10-28-25 - Playing The Golden Ticket Game w/Listeners To Find Someone To Possibly Go To LA For World Series Game 4 Tonight - Toledo Offers To Take Thriller

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – 10-28-25

“Playing The Golden Ticket Game w/Listeners To Find Someone To Possibly Go To LA For World Series Game 4 Tonight - Toledo Offers To Take Thriller”

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode, John Holmberg and his crew (Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo) turn a ticket dilemma into prime Arizona radio. With Toledo stuck holding an extra ticket to World Series Game 4 in LA, the team launches a spontaneous “Golden Ticket” game: listeners call in and try to win the privilege (or burden) of joining Toledo for an immediate, possibly wild trip to the game. Hilarious auditions, relentless ribbing, and a running commentary on the absurdity of the situation keep things buzzing for the HMS crew and their audience.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Setting Up the Game (01:19–04:00)

• Toledo owns an extra World Series ticket but can’t seem to offload it.
• John and Brady brainstorm on-air, deciding to have listeners audition live for a chance to join Toledo—and maybe sweeten the deal with flights, lodging, or perks.
• “This isn’t a radio contest. It’s us helping a guy out. Lawyers, assholes.” – John Holmberg (03:51)

2. Auditioning Contestants: The Golden Ticket Game (06:10–23:10)

Listeners call in one by one, pitching themselves as Toledo’s co-pilot for the baseball adventure. Each brings unique (and often absurd) qualifications.

- Brandon (Welding Inspector) (06:11–07:53)

• Offers: To buy both plane tickets, dinner, and drinks, plus “a good foot massage.”
• Team loyalty: Diamondbacks for life (“Hell no” to Dodgers).
• “If Toledo has his own already, I’d buy both of them.” – Brandon (07:06)

- Carson (“Son He Never Had” Experience) (08:13–09:49)

• Offers: To cover half of all costs and “give [Toledo] the son he never had experience”—meaning clubs or all-night adventures.
• Suggests pulling an all-nighter in LA post-game; not into heavy drugs, just “a little shroom, little weed, nothing crazy.”
• “That sounds horrible.” – Brady (09:13, deadpan)

- Marty (Golf Club Builder) (10:06–12:09)

• Offers: Only “good company,” admits he can’t afford much, but works at “Cool Clubs” in Scottsdale (golf equipment).
• Attempts to impress with discounts but claims irons go for $4–$5K per set, baffling the crew.
• “What kind of pitch was that, man? I’m poor. You got nothing.” – John (12:09)

- CJ (Behavioral Health Technician) (12:51–18:57)

• Claims to be “a bodyguard type” who deals with difficult patients and dispenses tranquilizer “Booty Juice.”
• Jokes about pretending to be dying of cancer for upgraded seats.
• Says he’d “put the kibosh on Christmas for the kids” if it came down to uprooting the family budget for the experience.
• “You tackle handicapped folks and rape them, then go out back and smoke…” – John (14:06, peak irreverence)
• “If you buy Toledo a first-class ticket, Toledo has to take you.” – John (16:33)

3. Final Elimination and The Real Winner (19:10–23:44)

• After some group deliberation, they recap that Brandon is willing to spend the most, Carson offers the “son” experience, Marty’s broke, and CJ’s pitch was wild but dubious.
• “Your pitches weren’t bad, but they weren’t good.” – John, as Toledo passes on both serious contenders (21:26)
• Ultimately, Toledo says he prefers Christian—a teacher who emailed earlier and offered flights and hotel stays through Hilton connections. Audience favorites Brandon and Carson are thanked and dismissed.

4. Toledo Offers the Ticket to Thriller (24:48–29:56)

• John tracks down Thriller (a friend/coworker with a disability) to propose the World Series adventure, hoping for a big radio moment.
• Thriller declines, saying he’s not spontaneous, isn’t a huge baseball fan, and would prefer football or basketball.
• The crew riffs on handicapped seating, accessibility, and the futility of forcing things.
• “You just said no. The girl in the wheelchair just told you no. Par for the course. That is brutal.” – John (28:41)

5. Closing, Callbacks, and Absurdity (29:59–31:07)

• John bemoans the lack of takers and laughs about his failed plan.
• More banter about oddball friends and the perils of co-attendance.
• The episode ends as it began: with chaotic camaraderie and a shoulder-shrug at the randomness of live radio.

