11-10-25 - WWBD - He Knows Someone Who Might Be Dumping A Dog - A Guest At His House Was Constantly Critical - His Mom Is Dating The Human Martini Olive And Taking Advantage Of Her

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona
Episode Date: November 10, 2025
Main Theme:
This episode’s “What Would Brady Do?” segment covers listener dilemmas: a friend constantly dumping dogs, a houseguest’s rude critiques, and a mom dating the “human martini olive.” Holmberg and team blend humor, candid advice, and personal stories, staying true to their irreverent Arizona radio style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. State of Movie Theaters & Celebrity Culture (02:00–04:14)

• Brief discussion about the declining success of movie theaters, with streaming platforms dominating.
• Commentary on how social media has made celebrities less “cool” since their politics and personalities are constantly exposed.
• Memorable Quote:
  “I love Jack Nicholson mainly because I can’t tell you what he thinks... I just saw him in movies and saw him on Carson or Letterman and it was like, this is great.” — John Holmberg (03:56)

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2. WWBD #1: Friend Keeps Rehoming Dogs (05:43–08:48)

• A listener, Brian, is frustrated with a friend who repeatedly gets and dumps dogs.
• Holmberg’s Team’s Take:
  • Byron: A tiny silver lining if the person is at least “rescuing,” but overall it’s irresponsible.
    “Stop bringing dogs home.” (06:36)
  • Holmberg: Getting a dog is a commitment: “They’re not accessories. They're living ... when you get a dog, you make a commitment to keep that dog in your life as long as possible.” (06:44)
  • The “nextdoor app” as a problematic pet giveaway platform — people often feign having found stray dogs to avoid guilt.
  • Advice to confront the friend directly and explain the seriousness of their responsibility.
• Timestamps: 05:43–08:48
• Notable Quote:
  “If you have the opinion that it's just a dog, then don't get one.” — John Holmberg (08:39)

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3. WWBD #2: Dealing with Hyper-Critical Houseguests (08:58–13:13)

• Listener Christopher feels his guests’ jokes about his furniture and food are crossing lines from playful to undermining.
• Byron: Sometimes people get too familiar; if being a host is no longer fun, take a break from hosting those guests.
• Holmberg/Mark: Suggests mirroring the criticism or simply stop inviting them; “Start critiquing their stuff, see how they like it.” (10:50)
• Team shares personal stories about rude guests—Holmberg’s ex-wife’s stepmom redecorated his home!
• Timestamps: 08:58–13:13
• Notable Quotes:
  • “That's just a dickhead move.” — John Holmberg (10:15)
  • “You don’t say it to the person opening the doors of... yeah, their home.” — Byron (12:39)

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4. Annoying Guest Behavior—Beer Caps Saga (13:13–14:14)

• Holmberg vents about party guests leaving wadded-up beer caps on his turf, ruining his yard and potentially endangering dogs.
• The group discusses whether to address it directly or set clearer expectations.
• Timestamps: 13:13–14:14
• Memorable Moment:
  • “If I find out who it is, they’re getting the boot.” — John Holmberg (13:35)

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5. Listener Skepticism Over Contest Winners (14:10–16:05)

• Listener "Junior" accuses them of running fake contests.
• Holmberg and crew jokingly read out real/fake winner names (“Rudy Bustillos,” “Dwayne Wong”), getting into a running joke about fake-sounding names.
• Timestamps: 14:10–16:05
• Notable Quotes:
  • “What do I know his name? What am I, writing Christmas cards?” — John Holmberg (15:12)
  • “Duane Wong? That’s a fake name. That’s why I know Rudy’s real.” — John Holmberg (15:35)

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6. WWBD #3: Mom is Dating the ‘Human Martini Olive’ (16:06–22:10)

