11-04-25 - Former Vice President Cheney Has Died - Woman Says She Saw Her Father In Out Of Body Experience Making Us Realize Religion And God Are Regional As Brady Tries Poorly To Explain Heaven To Us - Would Brady Eat Indian Street Food

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode: 11-04-25 | "Former Vice President Cheney Has Died - Woman Says She Saw Her Father In Out Of Body Experience..."

Date: November 4, 2025
Host: John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo

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Overview of Episode

This episode mixes dark humor, irreverent commentary, and characteristic banter, covering the recent passing of former Vice President Dick Cheney, celebrity deaths, and a wide-ranging debate on religious experiences, the afterlife, and cultural takes on heaven and hell. The conversation takes several wild turns, from near-death experiences and their regional differences to the (dis)comforting possibility of Indian heaven, street food, and what delights might—or might not—await in the afterlife.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

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1. Celebrity Deaths and the ‘Already Dead’ Phenomenon

• Dick Cheney’s Passing: The crew reacts with surprise at the news, largely convinced they had already heard of his death years earlier, sparking laughs about Cheney's age and intimidating presence.
  • Notable Quote:
    “Didn’t he die, like, four years ago? I don’t remember Dick Cheney being still alive.” – Dick Toledo (01:20)
  • Cheney is likened to the ultimate boss: "Dick Cheney was that guy. Never question. If I say something, even if it’s the sky is red… just shake your head…" – Dick Toledo (08:02)
• Diane Ladd's Passing: Also met with, "Wait, she wasn’t already dead?" (03:48-04:32)
• They joke about Cheney now “being with Satan,” and paint a comedic picture of him intimidating even in the afterlife.

2. Out-of-Body Experience and the Regional Nature of Afterlife Beliefs

• Discussion shifts to a viral story of a woman who, after a near-death experience, claims her deceased father told her "there is no heaven."
  • Quote:
    “She died, and her dad was standing there, and she said… there’s no heaven. There’s nothing up here.” – Dick Toledo (10:32)
• Holmberg and Toledo discuss near-death experiences as being heavily influenced by cultural training:
  • Quote:
    “All near death experiences are different based on your geography … if you grew up polytheist in India, your gods show up. It’s exactly what you were taught growing up.” – Dick Toledo (18:24)
• The crew collectively doubts the literalness of such experiences, attributing them to drugs or brain phenomena while near or after clinical death.
  • Quote:
    “Come on. Your soul didn't leave your body... You were on morphine, you had drugs all through your system…” – Dick Toledo (17:24)

3. Heaven, Hell, and Religious Interpretations

• Brady tries to explain the Christian conception of heaven, but is quickly roasted by the group for his vague, repetitive, and unsatisfying descriptions of eternal bliss:
  • Quote:
    “So in Brady’s heaven, I am constantly having an orgasm…?” – Dick Toledo (36:23)
  • Quote:
    “If you are at complete peace and that's your normal state, then you're just going to be normal.” – Dick Toledo (37:05)
• The hosts question why "sins" on earth are forbidden, if neither heaven nor hell actually allow for indulgence in those pleasures.
  • Quote:
    “So I can't have any of the fun here in order to promise myself all that stuff later. And you're saying it's not there either?” – Dick Toledo (39:43)
• They turn to the Bible and “spilling your seed” with tongue-in-cheek debate about the rules for masturbation & sin.
  • Quote:
    “Find me that page that says don’t spill your seed unless it’s for procreation. But you’re not supposed to do that … had you shown me that page, I’d have been more interested in that religion.” – Dick Toledo (50:03)

4. The Indian Afterlife and Cultural Roast

• The group riffs on the idea that if Indian religions are right, “American” or “Christian” heaven-seekers might end up in a curry-soaked eternity.
  • Quote:
    “If heaven means curry and those weird colors and that music, I am out.” – Dick Toledo (25:45)
• Extended jokes about Indian street food, digestion, and India’s poverty/lack of sanitation are woven with the cultural idea that heaven is whatever you grew up with.
  • “Curry is actually a laxative, but I wonder if it still works on them?” – Dick Toledo (24:22)
• Brady is quizzed about whether he’d eat at an Indian food stand; his answer depends comically on whether feet are involved in serving (28:55).
• Indian listener Sanjay texts in, agreeing: “Our culture sucks, don’t do what the Indians do. Me personally, Heaven has porn.” (48:48)

5. Purgatory and the (After)life of Jerking Off

• Much of the latter segment fixates humorously on whether porn exists in the afterlife.
  • “There’s no porn anywhere but here, though, is the biggest takeaway…” – Dick Toledo (49:15)
  • “Heaven should be a place that if I held off on porn here, I’ll get tons… all the things I loved here.” – Dick Toledo (39:08)
• Purgatory is jokingly envisioned as a place of eternal “edging”—never climaxing, always stressed.
  • “Purgatory’s just jerking the whole time and nothing’s happening.” – Brady (46:07)
  • “That’s a good night for me… I’m edging myself for eternity. Brett, see you in Purgatory, bro.” – Dick Toledo (46:10)
• Continual ribbing of Brady as his vision of heaven increasingly disappoints the rest of the crew.
  • "Your heaven sucks, by the way. Sounded awful. Hell had a better sell." – Dick Toledo (52:05)

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments with Timestamps

• On Dick Cheney:
  “...didn’t he die, like, four years ago?” – (01:20)
  “He might have been Satan.” – Dick Toledo (02:42)
• On Near-Death Experiences:
  “All near death experiences are different based on your geography…” – Dick Toledo (18:24)
• On Heaven:
  “If you are at complete peace and that’s your normal state, then you’re just going to be normal.” – Dick Toledo (37:05) “Brady’s heaven is a never-ending pizza bar!” – (47:34)
• On Indian Afterlife:
  “If heaven means curry and those weird colors and that music, I am out.” – Dick Toledo (25:45)
  “Welcome. You have come to Nirvrana. You have... now you’ll eat nothing but curry for all of eternity.” – (26:09)
• On Afterlife Porn:
  “There’s no porn anywhere but here, though, is the biggest takeaway…” – Dick Toledo (49:15)
  “Your heaven sucks, by the way. Sounded awful. Hell had a better sell.” – Dick Toledo (52:05)

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Important Segment Timestamps

| Topic | Timestamp | |---|---| | Announcement of Cheney’s death, reactions | 01:20 – 06:30 | | Discussion of near-death/afterlife, regional take | 10:32 – 14:03 & 18:24 – 20:50 | | Roast of Indian afterlife, food, culture | 22:06 – 29:54 | | Would Brady eat Indian street food | 28:10 – 29:54 | | Divisive Heaven/Hell debate | 35:18 – 52:16 | | Purgatory as eternal edging | 46:07 – 46:33 | | Listener feedback/Sanjay's input | 48:46 – 48:54 | | Final jokes about afterlife, heaven, and Brady's theology | 52:16 – 58:03 |

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Tone and Language

• Fast-paced, raunchy, irreverent, and regularly veering into the aggressively comedic.
• Heavy use of sarcasm, parody, and self-deprecation, especially around religious and cultural taboos.
• The crew is unfiltered with each other and their audience—the recurring punchlines are about generational and cultural differences, religious confusion, and the shared absurdity of death and the afterlife.

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Summary Takeaways

• The episode is a showcase for the hosts' chemistry and willingness to poke fun at serious subjects—death, religion, and even their own ignorance.
• The supposed universality of religious experience is lampooned, while the logistics (and perks) of the afterlife get comically debated and deconstructed.
• The Indian food and heaven segments stand out for their relentless riffing and over-the-top comparisons.
• Brady’s attempts to explain the Christian idea of heaven become a comedic centerpiece, as his “eternal peace” vision fails to impress the others.
• Despite the jokes, there’s a playful underlying skepticism about religion and the afterlife—and a preference for earthly pleasures.

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This episode is quintessential Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: sharp, over-the-top, irreverent, and at times, oddly insightful in its exploration of taboos, mortality, and the human need to laugh at the infinite.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP guns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. It's Brett Vesely from Homeworks. Morning sickness. Now, I've always been the kind of guy that takes care of my own lawn. That's until I found Divine Design Landscaping. These guys aren't your typical mow and blow landscaping company. They do amazing work and it's just what I needed to finally throw in the towel and let the experts take over. If you've been unhappy with your landscaping or sick of trying to do it yourself, well, it's time to get a hold of Divine Design Landscaping. These guys handle everything. Lawn care, irrigation, tree work, low volt vintage lighting, 3D designs. Get a free quote at DivineDesignLawnCare.com that's DivineDesignLawnCare.com Come on down to the Ranch House Grill. Comfort food is your next meal.

