11-04-25 - FULL SHOW - TUESDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness - Arizona’s #1 Morning Radio Show

Episode: “11-04-25 – FULL SHOW – TUESDAY” (Nov 4, 2025)
Host: John Holmberg
Co-hosts: Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo

Main Theme / Purpose

This episode blends irreverent comedy, biting social commentary, and local Arizona flavor, as the crew discusses pressing sports news (notably Kyler Murray, the Arizona Cardinals, and the NFL trade deadline), modern television/streaming frustrations, generational clashes, Amber Alerts, afterlife theory, and pop culture randomness. Familiar banter between hosts infuses the show with freewheeling, unfiltered energy.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Arizona Cardinals & Kyler Murray Trade Speculation

• Kyler Murray on the Trading Block:
  • John jokes about starting “Kyler Murray Trade Watch,” noting that it’s the NFL trade deadline and speculates on his possible destinations (Jets, Browns, Saints, Steelers).
  • John warns fans: “If I was a fan of the Cardinals, I would actively be on a daily quest to talk to the right people to try to get this team moved to Mexico City as fast as possible.” (04:09)
  • Holmberg and the team debate Kyler’s value, Cardinals’ repeated quarterback woes, and potential trade compensation: “I’m not giving you more than a fifth or sixth...maybe a desperate team would give a three.” (03:56)
  • Holmberg on Cowboys fans: “The Cardinals are a better franchise over the last 30 years than you have been.” (07:05)
• Game Recap & NFL Rants:
  • Analysis of Cowboys/Cardinals, criticisms of “arrogant” Cowboys players and NFL celebration culture: “I watched a guy miss a tackle, and instead of get up and run after the dude, he got up and ran back to where the huddle was going to be. I’m like, this is a team of just swagger, dick egos...” (06:51)

2. The Modern Streaming/TV Dilemma (“Cord-Cutting Sucks”)

• Rising Costs & App Confusion:
  • The hosts rant about subscription TV, streaming app overload, missing local channels due to carriage disputes (YouTube TV losing ESPN/ABC), and price creep.
  • John: “My bill for television is closing in on 500 bucks a month...they haven’t...prorated. Every day has to have value.” (10:32, 11:57)
  • Extended, comedic complaints about duplicate subscriptions, accidental renewals, Hallmark Channel, and the bleak reality that “TV is a man’s deal.” (14:01, 14:49, 28:14)
  • Brett: “My friend has 7 separate Hallmark streaming fees—Not that many.” (17:47)
• Nostalgia for “Boomer” Cable TV:
  • John: “When we just had channels and numbers...this new way sucks...this is a convoluted mess.” (14:00)
  • “It’s a nightmare...they got us to cut the cord, and we’re all paying more.” (15:39)
  • “I'd rather cut the cord off entirely.” (Throughout)
• Streaming Workarounds & Piracy:
  • Chat about antennas, illegal streams, universal boxes, and the sketchiness/hassle involved.
  • “It took me 25 minutes to turn the TV on...” (23:14)

3. Amber Alert Controversy & Public Apathy

• Early Sunday Morning Alert:
  • Debate about the efficacy of intrusive Amber Alerts at inconvenient hours.
  • Holmberg: “The only thing it did was teach Americans in general, oh, system works. Shut this thing off.” (34:32)
  • Listener email (“Jared”)—the only one who actually got up to look after an alert.
  • Frustration at authorities’ tone-deaf “If you were mad, you weren’t going to help” defense.
  • “Nobody’s ever looked at us, said there’s a strange missing Indian outside...let’s go do this. Thank you, phone.” (32:17)
• Incentivizing Public Action:
  • Hilariously proposes Amber Alert cash prizes: “If the alert goes off then it’s important. $1 million prize. Go find this one.” (38:23)
  • “Make it a game like Mad, Mad World.”

4. Philosophical Afterlife & Religion Riff (Heaven/Hell According to Holmberg & Brady)

• Heaven, Hell, & Porn:
  • Deep (and wildly comical) debate about the Christian afterlife, “eternal joy,” and what would constitute a satisfying heaven.
  • John: “If I can’t jerk off in heaven, I’m out.” (86:07)
  • Brady: “You don’t have to worry about food...there'll be restaurants for the rest of your life...[but]...You’ve hit it. It’s a constant state of laziness.” (83:41, 83:59)
• Cultural/Religious Relativism:
  • Discussion about Indian heaven, curry as a natural laxative, and the horror (to Holmberg) of curry-based afterlives: “If heaven means curry and those weird colors and that music, I am out.” (62:41)
• Masturbation, Joy, and Perpetual Euphoria:
  • Brady tries to explain Christian heaven as “eternal contentment,” but John and Brett are fixated on the importance of porn and sex:
    • John: “Heaven should be a place that...you get all the things you loved here.” (72:20)
    • “If you could give me pamphlets, like a money-back guarantee...I’ll sign up.” (91:08)
    • Group agrees the classical “no sin” afterlife sounds boring/unfulfilling.

5. Pop Culture, News, and Irreverent Observations

• RIP Segment:
  • Dick Cheney, Diane Ladd, and a former Grateful Dead background singer all pass away; humor regarding confusion over whether they’d already died: “Didn't he die like four years ago?...I thought he was 84 when he was vice president.” (41:16)
  • Cheney’s “Satanic” vp vibes: “I think he might have been Satan...” (41:19)
• Work Smarter, Not Harder—School Attendance:
  • Discussion of a Mesa High School mentorship program (“the cool thing in school is 'I smoked, I partied, and I got Bs'—you should get a boost to As for that”) (100:19)
  • Argues for academic credits based on efficiency, not attendance.
• Nazi Costume Drama:
  • Commentary on recent local and national news: a Drake University volunteer hockey coach loses his job over a Nazi Halloween costume; bar owner gets death threats for not ejecting him promptly; philosophical musings about the differing levels of outrage over Axis powers.
• Weird & Viral News:
  • TV’s Pledge Allegiance origin, Russian payroll 'glitch,' comic book attic jackpot, “bounty hunter street snitches” in NYC.
  • Entertainment Drill: “Sexiest Man Alive” is announced, Oscar winners as supervillains, One Million Moms protests “What the Fun?” on Wheel of Fortune.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Sports & Streaming

• On Cardinals fans & Kyler Murray:
  • John: “If I was a fan of the Cardinals, I would actively be on a daily quest...to get this team moved to Mexico City…” (04:09)
• On streaming frustration:
  • John: “My bill for television is closing in on 500 bucks a month...they haven’t...prorated. Every day has to have value.” (10:32, 11:57)
• On TV confusion:
  • John: “TV sucks now. Period. End of story.” (17:47)
• On TV's new complexity:
  • "You don't know how dumb you are to think that just because it's on your tablet...it isn't technologically better. No, nothing...proof than our Internet phone system that just doesn't work." (24:29)

Amber Alert & Social Apathy

• On the Amber Alert:
  • John: “The only thing it did was...teach people to go, well, I don’t ever want that to happen again. How do I shut this off?” (34:32)
• On apathy:
  • John: “All it did was teach Americans in general, system works—shut this thing off.” (34:27)

Metaphysics, Afterlife & Masturbation

• On heaven (“Brett's Excellent Adventure”):
  • John: “If you’re buying a heaven, which one do you want? Brett, mine, or dumb Brady’s?” (139:36)
• On afterlife boredom:
  • John: “By tomorrow, I’d be like, I’m used to this. This is normal now...it’s not special. It’s just your constant feeling.” (74:06)
• On Heaven & Jerking Off:
  • John: “If I was having an orgasm 24 hours a day, by tomorrow I’d be like...I’m used to this. This is normal now.” (74:37)
• Brady’s Christian pitch:
  • “You don’t have to worry about food. It just won’t be a need.” (83:39)
• On Indian food as afterlife:
  • John: “If heaven means curry and those weird colors...I am out.” (62:41)
• On “no porn everywhere but here”:
  • "There's no porn anywhere but here though...biggest takeaway." (85:29)

Pop Culture & Miscellaneous

• On Dick Cheney:
  • “Everybody was a little bit afraid of Dick Cheney. When he’d roll up to that mic...you could feel the room...fire’s gonna shoot out of that guy’s eyes.” (41:19)
• On Nazi Halloween costumes:
  • John: “If somebody dropped off a Nazi uniform at my house, I would try it on and look in the mirror...then take it off. There’d be no pictures, no evidence...But I would try it on.” (115:34)
• Kids and School:
  • “You should get a boost to As for that. Mesa should be...It should be cool to be good at not going to school.” (100:19)

---

Notable Segments & Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment |
|---------------|---------------------------------------------------| | 02:59–08:53 | Cardinals, Kyler Murray trade rumors & NFL talk | | 10:22–17:47 | Rant on streaming, cable nostalgia, TV expenses | | 32:17–38:41 | Amber Alert criticism, incentives, “missing Indian”| | 41:16–47:12 | Cheney, Diane Ladd passings, “dark” leadership | | 59:43–69:30 | Indian food, cultural riffs, afterlife speculation| | 72:05–86:03 | Heaven v. Hell, “no porn in the afterlife” debate | | 100:19–104:54 | Mesa mentor program, “work smarter, not harder” | | 113:13–115:45 | Nazi costume drama, public reaction | | 139:36–143:57 | “Selling” heaven, Holmberg’s “heaven excursions” | | 146:15–166:47 | Hot releases, AI-cover music, new TV/Music |

---

Segment Highlights and Listener Guidance

• Intro/Outro/Ads are omitted for clarity—all content summarized pertains directly to show banter and core segments.
• Quotes formatted with attribution; timestamps (MM:SS) refer to start of relevant section for context.
• Flow maintained for maximum readability and reference for non-listeners.

---

Tone & Style

• Signature irreverence, banter, and a blend of cynicism, absurdity, and local wit.
• No sacred cows—willingness to question, roast, or lampoon any topic, including themselves.

---

For Listeners/Newcomers

• Expect strongly opinionated, occasionally explicit, and always entertaining takes on local sports, modern technology, and life’s biggest questions—filtered through the distinct comedic voice of Holmberg and his crew.
• Recurring themes: Arizona sports pain, “boomer” vs. modern life, TV/app frustration, and existential hypothetical debates are signature to the show’s ongoing appeal.

---

In a nutshell:
This episode showcases why “Holmberg’s Morning Sickness” retains its Arizona cult status: bold, uncensored takes on the day’s issues, personal vulnerabilities, boundary-pushing humor, and topical riffing that’s equal parts reminiscence and wild new speculation (“Amber Alert million-dollar bounty,” “no-jerk-off heaven”). The show is a must-listen for anyone wanting equal parts local sports, pop culture, and conversational chaos.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP guns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. It's Brett Vesely from Homeworks Morning sickness. Now, I've always been the kind of guy that takes care of my own lawn. That's until I found Divine Design Landscaping. These guys aren't your typical mow and blow landscaping company. They do amazing work and it's just what I needed to finally throw in the towel and let the experts take over. If you've been unhappy with your landscaping or sick of trying to do it yourself, well, it's time to get a hold of Divine Design Landscaping. These guys handle everything. Lawn care, irrigation, tree work, low volt vintage lighting, 3D designs. Get a free quote at DivineDesignLawnCare.com that's DivineDesignLawnCare.com Looking for the best football spot in town?

[John Holmberg]

Look no further than Hooters with wall to wall TVs, all the games, and the best specials anywhere. We have you covered. Select Big Daddy beers starting at only $4 and the Hooties pick three for only $10.99 per person. It's a game changer. Honestly, where else can you go get two beers, an appetizer, two entrees and two additional non alcoholic drinks for under 30. Nowhere. So head to Hooters, your game day headquarters.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Brady]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Brady]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online. It's really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP gun guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[John Holmberg]

Why choose a sleep number? Smart bed.

[Brady]

Can I make my site softer?

[John Holmberg]

Can I make my site firmer? Can we sleep cooler? Sleep number does that cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side. Your sleep number setting. Enjoy personalized comfort for better sleep night after night. And now max out your savings. The more you buy, the more you save on beds, bases and more. Plus get free home delivery on any smart bed with base limited time. Check it out at asleep number store near you [e-mail] today still streaming Homberg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Tuesday. It is 5:45. This is the morning Sickness. My name is John. There's Brady. There's Brett. Big, big Tilly. Don't. We're off and running. Area buttons are in place. Ordering okay, we're good. How about that? Like we come back today to the Cardinals swagging home from Dallas. Kyler Murray still never lost inside that building. Whether he plays or not. And they show up. It is. I'm going to officially start it. It's Kyler Murray trade watch. We are on it right now. That is a thing.

[Brady]

Would they have won with Kyler Murray?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. They didn't. Doesn't really matter. So you look at it and you say, all right, the soft benching to keep him from having a more hamstring or shoulder or any sort of issues before they trade him. Today's the trade deadline and I wouldn't at all be surprised if Kyler Murray ended up on the New York jets or, you know, somewhere else. Somewhere that's a quarterback. Needy. There's definitely a market for him right now because he play defense.

[Brady]

Maybe the Bengals get him. Well.

[John Holmberg]

No. Well, he'd play better defense. He still can't play it. But that doesn't make him any different than anyone on your team. It's a. Yeah. So that would be the official thing again. Cardinal fans, greatest option ever. You might get out of the Kyler Murray deal and get something back because I know Cardinal fans hate him. Just hate him. And I as an outsider looking in, haven't, haven't thought it's his fault outside of his little mental breakdowns. The dude is such an amazing athlete. He's just got.

[Brady]

Maybe Cleveland will go for him.

[John Holmberg]

Cleveland's on the list too. I saw were the Steelers, but that was more of a. If you. If the Cardinals can. If you want to pay for. They still have to pay him because it's all dead cap money. So it would be, you know, what's prepaid already goes towards the cap. So they still. The Cardinals would still pick up most of what's owed. It's worth a shot for somebody if I'm. But I'm not giving you more than like a fifth or sixth, which is brutal to get Kyler Murray that maybe a desperate team would give a three the jets are stupid as a stump. Cleveland is stupid as a stump. But they've been through the Deshaun Watson thing. Maybe you get a third maybe. But I wouldn't be surprised to see if somebody stepped up and dummied up an offer for him. New Orleans, they're down there just throwing anybody who can throw it be interesting to see him go somewhere else. But Jacoby Brissette is now the future. And guess what and Brett said it last night in our text thread do the Cardinals draft a quarterback again next year? They start over again. I don't know how you people do it. I don't know how you're fans of it. I don't know how you do it. If I was a fan of the Cardinals, I would actively be on a daily quest to talk to the right people to try to get this team moved to Mexico City as fast as possible. It makes the most sense. They're already card the Cardinals. You get them down to Mexico City and they just in the NFL be like you know that Phoenix market is too big to not have a team. Eventually we get something got a good stadium. Everything else just get the bidwells and everybody else out. If I was staring in November again at drafting a quarterback again it would be brutal. Brutal. Everything they touch turns to meh. But I will say this. Last night's game they played until the fourth quarter they played good and then it was just see who could screw it up less faster they beat. What I have to say is maybe and this is saying a lot maybe the most annoying and most arrogant Cowboys team of the last 30 years. I don't know what that team has so much swagger for. They're they're a dude ran for what was his name? Bam. What's his name the running back for the Cardinals nine yard run on second down and you know first down ten they incomplete past nine yard run on second down and the dude who tackled him stood over him and flexed like you just got gashed for nine on a run play on on second and ten what do you and he flex he walked over there giving each I'm like dude you're they're going to get a they're getting a first down for next play. First down. Kobe Brissette is 4,000 pounds. He's going to push forward. He's getting that yard Evidently that's the.

[Brady]

You know one play it seems like teams need to celebrate after every it's.

[John Holmberg]

Not everybody changes the whole that's a coach that he didn't hit him Hard. Yeah, he just tackled him. It wasn't like a. No, I'm just a blistering.

[Brady]

Agree with you. The celebration thing after.

[John Holmberg]

No matter where, it's the Cowboys. The Cowboys were worse last night. They were. They were on the sidelines laughing, having the time of their lives. I watched a guy miss a tackle, and instead of get up and run after the dude, he got up and ran back to where the huddle was going to be. I'm like, this is a team of just swagger, dick egos that are, you know, terrible. They're not a good football team at all.

[Brady]

They're off game.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Their offense is just dudes who are looking to celebrate between Pickens and CD Lamb. And I think Dak Prescott's good, but, I mean, this is. That is a tough team to watch. So when you watch them lose, it's awesome. I don't even have a horse in this race. I hate the Cowboys because I hate all the other teams. But, man, they're easy to hate when. When they're. They're down like, it was like 27 to 7 or something. Like, I don't even know what the score was. They're getting their asses kicked. They're on the sidelines high fiving a guy who just made a catch on the sidelines, and they're all laughing like, that was like, they're ahead by 15. No sense of urgency. I'd be again if I was a fan of either of those teams. And you got to remember, as a Cowboy fan, as bad as it feels to be a Cardinals fan, the Cardinals have been to a Super bowl in the last 30 years that. Ouch. Right? Ouch. Cowboy fans, the Cardinals are a better franchise over the last 30 years than you have been. You're a more lucrative one. But then Jerry Jones had the quote of the quote of the year, maybe, maybe the quote of all time said, oh, what are you going to do about the defense? To fix it up? And he did. The. I've been. I've been working on $100 billion natural gas and oil deals, so I don't have time to fix Cowboys defense. Oh, the fans loved hearing that. I'm sure it's like, I'll get to it when I get to it, But I got $100 billion over here in oil and natural gas. It is brutal. Says the Cowboys should trade for Kyler so they could win their home games. That's a good idea. John Evans. I like that. That's smart. But it was fun to watch a Cardinals team that Just meh. They're competitive, that's for sure. And they have been since Jonathan Gannon got here. But now Kyler Murray is on the block. Do they trade him? Will they trade him? Who gets him?

[Brett Vesely]

I was saying last night, Marvin Harrison actually looked good last night.

[Dick Toledo]

Whoa.

[Brett Vesely]

Where'd this guy come from?

[John Holmberg]

Because he's playing a team that doesn't have any defense at all. And they had a. In the first half, he had his career game. It was the best game he'd ever had. And we played two quarters. Meanwhile, I'm watching the Cowboys celebrate. Like, and it wasn't, like, giant celebrations. It's those moments where you're like, get back to the huddle. What are you smiling for? It's. It's like Dale always says that, the body language thing. What are they happy? What are they so happy about? Dude, you flexed over a guy who just gassed you for nine yards, and you just flexed on him because you tackled him, and it was a basic tackle. It is easy to hate the Cowboys. Really easy. So nice job, Cardinals, and you got your win. And I watched a little bit of the Scott Van Pill. By the way, that game cost me 40 bucks. Not in bets or anything. YouTube TV, I didn't realize had lost ESPN and ABC and all that on Thursday. I hadn't paid attention any of that. And I went to find the game, and I'm like, where's my. Where's the espn? It's gone. And then I looked. I'm like, oh, yeah. They had that dispute with Disney, and they were supposed to come back for a day and didn't. And now I don't even know now. They don't have a channel now. I don't have sons games. I have to Flanagan my TV for that. You get that? Because you don't have channel three. I don't have ABC or ESPN. And you know what hasn't happened? YouTube TV hasn't cut me a deal. They haven't come back on. Sorry. We're losing all these channels because of our internal disputes. We're gonna drop you about 25. But not once have they said, let's make it easier on you, guy paying for everything. Now that we're in a fight with.

[Brady]

Disney, evidently, it's less expensive, it seems like, because my neighbor said the same thing on Saturday. He's like, I gotta switch. I gotta go back.

[John Holmberg]

I bought DirecTV last night. I got on DirecTV again, and it was like 54 bucks to just sign up and do the thing. I'll get the $84 a month package, and now I've got both. So now I'm spending another $80 on TV. My bill for television is closing in on 500 bucks a month. Oh, that's when you add it all up, and people are like, oh, you said, oh, do your math on that. Get a little rocket mortgage or not Rocket mortgage. Rocket money thing and find out, because it'll track your apps for you. Go. Here's what you're paying in TV. And I'm like, 460. And now I'm over that and paying.

[Brady]

For the rocket money thing.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know if I pay for that. It's just that. I don't know. It's worth it because it made me dump Philo Fubo. I had, like, seven or eight things that I did the trials for.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And they got them. And then for some reason, forget to cancel. You always forget that. And it just renewed it. So I had, like, 12 or 13 different apps that were costing me 12 or 15 bucks a month. And I'm like, I haven't. I don't even know I had that. It's not even on the home screen, and it's a killer. So now I have to add this other one, because, you know, if you're going to fight about it and you're going to get rid of espn, you have to realize that when you charge extra for espn, when it goes away because of your dispute, you got to take that off my bill. We'll get it back. We'll get it back when, like, prorated. Every day has to have value. Every day has to have. Have another seven or eight bucks off.

[Brett Vesely]

@ least they probably would if you sat on hold with Kevin, you know, for about an hour, and then, oh, yeah, we'll give you her $15 back.

[John Holmberg]

Funny you say that, Brett, because I called last night to. I was furious. I was like, when is this. Why am I. So I called him like, look, I want the football package and just cancel everything else. Oh, no, no, no, no. You have to do. You have to be a subscriber for the entire. And the football package is an added piece. And I'm like, no, no. It's a la carte tv. You guys made that. You're the ones who came up with that idea. You give me just the football packs. No, no, no, no, no, no, sir. No, sir. That is new. I'm like, all right, let me talk to somebody else then, because I'm. I want to build. I want something done. And he goes, okay. And I get on hold And I got that thing. There are callers ahead of you. The hold time is 25 minutes, so about 12, 15 minutes.

[Brady]

No callback option.

[John Holmberg]

No callback option. So I just left the phone on the thing and on the speaker, and I'm walking around doing what I'm doing, and. And I got DirecTV. So I got the game on. So I'm, you know, they hit me and then it. Like 10 minutes in. Your call is still very important to us. Your hold time is 25 minutes. I'm like, it was 25 minutes 10 minutes ago. How's it still 20? I turned me into Mad Dog Russo. How Is it still 25 minutes? We've been on for 10 minutes. I went nuts.

[Brett Vesely]

Kevin went on his lunch break.

[Brady]

So, yeah, Kevin, some other Mad Dog was on there unloading. Well, that's gonn longer.

[John Holmberg]

They told me everything I needed to know that I wasn't the only one calling up, going, well, what the hell's going on?

[Brady]

Is one of the big reasons you keep the YouTube is because of the squad box.

[John Holmberg]

Huh?

[Brady]

You know, they do this.

[John Holmberg]

It's football.

[Brady]

People like that. You don't have that option on some of the other.

