11-10-25 - Hard To Be A Fan Of Teams That Keep Hurting Your Feelings - John Asked A Teen About The 6/7 Trend - Scottsdale Woman Pulled Fake Pregnancy On Two Different Guys Making Us Call For Auto DNA Tests

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness - November 10, 2025

Overview

In this engaging episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness, John Holmberg (with Brady and Toledo; Bret is absent due to a family emergency) navigates a stream of relatable, irreverent Arizona-centric humor and honest conversation. The show periodically touches upon being a long-suffering sports fan, teenage trends (notably the "6/7" phenomenon), and a bizarre story about a Scottsdale woman faking pregnancies with fake paperwork—prompting a spirited call for auto DNA/paternity tests. The episode is laced with wit, personal anecdotes, and the signature self-deprecating camaraderie of the HMS crew.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Being a Fan of Teams That Hurt Your Feelings

• Emotional Toll of Arizona Sports (05:15–09:00):
  • John commiserates over the Arizona Cardinals' brutal loss and how heartbreak is routine in local sports fandom.
  • The guys discuss bandwagon vs. die-hard fans, mocking Browns and Patriots fans dynamics.
  • Notable Quote:
    "You live in feces and someone steps in poop and you celebrate it like we’re equal. It’s not equal. It’s not even close." — John (04:00)
• Role of Fan Emotions:
  • Listeners and hosts alike ride a week-to-week roller coaster of hope and despair.
  • "It’s all an emotional roller coaster and it’s just sort of no fun." — John (09:10)

2. The "6/7 Trend" & Observations on Teen Culture

• Teenage Lingo & Antics (18:16–23:30):
  • John recounts an encounter with a 15-year-old fan who’s obsessed with the show, radio, and Padres baseball—and who repeatedly did the "6/7" gesture (nut-juggling hands) in conversation.
  • The hosts break down the trend: it’s nonsense, has no meaning, and is designed to aggravate adults.
  • Notable Quotes:
    • "Parents, you’re doing a terrible job on this 6/7 thing. Stay on top of it and start saying it back to them... Drive the 6/7 out of their heads." — John (21:15)
    • "It isn’t anything. It’s not a joke. They just know it makes us crazy." — John (22:22)
  • Nostalgically compare to their own meaningless teenage trends (like pegging pants).
  • Memorable Moment: John asking the teen, “Why do you do it?” and getting the refreshingly honest answer: "We’re teenagers. We have to have something." (22:19)

3. Fake Pregnancies & The Case for Auto DNA Tests

• Scottsdale Woman’s Fake Paternity Scam (24:37–37:01):

  • The show covers a real local story about a woman using fake sonograms and paternity tests to trick men into thinking she’s pregnant or that they’re the fathers.
  • The hosts are both appalled and fascinated by the online marketplace for fake documents.
  • Notable Quotes:
    • "This is the most sinister—absolute sinister—I’ve ever heard." — John (25:11)
    • "All of it designed for lunatic broads to trap guys and then, you know, trap them with the love of a child too." — John (26:53)
  • Personal and listener anecdotes about being duped, including cases of state agencies going after men based on questionable claims.
  • John proposes "paternity test Monday" as a way to stay safe.
  • Memorable Exchange:
    Toledo describes being falsely targeted for child support years after a fling:
    "It was the state of Utah coming after me... She was using up her benefits." (28:16)
    John responds: "She needed, like, somebody had to pay for something. Yep." (28:28)

• Cultural (and Legal) Perils:

  • Discussion of how easy it is to fake tests.
  • Emphasizes the social stigma and emotional complexity if men request paternity tests.
  • Vivid, comic discussion on how men would want "evidence" of miscarriage ("Tupperware of ceviche") (33:46–34:16).
  • John advocates for regulation of businesses that provide fake medical documents: "That should be an Attorney General thing." (37:41)

4. Listener Stories & Social Commentary

• The hosts read and react to powerful listener stories about fake pregnancies, emotional manipulation, and even violence (like condom sabotage).
• “I dated a dumb whore, tried to tell me she was pregnant and it was mine. But not only was she not pregnant, she couldn’t do the math correctly..." — Listener email read by John (37:17)
• Women Faking Pregnancies as a Plot Device: Even soap operas get in on the act ("The Bold and the Beautiful" example at 45:06).
• Personal Boundaries & Mutual Trust:
  The show closes with the assertion that women who are confident will not object to paternity tests, and suspicion should only offend someone who has something to hide (46:04).

---

Memorable Moments & Exchanges

• "We hated [the Patriots] behind their backs while they walked around with trophies all the time. If you bothered them, they just turned and went: 'Scoreboard.'" — John (06:14)
• John’s soccer naïveté:
  "I am basically an unaffected, beautiful woman when it comes to soccer... I am the hot woman when it comes to soccer. Just buy me a drink. I don’t know the game." (12:01)
• Bananas and Razor Bladed Potatoes:
  Anecdote about Scottish soccer fans and the dangerous extremes of tribalism (14:06).
• On faking emotional reactions to miscarriage:
  "I don’t know how to be that upset about it. Like, we’ll try again." — Toledo (43:00)
• The infamous 'ceviche confirmation' for miscarriage evidence: (34:08–34:16)
• Comic solutions:
  "Always finish sexually in a Ziploc bag and take it home with yourself... Shave your entire body and not at her house." — John (40:39)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Bret Vesely family update: 00:45–02:40
• Being a tormented sports fan: 04:00–10:53
• Teenage trends—‘6/7’—explained: 18:16–23:30
• Local news: Scottsdale woman fakes pregnancies: 24:37–37:01
• Listener stories about fake pregnancies: 32:58–34:57, 37:17–42:42
• Male anxiety over paternity and relationship proof: 29:03–31:47, 43:00–46:10

---

Tone & Style

• Brash, irreverent, and honest.
• Blends vulgar humor, real-life advice, and camaraderie.
• John is equal parts acerbic and empathetic, especially discussing parental trust, relationships, and the “burdens” of sports fandom.

---

Takeaways for Listeners

• If you’re a sports fan, you’re in good, miserable company.
• Teenage trends are as perplexing as ever, but the best response is mockery and involvement.
• Trust but verify—especially when paternity or pregnancy claims are involved; get your own test!
• If friends or partners lie about pregnancy or use it to manipulate, that’s a giant red flag.
• The crew reminds everyone: humor (and a dose of skepticism) is essential for surviving life’s curveballs.

---

Endnote

The episode is a lively, sometimes darkly comedic reflection on sports heartache, generational divides, and the dangers of misplaced trust—with actionable wisdom for parenting, relationships, and not taking life (or fake internet documents) at face value.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[B]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[A]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[B]

Easy. LegalGunbuyer do. And he can do it all online. It's really that simple.

