11-03-25 - BR - MON - The Banana Slug's Junk Is As Big As Its Whole Body - Mother Shoots Escaped Monkey In Mississippi - Inventor Of Frozen Burrito Has Died

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – 11-03-25 – MONDAY RECAP

Episode Theme: A wild, irreverent mix of Arizona morning musings, animal trivia (yes, especially a lot of slug anatomy), news off-beat and local, commentary on pop culture and sports, and the show’s trademark raucous banter. This episode is a classic forays into bizarre biology facts, odd news (escaped monkeys, missing Chihuahuas, public urination by a judge), and comedic reactions to wacky video clips, all delivered in the unfiltered style of John Holmberg and the crew.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Event Recaps, Gratitude, and Charitable Success

• Sit, Stay, Brunch for Lost Our Home Pet Rescue:
  • Holmberg starts off with praise for the fundraising event, surpassing $300,000 to keep the shelter going after a year plagued by disasters (AC breakdown, turf damage, microburst storm, plumbing issues).
  • Quote: “This is the year the building fought back.” – (Jody, rescue director, relayed by John Holmberg) [02:40]
  • Insight: The hosts show genuine warmth and involvement in local animal causes, sharing the behind-the-scenes struggles of nonprofits.
  • Timestamps: [01:56–03:36]

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2. Observational Comedy: The Social Scene at Suns Games

• Discussion on "Whores" Walking the Arena:
  • Inspired by a listener email, Holmberg and crew riff on the dating dynamics at Phoenix Suns games, where women are “dressed to the nines” looking for rich men.
  • Quote: “We’re going to have to come up with a name like the Millionaire Walk or the Millionaire March… Just go to a Suns game and whore up. Somebody will set the hook and reel you in!” – John Holmberg [05:35]
  • Timestamps: [03:36–06:55]

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3. Fun Facts & Bizarre Animal Biology: BANANA SLUGS

• Banana Slug Reproductive Facts:
  • Brady: “Banana slugs can have, uh, bigger junk—way bigger junk than humans. A banana slug is about 6 to 8 inches, and when it’s fully engorged, the junk is around 6 to 8 inches.” [10:19]
  • Group falls down a rabbit hole watching a nature documentary and weird YouTube/internet clips of slug mating.
    • Reactions to slug penises: “Holy smokes. It looks like soft serve ice cream. It’s huge!” – John Holmberg [16:34]
  • Banter veers into comparative anatomy (bats, ducks, pigs), then delighted/disturbed breakdowns of nature show audio.
  • Memorable Moment: “Is that the dork? It looks like soft serve ice cream. It’s huge.” – John Holmberg [16:34]
  • Timestamps: [10:18–17:12] (including the deep-dive into documentaries and odd noises)

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4. US Friendliness Rankings

• Brady shares the top “friendliest states” list:
  • Hawaii is #1, Arizona makes top five. Crew makes fun of Massachusetts’ inclusion, riffing on gruff Boston greetings.
  • Quote: “Boston’s not friendly. Hey kid, that’s not a good greeting.” – John Holmberg [17:55]
  • Timestamps: [17:25–18:16]

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5. Odd News Stories

A. Lost and Found Chihuahua

• Recap: Penny, a small dog missing for five years from Mississippi, found 520 miles away in Florida.
• Commentary on unlikely journeys and local demographics (“I don’t really… picture anyone in Mississippi having a Chihuahua. And I don’t picture any Mexicans going to Mississippi for a better life.” – John Holmberg [19:11])
• Timestamps: [18:27–20:02]

B. Man Steals a Power Tool…in His Pants

• Story: Indiana man tries to smuggle a Milwaukee router in his crotch, fails to convince police he planned to pay.
• Holmberg: “Most people stuff things they want in their pants and just continue shopping. ’I’ll pay for this later!’” [20:44]
• Timestamps: [20:02–21:10]

C. Mississippi Monkey Mayhem

• Mother Shoots Escaped Monkey:
  • Woman sees an “STD monkey” (from last week’s news) in her yard and shoots to protect her kids.
  • Quote: “If there’s a news alert of STD monkeys loose and I see a monkey in Mississippi, I’m pulling the trigger.” – John Holmberg [21:23]
  • Banter on possible diseases, mother’s reaction, and imagined 911 calls.
  • Timestamps: [21:10–22:33]

D. Arizona Judge Resigns After Public Urination

• Judge Christine Schaff Olson:
  • Found urinating drunk near courthouse, caught by police pulling up pants.
  • Brett: “Nasty broad.” [23:12]
  • Satirical chat about stress relief for judges, naming, and her resignation.
  • Timestamps: [22:42–23:40]

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6. Pop Culture and Product Revivals

• Mr. Pibb Returns: Coca-Cola is bringing back original Mr. Pibb (with 30% more caffeine).

  • Holmberg: “So it will kill you.” [24:16], “Don’t seduce me with the ingredients of Mr. Pibb.” [24:29]
  • [23:57–24:34]

• Death of the Frozen Burrito Inventor (Duane Roberts):

  • Tribute with musings on frozen burritos, snack food inventors, and machine engineering.
  • “Somebody had to invent Little Debbie’s… man, this is spectacular.” – John Holmberg [27:44]
  • [24:34–28:09]

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7. Viral Video & "Pretty Videos" Review Segment

• A series of escalatingly weird or wild videos:
  • Kid in Ninja Turtle costume hits a little girl with his Halloween bucket (cute!). [29:09]
  • “First class Pakistani train” – man defecates trackside, gets on train, nobody objects (“We’re better than this!” – John Holmberg [30:17]).
  • Bullfighting arena—crowd chaos, bull rampages, people injured.
  • Bizarre gym videos: woman peeing with a dumbbell in her butt (“Always wash the weights when you’re done using them!” – John Holmberg [39:16])
  • Party stunts: jump rope inserted in odd places at a pool party.
  • Security videos: flamethrower used to scare off would-be home intruder (“Don’t come back!” – [35:02]), concert chaos, stick fight.
• **Banter is gleefully immature, often explicit, with running jokes about American superiority, inventiveness, and “the unemployed” having too much time for party tricks.
• Timestamps: [29:01–39:16] (highlights change quickly between clips)