[Dick Toledo]

Pork, chili verde, chicken fried steak. Ranch House knows you'll think it's great. Are you ready for the best breakfast in Phoenix? Ranch House Grill has been voted best breakfast four years in a row. We're famous for our chicken fried steak, pork chili verde, and large portions. Located in the heart of Arcadia. Join us for breakfast or lunch seven days a week, 6am to 2pm We're a family restaurant with a small town atmosphere serving southwestern comfort food for 18 years. Come on down to the Ranch House Grill for the best breakfast in Phoenix at 56th street and Thomas Road. Still streaming Homburg's morning sickness [e-mail] My emails are proof that we are 100% accurate with what's going on with the television. It's like, no, no, you got to do this. No, you got to get an antenna to get, get an antenna. Get your fire stick. I'll. I'll jailbreak your fire stick. We'll do this, this, and this. I'm like, look, I'm not struggling to watch television. I'm just saying it was easier the old way. The sucky way that everybody's like, this is the old fashioned was better. I'm not saying it's impossible. I'm saying they've made things more difficult than they need to be in the name of technology. We just kind of. And one guy emailed and said, look, he said we had DirecTV, we had Cox. They said, and then they wanted us to switch. Which makes sense, but what did they switch? They took all the same channels you had there and moved them to a new place to deliver It. And we expected it to be different. It's the exact same thing. They're raising prices. They're in fights with each other all the time. We're losing channels. Makes tons of sense. And then we have to also announce that former Vice President Dick Cheney has passed away, which was, I think, a lot. I speak for a lot of people, and I say, didn't he die, like, four years ago? Didn't he die, like, a while ago? I. I don't remember Dick Cheney being still alive. And he was only 84, which. I thought he was 84 when he was vice president.

[Brady]

I did, too.

[Dick Toledo]

I thought he was ancient back then. You're pretty young. You're telling me he was 60.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like Brimley.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah. You're telling me that. When I first met Dick CHENEY in the first Gulf War, in the early 90s, the man was 48 years old. He looked like he was 60 then. So he passed away at 84. But his. His spirit is eternal because he was. I think he might have been Satan. I don't care what side of the aisle you were on. Everybody was a little bit afraid of Dick Cheney. When he'd roll up to that mic and just look at the press, you could feel the room. You'd feel the room kind of go, oh, what's this? He's gonna. I think fire's gonna shoot out of that guy's eyes. So he passed away at 84.

[Brady]

And very Belichick.

[Dick Toledo]

Like, he was very Belichick. Belichick probably stole a lot of, you know, chainy ways.

[Brady]

On to the next war.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm just gonna look you in the eyes and tell you that if you keep staring at me, I'm gonna swipe your soul. I'm gonna throw you into some sort of a purgatory, and you're gonna live there for the rest of your life. Any questions? Yes. So Dick Cheney passed away also. Diane Ladd died. That's Laura Dern's mom. And she was. Yeah, Laura Dern.

[Brett Vesely]

89 or something.

[Dick Toledo]

89. Laura Dern was something about Laura Dern as kind of hot, kind of not hot. When she was in the first Jurassic Park. And she's running around, I'm like, I think I like La Stern. And then she did that movie with Nicolas Cage. Was that Wild at Heart, where he was kind of an Elvis type guy, which he always sort of is. But that's where I got the baby girl. Because in that whole model. Just get in there. Private girl. Let's rot. Like, it's weird. Stuff. But that. And then she was really helped. Her mom was Laura Dern, who was in some classic older movies. And Alice doesn't live Here Anymore and a couple others. And she passed away yesterday too. So we got two in a row.

[Brady]

Two.

[Dick Toledo]

Boom, boom.

[Brady]

And Grateful Dead singer.

[Dick Toledo]

Who? What?

[Brady]

Former Grateful Dead singer Diane Donna Jean.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, wow. That does. He's a background singer. That doesn't.

[Brady]

79.

[Dick Toledo]

But I. I can. I think again, I'm like, wow, we lost two people that I thought were dead for years. That's a weird feeling to have two go in the same day and go. I thought they were both dead for years. If you. If you'd have quizzed me and said, is Diane Ladd still. Nope.

[Brett Vesely]

And she was Belle on Alice too.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, she came in later. So she was in the movie that made Alice the tv.

[Brett Vesely]

She was Alice in the movie.

[Dick Toledo]

No. Oh, she wasn't.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[Dick Toledo]

Ellen Burstyn was Alison. Okay. And she was floating. Oh, all right.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[Dick Toledo]

And then. Or maybe she was. She was one of them. So then she came on and was Belle later when the TV show after everybody left. Yeah. So she's been around. She's been in a lot of stuff.

[Brady]

Makes me think of Cheryl Ladd every time I hear.

[Dick Toledo]

I love Cheryl. Don't even start about Cheryl. My God. Cheryl Ladd was a friend of mine. Sent me a picture her. Ironically, yesterday we were talking about Battle of the Network stars and he goes, look at this. Because he just goes through old retro TV things. My goodness. Cheryl Ladd, the Grace Kelly. But anyway, two people dead yesterday would have lost a bet saying, I thought they were already dead. Dick Cheney and Diane Ladd, goodbye. Then hopefully there is no afterlife. Because if there is, I think Dick Cheney, you know, he struck me as an evil man. He just was. His presence was just dark and strange. I think he might have been the devil. Which made me kind of want to get to know him a little bit. As you see right here where Dick Cheney and I were hanging out and you see George Bush and you. There was no way you. That's why everybody said Dick Cheney was the president when George Bush was president, because you saw him next to each other. One dude clearly had goals of global power, and the other guy was just kind of like, I'm a dog. Like it was. He was like a Labrador retriever running around. I just like to be pet from a ball. Dick Cheney throws the ball pretty far. He can. He's got one of them. Chuck its get going on that White House lawn. Yeah, we play ball. Anyway, back to work.

[Brady]

You're gonna have all the glory.

[Dick Toledo]

It didn't seem to me that there was, you know, the powerful aspirations of one man totally overwhelmed and overshadowed the other. But I'm president. Yeah, right. That's what you think. Okay. I'm going to be prison. I sit in a big boy chair. He made every. And Bush probably did himself no. No favors by having Dick Cheney next to him all the time. If he had a little bit lesser guy, we'd have thought George Bush was probably a whole lot more in charge than he was. But Dick made you feel like, all right, stuff's going to. Dick would have been the dude in your office. Like, maybe your boss comes in, hey, guys, we got a little problem. We're going to meet at the. In the conference room a little later. It's like, all right. And then his second in command comes in. Remember that Peter guy? Not Peter, but that. We had two bosses, Norman and David on our old owners. And Norman was. Norman might as well had butterfly wings. He was the softest boss I've ever met in my life. Just flapping around. I just want to get to my house. I just got some new towels. Like, that's an actual conversation I had with him where he wanted to leave Phoenix and get to New York to feel his new towels. That's what this man's day was. His brother David had a magic button that you couldn't see or feel that tightened the asshole of everyone in the room when he walked in it. It was an amazing ability to make the whole thing go, ooh, David's here.

[Brady]

I saw it, like, he was more so than Norman.

[Dick Toledo]

Norman was a girl.

[Brady]

Was Peter.

[Dick Toledo]

He made you think that that was the wolf. Peter was the nicest guy in the world. Peter was the nicest man in the world. I got to deal with Peter. He looked. He just changed. Because David scared the hell out of Peter, and they were never not in the same room. I talked to Peter after the company sold, and we were talking. He's like, well, David wouldn't had it any other way. And I'm like, yeah, I always. You know, I always thought you guys hated me. He's like, oh, no, no, no. David's rule was just be quiet, sit and stare, and, like, basically own the room without saying a thing. And those dudes did it. Dick Cheney don't ever object. Yeah, Dick Cheney was that guy. Yeah. Never question. If I say something, even if it's the sky is red. Starting now, you just shake your head because you're gonna. And they were Old school. But that David dude had the ability to walk in a room and just look around and make everybody go, oh, man. Because he always looked mad. That's key to good management. Always sort of look like you're a little bit pissed off at the people in the room. And then when you crack a smile, you own it. Like, oh, thank God. He's not mad at us. He's mad at something else. Dick Cheney had that. I guarantee you, Dick Cheney walked in your office, you're like, this won't be good. Yeah, Just had a knock, knock. Oh, he's telling jokes. Oh, it's an easier day. Who's there? You're fired. You're fired. Who? You. You're fired. Get out. Oh, no. He is mad. So he's gone, and he's now with Satan. And Satan's asshole tightened up a little bit when Dick got there, didn't his daughter, kind of. Liz, yeah, she was a lesbian, and.

