the four wheel drive to get us up. We go to Barlow's and rent a jeep. We can go sleep in the woods without her for free. Or. I mean, why go so far? Everything in Sedona is beautiful. Put a knapsack in your pack and walk it out. Free. It's as free as it gets. The cost of a knapsack and some time.

[Melissa]

I got my nap blanket. I'm gonna lay out here.

[John Holmberg]

Although it was gorgeous and so I laid down too. And it's different on a yoga roll. No, it isn't. It's the same. I was on a rock and they. It's flat. It was nice and. And you know, Anthony and Brink were with me and they just start laughing. I think we're good here. And they just naughty. They didn't like that there were people.

[Melissa]

We're the only ones allowed to lay down up here. We're connecting.

[John Holmberg]

Me too, but I'm doing it for free. That's why you're pissed. I just showed up here and laid down.

[Byron]

I got full signal.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I barred, baby. I'm getting 5G up. This is easy. I could have googled this and said if I hire someone in Sedona to take me to the woods, what are they? Oh, naps. I'm great at That I don't need someone to coach me through a nap. I can knock out in a nap. But yeah, Divorced lady and her friends.

[Melissa]

You don't have to even think about them anymore.

[John Holmberg]

Melissa.

[Melissa]

It's gonna be awesome. I bet they get back together.

[John Holmberg]

And before that nap was over, they had broken into two cliques. I guarantee you there were four going this way and three going this way.

[Melissa]

She wants to go to Mariposa because she's got all the money in the world. She thinks it's gonna be easy for all of us. I don't want to spend $200 on steak I didn't ask for. We should go somewhere else.

[John Holmberg]

I guarantee you that Pinot Noir adventure got really weird about 6 o' clock that night when they woke up from their day naps in the rock. The only way to get off over your divorce if you're a woman is to go pretend you're homeless for like two and a half hours and pay somebody for it.

[Melissa]

Now we're gonna sleep on rocks. Cause they're special. They're attached to the vortex.

[Byron]

Do that in the morning, a little wine taste in the afternoon.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Then they get in the thing. Then they get lit up and start hating each other by sunset.

[Melissa]

Not getting in that jeep anymore. It's too bouncy. My back hurts. And I got sciatica.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's fun to watch. We saw several of those. It was just. It was a weekend for bachelorette parties to go be annoying in pink jeeps and scream at everybody that drives by them. Or just yoga naps. I love Sedona for reasons no one else does. I'm not connected to the planet. I like to tear up the environment with my car. And I like to stare at people who are making massive life errors with their money.

[Melissa]

We paid $700 for the excursion to go sleep on a rock.

[John Holmberg]

Why would you do that?

[Melissa]

We thought there'd be more.

[John Holmberg]

It's just that I love it. This guy says, what did you do to get your dog to stop eating everything? I have a one year old golden retriever who has pika Pass. Enough kids. Underwear and socks and clothes. Help me. Signed the Maryvale Poor. Yeah, I don't know. And I just learned what pika is from your email.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I didn't know that.

[John Holmberg]

I know what that was. But that's when you eat stuff that isn't food. It's called pika. It's a disorder. I had no idea.

[Byron]

Yeah, I've never heard of that.

[John Holmberg]

Eating disorder characterized by compulsively eating Non food items that have no nutritional value. I'm pretty proud of that one. It comes from the last Latin word magpie, a bird known for eating unusual objects. And that was Brady's nickname in elementary school. Magpie.

[Byron]

Shiny objects.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Pika. And then this guy says, you talked about hot air balloons. Said the lunches that they make you for romance are made by the chase kids. And he goes, it's not romantic. And he said, and ask any pilot, quote, pilot of a hot air balloon. 20% of landings are all hard landings. That's too high for me. 2 out of 10. 2 out of 10. Not good.

[Byron]

Broke your ankle, but here's lunch.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sorry about that. Here's a sandwich. The kids made it. Don't piss them off. They're kind of feral. It's eight o'. Clock. The word for eight o' clock is concert. C O N C E R t. That's the 8 o' clock code word for the take it in the app promotion that we've got. So go to the app, click on the eight o' clock box, boom, put in concert, and, man, you're on your way to maybe winning a thousand bucks. In the meantime, Brady's here to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report, and it's brought to you by our friends over at all pro shade. Allprochade.com shading everything. And this weekend was everybody wanted to go outside and then everybody was searching for shade. It was a little warmer than people thought. Saw a lot of people in Halloween masks and doing all sorts of little get togethers that came back swampy and sweaty because they didn't realize it. A lot of businesses you could do better if you've got a shady patio that maybe people would use more on these days that it's 80 and they think it's going to be nice, but it starts to burn you up a little bit. Shade is beautiful. And all Pro Shade is the place to get it all. Pro shade.com Brady reported.

[Byron]

Good Monday morning to you, Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

Hello, world.

[Byron]

Happy National American Beer Day.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I'm in.

[Byron]

It convinced me a couple of baseless fun facts. Tempura isn't a Japanese invention. It's Portuguese.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Byron]

Missionaries from Portugal introduced it to Japan in the late 1500s. People there already took to it. Amethyst got its name from the ancient Greek phrase not drunk, because there is a belief that if he put the stones in your alcohol, it would keep you from getting too drunk. Not sure if it worked or not. Try it this weekend.

[John Holmberg]

Good advice. Yeah.

[Byron]

In Sedona. Kidding me.

[John Holmberg]

Does it work in Sedona?

[Byron]

Wouldn't it cancel it out from the. Maybe they've been doing it the whole time there. Yeah. All 16 celebrities Madonna mentions in the song Vogue are now dead.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, geez.

[Byron]

Lauren Bacall was the last to pass away in 2014.

[John Holmberg]

So they've been dead for.

[Byron]

Marlon Brando was second to last in 2004.

[John Holmberg]

Clodic Colbert. And like she mentioned a lot of people from the 20s and 30s, so I'd hope they're dead.

[Byron]

And a new poll about Americans saying they've had at least one paranormal experience. 60% of Americans say they had at least one or one of 13 paranormal experiences.

[John Holmberg]

It's a lot.

[Byron]

35% say they've had a full. Felt a presence of an unknown energy.

[John Holmberg]

Idiots.

[Byron]

32% have smelled an unexplained odor.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Only 30. You have a dog. You have a dog. You ask you what the hell is that thing eating? That's a new one.

[Byron]

31 have heard an unexplained sound or music.

[John Holmberg]

So just assume it's ghosts.

[Byron]

Yeah. They said men 38 are more likely than women 28% to say there's likely paranormal events they've experienced and have set scientific explanations.

[John Holmberg]

Huh.

[Brett Vesely]

Method, Jerome.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Men lie about ghosts to get women to go.

[Byron]

Men are higher. You know. Or saying there's science behind this, the reason why you're doing it.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Byron]

Around 40% of Americans believe in demons, ghosts and psychics.

