11-10-25 - BR - MON - It's Natl Cupcake Day And Marines BDay - 10yrs Ago Butterball Released Dumbest Hotline Questions - Most Would Be Happy Hosting People For Max 6 Days - New Wellness Trend Of Dark Showering

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – November 10, 2025

Episode Theme:
Celebrating Marine Corps Birthday & National Cupcake Day, hilarious Thanksgiving traditions, house guest etiquette, a bizarre wellness trend, and the gang’s signature banter on odd news and internet culture.

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Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness blends irreverent humor with topical discussions, centering on National Vanilla Cupcake Day and the U.S. Marines’ birthday. The show features hosts John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, and guest voices, riffing on everything from the dumbest Thanksgiving help line questions, awkward house guests, a new “dark showering” trend, and a slew of weird news stories. Listeners are treated to a fast-paced collection of conversational bits, memorable rants, and comic exchanges rooted in Arizona flavor and national culture.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Marine Corps Birthday & National Cupcake Day

[03:03–04:02]

• The show kicks off by honoring the Marines:
  • “Happy birthday, Marines.” (Brady Bogen, 03:05)
  • “Hoorah.” (John Holmberg, 03:07)
• National Vanilla Cupcake Day is playfully mashed up with Marine culture:
  • “Why do you not have frosted on your lips, Marine? Don’t you know it’s our birthday? Put a candle in that vanilla cupcake.” (Holmberg, 03:12)
  • “This is my rifle. This is my cupcake.” (Brady, 03:53)

2. Bizarre Thanksgiving Hotline Questions & Turkey Disasters

[05:50–08:07]

• Recalling Butterball’s dumbest hotline questions from ten years ago, including:
  • “How to cook a turkey so it has bikini tan lines.” (Brady, 06:07)
    • The crew agree: not a dumb question, “that’s hilarious.”
    • Solution: “You make a tinfoil bikini.” (E, 06:21)
• Deep dive into cooking turkey in the ground (“dirt turkey”) and its dangers:
  • “You’re raw dirt. … Eventually, a dirt turkey is gonna come out red.” (Holmberg, 06:41–07:03)
  • “Why am I right about food and you two still dig your heels in?” (Holmberg, 07:13)

Memorable Quote

• “Imagine poor Sean Rockefeller, our blind listener, doing dirt turkeys with the teenagers in Brady’s neighborhood. He couldn’t have cut into that … he just had to hope and trust he’d be dead.” (Holmberg, 07:46)

3. Ten Years Ago: Weird News & Poll Results

[08:10–10:15]

• Perfume as bug repellent — “Bombshell kept mosquitoes away better than some commercial bug spray.” (Brady, 09:21)
• Ellen DeGeneres was voted kindest celebrity; Taylor Swift, Will Smith behind her.
• Jason Aldean’s blackface costume controversy was survivable (“The news about that is you can survive it. So go get them, kids.” (Holmberg, 10:09))
• Women preferred stubble over clean-shaven faces (poll for No-Shave November).

4. House Guest Limits & Etiquette

[11:25–13:53]

• Survey reveals: Most people are happy hosting others for up to six days. Three days is the ideal, beyond which “you’re staying too long.”
  • “If you’re not packed up on day three, you’re staying too long.” (Holmberg, 11:44)
• Hilarious tales of Ralphie May (comedian friend) raiding Holmberg’s kitchen at night:
  • “I had a sick dog I had to sleep on the couch with and I just see that lumbering giant, his underpants walk through my kitchen.” (Holmberg, 13:10)
  • “I got no snacks in this house ... Like a bunch of people from Auschwitz live here.” (Ralphie, 13:20)

Noteworthy Moment

• “We don’t have, like, middle of the night beef jerky. I don’t know what you’re looking for.” (Holmberg, 13:25)

5. Wellness Trend: Dark Showering

[15:07–17:14]

• Discussion of the new trend: Showering in the dark to relax and improve sleep.
  • “Showering in the dark is supposed to make you calm and improve your sleep.” (Brady, 15:17)
  • Sarcastic takes on “doctor types” endorsing this:
    • “I’m a doctor type. I’ll be your doctor type for the day.” (Holmberg, 16:05)
    • “So Jordan says … Dr. Jordan.” (Brady, 16:16)
• Real sleep benefit is from dimming the lights to reduce cortisol and increase melatonin, but total darkness is discouraged for safety.