• Listener Mark is upset his 66-year-old mom is dating a man described as “a human martini olive” — smelly, broke, often supported financially by his mom.
• She’s paid his bills, given him $10k during a breakup, but insists he makes her happy.
• Byron: Advise direct talk with the boyfriend, not the mom—set expectations and boundaries.
• Holmberg: “Go to him... if I find out my sweet mother’s paying anything of yours, you got me to deal with.” (21:19)
• Group debates how much meddling is appropriate if the mom is truly happy but possibly being exploited.
• Timestamps: 16:06–22:10
• Notable Quotes:
  • “He’s a human martini olive.” — Listener Mark (16:54, via email, noted by Holmberg)
  • “If your mom loves the guy, you kind of have to tolerate that. Mom’s dating a knob.” — John Holmberg (16:16)
  • “Go to the dude. Don’t involve your mom. You’re just gonna bum her out.” — Mark (20:44)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Leave opinions to the assholes like me.” — John Holmberg (04:14)
• “Plenty of people renting dogs. Stop it.” — John Holmberg (08:58)
• “There’s people whose last names I’m learning here in the building, and I don’t even know Kevin downstairs, he’s an Asian guy, and somebody told me his last name was Barry. I’d have lost that bet a thousand times.” — John Holmberg (19:44)
• The phrase “human martini olive” becomes a running joke in the segment, perfectly summing up the unkempt boyfriend’s vibe.

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Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Start | End |
|------------------------------------------|--------|--------|
| Movie theaters & celeb culture | 02:00 | 04:14 |
| Dumping dogs (WWBD #1) | 05:43 | 08:48 |
| Critical guests (WWBD #2) | 08:58 | 13:13 |
| Party beer cap mess | 13:13 | 14:14 |
| Contest winners joke | 14:10 | 16:05 |
| Mom dating ‘martini olive’ (WWBD #3) | 16:06 | 22:10 |

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Tone & Style

• Conversational, teasing, and occasionally crass.
• Heavy on personal anecdotes, listener interaction, and “tough love” advice.
• The show’s banter regularly blurs lines between humor and genuine concern.

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In Summary

Holmberg and the crew tackle everything from dog-dumping friends to meddling in love lives with sharp humor and a bit of heart, doling out bold, frank advice. If you haven’t heard this episode, you’ll leave entertained, maybe a little disturbed, and probably feeling a bit better equipped to deal with the “martini olives” in your own life.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought.

[Brett Vesely]

To you by MMP Guns.com, your most.

[John Holmberg]

Trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here.

[John Holmberg]

With Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Easy. LegalGunbuyer do and he can do it all online. It's really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it.

[John Holmberg]

MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms. It's John Holmberg here, chilling away from my [e-mail]. if your AC unit is 10 years old or more, you can start thinking about replacing it because of the Arizona climate. Like clockwork. We're right on top of that. Seeing our first signs of losing our cool, cool air. New acunit.com also has a connections with all the major carriers. So they get the best deals and they back it all with a 100% guarantee right now. Use Holmberg as a promo code and they'll knock off another 400 bucks from your already great price. Promo code. Holmberg. Do it now. Save thousands, save time. Buy [e-mail] sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. That is a great song by the way. Nine Inch Nails killing that thing. Too bad. The movies Unknown. The Tron arrows at it. Nobody's going to movies anymore. But that song is awesome. It's gonna make more money. The movie? Yeah, that one a lot.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

The big one movie this weekend, this past weekend was the badlands. Predator.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

40 million.

[John Holmberg]

It did well.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing else good though but that.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Remember when they used to be like 100? Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Big weekends. Huge hundred. 100 million dollar weekends. They were talking about indie films. Like to hit 20 million is the new 50 million for those things. Like there's nobody makes any money on them anymore.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

And it's getting to the point where I was was gonna ask like are the streaming movies like Netflix or are Production companies making more money now through Netflix than they would rolling it out.

[John Holmberg]

In the theaters through volume completely. Yeah, because they just. There's so many that just get pumped through. Plus, I think people are tired of three reasons movies aren't doing as well. One, you've got a theater in your house. Two, I think people get tired of the whole expensive movies and it's never that good.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

And always tapping either a reboot or franchise.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing really ever great.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Can you milk a franchise?

