11-10-25 - FULL SHOW - MONDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

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Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona’s #1 Morning Radio Show

Episode: 11-10-25 – FULL SHOW – MONDAY
Host & Crew: John Holmberg (Host), Brady Bogen, Dick Toledo (Bret Vesely out for personal reasons)
Date: November 10, 2025

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Episode Overview

This Monday episode is a blend of dark humor, sports venting, and life’s weirdness, as John Holmberg and his crew riff on the fallout from a rough NFL weekend, the drama of fake paternity tests, sketchy sports gambling, and the quirks of social trends and pop culture. With Bret out due to his father’s illness, the team carries on, slipping easily between irreverence and insight in classic Morning Sickness style.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Bret's Absence & Radio Family Support

• Segment [00:04–01:30]
  • John opens with heavy news: Bret Vesely is missing the show to be with his ill father. The team reflects on how radio is a “family” and sends their thoughts to Bret.
  • “He’s been a breath of fresh air in this room for a long time. So hopefully Bret and his family are doing what they need to do at this time. It’s not a fun time for them.” (John, 00:23)
  • The emotional letdown sets the early tone, but the team tries to keep things upbeat.

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2. NFL Meltdowns & Fan Culture

• Segment [01:30–11:14]
  • The crew laments the Arizona Cardinals' disastrous game. John finds comfort in Steelers fandom, while Toledo, a Seahawks fan, enjoys “hate-watching” the Cardinals.
  • They examine fan schadenfreude—why fans of perpetually bad teams root against dynasties but take cheap shots when the tables turn.
  • “You are coming from the sewers. You were a sewer rat and you’re barking at someone who stepped in dog poop. It’s not equal. It’s not even close.” (John on Browns fans, 03:22)
  • The emotional volatility of football fandom is dissected, blaming roller-coaster loyalty for much of the sports world’s toxicity.

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3. Soccer, Fandom, and Cultural Blind Spots

• Segment [09:11–14:30]
  • John confesses he’s “an unaffected, beautiful woman when it comes to soccer” and mocks his cluelessness about teams and traditions.
  • The conversation detours into the tribalism and even dangerous intensity of European soccer fanbases, like Glasgow's sectarian divide, and the lengths some go to display loyalty—or aggression.
  • “That gets pretty tribal… I can’t imagine having that also break my heart…” (John, 12:41)

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4. Generational Slang: The '6-7' Phenomenon

• Segment [18:19–21:59]
  • After meeting an unusually enthusiastic 15-year-old fan who wants into radio, John and the gang talk trendy teen slang—specifically, meaningless gestures like “six-seven/juggling nuts” that are sweeping local high schools.
  • “It has no meaning… they just know it makes us crazy… it’s just an announcement of their stupidity.” (John, 20:25)

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5. The Fake Paternity Test Crisis

• Segments [22:41–34:02 | 36:06–38:00]
  • A local story about a woman using fake paternity tests and sonograms to manipulate men prompts an epic rant:
    • The crew is floored by the availability of fake DNA tests and sonograms online—confirming via Google that such scams are alarmingly accessible.
    • Personal horror stories are shared about paternity scares, the emotional toll, and legal nightmares.
    • “I didn’t realize there was that kind of sinister out there. Go to a lab immediately and test.” (John, 31:15)
  • Brady and listeners contribute tales of their own, including schemes involving poked condoms and faked miscarriages.
  • Advice: always insist on legitimate, independent paternity testing—don’t trust a piece of paper from the other party.

Memorable Quote:

• “Always finish sexually in a Ziploc bag and take it home with yourself.” (John, 36:13)

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6. Sports Gambling Scandals

• Segment [56:10–69:00]
  • Fresh news of MLB pitchers (Emmanuel Clase, Luis Ortiz) indicted for allegedly throwing games for sports bettors leads to a deep dive into gambling’s infiltration of pro sports.
  • The hosts lament how legal, mobile betting has made corruption easier and more tempting—and how athletes from desperate backgrounds might be especially susceptible to pressure.
  • “The mob is back, everybody, and in a big way.…” (John, 57:56)
  • The discussion covers red flags in betting patterns, the danger of exotic proposition bets, and how the root problem is often larger social/economic issues.
  • Riff on how rookie athletes are warned to “abandon your friends” to avoid being bled dry—or worse.

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7. Listener Emails & Life Advice

• Segment [124:52–139:54]
  • Holmberg’s Monday advice segment fields letters about irresponsible pet ownership, ungrateful guests, and a listener with a “human martini olive” for a future stepdad.
  • Common thread: people need to take responsibility—whether it’s for their dogs, their behavior in others’ homes, or who they let into their mom’s life.
  • Notable Letter: A listener describes his mom’s leeching boyfriend: “He smells like stale beer and engine dirt. He’s a human martini olive. Olive. Exactly. I know.”
  • Advice: Confront leechers directly (“Be a goddamn man. You show up, you pay some bills. If you’re going to live with her, you’re going to kick in. If I find out my sweet mother’s paying anything of yours, you got me to deal with.” – John, 139:02)

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8. Odds & Ends: Theaters, Gays, and Tinted Broncos

• Segment [78:26–93:47]
  • John recounts entertaining his openly gay neighbors and marvels at how well gay male couples communicate compared to straight or lesbian couples (lower divorce rates, more honest about attraction).
  • The wonders of the revamped Phoenix Theater and the city's musical/art scene are lauded.
  • John defends his over-noisy, over-tinted Bronco as a midlife indulgence, sharing stories of coworkers being shocked by the faux-engine noise.

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9. Pop Culture & Music:

• Segment [120:33–148:51]
  • Box office talk: “Predator Badlands” leads a weak weekend; streaming is eating into traditional movie profits.
  • Nikki Glaser’s “controversial” SNL monologue is reviewed—crew finds the Twitter outrage overblown.
  • Grammy nominations: special mention that the surviving member of Milli Vanilli is up for an audiobook award, inviting jokes about “faking it,” naturally.

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “He’s been a breath of fresh air in this room for a long time. So hopefully Bret and his family are doing what they need to do at this time.” (John, 00:23)
• “You are coming from the sewers. You were a sewer rat and you’re barking at someone who stepped in dog poop.” (John, 03:22)
• “It has no meaning… they just know it makes us crazy.” (John, 20:25)
• “Always finish sexually in a Ziploc bag and take it home with yourself.” (John, 36:13)
• “The mob is back, everybody, and in a big way.” (John, 57:56)
• “He smells like stale beer and engine dirt. He’s a human martini olive.” (Listener Letter, 134:36)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [00:00–01:30]: Opening & Bret’s Absence
• [01:30–11:14]: Sports misery – NFL and fandom
• [18:19–21:59]: Meeting a young listener & discussion of “6-7” slang trends among teens
• [22:41–34:02 | 36:06–38:00]: Fake paternity tests, personal stories, and advice
• [56:10–69:00]: MLB gambling scandal & systemic sports betting woes
• [78:26–93:47]: Entertaining stories about gay couple neighbors, local theater scene
• [120:33–148:51]: Pop culture, box office, Grammys, and the Milli Vanilli memoir

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Episode Tone and Style

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is irreverent, rapid-fire, and keenly aware of the absurdities in modern life. Today’s episode alternates between empathy (for Bret), raw cynicism (about sports, relationships, and parenting), and infectious laughter—often at itself. The team peppers everything with personal stories, local flavor, and bits of blue-collar wisdom (delivered with both edge and affection).

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Takeaways for New Listeners

• Expect brutal honesty, no sacred cows, and wild veering between heartfelt and appallingly funny.
• The paternity test discussion is a highlight—funny, bewildering, and genuinely good advice.
• If you’re a sports fan or just fed up with fads, you’ll find kindred spirits here.

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This summary excludes commercials, intros/outros, and non-content breaks.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought.

[B]

To you by MMP Guns.com, your most.

[A]

Trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Good morning, everybody. Lowther. Welcome to Monday. It is 5:45. Yes, it's the morning sickness. My name's John. Hello there. How are you? There's Brady. Brett is not here today. We'll discuss that in a second. And of course, Toledo, somewhere around here. So most of us are around for the day. We're having a. The show's fighting sick. You know, that's the show was. It's been limping lately and to Brett's credit has been showing up. But Brett is by his father's side and we're gonna hear some news on that. I don't know when, but soon. Soon. Yeah. So Brett's been. Brett's been. Brett's been playing hurt for a while and today he is not with us. And we're. We're thinking about the kid and he's just a. He's been a. A breath of fresh air in this room for a long time. So hopefully Brett and his family are doing what they need to do at this time. It's not a fun time for them. So Brett, we're thinking. Anybody. I'm hoping that you're all okay with everything that's going on. That's no fun. No fun at all. Get that text last night basically saying Brett's not going to come in. We'll discuss this at another time. I know what's been going on. His dad's been sick for a while and.

[C]

And especially with everything that the looming is just.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And it's going to happen.

[A]

It's one of those. Yeah. They. Everybody's just saying, just wait, here it comes. And it's. It's brutal. So Brett's. Brett's in our thoughts for sure this morning because. And it kind of brings this whole thing down. But we'll. We'll do our best. We'll get right through it. But Brett's been doing a pretty amazing job knowing that every day leaving this room he had to go home to. To make sure that a little bit less every day. So. And to his dad, who is just an awesome guy. I hope maybe he's listening right now and say, hey, Kirk, how you doing? And that's just the way things go it's. It's also depressing day here in Arizona because whatever the hell that thing was there for the Cardinals yesterday, everybody's going to be grouchy. It was a. That was a grouch filled game. My Steelers laid an egg last night. I don't care about that. But they. You watch that Cardinals game and I checked, I didn't even pay attention to any of the beginning of the game. I left for what felt like about eight or nine minutes and came back and it was 28 to nothing. It got away really fast. And I understood the 14 nothing. There was a touchdown, then a fumble, touchdown. And you're like, all right, I get that 14. Nothing can come back from that. It's early. I literally left the room for eight minutes, came back in, looked at the school like, wait a minute. That can be right. They can't. That can't have happened. There's beaming Toledo, who by the way, hates the Cardinals. Hates the Cardinals passionately. As a Seahawks fan.

[B]

They are my Ravens.

[A]

They're your Ravens.

[B]

I hate him so much.

[A]

Why? They're non competitive.

[B]

That's part of it. And every time they get chirpy like their fans here are real.

[A]

Aren't they more your Browns? Wouldn't the Rams be your Ravens? Yeah, they're more your Browns. I hate the Browns. I hate the Browns because they've got fans that actually start mouthing off only when your team loses. They never, they don't have anything to celebrate on their own, so they'll mouth.

[C]

You don't feel for those Browns fans?

[A]

Why would I stay with idiots like that?

[C]

I, I text my brother in law who's a loyal Browns fan. Like I don't know how you.

[A]

He's a smart man. I don't understand why, how he can be so dumb to do that. But you know, and your brother in law is not the typical one, but some Browns fans will text me when the Steelers aren't good and I'm like, are you? You've got to be kidding me. I mean this is. You are coming from the sewers. You were a sewer rat and you're barking at someone who stepped in dog poop. Like you live in feces and someone steps in poop and you celebrate it like we're equal. It's not equal. It's not even close.

[C]

But yeah, I would say celebrating by equality, that's celebrating by envy, I guess. Just think about the Patriots back in the day. The, the Brady era.

[A]

Yeah, but you never went crazy.

[C]

The Patriots are starting to stink.

[A]

Yeah, but you didn't bother Patriots fans if you weren't. If you were the Browns and you made fun of the Patriots, you're just an idiot. You're a moron.

[C]

General, this is my observation. People during that whole time like could not stand.

[A]

Oh, everybody hated them.

[C]

Belichick, they're cheating. They're sure they were.

[A]

But you don't bother Patriots fans.

[C]

The key usually bother you.

[A]

We can talk to each other about the Patriots and hating them, but if there's a Patriot fan in the room, you just sit back and take it. There was nothing you could do. If you were a type of person that reaches out to the dynasty and says, haha, you tripped when your team is a bloody mess laying on the ground. It's just, it's ridiculously stupid. Like you, you. And that's what Brown's fans.

[C]

That's where most fans were coming from.

[A]

But that's what Brown's fans counteract that.

[B]

Because Dolphins and Jets fans weren't chirping at the page, right?

[A]

No, they just were like, we're getting our asses.

[C]

Pretty much all of the league couldn't stand the Patriots.

[A]

Oh no, we all hated them. You're not wrong about that. I'm saying you don't reach out to Patriot fans. We hated them behind their backs while they walked around with trophies all the time. If you bothered them, they just turned and went, scoreboard.

[C]

Yeah, that was it for your position, Pittsburgh.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. But I'm talking about the people that bother the winners, that bother the more successful franchise. Because again, when the successful franchise trips the Browns. The what? The Cardinal fans. If you get chirpy as a Cardinal fan and they do, you've got to really kind of reassess who you're chirping to. You're one of like three teams that have, you know, nothing to show for your time in the league.

[B]

And by the way, Cardinal fans, next week I'll show what my team is.

[A]

If they're good or they're not, who they playing. Ramsay got a hell of a game there. That's going to be a good one. Now that would be your Ravens. That's.

[B]

We got five, five big wins over crap team.

[A]

Yeah. And I mean big wins. That was weird yesterday. I mean every time I turn around and then they just started kicking it to each other and like, what can we do with this ball that no one's ever tried before in the second.

[B]

Half they just decided to do. Let's try some new stuff, see if it works. Like didn't, but let's do.

[A]

And then. And then those. I. I've not been on any of these, but when you're. When the opposition's just like, let's stop playing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's the third quarter. We can't keep doing this to them.

[B]

I'm not risking injury.

[A]

Yeah. And then let's just put guys down. We don't want to put Kyler in. Don't put 50 on them. Don't do that. Let's not. The Cardinals.

[B]

The Cardinals are out there.

[A]

Yeah, the Cardinals kept going. I'm talking about the Seahawks, who had to sit back and go, we could score 100, but we're not going to.

[B]

I know what you're saying.

[A]

Look, we've got you.

[B]

There are times as Seahawk fans, you're like, why are we taking the foot off the gas? It's okay. I get it.

[A]

We got fans, more games. Fans want to do that. I would love to see 100 points on the board. I think Belichick was the only one who, like, I'll do it. Run it up. I'd like to see 100 points on the board sometime. When a team's doing what was happening yesterday, it's like, see how high we can do this.

[C]

Let's get.

[A]

But of course, it's. It's not classy and whatever. I. I disagree. I think if you're going to put points on the board, the other team has a defense, they can stop it. So if they don't, it's on you. But Browns fans, and then you got, you know, your own team's fans that, you know, your. Your team gets good and then there's overreaction, everything. Oh, this guy's terrible. Oh, that guy's off. And then the next week, he's the best guy ever. Oh, our season's in the tank. Two weeks ago, we lost to the packers, and I remember three or four people at my house for the Steelers. This is it. The downward. The downward spiral. The. We. If we win another game in the next six weeks, I'll be shocked. And then we win against the Colts next week. This is the turnaround in our season. This is. I'm like, get off the roller coaster and just realize there's hiccups and there's good stuff, but, man. And, you know, everybody thinks the other team is chirpy. Everybody thinks that. And this guy says, tell to leader to shut the hell up. Seahawks fans are the worst in the league. Twelves means they've been fans since 2012. Go after yourself, Cuck. And that's. Yeah. Angry Cardinal fans are going to come out and start swinging all you want.

[B]

That you still talking about 13 years worth of success?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And then this guy Alex, who emails after each Lions thing. Last week was, football's the worst thing in the world. I can't stand this. I hate football. I hate it. I hate it. Because the Lions took a punch from the Vikings this week. God damn it. I love punching on that little guy. That. This is awesome. And just all they clobbered the commanders. It's all an emotional rolly coaster, and it's just sort of no fun. It makes me think Larry McFeely got it all right.

[B]

By not.

[A]

By just having no idea, not only not being involved, literally. You can talk to Larry about football and he's like, what city's that team from? Like, it's just such an unaware.

[B]

He's just oblivious.

[A]

It's like me with soccer, like, I just don't know.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know what Messi does. I don't know how he play. I know he's a name. And it's like, I. I am basically an unaffected, beautiful woman when it comes to soccer. I've heard a few of the names. I know this, and that happens. I know how the game works generally. But tell me this team and I'll be like, I have no idea what city that is or where they're at. I mean, most of the time, that's the good thing about soccer, is that the name of the team is the city. The Barcelona fc. The Manchester fc. Like, oh, football club. I get it. That's smart. But I. Yeah. And then they start getting into things where you're like, the Toffees. And I'm like, oh, the different leagues, well, they got. Well, they got 30 leagues.

[B]

They got the Hottentots or the Tots.

[A]

Tottenham. Tottenham, Tottenham. The Toffees. Yeah. And I only know that because a listener sent me their jerseys. So I started to read about them and I. And I retained none of that information. And I've also only watched them play, like, two games ever, just to see what it's about. And then I realized I'm watching soccer. I can't stand this stuff. But I. You know, I have a friend who's into F1 racing and soccer and Indie racing, as well as all the other sports, maybe save for basketball. Not much of a basketball guy, but his life never takes a break. It's 12 months a year that he's got something hurting his feelings. He's got something going on and sometimes they all overlap because he'll have. He's a Cubs fan. He's brutal. Bears fan. He's on a little bit of a high there. I don't know what he does with the F1. He's got. He likes the. I don't know who's the. This is the girl in me. Who's the red team that wins all the time in soccer? The. There's. It's Manchester. Not Man City. He likes Manchester.

[B]

Manu.

[A]

No, no. Manu is Manu. Not Man City.

[B]

No man. You Man City are two different things.

[A]

I am so cute. Just buy me a drink. I don't know the game. I'm like, I am the hot woman when it comes to soccer. No, that's different. I'm just a cute woman when it comes to soccer. You just find me adorable because I don't know anything. I'm stupid and I want to stay that way. That's the way it should be with sports. Arsenal.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

I think that might be it. There it is. That's the one. I don't know. Will you buy me a drink? Soccer. Kick it all the time.