6. Weird News Oddities

• Man finds gold bars while digging a pool in France—gets to keep them:
  • “It’s yours.” (Brady, 19:53)
  • Legal/language tangent: what counts as “treasure.”
• LASIK patient hallucinates big breasts after eye surgery:
  • “All I could see was large breasts for several days.” (Brady, 22:11)
  • “If Dr. Jay Schwartz said you can pay an extra thousand to see gigantic breasts… that’s a side effect? Okay. On everyone? … Even the guys?” (Holmberg, 22:55)

7. Radio Videos & Viral Clips (Graphic Descriptions)

[23:17–25:40]

• Lumpy headed man seeing a “doctor type”
  • Visual jokes: “He looks like one of those alien creatures in the Fifth Element.” (E, 23:39)
  • “His head looks like a piece of chewed gum ... like when the desert doesn’t get enough water.” (Holmberg, 24:29)
• Beachgas explosion clip:
  • “Now he’s full … Oh, you gotta roll in the sand … Get your head involved, he’s dying anyway.” (Holmberg/Brady, 25:10–25:16)
  • “What is this, an Oppenheimer party?” (Holmberg, 25:29)

8. Internet Fame & OnlyFans Profits

• Woman makes $43 million on OnlyFans, but remains religious:
  • “God’s very forgiving. Like, you better lean on that one because what stuff you’re doing on there …” (Holmberg, 26:20)
• “Her body’s hot enough that … I don’t care if it was Toledo’s head on that body. I would do everything I could to get hard ... It was incredible.” (Holmberg, 26:32)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“This is my rifle. This is my cupcake.”

— Brady Bogen, 03:53

“All it takes is one [bad dirt turkey] for another hour. All it takes is one. Imagine poor Sean Rockefeller, our blind listener, doing dirt turkeys … he just had to hope and trust he’d be dead.”

— John Holmberg, 07:44

“If you’re not packed up on day three, you’re staying too long.”

— John Holmberg, 11:44

“Showering in the dark is supposed to make you calm and improve your sleep.”

— Brady, 15:17

“I’m a doctor type. I’ll be your doctor type for the day.”

— John Holmberg, 16:05

“If Dr. Jay Schwartz said you can pay an extra thousand to see gigantic breasts for a few days … On everyone? … Even the guys? I'm like, this is the best thing ever.”

— John Holmberg, 22:55

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Detailed Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:03] – Marines’ Birthday and Cupcake Day mashup
• [06:03] – Butterball’s dumbest hotline question: “bikini tan lines” on turkey
• [07:46] – Dirt turkey cooking dangers and Sean Rockefeller gag
• [09:21] – Perfume as bug repellent and poll memories
• [11:25] – How long is too long for house guests?
• [13:20] – Ralphie May’s midnight kitchen raids (“Auschwitz people”)
• [15:17] – Dark showering wellness trend
• [16:05] – “Doctor type” parody begins
• [19:21] – Frenchman finds $800,000 in gold bars
• [22:11] – LASIK patient hallucinates big breasts
• [23:27] – Lumpy head “doctor type” video segment
• [25:07] – Beach gas explosion viral video
• [26:20] – $43M OnlyFans Catholic model

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Recap & Tone

The episode is classic HMS: wild, irreverent, and fast-paced, with Arizona-centric humor, pop culture riffs, and running in-jokes galore. Holmberg’s sardonic style, Brady’s easygoing commentary, and the group’s chemistry make for a dense, joke-packed show that pokes fun at everything from wellness fads to family etiquette, all wrapped in their signature, unfiltered delivery.

