10-31-25 - Hans Kim - Desert Ridge Improv - In Studio

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Hans Kim In Studio

Podcast: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona (98KUPD | Hubbard Radio)
Episode: 10-31-25 – Hans Kim – Desert Ridge Improv – In Studio
Air Date: October 31, 2025

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Episode Overview

Comedian Hans Kim joins John Holmberg and the Morning Sickness crew in the studio ahead of his Desert Ridge Improv shows in Phoenix. The episode delivers a freewheeling, irreverently funny conversation covering Hans’s journey in stand-up comedy, life in Austin, the quirks of Halloween, drug use, growing up in a strict Korean Christian home, and even bizarre hygiene mishaps. The tone is playful, a little off-color, and relentlessly candid, with Holmberg and Hans riffing on each other’s stories.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Hans Kim’s Comedy and Texas Move

• Austin as Comedy Central
  • Hans now lives in Austin, noting the mass migration of comedians there.
    • “All of comedy has moved to Texas.” – Host (02:28)
    • Hans admits he initially resisted the move: “I refused to move to Texas. Why would you move there? You’re gonna get shot.” (02:36)
    • Despite his concerns, he now enjoys Texas – sort of secretly.
• Impact on Local Scenes
  • Discussion on how media attention can ‘ruin’ the coolness of cities like Austin and Phoenix by attracting outsiders (02:53-03:16).

2. Hans’s Background and Early Influences

• Seattle Upbringing
  • Hans is from Seattle; his Mariners baseball fandom is revealed to be shallow as he admits to only paying attention when they’re good (04:10-04:19).
• Asian Representation in Comedy
  • Reflects on being among few Asian comics, naming influences like Bobby Lee and Margaret Cho.
    • “Before I told [my parents] I was into comedy, I was heavily into marijuana use…" (06:24)
  • Margaret Cho recognized as an early, important artistic figure for Koreans in comedy (05:14).

3. Drug Use: Tales and Perceptions

• Weed and Mushrooms
  • Hans is open about his marijuana use; says he appreciates the ability to change his brain’s mood:
    • "What I like about drugs is that if my brain is in a certain mode… I can just change it." (08:40)
  • Host shares his own disastrous experience with marijuana, leading to paranoia and confusion:
    • “The minute I knew I was high, it felt like my thumb switched hands.” (07:20)
  • Hans suggests, “I don’t want to smoke around you.” (08:02)
• Psychedelics and Curiosity
  • Brief discussion on ayahuasca and mushrooms; Hans says he would try ayahuasca (08:17).
  • Cast jokes about how drugs have become popular in the comedy scene (08:30).

4. Relationships and Technology (AI Partners)

• Hans’s Girlfriend
  • Hans has a girlfriend who enjoys cruises and is currently at Disneyland; the hosts playfully tease him about dating an “80-year-old woman” and joke about whether she is real or “online-only” (09:57-10:12).
• Rise of AI Companions
  • Playful speculation about AI girlfriends and sex dolls, with Hans admitting he’s “not even a Fleshlight owner” and wouldn't be “an early adopter” (10:53).

5. Adult Humor: Sex, Hygiene, and Oddities

• Horror Stories
  • A riff on the importance of self-cleaning AI dolls leads to Hans offering the episode’s most unforgettable line:
    • “There’s nothing worse than banging your doll and then taking it out back with a garden hose.” – Host (11:09)
• Hygiene Confessional
  • Hans reveals a story about post-sex hygiene confusion, which quickly devolves into signature Morning Sickness banter:
    • “I had a little thing on there and I wiped it off and it popped.” (14:27)
    • “It was just, like, unhygienic… I got in the bathtub… just a little fermentation.” (14:50, 15:13)
  • Both parties make quips on male insecurities and shame around sexual hygiene.

6. Halloween: Culture Clash and Strict Childhoods

• Hans’s Halloween Memories
  • Growing up in a conservative Korean Christian home, Halloween was seen as "Devil's Day," and even Harry Potter was forbidden:
    • “We grew up super Christian… We thought Halloween was like, you… don’t practice Devil’s Day.” (16:30-16:37)
    • “Harry Potter was out.” (16:40-16:45)
  • Church ran its own “Halloween alternative” events — including a strange game involving blindfolded kids crawling around a maze (17:22-18:27).

