11-06-25 - Irish Neighborhood Calls Police Over Lion Sighting That Was A Dog - Realizing How Bad Bridesmaids Competing For Bouquets Are If They're Bigguns - Father Kills Himself Before Sentencing In Daughter's Hot Car Death - John's Idea To Hold NFL O...

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona
Episode: 11-06-25 – Irish Neighborhood Calls Police Over Lion Sighting That Was A Dog / Wedding Traditions & NFL Ownership Rants / Tragic Local Story
Date: November 6, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, Ray (Guest/Impersonator)

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Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness blends irreverent humor and sharp cultural commentary on Arizona’s sports franchises, Irish drinking stereotypes, absurd wedding traditions, and a serious, tragic local news story. John Holmberg and crew deliver fast-paced banter, with segments moving seamlessly from riotous improv (including Irish accents), biting takes on the NFL’s Arizona Cardinals management, and the inherent futility of certain sports fandoms in Phoenix. The episode’s tone shifts as they discuss a harrowing hot-car child death case and its aftermath.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Arizona Sports Franchise Loyalty and Futility

(01:44–05:13, 18:19–25:23, 51:58–59:27)

• John Holmberg critiques the unrelenting loyalty of Arizona Cardinals fans, comparing the emotional toll of supporting hopeless franchises to unhealthy relationships.
• Compares his experiences as a former Cubs fan and current Steelers supporter.
• Discussion of how rare championships bring less elation and more relief—“like signing divorce papers.”
• Audience emails defended Cardinals loyalty, Holmberg acknowledges the “addiction” of sports fandom.

Notable Quote (John):
"When a franchise is toxic, when they finally win the big one, it doesn't feel good ... That Cubs World Championship was more of a relief. It was almost like, remember the day you signed divorce papers? You're like, oh, this is over. It's exactly how it felt." (04:39)

• Explores Phoenix Mercury/WNBA dominance vs. the Cardinals’ record, acknowledging Mercury's championships but lampooning their parade and attendance (“lesbian tsunami”).
• Jokes about fans “cheering for laundry” and teams’ perpetual requests for money.

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2. Hilarious Irish Lion Sighting Story

(05:13–17:08)

• Extended, goofy riff on the news story: an Irish neighborhood called police repeatedly to report a “lion” roaming the streets—later revealed to be a Newfoundland dog with a haircut.
• The show launches into recurring Irish accents and imaginative “drunk neighbor” dialogues, lampooning Irish stereotypes and dispatchers’ reactions.
• Jokes about recurring false animal sightings (pterodactyls, woolly mammoths) tied to heavy drinking culture.

Notable Quote (Ray, Irish accent):
"I'm pretty sure there's a woolly mammoth walking about here in Kilkenny ... Get big tusks. Giant. Only the tusks look like wood. They're not white." (07:45)

• Satirical commentary on global news over-sharing, i.e., the triviality of foreign “lion sightings” being news in Phoenix.
• Continues the joke into Irish animal welfare: “fresh bowl of beer for every dog” and the Irish Humane Society.

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3. The Insanity of Wedding Traditions

(25:40–37:36)

• Classic “Morning Sickness” humor on competitive bouquet-catching at weddings—often most aggressive when bridesmaids are larger (“bigguns”).
• Discussed the absurd fervor over catching the bouquet/garter, likens the Cardinals to “the fat bitch that's never been married” at a wedding.
• Criticizes the “magical thinking” of traditions; stories of desperate dives and “inside deals.”

Notable Quote (Audience email, read by Johnny):
"So the Steelers are like a bridesmaid. They haven't been a bride for a bit, but at least they get to go to the bridal party. The Cardinals are the fat bitch that's never been married. Dives for the bouquet, hoping for some luck with three picks." (25:40)

• Bemoans awkward moments when the groom removes the garter, jokes about playing “Eat It” by Weird Al during the act.

Notable Quote (Johnny):
"The only part of weddings I enjoy is when people make complete asses of themselves over the folklore and tradition that has no backing at all. There's no scientific need to try to kill each other over that." (31:25)

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4. Tragic Local Story: Father’s Suicide Before Sentencing in Daughter’s Hot Car Death

(37:44–50:48)

• Somber discussion of the death of a two-year-old in a hot car; father repeatedly left kids in the car “with the air on” to game and watch porn.
• Text message evidence of pattern; wife begged him to stop, elder daughter sued for emotional distress.
• One listener emails in claiming familial ties, expressing that the story’s media coverage doesn’t represent the man they knew.
• Reflects on gray areas of justice, forgiveness, societal punishment, and the cost to the family.
• Conversation includes personal stories about nearly forgetting children in cars, exploring daily parenting anxieties.

Notable Quote (Johnny):
"That poor bastard. I feel terrible for that family. It's just awful to see. Now he killed himself because the state put the heat on him to be responsible for this in prison when they could have just led him back to the family and let him live in his own hell." (47:44)

• Audience emails debate culpability, the logic of legal reprieve in cases where the family wants the perpetrator back.

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5. John’s Radical Plan to Hold NFL Owners Accountable

(51:58–59:27)

• John’s proposal: NFL seasons ticket holders should be able to vote out underperforming owners after fixed periods (5–7 years without a winning season).
• Discussion on other sports teams’ (Rattlers, Bears, Jets, Titans) futility and how serial losing should trigger ownership changes.
• Playful banter about “dynamic ticket pricing” depending on team’s success.

Notable Quotes:

• (John): “If you have two overall number one picks, you have to sell your franchise ... And you didn't trade for them, you earned them.” (53:24)
• (John): “We should be the board as fans and vote out the powers that be. At least suspend them for seven years and a new owner has to come in.” (54:34)

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Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “The Cardinals are like a wife that makes an announcement she hates blowjobs.” — John (02:51)
• “The Irish dispatch has to be the hardest job on the planet ... to keep a straight face.” — Johnny (08:44)
• “It's like being in Boston all the time.” — Johnny, on Irish drinking (10:37)
• “Trust me, my old boxing trainer Ray was great at drinking. Terrible at being drunk, though, but great at getting there.” — Johnny (14:33)
• “If you catch the bouquet, that's great. You're next to get married. But if the garter hits the ground, you're going to disintegrate in your sleep.” — Johnny (27:37)
• “He could put them away fast and then you'd find him in your house somewhere ... ordering a hooker.” — Johnny on Ray (15:22)
• On the Mercury's championship parade: “They just took a city bus ... plopped a couple of the lesbians on top, and then drove it around for 2, 10 minutes.” — Johnny (24:03)**
• “Dudes who catch garter belts are equally funny.” — Johnny (31:25)
• “If a player doesn't perform, he's cut. Coaches get fired except the owners.” — John (54:34)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Arizona Sports Loyalty Riff / Cubs Story: 01:44–05:13
• Irish Drunks & Lion Story: 05:13–17:08
• Wedding Tradition Rants: 25:40–37:36
• Tragic Hot-Car Death & Aftermath: 37:44–50:48
• NFL Ownership Reform Rant: 51:58–59:27

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Tone & Style

The show mixes goofy improv and regional jabs (especially at Irish culture and Phoenix sports), veering from raucous to somber as topics demand, but always cycling back to irreverence and audience engagement. The hosts frequently read and respond to listener emails, maintaining a “barroom banter” energy, particularly in disagreements.

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Summary for New Listeners

This episode is a whirlwind of regional sports despair, outrageous comedic riffing on Irish stereotypes, cultural critiques of American wedding customs, and an unflinching exploration of a local tragedy—all seasoned with audience interactivity and razor-sharp, sometimes dark, wit. Even without prior knowledge of Arizona sports or the hosts’ inside jokes, the energy, improvisation, and social commentary showcase why Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is Arizona’s top morning show.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[John]

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[Johnny]

Still streaming Homburg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com thanks miles to nowhere. That's Katie and the Hobbs getting us kicked off here once again. The seven o' clock word is coming your way in just moments. Get ready for that. Our conversation about Matt Khalil created conversations in people's homes. Guy emails in and says, my wife was listening with me and told me, don't you worry, I'm Never going to divorce you because of that. And then people are mad at me about saying you should leave the Cardinals. Now I'm just saying it's, you know, you don't have to look at my situation and get mad. The Steelers have more anything for a long time. You're right. But which franchise has given more joy to the fan base? I ask you that. Which one has? You're going to draft another 21st pick and be average again next year. Maybe you're right. You're going to draft second or third again and strike out again. How often can this franchise disappoint you?

