10-29-25 - BR - WED - Emailer Has 31 Atlas Conspiracy Theory As We Question Origins Of Man - Oldest US Ally Is Morocco - Chinese Family Suing School For Showing Daughter Scary Movie In Class - Dogs At Chernobyl Are Thriving - Fattest Squirrel Crowned

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – 10-29-25 - Emailer Has 31 Atlas Conspiracy Theory, Questioning the Origins of Man, US Ally, Chinese School Lawsuit, Chernobyl Dogs, Fattest Squirrel Crowned

Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Date: October 29, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness is a classic blend of comedic radio banter, wild conspiracy theories, bizarre news, and the show’s trademark irreverence. The crew dives into an email about the “Three Eye Atlas” conspiracy theory and muses on the origins of humanity, before ricocheting through oddball news stories: Morocco as America's oldest ally, a bizarre school lawsuit in China, thriving dogs near Chernobyl, world record pumpkins, and finally, the crowning of Texas’ fattest squirrel. Expect plenty of the hosts’ signature snark, improvisations, and some lively (and occasionally edgy) jokes.

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Main Segments & Key Discussions

1. Three Eye Atlas Conspiracy Theory & The Origins of Mankind

(Starts ~01:26–07:58)

• An emailer throws “gas on the conspiracy fire” about photos of "Three Eye Atlas" possibly being withheld by NASA, leading the crew to riff on alien conspiracy theories and the origins of humanity.
• Holmberg’s theory: Humans are descendants of intergalactic exiles, dumped on Earth by advanced spacefaring aliens—an idea inspired by “Battlestar Galactica” and the "Australia as a prison colony" concept.
  • “We're Australia planets. They dumped us off and said, figure it out.” – Brett Vesely (04:03)
• Extended musing on how helpless modern humans would be if stripped of technology, forced to start from scratch.
• Suggestion that our recurring yearning for "going home" after death may be some ingrained, ancestral memory of not belonging on Earth.
  • “Why isn't this home? ... It's in your brain somewhere over years and years and years of knowing we're on the wrong place.” – Brett Vesely (06:53)
• The room agrees such heady talk is ultimately just fun, not fact—but Holmberg genuinely roots for a paradigm-shifting alien encounter.

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2. Fun Facts & America’s Oldest Ally: Morocco

(09:23–11:01)

• Brady’s “Brady Report” segues to trivia:
  • 80% of U.S. currency is in $100 bills, mostly overseas.
  • America’s oldest ally is Morocco, which recognized the U.S. in December 1777—“early investing” as the hosts joke, comparing it to buying crypto before it was famous.
• The group playfully speculates on how that diplomatic decision in 1777 might have been pitched, with tongue-in-cheek jabs about “speculating” on a brand-new country.

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3. Chinese Family Sues School Over Scary Movie

(12:43–15:49)

• A Chinese family sues their daughter's school, claiming a horror movie shown in class caused her "acute and transient psychotic disorder"; they seek $42,000 but ultimately receive ~$1,300.
  • The movie's title is withheld, leading to a round of speculative (and at times, stereotype-heavy) comedy.
  • “What movie caused a Chinese girl to go crazy?” – Brett Vesely (13:06)
  • “Is it 'The Ring,' Brady? ... We'll test it out on a few people in Portland and Seattle. … The World Series is in Toronto, there's Chinese there. We'll just put it up on the big dome.” – Brett Vesely (13:20)
• Running gags about Asian driving stereotypes and mathematical prowess—paired with both self-aware apologies and comic escalation.
  • "Stop. Or my mom will drive you to school." – Byron (15:49)

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4. Accidental Gunfire at Walmart

(17:21–18:18)

• News: A man in North Carolina accidentally shoots himself while adjusting his handgun in a Walmart.
• The crew lampoons the lack of gun safety and the absurdity of “speeding off from a Walmart” as a phrase.
  • "That's the worst words I've ever heard in my life. Sped off from the Walmart. It gives me triggers." – Brett Vesely (18:12)

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5. Dogs of Chernobyl: Thriving, Mutating, and Special

(20:06–24:39)

• Discussion of news about dogs at Chernobyl thriving nearly 40 years post-disaster.
  • Generations of wild dogs not only survive high radiation; their unique traits include apparent immunity to cancers.
  • The show marvels at speculation about plants with possible medical value.
  • “It's almost proof of Darwinism. … They’re mutations for real. … The actual animals are thriving.” – Brett Vesely (21:06–21:39)
• A comedic detour: Some of the famous “blue dogs” turn out to be blue from rolling in porta-potty fluid, not just mutations.
  • “Somebody dyed them. … Drinking the blue water.” – Brady (22:31)
  • “Well, that's better than the nukes, I guess. Way to go, Brady.” – Brett Vesely (22:42)

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6. Weird World News: Pumpkins, Squirrels, and More

(24:45–28:56)

Florida Man Destroys Pumpkins

• 31-year-old smashes $500 worth of pumpkins outside a Target after a breakup. The hosts riff on his mugshot, joking he looks “like he’s from Chernobyl.”