Listeners get:

• Witty anecdotes
• Absurd real-life news
• Razor-sharp banter on traditions, pop culture, and weird science

You’ll walk away laughing—and probably thinking twice before hosting guests for more than three days, trying dark showering, or trusting a teenager with your Thanksgiving turkey.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Easy. LegalGunbuyer do. And he can do it all online. It's really that simple.

[A]

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[C]

It's John Holmberg here from my friends at New Vision Auto Glass. Six weeks and counting. My windshield is still perfect. Call New Vision Auto Glass and after about 15 minutes on the phone, you'll get everything you need. You can get up to $375 back. Visit new visionautoglass.com to see what you qualify for. Then you get that delicious free dinner from the world famous Brazilian steakhouse Rhodesio Grill, now in Mesa and their new location in Scottsdale. There's no excuse for you not to have a good piece glass on that car. I don't want to hear it. Pick up the phone and fix it. 480-210-9090. New Vision Auto Glass, proud sponsor of the Arizona Diamondbacks. Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here.

[A]

Come on.

[C]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude in the end. I like that. I like that one a lot. That is a five finger death punch. Along with baby metal. Seven o' clock words gone boom. Next one. Eight o' clock is jackpot. Jackpot is the eight o' clock word for the ticket in the app promo. If you'd like our money, you can take it in the app. I just like saying that. And you can do it by putting the promo codes in every hour we give them to you. 8 o' clock is jackpot. Why would you do such a thing? Where you can win a thousand dollars and all you have to do is put the words we tell you in the boxes they go in and you're automatically Qualified. How's about that? Get on it right now. Jackpot is the 8 o' clock word. You got about 40 minutes. We'll do another one at 9 and you'll be all ready to go then and there. Simple stuff. Nice work for being able to spell simple words. Maybe win a thousand bucks. A bunch of people have done it already. Could be you. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report and it's brought to you by our [e-mail] a great time to be outside. Do the stuff that you're supposed to be doing. And as the temperature, you know, drops a little bit, the sun's right in your eyes. And that little patio you'd love to be sitting on. Why don't you put a little shade on that? A nice little space to shade it up so you can sit out in the nice weather. And when you do it now, perfect timing. They'll throw in a heater for you. They're going to give you a heater when you do your awnings and your. You use All Pro Shade to go to All Pro Shade. Design something with the best in the business. They'll make your house even better. It doesn't just plop on there. They'll accentuate it with something that actually fits and looks the part. And you can do that with all pro [e-mail] they're giving you stuff back right now. Check it out. Brady reported.

[D]

Good Monday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[C]

Hi.

[D]

Happy birthday, Marines.

[C]

Hoorah.

[D]

And also National Vanilla Cupcake Day.

[C]

That's right. Marines. Love those. You guys have a vanilla cupcake Marine? Why do you not have frosted on your lips, Marine? Don't you know it's our birthday? Put a candle in that vanilla cupcake. Homo's not eating their vanilla cupcakes. I got a bunch of twinks.

[E]

Not in my core.

[C]

It's not the core. I grew up on God Faith family cupcakes. Got a little cupcake. American cupcakes, too. Rice. Rice cupcakes. They'll piss me off. Mexican churro cupcakes. None of that's kosher. But kosher's not even kosher here.

[D]

This is my rifle. This is my cupcake.

[C]

That's right.

[D]

It's the modern military couple of baseless fun facts.

[C]

Usually I say, this is my rifle. This is my cupcake. Then I put my arm around somebody in the Navy. Here's my cupcake.

[D]

Grock is the name of The AI chat bot integrated on X. And it was the. It was first used in 1961, a novel called Stranger in a Strange Land, which is about a human born and raised on Mars.

[E]

Oh, the name was used.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

I was gonna say.

[C]

Wait, yeah. They weren't using.

[D]

Grok was first.

[C]

The word came from. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

[D]

And grok is one of the Martian words the main character uses. It means understand. Empathetically. Empathetically. Sorry.

[C]

Not empathetically. Empathetic.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah. You are pathetic. I'm doing this empathetically.

[D]

Reading silently to yourself is a relatively new development. People have been writing and reading for 5,000 years, but it's only been socially acceptable to read alone and not out loud to a group of people in the past 300 to 400 years.