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Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |---|---|---| | 03:51 | “This isn’t a radio contest. It’s us helping a guy out. Lawyers, assholes.” | John Holmberg | | 07:06 | “If Toledo has his own already, I’d buy both of them.” | Brandon | | 09:13 | “That sounds horrible.” | Brady (in response to all-night LA adventure) | | 12:09 | “What kind of pitch was that, man? I’m poor. You got nothing.” | John Holmberg | | 14:06 | “You tackle handicapped folks and rape them, then go out back and smoke…” | John Holmberg (satirical, mocking) | | 16:33 | “If you buy Toledo a first-class ticket, Toledo has to take you.” | John Holmberg | | 21:26 | “Your pitches weren’t bad, but they weren’t good.” | John Holmberg (on choosing none of the callers) | | 28:41 | “You just said no. The girl in the wheelchair just told you no. Par for the course. That is brutal.” | John Holmberg |

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 01:19 – Golden Ticket Game Introduced
• 06:10 – Listener Auditions Begin: Brandon
• 08:13 – Carson’s Pitch
• 10:06 – Marty’s Golf Club Tale
• 12:51 – CJ and the “Booty Juice” Story
• 16:33 – Debating First-Class Bribes
• 19:10 – Contestant Recap & Elimination
• 24:48 – Thriller Considered as Backup
• 28:41 – Thriller’s Blunt Rejection

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Summary Table: Contestants & Offers

| Name | Profession | Offer(s) | World Series Worthiness? (in Host’s View) | |---------|----------------------|---------------------------------------------------|--------------------------------------------------| | Brandon | Welding Inspector | Pay for both flights, food, drinks, “foot rub” | Sincere; generous, not chosen | | Carson | “Son” | Half all costs, “son experience,” partying | Weird energy; not chosen | | Marty | Golf Club Builder | Company only (“I’m poor”) | Honest but hopeless; out early | | CJ | Behavioral Health | Storytelling (“Booty Juice”), would fake cancer | Entertaining, wild, but not credible | | Christian (email) | Teacher | Room & flight via Hilton, prior connection | CHOSEN CONTENDER—winner if he replies | | Thriller| Sports station crew | No offer—just polite decline | Sincerely not interested |

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Tone and Takeaway

The episode blends the HMS show’s trademark irreverence, quick banter, and absurd, sometimes dark, comedic style. The game’s premise teeters gracefully between sincere, half-baked generosity and farce, with listeners and hosts riffing on the perils and pitfalls of joining a near-stranger for an adrenaline-fueled cross-state baseball caper. If you like “radio as random comedy,” this is essential listening—packed with weirdos, improvised bits, and John’s raucous, anything-goes tone.

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For listeners: Even if you missed the show, you’ve missed little baseball and lots of banter—a master class in how a busted plan becomes grade-A morning comedy.

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Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmer here, shilling away from my [e-mail]. here we go. It's going to be hot from here until Halloween. That AC unit of yours is on for the next five months non stop. That means if your AC unit is 10 or older, it ain't going to last much longer. Proactive, that's what you need to be. Get that AC unit replaced. New AC unit.com inspects that order. Then the best pros in the business install that system and it is a done deal. You're going to save thousands of dollars. They've changed the game. New AC unit.com save thousands. Save time. Buy online at newacunit.com sickness the old.

[Marty]

Method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

[John Holmberg]

Toledo's big adventure is the name of the game and I think we should play it. Just have a few people call up and audition for the other ticket to the World Series that you are having no success unloading. Now right now that teacher has emailed over and said. Have you contacted him at all?

[Brady]

I have not.

[John Holmberg]

Why not? He's got free rooms, he's got flights and he wants to go to the game with you. Toledo's got tickets tonight we'll play the.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

Game and by the way be ready for in the next three hours to go to la.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. You drop a drop you will call it Toledo's drop your drop everything. We're leaving Toledo's big World Series adventure. His great American World Series U turn and we'll just audition you guys if you want to go with Toledo, you're all by yourself. I did the big warning earlier about not getting in a car with stranger. Hop in there and go cross state lines like Brady does. Neighbor girls and get her over there. Man or woman.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

You want to go with Caitlyn?

[Marty]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You want to take Brady's neighbor that he's got. Brady will untie her and let her go for a couple of days.

[Brady]

I'm not gassy enough.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's true. She won't get used to it. I don't know. Do you have a room? Are you going to try to come right back?

[Brady]

No, I think I need a room probably.

[John Holmberg]

All right, let's audition the vibe.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

I'm getting this. He's taking the bath, taking the risk and saying if they sell, they sell.

[John Holmberg]

If not, hey man, if you get a good enough offer here on these phones, you'd be a fool not to go. Somebody says it gets you a nice room and a flight over and they're all they want to do is take the second ticket. You're going to sit next to a stranger one side or the other.

[Brady]

Look, I'm already 2,600 bucks. Let's make this a 300 for a flight.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Well it's 2900 actually. It's a pretty easy math for sure. And then of course the rooms. But if the dude's willing to kick in for the flight and the room for your ticket. All right, so if you guys want to want to make your offer to Toledo, you need to email that teacher. He's got it. He's got to quit his teach. He's there now, I think. Yeah, school's probably started at 8:30 or around there, right?

[Brady]

Yeah, because he, he not using his school email.

[John Holmberg]

No, he's using his private email. So he'll get it on his phone when you email him and he'll be like, oh hang on kids. Oh wait all you can off. I'm going to Los Angeles.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

I don't feel well.