[B]

And what was Thomas's team?

[A]

Oh, he was Glasgow.

[C]

Glasgow.

[A]

Glasgow. The Rangers. No. The Celtics? No.

[C]

Yikes. Let's fight in words. Sorry.

[A]

Protestants. That is when it really got weird. As you talk to a guy who soccer in Europe. Our Scottish friend Thomas. Not Glasgow Rangers. We wouldn't even allow a Protestant on the team. They had a Protestant show up in the 80s and they just booed and booed and booed on his own team. It's like, nope, it was the Catholics in the process. Maybe it was flip flop. I don't know which one. He might have been Catholic and they were Protestant and he didn't want Catholics on the team. I don't know. But the Rangers and Celtics represented religions rather than just the teams and they would. They would put anyone on the team. Had to be that religion.

[B]

But also, didn't you say that was a fan base that would take razor bladed potatoes to games?

[A]

No, no, that's different.

[B]

Throw them like grenades.

[A]

Bananas. They threw bananas at the black players in the 80s and well, because they had one and he was really good and they still didn't want him on there. So they threw bananas and then they're like, you know what? He's really good and he's a Protestant.

[C]

When I went over with Thomas, it happened me during the week out in his town and the Celtics were playing the Rangers. Rangers. It was like Shaun of the dead.

[A]

Oh, people.

[C]

The streets were just. It was foot traffic.

[A]

Everyone zombie into the stadium. Yeah, but yeah, I didn't involve myself in that one. But that gets pretty tribal.

[C]

But yeah, I know the opposite. You know, just thinking it's funny. Haha. There's a bunch of Rangers fans going there. Go Celtics.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

He's like, shut your mouth.

[A]

Oh, we'll kill that guy. He's gonna get scalped. And that's why. And actually Thomas said he stopped going to the games. It's not fun anymore. You can't scalp a Celtic fan. They can show up. They show up at that game with their Celtic gear and nobody scalps them like you're used to. What? I'd find one if I had the nerve to wear a Celtic. They were getting scalped. Not literally. Right? I like, wait a second, did you guys cut skin off of people's heads? I. But yeah, you didn't dare go into the other teams. They had a section for you. And then you're like escorted in and out there like a hundred people that would sit in that corner and wear the Celtic green. Go Rangers. With Ali McCoist. But yeah, I don't know anything about soccer to the point where I'm just a stupid girl, but I can't imagine having that also break my heart because my friend gets up, the one that likes it at like 2:30 in the morning to watch important games. I'm like, what are you doing? I know the Steelers had that game in Ireland this year. That thing started at 6. I was testing some fandom right there that just happened with the Falcons and the Colts. And I'm like, at least the time change happened. And it's at 7 now. But still that's. I don't think I'd be a football fan in Hawaii. All their games started ridiculous times. Like, you know those 6am Games for us are 3am For Hawaiians. If you're. If your favorite team, if you're a Hawaiian and you like the Steelers and they played in Dublin this year. That game started at three.

[B]

Well, I mean, I'm not saying there's not any Colts or Falcons fans in.

[A]

Hawaii, but probably not many.

[B]

It's like the three guys in the entire island.

[A]

You don't think anyone. That's very racist of you towards Indiana that no one from Indiana has ever gone, well, put your meth pipe down. We're moving a highway.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, I don't think so either. I'm going to go with that. I think the bigotry of that is is accurate. There's no.

[B]

You're from Indiana. You ever seen a Samoan in Indiana?

[A]

Well, no, I don't think they move there.

[B]

Well, that's what I'm saying.

[A]

I have seen a Samoan in Indiana. It's usually for college, like Notre Dame or. And they stay. Which is weird. What? I don't know.

[B]

They don't stay.

[A]

They stay. There's Samoan, but they. The football players go to Utah, for God's sakes. And Washington.

[B]

Don't read that story about how they're plucked out of there and, oh, they're stolen, completely stolen.

[A]

And then indoctrinated into a religion and paid. But still they had a tough time, treated like crap. Yeah, but I don't think any Indiana natives are running off and saying, well, we were. We were doing so well in Indiana, we decided to move it off here to the islands. Maybe a lottery winner. But you're right. There were no Colts fans waking up. And Honolulu or Kauai wait for that game to Florida. Yeah, they're going somewhere other than that. And even, even then Indiana people in Florida aren't going to get there. I would guess they end up in like a weird spot of the Carolinas that's pretty. That no one really knows about. Where the hillbillies unite.

[B]

Again, more specific.

[A]

It's like highbrow, highbrow, hillbilly ism.

[C]

Heading to Myrtle Beach.

[A]

Yeah, I think maybe that's my plan to get sports off my brain and make my weekends fun is to move to Hawaii someday and just not have it. The good news is, yeah, you're. You're even. Your night games start at like 4, so you're pretty much free and clear of all football by 7pm and it's so bad, you get up. Morning games are over by 10. That's nice.

[C]

And there's no clock in Hawaii.

[A]

I don't think so. Yeah, I think those people have got it figured out. There's just weed and papaya and. And there's weed and then there's the water, and that's about it. And meth, they have method. 6:00am code word. This morning, as we get ready, I think this is the last. We got one more week or two more weeks of this. A couple more weeks of it. Today, 6:00am Code Word is casino, I believe. Okay, so we got six more days. Casino is today's word. Casino, that's the one you want to get on. On six o', clock, pop into that thing and enjoy Casino as your word for the app. Take it in there, put it in there and start qualifying. You win 1,000 bucks, that's as easy as it gets. Throw $1,000 your way if you win the whole damn thing. I had a crazy busy weekend. Thanks to everybody who came out to Action Ride Shop on Saturday morning. The best part of it, I think I know. I think I remembered this kid's name. He's 15. He came in wearing his baseball uniform. I think his name was Kevin. I might be screwing that up, but he came in his baseball gear. And I'm like, I got a game today, huh? And he goes, yep. And I assumed it was his mother or father that was parading him to our bike event. And Brett and I are out there hanging out and doing some stuff, and a kid came over, and he goes, you guys hiring? I'm like, how old are you? And he goes, I'm 15. I'm like, no, we can't hire you. Like, there's nothing you can do. And then he goes, I listen to. I listen to KUPD like, 14 hours a day. I want to be in radio. And Brett and I looked at each other and we went, how come? Like, why? You don't see that from a 15 year old anymore? And he's like, I just want to get into it. You guys sound like you're having the greatest time. He was so nice. He wants to work here. I started considering, you know what? And Brett even asked him, can you read? And he's like, yeah, I can read. And he goes, let's put him on the bench just in case Brady has an episode or something. Let's just. Let's keep the kid nearby and do that. And he was funny, and it was just strange. So good morning to him and his mom because it was a very almost.

[C]

You okay using the term broads?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You like the word broads? Yeah.

[C]

We can teach them all levels.

[A]

What kind of brown are you? Because are you all right with us making fun of whatever brown you might be? And he was making jokes, and he was quoting the show. And I'm like. And I. I wanted to ask his mom, is he autistic? And, like, why does he remember so much about the show? He totally normal. He's a totally normal kid. He likes the Padres a little much. And he six, seven me twice. That was a little strange. Then he did the six, seven hand gesture, which is equally or maybe even more annoying, where they act. They do this while somebody else is talking. I'm like, I'm just turned to. This is rude, what you're doing. Six, seven, I'm like, I know what you're doing. Your mother and I are having a chat, oddly enough, about fentanyl. His mother and I were talking about drug use and the skyrocketing drug use with teenagers, and parents are oblivious. And right behind her, he's doing this to me. He's doing the. The six, seven juggle. And I'm like, all right, knock it off. Like, your mother and I are having a serious about that. Oh, yeah, that's.

[C]

I didn't know they were doing that. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, you never knew that?

[C]

No.

[A]

Yeah. Well, when. When Kirby looks like she's weighing two giant coconuts? Or remember when Joe Boo from major league did the thing? Or it was the Japanese guy that did the big nuts thing. That's what he was doing behind her back. And I'm like, your mother and I are talking about all your friends dying in fentanyl, and you decide to do six, seven nut juggle behind me. He's like. And he walked away. I'm like, I'm getting six, seven a little heavy on this thing Again, parents, you're doing a terrible job on this 6, 7 thing. Stay on top of it and start saying it back and be cool and use it with each other in front of them. Oh, you got to drive the 6, 7 out of their heads.

[B]

It drives them nuts using skibidi and riz and.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, and it's fine with, like, little words. This 6, 7 thing has no meaning. You can use skibidi in a sentence. Six, seven doesn't apply. I even asked him. I'm like, why do you. He goes, their whole baseball team's doing it. Honey. Said, oh, yeah, we're all on it as we're six, seven all day long.

[C]

And I'm like, are they on it serious?

[A]

Because there's nothing to be serious about.

[C]

Right? They. They laugh.

[B]

Serious. Of course they're on it. That's being serious about it.

[A]

Yeah, they're doing it because they don't have it. It has no meaning.

[C]

Yeah. They think it's a joke. It.

[A]

It isn't anything. It's not a joke. It's. They just know. It makes us crazy. It makes us go, we hate you. Like, it makes them think they've got something over on everyone. But all it is, is an announcement of their stupidity, is that it took you just making up a word to feel like you've got superiority in a conversation.

[C]

And.

[A]

And they're like, yeah, well, egunkulate. And you don't know what that is. Well, I'm Just gonna walk away. Then it's like, it doesn't mean anything to you either. You don't have any meaning behind it. You're just doing it to be a dick. So I asked the kid, I said, what is the deal on the 6 7? Like, what. What's the. When do you use it? And he goes, look, we're teenagers. We have to have something. And I'm like, you know what? That's a pretty fair assessment, I think. I think that's pretty good right there, that you just. You know better than you have nothing. Your brains are kind of soup.

[C]

You can use it on anything.

[A]

Yeah, you got soup heads. And you don't understand why you're doing it. You just know everybo is. And also, you've been a generation of indoctrinated little mono thinkers that are more so than any other trend generation of all time, that if someone's doing it, doesn't even have to, like, apply, you know? It's kind of like when we were kids, Some people pinned their pants.

[B]

I did. I pegged them.

[A]

Yeah. I would do it. And then I'm like, what am I doing? I don't understand why. I don't think this is a normal thing. And I'm only doing this because everyone else kind of thinks we got things. Okay.

[B]

Deep into it, that you. You'd go out and you'd realize you hadn't pegged them yet.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, it's brutal. We had to hurry and pack.

[B]

But that's a fashion party without my pants pegged.

[A]

That's fashion choices and trying to fit in and all that stuff.

[C]

It.

[A]

That still makes a little sense. If it's just like everybody's wearing bracelets that are. Yeah, I get it. That'll come and go through that too. The 67 thing is A. And by the way, it's 607, so juggle your nuts. It's just weird. It's just a weird kind of. It doesn't mean anything. It's designed completely to make their parents kind of go, is this a drug code? What do I have to worry about here? And it probably is a drug code. They just haven't even figured it out yet because all of them are on drugs. The whole. The whole lot of them popped up on goofball. Speaking of, I saw a story this weekend where a lady here in Phoenix was using fake paternity tests to wrangle dudes.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You didn't see that?

[A]

Yeah, she got in trouble.

[B]

We did a little bit different gal, but still, I. It made me Google in trouble because she did the second.

[A]

Did it two times. And then so I looked. I'm like, fake. What? Did she do that online? Or you can buy them.

[B]

Wait, what?

[A]

Google fake paternity tests available. You can get one. You can. You can dummy up. Somebody just sells them to you for no. And you can. This is the most dangerous thing in the world.

[C]

How many have been duped?

[A]

Every single time Uncle John's talking now, a woman says she's pregnant.

[B]

Paternity test here, immediately.

[A]

Demand your own paternity test if she shows you. I didn't know this was a thing. This is the most sinister, absolute sinister I've ever heard that a woman would. I know that they'll lie about whose baby it is. I know that's a thing. But to go so far as to get paperwork to say, oh, now, come on, I'm pregnant. Holmberg's morning sickness. And this. You know, this is. She wasn't even pregnant, this one. Right? I don't even know if the one that got in trouble. She was just sending out things that said, I'm pregnant. And then she did this thing, and she's like, I.

[B]

She got sonograms.

[A]

Yeah, fake sonograms are available. All of it designed for lunatic broads to trap guys and then, you know, trap them with, you know, the love of a child, too. They're like, all right, it's gonna be. Let's.

[C]

The.

[A]

It's. It's the highly suspect song. It took me 16 years find it 7 years to love you and then realize that the baby that I. That I've been helping you nurture for nine months isn't mine the day it's born. You've been lying the whole time.

[C]

But look at. Look at the facts of guys that would say, all right, I don't want anything to do with it. Yeah, but I'll. I'll send the money.

[A]

The ones that are right are the ones that say, all right, I don't care who it is. You're pregnant. I just want it. We're getting a paternity test. Are you kidding me? The second they fight back, there's a chance it's not yours if they should be so. Because especially as a woman so willing to get that test done so they can hold that over you for the rest of their lives. They'd love that. So you want to do a paternity test? I'll be right back. You son of a. And it can backfire on a guy. But I'm telling you, when I went Online. And I looked and I'm like, you can buy these things.

[B]

Yeah, but I don't have never understood that backfire thing. You should do that on both sides.

[A]

You've been through it.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

A couple times.

[B]

Well, yeah. One time went a full on paternity.

[A]

Yours was like between you and three. It was like a competition. Who's gonna lose this thing?

[B]

It was the state of Utah coming after me because.

[A]

And there was Utah.

[B]

She was using up her benefits and.

[A]

A couple other dudes.

[C]

It was.

[B]

I was on a list. I was the top of the list. And then when I failed, the state had to go after the next people on the list.

[A]

She needed like somebody had to pay for something. Yep. And they were looking for you for.

[B]

Cash because her benefits were going to end if she didn't name who the father was.

[C]

I got bills.

[A]

And you had. Did you have trepidation with that thinking, oh, no, no.

[B]

I knew it was a possibility.

[A]

Oh boy.

[B]

We were actually together a couple of times.

[A]

You nailed her. And then she comes out of the blue. How many years after?

[B]

Five years later.

[A]

It was a five year old kid. Kid was 5W gonna miss. I'm like, I'm. I'm. I'm paying Brady to shoot out some sperms. So how long did you have to sweat it?

[B]

About six months. Because back then you go to the DNA test and it took probably two months, maybe almost three before we got the results back.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

And then had to hire a lawyer. So. I mean, back then that was 30 years ago. 32 years ago. It was 2200 bucks then.

[A]

Yeah, the lady I watched on this thing was, you know, she was like doing these tests and stuff. And I didn't understand that. I'm like, well, she's an isolated nightmare. She's. Something's wrong with her. Then I read like there's a. I can't remember the percentage. It's huge. Of women that lie to guys about either being pregnant just to keep them around or that the baby's theirs and they just hope it never get. Do it immediately. Look at that kid of yours today. I'm like, my dad even would look at me today. My dad would do it and we have the identical face. And he'd be like, I'm still taking that. Just in case your mom has a type. Maybe she banged a guy that looks like me and we didn't even know it. And then I think my dad, Even at age 53, I think my dad would ask for money from me. I think right now, if my dad found out that I wasn't that money back like you know what? You owe me about 20 years worth of stuff. I'm like what? Yeah. I'm gonna ask him.

[B]

There's a jeep in there.

[A]

I bought you a couple cars. I I housed you. I paid for housing. You're not even mine. I'm like you don't love me anymore. Not really. No. After the test came back I realized that somebody else's job Couldn't you fight.

[B]

Back with a little bit like I I put in sweat equity. I mowed the lawn. I kept everything immaculate.

[A]

Yeah that was no I want some money for the lawnmower repair. You broke a lot of lawnmower. Maybe he'd prorate a little care. Maybe. But I'm pretty sure if my dad found out at he's 78 if he found out today that you know Johnny wasn't his hey he put a plan together to start working out some cash back and a program to say all right And I think my dad would shake my hand and be done with me. All right. Well it hasn't been bad at all. I really enjoyed not being your dad. Well thanks for that. Are we gonna talk ever again? I don't see a purpose in that. I don't either. All right. Enjoy Texas. But yeah the only thing get it.

[C]

Done going for you is he you haven't been on the dole for a long time. He hasn't had to oh it's been a while. Yeah. But he still might look be a fact for that. Okay.

[A]

There'd be some bitterness that he you know look if you bought a house and you paid for it for 24 years like my dad did me and then at the end you own nothing. Like wait a minute. Where'd all that money goes? A lost investment. You've done well for yourself now give me that back. He would definitely right. I think he would definitely hit me up.

[B]

You're where you are because of me.

[A]

Yeah. I love you. Well I did then this paper said I don't have to I'm going to move on now. Yeah. I immediately I didn't realize we're 50 years invested. Are we? It's insane. And when you go online and you realize how easy it is to dupe a dude that way. It's crazy.

[B]

John happened to me in my 20s. She had fake sonogram pictures with our names on it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Said she was having twins.

[A]

She you can dummy these up and people it's wide open.

[B]

This isn't dark web falls on that not Just one baby. We're having two.

[A]

So that's my point. It's like, don't just get a paternity test and leave it up to her. Go do it yourself. I didn't realize it was that kind of crazy. I knew there'd be people who'd try that, But, I mean, to go so far as to. I mean, that's easy.

[C]

And how many of them didn't we have someone that never questioned the test and said, all right, I'm. I'll pay the baby, until years later.

[B]

I don't think anyone my age would have questioned a test if it.

[C]

Kind.

[A]

Of was like, oh, geez, you must have gone to something that's mine.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

I'd have been scared to death. And I think my brain would have been so focused on oh, my God, that it wouldn't have been pragmatic enough to go back and say, all right, let's take a look at how these tests came about. Now just do it yourself, just in case. Maybe you'll get off the hook of that thing.

[B]

Hold on. What's this now? Fake paternity tests. Were they around in the 1960s? Signed, Toledo's Dad.