[John Holmberg]

They're okay. Some movies are fine, but most of them kind of stink. So you're experiencing that good. And then the third thing was in the last 15 years or so, Hollywood kind of got beat up by the Internet. But yeah, they still act like we have to treat them like 1940s superstars. And social media made it. So you got to know all of your celebrities back in the day. You didn't know Clark Gable. You didn't know Jack Nicholson. You just thought he was cool. If you ever got to know him and he's like, you know what? I don't care for Reagan. And then he has to fire off every. Every time you talk to him, some sort of a political thing. You're like, I don't like talking to Jack. You imagine that with Jack Nicholson back in the day ever saying, I don't want to hang out with Jack Nicholson. But George Clooney and all these other guys that could have been that cool are like, I know too much about him off the screen.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Apparently, Billy. Billy Bob Thornton, hey, did a Southern.

[John Holmberg]

Like, was Joe Rogan.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

He made the comet laugh.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He basically was like, I'm tired of it too. Like, they got so smug and full of themselves with their opinions. Remember when award shows were like, thanks for this award. This is awesome. And then now it turned into, if you don't have a platform, your speech is useless. We got to know too much about them. I love Jack Nicholson mainly because I can't tell you what he thinks. No idea what Jack Nicholson thinks about politics at all. Never knew. Never knew what any of the celebrities did. Didn't get their views on traffic or anything. I just saw him in movies and saw him on Carson or Letterman and it was like, this is great. Like, they're just their character. That's what they needed to sell me something.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

I'm here to entertain.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I like. I like going out with broads. What I don't like is our policies on abortion. Like, oh, no. And they're going to stand there and tell me you think abortion is legal. Like, Here we go. I don't like Jack Nicholson anymore. Too many opinions from people that weren't supposed to be given them. Leave opinions to the assholes like me. People could hate me all day. I'm fine with that. Jack Nicholson. We're supposed to have cool actors. Nobody has them anymore. I want to like Timothy Chalamet because doing things that I think are pretty awesome. And by that I mean Kylie Jenner. But I don't know if he's cool or not. It's time for what would Brady Do? He's going to solve your problems. MMP Guns is what's going to sponsor that. And they've got Arizona's largest inventory of firearms. Prices and service that are hard to beat. MMP guns. They'll take 100 bucks off any of their builder classes. Build an AR 15, 9, you can do all that stuff. And they'll drop 100 bucks off the price if you go, hey, KPD told me to come do this. They're like, you got it. That's how it works. MMP guns. 12th street and Indian School. Brady. Here we go. I have a friend, Brady, who is going to give his dog away. The guy gets dogs after a few years. He says, I'm just too busy. I can't have a pet, and goes online and just gives them away. Uh, this will be the third time since I've known him that he's doing this. And these poor dogs are so sweet. And I keep telling him, stop getting pets. In a couple more years, he'll have another dog, I guarantee it. Besides that, he just gives the dog to the first person on next door that says yes. How do I fix this? It's driving me nuts, Brian. Oh, that next door app has just become a dog giveaway. Dog and cat giveaway. Well, drives me nuts.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

I'm. I'm torn on the fact that here's. I guess the silver lining is that if it's. If he's buying dogs and then re upping them every three years, that's just wrong.

[John Holmberg]

First of all, you create a bigger problem.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yeah. And so I appreciate the fact that if he's rescuing dogs, at least that dog had three years. In a while, you're hoping in a loving home, and then he's like, I want to change it up.

[John Holmberg]

You just gotta hope it's better than.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Not being in a shelter.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. But if it's getting shuffled from house to house, it's that much different.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

My initial take on this is stop bringing dogs home.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

And then also, you know what I think I want one. Right again.