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8. Closing Jokes: The Snack Cake Machine Paradox

• Discussion: The philosophical question: did the snack (Twinkie, cupcake, etc.) or the machine come first?
  • “Somebody had to invent a specific Twinkie machine. God damn it.” – John Holmberg [28:49]
  • Timestamps: [27:44–28:49]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Bitch, you’re sitting on money.” – Story relayed by John Holmberg from a former coworker about entrepreneurial, um, suggestions [03:05]
• “It’s a six-part series of that particular couple watching banana slugs mate.” – John Holmberg [15:00]
• “They’re Hermes. They can do everything they want.” – On slug hermaphrodites, John Holmberg [16:31]
• “Is that the dork? Holy smokes. It looks like soft serve. Ice cream. It’s huge.” – John Holmberg [16:34]
• “We are better than them. That’s disgusting.” – John Holmberg, comparing American and Pakistani public hygiene [30:17]
• “If there’s a news alert of STD monkeys loose... I’m pulling the trigger.” – John Holmberg [21:23]
• “Somebody had to invent Little Debbie’s. ... These are all inventions. Everything I’m looking at is an invention.” – John Holmberg [28:01]

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Useful Timestamps by Segment

• [01:56–03:36] – Animal rescue charity recap
• [05:16–06:55] – Observations on Suns games & “Millionaire March”
• [10:18–17:12] – Banana slug trivia & video reaction
• [17:25–18:16] – Friendliest states banter
• [18:27–20:02] – Missing Chihuahua story
• [20:02–21:10] – Power tool theft
• [21:10–22:33] – Escaped monkey, Mississippi shooting
• [22:42–23:40] – Arizona judge urinates in public
• [23:57–24:34] – Mr. Pibb’s return
• [24:34–28:09] – Frozen burrito inventor, snack cake invention discussion
• [29:01–39:16] – Viral/Bizarre video review (“pretty videos”)
• [28:49–28:51] – Snack cake/Twinkie machine paradox

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Tone & Style

• Originality: The episode, as always, is raw, irreverent, packed with ridiculous asides and a “boys club” energy. The tone is gleefully informal, with shock-jock humor, absurdity, and relentless riffing from all hosts. Any educational moments are usually delivered with a wink or double entendre.

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Takeaway

If you missed the show, you missed a hilariously meandering celebration of the weird, the wacky, and the Arizona-local. Whether you came for sports, were fascinated (or horrified) by animal trivia, or stayed for the off-color video commentaries, this episode served up all of HMS's signature unpredictability — from banana slug anatomy and local charity tales, to monkeys on the loose and snack-food philosophical inquiries, with memorable one-liners at every turn.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP guns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. It's Brett Veseley from Homebrew's Morning Sickness. Now, I've always been the kind of guy that takes care of my own lawn. That's until I found Divine Design Landscaping. These guys aren't your typical Mo and blow landscaping company. They do amazing work and it's just what I needed to finally throw in the towel and let the experts take over. If you've been unhappy with your landscaping or sick of trying to do it yourself, well, it's time to get a hold of Divine Design Landscaping. These guys handle everything. Lawn care, irrigation, tree work, low vol voltage lighting, 3D designs. Get a free quote at DivineDesignLawnCare.com that's DivineDesignLawnCare.com Come on down to the Ranch House Grill. Comfort food is your next meal.

[John Holmberg]

Pork chili verde, chicken fried steak, Ranch house nose. You'll think it's great.

[Ranch House Grill Announcer]

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[John Holmberg]

Still streaming Homburg's morning sickness [e-mail] There you go. That's Marilyn Manson right there. The Beautiful people. If you're interested in. It's the song that reminds me of the new Nine Inch Nails. Give it a good long listen. Yeah, it's great.

[Brett Vesely]

I like that song.

[John Holmberg]

The new. That new. All their. It's really good. Didn't think I'd say that because. And they're coming back in March. Did they do a lot of the new stuff in the last one?

[Brett Vesely]

No, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

I think that's what the Marshall is going to be. It was. It's really good. That kind of. That song kind of reminded me of that vibe that comes off of it. Dig it. No problem with that. It's 740. That means that air is now going to be. It's your last chance for the seven o' clock word. If you haven't put it in the promo code box, you need to because it's ready to go for you right now. And that'll shut down in a couple of minutes, so keep trying if you haven't done it. And then at 8 o', clock, we'll give you yet another word to close out 8 o'. Clock. That way you can keep qualifying and bamboo. Somebody's gonna get another thousand bucks. That's how it works. We just keep giving money away because that's what you do when you love people, you hand them cash. We'll have more of that as the day goes on. So I'll do 8 o' clock in just a little bit. 9 o' clock again, and then Fitz will start again at 2. And we'll just keep this thing going so you can take it in the air. I want to say thanks to all the people that did show up for the thing on Friday, but also real quick, lost our home pet rescue. I think I did my math right. I think they got pretty close to $300,000 at the sit Stay brunch, which is massive. And you start going through what happened to them this year with 15 air conditioning units and like four of them just died. They had. There are sections of their dog run that somebody came by and replaced all the turf because that happened. They got hit by the microburst in September, that storm that came through. I guess that was October pipe, water pipes broke. They had plumbing issues. They lost their. Like Jody the princess, the queen, the one that runs the whole thing, said, this is the year the building fought back. And so all this money that went in that they'd already covered, you know, insurance helps and all this other stuff. But they needed donations this year, not only to help the animals, but to make sure that the facility was up and running. It was an awesome event.