[John Holmberg]

I'd stick my finger in my throat, throw up on the first kid in row one. Hey, Mr. Christian just puked at me. Well, it looks like you need a substitute kids. Mind. Mind the story or I'm leaving. And then off you go if you want to play along. 585-9800 Toledo. Actually it's. Toledo's got the golden ticket right now, so I think maybe. And it doesn't mean anybody's gonna win, right? This is, this isn't a radio contest. It's us helping a guy out. Lawyers, assholes.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

How serious are you?

[John Holmberg]

Bother us about awesome radio promotions. Shut Up. All right, here we go. If you want in 5, 8, 5 9, 800, we'll take a break. We'll come back with the auditions for Toledo's amazing golden ticket. I've got a golden ticket where you don't get to see the Mariners in the world series. Just like Richard. It's amazing. It's amazing what you're doing. It's 98 KUPD morning sickness, 28K. It's John Holmberg here, chilling away from my [e-mail]. if your AC unit is 10 years old or more, you can start thinking about replacing it because of the Arizona climate. Like clockwork. We're right on top of that. Seeing our first signs of losing our cool, cool air. New AC unit.com also has a connections with all the major carriers. So they get the best deals and they back it all with a 100% guarantee right now. Use Homeberg as a promo code and they'll knock off another 400 bucks from your already great price promo code. Holmberg, do it now. Save thousands, save time. Buy online@newac unit.com Homeburg's Morning Sickness. What a great day for Dodger baseball. Oh, my. Let's head out to the outfield bleacher seats and. What? There's a white guy in and amongst all the other poor people in right field. Look at him out there with his gigantic on. That guy is bigger than any hat on any dodger right now. Even the crown currently donned by our Shohei Ohtani. Little known fact, Toledo spent too much money for those seats and is getting screwed in the aftermarket world.

[Brady]

Thanks for reminder, Vin.

[John Holmberg]

We got people online that want to audition for Toledo's other seat since he's getting crammed. Is Lisa gonna be mad that you're not taking her? She's probably fine. Not going to this mess.

[Brady]

She's probably fine.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All right. You're so depressed. Try standing up.

[Brady]

No, it didn't work for Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, did you see it? Yeah, he's still looking down again. Everything's fine, doing well.

[Brady]

Something more is going on.

[John Holmberg]

He looks healthy. Yeah, it got a little strange. And he's asking all his friends in school about cocaine. Something happened to Brady about an hour ago. Changed his mind. All right. Who do you got on the phones there, Bert?

[Brett Vesely]

Start off with Brandon.

[John Holmberg]

Brandon. Brandon, you're on the air live. Don't cuss. Don't be an idiot and make your case for why you should be Toledo's date to the world series tonight.

[Brandon]

Oh, I think I could take Toledo to the World Series tonight. Show him a nice dinner, maybe, you know, buy him a good drink and maybe a good little foot massage. No, I'm just kidding.

[Brady]

But can I ask you, what's a good drink in?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, what would you get him? What drink would you order for Toledo?

[Brandon]

Do you like beer or do you like a cocktail?

[Brady]

Cocktail.

[Brandon]

Let's see, I'm more of like an old fashioned guy. I'll get an old Fashioned.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good one. Old fashions are good. Yeah, go high end. Old fashioned maybe. Yeah. Nice work. All right, you just bonded so you don't have. How would you pay for any, like, travel, transportation? What, what, what makes you a good traveling partner outside of the foot rubs?

[Brandon]

Oh, I mean, I'd buy my own plane ticket. If Toledo has his own already, I'd buy both of them.

[John Holmberg]

If not, you'd buy him a plane ticket.

[Brandon]

And then all the drinks and food are on me as well.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Brandon, what do you do for a living?

[Brandon]

I'm a welding inspector.

[John Holmberg]

Inspects welding. Wow.

[Brady]

Are you a Dodger fan?

[Brandon]

Hell no. Excuse me.

[John Holmberg]

That's all right. Hell, no's okay. Are you a Toronto Blue Jays fan?

[Marty]

No, no, no, no.

[Brandon]

Diamondbacks for life.

[John Holmberg]

But you just want to go and boo the Dodgers.

[Brady]

Diamondbacks for life.

[Brandon]

Well, I was. I was rooting for the Mariners to win, but you know, I can go sit with Toledo.

[John Holmberg]

All right, so you would buy plane tickets and Are you married?

[Carson]

No.

[John Holmberg]

You're single fella, so it would be, you know, maybe you're going to try to bring some squish back to the red roof.

[Brandon]

Maybe, Maybe so.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. All right. Yeah. So Toledo's got to cuck you too. You think that's making him feel at home? I like what you're doing. All right, hold on, Brandon. We'll see about that one. Brandon's not as bad as when he first. What did you think of Brandon? Do you have any questions for our bachelors, by the way? Yeah, yeah, we'll go back.

[Brady]

He answered the whiskey question.

[John Holmberg]

All right, we'll get that. All right, next one.

[Brett Vesely]

This is Carson.