7. Korean Identity and Visiting Korea

• Identity Shifts
  • Jokes about “not even Korean anymore… transitioned to Chinese” (19:23-19:26).
  • Explains most outside Korea don’t specify North/South; North Koreans hide it if they emigrate (19:47).
• Returning to Korea
  • Hans has visited 14 times, loves Seoul (“…it’s like someone actually built the streets on purpose. It’s functional.” 20:17)
  • Notes the rarity of homelessness (“There’s like, seven.” 20:32).

8. Hypothetical: Fixing the World

• Hans’s solution: “I would…make everyone smoke weed.” (21:17)
  • With a nod to crop-dusting planes, not “just walking around a mall and knocking kids down” (21:32–21:38).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On moving to Austin:
  • “I refused to move to Texas. I just was like, why would you move there? You’re gonna get shot.” – Hans Kim (02:36)
• On being an Asian comedian:
  • “I mean, there’s not a lot of us. It’s just Bobby Lee and Bowen Yang.” – Hans Kim (05:06)
• On marijuana:
  • “What I like about drugs is that…if my brain is in a certain mode and a mood, I can just change it.” – Hans Kim (08:40)
  • “I don’t want to smoke around you.” – Hans Kim to Host (08:02)
• On relationships and cruises:
  • “You’re dating an 80-year-old woman. Congratulations.” – Host (09:50)
• On hygiene mishaps:
  • “I had a little thing on there and I wiped it off and it popped.” – Hans Kim (14:27)
• On Halloween growing up:
  • “We grew up super Christian…we thought Halloween was like, you…don’t practice Devil’s Day.” – Hans Kim (16:30)
• On North vs South Korea:
  • “If you are North Korean, you hide it.” – Hans Kim (19:47)
• If Hans fixed the world:
  • “I would…make everyone smoke weed.” – Hans Kim (21:17)

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Key Timestamps

• 02:26 – Hans discusses moving to Austin, Texas, and the changing comedy landscape.
• 05:06 – Discussion about being Asian in American stand-up.
• 06:24–08:57 – Delving into drugs: marijuana, mushrooms, and their impact on mood.
• 09:26 – Hans opens up about his girlfriend, leading to jokes about cruises and AI relationships.
• 10:53–11:50 – Hilarious debate on the practicality and hygiene of future AI dolls.
• 14:27–15:38 – Hans’s candid, awkward story about sexual hygiene and fermentation.
• 16:30–18:50 – Hans’s Halloween as a child, forbidden fun, and unique church substitutes.
• 19:21–20:17 – Korean identity, family history, and trips back to Seoul.
• 21:17–21:52 – Hans’s comedic “fix” for the world: weed and crop-dusting.

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Tone & Final Remarks

The episode is both irreverent and surprisingly earnest, with Hans Kim blending deadpan quips and self-deprecation with candid insights on Asian identity, religion, and life as a modern comedian. It’s fast-paced, explicit, and full of side-splitting one-liners, matching the energy and absurdity that defines Holmberg’s Morning Sickness.

If you’re looking for comedy club stories, culture clash confessions, and off-the-cuff banter—plus maybe a hygiene horror story you can never unhear—this is an episode not to miss.

Transcript

[Host]

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[Hans Kim]

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[Mike King]

I'm Mike King from the podcast Profiling Evil. A place where true crime meets behavioral science. I spent my career investigating serial predators and studying the psychology behind them. Here we don't just talk about what criminals did. We explore why they do what they do. We expose manipulation and control Control. Look at how offenders select their victims and uncover the ways that they try to avoid detection. You can find Profiling evil on your favorite podcast, platform.

[Host]

Sickness.

[Hans Kim]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

[Host]

All right, here we go, everybody. Look at this. We just were the classiest operation in all of America. I would say probably. Hans Kim is here. He's at the Desert Ridge Improv tonight and tomorrow. One show tonight and I'm kind of responsible for wrecking that. And then Saturday you've got two shows because I have a band show next door. I'm the one that made it so you don't have to do a late show.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Host]

You're welcome.

[Hans Kim]

Halloween.