[John Holmberg]

The easiest thing right now to get football. It's the easiest package for food. I don't even know where else you go for the football package for the NFL ticket. I know you can just go. You get a Hulu and grab that, and they got. I've got Hulu. And then you can get. You can order the whole package. Or is it one of those things where you can do both?

[Brady]

You could do just. If you just want red zone or both.

[John Holmberg]

I just want the goddamn gauge.

[Brady]

They got it.

[John Holmberg]

Because the last time I checked Hulu, there were blackouts on certain ones that weren't owned by NBC or abc. Something happened where, like, you can't get this game unless you have this. Because it's a local that. I'm like, well, God damn it. I want it to be easy again. I liked channels. Okay, Boomer. Yeah. When it was good, just. Just because you think technology's won something. This system sucks. This is a convoluted mess. Before, when we just had channels and numbers and you had a system that had all the same ones with the occasionally, like, you know, DirecTV satellite would get into. Or DISH would get into a fight with A and E, and you'd lose that for a second. No, this new way sucks. And by the way, I don't like clicking on an app and watching it go, which profile do any of? Like, I'M watching now. Just turn the goddamn TV on.

[Brady]

I think Cox is sitting like, hey.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Well, they're. You know what?

[Brady]

We got the whole pack.

[John Holmberg]

And you know who they are? They're radio. They're run by morons. The radio executives and Cox executives should get better, get back together and go, yeah, had everybody buy the balls. And we really pooch on this one, huh? Everybody ran away from us, and our system was the better system. We just didn't know how to sell it. We don't know what we're doing. Yeah. Cox is sitting back saying, our thing still works.

[Brady]

Check us out again.

[John Holmberg]

But, yeah, and, yeah, we'll give Cox credit. Because the people from Cox are like, you're gonna end up spending more money with this new way than you were with us. Like, yeah, but we hate you. You're radio executives. You've screwed up something free and easy. We really enjoyed the old way, but you. You made it so awful for us that we went on to this new thing. It's weird.

[Brady]

The stream nightmare.

[John Holmberg]

It is. It's a nightmare. It is. And I, you know, I'm in it. Everybody's in it. It's almost like you had to be. You got sucked into the web and at first, cutting the cord. Good idea. I was getting killed by DirecTV, and they weren't offering much of anything. And when they lost, you know, exclusive access to the football, you're like, well, there's no point for this.

[Brett Vesely]

So is it cheaper now that because you're just streaming DirecTV, right, you're not putting the dishes back up and all that kind of stuff, or it's.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's cheaper than it was before, but it won't be. Eventually. They'll get into a fight with Disney, too, probably even. Yeah. I don't know. I just know that I'm paying more for TV now than I was back when I was mad at DirecTV when I cut the cord. Because they were like. And when I cut the cord, I called DirecTV. I remember calling him like, hey, I'm gonna go ahead and chop it. And they're like, why? I'm like, you guys don't offer the NFL package anymore. It went to YouTube, so I'm going to that. Is that the only reason? I'm like, yeah, well, you've been a valuable customer since 2002, so we'd like to make you this offer. And it was like, 12 bucks. I'm like, you're gonna knock off a few hundred dollars for me monthly just to keep me around? Well, you're such a valuable customer. Like, if I was so valuable, how come you never called me with this offer on your own? Like, if you guys love me this much, why didn't you ever call and say, hey, we realize everybody's cutting the cord. We're gonna give you a break for sticking around? Like, I'd have stayed. I don't like being. I don't like that. I don't like, you know. Oh, so it's like what women always do. So it took losing me for you to realize how much you cared? Yeah. All right, bye. DirecTV. And now I'm kind of like, hey, DirecTV, you still up? Hey, Sup, you up?

[Brady]

How's that looking?

[John Holmberg]

You up? Oh, you're texting me again. Yes, up. DirecTV.

[Brady]

You up.

[John Holmberg]

What you doing, girl?

[Brett Vesely]

It's like DirecTV lost all that weight and stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Kind of like direct TV look good again. I know I got a little fat and full of myself. Yeah, you did. Look at you now, though. I've been boning YouTube TV for the last couple years. I've been enjoying it. But she's getting a little bit like you used to be. Plus, she's got all these friends at the house all the time. Peacock and Hulu and I don't know who. I don't know where anything is. The TV sucks now. Period. End of story.

[Brady]

My friend has a got 7 separate hallmark streaming fees. Not that many.

[John Holmberg]

But you. You pay for the Hallmark thing.

[Brady]

Oh, I think there's one that we're paying for.

[John Holmberg]

Boy, oh boy, that's a double check. No, that is a hard foot down.

[Brady]

At platinum gold package.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you don't. You don't pay extra for Hallmark anything. Oh, that just keeps those. Those movies are horrible. You pay for those.

[Brett Vesely]

Never know when Hot Frosty 2 is gonna be hitting the waves.

[John Holmberg]

No getting close to Hot Frosty to.

[Brady]

Get it in the summer.

[John Holmberg]

Now you are paying for home.

[Brady]

I'll double check.

[John Holmberg]

I know we have to cancel it.

[Brady]

We have two of them.

[John Holmberg]

Two Hallmarks.

[Brady]

Yeah, there's two packages, but they might include it in the all.

[John Holmberg]

Look, hold on. You go to a specific Hallmark icon and click on it rather than there's two of them. Like it's not part of like the YouTube package. Cuz there's Hallmark on.

[Brady]

No, there. There is a Hallmark on there.

[John Holmberg]

You are paying for Hallmark on its own for all exclusive access.

[Brady]

I might. I've been able to find the. Cancel that through the Hulu.

[John Holmberg]

You cancel that.

[Brady]

They might have two.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. By the. You as a man Better call Kevin. Cancel that and just say, hey, if anybody wants to watch Hallmark around here, I don't know what you've got. If you've got direct, if you've got YouTube TV, if you've got whatever one. There's a Hallmark channel on there. That's all we do here. We don't pay extra for Hallmark around here. Hot Frosty 2 doesn't get money. Oh, that's. That's painful. Are you looking?

[Brady]

I am.

[John Holmberg]

How do you find it?

[Brett Vesely]

Seven bucks a month, apparently.

[John Holmberg]

Your subscriptions. How much?

[Brett Vesely]

Seven bucks a month. But you get 50 channels.

[John Holmberg]

You get 50 Hallmark channels.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, it's all the different ones that's right here. So you got a E history.

[John Holmberg]

What's this one? This app?

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know, Whatever.

[Brady]

We're friendly. We have that. I don't know if we're paying for that.

[John Holmberg]

Probably you're paying seven a month for that. To get everything that's already on Another thing, that's all I get all those on YouTube, all those channels that it shows. There isn't one on there that I don't get.

[Brett Vesely]

I got the reels channel.

[John Holmberg]

So you're paying seven to have those twice. I gotta do reels, which pisses me off. Cause I gotta have Peacock to have reels. Cause reels isn't on YouTube TV. So I go to Peacock for that $9.

[Brett Vesely]

I switch over to Samsung TV for that.

[John Holmberg]

Samsung has reels?

[Brett Vesely]

Yes, the Samsung TV has it.

[John Holmberg]

Me.

[Brett Vesely]

You know those Samsung channels up in.

[John Holmberg]

The 2000s, 2000 things. That's how I watch OP live every day. Damn it. I watch it on Peacock. Canceling Peacock.

[Brady]

Today.

[Dick Toledo]

It'S Dick Toledo from the Morning sickness. For our new friends at Underdog, and with the NBA season now underway, Underdog is the best place to get in on all the action. Cuz playing on Underdog is easy. Just pick whether your favorite player or players will go higher or lower on stats like points, assists, rebounds, steals and more. Get your picks right and you could win up to 5,000 times your cash. Just download the app today and use the promo code HMS to score $100 in bonus fund or bonus entries. When you play your first $5, that's promo code HMS. Underdog make picks win money must be 18 plus, 19 plus in Alabama and Nebraska, 19 plus in Colorado for some games. 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdogfantasy.com web play and gettermsdfs HTML for details. Offer now valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org. in New York, call the 24.7Hope line at 1-87-7-8, Hope NY or text Hope NY to 467-369.

[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness. The only reason I have Peacock never do. I go to the Peacock thing. The other one. The other reason I had Peacock was for that. That movie about those Mormons that were giving each other hand jobs. And it's great. The Perfect Neighbor or whatever. I forget what it's called. It's a. It's a. I called the guy Brother B with Scott Taylor. We work with him. He's a. It's an awesome miniseries. It was the only thing on Peacock I ever watched. And then I found that. God damn it. That's on the Samsung.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brett Vesely]

Here's all the Samsung channels.

[John Holmberg]

Samsung's almost got too much. Yeah. All right. Son of a bitch. I didn't know. All right. So I gotta cancel Peacock. It's just too hard. Somebody said, get a fire stick. I had a fire stick. And it was nearly impossible because it kept not working. It would work. It was awful. The technology. Maybe there's.

[Brady]

I'm sure the generation has stopped. Like, there's a new fire stick that has.

[John Holmberg]

Dude gave me one at one of our events and said, try this. And he. And it had all the sports packages and everything. A friend of mine has an app or a website he goes to that is some sort of illegal. It's every sport in. I mean, we're talking in the world.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And I forget what it is.

[Brady]

I hear about these things.

[John Holmberg]

Something east, whatever. And all it does is just. Like, it's on your phone. You can load it on your phone and then, you know, airdrop it up onto your tv. And it's. It. All it does is your phone just tells you. Like, you've got, like 6,000 viruses in the last two seconds. Like, it's. And I don't care about that at all. I don't know that a virus has ever bothered me. If you get your identity stolen, that was gonna happen either way.

[Brady]

They still have those universal boxes that it gets everything. Wordstick.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It took me 25 minutes to turn the TV on because I had to get DirecTV back up and running. And it was a pain in the ass.

[Brady]

There you go.

[Brett Vesely]

1845 and 1846.

[John Holmberg]

That's reals.

[Brett Vesely]

46 is PD.

[John Holmberg]

Lie or live.

[Brett Vesely]

PD and reels. Is 1845 on Samsung TV.

[John Holmberg]

And it's the real. It's not that delayed thing that just shows last week's episodes.

[Brett Vesely]

That shows the live ones too.

[John Holmberg]

God damn it. God damn it.

[Brett Vesely]

And they just keep showing them all over.

[John Holmberg]

Here's another thing. I'm an employee for now of Hubbard Broadcasting. They own the real.

[Brett Vesely]

Why don't we get a deal?

[John Holmberg]

We should just have it sent to our homes.

[Brett Vesely]

You're on the phone, Jenny.

[John Holmberg]

Nah, you'll pay. You know, end up buying the network.

[Brady]

Be on hold the next operator.

[John Holmberg]

I'm pretty much done. Done making those phone calls. But anyway. Yeah, I'm just. What a pain in the ass TV is. I'm crotchety old man. And I get. You know what really bugs me and I know that they know it is that younger people are like, Grandpa, TV's too hard. Like, you don't know because you don't know when it was simple. You don't know how dumb you are to think that just because it's on your tablet 12 times, it isn't technologically better. No, nothing. No further proof than our Internet phone system that just doesn't work.

[Brady]

Are you still. Do you still have the DirecTV station numbers known like.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. I think about them every once in a while if I pick up the old remote. Yep, I have my old remote. Still has numbers on it. And it's just been retro to work for this. And I'm like, I'll still 12. Yeah. I'll still bang into the 212 for the NFL Network. And 212. I'll even text a friend of mine, like, 212. When something stealery is related. We both. Neither of us have direct anymore, so we just know to go to NFL network. So true. There's that south park episode where they did a. A retrofitting of the entire school security system, and it was just a catastrophe. And every time you'd hit a button, Lionel Richie's all night long would play for no reason. And that was to. And then sprinklers would go off. When you wanted a fire alarm. It was. And then you had to keep upgrading package after package. Like, oh, yeah, if you didn't want Lionel Richie to come on all the time, you have to get to the platinum plus. And that's another 12. All right, let's do it. That's. We got to have it right now.

[Brady]

I'm gonna go home and audit my system.

[John Holmberg]

Audit. Today's a call.

[Brady]

Spend the whole day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, geez.

[Brady]

Frank the tank looking for a gym membership.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, audit.

[Brady]

I gotta spend all day to figure out what's the best.

[John Holmberg]

It's a good idea. It's good for an internal television audit day to look and just go, when in the hell is the last time I watched Philo? I've seen all the reruns of Taxi I need to see. Gamble is the word for 6am this morning. If you're getting on that thing, hop on the app and go in and put Gamble in this promo code and gamble away. And this conference conversation always turns into some back alley weird thing. I'll go to my emails and start hearing, man, I get you free sports at Crackstream Ma. And I'm like, I'm not. That's more stuff. Everything's free. Get a VPN though. Crackstream Ms. That's been suggested to me. This guy says Sling TV has almost everything DirecTV has, but no local channels. I like the local channels. Channels. I like it a lot.

[Brady]

The only reason why I went up to get some of the local channels, someone said you could do an HD antenna.

[John Holmberg]

That's a pain. It's another thing I gotta. I gotta switch out of this to go to that. I just turned the channel. God damn it used to be so easy. Hey, what's. When's Jeopardy. On three. Three enter. Three enter. We eliminated all the channels now. Oh, why?

[Brett Vesely]

Grandpa?

[John Holmberg]

Like you don't have a good answer outside of whatever Boomer or. Nice job, Grandpa. Old people working remotes. Hilarious. Like, you're an idiot. You don't. You guys are social retards. You don't even know how to work your life. You call me that?

[Brady]

You just.

[John Holmberg]

Dude mad@directv. You're an idiot. You've ruined everything. This generation has ruined everything.

[Brady]

Are there such things as universal remotes anymore? I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I don't either. I have one. I have a. I have a universal remote that covers that. You can.

[Brady]

You're able to go back and forth to the different.

[Brett Vesely]

It covers your Apple tv.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's all that. So. Yeah. And it's my old remote. My guy just came in and reprogrammed it. It's reprogrammed the whole thing. And that's. Yeah, it covers everything. I just don't need the numbers anymore. But it's just a bunch of buttons. You got to figure out. This guy says, I got Paramount plus and Peacock Basic for free for being a Walmart employee. So Hubbard should offer something like that to you guys. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

This guy's a comedian, huh?

[John Holmberg]

You cheap mother wouldn't offer Us anything like that. Yeah, it's garbage. Yeah, it's tough. We should all get that stuff. And then I find out that I've got, like, doubles of things and I'm paying for this. And I got two of those, and I got three of these.

[Brady]

And it's kind of 350 news channels.

[John Holmberg]

I can watch Pittsburgh's local news. I can't watch Arizona's Here's Abroad. This one says it's called self control. Only $32 a month for only Netflix prime and 30 for Wi Fi. Jana, that means no football. You don't watch football. You don't get it. You don't get it. Broad, get back in the kitchen. Get back in. Go to your cooking channel and learn something and make it for me and get off my ass. TV is a man's deal. It's like working the barbecue. And you say, I don't ever work the barbecue. You shouldn't work the barbecue. And you should stay away from television. All you have is Netflix. So you just watch Bridgerton over and over again. Netflix has stuff, but I bet you she watches friends reruns like 18 hours a day.

[Brett Vesely]

Jackie says, get the super box on Amazon. You get every football, baseball, and basketball game. You only pay one time.

[John Holmberg]

How many. How many hoops do I have to jump through just to watch television?

[Brady]

I'm checking out super boss.

[John Holmberg]

Don't do it, Brady. Don't do it. You're going to fall for it. You're a very susceptible man. You'll jump right into this. What we need to do is fight for it to kind of go back to the same way. Just go back to give us the option of the old way. We were wrong. We were wrong about the whole cord cutting. We were wrong about satellite tv. It was a pretty good system. We're sorry. Can we say it now? Can we say we're sorry? It's like, you know, if Teslas, which are better technology, we're ramming into walls all the time, people be like, well, I guess the old way is better. It's like, no, no. The technology of a Tesla. So, yeah, we understand that the potential of it is better, but we screwed it all up. I like Apple. The Apple TV united all my televisions. That's kind of cool. It gives me little warnings, like when there's a good game on, like during the World Series, your pain is like, hey, by the way, end of the game coming up here, you should check it out. Apple's been awesome pay for that, too. Got all. Got all sorts of stuff. Going on.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

We're all.

[Brady]

All apple.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Outstanding. But it just makes it so I have to get. Ah, it drives me nuts. Gamble is today's 6 o' clock word. Hop on that thing, get on board and gamble away. But all this bitching and crying and all I'm thinking to myself was the Cowboys took it in the trunks last night. Kyler Murray's probably going to play for someone else. Could have been that. Could have started the whole show that easily. Can't get it. Can't be done. And today's the deadline. Today's the deadline. Yeah, we'll see. I don't know if they'll pull it off. It has to be the right offer. But. And I. And I have a feeling when Kyler goes somewhere else, you're going to. He's going to. He's not going to be crazy good. But he'll. He'll be. He'll be something.

[Brett Vesely]

Is he going to be better than Justin Fields? Because he's probably going to the Jets.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if you go to the jets, you automatically stink. It's over. Like there's no coming out of the.

[Brady]

There'll be more scrambling.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You have to go to the jets, then leave the jets to be good. You can't be at the jets and be all right. I don't think the jets are buyers so much right now. They might be trading out everybody on their team. We'll see. But there's a couple team. I'm looking at a couple teams that are like, we don't. We have swung and missed on quarterback a couple of times. We just need somebody to steady the ship while we look again. And I think New Orleans is a great one, really good one. I'd like Kyler just for personal reasons to get traded to Miami to see if we can make him lazier. As you go down to Miami and you start realize Kyler, get it. It's gonna be great. Remember yesterday we talked about the. That alert that went off at 5:24 in the morning on Sunday to get us to go look for essentially what was a midget. But turned out they were wrong about the height. So it said it was 4 foot 2 inches. On a few people's alerts it was a 4 foot 10 inch person. That's still a little tiny person. It's hard to find those. But they stand out. But it shouldn't have been that hard to find. Right. And it pissed everyone off. And like I said yesterday, the only thing it did was it didn't help the community it basically taught everybody how to turn off the alerts. That's what it did to me, really made me turn mine off. I didn't know you could turn these off. I turned mine off.

[Brady]

I haven't.

[John Holmberg]

You should. Well, you're not. And again, so in the news last night, there's a guy going, well, the people that were annoyed by it weren't going to help out anyway. That's your. That's your system, you dick. And I said, there's nobody who's ever said, after you hear that cacophony of noise at five in the morning on a Sunday, as a roller. Honey, wake up. There's a missing Indian we have to go have. We have to find him. Like nobody's ever looked at us with a strange missing Indian outside somewhere we don't know. Well, we're gonna go look for him. Get up, put your clothes on. Let's go do this. Yes, you're right, honey. It's time to go look for missing Indians at 5 in the morning on a Sunday. Thank you, phone. So the only thing it did was teach Americans in general, oh, system works. Shut this thing off. This guy emails, this Jared guy, says, john, when you said yesterday there were no, no people out there who get an alert on their phone and would wake the wife to go out and look, you're wrong. I don't have a wife. But Sunday, when I got my alert, I got up and I went to work. I live by your old elementary school, Roosevelt. And by the way, that's creepy. I may have mentioned that a few times, but still, for you to know and put it in your back pocket, I want security.

[Brady]

You didn't get up.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, I live by Roosevelt elementary, and it's very close to where the young woman who was missing was last seen. So I got up and drove around seeking her out. I'm a former security guard. I have some training. I don't get involved. If I see something, I just add eyes to the watch. Signed Jared.

[Brett Vesely]

That's not that many people get up that early in the morning on a Sunday.

[John Holmberg]

Let me tell you something.

[Brett Vesely]

First of all, knock it off.

[John Holmberg]

You were the only one. Get 20 or 30 blarts, you're not getting any. We got one, and his name is Jared, and he's the only one who did that. Not one person got up on Sunday. And then the dude who's running the system is like, we know everybody. We pissed off most everybody. But those people weren't going to help anyway. Then why are you firing off the system? Just you know, make me, you know, make it a screen ting. I don't have to wake up at 5:30. I didn't even look, honestly, I didn't even look out the window. I just laid there like, well this is, it is interesting.

[Brady]

The timing is because it finally got the official green light at that time.

[John Holmberg]

Because just when it happened, just when somebody and a government official and someone, you know reports it, legal official just said ding buzzed everyone. But it did. All it did was teach people to go, well I don't ever want that to happen again. How do I shut this off? And there could be a missing Indian in your front yard. And you won't get an alert anymore because they, they screwed, they screwed, they chicken littleed the whole thing. And you won't even look out the window, go, there she is. Like if she was standing there and get it right. If, look, a 4 foot 2 inch or 4 foot 10 inch, whichever one you put out there because you put two out, a 4 foot 10 inch person stands out. Oddly enough, just walking around at 5 in the morning, somebody's gonna see that. And so they were kidnapped and taken away. We still don't have her, right?

[Brett Vesely]

Like no, she's watching this morning.

[John Holmberg]

She's on a boat, she's in the, she's in the Mediterranean somewhere. Way out there, maybe even the Gulf. She's out.

[Brady]

Hope you're wrong on that.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not ready. I know it's. You don't like reality and stuff, but yeah, she's definitely property of Chic something something right now that just happens. It's not a good thing. But that's what's going on. If you couldn't find her, then what was I going to do? And the alert just stopped. Like we only got it at 5:30 in the morning. And then for two days we didn't care. We're just yelling about the alert. The news didn't do anything about the missing girl.

[Brady]

How do you find out?

[John Holmberg]

What if she's, you know, other than.

[Brady]

Hearing it from the news?

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe you get another alert.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they wake me up at three in the morning. That one. Rest easy. I was, we caught her all right, but I was asleep. Go back to sleep now. Like I didn't even have to get up really, to be honest with you. Yeah, they might as well just have the thing and the sound just be cats fighting. It would be equally as annoying. Oh God, there's a missing kid. Yeah, people emailed yesterday, said I was rooting for the kidnappers and that's not the Vibe you get five in the morning on a Sunday. Two days of that. But the arrogance of that guy. To go on the news and go if you were mad about it, you weren't gonna help us anyway. You mother climbs of this tv.

[Brett Vesely]

Exactly. And now I never will.

[John Holmberg]

And now. And yeah, now you lost me. As ever. Potentially help. In fact this morning there was a thing on the freeway that said looking for something. I just closed my eyes. I didn't even read. I just drove right under him. Like I'm not even gonna look for that. They might be right next to me. I'm not looking. And it's also kind of out of my pay grade. No, I supposed to follow him like I see it. All right. Where are you? I'm over here on McDowell and I'm at the McDonald's door. Should I leave or like what do I. You're in the drive through. Yeah, there's two cars ahead of me. It's been a minute. I want my. I want my burrito.