[John]

And if you look at the history.

[Johnny]

Of their history, proves for the Steelers, right, the drought is pretty reasonable. You know, we have a long right now. It's been like, wow, it's been a long time since we've been to the Super Bowl. We've been there eight times. This franchise gives back. The Cardinals are like a wife that, like, makes an announcement that she hates blowjobs. Whoa. To everybody. You're like, wait a second, is my wife screaming that she'll never do that? Yes, I will never do that. This one says, john, you said it a while ago with the Suns. I want them to win so bad so I can finally be done with it. 40 years of their crap and I'm ready to be over it. Yeah, Sports has us. Chael Sonnen got me years ago when he said that after a while, you're just cheering for laundry. And they just keep asking for more money. What are they giving you? It is great joy. There is a lot of fun to it, but, man, when a franchise just can't do it. And Justin, I understand your pain. Justin emails quite a bit. He says, john, I enjoy this show well enough. You're certainly better than any other show in the Valley. But every time you tell us Cardinal fans to switch teams like a woman, I count the days left on your contract. Go F yourself and God bless Justin. That's true. Justin, I accept that. I understand it's emotional and I'm tapping a nerve, but I'm just trying to open your eyes. Trying to open your eyes a little bit to the idea that this franchise is going to continually let you down. I know this from being a Cubs fan. I'm like one of those dudes who is an addict and got aids. And now I'm telling you, hey, here's how you avoid that. And they cured my aids, but I had AIDS for a long time and now I'm trying to help folks out. I know you don't want to hear it. You got to live your life and go to the clubs and maybe get AIDS too.

[John]

Your eyes have been opened.

[Johnny]

But I'll just say when a franchise is toxic, when they finally win the big one, it doesn't feel good. Oops, sorry. It doesn't feel good. Just makes you go, all right, I can walk away now. Now I know what that is. And it wasn't that great. Wasn't worth the wait. You think it is, but it's not. That Cubs World championship was more of a relief. It was almost like, remember the day you signed divorce papers? You're like, oh, this is over. It's exactly how it felt. And you try to fake like, yay.

[Ray]

This is the greatest day ever.

[Johnny]

Like, I'm not feeling anything extra. This is. I just want to go to sleep. Pretty amazing. I saw a story this morning, made me laugh hysterically and it made me realize that it should be in the news probably every day. And I'm surprised it's not in Ireland. There were a bunch of phone calls to the local police department.

[Ray]

Hey, I gotta look out the window there and I seen my. There's a loose lion outside.

[Johnny]

All right, all right, have another drink. All right, have another one. Have another one.

[Ray]

Calm her down over there, Ray. You're good.

[Johnny]

Click, phone rings. Good eye.

[Ray]

Just looking out the window there. So lying loose lion walking about. Alright, alright, that's enough. This joke's. This joke's going on long enough now, that's enough.

[Johnny]

Click, phone rings.

[Ray]

Hi, police department. There's a loose lion rock walking about. Yeah, you gotta probably go look at this.

[Johnny]

People think there's a loose lion. Usually a bunch of Irish drunks. Somebody cut their dog like this and Irish drunks thought it was a lion walking the streets. He just had a haircut. Clearly the Irish have never been to a zoo or remember it. My guess is the latter.

[John]

It's a dwarf lion.

[Ray]

Yeah, it's like a tiny little lion. But I still ain't going outside. It's got mine.

[Johnny]

What do you think it weighs?

[Ray]

I don't know, six stone?

[Johnny]

Oh, it's. Wait a minute. What? It's only like £90.

[Ray]

Yeah, it's not. I didn't say it was a killer line, but it's lying nonetheless.

[John]

It's a baby.

[Ray]

It's a line out there. It's a little wee lion walking about.

[Johnny]

Not letting it.

[Ray]

Not going out there. I've got 14 kids. What do you think? 11 or 14 kids out there lying.

[Brett Vesely]

Eat it weighs about 10 pints.

[Ray]

Yeah, I Don't know what he looks like. He'd take down about nine or ten pints.

[John]

It's a wee lion.

[Ray]

It's not a great big lion. I'm calling about the lion, though. Where are you? If I don't hear the sirens coming soon in that Irish way, I'm gonna get upset.

[Johnny]

So, yeah, police in Ireland had to investigate a vid and people sending videos.

[Ray]

I told you, look, it's a lion.

[Johnny]

And from a distance, the other drunk Irish cops, like, I'll be.

[Ray]

Blarney, blarney, blarney, it's a lion. Faith in Begora.

[Johnny]

Whatever.

[John]

County Kerry.

[Ray]

Yeah, whatever, whatever. Faith in Begora means there is one.

[Johnny]

So even the drunk cops in Ireland went out and investigated, found out it was a Newfoundland with a haircut.

[Ray]

Nothing to be afraid of, just a great big dog.

[Johnny]

And also, nobody's talking about in the news story why the Newfoundland was free to roam. Oh, yeah. His owner was drunk at home, passed out, and the door was open. It's Ireland. No one should ever take an Irishman seriously when they see a wild beast, because they're wrong. Their eyes are playing tricks on them.

[Ray]

Looked outside, I'm pretty sure there's a woolly mammoth walking about here in Kilkenny. Kilcork, John O'Reilly. I got him outside. He's out there. He's walking about. Woolly mammoth, no doubt about it.

[Johnny]

And it's just a dog with a stick in its mouth.

[Ray]

Get big tusks. Giant. Only the tusks look like wood. They're not white.

[Johnny]

So he should have been brushing.

[Ray]

Ah, turned out it was just a. That damn Newfoundland got out again, started carrying a stick around, thought it was a woolly mammoth. Been reading about that one. Whatever it means. Faith in Bego.

[Johnny]

But it made the news, which made me just say weird. We've got plenty of news. I think we've got too much news that when in Ireland, one of them sees a lion, we report it. They see that stuff every day.

[Ray]

There's unicorn on my neighbor's roof.

[Johnny]

I believe that's the chimney. Nope. It's got horn on top.

[Ray]

Smokes. It blows smoke out.

[Johnny]

Yeah, you're just seeing things. Go back to bed, Seamus.

[John]

After so many calls, they have to report on it.

[Johnny]

Yeah. How many times the cops get calls. And that made me realize that the Irish dispatch has to be the hardest job on the planet. Well, to keep a straight face.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, I mean.

[Johnny]

Well, they're drunk too, though. Well, that's true, because it would be.

[Ray]

Definitely like, kill Kenny, kill court killer, police department how are you? Yeah, I'd just like to report a. We got ourselves a gigantic pterodactyl is sitting on my neighbor's house right here. You don't say.

[Johnny]

She would never question it.

[Ray]

Could you describe the pterodactyl? Yeah, it's like a pterodactyl. I mean, how would you describe it? I've seen pterodactyls in the. Remember when you were in school and stuff? Hi. That's what says great big wings does have a. Is it neat looking? Oh, yeah, it's neat. It's pterodactyl. I mean, yeah, of course it's neat. Are you guys gonna come investigate the pterodactyl? We're gonna wait till morning. The last time we did that light reflected back and it just turned out to be a puddle that you saw your face in and made some sort of weird thing. Hey, that's true, but. All right, we'll wait till tomorrow. So far.

[Johnny]

Yeah. You know what?

[Ray]

Let's meet at the pub and talk about it. Gotta ask you real quick before we send out a squad. What are you doing tonight? About six pints in. It was over at the Kilkenny Kill Court Kielport Pub.

[John]

Yeah.

[Ray]

Why don't you sleep this one off and if the terry doctor still there in the morning, we'll come by. Yeah, it's probably for the best.

[Johnny]

I'll have a pint and go to bed.

