10-29-25 - FULL SHOW - WEDNESDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness (98KUPD) — Full Show Recap

Episode Date: October 29, 2025
Cast: John Holmberg (Host), Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Dick "Toledo" Toledo

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Main Theme

This episode of “Holmberg’s Morning Sickness” is a classic blend of local Arizona pride, sharp-witted skepticism about pop culture fads, and the team’s signature irreverent humor as they dissect the absurdities of daily life, relationships, viral trends, and current events. The show swings from comedy riffs on women’s wellness retreats to real speculation about the mysterious '31 Atlas' asteroid, with plenty of sidetracks—ranging from yoga instructors to STDs in monkeys, marriage advice, and nerdy weddings.

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Table of Contents

• Arizona Praise & Weather Superiority
• Sedona, Yoga Retreats & "Divorce Getaways"
• The "Vortex" Grift & Sedona Hippie Culture
• Relationship Red Flags and TikTok’s "Bird Theory"
• The Great "31 Atlas" Space Mystery
• Weddings, Fandom, & True Relationship Compatibility
• Chernobyl’s Mutant Dogs & Pumpkin Fever
• Trucker Tales: The Escaped STD Monkeys
• Memorable Quotes
• Select Timestamps for Key Segments

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Arizona Praise & Weather Superiority

• [05:00–06:00] John kicks off the morning acknowledging Arizona’s “paradise” status—no hurricanes, tornadoes, or massive bugs. Riffs on how people ignore less-likable places hit by disaster (“We don’t care when Cuba gets smashed by hurricanes!”).
• [06:00+] Uses the metaphor of Camelback Mountain “getting up and walking around” to poke fun at places where people willingly live in disaster-prone areas:

  “Would you live here if every year, Camelback Mountain got up, walked around, and crushed half the town?” (06:00)

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Sedona, Yoga Retreats & "Divorce Getaways"

• [07:00–12:00]
  • Holmberg skewers the phenomenon of women’s divorce yoga retreats to Sedona/Jamaica, especially during cheap hurricane season. Riffs on Sedona Jeep trail yoga meetings looking like “weird murder scenes.”
  • Explores parallels between men’s “get your groove back” trips (Vegas) and women’s (yoga, self-rediscovery).
  • Satirizes ex-husbands’ likely glee when their ex spends spousal money for self-healing retreats just to get caught in a hurricane (“He is whistling from his anus!” 08:42).
  • Bemoans what it would be like stuck in a Jamaica disaster shelter with reggae music, steel drums, and TikTok-ing yoga influencers.

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The "Vortex" Grift & Sedona Hippie Culture

• [13:40–23:00]
  • Deep-dive on Sedona’s infamous “spiritual vortex” industry.
  • John lampoons the new-age economy (“Grifter’s paradise!”), mocking the “magical” marketing of geodes, feathers, and “energy alignments”:

    “It’s just pretty scenery with people selling you the lie—it has magical powers.” (19:14)

  • Discusses conversations with yoga women about how “you have to believe” in the power of the vortex, likening it to Tinkerbell.
  • Makes fun of the demographic: “White women, yoga has become an escape...they turn to rock power.”
  • Hilariously rants about how ‘energy fields’ are always in tourist spots, never “crap towns like Maryvale or Detroit.”

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Relationship Red Flags and TikTok’s "Bird Theory"

• [27:50–37:50]
  • Brady brings up TikTok’s “Bird Theory” test—allegedly, if you tell your partner “I saw a bird today” and they don’t respond, your relationship’s doomed.
  • John ruthlessly mocks the premise:

    “That’s a terrible conversation starter. I see birds every day. Tell me if one has a cat.” (29:00)

  • Links this to the “magical object” trend (dreamcatchers, singing bowls) as indicators of marital malaise: “If there’s a geode in the house with alleged powers, she is so miserable she’s turned to rocks.”
  • Jokes that any marriage where someone plays singing bowls alone is “on the brink.”

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The Great "31 Atlas" Space Mystery

• [49:40–60:00+]
  • The guys discuss “Comet 31 Atlas” (later clarified as “3I Atlas”), which some fringe scientists and UFO-hopefuls think could be an alien ship or artifact, especially if it changes course near the Sun today.
  • John roots for aliens to show up (“It could fix humanity!”), referencing Independence Day, Mars Attacks, and how only an outside threat will unite the planet:

    “Our focus would just… stop all this nonsense. We need a huge fish to fry.” (53:00)

  • Nostalgia for sci-fi: Jetsons, Mork & Mindy, Close Encounters. John pleads to “let a boy dream!”
  • A few listeners email in as “dream-crushers,” insisting it's just a comet.
  • John, undeterred, hopes for transformative contact or at least a shakeup from humanity’s rut.

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Weddings, Fandom, & True Relationship Compatibility

• [71:50–84:00+]
  • Segment launches from Elijah Wood crashing a New Zealand ‘Shire’ wedding. The team gets philosophical about how only couples who BOTH want a “Lord of the Rings”–themed wedding are truly soulmates—no chance of divorce.
  • Applies the same logic to Star Wars, Disney, Harry Potter, and Renaissance Faire couples.
  • Jokes that “finding someone who wants a Lord of the Rings wedding” is nearly as rare as Frodo himself.
  • Spirals into the hypothetical: black Lord of the Rings cast, crossovers (“Lords in the Hood”).
  • “If you’re both into nerd weddings, you’re together forever. You won’t find another one!”

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Chernobyl’s Mutant Dogs & Pumpkin Fever

• [111:13–117:36]
  • Reports on wild dogs thriving in Chernobyl—speculation on whether their blue coats come from radiation mutations or, less glamorously, rolling in nearby Porta Potty fluid.
  • Big pumpkin news: British twins break records for largest pumpkin (2,819 lbs) and circumference (21ft around).
  • Fat-squirrel competitions for Halloween, with tongue-in-cheek celebrations of “Chunkasaurus Rex.”

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Trucker Tales: Escaped STD Monkeys

• [137:48–146:36+]
  • The team recounts an insane real news story: a semi full of “possibly AIDS-laden, herpes-infected” primates crashes en route from Tulane in Louisiana to Florida.
  • John wonders why we’re trucking disease monkeys cross-country at all (“Just test it on ASU students!”).
  • Imagines the horror of a Mississippi resident encountering a loose, powerful, possibly horny monkey; jokes that STD risk is not your first worry.
  • Skewers news coverage for not asking “the right questions”—mainly, WHY were these monkeys loaded up and driven anywhere?
  • “No one has ever looked outside and thought, if my wife sleeps with that, will I catch it?!”

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Memorable Quotes & Timestamps

• On Sedona yoga retreats:
  • "There's like seven of them just lying on rocks. It looked like a weird murder scene, some mass suicide." (05:56, John Holmberg)
• On ex-husbands and their ex-wife's yoga hurricanes:
  • “There's one dude—he is whistling from his anus—he is so happy she went to Jamaica to get her groove back and God's trying to kill her.” (08:42, John Holmberg)
• On Sedona’s vortexes:
  • “It's just a big shell game up there… How come vortexes are never in ugly places?” (19:14, John Holmberg)
• On TikTok’s ‘Bird Theory’:
  • “That’s a terrible conversation, by the way. I see (birds) every day—they’re everywhere.” (29:00, John Holmberg)
• On astrology vs. reality:
  • "You have to believe in it. Like, couldn't I do that anywhere? In my kitchen?" (18:37, Brett Vesely)
• On angry dream-crushers:
  • “You’re basically the guy in 1981 saying Mork isn’t real—yeah, I know, jackass! I just want to have fun.” (131:20, John Holmberg)
• On nerd weddings:
  • "If you both want a Lord of the Rings wedding—there is no chance of divorce. That’s a match made in Hobbiton." (75:00~ John Holmberg)
• On monkeys with STDs:
  • “No one has ever said—honey, look on the porch. Be careful, it might have warts! That's the least of your worries in Mississippi.” (141:25, John Holmberg)

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Select Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening Arizona Riffs: 05:00–06:30
• Sedona, Divorce Yoga Retreat Satire: 05:30–10:00
• Vortex Grift/Crystals Discussion: 13:40–23:00
• Bird Theory & Relationship Red Flags: 27:50–37:50
• 3I Atlas/Asteroid Segment: 49:40–60:44 (Further through 60:00s)
• Elijah Wood/LOTR Wedding & Nerd Couples: 71:50–84:00
• Chernobyl Dogs & Giant Pumpkins: 111:13–117:36
• The Great Monkey Truck Crash: 137:48–146:36

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Tone & Style Notes

• The tone is irreverent, self-aware, cynical yet playful.
• Holmberg leads discussions with quick, relentless sarcasm and pop-culture references.
• The gang isn’t afraid to roast themselves, listeners, each other, or the news media for credulity or gullibility.
• Segments spiral from relevant news into deep-dive satire, social commentary, and meta-humor.

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Conclusion

Classic “Holmberg’s Morning Sickness”—equal parts Arizona pride, social skepticism, and unfiltered comedy. Whether you’re interested in Sedona’s latest scam, the future of humanity in the cosmos, or just want to laugh about why anyone would ship STD-infected monkeys across America, there’s a belly laugh (and a sharp jab) for every listener.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[John Holmberg]

Brett, the last thing you want to.

[Brady]

Do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one.

[John Holmberg]

Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P.

[Brady]

Guns where he'll get a fair offer.

[John Holmberg]

And he can rest easy knowing it's.

[Brady]

Not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[John Holmberg]

Easy legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it online. It really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. Mmpguns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk about FanDuel. It's NBA tip off week and FanDuel is your home for live betting. FanDuel is giving new customers $300 in bonus bets if your first $5 bet wins. So just visit FanDuel.com KUPD to sign up today and play your game with FanDuel, official sports betting partner of the NBA. 21 plus in present in Arizona first online real money only $5 first deposit required bonus issued as non withdrawable bonus Fetch, which expires seven days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 53342 all right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. For the complete lineups and for Tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com hey, it's Larry McFeely. And if you live in Arizona, you already know this state was built for Toyota. Whether you're chasing the sunrise up in Sedona CR through downtown Phoenix, or my.

[Brady]

Favorite, camping in the forest, there's a.

[John Holmberg]

Toyota that fits your kind of adventure. The Tacoma and Tundra are rugged and reliable for desert trails. The Camry is smooth, efficient and perfect for your daily drive. And the 4Runner is Arizona's off road legend. Wherever the Arizona road takes you, make.

[Brady]

Sure you're driving a Toyota.

[John Holmberg]

Visit your Valley toyota dealer or valleytoyotadealers.com toyota let's go places. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Wednesday. It is 5:45. My name's John. How are you? There's Brady. There is Brett Fessley. Big Dick Toledo's around here somewhat. We got it all together and ready to go for yet another amazing day here in paradise. And it could be someplace else again. I always tell people, you have it great here. Complaining about Arizona is just being kind of nitpicky and catty and bitter about nothing. It is the best place. And I look no further than the news when everybody looks at island getaways and such and sees what's going on in Jamaica. And, you know, Cuba, we don't, you know, it's funny, we don't care when Cuba gets smashed by hurricanes. Cuba takes a punch for like commies. Suddenly the human element's gone. It has to be somebody we agree with that gets hit hard by hurricanes or somebody at least kind of like. Or we like to vacation there. Cuba got hit too. And not many people are like, we should help Cuba. And we don't. We don't care. But it did. And then I realized my theory on weather based beautiful places. It just isn't worth it to live in a place that's in some sort of hurricane alley or tornado alley or anything like that. I go back to my standard statement. If you, if you were moving here and you said, this place is beautiful, the real estate agent said, well, yeah, every year, somewhere between September and November, Camelbeck Mountain gets up and walks around and we don't know when or where or what direction or how it's gonna do it, but it does. And it sometimes leaves a path of massive destruction. Then it goes back to where it, you know, it just looks normal again. Would you live here if the mountain got up and crushed off? Every year or so you had to worry about it. Sometimes it didn't. But you sat there from August to September, and every time, like, let's say the sky turned a little bit gray, you'd be like, ooh, this is perfect conditions for the mountain to get up. You wouldn't want to be here. So I don't understand why you do it. When the ocean gets up and starts moving around or the sky starts to shoot down sky at you. But again, I say that in the hopes that no one outside of our city hears it. It's just a little pep talk for us. We got it pretty good here. It's pretty awesome. We don't have A lot of bugs, pretty much free of being attacked by massive animals. We got a snakes and some weird stuff. Every city's got something.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's no bears or, you know, you're not going to get beat up too bad going out by a moose or something strange once in a blue moon.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah, we've had a bear and. Yeah. Phoenix. Phoenix, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Prescott. But I mean, that's not here. I'm Prescott's got.

[Brady]

But ladies, for the most part, you're safe to keep your yoga trips here.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. And that's what we were good at in Jamaica. Good transition, Brady. Good transition. The yoga trips, which I make fun of. So I find it hysterical. And I saw it again when I was in Sedona last Saturday. There's always Saturday Sedona. And I think If I had Dr. Brink and my buddy Antony in here right now. You confirm how many divorced girl get your groove back parties we saw just on the Broken Arrow Trail. And also at dinner and just hanging around Sedona. We didn't do much. And what we did, we looked around. We saw. It was an odd thing, too. A lot of bachelorette parties and a lot of it's all over. Let's get Melissa out of the house and into the woods where she can, you know, get in touch with herself and her world and the vortex. Lot of yoga parties. A lot of laying down in the middle of jeep trails. I don't know what those ladies were thinking, but there were like seven of them just laying down on rocks. And it looked like, I don't know, some sort of weird murder scene, some mass suicide.

[Brady]

Make your climbs easier.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, you know. Yeah, a little bumpier. It's kind of fun. But, yeah, they were just laying down on rocks and we were laughing. I'm uncle. There it is. That's exactly what I'm talking. And they had a leader, and the leader was coaching them through how to lay on rocks. And they did it. And it was. And it's so obvious why. One's going through a massive breakup and trying to become a human individual again. And her friends are there for the weekend and they try to boost her back up. Happened in Jamaica. There's a story of women who decided to go. They don't talk about why they're there on a yoga retreat in hurricane season. A, because it was cheap and, you know, they don't want to spend all their husband's money that they just got. And B, you know, one of them just got divorced and the girl's like, we did A tryptogen it is that.

[Brady]

You'Ve heard about Montego Bay and how beautiful it is.

[John Holmberg]

Waiting to Exhale made sense to half of the population. To men, it's like, what? We don't take like a. A trip to get back to our independent roots. We take a horse trip. The dudes take you to Vegas. Like, we're going to take you to Vegas. You're just going to pound everything that moves. And like, yeah, that's what. That's what I need. Women go and try to find themselves, and in the process, sometimes a local waiter will be hot enough, like in the movie Waiting to Exhale to start boning him. And then you realize, oh, I like D again. And then I want to take some D. But the funny thing is, is that that movie Waiting to Exhale, the real truth that movie was. And I forget which one got divorced.

[Brett Vesely]

She.

[John Holmberg]

And they filmed some of it here. The. The girl that was needing to exhale got her husband's money and then suddenly would start. She would start the help. Like it was waiters and busboys and anything else. Like anybody you look at, she. Because she had somebody else's cash. She was independent financially from the divorce, but just needed D and was taken random D from a beach bartender. If I remember the movie right, it's like, oh, she had no standards anymore. She was horrible. And it's hilarious because her husband was paying for the whole thing. And then she kept saying, I'm an independent woman. And they tried to make her out like she was wealthy too, but she got the money from her husband. The one thing I see about the Jamaican ladies trapped because their yoga trip has gone sideways now, divorce to Jamaica. And now it's this horrible hurricane has ruined that too. There's some dude.

[Brady]

They've turned lemons into lemonade, though.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, how's that?

[Brady]

Now they're posting on TikTok.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sure.

[Brady]

There they survive.

[Brett Vesely]

They're going to be all over.

[John Holmberg]

They're not anywhere near the hurricane. They've got Internet. The hurricane is on the other side of the island, which I don't.

[Brady]

I mean, the posting could be delayed now.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

Either way, like, a. A majority of the island is out of power.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I hope they're okay, I'll say that.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But here's what I'm thinking about that no one else is and the news will never bring up. Go find the recent ex husband and take a picture of the smile on his face. That has got to be ear to ear. And he just found out that his ex, who just Milked him for everything he's worth. Went to Jamaica to get her groove back on. His first, you know, spousal support payment, and she gets hit by this hurricane. There is one dude that is. He's whistling from his anus. He is so happy, like there. He's at work getting everything done. I got such a big smile on your face there, Jeff. Remember my ex wife? Yeah. She took it. She took a girls retreat to Jamaica to get over me and God's trying to kill her. It's awesome. It's not. It would be bad if it was like Jamaicans attacked her. No, no, no. The Lord Almighty has pushed the hurricane. She's not gonna make it back. It's great. I just. I'm out of spousal support in the first month. He's the only one rooting for that hurricane to get worse.

[Brett Vesely]

Drink some Ebola.

[John Holmberg]

I don't have spousal support anymore. Dummy. Went to Jamaica during hurricane season to get a groove back. She's not gonna make it back. He is smiling to no end that this. And I guarantee you, I guarantee you I'm right. One of them is going through a terrible divorce, a terrible one. And her friends are like, you show him. You take his money and you spend all of it. We're going to Jamaica. Expense nothing. We're going for the whole thing.

[Brady]

She'll get a little spotlight too, when she comes back. And Good Morning America has.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah, she'll be on the View and everything else.

[John Holmberg]

And if she comes back. Yeah, yeah, that's what that guy's. I'm not saying he's gonna like when she comes back. All the shoe 4. It's a quick hit if she comes back. But he's the only one somewhere probably in Maryland or Delaware. And he's like, yeah, she might not make it. And he is beaming at the. At the possibilities that, that, that he had one spousal support payment that he had to kick out and she took off. He wrote that check. Probably pretty decent check, let's say five to ten grand. I don't know how many kids they had. And then she goes and takes that and spends it with her friends and they're, you know, just busting down Jamaican drinks and rum and all that and dancing and doing yoga and then. And he's watching that weather. Oh, he's in. He's in heaven. He's in heaven. And I want the news to go find him. We found her ex husband. And then he has that big smile on his face, but he's got to act like this is tragic. It's just terrible. Don't you think? What's wrong with your face? Why are you smiling? Am I smile? I can't. I don't know if I could wipe that off. I'm sorry. I'm trying. You're not really sad. Quit it. She's not gonna make it. Is she gonna make it? You guys know she's gonna make. Looks like she's gonna get. She's gonna get trapped there for a while. Oh, so sad. Is there another hurricane right behind it? Sometimes that happens. Is that. Do I have to worry about that? There is a tropical storm developing. Oh, God, no. Oh, God. You seem to smile and cry real. It's. That's hard to do. Hey, how are you? Hi, guys. This is a hurricane. It's so great. Does a get on a plane? Was he doing yoga in the boat? Maybe the boat's gone. What a tragedy.

[Brady]

Can you imagine the shelter right now that all these people are packed in there? And then there's an area of 8 or 10 women on yoga mats right.

[John Holmberg]

Now trying to make the most of it. We could still do the yoga.

[Brady]

Yoga.

[John Holmberg]

We can't do the yoga retreat without Sven.

[Brett Vesely]

There'll be. There'll be one guy sitting there too. If I hear one more goddamn singing bowl over there.

[John Holmberg]

We are getting rid of singing balls. There will be no more singing balls. I heard that. Sit up.

[Brady]

Your bumble clocks.