[Brady]

Where do I send my gas receipt?

[John Holmberg]

They turn left but. Yeah, I don't know what to do. Yeah, I. I'm not going to leave this line. Sir, please help. Nah, I don't like this at all. She's out there. She's by the McDonald's. And thank you for your tip. Also might not have been her. I don't know. Just stark outside. I haven't eaten. Tell me what you did. Well, the alarm went off. My wife and I diligently put our clothes back on and ran to our car and started to search for a midget Indian.

[Brady]

If you find her, you don't have to pay income tax the next year.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

How quickly would people would find.

[John Holmberg]

Boom. You get a year off of income tax. Now you're going to find all of them. Yeah, make it a game like a mad mad world or something. Every missing person has a $100,000 bounty on their head if you find them.

[Brett Vesely]

That's what we do with the Easter keg. The only reason getting up at three in the morning to go look for something is because we're giving you something.

[John Holmberg]

Prize at the end other than just feeling okay about yourself. That's exactly right. Every single one. If the alert goes off then it's more then it's important.

[Brady]

So that means there you get the steak and put 10 grand on it.

[John Holmberg]

10 grand. You put a million dollars on it and not a soul is sitting in their house. We're gonna find that little angel and it's gonna be awesome. If that. If it. If that alarm goes at five in the morning. And there's. That means, all right, game on. Million dollar prize. Go find this one.

[Brady]

Like every house is a fire station. This is.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Everybody out.

[Brady]

Get out, get out.

[John Holmberg]

Dicks out. Underwear, people driving in robes.

[Brett Vesely]

Like Fred Flintstone surfing down the back of that dinosaur jumping into your car.

[John Holmberg]

You'd hear everybody in their neighborhood's car start at the same time. Go out, find that million dollar Indian. Now you pay for your tv. Perfect. I just think it's awful that strange anybody would think that we were going to find her that way. And we didn't, so. Also, the alarm system doesn't work because it didn't make us all peep it out.

[Brett Vesely]

No, it just made us pissed.

[John Holmberg]

Hey. Just annoyed us. And I turned it off anyway. 6:00am Code word is gamble. This morning, gamble is the one to go to. If you want to grab that, run with it and put it in the six o' clock promo code. Meantime, let's get us a wake up song. Five eight, five nine, eight hundred. A good one and we'll scream it together. It's 98 KVD, Wake Up. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98K. Still streaming. Homberg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com My emails are proof that we are 100% accurate with what's going on with the television. It's like, no, no, you got to do this. No, you gotta get an antenna. Get an antenna. Get your fire stick. I'll jailbreak your fire stick. We'll do this, this and this. I'm like, look, I'm not struggling to watch television. I'm just saying it was easier the old way. The sucky way that everybody's like, this is the old fashioned was better. I'm not saying it's impossible. I'm saying they've made things more difficult than they need to be in the name of technology. We just kind of. And one guy emailed and said, look, he said we had DirecTV, we had Cox. They said. And then they wanted us to switch, which makes sense, but what did they switch? They took all the same channels you had there and moved them to a new place to deliver it. And we expected it to be different. It's the exact same thing. They're raising prices, they're in fights with each other all the time. We're losing channels. Makes tons of sense. And then we have to also announce that former Vice President Dick Cheney has passed away, which was, I think, a lot. I speak for a Lot of people. And I say, didn't he die, like, four years ago? Didn't he die before, like, a while ago? I. I don't remember Dick Cheney being still alive. And he was only 84, which. I thought he was 84 when he was vice president.

[Brady]

I did too.

[John Holmberg]

I thought he was ancient back then.

[Brady]

You're pretty young.

[John Holmberg]

You're telling me he was 60?

[Brett Vesely]

It's like Brimley.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You're telling me that when I first met Dick Cheney in the first Gulf War in the early 90s, the man was 48 years old. He looked like he was 60 then. So he passed away at 84. But his. His spirit is eternal because he was. I think he might have been Satan. I don't care what side of the aisle you were on. Everybody was a little bit afraid of Dick Cheney. When he'd roll up to that mic and just look at the press, you could feel the room. You'd feel the room kind of go, oh, what's this? He's gonna. I think fire's gonna shoot out of that guy's eyes. So he passed away at 84 and very Belichick. Like, he was very Belichick. Belichick probably stole a lot of, you know, chainy ways onto the next war. I'm just gonna look you in the eyes and tell you that if you keep staring at me, I'm gonna swipe your soul. I'm gonna throw you into some sort of a purgatory, and you're gonna live there for the rest of your life. Any questions? Yes, The Dick Cheney passed away. Also Dian. That's Laura Dern's mom, and she was. Yeah, to Laura Dern.

[Brett Vesely]

89 or something.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Laura Dern was something about. Laura Dern is kind of hot. Kind of not hot. When she was in the first Jurassic park, and she's running around, I'm like, I think I like Laura Dern. And then she did that movie with Nicolas Cage. Is that Wild at Heart, where he was kind of an Elvis Y type guy, which he always sort of is. But that's where I got the baby girl, because in that whole model. Just get in there, rabbit girl. Let's ride. Like, it's weird stuff, but that. And then she was really helped. Her mom was Laura Dern, who was in some classic older movies, and Alice doesn't live here Anymore and a couple others, and she passed away yesterday too. So we got two in a row. Two. Boom, boom.

[Brady]

And Grateful Dead singer.

[John Holmberg]

Who? What?

[Brady]

Former Grateful Dead singer Donna Jean.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, wow. That doesn't He's a background singer. That doesn't.

[Brady]

79.

[John Holmberg]

But I. I can. I think again, I'm like, wow, we lost two people that I thought were dead for years. That's a weird feeling to have two go in the same day and go. I thought they were both dead for years. If you'd have quizzed me and said, is Diane Ladd still. Nope.

[Brett Vesely]

And she was Belle on Alice, too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she came in later. So she was in the movie that made Alice the tv.

[Brett Vesely]

She was Alice in the movie?

[John Holmberg]

No. Oh, she wasn't. No. Ellen Burstyn was Alison.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

And she was Flo. Oh, all right.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

And then. Or maybe she wasn't. She was one of them. So then she came on and was Belle later when the TV show after everybody left. Yeah. So she's been around. She's been in a lot of stuff.

[Brady]

Makes me think of Cheryl Ladd every time I heard.

[John Holmberg]

I love Cheryl.

[Brady]

Don't you.

[John Holmberg]

Don't even start about Cheryl. My God. Cheryl Ladd was a friend of mine. Sent me a picture. Her, ironically, yesterday, we were talking about Battle of the Network stars. And he goes, look at this. Because he just goes through old retro TV things. My goodness. Cheryl Ladd, the Grace Kelly. But anyway, two people dead yesterday that I would have lost a bet saying, I thought they were already dead. Dick Cheney and Diane Ladd, Goodbye. Then hopefully there is no afterlife. Because if there is, I think Dick Cheney, you know, he struck me as an evil man. He just was. His presence was just dark and strange. I think he might have been the devil, which made me kind of want to get to know him a little bit. As you see right here where Dick Cheney and I were hanging out. And you see George Bush and you. There was no way you. That's why everybody said Dick Cheney was the president when George Bush was president, because you saw him next to each other. One dude clearly had goals of global power, and the other guy was just kind of like, I'm a dog. Like, it was. He was like a Labrador retriever running around. I just like to be pat from a ball. Dick Cheney throws the ball pretty far. He can. He's got one of them chuckets. Let's get going on that White House lawn. Yeah, we play ball. Anyway, back to work.

[Brady]

You're gonna have all the glory.

[John Holmberg]

It didn't seem to me that there was, you know, the powerful aspirations of one man totally overwhelmed and overshadowed the other. But I'm president. Yeah, right. That's what you think. Okay. I'm gonna be prison. I Sit in a big boy chair. He made every Bush. Probably did himself no, no favors by having Dick Cheney next to him all the time. If he had a little bit lesser guy, we'd have thought George Bush was probably a whole lot more in charge than he was. But Dick made you feel like, all right, stuff's gonna. Dick would have been the dude in your office. Like, maybe your boss comes in, hey, guys, we got a little problem. We're gonna meet at the. In the conference room a little later. Like, all right. And then his second in command comes in. Remember that Peter guy? Not Peter, but that. We had two bosses, Norman and David on our old owners. And Norman was. Norman might as well had butterfly wings. He was the softest boss I've ever met in my life. Just flapping around. I just want to get to my house. I just got some new towels. Like, that's an actual conversation I had with him where he wanted to leave Phoenix and get to New York to feel his new towels. That's what this man's day was. His brother David had a magic button that you couldn't see or feel that tightened the asshole of everyone in the room when he walked in. It. It was an amazing ability to make the whole thing go, ooh, David's here.

[Brady]

I. I saw it, like, he was more so than. Than Norman.

[John Holmberg]

Norman was.

[Brady]

The girl was Peter.

[John Holmberg]

He made you think that that was the wolf. Peter was the nicest guy in the world. Peter was the. The nicest man in the world. I got to deal with Peter. He looked. He just seemed quiet. I was just saying the perception because David scared the hell out of Peter. And they were never. Not in the same room. I talked to Peter after the company sold, and we were talking. He's like, well, David would have had it any other way. And I'm like, yeah, I was. You know, I always thought you guys hated me. He's like, oh, no, no, no. David's rule was just be quiet, sit and stare, and, like, basically own the room without saying a thing. And those dudes did it.

[Brady]

Dick Cheney don't ever object.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Dick Cheney was that guy. Yeah. Never questioned me. I know if I say something, even if it's the sky is red starting now, you just shake your head. Cause you're gonna. And they were old school. But that David dude had the ability to walk in a room and just look around and make everybody go, oh, man. Cause he always looked mad. That's key to good management. Always sort of look like you're a little bit pissed off at the people in the room. And then when you crack a smile, you own it. Like, oh, thank God. He's not mad at us. He's mad at something else. Dick Cheney had that. I guarantee you, Dick Cheney walked in your office, you're like, this won't be good. Yeah. Just had a knock, knock. Oh, he's. He's telling jokes. Oh, it's an easier day. Who's there? You're fired. You're fired. Who? You. You're fired. Get out. Oh, no. He is mad. So he's gone, and he's now a Satan. And Satan's tightened up a little bit when Dick out there didn't.

[Brady]

His daughter kind of.

[John Holmberg]

Liz, yeah.

[Brady]

She was a lesbian, and she was opposed to him a lot. She did a lot of some. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a rebel. Rebel.

[John Holmberg]

Was Liz Cheney the lesbian. One of them's a lesbian. A lesbian. He had a. Yeah. And then she got a little upset.

[Brett Vesely]

Isn't Liz's wife.

[John Holmberg]

Was Liz's wife one of. One of the Cheneys was a lesbian. Got one of them lesbians.

[Brady]

She stirred it up a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

Got one of them daughters that likes to lick other women. That's exactly how Thanksgiving. When the daughter told him, I like women. Is that laughing? No, it's just anger.

[Brady]

Why don't you go hunting with your dad? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Why don't we take this new girlfriend of yours out for a duck hunt? You don't take my girlfriend for a duck hunt. I definitely want to take her for a duck hunt. So you're one of them lesbians now? Are you mad at me or is that la? No, that's me laughing. Oops, sorry. And now it's off to get the Batman. Yeah, he was a strange one. He made me uncomfortable even as an adult. So he's gone. We've lost him. And still younger than Biden, I think, right about the same age. It's weird. He's just president. Like last year, I did like this one. I saw this story this morning, and I looked it up. This lady died. Called the news right after. I don't know how this goes on the news. She died, and when she saw her father, she passed away. Like, she did one of these, you know, outer body things and left. And her dad was standing there, and she said. And I spoke to my father, and he said, there's no heaven. There's nothing up here. Like, where's he then? What's he doing? Like, if he's just floating around to tell you that and give you bad news on the way in so she said she almost died giving birth. And then while she was dead technically on the table, she saw her father and sent her back to earth with a message. There is no heaven. It is not a real place. Jane Dawson felt her soul leave her body as all the pain she felt disappeared instantly. And she entered into a realm between the physical and non physical. According to her.

[Brady]

He's not communicating from the Three Eye Atlas.

[John Holmberg]

He might be. He might. Oh, they found a rocket on it. We'll get into that another time. Which doesn't have a tail anymore. Moved and they like pretty sure that the last sighting of it it's going to come out from behind the sun here in December. And they're like our last picture didn't. It had like a propulsion thing that changed speeds like oh well dropped an engine or what? I mean there's. Okay, we'll get into it then because this lady didn't start. She says there's no heaven. And I'm thinking maybe she's right. I've always thought that.

[Brady]

But someone communicated.

[John Holmberg]

The dude in Harvard that's been studying the hell out of the Three Eye Atlas basically said that his last. The speed changed before it made the move and like closed off its back end. So it's not making a blue tail like a comet would. It stopped which means it's. It would be engine propulsion probably or possibly and it understood that it's just going to use the sun to move now. So it's like basically saving gas I guess kind of. It's. It's the Tesla of space or what. So it just kind of. Well it's basically you know when you get behind a semi and you draft off of it to save gas. You ever do that on an i10?

[Brett Vesely]

That's some NASCAR hillbillies.

[John Holmberg]

It works. I used to do it all the time when I drove back and forth with California. I get right on the ass of a semi. Cruise control it then you need New.

[Brett Vesely]

Vision Auto Glass too. Well no.

[John Holmberg]

I mean I would be dangerously close to the truck in front of me so there's nothing chipping up and I just sit there and you just pull you along and I'm literally like a quarter tank of gas. Different from. From Phoenix to. To la when I would drive that a lot. You know sneaking up behind trucks and stuff. It's amazing. I didn't kill myself getting that close. Either way they said that that thing if it comes out in December and it doesn't have that thing that means it could be an engine based thing or just A rock, but not a. They don't know. But basically, like, I am so rooting for aliens to. I'm so rooting for it. So this lady says that when she died, she learned that since heaven is in a real place, she went into other realities, physically and dead, and met with people who are just kind of. All you do is just kind of malinger. I guess. That's it. That's what the afterlife is, according to this lady who died but didn't. And she just wandered around like, there's my dad. That's like, there's nothing here. Turn around, go back. It's like Toledo's dad, when he sees him in heaven, it's gonna be like, I'm sorry, I don't know what you're doing here. There's nothing here. You gotta go back.

[Brady]

He didn't make it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Or there isn't one.

[Brady]

Yeah, there isn't one.

[John Holmberg]

And she's. She hanging out, but also. Right. Like, wouldn't they eventually just run into each other? Why do you have to break that news to her? And plus, he can send her back.

[Brady]

There's communicating going on somewhere.

[John Holmberg]

Isn't that God's like, big slip up there? Like, oops, we almost let one slide through the door. Have her dad tell her there isn't a heaven. She don't want her getting curious. Anyway, she was her son. This was a while ago. She said I was experiencing labor complications when I was giving birth to my son. He's 24 now. I crossed over and I was about to push the baby out when suddenly I had a weird feeling wash over me. And I couldn't do it. I was exhausted at every level. And I thought that time was up. I felt like my. I felt the second my soul left my body and all the pain disappeared. And it was. Frankly, it was a delicious moment. Yeah, that's right. You're nuts. I said, I haven't been thinking about my dad or even asked for his help or anything. But there he was. Soul to soul reunion. And I was completely dark and filled with love. And he just said, I don't know what you're wasting your time here for. It's time to go home. Get on. There's no heaven. Your mother and I are still enjoying ourselves. And that's proof that even when you're dead, Brett, you don't really like your kids showing up. Like, you don't want them around. Because your dad was like, no room at in time for you to go.

[Brady]

You won't like this.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's no, heaven up here dealt.

[Brett Vesely]

With you for 18 years down there. Ain't doing it again.

[Brady]

You're not moving back home.

[John Holmberg]

You're my nutty daughter. Yeah, I love when people do that. And then they come back and act like it's their job to report to us what their hallucination was like. If you're like, look, it'd be hard not to. Come on. Your soul didn't leave your body.

[Brady]

Just like telling a drunken tale.

[John Holmberg]

You were on morphine. Yeah, but drunken tales actually happened.

[Brett Vesely]

Enjoy the fentanyl.

[John Holmberg]

Drunken tails are real. Look, your soul leaving your body is something you're not gonna know there. There may or may not be one. You can't prove it. So when you're like, oh yeah, you guys know what it's like when your soul leaves your body, right? You were on morphine, you had drugs all through your system. While you're trying to give birth, your body is fighting with all sorts of drugs to make your pain go away because you're having a bad run and you passed out. You hallucinated something, your brain was still working and you came back with nonsense. And 20 years later you want to write a book about it. I love near death experiences. Seven o' clock words. It's baller.

[Brady]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

Seven o' clock word is baller, not baller, hard R. Baller. That's the 7 o' clock code word. But I watched a very interesting thing years ago that all near death experiences are different based on your geography. If you grew up believing that there are multiple gods and you're polytheist, you're near that your near death experience in India is meeting Venetian venu or whatever they are, the multi armed gods. And they have like all these gods show up and it's very colorful. It's exactly what you were taught growing up. Up people in the, you know, western religions see a light and God and the gate and it's exactly what you were taught. Asians have this weird kind of strange flower thing. They're all geographically comforting to where people think, well, I went to heaven. Well, the Indian went to like polytheism heaven. I don't know what like, you know, African people who have just been in the sticks do, but they dream about like, you know, coke bottles. That's what I learned, that's my bigotry, is the gods must be crazy. So they dreamed of going to the coke plant in Atlanta. That's heaven to them. And if you've ever been to Atlanta, there may be some truth to that. Africans love Coca Cola. That's and Atlanta. So it's very. It's very strange to me that the near death experience is always like, I watched the. I survived and came back. Is a certain aspect of I survived where they actually die and they explain and their little journey. The one lady was just got hit and then saw the green lights and followed the lights. One dude went to hell. He's like, it was hot. There was not fire, but everything was boiling red. And he changed his life. No, he came back and he realized that he was like. That was probably just a hallucination. And then one guy didn't believe in anything and got hit by a truck and said, I stood in a dark room alone and that was it. And I watched the people try to revive me and that was it. And then a lady drown. And her experience, because she was a far east religious person was like this. These weird Asian images. And it's all what you're taught. It's all geographic. Nobody in India dies and sees Jesus. They just don't. But we do.

[Brady]

They don't talk about it.

[John Holmberg]

They wouldn't. It's embarrassed. No, no, no, no.

[Brady]

They'll get bullied.

[John Holmberg]

The great Ganesh is not a thing, you guys. It's the Jew. It's like, what? Yes, the Jew. He nailed it. When I almost died, I got stepped on by an elephant while I was taking a poop in our water at the river. Water of this wonderful country we call India. And you're not supposed to make fun of us, but we take dumps in water and we get chased by jaguars. But yeah, I almost died and Jesus was there. They would beat him up. So your brain comforts you.

[Brady]

I'd like to move to America.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm going to have to move to New York City and become a doctor. What is this room? I'm looking at apartments in Manhattan. What is this room? This is called a bathroom. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do you have to take one? It was preferable that you do take a bathroom. I don't want this apartment. Do they all have bathrooms? Where is the nearest river? I have to take Shakers. That's how you know you're in a terrible, terrible, terrible country. Where's the nearest river? I need to take a. Is said probably 80 or 90 times in your, like, lunch. Oh, this is going right. Does Indian food go right through Indians? Or would.

[Brady]

I don't think so.

[John Holmberg]

Or would they eat a burger and go, oh, this stuff goes right through diet?

[Brady]

They're. Yeah, they're used to it.

[John Holmberg]

You think Think the intake that when they eat.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Just think.

[Brady]

Try something different.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but it's India every day. But it's medically proven to make your stomach just go get it out. Which is why their whole country smells like it. Could be why they mix up some.

[Brady]

Like some of the stuff that's, you know, not having refrigeration or all that. Well, you're rolling the dice a little more.

[Brett Vesely]

This isn't the Stone Age.

[John Holmberg]

They do have electricity, but not to the degree that.

[Brady]

Yeah, not like here.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they probably do. It's just too many of them. There's a billion people.

[Brady]

You have so many that don't even have a house, so how could you have them?

[John Holmberg]

That's true here, too.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, not what we would call a house, Right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I mean, there's a bunch of poverty. The number of poverty, but it's because.

[Brady]

Higher.

[John Holmberg]

It's because. Well, because there's a billion and a half of them. Yeah, of course it's higher, but. Yeah. The infrastructure can't keep up with the.

[Brady]

Odds of you having bad digestive system or.

[John Holmberg]

But I think I'm wondering, though, if it's more the Indians and not so much the food poisoning. I wonder if I gotta ask an Indian, how fast after you eat your own food, do you take dumps or do you ever get full? Because you eat Indian food and you're like, oh, and then just cramp and take dumps. It never stays in you. I wonder. They're never really cramp.

[Brady]

All the.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, you have a different. You have a different system. I'm not talking. I'm talking to human beings, talking to normal people. I'm not asking. I know we're talking about food in a rather disparaging way, and you're getting a little defensive, and that's okay. I understand. Is it how it works? Indian food is good. Just asking the simple question. Does it shoot through Indians the same way it does us? That's kind of a thought. I bet it does, because it's curry. It's supposed to go through you fast, right?

[Brett Vesely]

I would think so. But I mean, I'm only speaking from whitey over here. I don't know.

[Brady]

I mean, the video we saw the other day. Day.

[John Holmberg]

That guy was just. He just had to take a dump.

[Brady]

Solid.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Mine never is after Indian food. I don't need any.

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying.

[Brett Vesely]

I've done it a couple times.

[John Holmberg]

Bigger problem with Indian food is that it. It tastes like their river water. It's the thing on the planet.

[Brett Vesely]

Somebody just said curry is a natural laxative.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's what I'm. It's medically proven as a laxative, but I wonder if it still works on them. I know. Curry is actually a laxative.

[Brett Vesely]

I know. Indians call right now.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Don't, don't. Also, would you like 2.5% financing under Discover? No, I just wanted to know if you have to take a dump after you eat your own.

[Brett Vesely]

Let's call Discover Card and ask them the questions. We'll have one on the.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, let's call a service.

[Brady]

Play Thai, too. Maybe Thailand has all the different curries.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but they don't have any. All right, you're hungry. We're not talking about that right now. Stay on focus.

[Brady]

Sounds delicious.

