11-13-25 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness on 98KUPD

Episode Summary: Thursday, November 13, 2025 (“FULL SHOW”)

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Main Theme & Purpose

Arizona's favorite irreverent morning radio show crew, hosted by John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, takes on everything from American wealth obsession, the death of the penny, viral outbreaks at concerts, politics and immigration, to sex, relationships, dog puke, and wild stories from in-studio comedians. As always, the tone is sharp, unfiltered, and distinctly skeptical, skewering sacred cows with a blend of humor and genuine group therapy.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

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I. The Billion Dollar Lottery, Trillionaires, and the End of the Penny

Timestamps: 02:01–25:18

• Billion Dollar Lottery Patterns
  The crew notices that huge lottery jackpots always hit close to the holidays. John suspects it's a marketing ploy:

  “Is it Powerball or Mega Millions or whatever—whichever one is hitting a billion again? Every time! Is this thing rigged?” —John Holmberg (02:57)

• Lottery Apps and Skepticism
  App-based ticket sales like Jackpocket spark discussion of digital vs. physical tickets. John’s experienced moderate luck on scratchers, but big jackpots still seem dreamlike and unattainable.

• Daydreaming About Extreme Wealth & Elon Musk's Trillionaire Buzz
  When imagining hypothetical windfalls, the show pivots to a stat about Musk: If he becomes a trillionaire, he could supposedly buy every car in America and all Ivy League schools (04:59).

  “Trillion is like...it’s an unimaginable amount of money...I’m not good with anything past, I dunno, a couple hundred bucks. I’m still mourning the loss of the penny!” —John (05:14)

• The Death of the Penny & Useless Change
  What will happen now that the penny is being discontinued? Conversation veers to the cost of manufacturing coins, superstitions about picking up pennies for luck, reluctance to dig for change, charity bowls at cash registers, and the overall pointlessness of small denominations.

  “Pennies are dead. 232 years. Stop charging anything less than 0 and 5..." —John (07:28)

• Trillion Dollar Math Rabbit Hole
  Listeners and co-hosts debate whether Musk could purchase all registered vehicles in the U.S., with failed attempts at long division and snark about their own math ineptitude.

• Antipathy & Envy Toward Billionaires
  John reflects on society’s hatred for the ultra-rich, and the comedy among those who’d villainize billionaires—yet would never give the money back if it landed in their own laps.

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II. Wealth, Resentment, and How Rich People Spend

Timestamps: 25:53–34:00

• The Timelessness of Wealth Gaps
  Wry look at history: “The rich getting richer, the poor getting poorer” is as old as governments themselves, Judaism included.

• Philanthropy, Taxes, & Legitimacy
  How billionaires protect their money, give to charity for write-offs, and the tax strategies of the ultra-wealthy.

• Lottery, Marriage, and Using Assets (Literally & Figuratively)
  John offers an unapologetic mini–TED-talk about ‘marrying up’ as the “female lottery,” defending women who pursue rich husbands.

  “If women used their vaginas as currency, you talk about lotteries...that is a lottery in itself.” —John (21:18)

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III. Sex, Sextortion and the Arizona News Roundup

Timestamps: 40:47–48:43

• UA Man Sextortion Scandal
  Story about a 76-year-old Upper Arlington man, involved in a sextortion case: he met a younger woman online, sent sexual photos, became blackmailed, then killed his wife and attempted suicide—before trying to frame the mistress.

• Generational Dick Pics
  Lighthearted but honest talk about whether their own parents might have participated in the original “beaver hunt” or sent nude Polaroids in their heyday; group laughs over the evolving etiquette of nudes over decades.

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IV. Culture, Health, and Morality: Measles, Pop Stars, and Immigration

Timestamps: 49:13–78:59

• Tate McRae Concert Measles Outbreak
  An outbreak of measles traced to a Tate McRae concert gets the show’s wry treatment:

  “If you saw Tate McRae last week, you’ve got measles. I always look at her and think, you’re going to catch something if you’re around her too long.” —John (49:13)

• Pop Star 'Cleanliness' & Sexual Energy Rankings
  Humorous, and somewhat raunchy, evaluations of current pop singers (Tate McRae, Sabrina Carpenter, Britney, Katy Perry, etc.) by how “safe” or “dangerous” they seem in the bedroom.

• COVID Memories & Reservations
  The pandemic’s legacy, and how Native reservations went into deeper lockdown than their non-Tribal neighbors to prevent COVID spread.

• Donald Trump’s Immigration Proposal: No Fat People Allowed
  The team debates a (real) Trump plan to ban overweight or chronically ill immigrants so as not to “drain the healthcare system.” Mixed reactions, with plenty of dark humor.

  “Who leaves a country where you got fat? That country was treating you right!” —John (64:16)

• John’s Immigration Reform: Only Good-Looking, Fit People Allowed
  Satirical idea: “If we want new Americans, we want them to be hot... Only good-looking, thin people rolling into the States!” —John (69:28)

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V. Social Commentary: Parenting, Single Mothers, and Church Charity

Timestamps: 80:53–90:41

• Controversy: Should Churches Give Money to Single Moms?
  Hot take segment about a local pastor refusing church charity to single mothers, calling it “encouraging fornication and whores.”

  “He’s living the life. So he’s not. He’s less hypocritical... Fornicators and whores are part of the Bible.” —John (86:41)

• Scriptural Debates and Real-World Consequences
  Spirited exchanges about the role of forgiveness, the “rules of the book,” and how much double standard is baked into church life.

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VI. In-Studio: Comedians David Jolly & Spunky Robinson

Timestamps: 119:24–138:08

• Background & Nicknames
  David Jolly and Spunky tell wild childhood stories (including a regrettable “tummy rubbing” tale) and riff on comedy’s weirdest open-mic moments.

• On Fame, Comedy, and Being “Nice”
  David talks about the transformative effect of “Kill Tony” and the importance of not being a jerk:

  “Just be nice to everybody, man. We all humans, all on this big rock together.” —David Jolly (138:12)

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VII. Sports Banter With Dale Hellestrae

Timestamps: 142:17–175:05

• NFL Midseason Review
  Predictions, praise, and dejection: NFL trade deadline, quarterback performance woes, and the fate of the Cardinals and Steelers.

• On Baby Showers & Gender Reveals (and Mocking Them)
  Dale reveals he attended his granddaughter’s gender reveal, sparking John’s fierce skepticism about baby fever traditions:

  “No one wants an invitation to your baby reveal. Not a human being alive says that’s... Thank you very much. And let me say thank you to all the others who weren’t invited.” —John (172:05)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Wealth and Trillionaires:

  “Once it hits a billion, we all get interested, which is really weird. That’s a strange, strange thing we all do.” —John (04:53)

• On Pennies:

  “Face down penny stays down. Face up penny is the good luck one. If you’re an idiot who believes that pennies being tossed in the ground are good.” —John (06:48)

• On Human Nature & Billionaires:

  “Instead of being mad at someone else’s wild success, get angry at yourself for not having any.” —John (16:40)

• On Marriage & Wealth:

  “If I was a woman, you'd have no idea how rich my husband would be. I would be the wacky, funny, ugly, but I would do all of it because that is a lottery in itself.” —John (21:18)

• On Single Motherhood & the Church:

  “The dude is the dude sounds like old school Bible guy. I’m not gonna [support] fornicators and whores. That’s old school Bible. They used to stone him.” —John (84:30)

• On Donald Trump’s Immigration Plan:

  “Who leaves a country where you got fat? That country was treating you right.” —John (64:16)

• On Pop Star Sexual “Cleanliness”:

  “Tate McRae’s a rubber... Sabrina Carpenter’s got a great, pretty face. Tate McRae is a little rough, but the body’s insane and she knows it.” —John (56:00)

• On Being Nice:

  “Just be nice. That's the most simple and basic answer. ...We all humans and we all on this big rock together.” —David Jolly (138:08)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

| Segment Theme | Timestamps |
| --------------------------------------------- | --------------- |
| Lottery/Billionaires/Penny Talk | 02:01–25:18 |
| Wealth, Resentment, and Sexy Marriage | 25:53–34:00 |
| Sextortion/Generational Dick Pics | 40:47–48:43 |
| Measles/Tate McRae/Immigration Banter | 49:13–78:59 |
| Single Moms & the Church | 80:53–90:41 |
| Comedians David Jolly & Spunky Robinson | 119:24–138:08 |
| Sports Banter & Baby Showers w/Dale | 142:17–175:05 |

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Language, Tone, and Format

• Language: Uninhibited, frequently profane, and full of dry, sarcastic asides mixed with honest moments of reflection.
• Tone: Brash, self-deprecating, and iconoclastic. The hosts take little at face value, prefer group skepticism, and aren’t afraid to mock themselves.
• Attribution: Quotes & shifts in topic are directly marked—see above timestamps/quotes.

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Final Thoughts for Uninitiated Listeners

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness covers the spectrum from headline news and economics to relationships, morality, and pop culture, all filtered through the sardonic—but often insightful—lens of Arizona’s most unfiltered morning crew. The episode has something for everyone: observational comedy about the absurdity of money and fame, sharp social commentary, bits of shock-jock raunch, and guest comic hijinks. Underneath the humor, the real theme is the madness of modern priorities—whether it’s fixating on lotteries, pop star sex appeal, or our obsession with ritualizing life events like baby showers. The show’s message can be summed up in David Jolly’s words: just be nice. But, as always, they’ll make you laugh before you get there.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Brady]

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[John Holmberg]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Brady]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Brady]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with my friend Wayne from AMCO. And Wayne, if my car has an extended warranty, do I have to take it back to the dealer for service?

[John Holmberg]

No, Larry, if you have an extended service contract, you can use it at any amco.

[Brady]

It's nice to have other options.

[John Holmberg]

I'll say Amco has dealership quality rental cars, no hassles and faster service.

[Brady]

AMCO does more than just transmissions, right?

[John Holmberg]

Right. If you need car repairs or hear, feel, see, smell, or even think you have a car issue, call AM first.

[Brady]

Just Google AMCO for your nearest location. That's Amco Double A, MCO transmissions and.

[John Holmberg]

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[Brady]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Brady]

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[John Holmberg]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Thursday. It is 5:45. This is the morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady. Brett's still sitting out. Big J. Toledo's around here somewhere. We are ready to go for yet another glorious day in paradise. And Al, perfect day for a little bit as the rain's gonna start sneaking in tomorrow, but snow up north. Yeah, I heard about that. My snow in the north might get some. Some ski weather going and open those up right on Thanksgiving. It's a perfect time. Two things that almost seem fixed every year is that it snows right before Thanksgiving break. And the lottery hits a billion dollars around the holidays every time. Every time. Is it Powerball or mega Millions or whatever? Whichever one is hitting a billion dollars again.

[Brady]

Yeah. Make sure you get it right.

[John Holmberg]

Did it win last night?

[David Jolly]

It did.

[John Holmberg]

Well, obviously it didn't, because they were talking about a billion dollars this morning. I mean, even if it did, we're always around 900 million to a billion dollars around the holidays almost all the time. Makes me feel like it might be rigged. Weird. It's got. I'm pretty sure I know you've gotten.

[Brady]

It through that app, Jackpocket.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, I like Jackpocket.

[Brady]

I did as well. And I've probably. When it's gotten to a billion, you know. All right, I'll throw it in. It just seems weird going to that too, because it's. It's got an extra layer in there. Like, am I really getting the ticket?

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Is it real? I've done scratcher tickets on Jackpocket just for goofing around, and I've won a couple times. Pretty good, but never anything huge. But, you know, some nice ones, like four or five hundred bucks on a couple of them.

[Brady]

And.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's neat. But, yeah, when I buy the tickets, I'm like, is this just throwing money in the pot? It is, though. Guess what? It is. Even if you have a ticket in.

[Brady]

Your hand, and so basically, you scratch it on the phone or.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you can scratch it. And there's a little thing that just cuts to the chase, like, did this ticket, but you do a thing, and you don't get any of that. Weird. It's got to be cancerous. The lead, the lead cover, lead dust, whatever that magic is that you can't brush off without. But it comes right off. Yeah. I don't understand. How come I can't just. Why. How does it stick? But it does, and then it doesn't rip the paper. I don't get it. It's magic. That's for sure. But, yeah, it's $1 billion again, whenever. Never really see that in July. If it happens in July, it's rare. And usually it's probably if I'm paying attention around a holiday or a week that they know everybody's on vacation, dicking around, not having anything to do. So. Got all that stuff. Good luck to you. I hope you all. When I want to win it too. So I'll be playing because once it hits a billion, we all get interested, which is really weird. That's a strange, strange thing we all do.

[Brady]

You know, when you think about the money? Like what? You know, everyone does a scenario. You. You kind of daydream about, what am I going to do with it? What's first thing you buy? Whatever. I just saw a thing on Elon Musk. If he becomes the first trillionaire.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

They did some daydreaming for him. He could purchase every car in the United States.

[John Holmberg]

All of them.

[Brady]

Yes. And then buy all Ivy League schools.

[John Holmberg]

That's weird. It seems like the car thing would surpass a trillion. Every single car, like every new car. Not like it's all the cars in America. Yeah. Someone was maybe, I don't know. Trillion is like. It's unimaginable amount of money. And if he makes it, if he has. If he's worth a trillion dollars, which I still can't believe is. The thing is, he's worth a trillion dollars. That's maybe. I guess that's probably about right. I'm not good with anything past, I don't know, a couple hundred bucks. I'm still. I'm still mourning loss of the penny. The penny's dead. So I don't even. A trillion dollars. You can buy all the cars in the United States.

[Brady]

Yeah. And then, you know what else is next? A penny was 3 point. Cost us almost 4 cents to make one penny.

[John Holmberg]

3.8 or something.

[Brady]

The nickel almost cost 13 cents.

[John Holmberg]

All change has to go up. We don't need it anymore. There's. You just don't need it anymore. It's not going to be that long before paper money's gone. But they got rid of the. The penny. And now, you know, everybody's been like, when's the last time you even had a penny that you kept that you've used. Have you used pennies in a while? I've never. I don't think I've been a while.

[Brady]

I found one the other day and I'm like, you know, the rock. Do I pick it up?

[John Holmberg]

Well, if it's good luck. I mean, you're an Insane person. Unless it's face down. If it's face down, I checked out.

[Brady]

The year and it was after 1982. That's not worth it.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if you picked it up for good luck and checked it out and said, this isn't good luck and put it down, you're going to die tomorrow. That's how pennies work. They're like wizards, little copper wizards. But yeah, it's face down, penny stays down. Face up penny is the good luck one. If you're an idiot who believes that pennies being tossed in the ground are good. I don't. I can't remember the last time I'm like, oh, I have a penny. I don't know that I've ever been the guy who dug into his pocket to make change easier for the guy at 7:11. If he can't work change without my penny, he's an idiot. Anyway, you got a penny. It'll make a lot easier on me. It's like, no, I'm not digging through my pockets for a penny, so you can just get me.

[Dale Hellra]

Shut up.

[Brady]

Always that little bowl that they have that have pennies to make up if you're shorter.

[John Holmberg]

It got to the point with pennies, we'd all just say, screw it, close enough. And then we'd round up. So the penny's dead. 232 years the penny was around and now companies are trying to figure out, well, what do we do? Stop charging anything less than 0 and 5. Don't give me. Yeah, that's it. Round up, round. Yeah, well, yeah, round up, round out. Well, they won't round down. You're absolutely right. Yeah, but just give me zeros and give me fives and we don't have to worry about pennies. Like, whenever you say it's 999, you're making a mess of things.

[Elliot]

So because you asked, there are just over 3 million new cars on lots in the US right now, which means a trillion dollars would get you an average car price of $333,000.

[John Holmberg]

The average car price is not 333,000.

[Elliot]

I know. 3 million cars to take up the.

[John Holmberg]

Whole trillion dollars with just the new cars.

[Elliot]

With just the new cars, each car.

[John Holmberg]

Would essentially be worth 3,000. So, yeah, you could buy all the cars. I don't understand. A trillion.

[Brady]

And then by the Ivy League schools, it had this list, you know, with what the trillion dollars could get.

[John Holmberg]

That sort of bothers me that all the cars are a trillion dollars. And like the what, 14 or 15 Ivy League schools are also a trillion dollars.

[Elliot]

I think there's eight.

[John Holmberg]

That's crazy. That just basically tells you what a rip off college.

[Brady]

They're not a trillion.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm saying, though. He could buy them all. That means. That means he could probably do it now if they weren't. But they're talking about a trillionaire, and they throw that in there. They shouldn't even be whispering. Ivy League schools. And if you had a trillion bucks, you could have all 10.

[Brady]

So you could do, you know, based upon the average of a car right now, I think it's like $50,000.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, do that.

[Brady]

What times? How many did you say new?

[John Holmberg]

That's just crazy. I don't even understand that.

[Elliot]

It's so big. I turn my.

[John Holmberg]

You got to turn your iPhone to the side. It's like one of those calculators I never understood. With the extra buttons.

[Elliot]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

I don't get those. I don't understand math. But I mean, if we truly try to understand a trillion and how much it is, you just pound your face into a wall for a little while and then walk away.

[Elliot]

So if. If we said the average car price is. I put 52. For some reason, $52,000 pennies. A trillion dollars would get you 19,230,769 cars.

[John Holmberg]

It's got to be 19 million cars in America, right?

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

That's at 50 grand each. There's got to be 19 million cars. Absolutely.

[Brady]

New, are you saying.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. I'm just. I'm. Yeah. I mean, 19 million new cars is probably reasonable too, considering there's 350 million people. I don't know how many cars are. I'd go over 100 million. So we're talking 100 million. Some are dumpers.

[Elliot]

I watched a guy yesterday, approximately 284.6 million registered vehicles in the US 280 million 280 million.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even know how to. Again, you might as well just be speaking Chinese. And, you know, only people who understand this are Chinese because it's math. I certainly don't. So he could buy all 280 million cars if they're all valued at 30,000, let's just say on average, right? Because yesterday I was at a gas station and there was a dude who was filling up oil, like mobile oil containers with more oil. And he had in his trunk and a black guy stood next to this guy, and he was sort of like Eminem. He looked like Eminem. And the black guy Goes, she drinking the oil. And he goes, man, sucking it down. And I'm like, all right, Whitey, you don't have to put on a show. Yeah, sucking it down, man. Can't keep up. He goes, I'm gonna drive it into the ground, though. And then he just had this oil in the car, and I started. I've never had that happen either, where I've needed to pour oil in my car, like, emergency style. Like, what's going on in that car that you have extra oil that you're. He's like, making it in the back of his car. He was pouring something into an oil thing. And, like, he's. I gotta. I got a big bucket of it now. Wait a minute.

[Elliot]

He's making two cycle oil.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what he's. Yeah, he's like. He's like, two. Stroking this. He might know what he's doing. I don't know what he's doing.

[Brady]

Could be keeping a couple of bottles back there and putting it in there maybe. Because he must have an oil leak.

[John Holmberg]

So my brain is watching this dude in his trunk. He's got an oil leak. Absurd. I mean, he's not fixing that, but he's spending, like, tons of money on it.

[Elliot]

Wasn't like, stop leak or something like that.

[John Holmberg]

No, it was in a mobile one. Crappy cars, that great thing. So I'm looking at him pumping my gas like, we got a bomb builder over there. Nobody does that. He popped the trunk open. He had, like, three bottles. He's pouring all of them into a bigger bottle, and he put it in a grocery bag that was like an old Corolla or something. And he. And let it die. I think the black guy and I were both like, what are you doing? Black guy's like, yeah, she's drinking oil, right? Sucking it down, man. And I'm like, all right, play us. Cool it, Kamala.

[Dale Hellra]

You're not.

[John Holmberg]

You're. Yeah. You don't have to go nuts now. Just say, yes, it does. It sucks down oil. You're. You're vanilla white. Yes, it does, sir. It eats the oil. Yeah, sucking it down, yo.

[Elliot]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

He's not gonna hire you for his next rap album. I think you need to stop being. That's racist. Most racist thing that happens that nobody talks about that is racist is when does Brady's laugh? White people get uncomfortable and start doing that. Hey, man, what's going on? Hey, yo, Play. What's up now? Calm down. What was that?

[Elliot]

Come on. Brady's old snap is authentic.

[John Holmberg]

I Liked, I like Brady's big black guy laugh. You've got a good one. And then when he took Mike Epson, his crew, he grabbed a basketball and led them outside. And shockingly it was a hit. Like I was like, I figured Brady was going to get beat up for even suggesting it, but they were like yeah, let's do that at six in the morning we'll go out, play some ball. But yeah, so I didn't know what that was, but so that car is probably worth about $2,000. And then you got some cars that are worth in a couple hundred thousand. So I'd say the average car if the 280 million are. But I think we'd run around 20,000 used and new. 280 million. So how much is that?

[Elliot]

Here's a little better average.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even know how to do a trillion on a calculator. I don't know if I'd.

[Elliot]

It's just one with.

[John Holmberg]

Oh God, I don't know.

[Elliot]

So the, the 286 million is all registered vehicles, trucks, motorcycles, everything. So there are 98 point million passenger cars. That works out to an average cost of $10,141 per car.

[John Holmberg]

And to make.

[Elliot]

So there's some junkers that are bringing cars.

[John Holmberg]

So the average is.

[Elliot]

So he could afford to give every owner of a passenger vehicle $10,141.

[John Holmberg]

Huh. Diggity.

[Elliot]

And if you were to do all vehicles, he could just buy them for $3,521.

[John Holmberg]

Unbelievable. $3,000.

[Elliot]

All 86 million.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[Elliot]

Times 3521 is a trillion dollars.

[John Holmberg]

I don't understand. Then he couldn't buy them because not all of them are $3,000.

[Elliot]

Well, I'm just saying you buy the.

[John Holmberg]

Passenger cars or it must be all new cars.

[Elliot]

Either way has to be all passengers.

[John Holmberg]

It's going to cause poor people to get really mad and jealous that someone on earth has a trillion dollars. They're already mad at billionaires. You get one trillionaire and then you know we're gonna have a bunch of revolutionary idiots to go Pluribus on you.

[Elliot]

But it's, but it gets into. Does he really have the money? It's just all.

[John Holmberg]

It's out there. Well, it's valued, right.

[Elliot]

No, I get it. He's got it.

[Brady]

Yeah, with this, with the, you know, new contract from Tesla puts him at. Yeah, the trillionaire.

[John Holmberg]

That's the value of his stuff by 2040.

[Elliot]

So he's got 15 years to get there.

[John Holmberg]

A trillion dollars.

[Elliot]

He'll get there.

[John Holmberg]

And here we are wondering, like, what are we gonna do without pennies? No, we're not. Trillion dollars. And I, for one, my Apple pay.

[Elliot]

Hasn'T lost the penny.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Some people get mad at that. And I don't understand it. I don't. I look at it.

[Elliot]

It's a goal, isn't it?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I feel like, oh, it's possible I'm never gonna get there.

[Elliot]

No.