[Host]

Yeah. Friday late show. Nightmare drunk Pikachu heckling you.

[Guest/Panelist]

Oh, yeah.

[Host]

Wait a minute now. I want to cancel my show. I have an idea. I want to do something else. Yeah, that's. Yeah. Halloween shows. Probably. I never thought of that.

[Hans Kim]

Or probably it's not really a stand up holiday.

[Host]

No, it isn't. It's kind of more of a great.

[Hans Kim]

For children and family.

[Host]

And then the people who do leave hate Halloween.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah. So why would you dress up and go sit in a dark room where you're not supposed to talk to anyone.

[Host]

Because you're a psychopath. Yeah. And I would like to see that too. Your show is going to be great tonight. Yeah, that's going to be awesome. Hans Kim, if you want to go. Desert Ridge improv dot com. Yeah, we were just talking off there. You live over in Austin. Is that where you stand Now?

[Hans Kim]

Yes.

[Host]

And all of comedy has moved to Texas.

[Hans Kim]

Yes. Isn't it amazing now? Yeah.

[Host]

Did you think that when you started, like, I'm going to end up in the heart of Texas. Texas.

[Hans Kim]

No, I refused to move to Texas. I just was like, why would you move there? You're gonna get shot.

[Host]

Really?

[Hans Kim]

It just seems like unnecessary.

[Guest/Panelist]

Wild West.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah. Now I'm there. It's great.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

I don't want anyone to know about it.

[Host]

Yeah. That's kind of how I feel about here. They won't shut up.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah. They're telling everyone about it.

[Host]

Yeah. They. And they stopped touring, so now everybody has to go to them. It's the worst. So, yeah, they've made Austin kind of a thing where it's going to turn into a bunch of buttholes eventually. Just hanging around, wrecking what used to be kind of neat.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Host]

That's what I feel about Phoenix. Every time we're on tv, I encourage all of the residents to, like, do La Cockaroocha Horns and, like, just have ice running around like, we're just a madhouse.

[Guest/Panelist]

Nothing safe.

[Host]

So all those people from Buffalo don't move here. We don't want that. Philadelphia and Buffalo moving in. Where are you from?

[Hans Kim]

From Seattle.

[Host]

Oh, okay.

[Hans Kim]

So that's like. We consider you guys neighbors because we have no one else.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

And our Mariners play down here, the Peoria, for the spring.

[Guest/Panelist]

Spring training.

[Host]

You ever come down for that?

[Hans Kim]

Never. No.

[Host]

You need to schedule. Schedule shows it fun.

[Hans Kim]

You get to meet the players. Better going to a MLB game.

[Host]

You get to play. They'll just put you on the field. If you show up, you're a Mariner for a day. Anybody gets a ball, you catch a ball, you're in. It's awesome. It's like Savannah bananas. Everybody's a player.

[Hans Kim]

I don't know if this is a Giant Phoenix prank, you guys.

[Host]

It is. You should come out. We'll get you out on the field. Everyone will love it. No, it's. Spring training is amazing.

[Guest/Panelist]

Yeah.

[Host]

If you're a Mariners fan, you must go.

[Guest/Panelist]

It's like Fan Fest.

[Host]

But I wouldn't go to their. Their stadium. There's, like, nine other ones. You go see the other teams, watch the Mariners on the road, because technically, on the road's 35ft, so.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Host]

Yeah, it's good. Have you been a Mariners fan your whole life or just this year? Did you jump on?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah. No, this year. Are they good this year?

[Host]

See, you're not a fan. They almost went to the World Series.

[Hans Kim]

Oh, yeah. They lost the Last thing.

[Host]

You can't. You're like, he's an Austin wrestler. He knows baseball, though. They lost the last thing. Like, y. That's exactly what it says in the record, the playoffs.

[Hans Kim]

Everyone who isn't in the World Series lost the last thing.

[Guest/Panelist]

They were so mad. If we would have won that one thing.

[Host]

Baseball. Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

Baseball historians boils down to.

[Host]

That's what I remember Vince Gulley used to do. Like. And then the Yankees lost the last thing. I'll be right back. Hans Kim is at Desert Ridge Improv tonight. Tell us about you. What is it? What should we know about Hans Kim?