[John Holmberg]

Stay on focus. We're calling Indians. I don't know how to differentiate a tie on a Discover Card call. Are you Taiwanese? Brady needs to know if you're tied. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. There are none of those here, Aldo. I am also, like, breathing quite hungry. And if you mention one type of food, I'm going to drift off to other types. Yeah, curry is a laxative. It's, like, medically proven that Indian food makes you poop fast. But does it do it to Indians? That's it. What if they're. What if God? And that's the one thing that. This is one of the biggest reasons I'm not religious. What if the Indians are right? Think of this. You never thought of this? Nobody's ever thought of this. If they were right and their heaven is their stuff and we as Americans have to go to their heaven, I'm out. I don't want to go.

[Brett Vesely]

No. Send me to purgatory with that. Yeah, no, I'm good.

[John Holmberg]

Like, if hell means hamburgers and French fries, I'm in. If heaven means curry and those weird colors in that music, I am out. Like, there is nothing about this that makes me want to stick around for more than a minute or two. Welcome. Nope, I'm out. Where are you going? Your food's horrible.

[Brett Vesely]

Stairway downstairs, right over there.

[John Holmberg]

How do I get out of there? Welcome. You have come to Nirvrana. You have. You were wrong the whole time. It wasn't Jesus or Joseph Smith, you lunatics. It was our guys. It was our guys the whole time. And now you'll eat nothing but curry for all of eternity. Ah, f you. I don't want any of this. He was very rude to me at the Pearly Gates, which I meant knowledge, of course. Is that Guy taking a huge dump in a heaven river. Oh, yes, it is. Free to do it. Just like back home. Wait a minute. You guys were right. Never would have guessed it. Right? Crud. The Mormons are standing there like, we're screwed. Welcome, Mormons. We have a special spot for you. You'll be stirring and making the curry.

[Brady]

That's why they're buried with their dinner rolls.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Just in case somebody going to save the bread. You get the rolls. Oh, I see you got your complimentary rolls before you came here to eat all the curry for the rest of your life. That's hell to me.

[Brett Vesely]

Curry.

[John Holmberg]

No, I would rather go like the way that Brady's people describe hell with the fire and all this stuff. Stuff that's a whole lot better than if you sent me to India.

[Brady]

It's a lake of curry.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And people say, oh, it's beautiful. I'm like, I got Google Maps. You've seen that thing on Instagram where the guy goes, drop a pin anywhere in India and then go 360 on. On street view and try not to see one person laying on the ground. Trash. Or a building that doesn't have like a roof. And there is hilarious. This guy's like, all right. And he just throws one down in the city. They land on the pin and he does a360 and like a grocery store and the roof's gone.

[Brady]

Food.

[John Holmberg]

There's trash everywhere. Clothes. That was the other thing. So clothes laying somewhere in the picture. Everywhere. I know. You went back to food again. You need a snack.

[Brady]

No, but we see all those videos of those street vendors just like crazy.

[John Holmberg]

You're thinking about something. You got your mind on something. You've taken it all away. We were talking about poverty and you brought up food stands. Would you eat at an Indian food stand? You would?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

You wouldn't in India? No. Here, an Indian food stand. Pop up food store.

[Brady]

I've eaten at plenty of Indian restaurants, but that'd be a tough sell.

[John Holmberg]

But like, if you're at a, like anywhere and there's pop up Indian food, would you do it? Boy, the fact you're even, your face is even doing squinty like, let's think about how good that might be.

[Brady]

I think again, it comes down to the presentation of the stand.

[John Holmberg]

What does that mean?

[Brady]

I mean, if the guy's sitting on the ground and serving up on leaves. No.

[Brett Vesely]

So playing a flute.

[Brady]

Serving it with his feet.

[John Holmberg]

Tell me. What? Tell me. Well, yeah, I would hope you'd turn that down. I mean, if that's even an option. Like, I'll give that a try. As long as his feet aren't involved. You were way too far gone to even have this conversation. What does a good Indian pop up food look like to you? You.

[Brady]

If it was like at a festival or something like that.

[John Holmberg]

That's the only festival of what Middle Eastern festival. Oh, you'd go to that.

[Brady]

I've never been out.

[John Holmberg]

Now what's gonna happen? Right? Middle Eastern festival. You would go to that to eat?

[Brady]

I'd try some naan bread.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, goat feces.

[Brady]

Goat's a tough sell. I'm not a big guy on goat.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's all they eat. Goat. What else?

[Brady]

Chicken.

[John Holmberg]

They're not the same chickens. We have those sickly little weird age chickens they got running around. I've seen the pictures of those. You would eat at a pop up Indians thing if the guy just. The only criteria you have is he can't serve it with his.

[Brady]

I'm not shooting it down.

[John Holmberg]

Man, oh man, that's awful. That is disgusting. Yeah, I can't. I can't even think about it. India's like a. Like, it would be a curse if I was on a game show. You've won a trip to India. You would see me start to weep. Like, you're so happy, right? I'm like, no, this is the worst day ever.

[Brett Vesely]

You said I won.

[John Holmberg]

You said I won. Quoted, quoting figures. A trip to India. Have you seen videos of that place? I don't want to go to India. Yuck. That's why they all come here. It's the Mexico of India. Like, they don't want to be there either. They. There's just no good border. They cross the border there in Pakistan, for God's sakes. It gets worse. Yeah, it's time we all just admitted Trump was right when he said that most of the countries around the world were holes. And he would know. He's been to almost all of them. That's a pretty good one there. Holmberg's morning sickness. Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Hell.

[John Holmberg]

I would much rather be in Satan's hell than Indian hell.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah. At least he had some good music over there.

[John Holmberg]

He had some great. I mean, look, that's the lowest level of hell. India. Like the bad parts of India. I'm sure there's nice parts like Toledo. Brady always says there's nice parts. I haven't seen them. I don't think they actually exist. But. But I'm sure there's a good neighborhood or two. There's a lot of wealthy people over There, but.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, man. Yeah, Luke brings up a good point. Why don't we have Sanjay on the phone?

[John Holmberg]

Sanjay hates it over there.

[Brett Vesely]

I know, but he can answer the questions.

[John Holmberg]

Sanjay. Sanjay is like the most self loathing Indian hater I've ever met in my life. Not the people, but the place.

[Brett Vesely]

I think he hates it worse than us.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. The idea of India to him is as bad as what we say. I'm more worried about Brady saying the only way he would not eat it is if a guy served it with his feet. Anything else is pretty much on the table. That's gross.

[Brady]

There's certain things that for sure, I wouldn't. You know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the feet things are pretty good.

[Brady]

One, dirty hands, another one.

[John Holmberg]

How do you know?

[Brady]

You can tell.

[John Holmberg]

And if they've been touching Indian food, it automatically looks dirty. This, I don't go to Indian restaurants.

[Brett Vesely]

I'd rather take a chance walking around a Maryville barefoot than take a trip to India.

[John Holmberg]

At night. Yeah, I would gladly blindfold myself and walk the streets of Maryvale barefoot at night. Before I'd go to India, I'd come back with so many hypodermic needles in my feet and still be like, well, at least I wasn't in India.

[Brady]

I remember in college, had a friend that went to India for two weeks and he came back, it was like Moses, white beard and like, how dare you waste food?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Just everything was like.

[John Holmberg]

Because he was high as a kite, Right? You had a friend who did a lot of heroin. That's the only reason you go for.

[Brady]

A month or two.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it changed the Beatles, too. You sit on a rug, you grab the sitar, and you meet a dude who's got all the good drugs. You're wasting food, and you come back on heroin because it's the only way to survive it. Yeah, there's a lot of crappy countries and we should be able to make fun of them.

[Brady]

Them.

[John Holmberg]

That's why we're Americans. It's what we do. But yeah, India, that lady India as heaven is maybe the worst concept I've ever heard in my life.

[Brett Vesely]

That's why they carry extra underwear on their head. All right?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's not even the same country. That's the place north of it. Stop it now. You're making Brett laugh for a reason. It's the only Indian food I would eat is Mia Khalifa. All right? And she's a porn star. And still a cleaner plate of Indian food you'll not find. Yeah, I don't like that stuff at all. But I can't think of another. Like, another religion that was right. Like, if they were right and that was heaven. Like this lady, her dad says there wasn't one. Like, what religion would be like. Oh, no, they were right in a weird way. Ours, like the. The western one, because it seems pretty. Pretty boring. Like you're getting an awful lot of judgy people up there doing an awful lot of judgy stuff, listening to an awful lot of boring music.

[Brady]

So you're saying if they don't have their, you know, access to an iPhone or something like that, that's going to be.

[John Holmberg]

There's no porn. Yeah, Immediately hell's better. And if hell is. If hell is what? Like, if hell is all the things you go to hell for. Masturbating, porn, cursing, dirty thoughts, rock and roll. All the things that say, oh, these are hell, this is Satan, this is. Okay, that seems better than the alternative, you know, over indulging on things. Everything that's a sin, it'll send you to hell is awesome. It's the stuff we want to do, aside from like murder.

[Brady]

But I think you have it wrong because those stuff will take you to hell. But hell is the opposite of what you want. I'm not going to get porn there. Then it's the opposite. So you're saying get the porn the way the. The glutton part of it. Like if you're gonna have porn and that's all. You're heavy and up on that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

That you got a chance of going to hell with these behaviors.

[John Holmberg]

Heck, yeah.

[Brady]

But when you go to hell, all of that stuff doesn't exist.

[John Holmberg]

So you're saying that if I live my life here, porn free, when I get to heaven, loads of porn.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, so there's no point in the afterlife.

[Brady]

Spice. You need to have a little spice.

[John Holmberg]

You're saying Spice channel. Yeah. Can I at least get the. The digitally blurred out boobs like I did when I was 13?

[Brady]

You won't have to worry about. To worry about being bored.

[Brett Vesely]

Wait, where's porn? Let's just get that.

[John Holmberg]

Where's the porn?

[Brady]

It's finally you. It's. It's relaxation. It's.

[John Holmberg]

I'm relaxed now. I'm good. Good.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm relaxed when I'm done with the video.

[John Holmberg]

After, when I jerk off, I'm done. That's the most relaxed I can be.

[Brady]

That imagine that state.

[John Holmberg]

I like the thing that happens right before that. Imagine I'm always in Brady's heaven. I am constantly having an orgasm.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's that feeling.

[John Holmberg]

I'm having an orgasm all the time.

[Brady]

It's that feeling. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So then it's just my normal feeling.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. So I'll never get tired.

[Brady]

You don't feel like you're orgasming all the time.

[John Holmberg]

Well then what's the point?

[Brady]

Point? It's that elation, that feeling, basically.

[John Holmberg]

But wouldn't you get used to joy of all that?

[Brady]

That's how I understand.

[Brett Vesely]

So it's a constant orgasm. Is that what you're saying?

[Brady]

You're at peace. You're at.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, yeah.

[Brady]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

But completely fulfilling when you get used to that. No, it just continues to work.

[Brady]

There's no worries.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

You have to. You don't have to worry about like, oh, I'll. Well, I've hit. I've just had too much of it now. I've built up a tolerance. I need more joy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Max.

[John Holmberg]

But Max means there's a limit. There's a limit. Then it. Max. And then it would get tired of your soul.

[Brady]

It's not your physical being because it's hard for us to picture, obviously.

[John Holmberg]

Well, not you. You're explaining it well.

[Brady]

That's how I. As I understand it.

[John Holmberg]

So. Yeah, but that's my point though. If you are at complete peace and that's your normal state, then you're just going to be normal.

[Brady]

You'll be absolutely content.

[Dick Toledo]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

And that. They'll get used to that until you.

[Brady]

Have to come back to battle and.

[John Holmberg]

Then you'll get bored and then.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then your army training a lot. Right. Because you got to. The soldiers of God will come back and mount some sort of hell. There's going to be a battle, as far as I understand.

[Brady]

Yeah. I don't know if we're in that action or not. Or the ones that are already there.

[John Holmberg]

I find it hard to believe that you would go up there and let's just say Brett and I are right. And it's a constant state of orgasmic feelings. But if I was having an orgasm 24 hours a day, by tomorrow I'd be like.

[Brady]

But I don't think it.

[John Holmberg]

I'm used to this. This is normal now.

[Brady]

I don't think it's like the sexual.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just making a point of like.

[Brady]

A great feeling and I didn't want.

[John Holmberg]

To lead you down the road. If you're saying if it's a. Like you like back rubs and. And maybe tummy rubs. I don't know. And that's the thing that you would feel like you're always getting a Tummy rub in a back rubber. Well, if you're always feeling like you're getting one, there's nothing special about it. About it?

[Brady]

To you?

[John Holmberg]

No, to anyone. If I rubbed your back all day, eventually you would be like, all right, that's it. This is just how I normally feel now.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So it becomes your normal something special. Yeah, it's not special. It's just your constant feeling.

[Brett Vesely]

The nirvana would be not having to verify I'm 18 on Pornhub anymore.

[Brady]

That's me.

[Brett Vesely]

You know, that's nirvana.

[John Holmberg]

I don't have to go through three steps to find a Madison Ivy video where it used to be better. That's heaven. Heaven should be a place that I held off on porn here. And I'm going to get tons of the things I loved here.

[Brady]

So would it motivate you more? So that's what I'm saying is all sudden you don't have porn anymore.

[John Holmberg]

If you took porn away from hell is.

[Brady]

Hell is. Is going to take that away. But yet everything that you like is taken away.

[John Holmberg]

See, but that's what this is. But that's what this is here. Earth is everything I like being taken away.

[Brady]

What do you mean?

[John Holmberg]

Well, you can't have sins. You can't do any of the stuff you really feel like doing because it's in the eyes of God. It's all bad. So they take away all the things I like to do here in order to get in there. And you're telling me there's none of that there either.

[Brady]

You're saying getting better on that? It's not.

[John Holmberg]

All I'm saying is that the deadly sins are all things I want to do.

[Brady]

Will earn your way into.

[John Holmberg]

Right. So I can't do those here if I want to get into heaven. Heaven. Right.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. So I can't have any of the fun here in order to promise myself all that stuff later. And you're saying it's not there either.

[Brady]

They're also pointing out that you don't have to have those in order to have fun. There's other ways to enjoy yourself.

[John Holmberg]

That's what lame people say. You know that? Sure you do. You jerk off. You know how much fun it is? It's pretty great.

[Brady]

Well, on. You know when you're getting into activities such as that. Just saying.

[John Holmberg]

Go ahead. Sorry. No, that's a funny way to put that. Yeah.

[Brady]

You're taking that. But yeah, but practicing discipline and. And peace.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe you're jerking off too. You know what good feelings are. That's my point.

[Brady]

Fulfilling Thing to your life too. Sure, but we've replaced it with all these other things that we're in constant search for happiness.

[John Holmberg]

What's wrong with that?

[Brady]

Well, the. The problem is people have prioritize. Like, if you're saying, well, money is going to make me happy, sure it will, but it won't be the fulfilling. You'll find out there's always an emptiness to it.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Brady]

Because you've banked all of your stuff on saying, oh, if I make all this money, everything else goes away.

[John Holmberg]

But that.

[Brady]

It doesn't go away.

[John Holmberg]

But that's. That's basically what you're saying is.

[Brady]

And that's true with other.

[John Holmberg]

You're saying investment. You can't. You can't do it with money. You can't do with anything else. You can't simply invest in one single thing.

[Brady]

These things won't solve all your problems. We just get bought up saying, oh, if I do this, everything else is going to go away. If I have kids.

[John Holmberg]

No, sure, people will say that, but that's.

[Brady]

That'll make our marriage better.

[John Holmberg]

But that's a person who's just not right. Anybody who thinks that all their problems are going to go away are wrong.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So you just have to. You have to be diverse in your thinking to be like, I can't invest all my eggs. Brett's gonna make me happy. I'm gonna just focus on Brett. And when he inevitably does not, then I'm like, oh, Brett didn't do it. So nothing you have.

[Brady]

I think the biggest misnomer on that, on faith and stuff and believing in God or something like that, is if you believe in God, all your problems will go away. That's not true.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's not. And that's all we're saying there to help is what heaven looks like. And you're saying there's no porn, which makes me and Brett want to leave.

[Brady]

And no porn in hell either.

[John Holmberg]

So just porn is only here. Yep. That's it?

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Are you sure?

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's no porn anywhere but the here.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. You got a conference? You got any paperwork on that? I'd like to see some papers on that. You're saying that heaven, which is everything I love to do and the euphoric feelings that I will enjoy. There's no porn.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And hell, which is the whole reason I went there, it's because I like porn too much.

[Brady]

No Wi fi.

[John Holmberg]

No wi fi. That is frustrating. All constantly buffering.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

That would be awful.

[Brett Vesely]

K again.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I'm out Go back to dial up.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

What did people do?

[Brady]

Sound of dial up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So I have to imagine that people who died in, like, the 1600s, doing some silly stuff that was considered sinful there, that are down there in hell now are looking at the new recruits like, jesus, these got to be some late entries back into heaven from people who died in, like, the 1400s that died for, like, a tattoo.

[Brady]

Well, they find out you have no.

[John Holmberg]

Hands, went to hell for tattoos. Oh, I'd figure it out, man.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Trust me.

[Brady]

No hands, no feet.

[John Holmberg]

Figure it out.

[Brady]

Nothing. And you're missing a. You have no organ sexual organs.

[John Holmberg]

And you don't, you know, be like.

[Brett Vesely]

Kenny Loggins on Brady's videos. Then you can't rub up.

[John Holmberg]

You can't be gay anymore.

[Brady]

Like, if you're even a random rub on your soul. I don't think it.

[John Holmberg]

Are you gay still in hell? What got you there? Here, you're gay. We're loving poop, wieners and stuff. No, you can't be gay.

[Brady]

Heterosexual.

[John Holmberg]

You're heterosexual. Yeah. That is amazing. That is very interesting. Hell would be like in chicks, everything you imagine everything that got you in there.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Now they're going to try to set you straight. It's a scared straight program. You're saying it's a Scared straight program. Now I'm gay and I'm good and I go to heaven.

[Brady]

Yeah, your soul will be fine.

[John Holmberg]

Would it?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You can't get it.

[Brady]

You could rub up against other souls and not get around.

[John Holmberg]

Come on, you're. You can't get to heaven if you're gay. Come on, knock it off.

[Brady]

Oh, I think you can.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you. You have to change it out. You know that. Not the way that. Not the way it's written and it's not happening. You don't want to go up there and meet a gay. It would drive you. All that work you guys do here to say, do it this way, do it this way, and you find out God was pretty lenient on that. You're like, I wasted a lot of time not liking them. I could have had my house decorated for cheap.

[Brett Vesely]

So if you walk up and St. Peter said, sup?

[John Holmberg]

Then you know, are you guys allowed in? Uhhuh. Oh, is this heaven or am I? So you're saying if you're straight and you're bad and you go to hell, probably make you gay.

[Brady]

Soul gets sodomized.

[John Holmberg]

Soul gets gay.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm out.

[John Holmberg]

How about that Brace? Brace started up on this. He's done some research.

[Brady]

You'll have noise Canceling Jimmy Buffett headphones.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, that is heaven.

[John Holmberg]

And heaven's just me being relaxed like I'm on the beach all the time. But I want to go home.

[Brady]

No, you'll never want to go home.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I do. I want to watch porn. I want to Jerk. I know my soul.

[Brady]

You won't miss it.

[John Holmberg]

I. I will. Brady, you don't know me. I will miss it. I will miss it very much. I like it a lot.

[Brady]

You're gonna miss it in both, then.

[John Holmberg]

I can't believe there's no jerk. And Brady's proven it. There's just no irrefutable evidence. There's absolutely no soul. Jerk. Soul Jerk's a good band name. Interesting said. How do you guys not get headaches when you talk to him? His breakdowns on Heaven, they're just awful. That's right.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's jerking off somewhere. Somewhere in the afterlife, there's jerking off. Maybe Purgatory. You're just constantly in a state of like, I gotta go tug one. I'm pretty stressed out. I'm. I'm in between. I'm riding a fence here between heaven and hell. I need to release. I gotta.

[Brady]

Purgatory. You're jerking the whole time and nothing's happening.

[John Holmberg]

That's. I like that. That's a good night for me. If I can go for like an hour, I'm like, this has been a really nice. This. I like this. This. Totally into that. That sounded nice. That's the first thing you sold me on right there. No Indian. No Indian food. In a constant state of just slow tug. I'm edging myself for eternity. Brett. See you in purgatory, bro.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

I'll be there. Can I give Brett a hand job just in case?

[Brady]

But there's no feeling.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean?

[Brady]

You're just. You're just doing the. Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

He just keeps taking away these orgasms.

[Brett Vesely]

You're not selling it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you are. You're not selling any of them. Them. This time share sucks. What do the Indians believe? You're like that lady's dad. There's nothing here. There's nothing here. There is no heaven. But I bet you if I asked you this, I know what your answer is going to be. And you took away the thing I love, right?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I know that you don't want any jerking off in the. You don't want me to beat off all over the clouds. You hate that. But I bet you in your brain, deep down, you think there is a never ending, like, smorgasbord of food available.

[Brady]

Won't have to worry about food.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Because it's always available. There'll be restaurants for the rest of your life.

[Brady]

No, it just won't be a.

[John Holmberg]

You're not gonna have to worry.

[Brady]

A need.

[John Holmberg]

Isn't that something you would want though? Like if there was a heaven and you were to build it, wouldn't your heaven include a never ending pizza bar?

[Brady]

It is. Is basically that feeling, all that elation and feeling without having to need those things.

[John Holmberg]

So laziness is just there.

[Brady]

You've hit it.

[John Holmberg]

You've hit it. It's constant state of laziness. A constant state of euphoria that you never get used to.

[Brady]

The guilt.

[John Holmberg]

Constant euphoric feeling.

[Brady]

It's hard to, you know, and they say, you know, sounds awesome. Get there.

[John Holmberg]

You'll get used to it. It's forever.

[Brady]

Eternity.

[John Holmberg]

And you're going to get used to that eventually. You're going to be bored. You don't want to jerk off. I'm telling you. Mark my words.

[Brady]

Maybe that's why we have ghosts.

[John Holmberg]

Write me back 100,000. Here we go.

[Brady]

24 hour pass.

[John Holmberg]

Write me back. Yeah, maybe that's like, you know, rum spring up for heaven. It's like, jesus, this is boring. I've been up here for thousands of years.

[Brady]

Every hundred years you get a weekend to do whatever.

[John Holmberg]

You want to go to Vegas? Maybe Earth is Vegas for ghosts. It's ridiculous. What's this one? This one says, am I in hell now? Listening to Brady explain this. Yeah, you are actually. And Brady just recruited hundreds of thousands of people into the polytheistic world of Indian religion. Cause it sounds nice. Except for the food.

[Brett Vesely]

Sanjay just messaged in.