[Brady]

So realize when those washing machines go out.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, how much that they're doing. I go in there all the time. We tried. We were. I knew those washing machines were going. We tried really hard to find somebody that sells those at Reason Industrial ones. I had called Eric Brian at Precision, and I was like, man, I'll try. I'll see what I can get on that. Because it's just a special humongous industrial washer and dryer there's died. So then you fall behind for a day and you're falling behind. And so they had a tough year. And that. That luncheon did an amazing thing. So pretty awesome that they did that. And a lot of great stuff went out the door. This guy says, my last. Just based on what we were talking about at my last job, I worked with a young black kid and he was always funny. He was talking to a girl out of state that he had banged and she was asking him for money. He said, I'll never forget the wise words that came out of his mouth. Bitch, you're sitting on money. I fell out of my chair laughing because he couldn't be more right. Exactly. There's money down there if you need it. Don't beg, use it. This guy says John about the Sun's game went on Halloween. Let me point out first that my wife is one of those rare women that doesn't only look at other women, but she points them out to me. I won sweet tickets for Friday night's game. And during the game my wife couldn't help but notice that the women at the game were just walking, they weren't sitting down. And at one point she leaned at me and said, what's with all the whores? And when I started laughing and I had to explain to her what you've been saying. They're trying to land a rich dude and they're flaunting whatever they can to get attention. It took her a minute to process this. And then my cool wife just says, well, good luck with that whores. And I realized how much I love this woman. That's a good one right there.

[Brady]

It's like a roller rink on the inside. Yeah, they'll change it up at the half reverse skate.

[John Holmberg]

They reverse around. Try the other way. Every angle is a good angle angle. They just walk around dressed to the nines. It's a different experience than it once was. Just going. The mad House of McDowell never had hot people in it.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, look at the hood. Nobody's going down.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God. Yeah, but Encanto has a beautiful, you know, million dollar homes really. But, but surrounded but close, close, close to the other side. Only place to eat was a Wendy's. It didn't have clubs at the old one. I feel sorry for the the Sons. The former Sons like Tom Chambers and Kevin Johnson. They had to work really hard to go get groupies. No one. They go all the way to Scottsdale. Now the groupies show up to the Sons. It's pretty fun to watch the Millionaire. We're gonna have to come up with a name like the Millionaire Walk or the Millionaire March or something like that. Because these girls get up and they start looking around for rich dudes. I saw a 79 year old man with a maybe a 30 year old Asian woman dressed as some sort of weird cowgirl. She had a cowboy hat and a leopard skin tight shirt on a pair of shorts. This dude could barely. He was shuffling along like Biden, holding hands with her and I'm like, that's spectacular. Her walk worked. She did the whore walk and she got one. Yeah, they'll take care of you. Just go to a son's game and hoard up. Somebody will set the hook and reel you right in. It's a beautiful thing. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report and it's brought to you by our friends over at All Pro shade. AllProChade.com is where you go when you need all your shady work done. You got a back patio that needs some shade, they'll take care of it. You got a window that gets hit by too much sun, they'll take care of it. They got a TV on your back patio that's getting glare. They'll take care of it. They'll make the sun your friend, not your enemy, and make your house an even better place. It ups the property values. It's just a nice feature to put on your place and make your back patio an unbelievable thing. Or your front depends on where you want to do it. You got too much sun somewhere. They'll take care of that for you. They've been doing it for over 20 years. They're the best in the business, so check them out. Allprochade.com Brady reported.

[Brady]

Good Monday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Brady]

Happy National Sandwich Day. No particular kind and give someone a dollar day.

[John Holmberg]

No. Just one dollar. Yep. And just one someone not give everyone a dollar day. Just pick a dollar. Give someone a buck. Give him a buck if I've got a dollar. Or her if I have a dollar on me. That would be so embarrassing.

[Brady]

A couple of basis fun facts. The LA Dodgers won the World Series.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brady]

And that'll be six straight years. Six straight years that a Will Smith has won a World Series. Right.

[John Holmberg]

There's a guy named Will Smith on all the last six teams.

[Brady]

The catcher for the Dodgers won in 2020, 2024, 2025 with the Dodgers.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

Then there was a pitcher, relief pitcher named Will Smith. Bounced around throughout his career. Won three straight rings with three different teams.

[John Holmberg]

And the years the Dodger hasn't. The Dodgers haven't won it since 2020. Those years off.

[Brady]

So he won with the Braves in 2021, Houston Astros in 2022 and the Rangers in 2023.

[John Holmberg]

How about that?

[Brady]

I think we've done this one before. There are four NFL Teams that have won every super bowl they've played in.

[John Holmberg]

The teams that have won it every time they go. Yeah, well, again, multiple times that they've had to.

[Brady]

There's two that have gone. They're 2, 0. Oh, and then the other two are 1 0, so.

[John Holmberg]

Geez, that's a tough one. Are the Colts won. Did the Colts get one? Did they lose back in. They lost the Bears and they lost. They lost one in the 70s. Oh, yeah, because Joe Namath beat him. Geez, that's a tough one. The Chiefs, no, they've lost but two. It's hard when you get to just two. The Eagles have. No, they lost to the. That's a tough one too.

[Brady]

You got your most hated team.

[John Holmberg]

Well, the Ravens are 2, 020. They don't even count as a team. That's just some rogue gang that ruins the streets of the NFL. Man. I'm trying to just go down the list. I don't know, there's a couple of them.

[Brady]

Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brady]

Then the ones that are one zero.

[John Holmberg]

You named one tons of one and O's.