[John Holmberg]

Let's meet Carson, everybody. Carson, welcome to the big Toledo Take Me to Los Angeles giveaway. What do you. What is your pitch, Carson?

[Carson]

Well, I remember hearing Toledo talk about how he didn't want to bring his son because he couldn't ship anything in. So I would give him the son. He never had experience and chip in half of everything and have a good time.

[John Holmberg]

You would pay your way through everything just for the ticket. So you're Going to cost him nothing. And you'll kick in for dinner halfway. Well, that's what I'm saying. You'd pay your way, which would be half. Yes. Yeah. So you pay your flight, your food, yours. So basically you, you. You take responsibility for your own I guess. Yeah. Existence.

[Carson]

Then we could go out, find some club in LA on whatever Tuesday night. Find something to do, go out till 6am don't even need a hotel.

[John Holmberg]

I like this idea.

[Brady]

That sounds horrible.

[John Holmberg]

He wants to pull the all nighter with you. What do you think? What are your questions for him?

[Brady]

That sounds horrible.

[John Holmberg]

No, he's not a big fan of this all night thing. But he does like the idea that you're the son. He never.

[Brady]

That is an awesome idea there.

[John Holmberg]

Do you care? Are you. Do you partake in drugs at all?

[Carson]

Not. Not really.

[John Holmberg]

Not really? Not really is the actual immediate. No, not really as yes, you go.

[Carson]

To a concert, you go to a festival, have a little shroom, little weed, nothing crazy.

[Brady]

Micro. Sure.

[John Holmberg]

But you're not a day to day user. Oops.

[Carson]

Oh no. That.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Carson]

Oh, sorry.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

Geez.

[John Holmberg]

Now he's a cursor and all that stuff's going on. All right, all right. Hold on a second. I'm not sure Toledo took to you very well. That whole all night party thing.

[Brady]

Yeah, that was.

[John Holmberg]

Scares a man your age.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

It does.

[Brady]

Really does. Not to be like full on Brady, but I understand Brady a lot.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, Everybody understands it.

[Carson]

Brady.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to sleep before the game's over. It makes sense in a lot of places. All right, who's third?

[Brett Vesely]

This is Marty.

[John Holmberg]

Marty, are you there?

[Marty]

I'm here, Marty.

[John Holmberg]

What do you do for a living?

[Marty]

I work in the golf industry. I make golf clubs.

[John Holmberg]

You make them?

[Thriller]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

For any.

[Carson]

Build them. I build them.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. So it's a company that already has like the manufacture. You don't like own the flight?

[Brady]

The big one in town? Pxg. What. What are we talking?

[Marty]

No, it's called Cool Clubs up in Scottsdale.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, Cool Clubs. Haven't heard of that yet.

[Brett Vesely]

Brady may take them now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Brady might drag you to the World Series. You get him some free golf apparently. All right, absolutely.

[Marty]

Golf clubs.

[John Holmberg]

Do you get a discount on these golf clubs or are you just in the area?

[Marty]

We do, yeah. Oh yeah. We get all kinds of discounts.

[John Holmberg]

How much is a set of irons from Cool Clubs?

[Marty]

Set of Irons we could probably get you for, I don't know, four or five grand.

[John Holmberg]

Four or five thousand dollars. PXGs are like six, sixteen hundred bucks.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

That is a discount.

[John Holmberg]

That is the worst deal I've ever heard. My. What are they. Are they made of breasts and gold? Yeah. Okay, thank you. Hasn't been working there long. Yeah, you should. You just work at sales. The first thought about you right now is that you're a lia. You made up your golf club job. Four or five thousand dollars. Ready? Can you imagine? Do they have a mouth on them that I can stuff myself into? That's. Jesus.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

You step on the. In the golf course, those things are gone in ten minutes.

[John Holmberg]

If I don't put a four thousand dollar iron next to a ball and just say hit it yourself, it's a useless club. All right. Jesus. You scared the hell out of me. All right. Do you make a lot of money? I mean, you should. You're so. I don't know. You don't. You're not. You're kind of poor.

[Marty]

Yeah, you can say that.

[John Holmberg]

All right, you're in. All right, but that's good.

[Brady]

I'm footing the bill on this one.

[John Holmberg]

So you can't really afford to go to this. You'd hope for Toledo to cover most of it.

[Marty]

I would, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Marty]

I don't have a whole lot, whole lot to offer Toledo, but you know, I'd be a good time.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, you wouldn't. Do you realize what you just sold was a terrible. An interloper or deadbeat tagging along. I don't have any money and I'm not going to pay for much, but I'm fun.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

No, I'll throw in ten bucks.

[John Holmberg]

I'll throw in a good joke now and again and maybe even an old Fashioned, a left hander. Yeah, yeah. What is it, 2:00am and you're £300? All right, get in the car. What kind of pitch was that, man? I'm poor. You got nothing.

[Brady]

That's what I got.

