11-03-25 - Realizing That Gay Couples Drive Differently Than Hetero Couples After Seeing Troy And Michael Both Get Angry And Also Can Gawk At Same Hot Guy And Would Never Happen In Hetero Marriages

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Episode Summary

Episode: 11-03-25
Theme: How Gay Couples Differ from Hetero Couples – Especially While Driving (and Ogling)

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Episode Overview

In this playful, irreverent episode, John Holmberg and the 98KUPD crew dive into the dynamic differences between gay and heterosexual couples—centered hilariously on driving habits, handling of road rage, and even the shared joy of checking out attractive strangers. Using stories of his neighbors, Michael and Troy, Holmberg unpacks how gay male couples enjoy a camaraderie and "team attitude" that many straight couples, in his experience, lack. The conversation jumps from comedic observations about relationships to social commentary—no topic is off-limits (or sacred).

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Gay Couples and Driving: "How It's Supposed to Be"

• Support, Not Nagging:
  • John describes a car ride with his gay neighbors, Michael (driving) and Troy (passenger).
  • When Michael becomes frustrated with another driver, Troy eggs him on—rather than berating or cautioning him, as the hosts claim often happens with wives.
  • Quote:
    • “The driver’s supposed to get support from the passenger. Not constantly told how bad they’re doing. And it made me realize that if on any occasion Michael was too drunk to drive and Troy took the wheel, the exact same style of driving would happen.” – John (04:25)
• Comparison to Straight Couples:
  • John laments: with wives or female partners, the response is always, "You’re going to get us killed!", "You’re driving like a maniac!"—never encouragement.

2. Road Rage, Masculinity, and Safety

• Unified Front:
  • Michael and Troy, as two men, confidently embrace aggressive driving and even road rage without fear.
  • Quote:
    • “They weren’t afraid of road rage. They weren’t afraid of it. There were two of them. They weren’t afraid of any.” – John (04:18)
• Role-Play of Hetero Couples:
  • Brady and John riff on the stereotypical nagging from wives or female partners, making fun of “nag nag” and “You’re gonna get us killed!” (06:13)

3. Ogling and Shared Attraction: A Gay Relationship 'Superpower'

• The Granada Park Kettlebell Gang:
  • On their way to brunch, the group spots a bunch of oiled, fit people working out.
  • Troy and Michael both openly comment and even turn the car around to ogle again.
  • Quote:
    • “Troy says it, and Michael goes, ‘Oh, yes.’ We pass it. And Michael turns his car around so we could go by a couple more times and eyeball the hot dudes and the girl working out. Try that with your wife.” – John (08:06)
• Straight Couples Can’t Relate:
  • John points out that men can’t, without backlash, suggest to their wives they turn the car around to look at an attractive woman again.

4. Honesty and Camaraderie in Gay Male Relationships

• No Insecurity, No Game-Playing:
  • John marvels at Michael and Troy high-fiving over seeing a “hot guy” instead of fighting about jealousy.
  • Quote:
    • “They both find the same things beautiful... This is the most amazing love I’ve ever seen in my life.” (09:17)
• Contrast with Heterosexual Dynamics:
  • In hetero couples, admitting attraction to someone else—or even being caught visually admiring—is taboo, often leads to conflict.
• Playful Fantasizing:
  • In Michael and Troy’s relationship, they can both admit they’re attracted to someone (even together fantasizing about a third person).

5. Audience and Crew Response

• Listener Letter:
  • Kyle writes in, saying after sitting next to Michael and Troy at a show:
    • “I’ve never wanted to be gay more in my life... all they did was look at asses and talk about them.” (18:56)
• Hosts Admiring (or Envying) the Arrangement:
  • The hosts repeatedly joke about “riding with gays,” suggesting women should take notes on how supportive and honest gay relationships (at least, as observed here) seem to be.

6. Tangents into Social Commentary & Gender Politics

• Checking Out Waitresses:
  • John recounts a time a wife wanted a different waitress because the current one was “trying to f*** her husband.”
  • Quote:
    • “Waitresses are designed to, like, be fun back… She’s at the other table laughing too. I know what it looks like when a woman wants to f*** my husband.” (34:50)
• Suns Games and "Husband-Hunting":
  • John theorizes on why Suns games are fashion shows now—he suspects women are there to catch a millionaire.
  • Quote:
    • “I think some of them think the players will notice and marry them… most women’s dream is to have it all just kind of picked up by something like that.” (28:46)
• "If She's Beautiful and Still Working Here...":
  • John speculates (facetiously) if a really attractive woman is still grinding at Twin Peaks or at the bus stop, she must have either a hard life or "herpes" (31:07).