[John Holmberg]

I have to stumble across something pretty magical. And I just expressed how little chance I have because of my inability to work a calculator. I'm pretty sure I'm immune to what did I get to. But it's there. I get. I'm. I don't care that someone has a trillion dollars, but some people get really upset. There was a comedian in here a couple years ago, a young guy. It's like, I want to kill all the billionaires. And he said it out loud, change the world. He changed the world. I'd kill the billionaires. And I'm like, well, then there'd just be a new tier of really, really rich people called, you know, the extreme millionaires. Like, there's always going to be something much bigger than you, and you kill.

[Elliot]

The billionaires, create a wealth opening for those guys to gobble up.

[John Holmberg]

There's a bunch of money floating around that it's going to go somewhere next.

[Brady]

Man up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And I don't. I don't. It's like in Vegas. I don't understand when people get mad at a guy who wins, oh, that guy. Just because they didn't, they're mad because someone else didn't. I get greed, and I understand that people are greedy, but you're not gonna stop that. So start working on yourself a little bit. Instead of being mad at someone else's wild success, get angry at yourself for not having any.

[Elliot]

Brady, was that study sponsored by the General and Shaq? They're just looking to insure all those cars.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I gotta ensure that stuff. Elon, don't waste all your money on them cars unless you get the General. That's right, Jack. Thank you, General. I have hallucinations.

[Elliot]

John, maybe you know this, but Las Vegas already got rid of giving you change back at casinos.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, they've. They've eliminated all that. Like, there's no coins in Vegas anymore. Hardly at all. By the way, 6:00am code word to start it all off is chance. As in, you have a chance.

[Elliot]

It's out there.

[John Holmberg]

You're not going to get it, but you have a chance. Maybe somebody I don't know. I root for that. I root for everybody to have, like, massive amounts of success. I root for it.

[Elliot]

Absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

And the people who start telling me how it's all stacked against them, everything else, I'm like, oh, well, you're not gonna do it. That's. You can't.

[Elliot]

Whether you can or you can't.

[John Holmberg]

I'm borderline. I'm borderline retarded. I have. I can't. I can read pretty well, but it's like, not for a long period of time. Yeah, I read the words, but after a while, I can't comprehend them. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It takes two pages before I'm like, what. What was that? I'm not very good at that. I can't do math at all. And yet.

[Elliot]

Oh, I've always.

[John Holmberg]

I did okay.

[Elliot]

I've always had to rescan. Yeah. What did this sentence mean? Let me go back.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I. I did all right. I'm, you know, doing all right in life. And I'm an idiot. It's possible. And I think that's why I don't get mad at billionaires. And I'm like, maybe they're idiots, too, but I'm moron, and I did fine. And it's just a matter of getting out there. So I don't have a crew of.

[Brady]

Tax people and accountants.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sure, you got to have people around you, but I'm just saying, it's like. It's. You're like. You're an idiot. Brady's an idiot. He did good taxes.

[Elliot]

Haven't you seen Brady? They don't pay.

[John Holmberg]

Taxi. Here we go. Red for Ed. God damn it. Living with a commie. Does your commie wife hate billionaires? Does she say it out loud?

[Elliot]

She's not happy about him.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Elliot]

I don't know.

[Brady]

Well, there's mad.

[Elliot]

When I was looking at a used Tesla.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. Because of Eli.

[Elliot]

I'm like, hey, he's not getting that money.

[John Holmberg]

But if you. Yes, he is. He's got a trillion dollars. He'll find it. Yeah, it's that. You can think. He's not. Eventually he's just going to give me that. But I understand the argument. But I also think that if I gave you a billion dollars and you were against billionaires, you would keep it. I don't think anybody's truly authentic when they say, if I would never take $1 billion, like everybody.

[Elliot]

Oh, we've done that exercise how many times on this show.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody.

[Elliot]

When a thousand wasn't good enough for people, of course. And then all Of a sudden, it was.

[John Holmberg]

We got it. We went through a time where we weren't going to give away money anymore because people were getting snotty. Right before the housing crisis, when everybody, for some reason, every listener of KUPD was a high on the hog. We gave $500 an hour away. Every hour. Those callers, the calls would be like, hey, congratulations. What are you going to do with it? It's not that much money, really. I know. It's 500 bucks free, though. I mean, that's pretty nice. I mean, you guys could give away more. Maybe I'd get excited. And they refused to, like, like, feign excitement on the phone.

[Brady]

Or you tell them, you know, you started a business, and all sudden this business 10 years later is worth $2 billion.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You say, no, no, no. Keep me at 100 grand a year and I'll give the rest away. And there might be, but it's very few.

[John Holmberg]

You're dinking around in the garage and you're like, hey, cool, I just invented something. And this little thing takes. I see it on Instagram all the time flipping through. Some guy did some dumb thing, and he invented this silliness, and he's trying to make money off it. And let's say it hits and you make a billion dollars, you wouldn't give that back. You'd be more philanthropic because there's great tax write off. And also that's a huge thing people do is start giving to charities when they make money, because the more money you make, the less you have to write off. Except charity. So that's why these. It's gala season. It's insane.

[Brady]

Helps their events to pass it on to the relatives. A guy, I think if that started. Patagonia did, like, half his wealth to charity, but it protected the states.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brady]

Taxes after, you know, he passed away. Smart. Yeah.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I just. I just don't buy it. I'm the same way with, like, people who are religious, but I question them. I'm like, you never read the book? And seemingly it's the most important book. Same thing with these billionaire haters. And I get it. Some people hate billionaires. I get it. This one says the same people who hate billionaires seem to love Taylor Swift and Rihanna. I don't know if that's accurate or not, Josh, but I like it. I'm gonna go with that. Young teen girls, women in their early 20s hate billionaires. But I guarantee, if they met one that looked okay, by the way, they're.

[Elliot]

Following two of them.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I've seen Several. I mean, you know, with age you start gaining wisdom a little bit in certain areas. And I look, I was watching something the other and I forget whose wife it was. He was an athlete and he was not a good looking man, but his wife was beautiful. And he just signed this new contract and he's making a ton of money. And I'm like, if they're mad about success, they'll suck it up if it's a dude. Like, women love the idea of. I mean, you talk about lotteries, that's part of me wishes. Like, if I was a woman, you'd have no idea how rich my husband would be. I would be one of those. I'd be a wag. I'd be a complete awesome wag. I'd be the wacky, funny, ugly. But I would do all of it because that is a lottery in itself. If you're. If women use their vaginas as currency.

[Elliot]

A lot, you talk about it every January up north, digging their heels into.

[John Holmberg]

The turf at the Phoenix Open. It's a pure lottery ticket search. That's all it is. And they're running around looking for their.

[Elliot]

Lottery tickets story J Day.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm not mad at them. I think it's great. If I had that power and I could use my vagina as currency or my breasts. And it pays. I'm doing it. And I know there's people out there who get mad at it, but they're the same ones mad at billionaires because they realize they don't have. They can't cash that check. They don't look the part. But if you have a rich husband, it's a lottery win. And if I was a woman, I'd be going for that. I'm not mad at billionaires.

[Elliot]

I think it's Holland's galaxy. She's in the Hunt family.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the one that my friend Colin dated for a minute, he took her to Titanic and then got the flu and couldn't come back. And she moved on to one of the Hunt owners of the Chiefs. Her name is Tony Munoz Hunt now.

[Brady]

She did all right.

[John Holmberg]

She did very all right.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And I'll tell you, she could have fallen in love with Colin. And then one of the Hunt family comes up and goes, you are the most magnificent creature I've ever said. Colin is going to somehow or another start looking pretty awful, pretty ratty. She goes back to that house. Yeah, it's trillion dollars is nice. It would be nice to have. I'll take it. But I don't understand being Mad at billionaires. This one says people that are billionaires most of the time have a lower salary than people understand. They get paid in stock options because it's non taxable income. Maybe, maybe there's an argument that they screw around with taxes, but so would you and so does everybody.

[Elliot]

I agree with that statement. But they're, they're not making five figures.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no. Everybody has the ability to give more in taxes. You don't have to pay what you say. You can, you can tip them. Nobody does it. No one ever does it. They just get mad when people richer than them don't. It's. I like rich. I like rich. And the idea of rich, it's probably a lot more.

[Brady]

I think what you hear now is the rich are getting richer.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

People that were. So I'm watching have that sentiment where that can't. They don't like rich people.

[John Holmberg]

I'm watching Death by Lightning. Yeah, right. And it's this, it's the. It's one of the most magnificent stories in history in America that everyone's forgotten. And I love that. The very first screen grab of the whole thing is this is a historical telling about two men that people forgot. And one was the 20th president of the United States. It's James Garfield.

[Elliot]

And we watched that show last night.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, did you watch some of it? Last episode? It's pretty good. Yeah, it's good. I went back and I looked and I said, what kind of condition was the United states in in 1880? Like what?

[David Jolly]

Like what?

[John Holmberg]

Strife could not politically agree between the two parties. They were fighting the whole time. Couldn't get anything done. The rich were gaining tons of wealth. The poor were dropping off the face of the earth. So all the policies the rich were getting rich. It's never changed. On this morning sickness. Why choose a sleep number? Smart bed.

[Brady]

Can I make my site softer?

[John Holmberg]

Can I make my site firmer? Can we sleep cooler? Sleep number does that cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side your sleep number setting. Enjoy personalized comfort for better sleep night after night. And now max out your savings. The more you buy, the more you.

[Dale Hellra]

Save on beds, bases and more.

[John Holmberg]

Plus get free home delivery on any smart bed with base limited time. Check it out at a sleep number store near you [e-mail] today. Holmberg's Morning Sickness. It's never been different. The rich get rich 15 years, right?

[Brady]

Okay, turn 15 from the.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're from the Civil War. But okay, let's go then. Go back to 1775. What was the big argument? The peasants couldn't make any money, and the rich kept getting richer. And how do we balance this out? We start the United States, go back to why they left England. Oh, we can't. Religious persecution. But they were keeping a thumb on us. While the rich got richer, the poor got poor. It's age old. It never changes. So you might as well just cave.

[Dale Hellra]

When in Rome.

[John Holmberg]

Go for it. At least the US Makes it. So you can, you know, you can try to do it. It's nearly impossible, I'll say that. But that's what makes it awesome. I love the idea of a trillion dollars, but mostly for me, that's what I want. A trillion me dollars.

[Brady]

And, you know, I just think in order to have the universal health care, which a lot of people like, that's. We like, those countries are taxed a.

[John Holmberg]

Lot higher than fine. I look at. I was in a room with billionaires the other night. Didn't even know I was talking to one for a minute. Friend of mine comes over me, goes, there's so much money in this room right now. And I'm like, really? He goes, that guy you're just talking to multi billions. Like, no kidding. No kidding. He's like, yeah, he is. I forgot what he did, but he's just. Ridiculous amount of cash. Artie Moreno was. Owns the Angels and everything. Multi billions. And you start hanging around, hobnobbing in those areas, and you realize just, they're just normal. They're like, they're. And then you can start to see, oh, women get lit up and men get like. It's. You know, there's a bigger lion in the pride. I love it. And I'm not doing. And there's the other thing. You'd be mad at billionaires all day, but what are you doing? Like, I don't do any. Like I just said, I watched TV last night. I watched Death by Lightning about. You know, I'm entertained by it. But could I have been in a. In a lab somewhere learning or teaching myself something new? Sure. But I'm not doing that. So I'm not. I'm not trying to garner more success by getting better at being me. I want some, though. So a trillion dollars doesn't bother me at all. But some people want to kill him. And I get it. I get it, I get it.

[Brady]

Been out of shape that he gets killed by somebody on the streets.

[Elliot]

Well, Luigi.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, well. But nope, a lot of people weren't been out of shape. A lot of People made them heroes.

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying. Good. It's a rich guy that's ripping people off.

[John Holmberg]

Right. But he just had a job and making a bunch of money. And maybe he was bad at his job, but if you're going to shoot everybody who's bad at his job, you're not going to be left with a lot of people.

[Brady]

It is tough to see a big company or whatever that a CEO exits and has this huge package or the CEOs making 400 times, but they're. But they're laying off people.

[Dale Hellra]

Sure.

[Brady]

4,000 employees, that's a tough pill to swallow.

[Elliot]

Yeah, but that's business. That's always been business for 200 years.

[John Holmberg]

But you were one of the people on the chopping block. Yeah. You were one of the worker bees. That sucks. It certainly does.

[Brady]

But you think, you know, some of that would wait, well, if you could, the one that's making 400 times more instead of getting, you know, let's get rid of 4,000 people.

[John Holmberg]

No, keep rid of some people to keep the thing nice, because you've got. I get paid a lot of money to make those decisions and take that punch. I'll cut 400 people to be the guy that says. Well, that's just where it is. I, I produce. This guy says, you'd use your vagina or breasts to obtain success if you could. Well, you have used your mouth to reach the level you're currently on. That is true. I have. Orally, I have. You use what you got, is what I'm saying. You use what you got. And you don't have pennies anymore, so quit crying. You gotta.

[Brady]

We gotta go through, what was it, 300 billion still in circulation.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they're, They're. Look, they're gonna be.

[Brady]

I wonder how long that will take to finally.

[John Holmberg]

It won't happen. They'll be in drawers and they'll be everywhere. We'll never get them all back. Some are in the garbage, some are in dumps, you know, bottom of the ocean. Every, Every wishing well, they're done. You go up to Caesar's and go to the, the fake fountains that they have, the Roman fake fountains. And there's just people chucking pennies in there like crazy. I'd like to see the percentage of wishes that came true from the penny chuck, because they clean it every day. And there was some number I. Staggering. No, it's a ridiculous amount of money that gets thrown into wishing wells in the world. Like, we're talking hundreds of millions of dollars. They Always fountain people throw like, like silver dollars and the dudes cleaning that up are making a mint. That the dude with the Trevi fountain broom probably is a millionaire himself. Keeping some of it, putting some in the bucket, putting him in his pocket. That's pretty awesome. So yeah, I like, I like the idea of millions. But the big loser here is Abraham Lincoln. But we've already got him on another coin. It's almost like they knew when they put him on the penny. Put them on something else. These aren't going to last that long. Get him on two. Is he the only one on two? Abe's on the penny and the five, right? Fk now he's the only one who's.

[Elliot]

On the silver dollar. Is that Eisenhower?

[John Holmberg]

Morgan Freeman, I think. I don't know. Silver dollar. It is Eisenhower.

[Elliot]

I think it's Eisenhower, yeah. Or is it that briefly.

[Brady]

Anthony?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. I don't want any coin. I think they should just delete coins completely. Everything's going digital anyway. Just get rid of them and then you'll create more boring people who have collected coins.

[Elliot]

Kennedy's on the 50 cent piece.

[John Holmberg]

Eisenhower's on the dollar.

[Elliot]

What else is Kennedy on?

[John Holmberg]

Well, Kenny's only on one, isn't he? I don't know.

[Elliot]

I don't know. I thought he was on two, but.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe, yeah, just get rid of coins altogether. The penny is dead. 232 years of penny, no more. They'll not make another new penny ever again. And it's good because I've pain in the ass. Getting change is the worst thing in the world. Give me paper. I haven't had even a paper exchange for I don't know how long.

[Elliot]

Yes. Nailed it. Eisenhower on the silver.

[John Holmberg]

Eisenhower on the silver. You win. Congratulations. Now if you only had a trillion of those, well, you can have a thousand of them, I guess. Seems, seems crappy now, doesn't it? You can take it in the ass. It's nice. Thousand bucks still nice. But it's a penny to elon chance. It's less than a penny to elon. Chance is the word for the six o' clock hour. And that's how you get that.

[Brady]

The other comparison I like is when they take. They did it with Tiger woods and people that are, you know, at the time millionaires. They said they're every day spending like $10 to you and I for Tiger woods would be.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, when they used to, when Tiger.

[Brady]

A thousand bucks a day, right?

[John Holmberg]

Would be like US $10. Yeah, that was the, the. But that's the thing we start getting in other people's pockets. Well, he's got this much. And that's ridiculous. It's just ridiculous to you. If you had it, you'd be doing the same thing. I mean, other than I'm going to say this and it's going to controversial. Other than a few obvious life choices that went sideways. Jeffrey Epstein had it figured out, right? Yeah. I mean, the island, he used it for evil, but all the stuff, he had that island. If you ever Google search that island, you're like, all right, how did you screw this up? This is awesome.

[Brady]

You know why people went there?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know when they're gonna turn that into a resort, but it was. It's gorgeous and it has. It's not the island's fault. We could still use the island. Spruce it up, get the team together and put some bedrooms out there. Get those Canadians on HGTV that turned that dump into. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. They had that Bahamas place and they went nuts and go over to Epstein Island.

[Brady]

Speed that one up. You want to get more people in on that?

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean a couple?

[Brady]

It took a long time.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they had the hurricane. That didn't help. Get over to Epstein island and start making that resort thing. You can change the name to whatever you want or even make it kind of a joke theme park and then move on.

[Elliot]

Time is your hindrance. You've got a trillion dollars.

[John Holmberg]

First thing I do if I owned Epstein island is make it a resort. Adults only. That's kind of a funny joke on itself. Feel like you're no kids allowed, just in case. Maybe it's the island that does that to us. Maybe there's some special. Some fantasy island special fog that comes off of that makes you want to bang kids. I don't know. But Epstein island would be a place. You look at that on Google Maps and it's stunning. This was beautiful.

[Elliot]

Isn't it ironic, John, that Puffy saying mo money, mo problems.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, that's it. Everybody's got problems. Money doesn't make it so you don't have problems, but it's not. You don't have creditors. That's the thing. But get that Epstein island, turn it into an adults only resort. And I mean no kids. In fact, maybe even nobody who's ever had a kid. I don't even want to want phone calls back to kids. It's a singles and child for. They're talking about that now for the United States, you know, no fat people. No people.

[Brady]

As far as people Coming into the country.

[John Holmberg]

You can't come into the country if you're fat, diabetic, you got health issues. You got to stay home. It's like, well, we got to come here for. No, we're not. You're not draining us. You stay home chunks and do the same thing for like, people dragging their kids in. Nah, take that back to your war torn, ravaged mess. It's not my fault. Or put them on Epstein island first. Epstein island is gorgeous. Do it this morning. Apple, get on your phone and Google Maps your. Oh, my God, the place is stunning. Even Google Maps can't, like, delete the turquoise around the island. The beauty that. The Runway, it's perfect. I want to go is what I'm saying. Now that it's cleaned up, no more trouble. Would you go to Epstein Island? Free trip, everybody. Right?

[Elliot]

Absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

Like right now? Yeah. Brady's even. Not Brady would even go even.

[Elliot]

Just some of the pictures of the buildings.

[John Holmberg]

Kirby can't go.

[Elliot]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Not allowed.

[Elliot]

How long?

[John Holmberg]

Two years, another year or so. But right now she's not even like a whisper. So.

[Dale Hellra]

No.

[John Holmberg]

I know. If even Kirby says, hey, man, I want to tag along.

[Dale Hellra]

No, no.

[John Holmberg]

No families, no nothing. Just adult couples. Nothing strange can happen to that. And I would be there in two minutes.

[Brady]

Les Wexner's probably going, I'm first in line for this island, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He was in on it with him, right?

[Brady]

No, he. Epstein basically stole it. Borrowed 287 million from. And never.

[Dale Hellra]

Wow.

[Brady]

Question it. After things went down, well, there was no worry about the point where he.

[Elliot]

Wasn'T going to be able to pay it back.

[John Holmberg]

He was a noose. Didn't help.

[Elliot]

Yeah, that's what I mean.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, news.

[Elliot]

This guy says he died of natural.

[Dale Hellra]

That's true.

[John Holmberg]

He did have a heart attack with his neck. Scott says no more pennies. What are we going to hurl at you Jews? All right, that's enough of you.

[Dale Hellra]

That's it.

[John Holmberg]

They're still out there.

[Elliot]

That's how copper wire was made. How will we make it now out of pennies? Two Jews fighting over.

[John Holmberg]

All right, that is not how it was. Mace, stop it. This one says, have you ever swallowed a penny when you were little? Plug me like a sewer cap for days. I'm glad they're gone. He's got triggers with pennies because one kept him filled with poo. It was the original Ozempic. They just couldn't digest anything because he ate a penny.

[Brady]

Doctor, Our buddy Jay Blazey for his fifth grade show and tell, ate a.

[John Holmberg]

Bunch of pennies past 55 cents.

[Brady]

And yeah, pasta. And brought it in a ziploc bag like two days later for his.

[John Holmberg]

Straight out of his show and tell. Out of his feces. I don't believe him. I think he just had a bunch of pennies in a bag. And he lied. He made it wasn't pennies. It was coins.

[Dale Hellra]

Whatever. He lied.

[Brady]

Of course. A nickel. Whatever.

[John Holmberg]

You wouldn't a first that he lied. Brady, you bought a story. There's no way he swallowed 55.

[Brady]

His mom was in on it too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, probably. Like she. You wouldn't poop them all out the first time. Like you wouldn't get all 55.

[Brady]

It took a couple days.

[John Holmberg]

Plus, by the way, you had to be sitting there counting how many away. It took a couple days. So we were sifting through multiple movements. That's not true. Didn't happen. He was a kid who wanted a story in school, and he made up 55 coins. He'd be very ill. Not 55 coins, 55 cents. Oh, I thought he said 55 coins. So he had two quarters and a nickel. Yeah, or four dimes.

[Brady]

Yep, exactly.

[John Holmberg]

A couple nickels, five pennies. Either way, he made that up. And if he only came in with two coins, I'd be like, big deal. So it had to be a pretty impressive. Yeah. Your kid's an idiot. Yeah, I know. I told him not to do it, but he did. And then we sifted through his for a couple of hours. Yeah, mom wouldn't know.

[Brady]

She didn't know he was doing it.

[John Holmberg]

Because he was making it up. He didn't know that's all made up. He might have eaten a coin and thought, this is cool. And then he dug through his. You got to think about your friend at that point. This guy was attention starved. Like, he was not getting the attention he needed. So he brought a baggage quarters into work or school. And everybody, like, I passed these. I mean, poop. Dug it. Dug this out of my poop.

[Brady]

I don't believe you.

[John Holmberg]

I'll open the bag. Yeah, you can smell it. Because all you have to do is rub it in dog crap. Nobody's gonna. Nobody wants to touch that. And the teacher was like, you little jackass. Sit down. Stop eating coffee.

[Brady]

A little disturbed by it.

[John Holmberg]

Give me those. Those are health hazards, you idiot. You know, sticking around in my own and found my coins that I've been eating. Sit down, Jay. I don't buy it because I've heard stories where kids, like go over the hospital for a penny, they eat it and it tears the tar out of their insides. Like, leans up against their stomach and just starts burrowing a hole into. It's like some reaction with the acid in the copper or whatever they're made of. And all those kids, like there were kids in school, those hillbillies that would do stuff. And you're like, he's just making that up. He's not. He didn't eat money. And then. And then you have to think about why you're friends with a guy who did that. And then for attention, dug it out of his. Came to school with the smile on his face.