[John Holmberg]

They're not accessories. They're living. They're things they need.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

And look how many people are doing that as accessories.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's ridiculous. You make a commitment. When you get a dog, you make a commitment to keep that dog in your life as long as possible. Not just because you're like, nah, this is inconvenient. Yeah, you've taken on a commitment, and if you don't have enough money, don't do it. And if you don't have enough time, don't do it. And if you don't have enough space, don't do it. But. Or get one according to your. Like, if you got a small apartment, get a little tiny dog.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yeah. And if he is a friend of yours, a close friend, you definitely have that talk with him. Because if he continues that, you're gonna feel more guilt than he, you know, because I'm a friend now, I feel responsible. I gotta find a home for this guy's dog.

[John Holmberg]

A lot of people who do the dog thing, put it on dog lovers. Yeah, I gotta help me out with this dog. And I'll do it every once in a while when somebody's got a legitimate thing. Like, look, I've got a big loster home Pet rescue's amazing. Some people run into medical issues. Some people literally have a death or something else. They're like, I cannot. I'm not doing this dog any favor. They take it to lost her home and do stuff like that.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

You're not being much of a friend.

[John Holmberg]

At next door app thing is a dog giveaway. It's so hard to go on that thing now. You're supposed to have it used to be for like garage sales and have it. Has anybody noticed? It's like, I got to re home this dog.

[Mark]

People lie all over that thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Mark]

They're like, hey, I found this dog. Find a dog. It's your dog. You're trying to dump it.

[John Holmberg]

You don't want.

[Mark]

You don't want the heat.

[John Holmberg]

They're dog dumpers. Got enough problems. We don't need to start. We don't need a. A shelter amongst houses. Got enough problems with people in our area.

[Mark]

Get called out on next door all the time for d doing that. And then they fight back.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If you take on a dog, the responsibility is yours. Now occasionally that responsibility is to re home it. But don't give a problem dog to somebody else and wash your hands of it. And don't just dump one off and go, oh, if it doesn't work out there Their problem. They'll give it away, too. It's not fair. Cats, too.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Knock it off.

[John Holmberg]

And knock it off. It's an easy conversation. Hey, what are you doing? It's a dog. Like, then don't have them. If you have the. If you have the opinion that it's just a dog, then don't get one.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Dale, if you want to come over to our house and enjoy, you know, play with the dog and walk the dog, you can do it.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. Plenty of people.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

You shouldn't. You're not responsible enough to own a dog.

[John Holmberg]

Bingo. Plenty of people renting dogs. Stop it. Dear Brady. Oh, wait, that's a different one. My mother. I'll go with this one first. Dear Brady, I have guests over now and again and I enjoy it. But lately I've noticed that some people are starting to make comments about things that make me feel a little underappreciated. For instance, one guest sat at my dining room table and said, how old is this table? It's seen better days. I let it go. Then I hear somebody else go, you need better lighting in here. Okay, I'll let that go. Another person was served food and jokingly said, has this been sitting out all day? I know you. We're all going to get diarrhea. And he started to talk to people about not eating the food I was providing them. Some of it's tongue in cheek, but still it makes me feel like they're jerk offs. I want to say something, but I also sort of think I can ignore it for now and get my enjoyment out of it. What would Brady do? Sign Christopher.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

First of all. Well, I think sometimes guests don't realize how comfortable they get sometimes, if they're over at your place all the time and if they're joking about it, but if they're serious that they're like, holds this table where it's time for.

[John Holmberg]

That's not much of a joke, is it?

[Mark]

No, yeah, no, that's definitely a statement.

[John Holmberg]

That's just a dickhead move.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

So I think that the. What I would do is if I'm hosting and it's getting to a point where I don't enjoy hosting as much, maybe pause that. You enjoy having people over the game or whatever, having dinner parties or whatever. I'd pause it and re up. People that, you know, you know, you know what? It's a. It's a gentle way that finds out, oh, I'm not getting invited to that anymore. But then those people would call you and like, how come I'm not go to their house.

[John Holmberg]

Start critiquing their stuff, see how they like it. That's a good.

[Mark]

Well, that person probably doesn't host. Yeah, they're those types of.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Mark]

They go to other people's house so they can.

[John Holmberg]

I can never imagine doing critical.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Somebody.