[Brady]

Well, there's said there's only four. That's it all or undefeated Super Bowls. One you mentioned.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, I can't remember defeating the Colts. Oh, the jets. Yeah, they're 1 0. The only time they went. That's true.

[Brady]

The other one is with the coach. Sean. It's New Orleans Saints.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Sean Payton.

[Brady]

Yeah. Yeah, Peyton. Banana slugs can have bigger junk, way bigger junk than humans. A banana slug is about 6 to 8 inches. And when it's fully engorged, the junk is around 6 to 8 inches.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Brady]

Their body.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, a banana slug is six inches long? Yep. And so's its dick.

[Brett Vesely]

Yep, man.

[John Holmberg]

A banana slug has the same size wiener as the average man.

[Brady]

That's correct.

[John Holmberg]

Have women figured this out yet?

[Brady]

I don't think so.

[John Holmberg]

Because we're gonna see it on one of Brett's videos soon if they do.

[Brady]

But then, you know, it might not have the girth of the slug body.

[John Holmberg]

So it's a thin pencil. Six inches.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Hate. I hate to say these words, Brett, but look that up. I need to see that.

[Brett Vesely]

What a slug.

[John Holmberg]

Crank. Yeah, you heard me.

[Brady]

Banana slug.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, give me a banana slug wiener on that screen over there. Six inches of a. That's a hundred percent of its body. Be like me having a six footer.

[Brady]

Yeah, because we knew in the past penis trivia questions or fun facts, the bat is a third of it body.

[John Holmberg]

Sometimes they fly around with it out and then that corkscrew thing off a duck. Remember the duck? Yeah, they're duck wieners. They look like spiral pasta as well as a pig. Pigs are corkscrewed as well. Yeah. There's the banana slug. Where's its wiener?

[Brady]

Brett, I think that's it right there. That's hang. That's just hanging right there.

[John Holmberg]

That's not six inches.

[Brady]

Well, it's not engorged yet.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's just. That's.

[Brady]

Rub it three times.

[John Holmberg]

There's some banana slug porn there. They are doing it.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, here we got a YouTube video.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, cool.

[Brett Vesely]

We might have a commercial, though.

[John Holmberg]

That's all right. Or. Who's sponsoring that?

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, it's a six part series, too.

[John Holmberg]

I'm Doug Hopkins and I want to buy your home. Like Jesus. Doug, who placed this ad? It's a six part series. This is.

[Unknown Guest 1]

All right, here's the banana Spotify again. I think it was two, maybe three days ago. Spotify was right in this area.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, get to the rat killing. Lady, if you're gonna do a banana slug sex video, I don't need to hear about your Spotify account.

[Unknown Guest 1]

Let me move back.

[John Holmberg]

Are we still okay? Here they are. Now they're all. They're kissing foreplayers. I don't know, they're kind of boring.

[Brett Vesely]

Hour later.

[John Holmberg]

Jeez, one hour later to join me. Now does this lady not have a.

[Unknown Guest 1]

Job moment when both tubes are available to see as they're gradually pulling apart.

[Brett Vesely]

It's got two cranks.

[Unknown Guest 1]

Look at that view I've seen yet.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you freak.

[Unknown Guest 1]

And I'm so glad they're getting business finished before the sun actually hits. Here.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Brady]

They dry up.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty damn cute. Yeah, There's a guy with her. Did you hear that? Yeah. Morning sickness medicate.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Bret, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Easy legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online. It's really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell Your firearms.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here from my friends at New Vision Auto Glass. Six weeks and counting. My windshield is still perfect. Call New Vision Auto Glass and after about 15 minutes on the phone, you'll get everything you need. You can get up to $375 back. Visit new vision autoglass.com to see what you qualify for. Then you get that delicious free dinner from the world famous Brazilian steakhouse Rhodesio Grill now in Mesa and their new location in Scottsdale. There's no excuse for you not to have a good piece of glass on that car. I don't want to hear it. Pick up the phone and fix it. 480-210-9090. New Vision Auto Glass. Proud sponsor of the Arizona Diamondbacks. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Unknown Guest 1]

10:15.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, this is two people watching banana slugs do it.

[Brett Vesely]

I feel like I'm watching one of Brady's videos on Instagram. There's so much more exciting or not.

[Unknown Guest 1]

But if I make too much of.

[John Holmberg]

A presence though Brady would have it pixelated. You don't need to see this. It's banana slugs against God. I didn't see a wedding ring.

[Brady]

I blur their faces.

[Unknown Guest 1]

AI say I. Yeah, there is. There are some clouds. You can't see them here.

[John Holmberg]

Why? Are you giving a weather report? Yeah, there's a six part series of that particular couple watching banana slugs mate.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, here's the BBC.

[Nature Documentary Narrator]

This will be a good up to 30 centimeters.

[John Holmberg]

I love when they haven't. Looks like he's being choked.

[Nature Documentary Narrator]

Slugs in the world?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Nature Documentary Narrator]

They are almost exclusively found in ancient wet woods.

[John Holmberg]

What are we doing? Cut to the rat killing.

[Brett Vesely]

There's the. Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

There he is.

[Nature Documentary Narrator]

Is an irresistible invitation to another ash black slug.

[Comedy Announcer]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Bang that ass. Black ass.

[Nature Documentary Narrator]

Once the pair reach the treetops, they become more intimate.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Their tentacles are exploring to make sure.

[Nature Documentary Narrator]

That they're suitably matched.

[John Holmberg]

Listen to that noise.

[Nature Documentary Narrator]

Slugs are hermaphrodites. Each equipped with both male and female sexual organs.

[John Holmberg]

Right. What's with all the soup chowing noises?

[Nature Documentary Narrator]

Preliminary is complete. An overhanging branch provides a hold for the consummation.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, get to it, man. Come on.