[Brady]

She was opposed to him a lot. She did a lot of film.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, just a rebel. Rebel was Liz Cheney the lesbian. One of them's a lesbian. Lesbian. He had a. Yeah. And then she got a little upset.

[Brett Vesely]

Isn't Liz's wife.

[Dick Toledo]

Was Liz's wife one of. One of the Cheneys was a lesbian. Got one of them lesbians.

[Brady]

She stirred it up a little bit.

[Dick Toledo]

Got one of them daughters that likes to lick other women. That's exactly how Thanksgiving went when the daughter told him, I like women. Is that laughing? No, it's just anger.

[Brady]

Why don't you go hunting with your dad?

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, why don't we take this new girlfriend of yours out for a duck hunt? You don't take my girlfriend for a duck hunt. I definitely want to take her for a duck hunt. So you're one of them lesbians now? Are you mad at me or is that Les? No, that's me laughing. Whoops.

[Brady]

Sorry.

[Dick Toledo]

And now it's off to get the Batman. Yeah, he was a strange one. He made me uncomfortable, even as an adult. So he's gone. We've lost him. And still younger than Biden, I think. Right about the same age. It's weird. He's just president, like last year. I did like this one. I saw this story this morning, and I looked it up. This lady died. Called the news right after. I don't know how this goes on the news. She died, and when she saw her father, she passed away. Like, she did one of these, you know, outer body things and left. And her dad was standing there, and she said. And I spoke to my Father. And he said there's no heaven. There's nothing up here. Like where's he then? What's he doing? Like if he's just floating around to tell you that and give you bad news on the way in. So she said she almost died giving birth. And then while she was dead technically on the table, she saw her father and sent her back to Earth with a message. There is no heaven. It is not a real place. Jane Dawson felt her soul leave her body as all the pain she felt disappeared instantly and she entered into a realm between the physical and non physical. According to her, he's not communicating from.

[Brady]

The Three Eye Atlas.

[Dick Toledo]

He might be. He might. Oh, they found a rocket on it. We'll get into that another time. Doesn't have a tail anymore. Moved and they like pretty sure that the last sighting of it, it's going to come out from behind the sun here in December. And they're like our last picture didn't. It had like a propulsion thing that changed speeds like oh well, dropped an engine or what? I mean there's. Okay, we'll get into it then. Because this lady didn't start. She says there's no heaven. And I'm thinking maybe she's right. I've always thought that. But.

[Brady]

But someone communicated.

[Dick Toledo]

The dude in Harvard that's been studying the hell out of the Three Eye Atlas basically said that his last. The speed changed before it made the move and like closed off its back end. So it's not making a blue tail like a comet would. It stopped which means it would be engine propulsion probably or possibly. And it understood that it's just going to use the sun to move now. So it's like basically saving gas I guess kind of. It's. It's the Tesla of space or what. So it just kind of. Well it's basically, you know when you get behind a semi and you draft off of it to save gas. You ever do that on an i10?

[Brett Vesely]

That's some NASCAR hillbillies.

[Dick Toledo]

It works. I used to do it all the time when I drove back and forth with California. I get right on the ass of a semi.

[Brett Vesely]

Cruise control it then you need new vision Auto glass.

[Dick Toledo]

No, I mean you. I would be dangerously close to the truck in front of me so there's nothing chipping up and I just sit there and you just pull you along and I literally like a quarter tank of gas. Different from. From Phoenix to. To la when I would drive that a lot, you know, sneaking up behind trucks and stuff. It's amazing. I Didn't kill myself getting that close. Either way, they said that that thing, if it comes out in December and it doesn't have that thing, that means it could be an engine based thing or just a rock, but not a con. They don't know. But basically, like, I am so rooting for aliens to. I am so rooting for it. So this lady says that when she died, she learned that since heaven isn't a real place, she went into other realities, physically and dead, and met with people who are just kind of. All you do is just kind of malinger. I guess that's it. That's what the afterlife is according to this lady who died but didn't. And she just wandered around like, there's my dad. And dad's like, there's nothing here. Turn around, go back. It's like Toledo's dad, when he sees him in heaven's gonna be like, I'm sorry, I don't know what you're doing here. There's nothing here. You gotta go back.

[Brady]

He didn't make it.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah. Or there isn't one.

[Brady]

Yeah, there isn't one.

[Dick Toledo]

And she's hanging out, but also. Right. Like, wouldn't they eventually just run into each other? Why do you have to break that news to her? And plus, he can send her back.

[Brady]

There's communicating going on somewhere.

[Dick Toledo]

Isn't that God's like, big slip up there? Like, oops, we almost let one slide through the door. Have her dad tell her there isn't a heaven. She don't want her getting curious. Anyway, she was her son. This was a while ago. She said I was experiencing labor complications when I was giving birth to my son. He's 24 now. I crossed over and I was about to push the baby out when suddenly I had a weird feeling wash over me. And I couldn't do it. I was exhausted at every level and I thought that time was up. I felt the second my soul left my body and all the pain disappeared. And it was. Frankly, it was a delicious moment. Yeah, this wasn't right. You're nuts. I said, I haven't been thinking about my dad or even asked for his help or anything. But there he was. Soul to soul reunion. And I was completely dark and filled with love. And he just said, I don't know what you're wasting your time here for. It's time to go home. Get on. There's no heaven. Your mother and I are still enjoying ourselves. Morning sickness Medicate K U P D.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'M here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Brady]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Brady]

Easy legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online. It's really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your fire arms.

[Mike King]

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[Dick Toledo]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness and that's proof that even when you're dead, Brett, you don't really like your kids showing up like you don't want them around because dad was like no room at the end. Time for you to go.

[Brady]

You won't like this.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, there's no heaven up here.

[Brett Vesely]

Dealt with you for 18 years down there. Ain't doing it again.

[Brady]

You're not moving back home.

[Dick Toledo]

You're my nutty daughter. Yeah, I love when people do that and then they come back and act like it's their job to report to us what their hallucination was like. If you're like, look, it'd be hard not to. Come on. Your soul didn't leave your body.

[Brady]

Just like telling a drunken tale.

[Dick Toledo]

You were on morphine, but drunken tails actually happen.

[Brett Vesely]

Enjoy the fentanyl.

[Dick Toledo]

Drunken tails are real. Look, your soul leaving your body is something you're not gonna know there. There may or may not be one. You can't prove it. So when you're like, oh yeah, you guys know what it's like when your soul leaves your body, right? You were on morphine, you had drugs all through your system. While you're trying to give birth, your body is fighting with all sorts of drugs to make your pain go away because you're having a bad run and you passed out. You hallucinated something. Your brain was still working and you came back with nonsense. And 20 years later, you want to write a book about it. I love near death experiences. Seven o' clock word, it's baller.

[Brady]

Nice.

[Dick Toledo]

Seven o' clock word is baller, not baller. Hard R. Baller. That's the 7 o' clock code word. But I watched, I watched a very interesting thing years ago that all near death experiences are different based on your geography. If you grew up believing that there are multiple gods and you're a polytheist, you're near that your near death experience in India is meeting Venetian venu or whatever they are the multi armed gods. And they have like all these gods show up and it's very colorful. It's exactly what you were taught growing up. People in the, you know, Western religions see a light and God and a gate and it's exactly what you were taught. Asians have this weird kind of strange flower thing. They're all geographically comforting to where people think, well, I went to heaven. The Indian went to like polytheism heaven. I don't know what like, you know, African people who have just been in the sticks do, but they dream about like, you know, Coke bottles. That's what I learned. That's my bigotry, is the gods must be crazy. So they dreamed of going to the Coke plant in Atlanta. That's heaven to them. And if you've ever been to Atlanta, there may be some truth to that. Africans love Coca Cola. That's and Atlanta. So it's very, it's very strange to me that the near death experience is always like, I watched the I survived and came back is a certain aspect of I survived where they actually die. And they explained. And then a little journey. The one lady was just got hit and Then saw the green lights and followed the lights. One dude went to hell. He's like, it was hot. There was not fire, but everything was boiling red. And he goes.