[John Holmberg]

How many?

[Byron]

40%.

[John Holmberg]

Half. That's way too many.

[Byron]

7% claim they communicate with the dead.

[John Holmberg]

They're wrong. They do. You know what? I will say this. I'll say this. They do. The dead do not communicate back. I can communicate with the dead. I can go talk one way conversation. I can go to. I can go down the road here on 48th street and hit that funeral, that cemetery and just. I'll walk through the bone orchard and talk to the dead all day. They ain't talking back. You might imagine that they're talking back, but that's your brain playing tricks on you because you've got a hole in your heart. See, that's armchair therapy from a man who knows years of therapy, years of knowing. What you should have known anyway, is I'm a realistic therapist. Oh, yeah. You hear voices in your head because you've got a lot of unchecked boxes with how that person died. You can't let go, so you make it in your head. So they're talking. That's Called schizophrenia. And you make them talk to you, and then you pretend it really happened. That's scary.

[Byron]

Among the 16% of Americans who claim they've seen ghosts, more people say they were good ghosts.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Great, because none of them ever committed a crime.

[Brett Vesely]

Say hi to Casper.

[John Holmberg]

And again, you should not want to have ghosts see you. If people truly believed in ghosts, they'd stop stuffing their fingers in their asses. And we do. I was at a restaurant for breakfast yesterday, Place called Millie's, I think, up in Sedona. And my friend Anthony sat across the table from me, and we're chatting away, and I said, anthony, I gotta tell you something. I can't really pay attention to your words right now. And he's like, why? And Dr. Brink was next to us as well. And I said, the guy next to you just got his pancakes, and with his right hand, grabbed his fork, and with his left hand, placed it deep in the back of his pan.

[Byron]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

And he was working his hand around. And I'm like, I guess. And no one ever taught me this. That pancakes are better while you finger yourself. Because his hand was way down there.

[Brett Vesely]

Try that this weekend.

[John Holmberg]

Try it only with pancake spread. Evidently, it can make some foods taste worse, but. And his wife's across from him, and never once did she say, hey, we're eating. Get your hand out of your ass crack. We're in public, by the way. But it was almost like second nature, that is. And I got back up on this. I got two other guys that'll tell. Hey, what'd we see at that breakfast place? Oh, you mean the guy fingering himself while he ate pancakes? Yeah, precisely.

[Byron]

Putella pancakes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, okay. What's the matter with you? Weekend with Kirby. I forgot. Kirby's so high that her friend and Kirby were driving to school this morning while I was doing the Dude. Kirby the Dude? Yeah, Kirby Lebowski. Now, because she's a pothead, right? And her friend's like, was he doing that impression? That doesn't sound anything like you, man. And Kirby's like, I know, man. I don't know where it comes from either, man. So Kirby text Brady. Yeah. Some sort of weird gag, man. So they're Jeff Bridges. The dude impression. They text Brady, like, what's my impression? Brady says, it's the dude from the Big Lebowski. Hey, man, my friend says I don't sound anything like that, man. So, you know, have the guy work on it, man.

[Byron]

She knew? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, then why didn't she explain it to him? Holmberg's morning sickness. Holberg's morning sickness. 98. Holmberg's morning sickness. She didn't know. She wouldn't have text you?

[Byron]

Well, no. She's laughing because she did tell the guy. She basically. The guy came over like.

[John Holmberg]

Don't sell anything like that.

[Byron]

It's a joke.

[John Holmberg]

Man. Jeez. Have you ever seen King Kong?

[Byron]

Man? I need to work on.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He calls himself an impressionist. Man. That's insane. I don't say anything like that. Dude. Dude. Yeah.

[Byron]

Chapman University conducts its annual poll on the real life fears everyday Americans have. And topping the list at 69%. All right. But 69% of people say they're afraid of or very afraid of of corrupt politicians. Corrupt government officials.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's weird. That's our number one fear.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Means we got the TV on too much.

[Byron]

Number two, people you love becoming seriously ill. 59%. Number three was economic or financial collapse. And then number four, cyber terrorism. Number five, people you love dying.

[John Holmberg]

That's fifth behind government corruption.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Death of a family member.

[Byron]

But yeah. Mom. You're. You're good.

[John Holmberg]

I'm really worried about the wife.

[Byron]

It's Chapman University. So I don't know if they're talking to all college students.

[John Holmberg]

Not all.

[Byron]

Conducting the pool.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. I don't know. You're the one doing the report.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Even still you'd think that death of a family member or loved one would be a little higher on my day to day fears than government corruption.

[Byron]

Yeah. You think?

[John Holmberg]

I just found out that my wife is dying. Is Mark Kelly still on the up and up? I gotta highlight on my mind.

[Byron]

Can we hang on with a funeral? I gotta wait to see what Mark Kelly has said.

[John Holmberg]

There's the speech today. I'm watching C Span today. It's like you've lost your whole family. The accident was tragic.

[Melissa]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

I know. I know. Have you seen what's going on there with that White House spokesperson? She's just driving me crazy. She's lying. Like I get everything.

[Byron]

We've got a man in Bath, New York. He was arrested after he placed a lit cigar in the drive through money tube at a bank. He did it intentionally. Was it? But they don't know if it was out of anger or he's just doing as a prank. Just be a jerk about. The guy's name is Jacob Frank. He's 33 years old. He was charged with assault in the third degree and reckless endangerment in the second degree. Both are class A misdemeanors. The bank employee inhaled the cigar smoke when it arrived inside the bank and required medical care.

[John Holmberg]

Nope.

[Byron]

Too much smoke inhalation.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Byron]

The injuries were not life threatening.

[John Holmberg]

But evidently that would have been the lead had they worked.

[Byron]

Are also dramatic.

[John Holmberg]

Seven dead. Yeah, a little bit.

[Byron]

Evidently. Jacob also was arrested earlier this year for stealing a coffee machine key from a convenience store. In August, Chick Fil A just installed its first vending machine inside a hospital in Augusta, Georgia. People are excited, but nothing hot comes out of the vending machine. It's very limited. It does. It's not 247 either because they restock it every day. But they're not open on Sundays. Okay, so there's no restocking on Sundays. You can get wraps. A couple of Chick Fil A wrap sandwiches. And then two types of Chick Fil A potato chips.

[John Holmberg]

During that terribly boring story Brady just told about food, I realized that I smell amazing. So I was distracted in the middle of that because by yourself I. I ordered Dr. Squatch soaps. Telling you, man, it's life changing. Birdie likes fries and rap stories that I just didn't understand halfway through because my scent overtook me. I smell absolutely fantastic. I just moved a little and caught a whiff of me. Radio. Radio. Gentle radio listeners. I bet you wish you had Smell O Radio right now. Because I'm not being paid for this endorsement whatsoever. But I'd happily Do it. Dr. Squatch.