[Nature Documentary Narrator]

Together they hang down as one.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they're doing it in the wheelbarrow position.

[Brett Vesely]

They're upside down since they got both parts today. Flip a coin. And who's getting what?

[John Holmberg]

Or what? Yeah, they're Hermes. They can do everything they want.

[Brady]

Wow, look at that thing.

[John Holmberg]

Is that the dork? Holy smokes. It looks like soft serve. Ice cream. It's huge.

[Nature Documentary Narrator]

Entwining it together, each becomes as long as the rest of its owner's body.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. And now it's like tasty freeze.

[Brady]

This looks like a twist, like a.

[John Holmberg]

Vanilla and a delicious blizzard.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, look at that thing.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

He is banging the lights out of that slug.

[Nature Documentary Narrator]

Each slug now passes a package of sperm.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's dirty. I'm gonna watch this later at home. There's a new thing is more massive though. Jesus. It just shot way out of them.

[Brady]

There's a new report out about the 10 friendliest states in America. And it compiled travel data from domestic and international visitors. Social media happiness scale. In the end, Hawaii's number one.

[John Holmberg]

They're the happiest state.

[Brady]

Yeah. The friendliest state.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, friendliest.

[Brady]

Nevada to California. Massachusetts, Arizona.

[John Holmberg]

We're in the top five.

[Brady]

Illinois, Utah. Yep.

[Brett Vesely]

Massachusetts. They must not count a Boston.

[John Holmberg]

Boston's not friendly. Hey, kid. That's not a good greeting. Tommy. Yeah, Tommy. What's up, Tommy? Sup, kid? Park your car over there. Come on in here. We'll go over to the chairs. Oh, God. Just hearing them sounds unfriendly.

[Brady]

Last year I found New Jersey is one of the rudest states.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. It's filled with people from New Jersey. That's why.

[Brady]

There'S a small dog who went missing from a family's home in Mississippi about five years ago. Got reunited with the family, turned up in Florida about 520 miles away. The dog was a Chihuahua wiener dog mix named Penny who's been taking care of it. She was found two weeks ago dodging traffic on the city street.

[John Holmberg]

She's been running the life of a.

[Brady]

Stray person who found her at her microchip scanned and the owners were in Mississippi, they called them. Couldn't believe it. Why is it that Penny made her way all the way back?

[John Holmberg]

I find it that my brain just.

[Brady]

There's some. There's some missing questions you're talking about.

[John Holmberg]

Like, yeah, for five years somebody's taking care of a Chihuahua. I have a strange vibe though when you said Chihuahua from Mississippi. That I don't really. My head doesn't really wrap around that. Like, I don't picture anyone in Mississippi having a Chihuahua. But then again, I don't picture any Mexicans coming to America for a better life and going to Mississippi. I'll just go back home. Yeah, I mean, I'd rather be in Mexico. I gotta be honest. I got a scholarship to Ole Miss. That's the only way that makes sense. For what? Landscaping, Gardening Horticulture.

[Brady]

There it is.

[John Holmberg]

We got an Indiana breeding maybe. I don't know but I just don't think of a lot of. Maybe even the Chihuahua escape. Mississippi went to Florida. He wasn't missing. He left more work.

[Brady]

41 year old Indiana man named Joseph Corbett. He was spotted in Ace hardware store on Saturday with a noticeable. Noticeable bulge in his crotch area. Police recalled in the. Stopped him as he was walking out. They cleaned that one up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

They noticed Joseph was packing like a big. Well it ended up being a Milwaukee M18 router inside his pants. It's worth about 200 bucks. He initially claimed that he wasn't stealing it. He's planning on going back inside to pay for it. But later then he admitted he stole it. He was gonna sell it himself.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brady]

Use some of the money to pay some bills.

[John Holmberg]

Most people stuff things they want in their pants and just continue shopping. I'll pay for this later. Oh yeah. This guy's no good. He just looks. He looks down waited on.

[Brady]

Give a dollar.

[John Holmberg]

He's. Nobody's approaching him with money. You give him a dollar, he's gonna ask for 10. He just looks like a dude who is absolutely down on his lock. He's about to snap.

[Brady]

We had more action in Mississippi to see. The lady shot one of the monkeys.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Some ladies those missing monkeys. She.

[Brady]

Five kids spotted the monkey in her yard. Not today monkey.

[John Holmberg]

I'm shooting one. I'm telling you. I. I love animals. But if there's a. If there's a news alert of STD monkeys loose and I see a monkey in Mississippi, I'm pulling the trigger.

[Brady]

She said it got about 60ft from her home. I did what any mother would do to protect her children.

[John Holmberg]

Totally agree.

[Brady]

Shot at it. It just stood there and I shot again. Backed up and that's when he fell.

[John Holmberg]

It was. You were doing the work of the scientists anyway. You just killed it faster. It's a lab monkey. You don't want those running around your backyard.

[Brady]

They. The initial. I mean we did the story last week when it came out and the truck driver said they're all riddled with.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they weren't.

[Brady]

But still herpes and hepsy. So that's when they slammed those monkeys shooting them.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's right.

[Brady]

Another one was captured live. And then there's. There's still one missing again.

[John Holmberg]

And shoot it if you see it because I would love to hear that 911 call to kids. Get in the house now. Mama's gotta go shoot a monkey in the backyard and then get on the phone.

[Brett Vesely]

How you doing?

[John Holmberg]

My name's Gladys.

[Brady]

How are you?

[John Holmberg]

I just shot a monkey. One of them diseased STD monkeys in my yard down outside.

[Brady]

You're welcome.

[John Holmberg]

You're welcome. Is there a reward? By the way, have you seen my Chihuahua? It's been going for a long time.