[Brady]

Changed his life now.

[Dick Toledo]

He came back and he realized that he was like. That was probably just a hallucination. And then one guy didn't believe in anything and got hit by a truck and said, I stood in a dark room alone. And he's like, and that was it. And I watched the people try to revive me. And that was it. And then a lady drown. And her experience, because she was a Far east religious person was like this. These weird Asian images. And it's all. It's all what you're taught. It's all geographic. Nobody in India dies and sees Jesus. They just don't. But we do.

[Brady]

They don't talk about it.

[Dick Toledo]

They wouldn't. Oh, no, no, no, no.

[Brady]

They'll get bullied.

[Dick Toledo]

The great Ganesh is not a thing, you guys. It's the Jew. It's like, what? Yes, the Jew. He nailed it. When I almost died, I got stepped on by an elephant while I was taking a poop in our water at the river. Water of this wonderful country we call India. And you're not supposed to make fun of us, but we take dumps in water and we get chased by jaguars. But, yeah, I almost died. And Jesus was there. They would beat him up. So your brain comforts you.

[Brady]

I'd like to move to America.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, I'm going to have to move to New York City and become a doctor. What is this room? I'm looking at apartments in Manhattan. What is this room? This is called a bathroom. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do you have to take one? It was preferable that you do take a bathroom. I don't want this apartment. Do they all have bathrooms? Where is the nearest river? I have to take a. That's Hudson right over there. That's how you know you're in a terrible, terrible, terrible country. Where's the nearest river? I need to take a. Is said probably 80 or 90 times in your, like, lunch. Oh, this is going right. Does Indian food go right through Indians? Or would.

[Brady]

I don't think so.

[Dick Toledo]

Or would they eat a burger and go, oh, this stuff goes right through diet?

[Brady]

They're. Yeah, they're used to it.

[Dick Toledo]

You think the intake that when they eat.

[Brady]

Yeah, just think. Try something different.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, but it's Indian every day. But it's medically proven to make your stomach just go get it out. Which is why their whole country smells like it could be why they should mix up some.

[Brady]

Like some of the stuff that's, you know, not having a refrigeration or all that. Well, you're rolling the dice a little.

[Brett Vesely]

This isn't the stoney.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, they do have electricity, but not to use it.

[Brady]

Yeah, not like here.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, they probably do. It's just too many of them. There's a billion people.

[Brady]

You have so many that don't even have a house, so how could you have.

[Dick Toledo]

That's true here too.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, not what we would call a house, right?

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah. I mean, there's a bunch of poverty, the number poverty. But it's probably higher. It's. Well, because there's a billion and a half of them. Yeah, of course it's higher, but yeah, the infrastructure can't keep up.

[Brady]

So the odds of you having bad digestive system or.

[Dick Toledo]

But I think I'm wondering though, if it's more the Indians and not so much the food poisoning. I wonder if I gotta ask an Indian, how fast after you eat your own food, do you take dumps or do you ever get full? Because you eat Indian food and you're like, oh, and then just cramp and take dumps. It never stays in you. I wonder that.

[Brady]

I never really cramp all the.

[Dick Toledo]

I mean, you have a different. You have a different system. I'm not talking. I'm talking to human beings, talking about normal people. I'm not asking. I know we're talking about food in a rather disparaging way and you're getting a little defensive and that's okay, I understand. But isn't how it works. Any food is good. Just asking the simple question, does it shoot through Indians the same way it does us? That's kind of a thought. I bet it does. Because it's curry. It's supposed to go through you fast, right?

[Brett Vesely]

I would think so. But I mean, I'm only speaking from whitey over here. I don't know.

[Brady]

I mean, the video we saw the.

[Dick Toledo]

Other day, that guy was just. He just had to take a dump.

[Brady]

Solid.

[Dick Toledo]

That's right. Mine never is after Indian food. I don't eat anything.

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying.

[Brett Vesely]

I've done it a couple times.

[Dick Toledo]

Bigger problem with Indian food is that it's. It tastes like their river water. It's the thing on the planet.

[Brett Vesely]

Somebody just said curry is a natural laxative.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, that's what I mean. It's medically proven as a laxative, but I wonder if it still works on them. I know curry is actually a laxative.

[Brett Vesely]

I know. Indians call right now.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Would you like 2.5% financing on your Discover Card? No, I just wanted to know if you have to take a dump after you eat your own.

[Brett Vesely]

Let's call Discover Card and ask them the questions.

[Dick Toledo]

Ask an Indian.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes.

[Dick Toledo]

Let's call a service place.

[Brady]

Thai, too, maybe. Thailand has all the different curries.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, but they don't have any. All right, you're hungry. We're not talking about that right now. Stay on focus.

[Brady]

Sounds delicious.

[Dick Toledo]

Stay on focus. We're calling Indians. I don't know how to differentiate a Thai on a Discover Card call. Are you Taiwanese? Brady needs to know if you're Thai. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. There are none of those here. Although I am also like Brady and quite hungry. And if you mention one type of food, I'm going to drift off to other types of. Yeah. Curry is a laxative. It's like, medically proven that Indian food makes you poop fast. But does it do it to Indians? That's it. What if they're. What if God? And that's the one thing that. This is one of the biggest reasons I'm not religious. What if the Indians are right? Think of this. You never thought of this? Nobody's ever thought of this. If they were right and their heaven is their stuff and we as Americans have to go to their heaven.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm out.

[Dick Toledo]

I don't want to go.

[Brett Vesely]

No. Send me to purgatory with that. Yeah.

[Brady]

No.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm like, if hell means hamburgers and French fries, I'm in. If heaven means curry and those weird colors in that music, I am out. Like, there is nothing about this that makes me want to stick around for more than a minute or two. Welcome. Nope. I'm out. Where are you going? Your food's horrible.

[Brett Vesely]

Stairway downstairs, right over there.

[Dick Toledo]

How do I get out of here? Welcome. You have come to Nirvrana. You have. You were wrong the whole time. It wasn't Jesus or Joseph Smith, you lunatics. It was our guys. It was our guys the whole time. And now you'll eat nothing but curry for all of eternity. Like, ah. You. I don't want any of this. He was very rude to me at the Pearly Gates, which I man knowledge, of course, is that guy taking a huge dump? Dump in a heaven river. Oh, yes, it is free to do it. Just like back home. Wait a minute. You guys were right. Never would have guessed it, right? Crud. The Mormons are standing there like, we're screwed. Welcome, Mormons. We have a Special spot for you. You'll be stirring and making the curry.

[Brady]

That's why they're buried with their dinner rolls.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah. Just in case. I'm just gonna save the bread. You get the rolls. Oh, I see you got your complimentary rolls before you came here to eat all the curry for the rest of your life. That's hell to me.

[Brett Vesely]

Curry.

[Dick Toledo]

No, I would rather go, like the way that Brady's people describe hell with the fire and all this stuff, that's a whole lot better than if you sent me to India.

[Brady]

It's a lake of curry.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah. And people say, oh, it's beautiful. I'm like, I got Google Maps. You've seen that thing on Instagram where the guy goes, drop a pin anywhere in India and then go 360 on. On street view and try not to see one person laying on the ground. Trash. Or a building that doesn't have, like a roof. And there is hilarious. This guy's like, all right. And he just throws one down in the city. They land on the pin and he does a 360. And like a grocery store and the roof's gone. There's trash everywhere. Clothes. That was the other thing. So clothes land somewhere in the picture. Everywhere. I know. You went back to food again. You need a stand.

[Brady]

No, but we see all those videos of those street vendors, just like crazy.

[Dick Toledo]

You're thinking about something. You got your mind on something. You've taken it all away. We were talking about poverty and you brought up food stands. Would you eat at an Indian food stand? You would?

[Brady]

No.

[Dick Toledo]

You wouldn't in India? No. Here, an Indian food stand, pop up food store.

[Brady]

I've eaten at plenty of Indian restaurants, but that'd be a tough sell.

[Dick Toledo]

But, like, if you're at a, like anywhere and there's pop up Indian food, would you do it? Boy, the fact you're even, your face is even doing squinty like. Let's think about how good that might be.