[Hans Kim]

I'm Asian. No.

[Host]

Just in case.

[Hans Kim]

It's the radio.

[Host]

I don't see color or anything else or here. I can't. I can't. I don't know. Is being Asian difficult in comedy?

[Hans Kim]

I mean, there's not a lot of us. It's just Bobby Lee and Bowen Yang.

[Host]

And, you know, Margaret Cho's still in the mix.

[Hans Kim]

I mean, she was when I was coming up.

[Host]

She's a legend.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, she was in Atlanta. She was, like, the big, you know, Korean. She was, like, artsy and respected artistically. So that was cool for Koreans.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

Oh, we can be clowns.

[Host]

You guys were worried that you couldn't be until. We want to be, but not sure people are accepted.

[Guest/Panelist]

Just. Aang. Anger is the only expression. No comedy.

[Host]

Yeah. Were you growing up? Were you like, somebody's like, I want to be a comedian. Me?

[Hans Kim]

No. That was like moving to Texas for me. I was like, why would anyone do that?

[Host]

What did you want to do?

[Hans Kim]

Just, like, be rich?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

I was a kid. I didn't know anything.

[Host]

You didn't know anything. You just thought eventually, why don't we listen.

[Guest/Panelist]

Becoming rich.

[Hans Kim]

I don't know. I think because I was Asian and I was, like, good at math. I was like, maybe I could math. What? My way into money.

[Guest/Panelist]

Math. Some money.

[Host]

You're Asian. Who's good at math?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Host]

You're just lying to us.

[Hans Kim]

I know. You don't see race.

[Host]

I do see math.

[Hans Kim]

You should.

[Host]

So you thought you'd be good at math? You thought, I'll be. I'll be an Asian mathematician.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Host]

Just a mathematician. Oh, no kidding.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Host]

Okay.

[Hans Kim]

Super Asian.

[Host]

Yeah. That's exceptional Asian.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Guest/Panelist]

So I can only imagine what they thought when you, like, go into comedy.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

Well, that's the thing is, like, before I told them I was into comedy, I was heavily into marijuana use, which is legal now.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

Ten years ago, it was like, you know, the same as cocaine.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

So then they found, like, marijuana in my possession. And then they're like, oh, thank God that you're not doing marijuana, you're just doing comedy. Is that the double whammy them?

[Host]

Do you still smoke?

[Hans Kim]

Yes. You like it last night? Yeah.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

You just love it.

[Host]

Big fan. What is it about that for you? Because I've tried to be someone who loves it and I just don't. And everyone gives advice and I'm not trying. I was horrible at. I got paranoid. I wanted to kill things. I was like. I got, like, mean. Not, like outwardly mean, but internally mean. Like, I literally have a diabetic cat and I had to give the diabetic cat a shot. And I couldn't when I had 50 milligrams of gummies in me because I thought I was going to stab it. My body was just like.

[Hans Kim]

Just hit it.

[Host]

Hit it with a needle. And I'm like, what's wrong with you?

[Hans Kim]

Violence.

[Host]

I had a violent. Yeah, I had violent weed rage. No. I even looked it up. And also the other thing that would happen to me, the minute I knew I was high, it felt like my thumb switched hands. Man, that is a real thing. So I try to text them, like, nope, these are on the wrong hands.

[Hans Kim]

I don't know if you're doing marijuana. I think that's pcp.

[Host]

Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I don't know what was going on, but it was very strange. I wanted to throw my boss out a window because he made me smoke out of a bong.

[Mike King]

And he did.

[Host]

And I thought about it. I'm like, he's trying to kill you. My brain just kept saying, he's trying to kill you. That's what's happening. You need to get rid of him. Like, I don't think this is good for me. So what do you do that could convince me that I'm doing it wrong?

[Hans Kim]

I would recommend not. I don't want to smoke around you.

[Guest/Panelist]

You're making a good choice.

[Host]

Yeah, I think that's it. Should I try something else? Other drugs?

[Hans Kim]

Drugs are a heck of a thing. Yeah.

[Host]

Are you, like, what drug? Ayahuasca. Ever do that?

[Hans Kim]

No.

[Host]

You want to?

[Hans Kim]

I would. Yeah.