[Byron]

Mmm.

[John Holmberg]

That's John.

[Byron]

Here's an important PSA. Stop cutting the stem off your pumpkin. Keep the stem on because it helps seal the pumpkin and keep it from rotting. Slows down the rotting process. Because, see, the stem was originally where all the feeding to the pumpkin happened. So there's still nutrients in the stem that keeps the pumpkin from going bad.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so how much of it are.

[Byron]

We supposed to keep? You keep. You just don't touch it. Just don't touch it at all if you can. Yeah. Because I know sometimes they get pretty long. But they say it's okay to cut the bottom off and the sides.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Byron]

Again, I'm going with John. Scintillating report this morning.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Very important psa.

[John Holmberg]

Really picked some gems today. Okay. I'm glad I smell good because otherwise I'd be upset.

[Brett Vesely]

That's the highlight.

[Byron]

Did you get a whiff yourself?

[John Holmberg]

Are you all right? Brad? Is Brett's okay? Brett lay down on a rock here.

[Byron]

Brett knew that about pumpkin.

[John Holmberg]

Pumpkin. The whole purpose.

[Byron]

He was the one who gave me that story.

[John Holmberg]

Let know the people need to know. Why do you fight me on these things?

[Melissa]

It just doesn't have a lot of pop to it.

[John Holmberg]

Bert.

[Byron]

Do it.

[John Holmberg]

Trust me on this one, man.

[Byron]

Got a couple of pretty videos. The first one is the eye poke from the UFC fight that happened over the weekend. The guy had to basically stop the fight. Oh, it was a no contest. No contest.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Byron]

And people, at first, when you see it. Yeah, it's like, it didn't look that bad.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, here's a punch. Oh, it's his eye. His finger.

[Byron]

Right when I watch the second.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, There it goes in.

[Byron]

Fingers in his eye, two knuckles down.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Yes. And who does that in slow motion? Stop it. No. No.

[Byron]

So I decided the next radio video is a will make up the UFC fight with a quality knockout on an MMA fight.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, there we go. Oh. Roundhouse kick from the ground. And he slept. He slept. His sparring partner. You're supposed to just be training, boys. That's. That's a little bit of a dick move to come. Might have been a challenge match coming in that hot. Yeah, no, that's in a. An astroturfed facility. It's. The rule is a 80%. You're not going full.

[Byron]

Look at his legs.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's asleep. He has no idea who his dad is. Like, that's.

[Byron]

Boom.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's bad. All right. And the guy feels bad because he realized, I just broke all the rules. Don't kick people in the head at a training event.

[Byron]

Next one's a motocross accident.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we're on the bikes. Oh, he's up against the wall. He's off the bike. It's flying around. The other bike hits his bike. He goes in the air. That dude's 20ft up. Wow. Oh, yeah. It's sound. Barely. Oh. The first guy, just for no reason, has never ridden a motorcycle in his life. How did he lose control on that turn that badly?

[Byron]

Took it too wide, I guess.

[John Holmberg]

Like he's into the hay bales before the turn.

[Byron]

It was his first race.

[John Holmberg]

That's his first time on a bike ever. That dude's. He lost a bet. That's Chauncey Billups. He has to do that every once in a while for the mob. Now we want you to ride a mic there, Chauncey. That other guy's 25ft up. He's out before he hits the ground just from fear. That's a fun one. All right, next. Here's a gross one.

[Byron]

Not coming up. Oh, it's not okay. I saved your breakfast.

[John Holmberg]

Then what is it?

[Byron]

Some guy snot out his nose and he sneezes twice.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, the snot ones are.

[Byron]

Eliminate them.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Just. Well, I mean, it's hard to say no because, I mean, It's a good one. 1. It's a good one. It's not. Videos. One of the best snot videos you'll ever see.

[Byron]

I'm gonna put it in the top five.

[Melissa]

It's Spielbergian.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Brett, what do you got? All right. Guy says, knuckles deep in an eye. Had some pancakes, and that's Sedona breakfast. That's true. The brown eye. It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen. Then after he's like halfway through his pancakes, he takes his hand out of his ass crack crack. And it stayed there the whole time he's eaten. And Anthony was jealous because his shoulder doesn't work real good. He's like, I can't even get my hands behind my back like that. This dude's doing that. And then he took his hand out and it rested on his lap. And then he just started to rub his crotch. Not like in a sexual way, and just more of like a. Just kind of constant adjustment fashion with his ass crack hand. Oh, and the food was good, but I mean, little twinking in Sedona. But his wife was sitting there just chatting it up.

[Brett Vesely]

Sister.

[John Holmberg]

No, she was Mexican. And he was. Maybe it was his maid. I don't know. There was. Something was going on.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, Red, I'll start off with a little video here. Some car action.

[John Holmberg]

We're oncoming traffic. A guy with an orange sweater is standing there.

[Byron]

He's gonna disappear.

[John Holmberg]

He is not gonna do. Oh, here's a guy in a blue shirt. Here comes a guy coming over. Oh, stop it, Brett. Stop it. What happens now?

[Byron]

Oh, into the passing.

[John Holmberg]

A car's about to back up. Now, we guessed it because that car came out. I thought the guy in the blue was going to shoot him. All right, hit play and put into the truck. And there's a truck on my. Oh, a guy.

[Byron]

Whammy.

[John Holmberg]

That dude did not have a backup truck.

[Brett Vesely]

I didn't feel anything.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gone. Didn't have a backup camera cuz it ran over two dudes and. Oh, and now the guy backing up keeps going.

[Byron]

No, no, no, no. You got.

[John Holmberg]

He's driving over the body.

[Byron]

Oh, he hates the band. The one guy was.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they're all in the same outfit and it's. Yeah, they're. They're carrying. This is in Mexico? Yeah, it's a mariachi band. They're all in these blue outfits and he kills them by running them into a car and then finishes him off with the front tires. And another dude from the mariachi band slowly wanders over to watch his friend, who's in the exact same outfit, get run over.

[Byron]

They're not really cops.

[John Holmberg]

Were those gunshots? What? Oh, I don't know.

[Byron]

That did sound like it, but that is crazy.

[Brett Vesely]

Feel like the tuba player in the band.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that was a. That was set up. Holy smokes. All right.

[Byron]

And do they play the next show, next man up, or you just keep going.

[Brett Vesely]

There's some more traffic for you.

[John Holmberg]

They get a member of those bands die once a week from cartel activity. Oops. I get the wrong thing turned up. Here we go. Here comes a truck. Oh, it's. Oh, it jackknifes on a wet road and just takes out a whole other car. Wow, look at that.

[Melissa]

Is.

[John Holmberg]

That just blew the other car to bits. That is crazy. Oh, there's nothing you can do about that. The guy even tries to get out of the way. It's just not enough room.