[John Holmberg]

Dude, you don't even know how to lie. Well, except for that price at clubs thing.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

What are you making over here? Three or four million?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I make about. What is it? My last check was over a million. I mean a thousand dollars. All right. Well, Chile, do you have any questions for the homeless golf maker? I'm not even gonna put you on hold. That was terrible. I'm sorry. I like you, but Jesus.

[Brett Vesely]

We can finish with cj.

[John Holmberg]

All right. CJ, are you there?

[Marty]

Yes, sir.

[John Holmberg]

All right, cj, you sound. This sounds like a guy. It's like a man with confidence. Cj, what do you do for a living?

[Marty]

I am a behavioral health technician.

[John Holmberg]

What does that mean? Wrap up people in straight jackets?

[Marty]

Yeah, pretty much.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, right. Wow. Nice. Oh, yeah. You could use them in the bleachers, that's all. And you're probably. Are you like a bodyguard type? Do you, like, kind of man the crazies?

[Marty]

Yes. Yes. That's exactly what I do.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Marty]

It's not uncommon to have to tackle somebody and help administer the Booty Juice.

[John Holmberg]

You have.

[Brett Vesely]

You rape.

[John Holmberg]

You rape. You rape the healthy, unhealthy people. What is booty?

[Unidentified Caller 1]

Met the guy from cool clubs.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, so jamming needle in him. I thought you. I thought when. I thought when they got out of hand, you would violently rape them back into submission. That's what I heard. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

We thought he was calling Katie kb.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They don't have World Series. Yeah, they have a thing called World Series of Ass, but it's not what you think. Yeah. Okay, so you tackle handicapped folks and rape them, and then you go out back and smoke and talk to the other guys in the white suits.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

Man.

[John Holmberg]

You see that last tackle? You see me. Just see me rape that guy. He's been driving me nuts. Do you. And do you have to wear those weird ice cream suits that those places wear? You know what I mean? Grubs. Yeah, like the 1950s ice cream guys. And you're always standing outside the facility with a couple of smokes with another one that looks just like, dude, we're.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

Out of Booty Juice.

[Brady]

Everybody got those white nurse shoes on.

[John Holmberg]

I'm here to tackle the handicapped and shoot Booty Juice. And I'm all out of handicap. Everybody who does that job I picture looks like Bluto from Popeye. Oh, do you look like Bluto from Popeye? Do you have a beard and a mustache? You're about 6, 4, or 238. 240.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

I bet you'll be in good hands here, Tolina.

[John Holmberg]

290. Okay. I didn't want to. I didn't want to push it. So you're probably about six. Six, 290. You smoke?

[Byron]

No.

[John Holmberg]

No. Okay. Did you used to? Yes. Yes. You're a stereotype. I can. I can draw you. It's amazing. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

I don't know if I'm gonna be able to pay attention to the game. Yeah, I would be safe.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

Plus, he'll bring some Booty Juice.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Let me know about those. Yeah. The Booty Juice will be yours. All right, offer now. Now that we got to know you. Sell yourself to Toledo.

[Marty]

I'm dying of cancer and I've never been To a baseball game.

[John Holmberg]

Is that. Is that.

[Brady]

That's a pitch.

[John Holmberg]

I've never hit it. I've never had a cancer last fight. Are you really dying of cancer? No. Would you have shaved your head for this?

[Marty]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think that's pretty solid.

[Marty]

My beard too. I'll shave my beard.

[John Holmberg]

All your body is. Shave the whole thing and play pretend you've got cancer. You've already got the scrubs on. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

He'll get you upgraded seats then.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, and then you get. Maybe even get on the jumbotron.

[Thriller]

Go.

[John Holmberg]

This is it for our friend.

[Brady]

I'll wear a make a wish shirt.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

And then.

[John Holmberg]

So you're not really dying of cancer. Do you have any money as a cripple wrestler?

[Marty]

Listen, I'm willing to put the kibosh on Christmas for the kids.

[John Holmberg]

I'm telling you right now.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

If.

[John Holmberg]

And you don't have to do it with him. If you buy Toledo a first class ticket. Toledo has to take you.

[Carson]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

That wasn't a whole lot of convincing.

[Brady]

You gotta talk to the wife first. Or what?

[John Holmberg]

Are you allowed to do that?

[Marty]

Just gotta break it to the kids.

[Brady]

Why right now?

[Brett Vesely]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

You know what I'll help you with? I'll dress as Santa Claus this year. And I'll walk in the door and you can fire a blank into the air and say, I thought it was an intruder. And I'll lay dead in your. And then the kids. You gotta help me bury him. And then the kids. Kids will just freak out and then they'll. It'll be understood. There's no Christmas. You don't have to tell. Memories. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're gonna. You're gonna scar them either way with your job. And you call radio stations talking about booty juice.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

There's no Christmas.

[John Holmberg]

These kids are not gonna be well rounded anyway.

[Brady]

There's no PS. Yeah, this was PS5s under these.

[John Holmberg]

This thing was going down a dirt trail to begin with. All right. Toledo. First class ticket, man. You get a lunatic who fights the crippled for a living. Mentally crippled. Not even the good ones.