[Brady]

I think again, it comes down to the presentation of the stand.

[Dick Toledo]

What does that mean?

[Brady]

I mean, if the guy's sitting on the ground and serving up on leaves. No.

[Brett Vesely]

So if playing a flute and he's.

[Brady]

Serving it with his feet.

[Dick Toledo]

Tell me.

[Brady]

What?

[Dick Toledo]

Tell me. Well, yeah, I would hope you'd turn that down. I mean, if that's even an option. Like, I'll give that a try. As long as his feet aren't involved. You were way too far gone to even have this conversation. What does a good Indian popup food look like to you?

[Brady]

If it was like at a festival or something like that.

[Dick Toledo]

Festival of what?

[Brady]

Middle Eastern festival.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, you'd go to that.

[Brady]

I've never been out.

[Dick Toledo]

Know what's going to happen, right? Middle Eastern festival. You would go to that to eat?

[Brady]

I try some naan bread.

[Dick Toledo]

Ah, goat feces.

[Brady]

Goat's a tough sell. I'm not a big guy on goat.

[Dick Toledo]

That's all they eat. Goat. What else?

[Brady]

Chicken.

[Dick Toledo]

They're not the same chickens. We have those sickly little weird AIDS chickens they got running around. I've seen the pictures of those. You would eat at a pop up Indians thing if the guy just. The only criteria you have is he can't serve it with it.

[Brady]

I'm not shooting it down.

[Dick Toledo]

Man, oh man, that's awful. That is disgusting. Yeah, I can't. I can't even think about it. India's like, like it would be a curse if I was on a game show. You've won a trip to India. You would see me start to weep. Like, you're so happy, right? I'm like, no, this is the worst day ever.

[Brett Vesely]

You said I won.

[Dick Toledo]

You said I won. Quoted, quoting figures. A trip to India. Have you seen videos of that place? I don't want to go to India.

[Brett Vesely]

Yuck.

[Dick Toledo]

That's why they all come here. It's the Mexico of India. Like they don't want to be there either. There's just no good border. They cross the border there in Pakistan, for God's sakes. It gets worse. Yeah. It's time we all just admitted Trump was right when he said that most of the countries around the world were holes and he would know. He's been to almost all of them. That's a pretty good one there.

[Brady]

Sleep.

[Dick Toledo]

Morning sickness. Medicate. K u p D why choose a sleep number? Smart bed. Can I make my sight softer? Can I make my sight firmer? Can we sleep cooler? Sleep number does that cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side your sleep number setting. Enjoy personalized comfort for better sleep. Sleep night after night. And now max out your savings. The more you buy, the more you save on beds, bases and more. Plus get free home delivery on any smart bed with base limited time. Check it out at a sleep number store near you [e-mail] today. Yeah, hell, I would much rather be in Satan's hell than Indian hell.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh yeah. At least he had some good music over there.

[Dick Toledo]

Some great. I mean, look, that's the lowest level of hell. India. Like the bad parts of India. I'm sure, there's nice parts. Like Toledo. Brady always says there's nice parts. I haven't seen them. I don't think they actually exist. But I'm sure there's a good neighborhood or two. There's a lot of wealthy people over there, but.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh man. Yeah, Luke brings up a good point. Why don't we have Sanjay on the phone?

[Dick Toledo]

Sanjay hates it over there.

[Brett Vesely]

I know, but he can answer the questions.

[Dick Toledo]

Sanjay. Sanjay is like the most self loathing Indian hater I've ever met in my life. Not the people, but the place.

[Brett Vesely]

I think he hates it worse than us.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh yeah. The idea of India to him is. Is as bad as what we say. I'm more worried about Brady saying the only way he would not eat it is if a guy served it with his feet. Anything else is pretty much on the table. That's gross.

[Brady]

There's certain things that for sure I wouldn't, you know.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, the feet things are pretty good. One that's dirty hands. Another one, how do you know?

[Brady]

You can tell.

[Dick Toledo]

And if they've been touching Indian food, it automatically looks dirty. I don't go to Indian restaurants.

[Brett Vesely]

I'd rather take a chance walking around in Maryville barefoot than take a trip to India.

[Dick Toledo]

At night. Yeah. Yeah. I would gladly blindfold myself and walk the streets of Maryvale barefoot at night. Before I'd go to India, I'd come back with so many hypodermic needles in my feet and still be like, well, at least I wasn't in India.

[Brady]

I remember in college, had a friend that went to India for two weeks and he came back. It was like Moses, white beard and like, how dare you waste food?

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Just everything was like.

[Dick Toledo]

Cuz he was high as a kite, right? You had a friend who did a lot of heroin. That's the only reason you go for.

[Brady]

A month or two.

[Dick Toledo]

It changed the Beatles too. You sit on a rug, you grab the sitar and you meet a dude who's got all the good drugs. You're wasting food and you come back on heroin because it's the only way to survive it. Yeah, there's a lot of crappy countries and we should be able to make fun of them. That's why we're Americans. It's what we do. But yeah, yeah, India, that lady India as heaven is. Is maybe the worst concept I've ever heard in my life.

[Brett Vesely]

That's why they carry extra underwear on their head. All right.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, that's not even the same country. That's the place north of it. Stop It. Now you're making Brett laugh for no reason. It's the only Indian food I would eat. Is Mia Khalifa all right, and she's a porn star. And still a cleaner plate of Indian food you'll not find. Yeah, I don't like that stuff at all. But I can't think of another. Like, another religion that was right. Like, if they were right and that was heaven. Like, this lady, her dad says there wasn't one. Like, what religion would be like. Oh, no, they were right in a weird way. Ours, like the. The western one, because it seems pretty boring. Like, you're getting an awful lot of judgy people up there doing an awful lot of judgy stuff, listening to an awesome. A lot of boring music.

[Brady]

So you're saying if they don't have their, you know, access to an iPhone or something like that, that's gonna be.

[Dick Toledo]

There's no porn.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Immediately, hell's better. And if hell is. If hell is what? Like, if hell is all the things you go to hell for. Masturbating, porn, cursing, dirty thoughts, rock and roll. All the things that say, oh, these are hell. This is Satan. This is. Okay, that seems better than the alternative. You know, overindulging on things. Everything that's a sin. It'll send you to hell is awesome. It's the stuff we want to do. Do. Aside from, like, murder.

[Brady]

But I think you have it wrong, because those stuff will take you to hell. But hell is the opposite of what you want. You're get porn there. The opposite. So you're saying get the porn the way the. The glutton part of it. Like, if you're gonna have porn and that's all. You're heavy and up on that.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

That you got a chance of going to hell with these behaviors.

[Dick Toledo]

Heck, yeah.

[Brady]

But when you go to hell, all of that stuff doesn't exist.

[Dick Toledo]

So you're saying that if I live my life here, porn free, when I get to heaven, loads of porn.

[Brady]

No.

[Dick Toledo]

So there's no porn in the afterlife.

[Brady]

You need a little spice. You need to have a little spice.

[Dick Toledo]

You're saying Spice channel. Yeah. Can I at least get the digitally blurred out boobs like I did when I was 13?

[Brady]

You won't have to worry about. You're saying to worry about being bored.

[Brett Vesely]

Wait, where's porn? Let's just get that.

[Dick Toledo]

Where's the porn?

[Brett Vesely]

Where's the porn?

[Brady]

It's finally you. It. It's relaxation. It's.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm relaxed now. I'm good. I'm relaxed.

[Brady]

When I'm done with it.

[Dick Toledo]

After, when I jerk off, I'm done. That's the most relaxed I can be.

[Brady]

That imagine that state.

[Dick Toledo]

I like the thing that happens right before that. Imagine I'm always having. In Brady's heaven. I am constantly having an orgasm.

[Brady]

Yeah. It's that feeling.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm having an orgasm all the time.

[Brady]

It's a feeling. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

So then it's just my normal feeling.

[Brady]

No.

[Dick Toledo]

Okay. So I'll never get tired.

[Brady]

You don't feel like you're orgasming all the time.

[Dick Toledo]

Well then what's the point?

[Brady]

Like it's that elation, that feeling, basically.

[Dick Toledo]

But wouldn't you get used joy of all that?

[Brady]

That's how I understand.

[Brett Vesely]

So it's a constant orgasm, Is that what you're saying?