[A]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms. It's John Holmberg here, chilling away from my [e-mail]. if your AC unit is 10 years old or more, you can start thinking about replacing it because of the Arizona climate. Like clockwork. We're right on top of that, seeing our first signs of losing our cool, cool air. New acunit.com also has a connections with all the major carriers. So they get the best deals and they back it all with a 100% guarantee right now. Use Holmberg as a promo code and they'll knock off another 400 bucks from your already great price. Promo code. Holmberg. Do it now. Save thousands, save time. Buy [e-mail] sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Monday. It is 5:45. Yes, it's the morning sickness. My name's John. Hello there. How are you? There's Brady. Brett is not here today. We'll discuss that in a second. And of course, Toledo, somewhere around here. So most of us are around for the day. We're having a. The show's fighting sick. You know that the show was. It's been limping lately and to Brett's credit has been showing up. But Brett is by his father's side and we're gonna hear some news on that. I don't know when, but soon. Soon. Yeah. So Brett's been. Brett's been. Brett's been playing hurt for a while and today he is not with us. And we're. We're thinking about the kid and he's just a. He's been a. A breath of fresh air in this room for a long time. So hopefully Brett and his family are doing what they need to do at this time. It's not a fun time for them. So. Brett, we're thinking of you, buddy. I'm hoping that you're all o. With everything that's going on. That's no fun. No fun at all. Get that text last night basically saying Brett's not going to come in. We'll discuss this at another time. I know what's been going on. His dad's been sick for a while and.

[B]

And especially with everything that the looming is just.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's going to happen.

[A]

Yeah. It's one of those. Yeah. They. Everybody just saying just wait, here it comes. And it's. It's brutal. So Brett's. Brett's in our thoughts for sure this morning because. And it kind of brings this whole thing down. But we'll. We'll do our best. We'll get right through it. But Brett's been doing amazing job knowing that every day leaving this room he had to go home to. To make sure that a little bit less every day. So. And to his dad, who's just an awesome guy. I hope maybe he's listening right now and say, hey, Kirk, how you doing? And that's just the way things go. It's. It's also depressing day here in Arizona because whatever the hell that thing was there for the Cardinals yesterday, everybody's going to be grouchy. It was a. That was a grouch filled game. My Steelers laid an egg last night. I don't care about that. But they. You watch that Cardinals game? I checked. I didn't even pay attention to any of the beginning of the game. I left for what felt like about eight or nine minutes and came back and it was 28 to nothing. It got away really fast. And I understood the 14 nothing. There was a touchdown, then a fumble. Touchdown. And you're like, all right, I get that 14 nothing. You come back from that. It's early. I literally left the room for eight minutes, came back in, looked at the school like, wait a minute. That can be right. They can't. That can't have happened. There's beaming Toledo, who by the way, hates the Cardinals. Hates the Cardinals passionately as a Seahawks fan.

[C]

They are my Ravens.

[A]

They're your Ravens.

[C]

I hate them so much.

[A]

Why? They're non competitive.

[C]

That's part of it. And every time they get chirpy like their fans here are real.

[A]

Aren't they more your Browns? Wouldn't the Rams be your Ravens? Yeah, they're more your Browns. I hate the Browns. I hate the Browns because they've got fans that actually start mouthing off only when your team loses. They never, they don't have anything to celebrate on their own, so they'll mouth.

[B]

You don't feel for those Browns fans?

[A]

Why would I stay with idiots like that?

[B]

I, I text my brother in law who's a loyal Browns fan. Like I don't know how you.

[A]

He's a smart man. I don't understand why, how he can be so dumb to do that. But you know, and your brother in law is not the typical one. But some Browns fans will text me when the Steelers aren't good and I'm like, are you? You've got to be kidding me. I mean this is. You are coming from the sewers. You were a sewer rat and you're barking at someone who stepped in dog poop. Like you live in feces and someone steps in poop and you celebrate it like we're equal. It's not equal. It's not even close.

[B]

But yeah, I would say celebrating by equality, that's celebrating by envy, I guess. Just think about the Patriots back in the day, the, the Brady era.

[A]

Yeah, but you never went crazy.

[B]

The Patriots are starting to stink.

[A]

Yeah, but you didn't bother Patriots fans if you weren't, if you were the Browns and you made fun of the Patriots, you're just an idiot. You're a moron.

[B]

General my observation, people during that whole time, like could not stand.

[A]

Oh, everybody hated him.

[B]

Belichick, they're cheating. They're sure they were.

[A]

But you don't bother Patriots fans, the kids. We can talk to each other about the Patriots and hating them, but if there's a Patriot fan in the room, you just sit back and take it. There was nothing you could do. If you were a type of person that reaches out to the dynasty and says, haha, you tripped when your team is a bloody mess laying on the ground. It's just, it's ridiculously stupid. Like you, you. And that's what Brown's fans, that's where.

[B]

Most fans were coming from.

[A]

But that's where Brown's fans counteract that.

[C]

Because Dolphins and Jets fans weren't chirping.

[A]

At the Patriots, right? No, they just were like, we're getting our asses kicked.

[B]

Pretty much all of the league couldn't stand the Patriots.

[A]

We all hated them. You're not wrong about that. I'm saying you don't reach out to Patriot fans. We hated them behind their backs while they walked around with trophies all the time. If you bothered them, they just turned and went. Scoreboard.

[B]

Yeah. That was it for your position, Pittsburgh.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. But I'm. I'm talking about the people that bother the winners, that bother the more successful franchise. Because again, when the successful franchise trips the Browns, that what the Cardinal fans. If you get chirpy as a Cardinal fan, and they do, you've got to really kind of reassess who you're chirping to. You're one of, like, three teams that have, you know, nothing to show for your time in the league.

[C]

And by the way, Cardinal fans, next week, I'll show what my team is. If they're good or they're not.

[A]

Who they playing? Rams got a hell of a game there. That's going to be a good one. Now, that would be your Ravens. That's.

[C]

We got five. Five big wins over crap teams.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I mean big wins. That was weird yesterday. I mean, every time I turn around and then they just started kicking it to each other and like, what can we do with this ball that no one's ever tried before in the second half?

[C]

They just decided to do, let's try some new stuff, see if it works. Like, didn't.

[A]

But let's see what's good. And then. And then those. I. I've not been on any of these, but when you're. When the opposition's just like, let's stop playing. Yeah. It's the third quarter. We can't keep doing this to them.

[C]

I'm not risking injury.

[A]

Yeah. And then let's just put guys down. We don't want to put Kyler in. Don't put 50 on them. Don't do that. Let's not. The Cardinals and Cardinals are out there. Yeah. The Cardinals kept going. I'm talking about the Seahawks, who had to sit back and go, we could score 100. But we're not going to.

[C]

I know what you're saying.

[A]

We've gotcha.

[C]

There are times as Seahawk fans, you're like, why are we taking the foot off the gas? It's okay. I get it.

[A]

We got fans, more games. Fans want to do that. I would love to see 100 points on the board. I think Belichick was the only one who, like, I'll do it.

[B]

Run it up.