[Ray]

Don't forget to brush your teeth with a pint. Of course I'll brush my teeth with a pint. I'm a human being, for Christ's sake. We have Crest over here. Brett. Now I'm on the phone with Brett.

[John]

How you doing?

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, how you doing?

[Ray]

Yeah, we have Crest over here. It's Guinness flavored. Yeah, we're all alcoholics is what he's saying.

[Johnny]

That's right. Yeah.

[Ray]

The lady on the phone's talking about how we're all alcoholics. We see things and then we call the police about it. Yeah, that's what we do. We're Irish, we're drunks. It's like being in Boston all the time.

[Johnny]

Yeah, I last hysterically. I'm like. The news picked this up.

[John]

It goes silent a lot of times for like a minute. How long was out.

[Ray]

Kill Kitty killed Court Kill. Perry Police department. Can I help you? I forgot why I called you. Well, that's all right. Just give it a minute. You'll figure it out. Have a pint. Yeah, I'll probably have a pint. Look out the window. There it is. There's a lion loose in my neighborhood. Yeah, we've gotten calls about that. How big is it? I don't know. It's too big to be a dog. Too small to be a horse. To lion. We'll send somebody over once he sobers up.

[Johnny]

Now we're gonna need that stupid. And it's on the news. It's on Channel 10, for Christ's sake. In Phoenix. Bunch of drunk. And they never mentioned that they were drunk. Of course they were drunk. They say Irish, so I guess they do kind of mention it. And you know, the night before. That's a pretty big dog you got there. You know, it'd be hilarious.

[Ray]

What's that?

[Johnny]

We shaved it up to look like a lion. Let it out. Oh my God. It would drive the neighbors mad. I bet you they think it was a real lion.

[Ray]

I bet we make the news.

[John]

He's the one that called. He shaved it up. Yeah, forgot he did it.

[Ray]

Ate me. Dog kill. Can he kill court Kill Perry? Can I help you? Yeah, there's a line out there. Remember the one I told you about? It just my dog's missing. Now I'm not great with math, but I'd have to say. Did you recently cut your dog to look like a lion?

[Johnny]

I.

[Ray]

You following? I don't get what you're saying, lass. I think you're looking at your dog. You're saying that I have a lion for a dog? No, not really.

[Johnny]

They made the news and it's nationwide in America. And I like we've got too much information circulating in this world that drunken Irish phone calls to the cops are now news here.

[Brett Vesely]

I'd get it if it was around St. Patrick's Day, but we still got.

[Johnny]

A little time short. Imagine if it was St. Patrick's Day. They'd all burn the town down in their little grass roofed houses.

[John]

And don't worry, there's a reason to drink there.

[Johnny]

Yeah, they're plague infested rat homes. That's all Ireland is. Green grass and drunks and plague. If you haven't guessed, I only like one country in the whole world. Australia. Yeah, the usa. But yeah, the cops came out nothing but a dog. Don't worry about it. Lots of adrenaline. We could all lay down.

[Ray]

You know, the adrenaline sobered me up.

[Johnny]

I know we need to go back to the pub and fix this. Hey, I got one question for you. And I don't want to be a guy who accuses you of animal abuse. How come this dog has not got a fresh bowl of beer in front.

[Ray]

Of It I give him water.

[Johnny]

You are abusing that animal.

[Ray]

Pour some Guinness in there and treat.

[Johnny]

This dog like an Irish dog. That's the rule of the Irish Humane Society. It has to have shelter and it has to have a fresh bowl of beer in front of it at all times or else they're gonna take it away. Great toy, though.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that what lost our home does for the Irish setter?

[Johnny]

The Irish settlers coming?

[Ray]

Aye, I'm lost again.

[Johnny]

Hey. I don't know where my owners are and I don't have a chip. I sold it for a beer. Come on in. We'll put you in your shelter again. I just need a place to crash. It's not lost our home. I'm just currently lost from my home. Could you call my owners? I'll do the pick of the litter today. If it's an Irish setter, I'll be like, this one's not like here for real reasons. Trust me, man, I gotta find my way around. But to the Irish setters, we show up being really drunk all the time. We don't even bark. We just kind of make make noises. This guy says, I spent most of my life as an Irish drunk and had to give it up for physical health reasons. John. But I laugh at every Irish joke there is because they're all true. And I've never been offended when I was drunk or even now sober. The filthy Irish.

[Ray]

You've seen us, right? It's not a stereotype.

[Johnny]

They don't have alcoholics Anonymous over there. They just have alcoholics. That's it. They don't care about the keeping it quiet. It's a race. Trust me. My old boxing trainer Ray was great at drinking. Terrible at being drunk, though, but great at getting there. He could put him away fast and then you'd find him in your house somewhere. Ray over and you thought he left. Worst night of my life. We had a few people over hanging around. Ray broke my ribs because he walked up to me, goes, Johnny, you're getting.

[Ray]

Pretty good at that boxing there. I've been doing a good job training.

[Johnny]

I'm like, awesome. Oh, he's on the ready, like, thanks, Ray. Want another beer? Of course. Want another beer? And as I'm cracking the beer, he hauled off and hit me in the ribs so hard.

[Ray]

Oh, why? I still always got to have those elbows up, don't you?

[Johnny]

We're not fighting, so my ribs were black. I couldn't breathe. I'm walking down the hall, turning lights off, and I look in the like, Jesus Christ. And it's Ray on my computer ordering a hooker. Look at this one. She'll meet me at Circle Cage only. I need a ride. I'm like, no medicate K u p.

[Commercial Announcer]

D. All right, HMS Podcast. Time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Downtown at Stand Up Live, you've got Moshe Kasher and the pride of Jacksonville, Florida, Lil Duvall performing Desert Ridge up North features the very funny Hans Kim. And Eastside at the Tempe Improv has two entertaining comedians with Alvin Kawai and Basim Youssef. For the complete lineups and for Tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com why.

[Johnny]

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[John]

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[Johnny]

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[John]

Sickness and a couple of quid.

[Johnny]

Yeah, I need. Actually did need money. And then two days later, hey, I gotta cancel. Like, why? Got a court appearance. For what?

[Ray]

I got wrapped up in some nonsense, man.

[Johnny]

That night of your party, like, a little bit.

[Ray]

Yeah, it was that night.

[Johnny]

Was it the prostitute at Circle K?

[Ray]

She might have been involved.

[Johnny]

Like, oh, God, I need 1500American dollars. No, Johnny would be doing me a huge one.

[John]

Good for it.

[Johnny]

He'd be doing me a huge one. Yeah, you don't have to tell me that. Giving you 1,500 bucks is doing you a huge one. I can't breathe. You broke my ribs.

[Ray]

Did I do that? I should had your elbows down.

[Johnny]

We weren't fighting.

[Ray]

Yeah, but if we were, it broke your ribs.

[Johnny]

Yeah, you did. Anyway, so it doesn't matter. You want money now? I got medical bills.

[Ray]

By the way, you have like, five.

[Johnny]

Lions in your backyard. No, I'm hanging up. Seven o'. Clock. Code word this morning is boss. B O SS Boss. Like Brady boss. Kupd. I'm entering B O. S S boss. And I have to say a quick hello to the gang over at Lifted Trucks. I was there yesterday because they've got a Bronco. I'm looking at those Broncos. I think they're kind of neat. So I took a Gander at 1 yesterday and the sales guy came out and I gave him my license to test drive it. And then everybody came out and they're big fans of the show. And then one of them's like, oh, man. We were just talking about our favorite Guadalupe Squares characters. I'm like, you guys need better conversations. This is terrible.

[Ray]

And then you roll.

[Johnny]

And then he goes, you're here. It's like, this is so cool. We've been listening for blah, blah, blah. And they go on. I'm like, this is very nice of all of you. GM comes out. They're all listeners. It was amazing. And then the one guy says, is Brady with you? Like, we've been standing in the parking lot for eight minutes. Where do you think he would be?

[John]

Open the trunk.

