Holmberg's Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Episode: 11-03-25 - FULL SHOW - MONDAY

November 3, 2025

Main Theme & Purpose

This lively episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness finds John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo ribbing on everything from football recaps and sports superstitions to the jarring experience of emergency phone alerts, relationship dynamics (especially among their gay friends), and the peculiarities of adulthood. The tone is irreverent as always, mixing biting sarcasm with Arizona-centric observation, inside jokes, and plenty of self-deprecation.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Sports Recaps and Monday Morning Victories (01:40–03:13)

• The group recaps NFL and NBA weekend results: everyone’s team won except for Brady’s Bengals, who “made a mess” against the Bears.
• Cardinals fans get a fun stat: Kyler Murray has never lost in Dallas’ stadium across all levels, but ironically he's not playing.
• Suns handled the Spurs. The mood is upbeat, a typical “Victory Monday” (01:40).

2. Outrage Over Early-Morning Emergency “Turquoise Alert” (03:30–13:07)

• John launches into a passionate, comedic rant about being woken at 5:23am on Sunday by an emergency “turquoise alert”—a color-coded alert for a missing person.
• “Down on one knee, City Phoenix… If whoever hits the button for a turquoise alert does that again at 5:30 in the morning… I’m going to crawl through the phone… I’m going to kill you. On behalf of everybody.” (03:32, Holmberg)
• He rails against waking up the entire city for an alert about “a 4 ft. 10 inch, 100-pound Samoan—the smallest Samoan of all time.”
• John, Brett, and Brady riff on the inappropriateness, effectiveness, and possible racial overtones (“turquoise” for Pacific Islander, not Native American), and the general futility of waking everyone to “look for people they don’t know.”
• Listeners text in with similar complaints and dark jokes, which the guys read aloud, riffing even more.
• Brady: “I just remember I got enough on my plate than to take on the job of the FBI for human trafficking at 5 on a Sunday.” (13:28)
• Memorable moment: John admits that, against his better nature, he rooted for the kidnapper just so he could go back to sleep.

3. Larry Leaves the House—and the Social Dynamics of the Rah-Rah Room (15:25–18:08)

• John, surprisingly, gets their own Larry out of the house for a Phoenix Suns game, an event in itself.
• Larry drinks ginger ale “for his tummy” (16:13), which the group finds endlessly funny and adorable (and a bit childish).
• The awkward vibe in the Rah-Rah Room due to a recent firing is dissected, and Larry notes how different the atmosphere is without staff drama.
• After Larry departs, John hangs out with Suns player Royce O’Neale and even gets invited back for “crew” events—Larry missed out by leaving early.

4. “Night of the Singing Dead” & Behind-the-Scenes Chaos (22:58–30:56)

• Friday night’s Night of the Singing Dead was a hit, with listeners dressing up as show personalities and inside joke characters. John loved the custom “Brett” and “Katie Hobbs” costumes.
• “People had football jerseys printed up… Juno’s on the back… We had Libtard for Toledo. I had Dumb Broad for mine.” (24:03)
• John describes enduring hours of realistic makeup for the shows, including a prank where people at a charity event thought he was simply the “ugliest person alive.”
• Hilarious, gross-out moment: John recounts accidentally soiling himself (thanks to prednisone), improvising clean-up at a Target/hotel, and leaving his Jeep running for over an hour.

5. The Turquoise Alert Returns & Color-Coded Alert Satire (30:56–34:40)

• More riffing on the “turquoise alert”: why color-code missing persons at all?
• “Is it more important to find someone in the turquoise than it would… What’s for me? Alabaster? What is my color missing? White guy.” (31:55)
• “IKEA alert? Silver? Swedish alert?”—They invent a spectrum of ridiculous, tongue-in-cheek color codes for missing persons, playing up the absurdity.

6. Observations on Relationship Dynamics: “Ride with Gays” (39:54–54:57)

• John spends significant time celebrating the relationship dynamics of his gay friends Michael and Troy, marveling at the lack of nagging on car rides and the “teamwork” shown even in road rage.
• “They were ready to fight together… That’s what love looks like!” (45:01)
• The gay couple shares appreciation for attractive people in public openly—John contrasts this with the minefield of heterosexual relationships, where leering or double-backs are taboo.
• “If Brett is driving with Matthias and there’s a gorgeous girl working out… [he] cannot pull the car over… Can't be done.” (47:08)
• The trio agree: “The gays, they’re on to something. If you could just eliminate the hair and the s*** that comes with it, it’s better.”
• Listeners text in, and the crew reads comments about the “secret” advantages of gay male relationships.