World Record Pumpkins

• British twin brothers break record (after 50+ years of growing) for the largest pumpkin: 2,819 pounds and a circumference of 255.8 inches.
  • “Both probably still single ... now with this new record!” – Brett Vesely (25:54)
  • Musings on what to do with massive pumpkins—make pies? Feed pigs?

Texas Fat Squirrel Week

• Texas crowns "Chunkasaurus Rex" the state’s fattest squirrel, narrowly beating "Chunk Norris."
  • “All right, this is just funny names for fat squirrels.” – Brett Vesely (28:26)

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7. "Brady Videos" Segment: Internet Oddities (Light Descriptions)

(28:37–34:54)

• The hosts describe a parade of bizarre, viral, or AI-generated videos:
  • Mutant subway passenger with a second mouth
  • AI-generated Kermit the Frog (black and green versions) in graphic scenarios
  • Electrocution incident (graphic)
  • Strip tease by an overweight “little person”
  • Woman in thong knees a naked man in the groin repeatedly
  • AI Kobe Bryant forced to wrestle a helicopter (grotesque AI humor)
• The hosts alternate between shock and mockery, riffing as the video parade gets steadily more uncomfortable.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Three Eye Atlas & Origins of Mankind

• “We’re Australia planets. … Dumped us off and said, figure it out.” – Brett Vesely (04:03)
• “Why isn't this home? … It's in your brain somewhere … of knowing we're on the wrong place.” – Brett Vesely (06:53)

Morocco’s Early Support

• “Morocco had a dude that was like crypto to Moroccans. I hear about this new country over there… that’s some early investing.” – Brett Vesely (10:40)

Chinese School Lawsuit Riff

• “What movie caused a Chinese girl to go crazy?” – Brett Vesely (13:06)
• “I'm going to show it in the sky. We're gonna bomb them with whatever it is. … Is it ‘The Ring’ Brady?” – Brett Vesely (13:20)

On Chernobyl’s Mutant Animals

• “They’re almost proof of Darwinism. … The bigger, stronger, and more healthy dogs survived.” – Brett Vesely (21:39)
• “Somebody dyed them … drinking the blue water.” – Brady (22:31)

Fat Squirrel Names

• “Chunkasaurus Rex. He barely beat out Chunk Norris.” – Byron (28:05)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Conspiracy/Origins of Man: 01:26–07:58
• Morocco US Ally, Currency Facts: 09:23–11:09
• Chinese Movie Lawsuit: 12:43–15:49
• Walmart Shooting Story: 17:21–18:18
• Chernobyl Dogs: 20:06–24:39
• Pumpkins, Squirrels, and Animal Oddities: 24:45–28:56
• Internet Video Parade: 28:37–34:54

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Tone and Language

The episode keeps a loose, unfiltered, comedic tone with abrupt gear shifts between offbeat news, speculation, and irreverent punchlines. The hosts poke fun at just about everyone—including themselves—using sarcasm, exaggeration, and a healthy amount of off-color humor. Listeners should expect both laughs and occasional cringes, typical of the show’s edgy style.

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For Listeners

This episode is for fans of wild speculation, dark comedy, and radio shock-jockery mixed with genuine curiosity about the world’s weirdest stories. If you didn’t catch it live, this summary brings you all the best (and strangest) moments—minus the ads!

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

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[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

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[Brady]

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[Brett Vesely]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in. J Sorry, I didn't. There you go. It's a ghost right there. Dense macabre. We're doing a little ghost there on Friday night over at the Copper Blues Desert Ridge, which, by the way, isn't even open. Wouldn't do. They're opening this. This is like our own special private club. It's open Friday night, baby. We've been doing sound checks and stuff in there all week and little rehearsals. Awesome. They changed the room out and made the back. It's just. You'll see. Just head on over there. I think that we're about sold out completely. I was talking to Matt yesterday who runs the place. He Goes, yeah, we're gonna, gonna end it there. So it's pretty sold out. So Night of the Singing Dead, which is just our Halloween party on the 31st. Come out, have fun with us, go on stage about 9 o', clock, get there a little earlier, have fun, drink, goof around costumes. And then we celebrate musical artists who have passed, we summon their powers and we bring them back on stage for one night and one night only. Night of the Singing Dead. If you go to cblive.com I think you can get your tickets through that, you know like 30 bucks to get in. And if we raise enough. Forget enough people in there and get enough money, they're going to donate some cash over to the Humane Society, which is even better. Joe Louise or Joe Louis or Hall Louis says to throw some gas on the conspiracy fire of Three Eye Atlas on October 2nd from the Mars orbiter, they took a photograph, a high res image of the Three Eye Atlas. Have not released that photo. Then how do we know it was just a rock? Well, because they told us we're going to take some pictures and they're like, well okay, we'll take a look at that. See, I'll tell you what it is. And then they got a real good view from Mars orbiter guy came back.