[Byron]

That's not bodies on the back.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I don't know. Yeah, it might be. I don't see that. That's. That just plays it. And people are afraid of government corruption. More than that. I was driving to Sedona, and they have the new flex lanes on the i17. Have you seen how those work? No. They have guillotine bars. I call them that because if you decide to go down the wrong lane when they're not open, the flex lanes go each direction. And they have these giant. They'd cut a whole family's head off. Their head height to all the cars. And if. If you're in the lanes as it's closing, like, hey, set another mile. And then these are closed. They have these giant orange bars that stick out of a. It's what? Get out of the way. It's insane. It would cut off everyone's heads. I think it's designed to do it so you're not. You will never, ever be going the wrong way on Arizona's flex lanes because you'd be a family of headless people.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Have you seen those things?

[Byron]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They're horrifying. Flex lanes are awesome.

[Byron]

But. Yeah, I agree.

[John Holmberg]

I saw those giant guillotine sticks, and there's like 40 of them. Them. And they get the top one might.

[Byron]

Take out a semi.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. It's high. It's way up. It's designed to cut heads off. Like, all of it's Ginsu.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Great.

[Byron]

Corvette might go Underneath it, maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe. But even still, the little flappers in the bottom would tear the car up.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, just finish off with this one. It's one we haven't seen in a while.

[John Holmberg]

A while. All right, there's a lady sitting on a sex toy that's a suction cup to a bald man's head. And then she's performing oral on two other gentlemen. She has the hips.

[Brett Vesely]

Hair's overrated.

[John Holmberg]

Look what you get. Yeah, you can't do that with hair. Only us balds can stick giant wieners to our heads and have women perform just the hips of a poorly droned Disney cat. Oh, no, that's good. Stuck in the middle of the gray. All right, well done, Bert. Concert is the word today. Concert. Put it in the 8 o' clock promo code box on our app and you might win a thousand American dollars. There you go, everybody. That is the word. And that was your Brady report. It's 98.

[Byron]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. We just had a full off the air conversation about sharing clothes.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

What size is your jacket, Brett? You can borrow mine. I'm pretty sure I'm 44 long. I think that's about right.

[Byron]

I need a 60 short and a blazer.

[John Holmberg]

You'll get it.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

60 short. Brady basically wears a giant like a ribbon you'd wrap around a keg. It's time now for what Would Brady Do? The most moral man and all of Phoenix sits amongst us, and he can fix your problems while you type in the word stash to the promo code box in the 9 o' clock hour on the KUPD app. Easy enough. Brady will solve the problems now. Brought to you by our friends over at MMP Guns. Mo Money, Pawn. M and P Guns. Proud to say that at the fundraiser I was at on Friday for Kurt Warner's Treasure House, they played Password. And the password was pawn. And the host said, you know the password is. And it goes up on the screen. And my friend Mark was giving the password to Kurt Warner. And Mark said, this may or may not make sense, but he goes, mo. And Kurt Warner goes, I don't know what you're talking about. And the host happens to go, oh, you're getting a load of street cred for this. And he goes, mo is in mo money. And he's like, yeah. And then everybody goes, mo money, pawn. They knew immediately. So the Word is out. The whole place at Kurt Warner's place got the Mo Money Pawn plug without trying. And that's an expensive one. You're welcome. Mo Money Pawn. That was pretty neat. So good job by Mark to get that up there. Kurt Warner was the only one who didn't know. His wife knew immediately. So when they switched teams, the other guy's like, money. And she goes, mo money. Oh, mo money pond. So it's in our mind. So good job, mo Money Pond. 12th street in Indian School, right there in the heart of our beautiful city. Brady, are you ready?

[Byron]

Ready.

[John Holmberg]

Let's go here. Dear Brady, my ex husband and I have been divorced 17 years. We have two kids that are both finishing up their college careers. When we divorced, I struggled for the first five years while my husband shot up the ladder at his job and more than doubled his salary in that time. About five years ago, the bottom fell out. He got fired in a restructuring plan, got unemployed for about eight months. The roles have switched with us now because I'm doing very well and have opened a business of my own. Well, last week he called me and we've remained civil since divorce. And he broke down and asked me to loan him five grand. He said the irony isn't lost on him of how our situations have reversed, but he's apparently struggling. Would you ever loan your ex money? I never once asked him for money, even though there were times that I certainly could have used it. Signed Ann.

[Byron]

I. You know, I don't know the situation early on when he was making that money, they'd already settled and he. It's just they've agreed that he's paying this amount during that time.

[John Holmberg]

You would think that the divorce. If he was doing well for himself.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That he had to pay Ann.

[Byron]

Right. And if that were the case.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Then.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Kick back a little bit. Help to do that.

[Byron]

It would make sense that you're. Now, you know, the roles have reversed. Why wouldn't it work the same way?

[John Holmberg]

Well, because the time's up the same way a guy would say. And just devil's advocate here, I already paid you for the last 10 years. I'm not. I don't owe you any money anymore.

[Brett Vesely]

I'll let Jack go.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And so if you're broke and I was giving you a couple thousand bucks a month for spousal support and that's it. And then 17 years pass and she calls you and she's hitting up. No, but this is a reverse.

[Byron]

And the other thing is, like, during that time that he made the money. Did they already agree to that time? And this was based upon his income, then. Then all of a sudden, he makes more money. That doesn't mean he ponies up more money on the. The agreement is.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no. Like, you're.

[Byron]

Yeah, she gets.

[John Holmberg]

But you're confused. That.

[Byron]

But.

[John Holmberg]

But this is a switch. They're no longer any spousal support.

[Byron]

But this is a loan.

[John Holmberg]

Right. He's saying, I'm in trouble. You've got money now. I know you.

[Byron]

That's up to you. I don't think. You know, I don't think it's bad to say. Right.

[John Holmberg]

But painful for him to ask.

[Byron]

If you can afford it, then I would do it.

[Brett Vesely]

They're still cordial.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, it says. Sounds like it's been cordial. Here's the thing, though. Yeah. If he paid child support and spousal support for years while he was doing well and you guys were divorced because it's court ordered, doesn't mean it still wasn't keeping you afloat.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So now that you're good, he no longer pays any of that stuff. The kids are off out of college, and he's in dire straits. You got to remember, you cut this dude in half when you guys got divorced. Maybe it was his fault, but financially, dudes lose half. And again, it's the semantics of divorce. Ask anybody. Oh, my friend Dave got divorced. What did she get? And then the other flip side, what did he lose? That's semantics. But it's true. Dude is seen as the loser, and a woman is seen as the winner in divorce. Even though emotionally, they'll tell you it's different.

[Byron]

Different now.

[John Holmberg]

So help him out because it's the right thing to do.

[Byron]

Yeah. She's not saying anything in that letter. Like he hasn't been a great dad.

[John Holmberg]

No, she says we're cordial.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Points on it.