[Host]

I'll meet you at 4.

[Hans Kim]

You guys have ayahuasca prescription?

[Host]

No. I would love to try something. I'm just afraid of all of it. And my reactions have never been positive.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, I don't.

[Host]

I think I noticed that's pretty popular.

[Guest/Panelist]

In the comedy world.

[Host]

Yeah, the acid mushrooms and stuff.

[Guest/Panelist]

Oh, yeah.

[Host]

Have you ever Done like mushrooms and stuff?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, of course.

[Host]

And you like that?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, yeah. I think it's what I like about drugs is that if I'm feeling, if my brain is in a certain mode and a mood, I can just change it. So like I. I love being able to like have control over what my brain is like, you know, like if it's in a funk, I can just change.

[Host]

You can turn it off?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah. So it's like a light. Turn it off.

[Host]

Turn it a different direction. Yeah, you can steer it. Yeah, yeah. And when, like, is it when you're depressed or you're like just overly stressed or something or you just can kind of bail out? I can't have that. Yeah, they make me worse.

[Hans Kim]

Oh, it makes the stress.

[Host]

Causes incredible amounts of stress. Like I can't move. I don't like not having my thumbs on the right hand.

[Guest/Panelist]

It made me hungry the one time.

[Host]

That wasn't the drug. He's still high. Evidently.

[Guest/Panelist]

Been high for years.

[Host]

Do you have a lady friend?

[Hans Kim]

Yes, I live with my girlfriend now. She's in California for Halloween.

[Host]

Oh.

[Hans Kim]

I think is not a great place because everyone's dressed up there all year round.

[Host]

Yeah. You don't know when it's Halloween.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host]

What is she. Is she going to go out? Is she going out for Halloween?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, she's going to Disneyland right now and then she's going on a cruise tomorrow. She's a cruise person.

[Host]

Like she's a cruise person or works for the cruise people.

[Hans Kim]

Oh, no. Yeah, she likes cruise.

[Host]

You're dating an 80 year old woman. Congratulations.

[Hans Kim]

She's Jewish.

[Guest/Panelist]

She's on a Viking cruise in a month from now.

[Host]

She just. She just. How did you meet a cruise person? Are you a cruise person?

[Hans Kim]

No, I've never been.

[Host]

You've never been? And she goes alone.

[Hans Kim]

She goes with her mom.

[Host]

Have you met her yet?

[Guest/Panelist]

This is all online.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, she's online. Yeah, she's virtual.

[Host]

The Manti Tao girlfriend is back, so. Yeah, that's not bad. Will you have an AI And I.

[Guest/Panelist]

Send her money for the cruises? It's working out good.

[Host]

I would like. The AI girls are coming. Well, that sounded dirty, but you know what I mean. The AI girls will be here soon. I should.

[Hans Kim]

I think we saw one.

[Host]

Yeah, I think we just watched that. But is that something that you're worried about AI? Because it's friendly to us now. I'm looking at AI right now as like a drug dealer. Like everything's fun and they're doing funny songs and wacky videos and then Pretty soon.

[Hans Kim]

I mean, real girls are pretty mean.

[Host]

That's true. It's a good point, I think.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah. I mean, AI is better. More girls, the better.

[Host]

Real or fake.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host]

Would you ever own a doll if it had like an emotionless AI doll? If they brought those to life.

[Hans Kim]

I mean, I don't even have a Fleshlight now. I don't think I'd be an early adopter.

[Host]

I think I'm in line for it. I think it would be kind of fun to just have that in the closet as a.

[Hans Kim]

You just press a button and it just like compacts and then you could have it, you know, because the thing that would annoy me.

[Sleep Number Advertiser]

Storage.

[Hans Kim]

Storage space. Yeah. I live in an 800 square foot apartment. Right.

[Host]

You can't have some clogging. That's human body clogging that up. You learned that the hard way. Yeah. The fun thing is I've always thought of like it has to be self cleaning because there's nothing worse than banging your doll and then like taking it out back with a garden hose. Morning sickness. Holmberg's morning sickness. You stuffing it in there while the neighbors are watching.

[Guest/Panelist]

And that looks good to the neighbors.

[Host]

Yeah. You can't.