[John Holmberg]

What'd he say?

[Brett Vesely]

He says our culture sucks. Don't do what the Indians do. Me personally. Heaven has porn.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, my heaven has porn. Or I'm not interested. Also, my hell has porn. It's like it's one's a Red Roof Inn and one's the Aria, but both of them have porn. The pay per view rates are a little bit better, but I like Brady's. You're constantly buffering, but I can still get through that. Eventually I'll just make that circle a boob. Anyway. Thanks, Brady. Or even lightness on heaven.

[Brady]

I nailed it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think you did. I think you did. Sounded like you were. I mean, it sounded pretty scientifically reasonable to hear what you were saying. There's no porn anywhere. But here, though, is the biggest takeaway that I'm getting. And I didn't like that at all. At all. You son of a.

[Brady]

Enjoy it while you're alive.

[John Holmberg]

The porn. Yeah, but if I do that, then I'm going to hell.

[Brady]

In moderation.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, where in the world did it say enjoy Internet porn in moderation? There we go.

[Brady]

It says that in the Bible.

[John Holmberg]

You can jerk off to moderation. Find me that page.

[Brady]

Oh, just says you don't want to take.

[John Holmberg]

Find me the page that says that category. Don't spill your seed unless it's for pre procreation. But you're not supposed to do that.

[Brady]

You're getting specific.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. That's what I thought your God was doing. Like, don't jerk off.

[Brady]

Because if you don't, he leaves it open.

[John Holmberg]

He does. Like, what page does he say? Yeah, you're gonna. You're gonna whack it every once in a while. Brady, let me tell you if your guy.

[Brady]

Some cities I know in the Old Testament that were crushed because of too much of that.

[John Holmberg]

Don't spill your seed. Every sperm is saved. Yeah. You're not supposed to spill your seed unless it's too procreate. Great.

[Brady]

So that was a good use of it. Yeah, for sure.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But show me because I would have been religious again.

[Brady]

They're spilling seed an early age too. They're getting together, married and there's. Oh yeah, the times. They were scared you're like, you're gonna get married by the time you're 14 or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

So the rules changed somewhere along the.

[Brady]

Lines have changed a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

So God's. God's.

[Brady]

God's just saying flexible.

[John Holmberg]

What is what you're saying? It's like what technology changed a little bit with technology. And I knew this. I'm gonna leave. I'm not gonna change the book. But I'm a lay off a little bit on the whole. You guys can jerk off every once in a while if you want. Had you shown me that page, I'd have been like, I'm a little bit more interested in that religion. He's pretty cool about the whole beaten off thing.

[Brady]

You're older now. There's some health reasons for.

[John Holmberg]

They found that, by the way, in 1912 that beaten off was healthy. God, he couldn't concluded that on page three, by the way, you're going to think this whole beating off thing's bad for you. It's actually really good for your prostate. You'll learn about those later if you're.

[Brady]

Not exercising that prostate.

[John Holmberg]

But he could have put that in the book too, is what I'm Saying, we found that.

[Brett Vesely]

How are you supposed to exercise your prostate if it's a sin to do?

[John Holmberg]

That's why everybody was dying when they were 25. Back in the early days of the Bible, they weren't exercising that prostate. Scared to death of the salts and the pillars.

[Brady]

Early Christianity had some tight regulations going on.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that why they wrote the sequel?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they put a sequel, but you could also Rocky II came out and they're like, hey, he beat Apollo this time.

[Brady]

But 100, doll.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, man.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there's that. That's different. Yeah. You're a very interesting guest, and I appreciate your time. Thanks for coming. And when I say thanks for coming, you're not going to hear that in heaven ever.

[Brady]

I don't like the way you phrase that. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Your heaven sucks, by the way. Sounded awful. Hell had a better sell. Brett, what do you got? Action Ride shop with Brett on Saturday. And just right off the side of a cliff.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, Wake up song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. Saturday we are going to be out at the brand new location right there at power Road and McDowell. They got tons of stuff going on out there trying to get you on the bikes, getting you on the trails, Full suspension bikes. And they got different tiers from 1500 bucks, 25, 3500 bucks. New hardtails, full suspensions, e bikes, all on sale. You can take a little demo ride in the parking lot if you want. Plus they're going to do a little poker run if you get there a little early. And Josh is going to be serving you lunch as well. So Action Ride Shop this Saturday from 11 to 1, but they're starting earlier. But that's when we're going to be hanging out with you guys. So actionrideshop.com for all the details.

[John Holmberg]

Interesting point, says Brady. I have a feeling there's something deeper to your conversation. You kept mentioning that there would be no stress, nothing to worry about. I'm guessing Kirby's tuition bill for the Christian school has come up. So you're thinking it all goes away, and heaven is like no stress. If I just pay these bills, that then that feeling of euphoria. I want your heaven to be just nothing but barbecue. I just get a never ending. And you're never getting bored of it? No. Well, then why wouldn't you get bored of just feeling euphoric?

[Brady]

Because you don't. You don't have those feelings.

[John Holmberg]

But if like everything you enjoy, everything.

[Brady]

That you think, like, oh, heaven to me would be barbecuing everything, great.

[John Holmberg]

Why can't that be. And you never get tired of it. And you in never ending source of like the best sauce you've ever had. Just amazing. That sounds great.

[Brady]

Sounds great right off the bat. But you'll eventually. It won't.

[John Holmberg]

You're making my argument back to it won't be fulfilling. Why not?

[Brady]

Just telling.

[John Holmberg]

Stress free. You're just telling me you're just stress free.

[Brady]

100% stress free.

[John Holmberg]

You said that's what heaven is.

[Brady]

It is. Yeah. But that not barbecuing.

[Brett Vesely]

Why?

[Brady]

Because there's going to be. There's a little more work involved in barbecue.

[John Holmberg]

Not in heaven there's not. It's easy. That should be your heaven. A stress free barbecue situation.

[Brady]

Maybe it is.

[John Holmberg]

Well, finally you're coming around to a decent heaven. Your heaven stunk. His heaven stunk, man. I'm gonna go inside and beat off. Then I'm gonna come back. What's your make?

[Brady]

Your heaven is porn.

[John Holmberg]

Never ending gang bang. Constantly banging and never having to like stop it. Be awesome.

[Brady]

So the only way you could get to that heaven is by not doing any porny part.

[John Holmberg]

That's where your God screwed me. So I'm not interested.

[Brady]

So if you want. It's not motivating enough. If I was promising this is your heaven.

[John Holmberg]

If you could give me.

[Brady]

Say if you can hold off and not do that. This would be heaven.

[John Holmberg]

If you could hold off. Yeah. If you could give me pamphlets like a money back guarantee of sorts.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That said. All right, I'll do your way. I'll sign up for your timeshare and then I get up there and I'm like, I gotta sit through a couple of meetings first. I'm like, no, this is not what you said. This is bull. Where's the gang bang porn nonsense. You gotta wait it out. No, I already did that. That was what earth was. I'm ready. I'm loaded for bear.

[Brady]

That's basically what heaven is.

[John Holmberg]

Timeshare.

[Brady]

No. If you were to say, like if I stop doing this or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. I'll get a whole bunch of it later.

[Brady]

The feeling in the elation that you're talking about through a porn heaven.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

That's what the feeling is.

[John Holmberg]

Huh?

[Brady]

That's the entity of what heaven is. Basically. All the. The stuff that you're doing here on earth.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Or following faith.

[John Holmberg]

Go on.

[Brady]

Eternal life is promised through the porn.

[Brett Vesely]

But what are you doing with this eternal life?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You don't. You don't have to worry about that.

[Brett Vesely]

So what are you doing?

[Brady]

You're living Your soul is in a spiritual.

[Brett Vesely]

Doing what, though? Yeah, like, what are you doing?

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna get bored with what you're talking about.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, you do too much of something.

[John Holmberg]

You'Re gonna get bored.

[Brady]

So it's not like you can go out there and, you know, do physical stuff with your. Your body.

[John Holmberg]

There's like, no golf.

[Brady]

Body's not going up there. It's just your soul.

[John Holmberg]

It just floats around.

[Brett Vesely]

Then what's your soul doing that?

[Brady]

Complete bliss.

[John Holmberg]

Doing what? Here comes Toledo. Well, Toledo, meet his dad.

[Brady]

I'm not sure what soul stuff would be.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you sound kind of sure.

[Dick Toledo]

We are posting this as a TED Talk later.

[John Holmberg]

A dead talk. It's fascinating. Michael Jones just goes, stop it. That's enough. So listening to Brady wax poetic about heaven when he jerks off to fish is just ridiculous. I don't listen to this. That's right. God's a little bit lenient about beating off. Show me that page. It better be written in crayon, by the way, I was a little bit wrong about that.

[Dick Toledo]

Charcoal.

[John Holmberg]

Your prostate health is better if you jerk off. I just found that out.

[Brett Vesely]

So you can erase it and change it.

[John Holmberg]

When I invented the.

[Brady]

They might have left those pages out too.

[John Holmberg]

Look, that would have been much better.

[Brady]

The Nicene group that got together and.

[Brett Vesely]

Said, hey, give me the director's cut.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you need to.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, the Mormons changed the book.

[John Holmberg]

I would have liked that. If the Mormons have a different book. Yeah, right, sure. But your book is sounding a lot like this. If they wrote a book that basically said, here's some medical stuff I didn't tell you. And also, by the way, the earth is round, here's some stuff I didn't tell you that I knew the whole time. Technology is going to go crazy, and when it does, you weren't ready for.

[Brady]

It at the time.

[John Holmberg]

We're going to have Internet in heaven the whole time. It's going to be really confusing. And then also porn. Not here. And jerking off the prostate. Turns out we find out later. I knew this the whole time. We found out later. Prostate health is important, so tugging. It's pretty good for you. Over and out. God.

[Dick Toledo]

Tune in. In another millennia.

[John Holmberg]

I'll tell you more of things I knew the whole time later on a special episode of I'll tell you. I knew all this the whole time. I knew the beginning, middle, and end. And I knew you guys would have these questions. So I'm adding this page in about jerking off because you guys discovered that whole prostate thing. I didn't Think you'd find it.

[Dick Toledo]

This is why I gave you the ability to think for yourselves.

[John Holmberg]

And the p. Thou has to wonder what you were doing back there.

[Brady]

And look how. That's cool.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

The ability to. I know.

[Dick Toledo]

I've been listening for the last three hours.

[Brett Vesely]

Half hour.

[John Holmberg]

It's still fun. Anyway, I don't care what you want to play right now.

[Brett Vesely]

Dead Metallic Allison. Chains. Kill switch. Engage all that remains. Hold on for Kyler. Pantera, Stain, Dope. Motorhead. Heartbreaker For Brady's Heaven.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it is heartbreaking. Let's do that. Motor. Motorhead's heartbreaking breaker. Because right now it sounds like a. It sounds like a. Like a trip to Missouri. Like, not a lot to do. You might be at peace because there's nothing. No real stress. But I'm in Missouri, for God's sake. They call that God's country. Not like that at all. All right, let's do it. You have it.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Is that it? You started already? Nice job. It's motorhead, everybody. It's 98. Go get him, Lemmy. See you in hell. Arizona's most powerful roc radio station. He said fully erect. Still streaming, Homberg's morning sickness [e-mail]. I like that one. Five finger with baby metal. That is the end. I like that. Nice job. The end. Not a big one for Babymetal. I like them not on their own that much, but that was kind of cool together. And the weird part is that's off the new album. 20 years of five finger death punch. Did you hear that, Brett?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Two decades of five finger death punch. Which. What? Keep in mind, the Beatles were together for nine and a half years. Everything they did was in under 10 years. 20 years of five finger death punch. Who knew the 8am code word today is large. L, A, R, G, E. That's what you need. Large. A glorious word for eight o'. Clock. You put it in the promo box and you might win yourself 1,000American dollars from your friends here at 98 KUP. That's as simple as it gets. And how do you do it? You do it on the app. That's where the money is, and that's where you get your money. That's why we say you can get your money, but you gotta take it from the app or in the app. Sorry, Take it in the app, not from the app. That's gross. That's what an Indian would do. Yeah, Sanjay's pretty much dead on the money about his own culture. Talk to an Indian who's moved to America about his culture. They start going, what was that movie about the two? The John Ham was in it. And he went over to India to get those pictures. It's a true story because those guys that were playing cricket, but they could throw really hard. And he went over there and they said, and the lady he called back home and how's India? And he goes, you know what? What? It's the weirdest thing. This is at one moment, it's the sweetest smell you've ever had in your life. And you turn around and it is the worst, like, stink you've ever had. Like, all simultaneously sweet and feces. Oh, sweet and Feces is a good band name. I like that. It's time for the Brady Report. All the news that only Brady knows. We call it the Brady Report. And then he gives it to you. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] All Pro shade the place to put shade wherever you want it. Back patio office. We've got a great spot out here on our patio. I'd love to get some shade on that. And you're tired of umbrellas being up and down and blowing around and doing their thing. They've got electronics, they've got sensors. If you leave your awnings up, they'll shut on their own if the wind gets going, starts whipping up and they'll start moving back. You got blinds, you got shades, you've got coverings, you've got screens. You got anything you want where the sun hits and you don't want it to hit as hard. All pro shade's the place to go. Allprochade.com Brady reported.

[Brady]

Good Tuesday morning. It's your Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

Hello, world. Hi.

[Brady]

Happy election day.

[John Holmberg]

Hello, election day. We only have one thing on a ballot here. That's it. I think it's 409. Yeah.

[Brady]

You talking about? Is that the only thing?

[John Holmberg]

I think it's the only thing. Pretty sure that's it.

[Brett Vesely]

That only one.

[John Holmberg]

I'm pretty sure that's all. Probably some, like, judges or something like that. But that's the only one that, like, matters. It's probably a couple of things teachers are begging for.

[Dick Toledo]

Depends on your city.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, does it?

[Dick Toledo]

Chandler has a couple. Gilbert has a couple. Mesa's got one. You've got one.

[John Holmberg]

It's all for teachers and stuff. I heard a teacher. Mesa. Congratulations to Mesa High School. I heard a thing this morning where they got an A grade from, like, the. The school gets graded by another giant entity that oversees and Mesa High School the jackrabbits got an A and they told the students. And then I went, hey. And then I was laughing because the, the principal there was straight out of a cartoon and they talked to him on the news. We're gonna make it cool to be good at school. Like no, no, no. You're never gonna make that cool. They started a mentor program with all the nerds teaching all the dummies. Mental program, mentor that could be the same. And they took the, the everybody over like a three point something gpa had to help somebody who was kind of stupid.

[Dick Toledo]

So they identified all the bullies.

[John Holmberg]

So what it is is we took all the nerds and made them hang out with cool people. The reason most people get bad grades is because they're interesting and they're doing other stuff and they get out of the house. They, they got to focus better. It isn't cool to be good at school. What they need to do is put some sort of incentive on being the coolest kid with the best grade grades. So like I think there should be a special award at the end of high school for kid who went the least and got the best grades. You know what I mean? Like take off all this stuff about missing class. Like you're only allowed to miss nine days. You miss as much as you want.

[Brady]

This dude was a 4.0.

[John Holmberg]

It's still, he's still, he's. He two nined it. 92 days of attendance. But he was here like 18% of the time. Kid still knocked it out of the yard. He's a genius. I had my teacher in social studies, Mr. Cox, and he'd just shake his head and he goes, you're never here. I'm like, I can't get up at 8 in the morning. This is nuts. And ironically, I kept telling him I'm not a morning person. He's like, and yet you pass all the tests. I'm like, dude, you've been teaching the same things to us for the last four years. You're not giving me anything too new here that I can't watch on TV tomorrow. And it pissed him off. And he's like, that's impressive though because you don't do the work. And you're not. I'm like, I do the work, I just don't show up. And it wasn't that I was brilliant. But you made it was a cooler life. So the kid that the least amount of time spent in school and the most achieved, because that's really the life lesson. That's what work is. Work's nothing like high school. The people that show up the least and get the best results are almost always your best employees. The people downstairs are like, that person's never here. The next word you usually hear is, yeah, but they're hitting their budgets. That's what you need to do with school. You don't need them to go all the time being cool.

[Brady]

And you find out the ones that you're like, oh, so if I miss school, yeah, I'll get good grades. No, not all.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no, no. That's. That doesn't mean that.

[Brady]

But that's the same thing in the work that people are like, oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Look, you still have to put. You still have to pass the test.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

But the cool thing in school is I smoke, I partied, and I got Bs. You should get a boost to A's for that. Mesa should be. It should be cool to be good at not going to school. I think you're wasting your time trying to force them in there.

[Brady]

Every day I showed up every day. I got seized.

[John Holmberg]

I got seized. And then you should get. You should drop to Ds for that. You were here every day and you only got seized Ds for you. We're dropping you down one grade. But if you hard. I didn't hardly show up. And I got D's and C's. I should have gotten bees for that. It's like you're never here, and you still got through. We don't know how you did this. That's ingenuity, and there should be some credit for that. Otherwise, you're just gonna have a bunch of Asian kids doing well and nobody's. They're never the coolest kid in school. I don't know. K Pop might have changed that. But very rarely is it like, remember when Quan Chris.

[Dick Toledo]

Quan.

[John Holmberg]

Quan was like, the coolest guy. It never happens. At least not here. I got plans for you. School. But having the teacher go out there and say that was hysterical. We want to make it cool to be good at school.

[Dick Toledo]

So Alex's elementary school principal would tell the kids, I'm not your principal. I'm your principal.

[John Holmberg]

Principal P, A L. You can't. You can't spell it without pal.

[Dick Toledo]

Then he moved to Mountain View, and he's principal at Mountain View now. Yeah, tried doing that same thing. I'm like, kids are a little bit older there, Mike.

[Brady]

Doesn't.

[Dick Toledo]

Doesn't really go over as well.

[John Holmberg]

I think Mesa Public schools should have the Work Smarter, not harder program. This is Alan Gully. He was here 28% of the time. He smoked weed constantly. He threw rocks at the nerds. And he walks out of here with a B average. He's getting a scholarship to Harvard. This is the smartest guy we had here the whole time.

[Dick Toledo]

Brett Vesli graduated with credits in animal husbandry.

[John Holmberg]

Brett Vesley wasn't here from April until the middle of May, and he's getting bees. We don't know how he did it. He works smarter. He's not harder. He's really cool at being not at school. No, this is Quan Lee. Showed up every goddamn day and barely beat Brett. Brett's the better student. There's better ways to do it. Sorry, I should be superintendent of something. I'm going to talk to Shelly Boggs today. I'm gonna say, hey, I got a plan. I got an idea.

[Brady]

Percentage.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Percentage of time spent versus how much you got done in that time. I like that because that's how great. I would have been amazing if you'd have told me, look, you got. Just turn it in Friday. You can show up. You don't have to. I don't care. But then what you're.

[Brady]

The homeschoolers basically do is what they do.

[John Holmberg]

And they're smarter than everybody. They just don't party.

[Brady]

You gotta pass those tests.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta combo both, though, because those homeschool kids don't have any social anything. They're the tablet people of the future.

[Brady]

It's changed a little bit, I think.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe, but they're. They're still pretty nerdy. I prefer a kid who occasionally ditches school, throws a pack of Camels in his sleeve now and again. It's not going to last forever, but he's just, you know, he's dancing around every. Yeah, he's doing it all.

[Brady]

You're seeing a lot more in college to the online learning and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, when you go to college, they basically do exactly what I'm talking about, which is like, you show up whenever you want, just pass the test.

[Brady]

Couple of basis fun facts. The technology of smoke detectors was invented by accident in the 1930s. A Swiss physicist named Walter Jager, he was trying to develop a sensor for developing poison. For detecting poison gas. His device wasn't registering gas at all. So out of frustration, he lit a cigarette. The smoke moved the meter on his gauge.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa.

[Brady]

The Pledge Allegiance was originally created as a marketing scheme to help sell more flags to public schools. Wow.

[John Holmberg]

I had a. A friend of mine go to a party recently, and he texted me from it, and he goes, have you ever Been to a party. I think they were watching a race or something. And he goes, the host made us all stop what we were doing to say the pledge before he would let us eat beat.

[Brady]

See ya.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I said. You stayed. And he goes, I had to see what was next. It's like, I've never seen this. We're all adults. Like people in their 40s and 50s stand there going. And I'm like, did you remember it? And he goes, I didn't know. I said my hand went right over my heart. I'm like, we're saying the pledge and then we're gonna drink and eat and watch like F1 racing. This is the weirdest day of my life. Made him say the pledge.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

That's a power move.

[Dick Toledo]

Guess who's not going to have a very well attended second party.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Invite me again. It's like, nah, he's probably gonna make us the same.

[Brady]

It might be what you might attend because it'll catch up. I haven't said in a while.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Brady]

So I still know.

[Dick Toledo]

I don't know about that. What time are you planning on doing that pledge? I'll. 10 minutes after.

[John Holmberg]

Cement your oath to the country. Like when you say like, you know what, I haven't done that for a while. That I needed that. No, me neither.

[Brett Vesely]

I'd rather go to an Amway party.

[John Holmberg]

Right?

[Brett Vesely]

Yes. Bring out the food.

[John Holmberg]

I pledge allegiance to the flag. I haven't done this for a while. I guess I'd kind of fallen out of faith.

[Brady]

About 25% of the hazelnut. Hazelnuts in the world are used to make Nutella.

[John Holmberg]

How much?

[Brady]

25%.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Dick Toledo]

The rest is for Paul's creamer.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. God, Frangelica smells so good. And Frangelica, I forgot about that. I need an oath to Frangelica. I haven't had that stuff for a while either. Okay.

[Brady]

Okay. A poll asked, have you ever been in a romantic or sexual relationship with someone at work who Is your boss? Nine percent said, yes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Another 2% said, prefer not to say.

[Brett Vesely]

That's a yes.

[John Holmberg]

That. Yeah.

[Brady]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

Just it's yes or no. If you haven't done it, you'd be like, well, I'm not telling you you did it.

[Dick Toledo]

It's Brady's people who can't tell a lie. So they say, I'd rather not say.

[John Holmberg]

Probably they're currently boning their boss.

[Dick Toledo]

That could be.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I can't say.

[Brady]

Telling a lie would say, no, I haven't. No, I'm not say.

[John Holmberg]

I'd rather not tell you that I'm currently having sex with everyone above me.

[Brady]

This factory worker in Russia is being sued by his company because he mistakenly received all of his coworker co workers paychecks in his account. Came out to about $87,000 and he's refusing to return it. Nice company said there was a software glitch and that he's not entitled to that money. The total was supposed to be paid out among 34 other employees. Man says he did his own research online and found that if it's a billing error, he's obligated to return it. But if there's a technical error, if.