[A]

I'd like to see a hundred points on the board. Sometime when a team's doing what was happening yesterday, it's like, see how high we can do this? Let's get. But of course, it's. It's not classy and whatever. I. I disagree. I think if you're going to put points on the board, the other team has a defense, they can stop it. So if they don't, it's on you. But Browns fans, and then you got, you know, your own team's fans that, you know, your. Your team gets good and then there's overreaction, everything. Oh, this guy's terrible. Oh, that guy's off. And then the next week, he's the best guy ever. Oh, our season's in the tank. Two weeks ago, we lost to the packers, and I remember three or four people at my house for the Steelers. This is it. The downward. The downward spiral. The. We. If we win another game in the next six weeks, I'll be shocked. And then we win against the Colts next week. This is the turnaround in our season. This is like, get off the roller coaster and just realize there's hiccups and there's good stuff, but, man. And, you know, everybody thinks the other team is chirpy. Everybody thinks that. And this guy says, tells leader to shut the hell up. Seahawks fans are the worst in the league. 12 means they've been fans since 2012. Go after yourself. And that's. Yeah. Angry Cardinal fans are going to come out and start swinging all you want.

[C]

That you still talking about 13 years worth of success? Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And then this guy Alex, who emails after each Lions thing last week was, football's the worst thing in the world. I can't stand this. I hate football. I hate it. I hate it. Because the Lions took a punch from the Vikings this week. God damn it, I love punching on that little guy. That. This is awesome. Bobby. Just all. They clobbered the commanders. It's all an emotional roller coaster, and it's just sort of no fun. It makes me think Larry McFeely got it all right.

[C]

By not.

[A]

By just having no idea, not only not being involved. Literally. You can talk to Larry about football, and he's like, what city's that team from? Like, it's just such an unaware.

[C]

He's just oblivious.

[A]

It's like me with soccer, like, I just don't know. Yeah. I don't know what Messi does. I don't know how he play. I know he's a name. And it's like, I. I am basically an unaffected, beautiful woman when it Comes to soccer. I've heard a few of the names. I know this and that happens. I know how the game works generally. But tell me this team and I'll be like, I have no idea what city that is or where they're at. I mean, most of the time that's the good thing about soccer is that the name of the team is the City. The Barcelona fc. The Manchester fc. Like, oh, football club. I get it, that's smart. But I, Yeah, and then they start getting into things where you're like the Toffees and I'm like, oh, the different leagues, well, they got. Well, they got 30 leagues.

[C]

They got the Hottentots or the Tottenham.

[A]

Tottenham. Tottenham, Tottenham. The Toffees. Yeah. And I only know that cuz a listener sent me their jerseys. So I started to read about them and I, I. And I retained none of that information. And I've also only watched them play like two games ever, just to see what it's about. And then I realized I'm watching soccer. I can't stand this stuff. But I, you know, I have a friend who's into F1 racing and soccer and indie racing as well as all the other sports, maybe save for basketball. Not much of a basketball guy. But his life never takes a break. It's 12 months a year that he's got something hurting his feelings. He's got something going on. And sometimes they all overlap because he'll have. He's a Cubs fan. He's Brutal Bears fan. He's on a little bit of a high there. I don't know what he does with the F1. He's got. He likes the. I don't know who's the. This is the girl in me. Who's the red team that wins all the time in soccer? The. There's man. It's Manchester, not Man City. He likes Manchester.

[C]

Manu.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, no. Manu is Manu, not Man City.

[C]

Man. You no manufacture two different things.

[A]

I am so cute. Just buy me a drink. I don't know the game. I'm like, I am the hot woman when it comes to soccer. No, that's different. I'm just a cute woman when it comes to soccer. You just find me adorable because I don't know anything. I'm stupid and I want to stay that way. That's the way it should be with sports. Arsenal. I don't know. I think that might be it. There it is. That's the one that I don't know. Will you buy me a drink? Soccer's for they kick it all the time.

[C]

And what was Thomas's team?

[A]

Oh, he was Glasgow. Glasgow. Glasgow. All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's John Holmerg here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and Doug Hopkins dot com. Boy, that team at Doug Hopkins office is amazing. Not only will Doug Hopkins buy your home for cash as is and get that deal done lickety split, his team is unbelievable. So if you've got a place that needs a ton of work, Doug will help you out by making that cash offer as is. Or he'll list your place if it's already perfect. All you have to do is start the process [e-mail] or grab the phone and sing Hopkins. 1-800-sale- now. Morning sickness. The Rangers. No. The Celtics. No.

[B]

Yikes. That's fighting words. Sorry.

[A]

Protestants. That is when it really got weird. As you talk to a guy who soccer in Europe. Our Scottish friend Thomas. Not Glasgow Rangers. We wouldn't even allow a protestant on the team. They had a protestant show up in the 80s and they just booed and booed and booed on his own team. It's like, nope, it was the Catholics in the process. Maybe it was flip flop. I don't know which one. He might have been Catholic and they were Protestant and he didn't want Catholics on the team. I don't know. But the Rangers and Celtics represented religions rather than just the teams and they would, they would put anyone on the team. Had to be that religion.

[C]

But also, didn't you say that was a fan base that would take razor bladed potatoes to games?

[A]

No, no, that's different.

[C]

Throw them like grenades.

[A]

Bananas. They threw bananas at the black players in the 80s and well, because they had one and he was really good and they still didn't want him on there. So they threw bananas and then they're like, you know what, he's really good and he's a protestant.

[B]

When I went with Thomas, it happened be during the week in his town and the Celtics were playing the Rangers. Rangers. It was like Shaun of the dead.

[A]

Oh people.

[B]

The streets were just, it was foot traffic. Everyone to that.

[A]

Everybody zombie into the stadium. Yeah, but yeah, I didn't involve myself in that one. But that gets pretty tribal. But yeah, I Know, yelling out the.

[B]

Opposite, you know, just thinking it's funny. Haha. There's a bunch of Rangers fans going there. Go Celtics.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's like, shut your mouth.

[A]

Oh, we'll kill that guy. He's gonna get scalped. And that's why. And actually Thomas said he stopped going to the games. It's not fun anymore. You can't scalp a Celtic fan. They can show up. They show up at that game with their Celtic gear and nobody scalps them. I'm like, you used to what? I'd find one if I had the nerve to wear a Celt getting scalped. I'm like, not literally right? I like, wait a second, did you guys cut skin off of people's heads?

[B]

I.

[A]

But yeah, you didn't dare go into the other teams. They had a section for you. And then you were like escorted in and out there like a hundred people that would sit in that corner and wear the Celtic green. Go Rangers. With Ali McCoist. But yeah, I don't, I don't know anything about soccer to the point where I'm just a stupid girl. But I can't imagine having that also break my heart because my friend gets up, the one that likes it at like 2:30 in the morning to watch important games. I'm like, what are you doing? I know the Steelers had that game in Ireland this year. That thing started at 6. I was testing some fandom right there. That just happened with the Falcons and the Colts. And I'm like, at least the time change happened. And that's at seven now. But still that's. I don't think I'd be a football fan in Hawaii. All their games started ridiculous times. Like, you know those 6am Games for us are 3am For Hawaiians. If you're, if your favorite team, if you're a Hawaiian and you like the Steelers and they played in Dublin this year. That game started at three.