[Brady]

For my next trick.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's creepy. Just rub your pet rabbit and a bunch of dog crap and have him come and just this. They ate it and I passed it. All right, Jay, you need attention from your parents. Something's not right at home. Does he still run with that story? Yeah, he still talks about it a lot. So he still kind of.

[Brady]

No, he doesn't talk about a lot. I probably bring it up.

[John Holmberg]

You bring it up. You were very impressed guy here. You were very impressed. What grade was this?

[Brady]

He was like in fourth or fifth grade.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that would have been a. And that would have been a family embarrassment in Upper Arlington. His parents would never have allowed that. Yeah, his parents would have never allowed that.

[Brady]

By the way, speaking. UA, yeah, it's getting a little rocked right now. UA, there's a guy, that 76 year old man that lived in Old Arlington, where my neighborhood, he was. Killed his wife over sextortion.

[John Holmberg]

He killed his wife?

[Brady]

Met a girl, a younger woman online and they had a relationship and she threatened she was gonna send pictures. Pictures that he had sent her, right? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The wife, she's got jerk off pictures. The Dave Ellison story. She's got some tugging pictures and the girls.

[Brady]

So he doesn't want anyone to find out.

[John Holmberg]

So he killed the. Which one?

[Brady]

He killed his wife.

[John Holmberg]

Why'd he kill his wife?

[Brady]

Couldn't live with it for her. And then he stabbed himself.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it didn't work. Oh, so he didn't kill the girl that was going to try to send the pictures?

[Brady]

No, he's like, if she doesn't know and I'm out of the equation, I don't have anything to worry because he.

[John Holmberg]

Was 76 just going to kill everybody.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So he's 76. He's got a side piece. He's still beaten off on the phone.

[Brady]

I think she came over a couple times where they hooked up. A couple of times.

[John Holmberg]

She took photos of it.

[Brady]

He. Well, the wooing Process of a. Are you interested in me?

[John Holmberg]

He sended dick pics.

[Brady]

He was sending pics.

[John Holmberg]

76 year old dick pics. That should be illegal.

[Brady]

A lot right in there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. Up for Arlington story there.

[Brady]

So I've been telling my friends, you know this guy, Was this your neighbor?

[John Holmberg]

Have you found a connection?

[Brady]

Are you friends with him?

[John Holmberg]

Pretty. You'll find a connection. Was he a member? No, but I have Scioto Country Club.

[Brady]

I just don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Oh man.

[Brady]

But I know. I mean the road that he's on, there's some nice cribs. He could be.

[John Holmberg]

He lives in a nice neighborhood. Oh, that's awesome. Those are good stories. Sextortion. You don't kill your wife, you kill the sex daughter. Yeah, right.

[Elliot]

Yeah.

[Brady]

I would think that if you're up for killing.

[Elliot]

Good. The sex was John.

[John Holmberg]

He was going to kill himself there couldn't have been that great. He couldn't live with him.

[Elliot]

I think that's what he's telling now.

[John Holmberg]

That's why he stabbed.

[Brady]

I think he was trying to frame her too. Maybe. They're saying she attacked his wife and then attacked me.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's gonna. So he had to tell. But if he's trying to frame her, he's got to stay alive. So he wasn't serious about his suicide?

[Brady]

Yeah, then it came clean.

[John Holmberg]

Killed the wife, threw a couple of jabs into himself and then tried to say that Jodi Arias was in his house there for a little bit?

[Brady]

I believe so.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, this dude's done. And guess what else? Those pictures are coming out in court. We're gonna see him anyway. Boy, you're like as a woman, things aren't going your way when they got a 76 year old man sending you pictures of his gray wiener. That's the worst day of your life. What's your number? Hi. What's your number? Why? Just tell me. Here it comes. That's GROSS. My dad's 78.

[Brady]

You know how many junk pics are.

[John Holmberg]

Out there of my dad?

[Brady]

Yeah, a ton of them.

[John Holmberg]

I bet she's done a couple. He's dabbled with the dick pic.

[Elliot]

One of those work trips doing some kind of construction?

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no, just. He's just taking pictures.

[Elliot]

Like one of those old.

[Brady]

Now he's on the ranch.

[John Holmberg]

I bet you my dad had.

[Elliot]

He would have been in his prime, in his 70s, right?

[John Holmberg]

20S. He was in his 20s. I would assume. My dad took some polaroids of his dick at one point or another. I'm Assuming that would have been like.

[Elliot]

I'll throw that in there. I'm sure my mom did.

[John Holmberg]

Your mom took pictures of her dick? I'm sure she did. That's gross. I didn't know your mom had a dick.

[Brady]

That changes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that changes everything. You think your mom was trying to get into a beaver hunt or something? Oh, no, you're pausing.

[Elliot]

I wouldn't.

[Brady]

I wouldn't.

[Elliot]

I wouldn't put it out of the realm of possibility. She's a single mother dating a married man.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. And she had beaver hunt aspirations in the back of Penthouse if it paid. Oh, man. I'm leaving. See you two later.

[Elliot]

Just because you can't picture Marcy doing the same thing.

[John Holmberg]

Marcy wouldn't have done it. My dad wouldn't have wanted that. I'm sure my dad took some. Some snapshots of some stuff, sent some.

[Brady]

In for one full day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, no, he didn't do. My dad would.

[Elliot]

I don't know if that's a different level.

[John Holmberg]

My dad would have. Repulsive. Like, he didn't.

[Elliot]

All of a sudden, Marcy gets a letter from Hustler.

[Brady]

Yeah, he's not coming in like John Candy and Splash.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, no, no. He.

[Dale Hellra]

But I'm.

[John Holmberg]

I would assume it's human nature. I mean, even back to Titanic, Jack couldn't wait to draw her naked. Like, I mean, you found ways to. To do naked pictures.

[Brady]

But I'm pretty sure sketching that guy, that was a good sketch. That was a very.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he was good at it.

[Brady]

He could have had a better room accommodations instead of.

[John Holmberg]

And really cashed in on the art.

[Brady]

He was trying to cash in on the broad most. But a lot die poor.

[John Holmberg]

They're poor, man. Nobody wants your crap. But I would assume that it was probably burned. Like, there was Polaroids of our parents. I mean, what's the first thing we did when we got home? Movie cameras. We started filming each other naked. The very first thing they ever did with a camera was take a picture of a naked lady. Hey, this thing works. Take your pants off. Like, they were weird about it. Yeah, it's printing press stuff. There was a bunch of. That was. The first one was like some nude woman. We couldn't get enough of it. So I'm pretty sure if I'm a realist, Toledo's mom tried to get in a beaver hunt, and my dad has some pictures of his wiener. And then the phone came along and made that a lot easier.

[Brady]

Yeah, I think it's a combination. I think a lot of their. Also a Generation of having an actual physical picture. They don't want that out there.

[John Holmberg]

Right, well, that's what I'm saying. They burned it up. It was easier to get rid of it. It was tangible. It wasn't floating in the cloud. Well, if you're just taking Polaroids, there's no role. That would be the thing. It was the Snapchat of the day just disappeared on its own anyway. Think of your parents doing that right now. And then try not to drive off the road because it's impossible to think of that. Yuck. Yuck. And as against it as you are, you've probably begged for pictures of Ronnie's boobs and stuff like that at one point or another. We actually made you do it on the airfield.

[Brady]

Yeah, I asked one time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, one time.

[Elliot]

Got a flat?

[John Holmberg]

No. Right?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You guys never.

[Elliot]

I didn't mean to use the term flat there.

[Brady]

Never.

[John Holmberg]

Ever exchanged any nude pictures, even in the courting process?

[Elliot]

No, no, listen, I never did either, but never.

[John Holmberg]

We were older.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So what?

[Elliot]

Plenty of people in when I got divorced. Oh, yeah. There's plenty flying around then.

[John Holmberg]

So you've done it?

[Elliot]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. But just not with Lisa. Yeah, interesting. I'll send you one right now.

[Elliot]

We've seen him. I remember in your Summer of Love, there was mine.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. It had nothing to do with that. I'll do it right now just for fun. It has nothing to do with courting anyone. I'm like, you want to see a funny picture of my wiener? Okay.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Elliot]

That I have not.

[John Holmberg]

No, I don't break them out unless it's like, we're really low on material, but. Here you go. Here's my.

[Elliot]

What are you doing? Like, looking at the magnifier.

[John Holmberg]

Taking just some interesting angles. Yeah. Try to find an interesting angle.

[Elliot]

Artwork, Some artsy photos.

[John Holmberg]

No, it never turns out to be that artistic. It's usually.

[Elliot]

Is that the idea going in?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Trying to make it look appealing.

[John Holmberg]

Just seeing what she's like down there. What's this guy look like? What's the undercarriage like? How close? Yeah, sure. Doesn't bother me. That's interesting. Means you don't get boob pictures from a girl. It's like. Seems like waste time. It's like a waste of paint. You pay for your phone, might as well get something out of it. The word for 6am is chance. Take a chance. Put it in the promo code today and take it in the air. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? 585-9800 A good one. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up.

[David Jolly]

It's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

[Dale Hellra]

Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Miles to nowhere. Thank you. It is a couple minutes away from giving you the 7am code word.

[Dale Hellra]

Take it in the air.

[John Holmberg]

The word I'm gonna give you now. I'll do it now. Successful.

[Dale Hellra]

Success.

[John Holmberg]

Success. That's today's 7am Word right there in front of you. Success goes in the 7am slot in the promo box on the app. And you knock those silly, maybe win a thousand bucks. I got a lot of people emailing me like, oh, by the way, if you saw Tate McCrae last week, you're. You've got measles. That's. I always look at Tate McCray and think, you're going to catch something if you're around her too long.

[Elliot]

She's wouldn't have put it at measles.

[John Holmberg]

But no, I was not gonna. The last thing I'd have guessed is measles. But Tate McCrae is a very talented young lady. But I look at her and I'm like, yeah, she's a rubber. Get the rubbers. I'm not saying that she's actually that in real life, but the way she presents herself, she's a rubber. I don't think to myself, yeah, I'm gonna raw dog that one. I don't like the way what I've been seeing, I think that that gets to places, that gets A to B. But measles, who knew? But yeah, if you went to Tate McCray's show last week, lots of stuff. You probably walked out of there with a few things because it's very sexually driven. Her dancing and her outfits, very sexual. So I'm assuming There were some STDs exchanged. It was a sold out show. That's about 14, 14,000 people maybe in the arena. I'm guessing there were at least a thousand STDs exchanged through that night because everybody all amped up and probably made some poor decisions. And now you got that and measles. And they say thousands may have been exposed. So it was last Wednesday. They say if they're working closely with partners in the city and state levels as the venues where the exposure occurred to ensure that people are aware and protected. This is A good reminder that any of us can face an exposure and being vaccinated is the best defense.

[Elliot]

Here we go.

[John Holmberg]

I want to tell everybody know that vaccinations are good defense but it wouldn't do it if I was you. Unless you slept with Tate McCray then get all the shots. RFK will let you know. Anyway, attendees were at the center from 6pm on Nov. 5 until around 12:30. Although the story says half hour after midnight. That's not how we say that they may have been exposed. Additionally, people may have been exposed if they were staying at home to suites by Hilton downtown right across the street. I believe that's on Jackson. That's where the measles people stayed. The county health department said the people who were in the hotel from 3pm on November 5 till 1pm on the 6th. And if you just start to have some measles symptoms, you can thank Tate McCray.

[Elliot]

So this was last week.

[John Holmberg]

Last Wednesday. Now I was in that arena on.

[Elliot]

You've got the measles.

[John Holmberg]

Was it floating around for a day or so.

[Elliot]

How long does it last?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Yeah, I think you have to be directly like. Anyway, whatever.

[Elliot]

RFK.

[John Holmberg]

I knew you were going to leave the Tate McCray show. Itchy.

[Elliot]

What's this rash I got from.

[John Holmberg]

I got a Tate McCray bump.

[Elliot]

Oh, it's just measles, man.

[John Holmberg]

She might be a puritan, but on that stage and in her pictures on online. Tate McCray.

[Elliot]

Watch her on Saturday Night Live. If she's a puritan. She is.

[John Holmberg]

She putting it out there again. Actress, winner, really good dancer. But it's usually vaginally LED dancing.

[Elliot]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She flashes that thing around pretty good. It's. It's a big thing.

[Brady]

The positive measle.

[Dale Hellra]

Huh?

[Brady]

The positive measle cases in Maricopa county come as the country's second largest outbreak.

[Elliot]

Wait, what?

[John Holmberg]

We're.

[Brady]

We're in an outbreak of measles this year continues.

[John Holmberg]

You got to read the whole story.

[Elliot]

Are you looking at today?

[Brady]

It's on the. On the story that you're talking about. But evidently Maricopa county has or second largest outbreak of measles this year continue to spread along the Arizona Utah border.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we got some measles going on in Arizona. Brady just found a story so it's a little convoluted. He's not really. He's reading it with us.

[Brady]

But yes, I went further down.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks for that. That incredibly riveting and thorough report. Yeah, we had a measles outbreak in the country. Was over in Texas. It snuck over here, and we had it up there in the Indian reservation for a little while. So maybe an Indian likes Tate McCray and brought the measles down. I don't know.

[Elliot]

That reminds me of COVID that the natives locked it like we locked down. The natives really locked it down.

[John Holmberg]

There was.

[Elliot]

There was blockades entering.

[John Holmberg]

Like, aren't they already locked down? Isn't that what reservations are?

[Elliot]

I don't think they're locked down like this, though.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, in that kind of situation, they had.

[Elliot]

They had, like, police cars at the entrances. And to get in, you had to get tested. You had to show a test.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. Try to keep it away. We were getting pretty close to it, though.

[Elliot]

I'm just saying they learned from the. From the whole blankets years ago, and they weren't letting that happen again.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't we? Shouldn't let McCrae in. Should have police cars keeping her out because Tate McCray.

[Elliot]

Carpenter coming.

[John Holmberg]

Look, Alison, Sabrina Carpenter is not dirty.

[Elliot]

What?

[John Holmberg]

She doesn't play it that way. She's. She's. She's not a rubber. She's a raw Dog. Tate McRae's a rubber. You're getting it with Tate McCray.

[Dale Hellra]

You're getting.

[John Holmberg]

You're getting worked with Tate McCray. Sabrina Carpenter is. She's gonna take work. Sabrina Carpenter is the one that. That plays like she's a Tate McCray, but it is weeks of dating and gifts and nonsense. She's the one who goes, I don't do that unless I love someone. Come on. What is it, 1980? Put this in there. Stop it. I'm gonna go to Tate's house. You're coming out of a Tate McCray show feeling a little bit wonky. You're coming out of a Sabrina Carpenter show feeling unfulfilled. Just if you were dating them. Their concerts are the exact same way. She's sassy. She put. She gets on her knees on her album. It's like, oh, provocative. Tate's like, where's the dick? Like, it's a. There's a difference.

[Elliot]

More aggression.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's like she. She will grab at it. She will be. She'll make the first move. Sabrina acts like she's gonna show you everything and then hides.

[Elliot]

Trust me, John, I like the show, but I did say to myself, wrap.

[John Holmberg]

It up with Brady with Tate McCray. Oh, that show us like, wait a minute.

[Dale Hellra]

What'd we do?

[John Holmberg]

Brady's story about measles. Yeah. We were all saying, wrap it up. Wrap it up.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Tate McCray. Well, they wrapped it up. All right.

[Elliot]

Also, she's got an incredibly hot body, but put a bag on that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I agree. That's why she knows Sabrina Carpenter's got a great, like, pretty face. Tate McCray is a little rough, but the body's insane and she knows it. So the body sells. And she's like, I know I've got problems. Let's distract you from my face. And you, you can have all this.

[Elliot]

Can we put a hierarchy on the prophylactic there, John? Because I want some Olivia Rodrigo over here. But I think she's pretty clean.

[John Holmberg]

She's super clean. Take McCray's a rubber. The other ones, you're gonna get away with it. There's a couple of them. Britney's a big time rubber. I don't know what's going on there. And then I take McCraza. Super duper rubber. Well, you know me. Get into all the other, like. Like, Katy Perry is clean, but I wouldn't want to be with her. She talks too much. There's a lot of that, you know? But the superstar, the pop stars that lead with sex, we're allowed to talk about them sexually. You can sexualize the ones who are begging to be sexualized. Tate McCray wants to be sexualized. I mean, it is every. She never, like, is in a turtleneck.

[Elliot]

No.

[John Holmberg]

If she is, it's a half. It's a half shirt. And her bottom boobs are out. Since. John, you and Brett and Brady and Richard make me laugh often. I'm sure your Bobs would love to syndicate your show. The money would be nice, but I'm thankful you're not saying, good morning, Boca Raton.

[David Jolly]

Stay.

[John Holmberg]

Awesome. I look forward to the laughs in the morning. John. Yeah. You'd be surprised how little the Bob's want to syndicate this. They hate this show. They like that it makes money. They don't get it and they're afraid of it. They won't even, like, advertise it. They don't want new people to find us. 706 success. I already gave it up.

[Brady]

I just want to thank the folks at Boca Raton that are streaming. Yeah, thanks for listening.

[John Holmberg]

They're happy with that part. Like the stream stuff and the app that we're pushing so hard, they're fine with that. But they don't like, like, hey, why don't we tell everybody about the show? Like, we. Let's put him out there, right? No, no, no, no, no. Well, what if somebody who hates him sees it and then the next thing you know, they're Making complaint calls. People are writing checks all over the place. They're afraid of this show. So the Bobs don't know what to do. They're just like, you're great. And then they walk away. Go. I don't know what he's doing. He's going to kill us all because they're morons. This guy, just before we get into the real stuff, says, john, you love dogs. Can you explain why a dog vomits and then eats the vomit and doesn't vomit again? I can't. My dog puked last night. Bussy was sitting next to me and he started. It was the weirdest thing doing your.

[Brady]

Sound.

[John Holmberg]

Like, what's going on, bus?

[Elliot]

He's got the saliva.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then he gets up. Yeah, he gets up. Yep. He got puke mouth. He got up and he ran outside and barfed and then came back in. Seemed good. Laid next to me and I'm like, yeah, a little barf on your face. So I got it off. I'm watching some tv. Gets up, runs outside, does it again, comes back in. I wipe his face again. And then it was time for him to go to bed and went outside. And he and Yardley both went over and like, hey, puke over here. And they both went to town on it. And I'm like, his tummy doesn't feel good. And then I tossed a cookie to him. He devoured it like it was nobody. Like, I'm fine, I'm fine. No puke as far as I know. But I can't explain that. I had a dog named Dutchie.

[Brady]

I leave it.

[John Holmberg]

My dog Dutchie was the sweetest animal I've ever and will ever have. Like the most unbelievable dog of all time. Big old English sheepdog. And Dutchie had a way about her that she could do horrible things and you'd just laugh. For Christmas six years ago, Megan made a thousand chocolate chip cookies. And she makes good cookies. Cookies. Pile of them sitting on the kitchen island. Dutchie was good size, but not huge. Somehow or another, she managed to take a plate of probably 60 cookies off the kitchen island and put it on the ground and eat every one of them in the minute and a half that we weren't in that room quietly. The plate didn't hit the ground. She knew to. She had. She picked it up like a waiter. She picked up, put it down on the ground. Didn't go. She put it down and then devoured the plate of cookies. It made her very sick. It's bad for chocolate chips. Put the, you know, the Stuff in their tummy to make them throw up. And she went out front and threw up a massive amount of chocolate chip cookies. Kind of funny. She was okay for about a month. If the front door opened and Dutch went out with me, she would run over to where she threw up those cookies and just start chewing. I went down on the grass and the dirt. She knew exactly where that cookie puke was.

[Brady]

It is amazing.

[John Holmberg]

She couldn't get enough of the puke. Like she. We had to keep her away, like get away from there. So last night, Yardley and bus ate buses puke. And they just looked at it like, hey, there's some. It's mixed up with some weird stuff. But there's some food in here. And some grass. There's grass too. And they just ate it up and seemed like everything was fine. So. No, Tyson, I can't answer the question why a dog eats its own vomit or another dog's vomit. Not, you know, in the same pack. If you get vomit out there and your dog's chowing down on the trail and stuff, probably gonna. It's not good. But my dogs are.

[Brady]

I think the only thing that's 100% with dogs is anything that a cat leash behind.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Do they love that, the poop?

[Brady]

Yeah. Even, you know, we gotta keep them out of the cat food.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the cat food. Cat food is bad. I don't know why they don't make dog food taste like cat food. They should have cat food. Cat food flavored dog food.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Your dogs would never not have a bite. They love cat food and. And cat poop. Cat poop flavored dog food. Old people flavored cat food. Because cats will eat an old man in a second. But I don't. If I was starting a dog food company, cat poop flavored dog food. Like new from Purina Cat El Ration. They'd love it. But yeah, I don't know. I can't. Tyson, it's a good question. I don't know, but man, oh man, they sure do like eating each other's puke. And I think it's just because they just. It's just pretty basic stuff. It comes up as it went in. Usually it's because they raced around too much after they ate and they just get a little bit ill or they just ate something that you didn't see them eat. They're getting it out. They're good. So it is gross, though. I couldn't find the puke. They found it before I saw it. Like they were just then it was gone. At a certain point, I just quit. I'm like, yeah, they're gonna eat that. That's gone.

[Elliot]

Well, and with your pristine new lawn, it's easy to clean, right? Just.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it was on the liquor on the pavers. Oh, I didn't see it. I didn't look on the pavers.

[Elliot]

I was like, I thought you had those sealed, too.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, not yet. I haven't got that done yet. Well, I mean, it's still. It's all. I'm not. I'm not worried about stains. I was just like, hey, Stan, it's too late. Still cleaner than going to a Tate McCray show. I'd rather get my dogs puked than Tate McCray without.

[Brady]

You can clean those lumps off.

[John Holmberg]

Tate McCray may be more than a rubber. She might be one of those dental dams, you know? Offensive it would be to a woman. If you're about to perform oral sex.

[Elliot]

You put a sack on your face.

[John Holmberg]

Wrap this on my face. Because this thing looks like it has been around the block. What are you doing? Well, I'm gonna please you, but not without a barrier. What are you insane? Have you seen this thing down here? It looks like somebody chopped up a tomato and stepped on it. You won't just give me love? No, not without some thick cellophane between us. Hopefully you can still feel it, but I'm not getting anything. Tate, by the way, turn around. Let's do this from behind. I can't look at you in the eyes. Your face is all weird, and I mentioned it earlier, but I do like that Donald Trump is now coming up with the idea that it's time to keep fat people out of our country. I think it's. I think it's high time. No more fat people. If you're an immigrant with a weight problem, you gotta stay away. Diabetes, heart disease, we're not gonna to pay for your crap.

[Elliot]

What are you tipping the scales at?

[John Holmberg]

Doesn't matter. I'm already in America, so I'm already here. If you're coming over with. By the way, why are you leaving a country where you got fat? Things aren't so bad. Things aren't so bad if you're fat where you were.