[Brady]

You're at peace. You're at.

[Dick Toledo]

Okay, yeah, it's. But completely fulfilling when you get used to that. No, it just continues.

[Brady]

There's no worries.

[Dick Toledo]

Right.

[Brady]

You have to. You don't have to worry about like, oh well, I've hit. I've just had too much of it now. I've built up a tolerance. I need more joy. Yeah, it's max.

[Dick Toledo]

But max means there's a limit. There's a limit. Then it Max. And then it would.

[Brady]

Because it's your soul. It's not your physical being. Because it's hard for us to picture, obviously.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, not you. You're explaining it well.

[Brady]

That's how I. As I understand it.

[Dick Toledo]

So. Yeah, but that's my point though. If you are at complete peace and that's your normal state, then you're just going to be normal.

[Brady]

You'll be absolutely content.

[Brett Vesely]

Right.

[Dick Toledo]

And that. They'll get used to that.

[Brady]

Until you have to come back to.

[Dick Toledo]

Battle and then you'll get bored. And then. Yeah. And then your army training a lot. Right. Because you gotta. The soldiers of God will come back and mount some sort of hell. There's gonna be a battle, as far as I understand.

[Brady]

Yeah. I don't know if. If we're in that action or not or the ones that are already there.

[Dick Toledo]

I find it hard to believe that you would go up there and let's just say Brett and I are right and it's a constant state of orgasmic feelings. But if I was having an orgasm 24 hours a day, by tomorrow I'd be like.

[Brady]

But I don't think it.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm used to this. This is normal now.

[Brady]

I don't think it's like the sexual.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm just making a point of like a great feeling.

[Brady]

And I didn't want to lead you down. No.

[Dick Toledo]

If you're saying if it's a. Like you like back rubs and. And maybe tummy rubs, I don't know. And that's the thing that you would feel like you're always getting a tummy rub in a background. Well, if you're always feeling like you're getting one, there's nothing special about it.

[Brady]

To you.

[Dick Toledo]

No, to anyone. If I rubbed your back all day, eventually you would be like, all right, that's it. This is just how I normally feel now.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

So it becomes your normal something special. Yeah, it's not special. It's just your constant feeling.

[Brett Vesely]

The nirvana would be not having to verify I'm 18 on Pornhub anymore.

[Dick Toledo]

That's me.

[Brett Vesely]

You know, that's nirvana.

[Dick Toledo]

I don't have to go through three steps. Right. To find a Madison Ivy video where it used to be better. That's heaven. Heaven should be a place that I held off on porn here. And I'm going to get tons of the things I loved here.

[Brady]

So would it motivate you more? So that's what I'm saying. That's all Said you don't have porn anymore.

[Dick Toledo]

If you took porn away from hell is.

[Brady]

Hell is going to take that away. But yet everything that you like is taken away.

[Dick Toledo]

That's what this is. But that's what this is here. Earth is everything I like being taken away.

[Brady]

What do you mean?

[Dick Toledo]

Well, you can't have sins. You can't do any of the stuff you really feel like doing because it's in the eyes of God. It's all bad. So they take away all the things I like to do here in order to get in there. And you're telling me there's none of that there either?

[Brady]

Saying getting better on that. It's not.

[Dick Toledo]

All I'm saying is that the deadly sins are all things I want to.

[Brady]

Do will earn your way into.

[Dick Toledo]

Right. So I can't do those here if I want to get into heaven, Right?

[Brady]

Yes.

[Dick Toledo]

Okay. So I can't have any of the fun here in order to promise myself all that stuff later. And you're saying it's not there either.

[Brady]

They're also pointing out that you don't have to have those in order to have fun. There's other ways.

[Dick Toledo]

That's what lame people say. You know that? Sure you do. You jerk off. You know how much fun it is? It's pretty great.

[Brady]

Well, on, you know when you're getting into activities such as that? Just saying.

[Dick Toledo]

Go ahead Sorry. No, that's a funny way to put that. Yeah.

[Brady]

You're taking that, but. Yeah, but practicing discipline and. And peace.

[Dick Toledo]

You know what good feelings are. That's my point.

[Brady]

It's a fulfilling thing to your life, too. Sure, but we've replaced it with all these other things that we're in constant search for happiness.

[Dick Toledo]

What's wrong with that?

[Brady]

Well, the. The problem is people have prioritize. Like you're saying, well, money is going to make me happy. Sure it will, but it won't be the fulfilling. You'll find out there's always an emptiness to it.

[Dick Toledo]

Why?

[Brady]

Because you've banked all of your stuff on saying, oh, if I make all this money, everything else goes away. But that doesn't go away.

[Dick Toledo]

But that's basically what you're saying is.

[Brady]

And that's true with other investments.

[Dick Toledo]

You're saying, investment, you can't. You can't do it with money. You can't do with anything else. You can't simply invest in one single thing.

[Brady]

These things won't solve all your problems. We just get bought up saying, oh, if I do this, everything else is going to go away. If I have kids.

[Dick Toledo]

No, sure, people say that, but that's a. That'll make our marriage better, but that's a person who's just not right. Anybody who thinks that all their problems are going to go away are wrong.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

So you just have to. You have to be diverse in your thinking to be like, I can't invest all my eggs. Brett's gonna make me happy. I'm gonna just focus on Brett. And when he inevitably does not, then I'm like, oh, Brett didn't do it. So nothing you have.

[Brady]

I think the biggest misnomer on that, on faith and stuff and believing in God or something like that, is if you believe in God, all your problems will go away. That's not true.

[Dick Toledo]

No, that's not. And that's all we're saying there to help is what heaven looks like. And you're saying there's no porn, which makes me and Brett want to leave.

[Brady]

And no porn in hell either.

[Dick Toledo]

So just porn is only here?

[Brady]

Yep.

[Dick Toledo]

That's it?

[Brady]

Yep.

[Dick Toledo]

Are you sure?

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

There's no porn anywhere but the here.

[Brady]

Yep.

[Dick Toledo]

No kidding. You got a conference? You got any paperwork on that? I'd like to see some papers on that. You're saying that heaven, which is everything I love to do and the euphoric feelings that I will enjoy, there's no porn.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

And hell, which is the whole reason I went there. It's because I like porn too much.

[Brady]

No WI fi.

[Dick Toledo]

No WI fi. That is frustrating. All constantly buffering.

[Brady]

Yep.

[Dick Toledo]

That would be awful.

[Brett Vesely]

K again. Oh, I'm out.

[Dick Toledo]

Go back to dial up.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

What did people do?

[Brady]

Sound of dial up.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah. So I have to imagine that people who died in, like, the 1600s, doing some silly stuff that was considered sinful there, that are down there in hell now are looking at the new recruits like, Jesus, these got to be some late entries back into heaven from people who died in, like, the 1400s that died for, like, a tattoo.

[Brady]

Well, they find out you have no.

[Dick Toledo]

Hands, went to hell for tattoos. Oh, I'd figure it out, man. Yeah. Trust me.

[Brady]

Hands, no feet.

[Dick Toledo]

Figure it out, I think.

[Brady]

And you're missing a. You have no organ. Sexual organs.

[Dick Toledo]

And you don't, you know, be like.

[Brett Vesely]

Kenny Loggins on Brady's videos.

[Dick Toledo]

Then you can't rub up. You can't be gay anymore.

[Brady]

Like, if you're even a random rub on your soul, I don't think it.

[Dick Toledo]

Are you gay still in hell? What got you there? Here you're gay. You were loving poop, wieners and stuff. No, you can't be gay.

[Brady]

Heterosexual.

[Dick Toledo]

You're heterosexual. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

No chocolate.

[Dick Toledo]

That is amazing. That is very interesting. Hell would be like in chicks, everything you imagine, everything that got you in there.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Now they're going to try to set you straight. It's a Scared Straight program. You're saying it's a Scared Straight program now I'm gay and I'm good and I go to heaven.

[Brady]

Yeah. Your soul will be fine.

[Dick Toledo]

Would it?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

You can't get it.

[Brady]

You could rub up against other souls and not get around.

[Dick Toledo]

Come on, you're. You can't get to heaven if you're gay. Come on, knock it off.

[Brady]

Oh, I think you can.