[Brady]

Hey, where did he go? It's the fourth inning. He hasn't been around for a while.

[John Holmberg]

And man, don't walk him past that handicap section. It'll go fisticuffs with every one of them.

[Brady]

Stabbing people with hypodermics.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna too. I'll be right back. I'm gonna go light those mother the chairs up.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

Home run happens. It's not even the ball being thrown back.

[John Holmberg]

Handicaps and a wheelchair has Been tossed out onto the field. And ironically, there's still someone in it, but the computer's missing and there's a Bluto character that's looking at porn on a handicapped man's voice box. I like this guy. He's pretty solid. And he'll buy you a first class ticket. Now, are you confirming this? If I say that if I force Toledo to take you on a. You fly him out there first class. This is too good. We get stories from him that are going to make this show even better. So you two go together. You are not 100% telling us an honest truth that you can pull this off. Tell the kids. Yeah, that's okay. You're completely full of. Aren't you? Yeah, you can't. You can't afford it.

[Marty]

What can I say?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you tried. All right, well, I enjoyed our time. I enjoyed our time together. Now, you know, take it out on one of those cripples. All right, all right. We'll talk to you later. He's a liar. See is the problem. He had cancer.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh. We got two. Two possibilities.

[John Holmberg]

These are these. None of them are any good. The last two compared to that guy. If he was real, we'd be on a plane.

[Brady]

He was the winner.

[John Holmberg]

Now, were the other two at all interesting? Do either of them want to buy you a ticket?

[Brady]

Yeah, the one guy did.

[Brett Vesely]

Want me to put them both on?

[John Holmberg]

Put them both together? Yeah, yeah, put them on together. I forgot. It's Brandon. And who?

[Brett Vesely]

Carson.

[John Holmberg]

Carson, are you there? Yes, sir. Brandon, you're there, I assume.

[Carson]

Yes, sir.

[John Holmberg]

Which one of you was going to buy tickets? Airline tickets?

[Brandon]

Me. I said I'd buy food, drinks and the plane ticket.

[John Holmberg]

Food, drinks and plane ticket. And Brandon, you offer a foot rub.

[Brandon]

The food, drinks and plane ticket, you will go.

[John Holmberg]

Food, drinks and plane ticket. Oh, Brandon's food, drinks and plane ticket. And Carson, you were what? Pay my own way.

[Carson]

Given the experience of the Sonny never had.

[John Holmberg]

That's right, the sun. You. Okay, so your packages are Sonny never had or guy willing to pay for your ticket as well. And I don't know what Sonny never had would. What? Give me an example of what will feel like Sonny never had other than just not smoking weed.

[Carson]

I mean, I could go buy a beer. We could go play catch or something, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he's got.

[Brady]

I'll bring a mitt.

[John Holmberg]

You don't need a mitt where you're sitting. Unless Ohtani hits like a Titanic blast. Opposite field, Toledo. I'll let you finish with the Bachelor's. Any thoughts? Oh, by the way, the nine o' clock word. I'm sorry, guys. De niro. D I N R O. The other one. Dinero. The Spanish for money. All right, Toledo. Any questions for the bachelors? Are you guys married?

[Byron]

No.

[Brandon]

I'm saying no.

[John Holmberg]

Neither.

[Brady]

Oh, neither one of them.

[John Holmberg]

Girlfriend?

[Brady]

Check with the girlfriend.

[Brandon]

Nope.

[Carson]

No girlfriend.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

Boyfriend?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What are we hitting here? Yeah.

[Brady]

No. All TZ listeners.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Are you willing to try? His voice got lower. Dude, choose 93. 3. I don't know, Toledo, it's on you. Ask some questions, get them out.

[Brady]

I don't know. I emailed the Christian. The teacher too.

[John Holmberg]

So you're killing these two. Yeah, yeah, sorry. Toledo has. He doesn't want to date either of you. I'm sorry. Your pitches weren't bad, but they weren't good.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

No.

[John Holmberg]

I wish that crazy guy was real. That would have been other stuff.

[Brett Vesely]

There's an email from about the crazy guy.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we know who he is.

[Brett Vesely]

Are we done with these guys?

[Unidentified Caller 1]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. Sorry. Toledo hated both of you. This is not good. You got to take somebody. This guy says the cripple tackling business evidently doesn't pay as well as we thought. Just that door swings open when he's in. You make a lot of noise in here. Nobody wants to hit the dirt, do they? No. We're sorry. We'll be quieter. That's right. Turn down your stereos. This is my voice box. Like I said, all Daisy, turn down your stereos. I just don't want the booty juice.

[Brady]

Did you just shoot me?

[John Holmberg]

Even though I can't feel anything in my lower half, I still know when I am filled with booty Juice.

[Brady]

Give me an epidural.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, kinda. He's the type of guy that even he looks a woman in the eyes when he's having relations with her. And then he just goes, how you doing? What?

[Brady]

Squirt, you kind of want to meet?