[John Holmberg]

You guys bumble clutter out. No more singing balls. My whole family out there, they lost. It ain't helping, man. You get trapped. And we imagine that the worst place in the world to be trapped in a hurricane shelter is Jamaica. Because they would just play nothing but reggae, steel drums. I'd run. I'd run towards the storm.

[Brett Vesely]

But just how much weed? I don't even do that. But, man, imagine the amount of weed you'd have to do. You'd have to block out the. I would go sounds of Ziggy and Bob Marley.

[John Holmberg]

I'd be like, shelters.

[Brady]

A smokehouse.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'd be like Lieutenant Dan. I'd be screaming at the sky, come and get me. I got that. The world is all it's going to do round the place. Oh, my God. 24 hours of this would kill me now. Proof for religious people. I agree with you. Finally, God hates reggae. I believe that to be true. 311. And that would be the worst day of my life. I was in Jamaica and 3:11 was the artist at Atlantis. And we all had to hole up in a shelter and just Jamaican Music and nasty. Bleh.

[Brady]

Oh, that's.

[John Holmberg]

There's nothing worse than reggae, I think.

[Brett Vesely]

White reggae.

[John Holmberg]

White reggae. That isn't even human.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, that's.

[John Holmberg]

That don't count. None whatsoever. Where the Flamingo panties now, like. Oh, good Christ. This is. It's children stuff.

[Brady]

Ted's learned the steel drums.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And then they teach white people to play the steel drums. Because I'm in Jamaica, man, all the yoga retreats, I see right through it, and I. I tip the cap to those yoga instructors, to taking those broads out there and stealing their money, making them lay down and pay you. That's hilarious. We've never done it before. All right, we're not gonna start easy. Lay down.

[Brady]

There's that big money in the. Just the lay down and breathing.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm saying. It's. It's. It's. But nobody, unless they've hit rock bottom, wants to just lay down and breathe. I do that every day. I don't need someone. I don't need to pay somebody to go lay down and breathe different.

[Brady]

You're missing out, bro.

[John Holmberg]

No, you're not. No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

[Brett Vesely]

But how much tail is Trevor, the yoga instructor, getting out there? I mean, he's just pounding.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, pounding it. Here's the other thing about yoga for, you know, the instructors. You are capitalists. You ever met an Indian that's calm? I've never met an Indian that is, like, relaxed ever in my life. Not one. You can search your brain, Brady, for the one, but it's. It's a. They are a tense running around people, and they're the ones who get this whole yoga thing down. I've never once been around a group of Indians where I feel like, man, they are really kind of in touch with it all and. And calm. This is a calm group. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're always worried like that. Yeah, I was gonna say. I was gonna say go to a slayer con. The Slayer. Indians are. They're what? They're. They're more calm than the Indian.

[Brady]

Are calm, but they're making a good living.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they're doctors. They're American now. They got out of India. You meet an Indian that's Indian. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're always worried the sky's falling in on them. I've never. I've never even had an Indian doctor that doesn't come in and just start doing that little head shake. Okay, we have to. This is what we're going to do now. And I'm like, this is not. I'm. Tension. There's tension in the room. Since you came in.

[Brady]

50 batten. 50.

[John Holmberg]

I've never once had a one doctor does the little. The head thing. Yeah, yeah, because they're just. They're boiling with tension. I've never had an Indian come and go, hey, man, what's going on with you? Well, I am feeling very, very, very good today. Very calm. The only ones you see are Gandhi and, like, the dudes with the snakes, they just hold real still. I see videos of India. It's a mad house. People everywhere running, scrambling on trains, buses. Yeah. They're standing on tops of trains just to get where they're going. Yoga is. It has done nothing for India as far as calming that whole nation down. But to white women, yoga has become. It's. It's. You know, it's an escape. You know, Ronnie's into the yoga.

[Brady]

She's.

[John Holmberg]

She's the ultimate capitalist. She's trying to get license to take divorced ladies to Sedona.

[Brady]

90.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Brady]

But 10, you're hoping at 3%.

[John Holmberg]

Get that next 10% and you're rolling in it. If she's got the right mindset, if she wants to start, you know, she finds out one of the ladies on her street just got divorced, she needs to go put flyers on that door. Doing a Sedona retreat this weekend. You know, I really do need to get away. We'll teach you how to lay down on some rocks outside in what's called the vortex. There's no such thing. The vortex. How come.

[Brady]

Gives you options. You know, once you. You're certified or something like that, you can extend your training.

[Brett Vesely]

You gotta.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, you can start paying for more. Yeah. And then. Or grift white women, which is the thing I would do with it the most. My favorite thing about. Because the vortex has always been something I laughed at up in Sedona. It's like you have to go to the vortex and it's okay. What is that? Oh, it's where the energy of the earth is. There's seven or eight, and they start telling you about them. And they have these little cartoon maps. And I got to one, and there was a person there in a. You know, in that. A white pose. It was a white woman, but she had her fingers in that weird circle pose. The third finger to the thumb.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And she's sitting down next to a group of stacked rocks that have been recently stacked by some drifter, and she's doing this wave. And occasionally going. And everybody's leaving her alone. And then at the end of this was a few years ago, at the end of it, she gets up, she walks. And I'm like, what? What is this? And she goes, it's the vortex. Your body and your chakras realign when you hit it. And you're on the vortex, you're more in touch with the planet. And I'm like, how do I have to get that? She goes, we're standing on the vortex. You just have to believe. And I'm like, then it certain, Tinkerbell, it serves no power. It can't do it. Like, I wouldn't walk by going, there it is. Feel it. You have to believe in it. Like, couldn't I do that anywhere?

[Brett Vesely]

Do that in my kitchen?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Couldn't I just believe the vortex?

[Brady]

That's a vortex. This is a vortex.

[John Holmberg]

She didn't care for my questions. We parted ways. I believe her last words were, you remind me of my ex husband. Oh, that's why you're up here. All right, I get it. Sorry about that. I mean, to wreck your life on your silly adventure, trying to get in touch with the planet. Pretty in touch with the planet. My feet hit it constantly.

[Brett Vesely]

Sedona is beautiful, don't get me wrong, but it's amazing. But it's Grifter's paradise up there, because that's all it is.

[John Holmberg]

All them rock stores and crystals and the geodes.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. And the vortex and the feather things.

[John Holmberg]

And everything's magic. Like, everything up there is magic, mystical. And it's, you know, the regulars, pretty.

[Brady]

The townies.

[John Holmberg]

All the townies are those hippies. Well, they. A lot of the regular ones hate, like, the whole thing. They moved up there and they realized, oh, this is just a big shell game up here. We're just by the. You know, it's pretty easy to explain Sedona as far as volcanic rock and why it looks the way it looks and cool.

[Brett Vesely]

I can buy a red mud shirt.

[John Holmberg]

How come vortexes are never in ugly places? How come vortex. There's, like, not a vortex in Maryvale. I'll tell you why. Because you can't sell tourism there, so you start adding crap there's nothing special about.

[Brady]

Yeah. Maryville dirt shirt.

[John Holmberg]

And that make them the dirt shirts. And Sedona's like, yeah, I get it. Because this is different. It looks different than a lot of places. But, you know, it's got magical powers. It's just because we think it's pretty. You know, somehow or another they find out that. That dump out there on the. On the beeline, like, oh, did you know there's a vortex in our trash dump? And you would never go sit. You never see one of these ladies.

[Brady]

Salt lamps coming out of that place.

[John Holmberg]

I would like to start that. I'm gonna. Oh, we got a six o' clock word. I gotta get to that. But I would like to start that, you know, the lie, and just find dirty, ugly vortexes and see how many divorced women go there, how many hippies try to find the inner peace at the.

[Brett Vesely]

What you mean there's no vortex in Toledo, Ohio?

[John Holmberg]

Cleveland. Detroit doesn't have a vortex. Why is it always just, like, gorgeous while there's a vortex there? Is there? I think you might just be making that up to make it more for you. I would love that. Yeah, man. You ever been to the Maryvale vortex? Really get touched with the planet? Come on, G. Come on, sit down, Gary. All right, now try to just breathe. You know, breathe. Breathe through your gills. Gills? You mean I don't have those? What are you talking about? Just breathe, man, and just kind of, you know, wash out everything that. Just ignore that, ignore that, ignore that, ignore that. That air you touch with a vortex.

[Brett Vesely]

You don't listen to Shaman Keyshawn, but it's Keyshawn.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna keep things quiet now. You're heading to Maryvale Vortex. Now, you sit next to the Brewers Stadium and it's. Come on now. Just ignore that, ignore that. That's part of the vortex. That's part of the getting back to the planet. The word for this morning, for six o' clock is modern. Modern is the first word today. M, O, D E, R, N. Modern. Get on that. Yeah, I always.

[Brady]

Right now, the current vortex locations in Maryvale, Sedona, Arizona, Mount Shasta, California, Machu Picchu in Peru, the Great Pyramid of Egypt.

[John Holmberg]

In Olaru in Australia again, that's the Sedona of Australia. Absolutely stunning locations. You know, your God put those all where resorts are. It was a genius move.

[Brady]

Oh, Stonehenge.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, yes, don't. Of course, don't it.

[Brady]

You feel it there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, do you ever. You walk, right. You're just walking along, going, so Brett, I don't know. Jesus Christ, I'm in the vortex. Oh, my God. I gotta push me out of this. There's no vortex.

[Brady]

It's an invisible fence.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's like a big tube. You don't even know. John walked into the vortex. He's.

[Brady]

Come out with white hair and a beard.

[John Holmberg]

I have seen the Lord. He was really in there. The last time I felt this way. No, just ignore that. Was when I was in Maryvale. No such thing as the vortex. I hate to. I hate to be the nihilist genius that I am, but it is true. You guys are. You've been snowed by money people. The vortex. And it changes you if you lay on it. Stop it. The college football season has given us plenty of reasons to fire up Saturdays.

[Brady]

And FanDuel has got a boost you're.

[John Holmberg]

Not going to want to miss. It's Dick Tolitto from homework's morning sickness.

[Brady]

And it's called boostin with the boys. It's giving everyone a college football profit.

[John Holmberg]

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[Brady]

Boost to use on college football. Everyone gets the boost.

[John Holmberg]

All you gotta do is go to.

[Brady]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Brady]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Brady]

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[John Holmberg]

Call 1-800-next-step, next step to 533-42. All right, HMS podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week downtown at Stand Up Live, you've got Moshe Kasher and the pride of Jacksonville, Florida, Lil Duvall performing Desert Ridge up north features the very funny Hans Kim. And Eastside at the Tempe Improv has two entertaining comedians with Alvin Kuwait and Basim Youssef. For the complete lineups and for Tickets, go to standuplive.com, desert Ridge, improv.com and Tempe. Improv.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Brady]

My buddy in in college, Dr. Goldtooth.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Who went to the the pyramids in Egypt with a couple of girls in there in university, at school and. All right, she went to the vortex and ended up with Egyptian seed on her.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right. That dude, that was that. At the camel ride pyramid, she took her tour guide through the vortex hugging the camel driver. And I don't want to call them what they are, but that's. No, go ahead. He drives. He's riding a camel. And if you rode a horse, she was in front. Anyway. There's a word for it, but it's like. Anyway. So yeah, she was in the back, right? Oh, no, she's in the Front. He's holding her. She got to sit.

[Brady]

Yeah, she got off. What a neat ride. And they're walk. Walk down the. The path a little farther. Itches her back.

[John Holmberg]

Ew.

[Brady]

What's that?

[John Holmberg]

Egyptian gum. You gooed her back because the ride's all bu. Man. Good news. That's what. If you hear that going on behind you on the camel. I can't understand you. Oh, just. The tailmad is gorgeous.

[Brady]

So he's so upset my body.

[John Holmberg]

My guy's asleep.

[Brady]

He goes back and runs. Runs back and tries to catch.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you're.

[Brady]

But there's a thousand camels for the rides available.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you gotta find the right one. Good luck. Find the one guy who's got his eyes are half closed. Well done, huh?

[Brady]

He's asleep on top of the camel.

[Brett Vesely]

Just try to sniff for a sisu tree somewhere there in Egypt, and you might find him.

[John Holmberg]

I was riding along, and I think we hit the vortex because he went crazy for a second, then he passed out. Yeah. John, can't we consider the people who do what you're saying, the chosen few that want to thin the herd? Well, I don't want to. You know, I don't want people to die. I just want them to recognize reality. I struggle with that. I should probably loosen up a little on my hole. That isn't a thing. I. You know, you're allowed to have it, but you're also putting yourself in a position where, like Brett said, you go to. That there's nothing mystical about some hippie from AJ who moved to Sedona and cracked rocks in half and started to say that she found powers in them.

[Brady]

And then, you see, you should, in a lot of cases have. You don't need to pay for it. You can just go up there and lay down.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's just. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, you don't need a guide for that. That's the. That's the capitalist nature of it. Look, I can tell you right now, if I walk into your house, I can tell if your marriage is in trouble immediately by two things. If you've got cracked geodes or you've got a. And you're. And you're white. This is white people marriage. I don't know. Even a black marriage is in trouble if you've got, like, a dream catcher anywhere in your vicinity. If you've got geodes in the house that someone actually says, put power out. It's a rock. It's a pet rock. It's a pretty pet rock, but I mean, decorative, sure. But if anybody actually in the house believes, and it's usually the woman that the rock is creating a positive energy. She is so depressed and so miserable in that marriage, she just doesn't know how to get out. So she's turned to rock, like rock power. And I feel bad for that. That. And if you've got pictures on your. If you've got pictures on your fridge of how happy you are, like, too many of those.

[Brady]

The latest is it's made a resurgence. The bird theory.

[John Holmberg]

What's that?

[Brady]

It predicts if your relationship is doomed or not.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, let's hear it.

[Brady]

So the bird theories on tick tock. Basically, you go to your partner and.

[John Holmberg]

You say, other rocks.

[Brady]

I saw a bird today.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And hopefully they're in the middle of doing something. Whether. And you say that enthusiastically. And if their response. This is why you can tell if your relationship is. Dude. If there's no response, yeah, relationship's doomed.

[John Holmberg]

But if they just ignore you. Yeah.

[Brady]

If they go, what kind of bird did you see?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, come on. That's a terrible conversation, by the way.

[Brady]

And there seems to be a trend. It's nothing but women that are.

[John Holmberg]

No, dude. Who's going to be all that interested in a broad coming and she saw a bird. I see him every day. They're everywhere.

[Brady]

I saw a bird today.

[John Holmberg]

Now. I get that all the time. I get videos of the kestrels and the things going on in my yard. We got some interesting bird activity.

[Brady]

So if you're responding.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but I don't want to hear. Yeah, I respond to. I saw a bird today.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. That's my. The aggregate for you. I hear it, but I'm like, what am I supposed to say?

[Brett Vesely]

Just a response.

[John Holmberg]

What? A bird on earth. Where like, of course I see them constantly. Now tell me a story where the, you know, the subject of the story is a little bit more interesting. I saw a, you know, a bird with a cat in its hands today. Now we got a story. This is birds. I see birds all the time. Go outside right now and find a bird.

[Brady]

That's so stupid.

[Brett Vesely]

If Matthias came up, I saw a bird, I'd be like, gives us, you know, I mean.

[John Holmberg]

But you still a response. I guess so. Did you hit your head, you moron? There's birds.

[Brett Vesely]

What's wrong with you?

[John Holmberg]

Let's go outside. I'm gonna show you some birds. This is. This is not how people start stories. You're such an asshole. Don't you want to hear my stories? Let me tell you Something about your stories. The ones that start with I saw a tree and then they stop. You're getting nothing from me. I saw a tree today. Fall in a car, kill a guy. What? Finish this. No. That's it. You retarded all of a sudden? What happened?

[Brady]

No tree, Rollins.

[John Holmberg]

That's huge. I would be like, what the tree?

[Brady]

Where did you see him?

[John Holmberg]

I thought he was dead. Is he still big? Did he get fat? I got questions.

[Brady]

Is that yoga?

[John Holmberg]

How do you know who Tree Rollins is? Wait a minute. Where were you? Why do you know Tree Rollins? What's going on?

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to the vortex in Maryville. Keyshawn will help. You know that, man. You know that.

[Brady]

That's the new sound.

[John Holmberg]

Welcome to the vortex. Ignore all that. We'll get to the laying down and relaxing in a minute.

[Brady]

You taking the gap class?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Vortexes are not effing. And it's Tinkerbell. The lady was absolutely right. You just have to believe. But, you know, you find a place, you enjoy a peaceful setting. Oh, is that the bowls?

[Brett Vesely]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God.

[Brett Vesely]

You mentioned it's a Maryville.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And I'll tell you, Brady's wife is doing to grift, hopefully as a capitalist later. But if she just broke out bulls while you guys were watching the World Series last night, started play these, you're in. You're in massive trouble at home like she is. This is the work of a miserable woman. If she's doing it on her own now to go over and learn how to, you know, make people pay you to play these, now, that is a goddamn capitalist, and I couldn't love that more.

[Brady]

And right now she's paying.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, right now she's on the other end. She's getting grifted. It's just what she does after, like being interested in it. Sure. But when you take it home and if you start playing home alone. Yeah, you better start break him out.

[Brady]

We have them, you know, bring him in.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's not allow. He's not allowed to touch those. Or they're not. Brady's not allowed to pay for him. Brady's not allowed to travel. Those who paid for him, you're not. You're not traveling. You bought him, right?

[Brady]

You want me to bring him in?

[John Holmberg]

I'll bring him in. I guarantee you Ronnie will be attached to those things. And she's taking them right out of this room. There's no possible way you're bring one in. You will not bring in. I'm. Let me tell you right now, if you Want to come home to geodes and a woman playing bowls? Take one of her bowls to work. It's not show and tell, my friend. You can't do that. You're not allowed.

[Brett Vesely]

He brought his housekeeper for show and tell one time.

[John Holmberg]

He was sick. He could bring. He can physically, yes, Brett, bring the bowl. But when he goes home, those bowls, I'm gonna ask, they'll be representative of a failing marriage.

[Brady]

Hey, I'm taking in one of the bowls.

[John Holmberg]

This is the one time, One time I'm gonna tell you, don't do this. This is like I'm. I'm more normally. I'm on Brett's side. I just don't think this is a good idea. I want to see Bray a lot this year. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't need the balls to represent failing everything. What's one ball going to be, right? Exactly. Oh, it's over. She's got him. She's got the whole Chet set.

[Brady]

She's fine.

[John Holmberg]

You know, she's on the brink. They're sitting there.

[Brady]

They're not being used.

[John Holmberg]

If you're going to bring one. Oh, God, don't start that. If you're going to. If you're going to. If you're going to. That was bitter and passive aggressive. I paid for them and nobody's using them. It's like, I bought her a guitar. Don't do that. Pour some Cheerios if you're going to. Yeah, either. Either that. I think that's hilarious and I would like to see that. Or just steal one and try to replace it before she knows. Yeah, you can't bring these things to work. You're going to be in that.

[Brady]

You're going to eat cereal at it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you are on the video. You're on the brink of either having a capitalist or a woman who wants out. That's what the bulls represent. She's either going to turn into a grifter or you're going to start hearing things. Like, we have such different interests now. Like some dude with a ponytails at your house a lot. That's what the bulls represent.

[Brady]

We just have this as the background now.

[John Holmberg]

Terrifying. Terr.

[Brady]

Relaxing.