[Brady]

We've got an Arizona Superior Court judge just recently resigned over the weekend. It was Judge Christine Schaff. Olson. She was in Prescott 1:30am she'd been drinking and the police were called to Erica. She was sitting on a. Basically a bus bench. After she was whizzing.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. She was taking.

[Brady]

And as the police were arriving, she's pulling up her pants and.

[John Holmberg]

Whiskey row. It happens.

[Brett Vesely]

Nasty broad.

[John Holmberg]

Big deal. You can't govern and piss on a bench.

[Brady]

It wasn't that far away from the courthouse.

[John Holmberg]

She was probably getting ready for work the next day. Clean it up. Yeah. What was her name?

[Brady]

Christine Schoff. Olson. S, C, H, double A, F, shop.

[John Holmberg]

Olson.

[Brady]

Hyphen. Olson.

[John Holmberg]

There's video of her pissing or getting.

[Brady]

Arrested basically as the cops approaching her.

[John Holmberg]

What are you gonna do? The 8 o' clock word is upon us. It is play. P, L, A, Y.

[Brady]

What am I gonna do? I gotta go.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta go. Man.

[Brady]

Could do it.

[John Holmberg]

Play. That's the 8 o' clock word. If you want to get involved in that. When you pop it in that promo code for 8 o' clock and you're on your way to another chance at a thousand bucks. Beautiful.

[Brady]

It's been gone for 24 years. But Coke is bringing Mr. Pibb back.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know.

[Brady]

Was this Pib Extra? Now they're bringing back Mr. Pibb.

[John Holmberg]

The original Mr. Pibb is back. Sweet.

[Brady]

And it'll have 30% more caffeine then Pib Extra.

[John Holmberg]

So it will kill you.

[Brady]

Saying. Has an intense sweet cherry flavor, hints of caramel and lingering spicy finish.

[Brett Vesely]

Wasn't it like a Dr. Pepper type thing if I was not mistaken?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Dr. Pepper knockoff.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry to seduce me with the ingredients of Mr. Pibb.

[Brady]

We had a legend passed away over the weekend. Dwayne Roberts. He invented the frozen burrito. Oh, Billionaire Dwayne. He stuck it in the freezer. 88 years old.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But you put it in there. You have to figure out a way to get it hot in a minute. So there's some sort of chemical he stuffed in that thing to make it so the frozen burrito metal didn't melt in the. The most amazing thing about the frozen. He's pretty awesome. The frozen burrito, to me As a kid, even I remember getting those in those little packages and I always wondered how come they weren't wet. There's something in them that made it so the microwave just heated it and didn't turn it into a. You could go frozen and put it in the microwave and it would come out okay. You didn't have to defrost it or anything.

[Brady]

Fun fact about Dwayne. His stepchildren, Doug and Casey Reinhart both appeared on MTV's the Hills. And he also developed the Mission in hotel and spa on Riverside, California.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what that is. Riverside. Who's staying there? His kids were beautiful because he had the burrito money.

[Brady]

There's the Riverside.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

I'm not real.

[John Holmberg]

Those are those amazing moments in life where you realize, you know, sometimes you don't even think about it. You're like, somebody had to invent Little Debbie's. You know, somebody had to invent the oatmeal cream pie. Not the one on porn. That's the oatmeal cream. Don't do that. Yeah, not those. The snack cake. Because the guy who invented cream pies never got credit for it. I think it was Voltaire. And then they gave her a rosing cream pie. Thanks a lot, Voltaire. Enough dirty talk. Oh, you should have seen. Was everywhere. We had to change the hay bales.

[Brady]

I'll bring it to you.

[John Holmberg]

I'll show you a drawing I made. A crude tapestry to prove I am the inventor of the cream pie. Copyright, copyright Voltaire. I didn't know Voltaire was British. Voltaire. Inventor's morning sickness medicate. Kupd, it's John Holmer here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk about FanDuel. It's NBA Tip Off Week and Fanduel is your home for live betting. Fanduel is giving new customers $300 in bonus bets if your first five dollar bet wins. So just visit FanDuel.com KUPD to sign up. Play your game with FanDuel, official sports betting partner of the NBA 21 plus in present in Arizona. First online real money wager only five dollars. First deposit required. Bonus issued is non withdrawable bonus bets which expires seven days after receipt restrictions apply. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 533-42.

[Comedy Announcer]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

That's how I picture the cream pie being announced. Have you tried the cream pie, ma'?

[Brady]

Am?

[John Holmberg]

Ou Voltaire, you fifthy beast.

[Brady]

Got a couple of pretty videos.

[John Holmberg]

But somebody had to invent Little Debbie's. Somebody had to just go, what's this goop and such frosting? Slap it between two oatmeal cookies. And like, man, this is spectacular.

[Brady]

Twinkie money. All that Twinkies.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody had to invent that. I go through the store all the time and I look and I'm like, these are all inventions. Everything I'm looking at is an invention.

[Brady]

So are there two inventors? You got the guy that made the Twinkie invented it. Then you got a guy that made the machine that makes the Twinkies.

[John Holmberg]

Like, yeah, like. Like the dude who made them at home was like, taste this. And another guy's like, I went in. I went in. We're selling these. And then he. He went home.

[Brady]

He made first the machinery and then the guy came up with the form. You know, basically, hey, let's do this.

[John Holmberg]

You think they built a Twinkie machine.

[Brady]

Before they were making pastries maybe beforehand and.

[John Holmberg]

But that maybe foamy, weird thing and.

[Brady]

Does the same one make the cupcakes and that.

[John Holmberg]

That you're saying like the one that shoots the juice in a long job. Yeah, but it can't be because it's a three pronged attack.

[Brady]

It's a different shape.

[John Holmberg]

The bottom of the Twinkie is a three pronger. Long johns are a single shot.