[Johnny]

Is he in the car? We'll search it. I bet you Brady's in there. Did you just inflate him or what? How does it work? Like, yeah, no, Brady's not with me. It's. Why would he. It's seven o' clock on a Wednesday night. Why is Brady.

[Ray]

Well, just.

[Johnny]

I didn't know. I didn't know if you guys were always together. No, we're not. It's weird, but they were awesome. They were really cool and they got a lot of cool stuff over there. So it was very nice of them to come out and say that and be nice to us. And I have to go back over there a little later today because they're special. Ordering one from another store to come over to see if I like that one. Those are neat cars. I actually really like those. This guy says a Cards fan. John, Real moment here. The Mercury have three titles. Let that sink in. The WNBA has more title wins than the Cardinals. Let this sink in. The WNBA has the most titles in the city of any, including college sports team.

[John]

I think I can hear the cheers coming.

[Johnny]

Title nine just vaginally exploded. It was a lesbian tsunami when I said that. They have more titles as a professional sports franchise than any Arizona, anything at all. Including Mesa Community College, which won that weird thing over Rick's College. College every few years in the 70s. And they used to have a banner up at Mesa Community College says like five time world champions of Division 43 NCAA knockoff football. And then it said defeated Rick's College. And if you've defeated Rick's College, Hell's Rick's College. It's in Idaho. It's. It's the, the best moment I've ever had about Rick's college was not. When I went to Mesa Community College to recognize there is a Ricks College, but Napoleon Dynamite had a shirt that said Rick's College on it. So I was like, oh, my God, it's real. For years I thought MCC just made up championships against like, like barber schools and Rick's College and stuff like that. But no, they actually did win some stuff and they. Prior to that, they were the big ones. But for the most part, you're looking at the Mercury is the best run franchise and they were in it again this year. By the way, those Mercury fans are being treated to quite the payoff for their investment. Now they have to sit through girls basketball, which is just brutal. But I will say they're delivering to their fan base. And the Diamondbacks, to a certain degree, delivering to their fan base. Not winning a lot, but getting you there and competing CT's in you. 2023 was a shocker, but they got there. And the franchise tries. The Cardinals, I don't know what they're doing. Every time they try, they're bad. It gets worse the more they try.

[Brett Vesely]

This guy said that you should have. You should have teleported Brady like you did to Bull for us.

[Johnny]

Oh, you guys want to talk to Brady? Hold on a second. Brady, I need you to come by here.

[Ray]

But I'm at home having dinner.

[Johnny]

Yeah, I need you to come by anyway and could you just.

[Ray]

Yeah, fine.

[Johnny]

Hit the button.

[Ray]

All right, I'll see you in a second. Hey, guys.

[Johnny]

What's up?

[Ray]

Lifted trucks.

[John]

It's Brady Bogan.

[Ray]

Stand in the parking lot here. From Brady's Morning Cup.

[Johnny]

Nice whips.

[John]

Whoa.

[Johnny]

They've got a teleporting machine and it's lifted anyway. Yeah, it's kind of. Kind of creepy.

[John]

I guess the Rattlers had seven championships, but I know it's on the bubble.

[Johnny]

It doesn't count. That's not even a sport. That's just a hobby. That's like pickleball, this guy says.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, but the Mercury doesn't have any actual competition where every other sports franchise does.

[Ray]

I'm going to go ahead and say.

[Johnny]

That it's hard to. I'm defending them. It's. It's hard to say that there isn't competition when everything's so awful, but they're so equally balanced at being sucky that it is fair competition. Yeah, but I mean, it would be different if the Mercury were so incredible, like Michael Jordan compared to the rest of the. They're not.

[John]

Yeah. Everybody was like. It was like, they're like The Globetrotters.

[Johnny]

Right. And they're just running circles around them. It's pretty. When you watch a WNBA game, you're like, they're all terrible at it together as teams now there's some individuals that are pretty good, but as teams they're all pretty equally. So the competition, as poor as it is, is still even so you can't say that they're walking into the finals every year just because they're that much better. That's not the case. The Rattlers have seven. But I mean, come on. I don't even know where they play.

[John]

The Arena Bowls.

[Johnny]

Like where. Where's their stadium?

[John]

Oh, are.

[Johnny]

Yeah. You don't know either. Who are they out at the old hockey arena? No. Rattlers.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I think they're dying.

[Johnny]

The old hockey.

[Brett Vesely]

Right.

[Johnny]

But we're not sure. Ask Dale.

[Brett Vesely]

Isn't he announced something?

[Johnny]

Yeah, right. Hilarious. It doesn't quite count by the way. Rick's college is now byu Idaho. I didn't know that. They bought them. So bricks is. No. So now they got to take that down over to McClusing MCC at Stuff and like we're not a real thing.

[Brett Vesely]

Everybody's sticking up for the rat was you got 10.

[Johnny]

They have 10. Seven a second ago. They've won three since we started.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, come on.

[Johnny]

They're that good. They don't count. And if you're hanging onto that, that's proof. It's even worse for you as a Cardinal fan. Well, the rattlers have 10.

[Ray]

We're not all useless, like kinda.

[Johnny]

I'm not hanging my hat on Rattlers championships to represent the state when you've got all the major sports. Safer hockey here in the town. If the Rattlers are your crown jewel, your crown sucks, that's all. And I'm not saying I don't understand your loyalty. I get it. I'm just telling you this franchise does not leave you in a good position regularly. So it may be time to sit back and say what's best for me. Am I cheering for laundry out of habit or do I really love this team? You're not going to be that loyal to anything else. Did the Mercury get all those titles with that giant tranny we had to rescue from Russia? Yeah, I know there's some. There's some pent up frustration there with Mercury championships. I don't know if Brittney Griner got a championship with the Mercury. I don't pay attention to it. That close. I know they got a few years ago. I don't know if Brittany ever Walked with the trophy. I think she did once. And they had that pathetic parade in the middle of summer that nobody went to. I don't even think they closed the roads. I think they just took a city bus with the Mercury on it down the street, plopped a couple of the lesbians on top, and then drove it around for 2, 10 minutes, got a.

[John]

Championship, then win international after that.

[Johnny]

Yeah, and. Yeah, and then just. I tried to get one and I don't know. I think the thing I remember most about the. The Mercury Championship was this. There's the bus coming down. There it is.

[Ray]

Move that bus.

[Johnny]

Oh, Jesus. The workers need to get back in. Just clogging up traffic. This one says so. The Steelers are like a bridesmaid. They haven't been a bride for a bit, but at least they get to go to the bridal party. The Cardinals are the fat bitch that's never been married. Dives for the bouquet, hoping for some luck with three picks. This is exactly correct. The fat broad that keeps diving at that. That ricocheting garter. Well, these years I'm gonna nab that. I'm next.

[John]

The. The bouquet.

[Johnny]

Yeah. They throw a bouquet and then what's the garter do for the men? Oh, is that for fellas?

[John]

Yeah.

[Johnny]

Yeah. I never ever stood up for that. I'd never been so desperate to want to use wizardry and magic to try to marry Someone.

[John]

I've got 35.

[Johnny]

Did you ever stand there and try to catch one of those?

[John]

I've been in the crowd before.

[Johnny]

Really? Did you try? No, I found that pathetic.

[John]

Usually in the back you go up there.

[Johnny]

I've seen broads, like, bang into each other and stuff. Banging and rolling and trying to kill each other over that. Like it has some sort of scientific backing.

[John]

You've probably seen some tumbling.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I've seen people like diving.

[Johnny]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

And stuff like that. I'm like, what are you doing?

[Johnny]

Yeah, like. Like, you know, like Stephen Hawking said, if you catch the book, it is a 97% chance of marriage in the next year.

[Ray]

I'm tired of paying my own bills. I'm getting that thing.

[Brett Vesely]

I've also seen it where I can't. I don't have proof, but it kind of looked like it after the bouquet. Some. A big. And caught one. And then when they did the garter afterwards, the guys just separated like Moses.

[John]

Well, because you do it.

[Brett Vesely]

Because you gotta do the picture.

[Johnny]

And nobody wanted to catch. If it hits the ground, the fat one hit the ground too. Wouldn't it be Great.