[C]

Well, I mean, I'm not saying there's not any Colts or Falcons fans in.

[A]

Hawaii, but probably not many.

[C]

It's like the three guys in the entire island.

[A]

You don't think anyone. That's very racist of you towards Indiana that no one from Indiana has ever gone, well, put your meth pipe down, we're moving to highway.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, I don't think so either. I'm going to go with that. I think the bigotry of that is, is accurate. There's no.

[C]

You're from Indiana. You ever seen a Samoan in Indiana?

[A]

Well, no, I don't think they move there well, that's what I'm saying. I have seen a Samoan in Indiana. It's usually for college, like Notre Dame or.

[C]

Right.

[A]

And they stay, which is weird. What? I don't know.

[C]

They don't stay.

[A]

They stay. There's Samoans, but the football players go to Utah, for God's sakes. And Washington.

[C]

Don't read that story about how they're plucked out of there and, oh, they're stolen.

[A]

Completely stolen. And then indoctrinated into a religion and paid.

[B]

But still, they had a tough time, treated like crap.

[A]

Yeah, but I don't think any Indiana natives are running off and saying, well, we were. We were doing so well in Indiana, we decided to move it off here to the islands. Maybe a lottery winner. But you're right. There were no Colts fans waking up. And Honolulu or Kauai. Wait, Florida. Yeah. They're going somewhere other than that. And even. Even then, Indiana people in Florida aren't going to get there. I would guess they end up in like, a weird spot of the Carolinas that's pretty. That no one really knows about. Where the hillbillies unite.

[C]

Again, more specific.

[A]

It's like highbrow, highbrow, hillbilly ism heading to Myrtle Beach. Yeah, I think maybe that's my plan to get sports off my brain and make my weekends fun, is to move to Hawaii someday and just not have it. The good news is, yeah, you're. You're even. Your night games start at like 4, so you're pretty much free and clear of all football by 7pm and it's so bad, you get up. Morning games are over by 10. That's nice.

[B]

And there's no clock in Hawaii.

[A]

I don't think so. Yeah, I think those people have got it figured out. There's just weed and papaya and. And there's weed and then there's the water, and that's about it. And meth, they have method. 6:00am code word this morning, as we get ready. I think this is the last. We got one more week or two more weeks of this. Couple more weeks of it today. 6:00am Code Word is casino, I believe. Okay, so we got six more days. Casino is today's word. Casino, that's the one you want to get on. On six o', clock, pop into that thing and enjoy Casino as your word for the app. Take it in there, put it in there and start qualifying. You win 1,000 bucks, that's as easy as it gets. Throw $1,000 your way if you win the whole damn thing. I had A crazy busy weekend. Thanks to everybody who came out to Action Ride Shop on Saturday morning. The best part of it, I think. I know. I think I remembered this kid's name. He's 15. He came in wearing his baseball uniform. I think his name was Kevin. I might be screwing that up. But he came in his baseball gear. And I'm like, I got a game today, huh? And he goes, yep. And I assumed it was his mother or father that was parading him to our bike event. And Brett and I are out there hanging out and doing some stuff, and a kid came over and he goes, you guys hiring? I'm like, how old are you? And he goes, I'm 15. I'm like, no, we can't hire you. Like there's nothing you can do. And then he goes, I listen to. I listen to KUPD like, 14 hours a day. I want to be in radio. And Brett and I looked at each other and went, how come? Like, why? You don't see that from a 15 year old anymore? And he's like, I just want to get into it. You guys sound like you're having the greatest time. He was so nice. He wants to work here. I started considering, you know what? And Brady gonna ask him. I said, can you read? And he's like, yeah, I can read. And he goes, let's put him on the bench just in case Brady has an episode or something. Let's just. Let's keep the kid nearby and do that. And he was funny, and it was just strange. So good morning to him and his mom, because it was a very almost.

[B]

You okay using the term broads?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. You like the word broads?

[C]

You?

[B]

Yeah, we can teach them all levels.

[A]

What kind of brown are you? Because are you all right with us making fun of whatever brown you might be? And he was making jokes, and he's quoting the show. And I'm like. And I wanted to ask his mom, is he autistic? And, like, why does he remember so much about the show? He totally normal. It's a totally normal kid. He likes the Padres a little much. And he six, seven me twice. That was a little strange. Then he did the 6, 7 hand gesture, which is equally or maybe even more annoying, where they act. They do this while somebody else is talking. I'm like, I'm just turn to. This is rude, what you're doing. Six, seven. I'm like, I know what you're doing. Your mother and I are having a chat, oddly enough, about fentanyl. His mother and I were talking about Drug use and the skyrocketing drug use with teenagers. And parents are oblivious. And right behind her. He's doing this to me. He's doing the. The six, seven juggle. And I'm like, all right, knock it off. Like, your mother and I are having a serious about that. Oh, yeah, that's.

[B]

I didn't know they were doing that.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, you never knew that?

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah. Well, when. When Kirby looks like she's weighing two giant coconuts. Or remember when Joe Buu from major league did the thing? Or it was the Japanese guy that did the big nuts thing? That's what he was doing behind her back. And I'm like, your mother and I are talking about all your friends dying in fentanyl, and you decide to do six, seven nut juggle behind me. He's like. And he walked away. I'm like, I'm getting six, seven a little heavy on this thing Again, parents, you're doing a terrible job on this 6, 7 thing. Stay on top of it and start saying it back and be cool and use it with each other in front of them. Oh, you gotta drive the six, seven out of their heads.

[C]

It drives them nuts using skibidi and riz and.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, and all fine with, like, little words. This 6, 7 thing has no meaning. You can use skibidi in a sentence. Six, seven doesn't apply. I even asked him. I'm like, why do you. He goes, their whole baseball team's doing it. Honey. Said, oh, yeah, we're all on it as we're six, seven all day long.

[B]

And I'm like, are they on it serious?

[A]

Because there's nothing to be serious about, Right?

[B]

They. They laugh.

[C]

Of course they're on it. That's being serious about.

[A]

Yeah, they're doing it because they don't have it. It has no meaning.

[B]

Yeah, they think it's a joke. It.

[A]

It isn't anything. It's not a joke. It's. They just know. It makes us crazy. It makes us go, we hate you. Like, it makes them think they've got something over on everyone. But all it is, is an announcement of their stupidity is that it took you just making up a word to feel like you've got superiority in a conversation. And like, yeah, well, egoniculate. And you don't know what that is. Well, I'm just going to walk away then. It's like, it doesn't mean anything to you either. You don't have any meaning behind it. You're just doing it to be a dick. So I asked the kid. I said, what is the deal on the 6 7? Like, what. What's the. When do you use it? And he goes, look, we're teenagers. We have to have something. And I'm like, you know what? That's a pretty fair assessment, I think. I think that's pretty good right there. That you just. You know better than you have nothing. Your brains are kind of.