[John Holmberg]

And then he's done and he just goes to sleep on her until the morning. Well, £290 of them. Squirt.

[Brady]

Smothering her with his beard.

[John Holmberg]

Can't move. Are you still here? I couldn't squirt. How are you doing anyway? All right, well, I like the Christian guy that emailed earlier that is willing to fly you out. And then that guy was so quick to say he would do connections with Hilton. Yeah, he's got rooms. If Christian doesn't get back to you, you're wasting it. But Christian is the winner if he wants, right?

[Brady]

If I'll get A hold of Christian.

[John Holmberg]

If he gets back to you. He's the one you've chosen from the morning's emails and those four phone calls. All right.

[Brady]

Staying at a Hilton resort.

[John Holmberg]

Well, calm down. You might just get a Garden Inn. It's still a free room. It's a free room.

[Brady]

I'm getting a garden in.

[John Holmberg]

It's a free room. What if he does go full bore and give you like the. You get the full Hilton. Sweet.

[Brady]

I don't know. We go to Universal Studios tomorrow, full date.

[John Holmberg]

This horrible error of yours has created radio magic. I'm sure the lawyers are on the phone. Did anyone get this pre approved? Are you allowed to give this away?

[Brady]

I did see Larry in his office.

[John Holmberg]

With a concern phone because Greg's around or. I mean, bombs are there. It's 904. There you go. Toledo didn't choose any of you. You chose wisely. Christian, the emailer.

[Carson]

You're the.

[John Holmberg]

You're the only one left. The teacher that wants to go take it back to you.

[Byron]

No.

[Brady]

Dexter says, why can't Jane Mansfield go? Well, he changed his hair, first of all, and he's got.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the boy. Yeah. Is his hair different from the Mansfield days? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All right. There you go. It's 9:05. The app word for the hour is dinero. D I N E R O. Dinero. De Niro, Robert. De Niro is iro, isn't it?

[Thriller]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. There you go. We'll get the hot releases coming up a little bit. It's 98. Holmberg's Morning Sickness. All right, let's get right to this. Now look what we've got here, Brady. We've got our friend Thriller, Walsh special moment thrillers here. Wait, I'm sorry, that's the wrong one there. How about that?

[Thriller]

You just kind of text a little concerned a lot over here.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I just text you and I said, come here.

[Thriller]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And you did. So first off, kudos to that. Second, what I try to. And I'm gonna try to treat you even better. What are you doing today?

[Thriller]

Not a whole lot.

[John Holmberg]

Do you have plans? Is Otto in town again?

[Thriller]

No, no, no, no. I wouldn't be here. I would be in a campsite in front of the stadium. That was the case.

[John Holmberg]

Is that right? Yes. You look. You look like you're missing some sleep. Are you okay?

[Thriller]

No, I'm just nervous.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Thriller]

You text me, I'm like, this is great. If this is how you fired me, that'd be amazing. Content.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, no, I wouldn't fire it. Just stop talking to you. That's how you do it in radio. You just ghost people. Here's how it works. Toledo has something and he wants to use you.

[Thriller]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

To make that better.

[Carson]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

He's got cruddy tickets to the World Series tonight, right? If he takes you.

[Carson]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Upgrade. Right, Upgrade. Look at those handicap seats. Oh, what? You don't use those.

[Thriller]

I see. No, I don't. I didn't even get option to use those. I think it's wheelchair.

[John Holmberg]

What are you talking about? Gotta get one. We gotta borrow one of them. I don't think wheelchair.

[Brady]

I don't think they're gonna question you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You walk around, just go, hey, I didn't want to bring my chair today. It's a miracle. Can I at least have the decent seats?

[Thriller]

Woke up today and I wasn't number one.

[John Holmberg]

You don't get special no seats. You haven't tried. Where do you get?

[Thriller]

What do you try?

[John Holmberg]

We walk up to that handicap section and go, I'm one of them.

[Brady]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

I'm in. I'm in the club. I'm in the club.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

For me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Do you have wear shorts? They'll know. Yeah. So Toledo.

[Brady]

Oh, do you want to go to the game tonight?

[Thriller]

If it wasn't same day possible. I don't think.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean?

[Thriller]

I don't think.

[John Holmberg]

That's the fun of this. You're saying no to the World Series. We'll fly out.

[Thriller]

I might be unbelievable.

[John Holmberg]

You are a selfish handicap.

[Thriller]

I mean across state lines.

[John Holmberg]

What? What?

[Brett Vesely]

What?

[Thriller]

Across state lines of Toledo. Doesn't sound too safe either. We got on Brady's case for that.

[John Holmberg]

I'm rape you. He's got better options than that. Oh, okay.

[Thriller]

You're all safe from Toledo.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Yes. Okay. I think you can fight him off. You're pretty good upper body strength, wiry. Plus it would throw him off. When the pants come down. I don't know where anything goes. What happened? What's that one doing over there?

[Thriller]

That Rubik's cube down here?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Why is his legs like a swastika?