[C]

It was their TV. Why read it when somebody else would read to you? You go out and people.

[E]

You didn't know how to read.

[C]

Look, people reading books to each other as entertainment. I can't even imagine not hanging myself in that world. But I guess if you didn't know tv, the good reader was a pretty important dude in town. Brady would have lost that job.

[D]

The budget for Dazed and confused was 6.9 million. And about 16 of that went towards getting the rights to all the 70 songs.

[C]

Soundtrack's incredible.

[D]

Here are 10 things that happened 10 years ago this week.

[C]

10 years ago, November 2015. Round Thanksgiving. Can't remember.

[D]

Butterball Hotline revealed the dumbest Thanksgiving questions they'd ever gotten.

[C]

That's right. And Butterball fought back that year. They're like, we're tired of your stupid calls.

[D]

And they included how to cook a turkey so it has bikini tan lines.

[C]

Well, that's not a dumb question. That's hilarious. What's the answer? Did it include the answer?

[E]

You put tinfoil over certain parts?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Is that right? You make a tinfoil bikini.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

And then the last, you know, 20 minutes or so, you take it off.

[C]

Why are we not doing.

[D]

Don't do it with duct tape.

[C]

No, that's terrible. You don't want adhesive on your turkey. Why aren't we doing this all the time?

[E]

Two guys in this room who have thrown their turkeys into a pit.

[C]

Yeah, you too. Not me.

[E]

I know.

[C]

You're dirt turkeys, dumbasses. You're raw dirt.

[E]

First year, it was awesome.

[C]

Raw dirt turkeys.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You know when it's bad? When it kills you. So you can have 10 in a row that are good, but eventually a dirt turkey is going to come out red and what happened? How come I always have to be right about food and you two still dig your heels in? You. Wait, you bought a teenager cooked you turkeys in the earth, huh?

[D]

That's going to kill somebody bad at 500.

[C]

That's bad. That's terrible. With food.

[D]

Everyone's turkey.

[C]

What I just said was, why am I right about food? And you dig your heels in and you go with 50. 50 as your answer is, was 50.

[A]

50.

[D]

Mine went.

[C]

You had to cook yours too, Brady.

[D]

Cook yours too.

[C]

You still had for three years.

[D]

And.

[E]

Oh, so you're 660.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

Still, I'm looking for an obvious. Like he said, a thousand. I want an ops.

[C]

I want. I want my turkeys to be cooked every time. And I know that a teenager throwing one in the earth for the first time is a bad plan. You guys paid him extra. Like that's going to end in a bad turkey.

[D]

Nah.

[C]

And here he is.

[F]

Well, we were two out of three.

[C]

Oh, good for you. That third one will kill you. All it takes is one for another hour. All it takes is one. Imagine poor Sean Rockefeller, our blind listener, doing dirt turkeys with the teenagers in Brady's neighborhood. He couldn't have cut into that known he just had to hope and trust he'd be dead.

[D]

Someone asked if they could slow cook a turkey for four days to maximize the delicious smells.

[C]

Just get an air freshener. Why doesn't Glade have turkey air fresheners? There's got to be turkey. Check that out.

[E]

There's turkey candles.

[C]

Turkey candles.

[E]

Like a Thanksgiving Yankee, like a Yankee candle type thing.

[C]

Okay, I have not seen that, but I would like that. I know there's pumpkin. I know that's supposed to be for Thanksgiving. I never have, like, turkey and potatoes burning in the room.

[D]

You got soda.

[C]

Yeah, well, it's this flavored. It's not the. It tastes like sugar.

[D]

Victoria's Secret.

[C]

Look at that. Brady stuffing. A stuffing candle savory stuffing.

[G]

That's right.

[C]

I missed a word. Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.

[D]

Why?

[C]

There's a teenager outside with a shovel and a dead bird if you're interested in dinner.

[D]

Roadkill.

[C]

Yeah, Brady. Mr. Brady, I got me a dead bird and a shovel and some matches. You want me to make fire? You go out there, make that fire.