[John Holmberg]

Come on, man. You know why people sleep or get relaxed while this is going on? Because it's boring. If you put me in a room and make me listen to this, I'm gonna get there. I know, I know, I know. Toledo came in and goes, what's wrong with the station? It's boring. You just have to believe. Well, that means it's nothing. That means I can. You know, I could believe in spaghetti. Having superpowers, and if I do that, I'd be crazy. But it's mine. But I'd have to answer a few questions from normal folk. Yeah. The bowls, the rocks, the dream catchers for white people. Anything magical that you buy at a tourist store or a holistic kind of medicine thing. And they sell bowls that have magic. Anything with magic powers that enters your home and becomes like, a focal point. Somebody in that house is not being fulfilled unless. And I'm hoping this is true. Ronnie's a capitalist, and she's. All she wants to do is make some money off of her bull scam. I think that's gold. I encourage the hell out of that. And then you guys would go to see. You'd wake up laughing every night. What is it? I just started thinking about how we're making passive income off of you. You making people pay you to rub sticks on bowls. Man, oh, man, what a. What a world. Anyway, good night. I've never been happier.

[Brady]

She got a great deal on the bulls.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, no. You keep worrying about the price. You got to stop that. That's very passive.

[Brady]

Well, because capitalism is not.

[John Holmberg]

I know, but. Well, you got to get.

[Brady]

We're investing.

[John Holmberg]

You're investing in the future of grifting, and that's what it takes. You take. You. You put in 100 to make 200, but you haven't gotten to that point. You.

[Brady]

Yet.

[John Holmberg]

And it's up to her. Like, if she starts having people over for just free bowl night and doesn't have a second night where they have to pay, she's not good at it. She needs to grift hard. You got bulls. Where do the bulls. Do they live in a closet?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She never breaks them out in a.

[Brady]

Room with all the.

[John Holmberg]

I'm feeling. I'm feeling so tense, Brady. I just. We need to talk about the bird I saw today. Nah, we go in the other room and do that crap. I'm not paying you for this. The bulls.

[Brady]

I thought when I was reading about that bird test, I'm like, ours is solid. I mean, you could say, I saw a bird today.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

I'm an animal person. Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Really? That's a boring start to a story. I saw a bird today. And you're like, I just didn't wait. Like, yeah. And if you don't have anything else, I'm like, yes, tell me.

[Brady]

But you're responding.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I heard you. But that's just basically human decency. If Somebody you talk to, you could say anything. I have a splinter. And if nobody is responding, you're just talking to a wall. That's different that you could replace bird with anything.

[Brady]

It's always good to see how your relationship's doing with tests.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, I love tests. Test. And here's the other thing is basically what they're saying is if he doesn't pay attention to you even when you are being exceptionally vague and boring, then it's his fault. Instead of looking at yourself saying, I guess he ignores me because my stories over time have been so poor. That this. He's just here and I saw a bird today, and he thinks, I don't need this today. Come at me with something to say. I. I went to him with something that was meaningless and boring, and he didn't respond. Did you hear yourself? That's a test. I should be able to say something stupid and boring and have him be interested. Why would anyone think that's a good idea?

[Brett Vesely]

Look, toots, you failed, obviously. Jesus Christ, Go play.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody come at me with a. I saw a dead body. Have you not seen a man move? We're. We're essentially just apes who learned to talk. I saw a dead body today.

[Brett Vesely]

Poison hood.

[John Holmberg]

Let's go see it. Exactly.

[Brett Vesely]

Still.

[John Holmberg]

You think it's still there? That is not why I told you that. How come this became about you? Oh, my God.

[Brett Vesely]

There we go.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, here we go. Oh, here we go. Turn the game off. Oh, Christ. Yeah, I saw a bird today.

[Brady]

I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna get the bowl going on game five tonight.

[John Holmberg]

Here's the thing. Here's. Here's a good man test. Come home and when your wife's doing whatever she's doing, walk in and go, you know, Brett's wife blows him three times a week. He said, and if she doesn't respond, your marriage is over. Most of the time, they respond, oh, God, is that all? This is like, am I supposed. I saw a bird today? Am I supposed to feign excitement for this? Is this going to get me blown? It's also easy. Meat, blowjobs, happiness. That's it.

[Brady]

The triad.

[John Holmberg]

Meat, blowjob, sleep, joy.

[Brett Vesely]

What else is there?

[John Holmberg]

There's nothing else. Nothing. Yeah, your marriage is in trouble because this dumb bitch just interrupted me to tell me about an effing bird. Yeah. So sometimes when tourists at the bar I work at ask me about the vortex in Sedona, I tell them that it's actually a secret sex trafficking spot just to see the look on their Faces. Oh, yeah. That's where they traffic all the foreigners. Says, welcome to Maryvale Vortex. We're gonna assume a pose we find very calming. Now, y' all lay down on your stomachs slightly. Sit your legs and play. And sit your hands behind your back and do not resist. I said stop resisting the police officer. See what's going on. He's in the vortex. He's locking him up. The word for six o' clock is modern. And believe in the vortex all day. Believe in Tinkerbell, believe in whatever it is that makes you feel better, but don't start spewing it out to other people like it's real. Because I. My first counter to that is, how come there's no ugly vortex location? Why is it all tourist destinations? And they got no answer for that, except for the ones that'll say, well, the spirits wouldn't have put it in a place that is visually unattractive. Why? It's a ball. It's a round ball. There's a chance that the vortexes could have landed in, you know, Iowa. They didn't. Don't make any sense. Is there any other place here in the state, like Niagara Falls probably has a vortex, like, everywhere? There's a lot of T shirt sales, trails, spring training. I'm sure that you can go over, get a Cubbies throwback Sandburg jersey, and maybe the vortex of Sloan Park.

[Brett Vesely]

What the hell is the vortex? I'm a man, so I don't understand what it looks.

[John Holmberg]

It's where if you go on hikes in Sedona, sometimes you'll see, like, rocks stacked up. And that's jokesters stacking rocks to make forests think this is one of the vortexes. And they think that it's a thing to make it, like, I don't know, red.

[Brady]

Vortexes exists in two main ways. As a swirling fluid phenomena. And that's like a torture energy site.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's a spiritual energy site. That's where they get you. And they say that it sucks down into the planet's core and shoots back out into space and aligns you with the Earth. And it's. And the inner. I didn't know mechanisms of that.

[Brady]

Physically, you can see vortexes and things like tornadoes, whirlpools, dust devils.

[John Holmberg]

You know what a vortex is, right? Yeah, it's spinning. You can see a vortex.

[Brady]

But this is, you know, the spiritual vortex.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they call them vacuums. Women should get in touch with those vortexes. That's a vortex, too. You see inside that Dyson. Dyson makes the vortex. There's your vortex. Put on your tie, dyed shirt and a pair of tight pants.

[Brady]

Cleans the best.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And you go vortex around the house.

[Brett Vesely]

But where is it? Is there a map to the vortex in Sedona?

[John Holmberg]

They have.

[Brett Vesely]

And anybody can go there.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you can buy the map app.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, of course. There you go.

[John Holmberg]

And you can find the real vortexes, which is up by the airport.

[Brett Vesely]

There's some fake ones out there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, there's. I've. I've made. I've made two or three myself. If I find a bunch of flat stones, I'm like, I'll build a vortex. And you need chicken wire for the vortex. So you got to build the. The stack stones and then put some chicken wire around it.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, my God.

[Brady]

Oh, here.

[Brett Vesely]

We can take a vortex tour for $175.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, of course you can, because it's not free, Brett. It's outside.

[Brady]

I would say this is unbelievable. I saw 70, 80% of the stacked rocks are people like you and I. Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Stacking those rocks.

[Brady]

Let's just do it right here.

[John Holmberg]

If you have chicken wire and sometimes go to Sedona with loads of chicken wire, you'll make. And you'll. You'll start a tourist destination.

[Brady]

You'll see a ton around Bell Rock.

[John Holmberg]

Laura said, you jerks. I tuned in in the middle of this bull bit, and I couldn't figure out what was going on. I checked my appliances, the ac. I turned the radio off, and I'm like, was it the radio? I checked my phone to see if my phone was broken. Bowl sounds. Not relaxing.

[Brady]

The bull bit.

[John Holmberg]

Bring me one relaxed Indian, and I'll start believing yoga works. But until then. And not high either. Not one that's been eaten like leaves. These people are so busy, they. They on their way to places. They just take in the street. I do not have time. I have to dig. I don't have time. I could. My chakras are not aligned. It's white women that fell for that one. And the Indians go to. Every time I talk to anybody who's been to India, they're like, I. I never seen crime in my life. Pickpockets, poverty. There's a video of a guy who got there who's, like, asking for directions, and the guy's like, 20 rupee for. To see where I'm going. No, not gonna pay you that. And then everybody starts shuffling around, and it gets real aggressive with stuff, and it wants to sell you. They're constantly grifting over there. That whole Nation is grifting.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, you see the pictures of the Taj Mahal. It's like, oh, my God, it's beautiful. Except everything around the Taj Do a street view. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Turn around in the Taj Mahal and look across the street.

[Brady]

You have to get a grifting license.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. There is a vortex of happiness. And it's somewhere just at the top of my thighs. Women needs to know where to find it with her mouth. And everyone will be happier. You guys are all pigs. You're just animals. We admit it. None of us are trying to hide that. We are so simple. You wouldn't need trips to Sedona to find the vortex if you just cave. If I blow him and give him meat, he's like, awesome.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. There you go. Done.

[John Holmberg]

We love that. And I don't want steak and BJ day thrown at me on my emails right now. That's one day that's us caving into them again. Should be on the regular. Steak and BJ's. That's it.

[Brady]

Meat.

[John Holmberg]

Raw meat. Steak. BJ happy. That's it. That's all you got. Four keys to a man's heart. And any guy that says, I'm so much deeper than that, they'll listen to your cruddy bird stories just because they're gay. Because they know at the end. Right? Because they know at the end of your cruddy bird story, meet blowjob, sleep, happy. And they'll be then suddenly your stories are awesome. I saw a bird today. You're about to see another one. In the form of my middle finger. What are you talking about? Thanks for reacting. Yeah, thanks for not telling the rest of that crud story. And let's get a wake up song, shall we? 585-9800. Hopefully you can bird watch on your way to work. Modern is the word. You can throw that in our take it in the app promo. It's a beautiful thing. And then scream it together with me. It's 98 KUPD.

[Brady]

Wake up. Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. Listen up, Arizona. It's Larry McFeely and Toyota Thon is on. If you've been thinking about a new.

[Brady]

Ride before the holidays, this is the.

[John Holmberg]

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[Brady]

Is that the one where the Harvard professor thinks it's an alien ship?

[John Holmberg]

Well, there's people who think it's a ship. There's people who think it's. We've done this. So they think it's almost a message in a box bottle. We fired off capsules and just go, you know, and hopefully if someone finds it, it's got coordinates back to what we think if where it ends up, what they would find it and find us in space. It's got a makeup of our DNA. You know, if they have a similar kind of thing. It's got songs, it's got I Love Lucy episodes, it's got all sorts of guys on these digital recordings and it was launched a long time and we've done this a few times.

[Brady]

Times. All right, this is a different one, so.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, no, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm saying that I'm wondering if that's Something that they've done and they think that is coming to us. The 31 Atlas. They don't know. They do think it's a spacecraft, they do think it's a, a weird asteroid. They do think it's something else. But I'm wondering and there are people who think it's an artifact based capsule coming towards us to let us know about another group who knows. There's speculation all over. A theoretical physicist has suggested did that the mysterious quote Comet 31 Atlas. Maybe if it were a spaceship, an alien spaceship, it would have to change course for Earth today at some point today. And then in the 24 hour space hours of coming towards us, it would have to start to change direction, which it has done a couple of times. It's maneuvered off course a little bit.

[Brady]

Because it's going around the sun and the sun will throw it to whatever direction it's going to. This is the day it could choose to change the direction.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if it's not a comet, if it's manned, yeah, it can steer. And so they're saying if it is something more and there are people out there losing their minds over 31 Atlas. I didn't realize what a big deal it was. And they found this asteroid. Terrestrial impact last alert system. It's called Atlas now. They identified a mystery space rock. Even NASA's kind of like we're not real sure. It's moving different than anything else. It doesn't seem to be be part of anybody anything's gravitational pull or it's kind of against all that. So they're saying today's the day, that if it is something special, it will and it's coming for us. It'll, it'll change direction today. It has to, otherwise it'll shoot by us.

[Brady]

Also there are numerous sites that say this day they could also we could get contact.

[John Holmberg]

Awesome. So here I am as a person who, you know, I'm not following this. It's a waste of time to follow.

[Brett Vesely]

Give me a speak and spell.

[John Holmberg]

We've done that before. I know, speaking spell works, right? I am rooting so heavily for the news to say 31 Atlas changed direction today. Let's be honest with ourselves. It's getting a little mundane, isn't it? The day to day with the politics, this and the, you know, I just got a text from a guy I didn't know about this story and he says you're ignoring. I get, yeah, I get, by the way, you guys have no idea. I get several people like, well, KPD remains silent about this. So I know that you guys are in the hands of the right wing media. And then like two emails later, your leftist views are showing you're not allowed to talk about. So there's. I get videos from people all the time who are locked in on their political nonsense all day long and start screaming at me for not having opinions on either side. There was one that was interesting today. The earnest guy that goes crazy every once in a while while fired, went over to me that some dude in Tennessee was arrested for texting a meme that didn't seem that threatening. And it got thrown in jail because it was against Trump and they said I was a school shooting and against Trump and all that. And he'd been in jail for 40 days. And it was essentially a meme that if that's the one they, they bagged him up for, it ain't that good. So. But wouldn't it be more like, don't we need that, that. Remember in Independence Day, the one kind of subtle move they made in that movie was when the alien spaceship showed up. They showed Iraq, Iran, us, Afghanistan, Israel, Russia all working together. The only thing that will unite humanity is a threat from somewhere else, from off the planet. We're so busy on this planet, so many movies. Yeah, we're. Yeah, we're being dicks to each other constantly. But, yeah, the Tim Burton's Mars attacks, when that happened, all of Earth had to unite. And that's the only thing that's going to get us together and be human again. It will last all of five minutes. But today is a day that I actually root for and hope, and I'm not crazy. I root for and hope that 31 Atlas makes a right. Oh, it would be incredible. It would be incredible. Our focus would just. Everything stupid would stick. Stop all this nonsense, would end all this, you know, Trump's dance and the left and the right and the Middle east and all this crazy things that we fight. It would just end. It'd be like, we got a huge fish to fry and it's coming towards us. We don't know what it is. I root for this so badly because I think it can fix us. That's the cure. That's my Pollyanna view, Brett. That's how I am as a dreamer that aliens will come here and threaten us and will finally become human beings united. It's a dream of mine. Listen to me. I'm standing on a vortex. I must have been in Sedona recently because these are not words a normal person says.

[Brady]

The only Thing that I see is like a couple things. First, it's kind of cool. The term today is when it reaches the closest point to the sun. It's called para healing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You like that network.

[Brady]

And that's where they get their chance. If it's a ship, then they can thrust their boosters because it. It slings around like a slingshot.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, you can use it if not.

[Brady]

And it slings around. We're looking at a thing the size of Manhattan.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Heading towards Earth. Well, if it makes a move. If it is. Right. And there's the other thing. Is that again, if it's. I want this thing to come directly to. I want the Morgan Freeman. There's an asteroid headed directly towards Earth. Why don't we do that there? Everybody calls each other and says, sorry about that whole thing we were mad about, you know, if Brett and I are in. In a huge fight, a massive fight. Right. And then we have to be in a car together and we see a semi truck just spinning out of control directly at us and we can't move. I'm going to turn to Brett. Go, I'm sorry for everything. Like immediately it's gonna. I'm not gonna sit. Go. You're still a dick. Like, that's not gonna be. My last thought is gonna be humanity. God bless. It's gonna be. If you. I don't know if I'm gonna say that. That's silly. Why would God run us over with a semi truck. Truck. At our worst possible. I'm uncomfortable already. He's in my car. No, I'm not gonna tell me he's. Oh, I'd say he's a dick. God bless. Because he's Italian. He'd say that. God bless you dick, though. God bless. God bless. But we wouldn't do that. We would. Our inner beauty as humans would come out in that moment going, none of what we were fighting about really mattered because look, we're about to get mall marted and that's what would happen. So I'm rooting in a very strange way for this thing to start coming towards. Even if it is just an astral asteroid size of Manhattan. Then we'll learn how to fight those off together. We'll get every, every nation's brightest person to sit in a room and say, what do we do?

[Brett Vesely]

What if it's an asteroid or something?

[John Holmberg]

If it's anything, we just send the riggers up there.

[Brett Vesely]

They'll take care of it.

[John Holmberg]

Seen the movie Brett, and it didn't work out.

[Brett Vesely]

Bruce Willis will Take care of it.

[John Holmberg]

Remember the Russians were kind of questionable. They weren't really. This is different. I think it would be awesome. So I'm rooting for 30 minutes. Yeah, I'm rooting.

[Brady]

What can your boys do?

[John Holmberg]

Suddenly Elon Musk is like all those people burning up Teslas. Like, what can you do? Oh, you need me now, huh? Okay, I'll get it. I'll do that. But they say first they have to find out the intentions. If they're, you know, benign and they're coming towards us with no, you know, it's like, all right, we don't know what it is still. And then signals us. I am rooting for this in my lifetime. I would like that kind of altering moment. This day to day thing. I say this all the time to people. I said I was talking to somebody yesterday. I was like, I'm fine with the way things are going. It's good. You know, it's not nice. But this is a long movie. People who say life is short aren't paying attention. It's a long haul. You need a lot of time on this planet. If you're lucky, you get a lot of time. You, you know, you might drop out tomorrow, but for the most part, I'm 53. It's a pretty good, you know, amount. If I've seen this, I've seen that, you know, there'll be more coming, but from here on out, I'm not really going to make much of an impact. So I'd like something to happen that makes it awesome.

[Brady]

Imagine that, that, I mean, 300 years ago, whatever. Like, it's a long time. Average age 35. You know, people ending. So 35 years was a long time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

It's probably further back, but, but it's. Yeah, it's now we're doubling it.

[John Holmberg]

Look, 80 years, you can get pretty much everything you want to get done in 80 years. I, I'm pretty sure that that's a reasonable blip in the grand scheme of things. It's nothing but for you to live that. Credits can roll on this movie any time. And I'd be like, that's fine.

[Brett Vesely]

So when is this thing supposed to hit us?

[John Holmberg]

Well, you know, you're always so violent for this. It's not, it's not necessarily supposed to hit us.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, what's it supposed to do? Just do a drive by?

[John Holmberg]

Today? Well, yeah, today we'll know whether it's going to make a left and we're getting company.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Or it's just going to go, oh, it's a thing, the thing about 31 Atlas. Since Jeff started to talk to me about it and made me curious because he's really smart so I trust his brain. And so I started to read about it on Sunday day. It basically came out of nowhere. According to scientists, it was an asteroid or a comet or something that like we've. This is, this is interstellar. It blipped out of the blue and they're like, what's that like? And scientists don't like that. And the things they're super familiar with and they were super familiar with the area and then it showed up and they're like, what's that? Like this doesn't happen. Like it's pretty patterned space. Like it's got a nice, nice. Oh, and again we're, we're idiots.

[Brady]

It's only the third one we've ever seen.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And we don't know where they're coming from and so we don't. We're not sure. And, and that comes from the idea that we think it's what we've seen twice before. If it isn't, it's behaving like that. But all things traveling through wood.

[Brady]

It's amazing. It. It disappeared for a month.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Circling the sun.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah. And it's. It's a strange kind of like we don't know what this thing's doing. It's. It has no pattern. I'm. I'm. I'm wishing upon. Wish. Oh, it's up past 7 o'.