[John Holmberg]

It'S a billing error. I thought you said if he's a billionaire.

[Brady]

No, a billing error. Okay, he's obligated to return it. But if it's a technical error, it's his to return or not. He can. His choice.

[Dick Toledo]

Russian.

[Brady]

That's what he's claiming.

[John Holmberg]

I like that.

[Brady]

By the way, this happened a while back. This is the first two rounds of the case has already gone through.

[John Holmberg]

He's trying to keep it and the.

[Brady]

First two court levels said, no, no, you got to return it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Onward.

[John Holmberg]

And he kept going. I'm going to keep suing until I keep this.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

$87,000 in payroll divided by 34 employees. The average pay is $2500.

[Brady]

Not bad.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Yeah, it's pretty good. No, I was going to say that's the average. That's. That's keeping it right there. And that's pretty good. Now five grand a month. Did the Russians do every. The Russians do every two weeks.

[Dick Toledo]

Like they're one paycheck or they just.

[John Holmberg]

Get the one for the year.

[Dick Toledo]

One paycheck.

[John Holmberg]

That's what we like to think is the Russian. This is it. This is your paycheck. Do not lose it. If there is billing error, we will give it back. If not, Sergey gets to keep everybody's money. I'm sorry, I just found out.

[Brady]

That is for the year.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it is for the end of it is the annual pay. And there has been a glitch.

[Brady]

Little Halloween filed this 27 year old woman, upstate New York Christy Hosier is her name. Was arrested after she went on Facebook on Halloween night. Claimed she found a small sewing needle in candy.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brady]

That was collected during trick or treating.

[John Holmberg]

She did it.

[Brady]

She also called the police, informally reported the incident.

[John Holmberg]

She did it.

[Brady]

They investigated and she did it. She's charged with falsely reporting an incident.

[John Holmberg]

You know why she did it too. I guarantee you this because she's tired of annually hearing that there has never once been a reported pin in candy corn or anything in the history of Halloween. So she tried to change the game and say, well, now there has been.

[Brett Vesely]

Who the hell's eating those anyway?

[John Holmberg]

Nobody.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, come on, she's probably been doing it for years.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. At least there'd be some flavor if there was a pin in candy corn. It would make the blood in my mouth have put some salt on that.

[Brady]

In Northern California, these brothers were going through their mother's belongings in their family home during the holiday season last year and discovered a cachet of old comic books tucked away in the attic beneath layers of brittle pages in between, on top. And then you go through the middle of it. Here are these six copies of comic books that are in mint condition. One of them, Superman number one.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Millions.

[Brady]

$6 million. They won't report the other five copies of comics that are. But they're all.

[John Holmberg]

See, that's what it's all about. Busting your hump every day at work, getting it together, stressing out, and then going through an old box and finding Superman number one and just going, you know what? Tomorrow I tell everyone to go.

[Brady]

Said she and her brother bought them between the Great Depression and the looming World War II.

[John Holmberg]

How old is she? 100.

[Brady]

Pretty close.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

He didn't say the age, but she said they bought the comic books during that time and then just man, tucked them away.

[John Holmberg]

That's amazing. By the way, the word for 8am still large. Got a few more minutes left there.

[Brady]

It's been graded out mint.

[John Holmberg]

Mint condition. They just stuffed it in there and forgot about it for all these years. And who buys it? That's the thing. Just like Nick Cage. Yeah. Probably get somebody big and then you get to meet a celebrity. But these people had to wait till they were almost a hundred to get six million bucks, which is almost worse. Like, you sit and you can't even move or do anything. What are you going to do with the money? I'm like, like, medical bills.

[Brady]

We got a Drake University hockey coach. Volunteer hockey coach has been dismissed. He went to a Halloween party at this bar dressed up as a Nazi.

[Dick Toledo]

Hey, fun.

[Brady]

And the bar owner is catching some backlash as well because he didn't get him out of there right away.

[John Holmberg]

We were talking about last week. The people who are now not reacting properly are getting like, please, you can.

[Brady]

Only use my friends first name. He goes, I didn't know how to handle it right off the bat.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

But now I'm Getting death threats from people. And this lady was like, get him out of here. And I'll go, I gotta assess this. And how can I get him out of here without.

[John Holmberg]

Look, bottom line is, if nobody else in the bar seemed to care, everybody's uncomfortable at his horrible costume. It's not that guy's fault. Oh, my God. Great Hitler costume. This dude is Hitler. When you naturally look this much like Hitler, you got to try on the outfit.

[Brady]

Yeah, but come on, you know what's gonna happen.

[John Holmberg]

Of course you do. I didn't say go out.

[Brady]

Obviously didn't.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I didn't.

[Brady]

Because that's like the second one. Look, the other kid, I saw a picture. He came dressed as a officer in the ss, and he wore the original stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Bottom line, you can put the outfit on, but the second you start feeling the outfit like, you know what? I'm gonna test this out over the twin peaks. You're gonna get in trouble's morning sickness, but it's nobody's fault. How you like it. You that dude last week that got in trouble for not reacting properly when someone said the N word around him. Oh, that and Jesse Waters Law. Yeah. Didn't get. He didn't get. Which was good. He didn't get in trouble when Kid Rock said, I'm retarded. We got it. We can't get upset at reacting. It's just gonna cause fights. Because what if you're kind of wrong?

[Dick Toledo]

Miss Kitty's is the bar.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Pretty sure that we went to Miss Kitty's. Dressed as a Nazi. Yeah, as the Nazi, the og. I was like, looking that full length mirror go. I really am pulling this off.

[Brett Vesely]

Ladies.

[John Holmberg]

Ladies are gonna look. I. I didn't realize how good I looked as a Nazi. I'm going out. And your friend's like, no, no, no, you can't do this, Dave. You got to stay in. I think I'm gonna go out. I think this suit looks good, and I'm gonna test it. Can you take the armband off? No, that makes my eyes pop.

[Dick Toledo]

That's part of it, yeah. You can't have him thinking I'm regular ss.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta be honest with you. If somebody dropped off a Nazi uniform at my house, I would try it on and look in the mirror and be like, look at that. If I were a Nazi, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. And I dance around the room a little bit.

[Brady]

Bit.

[John Holmberg]

And then I'd take it off. There'd be no pictures, no.

[Dick Toledo]

No evidence.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing I'd be bragging about later. But I would try it on. Not because I believe in it. I just would want to see what it would look like. Had I lived in that time in Germany and I'd probably fallen into this.

[Brett Vesely]

You and Megan aren't doing selfies and stuff with that?

[John Holmberg]

No. Should I put this on the Instagram? Well, hell yeah. I look amazing. It's a nice suit. Put that helmet on again. Oh, the Kaiser helmet? You bet. No, I actually. Clankety clank. I would do it. Brady would do it. You probably put on that thing. Your grandpa, when he killed that Japanese guy, didn't he steal his glasses?

[Brady]

Glasses? He found the glasses in the sword.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And you ran around the backyard with those ongoing.

[Brady]

Yeah, in the house. We all passed him around.

[Dick Toledo]

They were like the Mickey Rooney glasses and Breakfast at Tiffany's.

[John Holmberg]

Brady's grandfather slaughtered a Japanese soldier and stole his stuff.

[Brady]

Well, he. The guy kamikaze his plane.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Into the ship. And he went and he probably. I guarantee, gentlemen, those are mine. I bet you your grandpa wasn't, like, calm about it. He went over there with his knife and just drilled it into that Japanese guy's chest. Try that again, Mother. Then he took his glasses and he took his sword and he goes, and now who's king? And he walked around, then he put those glasses on within probably 10 minutes of slaughtering that Japanese soldier and went and ran.

[Brady]

Now, we don't know where they are, but I'm convinced my cousin Jeff is wearing them right now.

[John Holmberg]

You think they're still in use?

[Brady]

He's putting them on, still doing this.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, of course. And I guarantee if you and I went back to your house and they were on display at your mom's on a shelf within five minutes of you showing me my grandpa killed a Jap.

[Brady]

And this is a trophy, you would know. They'd be on a mannequin.

[John Holmberg]

Look, I'd walk away and turn around and see you holding that sword of those glasses on, laughing your ass off. But you don't do it for Halloween if you're going to do any of those Axis of Evil ones. The Italians and the Japanese are okay. You can't go with the German outfit.

[Brady]

In New York City.

[John Holmberg]

And isn't that strange? The bartender's going to get in trouble for not reacting properly. The German one. But what I just said was, if he showed up in an Italian military outfit from the 40s, no one would be that upset. No one's mad.

[Dick Toledo]

It's not that easily identifiable.

[John Holmberg]

But nobody's mad at the Italians for Teaming up with the Germans the way they should be at bartenders for not kicking out guys who wear Nazi outfits. We still love the Italians, even though that was pretty bad when we switched sides. You did. Right in the middle of the war. People don't realize that Italy quit.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

This ain't going nowhere. This little. This little kraut is getting us in heat. I'm switching sides.

[Brady]

Looks like New York City is going to cancel their bounty hunter street snitches program. What? Basically they called them bounty hunters or street snitches. The Department of Environmental Protection had a program that if you could take video of trucks that are parked outside of businesses idling. Oh, polluting the city. You receive 25% of the fines that were doled out to the companies. Thought this would be a good way to stop trucks idling. And. Well, it was. The problem is they broke down and there's some street snitches that did all right in this program. Ernest Weld of the East Village, Manhattan made $895,000.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God. How many idling trucks are there?

[Brady]

Woo. Of the Lower east side of Manhattan made $748,000.

[John Holmberg]

Just constantly snapping shots and taking 25 bucks a pop.

[Brady]

Rosenbaum, the Lower East Side made $725,000.

[John Holmberg]

And he invested it well, I bet. Thank you, Brad.

[Brady]

The program involves simply taking a phone video.

[Brett Vesely]

Wrong with you guys.

[Brady]

Of the trucks idling for more than three minutes, school buses included, more than one minute.

[John Holmberg]

Sent it into the DEP making 800 grand a year.

[Brady]

Sent out, fines between two and $5,000.

[John Holmberg]

And you get a. You get a piece of that, you get 25%. Holy smokes. Almost be worth it to move there to just do that.

[Brady]

They probably.

[John Holmberg]

It's over now.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

That's like little lottery wins. He's going to take about 12 pictures. What do we get? 10, 12 pictures a day. Right.

[Dick Toledo]

Do you report reward money as. As income?

[Brady]

Oh, you'd have to. Yeah. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

For sure.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

Taxable. If it's rewarded, of course.

[Brett Vesely]

He's asking John about that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Thank you, Brett.

[John Holmberg]

But you're making $6,200 a day if you get $25,000 in fine.

[Dick Toledo]

Racked up, man.

[John Holmberg]

So if you do, let's say you do 12 pictures a day and they each get a two thousand dollar fine. And this was two to five thousand. So you could get ten a day safely and pull two grand a day. If you were diligent about walking the streets of New York and taking pictures of trucks that aren't Moving.

[Brady]

Wow.

[Dick Toledo]

And nothing against Brett's people, but that's not as intimidating as a.

[John Holmberg]

No. You're looking at the uniform. WW2 Italian outfits as the Germans did. It was gray.

[Dick Toledo]

Having Hugo. They didn't have Hugo Boss designing theirs.

[John Holmberg]

Hugo Boss did the Nazi once. And those are. It's a tight look.

[Dick Toledo]

I mean, the officer one, maybe, but you look at that and you're like, hey, nice outfit.

[John Holmberg]

If Brett showed up dressed as Mussolini, though, we'd have questions.

[Dick Toledo]

All right, well, now you got.

[John Holmberg]

I could do Mussolini pretty easy. Easily. The bald head and all that.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Brady would be a great Mussolini.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

All right. It's only 12 months to Halloween, my friend. Oh, yeah, look at that. That's a. That's like if Brady and I had a kid.

[Dick Toledo]

Man, I didn't realize. Oh, come on, Brett.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta do muscle. Enough. One of us has to do it just to see if the bartender can get fired. Let's try to get bartenders fired with Brett's costume.

[Brady]

Him.

[Dick Toledo]

You put Brady in a fez right next to you.

[Brady]

You get away with the fez.

[John Holmberg]

So this is an embarrassing admission. This is a man named Brad. I made a very crude Nazi outfit once, and we role played, my wife and I. Oh, no.

[Brett Vesely]

Brad.

[John Holmberg]

Nazi and prisoner.

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[Dick Toledo]

And prisoner not.

[John Holmberg]

Ava, please tell me that's on video somewhere, and when you die, someone will find it.

[Dick Toledo]

Please tell me.

[John Holmberg]

Could you imagine that, Brady? You break into your mom and dad's. Your mother passes, and you're finally going through evidence. You find an old. An old, like, 35 millimeter. You load it up, and it's a sepia picture of your dad dressed as a Nazi not feeding your mother in striped pajamas. And he chases around the room and does his. What? Fish? And that was their get off.

[Brady]

Be amazing. Shocking.

[John Holmberg]

I'd watch to the end. That would be outstanding.

[Brady]

Oreo is selling a tin of Thanksgiving cookies that tastes like turkey and stuffing. Sweet potato, creamed corn one. There's a cranberry sauce. Oreo pumpkin pie. Oreo.

[John Holmberg]

Pumpkin pie is the only 12.

[Brady]

Cookies and make six Thanksgiving flavors. $20 plus shipping. They're available online.

[John Holmberg]

Gotta say, though, Oreo dot com. I always cringe when you announce the Oreo something or others. And then they bring them, and they're almost always fantastic. I wouldn't eat cranberries. I don't like them anyway. Let alone in cookie form.

[Brady]

PB&J1.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the birthday cake is.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, and the Oreo guy was sending them back with me for the water drive. Man was that one.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Selena Gome Gomez one. Yeah. Evidently they have the churro flavored. Mastered the flavor of Selena Gomez's. And it's churro flavored. And it's phenomenal. It's just. Yeah, it's the oriole lingus. They called them the oriole lingus program. What you assume they taste like down there?

[Brady]

Cracker Barrel did a little tweet that got. Went viral. Pretty fun money. They chimed in and said, you probably don't want us anywhere near the remodel of the White House.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

And they put the Cracker Barrel on the extension where the ballroom was.

[John Holmberg]

The old one or the new one?

[Brady]

The new. Put the new one in there as a joke.

[John Holmberg]

Don't do it. Well, the word for eight o', clock, by the way. Large. Still large. You got about 10 more minutes. Get that together and you'll have three of them in today. Three entries so far. Do another at nine.

[Brady]

All right, got a couple of radio videos. This is pretty amazing. It's a volcano that's starting to smoke a little bit. Starting to lift and lightning strikes.

[John Holmberg]

Lightning hits the volcano. All right, that is kind of neat watching so far. Guatemala. Oh, is that AI? Too many people are watching that. Too many English speaking people are watching.

[Brady]

It's on nature's metal. They're pretty accurate.

[John Holmberg]

Nature is metal.

[Dick Toledo]

How smarter us humans, They're a quarter mile away in a lightning storm outside watching a volcanoes.

[John Holmberg]

Guatemala. Are you saying it's okay that they're dumb?

[Dick Toledo]

Is this what happened to Mount Aetna?

[John Holmberg]

Hey, look at that. So cool. That is so cool. I still have to wonder why those people are there.

[Brady]

All right, next one was someone with heavy eyelids.

[John Holmberg]

Those are real eyelids. Those look like coconut shells over somebody's eyes. Those are someone's real eyelids.

[Brady]

Watch.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there's her eyes.

[Brady]

Blink twice.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Get those cut off.

[Dick Toledo]

Maybe get some duct tape, pull them back so you can see.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Put a hat on that's extra, like one of them fat hats and just plop them in the band of it. Does anybody speak crazy? I don't know what she's saying.

[Brady]

$18 a day.

[John Holmberg]

Is that what it costs to keep those going?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

This Ellen DeGeneres facial program I'm on, it makes your eyes feel a lot cleaner. Maybe she should get some of that. And I tighten up. Up. They have a skin tightener and the.

[Brady]

Last one's more cable laying.

[Dick Toledo]

I don't like Brady's new algorithm.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Brady's got a lot of people.

[Brady]

Taking public tones coming out of him.

[John Holmberg]

Imagine that. It's India.

[Brett Vesely]

Now, it can't be that. Curry would never allow a snake like that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Brett Vesely]

Just an explosion.

[John Holmberg]

It's in a parking garage. All right, what are you doing at home with your free time that you.

[Brady]

Got so many that pops up? Sharing it. What?

[Brett Vesely]

Gee, thanks.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks, buddy.

[Dick Toledo]

Justifying it like you're excited about it.

[John Holmberg]

Check it out. I didn't ask.

[Brady]

All right, I'll stop.

[John Holmberg]

No, we like those. Okay, but we're just wondering what you're doing to get on this page now. You're on this page now. This is two days in a row.

[Brady]

That's it. He's.

[Dick Toledo]

He's tapping you.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I'm fine. Look, I'm fine with that. I'm wondering what he's doing.

[Dick Toledo]

That's your excuse?

[John Holmberg]

What road he went down to find those in the first place? All right, what do you got over there?

[Brady]

National chocolate dude, Is it? No, no.

[John Holmberg]

Bird will have something disgusting.

[Brett Vesely]

I'll startle off with a little power pole.

[John Holmberg]

Trapeze guy in a power pole. Oh, how did everyone know? Here he's falling, he's falling, he's falling. Holy cow. He's up on the like a 40 foot power pole and there he's laying in the road. People are just lighting a couple dudes with smokes going, watching the guy just lay there dead. They're both smoking. The dude smoking a cigarette and the guy on the ground stop climbing power poles. I've never seen a good video.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, here's, here's what happens next.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Oh, we're a staircase. It's very steep. Long forever staircase. What happens next? Now there's a guy going down the.

[Brady]

Staircase and it's a sun reflecting on part of it.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know if the. That's, that's an open window and the sun's cutting through this glowing hot. This is like a staircase that's going down about five floors. It looks, I'm not sure, looks like.

[Dick Toledo]

An MCS you're painting.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it does. It's super steep. What happens next? I'm going to go ahead and say something gets inserted into someone's ass.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm going to say something gets thrown on top of his head.

[John Holmberg]

He gets hit in the head with something. Brady.

[Brady]

Yeah, I see that head going under the, that block. The slump block wall.

[John Holmberg]

So I have something going in an ass. Brady has his head get smashed by the wall. And you have something smashing him from above.

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

All right, let's find out. Here he goes. He's down the stairs. He's going to his right now and keeps going down the stairs down. Oh, here comes a truck out of nowhere on the staircase for no reason at all. An s smashed by a tundra. Yeah. Kind of from the air. Something you didn't expect crushed it. I think Toledo gets the win on what happens next. I never expected a truck to back down the staircase at breakneck speeds, but tundra for the win. Is that Larry's excellent adventure?

[Brett Vesely]

I think so, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Are he and Max a little lost down there in Wilcox show? Larry? It's pretty awesome. This guy just gets. Just climbing stairs. How did he not see a Toyota at the top of the staircase that we can't see through the video? But there he is, Larry, just walking down the stairs. Gonna go over here for a little bit and just go down these stairs some more. And last thing I expect is traffic and there's a car out of nowhere going backwards on the stairs.

[Brady]

Mustad is what, earphones in or something?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the guy watching. Yeah. You'd think you would hear a truck hurtling towards you on stairs. You'd think so. Maybe you're right. It's the dangers of that. Brady's right. That was a cautionary tale of the AirPods.

[Brett Vesely]

This is actually. This is actually real life. We know this person. This is one of our content creators.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brett Vesely]

Doing a shot out of who became a porn star eventually.

[John Holmberg]

This was to prove yesterday that he knew the porns. He kept trying to brag to us that he knew a porn star in this video. And now he's going to do. He's doing a shot out of her. And that is him. There's.

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

There's our guy. Be you. And he just. With a slipknot shirt on. Did he say, yeah, homebird. He said my name back home. Bird. He did. I don't think so. Brother. Brother. Thank God. Oh, my gosh. I don't want to be the sponsor of that.

[Brett Vesely]

And that is Maddie Collins.

[John Holmberg]

He sucked a shot out of the butt.

[Brady]

Now on. If you're doing stuff like that, yell.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. If you're sucking a shot out of a girl's butt, look at camera and say, yeah, Holmberg, should we play some Jenga? Oh, oh. Somebody's naked next to the big Jenga and there's some. Is he pushing him through with his pee pee from behind? Oh, no. Oh, I see what's going on. This is a fun game. Okay, so you've got a stick in your butt. Literally a stick in your ass. And you've Got to play Jenga by poking out gently. You have to do the Jenga blocks.

[Brady]

Is that Britney?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, this one's getting close. And there's another naked lady. Oh, you lose Jenga today. Lady with a stick in her ass. It takes practice, though, to even get one or two of them.

[Brett Vesely]

And here for you music fans.

[John Holmberg]

All right, this is Japanime. Oh, it's a guy. Was. Got no eyes. That's a girl. Okay. It's out of tune. She's tuning the guitar. She sort of looked like a dirty Billie Eilish. Oh, now we're. God damn it.

[Dick Toledo]

Oh, my God.

[Brady]

You could have done a.

[John Holmberg]

What comes first? I'll explain this again. All right, now there's a lady playing guitar with something in her butt. And she's able to push it out and keep time. No, she's written words. She's trying to keep time. It's basically. She's created a bass drum with her. Well, that was sweet. That was. That's what music was.

[Brett Vesely]

That's Pledio.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They'd win. No, you do that as a live performance, you win. If your bass drum is a pedal coming out of your ass, you're in the top five.

[Brady]

Come on out.

[John Holmberg]

You're automatically in the finals just to watch that. Well, there you go. Thanks, Brett.

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Great stuff, guys. Between Brady's taking dumps outside and Brett fun with the anus and our.

[Brett Vesely]

Have you ever seen anybody play a metronome?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brett Vesely]

With. You know.

[John Holmberg]

Come on, look. That's hard to do. It's a lot of body control. Stop putting things in your asses. It's 98 KUPD. There goes your Brady report. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect.

[Brady]

98.

[John Holmberg]

Still streaming Homburg's Morning Sickness [e-mail]. There you go. A little mammoth for you that there's called Spell the spell. I'm gonna rip up this 8 o' clock words. Get ready for the 9 o' clock word so I can qualify you again. Tripp Reeb just came in here, gave Brady credit for his earlier talk about his knowledge of exactly what heaven is like, which only Brady knows, evidently. And also exactly what hell was like, which is still disappointing a lot of people online line. And in neither place there is masturbation. And Trip loves Porsches. Just got another one. It's pretty awesome too. And Brady just told him there aren't any of those in heaven either, cuz you wouldn't need one.