[John]

If there was, like, sometimes in. It's an inside deal.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John]

Where the girl catches it intentionally, and then they have the guy come in.

[Johnny]

Yeah. And they try to throw it directly.

[John]

To her for him.

[Johnny]

Right.

[Brett Vesely]

Seen them fire it. Those guys were like the Temptations. Doing a side move and stuff.

[Johnny]

You don't want anything to do with it. Wouldn't it be great if there was, like, if you tried to convince him. If you catch the bouquet, that's great. You're next to get married. But if the garter hits the ground, you're going to disintegrate in your sleep.

[Ray]

Is that real?

[Johnny]

As real as you. Catching that bouquet means your fat ass is getting married soon. If you catch the bouquet, you win a treadmill. I want a man. Well, the reason you don't have one is because you don't have a treadmill. We're doing you two favors.

[Brett Vesely]

You're welcome.

[Johnny]

I could find a fella. No. Maybe in one of your Rolls. Put that book. You're eating a bouquet. What are you, a hippopotamus? Put that down. It just smelled so delicious.

[John]

There's just stems.

[Johnny]

Yeah. What happened to it? You ate it. That'll happen. Yeah. I've been there before when the. The fights happen over that, and I'm like, do these women actually believe that's gonna. That's like the moon juice that we were talking about yesterday. It's like they had.

[Ray]

I put my water outside, so the.

[Johnny]

Full moon energized it. Like, you're the dumbest person on the planet.

[John]

One girl doesn't know it's supposed to be an inside catch, and she catches it.

[Johnny]

Yeah.

[John]

Fight breaks out. Give it to Debbie.

[Johnny]

Well, yeah, but again, why. How stupid are your brains to believe that that's something worth fighting over? You actually, they fight to catch it because they think it has, like, meaning. It has nothing. There's nothing to it. It's silly.

[Ray]

You kind of guess who's next?

[Johnny]

Not you, Chunks. Trust me. They put a ring over your finger, your finger would fall off in three days. It would be like castration.

[John]

I drink moon water. I'm gonna get it for sure.

[Johnny]

Yeah. That is so sad. Just pay your own bills. Quit being that desperate publicly. Do you have a wedding coming up? I might want to kind of go watch that. I do videotape the thing. I haven't seen it in years, you.

[Brett Vesely]

Know, I mean, some of them are still doing it, but a lot of the. The newer brides and stuff. I'm not doing that.

[Johnny]

I'm not throwing stupid, fat Girl hurt someone because I have to have a.

[Brett Vesely]

Fat and pay insurance for that.

[Johnny]

So one of my bridesmaids has to be fat so I look at least better than one. And so. And she's gonna hog out and kill the other cute ones.

[John]

Some of them don't even make it out there. They're so hammered.

[Johnny]

They should probably change it. They should probably like. I. I want to tell all women that it's. There is math behind this. And if you get crushed by the fat girl trying to catch the bouquet, you're next to get married. It's like Cinderella's shoe. You're the cute little one that couldn't fend off the pig. And then guys will feel sorry for you. Maybe Prince Charming will come help you up. I saw the behemoth of a woman trample you to get to the flowers. Are you okay? I'm not.

[Ray]

I didn't realize that was gonna happen.

[Johnny]

I'd like to dance with you.

[Ray]

I. My spine is broken in half because of Brunhilda. Killed me.

[Johnny]

I'm getting married. That fat bitch is crazy. So sorry this happened to you.

[Ray]

Are you who I think you are?

[Johnny]

You mean the one.

[Ray]

Oh, hey, that's my fellow. Why is he talking to you? You're crappled.

[Johnny]

I'd rather being a crippled than you. You're disgusting. Science and technology could probably fix her spine. You're always going to be huge. You have no effort or energy to not be. I'm eating Ozempic. See, there's the problem. You're not supposed to eat it. Yeah, I want to watch that. That's the only part of weddings that I enjoy is the. When people make complete asses of themselves over the folklore and tradition that has no backing at all. There's no scientific need to try to kill each other over that. And dudes who catch garter belts are equally funny.

[Commercial Announcer]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Johnny]

Did they still do the thing where the groom performs oral sex and then peels off the belt from her thigh in front of her parents?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I always found that to be.

[Johnny]

A bit awkward as well.

[Brett Vesely]

Especially because, you know, her dad's going this.

[Johnny]

Jesus Christ, he's right.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, you're paying for it now, right.

[Johnny]

In my daughter's honey hole. Christ on a crutch. What do I do next? Guess what he's gonna be doing in an hour. Finishing the job. Well, I never liked you, but what.

[John]

Song you playing during that brass?

[Brett Vesely]

Depends. Everybody picks something different.

[Johnny]

Eat It. No, you should play Eat It. Just cue it right up to it. All right, Brian's gonna go down and get that garter belt, so get those legs open, ladies, and I'm gonna play a special song for this moment right here. Ryan, get on those knees and get ready. Ladies and gentlemen, here's the beautiful bride. Get that garter belt off. We gather the guys back here and. Okay, here we go. He's ready. That isn't Eat It. Is that Eat It? Oh, even better.

[Brett Vesely]

The computer was screwing up there.

[Johnny]

Either way, just get Weird Al singing and Eat it and let the dude lose it right there. Never be like, what the hell? Oh, it's the weird owl one. It's encouraging cunnilingus. This is how you have to introduce this. All right, everybody gather around. The bride's about to get down on his knee. Bury his face. And that guy over there, his daughter's honey hole. Knock it off.

[Ray]

Sorry.

[Johnny]

Bruce, you're a great dad. Turn this off immediately. Well, let's just face reality, Bruce. He's going down on her.

[Ray]

How come you're always such a fussy young man?

[Johnny]

All right, all right. The DJ's fired. Well, don't you know that Father of the bride's not happy, but he's facing reality right now. Just eat it. Can I really eat it? Like, right in front of everybody? No.

[Ray]

God damn it.

[Johnny]

I told you when we got divorced, you were gonna create this problem.

[John]

You can use that twice during the wedding.

[Johnny]

Please, dinner, sir. Do this at the next one. I'll pay you whatever they cancel. I don't know how much you make for a wedding, but if you pay this and they kick you out immediately, I will cover your. I will cover your losses. Okay, but I have to have video proof that you played Eat It. And you got to call the dad over. It's always my favorite time of the night to bring the dad over by his beautiful young angel right before the new husband goes down on her in front of everybody. There's a special theme song I always play. Just Eat It. That's great, Said John. What you're saying is true. My wife's hog bridesmaid caught the one at our wedding. Yeah, they always go for. They're the ones who are most desperate. They're taking folklore and chance and superstition, and they're packing it all up in one hopeful thing. Pigs are funny at weddings because they get sad and happy at the exact same time.

[John]

It's like an Oklahoma drill.

[Johnny]

Yeah. Oh, you don't. Yeah. Just get out of her way. You're gonna get level, find the pig and let her stand up front. Don't try to shoot it over. The bride's always trying to shoot it over them. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

They don't want.

[Johnny]

Try to shoot it to the girl. You don't know.

[John]

They do the reverse throw. It's the. No, look.

[Johnny]

Yeah, yeah, just. I know. I'm gonna. Pig's gonna kill someone. The other Kyle Pierce just suggested that right as eat it is ending play. Wap. Just let the dad know he's lost complete control over this product. Yeah. There's Eden. It's a good solo. When? Eden. Yeah, it's not bad. Yeah. Anyway, I'm gonna talk to that DJ over there about this. You realize that was my daughter, sir. Yeah. You realize what he's gonna do to your daughter in about an hour? God damn it. Remember your wedding night. Okay. All right, that's enough. Sir. I hate to break it to you, but ass is in play tonight. God damn it. God damn this junkie. Just play the goddamn Prince song I told you to play and leave. You mean sugar walls? No, you've got to go.

[John]

I got yelled out by a grandmother at a wedding. You're playing the devil's music.

[Johnny]

Yeah.

[John]

Dead serious. I'm like, well, that's what the bride and groom. It's her list. Take it up with your grandson.

[Johnny]

Yeah, I just tell her, you know what, lady, you. It isn't your day. Go sit down.

[Ray]

No one's gonna pay you.

[Johnny]

Fine. No one's gonna lay you. Go lay down.

[Ray]

Oh, you're disgusting.

[Johnny]

Next thing you know.

[Ray]

Oh. Oh, the dj. Oh, it was a Will they, won't they? And then I did it.

[John]

Seals and Croft is a double band.

[Johnny]

It could be. Does the DJ ever get any action at a wedding?

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know.

[Johnny]

I know you don't know, but you know DJ stuff. You've not done it. Not necessarily at a wedding.

[Brett Vesely]

No, not really.

[Johnny]

That's not worth it because you got.

[Brett Vesely]

You know, afterwards, you gotta, you know, get all your gear and everything else.

[Johnny]

You can't just leave it until later.

[John]

No, but you could have the bridesmaid help you back up.

[Johnny]

I don't know.

[John]

Yeah, get her a pint.

[Johnny]

After, you could put it on her back and hold DJs.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Johnny]

You could tie it to her back and haul her down to the bottom. Of the can. Like a burrow. Go. Yeah, you just be. I need. I. Hey, before the wedding's over, I'd love some help from somebody who's got some sturdy bass. I'm looking at you, lady with that bouquet, half eaten.

[John]

I like the way you caught the bouquet.

[Brett Vesely]

With a bouquet in one hand and a half a cake in the.

[Johnny]

Like how. Where am I supposed to carry it? Well, I got some rope if I can just tie it to you like a pack mule. That wouldn't be the first time. I imagine that's true. I really like. You surprised me with your, you know, lateral movement when you went after that bouquet. Yeah, I used to play volleyball. Yeah, I bet. Till what, you killed some people?

[Brett Vesely]

How'd you know I could play this one too?

[Ray]

The word is out. Better treat me right.

[Johnny]

You can't play fat at someone's wedding.

[John]

Now, I need you to take this crate out to the white van.

[Johnny]

Yeah. You want to just tie it to my back? Yeah, that's what we're gonna do. You're just. You know what? Hold still. You're stubborn is the thing I'm making you look like. Then the other story. Did you guys see that? This is transition from hell. But the Arizona guy, that he's killed himself because he was facing sentencing for killing his two year old daughter in the car. He left her. Oh, it's terrible. Then I started reading about the story. His kids, he left him in the car all the time. Like his excuse. And this is there is a reason why he's in bigger trouble than normal. There are texts from his other kids saying, you got to stop leaving us in the car. Oh, man. And he's like, well, I leave you out there because you're usually like asleep and stuff. And I leave the air on. He thought he wake you up. He thought he left the air. And what he is, is lazy. So what he did after he left the two year old in the car is just inexcusable. He said he left the air on. It was July. He goes inside and he plays some video games and then watches some porn. So, you know, he went in and he was tugging it. He wanted to be left alone. If the kid woke up, he'd have work to do. So if he leaves it in the car with the air on, it'll be okay. He can get what he needs to get done done. But he did it for a while. And his wife. There's text from, terrible story. His wife was like, will you please stop leaving the kids in the car. And he's Like, I. They're fine. The air's on. Like, I just. I'm going in for a little time. And he would leave him out there on purpose. Well, the air shuts off. This one goes. And then his text is, oh, my God, I killed her daughter. I can't believe this. And his wife text. Yeah. And his wife's like, I told you to stop leaving them in the car. Unbelievable. The wife was like, standing by him saying, look, but he made a terrible, terrible mistake. But, you know, he's a pillar of the community. He's a good guy. This was just really something he did that was so stupid. And the judge to his credit is like, I don't care. Like, how many texts did this guy need to hear to say, stop leaving kids in the car.

[John]

Yeah.

[Johnny]

You know, in July, two year olds. I don't get it, but it's a terrible story. So then yesterday, they find him dead. He killed himself in his car. They think it was carbon monoxide poisoning. And he did it. He killed himself in there. Just miserable. But I mean, when you read about it, you're like, oh, my God. The wife stood by him. Like, how many times would you leave someone in the car, even with the air running? That's two. And then the older daughter suing him was suing him too, for like, you've destroyed my life. And then you killed my little sister. So, yeah. His daughter's 18, and she sued him for emotional distress because she's like, you killed my sister. I went through trauma because he used to leave me in the car all the time with the air on and his second degree murder. But I started to wonder if your wife is standing by you. Like, the state can. Like, can't they just sit back like she wanted him back, like, he's still gonna raise the kids and like, I want him in my life and stuff. If the wife's forgiving you, camp the state.

[John]

Yeah.

[Johnny]

Wouldn't that be a thing? Where they're like, geez, I guess this, like, nobody, like, no family is trying to get him thrown in jail. Like, these are those moments where I think you can actually say, yeah, the murder part. They're getting him on is horrible. But if everybody involved is like, we're okay with it. Do we want to clog up?

[John]

Horrible accident.

[Johnny]

But it wasn't an accident. That's the worst part. It was an. On purpose. It was. Yeah. It was a terrible decision.

[John]

Yeah.

[Johnny]

That led. That was inevitable. You can't do that. It's insane. And this one says, John Chris was The guy who did it, his name is Christopher Schultes. I think I'm saying that right. So. John Chris was my nephew. He was not what the media has portrayed. I can't imagine they would portray him in any other way.

[John]

I mean, it just sounds so.

[Johnny]

Yeah, but the porn. The porn's the worst part.

[John]

Yeah.

[Johnny]

Because he left the porn involved. Well, yeah. He went inside to go watch porn and play video games.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, okay. I heard it was just like, you know, playing PlayStation.

[Johnny]

And then. Okay, then maybe he didn't tug it, but he watched some porn, and it is. And his wife was an anesthesiologist. Like, they weren't like some weird, downtrodden, struggling thing. He just had this.

[John]

He used to follow me, basically.

[Johnny]

I don't know. You know what? I don't know what he did, but, I mean, still, this story's tragic, but you involve porn in it, and everybody turned on the dude, like, oh, he's an awful person. But then you look back, and he's been doing this to the other kids. Evidently, according to the other kids, you got to stop leaving us in the car and stuff like that. And it's very weird, and reading is just so tragic and so strange. But the wife even said, look, he. He's a good dude. We need him. We need him back. And everybody's like, no, he's getting a jail cell. And I don't know how to feel about that.

[John]

You know, that's amazing that she feel that way, because I think she. Even though she would want to feel that way, you're still going to hold that other person.

[Johnny]

Sure.

[John]

It's hard to say you're to blame.

[Johnny]

He is to blame.

[John]

Right. And how can I, you know?

[Johnny]

And she's like, look over that. We lost our daughter. We need to be in this together kind of thing. And jail's not going to help, but, man, that's a tough one. And I don't know Ty, who's emailing me saying it's his cousin. They said he was mentally in prison, as we all are now as a family. I can't even imagine, Ty, what you guys are going through that now, the daughters, and now that Christopher has done himself in. I mean, this is not.

[John]

I mean, there's people who say he's. He's in hell even if he doesn't go to jail.

[Johnny]

Yeah. I mean, he's going to have a.

[Ray]

Tough go, but he's.

[Johnny]

I mean, jail wasn't. He obviously wasn't facing that. So he took himself out and made more tragedy for A family. It was like, please, just we're. We're going to move on. And the state kind of was like, no. And they kind of have to be. But still.

[John]

This is a weird story, John. You were planning, you know, which is not true. But you're like, you're gonna have a couple of kids job, but if you leave them in the car.

[Johnny]

Yeah.

[John]

You're gonna go to jail. You should understand that. Oh, yeah, it's gonna happen. And so.

[Johnny]

And he still did it.

[John]

Yep.

[Johnny]

And he'd been doing it for. With the other. According to the, you know, the court stuff. But it is a very.

[John]

And I understand the ones that are. I mean, that are horrible that they. Either way, some people can't forgive regardless. Like, we had a guy in our neighborhood that happened to the kid.

[Johnny]

He forgot. I had a friend named Troy who. His wife was out of town and he got take the kids to school duty and he dropped the daughter off, turned the radio back on, started to drive the other one, the younger one to preschool and then kind of got lost in a song and started to head to work out of habit. And he came in just white as a ghost. I'm like, what happened to you? And he goes. Pulled into the parking lot. And as I opened the door, the last thing I heard right before I shut it was daddy. And I looked in the back and he's like, oh, my God. I didn't take him to daycare. I was going to leave him out here. He was so quiet. Benjamin was his name. Said it was so quiet. I didn't even realize that I'd forgotten because I kind of got distracted. I knew I had to get to work. I was running a little late, turn the radio on, dancing and singing, doing his thing. And he gets in and he's like, the last thing you heard is shutting the door. Daddy, had he not heard it, turns around, walks right in, would have been the end of it. And his. He was ghost white Holmberg's morning sickness. But yeah. And then you got all the people who are speculating saying, basically. And this guy emails and says, I bet the wife knew what was gonna happen and they planned this together. I don't know. I don't know if you're gonna plan killing a kid like that. That's. That's not. I don't think that's factual. I think that's what. That's when you start getting into.

[John]

Well, if that case, it doesn't match up with the other kids before.

[Johnny]

Right.

[John]

That they're doing the same thing that if you go in.

[Johnny]

Yeah. This one says the mom's just as stupid for letting it happen. From wanting her back means it's okay. And they're both dumb. I don't know if that's. I don't want to put that on anybody because I've. You know, that's the scariest thing in the world to forget something in your car. And it's alive. And I know.

[John]

Got, you know, Kirby. But I did a couple times pull up in front of the store.

[Johnny]

Yeah.

[John]

And I could. I would watch the car. Kept the AC on.

[Johnny]

Sure.

[John]

You left them in there like five minutes.

[Johnny]

I mean, two year olds. One thing I don't understand, when five year olds and six year olds get stuck inside cars, that one gets me because I was left in a car a lot.

[John]

Yeah.

[Johnny]

Just open the door.

[John]

Sometimes you tell your mom, go, I don't want it. I don't want to go in the store.

[Johnny]

I'd crawl around, pretend I was driving. I get in the front seat, screw around. My mom would always tell me, just don't put it. Don't adjust the seat. Yeah, that was my mom's biggest complaint with the steering wheel. Don't. Well, I could play with the steering wheel. She didn't. Yeah. She'd have to leave it on with the air conditioner. Yeah. Don't touch this. The Prindle. Don't touch it. And don't mess with the goddamn seats. And then she'd go in and get butter or whatever. I was a little kid, she'd send me in the store and she'd wait in the course sometimes. Go get some butter. And if you come back with Olio, I swear to God you're gonna live at the store for the rest of your life.

[Ray]

I can't read.

[Johnny]

Just. It's Olio. It's an O.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[Johnny]

Inevitable. And I do. They still make Olio. What is that? Olio. My mom would get so mad.

[John]

I haven't seen it in a while.

[Johnny]

She'd have to storm back in and go, my dumb kid bought Olio instead of Butterfly. And I was too lazy to get out of the car and send him in. But we were in there. But like kids, 6, 7 years old, they should never be stuck in a car. They should figure it out. Like windows and being able to open. They got those child safety things.

[John]

You could pull up the lock.

[Johnny]

Oh, yeah. I used to be able to open the door. I knew how to get in and out of stuff. But now you can't even leave a kid in there. They'll all go. It's terrifying. But that poor bastard. I feel terrible for that family. That's. It's. It's just awful to see. But, yeah. And now. I don't know. And now he killed himself because the state put the heat on him to be, like, responsible for this in prison when they could have just led him back to the family and let him live in his own. Like you said, let him live in his own hell, just being out and about and try to adjust through life that way. Prison wasn't going to help this guy, I don't think, unless they found out he did this absolutely on purpose, which he did intentionally do, but not. He wasn't trying to harm the kid. But that is pretty stupid stuff. You are pretty stupid to do that. But, man, now the whole family. We've got a guy emailing his friends with him. The whole family's in tragedy now. And this guy said. And by the way, the guy who's family member said, thank you for helping me yesterday. All of you distracted my mind. Well, sorry to bring it up today, Ty. I know it's a. It's a big story. It's a big thing in the news, and it's wild and I don't know how I literally watched that. And I'm like, he shouldn't have gone to jail. If the wife's okay with it, if the mother of that child is like, look, I want him back. I need him in my life. He's a good man. This was just a terribly stupid thing. Who are we to say? I'll throw him in the joint. I know it's bad, but he's already living with that. I was talking about prisons having too many people. There's absolutely. He's not gonna. He wasn't gonna make it. And he didn't even make it to jail. Imagine, had they put him in there, he would have been done the first week. And people judge so quickly on those things, but it's pretty dumb. And the porn thing is what put it over the top because it does look like I'll just leave the kid in the car going, nobody will bother me. And I'll get one off.

[John]

Video games, tough.

[Johnny]

Yeah. Add that spice to add a little that to that, it's like, oh, this guy's just neglecting. This one says, after that guy, it shouldn't matter if you left your kid in the car. Go feed the homeless. You leave your kid in the car for any reason, especially in an Arizona summer, your kid dies, you're going to jail. And I See that side, too. I totally agree with that, Josh. But if the mother of that child is your wife and she's like, I need him back. I need to get. He's the one I need to have with me to get through this. Because now, you think about it, that mother, the wife lost her baby and her husband. That's a tough one. That's going to be.

[John]

And you know, on the other side, it could. This could have happened even if he didn't go to jail.

[Johnny]

Well, oh, yeah. But for sure, now that she lost. She was gonna lose him going to jail, and she lost him now for good. Like, he's. Oh, it's crazy. Story is nuts. It's just brutal. It is. Yeah. I know that's not a fun one to go out on. Get that lion in Ireland back. But that story is just jaw dropping because it's got so many angles. It'll be a great Dateline episode. And unfortunately for the families, they got to relive that over and over with Keith Morrison coming up in the future. It's 7:30. A boss is the word for 7am this morning. B O S S. Brett, what do you got on the big board of Musical Tree?

[Brett Vesely]

Wake up. So I'm brought to you by Action Ride Shop. Don't forget this Saturday, the big blowout rental demo bike sales going on. Bikes starting at 1500 bucks. And I'm talking, like, full suspension. They're gonna have E bikes there you can demo. You can, you know, ride them before you buy them. They're also gonna have, you know, be serving you lunch and also a poker ride at Haas. So go to actionrideshop.com for all the details. Follow them on the socials. And we'll be out there on Saturday from 11 to 1. That is the power road and McDowell location. It is Action Ride Shop.

[Johnny]

Are you gonna do the ride that morning or you just go out?

[Brett Vesely]

No, I'm just going hang out. Yeah.

[Johnny]

Where are they riding? Just Hauser, Australia. That'll be fun. Damn it. Thinking about. But I am. Well, I got a plumber coming to the house at 7am on Saturday, so it's gonna screw that up.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Johnny]

But I'll be out there at 11 with you. I want to see those new pivots.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, on the list we got Stone Sour's Love Gun for Matt Khalil Ozzy, Mud Vein, Beastie Boy, sure Shot for Mackalil Live, AC dc, Big Gun for Macalil Deftones, Coffin Cats Drop Kip Murphy's for the Irish and Twisted Sisters Burning hell for the Bidwells. Cardinals fans thinking up there.

[Johnny]

They're angry and they should be. They should be. You should start marching against the Cardinals. Like have a march. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Get D. Snider.

[Johnny]

Yeah. We should have a fan election every year to either continue the reign of or end the reign of ownership every five years or so where the fans.

[John]

Get to vote a decent term.

[Johnny]

Yeah. Season ticket holders get to vote on whether or not the owners can stay in charge.

[John]

Coaches basically at three years maybe for.

[Johnny]

The Cardinals if they're lucky. Yeah, they should. We should have some sort of way to neuter them as owners and say you're forced to sell the team. If in fact, in seven years you have not hit every one of the, like, playoffs, second round of the playoffs at least once. Three winning seasons in seven years. Otherwise you lose the franchise and some other billionaires got to swoop in and you can go buy another one, but you can't have this one anymore.

[Brett Vesely]

Can you imagine Jerry Jones? No, that's not gonna happen.

[Johnny]

Jerry wins every year. So it wouldn't be like Jerry has some bad years. But I mean, if you go seven years without a winning season, you should have to sell you.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, winning season. I thought you meant playoffs.

[Johnny]

No, no. Well, if you go to the playoffs, like if you get in the second round, it starts a new seven years. Yeah, that's a good idea.

[John]

Well, the Cardinals have not gone that.

[Johnny]

They're in the playoffs five years ago.

[John]

Yeah.

[Johnny]

So the bid wells.

[John]

But you're talking about winning season, right?

[Johnny]

A couple years. If you have two overall number one picks, you have to sell your franchise. And you didn't trade for me, you earned them.

[John]

Also heard the argument about what about dynamic ticket pricing. If your team's like the jets and.

[Johnny]

You'Ve lost seven in a row, how are the jets owners not forcing you?

[John]

Ticket prices are going down with every loss.

[Johnny]

Yeah. If you are three years in a row in the top five of the lottery because you earned it, the fans can kick you out.

[John]

And they increased their season ticket prices last year.

[Johnny]

I mean, for this year, unimaginable. But I think that's a good plan. At least put some heat on these dudes that are pulling billions. And again, they can buy because there's going to be a couple teams a year that lose. Owners. So if this dude wants to come in and put an influx of money in and he just lost the Titans franchise, but now he's got to own the Cardinals, maybe he steps away and goes, I can't own football unless it's my Titans. I'll get back in when the next donors get kicked out. You can buy back later. But you got to take a break for seven years. And if this new guy starts winning, he gets to keep them.

[John]

That's what's crazy though. The people that have owned them like to bid wells and yeah, if you look at like but it's fuel as a company. It's made some decent money.

[Johnny]

You're kidding me. Ridiculous. Return on investment for the bidwells. And what is their responsibility to keep knocking you guys down. We should be the board as fans and vote out the powers that be. At least suspend them for seven years and a new owner has to come in. You're not allowed to own a team for five years.

[Ray]

Damn it.

[Johnny]

And then they'll work really hard. I don't want to lose this franchise. That thing's bringing in two and $3 billion a year. If I lose it and I just get cut off dead dry. And that its parameters are very clearly set. If a player doesn't perform, he's cut. The owners are coach. Everybody gets fired except the owners.

[John]

And they're let off the hook if all of a sudden they aren't winning or the team doesn't embrace. Okay, we'll go to another market.

[Johnny]

If you go five years without a winning season, we're voting on it. Seven years. You're automatically forced to sell by the league. But that's pretty good. That's really good. Because if those five years you can't do anything to at least get a nine and eight year out of it.

[John]

How many years of Bears going on winning seasons?

[Johnny]

Winning season with Trubisky the first year they had yeah. 10 wins. That was what, six years ago. They haven't had one since. I have to look. And futility would be rewarded less if the owners were going to lose their franchise. Because you would have loved to have seen that Hallis lady you were begging for her die. Yeah, burn in hell. That's what he the owner of the Bears. He wanted to burn in hell. Imagine if it's like, okay, we got one more year and then we at least get new blood in the top. They might be worse, but at least we can start fresh with new eyes.

[John]

Titans of 2018.

[Johnny]

2018 was your last winning season. Yep. This would be the year that you bounce them. Yeah.

[John]

And luckily they're trending in the right way.

[Johnny]

And this would be the year this would kind of suck for you. It'd be like, yeah, she died.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, she's dead.

[Johnny]

And look what happened? Teams five and three. I should be the commissioner or something.

[John]

Titans got to be fishing.

[Johnny]

Oh, that dude. Yeah. Well, no, because in 2020 they made the AFC championship.

[John]

Is it 2020?

[Johnny]

Yeah, 2020 or 20. Maybe it's 19. 19 or 20.

[John]

And the Browns made the playoffs, what, four years ago.

[Johnny]

Browns have been in it. Cardinals have been in it. Yeah, most everybody has. The Saints start an eyeball that owner, the Dolphins. Jesus Christ, they're terrible. Annually, the Raiders, McDaniel's first season, they.

[John]

Had a winning year.

[Ray]

Okay.

[Johnny]

But three years ago, the Raiders have been a nightmare.

[John]

They were in the playoffs with Carr.

[Johnny]

Four or five years ago. Were they? Barely. Okay, so that's tight.

[Ray]

So.

[Johnny]

Yeah. So it would be tough to have the guy lose it. So. And then you'd start to realize, okay, in a 14 year span, you've made the playoffs twice.

[John]

I think you should shrink your window.

[Johnny]

To five, three or three. Winning season. Not saying playoffs. Winning season. Give me a nine and eight. You got to go nine and eight.

[Brett Vesely]

Raiders were in 2021.

[Johnny]

2021. They popped in. Winning season.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Johnny]

All right. Yeah. There's a couple teams that have squeezed in there that. But the Jets. Jets haven't been in it since 2015. And Woody Johnson longer because who was the quarterback when they went 2010. That was the year they went to the AFC championship game. The Steelers beat him 11 and 5.

[John]

That wasn't with Pennington, though.

[Johnny]

No, it was Mark Sanchez.

[John]

Oh, that's butt fumble.

[Johnny]

Stabby stabby Marshall.

[John]

Yeah, yeah. It went from butt fumble.

[Johnny]

Okay, so they're 15 years without a playoff appearance. How many? That was their last winning season, woody. Oh my.

[Brett Vesely]

2010.

[Johnny]

Why are jets fans alive? Just quit anyway.

[John]

Well, they got the fire Sale happening right now.

[Johnny]

Yeah. Worst part, not a lot to say. 15th on the 50th anniversary as a Jets fan.

[John]

They're basically doing it.

[Johnny]

Crazy Eddie Sale, you're getting rid of your four years ago problem, which was we've got like nine first round draft picks and you got to pay those guys coming in four years all at once. You're not going to be able to do it. What do they do? Lesson learned. Let's trade all these guys for first round draft picks. They've got five in the next two years, they're going to do it again.

[John]

It's a crazy guy with a shotgun and used cars.

[Johnny]

Yeah. Yeah. So even if they hit on every draft pick, which is a nightmare for a team with five draft picks, and they traded them. But that's my point. If you miss on one quarterback. All these guys are going to be like, well, we've had great years. And then their fifth year, they're going to want money. And you're like, sorry, guys.

[John]

My point is that this would be the year to transition out. Sell.

[Johnny]

Oh, yeah. You got to bounce them now. You got all these draft picks. It was eight years ago. Terrible. Yeah. They'd be bouncing their second group out like, you too. Everybody's got to go. I like my plan. I like it a lot. It's 7:39. Let's get to it. We'll do the.

[Brett Vesely]

Let's do Burning Hell.

[Johnny]

Burn in Hell.

[John]

Yeah.

[Johnny]

All right.

[Brett Vesely]

It's going along with the conversation we're talking about right now.

[Johnny]

Twisted Sister.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Johnny]

From Pee Wee's big adventure, Burn in Hell. I've got no issues with that. Do you have it?

[Brett Vesely]

If not, I'll get it.

[Johnny]

D. Snyder and the boys dancing around the Warner Brothers lot while Peewee rode his bike past him. It was great. Somebody load it. There it is. Burning Hell. That's what we'll do. It's Twisted Sister. For the ownership groups, it's 98 KUPD, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station. He said fully erect. 98 KUPT.

[John]

I'm Mike King from the podcast Profiling Evil.

[Commercial Announcer]

A place where true crime meets behavioral science.

[John]

I spent my career investigating serial predators and studying the psychology behind them. Here, we don't just talk about what criminals did.

[Commercial Announcer]

We explore why they do what they do.

[John]

We expose manipulation and control, look at how offenders select their victims and uncover the ways that they try to avoid detection. You can find Profiling Evil on your favorite podcast platform.