7. The Honest “Bro” Approach in Gay Relationships

• Men’s Camaraderie:
  • When it comes to talking about attraction or getting riled up by an external event (like a hot person in public), gay male couples, according to John’s anecdotes, act just like two straight guys would—except they’re also a couple.
  • The conversation repeatedly returns to the contrast between the seeming camaraderie and honesty in gay relationships and how straight relationships are—by comparison—rife with jealousy, policing, and dishonesty regarding attraction.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Supportive Gay Couples While Driving:

  • “The driver’s supposed to get support from the passenger. Not constantly told how bad they’re doing.” (04:25, John)

• On Road Rage Together:

  • “They were ready to fight together anyone that got in their way on the road. Oh, tear to my eye, Brett. Tear to my eye.” (04:25, John)
  • “I would have been—somebody would have been crying had this happened… This is the most amazing… The men are—they’re still men.” (03:47, John)

• On Staring at Hot People:

  • “If Brett and I were riding down the road and something happened… We said gun it, take him down. You’re right, we’re gonna take them down.” (05:00, John)
  • “Try that with your wife. Try seeing a hot girl and do a U-turn to go drive by her a couple more times. See how it goes.” (09:10, John)

• Listener Feedback:

  • “I sat next to Troy and Michael Friday night at the show, and I got to tell you, I’ve never wanted to be gay more in my life.” (18:56, Listener Letter)

• On "Honesty" in Gay Relationships:

  • “Men and women, heterosexuals always talking about how they just want honesty from each other. I saw it. I witnessed it. I witnessed what honesty looks like in a relationship, like the fullest.” (11:41, John)

• On Suns Games as a Fashion Show:

  • “It’s a look at me party, especially down close … these are like people in designer clothes. I don’t know when that happened to sports.” (25:20, John)
  • “If you’re really hot and you’re working hard, you’ve got herpes. Because nobody will pick. It’s got to be the case.” (30:25, John—facetious exaggeration)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• (03:44–04:25): John describes Michael and Troy’s unified, masculine support during a road-rage incident.
• (06:13): Imitation of nagging from wives in driving situations.
• (08:06–09:17): The Granada Park kettlebell scene; Michael and Troy looping around to ogle hot people.
• (11:41): Commentary on the “honesty” in gay relationships versus hetero couples.
• (18:56): Listener email: “Never wanted to be gay more in my life.”
• (28:46): Suns game fashion/“husband hunting” speculation
• (31:07): Metaphorical (and facetious) comparison of working women and “herpes.”
• (34:50): Story about a wife suspicious of her husband’s interactions with a waitress.

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Conclusion

John Holmberg and his co-hosts engage in an extended riff, equal parts appreciation and comic envy, for the apparently drama-free, openly honest, and supportive dynamic in their observations of gay male relationships—especially compared to their own, stereotype-laden experiences in heterosexual ones. The show's tone is brash, irreverent, and unfiltered, turning everyday social differences into fodder for laughter and reflection. The conclusion: if men in heterosexual relationships could get the same camaraderie and support, and just share in the joys of ogling or aggressive driving, the world would be a happier—and perhaps a more dangerous—place.

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Transcript

[Brett Vesley]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP guns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. It's Brett Vesley from Homebridge. Morning sickness Now. I've always been the kind of guy that takes care of my own lawn. That's until I found Divine Design Landscaping. These guys aren't your typical mow and blow landscaping company. They do amazing work and it's just what I needed to finally throw in the towel and let the experts take over. If you've been unhappy with your landscaping or sick of trying to do it yourself, well, it's time to get a hold of Divine Design Landscaping. These guys handle everything. Lawn care, irrigation, tree work, low volt vintage lighting, 3D designs. Get a free quote at DivineDesignLawnCare.com that's DivineDesignLawnCare.com Come on down to the Ranch House Grill. Comfort food is your next meal.

[John Holmberg]

Pork, chili verde, chicken fried steak.

[Comedy Announcer]

Ranch House knows you'll think it's great.

[Ranch House Grill Announcer]

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[John Holmberg]

Still streaming Homburg's morning sickness [e-mail] thank you very much, Katie and the Hobbs. That is miles to Nowhere. For another few weeks. They are going to be our theme song and then we go play to you 2026. It's going to happen the week of Thanksgiving, the Monday and Tuesday of Thanksgiving and I think, I don't know. We're ready. You can submit your. Oh man. Where do you put it on the website? You can go to 98kupd.com if you want to be in Palladio this year. It usually books up pretty damn fast and the winners get all the attention. Like Miles to Nowhere got all year long, they wrote, and Miles to no where can win again. That's happened before. It could happen.

[Dick Tolitto]

There were some that tried to jump the gun last week and over the weekend.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Tolitto]

Opens today, 6am today.

[Brett Vesley]

Today's the day.

[John Holmberg]

So you still have your Katie Hobbs sticker on your shirt.

[Megan]

Yay.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Nice job. Big fan. Nice work. Yeah. So get on that platio is right around the corner. My Halloween, my. Like I said last week, my Christmas decorations are the front yard. The guys put everything in there, so it's all ready to be lit up. And we're only three weeks away, if you think about it, from lighting up for Christmas. It's hard to believe, but here it sits upon us with all that. I also, my. My neighbors Michael and Troy, my gay neighbors, went to Night of the Singing Dead. They get to go and that was pretty fun. And they're great people and did the Halloween thing. And then the next day they went to the. To the six day lunch with us, the Lost Our Home charity event. And Michael drove and Michael drove with Troy in the passenger seat. And it made me wish I was gay again. Because what you don't understand is it's just two dudes, right? We all have the stereotypes of gay couples being like us, and they're not. We're driving down Lincoln and a dude in a truck is in the middle lane and he's kind of wobbling a little bit and he's getting in the way and it looks like he's coming into our lane a little bit. And Michael screams at the top of his lungs, get the out of the way. And then he honks. Now, normally in this situation, I would hear Megan from the passenger seat. You would hear Ronnie, you would hear Matthias.

[Brady]

You're gonna get us killed. Stop it. What are you doing?

[John Holmberg]

Troy goes, yeah, mother.