[John Holmberg]

Right. She said, when we. When we first divorced, I struggled for about first five years, but I bet you he was covering the bills and.

[Byron]

She had to look for work.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It wasn't a loan that he was giving you. He was forced to give you money. Money you're not forced. But, boy, it would be kind of crappy for you not to help him out.

[Brett Vesely]

Just charge them two points on the loan.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. Throw some points on it. Get up. Get a little juice in the end of that thing. Yeah. You pay me back, you got till, let's say five grand. You got till April.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Get on your feet. This should help. And in April, you give me six back yeah. How do points work?

[Brett Vesely]

It's a percentage.

[John Holmberg]

Percentage. See, like when you say you got two points on the loan.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, it's like 2%.

[John Holmberg]

2%. Yeah. Okay.

[Brett Vesely]

But you could charge that weekly.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brett Vesely]

Which is what usually happens.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's a lot. That's a lot of juice. I'm not in or not.

[Brett Vesely]

Two or three points.

[John Holmberg]

I don't do loans.

[Byron]

Is that 2%? Based upon what? You get this out of the bank, we're getting two points more. You haven't gone through.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's like it's two points from the guy.

[Brett Vesely]

2%.

[Byron]

That's 2% low.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, but that's every week.

[John Holmberg]

But if the bank's hitting you every week, it's not. That's compounding over. Yeah, that's a lot of points. If it's 2% at the end of the five grand. Yeah, sure, that's nothing. But it's 2% on 5,000 every week. You don't pay back. Yikes.

[Brett Vesely]

Or veto shows up and then you got.

[John Holmberg]

Then your. Next thing you know, you're hosting poker games with Chauncey Billups. It says, dear Brady, I'm under contract to buy a home and realize that the sellers are two dudes. Now I just think of how much nuts to butts action had happened in my future. Shower, pool, bedroom, sauna and theater room. So if Brady were to buy your neighbor's house, John, as an example, what would you recommend to scrub all the poop wiener history from it? Tom, have you, have you ever thought of that? I always buy new toilets if I get a new house. It's all new toilets. That's it's not sitting on someone else's old throne. I don't know what went on on that.

[Melissa]

And it.

[John Holmberg]

I just it be in my brain all the time. It's more just mental.

[Byron]

I didn't. I've replaced the the toilets, but not when I first bought it. Basically you're looking at it and the toilets are working and I never even thought about that first day.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not doing anything in those toilets until those are that first day.

[Byron]

Replacing the seat is remodel.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you got to get rid of the toilets and then the gay bathroom.

[Byron]

Unless you know, even if they were redone like within that year, toilets around.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody else's toilets are going to away. I'll sell them to you because you don't seem to have a problem with that. Definitely. Yeah, you can have my gently used toilets.

[Byron]

But as far as two dudes owning the house and you're buying It I.

[John Holmberg]

Don'T have you and scrub.

[Byron]

Well you. You clean all houses before you move in there?

[John Holmberg]

Sure, but I mean like to get it out of your mind, this dude's got an anal sex. It might be fossil bruin in his brain.

[Byron]

Probably a good general rule of thumb to black light the house that you're buying mtv.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? Not a bad idea during inspection.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You know, make sure all the outlets are in good spots and everything's wired up right. And then kill the lights, come back at 9 and black light the whole thing and then have the maid come by with, you know, take that orange spray paint that you do when you want to get rid of trees and stuff. Put X's where the maid has to clean extra hard.

[Byron]

You might be.

[John Holmberg]

It's a good idea painting. I like what you did there. Black light. That's a great one. You go into some castle of gay guys lived in and next thing you know, you know you're breathing in on toxic. You don't know if the heterosexual couple was up to no good in there.

[Byron]

Exactly.

[Brett Vesely]

Imagine Brennan buying a house.

[John Holmberg]

Oh boy, oh boy. I gotta get in here and I'm telling you right now, I'm gonna go ahead and clean everything with bleach because I think this was the. The capital of America. I'll do my own little black light research. Boy oh boy, were these guys shooters.

[Byron]

It's everywhere about a fairy house.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, I'm in a twink kingdom. Which is my favorite handheld video game. This one's from Aiden. Does he say don't mention him?

[Byron]

I don't think so.

[Brett Vesely]

No, I don't think so.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody knows them that's messaging you, but just. Oh yeah, I'm not going to say it now. I've already said who it was.

[Brett Vesely]

We'll answer that in private.

[John Holmberg]

Apparently it must be a good one. We'll get back to that because if the last line says I'm sure you'll know who's messaging you. Yeah, read through that and see that I haven't made a mistake early because I just saw the name. I got excited about who was emailing.

[Byron]

There was never. Yeah, a disclaimer. I think he.

[John Holmberg]

I think at the end he said something about don't. But we'll see. I got another one says this can be a. What would Brady do? But John, I hear you talking about people scamming old people all the time, so I want you in this too. Finally, I know someone who fell in the trap. My mother in law whose husband just recently passed two Years ago, went online to a dating site and met a nice man. He worked on a rig and apparently was asking for money to complete a job so he could come back and see her. She sent him $20,000 and he is now she's dead broke. We found the pictures he sent were AI generated where they took pictures online and replaced it with. With another. I felt bad, but now she wants to move in with me and my wife because she can't afford anything. And I love the freedom. And I hate to feel like I have to give some of that up because she fell for a scam. What would you do, Ryan?

[Byron]

Look for a place that she could live, that I could help out.

[John Holmberg]

Gotta pay for all.

[Byron]

Yeah. Which is, again, what's easier for you. How long would she be living with you in the house? And then could you afford to pick up, you know, what, rent for six months or something?

[John Holmberg]

It's the holidays.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Let her stay through January. January.

[Byron]

It's a good idea.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Just make it feel like, you know, grandma's around for Christmas. Let her stick around for 90 days like Brett says. Put 2% on her vigor. And then. And then at the end of the 90 days, hopefully she'll have gotten it back together. Give her a little help. Say everything that you save in these 90 days will match, and we'll get you in a nice place, 20 grand out the door to some dude she'd never met. Why is it still a thing? Never send money to a photograph unless it's a free generator from tractor supply. And then, of course, well, you got the toolkit. Well, I didn't win that.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, you didn't?

[John Holmberg]

No, it's bogged down over there in the Suez Canal. Evidently, there's a problem if the man.

[Byron]

Or woman you fell for.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Is asking for money right off the bat.

[John Holmberg]

If you've never met anybody and they're asking you for money.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because they love you. The answer is, Abs, especially if you.

[Byron]

Floated out saying, hey, I'd like to fly you here, that's one thing. But if he's asking, hey, could you lend me some money because I want to come see you.

[John Holmberg]

Right here's the problem. Also, if it's like two or three hundred bucks, you'll take that hit. But old people will keep doing that until it amounts to 2,000 because they're like, oh, it's just nickel and diamonds here and there. It's no big deal.