[Brady]

Clock.

[John Holmberg]

I gave her the word. I did. I know I didn't. Confetti. Confetti. And that's what I want to shoot in the air when I find out 31 Atlas turned and put its signal on and made a left. It's. I don't know whether that be like Mercury. It would have to like turn left at Mercury and then like kind of straighten out of Venus and start heading right towards us. And then you just all of a sudden your radio will be like, it's Larry McFeely. It's 11 drink. We are Gardock. We're on our way in. Please have treats.

[Brady]

It's the first I've heard it called 31 Atlas.

[John Holmberg]

31 Atlas. Yeah. It's been around for a bit. But it's the one that they've been looking at going, what is that? And I love what is that? Because what is that? Can lead to awesome stuff. It's interstellar. We've recorded since our. As this guy said, since our detection started nearly 10 years ago, the Object is going behind the sun will not be visible till Christmas. So a change in course would not be known until sun be ready. But they say if it does, it has to do it today in order to be on course at its speed. So let's hope that when it peaks around the sun again, it'd be like, sweet Jesus, it's in a weirder spot spot. And it's doing loop de loos. And also it'd be awesome. Everybody always thinks that, and I do too. That when the aliens do come here and. Chief, please, come on. I'm only got like maybe 15 years left before I'm going to check out on my own. I don't make something like that happen. I want to be on the planet for either the alien invasion or the end. Otherwise, I'm just an ant in the farm that kind of meandered around at a certain amount of time. I always think of my grandpa. I say this all the time. Born. Born the year of the 1919 Chicago Black Sox. Died in 2005, the year the White Sox won the World Series. A huge White Sox fan for all 85 of his years, he made the sacrifice. He didn't see a championship. And his whole life working at a steel mill, pumping six kids out into the world, loving on Shirley Skaggs, his wife. They had a great world. Just. Just. That's it. Chewing Red man watching the White Sox, that's what he loved the most. Never got the joy of a championship. Not once. His time on this planet was wasted. Nothing. He's gone. He didn't get to see an apocalypse. He didn't get almost in the 40s, you get to see that explosion was pretty cool.

[Brett Vesely]

Lots of Cubs fans the same way.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Cubs fans. How many of them came in?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, possibly two generations worth.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, and I say that like that's a meaningless thing, but to him, it was the most important thing. Every year the Sox are going to do it. 83 with Kittle and what was the. Steve Trout and Lamar Hoyt and Greg Luzinski and Carlton Fisk and that team. He was. He was beaming. It was Tony Larussa's first management. He was beaming. They get bounced by the A's or something. I don't remember who beat them either, to be honest. Oh, it was 83. So it would have been the Orioles.

[Brett Vesely]

Winning ugly.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, winning ugly because their uniforms were weird. And anyway, Miguel d' Arte says, hate to break it to you, whitey, alien invasion already happened. They're called Mexicans. Well, well, Miguel, call ice. We've Got. We've got an interstellar group of Mexicans heading towards us. And of course they're hiding behind the sun. That's what those people do. It's crazy, but yeah, I like that. This guy says it's. I think if fake news fear porn is real, then this stunt would be done to make us unite. And if we unite as a globe, doesn't that push some new world order theory? See, and this is where we do get. We're so skeptical. You're not. Tommy's not wrong. Is that. Look at 911 as a nation, we were united for 48 hours and it felt amazing. Then the first guy says, we need to nuke the hell out of whoever did this. We could have figured out who did it. I don't care. Turn the whole area into a glass factory. They're nothing but trouble there. I gotta have it. And then the fights. 48 hours later, I saw Daniel Alvarez. We know. So, yeah, maybe it is a scam. Maybe it's some news fake scam to say, you know what? When you calm the masses down, it is control over the population. They kind of got that already, but it's a little out of the. Out of. You know, they used. They used to use religion to control the dummies and say, oh, the sky wizard, he's a coming for you if you don't behave. And then people behave a little better until they figured out, oh, they're faking it. And then they kind of drifted off, did their whole Sodom and Gomorrah thing. So nobody turns into a pillar of salt. That's all hooey. They had to write a second book and all that. So now maybe space aliens. When NASA says, hey, they're coming for us, we'll shape up for a little bit. And I think that would be nice.

[Brady]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

I think it's a nice message, even if it is fake, but I hope it isn't. I want to be on this planet when that. And that would give me, like, I got to see how this ends. I got. I get. But right now, my curiosity is basically kind of. I'm, you know, we're in the. We're in the treadmill. We're sitting here going, I'm pretty much enjoying this. This is nice. But I don't want a tragedy. But I would like something crazy to happen while I'm here. Here. Aliens would be high on the list. A deity returning. That's two. I love that. The violent nature of the Bible at the end. Oh, I'd love to see that. That old fire and everything is exploding. Snap of a finger, people are dropping dead. And it's like, man, this thing, this beautiful book sure does end ugly. It's kind of like a 1960s farce movie where everything kind of builds up to the big car chase at the end, which you got gorillas and people driving and hitting palm trees and coconuts hitting other people in the head, starting that domino effect of crazy. The mad, mad, mad, mad mad world movie at the end when Tony Curtis is everybody's flying around. Cannonball Run was the exact same thing. At the end it was just chaos. That's based on the Bible. I want that. So Atlas 31, I cheer for you. I hope and I pray to Brady's God that that happens and we find out soon. This guy, says my grandmother on my dad's side, very cool man. Always chewed Red man. And as a kid I would make them open up that pouch to smell it because red man smells delicious. But you know what red man doesn't do? Tastes delicious. Pop. Popeye let me have some of his red man once. And I was probably 6, taught you it's Indiana 6 year olds control chew. And he gave me a little tiny bit of that and put it in my mouth and I spit that out within a half a second and then got real dizzy and felt terrible. And I didn't try it again until playing some baseball and all the kids on the team replaced the big league two with Copenhagen. And like five of us were thrown up all over the practice. It was horrible. Sandlot all over. No. So it was. It was exactly. The sandlot is real because there's plenty of guys who've done that. And then I tried it again later when I was like 19 and took to it for about six months and then realized that I was carrying a milk jug of my spit around a. It was just gross.

[Brady]

Find random.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's so gross. My buddy Andy spilled his all over the place. And it's apartment carpeting not built for tobacco spit. There was contests, people to spit who could fill up the jug faster. It was gross.

[Brady]

Well, back in the day when they dumped the spittoons.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. My boy Andy found a girl. She had a twin sister and they were beautiful and she liked to make out with them while I had a dip in ah. And I'm like, well, she'll swallow anything. I guess that's the positivity in case a native. I think that was the one. Also no. You surprisingly no. Mesa club close. But she, her twin sister was really hot. And then and that was when I first started kind of seeing the girl I was seeing. And we were having regular sex, both of us. Andy not together, but Andy and I. And he had a girlfriend kind of for the first time that was really giving it to him. And I was too. And, you know, you got to explore a little more than you did initially. And I remember Andy coming to me and he goes, hey, have you noticed that, like, does yours have, like. Does the thing on top like a. Does it look like a really small penis? I don't. Nope. Touchdown deals are happening now at hooters starting at $10.99 per person. You can grab a Hooties Pick 3.

[Brady]

Your choice of an appetizer, entree, and a drink.

[John Holmberg]

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[Brady]

Balls for just a few bucks more. Don't forget to pick your player with.

[John Holmberg]

Big daddy drafts of Michelob ultra or bud light for only $4 or DOS Equis for just $5. Hooters has the food, drinks and game day vibes. Hooters, where the party always kicks off. It's John Holmberg here for my [e-mail] oh, my goodness. My backyard is perfect now that I've turfed it. No mud, no maintenance, no sprinkler repair, no sprinklers. I have a lower water bill and I have a yard that looks perfect. Perfect all year long. But that's not all. I've got a putting green. I've got a basketball play court. I've got an unbelievable situation, and I owe it all to turf monsters. If you can dream up a backyard that you've always wanted, Turf monsters is the place to call Turf Monsters AZ.com Homeburg's morning sickness. And he was really concerned about that because he's like, I'm like yours does. He goes, yeah, it's real big for a girl part, but. And you know, that was before the Internet and everything. Like, Playboy didn't really focus in on that, so you didn't get to see that. But if you got close enough, you'd be like, wait a second. That thing looks like a little wiener. And then we started laughing about that because mine was normal and his wasn't. And he stayed with her for a while and made out worth her. Worth his red man.

[Brady]

And she moved back to Thailand.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. And then she said, gotta go. Bye bye. Sucked up some of that spit out of his mouth. And took off. She was. She was getting free Copenhagen for like six months. That's great. This guy says John, I literally watched the physicist on Joe Rogan yesterday, and it's 3i Atlas. Oh, I didn't know that. It's 3 Eye Atlas. I didn't. I thought it was 31. Okay, he said he corrected Joe a bunch of times, too. All right, I didn't know that. I'm. I'm learning by reading. It looks like a 31 to me. In fact, it does say 31 in the article. I'm looking at three eyes. Fine. Whatever it is, head towards us and that way we can. Man, I tell you what, Brady. You watched the video this morning while we were in the office together. And I was watching it before I left work today. I went at the house at Elijah Wood from Lord of the Rings. By the way, the word is confetti. Thank you. I did it again. Confetti. I just got one. Confetti is the seven o' clock word. C O, N F E. Cone fetty. Take it in the app, get it on there right now and qualify for your thousand bucks. Anyway, Elijah Wood crashed a wedding. I don't know what he's doing over there. They're not filming another one, are they?

[Brady]

I don't think so.

[John Holmberg]

For Christ's sake. Frodo Baggins goes over to New Zealand.

[Brady]

Maybe there is another spin off. I don't know. They are doing the Lord of the.

[John Holmberg]

Rings spin off, but down there in New Zealand. They're traveling now that. Just do it in Oregon, for God's sake. Save some money.

[Brady]

They built that whole.

[John Holmberg]

And it's still there.

[Brady]

Shire is still there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And so Oregon. That's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. That was Brett's right wing. Yeah. That was his politics coming out there. Hippies, Ted Nugent. Yeah, It's a little far. So they have weddings at Frodo Shire. Right. In New Zealand. And so I'm watching this thing on the news and they showed this. This couple and then they're. There's Elijah Wood, who I always think is also Katy Perry. If you look at their faces, there's really no difference. I'm pretty sure that's the same person. I know. I'll wreck it for you.

[Brady]

But they run the same.

[John Holmberg]

They both run like girls. I saw that too. Brady. Elijah does not run like he's ever played a sport in his life or been afraid. Like his run was.

[Brady]

It's a theater trot.

[John Holmberg]

It is. Yeah. He is jogging back on stage for the final bow. It's. I think what Brady's trying to say is it's a pretty gay run. Katy Perry might run a little more manly if they're not the same person. That. My theory is that they're the same person. If you look at Elijah Wood next time and then look at Katy Perry, you could easily put some heavy makeup on Elijah and go, that's the same person. Especially in that spaceship when she was kind of not 100% like gravity. Anyway, so they had the wedding out there at Frodo's set. And mat Matt Mata, Mata. Mata, New Zealand. And there's Elijah, and he rolls in and crashes the wedding with a film crew and all this stuff.

[Brady]

It looks like there's about 15 pews.

[John Holmberg]

On each side and they're all dressed up.

[Brady]

Not a huge wedding, but I won't.

[John Holmberg]

Say all of them, a lot of them are dressed up in Lord of the Rings stuff. And the people getting married are Lord of the Rings fans. And the pastor guy is probably a friend who decided to dress up. He's Gandalf kind of thing going on. And I thought to myself, this is. There is no possible way that marriage ends, and it isn't because Elijah Wood crashed it. Although I do find it odd that Elijah Wood is just, like, revisiting Frodo's house. Like, life must not have worked out if you still have to go back every once in a while.

[Brady]

And I know why he kind of trotted in there in a way, because he's like, I'm interrupting the wedding.

[Brett Vesely]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

It's in Instagram.

[Brady]

I want to get in and out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And he popped in. He popped out. And he was in town like, we got a wedding at your shire. And he's like, oh, we gotta crash that. It's great for him to have done done that. But I started thinking about this couple, and if you have anyone in your life. I mean, guys. Guys tolerate an awful lot about wedding planning. It's the woman's day, Right. And so we, you know, I'll speak for most men. We find the entire event a bit silly. The wedding part, we're into the marriage part, you know, but the entire show. Most dudes could do without that. I think most guys would be like, Alice, family. Do this.

[Brady]

But to make doing it for your wife.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You're only doing it because she wants the. She wants her dress and she wants to be a princess for a day. Guys don't have that. Like, that's nice. I'll put. We wear the same suit as everybody else. Like, we're not trying too hard to be different. It's not art. And we know that at. Somehow or another, the union of two people is not about one of them. I don't know how that. I don't know how that worked out. But when they're. They're big and shiny, it's for her, and she's feeling like, you know, the belle of the ball and she's Cinderella, and that's fine. But if you find a girl who plans a Lord of the Rings wedding and you're like, yup, you are never going to find anyone else. You are perfectly matched. That is. That is the most matched you can be because you'll never look at that person again and say, I'll just find another one of you. You're not going to do it. It's like marrying a billionaire. You better stick to this. They are going to get. That is the only time I've ever said there's no chance of divorce here. They agree on a Lord of the Rings wedding immediately. You know, that dude is either just going to cave constantly or he's into it. Because there's no way that guy.

[Brady]

That's true for McDonald's wedding.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, because there's too many competitors. You catch him at Wendy's and he starts liking those fries a little bit better. And the next.

[Brady]

What happened?

[John Holmberg]

I thought we were McDonald's people. Wendy's got good fries. You had to whataburger. Hit those French fries and that burger once and you're gonna start regretting your McDonald's wedding. Yeah, there's too many competitors. It's very specific, the Lord of the rings.

[Brett Vesely]

I've DJed one that was very similar to that.

[John Holmberg]

You did?

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah. And they came riding in on those. Those stick horses and stuff like that into the ceremony Python. Very similar. Seriously? Yeah, the. The guy had the big wizard hat on and stuff.

[John Holmberg]

No way.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I used to have pictures of it.

[Brady]

I got like a larp.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No way. It ends.

[Brett Vesely]

And they. They all drank out of the little leather mugs and everything else. And it was.

[Brady]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

It's entertaining, I'll say that. But there is no way you'll be DJing either of those people's weddings again. Unless one of them dies. Yeah, there's no kids way. No. Yeah, they're kid. They're chill. They'll see them again when their children get married to another weird nerd that is. It's actually the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Because if it's just the guy that's into it. He. There's no way a woman's gonna forego the great big wedding gown just to appease a guy's love for Lord of the Rings. They're not getting along. If the woman wants Lord of the Rings, the guy might do it, but he ain't footing the bill to rent out Frodo's pack. This was. This is the most perfect match I've ever seen. How in the world did you fight at home? You fight over something like you don't clean the Shire. Like I don't clean the Shire. I work all day. You clean this. You know what we're talking about a shire. Why are we mad at each other?

[Brett Vesely]

I have a job.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, right. I'm on a quest every day for more money and food while you sit here in the Shire and complain. But then you're like wait a minute. What are we doing doing here? Lord of the Rings? We'll just turn Lord of the Rings on. That's the blowjob for them. And they both are into it and they'll never die.

[Brady]

Star wars same thing. Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Probably pretty damn 100%. Yeah. Yeah. If you can. If you can get a woman into movie character at her wedding and it's the same like that's their blow jobs. It will. And they're never. 20 years from now. It's like my wife doesn't want to watch Lord of the Rings with me anymore. It's not going to happen. They're going to always want to be part of the of it and they're going to watch everything. Everything that is related to it. They've got constants.

[Brady]

I went to a Disney one where they every table was a character from Disney.

[Brett Vesely]

DJ One of those too.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

See that one to me has to be more specific to a thing. Like it can't just be like everybody loves all because some Disney movies stink and you can have conflict. But the Lord of the Rings people.

[Brady]

Don'T have Disneyland more than. I mean they have that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah go to Disneyland.

[Brady]

So everything thing was about.

[John Holmberg]

But that that couple and their kids.

[Brady]

Are all going to.

[John Holmberg]

That couple is living in a. In a dangerous Cinderella. There were. You know it can. It can vacillate between Ratatouille and the princess and the frog. Like it can go all over the place and. And then you have an argument over whether or not, you know, brave was good. And now you're in a fight. Lord of the Rings, it's set in stone. Every word spoken in that is gospel to those Lord of the Rings fans. That's the most beautiful wedding I've ever seen. Seen. But, yeah, they have the ability to rent Frodo Baggin's house. So I think that's what you're looking for. Like, if Brett ever found. And I know Matthias pretty close, but if she was willing to dress up like Kathy Moriarty and you were willing to dress up like Robert Ziro from Raging Bull and have a wedding, there's no chance that's ever going to fail. Like, if she's willing to put the. And be. If she was willing to be Carmela and you were willing to be Tony. Tony. And have a Sopranos wedding, that's never gonna fail, ever.

[Brady]

Bachelor party at the Bada Bing.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, forget it. But you've got this amazing union of people who have. Are willing to forego the typical wedding and. And have their lives kind of crash around the idea that they. They're kind of. I don't know, autistic towards one singular thing.

[Brett Vesely]

This guy's buddy had his. His friend and his wife had a Harry Potter wedding. Same type of thing. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No possible way that ends. Right. You can't fight. You'll never find another one.

[Brady]

Or both are into it. Because I don't think, like, the Lord of the Rings wedding. I don't see. The guy is like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. You just go ahead and line that up.

[John Holmberg]

Right. They're both in on it.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And there's no way it ends. There's no way that one of them's gonna sit the other down someday and go, I don't like Lord of the Rings anymore. It's not gonna happen.

[Brady]

Today we have the lammas bread tasting, Right.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody remembers the food from it. Well, come on, weirdo. You're weirder than them.

[Brett Vesely]

Now, is that the same people that go as couples to the Renaissance festival, too? Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Brett Vesely]

Dressed up to the nines, and it's always.

[John Holmberg]

And then 20 years from now, you see them again, and they're still together, and she's £600 and he's £500, and they don't care.

[Brady]

Air.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They'll roll around on each other and look terrible doing it. And it doesn't bother them because deep down, they know they're never gonna find another one like that. You can't just go, well, I'll just have another Lord of the Rings wedding. It's. It means too much. Find somebody who likes your favorite movie.

[Brady]

Could be traveling with Renaissance then.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

It's years later. Making wax hands.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If you've got Wax hands with each name and a date on them. And they're next to each other on any shelf in your house. You're staying together forever.

[Brett Vesely]

Their wedding picture hasn't. Each holding a turkey leg. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The ones dressed as a queen who's overweight. And the dude's got a weird kind of like strange mustache that didn't really fill in. It's. You're staying together forever. You can't find somebody more matched to you. Don't blow this. It's never going to happen. Happen. There's no possible way ever that she's going to just go, you know what? I've changed my mind about Lord of the Rings. And now I'm a Dairo and Scorsese fan. And the whole thing wouldn't.

[Brady]

Unless there's someone inside the Guild that.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah. An infiltrator that suddenly she's watching. You know, boys in the hood and stuff like that, you know. Like what? I thought we liked Lord of the Rings.

[Brett Vesely]

I used to Sir Keshan changed her.

[John Holmberg]

Over some guy dressed up as Robin Hood. I don't even understand what I'm doing. But this bitch seems to like when I dress up like Peter Pan. So.

[Brady]

Honey, why do you want a hellcat?

[John Holmberg]

Ain't this a. I'm wearing tights. I think Frodo would want a hellcat if he knew about him.