[Brett Vesely]

But what if basically told.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he just basically. Where? Where do they sell them then, because that's where I want to go. Porsche heaven. German heaven. Look out. Yeah. So Trip said the best part of that whole conversation was at the end. End, you played Motorhead. And I'm like, yeah. And then he said the greatest phrase ever said, we don't play enough Motorhead.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So expect a lot more Motorhead until Trip goes, what's with all the Motorhead?

[Brett Vesely]

Well, Larry said, I'm putting it in right now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Larry's heard it across the hall. More Motorhead. Immediately, sir. Yeah, One week. Larry, you've lost your mind with the Motorhead. No one likes that stuff. We'll get that all together. Yeah, I was talking, like, I think, like, yeah, he likes Porsches. He should be able to get all of them. I want my, like, Brady. And you can tell me this, too, because I'm still on this conversation with everybody on it. You get into these deep, meta conversations, and I would like my heaven to be that I get to see all the stuff that I didn't get to live through, like, what's coming up. And I get to play with that. And then every day, I get to visit a new place.

[Brady]

Place.

[John Holmberg]

So I'm like, all right, it's Tuesday. I'm gonna. I'm gonna travel over to the dinosaurs. I'm gonna ride a dinosaur. Brett, you want to come with me? We're already dead, so it's safe.

[Brady]

You know what, Sean?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you can have that. My heaven's awesome.

[Brady]

You can have that.

[John Holmberg]

But I get to do stuff. Yours. You kept taking everything away, saying, I'm just going to be happy, like, but I won't be. Like, why won't. Why can't I play with all the toys? I want heaven to be like a great big Disneyland, only real. And then I'm going to like, hey, Brett, let's go to the play Plague. And they're like, oh, yay. Let's do that. Because Britain will probably die at the exact same time. So we'll go down to the mess around the plague. These people are a mess. And then we just know we've got 24 hours in the plague. Just kind of dick around and observe. And then we leave. It's just like being at Disneyland. And then we go to tomorrow.

[Brady]

One of those bird masks on, like, during the plague.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know what the. Yeah, there's the big Gravens chrome. Yeah. Awesome.

[Brett Vesely]

And then we go to plutonium or a DeLorean.

[John Holmberg]

We just go Tomorrowland land.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We'll go over there, and we Actually see what. What Ford is up to in like 20 years and 40 years and 80 years. We see Tripp. Hey, guys. I came here to Tomorrowland, too. This is a 3512 Porsche 911. And I just picked it up for a pretty penny. I'm gonna sell it. Only one made sure to be the only one that actually does my heaven and comes back with more money. I made a couple of sweet deals in the future. How'd you do that? I don't know. Know.

[Brady]

I just sold Barabbas a Porsche.

[John Holmberg]

I just. I went back and I. I popped in and I told him, like, you know what's missing from your time? A Carrera.

[Brady]

He's got a Porsche dealership.

[John Holmberg]

Dealership in Babylon. What are you building there, sir? You'll see. I'm gonna make a quick buck off these idiots. It's a fun idea. Brady sucks. There's no jerking off. I grew up Christian. And I don't know if Brady's ever read the Bible. The only thing he said that was accurate this morning is there's a heaven and a hell. All right. Thanks, Joe. Gross. Well, he was accurate about something.

[Brady]

He listened.

[John Holmberg]

I personally believe no one's ever read the Bible. I have to go on that. I don't think anyone who says they've read the Bible has actually read the Bible ever, save for the dudes in the dresses. I know you've never read the Bible. Bible. I know, but nobody has. You've never read the Bible. Yeah, Right. That's reading the Bible.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If you said to me, I don't know if you've ever read where the red fern grows, like. Well, not from the beginning of the end, but I know about parts. No one's ever read it.

[Brady]

Yeah, I've read parts of the Bible.

[John Holmberg]

Right?

[Brady]

That's how you.

[John Holmberg]

And yet it's the book that dictates every aspect of your future. But it's just not worth sitting down and reading. It's too hard.

[Brady]

You don't spend that much time on your future. You just know it's bright. It's looking bright.

[John Holmberg]

You Timbuk3.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's so bright, I gotta wear.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta wear shades. I understand. 9:00am Code word. The code word this morning is big shot. All one word. Big shot. B, I, G, S, H, O, T. Just like Billy Joel said, you got to be a big shot, didn't you? That's the 9am code word. You pop that in there, there. You get yourself all decked out and ready to go for your thousand dollars. You can win a thousand bucks from us right here by playing along. Take it in the app. We'll give you this nine o' clock word. You know it by now. I mean, if you haven't figured out by now, you're dense. You're not spelling any of these words right. If you're like, what's going on? There's a few of them. Trust me. We get a few. But yeah, we'll make. We'll make sure you're covered on this thing. Thousand bucks going to somebody and it's happened three times already and we're just going to keep doing it. The winner most recently was Randy Troja. Troja sec. Or Troja sec. I don't know if the J is that way. Congratulations, Randy. You got your thousand bucks and maybe it'll be you today, 9am Big shot. Hopefully you got all four words we gave you this morning. Fitz will give you five more starting at two. We're handing out money because we love you and that makes ratings happen. See how it works? Perfect. We are going to name John and Brett's heaven. John and Brett's Excellent Adventures. I think. Think that's awesome. I think that is. My heaven's a much better. Who would you buy? If you're. If you're buying a heaven, which one do you want? Brett mine or dumb Brady's? Well, come on. Yeah, exactly. I don't know if I preface that properly, but that seems to. No, you're kind of my heaven.

[Brady]

You're kind of kind. On.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're stupid. Stupid Brady's head.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, sell me Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, give me. Give him the pitch. Pitch him.

[Brady]

I don't want to sell you. I don't want you there.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. In mine, there's like roller coasters.

[Brett Vesely]

Why would I want to be there? He doesn't want me there.

[John Holmberg]

This is another thing about my heaven. If you can imagine, it can happen. Happen. I just invented something in. In John Heaven, it would be Brett's. Everybody gets one. But we'll just use you as the example. Brett's roller coaster of life, where it's an actual physical roller coaster of your highs and lows and you get to see them as you go through.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

There's like loop de loops. Like your divorce is a big loop de loop and then it climbs way high.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And you get all the bumps and bruises along the way, but it's a rise. Your life becomes the Brett ride and you get to see it as you go through Brady. Do you have anything better than that?

[Brady]

Yeah. All of that that he's saying, the feelings that you experience from that is. Is going to happen, and it's guaranteed because I have a God behind mine.

[John Holmberg]

So do I, John.

[Brady]

No, you don't.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, I'm talking about your heaven. I'm talking about your heaven, dumbass. I'm saying I'm selling. No, no. I'm selling your heaven. I don't believe in God. God, but I'm selling your heaven. If there is one. This is what I would want it to be. I would want your God to have invented this thing I'm talking about. And Brett's roller coaster of life would be awesome. John's roller coaster of life. Incredible. And then you get to relive those moments ago, man. Tough one. And then sometimes. And then you go back and see that girl you banged that you kind of forgot about, like, whoa, that was fun. You just go around that turn, Then you do a spiral. Brady just says, yeah, you need to.

[Brett Vesely]

Talk to his marketing guy.

[John Holmberg]

My guy's better. I have a better PR agent. You're going with my advertising from way before his. His sucks. I had Brett at. Do you want to go ride dinosaur.

[Brady]

Lawsuits on his head?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What? There's lawsuits in heaven? Not in my heaven, buddy. My heaven. There's no lawyers. They don't make it.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, your people aren't there.

[Brady]

False advertising.

[John Holmberg]

Jews didn't get in. The Jews didn't get in. We just invented it. It's 904. We got the hot releases coming up in a little bit. My heaven rules, Brady. Heaven is. Your heaven is hell. Brady's super buffet. Like, you're telling me that it wouldn't just be awesome to experience it or go back in time? Anywhere you want to go and go have a meal. That's heaven.

[Brady]

It'd take me forever to decide, right?

[John Holmberg]

Hey, buddy, you've got forever.

[Brett Vesely]

So I can go.

[John Holmberg]

There you go.

[Brett Vesely]

So I can go back to the 60s and go to Vegas with Sinatra, Dean Martin, and the Rat Pack and just chill out, just be near, have.

[John Holmberg]

A couple cocktails, and I'll put that in your heaven, too. You come to me and you go.

[Brett Vesely]

Margot Robbie comes walking in.

[John Holmberg]

I want a heaven excursion.

[Brady]

I'm like, what are you without the gout?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You come back in and you say, it has to be time. So you say, I just. Can you make heaven for a day where I get to go play with Sinatra and the boys in. In Vegas, and it's just gonna be a natural happenstance where I'm there and they're they're like, I like this kid. I want you to come with me, baby. I got this kid. He's gonna tag along with us. What do you say about that, Dino? Hey, if it wants to drink with us, he can. What's your name, son? Brett Fessley. I told you you'd like him. Let's get him out of the town. And then you guys have this big fake AI adventure.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

Together. And you come back and you're like, holmberg, your heaven is awesome. Have you tried my heaven? Where there's no food or jerking off? I'm back on John's team. You're insane. My heaven rules. And if I can think of a better heaven.

[Brady]

What you're describing is. Yeah, yeah, you've described heaven.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't describe it very good. Yours was just floating around. You just get floating around. Yeah, you do. I've been talking to people on like all morning about this. They hated your heaven, man. Scrap it. Scrap it. Rebuild. Because already the riding dinosaurs, going to the plague trips behind the 3212 Porsche already. Awesome. You're making me excited. That should have been in the book. None of this. And Logar begat Blah Bleet and Loophop Kolash du Flupanosh. You can't understand that. If he's like, dude, listen. If you're nice to me the whole time you're down here, you get a roller coaster and a time travel pass riding dinosaurs.

[Brady]

That's the amazing thing about it. It's really not sold all that much, but yet we are.

[John Holmberg]

No, we're not.

[Brady]

Still excited about it.

[John Holmberg]

No, we're not.

[Brett Vesely]

Just texting me and Said says, I think I just heard you explode on the radio.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because of the D. Martin thing. Yeah. Yeah. How awesome would it be? Brett, can I give you heaven for a second? Please, Please. Tell me if just in the middle of the night you're having some rigaton, you're having a good. It's a good plate. A good thick mama sauce. Good plate. Chowing down a rigaton. And you just hear, hey, buddy, pass us all. Don't you mind?

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

And then he just looks at you and he just goes, that's amore, Brett. You're my best friend. I just finished again. You're my best friend.

[Brett Vesely]

I just finished again.

[John Holmberg]

And then Frank goes, how dare you, Dean? He's my best friend. Hey, guys. I thought he was my best friend. Sammy. You know what we call Sammy around here, don't you, Brett? This is heaven. Hours of laughter. Yeah. Just non stop Hey, I wouldn't use that word too often. Hey, even in heaven, man, I can't catch a breakup Here, man.

[Dick Toledo]

Soul.

[John Holmberg]

The best part of it all. Brett, there's no Joey Crawford. Who the hell is that guy?

[Brett Vesely]

I'm sorry, Brady, I can't top it.

[Brady]

Much better. Heaven.

[John Holmberg]

That's how you sell heaven, my friend. You put him in there with a bunch of gang members eating rigaton. That's pretty awesome.

[Brett Vesely]

Frank and Dino.

[John Holmberg]

I'd be religious if that's how they sold it. Just the book. All the book has to say is, listen, dudes, check out what you could like. We're going to give you a roller coaster. Like a time travel pass. Whoever you want to meet, you can meet. You get to hang out with them.

[Brady]

Jesus. I have a marketing guy for you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we have excursions. Oh, I'd be doing better than Joel Osteen, that's for sure. Stop jerking off. That's one of your rules. Okay, I stopped listening. Let's get to the hot releases in just a little bit. Brett, just dead. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect.

[Dick Toledo]

98.

[John Holmberg]

Still streaming. H's morning sickness online at 98kupd.com. There you go. Little Foo asking for a friend. That's coming out. You can stream it right now and oh, it's a perfect time for it because it's time for the hot releases.

[Brett Vesely]

And that's one. So I don't need to play it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we don't need to do it. That's one of your hot releases right there. It's the. And actually one of my more favorable likes of a Foo Fighter song. In the last couple albums since Wasting Light, I think they've had like three or four good songs. Prior to that, seemed like every album was just another 10 song banger. Haven't had one of those in a while. Hopefully the new one is awesome. I'm hoping that I'm reading this right and the album is named available to stream. Oh, but I don't know if that's accurate or not. We'll see. It is time now. Oh, by the way, the 9 o' clock word for another 12 minutes is big shout out, big shot. Put it in there and take your chances for another thousand bucks.

[Dick Toledo]

Someone has a real quick question.

[John Holmberg]

Oh boy, here we go.

[Dick Toledo]

John, can you turn off Brady's headphones, please?

[John Holmberg]

Okay, real quick question.

[Dick Toledo]

Will there be hoes in John's heaven? And if so, how do I follow that plan instead of do you like hoes? Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Do you like hoes?

[Dick Toledo]

That's a qualifier, right?

[John Holmberg]

I'm basically a traveler agent. My heaven is you come in and we talk about the excursions you liked, and we're going to put those in your plan. Fantasy island it is.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm not big on groups, so you get the group.

[John Holmberg]

So it's individual.

[Dick Toledo]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, we're going to take that. You made it to heaven, so you get to call it. So if you'd like to build a hoe island, I can send you to Hoe Island.

[Brady]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

Would you like an infinite amount of sperm tattoo?

[Brady]

Be there?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You have an infinite amount of sperm and you don't have any refractory period between shots.

[Brady]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. You just feed and feed and feed. Now, I can't make this last forever, but it's always available to you. It's just. It has an ending. You come home and you're like, what a great day in heaven. What do we do tomorrow?

[Dick Toledo]

How about this phrase? God, I hope I don't get bored of that.

[John Holmberg]

That's very true. Then you got to amp it up. Hey, I've been here for a couple hundred years and the whole island's getting a little stale. Can I get a refresh? Girl with three cans. Oh, maybe one grown off her knee. We can do that.

[Dick Toledo]

Years ago, I used to listen to this show in Phoenix and they had all these videos that I only had to imagine.

[John Holmberg]

I want a rose bud. I want. Maybe it's awesome.

[Brady]

That's not heaven. Your own.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, it is heaven because you don't know because you come back and you look at the guy that was weird. And then you just laugh and everything's still okay. Scratch that one off the itinerary for Friday or. Oh, my God, the rosebuds off. Awesome.

[Dick Toledo]

But that's heaven because you can laugh it off.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. It doesn't matter. John's Heaven is Awesome. I had a guy email and said, did you just invent a religion? Because I'm in. I got a good heaven cell and it's got good music, too. I'll promise you that. Whatever you like. You can write your own hits. That's what AI is. I think AI might be a little bit of heaven. We got ourselves the hot releases brought to you by New AC unit dot com. Save thousands. Save time. Buy online at newac unit dot com and. And if you're in the market for a brand new unit, throw the code word Holmberg. Boy, code words are a big deal. H O L M B E R G In the Promo code box. And they'll knock another thousand bucks. All the the already great price that you're going to get now take a thousand off of that as well. Just for knowing me. Holmberg is the promo code. New AC unit.com. we'll start with you today. Toledo. Go.

[Dick Toledo]

All right, first up, I have. Let me get on the right page here. A lot of the new series are coming out for I guess Reg. Do we even call it regular TV anymore?

[John Holmberg]

Network tv?

[Dick Toledo]

Is that it? Network.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, are they starting their new seasons?

[Dick Toledo]

New seasons are starting up also on. But this one's on hbo. Max, I love LA meets Opportunity Hustle. This has been a long ti. A long untitled Rachel Senate project, which I didn't know who that was either.

[John Holmberg]

For the junior manager.

[Brady]

Yep.

[Dick Toledo]

It stars her as a 20 something working at a Los Angeles talent management company who involves herself in the career of her former codependent best friend and newly minted social media star Tallulah. After she shows up at Maya's home unannounced.

[John Holmberg]

You're here. And my house crazy. Everyone on the show is too average looking for me to like.

[Dick Toledo]

Very average for LA especially.

[John Holmberg]

They're good. They were. That is not the heaven I would trade. That's purgatory, where everybody's almost effable.

[Dick Toledo]

All right, well, we've been shown this gal for a long time. For the past 20 years, Kim Kardashian stars in a new Ryan Murphy legal drama called All's Fair.

[John Holmberg]

As much as I'd love to continue to exchange pleasant cocktails, the latest is.

[Dick Toledo]

A legal drama about a group of female divorce lawyers who form their own firm in a field dominated by men. Naturally, their business lives intertwine with their personal lives because this is Ryan Murphy and it's television.

[John Holmberg]

Television. Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

This powerhouse cast includes Kim Kardashian, Naomi Watts, Niecy Nash, Tayana Taylor, Glenn Close, and Sarah Paulson.

[John Holmberg]

I like. She was great. Torino 91 one and all. I hear Kim Kardashian is an excellent actress. Was that Caitlin or was that Brooke Shields? Oh, my God, we can't tell. I trusted him. Oh, hey, Jesse Spano from Saved by the Bells in this Happened to Me. Know me from Showgirls. Yeah, know me Malone. She's not getting okay. Men.

[Dick Toledo]

They are.

[John Holmberg]

All right, well, all's fair. That's all fair. That's.

[Dick Toledo]

And that debuts tonight.

[John Holmberg]

Actually, it didn't look so much like girl power as it did potentially. Girl cattiness brewing. There's a lot of high powered women in a room.

[Dick Toledo]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

If they don't write. And Ryan Murphy wrote it, so he's going to make him fight. Fight. I like that.

[Dick Toledo]

On Peacock.

[Brady]

Rich men in the corner.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they're gonna. Yeah, they're gonna be. At first you're gonna hate. It's gonna be man hating rich men. And then the ladies are gonna get real caddy. That might be good on Peacock.

[Dick Toledo]

And NBC is All Her Fault, starring Dakota Fanning. Say less. Okay, fine. Then we can say a little more. All Her Fault. Based on an Andrea Mara novel of the same name. Chicago set thriller series about a mother who arrives to pick up her young son from his first playdate, only to be met at the door by a woman she doesn't recognize the stranger doesn't have her son and claims to have never heard of him. It's not a misunderstanding.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, she went to a house that strapped the kid off at and there were all new people there when she came back. I'm so sorry. That's Siobhan from Succession.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's hard to see her.

[John Holmberg]

Please, we beg you, come forward. Did you contact a publishing house? Couldn't your current debt be offset by what you might say? She looks so much like Axl Rose it hurts.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, she does.

[John Holmberg]

I can't see anybody but Axl Rose when I look at her.

[Dick Toledo]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

The prettiest Axl Rose could ever be. But it's Axl Rose first.

[Dick Toledo]

And then on Netflix is Death by Lightning. Following last year's Lincoln assassination drama called Manhunt on Apple tv, Netflix is launching its own limited series about a presidential assassination. In Death by Lightning, the president at the center of the action is James A. Garfield. Michael Shannon.

[John Holmberg]

This is Garfield's assassination, whose time in.

[Dick Toledo]

Office was cut short when he was shot by James J. Guitu.

[John Holmberg]

And he was in a train station in Maryland, right?

[Dick Toledo]

I think so. This cast also includes Nick Offerman as Garfield's vice president and successor, Chester Arthur, Betty Gilpin as Garfield's wife, Bradley Whitford as his secretary of state, and Shea Wood as a senator who clashed with him.

[John Holmberg]

It's my favorite American assassination no one talks about because Garfield got shot.

[Dick Toledo]

They're saying, if anything, the facial hair alone in this show is going to be magnificent.

[John Holmberg]

Garfield got shot and turned and goes. Watch this. And drops. And the reason he died wasn't from the bullet. It's because all those dirty people, before they knew about germs, were digging around to get it out. And he got sepsis and died nine months later. An opportunist, Mr. President, and a pest. Oh, geez, I want to watch that. That looks cool. Garfield's assassination is a part of American history no one talks about, and it's phenomenal story.

[Dick Toledo]

And then this one's for you, John. Your boy Vince Gilligan is back on Apple TV with Pluribus, starring Rhea Seehorn.

[John Holmberg]

Finally.

[Dick Toledo]

This one, it says, is for the Kim Wexler fans, which should be all of you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. From Better Call Saul, she stars in.

[Dick Toledo]

Pluribus, a genre bending new series from Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligan, who gets back to his sci fi roots. Yeah, Gilligan. In which the most miserable person on earth must save the world from happiness. Seahorn plays Carol, a miserable person in question. The better Better Call Saul reunion is enough to draw people in on its own, but it doesn't also hurt that Gilligan, like I said, is getting back to his sci fi.

[John Holmberg]

It's been going on for a couple years. I've been trying to get this out. How do I reverse.

[Brady]

Hello.

[John Holmberg]

This everything Vince Gilligan touches should be great. This Better Call Saul is so amazing. And Breaking Bad was so amazing, I've been waiting for him to come out with something new. And that's out now.

[Dick Toledo]

Debuts Friday.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. All right.

[Dick Toledo]

Also on Friday, this is on Netflix's Frankenstein. Visionary director Guillermo Ver del Toros has offered his take on many stories, including Pinocchio, Hellboy, Horny, and Finished Men. And he now returns to Netflix to retail Mary Shelley's horror classic about a scientist who makes a monster.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe good.

[Brady]

It's like how many times visually stunning.

[John Holmberg]

What can they do? New remember.

[Brady]

Pieces.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, oh, there's putting an eyeball in there story. Cool.

[Dick Toledo]

All right. On Netflix also is a documentary called In Waves and War. This involves Navy seals who have seen combat duty going on a retreat to Mexico to heal themselves.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, geez. I don't know if I want to watch this. Tough guy's feeling terrible. You're like, take care of this. This is my problems here. It's this and this. The toad. The effects of it. Step in and I can't watch. I struggle with that. I have two friends. This is gonna make me call one of them today who went through hell and war and the stuff they go through while they're back here is. And with Veterans Day right around the corner, it's immeasurable. We sit and complain about our daily lives, and these guys have ghosts floating around them that you can't imagine.

[Dick Toledo]

All right, let's lighten the mood a little bit with History Channel's the Toys that Built America. A new four part Series to be.

[John Holmberg]

Adventurous and to have fun. It was the invention inventors of the greatest. Oh, it's gonna reenact. They were visionary Milton Bradley and stuff.

[Brady]

No one else saw.

[John Holmberg]

They dreamed.

[Dick Toledo]

Big kids are not allowed to bring.