[Byron]

Even that's better than 20,000.

[John Holmberg]

20 grand is insane. If it was a one punch for 20,000, that's silly. If she got 500 here, a couple hundred here, and it all added up to 20,000, you could see kind of where grandma was lost, because maybe she's getting a little love in return. And the guy staying in contact. That's how they get you, as they'll take the 500 bucks and say, thank you so much. They'll stay in contact. So you feel like, oh, they're not grifting me, or they'd have run away. Then it gets up to, like 20,000. Bad news. Don't do it.

[Byron]

Well, I want him to fly him first class.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. 20 grand's an awful lot to get somebody out from. He's an oil rigger. Stop it, Brett. Is that safe or. No. And that's usually the bottom.

[Brett Vesely]

I just highlighted money.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know. I saw that part, too.

[Byron]

An oil rig. Bigger.

[John Holmberg]

What's that?

[Byron]

Makes good.

[John Holmberg]

They make great money. Yeah, if he's good at it. If he's a poor one, he's bad at his job, and you shouldn't be interested in it. Anyway. Anyway, we'll answer. Aiden's off the air because he says, be careful. I have friends and family. I screwed up because I saw his name and it's all highlighted on the thing. It's like, look up. It's bold print, like, hey, I know you. And then, oh, if he's listening and.

[Byron]

We'Re not getting to him, I can just tell you, roll on.

[John Holmberg]

Cut it off. Yeah, yeah. He's our trans listener.

[Byron]

I've been in that situation.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, and you chopped it right off.

[Byron]

No, it took me twice. I mean, the same thing.

[John Holmberg]

Aiden.

[Byron]

Yeah, his situation where he's like, oh, you've read it? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I didn't read it. Oh, I thought when? Because he's a trans man. No, no, no, don't do it. He said not to. He said don't. No, no.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, he said don't.

[John Holmberg]

He said don't. You're just gonna tell him anyway. Aiden, we'll get back to you later. When Brady starts spewing about it on the air like he watched Wolverine again.

[Melissa]

He dies at the end of Logan.

[John Holmberg]

It's dumb.

[Melissa]

Comes out Friday. Springsteen lives. Yawn.

[John Holmberg]

There you go, everybody. That is what Brady did. Stop giving money to pictures. It's 98.

[Byron]

Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

[Byron]

Again.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks, Dave. Dave and his wife are going out again. You know, going out on the town since his incident where he knocked that lady up and he's taking her up in a balloon. Yeah. He's got to get her off of that hot air balloon. By the way, somebody said, I have a feeling that the only thing they think of when they think of hot air balloons for some reason is Tripp Reeve. I don't know why, but when you mentioned hot air balloons this morning, all I could think of was your boss, Tripp Reeve. He said just floating over Dodger Stadium, watching him like that would be such a flex baller move. I rented a hot air balloon. I'm gonna watch the World Series from high.

[Brett Vesely]

He's gonna park it right over Toledo's seats.

[John Holmberg]

I'll still be closer than Toledo and I'll be in the air. So I have a. I offered this earlier to Richard. The World Series is in full swing. We're one one coming back to LA tonight, I believe. Game three. You have tickets to game four because you made a bonerhead move and bought tickets for the Mariners World Series appearance, which still hasn't happened, silly. Still haven't sold those.

[Byron]

I've done.

[Brett Vesely]

You're not gonna be here tomorrow.

[John Holmberg]

And here's the worst part.

[Byron]

I'll be here tomorrow. Maybe after the show.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I would. Yeah. So my. My offer to you because I told Toledo or I told Tripp was at my house last night and I told him, I said, so, 1 1. You're pretty happy the weekend? Yeah. Yeah, they left snowing too long. Oh, Tony's throwing tomorrow. Yeah. You're not going to that.

[Byron]

Well, if I sell the tickets, I'm going to sell the tickets.

[John Holmberg]

Go watch Ohtani pitch. I won't have to do that. That's stupid. So I told Tripp, I'm like, are you going to any games in la?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I haven't gotten back from Dave yet. And then somebody next to him. Who? Dave Roberts, the manager of the Dodgers. So, yeah, yeah, he hasn't gotten back to me, so a little busy, I'm thinking. I'm like, well, I know a guy who's got tickets. And he just goes, yeah, right. I want you just to see his reaction to say, tripp, you've been a great boss. I've loved working with you, and I would love for you to be my guest at the World Series tomorrow to see how he turns you down. Because he will. But that's such a generous and kind offer.

[Byron]

It'll be like the reaction I had to him.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, no, no, no. I think he Would be forced into rejecting you in the kindest possible way. And I'd like to see how he does that. That.

[Brett Vesely]

I think he's right down the hall.

[Byron]

I don't think he's kind about it. I think he'd be very blunt about it.

[John Holmberg]

Is that Heather?

[Melissa]

Heather?

[Byron]

Heather. I me Check.

[Melissa]

Heather.

[Byron]

I'm go check.

[John Holmberg]

I tried the intercom. She's not paying any attention.

[Byron]

Nope, still not working.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know if Trip's here today.

[Brett Vesely]

I thought I heard him.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if he. If he's here, he heard us do this, and now it's jinxed and ruined.

[Byron]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

But I want you to do. I want you to. And would you go if he said yes?

[Byron]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Road Trip.

[Byron]

Oh, my God. You.

[John Holmberg]

You two in the mini. The most silent. So, what's your name? I'm Big Dick Toledo. Oh, yeah, Yeah. I know. I hear about you on this. I know you've already.

[Byron]

I've heard about you.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he has. I don't know if you've been listening. You have. Downstairs. Okay. So Richard has this. Okay.

[Byron]

Game four tomorrow. Trip, would you like to go with me?

[Brett Vesely]

This is.

[John Holmberg]

This is a comedy show, right? No. Stop it. Stop that. Stop that immediately. He's. He's made an offer. I'll just be quiet and sit back here and fiddle around with stuff. I wish I could, but. You got plans? Really? Don't look at me.

[Byron]

Tell him.

[John Holmberg]

It'S a nice. It's a lovely. I honestly. It's a lovely invitation. That's what I said. It's a really nice invitation. I was wondering how you would kindly turn this down, because it's not one you can just laugh off. Because it's a generous offer. No. All right. Never mind, I guess.

[Byron]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Are you sure? Yeah. Is it Toledo or where the tickets are or some sort of weird combination? Both.

[Byron]

Both.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's probably both. Yeah.

[Byron]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Just. No, no, no, no. I would. I would. I'd love to go with. No, you wouldn't. Yeah. Why? Just asked you. You said you would.

[Byron]

You think he's.

[John Holmberg]

You know. You got a problem with him.

[Brett Vesely]

I know that.