[Hans Kim]

Responsible doll owner.

[Host]

Well, you don't want to go back in there a couple days later if you haven't mopped up.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah. It's green and black.

[Host]

I don't know about that.

[Guest/Panelist]

The mold.

[Host]

Oh, I get what he's saying.

[Hans Kim]

That's what you have to do what that girl did on the video and just stretch it out.

[Host]

Just start opening it up and seeing what falls out. Yeah. Would you date a girl? Could do that butterfly effect thing.

[Hans Kim]

I mean, maybe. I think all girls can do. Yeah. I think they just choose not to. Cuz no one wants to look at their genitals in that way.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

They like to think about it as a pretty magic. Right.

[Host]

Yeah. And some of them aren't pretty. And I think. Do you think girls know? Do you think you have pretty genitals? I mean, no one's asking. Normal.

[Guest/Panelist]

Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

Mine are like big or small, but they're not like crazy. Unless you're like Harvey Weinstein and he.

[Host]

Has a weird one.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah. It was apparently like rotting off.

[Host]

Oh my God. Tell me the story. How do you know?

[Hans Kim]

How do you know this? I thought it was common knowledge.

[Host]

Nope. You're breaking the news.

[Hans Kim]

He had like gangrene. Gangrenous growths on his penis. How? Diabetes, I guess. Yeah. He's like an old out of shape man.

[Host]

That happens.

[Hans Kim]

I guess. Maybe he, like, injected a pump into it. Oh, I'm not sure.

[Sleep Number Advertiser]

I'm.

[Hans Kim]

I'm just, like, speculating.

[Host]

You're gonna get su.

[Hans Kim]

I know the good name of Harvey Weinstein.

[Host]

Look out. He's very litigious. He's in court all the time right now. You're gonna make people go, oh, poor Harvey Weinstein. It's coming off. I didn't notice. I didn't know that.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, it was bad.

[Host]

No kidding.

[Hans Kim]

Didn't have a penis.

[Host]

Stop it.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, I knew that.

[Host]

They said that was weird in the. In the. In the court transcripts. They're like, he had a strange p. I didn't hear. Gangrenous or, you know, kept those details out.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah. Still has some power.

[Host]

Yeah. At what point do you see a doctor for that?

[Guest/Panelist]

Well, obviously, he went to. It's too late.

[Host]

Yeah. I think I'd hide it for a while. I don't think. I think I'd wait for it to fix itself. And then probably like, oh, this is going fast.

[Guest/Panelist]

We keep this out of the trial. Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

Wow.

[Guest/Panelist]

Or he could have the argument, how could I do this with this thing?

[Host]

Yeah, that's true. Maybe he made it worse on purpose to go, you think I'm showing? Come on. I'm not a sex monster.

[Hans Kim]

It's like trying to get rid of the weapon of the crime.

[Host]

Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever had a std?

[Mike King]

No.

[Hans Kim]

No.

[Host]

What's the closest you've ever come to having aids?

[Hans Kim]

I think I. I one time I. I did a wipe after sex, and then it just sort of like.

[Host]

Oh, God.

[Hans Kim]

Kind of like became white. But then I wiped it off.

[Host]

What? Wait a second.

[Hans Kim]

I had a little dang extra. Oh, God.

[Host]

You had a little thing on there and you wiped it off and it popped.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Guest/Panelist]

And in mind, it went away.

[Host]

Wait, you had it popped and you're like, that's gone. And if it doesn't come back. I don't need to talk to anyone about this. Kill him on the radio.

[Hans Kim]

It was just, like, unhygienic. Oh, it wasn't like an st. You had a pimple? Yeah, pretty much. It was like a ingrown. I got in the bathtub. When you. You don't wipe it.

[Guest/Panelist]

The ring.

[Host]

You had a ring around your will. Don't laugh at that.

[Hans Kim]

I didn't want years old.

[Host]

How old?

[Hans Kim]

22.

[Host]

And you didn't know?

[Hans Kim]

No.

[Host]

You weren't supposed to have dirt on it.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, I was like.

[Mike King]

It had to.

[Guest/Panelist]

Be lack of cleaning.

[Host]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's what he's saying. Yeah. And then you popped it.

[Hans Kim]

A little fermentation.