[Elliot]

So you're saying we've got enough fatties here.

[John Holmberg]

He doesn't want. He doesn't want to pay for it, and I'm with him. I don't understand why a fat person leaves their country anyway. Things are going well. You're fat.

[Brady]

Maybe. Maybe everything's well, but they don't have the coverage that they're looking for.

[John Holmberg]

Right. And Donald's saying, go home. We're not doing that. We don't give them free anything. But they come over here. You're not getting any of our. You're not draining our system coming over here. So no more fats. You get a little. You already get a test when you get it. It's not like it's a bad thing. You get a test for like tuberculosis and all sorts of different things. You can't come into the country if you've got that. So heart disease, diabetes and things like that. Sorry, no more. By the way, Ozempic is now cheaper than it's ever been. You're welcome. It's the fat jab. He called it that yesterday. The thing. And I'm like, this guy, see him.

[Elliot]

Call out one of the guys in the cabinet.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, One of the guys here is our. Steve's on it. Come over here, Steve. Tell him about the fat jab. Also, Steve's gay. I'm outing him on everything.

[Elliot]

Rfk, he's not.

[John Holmberg]

Rfk, won't take the jab. So we feed him Ozempic at night in his food. He doesn't even know. That's why he's got those abs. And steroids. He's big on steroids. But yeah, I think that's a good thing. It says it'll instruct visa officers to reject applicants who may be eligible for public benefits if they're fat. So you can't do it. And I'm fine with that. But I don't understand. If you leave a country where you got fat, that country was treating you right. Right. You don't see a lot of fat people going, this place sucks. I don't have any food or any money. You've got. You've. Evidently you've got some money. You're eating well. What are you leaving for? Stay where you are.

[Elliot]

What resources are you not getting?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I never once saw that boat. You know the old Seinfeld thing and all the pictures of all the boats going to Ellis Island. You never saw like just a mountain. There's tons of fat people getting off and they were leaving disasters. But they were starving. The Irish had no potatoes. They didn't know what to do. All of them were thin. It's like Manya from Seinfeld. I never once saw anybody riding on one of those immigrant boats on a pony. Who leaves a pony pack country to come to a non pony country? It's the same thing with fat people. If I'm fat. And I'm like, I'm leaving this totalitarian regime. It's been treating you well. Just one more. One more bucket of ice cream before I go. I mean that's the sign of a. Sadly that has been throughout time the sign of a prosperous nation, as usually it gets a little bit fat. That's what ended up. You know, they always say that at the end of the Roman Empire they all start getting pretty fat, letting everybody else do the work. I think we kind of see the evidence of that here in the States. We now have more people who are morbidly obese than we do hungry people. That's a great nation right there. That's a hell of a stat. A lot of people can't claim that, but you don't see a lot of that fat people, you know, under the thumb of a terrible leader. Usually fat countries are free. So I don't think it's that big a problem, but I do like it and I do like calling the Ozempic the fat jab. You want the fat jab? We're gonna make it cheaper for you. Chunks.

[Brady]

Who's.

[John Holmberg]

Where's Steve? Steve's been on it. He's losing weight like crazy, like he's got aids.

[Elliot]

No, you're not there yet, Steve, but you'll get there.

[John Holmberg]

Ironically, he's my aide and he looks like he's got the aids. A couple months ago this guy was a roly poly and now look at him.

[Brady]

He looks good. He looks good.

[John Holmberg]

Much better thanks to the fat jab. But it's going to be cheaper. Now if you want the fat jab, which I guess is good. But if you're not an American and you want to come over here and you're fat. No way. Get out. Turn it around, tubby. Hopefully that boat will you're buoyant enough to get back to whatever nation you're on from. I don't. Most of the time the immigrants that I see are in need trying to get American citizenship when you're didn't know.

[Brady]

As much of a factory either, but evidently. Well, I mean, let's maybe it's not, but let's prevent it.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you got a health care thing. So they're basically. It's the first steps in saying it is unhealthy and it. It's a massive drain on the system. And it is, you know, heart disease, number one killer in America by a lot. And it has a lot to do with weight. Your heart doesn't do as well when you're big and so why bring more into the party when we're already complaining about how expensive everything is? I'm fine with this next step. Scale of 1 to 10 ugly people. We're gonna have to turn you around. If we want new Americans, we want them to be hot. No more than a 5. If you're less than a 5, you can't come in. And it'll be judged by a peer of DEI will be back for that. We'll have a diverse judgment like Angola and Switzerland and everybody will have a judge and we'll look and go. Can you say something for us? I am the captain now. No, you've got to go back. I can't look at you. I don't. I don't want to see you on the streets of my nation. Next. 5 or higher. It has to score a 5 or higher on a judge.

[Elliot]

The new jury duty. You gotta go. You gotta report to the airport to.

[John Holmberg]

Judge the new immigrants.

[Brady]

Immigrants.

[John Holmberg]

I'm fine with that.

[Elliot]

All in favor say I. Yep, sorry, you only got two.

[John Holmberg]

And look, the lady from Angola may find the guy from Captain Phillips attractive and the guy from the Netherlands is not going to. So it's going to be a 10 and a 1. He still ranges at 5 there. The cumulative score is a 5. He's in. But if enough people with diversity behind them look at you and say, oof, three, you have to go home. I like this plan. Only good looking thin people are rolling into the States. We're a great looking nation, best in the best in the world.

[Brady]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

And that's a good idea.

[Brady]

Pass the food quiz.

[John Holmberg]

What's that?

[Brady]

Twinkie or carrot? The choices they make and oh, you got food.

[John Holmberg]

They can eat what they want if they look the part. You can have Twinkies and still be in shape. Well, you're saying like if they go Twinkie too fast and they're fat. If they're already fat, they're out. Because you can't be ahead of bigger than a four.

[Elliot]

Yeah, I don't like your rule. Let's do a leap over with a Twinkie.

[John Holmberg]

Dua Lipa likes Twinkies.

[Brady]

It's just a matter of years. Then she'll be, no, it isn't.

[John Holmberg]

She works hard for that Twinkie.

[Brady]

No, but I'm saying the diet.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not a diet rule. We don't want that. Brady. You don't want that because some hot girls have terrible diets and that's okay way. I'm saying my group of 10 very diverse judges see Toledo come across and Go. Hmm. I think Toledo would get in. I don't think I would hope so. I don't think the judges from Namibia are going to be too high on Toledo's look. But you know, some of the European people will be like, this is a good one. And probably roll you about a seven.

[Elliot]

I would need a jury of, of mostly euros.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, you need to. But yeah, but we're not doing that. A couple of Japanese girls might find you attractive. So you might get like an eight or nine from them. Six or a seven from the euros. Morning sickness.

[Elliot]

I'm just looking for a 6 average.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta have a 5 or higher.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

In Holmberg's America. I don't know that I'd get in.

[Elliot]

Oh yeah. No, I'd be shaky.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'd probably roll a five. I probably, I probably skin in my teeth. But if you're 43 like Scott Haynes or he's 5 3, I don't know that that's popular anyway. Unless we have pygmy judges, are you going to get a 10 from them? That'll help.

[Elliot]

His score is, is he only viewed like through a window so he could walk on boxes?

[Dale Hellra]

No.

[John Holmberg]

You know, full body shots.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

It's like a mug shot in the back is the height.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Like he's got the lines on the wall telling everybody how tall you are. And yeah, I like this idea. If we're going to judge them on this kind of stuff, let's get to work. We want only healthy, good looking people or decent looking. Not even good looking, decent looking. I like my plan. And everybody gets a free fat jab. I think a free ticket home. Or how about this? A free ticket to your second choice. It's like college. You have a safety country. I tried to go to America. I'm too fat. And they gave us, they gave me a free flight to my safety country.

[Elliot]

Choose that second one wisely. Right. Because you could get bounced from that one too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they might not be doing it either. But I mean if you're saying, all right, second country is Canada, probably. And then they'll take you. And they'll take you, they'll take you. But that's your safety school. That's the ASU of immigration is Canada.

[Elliot]

Tantan we. You're welcome here.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then also the, you know, Europe, England's got a couple that you can immigrate to. But if you're like, if you're kicked out because you're too fat or ugly, which I'm fine with. Canada's next and then you. But you pick them. Maybe you got Japan on your list. I don't know. But Japan's really quick to.

[Elliot]

Hoping for Florida. You get the Yukon terror, right?

[Dale Hellra]

You might.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I wanted to move here and live in Florida. On the goat side. Well, sorry. Too ugly. Way too ugly. Panel of 10 made you a 4. Enjoy Canada. It's gonna be very cold. There's bobsledding, though. I've seen you people do it. It's amazing. You're great at bobsledding. I've seen it. I've seen it. It's a cool running. That's what they call it. They are great at bobsledding. Amazing, really. So if you can't go on the Gulf side of Florida, which, by the way, is beautiful. It's not Mar a Lago, but it's nice.

[Elliot]

Pushing a sled.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Get the sled up there and we'll get you on a bobsled.

[Dale Hellra]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, I was looking at more Tate McCray news. Somebody just said they were there and now they're scared to death to leave the house. And they've been to like 100 places since last week.

[Brady]

So.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this could be it. This could be the outbreak. Could be the outbreak.

[Brady]

So.

[Elliot]

This is apparently the current outbreak in Arizona. We have 128 cases of measles. 124 in Mojave County.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know where that is.

[Elliot]

Colorado City.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's way up there with the Mormons and the Indians.

[Elliot]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So we could just not deal with them at all. We'll be fine.

[Elliot]

The other four in Navajo county. So both corners of the state. Upper corners.

[John Holmberg]

All right. I'm fine with that. I'm. I'm pretty much not gonna go. But again. Yeah. I remind you, only three are in the hospital.

[Elliot]

John.

[John Holmberg]

You'd be worried. More to Tate McRae. Show that you're coming out of there with bumps on your body. You're getting. And you're going to get more than likely. Tate McCray lead. I would like to see the numbers on that. I would love to see the numbers on the outbreaks that came from Tate McCray after the. The clap and, you know, like gonorrhea. I want to see that. I want to see, like, if there's an uptick if Tate McCray comes to town, that there's like an extra four or five hundred gonorrhea cases, that we.

[Elliot]

Have some healthcare workers that listen to us.

[John Holmberg]

There has to be. Right.

[Elliot]

Let us know if you.

[John Holmberg]

Has to be. Because it's a sexually charged night. There had to be some stuff going on.

[Elliot]

Oh, and there's some Molly going around. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But I don't know that dudes went there alone. I don't think dudes go to Tate McCray alone. So it's probably dates. But the girls got all fired up.

[Elliot]

You don't think some dudes went there fishing?

[John Holmberg]

A couple. Not enough to cause an outbreak. But I do think that Tate McCray caused.

[Elliot]

I know. I think dudes. Chlamydia that potentially could cause an outbreak would definitely go.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's. Take McRae's audience. It's the girls that want to be like her.

[Brady]

Is a pop star. Country.

[John Holmberg]

You've not seen her.

[Brady]

I've seen her, but I couldn't tell you. I'll pay McCray songs.

[John Holmberg]

She's sort of Sydney Sweeney. If she had my face like. She's Sydney Sweeney's. She's the Patrick Swayze's brother Don. She's that to Sydney Sweeney. And Sydney Sweeney's already kind of got the every once in a while face where you're like, no, but she's got a very similar body.

[Elliot]

She's Sydney Sweeney. Sleepy eye look.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she's got.

[Elliot]

That's not the good look.

[John Holmberg]

No, she's not. There's a lot going on there. That's just like. You better just pay attention to her body, man. She dances. Oh, yeah, she sure can dance. But Tate ain't afraid to show you everything. She came out of the. She came out of the box really pushing. No, she did. She, like, came out smoking hot and. And nothing and that. She's kind of cleaned it up a little. She's a rubber.

[Elliot]

Is she a Disney kid? I don't think she's.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brady]

Sabrina was Sabrina, definitely.

[John Holmberg]

And it shows. It shows. They'd both be allowed in my nation.

[Elliot]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Elliot]

She'd be in, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she's got. There's some stuff that. This is all the most recent pictures you're showing right here. That her? She's cleaned it up. She's got Lady Gaga's kind of dopey face. I don't. I'm not a fan of her face, but the rest of her, pretty good stuff. And Tate McRae has a big gay population thing, too. So I bet you the gay. I bet you there was an uptick. I bet you. I bet you a lot of physicians. A lot of penicillin after a tape. I don't know. I don't know.

[Elliot]

Maybe you've got measles next door.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'll Ask. I'll see. But there was an uptick in penicillin after Tate was here. But good luck with your measles. Take McCray. I remember some guy was trying to get me to like her. It's like, you gotta watch these tape McCray videos. Oh, man, the face is throwing it. I'm not a big fan, dude. Who looks at the face and he was right. He was right.

[Elliot]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I looked at the rest of it. It was pretty good. Brady's looking up Tate McCray now. You're gonna have a whole algorithm there of slutty videos coming your way from.

[Brady]

That show.

[John Holmberg]

She almost went to tape McCray.

[Brady]

What happened?

[John Holmberg]

Measles. Measles. Curbit Herbs. You'd have been sharing bongs with people with measles.

[Elliot]

Is she at the level yet where.

[John Holmberg]

You'D let her go?

[Elliot]

Or would have you or Ronnie had to go to Tate McCray because she could go.

[John Holmberg]

She'd go to Tate McCray alone, so why not alone?

[Brady]

You want to go with a friend?

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, I don't think she wants to go alone, does she?

[Elliot]

Nobody wants to go alone.

[John Holmberg]

But if she went with a couple.

[Elliot]

Not with Pop Pop and Mama.

[John Holmberg]

But she wasn't allowed to go with Chance the Rapper because of all the blacks.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Too many blacks.

[Brady]

Or. No, it wasn't Chance.

[Elliot]

It was Tyler the Creator.

[John Holmberg]

Tyler the Creator. You had to have. You had to.

[Elliot]

You had to beg for tickets for that.

[John Holmberg]

You got good. Yeah, you'll buy those.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But even still, you couldn't go because of the urban population. Scared you and Ronnie?

[Brady]

No, I was fine with it, Ron.

[John Holmberg]

Even. Because Tate McRae's okay again.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

You know, I. Yeah.

[Brady]

Teacher to be a must be again.

[Elliot]

If. If they're going to friends, let them go.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's fine. 17. You can go to the horror show.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, we got measles now, so be careful. What do you got on the big board of musical treats over there? Toledo. Brought to you by Action Ride Shop. Of course. You can go over and get. It's going to snow this weekend, so head on over to the original Action Ride Shop and get your ski gear all ready to go. That's north of the 60 on Gilbert Road. You get on that thing, get your skis out. If you want to stick around the neighborhood. Well, then you get your bikes up there at Action Ride Shop. And they've got all sorts of deals getting rid of last year's bikes this year. Some of those prices they were shooting out there for, those bikes are unreal and there's a whole new slew of E bikes coming in. So he's got a few that he wants to get rid of for this year. And those prices are drastically different. Jennifer downstairs got a great deal on a little E cruiser. Not necessarily a mountain bike, but a little canal or street bike bike. Awesome stuff. And those things are a blast. So grab that. They got everything you've ever wanted. If you have an old bike you want tuned up. They got the best mechanics in town for your bike. Make sure you take care of it properly and do it with the people at Action Ride Shop. What do you got?

[Elliot]

Native Blood by Testament for what we were just talking about with the measles outbreak. Queen Fat Bottom Girls for Donald the Warning Sick for the measles outbreak. And Tate McCrae. Pretty Penny by Stone Temple Pilots for the Penny Going Away Rocket Skates by Deftones for SpaceX's Elon becoming the first trillionaire.

[John Holmberg]

I love it.

[Elliot]

Buck Cherry. Crazy Bitch. For all the people at Tate McCray. The warning.

[John Holmberg]

The warning's pretty good. Let's go. I like the warning quite a bit. So we'll go with the warning on that one. That's good stuff. There's another thing where they're getting kind of judgy on stuff. I saw this. They have a, a guy, a pastor here in town that will no longer like, no longer thinks that you should counsel single moms.

[Brady]

Give money.

[John Holmberg]

You shouldn't give them any money. You talk to him but you say, I'm not going to help you out anymore. You're a single mom. Go get yourself a dad. And it look discouraging. Single motherhood is a good thing. Nobody should want to be on their own with a kid.

[Dale Hellra]

We I, I.

[John Holmberg]

How long have I been saying that? Briefer. The whole time on the show go. When, whenever Maury Povich had a lady on goes, I don't need a man. I'm like, there's the problem. Like we're celebrating this idea that you can do this all by yourself and it's harder. Why are you making life harder? So encouraging single motherhood started to happen somewhere in the 90s where it's like, you should do it it you don't. You don't need a guy. It's like, yes, you do. And a guy needs a girl. So this pastor's onto something and nobody's going to like him for it. Because it sounds like you're bashing single.

[Elliot]

Moms about 57 years too late.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Whenever I bash single moms, it's because of the dads. Single moms do a great job, but they shouldn't have to do that by themselves, and you shouldn't encourage it. So this pastor comes along and he pipes off and says, single moms shouldn't get any funding or help from us at all anymore. It actually goes against religion. And if you're a religious person, you should be like, that's right.

[Brady]

Because it does not.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, it does.

[Brady]

No. There's a lot of people that are sending verses back that say, quite the contrary.

[John Holmberg]

You're not supposed to have sex until you're married. That's the. That's the. That's religion. So if you're a single.

[Brady]

Under the. Exactly when it happens, though. But there's a man responsible also in that event. Of course, as far as.

[John Holmberg]

But the point being, if you're religious and you buy your religion 100%, if you want to make, like, convenient little asides, you can. It says, no sex till marriage. It says man and woman and no divorce. So in that world, people qualify for help. Exactly. In that world, it is supposed to be wildly discouraged. I don't know why people get so upset when a guy says, have you read the book? Because no one has. Have you read the book? This is exactly what it says. Yes, we should help people, Pastor.

[Brady]

They're like, have you read the book?

[John Holmberg]

Maybe he hasn't. You're supposed to help people, but you're not supposed to help them any way other than you're not supposed to encourage the behavior. You're not supposed to say, oh, there's a. There's a little landing spot for you here. It's supposed to be wildly discouraged. It's supposed to be frowned upon in that community. I personally would help someone if I was in it, but I'm not part of a religion that says, you weren't supposed to do this. You did it wrong in the first place. This is not an encouraged behavior. There should not be a reward for it.

[Brady]

But you're missing a step in that is. You're supposed to. Knowing people that will do that. Sure. Also saying you also need to forgive someone is perfect.

[John Holmberg]

The thing he said. The thing he said, you guide them to someplace that will help them. Church ain't gonna give you any money. I'm not a church defender, but I'm telling you, this dude's onto it.

[Elliot]

He's the yelp of pastors.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[Elliot]

He's basically, find your.

[John Holmberg]

I'm here for you spiritually. I'm gonna get you someplace that'll help, but you're not getting anything from us. Because if I do it for you, I gotta do it for everybody. And then now I'm encouraging this behavior Savior. He's right. But he's catching all sorts of heat.

[Brady]

Well, he's a little aggressive. I would be pissed if I donated to a church a church and found out that they were giving the Lord's money to single mother whores.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I'd wanted to go to the.

[Brady]

Lord's work towards helping godly Christians who are in need. Churches need. Churches should not be funding fornicators in the bastard in their bastards.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly what. What a person who believes the book would say. That's a person who says this is what the book says should be sure. He shouldn't be around it. He's a fornicator.

[Brady]

Well no, but he should be supporting the.

[John Holmberg]

It's his job. And that's the dude is the dude sounds like old school Bible guy. I'm not gonna fornicators and whores. That's old school Bible. They used to stone him. You believe in a. You believe in a religion that used to throw rocks at him back when it. Yeah.

[Elliot]

Shame.

[John Holmberg]

You get a woman who got pregnant out of wedlock, you'd drown her and now all of a sudden it's like, yeah, we should. Times have changed. This dude's going old school. And if you want to buy into the old school book and not then that's the old school. Or you quit the religion and start something new where you don't stone whores. I hate to break it to you, but that's what you bought into.

[Elliot]

Stick to it or don't.

[John Holmberg]

Well, times have changed. Yeah but the book's supposed to be like the word of you can't change that. That. So I laughed at it when I read it and people were mad and I'm like, what are you mad at? He's going by the guidelines. He says it the way the book would say it if it was still that day. But we don't say it that way anymore. I'm throwing the whore out there. Yeah, you're following the book.

[Brady]

Old Testament. A lot of people were thrown over verses where he's missing the boat on old am.

[John Holmberg]

I can give you verses that he's hitting the mark. That's why it's a convoluted mess. He's bullseye in one thing and yeah, you go to the other thing and you can say this. Oh, you're supposed to help people. He could help him.

[Brady]

He just says be kind and help people.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brady]

I think that's a pretty broad stroke.

[John Holmberg]

But you know who he's not kind and helpful to? Fornicators and whores. Yeah. That's a religion I can get behind and help others.

[Brady]

Just like, you know, Christ forgave you.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brady]

And forgives you.

[John Holmberg]

He can forgive her. He still didn't have to give her any money. Doesn't have to support her. It's like, look, I forgive you for what you did. I'm not giving you any cash.

[Brady]

It doesn't have to be money.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not going to give you anything. I'm going to give you an idea. Here you go. There's an idea. Here's where you can go. And my first question is, who's the dad? Go to him first and start hitting him up for cash. If he's not around, go find some other place. I'm not saying I agree with him as a philosophy, but that's that philosophy. He's living the life. So he's not. He's less hypocritical.

[Elliot]

He's walking the walk for sure.

[John Holmberg]

Fornicators and whores are part of the Bible. And non married people walking around making babies and saying, I need help. He's like, I'm not helping that you did this to yourself.

[Brady]

You got someone in your congregation pregnant. That's what ends up happening.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, more than likely. He's got a horrible background.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Elliot]

Shouldn't the argument back. And again, if you're going by the scripture, what about Mary? What about Mary? Shouldn't that be the argument to him?

[Brady]

Mary Magdalene.

[Elliot]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Wouldn't hook her.

[Elliot]

Wouldn't she. A single.

[John Holmberg]

She was a fornicator. I don't know if she had any babies. She took care of that. Jesus helped out.

[Elliot]

She had the magic baby.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, that was married. There's two Marys. You're confusing.

[Elliot]

Yeah, okay.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

There's Mary the whore and Mary the mother. Yeah. And she sold a bill of goods too. But that's.

[Brady]

She conceived without fornication.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. The ultimate. Then that's what they dream of in that religion. It's like good. She's not. She did it it somehow. She did it with all that nasty dirty. Yeah, that nasty dirty nonsense. That she did it alone, which is hot. She was an amphibian is basically what I got out of the Bible.

[Elliot]

That just hit me.