[Byron]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we all have a problem. It's like some emotional thing. It is. Yeah. He's not wrong. You have emotional. Well, I don't get that. But I mean, I think we're on the same cycle. I mean. Oh, Jesus. I wouldn't have to. Would I have to travel with you? Would that be. No. Yeah. You know. And you've got a place to stay? Could he stay? Yeah, he's gotta.

[Byron]

Don'T drag down.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. No. If he got a room with two beds, would I stay? Yeah. Oh, no, no. That's a hard. Excuse me. That's a hard nose. You want. Go ahead. I'll. I'd stay at the club. Oh, at the Beller. There you go. Can he stay with you there? No, I don't think so.

[Melissa]

I don't think so.

[John Holmberg]

Would you road trip with him? No, I would fly. You would fly? Yeah. You wouldn't go? Like that's a generous offer. I'll buy plane tickets, right? No, no, you're not gonna do that. Okay. All right. Well, it was. I thought it was a very kind offer. I think it's a lovely. It's a really nice Dave Roberts calling you right now with family tickets. You're not going to offer to at all? No, evidently not the problem. And that's the problem. He has such a big family. Yeah. And he has family in la and family, of course, in San Diego. And they only get a few X number of tickets right now, I think. I mean, when I went last time. Yeah. They at least had six plus. But you're on that list.

[Brett Vesely]

Wife and I think his wife and another person.

[John Holmberg]

You're short list, though. You're on the. I think. No, I'm long list. You think if he's only. There's a lot of tickets, like I said. I mean, family, family, family. And you got my buddy Jeff. Yeah, that's pretty awesome. And then Toledo said, hey, you can go. And then maybe when you're in the building with Rich, you can call Dave Roberts. Yeah. And then say, get me on, I gotta go. Oh, and then. Well, that is the other thing. I mean, I don't know where the tickets. They're in the deep, Right.

[Byron]

You have to walk through the pavilion trip.

[John Holmberg]

You have to be with them.

[Byron]

You know that area out beyond the.

[John Holmberg]

Fence, you know, remember the people.

[Brett Vesely]

They.

[Byron]

Got statues out there. The sort of statues out there.

[John Holmberg]

Remember the people used to point and go, I just need branches off of this one. And then blow. And then try to get out of here by 11. That's who you're sitting with. No, it's a different engine. Look, he's actually kind of thinking about it. I think that's generous performative art. Yeah, he's good. I mean, the no was. But then there's kind of. I don't know. All right, well, because if you can't sell them. Oh, he's got to be selling. Shohei is pitching tomorrow. Oh, yeah. Even sitting in the bleachers Isn't a bad idea for that one. Do you notice that I'm not wearing any Dodge gear today? Yeah. What are you doing? I wore Dodger on Friday. Right. Did you wear it Saturday? Because they won. So. Okay. So. Okay. This is the new thing. All right. I like that. All right. His reaction was about what I thought a very catheter trippery, everybody.

[Melissa]

The.

[John Holmberg]

The kind. Kind Sort of taste down certain.

[Brett Vesely]

I thought. Actually, he didn't, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It reminded me of how at the end of. Of Mice and Men, when was it George who kills Lenny? Or the other way around, just covers his mouth and look at the rabbits. Look at the rabbits. And then he just shoots him in the head, Sort of verbally. Just did that. Yeah. I mean, I would. No. Did you see his face when he got Simmons? Yeah, he got Simmons. But the worst part was he had to eat that. A little at first. A little bit like. Oh, no, he means it. This isn't a bit. It's a comedy show. It's a comedy show. You're, like, putting me on. When does the clown arrive? No, no. Anyway, yeah.

[Byron]

Brett and I both know that was a very Gene Simmons.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[Byron]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Says, you know when you can tell when someone's lying because her voice gets really high. Trip's voice might as well have been falsetto.

[Melissa]

I don't know what's a thing with.

[John Holmberg]

The thing and the boy. But, no, he started.

[Brett Vesely]

He started talking like Barry Gibbs singing a PG song.

[John Holmberg]

You can tell me the way I use my walk. Woman's man, you know?

[Melissa]

Yeah, I'm trying to talk.

[John Holmberg]

This guy says, I thought you always exaggerated Trip's voice, but that was uncanny. Yeah. No. Yes. No. I mean, I would, but it's always almost. And then you leave alone. It's very strange. It's 9:48. We got an entertainment drill coming up. And if you want to buy Toledo's tickets, It's D. [e-mail]. But you gotta go. Ohtani's pitching, right? That's. That's history. Especially if he just does it again. Oh. Anyway. All right. Entertainment drills next. It's 98.

[Byron]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. All right, let's get this thing over with. Yeah. People emailing us. Scott Haynes says it hearing Toledo ask Trip on a date was brutal. Said I reminded him of asking his high school crush to prom he was waiting for Tripp to just go, you know, Toledo, that's nice, but. But I just see you as a friend. You're like a good friend. And now all we hear down the hall is as Trip tells everyone. Toledo just asked me out. What a. I think he said we'd sleep in the same room. As if. That was sad. But also. Yeah, tickets to the plane. Tickets aren't terribly bad. They're not cheap, but. No, I expected them to. 550 a piece each way. One total.

[Byron]

Total for one person. 550 round trip.

[John Holmberg]

So 1200 bucks for the whole trip. 11.

[Byron]

No, about 11.

[John Holmberg]

Two of us. Yeah, two of us. Not horrible.

[Byron]

Drive for what, 200 bucks?

[John Holmberg]

10 hours. That's the problem with that. Your time has to be more valuable to you than that. But that's, you know, one or the other. It's 10 hours of driving just to go to a game and then come right back. That's brutal. Yeah, driving doesn't cost you anything for. And it's probably 300 bucks to drive, you know. Yeah, well, 100 each way, probably. And then sticking around.

[Byron]

Well, you fly in tanks of gas almost.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So you fly in, you get some airport. You get a shuttle from the airport to the hotel and then you cab over or Uber over to Dodger Stadium. Oh, man, you got to get over there and it's good. What time would the plane land?

[Byron]

I can leave. I can get on a 1230 flight here and be there to Burbank by 2.

[John Holmberg]

Go to Burbank.

[Byron]

I think it was LAX.

[John Holmberg]

Don't go to LAX on a Tuesday at 3.