[Byron]

And they're like watching a bony green hand flipping it off.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, you don't need to see this. If this ships are rocking was written on the side like, oh boy, there's a trouble. Cash, grass or ass. Nobody rides for free. It's a. They're space trucking is what's going on up there. And I know that's wacky conspiratorial stuff, but again, I'm not a conspiratorialist or a conspiracist. I am a person who is rooting for this. Bring on amazing human change. Wouldn't it, wouldn't it be awesome to have that be our blip of time on this planet? As we got contact, we got the visit. You know, there's a great theory that I've kind of adhered to for years and I think it's really neat and I don't know, like Battlestar Galactica did it and I forgot it. It's a great one where we as humans of Earth were dumped off by space aliens as prisoners or as like refugees. Like we don't want. This is the worst of the worst of our planet. So they took us to this planet and dropped us off and left to fend for ourselves. Similar planet, whatever. And they took off we're like the Australia. Yeah, we're Australia planets. Yes. It's dumped us off and said, figure it out. And so we had to start over. And again, I ask anyone listening and everyone in this room, if we were just dumped in the middle of somewhere, we have knowledge of all sorts of things we need. But if none of us know how to build it right. Like you and me and Brett would be helpless for a good long time. So you add a couple of broads in the mix. Oh, you start. Yeah, I know. You start making babies, and they're kind of. So you start basically as cavemen again and. And then when the aliens come back, we'll be shocked to find out they're us. It's the same.

[Byron]

Well, women have improved the craft. Men are motivated.

[Brett Vesely]

What do you mean?

[Byron]

As far as building and stuff like that, they.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh. But I'm saying, yeah, they got motivated and learned, but you don't know how to do it. We'd be living in caves. Like, if you got dumped off on a planet, there were no. You didn't know where the resources were. You'd be living in caves. You'd be making huts out of grass. You'd have an idea of how to, like, get shelter. You couldn't just go out and make steel.

[Byron]

You know, you wake up the next morning and you're.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, your hut.

[Byron]

The roof collapsed.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, tell me how you're cutting the branches down.

[Byron]

Yeah, well, I'm just saying.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, you got to start a makeshift thing and you got to start over. You dig a hole, you get in a cave, you got to start over. Disease, you got to find food, you got to learn to hunt. You got no weapons. Good luck. So that's what the theory is, that we got dropped off. It made us sort of cave people because this planet didn't have anything like us on it. It was dinosaurs. And suddenly here we are. And then we show up and we're different than everything else that's ever been on here. And then when the alien overlords come back, we'll be blown away and see that it's us. It's just an advanced version of us. They already had all the stuff. It's crazy. And that's why they find those old cave drawings and things in like, Middle east of spaceships. Like, what the. They want to go home. That's why ET Touched us all. Boom. I want to go home. I don't think we're there.

[Byron]

Some of those guys think you're coming back to check up again.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Cuz they Helped out earlier. Well, with some of those structures.

[Brett Vesely]

What's. What's the one prevailing thought they've improved any. Yeah. Through humanity. That when we die or that we go home. Why isn't this home? It's in your brain somewhere over years and years and years of knowing we're on the wrong place. I like that. Not saying it's true. Just throwing out words that are fun. Kind of heady, kind of weedy talk, but fun. And I'm hoping that this whatever Three Eye Atlas thing is. Contact. I don't want to be on this planet without something like that happening. I think it's awesome. 7:58, let's give you the word now. For 8 o', clock, it's tap. Tap, tap. Throw the P on there. Just so you know. Tap. Put that in the 8 o' clock code box there when you take it in the app. And then you can absolutely win a thousand dollars. That's how you qualify. So you're in the running right there. It's a minute or so off, so keep those fingers waiting. Once 8 o' clock hits tap will register. You'll get little things saying, congrats, you're in. And you got another one. Keep registering every hour in the morning. And then once again, when Fitz takes over at 2 o' clock every hour, you get another chance to put your name in the hopper. And we'll draw that name. Give somebody a thousand bucks. Easy peasy. It's time now for Brady to give you all the info that Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report, and it's brought to you by our friends at All Pro Shade. All Pro Shade has everything you've ever wanted to make a shady situation at your house where there was once way too much light. Put some shade on a window that gets too much sun. East west exposure. Put a patio out there and make an indoor outdoor room in just a matter of a couple of days. And it looks fantastic. Adds value to your home. They are amazing at what they do. The dropdown shades, the awnings. They can figure it out. Work, office, home, wherever you want to do it, they will do it. In fact, they offered to build me a parking structure over. Because I park outside of the covered parking. What if I just had one over mine? And they said, we can do that and it was pretty reasonable. I got shut down by the bosses.