[A]

Wait a minute. He can completely get off the jokes, too. That allowed to get me? I knew I wasn't yours. Somebody else is your deadbeat dad, man. This guy says, I had a girlfriend years ago, tell me she was pregnant. I freaked out. A couple of weeks later, she told me she was kidding. She just wanted to see how I'd react.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Later. What's the next words out of my mouth? Yeah, if you're using. Oh, Alex's.

[B]

Alex's mom.

[C]

She.

[B]

She had a miscarriage when we first got together. And she was mad at me that I didn't have the right reaction to her having a miss.

[A]

Did you see the miscarriage?

[B]

I did not.

[A]

I don't believe it happened.

[B]

I was driving across Texas with all my crap from. From Arkansas.

[A]

I need some glop and a Tupperware. If you don't have glop in the Tupperware, it didn't happen. You're a liar. And you were lying to. You were. No way. I need evidence right in there.

[B]

Another year, and then we had Alex.

[A]

It would be in the thing. I want it to look like a thing of old ceviche. Oh, that's what I. You show it to me and go here, and then I can go to a lab and test. I didn't realize there was that kind of sinister out there. Go to a lab immediately and test Is. What is this? And the doctor look, that's clearly a miscarriage. Right? Good. Thank you.

[B]

Seeing a new income stream for Sonoran Quest Laboratory.

[A]

Is there any way I can test this miscarriage to make sure it's mine? The hell is wrong with you? It's not me. It's her. I understand.

[C]

So much so that multiple companies now offer this service.

[A]

The miscarriage, the ceviche Tupperware. It would look.

[B]

Okay, it looked like you're going, the ceviche confirmation.

[A]

It looks like you got a little salsa left and you're taking it somewhere and you're like, just walking it into the Safeway. So you can go to the Sonoran labs and go, hey, here's my DNA test that if that little glop in the middle doesn't have any of my stuff in it, I got a. I got to start moving. I didn't realize there was that kind of crazy. I knew there was crazy, and I knew it had a level. That's 11 out of 10 to me.

[B]

Oh, absolutely.

[A]

That is 11 out of 10.

[B]

Well. And like, I mean, obviously a real form of psychosis because she did it twice. Yeah, she got caught two different guys.

[A]

And then did it again.

[B]

Yeah, Well, I think. So she double paid. I think the first one that she. That she did, that guy, you know, pressed back, and then they started digging around and found that she did it again. And that's when they went after and.

[A]

Rearrested her, wasn't it? She was. The guy she was with was on the Bachelor or something. Yeah, that's why it kind of has notoriety. And he was on the Bachelor, the one that she was going to get.

[B]

I don't know if he was the best.

[A]

He was. He was.

[B]

He was one of the contestants.

[A]

One of the 30 dudes. Bonus one chick. And trying to win her heart. Yeah. But yeah, she. She was taking medicine to appear bloated. She went online and said, what will make my tummy bloat? To kind of look new pregnant? And so this dude's like, well, I guess that's a thing. It falsely accused him of fathering unborn twins in a one night stand. He's 32. And he's like, this is just awful. Careful hosing crazy. Don't hose crazy.

[C]

The code on that in the legal system is six, seven.

[A]

Six, seven. Yeah, throw the six, seven, Juggle the nuts. And as a good friend, just go, look, dude, you're. You're bone and crazy, and you've got a loaded gun. They had intercourse. He said, I'm Dealing with the most crazy individual I've ever met in my life. She was taking medications to appear bloated. She wasn't even pregnant. Amid the legal battle, she said he was contacted by two men who allegedly. Or he said he was contacted by two men allegedly said she made the same claims against them. Be careful, dude. And there's another thing. If another dude calls ever and says, hey, I dated her for a little bit, she faked a pregnancy. She takes pills to pure bloated. If you're. If she's probably not really pregnant. This chick's done it multiple times. So she's going to get in big trouble now.

[C]

I wonder about the shows that would do. You are the father. You're not the father. Like, are you getting multiple opinions on that?

[A]

That's bananas.

[B]

I mean, if I'm on Maury, I'm trusting Maury more than I am her.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

This guy said, I dated a dumb whore, tried to tell me she was pregnant and it was mine. But not only was she not pregnant, she couldn't do the math correctly and seen her in months. Yeah, there's a lot of dummies are too faking that stuff. And it's easier for the Internet. But that should be. I mean, there should be. I'm not all for regulations, but there's one. If you're running a company that does fake sonograms and fake tests for loony broads, yeah, you've got problems. We gotta shut that down like immediately. That should be an attorney general thing. I don't. When I just googled it too. After seeing the story, I'm like, wow, how do you even get hold of that? How do you dummy up a fake test when the dude's not involved? And she took something from him and said, I found your hairs and I took one. He's like, oh, no. And she's like. So the test came back and it looked, it looks super pro. If you have a pregnancy, if you have a 30 year old, just test it. Just make sure. Do what Dan would do. I love you. I'm glad I could help you out with life, but I want some financial compensation for your crazy mother pulling this one over on me. I ain't doing that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I don't have access to the dark web, but I'm not finding free paternity tests. But I know they're out there because there are on blogs about where to.

[A]

Where to find a fake paternity test. If you just Google that.

[B]

Oh, I did.

[A]

Mine's. Mine comes right up legal.

[B]

Legal stuff came up.

[A]

Not.

[B]

Not where to actually buy one.

[A]

There was one that I just. I was reading, but I can't find it now. But it came up. It's like there's a. In Maryland, there's a lab that would do it for extra money. So it's basically the same thing as when you go to the days in and get some dental work. Don't throw some paperwork at you like that. You can go to these labs for an extra few hundred bucks.

[B]

But the thing is, like you said, if she grabs hair and like, sends that off to a lab, it'll give her results on his DNA.

[A]

Here's what we do again. Always finish sexually in a Ziploc bag and take it home with yourself. Second, shave your head before all sexual activities. In fact, shave your entire body and not at her house.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Make sure you don't have any scabs or scars.

[B]

Do that. Do the Silkwood shower. Always get all your loose skin off.

[A]

Chernobyl out everything. Power wash in the garage and then leave. Some of them are nuts. Holy smokes, man. Yeah. And if you've got a kid right now, just for fun, just for fun, wander over to the and go, you know what I think I want to do for fun? I want to see how accurate these paternity tests are. Because the dog paternity tests and the dog DNA tests are pretty fun. I'm going to go do one. And if she gets upset, pay double.

[B]

Guy says, john, how about this? You know, there's plenty of netbags out there. It's a tale as old as time. I dated a chick from Scottsdale that would poke holes in my condoms.

[A]

I've had a friend who had that happen. At least he claimed it happened. But then he brought in the. I didn't know if he did it to prove his point, but he brought in a little Trojan thing that had like, through the. Through the wrapper. Oh, no, it was in the wrapper. Go see?

[C]

Just a pin all the way and.

[A]

There was like a hole in the center.

[B]

It's looking dark. You're not looking, you know, or to see if.

[A]

Who's looking for. When you're hard and you're ready to go, you're like, let me investigate this thing and blow it up once. Put some water and it seems. Seems to be holding.

[C]

Whizzing like a balloon.

[A]

You strap it right on and you go. Said, 17 years ago, this chicken tried to tell me she was pregnant. I kept it cool and said, ain't mine. Two weeks later, I Get a call that she fell down the stairs. Huh.

[B]

And then ceviche.

[A]

And then he said, dumb. Yeah. And then made ceviche. If you. If you. If you put me through the ringer for a couple months and then I'm on yours. Doesn't sound on the up and up. You go winter, like, you're just out and on the road, and then you get a phone call saying, I made ceviche. I'm like, I want to see that. Yeah, I lost it. Okay.

[B]

Oh, she was. Let me see it in a bad way about it, of course.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

But I want some proof. It's a terrible thing, but I want some proof.

[B]

Again, there is no proper way for a guy to respond to that because you don't have the emotional tie.

[A]

What didn't you do?

[B]

I didn't react right. I wasn't as upset as she was. And I'm like, I don't know how to be that upset about it. Like, we'll try again.

[A]

Right? Like, honestly, she had been through so much emotional change and stuff, and it's.

[B]

Happening to her body. Like, I can't feel that.

[A]

So when she called and said, we lost the baby, like, oh, not that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And there's a little bit of that.

[C]

Like, I said that to her.

[B]

You know, after a couple years, there was a little bit of that, too. We were ready to have a kid. Oh, no. And I just met you.

[A]

Are you okay? I'm not. I just don't want to. I don't know what to say. Are you hungry? Cause I could eat something. Oh, my God, Richard, please come home. Yeah, I'll be there in a little bit. Do you want me to pick something up on the way or we some. Like, what do we need some bounty towels, probably. Horrible. Ladies, if you have a friend who goes, one time I faked a pregnancy to see how guy reacted. Get the bill and leave that friend. Don't be friends with those people. There. There's too much support. And I remember the support factor for John or not John, but none of that for John Wayne Bobbitt's wife. John Wayne Bobbitt's wife chopped off the guy's dick. And there were women who were like, saint. And I'm like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Whatever he did was. Was not, like, terribly dick removal bad. We don't. And I always used to when women say, he ever does that to me, I'll cut his off. All right. Well, was. Then it would be all right if dude said, hey, if she ever did that to me, I'D slice off her lab and throw him into a field. Would you guys be okay with that? I'm gonna cut her off and juggle them and then throw them into the water. That's just disgusting, right? And you guys are sitting there selling.

[C]

She had that coming to her, right?

[A]

Yeah, she deserved it. That she was kind of a hero in the 90s to a lot of women. That I've been wrong by a man. Cut their dicks off. That was like a thing. They were all laughing, making jokes the next night. That ain't funny, John.

[B]

Hear me out. It must be pretty rampant, dude, because it happened on the Bold and the beautiful girl faked pregnancy tests so that she could be related to one of the rich families.

[A]

Oh, if I was a woman, I think I might be one of those, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, on the. You'd flip it over.

[B]

Different than this.

[A]

I think if I was a woman and there's like a ton of money involved, well, I would be sleeping with a rich guy.

[C]

We hear about that too, man. I bet you it's 5050 on that. Like, the couple of pro athletes or whoever are been avoiding it for years. No, no, I'm not related.

[A]

No, my ass is.

[C]

So there's a couple of them that said, oh, yeah, you're related in the pan.

[A]

Sure. If I'm check it. Always double a double check. What you know is probably true. Just, you know, confirm. Why wouldn't you? And if your wife gets mad when you suggest it, whether that storm.

[B]

Oh, you get through it.

[A]

What a woman, a woman who's confident would do. Would be like, go get your stupid test. Yeah. And I'm going to hold this over you for the rest of your life.

[B]

And at that point, you know, yeah. Oh, I stepped.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, boy. And if it comes back yours and you're like, okay, well, there's the risk.

[C]

Stefan Diggs, most recent.

[A]

Sure. What?

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

He's got tons of them, but he's got kids all over cardi b.

[C]

And this girl had been accusing him, saying, you're the father. The DNA came back.

[A]

It happens all the time. And, ladies, not all. You're nuts. But you. You coddle crazy friends, but you carry the gene. And you. Oh, you do. And you tap the wine glasses together when the girl tells the story. I faked a pregnancy just to see how he'd react. And he didn't, so I left him. And then you guys clank your. Your cab salves. I love teasing. Oh, my God, this is a gaggle of lunatics. It's a concentration of crazy. You can't be friends with them anymore. Ladies, if you've got a friend who's pulled that or even whispers it, they're not allowed to have friends. You're. You're enabling them. You're codependent to crazy. Yeah, I was watching that story just nut. And she picked a dude who was. I mean, this dude was only on the Bachelor. You don't have to have a ton of success and they'll try one on you. Nothing crazier than the lady I knew that had a one nighter with a co worker and then her boyfriend wanted her back. I've told this story before. Boyfriend wanted her back and said, what did you do in the month we were apart and because rumor is you were banging.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And he goes, she said what? Yes. No, no, we didn't have sex. We didn't goes, no, that was what? Well, no, I didn't want to. So we raped you because he wouldn't take her back if she had had sex with this guy. So she went to the lengths to where like investigators showed up at this guy's work that for a rape charge just so she could get back with her boyfriend without admitting that she consensually boned this other guy. She was like, I'll just, I'll throw this guy in jail to get back together with my ex. And he held it over and he's like, how far? And here's the other thing. I remember talking to him going, you took her back after that? He's like, yep. I mean, she was willing to put a man in jail for something he didn't do. And he took it as like, that's how great my D is.

[C]

Right?

[A]

Like, he was a little confused. He's a little crazy too. And then she fessed up. Finally at the end, she goes, I just didn't know what to do. I was emotional. Oh, you use those emotions like there's some control him. Because when a dude's about to go to jail, I don't want to hear about. I just lost control of my emotions. I'm sorry. No, no, you're going to jail. And the other dude who was going to go to jail, I would have been different. Didn't press charges against any sort of false accusations you're putting through mail. His dad was a lawyer. He'd have had to hire another one. He got lucky. That was crazy. So watch out. Yeah. Get your test today. You know what? It's paternity test Monday. That's a good idea. Go out there and just, you know, just. Just float it.

[B]

You might have to make that a reminder.

[A]

Every Monday, I might just start endorsing it for, you know, the paternity test.

[B]

Hey, it's John Holberg here for Sonoran Quest.

[A]

Look at that kid. What's up with the eyes? How come you. Nobody in your family has those? Like, what's going on with that? How come.

[B]

You know why?

[A]

You know why? It's probably not yours. It's Toledo. You're the one that should do it.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Toledo's dad.

[B]

Kid, do you want to be me?

[A]

Delito's pop pop kit. You might get off scot free. Do it early. But just in case, I'm gonna call my dad and see if he wants to do a paternity test today. I'll wad up some spit, and we'll send it out. And I know I'm gonna get emails from people who are like, you give your DNA to a company. I was like, and it's over. Those days are long gone. My DNA is floating out all over the place. I've given it to the cops before because in order to eliminate me from theft, I had something stolen from me. So, like, well, it's your thing, so we have to get your. If we find DNA on anything else, because they had this. That bike that the guy left in my driveway. I touched it as well. We got to eliminate you. So I need your DNA too. And I'm like, all right. And then they give you this long speech about you're in the database forever now. I'm like, okay.

[B]

Like, so then you start thinking at.

[A]

Any given time, like, when a bad guy's DNA shows up at a rape thing, my name flies through that computer program to just eliminate me.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

You're in it. Have you given your DNA to the feds yet?

[C]

To a paternity or whatever? Like, what's it called? The service that's no longer the.

[A]

Oh, like the ancestry. Yeah, you're out. Yeah, that's.

[B]

You're 23andMe is still around. It just.

[A]

Well, there's a couple.

[C]

One of them that went out.

[A]

Ancestry.com.

[B]

Ancestry. The biggie. That's. The Mormons are behind. That ain't going anywhere. Yeah, it ain't gone anywhere.

[A]

It is not. They're.

[B]

They're good record keepers.

[A]

Yeah. The word for this morning is casino. You got about 10 more minutes on that one. You could throw that together. In the meantime, you can give us a wake up song. You throw it up on our Facebook like you normally Do Toledo will, man, where Brett usually is. Or you can call us 585-9800 and we'll wake up together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up.

[B]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[A]

No membership fees. I've heard enough. Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Thank you. Miles to nowhere as we creep up ever so close to Palladio, which I believe is 14 short days away. Well, 13 and a half now. Two Mondays from now, we'll be starting Playdoh. And Toledo had a spam issue, so we normally take 30 bands for Palladio, and it's first come, first served. Lawyers ruined everything to where we used to raise money for charity and stuff, but they took it all away from us. Can't have people pay to be partisan. There's a donation. Can't have people donating.

[C]

All right, fine.

[A]

What do you want us to do? First come, first served. All right, fine. So we did it. And we take 30. Well, Toledo had seven or eight go to spam the first day on Friday.

[B]

I get an email from one of the bands. Geez, did you hate our song that much? We didn't even make it. Like, we emailed you at like 6, 10 on Monday. I'm like, I got nothing from you. Yeah, sorry. And then I'm like, checks look back through and went through junk folder. There's like seven bands in there.

[A]

Oh, no. So now we have almost 40 bands for. That's 10 more cruddy bands than we expected.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Better be a needle in the haystack if we amped it up to four.

[C]

Come on. Let's just say, what, seven out of eight? Or how many would have seven additional.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Rather than 10 more bad. There may be.

[A]

Yeah, you're right. Let's jump up to 40. We're close. 37 or 38 of them. Still, that's too many.

[B]

One out of ten. We should be able to find four.

[A]

Well, that's where we're.

[C]

Yeah, that's what I.

[A]

You'd think. And we run like 1.3 decent songs out of every 10.

[C]

Twos more.

[A]

2? Are you out of your mind? That are good.

[C]

Yeah. You said we saying four if we have.

[B]

I said if we get one out of 10. Since we have 40. If we get four, then that's pretty good.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

If we get four good bands out of that out of each 10, it's a world record.

[B]

And I'll just set your mind at ease.

[A]

They're not. We'll see. Maybe.

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

Maybe you're wrong.

[B]

Maybe I'm wrong.