[Brett Vesely]

No, somebody was saying that Burbank's kind of screwed up now with the air traffic controllers and stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody says that flights are fine. Look, they're all over. They're out right now. Haven't had one drop down cancellation late. This late. That everybody. If you watch one set of channels, you're going to think that the airports have shut down. On the other side. It's like everything's fine. It's somewhere in the middle. Everything lives in the middle. It is time now for Brady to give you all the entertaining news that Brady knows. We call this the entertainment drill. And it's brought to you by our [e-mail]. that's the home tactical black self defense training. You want to get on up there and get in great shape. Get ready. Holiday coming up here. They're going to have their gift cards, I assume for the holidays coming up here pretty soon. It's a Great gift. Gift cards or otherwise. Just go get somebody a membership over there at react defense. Somebody you care about very, very much. I was with somebody this weekend who is a carry guy. I didn't know it and he's like, I have it everywhere I go. He goes, does that bother you? I'm like, absolutely not. Have you ever taken a gun retention course? And he goes, no. Like it's amazing how often when stuff goes sideways, guy with a gun can't get to it in the time that somebody else can or it falls out or something happens in the exchange, you know, and. Or if you're getting attacked and you didn't even know you were gonna. That they get their hands on it. Gun retention courses that they do up there, they're life saving are incredible. Incredible. And for all you people who put it in your waistband, they'll change your mind in a second. Second. In a second on how to do that. You gotta get one of them hidden holsters if you're gonna do it at all. They're brilliant about that stuff. All the weapons training is ridiculous. And you can get. I think you can when they do that one seminary and get your CCR permit. So you can do all that up there. That and you can learn how when somebody has a gun and they're coming at you, what you can do with it. A knife, machete stick, all sorts of stuff that they'll train you on. And the whole time you're just gonna have a great time training for it and get in great shape while you do it. It is the best in the city, a state, maybe nation. I love it up there. Reactdefense.com it's the home of tactical Black Brady entertainment.

[Byron]

Elizabeth Hurley and Billy Ray Cyrus are really enjoying their time together as a couple.

[John Holmberg]

And he's turned into Rob Zombie. Have you seen him?

[Byron]

She even gave him a haircut recently. And she talked about that. She said we have a lot of hair between the two of us.

[John Holmberg]

Gross.

[Byron]

We're in constant danger of choking on hairballs.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, come on. What are they? Oh, because they're licking each other all the time. They're sexy rich millionaires, newlyweds and basically.

[Byron]

Living over in London with her. Yeah, she says she really loves London.

[John Holmberg]

Compared to Tennessee Guy Campos just says Dodger Stadium parking right now is going a thousand bucks a slot. Tell Toledo he's in for more than he can cook.

[Byron]

No, no, we're Ubering.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, if you're driving, I wonder what the Ubers are going to cost and.

[Byron]

How close you get.

[John Holmberg]

There's a massive entrance.

[Byron]

There's a whole area for the Ubers and Lyfts where they.

[John Holmberg]

Man.

[Byron]

The other celebrity couple, Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly are supposedly back together.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, don't do this to yourself, Megan. You're beautiful. He's a douche.

[Byron]

Nelly Furtado says she's stepping away from performing to pursue.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's still alive.

[Byron]

Creative.

[John Holmberg]

That's good. Remember that video we saw?

[Byron]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

She ballooned a little bit.

[Byron]

That's why they're saying she is stepping away. Because the bowling. The body.

[John Holmberg]

Because the stage is going to break.

[Byron]

There she is in a skinny T shirt. She's wearing a T shirt that has a skinny body on it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she's got extra T shirt.

[Byron]

And it says the back of it has a tramp stamp.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Nelly. And you know, stop with the fishnets and the. It says better than ever.

[Brett Vesely]

Let's see. How big is this broad?

[John Holmberg]

Remember how cute Nelly Furtado was when she did that song with Timbaland? Oh, it's a proper reaction. Hold on. That is. That is exactly the follow up. I expected the next page worse. Oh, the back. Guys, calm down. This is why Nelly's gonna kill herself. It's your fault, you two jerks. Now we all just quietly talk about it. We don't broadcast the books. It definitely exists. God, I had such a thing for her when we were at the zone Brady 25 years ago, and she was doing her little I'm like a bird.

[Melissa]

I only fly away.

[John Holmberg]

She came to the studio, very cute, green eyes, beautiful Canadian thing going on. She came in very pretty and super hot. And then she did that sexy song with Timberland. Timberland, that's the man. And she looked great in that. And then somewhere along the line, she discovered Crisco.

[Brett Vesely]

Look at this.

[John Holmberg]

Look at her there.

[Brett Vesely]

This is great.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. She's got to get back to throwing up her meals. Boys. Look at that. That's as good as it got in 2002.

[Brett Vesely]

Then Brzilla shows up. Look at that.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa. She was attacked. This is that moment where you're just like.

[Melissa]

Just one bite won't hurt me.

[John Holmberg]

Look at her. Geez Louise, Nellie. And she's not proud of it.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, here we go. There's the side by side.

[John Holmberg]

The side by side's not fair. Don't do that to anybody. Oh, wow. Oh, my goodness. Well, that's just mean.

[Brett Vesely]

And of course, right under it's a perfect thighs ad.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, an ad to shrink it. That's just rude. Boost the jackass. Does side by side 25 years. That's not fair. Especially when that's happened to her. It looks like she ate Kathleen Turner.

[Byron]

Slash doesn't think the Las Vegas sphere is rock and roll friendly because of the focus of the projected visuals. He says Joe Walsh, who's played there and the Eagles, agrees.

[John Holmberg]

The Eagles are so boring on stage that you I would hope playing at Sphere matters. They don't move. One of the worst live concerts I've been to and I've seen him three times. The Eagles, they are a drag live. Absolute drag. But if you put them in that thing, the songs are huge hits. So their fans would love every second of that because there's actually something going on.

[Byron]

And I, I, I get to understand the over the band is saying, you know, it takes away. You're not looking at the band so.

[John Holmberg]

Much as you're so what Then why do they do it? Video screens and pyro in the first place. They know that eventually easier gig. Get a little bored watching just you running back and forth. How many bands like we look at Mastodon and all these bands tool like you bore me to tears sometimes because it's just you and boring images. Anyway, that's it. We're all done in the books. Another Monday and I'll tell you right now, the 9 o' clock word is over. The 2 o' clock word when Fitz takes over. I'm gonna tell you right now, the 2 o' clock word is gross. You'll see.

[Brett Vesely]

As in Nelly Furtado.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. This is why she doesn't sing for us anymore. Good people. Okay?

[Brett Vesely]

Don't want to see her on stage.

[Byron]

I said what I said.

[John Holmberg]

You're hurting her feelings. God.

[Melissa]

I'm like a bird but I can't fly away.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, like a dodo bird. Get off the stage. Bring back Nelly Furtado. Paint a face on your leg and just do that. Same weight as you. 1999. Anyway. Good. He says, I'm sorry, Nelly. I still find you repulsive. Audibly wonderful. You notice that Timberland's not on any of her tour dates?

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Nah, that's all right, Nellie. You can do that alone. Now tell people somebody named Timberland's up there. Timberland junior So I ain't going. She looks like she ate Timberland. Yeah, she's. Yeah, Timberland and now Timberland. Larry's coming up next post. Birthday weekend. Larry is here. And be nice to Larry. He'll be nice to you. We'll see you guys tomorrow right here in the morning sickness. It's not weird.

[Byron]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard half of this.