[Byron]

What?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. And I. You know what? I still think I might do it. You're paying for it. Exactly. You can't have your own shady structure. Why now we gotta build one for Everyone else, no, we do not. There's one already are over there. And I told Tripp, I'm like, look, you might look like Bernie Sanders, but that doesn't mean you have to act like him. These are is my personal shade structure. I'm going to call them today, maybe get another quoteAllPro Shade.com they'll shade it. Brady report it.

[Byron]

Good Wednesday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello world. A couple of basis fun facts. Of all the circulating US currency in the world, about 80% is in $100 bills.

[Brett Vesely]

You don't see a lot of the longest time hundreds were hard to come by. It was all twenties. Not anymore.

[Byron]

80% of $100 bills are overseas. That's up from roughly 30% in 1980.

[Brett Vesely]

You know what you never see is a 50. You forget 50s even exist. They're like the two dollar bill of big bills.

[Byron]

America's oldest ally is Morocco. Became the first nation to recognize the US in December of 1777. We shared an unbroken treaty ever since.

[Brett Vesely]

Right off the bat they found out we were a country. And they're like, we're in. That's some early investing, Christmas. Yeah, that is early investing. Morocco had a dude that was like crypto to Moroccans. I hear about this new country over there. I think I'm gonna put some money into that. Oh, it's a. It's a mess. You're just gonna lose it all.

[Brady]

America, you're such a speculator.

[Brett Vesely]

United States, they were a bunch of idiot refugees. Wouldn't even listen to the king. I think I'm gonna put some money in that. And I bet you that it's like the bitcoin, man.

[Brady]

If it hits.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, if it hits. Trust me. 100x and that one dude that's having lunches with everybody. You guys, listen. I don't know, Ryan. You seem out of your mind. Hold. Yeah, it doesn't seem like. I mean, look, give it a couple years and see. No, I'm telling you right now. It's the time to get it. And this place is going to explode. They got everything. They got vortexes and days in.

[Byron]

Didn't get its name because you're supposed to stay there for days or anything like that. It's named after their founder, Cecil B. Day.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, there's no apostrophe that throws you off, right? Days in. The way it's written is you should stay here for days. Day apostrophe s in is some guy named Day. It's John Holmberg here for my friends at Fanduel. The greatest thing ever to hit sports since sports itself in the NFL. The Sundays are here. Now. They're making it even better because this week FanDuel's bringing the bonus. That's right. Right now, all customers can get 50% profit boost on any NFL bet. However you play your game. FanDuel's got your back with something extra in your account. Visit fanduel.com kupd and download the app and get in on the action before kickoff from our friends at FanDuel21 + in present in Arizona opt in required bonus issued is non withdrawable profit boost tokens restrictions applied including any token expiration and max wager amount. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step 53342 all right. HMS podcast time again. It'll let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Downtown at Stand Up Live, you've got Moshe Kasher and the pride of Jacksonville, Florida, Lil Duvall performing Desert Ridge up North features the very funny Hans Kim. And east side of the Tempe Improv has two entertaining comedians with Alvin Kawhi and Basim Yousef. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Byron]

There's a Chinese family that's suing the school, their daughters attending, because she was diagnosed with acute and transient psychotic disorder allegedly caused by a horror movie she had to watch in class. They took the school to court. We're seeking $42,000.

[Brett Vesely]

What movie was it?

[Byron]

Didn't say.

[Brett Vesely]

They didn't say. What movie caused a Chinese girl to go crazy?

[Byron]

Yeah, because I want to watch it.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, everyone wants to watch it. See if it only works on Chinese.

[Byron]

So they've been battling in court for two years.

[Brady]

That's our super.

[Brett Vesely]

I was just gonna say. What did you just say? There's a movie that makes Chinese people insane. I'm gonna show it in the sky. We're gonna bomb them with whatever it is. Is it the ring, Brady? I like the ring. I want to watch the ring with the Chinese and just see. We'll test it out on a few people in Portland and Seattle. There's a lot of them there. The World Series is in Toronto. There's Chinese there. We'll just put it up on the big dome. Can we show it at the Sphere? What movie is it? Is she okay?

[Byron]

Oh, I can't live like this they wanted $42,000.

[Brett Vesely]

Brett, do some research. Our research department.

[Byron]

They won't disclose the movie.

[Brett Vesely]

Why even tell the story then? What do you mean they won't disclose?

[Byron]

Because after two years in court, they decided. You know what.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Byron]

The school pay 1300 bucks.

[Brett Vesely]

So she didn't go crazy because of the movie. 1300 bucks. That movie must suck. Yeah. Didn't make her that crazy. It didn't make her that. It's like a dinner for four at Ocean 44.

[Byron]

That they've been. You know having her have is a lot of meditation, anti psychotic medication, relaxation therapy.

[Brett Vesely]

What did she do that made them think she had gone nuts? Stop liking mass. Thank you. Thank you very much. Why you know like mad no more. She go crazy. Diesel school must have a. That's exactly how that broke down at home. All you heard of math. We move all the way to Toronto. If you get the smartest word of man, you go crazy. Do your math. I hate math.

[Brady]

What?

[Brett Vesely]

Not my child. No talent hate math. We are stereotypical. Now get in the car and drive with your mother as punishment.

[Brady]

I hate driving.

[Brett Vesely]

I won't ride with mama in a car. That is the smartest thing you say ever. Drive her around the block and scare her to death. That would be scarier than any movie. Your Chinese mom has to drive you to school for the next week. She will now be responsible for getting you to and from school. Oh, breathe. Do math. There's a regular duma.

[Byron]

Stop. Or my mom will drive you to school.

[Brett Vesely]

Drive you to school. I can't find the movie either. They won't tell us what movie drove a Chinese girl to the brink.

[Byron]

She's the only one.

[Brett Vesely]

Fast and furious. F1. What make you so sad? Cornering. Oh, they watch a movie today where people drive so fast. Making me think of mom. She know you risk her driver. We keep her out of car. You just do not. Why are we so stereotypical? Because we are being puppeted by a bigot. Fast and Furious. She had to run out of. This is horrifying. We're family. Yeah, we're family. Oh, no. My family can't drive that fast. I'm sorry to all Asians right now, but this is funny. And you guys can't drive that. I'm gonna hold too. And the evidence of that? A lot of Europeans in F1 racing. But you go a little bit further east and it stops happening. Ain't gonna make it bad planning.

[Byron]

Here's one for your gun retention class. Got a guy in Lumberton, North Carolina, walked into A Super Walmart adjusted the gun in this waistband, shot his leg.

[Brett Vesely]

Oops. Oh, yeah, that's. That's just not even sweatpants. Wait, another dude reached in and got it?

[Byron]

No, he was just adjusting his. Yeah, had it in the back.

[Brett Vesely]

That's just basic gun safety. And. And he had it, you know, off safety and everything else. That's just dumb. You don't stuff.

[Byron]

Officer happened to see the vehicle leaving. A guy ran out of Walmart, sped off. The officer pull him over. Then found out, oh, he got gunshot wound in the leg.

[Brett Vesely]

That's the worst words I've ever heard in my life. Sped off from the Walmart. It gives me triggers. You've done this to me.

[Byron]

Sorry.

[Brett Vesely]

How do you do that? You say speed off from Walmart and I just lay down for a second. Please don't use the word speed in Walmart in a sentence anymore without massive gaps. Now, I'm not that little Chinese girl. I'm scared to death to do math. Last night I went to. After we rehearsed and stuff, we went over to. I can't remember, what's that bar at Desert Ridge, that big restaurant. It's a yard house. And we sit down and the waitress comes over. Her name was Caitlin, and she was actually very nice and she joked around. And then a manager came over and she was Chinese. That's okay. And she said. She said. I wasn't saying it like that was a bad thing. Wow. I just wanted to clear that up, you know what I mean? At that dinner. The story, the story. And I know at the end I was like, burgers. But I. The reason I bring that up is because it's going to be relevant in a second. So she says, how's everything going? And I'm like, not so great. And she goes, what's wrong? And I said, well, Caitlyn, the waitress called me a Jewish. And she goes, oh, well, she calls me a. All the time. So I'm like, oh, my God, I'm going there. Didn't expect that. And I said, oh, is that you? She mentioned you a couple of times. Apparently these are some of the movies. Oh, no. Another movie that could have scared the Chinese girl out of the classroom. A Dog's purpose. Godzilla is Japanese. Damn it. Billy. Billy. Line Weber. That is not right. Godzilla is not going to scare the Chinese out of school. There are four Godzilla in China. They hate the Japanese.

[Byron]

This is pretty.