[B]

You can use it on anything.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You get soup heads and you don't understand why you're doing it. You just know everybod. And also, you've been a generation of indoctrinated little mono thinkers that are more so than any other trend generation of all time that if someone's doing it doesn't even have to, like, apply, you know, it's kind of like when we were kids, some people pinned their pants.

[C]

I did. I pegged them.

[A]

Yeah. I would do it. And then I'm like, what am I doing? I don't understand why. I don't think this is a normal thing. And I'm only doing this because everyone else kind of thinks we got things. Okay.

[C]

Deep into it that you. You'd go out and you'd realize you hadn't pegged them yet.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, it's brutal. We had to hurry and peg.

[C]

But that's a fashion party without my pants pegged.

[A]

That's fashion choices and trying to fit in and all that stuff. It. That still makes a little sense. If this was just like, everybody's wearing bracelets that are. Yeah, I get it. That'll come and go through that too. The 6, 7 thing is A. And by the way, it's 607, so juggle your nuts. It's just weird. It's just a weird kind of. It doesn't mean anything. It's designed completely to make their parents kind of go, is this a drug code? What do I have to worry about here? And it probably is a drug code. They just haven't even figured it out yet because all of them are on drugs. The whole. The whole lot of them popped up on Google. Speaking of, I saw a story this weekend where a lady here in Phoenix was using fake paternity tests to wrangle dudes.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You didn't see that?

[A]

Yeah, she got in trouble.

[C]

We did a little bit different gal, but still, I. It made me Google in trouble because she did the second.

[A]

Did it two times. And then so I looked. I'm like, fake. What? Did she do that online? Or you can buy them. Wait, what? Google. Fake paternity tests available. You can get one. You can, you can dummy up. Somebody just sells them to you for no. And you could. This is the most dangerous thing in the world.

[B]

How many have been duped Every single.

[A]

Time Uncle John's talking now. A woman says she's pregnant.

[C]

Paternity test here.

[A]

Immediately demand your own paternity test if she shows you. I didn't know this was a thing. This is the most sinister, absolute sinister I've ever heard that a woman would. I know that they'll lie about whose baby it is. I know that's a thing. But to go so far as to get paperwork to say, oh, now, come on, I'm pregnant. Alright, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week downtown at Stand Up Live, you've got Moshe Kasher and the pride of Jacksonville, Florida, Lil Duvall performing Desert Ridge up North features the very funny Hans Kim. And Eastside at the Tempe Improv has two entertaining comedians with Alvin Kawhi and awesome Yousef. For the complete lineups and for Tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com It's John Holbert here. Time to talk about TV's Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins.com. i just sat down with TV's Doug Hopkins. We did some TV commercials while we're watching football. So you get to see me sit next to Doug and somehow or another make Doug look pretty. And I'm happy to do it too. I bought and sold houses using Doug Hopkins. So I've been through the process and he's the real deal. He is not going to cancel or change the game with fine print contingencies. Simple cash offer and the deal is done. Start the process online@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing Hopkins 1-800-channel now Holmberg's Morning Sickness. And this, you know, this is. She wasn't even pregnant, this one, right? I don't even know if the one that she was just sending out things that said, I'm pregnant. And then she did this thing and she's like, I.

[C]

She got sonograms.

[A]

Fake sonograms are available. All of it designed for lunatic broads to trap guys and then, you know, trap them with, you know, the love of a child too. They're like, all right, it's gonna be. It's the highly suspect song it took me 16 years to find seven years to love you and then realize that the baby that I'VE been helping you nurture for nine months isn't mine the day it's born. You've been lying the whole time.

[B]

But look at insanity. Look at the facts, guys. That would say, all right, I don't want anything to do with it. Yeah, but I'll. I'll send the money.

[A]

The ones that are right are the ones that say, all right, I don't care who it is. You're pregnant. I just want to. We're getting a paternity test. Are you kidding me? The second they fight back, there's a chance it's not yours. If they should be, so Will, because especially as a woman so willing to get that test done so they can hold that over you for the rest of their lives. They'd love that. So you want to do a paternity test? I'll be right back. You son of a. And it can backfire on a guy. But I'm telling you, when I went online and I looked and I'm like, you can buy these things.

[C]

Yeah, but I don't have never understood that backfire thing. You should do that on both sides.

[A]

You've been through it.

[C]

Absolutely.

[A]

A couple times.

[C]

Well, yeah. One time went a full on paternity.

[A]

Yours was like. Between you and three. It was like a competition. Who's gonna lose this thing?

[C]

It was the state of Utah coming after me because.

[A]

And there was Utah.

[C]

She was using up her benefits and.

[A]

A couple other dudes.

[C]

It was. I was on a list. I was the top of the list. And then when I failed the. The state had to go after the next people on the list.

[A]

She needed, like, somebody had to pay for something. Yep. And they were looking for you for.

[C]

Cash because her benefits were going to end if she didn't name who the father was.

[B]

I got bills.

[A]

And you had. Did you have trepidation with that, thinking. Oh, no.

[C]

No. I knew it was a possibility.

[A]

Oh, boy.

[B]

We.

[C]

We were actually together a couple of times.

[A]

You nailed her. And then she comes out of the blue. How many years after?

[C]

Five years later.

[A]

It was a five year old kid.

[C]

Was five.

[A]

Wow. I'm swinging a miss. I'm like, I'm. I'm. I'm paying Brady to shoot out some sperms. Mm. So how long did you have to sweat it?

[C]

About six months. Because back then, you go to the DNA test and it took probably two months, maybe almost three before we got the results back.

[A]

Oh, my.

[C]

And then had to hire a lawyer, so. I mean, back then. That was 30 years ago. 32 years ago. It was 2200 bucks then.

[A]

Yeah. The lady I watched on this thing was, you know, she was like doing these tests and stuff. And I didn't understand that. I'm like, well, she's an isolated nightmare. She's. Something's wrong with her. Then I read like, there's a. I can't remember the percentage. It's huge. Of women that lie to guys about either being pregnant just to keep them around or that the baby's theirs and they just hope it never get do it immediately. Look at that kid of yours today. I'm like, my dad even would look at me today. My dad would do it, and we have the identical face. And he'd be like, I'm still taking that test just in case your mom has a type. Maybe she banged a guy that looks like me and we didn't even know it. And then I think my dad, Even at age 53, I think my dad would ask for money from me. I think right now, if my dad found out that I wasn't that money back, like, you know what? You owe me about 20 years worth of stuff. I'm like, what? Yeah, I'm gonna ask him.

[C]

There's a jeep in there.

[A]

I bought you a couple cars. I. I housed you. I paid for housing. You're not even mine. I'm like, you don't love me anymore. Not really, no. After the test came back, I realized that somebody else's job.

[C]

Couldn't you fight back with a little bit? Like, I. I put in sweat equity. I mowed the lawn. I kept everything immaculate.

[A]

Yeah, that was. No, I want some money for the lawnmower repair. You broke a lot of lawnmower. Maybe he'd prorate a maybe. But I'm pretty sure if my dad found out at he's 78, if he found out today that, you know, Johnny wasn't his. Hey, he'd put a plan together to start working out some cash back and a program to say all right. And I think my dad would shake my hand and be done with me. All right. Well, it hasn't been bad at all. I really enjoyed not being your dad. Well, thanks for that. Are we gonna talk ever again? I don't see a purpose in that. I don't either.

[C]

All right.

[A]

Enjoy Texas. But. Yeah.

[B]

The only thing get it done going for you is he. You haven't been on the dole for a long time. He hasn't had to.

[A]

Oh, it's been a while.

[B]

Yeah. But he still might look be a fact for that. Okay.

[A]

There'd Be some bitterness that he. You know. Look, if you bought a house and you paid for it for 24 years, like my dad did me, and then at the end, you owe nothing. Like, wait a minute. Where'd all that money goes? A lost investment. You've done well for yourself. Now. Give me that back. He would definitely.

[C]

Right?

[A]

I think he would definitely hit me up.

[C]

You're where you are because of me.

[A]

Yeah. I love you. Well, I did. Then this paper said I don't have to. I'm going to move on now. Yeah. I immediately.

[C]

I didn't realize we're 50 years invested.

[A]

Are we? It's insane. And when you go online and you realize how easy it is to dupe a dude that way, it's crazy.

[C]

John happened to me in my 20s. She had fake sonogram pictures with our names on it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Said she was having twins.

[A]

You can dummy these up and people. It's wide open.

[C]

This isn't dark Web calls on that. Not just one baby. We're having two.

[A]

So. That's my point. It's like, don't just get a paternity test and leave it up to her. Go do it yourself. I didn't realize it was that kind of crazy. I knew there'd be people who'd try that, but I mean, to go so far as to. I mean, that's easy.

[B]

And how many of them didn't? We have someone that never questioned the test and said, all right, I'm. I'll pay the baby. Until years later.

[C]

I don't think anyone my age would have questioned a test if it came. Yeah.

[A]

Kind of was like, oh, geez, you must have gone to something that's mine.

[C]

Absolutely.

[A]

I'd have been scared to death. And I think my brain would have been so focused on oh, my God, that it wouldn't have been pragmatic enough to go back and say, all right, let's take a look at how these tests came about. Now just do it yourself, just in case maybe you get off the hook of that thing.

[C]

Hold on. What's this now? Fake paternity test. Was he around in the 1960s? Signed, Toledo's Dad.

[A]

Wait a minute. He can completely get off the jokes, too. That allowed to get me? I knew it wasn't yours. Somebody else is your deadbeat dad, man. This guy says, I had a girlfriend years ago, tell me she was pregnant. I freaked out. A couple weeks later, she told me she was kidding. She just wanted to see how I'd react.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

Later. What's the next words out of my mouth? Yeah, if you're using. Oh.

[C]

Alex's. Alex's mom.

[A]

She.

[C]

She had a miscarriage when we first got together. And she was mad at me that I didn't have the right reaction to her having a miss.

[A]

Did you see the miscarriage?

[C]

I did not.

[A]

I don't believe it happened.

[C]

I was driving across Texas with all my crap from. From Arkansas.

[A]

I need some glop and a Tupperware. If you don't have glop in the Tupperware, it didn't happen. You're a liar. And you were lying to. You were. No way. I need evidence right in there.

[C]

Another year, and then we had Alex.

[A]

It would be in the thing. I want it to look like a thing of old. Ceviche. Oh, that's what I. You show it to me and go here, and then I can go to a lab and test. I didn't realize there was that kind of sinister out there. Go to a lab immediately and test this. What is this? And the doctor look. That's clearly a miscarriage. All right, good. Thank you.

[C]

Seeing a new income stream for Sonoran Quest Laboratory.

[A]

Is there any way I can test this miscarriage to make sure it's mine? The hell is wrong with you? It's not me. It's her. I understand.

[B]

So much so that multiple companies now offer this service.

[A]

The miscarriage, the ceviche Tupperware. It would look. Okay, it looked like you're going, the ceviche confirmation. It looks like you got a little salsa left and you're taking it somewhere and you're, like, just walking it into the Safeway. So you can go to the Sonoran labs and go, hey, here's my DNA test that. If that little glop in the middle doesn't have any of my stuff in it, I got a. I gotta start moving. I didn't realize there was that kind of crazy. I knew there was crazy, and I knew it had a level. That's 11 out of 10 to me.

[C]

Oh, absolutely.

[A]

That is 11 out of 10.

[C]

Well. And like, I mean, obviously a real form of psychosis, because she did it twice.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

She got caught two different guys and.

[A]

Then did it again.

[C]

Yeah, well, I think so. She's getting double paid. I think the first one that she. That she did, that guy, you know, pressed back, and then they started digging around and found that she did it again. And that's when they went after and.

[A]

Rearrested her, wasn't it? She was. The guy she was with was on the Bachelor or something. Yeah, that's why it kind of has notoriety. And he was on the Bachelor, the one that she was going to get.

[C]

I don't know if he was the best. He was, he was, he was one of the contestants.

[A]

One of the 30 dudes bowling one chick and trying to win her heart. Yeah. But yeah, she, she was taking medicine to appear bloated. She went online and said, what will make my tummy bloat? To kind of look new pregnant? And so this dude's like, well, I guess that's a thing. It falsely accused him of fathering unborn twins in a one night stand. He's 32 and he's like, this is just awful. Careful hosing crazy. Don't hose crazy. He.

[B]

The code on that in the legal system is 6, 7, 6, 7.

[A]

Yeah, throw the 6, 7, juggle the nuts. And as a good friend, just go, look, dude, you're. You're bone and crazy and you've got a loaded gun. They had intercourse. He said, I'm dealing with the most crazy individual I've ever met in my life. She was taking medications to appear bloated. She wasn't even pregnant. Amid the legal battle, she said he was contacted by two men who allegedly. Or he said he was contacted by two men who allegedly said she made the same claims against them. Be careful, dude. And there's another thing. If another dude calls ever and says, hey, I dated her for a little bit. She faked a pregnancy. She takes pills to appear bloated. If you're. If she's probably not really pregnant. This chick's done it multiple times, so she's going to get in big trouble now.

[B]

I wonder about the shows that would do. You are the father. You're not the father. Like, are you getting multiple opinions on that?

[A]

That's bananas.

[C]

I mean, if I'm on Maury, I'm trusting Maury more than I am her.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

This guy said, I dated a dumb whore, tried to tell me she was pregnant and it was mine. But not only was she not pregnant, she couldn't do the math correctly. I hadn't seen her in months. Yeah, there's a lot of dummies out too, faking that stuff. And it's easier for the Internet, but that should be. I mean, there should be. I'm not all for regulations, but there's one. If you're running a company that does fake sonograms and fake tests for loony.

[C]

Broads, yeah, you've got problems.

[A]

We gotta shut that down, like immediately. That should be an Attorney General thing. I don't. When I just googled it too, after seeing the story, I'm like, wow, how do you even get hold of that? How do you, how do you dummy up a fake test when the dude's not involved? And she took something from him and said I found your hairs and I took one. He's like oh no. And she's like so the test came back and it looked, it looks super pro. If you have a pregnancy, if you have a 30 year old, just test it. Just make sure.

[C]

It'S nick Toluto from Homer's Morning Sickness for our friends at FanDuel who want you to know that every NFL Thursday is your chance to hit the jackpot with FanDuel. And that's because with FanDuel's Thursday touchdown jackpot, you can win a share of $2 million in bonus bet bets each week. And to get in on this Thursday's action, all you have to do is place an anytime touchdown scorer bet before the game kicks off. And if your player scores the first or last TD of the game, you'll win your bet. Plus a share of bonus bets 21 + and President Arizona opt in must apply profit boost token on select market prize pool to be split equally among all eligible participants who made the correct first or last TD pick. Bonus issued is non withdrawable bonus bets which expire 21 days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next- step or text next step to 53342.

[A]

It's John Holberg here from the Morning Sickness to talk to you about my friends at Trajan Wealth. A man who had quite a bit of money and a whole bunch of stuff decided to write up on his computer his will and trust. The day before he passed, he rewrote the entire thing. The old document was deleted and the new one was timestamped by the computer. One day before he died, the court told the man's son that the document wasn't legal. Call the team at Trajan Wealth. Sit down and take care of this so your family doesn't go through anything awful. Getting a plan together is so much eas easier than procrastinating. Call 480-990-3300. Trajan Wealth Legal Services are offered through Trajan Estate Law Firm llc. Homeburg's morning Sickness do what Dan would do. I love you and I'm glad I could help you out with life, but I want some financial compensation for your crazy mother pulling this one over on Me, I ain't doing that.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I don't have access to the dark web, but I'm not finding free paternity test. But I know they're out there because there are on blogs about where to. Where to find them.

[A]

Fake paternity test. If you just Google that.

[C]

Oh, I did.

[A]

Mine's. Mine comes right up.

[C]

Legal. Legal stuff came up. Not. Not where to actually buy one.

[A]

There was one that I just. I was reading. I can't find it now, but it came up. It's like, there's a. In Maryland, there's a lab that would do it for extra money. So it's basically the same thing as when you go to the Days Inn and get some dental work. They'll throw some paperwork at you like that. You can go to these labs for an extra few hundred bucks.

[C]

But the thing is, like you said, if she grabs hair and, like, sends that off to a lab, it'll give her results on his DNA.

[A]

Here's what we do again. Always finish sexually in a Ziploc bag and take it home with yourself. Second, shave your head before all sexual activities. In fact, shave your entire body and not at her house.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Make sure you don't have any gabs or scars.

[C]

Do that. Do the Silkwood shower.

[A]

Yeah. Always get all your.

[C]

All your loose skin off.

[A]

Chernobyl out. Everything. Power wash in the garage, and then leave. Some of them are nuts. Holy smokes, man. Yeah. And if you've got a kid right now, just for fun, just for fun, wander over to the. And go, you know what I think I want to do for fun? I want to see how accurate these paternity tests are. Because the dog paternity tests and the dog DNA tests are pretty fun. I'm gonna go do one. And if she gets upset, pay double.

[C]

Guy says, john, how about this? You know, there's plenty of nut bags out there. It's a tale as old as time I dated a chick from Scottsdale that would poke holes in my condom.

[A]

Ah. I've had a friend who had that happen. At least he claimed it happened. But then he brought in the. I didn't know if he did it to prove his point, but he brought in a little Trojan thing that had, like, through the. Through the wrapper. Oh, no, it was in the wrapper. Go see.

[B]

Just a pin all the way.

[A]

And there was, like, a hole in the center of it.

[C]

It's like, in the dark, you're not looking, you know, or to see if.

[A]

Who's looking for. When you're Hard. And you're ready to go. You're like, let me investigate this thing. And blow it up once. Put some water. And it seems. Seems to be holding.

[B]

Whizzing like a balloon.

[A]

You strap it right on and you go. Said 17 years ago, this chicken tried to tell me she was pregnant. I kept it cool and said, ain't mine. Two weeks later, I get a call that she fell down the stairs. Huh.

[C]

And then ceviche.

[A]

And then he said, dumb. Yeah. And then made ceviche. If you. If you. If you put me through the ringer for a couple months and then I'm on yours. Doesn't sound on the up and up. You go, winter, like you're just out and on the road. And then you get a phone call saying, I made ceviche. I'm like, I want to see that. Yeah, I lost it. Okay.

[C]

Oh, she was. Let me see it in a bad way about it. We still touched?

[A]

Of course.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I want some proof. It's a terrible thing, but I want some proof.

[C]

Again, there is no proper way for a guy to respond. You can't because you don't have the emotional time.

[A]

What didn't you do?

[C]

I. I didn't react right.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I wasn't as upset as she was. And I'm like, I don't know how to be that upset about it. Yeah. Like, we'll try again.

[A]

Right. Like, honestly, she had been through so much emotional change and stuff, and it's.

[C]

Happening to her body. Like, I can't feel that.

[A]

So when she called and said, we lost the baby, like, oh, not that.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And there's a little bit of that.

[A]

Like, I said that to her.

[C]

You know, after a couple years, there was a little bit of that too. We were ready to have a kid.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

And I just met you.

[A]

Are you okay? I'm not. I just don't wanna. I don't know what to say. Are you hungry? Cause I could eat something. Oh, my God, Richard, please come home. Yeah, I'll be there in a little bit. Do you want me to pick something up on the way? Or we. Some. Like, what do we need? Some Bounty towels, probably. Horrible. Ladies, if you have a friend who goes, one time I faked a pregnancy to see how guy reacted. Get the bill and leave that friend. Don't be friends with those people there. There's too much support. And I remember the support factor for John, or not John, but none of that for John Wayne Bobbitt's wife. John Wayne Bobbitt's wife chopped off the guy's dick. And there were women who were like, saint. And I'm like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Whatever he did was. Was not, like, terribly dick removal bad. We don't. And I always used to when women said, if he ever does that to me, I'll cut his off. All right. Well, was. Then it would be all right if dude said, hey, if she ever did that to me, I'd slice off her labs and throw them into a field. Would you guys be okay with that? I'm gonna cut her off and juggle them and then throw them into the water. That's. That's just disgusting, right? And you guys are sitting here selling.

[B]

She had that coming to her, right?