[Thriller]

Is that a third foot? Oh, no, they're not.

[John Holmberg]

Same unintentionally.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So you're saying no to Toledo's World Series invite?

[Thriller]

I do really appreciate it.

[John Holmberg]

No, he doesn't. Airline ticket room. World Series I. You're saying no.

[Brady]

Why?

[Thriller]

Very thankful.

[John Holmberg]

And the only reason is you got nothing to do tonight.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

I just.

[Thriller]

It's so you don't want to go.

[John Holmberg]

It's so what? That's the fun of It.

[Brady]

Spontaneous guy.

[Thriller]

I am not a spontaneous guy. And be honest, baseball's not my number.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, so you just don't want to go? It has nothing to do with Toledo.

[Thriller]

I'm much more. No.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Thriller]

I'm much more into football and basketball.

[John Holmberg]

Well, let's not start hinting around here. It's a one time offer.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

Rising Championship.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You want to go to the Rising team? All right.

[Thriller]

No, they're very busy. I don't want to start.

[John Holmberg]

World Cup.

[Thriller]

You can get those tickets.

[John Holmberg]

Wow, you would go to that?

[Thriller]

No.

[John Holmberg]

You wouldn't go to the world. No, I. I hate soccer.

[Thriller]

Citizen. I'm not sitting in on soccer.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if it's here, I'm not flying. I'm not going over here.

[Brady]

The World Cup.

[Thriller]

I forgot I was here. This time, yes. Okay, my bad. That's a different story.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'd go to that.

[Thriller]

Yeah. They may fly out a guitar or something like.

[John Holmberg]

No. Good lord, no. That's insane. To go watch hooligans, you know, not drink and fight. That's hard to think. Well, all right. Thank you, Corey. Never mind. I thought this was going to be an awesome moment that he's like, oh, my God, thank you so much. What a generous offer.

[Thriller]

What I want.

[John Holmberg]

He just said no. The girl in the wheelchair just told you no. Par for the course. That is brutal. All right, well, Corey, thanks for your time.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Thriller]

Goodness gracious.

[John Holmberg]

You sure you don't have it in your heart to go, Maybe I should see a World Series game sometime. I don't have it, man. Don't care to say. Didn't watch a game last night at all.

[Thriller]

I did watch the game last night. That was insane.

[John Holmberg]

And you get an opportunity to watch it again.

[Thriller]

It's not gonna be the same thing twice.

[John Holmberg]

What if it is?

[Thriller]

That'd be amazing.

[John Holmberg]

Then you'd be part of history.

[Brady]

Who's there for history?

[Thriller]

No, when it comes to who is there for a game, I'll let that be Tripp's job.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Thriller]

It's very much Tripp's whole wheelhouse.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but he's. He's not gonna sit with Toledo.

[Thriller]

You asked.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

Oh, it'll be fair.

[John Holmberg]

It was a quick one. You're not the first guy. Oh, don't debate. We actually had a contest on the.

[Brady]

Air before we're down to you.

[Thriller]

Isn't there somebody who can, like, text or call?

[Unidentified Caller 1]

Oh, there were plenty.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the last one, anyway. All right, well, thanks, Thriller.

[Thriller]

Yeah, no worries.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry, Toledo.

[Thriller]

I love pouring water buckets on your great ideas.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no, it's Really? I thought this was going to be years and years of him owing you one and that. And another thing. You'd have had to tolerate that the whole time, he and his friend. I'm pretty convinced you.

[Thriller]

And that's after two. Two vodka sodas.

[John Holmberg]

What was your buddy's name?

[Thriller]

Chris.

[Brett Vesely]

Chris.

[John Holmberg]

Chris is a nice guy.

[Brady]

Chris have vodka soda, too?

[John Holmberg]

Yes, but if you even, like, floated the idea of masturbating to dead animals, he'd be like, yeah, I'm so glad you said that. I've been thinking about it. I'll show you where mine live. And then go into this weird hole he's dug with, like. Kind of like the way the Mexican tunnels are. The wood on the walls just to barely keep it up. There's a couple of, like, muskrats and a squirrel.

[Thriller]

Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he does, doesn't he? You two. Oh, no, We've talked about it. Do you have a tree house? Do you two have a tree house? No.

[Thriller]

No. Trees can support our combined weight.

[John Holmberg]

No, his combined weight. You're fine. I just don't think you could climb the ladder together.

[Brady]

That's true.

[Thriller]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Have to be one of those bush tree.

[Thriller]

Hudson.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Corey, you've disappointed me, but that's all right. All right, you're back to your sports station that you broadcast sports and you hate it.

[Thriller]

I heard it from last night.

[Unidentified Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Marty]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. All right. We'll do the hot releases in a little bit. Corey said no. You've been turned down again. People begging you to go. And the one guy you ask says, two people you've asked. They know. Yeah, it's that Christian guy still on the horn. All right, There you go. We'll be back with the hot releases next.

[Marty]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.