[Host]

You just wiped the. Was it probably painful?

[Hans Kim]

No, no, it's just like a scum. It's like.

[Host]

Oh, yeah.

[Hans Kim]

Scrubbing bubbles, vaginal fluid.

[Host]

Oh, it was post everything. So you just wandered around with that on there for like a trophy?

[Hans Kim]

Just fermenting?

[Host]

Yeah, just letting it soak in.

[Hans Kim]

Having some probiotic. That's gross.

[Host]

What do you do for Halloween normally when you're not doing shows? Are you a big Halloween guy?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, last year I got pretty wasted on 6th street in Austin.

[Host]

Nice.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, I was just dressed up as Napoleon.

[Host]

Cool.

[Hans Kim]

Asian Napoleon.

[Host]

That's confusing to everybody.

[Hans Kim]

Scum on his dick.

[Host]

The greatest band name I've ever heard in my life. It's a match.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host]

And then so you got. So you were Napoleon last year. Did you go by yourself or who was with you?

[Hans Kim]

My girlfriend was some sort of red devil.

[Host]

Okay. Yeah. You didn't even ask. Yeah, yeah, she just showed up. That was enough.

[Hans Kim]

She had a halo or spikes.

[Host]

Oh, she had the horns coming out of her head.

[Hans Kim]

She was Satan.

[Host]

That's it. And then you guys just ran amok in Austin.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, we just ran around.

[Host]

What's your favorite Halloween as a kid? Do you remember? Did you have a weird one? Every kid's got like one that were like, this was a. I just gotta wait till next year and reboot.

[Hans Kim]

We grew up super Christian in our Korean household. And we thought Halloween was like, you.

[Guest/Panelist]

Know, you don't practice Devil's Day.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, the Hogwarts, you know, we saw Harry Potter was bad too.

[Host]

Harry Potter was out.

[Guest/Panelist]

Yeah, I just able to see those movies growing up.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, the books. I was. I was a little before the movie.

[Host]

Really? So you. You read the books? Like Playboy? Like. Yeah, they were porn. Yeah. You had to hide from your parents. What would they have done had they known you were a Harry Potter guy?

[Hans Kim]

They would have just been disappointed.

[Host]

Oh, that's it. Oh, that's worse.

[Hans Kim]

The Asian guilt.

[Host]

Yeah, that's actually worse.

[Guest/Panelist]

How did the. How did the characters turn out after? You know, you read the books first, then all of a sudden you see a movie finally. Yeah, they match up with the description Hermione.

[Hans Kim]

I mean, it's been so long now, I don't even remember what I saw.

[Host]

The weed. So your parents didn't let you have trick or treat?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, so we had this church retreat thing that we did. So we got all. I was like older. I was like 15.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

So I was in charge of like the kids and we had like different activities that were in devil related. And one of them was a maze where we blindfolded children and they would crawl around in a maze. And there were like seven children and I lost track of one. And then I just see her like crawling off into the corner of the room. It's just. She bumped into a wall and that was one of the funniest things.

[Host]

Yeah, that was it. So it was just kind of allowing kids to crawl around blindfolded. Like Jared's house.

[Hans Kim]

That's better.

[Host]

Yeah. That's weird. And then it just ends.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah. There was no.

[Host]

There's no payoff. No candy. Everybody takes their blindfolds off and goes to bed. Yeah.

[Hans Kim]

It's an Asian church.

[Host]

It was. Was it an Asian Christian church?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Host]

So was that traditional or needed? Well, I didn't say that. I was thinking it, but I didn't say.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, we use half the blindfolds, the white church for these.

[Host]

Why do you got to do that? You're gonna lose him.

[Hans Kim]

That's.

[Host]

He can't take those kind of jokes.

[Hans Kim]

I know you guys are gonna say this when I leave.

[Host]

Oh, yeah. Oh, we're gonna say. Well, not necessarily on the air. We're gonna say a lot of bad stuff, but. Oh, you're gonna take a beating. But still. No, that's hilarious. But I didn't. I don't know that that's. And then just. Okay, put your blindfolds on and crawl. And then. And then that's it.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Host]

That's Halloween to you.

[Hans Kim]

That's your apple bomb. Yeah. It was a very church controlled activity.