[John Holmberg]

I've had that before. Somebody says something about like, you know, oh, you need new silverware or something. It's like something weird like that. And you're like, you know what? You're getting a free meal. You're hanging out of my house.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week downtown at Stand Up Live, you've got Moshe Kasher and the pride of Jacksonville, Florida, Lil Duvall performing Desert Ridge up north features the very funny Hans Kim. And Eastside at the Tempe Improv has two entertaining comedians with Alwyn Kuhai and Basim Yousef. For the complete lineups and for tickets go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com it's.

[John Holmberg]

John Holberg here from the morning cygnus. And it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and Doug Hopkins dot com. Boy, that team at Doug Hopkins office is amazing. Not only will Doug Hopkins buy your home for cash as is and get that deal done lickety split, his team is unbelievable. So if you've got a place that needs a ton of work, Doug will help you out by making that cash offer as is. Or he'll list your place if it's already perfect. All you have to do is start the process online@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing Hopkins 1, 800, now Holmberg's morning sickness, wasn't it your ex.

[Mark]

Wife'S family that was critical.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that was a different animal all the way around. That was. That was a. That was a very punchable offense. That was my ex wife's stepmom. It was the. The, the that her dad married and she came over and didn't like how we had things on shelves, so she took them down.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

You know better than that to discuss that. You do that on the way home with your.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. That's when you do that stuff.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Boy, can you unload.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus. What's with their dining room? Right?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Keep it to yourself.

[John Holmberg]

But you don't say it to the person opening the doors of. Yeah. Their home.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

No matter what.

[John Holmberg]

No matter what. You just don't go, oh, you've got a cruddy kitchen table. Your kitchen's too small or your kitchen doesn't have this. It's like, okay, your house has what? Like, wow. You're getting a free meal out of this deal. You're gonna free night out. Quiet down. I had a lot of people.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

You're doing something right. If they're coming back week after week.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

You would notice.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

And no one comes back the second time. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I do it all the time. And it grows. The party grows. The problem I've had lately is somebody in my group is wadding up beer bottle caps and putting them on the ground. And I haven't caught who it is yet, but if I find out who it is, they're getting the boot.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

That's lazy.

[John Holmberg]

That's super. Is in my grass. It's in the turf. I'm looking. I'm like, there's like 24.

[Mark]

Because you have. Dogs will go out there and they'll chew on that.

[John Holmberg]

Doesn't matter about any. You don't throw anything on someone else's floor.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

And Al and the boys go by and you got it. You got a mowing.

[John Holmberg]

I don't have any mowing. It's all turf, so it's all.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Oh, that's right.

[Mark]

But you announced that. Did you announce this last game? Listen, one of you thought it was.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

A goof, why they're doing it.

[John Holmberg]

And then last. Not this last time, but the time before. I'm like, there's a couple more. The first time it was bad. Then there was a few more. I'm like, who's doing the. The wadded up?

[Mark]

I've been there. It's not like you don't have garbage cans every three of them.

[John Holmberg]

I put them out every time. There's always somebody doing something stupid. But that's just, you know, the cost of doing business. Oh, what I do. Another winner. Another winner here. I just got this email. Larry, listen to this. Kind of. What was rated. It says, as the title suggests, no one wins your contests because they are fake. No one wins them. Confirm or deny this on the air. Provide examples. I've been listening for 9,000 hours. I've entered every contest on the app, and I've never won. How do you know if you've won anything? Listening to the app. Well, I don't know about you, Junior, but congratulations to Not Junior, Rudy Bustillios. He's got $1,000 from the contest, so there's my evidence right there.

[Brett Vesely]

Rudy.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's Rudy. Our guys. I was gonna say.

[Mark]

I was gonna say.

[John Holmberg]

What are you doing? I didn't know that was his last name. Congratulations to our own Rudy. Boosted? No, It's Dwayne Wong. Dwayne Wong? That's a fake name. That's why I know Rudy's real. So I was like, no. Then Larry hands me this fake Dwayne. Well, we don't have anybody named Dwayne Wong listening to this. Come on. I didn't know Rudy's last name was Bustillos. No. What do I know his name? What am I, writing Christmas cards?