[Brady]

You've had Prius for years.

[John Holmberg]

Look at me. I look like Dave Chappelle. Amanda tights. I'm running around, I'm banging this bitch. You think she like from Lord of the Rings. All I gotta do is dress up like a crazy person. We just gonna watch hey sit and watch one of my movies now. Well, you dress like that. Will you act me up like Peter Pan or whatever you want me to do. But Robin Hood.

[Brett Vesely]

Prince of the Hood.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. That's a good one. Why these mother walk around so much? Just sit down. Take a break. I'm gonna take my tights off the chafe. Yeah, it's. That's. And I don't think she's going to be interested in that guy. I gotta be honest. Because Lord of the Rings. I don't think there were any black people. I think that's the other side of this wedding is there's two massive racists getting married there because they want to live in a world with just nothing but little tiny wax. I don't ever really want to be in a world that doesn't have just people look like them. Maybe. Maybe orcs or something or some like like animal that can talk. But yeah, let's just keep the. Let's keep everything pretty lily white. I'll take some littles, but the spin off.

[Brady]

There's some color in the shot.

[Brett Vesely]

Shire.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, in the shows. Yeah. Look, Brady, I'm a man. I have no idea what you're talking about.

[Brett Vesely]

That'd be like all in the family in the Jeffersons.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Spin off. Yeah. Norman Lear had ideas for.

[Brady]

He does look like George Jefferson.

[John Holmberg]

Does he run a laundromat in the Shire by chance? Jefferson Cleaners. Wheezy, I'm home.

[Brady]

Rings of power. That's the one.

[John Holmberg]

Hello, George. Tough day out there in the side with it. Let's clean up this sh.

[Brett Vesely]

His daughter in law's a zebra.

[John Holmberg]

He's horrible. That's why I love him. Jenny. Jenny. That's right, Lionel, you still did it. Solano, come on in here now. Jo, be easy on him now. Quiet down, Weasy. I got to talk to boy. We got to go find a ring. Have a brain. Gonna buy you a nice ring there, wheezy. Yeah. Brady's. Jefferson's of the Rings. I don't recall the bet. Lord of the Rings. I don't remember that. Me, I would watch that. I would watch it a lot. I might have a wedding based in that. Lose my job because of the makeup, but I would do it. Lord of duh Rings, as Scott Haynes is called. Oh my goodness. I don't remember that. But yeah, it's two races got married and Elijah Wood was a witness. Would it be better if we lived in a world like that? What do you mean? Like living underground and grass huts with disease rampant and monsters. What's wrong with you? It's a thing I'm telling you right now. But congratulations to them because you will never divorce someone who you both agreed. A man doesn't want to be part of wedding planning at all. But I'll tell you right now, if Matthias said, brett, we're going to have a Raging Bull wedding, you would have a man so interested in his wedding day, it would be ridiculous. A ridiculous and spare no expense. No, it's going to be some or another. You're going to do it in black and white too. It's going to be amazing. I just wanna. I want you to help me pick out the silver patterns. You know what? I trust you. For a Raging Bull wedding, what we should do here is have the knives.

[Brady]

Should have. Now you're in.

[John Holmberg]

Now you're totally in. Totally in. Yeah. Racists love Lord of the Rings. I think that's true. Because they look at a place and just go, man, what a utopia that is. Just whites, nothing but whites. It's true. The closest thing you had was Gandalf the Gray. Just a little under the weather at 7:31. The word for 7 o' clock is confetti. Hop on that, put that in the promo code for 7am and get yourself qualified for another thousand bucks. In the meantime, Brett, tell me what you got on the big board of Musical Treats.

[Brett Vesely]

Wake Up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop, of course. And, well, uh, Josh and the boys over there, they're. They're trying to hook you guys up with tons of sales coming up for the big event we're doing on November 8th. We're going to be out at the new location on power Road and McDowell Raft, the hawse Trailhead. Uh, he. He's got full suspension bikes starting at 1500 bucks, all the way up to 3500 new bikes. I mean, you know, so he's taking care of you guys. Plus he's got, you know, all the entry bikes on sale. So if you just want to cruise the neighborhood, stuff like that. You want it, they got it. Plus they're going to have demo rides, too, so you can try it before you can buy it. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Pivot going to be there.

[Brett Vesely]

I. That's what he said. He's working on it. I can't confirm. 100. Yeah, I'll definitely be there, but more details coming, so just go to actionrideshop.com follow them on all the socials, and they'll update you even faster than we can.

[John Holmberg]

What are we. You're going out there at like, 11 in the morning?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, 11 to 1. And I believe they're going to be doing kind of like a. A poker ride, too. So that's cards and everything else.

[John Holmberg]

Next Saturday?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Brett Vesely]

So if you're looking for a bike, man, Action Ride Shop's the place to go.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brett Vesely]

ActionRide Shop.com. all right. On the list, Coffin cats making an appearance. Bad Omens. Apocalyptica. For this broad that keeps complaining we don't ever play them.

[John Holmberg]

Black Sabbath.

[Brett Vesely]

Danko Jones Parkway Drive. Wishing wells for the Vortex Tool. Agnostic Front. Gotta go for the show tonight over at the Nile.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Power Man 5000. Supernova goes pop for 31.

[John Holmberg]

Atlas 3i. We just learned it.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. Live freaks for the Lord of the Rings. Weddings. David Bowie. Deep Purple.

[John Holmberg]

No, the Space Blur out.

[Brett Vesely]

I. I took the Steve Miller Space Cowboy off there already, so.

[John Holmberg]

Man, we just played Some live a little bit ago, but Freaks is such a cool song. I'll let you choose.

[Brett Vesely]

I kind of like the Supernova goes pop for all the three I.

[John Holmberg]

Whatever. It's called the Atlas Machine. Okay. Powerman 5000. Supernova goes pop. We can do that one. One. Make that right. All the while, you guys shove the word confetti into that little box that is on our app. Take it in the app. Shove your word in the box, and confetti will be the one. You do, and you can get yourself qualified for a thousand bucks giving that away like crazy. Because that's a beautiful thing to do. It's a beautiful thing to do. This guy said, holy crap, John, you're right. Gandalf the Gray is the closest thing to a not white in Lord of the Rings. Except once he came back as better and more powerful, more pure. He was Gandalf the White.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's a racist movie. If you were a little off color, you were questionable. But when you come back, awesome. Your nickname is the White. It's a fact. I didn't like any of those movies.

[Brady]

There's some dark orcs.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I know, but they're monsters, for God's sakes. I mean, that's how racist that thing is, is. It's like you've ever seen those. World War II.

[Brady]

They are making up for it on the Rings of Power.

[John Holmberg]

I would not want to place that into the people of color category in Lord of the Rings. Because that's like those drawings in World War II of the Jews. This is what they look like with their horns and their claws, and it's like. Well, they're representing people of color. The monsters. That's more racist.

[Brett Vesely]

Lords in the hood.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Lords in the hood. Sir Tray.

[Brett Vesely]

Lord Furious.

[John Holmberg]

Sir D. Wick. All right.

[Brett Vesely]

Sir Doughboy.

[John Holmberg]

I'd watch that for days. Give me the mother arrow, Trey. I'm sorry, Gollum got your little friend, Chris. But I don't want to see you end up in a wheelchair.

[Brett Vesely]

Keep thy babies out of the restraint.

[John Holmberg]

I'm so sick of living in Shires. We gotta make that movie.

[Brett Vesely]

That's gotta happen when Marlon Wayne's coming. We need to talk to him about this.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'm so sick of living in this shot. Yo, baby, why don't you give me them skins? The hobbits would I smell on you? You've been one of them hobbits. Come on, dad, just cut my hair. You've been a hobbit. Boy, that's great. I hope you blasted him. No, no, no, don't say that because that just contributes to more hobbit on hobbit crime. I want to do the whole movie now.

[Brett Vesely]

We're wasting that. You gotta be a hobbit to win the lottery.

[John Holmberg]

Buying hobbit lottery. Ah. Brad and I are gonna go in a room and write this real quick. Ready? Take over. All right. Let's do it. You got supernova. All right. There you go. Is that it? Started already? There's your wake up song, everybody. It's Power Man 5000. It's 98.

[Brady]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. Looking for the best football spot in town. Look no further than Hooters with one wall to wall TVs, all the games and the best specials anywhere. We have you covered. Select big daddy beers starting at only $4 and the Hooties pick three for only $10.99 per person. It's a game changer, honestly. Where else can you go get two beers, an appetizer, two entrees and two additional non alcoholic drinks for under $30. Nowhere. So head to Hooters, your game day headquarters. It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness. And it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and Doug Hopkins dot com. Sometimes Dou can be a savior for people in bad situations. Doug's there to help and the process will go fast. Cash offer for your home as is. No matter the circumstances and a straight offer. The deal's done. Doug doesn't change that offer or cancel because of contingencies or any other reason. And he'll back it up with a $5,000 guarantee. You can start the process online at Doug Hopkins.com or grab that phone and sing along. Call Doug Hopkins. 1-800-sale now. Holmberg's Morning Sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in. J. Sorry, I didn't. There you go. It's a ghost right there. Dense. Ma. We're gonna do a little ghost there on Friday night over at the Copper Blues Desert Ridge. Which by the way, isn't even open. Wouldn't do. They're opening this. This is like our own special private club. It's open Friday night, baby. We've been doing sound checks and stuff in there all week. And little rehearsals. All awesome. They changed the room out and made the back. It's just. You'll see. Just head on over there. I think that we're about sold out completely. I Was talking to Matt yesterday who runs the place. He goes, yeah, we're going to going to end it there. So it's pretty sold out. So Night of the Singing Dead which is just our Halloween party on the 31st. Come out and have fun with us. Go on stage about 9 o', clock, get there a little earlier, have fun, drink, goof around costumes. And then we celebrate musical artists who have past. We summon their powers and we bring them back on stage for one night and one night only. Night of the Singing Dead. If you go to cblive.com I think you can get your tickets through that. You get like 30 bucks to get in. And if we raise enough, if we get enough people in there and get enough money, they're going to donate some cash over to the Humane Society, which is even better. Joe Luis or Joe Louis or Ho Louis says to throw some gas in the conspiracy fire of Three Eye Atlas on October 2nd from the Mars orbiter they took a photograph, a high res image of the Three Eye Atlas. Have not released that photo. Then how do we know it was just a rock? Well, because they told us we're going to take some pictures and they're like well okay, we'll take a look at that. Say I'll tell you what it is. And then they got a real good view from the Mars orbiter, came back.

[Brady]

And they're like watching a bony green hand flipping it off.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you don't need to see is if this ships are rocking was written on the side like oh boy there's a trouble Cash, grass or ass nobody rides for free. It's, it's a. They're space trucking is what's going on up there. And I know that's wacky conspiratorial stuff but again I'm not a conspiratorialist or a conspiracist. I am a person who is rooting for this. Bring on amazing human change. Wouldn't it, wouldn't it be awesome to have that be our blip of time on this planet? As we got contact, we got the visit. You know there's a great theory that I've kind of adhered to for years and I think it's really neat and I don't know, like Battlestar Galactica did it and I forgot it. It's a great one. Well, where we as humans of Earth were dumped off by space aliens as prisoners or as like refugees. Like we don't want. This is the worst of the worst of our planet. So they took us to this Planet and dropped us off and left to fend for ourselves. Similar planet. Whatever. And they took off.

[Brady]

We're like the Australia.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we're Australia planets. Yes. Dumped us off and said, figure it out. And so we had to start over. And again, I ask anyone listening and everyone in this room, if we were just dumped in the middle of somewhere, we have knowledge of all sorts of things we need, but none of us know how to build it. Right. Like, you and me and Brett would be helpless for a good long time. So you add a couple of broads in the mix. Oh, you start. Yeah, I know. You start making babies, and they're kind of. So you start basically as cavemen. Again. Again. And. And then when the aliens come back, we'll be shocked to find out they're us. It's the same.

[Brady]

Well, women have improved the craft. Men are motivated.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean?

[Brady]

As far as building and stuff like that. They.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, but I'm saying.

[Brady]

Yeah, they got motivated and learned, but.

[John Holmberg]

You don't know how to do it. We'd be living in caves.

[Brady]

Caves.

[John Holmberg]

Like, if you got dumped off on a planet, there were no. You didn't know where the resources were, and you'd be living in caves. You'd be making huts out of grass. You'd have an idea of how to, like, get shelter. You couldn't just go out and make steel.

[Brady]

You know, you'd wake up the next morning in your. Yeah, your hut. The roof collapsed.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, tell me how you're cutting the branches down.

[Brady]

Yeah, well, I'm just saying.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you got to start a makeshift thing, and you got to start over. You dig a hole, you get in a cave. Cave. You gotta start over. Disease. You gotta find food. You gotta learn to hunt. You got no weapons. Good luck. So that's what the theory is, that we got dropped off. It made us sort of cave people. Because this planet didn't have anything like us on it. It was dinosaurs. And suddenly here we are. And then we show up and we're different than everything else that's ever been on here. And then when the alien overlords come back, we'll be blown away and see that it's up us. It's just an advanced version of us. They already had all the stuff. It's crazy. And that's why they find those old cave drawings and things in, like, Middle east of spaceships. Like, what the. They want to go home. That's why ET Touched us all. Home. I want to go home. I don't think we're there.

[Brady]

Some of those guys. Think you're coming back to check up again?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Cuz they helped out earlier. Well with some of those structures. Creatures.

[John Holmberg]

What's. What's the one prevailing thought they've improved any. Yeah. Through humanity. That when we die or that we go home. Why isn't this home? It's in your brain somewhere over years and years and years of knowing we're on the wrong place. I like that. Not saying it's true. Just throwing out words that are fun. Kind of heady, kind of weedy talk, but fun. And I'm hoping that this whatever Three Eye Atlas thing is. Contact. I don't want to be on this planet without something like that happening. I think it's awesome. At 7:58, let's give you the word now for 8 o', clock, it's tap. Tap, tap. Throw the P on there. Just so you know, Tap. Put that in the 8 o' clock code box there when you take it in the app. And then you can absolutely win a thousand dollars. That's how you qualify. So you're in the running right there. It's a minute or so off, so keep those fingers waiting. Once 8 o' clock hits tap will register. You'll get a little thing saying congrats, you're in and you got another one. Keep registering every hour in the morning. And then once again, when Fitz takes over at 2 o' clock every hour, you get another chance to put your name in the hopper. And we'll draw that name. Give somebody a thousand bucks. Easy peasy. It's time now for Brady to give you all the info that Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report. And it's brought to you by our friends at All Pro Shade. All Pro Shades Shade has everything you've ever wanted to make a shady situation at your house where there was once way too much light. Put some shade on a window that gets too much sun. East, west exposure. Put a patio out there. Make an indoor outdoor room in just a matter of a couple of days and it looks fantastic. Adds value to your home. They are amazing at what they do. The drop down shades, the awnings. They can figure it out. Work, office, home, wherever you want to do it, they will do it. In fact, they offered to build me a parking structure over because I park outside of the covered parking. What if I just had one over mine? And they said we can do that and it was pretty reasonable. I got shut down by the bosses.

[Brady]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And I, I, I. You know what? I still think I might do it.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, you're paying for it.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. You can't have your own shady structure. Why then we got to build one for everyone else. We didn't not.

[Brett Vesely]

There's one already over there.

[John Holmberg]

And I told Tripp, I'm like, look, you might look like Bernie Sanders, but that doesn't mean you have to act like him. These are is my personal shade structure. I'm going to call them today, maybe get another quoteAllPro shade dot com. They'll shade it. Brady report it.

[Brady]

Good Wednesday morning to you, Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

Hello world.

[Brady]

Couple of basis fun facts. Of all the circulating U.S. currency in the world, about 80% is in 100 bill bills.

[John Holmberg]

You don't see a lot of the other. For longest time, hundreds were hard to come by. It was all twenties. Not anymore.

[Brady]

80% of 100 bills are overseas. That's up from roughly 30% in 1980.

[John Holmberg]

You know what you never see is a 50. You forget 50s even exist. They're like the two dollar bill of big bills.

[Brady]

America's oldest ally is Morocco. Morocco became the first nation to recognize the US in December of 1777. We shared an unbroken treaty ever since.

[John Holmberg]

Right off the bat they found out we were a country. And they're like, we're in. That's some early invest Christmas. Yeah, that is early investing. Morocco had a dude that was like crypto to Moroccans. I hear about this new country over there. I think I'm gonna put some money into that. Oh, it's a. It's a mess. You're just gonna lose it at all. America, such a speculator. United States, they were a bunch of idiot refugees. Wouldn't even listen to the king. I think I'm gonna put some money in that. And I bet you that it's like the bitcoin man. If it hits. Yeah, if it hits. Trust me. 100x. And that one dude that's having lunches with everybody. You guys, listen. I don't know, Ryan. You seem out of your mind Hold. Yeah, it doesn't seem like. I mean, look, give it a couple years and see. No, I'm telling you, right now's the time to get it. And this place is going to explain. Blood. They got everything. They got vortexes.

[Brady]

And Day's End didn't get its name because you're supposed to stay there for days or anything like that. It's named after their founder, Cecil B. Day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there's no apostrophe that throws you off, right? Days in. The way it's written is you should stay here for days. Day apostrophe s in is some guy named day.

[Brady]

There's a Chinese family that's suing the school, their daughters attending because she was diagnosed with acute and transient psychotic disorder allegedly caused by a horror movie she had to watch in class. They took the school to court. We're seeking $42,000.

[John Holmberg]

What movie was it?

[Brady]

Didn't say.

[John Holmberg]

They didn't say what movie caused a Chinese girl to go crazy? Crazy.

[Brady]

Yeah, because I want to watch it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, everyone wants to watch it. See if it only works on chinese.

[Brady]

So they've been battling in court for two years. That's our super.

[John Holmberg]

I was just gonna say. What did you just say? There's a movie that makes Chinese people insane. I'm gonna show it in the sky. We're gonna bomb them with whatever it is. Is it the ring, Brady? I like the ring. I want to watch the ring with the Chinese and just see. We'll test it out on a few people in Portland and Seattle. There's a lot of them there. The world series is in Toronto. There's Chinese there. We'll just put it up on the big dome. Can we show it at the sphere? What movie is it? Is she okay? Oh, I can't live like this.

[Brady]

They wanted $42,000.

[John Holmberg]

Brett, do some research. Our research department.

[Brady]

They won't disclose the movie.

[John Holmberg]

Why even tell the story then? What do you mean?

[Brady]

They won't disclose because after two years in court, they decided. You know what? Yeah, the school pay 1300 bucks.

[John Holmberg]

So she didn't go crazy because of the movie.

[Brett Vesely]

1300 bucks. That movie must suck.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't make her that crazy. It didn't make her that. It's like a dinner for four at Ocean 44.

[Brady]

That they've been, you know, having her have is a lot of meditation, antipsychotic medication, relaxation therapy.

[John Holmberg]

What did she do that made them think she had gone nuts? Stop liking mass. Thank you. Thank you very much.

[Brett Vesely]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

You know, like mad no more. She go crazy. Diesel. School must pay. That's exactly how that broke down home. All you heard of, man, we move all the way to Toronto. If you get the smartest, you go crazy. Do your math. I hate math.

[Brady]

What?

[Brett Vesely]

Not my child.

[John Holmberg]

No, tama hate math. We are stereotypical. Now get in the car and drive with your mother as punishment. Refreshment. I hate driving. I won't ride with mama in a car. That is the smartest thing you say ever. Drive her around the block and scare her to death. That would be scarier than any movie. Your Chinese mom has to Drive you to school. For the next week. She will now be responsible for getting you to and from school. Oh, please. I'll do math. There's a radio. Dragon. Zuma.