[A]

Maybe you're wrong. It's crazy. We've been doing this long time. You start getting good at it. I know what you're saying it is. Yeah, we're 7 o'. Clock. Let me get to 7 o'. Clock. Word to put into the ticket in the app promo box. Rich. Rich like you rich. R I, C H. That is the word for 7am can do that in about a minute. It'll open up at 7 o'. Clock. Pop that in there, qualify yourself for another chance at $1,000. Good luck talking about those paternity things. Guy says, in my small hometown in Alaska, there was a girl who got pregnant with her dad's best friend. She was 16 and in order, throwing the best friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was 16 and had to protect the situation. So she said her high school boyfriend, it was his. Oh, man, that's brutal. The kid hung himself three days later. Truth came out a little while after. And somehow or another this girl became a sympathetic figure in the community that she was coerced into this. She. She became some sort of ironic hero and she knew everything that was going on. Oh, by the way, the old man that knocked her up was found in a lake a year later. I'm pretty sure the teen boy's dad did him in. Oh, my God.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Small town murder friend. Jimmy's gonna call you. He does a podcast about that stuff. Crazy. This one says the remedy to keep fake paternities have been happening. And they've been happening for as long as there's been a clock and there's been an answer to it. Hookers. You never once get a call from a hooker that says, guess what? I'm pregnant. They know it's the cost of doing business and they've got a little slush fund to make slush. That's probably why they call it a slush fund, because prostitutes, world's oldest profession, making slush out of this stuff that could. It's going to hamper business. This guy says, I went back to a chick's place while she was getting changed. I got some ice from a freezer for drinks, and she had a few used frozen condoms in her fridge. Freezer. I got the hell out of there. That's a brand of crazy I would never understand. Says after my divorce a few years back, I tapped a girl in Sierra Vista. And two months later she called me and said she was pregnant. And I knew she was crazy when I did it. And I told her, hey, guess what? I had a vasectomy three years before I met you. So tap another. Tap another tree. How about this one? Back in the late 90s, we sued my brother in law. We had him served at work by a lawyer and for a week and a half he was sweating before we finally sent him another letter from Dewey Cheatham. And how the best joke ever. No, not maybe to you. No, that dude.

[B]

No, haven't gone through it. No.

[A]

That's a horrible joke dying inside. So, John, this is a different topic. John. And the rest. I saw your ad on the app the other day with TV's Doug Hawkins. And I couldn't get out of my head why he was so familiar, like I knew him. Then I figured it out and it is scary. He's put a picture of Doug next to Carl Fredrickson from up the Pixar. And I'm like, you know, I've known Doug for a long time and I think I might have made that joke not realizing how accurate it actually is.

[B]

That jawline, that's a people.

[A]

And just to clarify, because I didn't realize so many people had believed this, that is Doug and I are not father and son. Just to reiterate what that person said to Doug the other day. Oh, you've been at this so long and now your son's in commercials with you and it eats Doug alive. He hasn't talked to me since Friday when he texts me something and I said, morning, dad. And he's like, I hate you. And then we haven't spoken since. So there's a chance that Doug and I are, you know, but he'll forget he's an old man. Doug and I are 13 months apart, 14 months apart. And it had to eat him alive. I celebrated that one in a huge way. And now you have your son in your commercials. Oh, pop. Popkins.

[B]

Another email asked if you would DNA test with Doug.

[A]

I should just in case, because it is. I mean, the age disparity, visually is. There is a possibility. He looks. Yeah, it's great. That's one of my favorite things that's happened a long time. And then with all that's looming around us, Alex had a nice letter. Alex worked here a long time ago. Said, I will tell you this. I think Brett's father must have been a great man. I don't know how Brett feels about me. I drove everyone nuts when I Worked there. But Brett was always great to me. Had a chance to get me in a crap ton of trouble for no showing a concert I was supposed to be at. And Brett never once ratted me out. I came clean to him after clearly lying about everything that had happened. And he told me he wouldn't tell anyone and he never did after that. He even helped me make my first voice track and produce some stuff. I respect the hell out of Brett so much and him showing me what type of stand up guy he is shows that his dad must have been awesome as well. Thoughts with Brett? That's awesome. Thank you, Alex. That's very nice of you. And also kind of makes Brett a bad guy in the email in a weird way. It's like you can lie, commit crimes and he'll never tell on you. What a guy. I agree. I agree. Yeah, Brett's going through it right now and I don't know. I don't have any information. I don't necessarily want to spill the beans. I don't want to die. I hope that there's a lot more time with the two of them together, Brett and his dad. But it's no fun. People gonna throw it at Kevin Falcone, who called us the day after his father passed and said he needed some jokes and we just started to make fun of him and stuff. He said it was great. So we said I'm gonna. And if you want to. You know what, Just fire off a nice letter to Brett Bvesley at 98kUpdom. A lot of people.

[B]

Not good listeners. Were great. When I was going through it with my mom. I gotta. I gotta be honest.

[A]

You just had it happen.

[B]

And even Paula.

[A]

Yeah, Paula even stepped up. Didn't know that. That she's back. By the way. She's torp. You've been through it. Yeah, people have been through the. The yuck of it all. It does help to have this silly show.

[B]

Have you called your parents lately? Just.

[A]

I'm gonna call my dad and get a paternity test today. I'm gonna make that happen. My mom's.

[B]

It's gone through the show is what we're saying.

[A]

Oh, no. Everybody seems okay. We'll see. I know my dad could be laying under a horse getting this knock on wood.

[B]

Or is there. Is there any wood in this?

[A]

My dad could be getting.

[C]

Find out who my real dad is.

[A]

He could be getting CPR from high yellow right now. Who knows? We'll find out.

[B]

You get that call from your stepmom?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, it's not my stepmom. Her name's Shauna. She's a nice lady, but she's not. She's not my mother. And then we had the gambling thing in baseball or in basketball a few days ago. Now in baseball, it's kicked up with two over pitches. Big pitchers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Emmanuel Class A class and Luis Ortiz. Indicted on charges that they took bribes from sports bettors to throw certain types of pitches, including tossing balls in the dirt and on purpose instead of strikes to ensure successful bets. Everything sports was afraid of with this handheld betting thing, the online betting is starting to happen five years after it started. It's now that it's kind of permeated every major market of sport. And it's, hey, we're not having too many problems. The vast majority of us use it properly for losing. But there was the element that once gambling became handheld. And everywhere you are, there's. You are. You are now a casino. You have a sportsbook in your hand at all times. Anywhere you are, for the most part, walking around, you can place bets. And if you happen to be with people who play the game, friends, whatever, and they owe you this or you owe them that, next thing you know, you can start to manipulate it. We're starting to see that these two guys for Cleveland aren't slackers, they're not slugs. This was a. Another one where it's like, what do we need to do? And he's dirt and a few balls. Cleveland didn't have a great year. They were good, but it wasn't like they were. Yeah, but they tanked it at the end. So, I mean, they were. They were potentially really good. And then at the end of the season, like, what happened to the Indy Guardians? And. And then you start to wonder or they. Is it. They throw in games. Baseball still has the. If you gamble and we catch you, you're out on baseball. You're done for good. Ask Pete Rose. It done for good. I don't know who would risk that or what kind of money they're in, but the mob is back, everybody, and in a big way. Because again, once. Once it ends, they say sports betters. And you cannot get professional athletes to do this unless you're holding something over them. It's not the average Toledo that can make, you know, a guy for the Diamondbacks throw a game just so the two of them can make a few hundred bucks. This is big stuff. This is o ski money.

[B]

Well, that. And like Dale aside, I know that when you do hit that big parlay, like say you hit that plus 4,000 parlay one time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Think about the scrutiny on every big win that it's going to come down right now.

[A]

I've had a couple.

[B]

You're going to have a red flag on your big win.

[A]

I've, I've won. It depends on your bet.

[B]

No, I know, that's what I'm saying. My history, they're going to look at it.

[A]

My history of a hundred dollar bets, because that's usually just so I can do the math, is long and I lose a lot. And I've had a couple. I won 28 grand once and 14,000 because I build lottery tickets, mostly for basketball. I have like 14 piece parlays and I'm just goofing around on it. And when I win it, I just use that as gambling money. So it's just like free money. It very rarely goes back to the big one. Did. But a couple of.

[B]

You're not withdrawing money.

[A]

I've hit a few monsters, but I mean, for the most part it's like, all right, let's just whittle this down slowly. Over the last few years, probably five really good five figure hits off $100 bets. And I've had a couple of stupid ones when I hit those figures. We're going to put a thousand bucks down on a hockey game just to see what I can do. And it goes away. And you're like, well, it was free money, but had that been happening a lot? And you start looking at guys that are betting, you know, $25,000 out of the blue on a thing and the guy, and he hits it. It's like that guy doesn't like, that's weird.

[B]

Like he's not walking the ninth player off the bench.

[A]

And it was awful. Weird shot. Yeah. Weird thing to say. The pitcher's gonna walk two in an inning. It's like, really, he's got two base on balls and you put 25 grand on that and he did it. That's a red flag. So we don't know what's going on with that. There's. It says there's. Of course they're protecting the players, which is even worse. They say there's no credible evidence Luis knowingly did anything other than try to win games with every pitch and every inning. He looks forward to fighting these charges in court. The problem is this sounds terrible. A lot of the people that play in Major League baseball come from some of the poorest places there are. So it isn't about them making money. It's about the people surrounding them. And look, Mexico, I know you guys will get mad at this. That country's not on the up and up.

[B]

Mexico, Dominican.

[A]

And then you can start getting some stuff together to get your family involved with bad people as you grow up. And then later you owe them. It's not about just taking a paycheck and cutting it. And here you go, cartel. Because that they can do anytime they want. You owe them on the whole to say, let's keep this legitimate so you can pay everybody and why don't you dirt a couple of them? Why don't you plunk a guy or do something. Do something that we know for sure. Tell us what you're going to do.

[B]

The only time we're going to ask.

[A]

We can throw this, we can do this, this and this. And tell us what you're up to. And you start to manipulate your way because you've got 35 people, not just one behind you going, I know your uncle, I know your mom, I know you're abuela. I know all this stuff. Dominican Republic is a just an absolute dump if you're not at the resorts. It is, it's Haiti. It's the same island. And somewhere another Dominican just. You divide that mountain in half and one side is this glorious destination, the other side's a dirty AIDS infested mess. It's the same island. It would be like dividing Glendale in half and saying one's glorious and the other isn't it. It's still that.

[C]

Donated some money for the Dominican repose for those areas that needed help.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because it's like prove that I dirty balls and got. Well, you, you got this money from this person.

[A]

You prove it by saying, how in the world did this specialty bet hit like five times? And why are there five or six $50,000 bets on that? No one bet.

[B]

You all of a sudden just started making in the last.

[A]

So they've got some weird ones now.

[C]

Again, I didn't know you could bet on.

[A]

You can bet on anything. You could. You can walk up and make a bet.

[B]

If you bet on the pitch, you can play pitch ball or strike.

[A]

You go to. Yeah, you can go to a sports book personally and just go, I want to build this. And they'll go, all right. They'll find ways to say this guy's going to walk two batters this inning.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Okay. Okay, dummies bet. And if he does, that's. That is a red flag because how do you know? Like, that's a really weird one. So you start looking at. And I'm not saying that they were walking people, but he's, he's doing things to keep think anything from happening. You know, if. And the other bet would be like, let's say Toledo's playing for the, for the Mariners and I'm pitching and we know that Toledo's playing, you know, two plus hit or a hit during the game. If we're like, we can bet against you having a more than one hit or something like that, I can make that happen. I'm in the eighth inning. I'm coming in to close this thing. I'm not going to give him a pitch to hit. I'm going to walk them.

[C]

I've asked multiple friends of mine that still live in Cleveland, including my brother. Are you part of this deal?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, you think he was in one got back from.

[C]

I haven't heard from my brother.

[B]

But the one of these times you're going to go fishing and somebody's going to go, yeah, I was in on that.

[A]

Yeah, your brother's gonna be like, yeah, and I need bail money. Yeah. Either way, it's kind of strange, but it's. A U.S. attorney is in on it. So it's heavier than just like some guy going, hey, whoops. They've been investigating this. They say that Ortiz and class have betrayed America's pastime. Integrity, honesty and fair play are all we're looking for in the DNA of professional sports. And when corruption infiltrates the sport, it brings disgrace not only to the participants, but the damage to the public trust. I also go back to plucking 16 year old poor families out of the worst countries in the world and saying, you guys were surrounded by gang members, cartels, all sorts of stuff and everybody. That's not true of all of them. It's true of some of them, though, and it isn't true of all of them. But it only takes a couple and you get those guys out of the doctor. I mean, David Ortiz is a legend and they shot him eight times down there and he's still doing baseball. I mean, you go back down there and mess around, they're not screwing around with like hand slaps in those areas. And then you start realizing these guys mean business. I better do what they say. It has nothing to do with your paycheck. It has everything to do with them telling you what to do. It doesn't surprise me in baseball as much as any, like basketball was shocking. Basketball, it's an easy game to fix, but baseball's probably the hardest to fix. We talked about it on the podcast. To do with hell Australia and Dave Nash, baseball's probably the hardest one to get gamblers to say, do this. Don't realize if you get in a pitcher, you know, dirt and a few baseballs or walking guys or hitting people, totally different.

[B]

I don't know. Yeah. As far as player props go, I think it's probably one of the easier ones.

[A]

You think?

[B]

Because if I'm betting, you know, Cody Bellinger to go hitless as Cody and I can convince Cody Bellinger just swinging with us.

[A]

Oh, you could talk to him to do it. But I mean, what's the value of it to Cody?

[B]

Cody Bellinger bad example. Find somebody from Venezuela or, you know.

[A]

Some place that has a family, somebody.

[B]

That'S got a little something on the.

[A]

Line that the whole reason that you.

[C]

Were in the lineup.

[A]

Yeah. Well, the whole reason you're in the majors is because this group propped you up down there. Like, you'll get us some other day. So what the mob used to do. Don't worry about it. You go win. We'll talk to you another time. And then five years down the road going, hey, if it wasn't for us, you wouldn't be where you are. We owe you or you owe us. It's weird, but. Yeah. Baseball and basketball, all these sports are having these problems with. With this and it's. It ain't pretty, man. It's gonna. It's gonna screw up a lot of stuff.

[C]

Yesterday the Jags game, seven seconds left. It was one and a half points minus one half.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And he gets tackled. Ball flies in the air.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Run back for a touchdown.

[A]

Football super easy covered Football super easy. Start looking what the under over is.

[B]

When there's like the Rams Phillies or Phillies Rams Eagles game earlier in the year was the same way it. And it affected the.

[A]

But all you need is a defensive holding which is an automatic first down and you can control the drive and.

[B]

You'Re in field goal range to Cleveland.

[C]

Some make some money when the guy went off sides with there is fourth down and they.

[A]

Did you watch the Cleveland Browns and Jets game?

[C]

I saw. No, I. It was red zone and it was.

[A]

On the red zone.

[C]

Oh yeah.

[A]

They actually put it up there.

[C]

Yeah. Because it was. It was the last.

[B]

The only one that watched.

[A]

Man. That's immediately. I got to turn this off and go find something to do around the house. You. Any time that they focus in on Jets Browns, it's a bad morning for football. That should be that they should just send out a newspaper article about that one. That's the Most unwanted game in the history of sports. Jets and Browns. Somebody tried to say it last night at game day. It was Chris Rose. And he goes, exciting Jets, Browns game. He's a big Browns fan. And he goes, we'll just tell you the score. Yeah, there's no reason to do highlights of those two.

[B]

Their special teams coach should be fired today.

[A]

Well, everyone should just quit. You're a Browns coach or player. Just quit your job. But yeah, it's a weird thing. They said the betting was unusual. Said so. They saw a bunch of unusual betting just skyrocket on a thing whenever this guy would pitch. And like some people starting to win a lot on this. And it's a trend. It's. Yeah, it's. People don't like to see the reality of it, but when you pluck poor. It's Britney Spears. You can take the girl. Yeah, yeah. You can take the girl out of the woods. You can't take the woods out of the girl. She's still a hillbilly. All the success ever. She still does hillbilly stuff. Tons of it. And it's getting worse as she gets older because she's detached from her roots of life. She has no identity. The only thing she identifies as is a lunatic hillbilly. That's true of everyone. You go back to the Dominican Republic and pull this kid out of poverty and plop him down and give him a ton of money. He's still got that in him. That's still there. You can't. That's why they always say that in. Basketball's a big one, too. And they're like, you know, came from the mean streets, this and that. And then you're surrounded by like a whole bunch of those guys and you start paying them and you feel bad and you know you made it and they didn't. So they always tell them, abandon your friends. That's a rookie symposium move in the NFL. Get rid of all your friends. Oh, I can't do that. It's like, forget where you came from. Give back through charity. But forget the people that. Cause they're going to take from you. All of them will see your success as theirs, too. And you will have to be emotionally detached from that. That can't be done. It's a suggestion, but it's very difficult to do. I had that guy come up to me a couple veterans days ago wearing a Ravens hat. I said, ugh, the Ravens. And he goes, yeah, my cousin plays for him. Like, oh, yeah, he was a punt returner. He played for like a Fifth wide receiver. And I said, how about that? Your cousin plays for the Ravens. I said, well, that's pretty cool. Even though he's a Raven, that's pretty cool. And he goes, yeah, you'd think so. Like, what do you mean? He goes, I didn't see any of that money. And I just remember telling him, like, you didn't earn any of that money. He goes, well, you think the family would be taken care of? Like, how far down the line?

[C]

You're a cousin third removed.

[A]

Your one first cousins get nothing. I win the lottery. None of my cousins are getting a call, a paycheck, nothing. Not even aunts and uncles. I can give money to my dad and my mom, and I have to. I feel obligated to give you guys something because the show's over. So go figure your lives out, because I'm not here anymore. I'll drop down for you guys, and that's it. Anybody that expects more, that's it. Cousins. So they tell them when they get into the sports, it's like, hey, all the people that you think are your friends, now that you've gotten to where you are, and it's immediate, and you're 23. Best advice I can give you don't have those friends anymore. Oh, man, I can't do that. Yes, you can, because guess what? You don't live there anymore. The whole goal of being there was to leave if you're. I never understood that whole thing. I got to get back to where, you know, I can't forget where I came from. That's true, but that's called charity. And occasionally you come back when they name a street after you and you tell everybody, stay off drugs. And then you go back to your mansion in the good part of town. Nobody ever hits the. You know, the bigs I made. I got a big contract with the Orioles. I'm gonna go live in the projects where they filmed the Wire. That's not a thing. Holmberg's morning sickness. You move out, you're in Annapolis, or you're up on. You gotta commute to get back downtown where you used to live. Nobody does that. Who in the world would ever have poverty, make money and then say, I'm gonna stick around here just because that's my roof where I'm from. Look what happened. MC Hammer, for God's sakes, he got tapped pretty good. He got hammered. Pardon the pun. It's brutal. So, yeah, you take poor out of poor countries. Come on. Sky says, how about that second game the other night with the Suns and Clippers, two offensive fouls on Booker. Basketball is the easiest game in the world to fix. Referees will do it, players will do it. They've already had a problem with it. We're going through another one. But, man, this baseball thing, it just said to me, all right, Brett's people, they're starting to infiltrate. And they're not just Italian anymore, they're Jewish, they're Dominican, they're Mexican. They're all involved. And everybody's got the Internet, so it's real easy to start making stop the.