[Dick Toledo]

Thank you. You have to change it out. You know that. Not the way. Not the way it's written. It's not happening. You don't want to go up there and meet a gay. It would drive you. All that work you guys do here to say, do it this way, do it this way. And you find out God was pretty lenient on that. You're like, I wasted a lot of time not liking them. I could have had my house decorated for cheap.

[Brett Vesely]

So if you walk up and St. Peter said, sup?

[Dick Toledo]

And you know, are you guys allowed in? Uhhuh. Oh, is this heaven or am I? So you're saying if you're straight and you're bad and you go to hell, probably make you gay.

[Brady]

Soul gets sodomized.

[Dick Toledo]

Soul gets gay. I'm out. How about that? Morning sickness medicate. KUPD Holmberg's morning sickness. Brace Brain started up on this. He's done some research.

[Brady]

You'll have noise canceling, Jimmy Buffett headphones.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, that is heavy.

[Dick Toledo]

And heaven's just me being relaxed like I'm on the beach all the time. But I want to go home. No. You'll never want to go home. I do. I want to watch porn. I want to jerk off. I know my soul.

[Brady]

You won't miss it.

[Dick Toledo]

I. I will. Brady. You don't know me. I will miss it. I will miss it very much. I like it a lot.

[Brady]

You're gonna miss it in both, then.

[Dick Toledo]

I can't believe there's no joke. And Brady's proven it. There's just no irrefutable evidence.

[Brady]

No soldier.

[Dick Toledo]

There is absolutely no soldier. Soldiers. A good band name. Interesting. Said. How do you guys not get headaches when you talk to him? His breakdowns on heaven. They're just awful. That's right. Yeah. There's jerking off somewhere. Somewhere in the afterlife there's jerking off. Maybe purgatory. You're just constantly in a state of like, I gotta go. Tug one. I'm pretty stressed out. I'm. I'm in between. I'm riding a fence here between heaven and hell. I need to release. I gotta.

[Brady]

Purgatory's. You're jerking the whole time and nothing's happening.

[Dick Toledo]

That's. I like that. That's a good night for me. If I can go for like an hour. I'm like, this has been a really nice. This. I like this. Totally into that. That sounded nice. That's the first thing you sold me on right there. No Indian food. In a constant state of just slow tug. I'm edging myself for eternity. Brett. See you in Purgatory, bro.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, man.

[Dick Toledo]

I'll be there. Can I give Brett a hand job just in case?

[Brady]

But there's no feeling.

[Dick Toledo]

What do you mean?

[Brady]

You're just. You're just doing the. Oh, man.

[Dick Toledo]

He just keeps taking away these orgasms. Yeah, you are. You're not selling any of them. This timeshare sucks. What do the Indians believe? You're like that lady's dad. There's nothing here. There's nothing here. There is no heaven. But I bet you if I asked you this, I know what your answer is going to be. And you took away the thing I love. Right?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

I know that you don't want any jerking off. You don't want me to beat off all over the clouds. You hate that. But I bet you in your brain, deep down you think there is a never ending like smorgasbord of food available.

[Brady]

Won't have to worry about food.

[Dick Toledo]

That's right. Because it's always available. There'll be restaurants for the rest of your life.

[Brady]

No, it just won't be a.

[Dick Toledo]

You're not gonna have to worry about a need. Isn't that something you would want though? Like if there was a heaven and you were to build it, wouldn't your heaven include a never ending pizza bar?

[Brady]

It is, is basically that feeling, all that elation and feeling without having to.

[Dick Toledo]

Need those through anything. So laziness is just there.

[Brady]

You've hit it.

[Dick Toledo]

You've hit it. It's constant state of laziness. A constant state of euphoria that you never get used to.

[Brady]

The guilt, the.

[Dick Toledo]

Constant euphoric feeling.

[Brady]

It's hard to, you know. And they say, you know, sounds awesome.

[Dick Toledo]

You get there, you'll get used to it. It's forever. Eternity, man. You're gonna get used to that eventually. You're going to be bored. You don't want to jerk off. I'm telling you, mark my words.

[Brady]

Maybe that's why we have ghosts.

[Dick Toledo]

Write me back. 100,000. Write me back. Yeah, maybe that's like, you know, rum Springer for heaven. It's like, jesus, this is boring. I've been up thousands of years.

[Brady]

Every hundred years you get a weekend to do whatever.

[Dick Toledo]

You want to go to Vegas? Maybe Earth is Vegas for ghosts. It's ridiculous. What's this one? This one says, am I in hell now? Listening to Brady explain this. Yeah, you are actually. And Brady just recruited hundreds of thousands of people into the polytheistic world of Indian religion. Because it sounds nice. Except for the food.

[Brett Vesely]

Sanjay just messaged in.

[Dick Toledo]

What'd he say?

[Brett Vesely]

He says our culture sucks. Don't do what the Indians do. Me personally. Heaven has porn.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, my heaven has porn. Or I'm not interested. Also, my hell has porn. It's like it's one's a red roof in and one's the aria. But both of them have porn. The pay per view rates are a little bit better, but I like Brady's that you're constantly buffering. But I can still get through that. Eventually. I'll just make that circle a boob. Anyway, thanks Brady. You're even lightness on heaven.

[Brady]

I nailed it.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, I think you did. I think you did. Sounded like you were. I mean it sounded pretty Scientifically reasonable to hear what you were saying. There's no porn anywhere but here, though, is the biggest takeaway that I'm getting. And I didn't like that at all. You son of a.

[Brady]

Enjoy it while you're alive.

[Dick Toledo]

The porn. Yeah, but if I do that, then I'm going to hell.

[Brady]

In moderation.

[Dick Toledo]

Wait, where in the world did it say, enjoy Internet porn in moderation? There we go.

[Brady]

It says that in the Bible.

[Dick Toledo]

You can jerk off to moderation. Find me that page.

[Brady]

Oh, just says you don't want to take.

[Dick Toledo]

Find me the page that says don't spill your seed unless it's for pre procreation. But you're not supposed to do that.

[Brady]

You're getting specific.

[Dick Toledo]

That's right. That's what I thought your God was doing. Like, don't jerk off.

[Brady]

Because if you don't, he leaves it open. He does.

[Dick Toledo]

Like, what page does he say? Yeah, you're gonna. You're gonna whack it every once in a while. Brady, let me tell you if your guy.

[Brady]

Some cities I know in the Old Testament that were crushed because of too much of that.

[Dick Toledo]

Don't spill your seed. Every sperm is saved. Yeah. You're not supposed to spill your seed unless it's to procreate.

[Brady]

So that was a good use of it. Yeah, for sure.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah. But show me, because I would have been religious again.

[Brady]

They're spilling seed at an early age, too. They're getting together, married, and there's.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, yeah, the times they were scared.

[Brady]

You're like, you're gonna get married by the time you're 14 or whatever.

[Dick Toledo]

So the rules changed somewhere along the.

[Brady]

Lines have changed a little bit.

[Dick Toledo]

So God's. God's.

[Brady]

God's just saying flexible.

[Dick Toledo]

What is what you're saying? It's like what technology changed a little bit with technology. And I knew this. I'm gonna leave. I'm not gonna change the book, but I'm Lay off a little bit on the whole. You guys can jerk off every once in a while if you want. Had you shown me that page, I'd have been like, I'm a little bit more interested in that religion. He's pretty cool about the whole beaten off thing.

[Brady]

You're older now. There's some health reasons for.

[Dick Toledo]

They found that, by the way, in 1912, that beaten off was healthy. God, he couldn't have concluded that on page three. By the way, you're going to think this whole beaten off thing is bad for you. It's actually really good for your prostate. You'll Learn about those later if you're.

[Brady]

Not exercising that prostate.

[Dick Toledo]

But he could have put that in the book, too, is what I'm saying. We found that.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, then how are you supposed to exercise your prostate if it's a sin to do?

[Dick Toledo]

That's why everybody was dying when they were 25. Back in the early days of the Bible, exercising that prostate, scared to death the salts and the pillars.

[Brady]

Early Christianity had some tight regulations going on.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that why they wrote the sequel?

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, they put a sequel.

[Brady]

But you could also, you know, Rocky.

[Dick Toledo]

2 came out, and they're like, hey, he beat Apollo this time.

[Brady]

But $100.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, man. Well, there's. That's different.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

You're a very interesting guest, and I appreciate your time. Thanks for coming. And when I say thanks for coming, you're not going to hear that in heaven ever.

[Brady]

I don't like the way you phrase that.