[Host]

Huh.

[Hans Kim]

So we don't.

[Guest/Panelist]

Did all of the stuff like that would happen at a Halloween party without acknowledging the Halloween.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, candy. Why is candy the devil?

[Host]

Yeah, it sounds great. Because he's a temptress.

[Hans Kim]

Sugar, shouldn't the puppies also be the devil?

[Host]

It's an excellent point. Our puppy Satanic is a great. That's a great. We should do a thesis wondering whether or not that's a religious gift from the devil. Are you still a religious person?

[Hans Kim]

No, not at all.

[Host]

You left it completely.

[Hans Kim]

I'm not even Korean anymore.

[Host]

Is that right? You didn't believe in that either.

[Hans Kim]

I transitioned to Chinese.

[Host]

Is there a. I don't know. This. This is going to sound stupid. Is there a difference? Like to say in Korean. Everybody's Korean from Korea. But north and south is just the dividing line. Is it important to note south to people?

[Hans Kim]

I mean, not to Koreans? Because I'll just assume. And if you are North Korean, you hide it.

[Host]

You don't say so. That's kind of what I was getting at. If you escape North Korea, you tend.

[Guest/Panelist]

To be a Southie.

[Host]

Yeah. Yeah. You went. It's like a Bostonian. Korea. If you went to Seattle and you're like, yeah, we're from Korea, too. Like, oh, yeah. What part? Near the middle. The Middle. Way down by the southern. What's the city in?

[Mike King]

The bottom.

[Host]

We're next to that. I'm in the Keys, because I don't know that you'd meet. I don't know anybody.

[Hans Kim]

Korea. Keys.

[Host]

The Keys. Oh, my God, the sailing. It's amazing. So have you ever been. Do you ever go back?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, I've been there, like, 14.

[Host]

No kidding? You like it?

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, I love it.

[Host]

I hear it's gorgeous. I hear Soul's an amazing place.

[Hans Kim]

It's. It's like, you know, someone actually built the streets on purpose. It's not, like, functional.

[Guest/Panelist]

The design is.

[Host]

Wait a minute. What?

[Guest/Panelist]

It's really clean.

[Host]

Wait, homeless. There are no homeless people in Seoul.

[Hans Kim]

There's like, seven.

[Host]

No kidding. That's good.

[Guest/Panelist]

And they have permits.

[Host]

Yeah, and houses. So they're fine.

[Hans Kim]

They all do their homework on the streets.

[Host]

That's. I want to go. That's one I want to go to. I don't want to go to, like, Tokyo or anything in other Asian countries because they're too crowded. And I know Seoul's big, but it seems kind of like almost an American blueprint.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah, they. They took the American idea of fun.

[Host]

Yeah, they are. Damn.

[Hans Kim]

The Japanese did not know.

[Host]

They're very serious, wildly serious people. And don't even on China, we don't know what they're up to. But it ain't fun, that's for sure. That's awesome. Hans Kim is at Desert Ridge Improv tonight and tomorrow, if you want to go down there. Desert Ridge improv.com Hans Fix the World. If you were in charge of it one day, right away, what would you do first?

[Hans Kim]

I would, you know, make everyone smoke weed.

[Host]

Everyone except me.

[Hans Kim]

Crop dust.

[Host]

Not necessarily. And crop dust, people.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Guest/Panelist]

If you're not.

[Host]

We're going to crop dust. But you would just smoke weed and fart on strangers.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah.

[Host]

Or real crop dust.

[Hans Kim]

No. Yeah, real crop dust.

[Host]

Like from the plane. Not like just walking around a mall and knocking kids down.

[Hans Kim]

Yeah. Not like what you do. No.

[Host]

I didn't know if that was. Because when you're high, you're not flying. Crop duster.

[Guest/Panelist]

Not a good idea.

[Hans Kim]

You're gonna have to wear a gas mask.

[Host]

Yeah, for sure. Hans Kim. Thank you. It's nice to meet you.

[Hans Kim]

Thank you so much for having me.

[Host]

Hans Kim, everybody. It's 98.

[Guest/Panelist]

It's not weird.

[Hans Kim]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[Guest/Panelist]

No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.