[D]

Ten years ago, we found out Victoria's Secret perfume is good mosquito repellent.

[C]

Is it?

[D]

Yeah, the. The secret perfume called Bombshell kept mosquitoes away better than some commercial bug spray.

[C]

No kidding. Does it stink? I don't Know that I would know the difference between.

[D]

I'm wondering if I smelled the bombshell before you have. Yeah. Ellen was named the kindest celebrity in Hollywood. I remember 10 years ago, the poll that they conducted. NBC did the poll. Ellen was the most. She got the most votes by far. Taylor Swift was ranked second. Will Smith was third.

[C]

Bunch of swinging people.

[D]

Jason Aldean's blackface Halloween costume went viral.

[C]

That was 10 years ago.

[D]

Yeah. He went as Little Wayne.

[C]

The news about that is you can survive it. So go get them, kids.

[D]

And stubble was the sexiest type of facial hair. A poll for the no shave November.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Found women liked it better than clean shave.

[C]

Are we in the middle of this no nut November thing? Or people still.

[E]

Oh, my God. I forgot about that.

[C]

Yeah. I don't hear anybody talking about it. Terrible idea.

[E]

Well, you get that Owens gal in Scottsdale? That's why.

[C]

What's that?

[D]

The.

[E]

The one we. The guy we talked about.

[C]

Oh, the pregnancy lady. Yeah. I don't know what that is to do with not jerking off, but. Well, and saving your prostate.

[D]

Hold it.

[E]

You won't have that problem.

[C]

Look, just. Just paternity tests for every pregnancy. Every. Everyone. Today I might buy stock in paternity tests because every man should do it. Based on the story I saw over the weekend of this lady and then going online and seeing that you should test, test, test. I. I don't know. I'll buy them for friends.

[D]

We found that you are the father. Well, I have my company that says I'm not.

[C]

No. If you know I would, then it's.

[D]

Got to go to court.

[C]

Go straight to a real doctor and everything else that says this is a paternity test that counts. And that kid isn't mine. Sure, it's 30, but I needed to know.

[D]

According to a new survey of 2,000Americans, most people would be happy to host guests for six days. Any longer than that. Beginning to overstay your welcome. What?

[E]

Ralphie told you all the time. Three days, right?

[C]

Three days.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Like fish.

[C]

If you're. If you're not packed up on day three, you're staying too long.

[D]

33% of the people admit that, they begin dropping hints, it's time to go. 22% claim they're just outright. They tell a guest that time to.

[C]

Pack, it is time to go. Well, they should know. You get in on a Friday, you stay Friday night, we do stuff Saturday, stay Saturday night, you're packed up on Sunday, you do not stay. That third night, you don't stay. If the. If the host has to go to work the next day. Next day you should get out.

[D]

Parents are cool with their children staying for 10 days in laws and other family members should cut it off at about five days. For what it's worth, most people in the survey say they do love hosting. 46% want to be. They like to have the family gathering.

[C]

Families are a little different. You can, you can throw a kid in there because they're freeloaders. And your parents can stay, but your parents shouldn't want to stay at your house for days on end.

[D]

Here's the the biggest problem isn't hosting being too much work or guests getting annoying. It's mostly just space. 40% of the people say they don't have a guest room. People clutter, so their overnight visitors are sleeping on the couch.

[C]

People clutter is a problem in a house that you're used to having a certain routine and they get some weirdo gets up at 3 in the morning, he's just making coffee and banging around and ruins the structure of life.

[D]

Johnny, you got anything to eat?

[C]

Oh, Ralphie, Ralphie. Traipsing through that room. I had a sick dog I had to sleep on the couch with and I just see that lumbering giant, his underpants walk through my kitchen.

[F]

I got no snacks in this house. Like a bunch of people from Auschwitz live here.

[C]

Ralphie. We don't have like middle of the night beef jerky. I don't know what you're looking for.

[F]

I have to order out.

[C]

This was before doordash.

[F]

What kind of pizza joints open at 2am Johnny?

[C]

None. It's Tuesday. Go back in there and go to sleep.

[F]

I can't. I gotta have an overnight meal.