[Dick Toledo]

Your heaven sucks, by the way. Sounded awful. Hell had a better sell. Brett, what do you got? Action Ride shop with Brett on Saturday. And just right off the side of a cliff.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, wake up song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. Saturday, we're going to be out at the brand new location right there at power Road and McDowell. They got tons of stuff going on out there trying to get you on the bikes, getting you on the trails, Full suspension bikes, and they got different tiers from 1500 bucks, 25, 3500 bucks. New hardtails, full suspensions, e bikes, all on sale. You can take a little demo ride in the parking lot if you want. Plus, they're gonna do a little poker run if you get there a little early. And Josh is gonna be serving you lunch as well. So Action Ride shop this Saturday from 11 to 1. But they're starting earlier. But that's when we're gonna be hanging out with you guys. So actionrideshop.com for all the details.

[Dick Toledo]

Interesting point, says Brady. I have a feeling there's something deeper to your conversation. You kept mentioning that there would be no stress. Nothing to worry about. I'm guessing Kirby's tuition bill for the Christian school has come up. So you're thinking it all goes away, and heaven is like no stress. If I just pay these bills, that then that feeling of euphoria. I want your heaven to be just nothing but barbecue. I just get into never ending, and you're never. I get bored of it.

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, then why wouldn't you get bored of just feeling euphoric?

[Brady]

Because you don't. You don't have those feelings.

[Dick Toledo]

But if you like everything.

[Brady]

You enjoy everything that you think, like, oh, heaven to me would be barbecuing everything.

[Dick Toledo]

Great. Why can't that be? And you never get tired of it and never ending. Source of like the best sauce you've ever had. Just amazing. That sounds great.

[Brady]

Sounds great right off the bat. But you'll eventually. It won't.

[Dick Toledo]

You're making my argument back to you.

[Brady]

It won't be fulfilling.

[Dick Toledo]

Why not?

[Brady]

Just telling me.

[Dick Toledo]

Stress free. You're just telling me you're just stress free. Barbecue.

[Brady]

There's this thing. It's 100 stress free.

[Dick Toledo]

You said that's what heaven is.

[Brady]

It is.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

But that. Not barbecuing.

[Dick Toledo]

Why?

[Brady]

Because there's gonna be. There's a little more work involved in barbecue.

[Dick Toledo]

Not in heaven there's not. It's easy. That should be your heaven. A stress free barbecue situation.

[Brady]

Maybe it is.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, finally you're coming around to a decent heaven. Your heaven stunk. His heaven stunk, man. I'm gonna go inside and beat off. Then I'm gonna come back. What's your make more burn.

[Brady]

Your heaven is porn.

[Dick Toledo]

Never ending. Gang bang. Constantly banging and never having to like stop be awesome.

[Brady]

So the only way you could get to that heaven is by not doing any porn part.

[Dick Toledo]

That's where your God screwed me. So I'm not interested.

[Brady]

So if you wanted. It's not motivating enough.

[Dick Toledo]

If I was promising, if this is your heaven, if you could give me.

[Brady]

Say, if you can hold off and not do that, this would be.

[Dick Toledo]

If you could hold off. Yeah. If you could give me pamphlets, like a money back guarantee of sorts.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

That said. All right, I'll do your way. I'll sign up for your timeshare. And then I get up there and I'm like, I gotta sit through a couple of meetings first. I'm like, no, this is not what you said. This is bull. Where's the gang bang porn nonsense. You gotta wait it out. No, I already did that. That was what earth was. I'm ready. I'm loaded for bear.

[Brady]

That's basically what heaven is.

[Dick Toledo]

Timeshare.

[Brady]

No. If you were to say, like, if I stop doing this or whatever.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah. I'll get a whole bunch of.

[Brady]

Achieve the feeling in the elation that you're talking about. Through a porn heaven.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

That's what the feeling is.

[Dick Toledo]

Huh?

[Brady]

That's the entity of what heaven is. Basically. All the stuff that you're doing here on earth.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Or following faith.

[Dick Toledo]

Go on.

[Brady]

Eternal life is promised through the porn.

[Brett Vesely]

But what are you Doing with this eternal life.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, you don't.

[Brady]

You don't have to worry about that.

[Brett Vesely]

So what are you doing?

[Brady]

You're living. Your soul is in a spiritual.

[Brett Vesely]

Doing what, though? Yeah, like, what are you doing?

[Dick Toledo]

You're gonna get bored with what you're talking about.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, do too much of something you're.

[Dick Toledo]

Gonna get bored with.

[Brady]

So it's not like you can go out there and, you know, do physical stuff with your. Your body.

[Dick Toledo]

There's like no golf.

[Brady]

Body's not going up there.

[Dick Toledo]

It's just your soul and it just floats around.

[Brett Vesely]

Then what's your soul doing?

[Brady]

Complete bliss.

[Dick Toledo]

Doing what? Here comes to. Well, Toledo, meet his dad.

[Brady]

I'm not sure what soul stuff would be.

[Dick Toledo]

Well, you sound kind of sure.

[Mike King]

We are posting this as a TED Talk later.

[Dick Toledo]

Dead talk.

[Brady]

A TED Talk.

[Dick Toledo]

It's fascinating. Michael Jones just goes, stop it. That's enough. Listening to Brady wax poetic about heaven when he jerks off to fish is just ridiculous. I don't listen to this. That's right. God's a little bit lenient about beating off. Show me that page. It better be written in crayon. By the way, I was a little bit wrong about that. Your prostate charcoal. Your prostate health is better if you jerk off. I just found that out.

[Brett Vesely]

So you can erase it and change it as need be.

[Dick Toledo]

When I invented the procedure, they might.

[Brady]

Have left those pages out too.

[Dick Toledo]

Too. Look. That would have been much better.

[Brady]

The Nicene group that got together and.

[Brett Vesely]

Said, hey, give me the director's cut.

[Brady]

Yeah, you need to extend it.

[Mike King]

Yeah, the Mormons changed the book times.

[Dick Toledo]

I would have liked that if the.

[Brady]

Mormons have a different book.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, right, sure. But your book is sounding a lot like this. If they wrote a book that basically said, here's some medical stuff I didn't tell you. And also, by the way, the earth is round, here's some stuff I didn't tell you that I knew the whole time. Technology is going to go crazy, and when it does, you weren't ready for.

[Brady]

It at the time.

[Dick Toledo]

We're going to have Internet in heaven the whole time. It's going to be really confusing. And then also porn. Not here. And jerking off the prostate. Turns out we find out later. I knew this the whole time. We found out later. Prostate health is important. So tugging. It's pretty good for you. Over and out. God.

[Brady]

Tune in.

[Dick Toledo]

In another millennia, I'll tell you more of things I knew the whole time.

[Brett Vesely]

Later on a special episode of I'll tell you.

[Dick Toledo]

I knew all this the whole time. I knew the beginning, middle, and end. And I know you guys would have these questions, so I'm adding this page in about jerking off because you guys discovered that whole prostate thing. I didn't think you'd find it.

[Brady]

This is why I gave you the.

[Dick Toledo]

Ability to think for yourselves. And the paid thou hast has to wonder what you were doing back there.

[Brady]

And look how. That's cool. Yeah, I know.

[Mike King]

I've been listening for the last hour.

[Dick Toledo]

It's still fun. Anyway, I don't care what you want to play right now.

[Brett Vesely]

Dead Metallic Allison. Chains, Kill, Switching age All that remains hold on for Kyler, Pantera, Stain, Dope, Motorhead, Heartbreaker For Brady's Heaven.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, it is heartbreaking. Let's do that. Motorhead's Heartbreaker. Because right now it sounds like a. It sounds like a sort of like a trip to Missouri. Like, not a lot to do. You might be at peace because there's nothing. No real stress, but I'm in Missouri, for God's sake. They call that God's country. I don't like that at all. All right, let's do it. You have it.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Is that it? You started already? Nice job. It's Motorhead, everybody. It's not yet. Go get him, Lemmy. See you in hell. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect.

[Brady]

I'm Mike King from the podcast Profiling Evil. A place where true crime meets behavioral science. I spent my career investigating serial predators and studying the psychology behind them. Here, we don't just talk about what criminals did. We explore why they do what they do. We expose manipulation and control, look at how offenders select their victims and uncover the ways that they try to avoid detection. You can find Profiling Evil on your favorite podcast platform.