[Comedy Announcer]

Get out of the way.

[John Holmberg]

The both of them were on the exact same. There was no nagging from the passenger seat. What does Troy then say to Michael? Gun. It hits the gas in his car, which has a massive engine in it. And we just go flying, make a crazy left, get around this guy. And I'm like, this is how it's supposed to be. I would have been. Somebody would have been crying had this happened. This is the most amazing. The men are. They're still men and they're in the front seat being men. They weren't afraid of road rage. They weren't afraid of it. There were two of them. They weren't afraid of any.

[Brady]

You're gonna get a shot.

[John Holmberg]

I don't wanna die is all we hear.

[Brady]

You're driving like a maniac.

[John Holmberg]

Michael was going down Lincoln at a. I don't know, the speed limit's like 40. He's going about 75 miles an hour, just blazing.

[Megan]

It's riddled with cameras.

[John Holmberg]

And not a single peep from the passenger seat. From his gay husband. Troy, who seemed totally great, was flying down the road. And I'm like, this is how it's supposed to be. The driver's supposed to get support from the passenger. Not constantly told how bad they're doing. And it made me realize that if on any occasion Michael was too drunk to drive and Troy took the wheel, the exact same style of driving would happen. Going back. It wouldn't be a 30 mile an hour turn signal festival of stopping at yellow lights. And good Christ, ladies, this is how. Ride with gays. Ride with gays. It's my new program. Ladies need to take rides with gay couples and realize that these gentlemen are exactly what we want. If it wasn't for the filth and disgust of being a homosexual, I would absolutely climb on board. It was amazing. They were ready to fight together anyone that got in their way on the road. Oh, tear to my eye, Brett. Tear to my eye. And I thought to myself, it would be just like if Brett and I were riding down the road and something happened. And I know Brett would be in the pasture single. What's this smoke doing? Like, I don't know. We said gun it. Take him down. Like, you're right. We're gonna take them down.

[Brady]

You watch out for that. Just turn left and get up. Get away from him. You don't know how you. You're gonna get us killed.

[John Holmberg]

Nag, nag.

[Brady]

You're going too fast. Magnag. Why do you. You're gonna. Oh, the light was yellow when you sped up. Nag, nag.

[John Holmberg]

Troy was encouraging them to run stop signs and is the greatest navigator of all time. We don't have that. We just don't have that.

[Brett Vesley]

You guys are following them over there?

[John Holmberg]

Huh?

[Brett Vesley]

Your guys are following him over the back seat.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. Loving every second of it. I've never heard it. I've never heard it in a heterosexual couple. I've never been in the backseat of a car when a heterosexual couple. And the dude acts up driving. She. There's no. No. She's just gonna tell him he stinks the whole way the whole time. She's gonna tell him, you know, you're.

[Brady]

Going to get us killed.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody wants to hear that. But those two. And I just said it out loud when. When the incident was over. I'm like, that's how it's supposed to be. That's how. That's what love looks like. That's what love. Love looks like that they'll go down together. They'll go down to get. Literally. And probably did later that day without any. Oh, here's another thing that happened that this makes you want to be. Listen to this one. All gussied up and ready to go to the big brunch. We go by. We get out of the neighborhood, and you have to go by Granada Park. And at Granada park, there is. This is a fairly spectacular sight on the weekends. Sometimes there are people who oil up and do this kettlebell routine together. There's four of them, and they're the most spectacular physical human beings that you'll ever see. And the work they're doing is amazing. There's a girl and I think three dudes. Michael and Troy Again, Michael driving, Troy, passenger seat. Megan I in the back. I'm marveling at what's going on in the front seat as the true embodiment of what a loving relationship looks like. And then I picture the after effects. I'm like, oh, it's just too much. It's too much hair, too much poop. We go by Granada park, and Troy goes, whoa, look at that. And it's just built dudes working a kettlebell now. I saw the girl that was with them, and I'm not allowed to say, whoa, look at that. I gotta be careful. I mean, I can't be going, look at the. Megan, look at the. On that one. Troy says it, and Michael goes, oh, yes. We pass it. And Michael turns his car around. So we could go by a couple more times and eyeball the hot dudes and the girl working out. Try that with your wife. Try that one. You see a group of hot chicks just working out in the side in the park. Try spinning or I'm going to turn around and take a look at that again. And the two of them were like, yeah, this is awesome. I'm like, you're allowed to do that? Oh, yeah, why wouldn't we? You guys are. Because you're both interested in the same things. This is the most amazing love I've ever seen in my life. Try that with your wife later today. See a hot girl and do a U turn to go drive by her a couple more times. See how it goes. Cause Troy and Michael both got hard and I think gave each other old fashions on the drive over to the thing just for having seen the same kind of hot stuff. Can't be done. Can't be done. Try today with Ronnie.

[Megan]

Megan was silent the whole time.

[John Holmberg]

Well, she laughed, but I looked at her. I'm like, this is how it's supposed to be. If I see a girl in a bikini, that's amazing. Like, these dudes were. I'm not Allowed to go. I'm going to drive by that a few more times. I'm in huge trouble. Every. Every one of us be like, why are you doing that? Didn't you see her? That was a piece of amazing. They high fived and drove by the hot dudes, like, several times. And I realized they have the same interests. They both find the same things beautiful. If Brett is driving with Mathia and there's a gorgeous girl working out, oiled up with three other gorgeous girls, and they're on the side of the road in the grass doing kettlebells, Brett cannot pull the car over to stare. Can't do it. Brett and Matthias, Pretty reasonable. Cannot be done. Ladies, you gotta be cool like the gays. Let us have those moments. And I'd like. I allow it.

