Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Guadalupe Squares

Episode Date: November 7, 2025
Main Theme:
A raucous, irreverent episode of the show’s signature segment, “Guadalupe Squares,” featuring the hosts and comedians performing rapid-fire impressions and banter as celebrity and fictional guests. The tone is satirical and playful, lampooning news, pop culture, and local flavor, with callers playing tic-tac-toe for prizes.

Key Segments & Highlights

1. Guadalupe Squares Introduction

[02:00]

• Host: Mr. Thriller Wal (John Holmberg) kicks off the segment as the over-the-top game show emcee.
• Setup: As in “Hollywood Squares,” each host performs as a different celebrity or character within a 3x3 squares grid.
• Atmosphere: Chaotic, quick-paced, and intentionally off-the-wall with topical riffs and audience ribbing.

2. Celebrity Squares – Notable Impressions & Banter

[03:00–15:00]

Top Row

• David Lee (station voice):

  • [03:10] Lampoons political fence-sitting and COVID conspiracies.
  • “Your mother took a lot of Tylenol, didn’t she? She’s a Tylenol baby.”
  • “I had to [take the shot]. Because Obama said so. Sheep boy.”

• Jimmy Fallon (impression):

  • [05:00] Portrayed as an anxious, hyper guest host, flustered about his show’s booking:
  • “We got RFK Jr., we got Alex Jones… oh no. Who’s handing me this note? I am.”
  • Fallon gets needled for being ‘soft’ and considers moving his show to Texas:
  • “Screw it, we’re moving the show to Texas. Okay, there you go. That’s better.”

• Donald Trump (impression):

  • [07:00] Plays up election losses, Florida, “commie-red” jokes, and boasts about Mar-a-Lago:
  • “Commie Free since 93. That’s what we say. Never had a commie.”
  • “It’s like Magneto is in charge of Texas. That makes me excited because I like movies.”
  • Running gag about “Jack Schitterelli”:
  • “Try it at home. Do it in your car. Jack Schitterelli. Should have been something you vote – Schiattarelli.”

Middle Row

• O.J. Simpson (impression):

  • [10:30] Dark humor about the infamous Bronco chase and the car as a murder icon:
  • “That is synonymous with chopping the woman’s head off… Everybody’s out there driving that Bronco like they forgot.”
  • Advice: “Wear gloves everywhere. And know where you put them at the end of the day.”

• Alien Fighter Brady (Brady Bogen):

  • [13:00] Brady adopts a homespun, paranoid alien-fighter persona:
    • “I’m gonna kick ET’s ass. Well, he barely walks. He’s like me, for better.”
    • “I will offer them some gravy, but if they don’t eat it, I don’t trust them.”
    • “May the forks be with you. Bring it on, alien bitches. I’m your nightmare in shining armor.”

• Gordon Ramsay (impression):

  • [15:30] Bemoans Brady’s culinary advice, offers kitchen insults:
    • “You’re going to offer them gravy without any polenta or potatoes? Just gravy? Donkey!”

Bottom Row

• Brady Secrets (Mystery ‘Actress’ Impersonation):

  • [17:00] The hosts toy with ‘50-year-old American Pie actress,’ heavy innuendo.

• William Shatner (impression):

  • [19:00] Egotistical Shatner, promoting tickets to see “me – tickets to me,” and rambling stories:
    • “I look in the mirror every morning and do a show for an hour. There I am. Look at him. Sexy.”
  • “This game should be over. Everyone should go. And of course, Caliendo and Holmberg were Peter as well, a couple of Mandy Pambies.”

• The ‘Lord and Savior’ (Ethereal Personality):

  • [21:00] Takes satirical jabs at obscure sports broadcasts:
    • “I want to know the perverts that listen to lady volleyball on the radio. On AM radio.”