[Brett Vesely]

Godzilla's Chinese, I think. I think he's like a war machine of China.

[Byron]

They have a crew in Russia that check in on the dogs of Chernobyl, it.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, it's remarkable what's going on there. It's incredible. Well, they've got like special powers and like, they're. They're incredible. It's weird.

[Byron]

40 years ago, it's been that long.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Wow. 86, right?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like 39 years ago. And not only that, some of the plants and stuff they think may get the picture.

[Byron]

So they've come across three in their.

[Brett Vesely]

Crazy feral dogs and they stayed alive. And they're evidently incredibly healthy. Still have radiation. Some of the plants they think now from Chernobyl through the several generations of regrowth have healing powers like they are. You know, they're thinking maybe through this weirdness of that meltdown and what goes on there that they can actually find. There's stuff that's growing there that's never grown there. All the wild animals are. Are special. They're different colors. They're. They're mutations for real. But the actual. And it's thriving. They never thought it would come back the way it did. It is so green. I saw the big special on that. That was a year ago or something. I'm like, man. And they're like the flora and fauna could very easily thriving. Not only thrive, but could hold medical power. Like they could find some cures if they were. Weren't afraid to find out. It's the exact opposite. They test them constantly, but it's pretty awesome. But you know what it means if we find out that after 20 or 25 years that the animals are better off blue, we're just going to keep melting down nuke sites. Yeah, it's. It's crazy. And they're like wolves. Sort of like the coyote wolfed up. Like all the big ones have survived. I mean, they're almost proof of Darwinism. Is that the bigger, stronger and more healthy dogs survived and continued to. That one's got a great coat and they're all used to it. Like they'll make radiation dogs. And those dogs suffer no consequences from it. And they're beautiful. The blue dogs are gorgeous.

[Byron]

Food in for them, I don't think.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, they didn't for years. They had to find their own. They foraged and figured again, Darwin. The strongest ones figured it out. Yeah, they weren't dumping food down on Chernobyl. They were kind of hoping that whole thing died.

[Brady]

Did you read the story on why they're blue?

[Brett Vesely]

No. What does it say?

[Brady]

Somebody died them nearby Porta Potty.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that true?

[Brady]

Drinking the blue water.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that real? It's because they're drinking blue water, rolling.

[Brady]

In it and, and, and consuming it.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that right? Well, that's better than the nukes, I guess. Way to go, Brady. Morning sickness. All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. For the complete lineups and for tickets, standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holmberg here from my friends at New Vision Auto Glass. Six weeks and counting. My windshield is still perfect. Call New Vision Auto Glass and after about 15 minutes on the phone, you'll get everything you need. You can get up to $375 back. Visit new visionautoglass.com to see what you qualify for. Then you get that delicious free dinner from the world famous Brazilian steakhouse Rhodesio Grill now in Mesa and their new location in Scottsdale. There's no excuse for you not to have a good piece of glass on that car. I don't want to hear it. Pick up the phone and fix it. 480-2-New Vision Auto Glass. Proud sponsor of the Arizona Diamondbacks. Holmberg's morning sickness. But I did read stuff about the dogs having special medical gifts that make them kind of immune to certain types of cancers and things like that. And sort of immune to more radiation poison.

[Brady]

By the way, that Porta Potty liquid.

[Brett Vesely]

Lasted, what's that doing there?

[Brady]

40 years and is still blue.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, they probably have a few guys working around there still. They do have people over there in the restricted zone. They have people that kind of are close. So they port a John up. They're not using any of the water nearby, that's for sure. It's awesome. So it said it was Porta John's.

[Byron]

Three of the dum dums. Why wouldn't all the dogs roll in there?

[Brett Vesely]

We don't know.

[Byron]

That's a working theory.

[Brett Vesely]

Now you're mad at the article. Yeah. You started this.

[Byron]

They're glowing again.

[Brett Vesely]

When will you take credit for being the guy who launched it? Blew up. That's not my fault. I just let the feet.

[Brady]

They're saying.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, you said it.

[Byron]

The featured Florida man today is 31 year old Aaron Thompson. He destroyed about 80 pumpkins outside of Target 1:15am Right there. Smashed $500 worth of pumpkins.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, wow.

[Byron]

That's a lot. Yeah, I spin upset. Broke up with his girlfriend. There's his mug shot.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, wow. He's got Jiffy Pop for hair. That's insane. Gigantic Eyes, too. He's from Chernobyl.

[Byron]

And speaking of pumpkins, two British twin brothers have been growing giant pumpkins for over 50 years. They finally scored a world record.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, what is it?

[Byron]

2,819 pounds? Good Christmas pumpkin. They also got a second record. It's the largest pumpkin by circumference, 255.8 inches. That's 21ft all the way around. Yep.