[Brady]

Yeah. And it does it like he said. It does it from the bottom.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Not from the.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody had to invent.

[Brady]

Not from the banana slug end.

[John Holmberg]

A specific Twinkie machine. God damn it.

[Brady]

First one's for you and Brett. Little Halloween fallout here. It's a quick cute one. You all think it's cute.

[John Holmberg]

All right. It's a kid dressed as a Ninja Turtle for Halloween. And a little girl is in the background. Ninja Turtle is in the way.

[Brady]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

And they just smashes the little girl in the face with his Halloween bucket. See?

[Brady]

Isn't that cute?

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Oliver.

[John Holmberg]

Oliver Teach.

[Brady]

Oliver, he hit her hard.

[John Holmberg]

With his pumpkin that was going to have candy in it in a couple hours. That's good stuff.

[Brady]

Oh, first class Pakistani train.

[John Holmberg]

Or on the side of a train dump. Pulls his pants right up. Barefoot, climbed right on the tree with rust ass like the rest of them.

[Brady]

Gets back in the train.

[John Holmberg]

Pull your shirt down. What Are you Madonna?

[Brady]

He didn't want to get on his shirt.

[John Holmberg]

It would put it. He's done pooping. Look at that train. Look at the humanity.

[Brady]

Anyone else? Anyone else? We're gonna roll.

[John Holmberg]

Time out. We're not supposed to judge that. We're supposed to not be bigoted towards that. There are 800 people standing in one train car. And one of them just took a huge. Outside the train before he got on. And nobody said, get off.

[Brady]

Don't mind me.

[John Holmberg]

Not one person said, hey, no. And I'm not. I'm supposed to go. Everybody's the same. Nuh. We're better than them. That's disgusting. I'm not saying all Pakistani people take public before transportation, but I'm saying the ones in Pakistan do. And everybody seemed okay with it. Try that today at a bus stop. Take a huge dump at the bus stop and then go. I'm getting on and see how many people even on the gross bus go. Stop. Get up. You're not getting on there. You call the police when somebody takes a dump. The scariest part of that video was how many people were just absolutely a okay with him getting in there.

[Brady]

No objections.

[John Holmberg]

Not one person even said in Pakistani, gross, man.

[Brady]

Next one's one of the finest bullfighting stadiums. Look at how well built that is. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

This thing is not up to come.

[Brady]

Slept the rogue bull be led by some horses into the crowd.

[John Holmberg]

Not this impact the bull is running towards. Again, Just citizens running all over the bullring. There's hundreds of people in the stadium and in on the field. This thing's collapsing. Right? And then they're gathered all in.

[Brady]

One guy just got plowed. The bull's about ready to come around again.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think the bull is. I think it's a terrible idea to have hundreds of. It looks like disco demolition and a bull watch the back. Oh, he just kills a guy. He just kills a guy. Oh, that done. And again, people cheering. They wore hats to this. There's like a festive vibe.

[Brady]

This is a sun's night.

[John Holmberg]

Like, they are. They're dressed.

[Brady]

Looking for their moment.

[John Holmberg]

This would be like if the Kentucky Derby didn't have boundaries. Yeah. You just let people walk around on the track. This bull is going a thousand miles an hour. And there's people everywhere.

[Brady]

Fiesta.

[John Holmberg]

And that's part of it. There's people clapping. All right. We're not supposed to judge that. We're Americans. We are better than all of this.

[Brady]

The last one is the Jaden Daniels.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. You got the video of Jaden.

[Unknown Guest 1]

Jaden Daniels.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Left arm facing. Oh, you got the slow mo Brady. What is it about red spirit quarterbacks on Monday night football and Sunday night football? If they don't they get exploded.

[Unknown Guest 1]

Daniel done for the season after this.

[John Holmberg]

Well, at least it's his non throwing arm, right?

[Unknown Guest 1]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

Did you, as Seahawk fans support and celebrate breaking?

[Brady]

I did not celebrate that.

[John Holmberg]

That was gross.

[Brady]

I felt bad for him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that was gross.

[Brett Vesely]

Really bad.

[John Holmberg]

I don't. I wouldn't want to be the quarterback of that team this year because they're all injured up. Yeah, they're going to get. They're going to get a high draft pick and that's the best thing in Washington happen that dude's elbow.

[Brady]

Faith in Mariota.

[John Holmberg]

No. You get a couple too many Oregon quarterbacks playing football right now. They're everywhere. It's like five of them. All right, Brett, what do you got?

[Brett Vesely]

All right. It's not bad for a Monday start off. We'll start off with this.

[John Holmberg]

Little guy jumping a motorcycle and he miss him. Peewee. Yeah.

[Comedy Announcer]

I don't know what they're going to say.

[John Holmberg]

I'm scared to turn it up. But yeah. Peewee did not hit the jump. Well, I mean peewee the bike kind of hit the ramp and then peewee flew off of everything. Yeah, Peewee does more jumping than the.

[Brady]

Bike was a little heavier than peewee thought.

[John Holmberg]

You know, if they had jobs, we wouldn't have gotten that video. So I'm so happy that midday peewee jumps Saturday. No, no, it wasn't. Midday peewee jumps were totally on the docket.

[Brett Vesely]

This is what happens when you get we.

[Brady]

You want to come over today?

[John Holmberg]

I saw that neighborhood. Nobody had a job. Did you see the houses? One job for sure. They didn't have take keeping up the lawn.

[Brady]

How they got paid on that one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Finally we got finally get these weeds out of the front yard and live a decent life now.

[Brett Vesely]

We always, you know, we've always talked about like the guys from MMP bringing over the flamethrower and stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, you always wonder what kind of use you can get out of it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you got a bad guy on a porch. He's kicking the front door kind of lightly. Doesn't look like he's gonna make any damage there. But the ring camera's picking up, opened up the.