[John Holmberg]

But it's true. And I read that article. Like people are going to come down on this guy. But if you really want to look at the. What he's saying, it's like it's kind of what he's supposed to say. He's a little rough, but it. A little rough around the edges, but I'll still help you. He should have said, I don't want to help fornicators and whores. I'll help her out. Let's not make a habit out of this. That's essentially what he's saying.

[Brady]

Let me judge who qualifies for health.

[John Holmberg]

Basically, the book says, don't do that. And he's saying, I'm not going to get behind it. If the book says not to do it, I'm not doing it.

[Brady]

I know. And I'm going to determine what we do with the money you guys are putting.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. And well, let me throw this curveball at you. If you found out a church was handing out money to gays and a pastor came out and said, we don't give money to gays if they're going to be actively gay.

[Brady]

Right. And if they look into where some of the money are helping.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I'm not even saying looking into it. I'm saying if you knew for sure they're like, we hand money over to this gay charity, you'd have some people pretty upset because they're not supposed to have that faction.

[Brady]

That would probably find another church.

[John Holmberg]

What's the difference between that and the ladies who are fornicating whores?

[Brady]

Yeah. Nothing, people.

[John Holmberg]

Same thing.

[Brady]

Leaving this church to find one that says support anybody.

[John Holmberg]

I say, stick to your guns, old fella.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Anytime we can start get biblical whores involved in conversation, I'm interested. Anytime I hear a pastor go, I'm not gonna give money to a. It's like talking to me.

[Brady]

That's where I chuckled a little bit. Yeah, well.

[John Holmberg]

But I liked the candor. You want us to support.

[Elliot]

We all want honesty.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You're supposed to not be a hypocrite either.

[Brady]

Mother whores.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Single mother who whores. Not the basic single mothers, the ones who are whores. The multiple offenders. You know, he's got three kids, three dads.

[Brady]

Those.

[John Holmberg]

He's not giving any support to that. What are you doing?

[Elliot]

And he's right, John, if I'm reading into this, I just think you're still bitter that Father Dale never wanted.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I'm still very angry about that. Very angry about that. What about a married woman who goes out and gets pregnant on the side whore and then rolls back into the church and says, I'm going to need some help. Are you kidding me?

[Brady]

My husband's not making.

[John Holmberg]

I need to take some of that money that you're not layered. She's a fornicating whore. And this dude's like, you get out of my church. God bless. I think I might go to this guy's church. He uses the language I can understand.

[Brady]

And if there is someone in the congregation, like, you're a single mom and you're having a tough time with one kid, but now you've gone out and you have a second one and a third one.

[John Holmberg]

If you're not, you're a serial fornicator. Brady. That's whoring.

[Elliot]

John, can I play devil's advocate here?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Elliot]

Isn't a widow also a fornicator?

[John Holmberg]

See? No, he didn't say all single mothers. A widow's not a fornicator. Why would she be a fornicator?

[Elliot]

Well, she created a child.

[John Holmberg]

The guy died. That's a widow.

[Brady]

I know, but, like, some of it says. I think it's Mormons. Like, when you. If you remarry, that's fine, but when you die, you go to your.

[John Holmberg]

You go to the first one.

[Brady]

Yeah, I think.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Oh, that doesn't make any sense. Anyway, that's silly talk. I'm talking about, like, real things here on earth you can think about all your spirit moves later and where you're married again to the person you hated.

[Elliot]

You're right, John. Single motherhood is something that should never be encouraged. Being from the res, I've seen how it affects the community.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Elliot]

Also, dudes need to stop being Toledo's dad.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. It's. It's on the guys.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You pump a baby in somebody and you can. And then I don't need a man. It's like, all right, then I'll leave.

[Elliot]

So Brady only wants his church to support Married mom horse.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Married Mom Whores. Good band.

[Brady]

Good church opportunity.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. This dude's.

[Brady]

You're gonna get some action.

[John Holmberg]

I read the article, and I'm like, people are going to be mad at you, but you're doing it the correct way. Buy the book, John.

[Elliot]

If I read into this, can I also think that maybe the single mothers aren't chipping in their fair share to the collection plate. And he's bouncing them.

[John Holmberg]

She's basically, I don't have any money because I'm a single mom fornicating. He's not giving any of this money. That's mine.

[Elliot]

You're not adding to the plate, sister.

[John Holmberg]

And then he gets in his Lexus and he drives away and he goes.

[Brady]

What was that?

[Elliot]

Did you send us that meme of that. That.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The guy was that.

[Elliot]

Can we use the plane?

[Dale Hellra]

Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, you ain't using my plane. I like the one where he asked everybody for money and a lady came up. She goes, I donate with all my heart and soul. What do you say? She said, $936 we raised. And he goes, I was asking for 1200 from everybody. This is not enough. It's like, oh, my God. Dude just called her out. We can't do anything with this. You can't take 900 bucks from one lady.

[Elliot]

Take these pennies and go.

[John Holmberg]

I said 1200.

[Brady]

Okay, to get the full blessing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Anyway, the whole world's disgusting. But, you know, if you're gonna be religious, do it.

[Elliot]

Please let Brady read the headline of that story again and emphasize the part.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, I like that. I liked when he said that. Fornicating whores. That's a good band name, too. Anyway, so you got one supporter in the media, dude, I'll go against the grain. I know it's not popular to say he's doing it right, but. But if you look at that book he likes, kind of says he's right. This one's the warning. It's called Sick. It's a wake up song. It's 98.

[David Jolly]

Hey, it's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98. Ye repeated.

[Dale Hellra]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

There's a little mammoth for a little father, son generational block there, Van Halen. Right into mammoth. Can't complain about that. Nice work. Song's called the Spell. I like that one, too. First I heard it, I'm like, man, I've heard it a few times since I'm like, this one's got some. It's got some wheels on it.

[Elliot]

Good at the melody part.

[John Holmberg]

I like that. I like that a lot. It is. Oh, by the way, the 8 o' clock word is 8 o'. Clock. Now.

[David Jolly]

Payout.

[John Holmberg]

P A Y O U T. Payout. That is the word you are looking for for 8 o'. Clock. That will put you in a great spot because you might get a thousand dollars. So do it on the app. Get to pay out. $1,000 await you. Maybe I'll say maybe because, you know, not everybody can win. So get on that right now. It's time for the Brady Report. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] All Pro Shade Taking Care of you this winter as you got the sun coming out, out, glaring right into your face on that beautiful patio. You'd love to stop that. You can put some blinds in, you can put some awnings over the top, you can cover your screens. You can do all sorts of stuff. And in the wintertime, you sit out in the beautiful daytime, enjoy your nice space. And after the sun goes down, if you want to still hang out there, you're going to kind of get a little chilly because it keeps it cooler. They'll give you a heater. How about that? You get a motorized awning, you get a motorized shade, they'll throw a heater in right now. Free allprochade.com that's who you call. Brady reported.

[Brady]

Good Thursday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Brady]

Happy national or Happy World Kindness Day.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. And unless you're a fornicating whore. No kindness, single mother whore fornicating.

[Brady]

And it's National Hug a musician day. Maybe that'll help the fornicating.

[John Holmberg]

When you start hugging, she's going to want to fornicate.

[Brady]

Hug.

[John Holmberg]

It's just a hug.

[Elliot]

But the musician is a hug is.

[John Holmberg]

A gateway to fornication.

[Brady]

The first game, especially to a musician.

[John Holmberg]

Too, that's musicians don't hug with the intention of stopping there. Unless you're ugly. Then you get what's called things to.

[Brady]

Do, what's called a hugly Happy World Kindness Day. Compliment the next three people you talk to. Write a heartfelt, heartfelt note to your kid's teacher.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brady]

Say good morning to a random person next to you on the elevator. No pick up litter.

[John Holmberg]

Depends on where I'm going to pull over on the side of the freeway. But if I see something laying in the hallway, I'll pick it up.

[Brady]

Say something positive on social media.

[Elliot]

Never been a thing has that ever.

[John Holmberg]

Happened ever in the history of social media.

[Brady]

You, you get lit up for doing that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Usually you try to say something nice and people are like, you Biden loving Commie. Something like, jesus, what just happened? That's why I always say that. No fats in America and nobody gets mad. And if they do, I don't care. No more Fats Brady. You come over here from your Colombia or your Venezuela or your Portugal and you roll over in your big fat nation and you come over and try to act like you're gonna eat all our food. Take a button. They're not happening. Not under my Watch. Not now. I watched him do an interview with some lady from Fox and she walked him through his, his creation. He. She showed. He showed her the, the design. No, no, no. It was just the land where they're going to do the ballroom.

[Brady]

Oh, that's what I mean.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. And then, so then he turns in it and it's right there. He's put in the Presidential hall of Walk of Fame, which I think is the silliest name ever. It should just be President.

[Elliot]

Is this the one with the pictures?

[John Holmberg]

All the pictures. And then Biden is the auto pen. But that part doesn't matter so much as him going, it's the Presidential Walk of Fame. Like it. You weren't inducted into the any. You were the President. So it should just be United States President.

[Brady]

Say, no. Not everyone qualified.

[John Holmberg]

No, they're all on there. Look at all these serious faces. And then so the lady asking him says, she goes, whose idea was this? Mine. Immediately mine. She goes, it's a great idea. And he goes, all the good ones are mine. All the good ideas are mine. A lot of people. Who builds buildings better than me? No one. No one at all. I'm the best at it. But yeah, he did this thing and then, and then the sign says Presidential Walk of Fame, which is the Presidential walk. Some of them sucked. They're not all famous. And then he goes, that's real brass. Like not a lot of people could have got that done. I think a lot of people could have got that done. It's brass and it's gorgeous. And look at that. That's beautiful work. And it did look nice. Surprise.

[Brady]

He didn't say it was my choice, it would be gold because I look gold.

[John Holmberg]

But the whole. It was his choice. The whole point of it was to put all the President's pictures up and then just Biden right in the face. And there's President. Worst president ever made him a pen it didn't even put here. And she goes, do you think you're gonna change that? Never. Will the next president change? You know, I don't know. Maybe, but I don't know. It was a terrible president. Everybody else got a picture but Biden. Which means he did all of that just to mouth Biden. And I found it to be hysterical. He's such a dick.

[Brady]

Couple of basis fun facts. The longest train ever was 4.6 miles long. Consisted of 682 or cars pushed by eight powerful diesel electric locomotives. And it was assembled in Australia and it traveled 171 miles. All happened in 2001.

[Elliot]

It was a one time trip or.

[Brady]

Yeah, it sounds like. And then the train also had 5,648 wheels.

[John Holmberg]

Man. Just to push ore up the coast. That's pretty cool.

[Brady]

I didn't know this. The movie A Christmas Story is based on some short stories that were originally published in Playboy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And it's. The weird thing about that is it's all for.

[Elliot]

You knew that.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because. Well here's why. It's originally based in Cedar Lake, Indiana. So where's that? It's where I'm from. Lowell. Cedar Lake. That little dumb region up in northwest Indiana. Those. His stories are Cedar Lake. He lived in Cedar Lake. This guy. Which is a really tiny place. And then they moved it. You know. Cleveland street then became Ohio.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

To make it easier for people in the movie. But if you watch the sequel which a lot of people don't know about. It's Charles Grodin, Mary Steenburge and play the mother and father. I don't think the same Ralphie or Randy are in it either. But it's a summertime thing and they kind of allude to being in Cedar Lake. Which is the only reason we knew about us. Because he'd written all these stories and they got into Playboy and everybody was flipping out. Some dude from Cedar Lake was actually going to get famous and didn't they?

[Brady]

Was the house outside of Cleveland. Whatever Sold like two years.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The real house they used was in Cleveland.

[Brady]

Yeah. And the guy built a museum.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He basically lived where the Buffkuses were.

[Brady]

Like four buildings or something like that.

[John Holmberg]

We had the bupkisses. And then across the street he built a little thing like a Christmas story thing. You can tour the house. But I think he bought the house next door where the Buffkus hounds were. And he lived there and worked at the. It's really not that great a museum I would imagine. Just watch the movie.

[Brady]

One of the creators of Baywatch was legally blind. Even though 90% of his vision was gone. He wound up directing 40 episodes.

[John Holmberg]

He didn't even be able to see.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't have to see to do that. You know. That's also Sherwood Schwartz's relatives.

[Brady]

That's what I was wondering.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Sherwood Schwartz's son developed Feyrot Baywatch and his brother directed episodes. These are things that I know no one else knows because my brain only functions on useless crap. Yeah. That's just stupid. It.

[Brady]

There have been 1094 different final score combinations in NFL history. The most recent recent addition was just.

[Elliot]

This Past Sunday because of the safety.

[Brady]

Houston Texans came back from behind to beat The Jacksonville Jaguars 36 to 29.

[Elliot]

That had never been done before.

[Brady]

Never been done.

[John Holmberg]

3629 has never been a score.

[Brady]

Yeah. The most common final score.

[Elliot]

Like 2017.

[Brady]

It's happened three. It's happened 298 times in NFL history.

[John Holmberg]

2320.

[Brady]

Close 2017.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, 20 to 17. Oh, it was three off. I'd have FanDueled that. I would have won.

[Elliot]

Yeah.

[Brady]

The most recent 2017 was back in September 14th.

[Elliot]

I thought maybe yours, your game because it was 5, 3, 4. I know it didn't end that way, but I was thinking five, three, it.

[John Holmberg]

Was 25 to 10.

[Elliot]

But when it was five, three, I'm.

[John Holmberg]

Like, if this goes, oh, five, three.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[Elliot]

That would never been. I mean maybe.

[Brady]

We have a poll that asked people, do you think that you're above or below average at pronouncing other people's names correctly? 30% of the people said they're above average. 55% said they're about average. 7% admit that they're below average.

[John Holmberg]

Where would you put yourself?

[Brady]

Average.

[John Holmberg]

You think you're average? Depending on the region.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If it's just us names you don't hang out in, in where you are. But now there's not that tough.

[Elliot]

Mormon names he nails all day long.

[John Holmberg]

John, Jeff, Carl.

[Brady]

Sometimes they do usual spellings.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I mean if you're going to write them down, you're going to have some trouble. But for the most pronouncing them. If you lived in a more diverse area, you'd probably struggle. I put you below average.

[Brady]

There'd be a lot of nicknames.

[John Holmberg]

A lot of that. Like even Jaguar's tough for you.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Elliot]

You always say them with a.

[Brady]

With a. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You try to do the ass so you don't screw it up. Up. Jaguar.

[Brady]

Well, after hearing David Attenborough pronounce, oh, he's great, kind of addicting.

[John Holmberg]

He's good. Jaguar.

[Elliot]

No, you just love unique things, but.

[John Holmberg]

You like it because it's.

[Elliot]

You did this story on Jekyll and Hyde and yeah, every day since Everest.

[Brady]

This 21 year old Florida woman, Yasmin Arazo, was caught super speeding 107 miles per hour last Thursday in a 55 mile an hour zone. She was pulled over at 11:52am when the officer asked her why she was driving so fast, she said she was desperately trying to get to Little Caesars before they closed at midnight.

[John Holmberg]

She didn't want their food. You don't want to get there right as they're closing and ask them to make you food. They're going to spit in that.

[Elliot]

Plus Little Caesars. You got the pizza that was made an hour and a half ago.

[John Holmberg]

I'll take that before I'll make them make me a new one. Don't go in there. And Brady, special order of pie at midnight. You're getting semen and spit and boogers. Can't imagine how much.

[Elliot]

Well, hopefully she was doing the hot and ready, not the pre order.

[John Holmberg]

Not bad for midnight run.

[Brady]

Almost qualified for that.

[Elliot]

She give you measles?

[Brady]

Instagram site caged.

[Elliot]

She's measles.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just give the word against payout. It's the 8 o' clock word. Somebody just asked me.

[Brady]

It's a 17 year old Florida teen is in trouble. Told the cops the reason why vandalized this golf course. He was bored, got in his pickup truck, decided to do donuts on one of the greens. The second green at this, the club at Venetian Bay Golf course. His parents are now looking at $160,000 in damage just for doing donuts on the grain.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, if you see what the Biltmore. Oh man, he screwed them up. These are good donuts. This isn't like just little digs.

[Brady]

Here's the thing. They got him.

[John Holmberg]

But look, driving even back in the hills and away from it. There's donuts as far as you can see in this picture all over that golf course.

[Brady]

Oh, so he had a friend filming it and they don't have. He's not ratting the friend. They're. Oh, they're trying to figure out who filmed it.

[John Holmberg]

This is bad. Each hole on a golf course in the winter here is probably about 100 grand each. Each hole, the, the Biltmore golf course, what they just did when I drive by it on Lincoln.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The green is. It's immaculate.

[Elliot]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's beautiful. And it takes a ton of money. You ever try to do winter lawn in your house? The small patch of grass you've got is a few hundred bucks.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Now do it to an entire hole of like a 500 yard golf hole and then maintain it. You screw up a golf hole, that's at least 100 grand each.

[Dale Hellra]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

How many times you seen. I mean a couple times. You see the, even the mowing? Oh, the blade was down too low.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Or there's an oil leak on the tractor.

[John Holmberg]

You can mess something up. Yeah. Golf courses. The money in golf course maintenance is insane. That's why it costs 500 to play the good ones.

[Brady]

There's this guy that's a policeman in Berks County, Pennsylvania, and he had to call nine one one because he was shot cleaning the shotgun.

[Elliot]

Oh, ouch.

[Brady]

He's cleaning the shotgun on his bed. Lays the bed, lays the shotgun down on the bed. Dog jumps up, fires the shotgun. I was shot by my dog. Yeah, in the lower back. Went to the hospital. He's okay, but a little embarrassing.

[John Holmberg]

It's embarrassing to get shot by your dog, Eleanor. More embarrassing cleaning a loaded gun. You're really diligent about cleaning it, but you should know how to get it.

[Brady]

If you cleaned it. One of the chambers, you put one in. Just because he always has it loaded.

[John Holmberg]

Unless he was done cleaning it and then he loaded it back up and popped it down. And then I wasn't allowed in the room. And my dad cleaned his guns because I think he thought the gun cleaning stuff would make you high. I think that he wanted to hoard it for himself. It smelled so good in there.

[Brady]

It did.

[John Holmberg]

Like, what are you doing? My dad built a cabin in our house. Did I ever tell you that? He built a cabin in our home?

[Elliot]

In the house?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we had a nice house. And then in this room in the back, he built a cabin. Cabin. He made it. Wood walls. It was the most hillbilly thing you've ever seen.

[Elliot]

Paneling, but actual wood wall.

[John Holmberg]

It was wood paneling. It was real wood. Like, he made a wood. And they put this.

[Brady]

His original ship lap. Yeah, but it was the pine.

[John Holmberg]

But he did the pine wall. It was a cabin. And then around the edge of the top, what do they call that, that, that fake wallpaper?

[Brady]

Crown mold?

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not crown, but it was like a border of ducks. And then inside he had, like antlers and small tv. Yeah, it was over off extension in Guadalupe. And you'd go in our house, you'd be like, this is a nice place. It's very nice. Modern decorations for the 90s. We had a very nice home. You go upstairs and you walk by that room and it was like. You know in movies when you walk by something you're not supposed to in, the music goes. Every time you walk by that room with the door open, everybody would look at it, like, what is that? It was a dungeon.

[Elliot]

Go look at it again.

[John Holmberg]

Guns, Gun safes. Gun safes. A beautiful gun chest. A TV that he didn't connect to any cable or anything. It was just antenna based. Like he was out in the middle of nowhere and it never worked right. He watched TV in there all the time. I had a fridge small. And like, just the strangest stuff in there.

[Brady]

Did you take wood class?

[John Holmberg]

Me?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, wood shop.

[Brady]

Yeah. Woodshop. So. And I think we had to do it like in 9th grade or whatever. I built my dad a gun rack.

[John Holmberg]

That's nice. My dad would.

[Brady]

Yeah, like. And you.

[John Holmberg]

My dad would have hung that in his cabin on extension.

[Brady]

It would have matched up good because it was a real nice. Forget the maple. I used a maple.

[John Holmberg]

That's sounds wonderful. It also sounds super hillbilly. And I lived that. There was. My sister's room was across the street or across the hall. And it was very nice, you know.

[Elliot]

And then do that to her room.

[John Holmberg]

No, it was. It was like he wanted. It was. It was literally a physical and visual escape from everything about him.

[Brady]

Us.

[John Holmberg]

No pictures of us, anyway. It was like. Pictures of.

[Brady]

It was this man cave.

[John Holmberg]

It was creepier than a man cave. It was a. It was a portal. He thought he was somewhere else. Like, he wanted a way. It had a couch and a table, and it was just a. It was just a big bedroom that he made a cabin. I swear to God, it was a cabin.

[Elliot]

Like somehow re. Rebranding West Virginia to.

[John Holmberg]

No, he didn't like West Virginia. West Virginia is not cabin life. That's hillbillies and incest.

[Elliot]

They have cabins.

[John Holmberg]

Those are called houses.

[Dale Hellra]

Houses.

[John Holmberg]

He was. Yeah, he was living his bonanza. It was almost like, I know none of this is allowed anywhere else. It was his. I've done well for myself. I'm gonna build a cabin.

[Brady]

It was his mini Ponderosa.

[John Holmberg]

He would wander up there and then, just like a lunatic, he'd go. He'd walk by. Dad come in. The door was different than all the other doors. And then he'd just be sitting in there with that stick with half a.

[Brady]

T shirt with those fuses.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he had his gun. And always a stick with old underwear tied to the end of it. And that beautiful smell of gun cleaner. And he's just tubing out his shotguns. What are you doing? Cleaning my guns. You haven't shot that. You cleaned it last week.

[Dale Hellra]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

I'll be in the cabin. That's the weirdest room ever. None of us ever went in there. He could have been doing anything he wanted in that room. No one would know because no one wanted in the cabin. Ugliest room I've ever seen, too, in a modern home.

[Brady]

I got a couple of radio videos.

[Elliot]

All right, I'm gonna start one off, though. I think Nick Listener. Nick has sent this one in.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you got one.

[Elliot]

Wants it to be aspirational for you, John. This is something for you to aspire to.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Jesus. Is that a real nose? That's AI. It is AI. Because they wouldn't have a crowd.

[Brady]

One a while back and that same thing. Or I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

No, look, nobody. They're not going to fill an arena for nose measuring contests. All right, that's enough of that. That's not funny. In my thing said you walk by your dad's room, John, in the scene from Step Brothers, when you walk by the drum set very much like that.

[Brady]

Next one's a nice hit in football.

[John Holmberg]

Like a high school football. Irish picked off across the 50. Oh, from behind. He got his head knocked. Did he hang on to the ball? Because his helmet flew 10 yards.

[Brady]

Okay. Not only hopped on the ball, but.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, from another angle. Another angle. He's not paying attention to what's behind him. The angles go.

[Brady]

And the other guy jumps on his head.

[John Holmberg]

That's a solid shot. Oh, that is a solid shot.

[Elliot]

Keep your head on a swivel.

[John Holmberg]

Man, oh, man.