[Brett Vesely]

Wow.

[Byron]

The guy's names are Ian and Stuart Patton. They started growing super sized gourds in their early teens, and now they're 64 years old.

[Brett Vesely]

Both probably still single. Yeah, they're definitely. They're definitely not the cat. Well, now maybe now with this new record. Told you. There's. That is 2, 000 pounds of pumpkin. That's 2800 pounds. I thought he said 20, 19. 2800 pounds. Holy cow. What do you do with it? We ask that every year. What do you do with it?

[Byron]

You don't know?

[Brett Vesely]

Just let it rot.

[Brady]

Right. Giant pumpkin pie.

[Brett Vesely]

You can't make a jack o' lantern out of it because it's squished under its own.

[Byron]

You have to chainsaw it up. You could probably carve it up with the chainsaw.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, yeah, you can carve anything with a chainsaw. I'm just like, what do you do with the stuff after?

[Byron]

Maybe it slices easier.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know, Brady, why bigger, Bigger gourds?

[Byron]

Sometimes if you take bigger hollow fruits, they.

[Brett Vesely]

They pop right open.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

And then again. Yeah. Well, then what do you do?

[Byron]

Plausible.

[Brett Vesely]

What do you do with what you've got? You can't make a pumpkin pie out of 2800 pounds of pumpkin. You just take a little piece of it. All you need is a couple pounds.

[Byron]

Yeah. You can make a lot of pumpkin pies out of that.

[Brett Vesely]

That's right.

[Byron]

That's.

[Brett Vesely]

Well done.

[Byron]

There he put it.

[Brett Vesely]

You reminded me of my daughter. So good to with the math.

[Byron]

So many seeds out of that.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay. Yeah, you need a few baking sheets. And your hands would just be as orange as the. Ugh. Crawling around inside of it, pulling out those seeds. Remember when you were a kid and that was awesome, and as an adult, you're like, this is the grossest stupidest thing people do. Roasting pumpkin seeds. They're good, I don't think, but it's the salt.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Like, if you salted shoelaces as much as you salt pumpkin seeds and throw them in the oven, you might suck shoelaces.

[Byron]

What is that, pus?

[Brett Vesely]

This guy says they feed pigs with the pumpkins. That adds up. Lizzo's hungry.

[Brady]

Do you say his name is Pus?

[Brett Vesely]

Lizzo is hungry. Brett says.

[Byron]

We got the winner. Big winner in Texas's annual Fat Squirrel Week. Had the fat bear contest. Now Texas has a Fat Squirrel week. And the winner is Chunkasaurus Rex. He barely beat out Chunk Norris.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, this is just funny names for fat squirrels. All right, thank you for that. Thank you. Thank you very much. Good job.

[Byron]

I got a couple of pretty videos.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe we should go to two day work.

[Brady]

You got one. You know, your AI video isn't showing up for all those.

[Brett Vesely]

For all the listeners who just said, why did he do that? We didn't get to see the pictures. Neither did we. He had no photos of the fat squirrels. Just wanted to throw out the hilarious Chuck Chunk Norris joke.

[Byron]

Oh, the AI one was good. They would enjoyed that one. Anyway, here's the first Freakosaurus.

[Brady]

Okay, first you say it like you've got more. You've got a lineup.

[Brett Vesely]

Three Eye Atlas is going to bring.

[Byron]

Us the only one today.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, Jesus Christ. It's a thing on a subway. And its face has another mouth that's sticking out of the side of it. It's got nice hands. She does. She takes time to do her nails. She's got a double mouth growing out of her mouth. That's it. Talk.

[Brady]

What does the dentist say to you?

[Brett Vesely]

You go to that dentist. Look at those things. The dentist says, no thanks. You think she's going to a dentist and not a doctor? Wouldn't a doctor be first? Is Pablo there?

[Brady]

Pablo's dating.

[Byron]

Might be first.

[Brett Vesely]

Pablo would have nailed that.

[Byron]

That's Pablo doing the voice.

[Brett Vesely]

It could be.

[Byron]

Watch when he comes by. In the background.

[Brett Vesely]

Pablo Francisco's on the subway with tumors all over its face. In a world, there's Pablo Francisco Quiggsy Kook. What's up? Out of the way, roadhog. It does look like Pablo.

[Byron]

I can replace show mama I still.

[Brett Vesely]

Have sex with it. Quackity quick. All right, Bert, what do you got? I'm a little light today, but we'll go anyway. There's a picture for you. Okay. Oh, Jesus. AI is making a. A black Kermit the frog. Have anal sex with the green Kermit the frog. And it's far too realistic.

[Brady]

Wow.