[Brett Vesley]

But it's creeper too. If we turned around and we're sitting there driving back and forth twice looking at some broad.

[John Holmberg]

If you and I were in a car.

[Brett Vesley]

That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

No, it wouldn't be. If there were hot girls oiled up on the side of the road working out, you and I would turn around and drive by a couple.

[Brett Vesley]

Oh, no, absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

But I'm saying it's only creeper if your wife would be creeper.

[Brett Vesley]

Like, you know, calling the cops or something. But two gay dudes looking at another dude, that's okay. They get to pass on that.

[John Holmberg]

But two dudes in a car looking at hot girls doing the exact same thing, Totally fine.

[Brett Vesley]

I think it's different.

[John Holmberg]

Dude and his wife. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brett Vesley]

No, no.

[John Holmberg]

Can't happen. Never seen anything like it. It's marvelous. It was marvelous. Try it. Today, Brady tried. Even with Kirby.

[Megan]

I wouldn't dare.

[John Holmberg]

You wouldn't even think about. You. I didn't either. I didn't either. Wouldn't even think about. I mean, it was an agreement that was unspoken that Michael was going to slow the car down and turn around, and we're gonna go back and look again and then take it all the way down and drive around. Go ahead. They got three looks. Have you ever tried it? When a girl at a restaurant that's hot walks by your table and your eyes move.

[Brady]

I saw that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sorry. I don't think I had something. She. She was drooling or she had. I think she's retarded. You have to lie. Oh, that ugly girl that walked by. I don't know what you're talking about.

[Brady]

I saw that she was pretty.

[John Holmberg]

I know. Can I follow her around for a little bit? Like Michael And Troy would do.

[Brady]

Ugh, you're gross.

[John Holmberg]

Like, yeah, Michael and Troy are right. Telling you, man, they're onto something. If you could just eliminate the hair and the all the that comes with it. It's better. It's a better world. It's more open. It's more honest. Men and women, heterosexuals always talking about how they just want honesty from each other. I saw it. I witnessed it. I witnessed what honesty looks like in a relationship. Like the fullest. I find that person wildly attractive. I'm gonna drive the car by and look again and I'm gonna eye everybody in the park. And they did it and they celebrated it. And Megan thought it was hysterical. Like, if I did that, nothing but trouble in this car.

[Brady]

Well, that's kids.

[Megan]

You're a pervert.

[John Holmberg]

What the hell? How did. They're the per. Do you know the perversion that goes on in their house? Not even close to what they are. As far as perverts go, it's just me. It's who I am. You're taking away things I want to do. Just drive by and stalk good looking people at the park every once in a while. Just get a couple of extra peeps in.

[Brady]

If you want to drive around and look at hot girls, you can do it by yourself.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's more fun with somebody else. So, Brett, you and I will have to do it later today.

[Brett Vesley]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Go to by the park.

[Megan]

Sunday, Kettlebell. Saturday.

[John Holmberg]

Sunday. But it was Saturday. They're out there every other weekend. It's an amazing thing. I walked the dogs there once and I just stopped and stared at that. They have this. It's almost Cirque du Soleil. They're flipping the bells around to each other and they're. It's amazing. And the workouts looks outrageously.

[Brett Vesley]

And I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into MMP Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesley]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online. It's really that simple.

[Brett Vesley]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[John Holmberg]

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[Brett Vesley]

Is that the same day as Jew baseball too?

[John Holmberg]

Jew baseball happened Saturday afternoon. This was earlier in the day. This was like 10:30, 11. Jew baseball starts about 1.

[Brett Vesley]

And I've, I've been out there in.

[John Holmberg]

That wool at one. Dude. It was a hot Jew baseball day. And I know that they played Hasidic Jew baseball this weekend because the World Series had everybody all amped up for baseball. Acidic Jew baseball is the greatest. Granada Park Saturdays.

[Megan]

Any cricket still at all on the.

[John Holmberg]

Huh?

[Megan]

There used to be a cricket game.

[John Holmberg]

I've not seen a cricket game at Granada park, but I've seen Jew baseball. Jew baseball in the full gear is just a spectacular that you can't help but turn around and look at. You can be late for something and go, did I just see what I think I saw? Was that a bunch of Hasidic Jews playing baseball? Sure enough, all of them in the wool, in the white shirts, the wool, the hats. It's amazing. But I was pretty. I was. I was taken aback by the whole gay behavior doesn't happen for us. Could you imagine trying that? Did you see that Messiah? What incredibly hot chick. I'm gonna turn around and look at her again. I mean, what happens to you? Do you get punched? Do you. And you're not getting any. Nothing's gonna happen for you.

[Brett Vesley]

Matiah's usually pretty casual, but I wouldn't.

[John Holmberg]

You flip the car back around.

[Brett Vesley]

No, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

But oh, the casual thing is.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah, she's like, oh, yeah, she does.

[John Holmberg]

Have a great ass. I got all that too. But try, try driving by a second time. Try getting out of your seat when somebody good looking goes by and going, whoa, it can't happen. The gays are doing it all day.