[C]

He raided crackers. It didn't matter. His body just said, fill me.

[G]

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[C]

Sickness he was eating saltines. That is not a decent middle of the night snack. That's very dry saltines and cheez its. They were all gone and we couldn't figure out where the food went until I saw him shuffle through the kitchen. And he would complain he didn't know I was on the couch.

[F]

But you goddamn Auschwitz people living in here.

[C]

Hey, Ralphie.

[F]

Oh, I didn't know you were there.

[C]

We're not Auschwitz people.

[F]

If your cabinets in your pantry tell me different.

[D]

There's a new wellness trend called dark showering. Showering? Because showering in the dark is supposed to make you calm and improve your sleep.

[E]

I've also worn awoken.

[C]

Careful. You're not supposed to sleep in the shower either. Oh.

[D]

They're saying if you take a shower at night.

[C]

Yeah, I do that.

[D]

Dim the lights. It helps relax. Because when you have the bright lights on when you shower it crazy. What is it? The dopamine. Not awake. You tell me in the morning. So the darker. They say the best is total darkness. But there's a couple doc doctors chiming.

[C]

That total opaque showering. They said dim the lights, not total darkness.

[D]

No, because there is doctor here. Various doctor types claim that it's a doctor type.

[C]

Doctor type.

[D]

I know.

[C]

Sugar like or honey spread.

[E]

Is that like a trans doctor?

[C]

I'm a doctor type. I'll be your doctor type for the day. I want another guy. Why? It doesn't sound like you're official at all. My friend Jordan was a doctor type. He sells real estate now.

[D]

So Jordan says. Yeah.

[C]

Dr. Jordan.

[D]

Sensory change can improve your sleep if you're in the shower at night before bed because the the bright light tells your brain to wake up by raising cortisol and lowering your melatonin. But the others say don't do it in complete darkness. Chance you kill.

[C]

My Abuela. Dr. Abuela.

[F]

You should shower in the dark. It saves money on the bills. It's one or the other. Light or water? What do you want?

[D]

Dim the lights at night?

[C]

Both.

[F]

I cannot afford it.

[C]

Are you a doctor?

[F]

I'm a doctor type, I guess. I mean if you were to cast me in a movie, maybe I'm doctor like.

[D]

Is that answer?

[C]

Sorta.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, I'm a pilot type. Are you flying with me then?

[E]

I.

[F]

What do you do?

[D]

For a little.

[C]

I'm a pilot type. I In the I'm adjacent to pilots.

[D]

They found that the certain type of doctors or doctor type or Dennis.

[C]

So well, they're wanting to shower in the dark. That's a weird story. And there's no truth to any of the. The opaque showering kill all lights. Make it the darkest room you've ever been in in your life. How do you know when your soaps off?

[D]

38 year old Eric Thomas Pancake has been arrested.

[C]

E.T. pancake.

[D]

Yep. E.T. pancake pummeled his 72 year old dad at home and mom couldn't stop it. You see E.T. pancake was still living at home with his parents. 38 came home drunk.

[C]

He's E.T. pancake man. He's not getting any breaks in life. It's his parents fault he's living at home. He went into your last name's Pancake and you didn't change it. And then you give your kid initials E.T.

[D]

When mom called the police on E.T. then police showed up and dad's shiner and bruises to the face matched with the fists of furies reported by the mom. Also he tried to strangle dad too. Not sure what he was upset at. Maybe that it was time to move out. Son.

[C]

No, you've named him E.T. pancake. Oh, he looks like a guy who's been named ET Pancake. This is not someone who's winning. I like the headline. Man named Pancake batters elderly father.

[D]

That's great.

[C]

By the way. A lot of people emailing saying I think Brady smoking weed with Kirby. Sounds like a gargled gravel. He's got a little allergy thing going on. He's all right. It is a kind of a bike.

[D]

Not much of a voice yesterday. Sort of biker Brady. Somebody in trouble.

[E]

Text just said that.

[D]

Brady.

[E]

Just a little extra gravity.

[F]

Got a little gravel going on. I've been riding bikes and kicking ass all weekend.