[Brett Vesely]

All right. Here's somebody filming some guy standing on top of a power line. This ends poorly. It ends poorly as predicted. Oh, I didn't expect a happy ending, but I certainly didn't expect. Oh, the whole city blew up. Did she say why? I can tell you why he climbed it. Here's another angle.

[Byron]

Emergency responders were there.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, look at his guts flapping in the wind. Oh, that's his arm. He's seizing up on that. He blew up again. That's three. Turn the power off. Oh, now he's always on fire. Okay, well, we got him down. We got him down.

[Byron]

Did you see the gut fire?

[Brett Vesely]

Cancel the mattress. We got him. It's all right. We're not gonna need that. Did I see the gut fire? What do you think? I was looking at kids playing with fireworks. Some kids in Afghanistan or something playing with fireworks. And he got it under, like, a tin pot. And the camera rolls back, and all one gets close. Oh, it blows up, and the tin pot hits him in the face, and he's done. Wow. Done. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, he didn't give that much time at all before he's like, this isn't working. And he went right over to the fire zone. Holy cow. Is Kermit pregnant in that picture we keep going back to?

[Brady]

Does look like it?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Yeah, I think so. They just took a porn thing off of black.com and turned the two participants into Kermit. The frogs.

[Byron]

Or it's distended because.

[Brett Vesely]

No, she's pregnant. She's got a. That's a pregnant lady having sex with a black guy. They wanted to send this one over. It's an AI Video, but they thought it was funny, so. Okay. Oh, is this Kobe doing stuff? It's Kobe Bryant. Is it bad? Take this championship off my shoulder. All right. No, don't do this. Don't.

[Byron]

No.

[Brett Vesely]

I know. Don't do that. Don't do that. A helicopter comes into the ring. You're doing, why Kobe Bryant? Of all the people who have had incidents in their lives, why is AI picking on Kobe? I like that they're doing Stephen Hawking. That makes sense because he couldn't perform, so making him a wrestler is funny. Kobe being a WWE champion and having to wrestle a helicopter is just funny. Of course it's funny. Of course, Brett. But it's why. This is from Brady's videos before.

[Brady]

Whoa.

[Brett Vesely]

It's a fat little person. She's very overweight, and she's doing a strip tease and a mesh lingerie, and this is about all we got. Her boobs are out now. Just disgusting. This just keeps going. It's just disgusting. Yeah, it's just disgusting. Who's doing that? Come on. And we'll just end with this. All right.

[Byron]

What comes next?

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, it's a lady in a nice She's a nice bottom and she's in a black thong kneeing a gu guy in the testicles. Who is naked. Oh, that's it. Okay, good. I thought that was where she just throws three strong knees into his naked testicles. Oh, that's it. Why do people do that?

[Byron]

That would have been my guess. Guy getting kneed in the junk.

[Brett Vesely]

By the way, another couple right there who are like the Lord of the Rings couple. You're not finding another one of those.

[Brady]

No.

[Brett Vesely]

Marry her. Yeah, like you guys are. Your similarities are unique. You're not going to go out to Apple, and with the Internet, maybe it's a little easier to find the crooked.

[Byron]

Pot, but he's farming that out.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, he's. Well, you hire that out, but still, you look at her, you're like you're into it, and I'm into it. Let's lock this down. I want to introduce you to my parents. That's what you say to her. The word for 8 o' clock is tap, tap, tap. Qualify you on the ticket in the app promotion. Thousand bucks in your pocket. Tap is the eight o' clock word. Get on that. There goes your Brady report. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[Byron]

No membership fees.

[Brett Vesely]

I've heard enough of this. It's John Holmer here, on the way for my friends at New Vision Auto Glass. Brady just had his windshield replaced. Toledo just had his windshield replaced. And Brett evidently got jealous because his windshield got cracked on his drive to work the other day. New Vision Auto Glass, they're your best friends. They'll fix that ugly busted glass, then give you up to 375 doll, and you'll get dinner at the world famous Brazilian steakhouse Rodizio grill. Go to nuvisionautoglast.com, see what you qualify for, then get it fixed. Call 480-210-9090. New Vision Auto Glass, proud sponsor of the Arizona Diamond Pact. Men, you take care of everyone else. Now. Let limitless TRT and aesthetics take care of you. Limitless TRT and Aesthetics is redefining sexual wellness by helping men reclaim their confidence with non surgical permanent male enhancement. The platinum procedure delivers instant permanent girth with minimal downtime. The Pilong protocol naturally adds length and girth. No gimmicks, no guesswork work, no surgery. Just proven solutions that transform how you feel and look. Book your free consultation online at limitlesstrtanesthetics.com let's make you the legend you were always meant to be.