[C]

Online betting and go back to the.

[A]

Way it was, the way it used to be. Oh, man, it is there. They're loving every second of this because you can actually, on the fly, make these bets. And I think that's pretty awesome. Once the guys in the game. You get into the game against Toronto, if you don't walk the first two, we have a problem. I'm gonna put like a hundred thousand dollars on walks or on guys getting hit or it's. It's crazy. So that's not a good thing. And that's coming that direction. I wonder if it's here once. The Cardinals are tanking. Kind of looked like it yesterday. Did we see a Slovis sighting? Was my prediction. Slovis played. I told you guys, get used to your Slovis because he's coming in.

[B]

I mean, I think there was. It was actually like six minutes left, but yeah, they were kind of like, all right, on this one.

[A]

Lovis will be your quarterback before the year's over.

[B]

I give Passion Shipley some credit because for most of the fourth quarter, they're like games within reach. It's. It's three scores, granted. It's three touchdowns and three two point conversions.

[A]

You were getting killed. They're.

[B]

They're within, they're within range.

[A]

And they thought that Clovis Lovis was going to be the one to do it. I don't know. His first.

[B]

He didn't say that.

[C]

No.

[B]

They're preserving Eden K E D ovis Eden Slovis.

[A]

He didn't. No. I wouldn't even draft Keaton Slovis. I know he's from around here, but Keatons don't. Keatons don't hold Lombardi trophies. They just don't. You never hear, like, man, that man right there is a hero. What's his name? Keaton. No, he's not a hero. Somebody else. He was near it, but he wasn't. Yeah, Slovis, you're gonna. Somebody's gonna wear a Slovis jersey. And here's the other thing. Cardinal fans, you're gonna have friends coming soon that are gonna start saying, we've gotta go with Slovis. It's gonna. You're gonna be so blinded by how bad this team is that you're gonna think that Slovis is an option. And I tell you, Max Hall, John Skelton, you've been through this before. Slovis will. Slovis will play. Enter the Slovis family. Congratulations, he's in the bigs. But Keaton Slovis can't hoist a Lombardi just because of his first name. If he changes his name to, like Jake, now that's a hell of a name. Jake Slovis. That's a. That's a football champion player.

[B]

Props for Keaton Slovis.

[A]

Yeah, take a look at those. Will he play? Won't he play, Keaton? Will he pass?

[B]

Will he throw a pass?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Keaton. Keaton Slovis is a. It's not. It's not a money.

[C]

Yesterday, some prop bets on the side.

[A]

Probably like Jacoby, would fall down 114 times under over. Yeah. Keaton. You named your kid Keaton? You just named your kid to be a non champion. Sorry. I can tell by names if anybody's going to win it. Look at the names in football. Super bowl champs. The weirdest one is Peyton. Yeah, that's it.

[C]

The softest one.

[A]

Well, it's just a soft girl's name.

[B]

Eli is a little weird.

[A]

Eli's a tough, badass, Civil War name. Oh, yeah, Eli's great. Every time I picture any light, they've got those big, like. Do those mutton chop things like. Civil War Generals are named Eli. Eli's a badass dance.

[B]

Dan Fouts, Dan Marino.

[A]

Dan never won one. Neither of those guys want them. Stands are okay, but you got Jim's and John's.

[C]

Steve's.

[A]

Yeah, Steve's. And Joe, Tom, Ben, Jerry, Aaron. They're all Aaron.

[B]

When you say Russell, that makes it up. But Aaron on first blink.

[C]

Aaron is.

[A]

That's a champion's name. Aaron's okay. It's better than Keaton.

[B]

Yeah, I agree there.

[A]

You set your child in motion with this name. His fate is sealed by his name. Again, no Jeeves will ever win a Super Bowl. He'll be a butler for somebody who did, though.

[B]

Let's see. Sam. Sam Bradford. No, no, Sam's.

[A]

Yeah, it makes. My friend said. Speaking of tanking, how was the Steelers game? Jordan, my friend who's a lippy Jordan. Jordan will Never hold the championship trophy. That's a chick's name. If his last name was. He was named after a champion, which is even worse.

[B]

Jordan Palmer.

[A]

Yeah. No, gone. Couldn't even be in the league long. Yeah. Anyway, he gets mouthy about things. He's one of those guys who makes fun of other teams when they're down, like when they have a bad game. He's one of those types of people, you know, a woman. So he does that and he just said, how about the tanking game of the Steelers, I think. Hey, look, you look at that one. You got to think somebody was on the take on gambling. I don't know what the hell was going on on that field last night. They couldn't do anything. But at least no one on the team's name is Keaton. And I'm just talking quarterbacks. You could have. This is that. This is that ginger argument. It's like it's very difficult to be a ginger and hoist the Lombardi.

[B]

Sam.

[A]

Not gonna always. Darn.

[C]

He's.

[A]

He. You know what? They can screw around because they're. They're Warlocks. They can screw around. Yeah, yeah. They're like, oh, he's got a little power. And then when the Warlocks time comes due and the crossroads are met, they get beat by a gym or a Tom who have dark hair.

[B]

Got rid of Gino. We got one playoff game.

[A]

The Seahawks will lose. Well, I mean, Matthew will beat them. Stafford, you got a lot.

[B]

Find out this weekend.

[A]

Yeah, I mean.

[B]

Jared.

[A]

Yeah. Even Jalen. Jared won a Super Bowl. No, no, he had one.

[B]

Yeah, he won.

[A]

Jared's close, but he's. He ain't gonna win anything. It's. You've set it in motion with real man's names. Kaden Keaton.

[C]

Out.

[B]

Jalen, Steelers third string quarterback is a winner.

[A]

Jalen's a good name. It's a good modern kind of like. All right, I'll give you that one. Jalen doesn't sound.

[B]

Feels like more of a defensive lineman name than it does a quarterback.

[A]

It's a. Yeah. There's going to be a few that'll surprise you. Like Lamar, unfortunately. Pretty good kind of modern. Let's move forward. Could do it. Lamar could, but I don't think he will. Joe's a great one. It's good. Colin Drew. Colin never won one, did he? No, he lost. The Ravens got him and he lost to a Joe.

[C]

Yep. Yeah.

[A]

I can tell you right away with a Steelers third string quarterback's name is Skyler Thompson because he's Keeping us from ever having a chance because he can't even be the third string quarterback and have a lumbar. You can't have anybody named Skyler. Kerry Collins lost badly. Yeah, very badly. And he was drunk. He doesn't even remember this. I'm right about that.

[C]

Could Baker break through?

[B]

Baker's enough of a unique name.

[A]

Probably sort of a manly.

[B]

Yeah, because it's not. There's not a lot of Baker.

[A]

It's sort of a manly gay name. Like if you met a Baker at the gay bar, you wouldn't be surprised. But he'd be a tough. He'd be a tougher gay guy. I'm Baker. Look. Oh, this guy's a top.

[B]

Trevor.

[A]

Did he win a championship? No, no, you're just going through.

[B]

Well, he won a national title.

[A]

That's not football. Pop Warner doesn't count. Anyway. Yeah, you get into that kind of stuff and it's a. Speaking of gays, I hung out with my gay neighbors a lot this weekend.

[B]

Did you go driving with him again? That was a great story.

[A]

Oh yeah, it got better. It got better. So last week, when they're driving together and they're yelling at each other about how bad one drives versus the other, they weren't mad. They were like together in road rage together. And like get around this, that kind of stuff instead of having a wife. Tight, you're going too fast. Grabbing your arm and stop. Oh my God, you're gonna get us killed. They don't do that. They don't do that. Every man for himself. And it was. It was refreshing. So I'm with him this weekend. We had a thing, kind of a work, sort of a weird work event Friday trip. Bid on some giant in house sushi party and won it months ago, like thousands and thousands of dollars to a charity. And he won the sushi party from it. And it was amazing. But it was basically, he said, we're gonna have to your house because I don't have enough room. I'm like, all right. I'm like, but I'm not doing a thing. Like, you and Jen put this together. I will open the doors. And that's it. Because I don't want to be on the dole for who I invited who I didn't. I'm not playing that game. Game. And he goes, yeah, fair enough. And he didn't do anything either. He just put it on. Jenny cheese. Yeah, he had no. That was for football. Didn't have to bring any food. Anyway, it was the night of the charity thing. Our My gay neighbors were at the dinner table, so anybody that was at the charity table that we were at got to be. Got to go. So. Well, not everybody, but the people that Jen remembered, and I don't. And I said, I'm not doing this. I'm not. Nobody's getting on me for this. So the gays were there, and at the end of the night, we're playing pickleball, and we're doing all sorts of stuff, put everything to use, and everybody's having a nice time. And at the end of the night, my friend Joe, who I haven't seen in a long time, called and said, hey, I'm close by. Do you want to grab something? Like, I actually got people over here more than welcome to come by. He goes, okay. He was at the Grand Canyon basketball game because he's friends with a guy who coaches for Youngstown State. So he's like, I got a couple people there. So, like, 12 people showed up at probably at, like, 11:30. We were all wrapping it up. So I'm like, all right, this thing's gonna keep going. So we're hanging out back there. One of the guys that showed up was. You remember the. When in Bugs Bunny cartoons, they drew the Roman guy, and he was like, big schnauzer. But it wasn't big. It was just Roman. It was a Roman nose. It was a perfect nose, and it was a perfect. And he's a. This dude shows up, and he's just. He's in great shape. He's got the Roman face. His face is a little bit wet. Like he just got out of a magazine. Like, he just climbed out of a magazine. It looked. It was almost shiny. And you notice, like, oh, there's a. There's a young, handsome young man right there. Troy and Michael tripped all over themselves. And here's the thing I heard when he walked by, and this could never happen to a heterosexual couple. Michael says, oh, boy, Troy's wet now. And I'm like, oh, you guys can do that with each other. Goes, oh, he's so hard for that kid right there. And they were happy about it. Like, he's so hot. And they just talked about he'd follow him around. And I'm like, just openly flirting and playing with a guy who may or may not even be gay. They were just enamored with the way it looked. And I just thought to myself, boy, oh, boy, how much easier it would be for us guys if we allowed that in our marriages and things. Like, that hot girl comes in, and you Just turn to your wife and go, man, I am gonna. I would love to just place my face between those cans and blow. What's wrong with you? You didn't see her. She's hot. Women couldn't handle it. Two dudes seeing a dude that both of them would nail became dudes. Like, strong dudes. Buddies high fiving. The kid dropped something, went to tie his shoe or something. The two of them were like. He did that. They were clapping together. All right. Like the married. I'm like, this is. This is better. And it goes back to the statistics. 70% of lesbian marriages end in divorce. 50% of heterosexual marriages end in divorce. 25% of gay male marriages end in divorce. It's by far the most successful form of marriage. And why there's no women involved. The worst One is when two women are involved. Yeah.

[B]

100% more women.

[A]

There's 100% more women. Horrible. Cut that in half. Still pretty bad. Eliminate it completely. These guys are getting it together. And why? Because they can look at other stuff and they both admire and go, you know what? If you don't. That I'm going to. Oh, just drove me nuts. And to that Roman man.

[B]

Can't find the Roman character. But this is the. This is their Marine depiction.

[A]

Yeah, kind of that. But that was the Roman dude that they used to draw. The nose is like. It sticks out a little and then goes straight down. He had that very same face. And I was like, wondering, what the hell's going on? And then, of course, he's like, we have a dirty LeBaron situation. We have a chocolate Lebaron. And I'm like, no, no, no. Nobody's chocolate lebaroning anything. What are you two talking about?

[B]

Like a hybrid?

[C]

Like a Greek nose?

[A]

Yeah, that Greek kind of. Yeah, that. God knows in the back they have. It's in their bedroom. Yeah, yeah. You reach up and turn the overhead light off in the old Lebaron. Make the chocolate Lebaron. Michael even said that last night. He goes, he was telling my friend Mark about the dirty Lebaron. And Mark started laughing and he said. And he said, you know about that, right? And I said, do I know about it? We've made it public knowledge. Like your chocolate LeBaron story is part. Oh, my God, Really? I'm like, yeah, chocolate LeBaron, white interior dude, who didn't metamucel up the night before you're shooting that wedding fondue all over the inside of a white LeBaron? Yeah, we know all about it. I hate you. Humberg. Like. Yeah, I know, but don't tell me those stories. Those are rich. Rich in Americana. So, yeah, I was proud of the boys. It was fun hanging out with them this weekend. We had a nice time. Then I went to the. By the way, the Phoenix Theater, had their annual gala, and I go to that because I have gay neighbors and we do things for each other when it comes to charity stuff. They go to my dog stuff, and I go to this one for them. And it is the best event in the city. I mean, and, you know, you got. 80% of the people involved are homosexual, and they know how to decorate and put on a show. And the food was. Most of these things. The food's not very good. The food was incredible. And they just rebuilt a theater in downtown Phoenix nobody even knows about. No, no, no. Nobody knows about it. The Phoenix Theater is right there with the Phoenix Museum. So as you're going down central, you see the Phoenix Museum. Right behind it is the Phoenix Theater, and it's Arizona theater. It's beautiful, and it's the oldest theater. It's. It's like 120 years old. The other one, it's beautiful and it's old. They just had to up the new one. They just built a brand new one for like $40 million, all privately funded and everything else. And I was in there on Saturday. We are inches. If this gets played right, it's gorgeous. If this gets done right.

[B]

Is that it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is that the right one?

[A]

Yep. Phoenix Theater. If this gets done right, we will be a place people move to do theater. This theater is so gorgeous. The old one was classic. This thing is unreal. And you. I mean, if you ever go see it. But the problem's going to be if you don't have good people, it's gonna shrink them. Bad shows will look really bad on this giant stage, this beautiful new facility. It's pretty amazing. So that was a great night. And that was just an amazing night of, you know, the food's incredible, the stuff they put together. And I think it was like. It was this thing where you feel like just poor as can be, because everybody that goes by you has billions like it is. So they are into the arts and then the acting. But if you get one bad actor up there that does the high school thing with too much hands and way too much talking like this, that theater is going to shrink them. But if you get a chance to go to the Phoenix Theater, do yourself a favor and take a look, because nobody knows.

[C]

That's the big thing, is the lineups that they have every year and that fundraiser that they do is a big chunk of keeping it going.

[A]

Oh, it's all of it. It's massive. It's all privately funded stuff. And the lineups they have aren't local. It's not like they're bringing.

[C]

Yeah, they have to put the right dates and.

[A]

Well, they have to have the right. Well, the people that do the shows here, they put on. It's the theater company. So it's this group that does all the shows. And then occasionally the big ones come into town and they'll go to Gambage or whatever this place is going to be. It. It's unreal.

[C]

And it's the. The season tickets.

[A]

Yeah, you can get that, too. But it is big. It is unreal. How amazing it is. And it's. You know, then the Herberger family's involved in all this, and they are big on the arts. It. It's. It's a silent little gem we've got in this town that nobody really even knows about. And they'll do, like, musical art performances. I wouldn't be surprised if you see some sort of major artists playing. This room, it is acoustically perfect. That and the Mim are the two nicest rooms I've ever seen for sound, if you've ever seen us. And that's the other thing no one knows about in the city. The theater at the Instrument Museum up there on Tatum.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Go see a show there. Do yourself a favor and just. Anybody. It doesn't matter if you like the music or not. Whoever's performing there, you have not heard anything better than that. We're this. That's the culture of the city. That after a while it gets a little bigger. We've got a little. And that theater is going to change some stuff. So it was a great. It was a great.

[B]

Here's all the updates. It's saying.

[A]

Oh, it's. It's. And when you sit in it, you're like, this is the nicest thing I've ever seen. This person said, I saw Frozen there, and it was like a live movie. It was awesome. Yeah. And it. It feels huge.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

They have. Frozen is going on. I don't know if it's still going on now, but they do that kind of stuff.

[B]

I'm listening on their. Their website. The next one coming up, of course, is Christmas Carol.

[A]

Yeah, go see it. Just to see the room. It was a. It's beautiful. So thanks to my, you know, ties to the gay community, I got to be Part of the theater gala. I had to wear a black tie and all that.

[B]

Your ties to the gay community. You are the gay community.

[A]

I know, but I'm tied to it. I'm tied to it. You know what I'm saying? I'm in.

[B]

Just saying. Don't sell yourself short.

[A]

Terrible at decorating, but I'm working on it.

[C]

Time for season tickets.

[A]

Yeah, I might. Well, that's an awful lot of theater. It's an awful lot of gay to handle. I can. I'll do a show or two, but I'm not going on like eight. I've still got. I've still struggled to go to all the Suns games, for God's sakes. And I want to do that. The code word is rich for a couple more minutes here for 7 o'. Clock. Speaking of rich, what do you got for a wake up song? Which, by the way is brought to you by our friends at Action Ride Shop. Another thank you to them. I was out there Saturday at the store up there on Power and McDowell and hanging out with everybody as they got rid of the bikes and did this thing and you know, barbecue and all that.

[B]

Bike blowouts.

[A]

Oh, it was a big bike blowout sale. We got. Some of them blew out. I met people and brought their dogs and hanging out with that kid, that Kevin kid who wants to do radio, which is a brand new 15 year old saying he wants to get into radio. And I'm like, he's nuts. And he seemed fun. We had a great time riding bikes, goofing around, hanging out there. So thanks to Josh and the gang up at Action Ride Shop, they're getting rid of those bikes. They're bouncing a bunch of them. They got a whole bunch of new ones. Plus the original store is getting ready for the winter wonderland that is coming. The rest of the country's getting sucked in with snow starting today. Probably get a nice little bounce out there.

[C]

Kind of cool to see a couple of football games.