[Brady]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

And a guy comes out with a flamethrower lit. Don't come back. He says, that was great. Who has a flamethrower that ready?

[Brett Vesely]

I'm getting one.

[John Holmberg]

I have One for weeds and stuff, but not that strong. Yeah.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Whoa.

[Brady]

Stay away.

[John Holmberg]

Don't come back. Yes. That was intimidating, that last line. If I was a director, that'd be like, cut. All right, we need you to be a little bit tougher.

[Brett Vesely]

Call that guy for his next commercial.

[John Holmberg]

Stay away. Don't come back.

[Brett Vesely]

How about this?

[John Holmberg]

Okay, here's a. What the hell am I looking at there?

[Brady]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Girl had a growl like a tiger. What is in her bottom? What is that?

[Brady]

It's just clear butt plug.

[John Holmberg]

It's a clear butt plug and it falls out, and then it makes it snoring. That's a Brady. Before she pass. Yeah, she's farting through like a tube. Well, Merry Christmas, everybody. Use your Christmas wrapping tubes for that later. Well, that was weird. Thanks, Brad. That one was odd.

[Brett Vesely]

This is. We've seen people like this at U Fest.

[John Holmberg]

We're at a concert. A little drunk dude's losing his mind. Just swinging wildly at security. Oh, now he's. He banged into a fence. He's tearing the fence down. He sprung himself forward. He landed on somebody else.

[Brett Vesely]

Security.

[John Holmberg]

All right, he's dead. Did he just have a full wig out? Security took him down.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, next, some fighting for you. Some street fighting.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, couple dudes. One guy's got a stick.

[Brady]

This is the head one.

[John Holmberg]

The other guy is hitting this one. He's hitting a guy with a stick and. Oh, he just clanks him in the back of the head with the stick. He's not done. He goes over as the guy's down, and he's gonna keep hitting him. Oh, oh. Just beating the tar out of him with that stick. Oh, it's not gonna end well for the man without the stick. That's a good fight.

[Brady]

The first couple, he goes, oh, yes.

[John Holmberg]

Dick guy is gonna win that. If you're gonna defend with punches, it'll block him. Take care of that stick and get inside there. All right, next one.

[Brady]

How about this?

[John Holmberg]

The naked redhead in a crowd of people at a pool party. She's got a jump rope in her ass. This is amazing. Let me explain what's happening here to people. She has got the handle of a jump rope in her behind, and then it goes all the way across the backyard. A girl in a thong is jumping rope, and the other guy is making the rope go, and it's not coming out. She's got a firm grip with her butt on her side of the jump rope.

[Brady]

There's a conversation going on right now. The other couples.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And everybody else is just chilling, completely enjoying the party yet. Not a lot of people are even really noticing that a girl is one half of a jump rope team with it in her ass. I even think of this stuff again. Inventors. And if they had jobs, they wouldn't have time to think it. I love the unemployed. All right, we're in a gym. All right. It's just a bar.

[Brett Vesely]

What happens next?

[John Holmberg]

We're in the gym. Okay. They just showed. Okay.

[Brady]

So I think. Hold on.

[John Holmberg]

Taking the bar time out.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All right. That did sound kind of ominous. So there's. We're in a workout gym. They just showed some dumbbells. Some barbells.

[Brady]

And that's a big dude. Or is the guy taking the whole.

[John Holmberg]

Big dude's coming in dumbbell.

[Brady]

I think he's delivering.

[John Holmberg]

I think he's going to shove a dump. Brady says the dumbbells going in a person.

[Brady]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's your guess. All right. Toledo.

[Brady]

Yeah, that was what I said.

[John Holmberg]

That's what you think, too.

[Brady]

Oh, I thought you meant to bar, basically, or.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. I think it's gonna be some sort of a weird dude lifting another dude onto a dude. Like they're like. It's a sexual workout. Much more than that. No, it's okay. It is. Turns into surprisingly. She's peeing and she's got a five pounder in her bottom.

[Brady]

Timeout.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

That's a bait and switch. Because those barbells weren't in the first picture.

[John Holmberg]

That's the. Those are the.

[Brady]

That was the tease.

[Comedy Announcer]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That were just a gym. She's just peeing and playing with a five pounder. Maybe a two pounder, one of those colorful ones chicks like to play with. That was the noise when it came out of there. It gets weirder every day. Everything's so strange now. What was that? She did the thing like you do through. Yep. Only it was her bottom and a dumbbell. Always wash the weights when you're done using them. You know, wipe them down.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, you never know.

[John Holmberg]

Now they provide those bleach wipes for a reason. Use them. Some people might be working out their inner anus. There you go, everybody. That is your Brady report. It's 98. Oh, by the way, the word is play. P L A Y. The word is play for 8 o'. Clock. Get it in there. Maybe you win 1000 bucks. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. It's John Holmberg here from my friends at Fanduel. The greatest thing ever to hit sports since sports itself in the NFL. The Sundays are here now. They're making it even better because this week FanDuel's bringing the bonus. That's right. Right now all customers can get 50% profit boosts on any NFL bet. However you play your game. FanDuel's got your back with something ext in your account. Visit fanduel.com kupd and download the app and get in on the action before kickoff from our friends at FanDuel21 + in present in Arizona. Opt in required bonus issued as non withdrawable profit boost tokens. Restrictions apply including any token expiration and max wager amount. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 53342.

[Comedy Announcer]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week downtown at Stand Up Live. You've got Moshe Casher and the Pride of Jacksonville, Florida. A Duvall performing Desert Ridge up North features the very funny Hans Kim and East side of the Tempe Improv has two entertaining comedians with Alvin Kuai and Basam Yusef. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive. Com, desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov. Com.