[Elliot]

I think this might be here. It does look like Arizona Rise and Denny. Exit 174, wherever that is.

[Brady]

Rural Road. Road. Oh, you'll see the.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, it'll come up. They're on the freeway here in Arizona on 202 or something. There we go. Guy is passing another guy gets the finger.

[Brady]

I think that's a woman.

[John Holmberg]

That's a woman. She throws the finger his way, and he's filming her for some reason. They probably had some rage in the past. Now he's getting behind her. This isn't good. She speeds up to get off the exit. That might be the 60 you can see.

[Brady]

I think it's the 60.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. She's gonna make a left off.

[Elliot]

Red light, red light, red light.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's going through a red light. Don't do it, lad. Running too late.

[Brady]

Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she ran the light. T boned. Oh, she's flipping all over the place. Oh, my God. Did she live?

[Brady]

Oh, yeah. Thanks. Texas Cop 2.0. Holy videos like this now they'll go by. I like how the one truck getting onto the ramp. Couple people run across the street.

[John Holmberg]

That guy's got to get somewhere. He just drove past it.

[Brady]

Yeah, there she is.

[John Holmberg]

There she is. She's okay.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Car's not so good. Yeah. Holy smokes. That cop's face like.

[Dale Hellra]

Whoa.

[John Holmberg]

That was good stuff. That happened. Right through on rural in the 60. Road rage. Calm yourselves down.

[Brady]

Now we got a motorcycle. A grand Prix motorcycle accident.

[John Holmberg]

Okay? So you can see they've come together in the braking zone. They hit each other. They're sliding, tumbling off in the gravel.

[Brady]

Now it just.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's. I've never seen these. Wait a minute. Is he stuck to the bike?

[Elliot]

That's a horrible crash underneath the seat between up there.

[John Holmberg]

Wait a second.

[Brady]

So this guy, he flips the other guy on the bike, and they both get tied up in one bike.

[John Holmberg]

One guy falls off his bike and ends up on the other guy's bike. And then trapped under the handlebars and wheel. And as the bike starts flipping around, he's stuck under the back fender.

[Brady]

Stuck in.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Oh, that's horrible. He's alive. Yeah, maybe.

[Elliot]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody knows.

[Elliot]

Ragdolled.

[Dale Hellra]

Wow.

[Elliot]

Oh, it's just that motorcycle did a hip drop tackle on.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's flipping him over by his back, one after another.

[Brady]

This one I. You know, if it's AI pretty good, but it looks.

[John Holmberg]

It's a dog in a dog bed. His little tongue is sharing two English bulldogs. One's got his ass by a mouth. Oh, man, he farted. And it made like a powder.

[Brady]

You gotta watch it again because the one laying, that's his tongue is hanging out.

[John Holmberg]

All right, so two dogs are in, like a 69 position. Oh, yeah, they're in like a 69 position. And then one of the bulldogs farts in the other one's face.

[Brady]

He's like, get off them.

[John Holmberg]

And here's the bad thing about this. The owners of those bulldogs and having English bulldog myself, I do know the farts, they put powder on his ass to make it fart powder. That was a dogs don't fart powder.

[Elliot]

That was for the gram, John.

[John Holmberg]

That was for the gram. They put that on. Of course it was. Have you ever seen a dog blow ass and fecal mist? No, there's no such thing. And it wouldn't be white. That's like Elvis's poop. Look at that. Dog has to eat the powder. And that's why the dog's going. It's not because of the fart smell. It's because they threw baby powder in another dog's ass.

[Brady]

They love their own witch's brew.

[John Holmberg]

Ugh. Come on.

[Elliot]

Come on, man.

[John Holmberg]

That's mean. The dog that was breathing, that had to inhale all that baby powder because you thought it'd be funny. Terrible. Don't you do that to babies, too? When you board with them, you Put powder on their butts and just kind of wait.

[Elliot]

Well, you're supposed to put it on him anyway.

[John Holmberg]

I know, but you pop it right there on the hole and. And they shoot a powder. You've done it, honey.

[Brady]

Go change the diaper.

[Elliot]

Probably.

[John Holmberg]

You've done it. Kirby made air, silly. Payout is the word for 8am that is the one you got to put in your code. The promo code for 8am if you want to take it in the app, we've got that ready to go.

[Brady]

Go.

[Elliot]

Dude, I think I know the house you're talking about. Was it on Gua or north of Guadalupe? On extension. We toured that house.

[John Holmberg]

My house.

[Elliot]

I toured a house with. With a room like that.

[John Holmberg]

Apparently it was. Yeah, it was in rancho del Mar, which is next to extension. It was.

[Elliot]

It was still pristine. Oh, it's sold his cabin in it.

[John Holmberg]

The cabin upstairs. It's the cabin in our.

[Brady]

It was a selling point.

[John Holmberg]

No, it wasn't. It probably hadn't.

[Brady]

Probably.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. I don't know how it worked when my parents sold that place, but that probably knocks him. Knocks them off the value, because that is definitely walking. Doug Hopkins would go, and you got to change this. That would have been like 10 or 15 grand to change that thing out.

[Brady]

He took that wood with him.

[John Holmberg]

It was.

[Brady]

Built it back in the new crib.

[John Holmberg]

You could take the wood and build, like, a shed with it. It was the most structurally sound, unnecessary wooden room in a house that was already structurally sound.

[Elliot]

May ask, was it structural enough to handle that weight of a new cabin inside a room?

[John Holmberg]

He didn't build the cabin in the room. He glued it to the walls of.

[Brady]

The room in that way you walked in, you.

[John Holmberg]

It felt like you're like, what's this?

[Elliot]

Woodsy?

[John Holmberg]

And then I remember for a while, he wanted to change the window in it to be like an old antique window. And I think my mom drew the line. Like, no. Like, he wanted to make it look like even though he was looking at the neighbor's house on Macedo, he was. He was trying to, like, make it like one of those old glass windows you can barely see through. Like, Ted Kaczynski's place and just cleaning guns like crazy and probably fantasizing about shooting me.

[Brady]

Parents did a little role playing in that.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think my mom ever sets foot in. I don't think. No. Nope. That my mom might as well had saltine written across her vagina when she walked by that room. That is. That was the lady drying machine. Yeah.

[Brady]

Was that before or after the gazebo?

[Elliot]

What are those? Desiccant packets.

[John Holmberg]

After. The gazebo was at the other house. This was at the new. The gazebo was his backyard thing at the old house and then this house was. Was where he built that cabin. It's weird. Still weird. I can still smell the. It was. Everything about it was wrong.

[Brady]

That's why I was saying. Danny, what are you doing with those fuses?

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. He was bomb building. He was. All he did, I think is just clean those guns and think about shooting me and my sister. Like I can't do it. But if I, how would I. He fantasized about killing us a lot. I don't blame him. We were horrible. There you go. Pay. Put it in there. Maybe win a thousand bucks. There goes your Brady Report.

[David Jolly]

It's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool actually. No membership fee. I've heard enough of this. You P.D.

[Dale Hellra]

Holberg'S morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude.

[David Jolly]

98.

[John Holmberg]

All right, it seems like I say this every week now, but you. You know this person from Kill Tony. Like everybody's on Kill Tony now. It's David Jolly, everybody at standup live tonight and tonight only. You're leaving after tonight?

[David Jolly]

Oh, yeah, mama, we made it.

[John Holmberg]

You don't even show. Who did you bring with with you?

[David Jolly]

Oh, this is my homeboy, Spunky Robinson.

[John Holmberg]

Spunky Robinson. Pull that mic up so I can hear you better. Spunky Robinson.

[Dale Hellra]

How is that?

[John Holmberg]

Is your.

[David Jolly]

It's my nickname.

[John Holmberg]

I was going to say.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Named after what you come from.

[David Jolly]

When I was like three years old.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Brady]

Some weird stories. His name was.

[David Jolly]

Let's have it.

[John Holmberg]

I want to hear a weird story.

[Dale Hellra]

Going.

[Brady]

When I used to go. They used to have a store called Birdines back in Florida. Okay. And this pregnant Caucasian lady, every time.

[John Holmberg]

I go in there, she was working.

[Brady]

I used to run behind the register and go fill her up belly until my mom left.

[John Holmberg]

Up on her dress?

[Brady]

Yes. Weird.

[John Holmberg]

You would reach up under her dress.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, she'll let me.

[John Holmberg]

He was a three year old. You're a three year old rapist? That's the story.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Three years old. I used to go up on her dress or her shirt and just rubble.

[David Jolly]

Her belly until my mom finished shopping.

[John Holmberg]

And then you would finish and they called you Spunky.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, my mom. My mom gave me that name from no Kidding. Absolutely. And the lady, the, the, the, the pregnant woman wasn't like she just scared to death of you. She allowed. No, she was cool.

[David Jolly]

I, I, I think her and my.

[John Holmberg]

Mom became friends after that.

[Brady]

So you, you're a diversion, huh? You're a diversion for your mom?

[John Holmberg]

Exactly, yeah.

[David Jolly]

Oh, your mama was stealing? No, I thought you just said no mama was stealing. She was stealing, man. I don't part of the story.

[John Holmberg]

We gonna call your mom and ask is that why that was?

[David Jolly]

Okay, let's get her on the phone.

[Dale Hellra]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Get your mom on the phone. How come you let me rub that pregnant lady's tummy? My mom will curse me out of.

[David Jolly]

My car to ask her what she's feeling. When I was 3 years old, 45 years ago.

[Dale Hellra]

But was she?

[John Holmberg]

No, no, she wasn't. Something was going on. Did you always get new toys after you rubbed the pregnant lady's belly?

[David Jolly]

Yes, probably it was something new now.

[Brady]

I don't know. You didn't figure out. All of a sudden your mom comes back in like, oh, my mom decided not to buy anything.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, right.

[Brady]

She was shopping for 45 minutes, goes out, the car comes back in. Okay. It's so yeah.

[John Holmberg]

David, does spunky still do this when you guys go out? Like still find a, find a lady to rub? Like he finds a tummy to rub?

[David Jolly]

Yeah, he kind of, he known for that. If any pregnant women come to the show tonight, you getting rubbed up in front of your husband. He don't care.

[Brady]

He's a fortune teller.

[John Holmberg]

Drops the mic on the stage and goes out in there and just starts rubbing bellies.

[David Jolly]

It's a weird story.

[Brady]

I hate telling it because I always get.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you know, because the three year old. Why was I rubbing on this lady's stomach? Yeah, that's a tough one to explain.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, exactly. He did, he did that the last show, matter of fact. That's right, he did do that. It was a lady in the audience. One lady was just kind of big. She wasn't pregnant. But she got offended because he got story. I was like, that's pretty rude.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God. Excuse me, miss.

[Brady]

What are you doing?

[John Holmberg]

Do and you still do you remember doing it at three? You don't remember that? You just thought I'm rubbing that.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And under the dress. Under the dress, under her shirt.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[David Jolly]

He was a wild boy.

[Dale Hellra]

You went at it. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Never did have to shake it off in the wrong spot.

[Brady]

I haven't slightest idea. I just know that's the story.

[John Holmberg]

She been called him spunky Since I.

[Brady]

Was like 3 years old.

[John Holmberg]

And you were Spunky. What's your real first name?

[Brady]

Antoine.

[John Holmberg]

Antoine. All right, Spunky. That's cool. You don't have a nickname, David?

[David Jolly]

Nah, just, well, Jolly. My last name. Jolly. Everybody called me Jolly, like when I was in school or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You only get a nickname if you really rape.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If you rap, you got rap. I never rape.

[David Jolly]

You know what I mean?

[John Holmberg]

If you're not. If you don't rape in a toddler, you're not getting a good nickname.

[David Jolly]

You got to be a child of rapist to get a nickname.

[Brady]

I got him when I was three years old when I started raping.

[John Holmberg]

Child rapist is something I shouldn't think is so funny. But that phrase by it. So he's a child rapist. You got to be careful.

[David Jolly]

It's. It's a funny word. But, you know, people want to get butt hurt about everything. The word rape is funny, is a the word. Note.

[John Holmberg]

You don't want to rape. The action of rape, not so much, but the word. I talked about this yesterday that, you know, the Golden State Killer, they just revealed why he got caught. And then he was. He killed a bunch of people in like the 80s or 90s, and then they caught him with DNA in 2016. And all of his victims said they described him as a man with a penis so small, it was hard to explain. So when they got the DNA evidence and they just released all this yesterday, they had to take photographs of things. And his penis was one of the things, like, is they're gonna show pictures to the people. And the photographer was like, it was. It's the circumference of a dime in the size of a pinky knuckle.

[Dale Hellra]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

And so the photographer couldn't get a picture of it, and he raped a bunch of people. And I'm like, silver lining on that, though.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, if you, David, were gonna rape me and I'm like, oh, God, this is horrible. Then you pulled your pants. I'm like, well, this is the best case scenario.

[David Jolly]

If you get it raped. You don't want to have a whole.

[John Holmberg]

That's the type of rape. I'm like, ah, terrible.

[David Jolly]

Is it really rape? Is he really inside of you?

[John Holmberg]

I would be just making the noises to make him feel like it was a nightmare. I'm going to need therapy for years.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, get that whole.

[John Holmberg]

All right, we're all done here. And then I just kind of clean off and go.

[Dale Hellra]

That was weird.

[John Holmberg]

Kind of like you with the belly. It was like You're a three year old. You probably had a bigger one than him.

[Brady]

He said you were three years old.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[David Jolly]

So he got away with this from the 80s and then like the DNA caught him in 2016. 16, yeah, he was just like mad short penis raping everybody.

[John Holmberg]

Just this much penis.

[Elliot]

Whoa.

[John Holmberg]

And yeah, and he's murdering people too. He's charged. He threw some murders out there too.

[David Jolly]

Oh, you know, got to get his numbers up, you know what I mean?

[John Holmberg]

People in the desert or something. Golden State killer, I think did leave people out in the outside. Yeah, I don't remember his whole deal, but it was bad. But then, but then to get identified as that, it's like, oh, okay, yeah, yeah. Like a three year old child rapist.

[David Jolly]

Is like, yeah, y' all probably had the same size sword, baby.

[Brady]

The ones that he got rid of were the ones that said, you're huge.

[David Jolly]

What kind of lives are these?

[John Holmberg]

The ones, the ones he killed were the laughing ones, you know, like your rape victims starting to go, what's going on back there?

[David Jolly]

Like, what is happening?

[John Holmberg]

What are you doing? What are you tickling me for?

[Brady]

Stop it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this isn't even illegal. It's just hilarious. And then he's like, oh, I'm going to kill her now. I'll show her leg.

[David Jolly]

Oh, I'll show you.

[Brady]

Fun.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but, yeah, I mean, but he, you know, he went to jail with it. And when the photographer was taking pictures, he's like, I can't get a shot of this. There's nothing. And they made him peel up, like, pull on the foreskin to show where it was that.

[Dale Hellra]

Whoa.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's crazy.

[John Holmberg]

How about that? I wouldn't make it past, I guess, age 18. I'd start, you know, learning how to tie a noose. Because I don't think I'm going to get through life with one of those.

[David Jolly]

Not with a short dog. Unless, I mean, unless like you want to like sacrifice and be like, hey, man, maybe I might, might like change out, like switch sides.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's what I said yesterday. I'm like, why not make the transition? You've already got the lady button. Yeah, it's just.

[Brady]

You create the dry pocket.

[John Holmberg]

You throw dewalt, bore a hole in that thing and let's go to town, right?

[David Jolly]

Buy some. Buy some pants. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

[John Holmberg]

Just start eating wrong and then you get them yourself.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, you might be like a big bat. Yeah, just turn into a big bag woman, you know, get the lunch lady arms. For real.

[John Holmberg]

David Jolly's At Stand Up Live tonight with Spunky. Oh, yeah. You're going up first. I'm guessing you guys work together. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[David Jolly]

That's my partner here, man. We finna tear him alive.

[John Holmberg]

You just get real. They've been doing this together for a long time. A long time to grow up together.

[David Jolly]

Not. Nah. He a little bit older than me. He from Miami, unfortunately. Oh, I'm from Orlando, Florida. The greatest city on earth. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

Why do you say that?

[David Jolly]

It's just awesome. It's just amazing. I'm from there, you know?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that. You know what I'm saying? Is there a goal someday to make him take down the Disneyland signs say the home of David John?

[David Jolly]

Yep. And I wanted to say DeAndre Holmes behind it. And I got on like the. The trench coat with the hat I wear, and I'm just like, holding my penis looking out into the.

[John Holmberg]

Welcome to Orlando. For real? Yeah.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That will make all pregnant Caucasian women very comfortable. They will lose it, you know, It's a guy. They're just being.

[David Jolly]

Oh, Jamal.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Are you living in Florida still?

[David Jolly]

No, I live in Austin.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody moved to Austin.

[David Jolly]

I've been there two years. I'm a reg at the mothership. I love it, man. It's a great time. I love the community that's there. I can get up as much as I want. Like, I can take a. I could take a bit and it could be in my act by the end of the weekend.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. Yeah. Everybody's moved. Like la. Did you ever live in la?

[David Jolly]

I never lived in. I visited and I lived in New York. I didn't live. I visited New York a little bit. But I'm straight from Florida to Texas, you know?

[Elliot]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And they're just right. And you're the same things, Monkey. You're still in Orlando. You moved from Miami to Orlando. So he's right. Right?

[David Jolly]

Yeah, exactly. You feel me?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. I know. He left Miami. I've been to Miami once. Yeah, that's enough.

[Brady]

How was it?

[John Holmberg]

That's it. Yeah.

[David Jolly]

That's all you need. That's all you need.

[John Holmberg]

Miami gives you the.

[Brady]

There was one. I was. We had a day to kill and like, hey, you want to do some deep sea fishing? I said, john, yeah, let's look at a boat. But not. We were just going to get it for the two of us. So I'm talking to this guy at the dock at our resort and like, here's some. I think there's some white powder.

[John Holmberg]

We were Going to run drunks.

[Brady]

And then a couple other people started up to the boat and they're just hanging out there and like, yeah, I think we're gonna get dumped over this.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think we fine with that. Trump would have blown us up today, but back then we could have just done tooling around, picking up some square goo. Yeah, just a little grouper, keep it.

[David Jolly]

Going, you know, mind your business.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you rent a boat, it comes with two keys. Yeah.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, you definitely get some cocaine.

[John Holmberg]

We didn't even rent the boat and I still had some in my ass when we left. Like, hey, we're docked all night.

[Brady]

Come on down.

[John Holmberg]

Like, I just asked a guy a question. Question. I'm like, what's in my ass? How are you doing that? There's a dove and a thing of coke in my ass. He's a magician, like, a magician.

[Brady]

That's when he looked at me like, ah, this guy could mule a good decent amount of.

[John Holmberg]

We looked at Brady. Brady would have been a good producer.

[David Jolly]

I could put a lot of birds up that.

[John Holmberg]

Are you a married guy, David?

[David Jolly]

Nah, I'm not married, no.

[John Holmberg]

Did you ever get married? You looked at the sky as if like some, like you got rid of her?

[David Jolly]

Well, no, I. I got a girlfriend right now and I mean, I got a 20 year old son.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. No kidd.

[David Jolly]

But I, like, just.

[John Holmberg]

How old are you?

[David Jolly]

I'm 44.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. You look great.

[David Jolly]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God. I would have guessed a lot younger. How old are you, Spunky? I'm 48. 40. Oh, you guys are that much different. Okay.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, we all in the same age, you know, we right around the corner from each other.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So you had a 20, but you never married the girl. You don't want to get married?

[David Jolly]

Well, no, I mean, me and my son's mother have a great relationship, but we just, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Because you're not married. Yeah, yeah, that's. That's exactly, that's it.

[David Jolly]

I got a couple of buddies of mine that's married and then they got divorces and they hate their lives. I mean, like, they hate their kids.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[David Jolly]

Love my son, you know?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, that's a good thing. Yeah. Spunky.

[Brady]

Yeah, I'm married.

[Dale Hellra]

You're married?

[Brady]

Yeah, I've been married for like six years.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Is that a good thing?

[Brady]

That's my second marriage.

[John Holmberg]

Say, what was wrong with the first one? It seemed like you're rubbing people's tummies.

[David Jolly]

She heard about them stomach rubs.

[John Holmberg]

Where's my husband? Oh, she's pregnant. I like this.

[David Jolly]

He back there rubbing Puerto Rican women. He like, 45 years old.

[John Holmberg]

Did you have a favorite type of woman to rub? Like, if you could have chosen pregnant? No, just. Just anybody.

[Brady]

Yeah, by me.

[John Holmberg]

I was cool. I am fascinated.

[Brady]

When your mom would go grocery shopping, did it get to a point where you're like, you're asking every day, can we go?

[John Holmberg]

Can we go?

[Brady]

Right, right?

[David Jolly]

Like, come on.

[John Holmberg]

We can't come to the store every day.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, come on, man. We ain't bought nothing.

[Brady]

I think her. Yeah. I think her and a woman be.

[David Jolly]

Actually became good friends, but I never met her before.

[Brady]

I think she. They split up or whatever before I was able to realize who she was.

[David Jolly]

To realize all the rap. Like, I hate telling that story.

[John Holmberg]

I really hate telling this story. Great story. And I think the statute of limitations is up.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, definitely. Definitely.

[John Holmberg]

In jail now, it's been like 40 years. If she's not mad now, if she pops up, now would be like, all right, I've been thinking about this for 50 years.

[David Jolly]

Wait a minute.

[John Holmberg]

30 years later, they popping up with accusation. Judge would be like, he was three. Yeah. Throw the book at him. Yeah. That's incredible. David, what do we. What do you do with your spare time? What's a. What's a hobby of David Jolly?

[David Jolly]

I do comedy all the time.

[John Holmberg]

All the time.

[David Jolly]

Like, that's all I do. I mean, never stop.

[John Holmberg]

Kind of annoying. In a restaurant.

[David Jolly]

Oh, well. Oh, I do not. Not in public.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[David Jolly]

Like, I've been reading a lot now. I've been reading.

[John Holmberg]

You read? I don't read at all.

[David Jolly]

I like to read, but it's kind of selfish because I'm reading things to, like, make more money. You know what I mean?

[John Holmberg]

Like wholesale motivation books, kind of. Yeah.

[David Jolly]

And like, just different ways to invest your money.

[John Holmberg]

Ponzi schemes.

[David Jolly]

I wish I could find a good Ponzi scheme right now.

[Brady]

Pray and hustle shop.

[John Holmberg]

Would you. Would you get into a Ponty scheme if it meant money, but everybody else lost their ass. Me, too, David.

[David Jolly]

Can I get caught? That's the question.

[John Holmberg]

We don't get caught. Caught. You and I start one today. We don't get caught. But a thousand people lose their savings.

[David Jolly]

Hey, man. Just a thousand people, man. You know what I was telling you about last night? Somebody got to lose money, man.

[John Holmberg]

Autom. I watch American Green. I'm a big fan of great stuff.

[Elliot]

Yeah.