[Brady]

Stop. Or my mom will drive you to school.

[John Holmberg]

Drive you to school.

[Brett Vesely]

I can't find the movie either.

[John Holmberg]

They won't tell us what movie drove a Chinese girl to the brink?

[Brady]

She's the only one.

[Brett Vesely]

Fast and furious.

[John Holmberg]

F1. What make you so sad, Cory? Oh, they watch a movie today where people drive so fast, making me think of Mom. She know we keep her out of car? You just do that. Why are we so stereotypical? Because we are being puppeted by a bigot. Fast and Furious. She had to run out of. This is horrifying. We're from me. Yeah. We're family. Oh, no. My family can't drive that fast. I'm sorry to all agents right now, but this is funny. And you guys can't drive that. I'm gonna hold too. And the evidence of that, A lot of Europeans in F1 racing. But you go a little bit further east and it stops happening. You ain't gonna make it. Bad planning. It's John Holbert here. Time to talk about TV's Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins dot com. I just sat down with TV's Doug Hopkins. We did some TV commercials while we're watching football. So you get to see me sit next to Doug and somehow or another make Doug look pretty. And I'm happy to do it too. I bought and sold houses using Doug Hopkins. So I've been through the process and he's the real deal. He is not going to cancel or change the game with fine print contingencies. Simple cash offer and the deal is done. Start the process online@dough hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing. John, people are talking about Verlo Mattress in Glendale. I'm sure they are, Larry. They love the fact that you can see your mattress being made and that you can unzip and tune up your mattress. Well, I love the side sleeper pillows. So do I. And they carry seven different side sleep pillows. Yeah. Did you know also they offer free delivery with a mattress purchase? I did. But I think it's even more important to know that right now they're offering a free adjustable base with the purchase of a V5 or better mattress. Larry, there's so many reasons to pick the right mattress for your body. At Verlo Mattress in Glendale. It's made in the usa, family owned and operated by an Arizona native. That's Verlo Mat Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

Here's one for your gun retention class. Oh, got a guy in Lumberton, North Carolina, walked into a Super Walmart, adjusted the gun in this waistband, shot his leg.

[John Holmberg]

Oops. Oh, yeah, that's. That's just not sweatpants. Wait, another dude reached in and got it?

[Brady]

No, he was just adjusting his. Yeah, had it in the back.

[John Holmberg]

That's just basic gun safety. And. And he had it, you know, off safety and everything else. That's just dumb. You don't stuff.

[Brady]

Officer happened to see the vehicle leaving. A guy ran out of Walmart, sped off. The officer pull him over. Then found out, oh, he got gunshot wound in the leg.

[John Holmberg]

That's the worst words I've ever heard in my life. Sped off from the wall. Walmart. That gives me triggers. You've done this to me. Sorry. How do you do that? You say speed off from Walmart and I just lay down for a second. Please don't use the word speed in Walmart in a sentence anymore without massive gaps. Now, I'm not that little Chinese girl. I'm scared to death to do math. Last night I went to. After we rehearsed and stuff, we went over to. I can't remember, what's that bar at Desert Ridge, that big restaurant. It's a yard house. And we sit down and the waitress comes over. Her name was Caitlin. And she was actually very nice. And she joked around. And then a manager came over and she was Chinese. That's okay. And she said. She said. I wasn't saying it like that was a bad thing.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

I just wanted to clear that up. You know what I mean?

[Brett Vesely]

Not at that dinner.

[John Holmberg]

The story. I can't believe you stayed there. The story. And I know I. At the end I was like, burgers. But I. The reason I bring that up is because it's going to be relevant in a second. So she says, how's everything going? And I'm like, not so great. And she goes, what's wrong? And I said, well, Caitlin, the waitress called me a Jew. And she goes, oh, well, she calls me all the time. So I'm like, oh, my God, I'm going there. Didn't expect that. And I said, oh, is that you? She mentioned you a couple of times.

[Brett Vesely]

Apparently these are some of the movies.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. Another movie that could have scared the Chinese girl out of the classroom. A dog's purpose. Godzilla is Japanese. Damn it. Billy. Billy Line Weber. That is not right. Godzilla is not going to scare the Chinese out of school. They're For Godzilla in China, they hate the Japanese.

[Brady]

This is pretty.

[John Holmberg]

Godzilla's Chinese, I think. I think he's like a war machine of China.

[Brady]

They have a crew in Russia that check in on the dogs at Chernobyl.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's remarkable what's going on there. It's incredible. Well, they've got like, special powers and like, they're. They're incredible. They're just. It's weird.

[Brady]

40 years ago ago.

[Brett Vesely]

It's been that long.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Wow. 86, right? Yeah, it's like 39 years ago. And not only that, some of the plants and stuff they think made the picture.

[Brady]

So they've come across three in their.

[John Holmberg]

Crazy feral dogs and they stayed alive. And they're evidently incredibly healthy. Still have radiation. Some of the plants they think now from Chernobyl through the several generations of regrowth have healing powers. Like they are. You know, they're thinking maybe through this weird weirdness of that meltdown and what goes on there that they can actually find. There's stuff that's growing there that's never grown there. All the wild animals are. Are special. They're different colors. They're. They're mutations for real. But the actual. And it's thriving. They never thought it would come back the way that it is. So green. I saw the big special on that. That was a year ago or something. I'm like, man. And they're like the flora and fauna could very easily thriving not only thrive, but could hold medical power. Like they could find some cures if they were. Weren't afraid to find out. It's the exact opposite. They test them constantly, but it's pretty awesome. But you know what it means if we find out that after 20 or 25 years that the animals are better off blue, we're just going to keep melting down nuke sites. Yeah, it's. It's crazy. And they're like wolves, sort of like the coyote wolfed up. Like all the big ones have survived. I mean, they're almost proof of Darwinism is that the bigger, stronger and more healthy dogs survived and continued to. That one's got a great coat and they're all used to it. Like, they'll make radiation dogs and those dogs suffer no consequences from it. And they're beautiful. The blue dogs are gorgeous.

[Brady]

Food in for them, I don't think.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they didn't for years. They had to find their own. They foraged and figured again, Darwin. The strongest ones figured it out. Yeah. They weren't dumping food down on Chernobyl. They were kind of hoping that whole thing died. Did you read the story on why they're blue? No. What does it say? Somebody died them nearby Porta Potty. Is that true? Drinking the blue water. Is that real? It's because they're drinking blue water, rolling in it and, and, and consuming it. Is that right? Well, that's better than the nukes, I guess. Way to go, Brady. But I did read stuff about the dog. Special medical gifts that make them kind of immune to certain types of cancers and things like that. And sort of immune to more radiation. Poison. By the way, that Porta Potty liquid last. What's that doing there? 40 years and is still blue? Well, they probably have a few guys working around there still. They do have people over there in the restricted zone. They have people that kind of are close. So they port a John up. They're not using any of the water nearby.

[Brady]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

That's for sure. It's awesome. So it said it was Porta John's.

[Brady]

Three of the dum dums. Why wouldn't all the dogs roll in there?

[John Holmberg]

We don't know.

[Brady]

That's a working theory.

[John Holmberg]

Now you're mad at the article. Yeah. You started this.

[Brady]

They're glowing again.

[John Holmberg]

When will you take credit for being the guy who launched it blew up. That's not my fault. I just lit the feet.

[Brett Vesely]

That's what they're saying.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you said it.

[Brady]

The featured Florida man today is 31 year old Aaron Thompson. He destroyed about 80 pumpkins outside of Target 1:15am Right there. Smashed 500 worth of pumpkins.

[John Holmberg]

Oh wow. That's a lot. Yeah.

[Brady]

Must have been upset. Broke up with his girlfriend. There's his mug shot.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, wow. He's got Jiffy Pop for hair. That's insane. Gigantic eyes too. He's from Chernobyl.

[Brady]

And speaking of pumpkins, two British twin brothers have been growing giant pumpkins for over 50 years. They finally scored a world record.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, what is it?

[Brady]

2, 819 pounds. Good Christmas pumpkin. They also got a second record. It's the largest pumpkin by circumference. 255.8 inches. That's 21ft all the way around. Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady]

The guy's names are Ian and Stuart Patton. They started growing super sized gourds in their early teens and now they're 64 years old.

[Brett Vesely]

Both probably still single.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they're definitely. They're definitely not the cat. Well now maybe now with this new record. Told you. There's. That is 2000 pounds of pumpkin. That's 2800 pounds I thought he said 2009 to 2800 pounds. Holy cow. What do you do with it? We ask that every year. What do you do with it?

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Just let it rot.

[Brady]

Right? Giant pumpkin pie.

[John Holmberg]

You can't make a jack o lantern out of it because it's squirrel pushed under its own.

[Brady]

You have to chainsaw it up. You could probably carve it up with the chainsaw.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, you can carve anything with a chainsaw. I'm just like, what do you do with the stuff after?

[Brady]

Maybe it slices easier.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Brady, why bigger, Bigger gourds?

[Brady]

Sometimes if you take bigger hollow fruits, they.

[John Holmberg]

They pop right open.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then again. Yeah. Well, then what do you do?

[Brady]

Possible.

[John Holmberg]

What do you do with what you've got? You can't make a pumpkin pie out of 2800 pounds of pumpkin. You just take a little piece of it. All you need is a couple pounds.

[Brady]

Yeah, you can make a lot of pumpkin pies out of that.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. That's. Well done.

[Brady]

There he put it.

[John Holmberg]

You reminded me of my daughter. So good with the math.

[Brady]

So many seeds out of that.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, okay. Yeah. You need a few baking sheets, and your hands would just be as orange as the. Ugh. Crawling around inside of it, pulling out those seeds. Remember when you were a kid and that was awesome, and as an adult you're like, this is the grossest, stupidest thing people do. Roasting pumpkin seeds. They're good, I don't think, but it's the salt. Like, if you salted shoelaces as much as you salt pumpkin seeds and throw them in the oven, you might suck shoelaces.

[Brady]

What is that?

[John Holmberg]

Pus?

[Brett Vesely]

This guy says they feed pigs with the pumpkins.

[John Holmberg]

That adds up.

[Brett Vesely]

Lizzo's hungry.

[John Holmberg]

Did you say his name is Pus? Lizzo is hungry. Brett says.

[Brady]

We got the winner. Big winner in Texas's annual Fat squirrel week. Had the fat base air contest. Now Texas has a fat score a week. And the winner is. Chunkasaurus Rex. He barely beat out Chunk Norris.

[John Holmberg]

All right, this is just funny names for fat squirrels. All right. Thank you for that. Thank you. Thank you very much. Good job.

[Brady]

I got a couple of pretty videos.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe we should go to two day work.

[John Holmberg]

You got one. Your AI Video isn't showing up. For all the. For all the listeners who just said, why did he do that? We didn't get to see the pictures. Neither did we. He had no photos of the fat squirrels. Just wanted to throw out the hilarious Chuck Chunk Norris joke.

[Brady]

Oh, the AI one was good. They would enjoyed that one. Anyway, here's the first Freakosaurus. Okay, first you say it like you've got more.

[John Holmberg]

You've got a lineup. Three Eye Atlas is going to bring.

[Brady]

Us the only one today.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Jesus Christ. It's the thing on a subway. And its face has another mouth that's sticking out of the side of it. It's got nice hands. She does. She takes time to do her nails. She's got a double mouth growing out of her mouth. That's it talking. What is it dentist say to you? You didn't go to the dentist? Look at those things. The dentist says, no, thanks. You think she's going to a dentist and not a doctor? Wouldn't a doctor be first? Is Pablo there? Pablo's dating. Might be first watch. Pablo would have nailed that.

[Brady]

That's Pablo doing the voice.

[John Holmberg]

It could be.

[Brady]

Watch when he goes.

[John Holmberg]

Pablo Francisco's on the subway with the thing.

[Brett Vesely]

It's got movie voice.

[John Holmberg]

Guy tumors all over its face. In a world. There's Pablo Francisco. What's that? Roadhog. It does look like Pablo.

[Brady]

I can replace your mama.

[John Holmberg]

I still have sex with it. All right, Bert, what do you got?

[Brett Vesely]

I'm a little light today, but all right, we'll go anyway. There's a picture for you.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Oh, Jesus. AI is making a. A black Kermit the Frog have anal sex with the green Kermit the Frog. And it's far too realistic.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

All right, here's somebody filming some guy standing on top of a power line. Morley, as predicted. Oh, I didn't expect a happy ending, but I certainly didn't expect. Oh, the whole city blew up. Did she say why? I can tell you why he climbed it. Here's another angle.

[Brady]

Emergency responders were there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, look at his guts flapping in the wind. Oh, that's his arm. He's seasoned up on that. Oh, he blew up again. That's three. Turn the power off. Oh, now he's always on fire.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, well, we got him down. We got him down.

[Brady]

Did you see the gut fire?

[John Holmberg]

Cancel the mattress. We got him. It's all right. We're not going to need that. Did I see the gut fire? What do you think? I was looking at kids playing with fireworks. Some kids in Afghanistan or something playing with fireworks. And they got it under like a tin pot. And the camera rolls back and all one gets close. Oh, it blows up in the tin pot, hits him in the face, and he's done. Wow. Done. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, he didn't give that much time at all before he's like, this isn't working. And he went right over to the fire zone. Holy cow. Is Kermit pregnant in that picture we keep going back to?

[Brady]

Does look like it.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I think so.

[John Holmberg]

Man. They just took a porn thing off of black.com and turned the two participants into Kermit. The frogs.

[Brady]

Or it's distended because.

[John Holmberg]

No, she's pregnant. She's got a. That's a pregnant lady having sex with a black guy.

[Brett Vesely]

They wanted to send this one over. It's an AI Video, but they thought it was funny, so.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Oh, is this Kobe doing stuff? It's Kobe Bryant. Is it bad? They can take this championship off my shoulder. All right. No, step up. Don't do this right now. Don't. No, no, don't do that.

[Brett Vesely]

Don't do that.

[John Holmberg]

A helicopter comes into the ring. You do. Why Kobe Bryant? Of all the people who have had incidents in their life, why is AI picking on Kobe? I like that they're doing Stephen Hawking. That makes sense because he couldn't perform, so making him a wrestler is funny. Kobe being a WWE champion and having to wrestle a helicopter is just funny. Of course it's funny. Of course, Brett. But it's why.

[Brett Vesely]

This is from Brady's videos before.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa. It's a fat little person. She's very overweight, and she's doing a strip tease and a mesh lingerie in her, and this is about all we got. Her boobs are out now.

[Brett Vesely]

Just disgusting.

[John Holmberg]

This just keeps going. It's just disgusting.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, it's just disgusting. Who's doing that? Come on. And we'll just end with this.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

What comes next?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's a lady in a nice. She's a nice bottom, and she's in a black thong kneeing a guy in the testicles who is naked. Oh, that's it. Okay, good. I thought that was. She just throws three strong knees into his naked testicles.

[Brady]

That's it.

[John Holmberg]

Why do people do that?

[Brady]

That would have been my guess. Guy getting kneed in the junk.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, another couple right there who are, like, the Lord of the Rings couple. You're not finding another one of those.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Marry her. Yeah. Like you guys are. Your similarities are unique. You're not gonna go out to Apple, and with the Internet, maybe it's a little easier to find the crooked pot.

[Brady]

But he's farming that out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's. Well, you hire that out, but still, you look at her, you're like, you're into it. And I into it. Let's lock this down. I want to introduce you to my parents. That's what you say to her. The word for 8 o' clock is tap, tap, tap. Qualify you on the ticket in the app promotion. Thousand bucks in your pocket. Tap is the eight o' clock word. Get on that. There goes your Brady report.

[Brady]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. It's John Holmberg here for the amazing people at the Core Institute. I talked to a guy a while ago about his shoulder. He was going to get surgery, and I said, you know what? The Core Institute is not some assembly line of cutting you and trying to get you to do surgery. They want you to feel better, and they've got options. A lot of treatment options can come your way just by visiting the Core Institute's experts and having them put a plan together. Physical therapy has fixed him. He's pain free. You can be, too. Don't accept pain. Do something about it. Live pain free. Go to the Core Institute doctor. That's not particle board. That's the sound of real wood. The kind of wood that makes your neighbors jealous. And your projects, legendary. Call Oliver Star with 84 Lumber at 480-236-5578 or oliver starlumber.com locally grown, seriously sturdy. Homberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Couple more minutes, you can throw the word tap in on your glorious ticking. The promotional box for 8 o' clock and maybe win a thousand bucks from your friends here at 98. Gotta tell you boys. Oh, try to have some fun and dream about alien invasion. And a lot of wet blankets start showing up on your email. A lot of sticks. Yeah, Planted. People are like. So you think aliens are gonna stop by and ask us unintelligent monkeys for directions? No, but, I mean, if they did, wouldn't it be awesome? That's. You're just killing a boy's dreams, that's all. You remember at the end of Pee Wee Herman, when he could fly? That's how I feel. You're wrecking it. Yes. I would love to be a space truck stop. I think that would be incredibly cool. In my lifetime.

[Brett Vesely]

The buckies of space.

[John Holmberg]

Basically, yes. Imagine they get all the visitors and we wouldn't know, and we'd learn something from them. And it would be awesome to have, like, them go, hey, we just stopped off for a couple minutes. See what you're about and like, cool. You guys want some snacks? Next thing you know, they come by every once in a while. They give us platinum plus Mr. Stick up your ass.

[Brady]

You don't know anymore.

[John Holmberg]

This is you being worse. This is these lib cucks. They can't communicate. They just get mad at everything. I'm not mad at them. Just saying you're killing a boy's dream. I don't know. I don't. I'm not saying it's going to happen. I'm not saying I believe it. I'm saying I want it to. I don't know if Three Eye Atlas is the thing, but I want it to be. And I know you can send me Professor Loeb's assessment of how. It's just a meter. I know. I'm not saying I believe it. I'm saying I wish it is. This guy says, sir, I find you brilliant on many subjects, but even you admit you're an idiot when it comes to astrophysics. First, sorry to be Captain Corrector, but Three Eye Atlas, it's a comet. Today is just the day it will be closest to the Sun. December 19, 2025. Six days before Christmas. It will get its closest distance from Earth. That will be the time if something happens. But nothing will happen. This is as bad as religious end of the world people or getting your hopes up. Loeb's viral claims, lack of evidence. The astronomy experts are not. Yeah, yeah, I get it.

[Brady]

It.

[John Holmberg]

You guys aren't hearing me. I want aliens to come here. I want that to be a thing. Something crazy from space would be. Now you gotta remember, I'm a child of the 70s and 80s. All I've seen growing up was that they're coming, they're on their way. One of the first movies I remember is Close Encounters. Like, is this gonna happen? My dad's like, that's crazy. Are you sure? My dad was a child of the 50s. Was like, I don't know, maybe he knew that the space spaceships started to show up in movies like early. We've been thinking about this forever. And so all these movies that got so. Last Starfighter. I went to the theater to see the Last Starfighter. They're going to remake that. I like space stuff. The Jetsons were around in the 60s. Can we get to it already? Let's get one down here. I'm rooting for. You're not probably rooting for.

[Brady]

They got a kidney, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. We gotta do. Maybe they got a cure for kidney disease. Mark can just touch you. Yeah, yeah. Yes, what seems to be your ailment besides appetite? That was rude. I have a bad kidney. Hey, how about that? You think Glark is gonna come down and touch me? You think there's a guy's name he's actually gonna fix? Brady's kidneys are as dangerous as the religious wackos. I'm not saying it's gonna happen.