[Brett Vesley]

Crandall just said if you ever get caught doing that, just tell the wife that when the hot one walks by, that. That outfit would look so much better on you.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's nice. Yeah. See, we have lies. We have to lie to them to make them feel like we weren't crazy. Those gays, I tell you, they're up to something and it ain't so bad. I know Brady thinks that what I'm talking about right now is wildly against God. And it is. Might be a better way.

[Megan]

I know what would happen if I circle back around.

[John Holmberg]

What would happen?

[Megan]

Just out of the options. You're not. You don't do it.

[John Holmberg]

You don't do it. But you want to. Deep down, you would love to take a second look and have a nice.

[Megan]

Discussion with your wife.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but that. Yeah, right. And then like, look at the. Look at the. On her. My God, she's so young. Oh, you can't win this fight. You're done. Michael and Troy basically wanted to get out of the car and go over there together. Just watch. And then what do they do? They get back in the car. Hand jobs. Because we're both all riled up. Fantastic work, gays. Excellent job with that one. Then you just realize it's just a couple of dudes being dudes deep down. Until they do that God abomination thing that Brady talks about. Just the nightmare that ensues afterwards, which is just. Yeah, you're not going to win that. Ever. It's terrifying. I was all for it. I couldn't. I couldn't get over how much says so John. Now. No gays would want you knowing you can't control your bowels. Ha ha ha. Yeah, very funny, Jesse. Although when I did tell the gays that story didn't bat an eye. They're used to it, you know, sometimes leaks out of them and they're fine with it in the worst possible moments. Just where it lives. So you can expect a few mistakes.

[Megan]

Plowing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah, when you're plowing. I mean, you can't metamucil every day. You brought your gut after you go.

[Megan]

Buy a group of kettlebell.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, forget it. Yeah, you might not have had your metamucil.

[Megan]

I'm not prepped.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm not care, but I'm going in. I know that's where lives, but I'm. I don't mind it today. Good stuff. Proud of them. The seven o' clock word is air. H E I r as in air or heiress. But we're just doing air. H E I R is the 7 o' clock code word. You can get on board that thing, go crazy winning a thousand bucks from us as we buy your love. Kyle says, I sat next to Troy and Michael Friday night at the show, and I got to tell you, I've never wanted to be gay more in my life. I almost started checking out other dudes with them. The whole time, all they did was look at asses and talk about them. Just an aside. Michael can drink. He's the swallower. Oh, Michael can drink, all right. Yeah. They sit together and talk about hot dudes that they see. There was a guy last year who had a. His costume was a. It was UPS guy, but he had his penis in a box. Like he was delivering a. It was dick in a box and ups. It was a good combination. And they fell in love with him together. And they were like, is. Is he going to be there tonight? I'm like, well, maybe. I don't know. I think he's ours. Like, you think you can make the conversion? Oh, yes. He was really interested last year. I'm like, two of you talking about, this is exciting. I hope this happens. And you get in the car and like, he didn't show up. But there was a kid named Jason there. Wow. And they both love Jason equally. Neither of them were slapping each other going, will you quit talking about how hot that guy was? What about me? Confidence was soaring. Just wanted another B hole in the room, that's all. I couldn't do it. I was born this way. But God damn it, if they don't have a better plan. Try it. Try it today. Take Mathia to lunch today and just go, this waitress is hot. I think. I think I probably that because that's what they say to each other. Oh, my God, Troy so wanna. That guy in the Jason mask. And then Troy's like, me too. Try that with Ronnie today. This waitress is hot as Ronnie got a heart on and I want to use it.

[Brady]

Why are you doing this?

[John Holmberg]

Because I want a waitress. Don't you think she's. I gave it. Yeah. Toledo comes in with a sign, says, word. Everybody's all distracted. You seem uncomfortable with my conversation, Brady.

[Megan]

No, I don't. I just know that challenge. She might go, all right, go for it.

[John Holmberg]

She might tell you what if that's what they did? And we've just been on our. Like, they're like, yeah, I think she's.

[Megan]

Well, I'm just saying, for me in particular, Maybe like, oh, it's guaranteed he'll get shut down.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, so she's.

[Megan]

Yeah, playing. Playing the fanduel bats.

[John Holmberg]

Call that bless.

[Megan]

Go for it. All right.

[John Holmberg]

Try that later today. Take Ronnie out today, find somebody in the restaurant and go. You think I still got it?

[Brady]

What are you talking about?

[John Holmberg]

If I wandered over to that girl right now, what do you think my odds are? I'd score and see how little confidence she has in the one she's chosen. I've been able to pick up a chick. What do you think she would laugh.

[Megan]

I'll take that bet. Hang on. Let me call 10 of my friends, see if they want to get in on this.

[John Holmberg]

You think that she has no confidence that you could still. That you can still go fishing?

[Megan]

No, I think.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You're not sure?

[Megan]

I. I mean, I.

[John Holmberg]

She's not. She doesn't think you. She's not even worried that you. That you'd be out there fishing.

[Megan]

Yeah, she's probably not worried I'm out there fishing.

[John Holmberg]

No, but I mean that you can fish like you're Poland. You're rotten reel or useless. Like, she's like, yeah, good. Go lay on top of them and let them know what a misery I go through.

[Megan]

I'll show you.

[John Holmberg]

Then you have to go slink back to the table. Later when she was right, you were right. She said she was gonna call the cops. So, John, you were in the new rideshare gay mo program. I'll tell you what, if it's a gay couple driving around, you're gonna get there faster and there's gonna be no complaining. And there's a little bit of high fiving. It's sort of super gay. Fast and furious. They drive fast, they're excited about making.