7. Sports, Dating, and the “Husband Hunt” at Suns Games (64:15–68:23)

• Suns games are now “a fashion show,” especially for women “on the Millionaire March,” trying to attract athletes or wealthy fans.
• "It's like the Phoenix Open… You're not in T-shirt and jeans much anymore." (66:10)
• John notes the pattern at new restaurants and strip clubs: the hottest women vanish after a couple of weeks, implying the best-looking ones get "lifted out" by wealthy patrons. (“If you ever see a really hot one [waitress]… and she stays for a long time—herpes.” 68:31)
• Theories on why stunning women would work hard: “If I see a great looking girl at the bus stop… she's exhausted all options… that thing down south is a tattered mess.” (69:12)

8. What Would Brady Do? Comedy Police and Relationship Questions (118:46–144:33)

• A letter-writer asks how to tell a friend they’re “not funny” and just annoying—the group debates the risks and ethics of comedy “chairmen.”
• Quote: “You’re confusing energy for entertainment… you’re just annoying people.” (121:15, John)
• An emailer complains her ex-husband is marrying a much younger woman and wants to invite her and their kids to the wedding; they joke about the inevitable disaster at that reception.
• Another listener describes his wife becoming sexually adventurous with encouragement from a female friend—John and crew riff on whether three-way signals are real or in the listener’s imagination, with Brady insisting women can innocently cuddle (“Goddamn rose-colored glasses Brady, open your effing eyes.” 143:29).

9. Odd News, Bizarre Facts, and Viral Videos (84:20–114:07)

• Brady delivers odd news bits: the “sandwich day,” Will Smiths winning the World Series, banana slugs with six-inch sex organs, and reunifying a dog with its family after five years.
  • Memorable Moment: The group watches a BBC nature special on banana slug mating, aghast and delighted.
• Viral/Viewer Videos:
  • Ninja turtle kid whacks a girl with a Halloween bucket
  • Train passenger defecates trackside before boarding (everyone unfazed)
  • Bullfighting chaos in an unstable arena
  • Insane gym and backyard party stunts with sexual overtones

10. Entertainment Drill: Celebrity Earnings & More (147:10–152:54)

• Highest-earning deceased celebrities: Michael Jackson, Dr. Seuss, Pink Floyd members
• Millie Bobby Brown accuses David Harbour of “bullying and harassment” on Stranger Things set; John says she “looks like a tattletale.”
• Little John’s new “meditation” album is panned: “He’s stealing money is what he’s doing.” (154:02)
• Quick plugs for local events and giveaways

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• John Holmberg: “This is like 9/11… If whoever hits the button for a turquoise alert does that again at 5:30 in the morning… I’m going to crawl through the phone… I’m going to kill you.” (03:32)
• Brady Bogen: “I just remember I got enough on my plate than to take on the job of the FBI for human trafficking at 5 on a Sunday.”—on refusing to wake up for alerts (13:28)
• John on color alerts: “Is it more important to find someone in the turquoise than it would… What’s for me? Alabaster? What is my color missing? White guy.” (31:55)
• On relationship dynamics: “They were ready to fight together… That’s what love looks like!” (45:01)
• Emailer: "Goddamn rose-colored glasses Brady, open your effing eyes.” (143:29)
• On comedy policing: “You’re confusing high energy with funny… you’re just annoying people.” (121:15, John)

Important Segment Timestamps

• 01:40 – Sports victory roundtable opens the show
• 03:30–13:07 – Turquoise alert wakeup rant and color alert satire
• 15:25–18:08 – Larry leaves the house; social anxiety at Suns game
• 22:58–30:56 – Night of the Singing Dead wrap-up; messy personal anecdotes
• 30:56–34:40 – Satirical color-coded missing person alert discussion
• 39:54–54:57 – Relationship comparisons, “Ride with Gays” segment
• 64:15–68:23 – Suns game “fashion show” and dating theories
• 84:20–114:07 – Odd news, strange animal facts, viral videos
• 118:46–144:33 – "What Would Brady Do?" relationship and comedy policing letters
• 147:10–152:54 – Entertainment Drill: earnings, celebrity scandals

Tone & Style

• Unfiltered, sarcastic, and energetic banter.
• Frequent callbacks to show lore, inside jokes, and comic exaggeration.
• No hesitation in going raunchy or crude, especially in discussing bodily functions, sexuality, or relationships.

Summary prepared for listeners who missed the chaos, laughs, and Arizona-centric satire of Holmberg's Morning Sickness of Nov 3, 2025.