[Brady]

Try this. Three minute smoke.

[John Holmberg]

What? Oh, my God.

[Brady]

Why do I gotta wait three minutes?

[John Holmberg]

This is what you would hear. I am Clark, and I am here to sell you the green egg of space. And you hear birdie going, what is wrong with you? I'm sorry. I'm on my legs.

[Brady]

Gross.

[John Holmberg]

Get him away from the kitchen. We're going to get a health report. Three minutes. Brisket in three minutes. You've got bad kidneys. You don't need this type of protein.

[Brady]

Set it and forget it for three minutes.

[John Holmberg]

You forget in three minutes. You got Alzheimer's, too. Maybe you can cure that.

[Brett Vesely]

I say, bring on Mork. He seemed like a fun guy.

[John Holmberg]

Mork was a blast. Look at that. Brett brings up another thing that we were promised. Funny aliens. Oh, here I am. I came in an egg. Oh, it's one of them. As my friend Jonathan Winters. He's going to be my son. He ages backwards. His name is Mirth.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe we get to see Orson finally. You know, I mean, we could be in the room.

[John Holmberg]

Mark calling Orson. Come in, Orson. We were promised this. That was a hit show in the 70s. Hit. Smash hit. Nobody thought to themselves, this is stupid. This wouldn't happen. But what happened to us? Nobody was emailing. Back in the days of like, hey, did you see Morgan Mindy last night? You get a note from a guy in your school? You know, I could never happen. Why do we do this to each other? Of course, Mort. Could never happen. Jackasses. Why do you tell me that? Can't I be happy wishing more could happen?

[Brady]

Whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Dream eggs can't fly aerodynamically. There's no way to jetpack. You just put it on the. Yeah, but it's special. It's a special space egg. We didn't have that. We got her burn up in the atmosphere. You're the worst person I know you are. You are a guy. Every time you write to me and tell me that my dreams of aliens come in here is not going to happen, you're basically a guy writing me a note in 1981 saying, you know Mork isn't real, like, yeah, I know, you jackass. Having fun? Dexter says, I have a shirt for that guy to this day still says Shazbot. Yes, Shazbot. Kids. People were saying, shazbot. They invented a thing. Shazbot. Like, you did it all the time. We were promised this thought about that. Now it's going to be in your head for like. But you know what? It's 50 years old and you're still like, oh, yeah, Shazba. That was. Was great. That was what he said when he was happy and sad. It was like the dude of. Of Orc. Mork from Orc. It's not possible. The suit he wears is. It's like, burn up in the atmosphere, too. And why does he look like us? I mean, it's the same thing, same DNA. He's like, why are you thinking about this so much? A jackass on the radio just said, gosh, I hope that's real. And you guys shot back with more camera happen. Why? Why? Next thing you know, I gotta start.

[Brady]

Worried about my cats because the guy.

[John Holmberg]

With a big nose is coming down. Oh, yeah. And they're not talking about me right there, are you? You didn't say, yeah, I will eat your. Yeah. ALF was awesome, too. Hey, Willie and the Ocmonics didn't know, and they had to hide him. And he was willing to be part of it, and he was awesome. Where was Alfred from? Malmar Mal. Yeah, Malian. Oh, I loved Al. You know, elf can't happen. Oh, Christ. Wouldn't it be great, though, if that Three Eye Atlas thing. We were wrong and it did make a left. Started to come towards us and it was alf. And he's as fun as that. As Gordon Shumway was back in the 80s. And you're like, I got one. I got an elf. We'd breed them. Be great. So that guy can't even conceive that.

[Brady]

There'S a Mila Jovovich out there.

[John Holmberg]

Lilu Dallas coming. I forgot about her. That was in. What was that? Five something. That's right. Yeah. Great stuff. Here we go.

[Brady]

Alien Trump has now joined the show.

[John Holmberg]

You know, I'd love that if Al came down, I'd make ALF part of the cabinet. People drive the Democrats crazy. Would drive him crazy. My DEI program confirming didn't give a job to a trans or a black. I gave it to an alien. And I know you guys think I hit him, but no ice for alf. I say, meanwhile, we got this going on. Where did you see that ape escape yesterday? So they thought it had herpes.

[Brady]

Monkeys.

[John Holmberg]

It says ape escape. Hunt for a primate. They're don't do it. Now you're doing it. They were lab.

[Brady]

Who cares?

[John Holmberg]

Cares. It's a. Yeah, now you're doing it. That can never happen either way. Primates escape from some place and they thought they had STDs and nobody's asking how'd they get those? Did we give them STDs? We still do that. We still got a whole facility somewhere where we're giving them the virus in Mississippi where apes get STDs and they're still like you. It doesn't make them less strong to give them herpes. We got people with that test them.

[Brady]

Yeah, I see ads for them all the time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, constantly. Every time I try to watch a sporting event, 40 ads for what's wrong with you comes on. We. We don't need the primates anymore to test on herpes.

[Brady]

We've got using as many, just 15.

[John Holmberg]

We've got ASU, Brady. We don't need apes for that. We've got primates over at ASU loaded with herpes. Test them. A hostile STD carrying monkey busted loose from a large truck hauling primates after the semi flipped over the wreck. The wreck went down Tuesday and the truck containing several monkeys infected with hep C herpes and Covid crashed going from Tulane University to a Florida testing lab. Why are they moving them? Well, a load of sick monkeys in the back of the truck. Let's go. Coordinated government programs. Okay. Why are we driving truck two lane to Florida with infected monkeys? We can't just infect some monkeys in Florida. Time to get rid of Alabama. This was going to happen.

[Brady]

I had heard that. They were not. That was.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, it turned out later they weren't. It was false information.

[Brady]

They were testing. They were going to inject them.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Bottom line, they weren't infected.

[Brady]

Or they were. They were not.

[John Holmberg]

We're not turned out. They weren't. They were worried when they escaped the lead on all the news last. So here's the other thing. No one was really sure which monkeys these were.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, they all look alike.

[John Holmberg]

That came across really rude. But he's not wrong. He's not wrong. It's true. You can't say those kind of things. But he's right. I don't even know what the difference between an ape and a monkey. I know because it's Brett made me laugh. No, no, no, no. I know what you're saying. You're not wrong. But it isn't that.

[Brady]

You're talking about chimpanzees.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know the difference, Brady. I know there's a difference. Let's not get back to the Mork argument. I just don't care to like dive in. I just know that a monkey with an STD running around shouldn't be hauling around in the back of a tractor trailer going from state to state.

[Brady]

Monkey with an std?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's more of an album. The truck driver was the one who told the cops. Pretty sure what I got back there, it's a bunch of STD monkeys. Like, what? Why are you doing this? Here's my bill of lady. Look, I'm telling you, is a good paying job. They loaded it up, I said, what's in there? They said monkeys. I'm like, that's different. Like, wait, you hadn't heard the best part. They're full of STDs. Be careful. You know, they started AIDS and I said to myself, why do you want me to drive them to Florida? And they said, just do it. So I did. I made a mistake and I jackknifed and monkeys are everywhere. I'm not one of your more qualified drivers. Which is why I had to take this job in the first place. Yeah, I don't get it. I don't get why we're doing that. Why can't we study at Tulane? What we studied in Florida. And why do we have to drive them there? They don't have that in Florida.

[Brady]

What else was in that truck?

[John Holmberg]

No, you think they're doing some like.

[Brady]

15 monkeys in a semi?

[John Holmberg]

That's a lot of room.

[Brett Vesely]

Are they apes or monkeys? We don't know even, even know.

[John Holmberg]

Well, this said apes. Okay, but then they said a few of them were. Clarify. They said aggressive. Yeah, they said aggressive monkeys had run away. So the story is like just playing with it too. They don't care. But nobody's. I don't know either. Nobody's asking the right questions. Why do we have STD laden primates being transported across state lines like Brady's taking a teen over to San Diego? It's not as simple as that. They said. Now they made the report last night that Jasper County Sheriff's Department in Mississippi says now all the escaped monkeys are disease free, which is convenient. And I don't know why we're worried about that.

[Brady]

And there's one still missing.

[John Holmberg]

Let me ask you this, Brady, if you're on the road, or let's say you live in Jasper, did you hear about the monkeys? Yeah, yeah, they're over there. Are you worried about the STDs at all? Or are you more worried about monkey strength. I'm not really worried about having sex with one.

[Brady]

Right. You're not worried about getting raped by.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, I am a little bit. A little bit. Morning sickness. It's John Holmberg here for the amazing people at the Core Institute. A very close friend of mine had his knee surgery at the Core. He's not going to be back on the court immediately, but in a few months time he will be. He's got some rehab in front of him and. And that's all you need to worry about. Get to work and get feeling better. Get rid of the pain. You've been living with the Core Institute celebrating 20 years because they've been changing people's lives for 20 years and you don't last that long unless you're great. Stop living with your pain and say yes to the things you love to do again. Go to the Core Institute dot com. Hey, what's up? It's Mo and my friends at the University of Advancing Technology has been ranked the number one best college for computer science for not one, but two years in a row. Which makes total sense because UAT are always on the lookout for those who just embrace technology. They live it. From advancing computer science and robotics to cybersecurity, gaming and artificial intelligence, UAT is where innovation thrives. So if you're ready to lead the next tech revolution, visit uat.edu mo. And don't just study tech, live it. Holmberg's morning sickness. But I think a lot worse stuff's gonna happen during the rape than just put yourself in a situation where a monkey can rape you.

[Brady]

You.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, look, just being near a monkey, it can rape you. You're going to lose the power battle. I'm more worried that my head's going to get torn off than I am about the bumps. And then I'm going to start seeing the suing people.

[Brady]

The guy lost his face.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to start suing everybody if I get an STD from a Rogue Transported Monkey. There's a lot of people that are on the hook for this and my question basically is two lane uniforms. University. Why? You're a university. Do you know how many STDs you have just walking from class to class? Why are we harming animals with these things anyway? They said they took the appropriate actions and I'm just not concerned about that. Why are we even saying just. It's enough to do a news story to say, hey, we got a bunch of primates got out of a truck. Be careful. You don't have to tell me they're also herpetic. They got that. They got the herpes and the warts. The monkeys do? Yeah. Be careful. I don't care about that. No one's ever said that. Honey, look on the porch.

[Brady]

What is it?

[John Holmberg]

I think it's a monkey. Be careful. It might have warts. Like what? That's the least of your concerns. Is the absolute least of your worries in my. Have an std. I know what you're thinking. You. You don't sleep with it.

[Brady]

You got to initially test the Skyrizi on somebody.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you don't. You shove it in somebody who's willing to take it. If I had hiv. And they're like, we might have something like put it in. Like, no, no, no. It's just put it in. What are the side effects? Well, you'll end up more hiv. I've already got it. Can't give me more. Go, go, go, go, go. I would volunteer for the cure for all that stuff if I had incurable warts. And I go to the doctor and I'm like, there is this test. We were going to use it on Monk. Do it on me. I'm the next best thing. So much like us, we've all seen the movie. Just so close. Put it. Here's a vein. I'm good. I'm vascular. Knock it out. We're not sure exactly how the reaction is going to be, so the best thing to do is to put that into a thing 30 times stronger than us.

[Brady]

I like how the trucker has no idea I got some AIDS monkeys in there.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I have to let you know that these things may be just laden with the aids. The monkeys. Yep. What were you doing? That's what I heard. I do not know why I just drive. The truck driver had to be the first one on the scene. What happened here? I don't know. They started getting out of hand. Trucks started shaking around back there and I just lost it.

[Brett Vesely]

Somebody said, by the way.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's out there.

[Brett Vesely]

Break.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, no doubt.

[Brady]

Cletus. Don't jackknife the truck or crash.

[John Holmberg]

Just go slow. Go like 30 miles an hour. Put. Put your flashes on. As much time as you need to take. You are not on a deadline. If they start getting wobbly, pull over because that thing will still tip it over. Last thing we need is these AIDS infested monkeys running around Mississippi and wherever Tulane is. Please tell me Mississippi has a local news person. Griselda Saltino. Griselda Saltino, KTIR News the search for the AIDS monkeys is on it too. Lame. Like, what did she say, son?

[Brett Vesely]

Jim Cross out there, he's the expert of everything else. Why not this too?

[John Holmberg]

Our AIDS monkey expert, Jim Cross is out there. Yeah, Jim, I'm out here looking for AIDS monkeys. And yeah, Earth's pretty much coming to an end right now. I don't know what the hell we're thinking here. I talked to the truck driver. He's an absolute moron. Jim Crow us. Go yourself. KTAR News. Yeah, I don't understand it, but nobody's ever looked outside, seen a monkey, and wondered, if my wife has sex with that, am I going to catch it? I'm worried more about the incredible power of monkey. That's why they keep him in cages. Brady, you can't go to the zoo and just hang out with them. Like, date them. We're not worried about their STDs. Isn't this what China did? To start Covid started screwing around at wet markets, and it's essentially the same thing. We just crashed a bunch of diseased animals and they floated around. Where's Tulane? New Orleans, something like that? Yeah, Louisiana.

[Brett Vesely]

It's gonna be the Mississippi flu now.

[John Holmberg]

The Tulane flu. Whoops. Sorry about that, world.

[Brady]

You guys don't see the set up.

[John Holmberg]

For the next Skyrizi commercial? Yeah, truck driver's like, whoa, Nelly. Things start spinning out. How would you like to be the guy behind that truck, too? Geez, that truck's losing it. And just ape shoot out of it like a video game. Like, I cannot believe what I just. You'd call immediately. Brett, I'm on the freeway. Listen. Yeah, no, I know you're busy. Listen, I was driving along and a truck in front of me crashed. No, no, no, hold on. I'm not done. Out of the back of the truck, monkeys with, like, sores on their penises got out. They're everywhere. I didn't go to help because, I mean, they're monkeys, man. But no, no, Brad, I'm not gonna. No, I'm not gonna do that. I'm just gonna. I'm gonna wait for the cops to come and I'm gonna try to drive. I'm. Turn around. I'm gonna. You turn. Get out of here.

[Brett Vesely]

Op live shows.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Hey, age monkeys run around in Hazen County. We catch them. Anyway, it was the dumbest story I've ever seen because not one reporter said, why were you doing doing this? Like, why would. Why did the truck driver think they were AIDS riddled monkeys? Why? And then later they had to clear it up. They don't have aids. Truck driver was crazy. That means they've got loads of aids, like skin AIDS and stuff. If you happen to see one in your trash, just load it full of lead for us, please, because. And then don't touch the blood. You tell me that's better than aliens shooting by and just say, hey, what are you guys up to? Well, currently we're on lockdown. We got a bunch of AIDS monkeys. All right, we're gonna take off. Thanks for the gas. The AIDS Monkey scared the 3i Atlas guys.

[Brady]

Thanks for the drive by.

[John Holmberg]

You know, they could never happen. Chances are they wouldn't speak English and the monkeys would have been caught by now. Thanks, Eaton. Anyway, just my observations of the world. I'm sure people will email me with the.

[Brady]

Oh, they will.

[John Holmberg]

They already are. I'm positive. I don't care. It's fun. Benjamin's is the 9am word. Benjamin's as in Franklin. Benjamin's with an s. That is the word for nine o'. Clock. You can take it in the app at nine with Benjamin's, put it in there and qualify a date again for that thousand dollars. All you got to do is put the word in each code box, each hour we give it to you. And each time you do that, you're in the, you know, drawing again. So more and more you do it, the more and more chances are you're going to win a thousand bucks. How's about that? You guys are blowing this game up. By the way, as silly as this thing is and as kind of dumb as I think it is, it works. But go get them. You get your thousand bucks. I like giving money away. I have no problem with that. I just kind of think it's dopey. So you got Benjamin's as your word. We got rock wars coming up a little bit. It's 98. Morning sickness. Holmberg's morning sickness. Emails bound. Somebody says, first off, thank you. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. An impression of Brady. Hearing that there may be a three minute smoker was hilarious. Please, please, please put orgasmic Brady in the squares Friday. Thank you for being the best part of my morning, Sir Michael Ariano. Thank you, Michael, for tagging along with us. Hanging out at any time. Brady's all over himself. It's funny. Ask Ronnie. Oh, oh, here we go.

[Brady]

Ow.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry.

[Brady]

Jesus. Do you say that all the time?

[John Holmberg]

Sorry. Oh, sorry. Jesus.

[Brady]

Yahweh.

[John Holmberg]

The tears followed by immediate sleep. No. Yeah. And yahweh would be a great One to scream. See if you could throw the girl off. Oh, Yahweh. Did you say Yahtzee? No, not yet. I said Yahweh. Plug it up. And before I get on with anything else, I want to let oh, by the way, the word is Benjamin's. Nine o'. Clock. You still got some time to qualify.

[Brett Vesely]

No apostrophe.

[John Holmberg]

No apostrophe.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, some people are hitting me up. It's not working. I'm like, take the apostrophe out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no apostrophe. The ownership of Benjamin is not what we're looking for. Benjamin's. Which would also kind of go out. Benjamin's. This one says, john, I may have jumped the gun with an earlier email being passionate towards you. I hope you'll forgive my enthusiasm. This person had sent me something before. Evidently I didn't read. Says, I know when you're passionate about the something, you just can't help yourself. And that's me. I'm passionate about veterans, and I've got a sneaking suspicion you have a soft spot for them as well. Maybe I'm wrong, but I am not. I know I'm right. And this might be the first time that a woman can confidently claim she's right and actually have it be true. All right. This is a woman I like. Says, I'm an OG beggar. I've been listening to you since 04, imploring you to lend the power of your voice and show to a good cause. This Saturday, The Pat Tillman ASU Veterans center is helping the Dode Morris VFW Post 1760 raise money for the Veteran Graduate Student Scholarship Program, which awards scholarships to worthy service members pursuing graduate degrees. There's going to be food and music and activities for the kids. Going to be a family event. However, we don't expect to see you there since it's the day after the Night of the Singing Dead. We're still than that is. I couldn't go because I have an event going anyway, so I got to do Night of the Singing Dead Friday and then Saturday I'm hosting the Sit Stay brunch for Lost Our Home Pet Rescue at the Monte Lucia. But this is also something that's worthy, so I want to give him credit since I know you're going to be recovering from your event on Friday, which I bet will be a banger, and ours is in downtown Mesa, and So there'll be STDs running everywhere. Two things I know you you love loathe. I know the only one thing that would entice you to wade through a street full of STDs and their parents is in Mesa. It would be Dua Lipa and I sent her an invitation to this. She has yet to respond by the cutoff date, so I guess she's not going to make it. I'm sorry. I really wanted you to be there. The event will be sick. Even though I couldn't secure an appearance by do. I hope you'll find it in your heart to tell listeners so we can get people out there to show support for this great cause. It's set Saturday 12 to 8. That's a long day. You guys are doing an all day sucker. And it's gonna be perfect weather too. 65 South McDonald's MacDonald in Mesa. Thank you in advance, Carrie. A real beggar. It is. We can put this up on the website. She sent me a thing so I think that's great. So if you guys are doing something over there in Mesa like that scholarship fundraising event for veteran graduate students. Vets should get more help than almost anybody else, I think. And the Pat Tillman Veterans center do awesome work. So yeah, with Veterans Day right around the corner, I think this is a beautiful thing you're doing on Saturday from 12 to 8. Even if it is riddled with little STDs and their bibs and their screaming, their parents not paying any attention. And even though it is in Mesa where STDs thrive, screaming and yelling about their school and their nonsense and they're taught. And I went candy. And it's for a good cause so it's worth wading through that. So we'll put that info on our Facebook page. And of course, Carrie, I'm there for you. Somebody also asked Brady, how come you haven't done Happy National Blank Day in the last couple of Brady reports? Rather not any.