[A]

Awesome. Some flurries in November. You got Colorado will get it. So ski season's upon us and get prepared for it over at Action Ride Shop right there a little bit north of the 60 on Gilbert Road. Grab that for your ski needs. And if you want to go biking and there are snow bikes as well. If you want to hop on that, they'll get those taken care of. Action Ride Shop will cover you all day long. Toledo, what do you got?

[B]

Dead memories for the fake paternity test. All of it that goes along with that. Ladies and gentlemen, for the Cardinals. Revolting Cox do you think I'm sexy? The Joker for the Cardinals. Adidas by Korn. Stranglehold for Lion Bitches by Ted Nugent. Lies by Korn for the Lion Bitches. Today is the 56th birthday for Sesame street, so somebody asked for a rainbow connection.

[A]

Not bad for a wake up song. Is this Marines Marine birthday. Marines. Somebody said pulse of the maggots for the Marines.

[C]

There you go.

[A]

I like that one. Throw that bomb in there. Do a little slipknot. Marines will enjoy that. Happy birthday, Marines. Veterans Day tomorrow. That the Army's birthday, or is that. I don't remember when. The Army's birthday is close, but the Marines are. I don't even know how old. They're the oldest ones. They're out there for a bit.

[C]

So November 10, 1775, was the.

[A]

Pretty good. They got going before we did. Excellent job. So, yeah. Happy birthday, Marines. If you were a Marine, thank you for serving veterans out there. You're gonna have your day tomorrow. Should have. Our letters to the veterans. Did you get a hold of those yet?

[B]

Yeah, she was asking me about it last week, so. Yeah, we should.

[A]

Letters to the veterans from the kids. We'll read those poorly written letters with all the emotion in the right place. We'll do a pulse of the maggots there.

[B]

Give me a second. Pull it up. I thought it was in the system.

[A]

It's not. It's not what the. Oh, that means I got to do some work. I got to make sure that the cursing is taken out. That's all right. I've been listening to a lot of slipknot lately.

[B]

Oh, what's going on?

[A]

I just like them. Sounds good to the machine. By the way, the. The Bronco that I bought, all that engine noise I was complaining about in the keepers. I think I like it. Yeah. Stop it. I think I kind of like it. Rich rode with me on Friday. It's.

[B]

It's ridiculous.

[A]

Jill downstairs got in the car with me. For those who don't know, I bought a Bronco. And the interior, the V8. 1971 V8 engine noise is pumped through the speakers in your car to make it feel like you've got one. And it's horrifyingly loud and unnecessary because I have a subwoofer. If it was just regular speakers, I don't think it would be as bad. The sub eats it up.

[B]

And just from now on, when you show this to people, you have to do the first thing. You have to have them stand behind your vehicle as you drive away and hear nothing and hear nothing is. It's. It's a flutter. It's a.

[A]

It's a nice engine.

[B]

It's not even anything loud at all. And then get in it and hear you tear out of here. It's.

[A]

I took Jill from sales for a ride on. On Friday and we got out to 52nd street, which is just outside the parking lot, and she started screaming, stop it. Stop it. Make it stop. And I'm like, it's ridiculous. She goes, I'm going deaf. I'm saying she covered her ears. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. And I'm dying, laughing. But now I took the top off. I think I'm. I think I like it. I think I might keep the crazy noise. I think that might be something I do. It's dumb, but I think I kind of like the dumb. I will say this. The windows are over tinted. I can't see out of it. It's one of the reasons I took the top.

[B]

I didn't notice.

[A]

Oh, they're black. I think they're illegal. I'm not sure I have legal window. I don't know. Do we have legal or illegal tent in this state?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Do we?

[B]

Yeah. Your front windows can't be. I think it's 30%.

[A]

Well, I know the windshield is. Nothing on this thing is 90. I look out my window and I just see me.

[B]

I didn't mean. I mean your driver and passenger window.

[A]

If I look to the left, it's just me. It's a mirror. It's giggly, but yeah. So I think I'll just keep it. It's dumb. And you. You heard it. It's.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

It's insanely stupid.

[B]

I really thought you were overplaying it, like overemphasizing. It. It is. It is cartoonish.

[C]

I gotta hear this.

[A]

Okay, well, now that the top's off, it's not as bad, but it's. It's pretty funny anyway, so I've. I've busted up some eardrums. Well, it's a top off. It's great. Let's do it. It's Slipknot. Pulse the maggots. Happy birthday, Marines. It's for you. It's 98K upd.

[B]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually.

[A]

No membership fee. I have heard enough of this morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a Bit rude in the end. I like that. I like that one a lot. That is a five finger death punch along with baby metal. Seven o' clock words gone boom. Next one. Eight o' clock is jackpot. Jackpot is the eight o' clock word for the ticket in the app promo. If you'd like our money, you can take it in the app. I just like saying that. And you can do it by putting the promo codes in every hour we give them to you. 8 o' clock is jackpot. Why would you do such a thing? Well, you can win a thousand dollars and all you have to do is put the words we tell you in the boxes they go in and you're automatically qualified. How's about that? Get on it right now. Jackpot is the 8 o' clock word. You got about 40 minutes. We'll do another one at 9 and you'll be all ready to go then and there. Simple stuff. Nice work for being able to spell simple words. Maybe win a thousand bucks. A bunch of people have done it already. Could be you. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady report and it's brought to you by our [e-mail] a great time to be outside, do the stuff that you're supposed to be doing. And as the temperature, you know, drops a little bit, the sun's right in your eyes in that little patio you'd love to be sitting on. Why don't you put a little shade on that? A nice little space to shade it up so you can sit out in the nice weather. And when you do it now, perfect timing, they'll throw in a heater for you. They're going to give you a heater when you do your awnings and your. You use all pro shade. So go to all Pro Shade. Design something with the best in the business. They'll make your house even better. It doesn't just plop on there. They'll accentuate it with something that actually fits and looks the part. And you can do that with all pro [e-mail] they're giving you stuff back right now. Check it out. Brady reported.

[C]

Good Monday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[A]

Hi.

[C]

Happy birthday, Marines.

[A]

Hoorah.

[C]

And also National Vanilla Cupcake day.

[A]

That's right, Marines love those. You guys have a vanilla cupcake Marine? Why do you not have frosted on your lips? Marie, don't you know it's our birthday? Put a candle in that vanilla cupcake homo's. Not eating their vanilla cupcakes. I got a bunch of twinks.

[B]

Not in my core.

[A]

It's not the core. I grew up on God Faith family cupcakes. Got a little cupcake. American cupcakes, too. Rice. Rice cupcakes. They'll piss me off, you know, Mexican churro cupcakes. None of that's kosher. But kosher's not even kosher. Here.

[C]

This is my rifle. This is my cupcake. That's right, the modern military couple of baseless fun facts.

[A]

Usually I say, this is my rifle. This is my cupcake. Then I put my arm around somebody in the Navy. Here's my cupcake.

[C]

Grok is the name of the AI chat bot integrated on X. And it was the. It was first used in 1961, a novel called Stranger in a Strange Land, which is about a human born and raised on Mars.

[B]

Oh, the name was used.

[A]

Yeah, I was gonna say. Wait a minute. They weren't using. Grok was first.

[C]

Good.

[A]

The word came from. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

[C]

And grok is one of the Martian words the main character uses. It means understand. Empathetically. Empathetically.

[A]

Sorry. Not empathetically. Empathetic.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

You are pathetic.

[A]

You are pathetic. Doing this empathetically.

[C]

Reading silently to yourself is a relatively new development. People have been writing and reading for 5,000 years, but it's only been socially acceptable to read alone and not out loud to a group of people in the past 300 to 400 years.

[A]

It was their TV. Why read it when somebody else would read to you?

[B]

You didn't know how to read.

[A]

Look, people reading books to each other as entertainment, I can't even imagine not hanging myself in that world. But I guess if you didn't know tv, the good reader was a pretty important dude in town. Brady would have lost that job.

[C]

The budget for Dazed and confused was 6.9 million, and about 16 of that went towards getting the rights to all the 70 songs.

[A]

Soundtrack's incredible.

[C]

Here are 10 things that happened 10 years ago this week.

[A]

10 years ago November 2015. Round Thanksgiving. Can't remember.

[C]

Butterball Hotline revealed the dumbest Thanksgiving questions they'd ever gotten.

[A]

That's right. When Butterball fought back that year. And they're like, we're tired of your stupid calls.

[C]

And they included how to cook a turkey. So it has bikini tan lines.

[A]

Well, that's not a dumb question. That's hilarious. How much the answer did it include? The answer.

[B]

You put tinfoil over certain parts.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that right? You make a Tinfoil bikini.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then the last, you know, 20 minutes or so, you take it off.

[A]

Why are we not doing.

[C]

Don't do it with duct tape.

[A]

No, that's terrible. You don't want adhesive on your turkey. Why aren't we doing this all the time?

[B]

Two guys in this room who have thrown their turkeys into a pit.

[A]

Yeah, you too. Not me.

[B]

I know.

[A]

You're dirt turkeys, dumbasses. You're raw dirt.

[B]

First year, it was awesome.

[A]

Raw dirt turkeys. Yeah. You know when it's bad? When it kills you. So you can have 10 in a row that are good, but eventually a dirt turkey is going to come out red and. What happened? How come I always have to be right about food and you two still dig your heels in? You wait, you bought a teenager cooked you turkeys in the earth, huh? That's going to kill somebody bad at 500. That's bad. That's terrible. With food.

[C]

Everyone's.

[A]

Turkey. What I just said was, why am I right about food? And you dig your heels in and you go with 50. 50. As your answer is with 50.

[C]

50. Mine went.

[A]

You had to cook yours too, Brady.

[B]

Cook yours too.

[C]

You still have for three years. And.

[B]

Oh, so you're 660? Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Still, I'm looking for an ops. Like he said, go ahead for a thousand. I want an ops.

[A]

I want my turkeys to be cooked every time. And I know that a teenager throwing one in the earth for the first time is a bad plan. You guys paid him extra. Like that's gonna end in a bad turkey.

[C]

Nah.

[A]

And here he is. Well, we were two out of three. Oh, good for you. That third one will kill you. All it takes is one for another hour. Mm. All it takes is one. Imagine poor Sean Rockefeller, our blind listener, doing dirt turkeys with the teenagers in Brady's neighborhood. He couldn't have cut into that. Known he just had to hope and trust he'd be dead.

[C]

Someone asked if they could slow cook a turkey for four days to maximize the delicious smells.

[A]

Just get an air freshener. Why doesn't Glade have turkey air fresheners? There's got to be turkey. Check that out.

[B]

There's turkey candles.

[A]

Turkey candles.

[C]

Like a Thanksgiving dinner.

[B]

Like a Yankee Candle type thing.

[A]

Okay, I have not seen that, but I would like that. I know there's pumpkin. I know that's supposed to be for Thanksgiving. I've never have, like, turkey and potatoes burning in the room.

[C]

You got soda.

[A]

Yeah, well, it's this flavored. It's not The. It tastes like sugar.

[C]

Victoria's Secret.

[A]

Look at that. Brady stuffing. A stuffing. Candle savory stuffing. That's right. I missed a word. Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. Why? There's a teenager outside with a shovel and a dead bird if you're interested in dinner.

[C]

Roadkill.

[A]

Yeah. Brady. Mr. Brady, I got me a dead bird and a shovel and some matches. You want me to make fire? You can have there make that fire.

[C]

Ten years ago, we found out Victoria's Secret perfume is good. Mosquito repellent.

[A]

Is it?

[C]

Yeah. The. The secret perfume called Bombshell kept mosquitoes away better than some commercial bug spray.

[A]

No kidding. Does it stink? I don't know that I would know the difference between and.

[C]

I'm wondering if I smelled the bombshell before you have.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Ellen was named the kindest celebrity in Hollywood.

[A]

I remember 10 years ago.

[C]

The poll that they conducted. NBC did the poll. Ellen was the most. She got the most votes by far. Taylor Swift was ranked second. Will Smith was third.

[A]

A bunch of swinging people.

[C]

Jason Aldean's blackface Halloween costume went viral.

[A]

That was 10 years ago.

[C]

Yeah, he went as Little Wayne.

[A]

The news about that is you can survive it. So go get him, kids.

[C]

And stubble was the sexiest type of facial hair. A poll for the no shave November.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Found women liked it better than clean shave.

[A]

Are we in the middle of this no nut November thing? Are people still.

[B]

Oh, my God, I forgot about that.

[A]

Yeah, I don't hear anybody talking about it. Terrible idea.

[B]

Well, you get that Owens gal in Scottsdale? That's why.

[A]

What's that?

[B]

The. The one we. The guy we talked about.

[A]

Oh, the pregnancy lady. Yeah. I don't know what that has to do with not jerking off, but. Well, and saving your prostate.

[B]

Hold it. You won't have that problem with her.

[A]

Look, just. Just paternity tests for every pregnancy.

[C]

Every.

[A]

Everyone. Today I might buy stock in paternity test because every man should do it. Based on the story I saw over the weekend of this lady and then going online and seeing that you should test, test, test. I. I don't know. I'm. I'll buy them for friends.

[C]

We found that you are the father. Well, I have my company that says I'm not.

[A]

No. If you know I would, then it's.

[C]

Got to go to court.

[A]

Go straight to a real doctor and everything else that says this is a paternity test that counts. And that kid isn't mine. Sure, it's 30, but I needed to know.

[C]

According to a new survey of 2,000Americans. Most people would be happy to host guests for six days. Any longer than that, beginning to overstay your welcome.

[B]

What Ralphie told you all the time his was three days, right?

[A]

Three days. Yeah.

[B]

Like fish.

[A]

If you're, if you're not packed up on day three, you're staying too long.

[C]

33% of the people admit that they begin dropping hints, it's time to go. 22% claim they're just outright. They tell a guest that time to.

[A]

Pack it up, it is time to go. Well, they should know. You get in on a Friday, you stay Friday night, we do stuff Saturday stay Saturday night, you're packed up on Sunday day, you do not stay. That third night, you don't stay. If the, if the host has to go to work the next day, next day you should get out.

[C]

Parents are cool with their children staying for 10 days in laws and other family members should cut it off at about five days. For what it's worth, most people in the survey say they do love hosting. 46% want to be. They like to have the family gathering.

[A]

Families are a little different. You can, you can throw a kid in there because they're freeloaders and your parents can stay, but your parents shouldn't want to stay at your house for days on end.

[C]

Here's the. The biggest problem isn't hosting being too much work or guests getting annoying. It's mostly just space. 40% of the people say they don't have a guest room. People clutter, so their overnight visitors are sleeping on the couch.

[A]

People clutter is a problem in a house that you're used to having a certain routine. And they got some weirdo gets up at 3 in the morning. He's just making coffee and banging around and ruins the structure of life.

[C]

Johnny, you got anything to eat?

[A]

Oh, Ralphie, Ralphie. Traipsing through that room. I had a sick dog I had to sleep on the couch with. And I just see that lumbering giant, his underpants walk through my kitchen. I got no snacks in this house. Like a bunch of people from Auschwitz live here. Ralphie, we don't have like middle of the night beef jerky. I don't know what you're looking for. I have to order out. This was before doordash. What kind of pizza joints open at 2am Johnny? None. It's Tuesday. Go back in there and go to sleep. I can't. I gotta have an overnight meal. He raided crackers. It didn't matter. His body just said fill me. Homeburg's morning Sickness. He was eating saltines. That is not a decent middle of the night snack. That's very dry. Saltines and cheez Its. They were all gone. And we couldn't figure out where the food went until I saw him shuffle through the kitchen. And he would complain he didn't know I was on the couch. It's a bunch of goddamn Auschwitz people living in here. Hey, Ralphie. Oh, I didn't know you were there. We're not Auschwitz people. If your cabinets in your pantry tell me different.

[C]

There's a new wellness trend called dark showering. Showering? Because showering in the dark is supposed to make you calm and improve your sleep.

[B]

I've also worn awoken.

[A]

Careful. You're not supposed to sleep in the shower either.

[C]

No, they're saying if you take a shower at night.

[A]

Yeah, I do that.

[C]

Dim the lights. It helps relax. Because when you have the bright lights on when you shower it crazy. What is it? The dopamine. Not awake. You tell me in the morning. So the darker. They say the best is total darkness. But there's a couple doc doctors chiming.

[A]

Saying that total opaque showering. They said dim the lights, not total darkness.

[C]

No, because various doctor here. Various doctor types claim that it's a doctor type.

[A]

Doctor type.

[C]

I know.

[A]

The articles say sugar like or honey spread like a trans doctor. I'm a doctor type. I'll be your doctor type for the day. I want another guy. Why? It doesn't sound like you're official at all. My friend Jordan was a doctor type. He sells real estate now.

[C]

So Jordan says.

[A]

Yeah. Dr. Jordan.

[C]

Sensory change can improve your sleep if you're in the shower at night before bed because the. The bright light tells your brain to wake up by raising cortisol and lowering your melatonin. But the others say don't do it in complete darkness. Chance you kill.

[A]

My Abuela. Dr. Abuela. You should shower in the darkest safe. Money on the bills. It's one or the other light or water. What do you want?

[C]

Dim the lights at night.

[A]

I cannot afford it. Are you a doctor? I'm a doctor type, I guess. I mean if you were to cast me in a movie. Maybe I'm doctor like.

[B]

Is that answer? Sorta.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I'm a pilot type. Are you flying with me then?

[B]

I do for a little while.

[A]

I'm a pilot type.

[C]

I. In the.

[A]

I'm adjacent to pilots.

[C]

They found that the certain type of doctors or doctor type or dentists.

[A]

Well, they're wanting to shower in the dark. That's a weird story. And there's no truth to any of the opaque showering. Kill all lights. Make it the darkest room you've ever been in in your life. How do you know when your soaps off?

[C]

38 year old Eric Thomas Pancake has been arrested.

[A]

E.T. pancake.

[C]

Yep. E.T. pancake pummeled his 72 year old dad at homes and mom couldn't stop it. You see E.T. pancake was still living at home with his parents. 38 he came home drunk.