[David Jolly]

One thing about life is somebody got to win. Somebody got to lose. I'd rather win.

[John Holmberg]

You know what I Mean, Elon Musk is going to be a trillionaire and people are mad at him. Why? Right.

[David Jolly]

This America. You could do the same thing, just put the effort behind.

[Brady]

So many people are wanting to come into the country. Country.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[Brady]

With the opportunity.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'm too busy doing nothing.

[David Jolly]

Doing nothing.

[John Holmberg]

To be mad at somebody who's making a trillion.

[David Jolly]

Who making a trillion dollars?

[John Holmberg]

A trillion. It's because I'm sitting on the couch.

[David Jolly]

Watching them do it and I'm buying off of Amazon.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Is Amazon the greatest?

[David Jolly]

It's the greatest.

[Brady]

What's the last book you read? Making money?

[David Jolly]

Robert Green. Mastery. I've been reading that.

[John Holmberg]

That's called mastery.

[David Jolly]

It's like 48 laws of power. But I mean, I'm just like kind of in the beginning of it. I just bought it last as weak.

[Dale Hellra]

But.

[David Jolly]

Yeah, now that's a good.

[John Holmberg]

That's a. I can barely read in a book like that, let alone to remember.

[Brady]

Remember the one book you're talking about? 48 laws of power. Yeah. 22.

[David Jolly]

That's a great book.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I can't do it because if they're not going to make a movie out of it, I'm not even.

[David Jolly]

You gotta catch the movie. I feel you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Movies are better than books.

[Dale Hellra]

And I don't.

[John Holmberg]

Anybody who argues that is an idiot is an idiot. Two hours of a movie is better than like a whole day or two of books and trying to figure it out. I'm not doing anything.

[David Jolly]

I just like to get lost in a book. Like to let my. Because I'm a only child. Well, I got two brothers and a sister on my dad, but I'm my mom only child. So I used to get lost in books.

[John Holmberg]

Just run away, just let my mind just.

[Brady]

What was the first one you read? You remember?

[David Jolly]

Nah. Peter Pan.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[David Jolly]

I mean, maybe, maybe, you know, I was Chronicles.

[John Holmberg]

That was your first book.

[Brady]

Lion. Witch in the Wardrobe.

[David Jolly]

That's a good book.

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty advanced. Yeah. Yeah. What was yours? Was it about lactation or something? How to know you're expecting. I forgot.

[Brady]

What was the first book I read? I'm reading a book now that's in my room. I can't even think of Name of the man behind the meaning or something like that.

[Dale Hellra]

Oh, oh.

[John Holmberg]

The man's search for meaning something. It's in my bag in the room.

[Brady]

A woman.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay.

[David Jolly]

Right.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[David Jolly]

But I. I seen this guy on.

[Brady]

A podcast that's like when he was talking about.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry, man, I can't. I wish I could read. I. I Just. I'm terrible at it. I'm so bad. It's ridiculous. Ridiculous.

[Dale Hellra]

You're.

[John Holmberg]

You're having this meteoric jump now and Kill Tony is like a thing that everybody's doing here at the mothership. What's it like to feel that happening? What's what? Because you're. How long you been doing this?

[David Jolly]

I've been doing comedy nine years.

[John Holmberg]

Nine years now. And you've had success?

[David Jolly]

I've had success.

[John Holmberg]

But now people know David Jolly's name.

[David Jolly]

Yeah. I mean, from like a regional success to like it being national. It's amazing because, like, I'm a down to earth person, you know, I'm not like a jerk. You know, I'm not hard to work with.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[David Jolly]

So, like, when I meet people, you know, they'll be like, oh, I can't believe. And I. I'm like, why? Yeah, I mean, I get it. I guess I just, you know, I think it's awesome meeting these different people, meeting the weirdos, you know, like everybody. I love the weirdos.

[John Holmberg]

The weirdos are the best.

[David Jolly]

The weirdos are the best.

[John Holmberg]

Those are the stories. Yeah. You meet weirdos and you're like, that's going to stay with me for a little bit. There's plenty of.

[Brady]

And. And there's plenty in the comedy community.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Comedians.

[David Jolly]

Oh, comedians. There's a lot of comedians in Austin that are like the open mic level comedians. They eventually figure it out that it's not like shock, but it's just. It's a great comedy scene.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's crazy.

[David Jolly]

But the real weirdos. I remember I had a show in Baltimore then. I had. I was doing the weekend in this part of Pennsylvania, and this guy drove from Baltimore to Pennsylvania and he was like, man, I came to your Baltimore show. I wanted you to listen to my minute. The minute he wanted to do on Kill. And I'm like, you drove five hours? And I was like, yes, give it to me, man. I would not end up chopped up. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, yes, that is great.

[John Holmberg]

That was an awesome minute. I'll drive you to Austin from the back seat.

[David Jolly]

For real?

[Brady]

Me, with a shovel and duct tape.

[John Holmberg]

Followed you from Baltimore to Pittsburgh or whatever?

[David Jolly]

Well, no, no, it was in Pennsylvania. It was called, like Landover.

[John Holmberg]

It was a small land over Maryland.

[David Jolly]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Oh, that's Maryland?

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[David Jolly]

Well, it was. It was a small city. I forgot the name of it.

[John Holmberg]

But he chased you down to do a master minute. And was it really good?

[David Jolly]

No, it was horrible.

[John Holmberg]

It was real bad.

[David Jolly]

It was like. Cuz at first I was about to say like hell no, I don't want to hear that. But I mean that's not to be a jerk. But I can't do nothing for you. Like what can I do for you? You know, right? Like I don't want to get your.

[John Holmberg]

Just give him a thumbs up and go move on.

[David Jolly]

I. I got it. And I was like, you know what man? Like, I was like, yeah, I listen to it and I listen. And then I was, whoa, this is getting dark. I think he might have said the N word, you know what I mean? I was like, yeah, that's where you put it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[David Jolly]

I was like, you swung for the.

[John Holmberg]

N word in the first minute.

[David Jolly]

Yeah. I was like, man, this is gonna be golden.

[John Holmberg]

Tony gonna love this, man.

[David Jolly]

I told him like, let me call Tony, right?

[John Holmberg]

Get Tony on the line. Imagine if you had him on FaceTime to watch his minute with you.

[David Jolly]

Oh man, Tony would have killed me.

[John Holmberg]

Tony would have killed me.

[David Jolly]

He would have killed me. Yeah, I would have died, you know, but I would have did it like, hey, you gonna watch this with me just in case he starts chopping me up.

[John Holmberg]

It's a witness. You're a witness.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Describe him to the police. He's got a dime sized penis.

[David Jolly]

He like to rub bellies.

[John Holmberg]

David Jolly is at stand up live tonight and tonight only. 7:30 you can catch him. David. Leave us with words of wisdom. Fix the world one way. Something you're in charge for a day. What do you move? What do you change?

[David Jolly]

Just be nice.

[John Holmberg]

That's per. See, that's the most simple and basic answer.

[David Jolly]

Just be nice to everybody, man.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[David Jolly]

We all humans and we all on this big rock together. Together. Just be nice.

[John Holmberg]

Are, are you watching the show Pluribus by chance?

[David Jolly]

Pluribus, what is that on?

[John Holmberg]

Just started. It's the guy who did Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul.

[David Jolly]

Is it on amc?

[John Holmberg]

It's on Apple.

[Brady]

Apple.

[John Holmberg]

And it's kind of that. It's this weird thing where it's just this, this genetic code comes from space and we figure it out and it becomes an outbreak of kind of kindness. But we're all one thought.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So we're all one.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And so, well, we say let's be one, live as one. The world is one. Well, here's what it would like, look, look like. And it's scary because we're all in the same. Like nobody has any individuality. Weird.

[David Jolly]

Everybody the same.

[John Holmberg]

So when you say be nice it would be nice if everybody did it, but when you see everybody doing it, there's going to be degrees.

[Dale Hellra]

Oh, yeah.

[David Jolly]

Oh, absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

Still going to be a. In there somewhere. It's just nicer than we used to be.

[Brady]

I mean, you can.

[David Jolly]

And there's nothing wrong with being a. That's the beauty and comedy. But like, just don't be a dickhead. Like my friends, like, we talk crazy to each other, but I mean, that's my real friend. You know what I mean? But like, to everyone else, like, just.

[John Holmberg]

Smile, just be nice.

[David Jolly]

Like I told somebody, we were sitting outside the hotel today. I told the lady, hey, good morning, and she looked up like. Like, good morning.

[John Holmberg]

You know what I mean? Surprised her.

[Brady]

You never.

[David Jolly]

We don't say that stuff no more.

[John Holmberg]

No, and we should.

[David Jolly]

You're right, David, you're a tough time.

[Brady]

She's in a half shirt.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's my friend Spunky. And then he hit her like a lamp.

[David Jolly]

Good times, man.

[John Holmberg]

David, it's good to meet you, man. Pleasure. Thank you as well. Good luck with all the pregnant ladies down here at Stand Up Live downtown. David jolly, everybody. It's 98.

[David Jolly]

Hey, it's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just bit rude. Oh, here we go. It is Thursday morning. David Jolly's great. I enjoyed that a lot. And it's nine o' clock and I haven't given you the word yet. The nine o'. Clock. Big money. Big money is. Wallet. Wallet.

[Dale Hellra]

How do you spell that? Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. X, Y. I think he spells it J, O, H, N. Wallet.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah. Who. Whose Hindenburg is that out there in the parking lot?

[John Holmberg]

Hindenburg?

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

What are you talking about?

[Dale Hellra]

That ugly ass Ford. Whatever that thing is. My. That thing's gonna be out of date by tomorrow.

[David Jolly]

Out of date?

[John Holmberg]

It's. It's a Heritage Edition. It's supposed to look like it's a 1975 Louise the Hindenburg.

[Dale Hellra]

What kind of reference was that? Did you pay cash?

[John Holmberg]

Top dollar for that? That is a Heritage Edition Ford Bronco. It's designed to look like the old ones. And it doesn't.

[Dale Hellra]

That's like saying, want to buy jeans with holes?

[John Holmberg]

I like jeans with holes in them. Have you ever. Well, and this is from a guy who's worn the exact same outfit in here for two years. The if you try to buy a Heritage Edition Bronco 7172, if you get one that looks like that, It'll be about $300,000. Yeah, it's crazy how much those go for. So Ford started to replace make them. I like.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah, but people who buy those, they're like in a museum or they like to tool around with them and re refurbish them. And I already did all that.

[John Holmberg]

It's done for me.

[Brady]

Modernized.

[John Holmberg]

I got people for that.

[Dale Hellra]

Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellra]

You can't tell me you like it.

[Brady]

I'm just, you know. He's in the Ford family now.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. I'm with the Lincoln Ford family.

[Dale Hellra]

We're Lincolns.

[John Holmberg]

I'm Ford. Same company.

[Dale Hellra]

Oh, okay.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but I've got it. Yeah, I've got, I've got a racially mixed garage between Jeeps and Fords now. And Jeep people don't like it. In Ford people don't like it. But I got them both.

[Brady]

But I do like the new design cuz it goes back to the, the retro.

[John Holmberg]

I think they look great.

[Dale Hellra]

I don't know. Our two aviators look a lot nicer than that.

[Brady]

They're nice.

[John Holmberg]

They're nice cars for sure. And for an older woman they would be perfect. But that's why YouTube bitties get those cars.

[Dale Hellra]

Good morning fellas.

[John Holmberg]

Good morning. Dale Hellra, three time world champion and a guy who visits us on Thursdays is here. And it's brought to be our friends at diamond coatings. A Diamond Coatings. They'll take care of anything. We were talking about my basketball court. But of course, Brady's garage looks absolutely beautiful. And garage floors can be either ugly and awful like mine currently is, or they look like what Brady's got going on, which is just flat out awesome. You see somebody's garage and you think to yourself that's nice.

[Dale Hellra]

I see my garage.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah it does.

[John Holmberg]

My floor sucks. I hate it. I was in there yesterday moving stuff around and I'm like, I gotta call these guys. This looks awful.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah, it looks poor. Well, especially when you got so many cars in there.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta, you got loads of cars. I gotta shove in there and cover up that floor. That's why I have so many cars now.

[Dale Hellra]

Dale is.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want anybody to see the floor. It can't be open space basis.

[Brady]

Next up maybe you'll get one of those racks where you put one car on top and the other below.

[John Holmberg]

Guy down the street has one of those. Yeah, that just seems a lot. I Want that. I want that car. Yeah, It's a lot. It's like, that's two weeks in a row you've used Austin tastes. You are learning words from a big word book.

[Dale Hellra]

I do have one question to ask you, because when we're talking about, you know, your. Your. Your court and the. And the car and the. Try the driveway, the garage floor.

[Brady]

I got my pavers glazed.

[Dale Hellra]

I heard you talk about your dog throwing up. Yeah. Your dog didn't throw up on. On your basketball court.

[John Holmberg]

No, he goes outside and threw up on the pavers.

[Dale Hellra]

On the paver, not the grass?

[John Holmberg]

No, he didn't go in the grass. He threw up on the pavers. By. So, yeah, it was. It was very kind of him to do that. He could have just thrown up in the house. Yeah, he didn't. He got up and he let himself out and went over in the pavers and threw up. I didn't know he did that. Came back in, went outside and saw the puke, and then two of them went over and started to chow down on that. No problem.

[Dale Hellra]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

I used to do an impression of my Weimaraner throwing up. You want to hear?

[Dale Hellra]

No, I don't.

[John Holmberg]

It sounds like this.

[Dale Hellra]

I don't know you.

[Brady]

Very real.

[Dale Hellra]

This is so real reason.

[Brady]

Just plowing.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm proud of. I'm proud of it. I'm proud of that. One of the better impressions I do pretty.

[Dale Hellra]

How many dogs do you have now?

[John Holmberg]

I have five dogs and a cat.

[Dale Hellra]

Do you have a cat?

[John Holmberg]

One cat? Yeah. What's wrong with that?

[Dale Hellra]

Cats.

[John Holmberg]

Come on. That's your answer. Cats. Come on.

[Dale Hellra]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

What's wrong with cats?

[Dale Hellra]

What's wrong with cats?

[Brady]

Did you ever know Bob Prey?

[John Holmberg]

No. No. He used to. Yeah. Brady's neighbors want to kill all the cats in neighborhood. He was crazy, too. You don't like cats?

[Dale Hellra]

You've never been up a little bit. If they're out.

[John Holmberg]

Here's the thing. If you don't. If you've never had a cat.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because I. When before I had cats, I didn't like cats at all, Right. Because other people's cats didn't like me. So I'm like, is this how cats are? You go to somebody's house and the dogs usually like, yay, people. Cat hides cat's like, yeah, some in our house. I'm like. I'm looking at the cat. He's looking at me like, we're about to find fight. You get a cat of your own, and they're Like.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah, but they don't listen. They don't obey. They don't do. Come on.

[John Holmberg]

They do they. The cats are different beasts when they're yours.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You got to get a cat. And then you'll be like, okay, this is pretty awesome. I was never a cat guy before I got cats.

[Dale Hellra]

Do you let the cat outside?

[John Holmberg]

We do now because he's old and he doesn't jump. But he used to. He was. He was.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And he goes in the backyard.

[Brady]

That's a tough one for me because I have a doggy door that they have to shut it off. Cuz.

[Dale Hellra]

You have a cat too.

[Brady]

Two cats.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What's wrong with that? Why is that so bad? Now this is. This goes back to your fear of gay.

[Brady]

Pretty awesome. Dale.

[John Holmberg]

This is Dale's fear of gay. I ordered vegetable risoto.

[Dale Hellra]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And he in front of the waiter goes.

[Brady]

Exploded.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah. I mean, come on.

[John Holmberg]

You're gay in the restaurant. Like, why is food gay?

[Dale Hellra]

Why does that chicken there. There's manly food. He goes, can I some resist?

[David Jolly]

How was it?

[John Holmberg]

It was phenomenal. It was too buttery.

[Dale Hellra]

Noise too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I said, why don't you shove that in my ass? I actually followed up with that. That's vegetable risotto. It was delicious. It was amazing. And it was the best meal on the. On the table by far.

[Dale Hellra]

Johnny.

[John Holmberg]

It was so good. But he thinks that food can make you gay. Well. And owning cash. Did you know that, Brady. It's an RFK thing. I didn't know.

[Brady]

I. I don't know. I need a list of foods.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Because if that were true, Brady would be the gayest man ever. He's eaten everything.

[Dale Hellra]

All he eats is. Is meat.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know. And you should see how he does it.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

One swallow. He doesn't even chew it. That's good gay. That's solid gay right there. Dale Holisker. Dale is here to talk about sports and he never does in the sports world. We're in the halfway point of the NFL.

[Dale Hellra]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

This is kind of an exciting time to determine whether or not.

[Brady]

And depressing.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

In a little bit. And you. I. I was curious. I meant to ask you this. Last week you didn't have a trade deadline when you played there. There. There was, but it was like week three.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah. But nobody traded and nobody did it.

[John Holmberg]

It's going to start happening a lot now, isn't it?

[Dale Hellra]

Is. They moved it a little bit later in the season and. And teams are now willing to take chances and you know, the. Later on in the Season you go the more you know if you're in contention. Right. You know, week three or four, who knows? You can turn it around.

[John Holmberg]

The Ravens were nothing for coming back now because they're healthy. So. Yeah, they're buyers.

[Dale Hellra]

Yes, they are.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellra]

They're going to. They're going to go ahead as you're probably.

[John Holmberg]

That's fine. It's a lost season. Don't care. Just.

[Dale Hellra]

How about Jen for Indianapolis and they championship. Boring.

[John Holmberg]

Not sure I'd even watch.

[Dale Hellra]

Yes, you would.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, I'll probably keep an eye on. I was thinking the other day that it might. But still it's Denver and Indy. Indianapolis Indiana can ruin two different sports in the same year.

[Dale Hellra]

Can you imagine?

[John Holmberg]

Because they got Indiana in the finals in Indianapolis. If they go to the super bowl and play the Lions. Oh, it's my worst night.

[Dale Hellra]

Not amazing. The one thing that we might have talked about on the podcast is the first fact that here's a Daniel Jones. Yeah. Who can't throw his way out of what paper sack when he's in New York.

[Brady]

Right.

[Dale Hellra]

A bust. Yeah. Can't play quarterback and all of a sudden he's 8 and 2 in Indianapolis.

[Brady]

Had a couple of decent runs.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellra]

And he thinks he's all that. I mean, everybody thinks now he's all that in a bag of nuts. Sam Darnold seeing ghosts. Same in New York.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Dale Hellra]

Wins 14 games. Last year he had a sad ending to the season, but. But doing it. He still won 14 games. Give me 14 games in a chance. And now he's doing in Seattle.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And he's doing great. He looks really good.

[Dale Hellra]

So. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It says a lot to me about scouting and coaching not being as good as people think and more important than people think. And also dudes play for money. Is because both of those guys are in contract years. Both of those guys played for their contract. No, I. Daniel Jones is in a. I gotta make it happen now. There's more motivation to that.

[Dale Hellra]

I think it's. It's more important the coaching than the system is important. Because the bottom line is I don't care if the contract year. If he's still at the Giants, he would still be looking like. Yeah. Like Danny dumb. Yeah, whatever. But. But.

[Brady]

But Indiana Jones.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellra]

They wouldn't look.

[John Holmberg]

No. And then. So, you know. But you look at guys who are really good and how many times they got ruined by systems or coaches that could have been hall of Fame players in the wrong spot.

[Dale Hellra]

It's just. What I'm saying is. Does kind of highlight a Little bit the coaching part.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. And that's a lot of us.

[Dale Hellra]

Let just go by the way you.

[John Holmberg]

Brought it up last week and Jonathan Gannon, I think is now coaching for his job.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Especially after last week, that debacle against Seattle after the big win on Monday against Dallas. Now you go into this week and you're like, you got the Niners. Another division game. Has this team either quits. This is my prediction. This is. Slovis starts next week.

[Dale Hellra]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because it's going to. There's going to be just a complete meltdown of the. Jacobe's got the tape out now. Now know what they're doing. It's four weeks of Jacobi. The rest of the league's watching going, all right, we got this figure there's nothing. And now Marvin Harrison's out. They're just going to. They're phoning it in now.

[Dale Hellra]

Well, well that means there's 12 passes you could throw to somebody who could catch it.

[John Holmberg]

Well, maybe that's true also, but I, I think this is it. I unfortunately think the Cardinals are going to bury Jonathan Gannon in the next few weeks. I hope I'm wrong.

[Dale Hellra]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Because I've been wrong about that team every week of the year.

[Dale Hellra]

I think so too. Yes. Because again against Dallas, I think Dallas going to put up 50 points on him.

[John Holmberg]

They held him to seven through three quarters.

[Brady]

Where's this?

[Dale Hellra]

And yeah, and one of the touchdowns was a punt block punch.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the block punch was in the defense.

[Dale Hellra]

And so here's what's interesting when you talk about the Cardinals is I've always, for the last couple years I've been a defender of their offensive line. I thought their offensive line played very well last year.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellra]

And the year before had basically everybody coming back except for Evan Brown, I think as a new starter line left guard. And they can't block you, me and Brady right now. And it's. And it's really, really frustrating.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's also predictable. There's no running game.

[Dale Hellra]

No.

[John Holmberg]

You're not afraid of Jacoby Brissette. You got to get pressure on them. So they're doing. Every team's coming after stands there and he doesn't move. And so it's like, why are we even worried about the running game? Just go get him.

[Brady]

I mean a double non run threat.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's not gonna. No real threat of the ball going past. Past you.

[Dale Hellra]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

And so you just get a safety to keep an eye on anything going deep. And that's pretty much the defense I.

[Dale Hellra]

Like to watch the games on DVR or whatever it's called because I can't stand all the commercial. I'll let it start and then start the game. And somehow some way usually goes back to resume when I change my channels and come back and the sack. Fumble. Yeah. Touchdown.

[John Holmberg]

14 nothing.

[Dale Hellra]

But I think thought when I saw the second one, I thought they were showing highlights. First one, whoa. It went, it went way too far back.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellra]

No, no second one.

[John Holmberg]

It's weird because that team, I think, just got plowed last week and I think this could be it. And then unfortunately, you're going to lose. Jonathan Gannon and the Cardinals are now back in the swing of the Cardinals.

[Dale Hellra]

So again. Oh, well, you got to get your quarterback right. You don't just snap your fingers to get your quarterback right. No, you know, I mean, you're sitting there looking at Pittsburgh and I, I still think Aaron Rodgers has chance.

[John Holmberg]

He's fine to leave that. Yeah.

[Dale Hellra]

There's a lot wrong with that, but. Right. Yeah. A lot more than just quarterback or I think the quarterback is way down the list.

[John Holmberg]

It's, it's, it's in the middle, but it's not, it's not crucial.

[Brady]

I wonder what the percentage is of the quarterbacks that have the big contracts has worked out. It seems like majority don't. There's a lot of them sitting on. They got that.