[E]

Hanging out with Alex Jones.

[F]

That's right. Frogs make you gay.

[C]

I'm Brady.

[F]

Alex Jones. Got the contrails, that's what they want. Took that jab and now I can barely speak.

[D]

This man was digging a swimming pool in his backyard in France. And they started to dig the pool. Discovers a little Baggie full of five gold bars and some gold coins worth $800,000. Gets to keep it.

[C]

Yeah, he gets to keep it. It's his.

[D]

Said it's on your land for stop there.

[C]

It's on your land.

[D]

You find it.

[C]

You dig a hole in your house.

[D]

It belongs to.

[C]

It's yours.

[D]

It's yours.

[E]

Don't you get mineral rights?

[C]

If you buy land that's yours, you buy the property. Right. You didn't get anything. Like, I only own an inch of the soil. Like, this building's on because we stole.

[E]

It from the Indians.

[C]

I don't know what the hell that you talk to people about this building said. We own an inch of the topsoil. It's like, why? Because it's all poison underneath. From the on. They tore down the building next to us and it took four years to do it. And evidently, we are the retention basin for all their problems.

[E]

Think about all the stuff that they're.

[D]

Doing with that building.

[E]

It's all leaching over here.

[C]

Well, that's. We run downhill. And evidently we were a big old bucket of poison water underneath.

[D]

Well, they took the gold bars. And it's interesting, there's unique numbers that could be traced on the gold bars when things are melted down and made into the bars. And the police were able to determine that they had not been stolen. So According to France, 19th century civil quote, Civil code defines treasure as any hidden or buried thing over which no one can prove their ownership.

[C]

Yeah, that's what treasure is. They don't need a civil code for that. We all know what a treasure is. You dig a hole in your yard and you find something that's yours there.

[D]

It's in California. Northern California. We had a couple just a year ago. They discovered $10 million worth of rare coins dating back to the 1800s while they were hockey hiking on their property hawking.

[C]

It's theirs if it's your property, like Toledo said. Stop at that phrase right there. This is my property. This belongs to me.

[D]

This dude couldn't stop hallucinating women with large breasts. After he got eye surgery, he had LASIK surgery to remove the scarring on his lens.

[C]

Sure. Did he pay extra for this? Because that sounds like something I want to call Dr. Jay Schwartz about right now.

[D]

The laser surgery was to remove the scar tissue caused by it. Diabetic retinopathy. Anyway, he starts looking at women, and all I could see was large breasts for several days.

[C]

That's fantastic. And he's complaining.

[D]

I don't know about complaining. He's just freaking out. Well, it's just going to be the whole time.

[C]

Is this forever? Because if it's not, I want my money back.

[D]

10 days it lasted.

[C]

I have to tell you, one of the side effects is all the women you look at will have Sydney Sweeney's breasts, but you won't see her face. It's the best version of Sydney Sweeney ever. Wait for how long? Just a few days. Just enjoy it while it lasts, friend. I do that. I got Dr. J. I need to talk to Dr. It's Doug Hopkins. If he were a pirate who only saw big cans. Yeah, look at the picture of this guy. That's not a thing I complain about. I tell everybody, go get surgery. This doctor is a magician, this doctor type. Even if maybe it was just an eye doctor type.

[D]

That's where I went to.

[C]

That is not a problem. I don't know why we're saying it's a problem. If Dr. Jay Schwartz said you can pay an extra thousand to see gigantic breasts, like, glorious, gigantic breasts for a few days. And that's a side effect. Okay. On everyone.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Even the guys. I'm like, this is the best thing ever.

[D]

I've got two quick radio videos. First one, this guy is seeing a doctor type guy to help him out with the back of his head.

[C]

Oh. Oh, my God. What is that? Left for that appointment. Like, I saw my car and cried before I left, and it's just amazing. Like, them. It's a big, lumpy, weird, like, bad blessing, basically. He looks a dopey.

[E]

He looks like one of those alien creatures in the Fifth Element.