[Brady]

It was a national Internet day today.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't think you said so. Did you? I didn't catch it says tell Pop Pop to get back on that. We enjoy it as listeners and it spurs great comments conversation. People like that. Evidently. Most of the time it's like pancakes pizza or hamburgers and it kind of recycles. But it's national and we go down all the pizzas. It's National Cheese Pizza Day. Yeah. Isn't it just toppings though?

[Brady]

It should be just the topping.

[John Holmberg]

We'll figure that out. We got a Rock wars coming up in just a little bit. I'm gonna be the one giving the topic. So I'll tell you what that is in just Moments. There you go. It's 98. Benjamin's is still the word for the code. At 9 o' clock we'll have the rock wars coming up. It's not Weir.

[Brady]

Pretty cool actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fee. I have heard enough of this. It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness for life changerloan.com A guy I know is going through a divorce which stinks for him. He's trying to figure out how much it's going to take to pay off the future ex wife. You got bills you want to consolidate, you got some stuff you want to take care of, Go ahead and do it. Or if you're just really good with money and you want to get out of that mortgage as fast as possible, Life changer loan is the way to do it. Average Customer saves about 250,000 in interest. House is paid off in about five years. Years life change alone. It's not magic, it's just math. Lifechangerloan.com It's John Holberg here chilling away from my [e-mail] if your AC unit is 10 years old or more, you can start thinking about replacing it because of the Arizona climate. Like clockwork. We're right on top of that. Seeing our first signs of losing our cool cool air. New AC unit.com also has a connections with all the major carriers so they get the best deals and they back it all with a 100% guarantee right now. Use Holmberg as a promo code and they'll knock off another 400 bucks from your already great price. Promo code. Holmberg. Do it now. Save thousands, save time. Buy [e-mail] the old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. It's the pumpkins right there. We got rock wars. We're running late. This is my fault. It's that stupid truck crash. Brat.

[Brett Vesely]

I. What did I do?

[John Holmberg]

It's time for rock war. Brad.

[Brady]

What?

[Brett Vesely]

What?

[John Holmberg]

I want the song the truck driver was listening. Come on, brat. When the truck went sideways with all the AIDS primates that flew out of it or the song the guy behind the truck was listening to.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, I'll go with that. That's.

[John Holmberg]

You can go either way. A song on the radio, on the road when the truck was going. No, you're doing this on not unsafe. It's not doing this. I just. I. This isn't about you. It's about the people. Cuz we've seen your emails you disgusting audience. And none of you guys, none of you guys can have a conversation without me. Horrible. But this is. It's a funny story that you're turning into something that isn't so. Aids. How about this? Aids. Animals escaping from a jackknife truck. The song that's played on the radio.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm banning. Jungle Love, Brady. Always. That is one of your go to.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right. You can't use it again. That's right. I forgot about that. All right, there you go. So that's it. If you want to help out. Homeburg at 98 KUPD Dash. Or you can text 97936. We get the rock War suggestions. Next Morning sickness. Holmberg's morning sickness. Now very late, but very necessary. Rock Wars. I don't know what the standings are as we close into November. We usually start paying attention.

[Brady]

It's got to be close.

[John Holmberg]

Tablets. Oh, yeah. It's got to be between two. It's got to be close to over. Rock wars brought to you by mo money pawn. Shorter long term collateral loans from 10 to over $100,000. No credit needed, top dollar paid. Just. Oh. The entire process just taking several minutes. Mo Money pawn.com. 12th street and Indian School. They're helping you out over there. Theme for that insane story that happened yesterday where that truck full of diseased primates wrecked the truck driver had to tell the cops. Pretty sure they got the STDs. Don't sleep. And then about three hours later, they're like, hey, they're just loose monkeys. You're fine. Everything will be okay. Which means to me, it's STDs. We don't have names yet for what they've got that every time they tell you that was crazy talk. The truck driver knows he didn't just make that up, but a song that either he was hearing while the truck lost control and the primate shot out all over the place, or the poor soul that was behind him traveling with along in his F150 down that road that Louisiana. How it probably the 10 right on the I10 heading to Florida to take those diseased test primates all the way. I don't understand it, but Brad, I'll start with you. What's. Which person are you going with?

[Brett Vesely]

I'm going with the guy in the car behind because it's safer for me.

[John Holmberg]

Because we know. Don't belabor.

[Brett Vesely]

You know, we were talking earlier. Can, you know, can you imagine? Imagine like, you know, you call me up and I'm driving back there and you're like, matt, what are you listening to? And this is all you hear in the background.

[John Holmberg]

It's from the bong. Because there's no way anybody is gonna.

[Brett Vesely]

Believe this story that a truckload of apes, monkeys, whatever, are running around the street, let alone having STDs.

[John Holmberg]

And you're the dude sitting there going, you're riddled with STDs, bro. All right. I like this a lot.

[Brett Vesely]

Lot.

[John Holmberg]

A lot. And anytime I can hear him go, I will. All right. I like that a lot. Hits from the bong. Because the dude behind him had to feel like he had done.

[Brett Vesely]

There is no way.

[John Holmberg]

I am definitely dreaming. I mean, the first one that cracked its little head out looks around. The guy in the back's like, what is that in the back of that truck? Like, four or five of them come out. One of them has a tramp stamp because she's a got the STDs. Brady, what's yours?

[Brady]

I'm doing it from the truck driver. This hillbilly was trucking down the street singing along to this song. Guaranteed Jungle Love by Steve Miller.

[John Holmberg]

Went with the other one. Oh, he chose the other. Jungle Love. Ah, the technicality. It is true. Technically, they are of the jungle. No, I think it's funny. That's a good one. He's driving me mad. He's making me crazy. Driving me mad.

[Brady]

I got these buggies in the back.

[John Holmberg]

This ain't fair. All right. Very good choices. Now, we both know that we're late in this Rock wars. Correct? We all have the.

[Brett Vesely]

We know that it's going to turn out John wins.

[John Holmberg]

John Gordon. Just play it. Choice. Just play it. Well.

[Brady]

You. He won it.

[John Holmberg]

Go.

[Brady]

Softball. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Winner. Do we need to even go with it? John Gordon. Who's gonna win today? I'm gonna give it to John Humbert. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. Skid rows. Monkey business.

[Brett Vesely]

I couldn't find enough is enough song about monkeys. So I didn't do it. Otherwise, I'd have won that one.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't think of Monkey Business until late. No, I know you're not sure. That's a good one. We all thought Brady was gonna go with Convoy. Yeah, we for sure sure thought you were like, we got us a convoy, and one of my trucks just dipped over and dumped out a bunch of poison monkeys. It's a crazy story. I like it too much. All right. And I'm never going to frown on playing this one. I like this one a lot. I got no beef with Monkey Business. Here we go. It's the. Just the song. The truck Driver and the guy behind him. We're listening to. It's Skid Row, everybody. I win again. It's 98.

[Brady]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. It's John Holmberg from the morning sickness for lifechangerloan.com equity. It's the amount of value your house has over how much you paid or owe for it. So if I have a house, that's $400,000 and I owe a hundred thousand, I have 300,000 in equity. That's simple math. On average, Life Changer loan clients save $250,000 in interest and pay off their loans in about five years. Don't have to do the traditional way anymore. If you're good with money and you got great credit, go to lifechangerloan.com and see the difference for yourself. It's not magic. It's just. Lifechangerloan.com It's John Holmberg here, shilling away from my [e-mail]. here we go. It's going to be hot from here until Halloween. That AC unit of yours is on for the next five months nonstop. That means if your AC unit is 10 or older, it ain't going to last much longer. Proactive. That's what you need to be. Get that AC unit replaced. New AC unit.com inspects that order. Then the best pros in the business install that system and it is a done deal. You're going to save thousands of dollars. They've changed the game. New AC unit.com save thousands. Save time. Buy online at newac unit.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Don't give me a business, baby.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's great, too. Love it. It's an underrated band. An underrated album, too. It's got a couple clunkers on there, but that's. That's a good one. Skid Row winner for Rock Wars. Yes. Put that one in my pile.

[Brett Vesely]

That should be in Night of the Singing Dead.

[John Holmberg]

Well, nobody's dead yet. Although their career. Yeah. Is Skid Row alive still?

[Brett Vesely]

I just asked John Gordon. They're. They're going on singer number five.

[John Holmberg]

Is that right?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, they're looking for five right now.

[John Holmberg]

Skid Row.

[Brett Vesely]

And that's not including Lizzie Hale when she filled in for a tour.

[John Holmberg]

And she was good. She was. Yeah. Skid Row is the Schrodinger's cat of metal music. It's, it's in the box. It's both simultaneously dead and alive at the same time. Yeah, I love that song though. And, and Sebastian torn it around doing that thing a couple years. Sounded great.

[Brett Vesely]

Look, I'm going to be honest. I'll go see Sebastian before I go see Skid Row thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yep, yep.

[Brady]

You can maybe reach for it a little bit, maybe stretch. There's got to be a roadier crew.

[John Holmberg]

We've tried. We did. Yeah. We've tried to find like a studio musician or somebody who did keyboards on a tour once, but Skid Row is shockingly healthy as a horse. And it's amazing. And yeah, it's. If they, if one drops dead today, I promise you we'll get it done. If they die before 9pm on Friday, we'll do some skipping a phone call. I didn't mean to tell you that. Oh Jesus. It's going to happen, isn't it? It's 9:50 now. It is time for the entertainment drill and it's brought to you by our [e-mail] that's the home of tactical black self defense training. Once again we talk about all the things you can be part of. Brady D. Talked about gun retention this morning with that guy who had his gun in his waistband. And of course because he's a moron, it went off and shot him in the leg. If you're one of those people that carries a weapon, I am huge on this now that I look, I used to have one every once in a while and in all honesty it stopped me from carrying it. And I don't think that happens to everyone. I think it's just because I'm like, you know what, I'm. I'm not going to be diligent enough to carry this weapon around. It gives you higher power, but you have to know what you're doing, doing with it. And a lot of the times those fights are, you know, somebody does something stupid get you from behind, you didn't even know they were going to be under attack. Gun shoots out of your waistband, somebody else gets hold of it. That is so often the case with a person who has a gun. So if somebody tries to get it, you have to know how to stop. That gun retention course is unbelievable. And they've got that one amongst all the others. Check out their website and see all they're offering for seminars. Airplanes. They do airplanes, they do rape prevention, they do, they do de escalation. They do all sorts of stuff. And also, you know, day to day they're training you. You're getting in shape. You're getting all the details down on how to become a sheepdog and not a sheep. More sheepdog on the streets means less wolves, and that's what you're shooting for. The more of us there are, the less chances the bad guys have. So keep going. React defense Dot com. That's the home of tactical Black Brady Entertainment.

[Brady]

Flavor Flav's fired up because he is the official hype man for the USA Bobsled and Skeleton teams for the 2026 Winter Olympics. He will travel to Milan Cortina for the games in February.

[John Holmberg]

So they're doing the Snoop Dogg thing this time. Only they're doing it. Yeah, because Snoop Dogg was at the last Olympics. Oh, he's putting money in. Oh, this isn't an NBC thing.

[Brady]

Yeah, no, this is a. Oh, that's different sponsor.

[John Holmberg]

He actually kicked in money. I thought they were just doing, like. They had such success with Snoop at the Summer Olympics last time.

[Brady]

He's changed up the clock a little bit. He's got a USA Giant medallion. Medallion.

[John Holmberg]

And that's pretty cool.

[Brady]

Yeah. There was a TV show auction of old stuff from the 60s. The original Batman uniforms. Batman and Robin, worn by Adam west and Burt Ward.

[John Holmberg]

They have the real ones? Yep. You can own Those.

[Brady]

Sold for $575,000.

[John Holmberg]

Both of them together. Individually.

[Brady]

Together.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my goodness.

[Brady]

The Joker's costume worn by Cesar Romero went for 212,000.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody stole our clothes, Robin. And I can't figure out where they've gone. Holy empty closets, Batman. Exactly, little chum. We have to come up with an alternate uniform and get our half a million back. But how, only God knows. And of course, Commissioner Gordon.

[Brady]

Batman's Batarang and holster sold for $50,000.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't even know it was on the block. Who's selling all of these items? Brady Sotheby's. Those harlequin hooligans have been after my materials for years. I love that. That's one of my favorite useless impressions that I have.

[Brady]

Wonder Woman's costume that worn by Linda Carter. And for 225, 000.

[John Holmberg]

That changes everything. I didn't know her clothes were off, let alone for sale. I would purchase those and spend my entire day with my bat nose in the crotch of those pants. I've made myself laugh. He had no idea I would put a little bats deodorizer on it first.

[Brady]

Two of Fonzie's leather jackets.

[John Holmberg]

Not interested. Straight as an arrow.

[Brady]

87,000 and 75,000.

[John Holmberg]

Fonzie's jacket was only 87 grand. He wore a bunch of them.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, but they'll fit a child.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. He's mean.

[Brady]

Here's one for you. Probably will.

[John Holmberg]

We should have gotten for Scott Haynes.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, man, that's right.

[Brady]

Maybe you will talk about it when you do the interview. Captain Kirk's Starfleet uniform from the show. Original. Yeah. Oh, 62,500.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't go for as much as Fonzie's coat. I am going to talk to him about that. Yeah, that's. Tickets still on sale for that, surprisingly. It's at the Orpheum on November 12th. Get to watch Wrath of Khan, which is the best Star Trek movie. And then William Shatner comes out and we talk for an hour and Kelly Endo's decided to join me on this thing. And Shatner's like, evidently, like, that's not by door show. I don't know what I'm gonna do with the two people that are on stage, but I can't wait. You know, I feel something special is going to happen. And so he gets excited about it. We're gonna have him up there, do a little Q A. He's got his storytelling time. And then Frank and I are gonna go up there and Frank and I are gonna reenact a couple of his stories. Like he has one where he's yelling at Stephen Hawking or something and then Terry Bradshaw. And we all have the impression so we can, we can do a little bit things after. And it was the most fun I've had in a long time. I did this seven years ago with just Mr. Shatner and I. And then Frank's going to be up there with us. It's going to be fun. So you can get your tickets there. Just check out William Shatner's Graphic contour. The Orume Theater, you can get tickets. Should be great. I don't even know how much tickets are for that, to be honest with you. I don't think they're that bad.

[Brady]

The worst TV families of all time.

[John Holmberg]

Well, the William Macy's in that Showtime show. I can't think of the name of it right off.

[Brady]

Four of the top 10 were families from the Game of Thrones.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, come on, they were terrible.

[Brady]

Targaryen family, the Lannisters, the Bolton family was number one.

[John Holmberg]

They were the worst on that show.

[Brady]

It's the number one on the list. Number two, the Roy family.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, from succession. Yeah.

[Brady]

Number three, the Meyer family from Veep.

[John Holmberg]

What's Yo. Absolutely. That show's so funny.

[Brady]

The Sopranos.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brady]

Number five.

[John Holmberg]

What? Fake news. That is fake news. I'm with Brett and I'm. I'm not even Italian.

[Brett Vesely]

This is ridiculous.

[John Holmberg]

That is sacrilegious. What?

[Brady]

The Gemstone family number six.

[John Holmberg]

That's a pretty bad one.

[Brady]

The Falcone family from the Penguin.

[John Holmberg]

I was supposed to.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, that's just talking to Kevin earlier.

[John Holmberg]

That's a new one. Yeah, Kevin. Falcon and Yogi seem very nice. They're the Falcones from that. That's a good show. It's a little slow, but it's pretty good. The Penguin, the Salamanca family, and not the. Not the family from. What's the Showtime show with William Macy and. God damn it.

[Brady]

They have the Gallagher family from Shameless. And then number 14 was pretty much every single family from a HBO.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that is true. Oh, I can't remember that damn show. The name. Find it. Brad.

[Brady]

What is it?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's killing me. It's killing me. The TV show from. God damn it. Well, somebody email it to me immediately.

[Brett Vesely]

TV show from what?

[John Holmberg]

From Showtime. It's William. William Macy's and not William. Maybe macy. William.

[Brady]

The seven inch vinyl pressing of Nirvana's 1988 song Love Buzz is being auctioned off.

[John Holmberg]

What is it? Say it loudly. It's driving me nuts.

[Brady]

Shameless.

[John Holmberg]

Shameless. Oh, you did say it. I didn't even hear that. I was so locked in on trying to remember it, I wasn't. Okay, good. That's the worst family in TV history. Maybe Always Sunny in Philadelphia too has got to be on that list somewhere.

[Brady]

So Love Buzz will be auctioned off right now. Seven inch vinyl, right now. I'm sure it's gone up. As of last night, it was 8,500 bucks.

[Brett Vesely]

How do you know that's the first one?

[Brady]

A guy named Scott.

[Brett Vesely]

First one played on the radio.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's a good point. Just take your word for it. Somebody just asked how come we didn't. Nobody picked the theme from BJ and the Bear. That's pretty solid.

[Brett Vesely]

Don't think it didn't come to mind.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, did you think of that one? I'm BJ McKay and this is my best friend Bear.

[Brett Vesely]

I thought about it. Is there a theme for Any which Way but Loose but you know.

[Brady]

Yeah, I know your first choice was trucking from Grateful Dead.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I've told this story before, but I think the greatest way to get a band named comes from the band minus the bear. And it's a alternative band. But do you know that story. It's fantastic. They were asking, a guy went on a date with a girl and he said, he said, how was the date last night? And he goes, you know, the date was almost exactly like an episode of BJ and the Bear minus the bear.

[Brett Vesely]

That is good.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm like, oh, that's fantastic. So they, they threw that out there as the name of their band and it stuck and they had a couple of hits. I still think that's great. It's 10 o' clock on the dot. Fitz is going to have a couple of words for you starting at 2 o' clock clock. You can get that all ready to go and maybe get your qualifiers in there from two till he's out of here, too. So he does it every hour for his entire show and you qualify and you can win a thousand dollars. That's not so bad. And all you have to do, take it in the air. That's where the money is. That's where you're asking you to go. You can take it in the app and walk away with a thousand bucks. That's a nice gift. This show is ending right at 10:00, clock as designed. We're done. Larry McFeely's coming up next. You guys have yourselves a great Wednesday. We'll see you tomorrow. Right here in the morning sickness. It's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this. It's John Holberg here from the Morning Sickness to talk to you about my friends at Trajan Wealth. A man who had quite a bit of money and a whole bunch of stuff decided to write up on his computer his will and trust. The day before he passed, he rewrote the entire thing. The old document was deleted and the new one was timestamped by the computer. One day before he died, the court told the man's son that the document wasn't legal. Call the team at Trajan Wealth. Sit down and take care of this so your family doesn't go through anything awful. Getting a plan together is so much easier than procrastinating. Call 480-990-3300. Trajan Wealth Legal services are offered through Trajan Estate Law Firm llc. Hey, everybody, it's John Holmerg here from the morning sickness and you hear me all the time talking about my friends at Lost Our home Pet rescue. We do the pick of the litter and it's brought to you by our friends at Turf Monsters AZ.com Every week I head over to Lost Our Home Pet rescue and I meet a brand new be beautiful animal that needs a home. The work they do at Losterhome is unbelievable. Not just your average pet shelter, that is for sure. They help people in a lot of situations. Look them up online lostorhome.org and check out everything we do at 98kupd.com in the pick of the litter section.