[Megan]

Noise and only one stop.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, try using the horn with your wife.

[Megan]

The gays.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, use your horn with your wife. Stop it.

[Brett Vesley]

Oh, I do all the time. I'm always.

[John Holmberg]

You're on the horn. See, I'm not a horn guy cuz I don't like getting yelled at.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah, I don't care.

[Brady]

You're gonna get a shot. You read these?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, total parent.

[Brady]

You see the news the other night somebody honked and the guy shot him. You can't. You're gonna be road rage.

[John Holmberg]

Like. No, look, gays weren't afraid of any road rage. I think Troy started dig around in the glove box for his gun. I think we were going to be the ones that killed someone. Catch up to that mother. I'm gonna shoot him in the face. Make these Gays mean business. No nagging, no nothing. It says, well, super case. Super case of the Monday. Since you just solved all marriage issues and put all those couples counselors out of a job. It's true. Give it a try. Ride with gays and then look at your wife and go, huh? Should be more like them.

[Brady]

So what you really want is me to be quiet when you gawk at other women?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, precisely. That's what I want.

[Dick Tolitto]

Really?

[Brady]

What if I do it to other men?

[John Holmberg]

Okay, I know you do. I'm not good looking. I hope you look for good looking. I hope this wasn't your end goal. Like, visually, like you stopped finding other people attractive after me. You're insane. Go get your eyes checked. There's no way Ronnie isn't looking at other guys. You can't be the pinnacle of physical beauty to her. To where she stopped noticing. Come on.

[Megan]

It's a rare thing. I am.

[John Holmberg]

No, you're not. No, you can. No, you're not. I would find it refreshing if you're driving around in the car and the wife says, whoa, did you see that? And turns around and there's just a bunch of dudes oiled up doing kettlebell workouts. I'm like, good on you. Still a little. The pilot light is still lit down there. Good, because it is just not lit for you that much after a few years.

[Megan]

That's why it doesn't go over as well.

[John Holmberg]

What? For you?

[Megan]

I mean that. No, it's a pilot. It's not lit. In other words, there's not much going on between the relationship, but then the other person is just looking.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if it's all the time. If it's relationship, pilot like, yeah, that's one thing. If it's hers and she shut her down for you. But then she's like, man, look, I'm excited for that. I think that's great.

[Megan]

But I think it's tougher for guys on that to say.

[John Holmberg]

I love that. I got no problem with it. It makes me. It makes me know you're alive.

[Megan]

I don't think that's the majority.

[John Holmberg]

Makes me know you're alive.

[Megan]

Where you're kind of wired.

[John Holmberg]

I saw it.

[Megan]

I can look.

[John Holmberg]

You can't. No, I saw it with the gays. It got them excited for each other to see hot things. It's great stuff. It was impressive. Loved it. Every second. Air is the word. Heir is the word for seven o'. Clock. You win a thousand dollars, try to be more impressive to the ladies. Do all that kind of stuff. I don't know when the sun's games all turned into the Phoenix Open, but you should get yourself down there for a game this year. It's you want to talk about putting on a show. The display is unbelievable, men and women. It's got to be three hours just to get ready to go to the. You're getting ready longer than this game lasts. People are decking out for very average basketball. The Suns are not a great team. But you know, it's starting to get like you're not in T shirt and jeans much anymore. These are like people in like designer clothes. And I don't know when that happened to sports because it doesn't. Diamondbacks don't have that. Cardinals don't have that. Suns do. And I don't know what happened there, but basketball has become a fashion show and it's kind of strange. I don't know why that's happening, but it is a thing. It's a look at me party, especially down close. I don't think anybody who sits down close just goes dressed like I go. If you're on the floor, something's going on. It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk about FanDuel. It's NBA tip off week and FanDuel is your home for live betting. FanDuel is giving new customers $300 in bonus bets if your first $5 bet wins. So just visit FanDuel.com KUPD to up today and play your game with FanDuel, official sports betting partner of the NBA, 21 plus and present in Arizona. First online real money wager only $5. First deposit required. Bonus issued is non withdrawable bonus Fetch, which expires seven days after receipt restrictions apply. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 53342.

[Comedy Announcer]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Like, like I think everybody thinks they're gonna have a Pamela Anderson moment that the camera discovered. They're gonna get discovered. I think there's a huge I'm gonna get discovered moment because it's just flat weird. Like you can't go through and not see people like, where are they going after this? There has to be a gala after the game to be dressed like this to watch the spurs and Suns play. Either that or I think because there is no barrier between the players and the fans in basketball, you're like literally sitting on the playing field that I think some of them think that the players will notice and marry them, which is really, I think most women's dream is to have it all just kind of picked up by something like they know where the millionaires are. I've seen the Phoenix Open. It's essentially the same thing as turning around and looking at other dudes. They go through the Phoenix Open, they put on an incredible effort. And I think it's just to maybe in case, catch one of the millionaire's eye and then like, it's not a lottery.

[Megan]

They still have a choice of 500,000 men. Yeah, but it's the driving off in their Honda.