[Mark]

JR probably also yells at the Arizona lottery when he doesn't win.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sorry, Rudy. You didn't win. You're the promotion. Well, it's highlighted. And Larry just handed it to me. Just saw the name. There could be two Rudy Bustioses. It's Dwayne Wong. That is a fake name. Junior might be right.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Stop it.

[Mark]

There are not two Rudy Bustioses.

[John Holmberg]

There are two Rudy Bustios.

[Mark]

No way.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, there are.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

And there are Dwayne Wong's, too.

[John Holmberg]

There's no Dwayne Wong.

[Mark]

There's a thousand of those.

[John Holmberg]

I do.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yeah. Who's doing. He's been listening for years and years.

[John Holmberg]

Dwayne Wong has?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yes. I swear to God.

[John Holmberg]

We've met him like a bunch of times.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

He comes out to all your events.

[John Holmberg]

Dwayne Wong. Yes. Yes. Black Asian guy. Don't know.

[Mark]

Is it D. Wayne or Duane?

[John Holmberg]

Duane. Duane Wong. Which makes me know it's fake.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

It's Duan.

[John Holmberg]

Huh?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

It's Duan.

[John Holmberg]

Duane Duanye. Duanye Wong. Sorry, J.R. you're right. These are all fake contests. He couldn't be more correct. We make up names.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

I take it back.

[John Holmberg]

I take it back. I didn't know we were gonna. I didn't put a wool over your eyes with a guy named Dwayne Wong. That's not even close to a thing. Congratulations to Quoty Fingers. Dwayne. Now, finally, Brady. My mother's 66. She's divorced and dating a man who, in my opinion, is beneath her in every way. A loser. Borderline poor man. She's paid his bills an awful lot. They recently went on a little break. And within a week, he had another girl in his apartment. Now he wants to come back. He does make my mom very happy. But I want him gone. Cause he flat sucks. It ruins our family gatherings. He smells like stale beer and engine dirt.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

That's very specific.

[John Holmberg]

The next line is my favorite that's been written to me in a long time. He's a human martini. Olive.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

It's A pimento.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. I know his nose is the pimento. I know exactly through that description, the smell and look of this guy. When they broke up, he told my mom he couldn't just leave. I don't have any money. I got to get an apartment. So she gave him 10k. Do I let my mom hear about it or just move on? Because again, he does bring her joy. She's a better person with him around. But I hate him, Mark. Wow, man.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

I believe you got to let it go for right now, man. Because, you know, here's the other thing is, if he's married, what is. What does your mom think about your wife? Huh? Because if she wasn't a fan of the wife he's letting you have that he's not telling him that he should have never gotten.

[John Holmberg]

Different.

[Mark]

If there was a ten thousand dollar payment involved, it would be different.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

I know, but that, that's a. That, that definitely can be a red.

[John Holmberg]

Flag when you want someone to tell you. Wouldn't you want someone to tell you?

[Byron from MMP Guns]

There's parents that tell their kids all the time that I'm not, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I don't have to lie. What a loser. Like, he sounds like he's poor. He's leeching. Yeah. I mean, there's a. Especially with a man. If it's a woman leeching or a man leeching off a woman is different. Women are designed to leech off of men. That's been society.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Have you spent enough time with him to know that? Okay, this guy is going to take my mom for a ride.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he already did it once. He's evidently been to some family function.

[Mark]

People show you who they are, believe them.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's some truth to that. But the, the beer, stale beer and engine dirt smell, that's a, you know, I'm a judgy guy. If you come in smelling like beer and dirt and that's your best foot.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Forward, but then your mom's happier or your mom's a better person, that makes.

[John Holmberg]

It tough because she just wants someone. Yeah. And she settled on this thing that.

[Mark]

Does, that does sound like. What it's more like is that she's happy because she's just got another body.

[John Holmberg]

There's a person there.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

There's one thing. If she's loaning him that 10 grand and she can't afford that.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

That's a little extreme.