[A]

Yeah, she deserved it. She was kind of a hero in the 90s to a lot of women that I've been wronged by a man. Cut their dicks off. It was like a thing. They were all laughing, making jokes the next night. That ain't funny, John.

[C]

Hear me out. It must be pretty rampant, dude, because it happened on the bold and the beautiful girl faked a pregnancy test so that she could be related to one of the rich families.

[A]

Oh, if I was a woman, I think I might be one of those, though. Yeah. I mean, you'd flip it over. I think if I was a woman and there's like a ton of money involved, well, I would be sleeping with a rich guy.

[B]

We hear about that too, man, I bet you it's 50. 50 on that. Like, the couple pro athletes or whoever are been avoiding it for years. No, no, I'm not related.

[A]

No, my ass is.

[B]

So there's a couple of them that said, oh, yeah, you're related. They've been paying.

[A]

Sure, if I check it. If always double a double check. What you know is probably true. Just, you know, confirm. Why wouldn't you? And if your wife gets mad when you suggest it, whether that storm.

[C]

Oh, you get through it.

[A]

What a woman. A woman who's confident would do. Would be like, go get your stupid test.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm going to hold this over you for the rest of your life.

[C]

And at that point, you know, yeah. Oh, I stepped in.

[A]

Oh, boy. And if it comes back yours and you're like, okay, well, there's the risk.

[B]

Stefan Diggs, most recent.

[A]

Sure. What?

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. He's got tons of them, but he's got kids all over cardi b.

[B]

And this girl had been accusing him, saying, you're the father. The DNA came back.

[A]

It happens all the time. And, ladies, not all. You're nuts. But you. You coddle crazy friends, but you carry the gene. And you. Oh, you do. And you tap the wine glasses together when the girl tells the story. I faked a pregnancy just to see how he'd react, and he didn't, so I left him. And then you guys clank your. Your cab salves. I love teasing. Oh, my God. This is a gaggle of lunatics. It's a concentration of crazy. You can't be friends with them anymore. Ladies, if you've got a friend who's pulled that or even whispers it, they're not allowed to have friends. You're. You're enabling them. You're codependent to crazy. Yeah, I was watching that story just nut nuts, man. And she picked a dude who was. I mean, this dude was only on the Bachelor. You don't have to have a ton of success and they'll try one on you. Nothing crazier than the lady I knew that had a one nighter with a co worker and then her boyfriend wanted her back. I've told this story before. Boyfriend wanted her back and said, what did you do in the month we were apart and. Because rumor is you were banging.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And he goes, she said, what? Yes. No. No, we didn't have sex. We didn't goes, no, that was. What? Well, no, I didn't want to. So we raped you. Because he wouldn't take her back if she had had sex with this guy. So she went to the lengths to where like, investigators showed up at this guy's work to. For a rape charge just so she could get back with her boyfriend without admitting that she consensually boned this other guy. She was like, I'll just. I'll throw this guy in jail to get back together with my ex. And he held it over and he's like, how far? And here's the other thing. I remember talking to him going, you took her back after that? He's like, yep. I mean, she was willing to put a man in jail for something he didn't do. And he took it as like a. That's how great my D is.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Like, he was a little confused. He's a little crazy too. And then she fessed up. Finally at the edge because I just didn't know what to do. I was emotional. Oh, you use those emotions like there's some control him. Because when a dude's about to go to jail, I don't want to hear about. I just lost control of my emotions. I'm sorry. No, no, you're going to jail. And the other dude who was going to go to jail, I would have been different. Didn't press charges against any sort of false accusations you're putting through mail. His dad was a lawyer. He'd have had to hire another one. He got lucky. That was crazy. So watch out.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Get your test today. You know what? It's paternity test Monday. That's a good idea. Go out there and just, you know, just. Just float it.

[C]

You might have to make that a reminder every Monday.

[A]

I might just start endorsing it for, you know, the paternity test.

[C]

Hey, it's John Holberg here for Sonoran Quest.

[A]

Look at that kid. What's up with the eyes? How come you. Nobody in your family has those? Like, what's going on with that? How come.

[C]

You know why?

[A]

You know why? It's probably not yours. It's Toledo. You're the one that should do it.

[C]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

Toledo's dad.

[C]

Kid, do you want to be me?

[A]

Toledo's pop pop kit. You might get off scot free. Do it early. But just in case, I'm gonna call my dad and see if he wants to do a paternity test today. I'll wad up some spit and we'll send it out. And I know I'm gonna get emails from people like, you give your DNA to a company. I was like, and it's over. Those days are long gone. My DNA is floating out all over the place. I've given it to the cops before because in order to eliminate me from theft, I had something stolen from me. So, like, well, it's your thing. So we have to get your. If we find DNA on anything else, because they had this. That bike that the guy left in my driveway. I touched it as well. We gotta eliminate you. So I need your DNA too. And I'm like, all right. And then they give you this long speech about you're in the database forever now. I'm like, okay.

[C]

Like, so then you start thinking at.

[A]

Any given time, like, when a bad guy's DNA shows up at a rape thing, my name flies through that computer program to just eliminate me.

[C]

Me too.

[A]

You're in it. Have you given your DNA to the.

[B]

Feds yet to a paternity or whatever? Like, what's it called? The service that's no longer the.

[A]

Oh, like the ancestors. Yeah, you're out. Yeah, that's.

[C]

You're 23andMe is still around. It just.

[A]

Well, there's a couple.

[B]

One of them that went out.

[A]

Ancestry.comancestry.com.

[C]

The biggie. That's the Mormons are behind that. It ain't going anywhere. Yeah, it ain't going anywhere.

[A]

It is not.

[C]

They're. They're good record keepers.

[A]

Yeah. The word for this morning is casino. You got about 10 more minutes on that one. You could throw that together. In the meantime, you can give us a wake up song. You throw it up on our Facebook like you normally do. Toledo will man where Brett usually is. Or you can call us 585-9800 and we'll wake up together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up.

[C]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[A]

I have heard enough. It's John Holmberg here for my friends at FanDuel. The greatest thing ever to hit sports since sports itself in the NFL. The Sundays are here. Now. They're making it even better because this week FanDuel's bringing the bonus. That's right. Right now, all customers can get 50% profit boosts on any NFL bet. However you play your game, FanDuel's got your back with something extra in your account. Visit fanduel.com kupd and download the app and get in on the action before kickoff. Off from our friends at FanDuel. 21 plus in present in Arizona. Opt in required bonus issued as non withdrawable profit boost tokens. Restrictions applied including any token expiration and max wager amount. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 53342. It's John Holmberg here from the Morning Sickness for lifechangerloan.com I had a friend text me the other day and he was skeptical. He was like, there's got to be a catch, man. Math is absolute. It can't lie. So we went to the computer, put his info in the little [e-mail] and found out that his loan, which he owes $523,000 the next 27 years on, could be paid off in eight years and he will save 389,000 in interest. That's insane. You should be skeptical. Ask questions. Then you'll see for yourself. It's not magic. It's just math. Lifechangerloan.com.