[John Holmberg]

It's. Yeah, it's the lottery. It's more of a. I'm gonna use this thing as currency today and I'm gonna see if I can cash in so I don't have to work anymore. And I think that's what Suns games have become because the players are all on the court, they're all millionaires and you are within like feet of them without a wall or anything like that. I think that's what's going on. I think that there's a. And plus the seats down low are super expensive. So if you don't land a player, you might get one of those rich dudes that's hanging out down there. But it's very strange what's going on now. It is.

[Megan]

They stepped up that club a little bit, didn't they?

[John Holmberg]

The Annexus Club and the Rah Rah Room and the Mick Clubs and all the clubs down there. Yeah, it stepped up and it is husband hunting. It's weird. And tip of the cap because I would use mine for currency too if I was a woman. I'm not going to go 100%. I'm not going to go humping some job every day and stressing out. If you're a good looking lady, you can. Somebody will pay for your life. That's a good move. And that's my theory. If you're really hot and you're working hard, you've got herpes. Because nobody will pick. It's got to be the case. No, I've always used this example. Whenever they open a Twin Peaks, go to the opening. Go to the first two weeks of a Twin A. Hooters used to be this way. Any place that opens and it's like, hey, we got a new Twin Peak. Go to it the first two weeks. You've never seen more beautiful people.

[Brett Vesley]

Strip club's the same way.

[John Holmberg]

Same.

[Brett Vesley]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Wait a month, go back. None of the good ones are there anymore. The C team's still there. But the hot ones that were there the first weekend to kick it off realized somewhere along the way, this is a lot of work and I'm beautiful. I don't have to do this. And they won't get frazzled. Then you get the ones who kind of. They got a kid, they can still pile into a pair of Daisy Dukes, but you don't want to see it out of there. The cans that used to, they stay on the schedule. Oh, they're safe. Well, they're going to be the hardest workers. But if you ever see a really hot one at the Twin Peaks, and I mean like a really hot one and she stays for a long time. Herpes.

[Brett Vesley]

She's got the bumps.

[John Holmberg]

She's got the bumps. Like there's no reason for her to work that hard. There's no reason for a girl that hard, three or four kids to work that hard. Yeah, those are STDs as well. Yeah, she's, she's loaded with, with something that makes it so nobody will take her away and sweep her off her feet. It's a thing. If I see a great looking lady working too hard, first off, I admire it. Hard work is admirable. But if I see, or like I see work, that's something. But like really grinding it. Like, oh, those herpes are really flared up right now because she is, she is putting in the effort and it's sad. It's sad to me, sad to see a beautiful woman working that hard. I don't like it. I, like most men, like to see a woman somewhere between like a scale of 1 to 10. Like I see like the highest I want to see working is a six. I want to see them working real hard. She's earning it. She's proven she's an earner. She's getting it done. Really smoking hot ones at a Twin Peaks. Oof. Man, that son of a bitch that did that to you should be in jail. Wrecked it for all billionaires. You were on a path, lady. I always worry it's the same as my bus stop. There you see a great looking girl at the bus stop. She has exhausted all options on rides. She can't find even a dude at her work to flirt with that'll come pick her up. She's taken the City bus. That thing down south is a tattered mess. It looks like a joke cigar blew up in there. It's terrifying. It's covered in diseases. She's got them all. And more than likely, she's 26 and she's got a nine year old. She got herself back in shape, but she's still got to take the bus because that guy in high school wrecked it. My theories hold true, Brett. It's a fact. Now let's take this show turnaround and look at those chicks again. And they think we don't do that together. Like, if you and I were driving down the road, I'm like, did you see that? No. What? It doesn't matter what road we're on. I'm you turning right, and I'm breaking all the laws just to go back so Brett can get an eyeful too.

[Brett Vesley]

I appreciate that.

[John Holmberg]

I know. Because we're men.

[Brett Vesley]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Try that with your wife. Not gonna go over well.

[Brady]

Oh, he always stops the car and drives by the hot girls a second time.

[John Holmberg]

You're getting killed. You're getting killed.

[Brady]

Why don't you just go have sex with that girl at the park?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, I forgot. I was gonna. You were gonna use it as retaliation.

[Brett Vesley]

A lot less annoying than this conversation.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. Maybe I'll try that.

[Brett Vesley]

Bumps or not. Jesus.

[John Holmberg]

I was at dinner once with a couple, and the waitress came over. And, you know, waitresses are nice. They're supposed to be. They paid to do. They're getting paid to be nice to you. So me and my friend are kind of joking around, and we're being fun. The waitress is laughing, and I noticed that my friend's wife was not happy at all. And so the dinner's going on and everything seems fine, and then she finally turns and she goes, I think we should get a new server. You know, server's not good. No, I'm tired of her trying to my husband. And I'm like, what's going on? That came out of nowhere. She goes, every time we go out, he tries to be Mr. Fun and the waitress tries to him. I'm like, no, no, no. So waitresses are designed to, like, be fun back. She's not doing that. She's. Look, she's at the other table laughing too. I know what it looks like when a woman wants to my husband, like, oh, geez, just eat your salad and shut up. Got weird.

[Megan]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

He doesn't have fun with me. Got weird fast. Now four dudes at the table, it just progresses to more fun. We all know you're not supposed to the help. That's weird. God damn gays ruin my weekend. Having parties.

[Megan]

And again.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the gays ruined my weekend again. God, why did you curse me with all this heterosexuality? Arg. I think it was Bill Burr that did that. Broke down the divorce rates. The lowest divorce rate in the divorce spectrum. Gay men, second lowest. Heterosexual couples, highest divorce rate by far. Lesbian marriages. Why? There's two women involved.