[John Holmberg]

But. Well, even if she can afford it.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

If it goes to the. Well, one more time on that.

[John Holmberg]

He's coming back.

[Mark]

Oh, he's definitely going.

[John Holmberg]

He's the. Well, he's definitely going well.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

I'm saying. Well, the 10 grand so far.

[John Holmberg]

Well, sure, but that's just a giveaway. No, he said that she was paying his bills and, like, he's leeching.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And there's a reason to believe that this dude's. I'm gonna call him Dwayne. Duwayne's a leech. Duane Wong is his name, and he just won a thousand bucks. And have we heard a thank you? No, I'd rather have given it to Rudy Bustillos, who just. I just. There's people whose last names I'm learning here in the building, and I don't even know Kevin downstairs, he's an Asian guy, and somebody told me his last name was Barry. And I'm like, I'd have lost that bet a thousand times in a row. Kevin Barry is our Asian guy. That's. He can't even say his own last name. He's Kevin Belly.

[Mark]

On the flip side, Scott Taylor. Totally believable.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't believe he's. I think he's witnessed relocation. Do you think.

[Mark]

Is that why all the weight loss?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what that's about. He's like, chugging Ozempic. There's got to be an Ozempic hotline.

[Mark]

When you drop me off. There was a gust of wind that came, he left.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, I've seen that. He's had to hang on to the flagpole when cars go by.

[Mark]

It's a good thing it's a half staff.

[John Holmberg]

If your mom loves the guy, you kind of have to tolerate that. Mom's dating a knob.

[Mark]

Yeah, but you know something? If it happens again, I would go up to him.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm saying. I would say something to him. I'd be like, hey, you know what? You make my mom happy. And I appreciate that. But I got my eyes on you, and you better start pulling your weight. You're a man, right? The men feed off that. Men like, don't leech off my mother.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Don't go to my mom first.

[John Holmberg]

No, I wouldn't. No, no.

[Mark]

I'd go to the guy.

[John Holmberg]

Go to the dude.

[Mark]

Don't involve your mom. You're just gonna bum her out.

[John Holmberg]

She'll just get sad that the family's broken. Go to him, and he might tell you, your son's pretty rough on me. It's like, just don't leech off my mother.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

I'll be very reasoning going to mom, not about the situation. I would talk about one part of the situation. Mom, I just want to make sure that this guy isn't bilking you for, you know, cash. He's only there for you because you're providing for him.

[Mark]

But you know the answer to that. She's going to say, no, I love him. And yeah, ok.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Okay then.

[Mark]

So you know the answer before you.

[John Holmberg]

Go to him and you say, that's why you.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

Then the next time, go to him.

[John Holmberg]

You goddamn man. You show up, you pay some bills. If you're going to live with her, you're going to kick in. If I find out my sweet mother's paying anything of yours, you got me to deal with. I'm fine with you and I'll be fine. But I'm putting. I'm going to be the dad in this situation. You need some help. And you did, by the way, take a bath. You smell like dirt and beer, you big martini, Olive. I can picture the guy. My dad had a boss named Jimmy Richards. That was this person. He didn't smell like engine dirt. He smelled like cologne, stale beer. And he was a human martini, Olive. I've never heard that before, but man, am I gonna. That is perfect. Thank you for that, Mark, because that is a perfect description. We gotta go. I know it's 9:45. There you go, everybody. Y', all. If you look like a human martini, I'll have start straightening things out. And stop dating Mark's mom. It's 98 KUPD. That's what Brady did.

[Byron from MMP Guns]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, HMS Podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. For the complete lineups and for Tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempe improv.com.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holberg here. Time to talk about TV's Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins.com. i just sat down with TV's Doug Hopkins. We did some TV commercials while we're watching football. So you get to see me sit next to Doug and somehow or another make Doug look pretty. And I'm happy to do it too. I bought and sold houses using Doug Hopkins. So I've been through the process and he's the real deal. He is not going to cancel or change the game with fine print contingencies. Simple cash offer and the deal is done. Start the process online@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing.