Holmberg's Morning Sickness – 10-30-25: Study Finds People Low On Happiness Scale Have Poorer Health, Woman Suing Sea World For Being Hit By Duck, Family Finds Bottled WWI Messages

Hosts:
John Holmberg (main host), Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Date: October 30, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" dives into strange and amusing human behaviors, from America's complicated relationship with happiness and its impacts on health, to oddball news stories including a lawsuit against SeaWorld (after a woman was hit by a duck) and a family discovering century-old bottled messages from WWI on an Australian beach. As always, the crew blends in their signature banter, gallows humor, and local color, making for an irreverent but thought-provoking Thursday morning.

Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. The Candy Corn Debate & Peculiar Holiday Treats

Timestamp: 03:42-04:33

• Holmberg launches a classic food rant tied to National Candy Corn Day, comparing candy corn’s popularity to seasonal foods like tamales, peeps, fruitcake, and cranberries:
  • "If candy corn was good, we’d have it all the time. It’s the same as tamales... If they were good, we’d eat them all [the time]. And peeps. Gotta put peeps in there too.” (John Holmberg, 03:42)
• Peeps making a push for Christmas is dismissed as a marketing fail:
  • “Nobody wants them, though. They’re pushing peeps on you. But they’re only good for one time a year.” (John Holmberg, 04:26)

2. Riffing on Classic Candy Facts

Timestamp: 04:33-06:08

• Fun facts: Eminem's dropped the tan color 30 years ago; orange introduced 50 years ago; red phased out due to dye scare, only reintroduced in 1987.
  • "It took them 17 years to figure out how to make stuff red again without killing us." (John Holmberg, 05:12)
• Paranoia about red dye and harmlessness of eating candy as a kid; musings about other candies (Sprees, Skittles, Jawbreakers).

3. Language & History Trivia

Timestamp: 06:15-07:09

• Mark Twain cited as having heard "Jesus H. Christ" in the mid-1800s. Jokes about Jesus’ “middle name” and offers like “Herbert” and "Hosanna."
  • Quote: “Did we ever know Jesus’ middle name? Did anyone keep accurate records on this guy?” (John Holmberg, 06:44)

4. Ownership & Diversity in US Pro Sports

Timestamp: 07:09-07:45

• Noting there's not a single Black majority owner in MLB, NFL, NBA, or NHL since Michael Jordan sold his Hornets stake.

5. Pet Costumes and Anthropomorphism

Timestamp: 07:45-09:34

• Stats: 1 in 6 Americans believe their pets actually enjoy Halloween costumes; a third plan to dress up pets.
• Amusing stories about hosts’ own dogs’ reactions to costumes:
  • “Gordon was a vampire the other day… he hated it. He would just sit in the yard and stare back at everybody like, ‘I hate you so much. Take the shirt off.’” (John Holmberg, 08:56)

6. Happiness Scale and Mental Health

Timestamp: 09:39-11:36

• New study: People ranking ≤3/10 on a happiness scale have poorer health; benefits begin at 2.7 and increase with happiness.
• The crew discusses personal happiness scores:
  • “Where do you find joy?” (John Holmberg, 10:53)
  • Jokes about being a 2 or 3, and how annoying nines are:
    • “If you’re walking around… coming in hot as a nine...a three is going to knock you out.” (John Holmberg, 10:05)
• Darker element—very happy people sometimes hiding struggles (suicide discussion):
  • “A lot of times you hear that: This guy was amazing... happiest guy I knew... and he immediately killed himself.” (John Holmberg, 16:30)
• The group’s self-assessed happiness: Brady (7), John (4), Dick (5–6).

7. China’s New Law for Influencers

Timestamp: 11:36-11:59

• New rule: Chinese influencers must prove their qualifications before posting about finance, health, or law.

8. Sidebar: Listener Emails & Banter

Timestamps interspersed, e.g., 13:45–16:24

• A listener jokes about being a “nine” in happiness while driving autopilot in a Tesla, “could be a ten if…”
• Crowd-sourced jokes and quips continue as they riff on happiness and personal fulfillment.

9. SeaWorld Lawsuit: Woman Hit By Flying Duck

Timestamp: 17:41–22:26

• News: Orlando woman sues SeaWorld for $50,000 after being knocked unconscious by a duck on the Mako roller coaster.
  • “She got Fabioed.” (John Holmberg, 17:51)
• Surprised at SeaWorld’s fast shift to rides and away from animal shows, musing on the ethics/legacy of whale/dolphin captivity:
  • “Why did you guys cave so fast? What were you doing?’ We were starving them until they did the jumps.” (John Holmberg, 22:27)

10. Killer Whales vs. Boats—Animal Uprising?

Timestamp: 20:59–22:08

• Orcas off Spain & in the Mediterranean attacking and sinking boats:
  • “Moved up here to get away from the blacks and now they’re in the water. Oh my God, it’s eating her boat.” (John Holmberg, 21:15)
    (Note: Riffing as an oblivious caricature—typical of the show’s irreverent, dark humor)
• Jokes about the cost of a “‘yacht’”—possibly just a “double-wide.”

11. SeaWorld—How Did They Train Those Animals?

Timestamp: 22:26–24:31

• How did humans first capture and train killer whales and dolphins? Hypothetical conversations about “taming” animals, the ethics and ingenuity (and absurdity) of the first animal trainers.

12. History Discovery: WWI Bottled Messages Found

Timestamp: 28:01–29:03

• In Australia, a family finds 1916 bottled messages from WWI soldiers. One soldier died, the other survived; letters returned to descendants.
• Crew jokes about what would happen if similar messages today included embarrassing personal confessions:
  • “Just for the fun of it, I think I’m going to write a note about how much I used to quietly and secretly love to blow Brady Bogan on a regular basis.” (John Holmberg, 28:51)

13. Decor Vandals & Neighborhood Unity

Timestamp: 30:34–31:56

• A Halloween hater in Seattle destroys decorations including a Bob Ross skeleton—neighbors restore the display:
  • “But I bet you even Bob Ross wouldn’t think that’s a happy little accident.” (Unidentified Host, 31:53)

14. Brady Videos: The Truly Grotesque

Timestamps: 33:02–44:40

• The regular segment of “brady videos” includes commentary on:
  • AI-generated viral video of fat people rolling downhill.
  • Skin condition oddities, a calf with a second facial structure, and a vomiting woman in a bathtub (trigger warning!).
• Jokes about snot, bodily fluids, and viewer-submitted fails (texting while driving, workplace accidents).

Notable Quotes

• “If candy corn was good, we’d have it all the time. It’s the same as tamales. No one goes over to anybody’s tamale house in April and we’re making tamales. Bleh.” (John Holmberg, 03:42)
• “Took them 17 years to figure out how to make stuff red again without killing us.” (John Holmberg, 05:12)
• “You’re unhappy and depressed. Yeah. I think it’s probably bad for you.” (John Holmberg, 09:52)
• “If you’re walking around… coming in hot as a nine...a three is going to knock you out.” (John Holmberg, 10:05)
• “A lot of times you hear that: This guy was amazing... happiest guy I knew... and he immediately killed himself.” (John Holmberg, 16:30)
• “She got Fabioed.” (John Holmberg, 17:51)
• “Why did you guys cave so fast? What were you doing? ‘We were starving them until they did the jumps.’” (John Holmberg, 22:27)
• “Moved up here to get away from the blacks and now they’re in the water. Oh my God, it’s eating her boat.” (John Holmberg, 21:15 – in character for dark comic effect)
• “Just for the fun of it, I think I’m going to write a note about how much I used to quietly and secretly love to blow Brady Bogan on a regular basis.” (John Holmberg, 28:51)
• “But I bet you even Bob Ross wouldn’t think that’s a happy little accident.” (Unidentified Host, 31:53)

Memorable Moments & Humor

• Pet Costumes: The deadpan description of dog responses to costumes.
• Happiness Scale Honesty: The hosts candidly (and pessimistically) rate themselves, leading to a wider commentary on happiness, contentment, and suspicion of “nines.”
• SeaWorld & Animal Rights: Satirical takes on how SeaWorld trainers "motivated" whales, darkly riffing on the company’s fall from grace.
• Absurd “Brady Videos”: Outlandish, grotesque clips spark both disgust and guilty laughter, especially the AI fat roller and “Vag Bay” segment.
• Disrupted Halloween: The restoration of Bob Ross by neighbors offers a rare “happy little” ending amid comic destruction.

Episode Structure & Flow

• Show opens with offbeat food/holiday observations and segues through quick bits of trivia and stats.
• Transition into more substantive banter on happiness and health, giving way to major news stories (SeaWorld, bottled message discovery).
• Recurrent return to lighter, often absurd “Brady videos,” alongside running inside jokes (pet peeves, personal histories).
• Throughout, maintains fast-paced, irreverent tone, typical of the show.

Timestamps for Reference

• Candy Corn/Junk Food Rant: 03:42–04:33
• M&Ms & Candy Trivia: 04:33–06:08
• Pet Costumes Discussion: 07:45–09:34
• Happiness Study Segment: 09:39–11:36
• SeaWorld Lawsuit Segment: 17:41–22:26
• WWI Bottled Messages Segment: 28:01–29:03
• Halloween Vigilante Story: 30:34–31:56
• Brady Videos Segment: 33:02–44:40

Conclusion

Even as the episode veers gleefully into dark and scatological humor, the hosts never lose sight of their commitment to lampooning the modern American mind: anxieties over happiness, our obsession with pets, and the unending parade of uniquely weird news. Whether you find them offensive or cathartic, Holmberg and crew’s snarky camaraderie and willingness to “laugh at the pain” remain undiminished.