[A]

His E.T. pancake. Man, he's not getting any breaks in life. It's his parents fault he's living at home. He went into your last name's Pancake and you didn't change it. And then you give your kid initials.

[C]

E T. When mom called the police on E.T. the police showed up and dad's shiner and bruises to the face matched with the fists of furies reported by the mom. Also he tried to strangle dad too. Not sure what he was upset at. Maybe that it was time to move out. Son.

[A]

No, you'd named him E.T. pancake. He's oh he looks like a guy who's been named ET Pancake. This is not someone who's winning. I like the headline. Man named Pancake batter's elderly father. That's great by the way. A lot of people emailing saying I think Brady smoking weed with Kirby. Sounds like a gargled gravel. He's got a little allergy thing going on. He's all right. It is a kind of a bike.

[C]

Not much of a voice yesterday.

[A]

Sort of biker.

[C]

Brady, somebody in trouble.

[B]

Text just said that is maybe Brady. Just a little extra gravel.

[A]

Got a little gravel going on. I've been riding bikes and kicking ass all weekend.

[B]

Hanging out with Alex Jones.

[A]

That's right. Frogs make you gay. I'm Brady. Alex Jones. Got the cottontrails, that's what they want. Took that jab and now I can barely speak.

[C]

This man was digging a swimming pool in his backyard in France and they started to dig the pool. Discovers a little baggie full of five gold bars and some gold coins worth $800,000. Gets to keep it.

[A]

Yeah, he gets to keep it. It's his.

[C]

Said it's on your land for stop there.

[A]

It's on your land.

[C]

You find it.

[A]

You dig a hole in your house and it's wonderful.

[C]

It belongs to what's yours. It's yours.

[B]

Don't you get mineral rights? If you buy land that's yours, you buy the property.

[A]

Right? You didn't get anything like I only own an inch of the soil. Like this building's on because we stole it from the Indians. I don't know what the hell that you talk to people about this building said we own an inch of the topsoil. It's like, why? Because it's all poison underneath. From the on. They tore down the building next to us and it took four years to do it. And evidently we are the retention basin for all their problems.

[B]

Think about all the stuff that they're.

[C]

Doing with that building.

[B]

It's all leaching over here.

[A]

Well, that's. We run downhill. And evidently we were a big old bucket of poison water underneath.

[C]

Well, they took the gold bars. And it's interesting, there's unique numbers that could be traced on the gold bars when things are melted down and made into the bars. And the police were able to determine that they had not been stolen. So According to France, 19th century civil quote, Civil code defines treasure as any hidden or buried thing over which no one can prove their ownership.

[A]

Yeah, that's what treasure is. They don't need a civil code for that. We all know what a treasure is. You dig a hole in your yard and you find something that's yours.

[C]

That's in California. Northern California. We had a couple just a year ago, they discovered $10 million worth of rare coins dating back to the 1800s while they were hockey hiking on their property. They're hawking.

[A]

It's theirs if it's your property, like Toledo said. Stop at that phrase right there. This is my property. This belongs to me.

[C]

This dude couldn't stop hallucinating women with large breasts after he got eye surgery. He had lasik surgery to remove the scarring on his lens.

[A]

Sure. Did he pay extra for this? Because that sounds like something I want to call Dr. Jay Schwartz about right now.

[C]

The laser surgery was to remove the scar tissue caused by it. Diabetic retinopathy. Anyway, he starts looking at women, and all I could see was large breasts for several days.

[A]

That's fantastic. And he's complaining.

[C]

I don't know about complaining. He's just freaking out. Well, it's just going to be the whole time.

[A]

Is this forever? Because if it's not, I want my money back.

[C]

10 days it lasted.

[A]

I have to tell you, one of the side effects is all the women you look at will have Sydney Sweeney's breast, but you won't see her face. It's the best version of Sydney Sweeney ever. Wait. For how long? Just a few days. Just enjoy it while it lasts, friend. I do that. I got Dr. J. It's Doug Hopkins if he were a pirate who only saw big cans.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Look at the picture of this guy. That's not a thing I complain about. I tell everybody, go get surgery. This doctor is a magician.

[B]

This doctor type.

[A]

Even if maybe it was just an eye doctor type.

[C]

That's where I went to.

[A]

That is not a problem. I don't know why we're saying it's a problem. If Dr. Jay Schwartz said you can pay an extra thousand to see gigantic breasts, like, glorious, gigantic breasts for a few days. And that's a side effect. Okay. On everyone. Yeah. Even the guys. I'm like, this is the best thing ever.

[C]

I've got two quick radio videos. First one, this guy is seeing a doctor type guy to help him out with the back of his head.

[A]

Oh. Oh, my God. What is that? Left for that appointment. Like I said my car and cried before I left. And it's just amazing. Like, them big, lumpy, weird, like, bad blessing, basically. He looks a dopey.

[B]

He looks like one of those alien creatures in the Fifth Element.

[A]

He was. I think he was made of mud and clay and grass. 32.2, which is way higher than normal. It's kind of like two birds with one stone type of thing.

[C]

A flesh motorcycle, like, dirt bike. Wait a minute.

[B]

That wasn't his head. Was that his stomach?

[C]

That was the back of his head.

[A]

Jesus, look at that thing. He looks like a. Like if Popcorn came to life and grew some hair.

[C]

It's like a flesh face mask.

[B]

It's called AKN Cellulitis and CVG.

[A]

Yikes. It's called AKM. Kill Myself hashtag.

[B]

Dr. Bumpinator. Part of this.

[A]

Put it into his hand.

[B]

Okay. That was his head. I thought that was it.

[A]

Does it looks like his head? Looks like a piece of chewed gum left for that appointment. Like, I just had my. Oh, man. All right. It looks like when the desert doesn't get enough water.

[B]

One of those spongy cactus.

[A]

If you send me a picture, that'd be like, oh, I want a four wheel on that. Where is that? That's this guy's head. I'm like, what? Can we mountain bike it?

[C]

Last one. Some guys having some fun with gasoline, I think, on the beach.

[A]

Yeah, beach gas. Nothing can go wrong. There's an ocean right there. How far can this fire go? Oh, he lit a whole gas can on fire. Jesus Christ.

[C]

Yeah, and dummy. Dummy's holding the gas still.

[A]

Oh, he's running away on fire because he held onto it.

[C]

Now he's full.

[A]

Oh, you gotta roll in the sand.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

There. He runs away.

[A]

Oh, he rolls down a big hill. This is working. Get your head involved. He's dying anyway, so he. Yeah, he ran away with the gas can in his hand. That explosion fighting the 4 gallons. What is this, an Oppenheimer party? What are they think it's.

[B]

Look at that.

[A]

Made a mushroom cloud and everything. Wow. Well, that's the dumbest thing I've ever seen anyone do.

[C]

What a weekend.

[B]

Well, I hope that video pays you enough to cover your medical expenses.

[A]

Hope you get enough clicks. Wow.

[C]

They were yelling after they put them out. Looking for a doctor type to help out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I saw some girl on. On the news this weekend. She's made $43 million on her only fans page and is trying to. I forgot her name. Her face is not good at all. It might be one of the nicest bodies I've ever seen in my life. After I'll find her and remember her name. But she. Her. She's just built stacked. She made 43 million bucks on only fans. But she's Catholic. Like, how does. How does this work? And she goes, God's very forgiving. Like, you better lean on that one because what stuff you're doing on there with that thing. He gave you an awesome stack too. Everything about her is amazing except her face. Face. But it just goes to show you.

[B]

One of those no face girls. And just.

[A]

She should be. But she's just. Her body's hot enough that you're like, I don't care if it was Toledo's head on that body. I would do everything I could to get hard. Or I mean, hold of that. It was incredible.

[B]

Anyway.

[A]

All right, let's. 8. 26. There you go. No Brett videos today. He's not here. So we'll get that together. But you can put the code word in for 8am right now. Jackpot. That's the code word. Jackpot. You got a few minutes left and qualify for that thousand bucks. And we got that money sitting there and you can take it from us. And how. Take it in the app. Get on your app and knock that down and get all your friends at work to download the app. That's really what this is all about. We don't even care if they play along. Just download the app and we'll get these giant numbers and there'll be a meeting saying how great we did and everybody will get off our ass. That's just basically all this is. We give you guys money to help us make our bosses just go f off. That's all we're asking here. So you help us, we'll help you. Thousand bucks going out the door. Jackpot. 8:00am Word. Got the Guadalupe replay coming up.

[B]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[A]

No membership fee. I have heard enough of this morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98 the eve of P. That is a great song by the way. Nine Inch Nails killing that thing. Too bad the movie's an unknown. The Tron Arrows, Addis. Nobody's going to movies anymore, but that song is awesome. It's gonna make more money in the movie. Yeah, that one a lot.

[C]

The big one movie this weekend, this past weekend was the badlands. Predator.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

40 million.

[A]

It did well.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Nothing else good though, but that.

[C]

Remember when they used to be like 100? Oh, yeah.

[A]

Big weekends. Huge. 100. $100 million weekends. They were talking about indie films, like to hit 20 million is the new 50 million for those things. Like there's nobody makes any money on them anymore.

[C]

And it's getting to the point where I was was going to ask, like, are the streaming movies like Netflix? Are production companies making more money now through Netflix than they would rolling it.

[A]

Out in the theaters through volume completely? Yeah, because they just. There's so many that just get pumped through. Plus, I think people are tired of three reasons movies aren't doing as well. One, you've got a theater in your house. Two, I think people get tired of the whole expensive movies and it's never that good.

[C]

And always tap in either a reboot or franchise.

[A]

Nothing really ever great.

[C]

Can you milk a franchise?

[A]

Yes, they're okay. Some movies are. Are fine, but most of them kind of stink. So your experience is not good. And then the third thing was in the last 15 years or so, Hollywood kind of got beat up by the Internet. But yeah, they still act like we have to treat them like 1940s superstars. And social media made it so you got to know all of your celebrities back in the day. You didn't know Clark Gable. You didn't know Jack Nicholson. You just thought he was cool. If you ever got to know him. You know what? I don't care for Reagan. And then he has to fire off every. Every time you talk to him, some sort of a political thing. You're like, I don't like talking to Jack. You imagine that with Jack Nicholson back in the day ever saying, I don't want to hang out with Jack Nicholson. But George Clooney and all these other guys that could have been that cool are like, I know too much about him. Off the screen, apparently.

[C]

Billy. Billy Bob Thornton.

[A]

Hey, did a Southern. Was Joe Rogan.

[C]

He made the comment, yeah, yeah.

[A]

He basically was like, I'm tired of it too. Like, they got so smug and full of themselves with their opinions. And remember when award shows were like, thanks for this award. This is awesome. And then now it turned into, if you don't have a platform, your speech is useless. We got to know too much about them. I love Jack Nicholson mainly because I can't tell you what he thinks. No idea what Jack Nicholson thinks about politics at all. Never knew. Never knew what any of the celebrities did. Didn't get their views on traffic or anything. I just saw him in movies and saw him on Carson or Letterman and it was like, this is great. Like, they're just their character. That's what they needed to sell me something.

[C]

I'm here to entertain.

[A]

Yeah, I like. I like going out with broads. What I don't like is our policies on abortion. Like, oh, no. And they're gonna stand there and tell me you think abortion is legal. Like, here we go. I don't like Jack Nicholson anymore. Too many opinions from people that weren't supposed to be given them. Leave opinions to the assholes like me. People could hate me all day. I'm fine with that. Jack Nicholson was supposed to have cool actors. Nobody has them anymore. I want to like Timothy Chalamet because doing things that I think are pretty awesome. And by that I mean Kylie Jenner. But I don't know if he's cool or not. It's time for what would Brady do? He's going to solve your problems. MMP Guns is what's going to sponsor that. And they've got Arizona's largest inventory of firearms, prices and service that are hard to beat. MMP guns dot com. They'll take a hundred bucks off any of their builder classes. Build an AR15, nine. You can do all that stuff. And they'll drop 100 bucks off the price if you go, hey, KPD told me to come do this. They're like, you got it. That's how it works. MMP guns. 12th street and Indian School. Brady. Here we go. I have a friend, Brady, who is going to give his dog away. The guy gets dogs after a few years. He says, I'm just too busy. I can't have a pet. And goes online and just gives them away. This will be the third time since I've known him that he's doing this. And these poor dogs are so sweet. And I keep telling him, stop getting pets. In a couple more years, he'll have another dog, I guarantee it. Besides that, he just gives the dog to the first person on next door that says yes. How do I fix this? It's driving me nuts, Brian. Oh, that next door app has just become a dog giveaway. Dog and cat giveaway. Well, drives me nuts.

[C]

I'm. I'm torn on the fact that here's. I guess the silver lining is that if it's. If he's buying dogs and then re upping them every three years, that's just wrong.

[A]

First of all, you create a bigger problem.

[C]

Yeah. And so I appreciate the fact that if he's rescuing dogs, at least that dog had three years. In a while, you're hoping in a loving home. And then he's like, I want to change it up, up.

[A]

You just gotta hope it's better than.

[C]

Not being in a shelter.

[A]

Sure. But if it's getting shuffled from house to house, it's that much different.

[C]

My initial take on this is stop bringing dogs home.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And then also, you know what? I think I want one.

[A]

Right. Again, they're not accessories. They're living. They're things they need.

[C]

And look how many people are doing that as accessories.

[A]

Oh, it's ridiculous. You make a commitment. When you get a dog, you make a commitment to keep that dog in your life as long as possible. Not just because you're like, nah, this is inconvenient.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You've taken on a commitment. And if you don't have enough money, don't do it. And if you don't have enough time, don't do it. And if you don't have enough space, don't do it. But. Or get one according to your. Like, if you got a small apartment, get a little tiny dog.

[C]

Yeah. And if he is a friend of yours, a close friend, you definitely have that talk with him. Because if he continues that, you're gonna feel more guilt than he, you know, because. Because I'm a friend now. I feel responsible. I gotta find a home for this guy's dog.

[A]

A lot of people who do the dog thing put it on dog lovers. Yeah. You gotta help me out with this.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

And I'll do it every once in a while when somebody's got a legitimate thing. Like, look, I've got a big loster home. Pet rescue's amazing. Some people Run into medical issues. Some people literally have a death or something else. They're like, I cannot. I'm not doing this dog any favors. They take it to lost her home and do stuff like that.

[C]

You're not being much of a friend next door.

[A]

Apparently thing is a dog giveaway. It's so hard to go on that thing now. You're supposed to have it used to be for like garage sales and have it. Has anybody noticed? It's like, I gotta re home this dog.

[B]

People lie all over that thing. Yeah, like, hey, I found this dog. Find a dog. It's your dog. You're trying to dump it.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

You don't want the heat.

[A]

They're dog dumpers. Got enough problems. We don't need to start. We don't need a shelter amongst houses. Got enough problems with.

[B]

People in our area get called out on next door all the time for doing that. And then they fight back.

[A]

Yeah, if you take on a dog, the responsibility is yours. Now, occasionally that responsibility is to re home it. But don't give a problem dog to somebody else and wash your hands of it. And don't just dump one off and go, well, if it doesn't work out there, their problem, they'll give it away too. It's not fair. Cats too. Knock it off and knock it off. It's an easy conversation. Hey, what are you doing? One. It's a dog. Like, then don't have them. If you have the. If you have the opinion that it's just a dog, then don't get one.

[C]

Dale, if you want to come over to our house and enjoy, you know, play with the dog and walk the dog, you can do it.

[A]

There you go. Plenty of people you shouldn't.

[C]

You're not responsible enough to own a dog.

[A]

Bingo. Plenty of people renting dogs. Stop it. Dear Brady. Oh, wait, that's a different one. My mother. I'll go with this one first. Dear Brady, I have guests over now and again and I enjoy it. But lately I've noticed that some people are starting to make comments about things that make me feel a little underappreciated. For instance, one guest sat at my dining room table and said, how old is this table? It's seen better days. I let it go. Then I hear somebody else go, you need better lighting in here. Okay, I let that go. Another person was served food and jokingly said, has this been sitting out all day? I know you, we're all going to get diarrhea. And he started to talk to people about not eating the food. I was providing them. Some of it's tongue in cheek, but still it makes me feel like they're jerk offs. I want to say something, but I also sort of think I can ignore it for now and get my enjoyment out of it. What would Brady do? Sign Christopher.

[C]

First of all. Well, I think sometimes guests don't realize how comfortable they get sometimes. If they're over at your place all the time and if they're joking about it, but if they're serious that they're like, holds this table where it's time for.

[A]

That's not much of a joke, is it?

[B]

No, yeah, no, that's definitely a statement.

[A]

That's just a dickhead move.

[C]

So I think that the. What I would do is if I'm hosting and it's getting to a point where I don't enjoy hosting as much. Maybe pause that. You enjoy having people over the game or whatever, dinner parties or whatever. I'd pause it and re up. People that, you know. You know, you know what? It's a. It's a gentle way that finds out, oh, I'm not getting invited to that anymore. But then those people would call you and like, how come I'm not?

[A]

Go to their house, start critiquing their stuff, see how they like it. That's a good.

[B]

Well, that person probably doesn't host. Yeah, they're those types of.

[A]

Right.

[B]

There's only. They go to other people's house so they can.

[A]

I can never imagine doing critical. Somebody. I've had that before. Somebody says something about like, you know, oh, you need new silverware or something. They think something weird like that. And you're like, you know what? You're getting a free meal. You're hanging out of my house.

[B]

Wasn't it your ex wife's family that was critical?

[A]

Oh, that was a different animal all the way around. That was. That was a. That was a very punchable offense. That was my ex wife's stepmom. It was the. The that her dad married and she came over and didn't like how we had things on shelves, so she took them down.

[C]

You know better than that. To discuss that. You do that on the way home with your.

[A]

Exactly. That's when you do that stuff.

[C]

Boy, can you unload.

[A]

Jesus. What's with their dining room? Right?

[C]

Keep it to yourself.

[A]

But you don't say it to the person opening the doors of their home.

[C]

No matter what.