[C]

He was. I think he was made of mud and clay and grass. 32.2, which is way higher than normal. It's kind of like two birds with one stone type of thing.

[D]

A flesh motorcycle, like, dirt bike. Wait a minute.

[E]

That wasn't his head.

[A]

Was that his stomach?

[D]

That was the back of his head.

[C]

Jesus, look at that thing. He looks like a. Like if Popcorn came to life and grew some hair.

[D]

It's like a flesh face mask called.

[E]

AKN Cellulitis and CVG. Yikes.

[C]

It's called AKM. Kill Myself.

[E]

Hashtag, Dr. Bumpinator. Look, part of this. Okay? That was his head. I thought that was it.

[C]

Does it looks like his head looks like a piece of chewed gum for that appointment? Like, I just had my. Oh, man. All right. It looks like when the desert doesn't get enough water.

[E]

One of those spongy cactuses.

[C]

If you send me a picture, that'd be like, oh, I want a four wheel on that. Where is that? That's this guy's head. I'm like, what? Can we mountain bike it?

[D]

Last one. Some guys having some fun with gasoline, I think, on the beach.

[C]

Yeah, beach gas. Nothing could go wrong. There's an ocean right there. How far can this fire go? Oh, we lit a whole gas can on fire. Jesus Christ.

[D]

And dummy, dummy's holding the gas Still.

[C]

Oh, he's running away on fire because he held onto it.

[D]

Now he's full.

[C]

Oh, you gotta roll in the sand.

[D]

Yeah, there he runs away.

[C]

Oh, he rolls down a big hill. This is working. Get your head involved. He's dying anyway, so he. Yeah, he ran away with the gas can in his hand.

[D]

That explosion lighting the 4 gallons.

[C]

What is this, an Oppenheimer party? What are they thinking?

[D]

Look at that.

[C]

Made a mushroom cloud and everything. Wow. Well, that's the dumbest thing I've ever seen anyone do.

[D]

What a weekend.

[E]

Well, I hope that video pays you enough to cover your medical expenses.

[C]

Hope you get enough clicks. Wow.

[D]

They were yelling after they put them out. Looking for a doctor type to help out. Yeah.

[C]

I saw some girl on. On the news this weekend. She's made $43 million on her only fans page and is trying to. I forgot her name. Her face is not good at all. It might be one of the nicest bodies I've ever seen in my life. After I'll find her and remember her name. But she's just built stacked. She made 43 million bucks on OnlyFans. But she's Catholic. Like, how does this work? And she goes, God's very forgiving. Like, you better lean on that one because what stuff you're doing on there with that thing. He gave you an awesome stack too. Everything about her is amazing except her face. But it just goes to show you.

[E]

She'S one of those no face girls. And just.

[C]

She should be, but she's just. Her body's hot enough that you're like, I don't care if it was Toledo's head on that body. I would do everything I could to get hard. Or I mean, hold of that. It was incredible. Anyway. All right, let's 8. 26. There you go. No Brett videos today. He's not here. So we'll get that together. But you can put the code word in for 8am right now. Jackpot. That's the code word. Jackpot. You got a few minutes left and qualify for that thousand bucks. And we got that money sitting there and you can take it from us. And how. Take it in the app. Get on your app and knock that down and get all your friends at work to download the app. That's really what this is all about. We don't even care if they play along. Just download the app and we'll get these giant numbers and there'll be a meeting saying how great we did and everybody will get off our ass. That's just basically all this is we give you guys money to help us make our bosses just go f off. That's all we're asking here. So you help us, we'll help you. Thousand bucks going out the door. Jackpot 8:00am Word. I got the Guadalupe replay coming up. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[D]

No membership fee.

[C]

I've heard enough of this.

[G]

All right. HMS Podcast time again. It'll let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Downtown at Stand Up Live, you've got Moshe Kasher and the pride of Jacksonville, Florida, Lil Duvall performing Desert Ridge up north features the very funny Hans Kim and Eastside at the Tempe Improv has two entertaining comedians with Alvin Kuwait and awesome Yousef. For the complete lineups and for tickets go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com It's John Holmberg here.

[C]

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