[John Holmberg]

Toys to school unless they fit inside a matchbox. A light bulb goes off in Jack's head so you could dream bigger. That's pretty good imagination.

[Dick Toledo]

That's on.

[John Holmberg]

You know what's crazy about what he just said? Kids weren't allowed to bring toys to school unless they fit in a matchbox. But they were allowed to bring matches, Right? They had to disguise what they put in the matchbox. Never know when you're gonna need to.

[Dick Toledo]

Build a fire, John.

[Brady]

The first one week.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean?

[Brady]

Then you could bring the matchbox, but you had to get rid of all the matches.

[John Holmberg]

Well, then again, that's the point was to have the matchbox caught. Empty it in the matchbox. But you were that. Nobody questioned your match.

[Brady]

Took them a week after a couple of fires.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but they didn't question the matchbox. That's why you hid your toys in it.

[Dick Toledo]

Crazy ahead of.

[Brady]

I've seen some big matchboxes too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the long fire stick ones. Yeah. You get some good sized tubular ones.

[Dick Toledo]

With the long ones you can reach into the fire.

[John Holmberg]

Kids got like a wagon full of matches.

[Dick Toledo]

Ahead of its season two debut, Crutch. Season one is now available on Paramount plus, starring our boy, Tracy Moore.

[John Holmberg]

Tracy, My story.

[Brady]

I'm gonna tell it.

[John Holmberg]

This is about him getting hit.

[Dick Toledo]

He's an artist, I believe.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody calls me Crutch.

[Brady]

Crutch. Crutch, Crutch, Crutch, Crutch.

[John Holmberg]

I live in Harlem.

[Brady]

I've got two grown up kids and two beautiful grandkids.

[John Holmberg]

What have you done to my children?

[Brady]

I'm making them New York talk.

[John Holmberg]

Who hurt you? Is this on regular tv?

[Dick Toledo]

Paramount plus. It was on cbs, but I don't know if it's there anymore.

[John Holmberg]

Now I can't do my stuff. I take off my clothes. Where'd my clothes go? I want to be naked.

[Brady]

Clutch.

[Dick Toledo]

Debuting Friday on NBC and Hulu is Stumble, NBC's latest comedy about a high school cheerleading teacher.

[John Holmberg]

Teacher, coach.

[Brady]

Teacher.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I'm done watching that.

[Dick Toledo]

And then the big movie out in theaters this week is Predator Badlands, starring one of the Fannings, Elle Fanning.

[John Holmberg]

Did you see that? Hollywood had its movie theaters had their worst weekend in the history of movies.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

This last weekend, Bruce couldn't save him.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Bruce Springsteen's thing did nothing.

[Dick Toledo]

He used the weekend before your first time.

[John Holmberg]

But still, it didn't last two weeks. People want to see Bruce's super Story.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. One of his most boring albums.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Predator. You know what?

[Dick Toledo]

You're getting there. That's all I got.

[Brady]

Tom Cruise better be putting on a film hill fast.

[John Holmberg]

We need Top Gun 3, just in case. Always have a Top Gun in the hopper just so they can save some. Some features. All right. What do you got, kid? Cheesy, right?

[Dick Toledo]

Excuse me.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry.

[Brett Vesely]

We'll start off with new music from Death Angel. This is rap. A wrath. Bring fire.

[John Holmberg]

Wrath. I can't take it seriously. It's been serious. It's been 25 years of me giggling at this every time it starts.

[Dick Toledo]

Do all their fans have to have a dictionary?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They use big words to prove that they're deeper. Just makes me laugh. I find that hysterical.

[Brady]

I'm with you.

[Dick Toledo]

I feel bad, but yeah.

[John Holmberg]

How can you play an instrument and still be that mad?

[Brady]

What was that?

[Brett Vesely]

This is new. Finger 11. Last night on earth.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. I like finger 11. Occasionally good things and nothing don't stay.

[Brady]

In place but forever in my hands.

[John Holmberg]

A picture of your face before you.

[Brady]

Just a memory sit in my mind.

[John Holmberg]

Can all good things remain and last for one more night?

[Dick Toledo]

Kind of apocalyptic.

[John Holmberg]

Get to it make you stay Even.

[Brady]

Though you've been waiting for changes I said I'd make for too long.

[John Holmberg]

One last thing before you go I'll never change for you, you does this have a hook?

[Dick Toledo]

Pretty crazy video they put out with.

[John Holmberg]

Here we go. Yeah. The video is insanely visual. That's just. That has no hook.

[Brett Vesely]

Godfathers of hardcore. Agnostic Front. This is a way of war.

[John Holmberg]

I feel like it should. Like there should be action figures at the end. Buy all four that look like.

[Dick Toledo]

Sound like one of those Evil Knievel.

[Brady]

Ads from the 70s.

[John Holmberg]

GI Joe. Yeah. Your new F19 series from the GI Joe people that brought you all the F17.

[Dick Toledo]

You have the F19. This is awesome.

[John Holmberg]

That's not good.

[Brady]

They're like, finally. You want to hear the words.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, and let's. We're real light today on new stuff, so let's go to AI songs.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

All right.

[Brett Vesely]

Should I spit or swallow?

[John Holmberg]

Should I spit or swallow? There we go. Yeah. It's the Clash who sings this.

[Dick Toledo]

Brett, get songs of the 90s.

[Brett Vesely]

Penny tration.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, penetration. Very good. I'm going to love exactly what to.

[Brady]

Do.

[John Holmberg]

But you know, I always a to please and I want to show how much I mean to you I.

[Dick Toledo]

Love how they do the Worn out.

[John Holmberg]

That'S why I'm down here on my knees yes, it's so hard to make up my mind, mind when you never tell me so I don't want you to leave me behind so please tell me which way to go, baby.

[Brady]

Beautiful.

[John Holmberg]

This would have won this planet.

[Brett Vesely]

Your pearly gates.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. This also sounds like it should have been an Armageddon. Oh, yeah. There you go.

[Brady]

Diane Warren.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Penny Tration has a hit on her hands. You know, I won't choke. Oh, this is a. What a glorious. Five years ago, we didn't have this.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Not even like, a whisper of it. And here we are. And you can't tell. And my brain still struggles to wrap around the idea that none of that was a person person. So weird.

[Brett Vesely]

Let's get into some of the covers.

[Brady]

Still kind of makes me a little upset. That song. Why she has to ask. I mean, would you.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you know what, though? Some days you feel like a nut, some days you don't.

[Dick Toledo]

So not heaven for you.

[Brady]

This is your.

[Brett Vesely]

Here's a blind done 60s soul style from Corn Corn.

[John Holmberg]

Every one of these is cool. Tarantino. Amedia. There's a place inside my mind A place I like to hide.

[Brett Vesely]

You don't know the challenge.

[John Holmberg]

What if I should die? A place inside my brain. Love that they gave him an accent.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I'm so blind, blind, blind. Get out of here with this. God damn it. That's awesome.

[Brett Vesely]

How about sound Garden Spoon man as a soul cover?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. We gotta start a hole. We gotta be first on the block with a. A radio station of justice. Oh, man. I'm gonna start jerking off right now.

[Dick Toledo]

We gotta talk to Larry and fire up our.

[Brady]

Our HD.

[Dick Toledo]

HD HP3 1 of emoji.

[John Holmberg]

Whatever it is. Here he comes. You don't have to pay the. Larry, Would we have to pay ASCAP BMI to have a second station of just this stuff?

[Brady]

I don't.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know how to do anything.

[Brett Vesely]

Illegal on the phone.

[John Holmberg]

Well, because. No, because the songwriting, the lyrics are still copyrighted.

[Brett Vesely]

There you go.

[Brady]

Yeah, well, then these guys have to.

[John Holmberg]

No, because we're not making any money off. Nobody's making any money. We would do it and sell advertising so we would benefit from people basically stealing.

[Brady]

But they're not putting it out there to try to make money.

[Dick Toledo]

But should I spit or swallow? We could throw out there all day long.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. She's not real. Yeah. I mean, if you get it. If you get this and you put it on your page and it's your Invention. And then you're getting advertised advertising from it. Yeah. You're gonna get sued. LeJean from 7 Dust actually reposted something of someone doing an AI version of one of his songs the other day and said, I actually want to see this happen. Yeah. Oh, no.

[Brett Vesely]

Here's Iron Maiden, The Trooper funk style.

[John Holmberg]

The smell of acid, smoking horses. Wow. There's a better world over there in AI. It's just a better world. All right.

[Brett Vesely]

And that brings us to N word or F Word?

[John Holmberg]

God.

[Brett Vesely]

I got one more.

[Brady]

No, no, no. We got it.

[John Holmberg]

I will. I will host anything that Tripp wants to host for free. Just like I did kiss 12:30. The rhythm of the City. Yeah. I'll bring him back for the AI.

[Dick Toledo]

We can make it a podcast.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

Songs.

[Dick Toledo]

12 songs a week.

[John Holmberg]

Consider it done. The AI top 40.

[Dick Toledo]

Absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

With Johnny Midnight. Johnny Midnight here in the Kiss. 12:30am To 40 a. At 40. I don't know what's going on. Let's play it. It's the Trooper. Oh, my God. And then I'd have the. The letter. An AI letter. I'd have Chat. GPT write me up. Yes. Dear Johnny, my husband's been in AI jail for over three years. Could you please play Spit or Swallow for his release date? All right. What are we doing?

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah, I gotta kill the trooper.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Kill the troop. Don't say that.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, all right. There's another one I had there.

[John Holmberg]

What's this? We gotta go.

[Dick Toledo]

We gotta go.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Zeppelin's whole lot of love. We don't have to go anywhere. I want to go to a barber shop. And I'm bald.

[Brett Vesely]

All right. N word or F Word? The game to sweep in the nation today is the dog pound.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, this is.

[Brett Vesely]

Let's play house.

[Dick Toledo]

I'm going F word. Word again.

[John Holmberg]

This cover that I'm seeing, they're about to scream the N word.

[Dick Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

That's you in a. I'm gonna say angry way.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[Brady]

Then I'll go friendly.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, here we go. This one. I'm so. This is so, like gobbling and swallowing.

[Brady]

The whole nine and a half on that black ass. Grouping all the.

[John Holmberg]

She's wanna do me from the past of the present. Let me rap and present the biggest hit. Boom. I told biggest.

[Dick Toledo]

I think that was friendly.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, let me rep.

[Brett Vesely]

Here's your lyrics.

[John Holmberg]

He's got the lyrics up. Where was it? Let me present. For what? Let me rep and present the biggest. The biggest. Hitting at the. Hitting all the hose and click.

[Dick Toledo]

It's friendly.

[John Holmberg]

Is he friendly? He's banging all the hoes in your click. He's coming in there to.

[Brady]

It's a complimentary not angry like you. Is it guy who nails all the women.

[John Holmberg]

He's saying can we get a ruling? I think that is a compliment. He is the biggest one of. He's the biggest gentleman. We'll say banging all the hoes in that click and you feel less than because this dude is so awesome. Okay. It's a friendly n word. Well, this is some more true little trooper on the way out. There you go. Hot release is brought to you by new academy unit.com save thousands, save time. Buy online new ac unit.com entertainment drill coming up. Screams of pain as my comrades fall. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect 98. Still streaming Holmberg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com 70phoenix. I like walking around talking like him. How come David Lee never comes down here anymore? Cuz he's 88 years old. That's an awesome thing to be. David Lee has to be in his 70s, right? Has to be right at it. Has to be. He's been doing this voice stuff for 40 years now. What do you got, Brett? Brett won't stop. What's this?

[Brett Vesely]

Your people.

[Brady]

Choose half and I'm watching the late show.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. It's just autumn. Come on. I can't do this. I can't like the artificial world better than. It's so not nice.

[Brady]

Man.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. That's good stuff right there. It's time for the entertainment drill. I just. And I am. I've already. We've already got it started. I'm going to do just an hour of radio. We'll find a place to put it where Brett finds me. 12 songs. I I intro. I do like an hour of old school radio and we'll throw it out there and see if people listen.

[Brett Vesely]

We got three people already saying I'm in. Let me know when and where.

[John Holmberg]

So good. I'm not saying I'll be good at it, but I'm saying the songs will be great.

[Brett Vesely]

Because as long as the Kiss 1230 guy shows back.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm gonna host the whole thing in the character of Johnny Midnight. Johnny Midnight taking over at KISS 1230. How y' all doing today? Welcome to the artificial revolution.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

I'll tell you right now, ladies, it's gonna please you. And it won't even be close to artificial. Let's kick it off. I'll light some candles. I have a gong. Oh, yeah, like Venus Fly trap. I got a lot of plans for this thing I'm probably never gonna do, but I want to, I'll tell you that. Oh, my God. All right. David Lee. Oh, he'd be in a 64. He's only 64. He's been at this for 40 years, and he's always sounded like that. Does he have any kids to take over the family business? This is my son Jeffrey. Little Jeff Lee is gonna take over for the big boy. That's right. I am, daddy. I'm Jeff Lee.

[Brett Vesely]

Almost like Prince and Michael.

[Brady]

So close.

[John Holmberg]

Very close. Very. You can hardly tell him apart. Wouldn't it be an awful thing? David Lee, what do you do for a living, sir? I do the big voices on the radio you hear all over the nation. Okay, well, I'm here to play with your son. Jeff. Come down. Your friends here?

[Brady]

Hi. Let's go home. My name's Jeff Lee.

[John Holmberg]

He's a huge family disappointment, man.

[Brady]

Come on, dude.

[John Holmberg]

I want to get into the same business that you were in. You sound like you're choking to death all the time. It's time for the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] the Home Tactical Black Self defense. And they are having their 25th year approach them their 25th anniversary. Everybody deserves a nice round of applause for that one. Nice work. 2026 March. 25 years of tactical black in our city. And that means there's a lot more sheepdog in the city thanks to them than there were 25 years ago. It's great. And they're going to roll back some prices for the anniversary. One month price. Great. For the holidays. 89 bucks for a full month of training for the first 100 people that get involved in this thing. Get all over this. At least take a taste. Taste it. If you've been thinking about it, you want to get in shape, you're like, what can I do? That's new. John's talking about it all the time. He loves it. Blah, blah, blah, blah. 89 bucks for a full month of training and take advantage of it. If you don't like it, hey, no big deal. But I bet you do. First, 100 people are going to take advantage of this. A great time to get started for this right now before the holidays go and the price is ridiculous, get it for someone else too. It's a good price and you get a month. They got so many things to do in one month. Classes every single day. You just knock this thing out. ReactDefense.com is where you go. Start becoming that sheepdog that lives inside you. You know it's in there. Stop being a sheep, sheep. It's the home of tactical Black Brady Entertainment.

[Brady]

Jimmy Fallon announced People magazine Sexiest man alive last night.

[John Holmberg]

He did?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Do you have the music, Brett? Maybe.

[Brett Vesely]

Hang on.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't know if he was. He introduced the stretch bridge.

[Brady]

It was Jonathan Bailey.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know who that is.

[Brady]

From Bridgerton. He's Lord Anthony Bridgerton. He's also commercial. First fly arrow in the Wicked movies. Dr. Harry Loomis, Jurassic World, Rebirth. He kind of looks like we're landing, Jimmy. Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

I can't believe it. Just introduced sexiest man alive and now it's time for me to come on your show.

[Brady]

Was it crazy last night?

[John Holmberg]

That's insane. It's the sexiest man alive. But it was unbelievable. Oh, my God, it's so much fun. I had some adventurous sex. Miller coming in to second this year. Brady Bogan. Wow. Oh, man. The only requirement you miss on being sexiest male lives. You must have an even number of kidneys. Okay.

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

Odd number of kidneys.

[Brett Vesely]

Got him.

[John Holmberg]

Only got one, Brett. I can't believe what's going on right now. Oh, Jimmy. Also, we had to make a last minute change because right before we went on air, we found out the guy we were going to name sexiest man alive had passed away. It was Dick Cheney. Dick Cheney was sexy. Spent life. And then we had to move on.

[Brady]

It over to Jonathan Bailey, the gay guy from Wicked.

[John Holmberg]

The man I reached. The bow and yang are like, no. How come an Asian can't win Sexiest man alive? Brett, do you know?

[Brett Vesely]

No, I don't.

[John Holmberg]

Because he's Asian.

[Brady]

Okay. Good one, Jimmy.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Jimmy Fallon. Tonight on the show Click Shelton, Glenn Stefani, Justin Timberlake is going to pop by. Couple of skits, couple of skits we're going to do and then we're going to slap Drake in the face. It's going to be a great time. And the music from Gunna. All right, we'll talk to you later.

[Brady]

When Charlie Sheen was having sex with men, when he's talking about in the documentary. Sure, I've dabbled.

[John Holmberg]

He just didn't take it in the ass.

[Brady]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I read that too.

[Brady]

Said, whoa, whoa, whoa. There's no back door action.

[John Holmberg]

Stop saying you had sex with men. Because that's the first thing we think lead with. I never got banged, but I did blow dudes. Like, that's the thing. But don't say I had sex with men and then have to, like, a month later, tell me that the anus is still platinum.

[Brady]

Tell all you do on this one. Oscar winners who also became super villains.

[John Holmberg]

In movies or in real life?

[Brady]

In movies. Okay, I'll give you Nicholson.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brady]

Correct.

[John Holmberg]

Jack Nicholson. Robert Downey Jr. No, he wasn't a villain, was he? Tommy Lee Jones.

[Brady]

Yep. Batman Forever.

[Brett Vesely]

Villain. Is that what you're saying, or is it super villain?

[John Holmberg]

Super villain.

[Brady]

Yeah, super villain.

[John Holmberg]

So you go back to.

[Brett Vesely]

I watch enough of those movies.

[Brady]

Yeah. Some of them you won't know. Like Jeff Bridges.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Obadiah Stain. And Iron Man.

[John Holmberg]

And Iron Man. Morgan Freeman was never a bad guy.

[Brady]

There's a big one that you. It's.

[John Holmberg]

Well.

[Brady]

Well, he died.

[John Holmberg]

Not Jared Leto. He was the Joker.

[Brett Vesely]

Did he win an Oscar for Jared Leto?

[John Holmberg]

Won for a couple of things. Or. No, he got the one didn't he get for Dallas buyers?

[Brady]

They don't have him on the list. I don't. Yeah, no, he's not on there.

[John Holmberg]

You mean that guy got aids for real? And didn't someone else did.

[Brady]

On his. On one of the movies he did Viola Davis.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, from Suicide Squad. But she was a bad guy in that.

[Brady]

Yep. Amanda. Amanda Wall.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. All right. What's the other ones?

[Brady]

Gene Hackman.

[John Holmberg]

The Hackman.

[Brady]

Jamie Foxx.

[John Holmberg]

What was he a bad guy?

[Brady]

He was Electro. And the amazing Spider Man 2 ended Spider Man. No way home. No way home. Marion K. She played in the Dark Knight Rises.

[John Holmberg]

She was the one that killed Razakul. It's Rasagul's daughter. What did she win an Academy Awards?

[Brady]

Kate Blanchett.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, hold on.

[Brady]

What did she won for La Vie?

[John Holmberg]

Amaro's. That's right. Ah, shoot.

[Brady]

Cate Blanchett.

[John Holmberg]

I wouldn't remember that.

[Brady]

She's double Oscar winner. Elizabeth Blue Jasmine. She was Hella. And Thor Ragnarok.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody watched them. I mean, everybody watched, but nobody remembers those movies.

[Brady]

And Heath Ledger.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. But yeah, he had Brokeback and the Joker, right?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Did he win for Brokeback? Had to. He was amazing in the movie. And yes, unlike Charlie Sheen, he took it in the ass.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, did he? Did they switch off? I never seen the movie.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he was actually the dominant. Right. I think Jack Twist gave him a ride once.

[Brady]

He actually won his Oscar playing the villain.

[John Holmberg]

He won it for Joker. Yeah, he didn't win for Brokeback.

[Brett Vesely]

That's probably died. That's.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he did a great job in Brokeback Mountain. He's incredible. It's Marlon Brando. He's unreal he's. He's incredible. It's just the. The tent scene that just throws the fellas.

[Brady]

And finally, the group One Million Moms is upset with Wheel of Fortune.

[Brett Vesely]

Who the hell is that?

[John Holmberg]

It's a million moms.

[Brady]

One million Karens. For the insinuated profanity in the puzzle category. What the fun. They launched a petition asking the producers to clean things up on Wheel of Fortune.

[John Holmberg]

I'd like to launch a petition to have the sticks removed from 1 million.

[Brady]

Moms division of the American Family Association.

[John Holmberg]

The million moms with sticks in their asses needs a. They need some oil and a good pull.

[Brady]

No, so far they've got.

[John Holmberg]

You want to dry. You want to. You're punishing them. I'll oil them up and get it out. If they put it back in, then we go dry.

[Brady]

The petition. They're a little light from One Million Moms. So far it's close to 12,000 signatures.

[John Holmberg]

If I was Ryan Seacrest, I'd be like, I'm sorry. They wanted us to change. What the fun. So tonight's puzzle is called what the. Oh didn't beat. What the. And we're going for it. We're not even going to play around anymore. What the fun.

[Brady]

Stupid.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's a million moms you can tell to go off. Just cuz you've got your STD living at your house doesn't mean that we have to change our lives. Wheel of Fortune is not dirty.

[Brady]

Your kid wasn't watching.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's going to be 1 million kids on drugs because their moms are way too over the top of them. They will replace Bell. That's it. It's 1014. John, where were you? Good Lord. Larry's gonna give away his excellent adventure. He's got three grand for you. Listen to Larry. Find out how you can win $3,000 right from him and Valley Toyota dealers. That's a pretty good deal. And then of course, Fitz gets it going again at 2 o'. Clock. More money. All the money we have, we're giving to you. It's getting close to the holidays. We're just handing it away. We're done. We'll see you guys tomorrow. Right here in the morning sickness. Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. Hey, Mrs. Sarah. Look, I'm standing out front of AM PM right now and well, you're sweet and all, but I found something more fulfilling, even kind of cheesy. But I like it. Sure you met some of my dietary needs, but they've just got it all. So farewell oatmeal. So long you strange soggy. Break up with bland breakfast and taste. AM PMs bacon, egg and cheese biscuit made with cage free eggs, smoked bacon, and melty cheese on a buttery biscuit. AM PM Too much Good stuff.

[Brady]

I'm Mike King from the podcast Profiling Evil, a place where true crime meets behavioral science. I spent my career investigating serial predators and studying the psychology behind them. Here, we don't just talk about what criminals did, we explore why they do what they do. We expose manipulation and control, look at how offenders select their victims and uncover the ways that they try to avoid detection. You can find Profiling Evil on your favorite podcast platform.