3. Caller Gameplay – Trivia, Prizes, and Rapid-Wit Exchanges

[23:00–32:00]

• Callers Scott & Lori try to win tic-tac-toe by correctly answering the celebrities’ trivia questions.
• Comedy built into questions and banter:

Examples:

• [24:00] Alien Fighter Brady on Weapons Against Aliens:

  • Lori: “Probably my .22.”
  • Brady: “That wouldn’t even stop a kid… You mean to tell me somebody traveled intergalactically in a spaceship, the best you’ve got is a .22?”

• [25:00] Mac & Cheese Trivia:

  • Brady: “Canadians consume more Mac and Cheese per capita. It’s called Kraft Dinner there. Did you know that?… That’s true. They eat a lot of that stuff.”
  • Lori disagrees (“Incorrect, circle to the center”).

• [27:00] Trump on Cows Having Accents:

  • “A cow’s moo is a cow’s moo. I’ve heard an Indian moo. The black cows, the black bulls don’t eat the black cows. That’s a rumor.”
  • Scott agrees cows don’t have accents – also incorrect.

• [29:00] Gordon Ramsay on Pumpkin Carving Injuries:

  • “You had a chicken granola bar? That throws it out. Shut it down. Who made chicken granola?”
  • Answer: “False” – rejected, caller is wrong.

4. Rapid-Fire Riffing & Notable Quotes

• [31:00] William Shatner: “Tickets to me. She must love you, sir. Hi.”
• [32:30] Lord and Savior: “We just hand out money like crazy all damn day while Corey goes down to a radio station that still thrives playing women’s knitting circles.”

5. Memorable Running Gags & Moments

• Jokes about personal hygiene, commie conspiracies, and the faux rivalry between Mar-a-Lago and other states.
• Repeated callbacks to old O.J. Simpson/White Bronco news.
• Satirical mockery of AM radio sports coverage, especially obscure women’s games.
• “Tickets to me” (William Shatner, self-adoring).
• Rapid, chaotic impersonation switches and inter-host digs.

6. Closing Thoughts

• The episode is packed with edgy, absurdist humor in a game show wrapper.
• Political, celebrity, and local Arizona jabs abound.
• Listeners are rewarded with rapid one-liners and outrageous character work, rather than any actual worldview or coherent answers.

Essential Quotes with Timestamps

• David Lee on politics:
  • “Where do you lie politically?” — “Wherever you want me to.” — [03:20]
• Jimmy Fallon flustered:
  • “Who’s handing me this note? I am. Get your show in order tonight.” — [05:30]
• Donald Trump on Mar-a-Lago:
  • “Commie Free since 93. That’s what we say.” — [07:45]
• O.J. on Broncos:
  • “That thing [Bronco] bad news. Easy to spot on the freeway too.” — [11:20]
• Brady, alien prepper:
  • “May the forks be with you. Bring it on, alien bitches. I’m your nightmare in shining armor.” — [13:50]
• Gordon Ramsay:
  • “You’re going to offer them gravy without any polenta or potatoes? Just gravy? Donkey!” — [15:35]
• William Shatner:
  • “I look in the mirror every morning and do a show for an hour. There I am. Look at him. Sexy.” — [19:25]
• Lord and Savior:
  • “I want to know the perverts that listen to lady volleyball on the radio.” — [21:05]

Structure & Flow

The podcast leans heavily on improv, lampooning, and ‘inside’ radio/Arizona jokes, with little down time between bits. Each “square” is a launching point for outlandish commentary and classic “HMS” comedic jibes, leaving listeners bombarded and entertained even if only half the pop culture references are clear.

For New Listeners

• Expect relentless, NSFW banter between impressions of newsmakers, celebrities, and invented characters.
• The core: playful chaos, local in-jokes, and pointed political/cultural parody.
• Fast pace, countless running gags, and irreverent “Arizonafied” humor—this is morning radio at its most unleashed.
• The episode stands well as a slice of the show’s anarchic spirit for fans and new listeners alike.