[Brett Vesley]

Too broad. Too.

[John Holmberg]

You can't do that. It's terrifying. God damn it. Being straight stinks. Brett, what do you got on the big board of musical treats?

[Brett Vesley]

Wake Up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And while you and I are going to be out there this Saturday for the big trying to kick off the season, basically getting you guys some great deals on some bikes. Smoking deals on bikes. As a matter of fact. Josh got all kinds of giveaways going on as well as they're doing a poker ride and everything else out there at the Haas trailhead. And of course it's gonna be at the brand new location right there at power Road. And McDowell will be there from 11 to 1 but the shindig starts at like 8:30 in the morning and he'll have lunch and drinks and everything else.

[John Holmberg]

Doing the poker run. They're doing all that. And plus Josh is getting rid of all the bike. He's got a whole new shipment of next. I didn't know. I didn't even know bikes did that.

[Brett Vesley]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

A new ship like cars of new bikes. They got to unload the 25s.

[Brett Vesley]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And so he's going to have great prices. This is a great time to get in on this and buy that stuff. So I'm plus yeah, you got your. The other stores got its winter gear starting up so the Action Ride Shop's.

[Brett Vesley]

Got you covered and you can ride them too. Like you can try before you buy demo, you know. So that's a check out Action Ride Shop this Saturday. The list megadeth, 6am, mud vein, avenged, Sevenfold, Airborne, Metallica Ministry, Jane's Addiction, Offspring, Motley Crew, Godsmack, gnr, Butthole Surfers who was in my room last night for Michael and Troy from the conversation from the show.

[John Holmberg]

Apparently not doing Butthole Surfers. It would be fun and I have seen it. I've been at their pool parties and one of the dudes brought in a young twink, he was Asian guy and he left. And when he left to go get something, it wasn't going away for good. He left to go to like CVS and grab, like, floaties or something. I don't know. He couldn't swim. I'm not sure. But he came. While he was gone, all the gays were gathered up on who was. Who was mine. No, no, no. Yeah, it was a lot of that. But they all agreed he was everybody's. It was just, who's going first? I'm like. And I don't know that it ever happened. It was just. The conversation was, you know, no way. This is my house. That's mine first. And, like, not over. Over my dead body. And then they started joking. I don't think they actually do it, but you're allowed to talk about it.

[Brett Vesley]

Maybe we should play seek and destroy then.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that scenario, it's fun. It's a fun game. A pool party with a bunch of couples. And you start talking about which girl has the greatest ass. The pool party's gonna end in punches. So much fun. But just ride with them. Gameo's a good idea. You get a gay couple that drives you around. A, you're gonna get there real fast, and B, you might get into a fight. You realize it's a bunch of dudes. You'll be fine. They're angry drivers. Like tailgaters, too, which is kind of not surprising. They're right up your ass. But it's still. I don't care. Whichever one you want to go with there.

[Brett Vesley]

Bert, we banned the one, so we'll.

[John Holmberg]

You could do it if you want. Who's in my room? We haven't heard the butthole servers. All right, let's do it.

[Brett Vesley]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Butthole surfers. It is off of our. Our talk.

[Brett Vesley]

I think I have to pull it up. I don't think that's an.

[John Holmberg]

This guy says, man, I was at the game last night too. You're right. Everybody suddenly thinks it's Los Angeles at the Suns game. They're getting decked out. The team's not much, but it's getting worth it to see it. Like the Phoenix Open. You get to go see Wemby and all the people that you see.

[Megan]

The beginning of the year.

[John Holmberg]

No, I think it's been going on a little bit for, like, it's the Phoenix Open now. This is a husband hunting event. The Suns game. Girls going together to a sons game and just walking around. Weird.

[Brett Vesley]

So it's. It's like preparation for the Phoenix Open. Yeah, like they're getting their work in beforehand.

[John Holmberg]

It's like.

[Brett Vesley]

Feels like spring training.

[John Holmberg]

It's very much like spring, but. But the weird thing about spring training is you don't get access to the players. I think these girls walk around. They walk by the benches. They're walking around in the. But they're trying to get the attention of the rich guys who have the front three rows. It is. It's a spectacle at this point. It's very strange. And the dudes are doing it. Dudes are all in suits and stuff. Like it's 1930 crazy. We'll do it here. It's butthole Surfers, everybody who was in my room last night, I got no issue with this. Haven't heard this in a long time. I had. I had asked to. Jake Rowland, who was in charge of the kids at Dobson High School, asked me to go home when I had a butthole surfer shirt on. Oh, really? Yeah. What are you wearing there? Butthole surfers. You need to go home. You can't have that on at school. I'm like, all right. So I went home and came back.

[Megan]

With your ZOG shirt.

[John Holmberg]

Came back with a Varnay shirt. Yeah. Not supposed to have that either. It's the butthole servers, everybody. It's 98, KUPD, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect.

[Dick Tolitto]

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[Comedy Announcer]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week downtown at Stand Up Live. You've got Moshe Kasher and the pride of Jacksonville, Florida, Lil Duvall. Performing Desert Ridge up north features the very funny Hans Kim and Eastside at the Tempe Improv has two entertaining comedians with Alvin Kuwait and Basim Yousef. For the complete lineups and for tickets go to standuplive.com, desertridgeimprov.com and tempyimprov.com.