[A]

No matter what. You just don't go, ah, you've got a cruddy kitchen table. Your kitchen's too Small or your kitchen doesn't have this. It's like, okay, your house has what? Like, wow, you're getting a free meal out of this deal. You're getting a free night out. Quiet down. I had a lot of people.

[C]

You're doing something right. If they're coming back week after week.

[A]

Right.

[C]

You would notice. And no one comes back the second time.

[A]

Yeah, I do it all the time. And it grows. The party grows. The problem I've had lately is somebody in my group is wadding up beer bottle caps and putting them on the ground. And I haven't caught who it is yet, but if I find out who it is, they're getting the boot.

[C]

That's lazy.

[A]

That's super. Is in my grass. It's in the turf. I'm looking, I'm like, there's like 20. Because you have.

[B]

Dogs will go out there and they'll chew on that.

[A]

It doesn't matter about anything. You don't throw anything on someone else's floor.

[C]

And Al and the boys go by and you got it. You got a mowing gun.

[A]

I don't have any mowing. It's all turf, so it's all.

[C]

Oh, that's right.

[B]

But you announced that. Did you announce that before this last game? Listen, what do you thought it was a goof.

[C]

They're doing it.

[A]

And then last. Not this last time. At the time before, I'm like, there's a couple more. The first time it was bad. Then there was a few more. I'm like, who's doing the. The wadded up?

[B]

I've been there. It's not like you don't have garbage cans.

[A]

Three of them. I put them out every time. There's always somebody doing something stupid. But that's just, you know, the cost of doing business. Oh, what I do. Another winner here. I just got this email. Larry, listen to this. Kind of what would rate. It says, as the title suggests, no one wins your contests because they are fake. No one wins them. Confirm or deny this on the air. There provide examples. I've been listening for 9,000 hours. I've entered every contest on the app and I've never won. How do you know if you've won anything listening to the app? Well, I don't know about you, Junior, but congratulations to not Junior, Rudy Bustillas. He's got $1,000 from the contest, so there's my evidence right there.

[C]

Rudy.

[A]

No, that's Rudy. Our guys. I didn't know that was his last name. Congratulations to our own Rudy. Boosted. No. Oh, It's Dwayne Wong. Dwayne Wong? That's a fake name. That's why I know Rudy's real. So I was like, no. Then Larry hands me this fake Dwayne. Well, we don't have anybody named Dwayne Wong. Listening to this. Come on. That makes J.R. right. I didn't know Rudy's last name was Bustillos. No. What do I know his name? What am I, writing Christmas cards?

[B]

Junior probably also yells at the Arizona lottery when he doesn't win.

[A]

Yeah, sorry, Rudy. You didn't win. You're the promotion. Well, it's highlighted. And Larry just handed it to me. Just saw the name. There could be two Rudy Bustillos's. It's Dwayne Wong. That is a fake name. Junior might be right.

[C]

Stop it.

[B]

There are not two Rudy Bustioses.

[A]

There are two Rudy Bustios.

[B]

No way.

[A]

Yes, there are.

[C]

And there are Dwayne Wongs, too.

[A]

There's no Dwayne Wong.

[B]

There's a thousand of those.

[A]

I do.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Who's doing.

[B]

He's been listening for years and years.

[A]

Dwayne Wong has. Yes.

[C]

I swear to God.

[A]

We've met him, like, a bunch of times.

[C]

He comes out to all your events.

[A]

Dwayne Wong. Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Black, Asian guy. Don't know.

[B]

Is it D. Wayne or Duane?

[C]

Duane.

[A]

Duane Wong. Which makes me know it's fake.

[C]

It's Duan.

[A]

Huh? It's Duan. Duan. Yay, Duan. Yay, Wong. Sorry, J.R. you're right. These are all fake contests. He couldn't be more correct. We make up names.

[C]

I take it back.

[A]

I take it back. I didn't know we were gonna. I didn't put a wool over your eyes with a guy named Dwayne Wong. That's not even close to a thing. Congratulations to Quoty Fingers. Dwayne. Now, finally, Brady. My mother's 66. She's divorced and dating a man who, in my opinion, is beneath her in every way. A loser. Borderline poor man. She's paid us bills an awful lot. They recently went on a little break, and within a week, he had another girl in his apartment. Now he wants to come back. He does make my mom very happy. But I want him gone because he flat sucks. It ruins our family gatherings. He smells like stale beer and engine dirt.

[C]

That's very specific.

[A]

The next line is my favorite that's been written to me in a long time. He's a human martini. Olive. Exactly. I know. His nose is the pimento. I know exactly through that description. The smell and look of this guy, when they broke up, he told my mom he couldn't just leave. I don't have any money. I got to get an apartment. So she gave him 10k. Do I let my mom hear about it or just move on? Because again, he does bring her joy. She's a better person with him around. But I hate him, Mark. Wow, man.

[C]

I believe you gotta let it go for right now, man, because, you know, here's the other thing is if he's married, what is. What does your mom think about your wife? Because if she wasn't a fan of the wife, he's letting you have that he's not telling him that he should have never gotten.

[A]

Different.

[B]

If there was a ten thousand dollar payment involved, it would be different.

[C]

I know, but that, that's a. That, that definitely can be a red flag.

[A]

Wouldn't you want someone to tell you? Wouldn't you want someone to tell you?

[C]

There's parents that tell their kids all the time that I'm not, you know.

[A]

Yeah. I don't have to, like, what a loser. Like, it sounds like he's poor. He's leeching. Yeah. I mean, there's a. Especially with a man. If it's a woman leeching or man leeching off a woman is different. Women are designed to leech off of men. That's been society.

[C]

Have you spent enough time with him to know that? Okay, this guy's gonna take my mom for a ride.

[A]

Well, he already did it once. He's evidently been to some family function.

[B]

People show you who they are, believe them.

[A]

Yeah, there's some truth to that. But the, the beer, stale beer and engine dirt smell, that's a. You know, I'm a judgy guy. If you come in smelling like beer and dirt and that's your best foot.

[C]

Forward, but then your mom's happier or.

[A]

Your mom's a better person. That makes it tough because she just wants someone.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And she settled on this thing that does.

[B]

That does sound like. What it's more like is that she's happy because she's just got another body.

[A]

There's a person.

[C]

There's one thing. If she's loaning him that 10 grand and she can't afford that.

[A]

Right.

[C]

That's a little extreme. But.

[A]

Well, even if she can afford it.

[C]

If it goes to the well, one more time on that.

[A]

He's coming back.

[B]

Oh, he's definitely going.

[A]

He's the.

[B]

Well, he's definitely going.

[C]

Well, I'm saying. Well, the 10 grand so far.

[A]

Well, sure, but that's just the giveaway. No, he said that she was paying his bills and, like, he's leeching.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And there's a reason to believe that this dude's. I'm going to call him Dwayne. Dwayne's a leech. Dwayne Wong is his name. And he just won a thousand bucks. And have we heard a thank you? No, I'd rather have given it to Rudy Bustillios, who just. I just. There's people whose last names I'm learning here in the building, and I don't even know. Kevin downstairs, he's an Asian guy, and somebody told me his last name was Barry, and I'm like, I lost that bet a thousand times in a row. Kevin Barry is our Asian guy. That's. He can't even say his own last name. He's Kevin Belly.

[B]

On the flip side, Scott Taylor. Totally believable.

[A]

Yeah. I don't believe he's. I think he's witnessed relocation.

[B]

Do you think. Is that why all the weight loss?

[A]

I don't know what that's about. He's, like, chugging Ozempic. There's got to be an Ozempic hotline.

[B]

When you dropped me off, there was a gust of wind that came.

[A]

He left. Yeah, yeah, I've seen that. He's had to hang on to the flagpole when cars go by.

[B]

It's a good thing it's a half staff.

[A]

If your mom loves the guy, you kind of have to tolerate that. Mom's dating a knob.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But can you say something if it happens again?

[A]

I would go up to him.

[C]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

I would say something to him. I'd be like, hey, hey, you know what? You make my mom happy, and I appreciate that. But I got my eyes on you, and you better start pulling your weight. You're a man, right? The men feed off that. Well, I don't leech off my mother.

[C]

I would go to my mom first.

[A]

No, I wouldn't. No, no.

[B]

I'd go to the guy.

[A]

Go to the dude.

[B]

Don't involve your mom. You're just gonna bum her out.

[A]

She'll just get sad that the family's broken. Go to him, and he might tell you. Your son's pretty rough on me. It's like, just don't leech off my mother.

[C]

I'll be very talented, reasoning. Going to Mom. Not about the situation. I would talk about one part of the situation. Mom, I just want to make sure that this guy isn't bilking you. For, you know, cash. He's only there because you're providing for.

[B]

But you know the answer to that. She's gonna say, no, I love him. And yeah, okay.

[C]

Okay, then.

[A]

So you know the answer to him and you say.

[B]

That's why you.

[C]

Then the next time, go to him.

[A]

Be a goddamn man. You show up, you pay some bills. If you're going to live with her, you're going to kick in. If I find out my sweet mother's paying anything of yours, you got me to deal with. I'm fine with you, and I'll be fine. But I'm putting. I'm going to be the dad in this situation. You need some help. And you did, by the way, take a bath. You smell like dirt and beer, you big martini olive. I can picture the guy. My dad had a boss named Jimmy Richards. That was this person. He didn't smell like engine dirt. He smelled like cologne, stale beer. And he was a human martini Olive. I've never heard that before, but, man, am I gonna. That is perfect. Thank you for that, Mark, because that is a perfect description. We gotta go. I know it's 9:45. There you go, everybody. Y', all. If you look like a human martini Olive, start straightening things out. And stop dating Mark's mom. It's 98 KUPD. It's what Brady did.

[B]

It's not weird.

[A]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard in enough of this morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Well, we're late. This is my fault. Running business on the side. I got stu. I got phone calls. I'm multitasking, moving and shaking. I'm moving, I'm shaking. I got money flying here and there. Right in the middle of the show. I'm getting phone calls about stuff. It's time now for Brady to entertain you all. It's the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by my [e-mail]. that's the home of tactical Black Self defense. And all the stuff they got going on right now is the regular classes, seminars, all this. You can get involved in it anytime you want. But now is the time to do it, if you haven't already. 89 bucks for a month of training. And that's all the classes they offer. Everything from the cardio to the bag class to the fight class to the defense class. Everything you've got. They can let you do it for 89 bucks for the month. And you will get a taste of this glorious situation and start making it part of your life. Everybody who goes there is like, whoa, I'm sticking around for what's next. And you learn day one, where else do you go where you're like, day one, like, oh, I'm on a move and train. And I jumped right on. That's what you do there. Reactdefense.com it's going to turn into a sheepdog. Get rid of those wolves. The more sheepdog we have, the more the wolves are staying away. More sheep we have, the more the wolves are out. So become a sheepdog. They'll train you. And it's not tough. It's just common sense and some repetition and you're going to knock this stuff down. Plus, you're going to get in great shape doing it. Do it now while the price is great. Celebrating their 25 years in the valley of just kicking ass. Let's be honest, it's reactdefense.com the home of tactical Black Brady Entertainment.

[C]

I mentioned it earlier this morning, but Predator badlands had a $40 million weekend, which is pretty good. And considering the Sydney Sweeney boxing.

[A]

How'd that do?

[C]

Bombed.

[A]

Did it really?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Girl boxing, the one about a true story. To me, that is a movie that should be on Netflix, right? That shouldn't be a theater film. Like, nobody's gonna know. Yeah, exactly. Nobody's gonna go watch this. And it is, by the way, as a boxing fan and you know, as a constant, you know, people think I'm misogynistic because I call the WNBA suck. Because it is not because it's women. Christy Martin was one of the finest fighters I've ever watched in my life. Now, her competition level stunk. There is truth to that. But I mean, you make her look even better. She was spectacular and you could see the difference. But she was beating up tomato can after tomato can. There was nobody fighting when she fought, but she was still like unbelievably capable. Her side story is so great that there's. It's movie worthy. However, I'm not going to a theater for it unless Sydney Sweeney is shaking those things all over the place. And she probably is. But I need that at home. I can't have that in a theater.

[C]

If you want to see the trailer for the newly cut Kill Bill, the.

[A]

Whole bloody affair, they put them all together.

[C]

It'll be four hours long with intermission.

[A]

Worth it.

[C]

Ryan Reynolds is re making Thunderbolt and Lightfoot, the Clint Eastwood, Jeff Bridges movie.

[A]

Hey, man.

[C]

Yeah, and then I'm a movie man.

[A]

I know what I'm doing out there, man.

[B]

Hey, dad, maybe you can bring Zoe with.

[A]

I'll bring Zoe. Live together now, man. I don't know why everybody's so down on that, man.

[C]

Did you hear anything about Nikki Glaser's monologue on snl?

[A]

I read. I didn't see it, but I read that someone said that she was trying too hard to be contained jokes about.

[C]

Sex trafficking and pedophilia.

[A]

She did her stand.

[C]

I saw it. And the person. The article was saying, oh, my gosh, this is unbelievable. It's really bombed the. The reaction of the live audience. So I listened to it. Yeah.

[A]

Any good?

[C]

Their reaction was pretty. Yeah, she was. She basically is joking like Nikki Glazer does. They try to create style, and she's not. She wasn't forcing it by any means.

[A]

They did it with Shane Gillis's monologue when he hosted, and it was really good. And they're like, who? Have the audience checked out? Yeah, they did.

[C]

It was one of those. Same thing.

[A]

It's just false drama. I don't think anybody's ever that upset about. I really don't think anybody's that upset about.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

That's the thing, right? And I think the news tells you, oh, you should be really upset. This was. And later, it is like, if I'm. If it's breakfast and I'm reading about sex trafficking jokes, I'm like, well, this is inappropriate. But Saturday Night Live. Okay.

[C]

Her pedophilia joke, if I remember, she opened up and said, went over to visit her sister, and sister has a kid. And I was staying there, and I was gonna take a shower, and my nephew comes up to me and said, I want to shower with you. She's like, he's 18, but that's a little. No, he's really 4 years old. Yeah. And my sister was like, he still takes showers with mom and dad.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

She's like, well, I'm not really too old, even if you guys are supervising, which I think you should be.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

She's like, you're not a pedophile, are you? Like, no, I wouldn't be, but I'd be answering that if I was the same way.

[A]

Right. Also, if you're in a shower with a kid, there's a good chance if the kid isn't yours, you might be leaning into pedophile.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Signed Kevin Johnson. I mean, Kevin Johnson Evidently didn't do anything to the people he was in the shower with. But he was in the shower with them and automatically eyebrows start going up like they're on a string.

[C]

Well, the water bill was getting out of hand.

[A]

It was. Kevin Johnson was so pruny through the late 90s. It was amazing. When he retired, he just became pruning.

[C]

Kendrick Lamar leads the Grammy nominees with nine, followed by Lady Gaga.

[B]

He had a monster here.

[C]

You know who else got a nominee, a nomination? Fabrice Morvan.

[B]

Did you say me?

[A]

Yeah. Just curious. He said it like I was supposed to know. That's a guy from Milli Vanilli. Yeah.

[C]

Did he do nominated in the category best audio book narration?

[A]

He wrote a book about being a fake.

[C]

He wrote his memoir and he narrated love.

[A]

How you say that? Memoir.

[C]

Yeah. Now you know it's true BC the real Millie Vanilli story.

[A]

So he's going to win a Grammy again. Did he actually read his tape? The book on tape or was it a janitor again?

[C]

It was him.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So much better if it's somebody else.

[A]

That would be. The funny in the book is if he had someone else pretend to be him the whole time. The Milli Vanilli book as read by Fabrice. But it's not. That's hilarious.

[C]

His competition in the category includes Supreme Court Justice Gitanji Brown Jackson. She's for real.

[B]

That's right.

[C]

And the Dalai Lama.

[A]

Yeah, that's actually. Did you read that?

[C]

What's that?

[A]

She's for Real.

[C]

No, I threw that in there.

[A]

Did you?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Because that.

[A]

She is for real. If you're gonna do it, do it. Commit, man. Don't go.

[C]

I didn't think I had.

[A]

Don't get all Fabrice. You do.

[B]

Didn't think you had to.

[A]

She is for real. If you're gonna do it, do it not. She's for real. Play the game. Don't Fabrice it. Commit.

[B]

Sorry, Ms. Jackson.

[A]

I'd like to hear Brady do that. You can include that in your memoir.

[C]

Memoir.

[A]

That's. Oh, no, I'm not saying. I just like the way you say it. Memoir. He gets excited about. We all kind of get like a lift.

[C]

It is very. It is a little heavier on the.

[A]

Huh?

[C]

The ant. Yeah.

[A]

You bring it up.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It's very gay and exciting.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Ukrainian gay word.

[A]

It's like when people say it's a gay word, like. Yeah, it's French. He's right. 100 right. Frog word. We don't need that crap. I surrender to memoir. It's like when people say Taco Bell.

[B]

Taco Bell.

[A]

Tempe.

[C]

Tempeh.

[A]

Tempe. Tempe.

[B]

Like Chuck.

[C]

Like Chuck. Told you.

[A]

Tempe. Muggy on Rim. He would yell that at me. I need people on the earth that know Arizona. Tim P. Muggy on Rim. Stop. Canyon Duche. It drove him nuts when somebody said the wrong stuff. Come on. Canyon to Shelley. Well, that's what it says. Muggy on Rim. Stop it. All right, that's it. You're from here now. God damn it.

[C]

There's Four Wheel on the Mongoloid Rim.

[A]

No. Oh, Mongoloid Rims. A hell of a band name, though. Mongoloid Rim Job.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Who's with me? Anybody? Let's start a band. That's it. Larry's coming up next and he's kind to you. He's going to give you money. The excellent adventure continues as we just keep handing out cash to Rudy Bustios. Keep giving away congratulations in a row. Now I know he wins it off Dwayne Wong, the fake person that won a thousand dollars today. Keep it up with Fitz. Larry's going to give you money. We're just buying your love. Stay with us and you're going to get some. It's 98K upd. See you tomorrow.

[B]

Bye. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[A]

No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.