[John Holmberg]

You got to remember, one guy wins and everybody's like, oh, we paid 60 million. We got no championships. You got some success. But at a certain point, Jordan Love has to win a championship for all this to matter. Dak Prescott has to win a championship.

[Elliot]

For all this to matter.

[John Holmberg]

And now that team's strapped and now we go from oh, he's a bust on the field to he's a contract bust.

[Dale Hellra]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Dak Prescott's borderline contract bust. He's costing them a fortune.

[Dale Hellra]

Well, how about the guy here?

[John Holmberg]

Well, sir Kyler Murray, I mean, that's.

[Dale Hellra]

As he played his last down for the quarter, Cardinals. And no matter what, nobody's going to give you anything of value because not only are you taking, taking Kyler Murray, but you're also taking that contract. And no matter how you do it, there's going to be $50 million of debt money on the Cardinals cap. Now, Denver showed you can do it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellra]

Deborah show you can go to the playoffs, right. With a 50, $60 million cap hit with Russell Wilson being gone. But you, you got to get the quarterback right.

[John Holmberg]

You got to get the next draft right.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then the Cardinals have Missed on that.

[Dale Hellra]

So, you know, over 25 years, the only two quarterbacks that they've really got gotten correct curtain Carson are the two old guys.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So if that said, if you're the Cardinals, do you draft or do you go after somebody who's waiting, like Daniel Jones, who's going to cost you another 60 million. But if he comes here, if you. You have to be the top bidder, it's going to be $60 million. Would you do that or would you start over?

[Dale Hellra]

Well, again, you. So I looked at Sam Darnold last year, I'm like, boy, that's a perfect situation in Minnesota. Yeah, I know. They have the JJ thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellra]

They want to play him. He's a young guy and. And all that. But that coaching staff seemed to really spark him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellra]

Now you go to Seattle, is it going to be the same?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Pretty close.

[Dale Hellra]

Well. And that damn wide receiver favorite. Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He's amazing. That guy gets open on every place.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The reason why they said buy dk.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we can replace you and not pay you 30 million.

[Dale Hellra]

And what's always amazing to me is when I look at guys like that, there's other 5, 10, 195 pound wide receivers, but they can't do what he does. Why not? He's not like he doesn't run a four flat.

[Elliot]

Flat.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellra]

You know the bench press, £800, but he just gets. Oh, and that catch he made, the first catch he made down the field. Insane Cardinals people are falling down.

[John Holmberg]

Cooper cup was that way.

[Dale Hellra]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Hakuna matata. He's that way. There's a bunch of guys, you're like, why is it so easy for some of them.

[Dale Hellra]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And they're doing the exact same things. It just seems like a ton of these guys that can do this. It drives me nuts. But I'm looking at the halfway point and at the halfway point. Dale Heller, you're the football expert who's in the super bowl halfway point right now.

[Dale Hellra]

See, again, we were talking about this on my best selling the Main Event.

[John Holmberg]

It's a book now. It's a.

[Dale Hellra]

It's a book.

[John Holmberg]

It's a podcast. People write books about it. Like how not to do a podcast with Steve McColum.

[Dale Hellra]

We were talking about this. So if Indianapolis and or Denver are playing in the divisional round against Kansas City and or Buffalo, you're not taking. You're not taking Indy or Denver, are you. Are you in the second? Because Buffalo and Kansas say they get in wild card.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, man.

[Dale Hellra]

Are. Are you. Are you really going to take Indianapolis over Buffalo in a. In a playoff game.

[John Holmberg]

Sleeper.

[Brady]

I don't know about.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, PA Patriots.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's just so gross. This year's gross. Can we just call it off for start over? Can we reshuffle? That's what I want to do. Reshuffle this deck. This is awful.

[Dale Hellra]

Another case of, hey, does coaching matter? Yes, it does.

[John Holmberg]

It's just awful. Yes, it does. Well, I'm done talking to football with you. It's making me sad. It just sucks.

[Dale Hellra]

How about my Phoenix Suns?

[John Holmberg]

And then you got those guys, which is another one. Now, Kevin Ray and I were at the Rah Rah room the other night, and he started getting a little excited. Excited. And we tease him now that he said this is a championship team. He didn't. He sort of said something that made us jump to the next squares. Like Kevin says, this team's going to. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. And now we won't let him forget it. But they're playing hard. They're playing, but they're beating bad teams. Here's the thing about Suns that I do like. They're beating the crap out of bad teams. Which teams that are better than bad teams do. They're almost like baby scorpions. They shoot too much venom into everything.

[Dale Hellra]

They need to save a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they need to save a little bit because right now they're playing a bad team. You're up 30 on a bad team. You're like, we must be pretty good. But then you play a good team and you shoot all that venom at first, and they're like, we can take this.

[Dale Hellra]

But here's the exciting thing to me, number one, they look like they enjoy playing with each other.

[John Holmberg]

And they're moving.

[Dale Hellra]

They run around running. They're hustling.

[John Holmberg]

How much did Grayson Allen hate Kevin Durant?

[Dale Hellra]

How much did Devin Booker hate.

[John Holmberg]

They had to hate him. They're both smiling. They're doing whatever they want. Grayson scoring 30 a night, just shooting.

[Dale Hellra]

Threes now from staff range, driving.

[John Holmberg]

He's doing 360s. He's dunking. The team is totally different.

[Dale Hellra]

Mark Williams is exciting if he can stay healthy, but this is all without Jalen Green. Jalen Green can't play one game.

[John Holmberg]

He's their second best guy.

[Dale Hellra]

Yes. And now I will tell you, last night, watching that fourth quarter, they collapsed.

[John Holmberg]

They're a young team. They shot all their venom.

[Dale Hellra]

No. You know what they did?

[John Holmberg]

I didn't see.

[Dale Hellra]

They went back to pre. Kevin, throw the ball to Devin.

[John Holmberg]

They stopped moving.

[Dale Hellra]

Devin Dribbles. Everybody, Everybody stands.

[John Holmberg]

That's what me and my friend Brian said. We were watching. He said, oh, we're back to the old way. Yeah, they protected the win.

[Dale Hellra]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

They didn't keep.

[Dale Hellra]

He dribbles, dribbles, then he gets double team. Then he throws the ball away. All movement stopped. Yeah, for a little bit, but. But they found a way to. To win the game. But boy, it's got to be more. So much fun to be able to go down to the arena now. Yeah, it's got to be night and day different last year.

[John Holmberg]

Last year, their anticipation was there, but the team would let you down against bad teams. They'd be like, geez, geez, this, this all star team can't squeak past the Pelicans.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah, but you're telling me honestly, you can't see when a team enjoys playing with.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, they didn't last year. No, not at all.

[Dale Hellra]

And you see this year.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know that they enjoy playing with each other. It's just better than last year.

[Dale Hellra]

Well, see, I. I'm going to push some bets.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, yeah, the NBA's fixing. All the sons are beneficiaries of that right now.

[Dale Hellra]

I, I'm going to push back on that because even the other night when Grayson Allen set the Sun's record for three pointers, the entire bench was into it.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I sat right behind the bench last game. My friend Jordan had front row seats and we were sitting behind the Sun's bench. It's the same seats that my dad, Doug Hopkins has on the other side for the, for the visitors. And I always tease them, like, you overpay for these because you can't see. Not only are These guys all 7ft tall, they get to sit on booster chairs. So they're now they're 7ft tall sitting down, and you're right behind them, so you can barely see the court. You have to watch the screen the whole time. But I trouble for asking what happened. Yeah, you get rules told to you. So I. So you're. We're sitting there watching this thing and every shot. That was the grace now and night. He broke all the records. They were losing their minds. And that was the first quarter. And I turned to my buddy Jordan. I'm like, this team likes each other.

[Dale Hellra]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know if they're in. They're good at playing together yet, but they like playing together. I don't know if that's going to translate into. They're still new, so it's the honeymoon.

[Dale Hellra]

There's no doubt about that. Where all I'm saying all that we've seen, seen.

[John Holmberg]

Oh brother. There's Toledo.

[Dale Hellra]

Here comes dark night.

[John Holmberg]

Oh brother. If we should have that on the radio, on your right, on your car. A Toledo alert. Because then everybody in their car.

[Dale Hellra]

I see the eyes before you do. And he comes around like he's got a pickaxe and he's taking, taking to somebody.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we have to cut for time, you know, but it was a good talk about sports and that's rare.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah, we did talk.

[John Holmberg]

We just talked. We got a podcast to do today so to save some of it for Christ's sake. I got a lot though. Okay. I know. All right, we'll rid of all that and think of good stuff. We'll do that in the podcast. Dale Hellrace here, he's brought to you by our friends at Diamond Coatings A dot com. Get everything looking better at your house with Diamond Coatings A dot comberg's morning sickness. Dale Hellistra is with us. It's Thursday morning. It's 9:40 now.

[Dale Hellra]

The Bronco's ugly.

[John Holmberg]

It is not. That is proof to me I have the best looking car.

[Brady]

You find out that's his first car.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well he had a 1980.

[Dale Hellra]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Well that, that's ugly. Far from ugly. It's beautiful.

[Dale Hellra]

Did you pay good money for that or jealousy? Is that given to you?

[John Holmberg]

It was not given to you.

[Dale Hellra]

It was not given to disturbing.

[John Holmberg]

Let's talk about something before we make our fanduel picks. Now the. The meme you sent the other day that your son in law Scott made a joke about said something about there was a woman standing there. It was a gender reveal party and she had a pink hand for on her ass.

[Dale Hellra]

That's my daughter.

[John Holmberg]

That is your daughter. That you are going to be a grandfather for the third time.

[Dale Hellra]

For the third time.

[John Holmberg]

And it's a girl.

[Dale Hellra]

It's a girl.

[John Holmberg]

And you had a gender reveal party.

[Dale Hellra]

Gender reveal party. The two little grandkids, Graham and Beckett, they kick soccer balls. Unfortunately Beckett's soccer ball didn't break so she was sad. But Graham kicked it hard enough. What's weird about you kick a soccer.

[John Holmberg]

Ball and they tough smoke?

[Dale Hellra]

Well, yeah, you know, it's not real soccer ball.

[John Holmberg]

Oh God.

[Brady]

Black smoke.

[Dale Hellra]

You could do the pyrotechnic. Pyro. Whatever.

[Brady]

Technics.

[John Holmberg]

That's gayer than vegetable risotto. It's not gender reveal party.

[Dale Hellra]

Mine is my daughter.

[John Holmberg]

I know, but you were there and probably in like a pink and Gray suit?

[Dale Hellra]

No. But I will tell you this.

[John Holmberg]

Did you celebrate?

[Dale Hellra]

I was excited for her.

[John Holmberg]

Does it matter?

[Dale Hellra]

No. I just wanted to be healthy.

[Brady]

Right. So.

[John Holmberg]

So what do we.

[Dale Hellra]

What do we get?

[Brady]

No problem.

[John Holmberg]

Black smoke, black smoke or gray smoke.

[Dale Hellra]

It'S like, oh, wanted to be healthy. But they like that stuff. Johnny, you never see. What amazes me.

[John Holmberg]

Who likes that stuff?

[Dale Hellra]

Is you get more excited about a cat throwing up and eating it. Dog then, but not a cat.

[John Holmberg]

Disgusting.

[Dale Hellra]

But human life does not get you on your Richter scale.

[John Holmberg]

First off, it's not biblically. It's not a human life till it's like two years old. They don't count them in the sense. It's in the Bible. They said, don't count the babies. They're not human yet.

[Dale Hellra]

Read your book.

[John Holmberg]

Look, it says it right in the beginning. In the census. We don't count babies. They don't count yet. So it's not even human until it's at least two. And even then that's.

[Brady]

So what are you hosting the baby shower?

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. I'm asking. I'm talking right now. Let's not divert.

[Dale Hellra]

No baby showers.

[John Holmberg]

First off, yes. Why no baby showers but baby gender reveal gay parties?

[Dale Hellra]

Because I'm there for my daughter and son in law.

[John Holmberg]

Well, why no baby shower? That's there for them too, you know.

[Dale Hellra]

That's for girls. That's for girls.

[John Holmberg]

Gender reveals are for girls too.

[Dale Hellra]

And Grandpa.

[John Holmberg]

Grandpa, you don't care.

[Dale Hellra]

I just.

[John Holmberg]

What if it came out hermaphrodite? What if the smoke was yellow?

[Dale Hellra]

Then I'd have some issues.

[John Holmberg]

So you do care.

[Dale Hellra]

Let's stuff it back in there. Let's see if we can't get this thing another. Another month.

[John Holmberg]

See if something happens, plug your daughter's nose and blow in her mouth. Put the apple on the stem.

[Dale Hellra]

But what was the weird thing is. So my granddaughter's three years old, Beckett. And.

[John Holmberg]

And.

[Dale Hellra]

And she from day one of them. Of the. Of Scott and Hillary, telling them you're going to have a. A baby.

[John Holmberg]

Scott rode your daughter again and made babies.

[Dale Hellra]

And. And I. I've told that story and everybody says you're way out of line.

[John Holmberg]

Why am I out of line? He's riding your daughter.

[Dale Hellra]

That's the whole point. Out of line. When you were at the wedding, the comment. The comment on the golf course, which was way out.

[John Holmberg]

Which was what?

[Dale Hellra]

I don't remember. Hey, we were in a little match and. And you said, hey, Dale, you ever think about the fact that Scott.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Dale Hellra]

Well, do you? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because the day at the wedding when he said, who here gives this woman to a new wang? And Scott's there like, that's me. And you're like, I do. And you gave the. You gave her away to get defiled by this guy Scott.

[Dale Hellra]

He wouldn't have been my first pick, but we got him.

[John Holmberg]

But, yeah, so he got on her, finished up, put in the baby.

[Dale Hellra]

And so my granddaughter, daughter, who's 3 after they told her, Hillary, literally the next day, picked her up at her little daycare thing. And the teacher goes, congratulations, I hear you're pregnant. Hillary's like, oh, Beckett must have said something. And then. And I hear it's going to be a girl. And Beckett, from the moment she found out, said she's having a baby sister.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she'd been on it, so she's very excited. You know what I don't understand? When people tell you, like, congratulations. Congratulations.

[Dale Hellra]

No, I. I didn't do.

[John Holmberg]

You did nothing. No, no, very little. Scott did all the work.

[Brady]

I think they do it because you're adding to your family.

[John Holmberg]

He's not doing that. Somebody else is adding to his family.

[Brady]

Well, Dale's the patriarch. Yeah, patriarch.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. No, you're not.

[Dale Hellra]

Yes, I am.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody before you, nothing below me.

[Dale Hellra]

Johnny.

[John Holmberg]

You call him clown. Hell, straight. Oh, I heard clown. Alistair. That made more sense. Yeah. Just when people like, oh, you're gonna be a grandfather. Congratulations.

[Dale Hellra]

Why do you have so much disdain for humans? It's easy.

[John Holmberg]

There's.

[Dale Hellra]

There's billion of us.

[John Holmberg]

So easy.

[David Jolly]

Do you always say that to people?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I. No, I don't say, good for you. Got a dog. Good. Take care of it. I hope you have enough money because vet bills are expensive. That's what I say. I sure do. I'm like, oh, good on you. I hope that works out. And then I'm like, they're gonna give that back. They're poor. You can't give the kid back.

[Dale Hellra]

Do you hang around poor people?

[John Holmberg]

No, but when I see him, I point it out. December Sunday, when I see him. I hate when poor people get for Steeler games. Yeah.

[Dale Hellra]

There's none of that.

[John Holmberg]

And they start talking poor. We just. But no, I. I. Look, it's the. It's so easy. I think the most overrated thing as humans that we are so arrogant and wild about is pregnancy. It's the simplest thing in the world.

[Dale Hellra]

It's the simplest thing in the world. But here's John, we. I have two daughters.

[John Holmberg]

And.

[Dale Hellra]

And the thing that gets scary, and it's more scary now than it was 30 years ago. The fact that there are so many things that go wrong. I thought you have sex, your girl gets pregnant, you have a baby.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly what happens.

[Dale Hellra]

But there are so many things that go wrong. So we've added to it.

[Brady]

That's a racket.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's a racket. I'm with him because go to other countries.

[Brady]

Fear.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They pump them out like crazy. Dogs can do it in the street and just pump them out. Nobody's worried about Tylenol or, like, autism immediately. There's things that go wrong with your kids all the time, but we've made it so difficult. You put it in, you squirt, she gets pregnant, it comes out done just like 8 billion other times it's happened on the planet. It's just overblown.

[Dale Hellra]

I think when it's. When it's personal to you, just like if one of your dogs was going through something, you take that a little more personally.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sure, sure, sure.

[Dale Hellra]

About Brady's cat. You care about your.

[John Holmberg]

I care about Brady's cat.

[Dale Hellra]

Told me you could care less about.

[John Holmberg]

I said that. Oh, my God. One thing I know you and I talk about. Yeah. Brady's a good guy.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Goddamn cat is. We have that talk. No, I just. I do. I. I'm fine with babies. They happen, but I just think we make too big a deal out of it. And I think it's mainly just to make sure that it's. It's basically. Women want to be victimized by pregnancy and they want it to be a victim.

[Dale Hellra]

You're going to get into a woman's head now. Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They start talking. Oh, it's just. Oh, it's just so tragic.

[Dale Hellra]

What's happening.

[John Holmberg]

Happened to them. Oh, I'm pregnant. Oh, it's a nightmare. Well, you did it to yourself, and it's. I thought it was beautiful. Ah, the complaining. It's. Did you put the babies. They get. They get to, like, a lot of. Not everybody, but the ones that want to make it a victimization or they go on TV and ask each other, oh, how is motherhood? It's like motherhood's the same. You, everybody. No, you're not different than anybody else who's had a baby.

[Dale Hellra]

I'm going to tell you something about. Because you're spewing nonsense.

[John Holmberg]

But.

[Dale Hellra]

But when you talk about showers and things like.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Dale Hellra]

So listen to this.

[Brady]

Baby moons.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, baby moons.

[Dale Hellra]

Listen to this story. So. So Brooke is pregnant with Hillary and her friends want to throw A shower for. But they want it to be a couple's shower. Now, back in 1992, couple showers were not.

[John Holmberg]

Not.

[Dale Hellra]

No. In vogue. All right. And I'm playing for the cowboys. So invites go out. I'm getting my offensive line mates coming up to me and going, are. Are you serious?

[John Holmberg]

What is happening?

[Dale Hellra]

We really. We really got to come to this thing. Because Wiser say no. You're going, yes. You know, and.

[John Holmberg]

And did you have it?

[Dale Hellra]

We had it. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

I had a couple.

[Dale Hellra]

Sean, you know this. You pick your battles. There are certain battles.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, but this is what I'm talking about with the victim organization. So it's being used as a weapon. The pregnancy is. I want to do this. And you have to be involved with stuff that you used to not be involved. Not men now have to be in the. In the delivery room. And all this stuff has changed.

[Brady]

Because what'd you come away with?

[John Holmberg]

No, because they'll cross their arms and look at you and say, you didn't support me.

[Dale Hellra]

No.

[John Holmberg]

So we get afraid of them and do stuff like what you did. Like, I'm picking battles here. Otherwise I'm going to catch a bunch of crap.

[Dale Hellra]

So let me finish the story again.

[John Holmberg]

I'm spewing facts.

[Dale Hellra]

It's so ultimately, you know, 15 cowboys showed up along with their wives, and one. I'm sorry, two single guys showed up. One of them was Troy Aikman. He decided to come, and he got back then there was no maps.

[John Holmberg]

He got lost.

[Dale Hellra]

He got the house mixed up. He rings a doorbell, I think, across the street.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Dale Hellra]

And it's an older couple. And there's Troy in 92, you know, in Dallas. And they invite him in and they give him some tea or whatever. He's in the couch.

[John Holmberg]

That's a lot.

[Dale Hellra]

I'm looking for the linebarger house. Oh, there. Across the street. He said he had to sit there.

[John Holmberg]

Eating tea and crumpets. Yeah, that's great. That's better than what he was going to go to. To, which was that nightmarish baby show.

[Brady]

That's a nice ring you got there, Troy.

[John Holmberg]

I just think we've made it a big business. Like Brady said, baby moons and all that. Just get pregnant, enjoy it, have the baby and move on. You've made it. So everybody hates it. Oh, you hate. Everybody hates gender. Nobody wants to be invited to a gender.

[Dale Hellra]

That's pretty exciting. Oh, for.

[John Holmberg]

Then you need more things to do in your life. Did you cry?

[Brady]

Did you cry?

[John Holmberg]

I don't want one. No, but I'M not talking about wanting a kid. You can want a kid. Don't make it everybody else's deal that four times through your pregnancy. I gotta clear a weekend.

[Brady]

My sister doesn't have to go. Her daughter, she just found is recently pregnant again. And they don't do it.

[David Jolly]

They.

[Brady]

They don't want to know. Right. Good mystery thing.

[John Holmberg]

Done it on the first kid and then hopefully right before the baby.

[Brady]

Because they have you now program that. Oh. You got to have everything prepared.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Because you have seven events.

[Dale Hellra]

The whole thing is if you decorate a baby's room and it's a girl.

[Brady]

Get it wrong.

[John Holmberg]

A girl.

[Dale Hellra]

And then you're gonna have another one. Well, if you're gonna have a girl girl, then you don't got to get anything new.

[Brady]

It's just all bad back in the day.

[Dale Hellra]

I wish you had more love in your heart.

[John Holmberg]

No one wants. I'm just speaking for. What I have is empathy for the human race.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No one wants to go to gender kindness.

[Brady]

No one.

[John Holmberg]

You know what I say to world kindness?

[Dale Hellra]

That I heard you say with that comedian.

[John Holmberg]

Be nice.

[Dale Hellra]

Just be nice.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Dale Hellra]

How about you stop? Right.

[David Jolly]

Yeah.

[Brady]

When does that start?

[John Holmberg]

I'll show you right now. I'm nicer to more people right now with what I'm about to say than you guys have been the whole time. Let me speak for everyone. No one wants an invitation to your baby reveal. Not a human being alive says that's.

[Dale Hellra]

Why you weren't invited.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you very much. And. And let me say thank you to all the others who weren't either. Cuz. And let me say I'm sorry to the people who had to straggle their Saturday afternoon away and go stand there and wait for somebody to powder out pink and then walk home and go, what a waste of time. And that chicken was dry.

[Dale Hellra]

No, no, no. It was just a family get together.

[John Holmberg]

And they hate it too. Even they didn't want to be here.

[Dale Hellra]

You talked to my wife? She was.

[Elliot]

Your wife?

[John Holmberg]

Loved it. It. Yes.

[Dale Hellra]

Yes, My wife.

[John Holmberg]

Talking about dudes.

[Brady]

What kind of spreads did you have there, Dale? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You know, Brady would have gone to that beef stroganoff.

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[Dale Hellra]

All the. All the fixings. Can you eat beef stroganoff?

[Brady]

I.

[John Holmberg]

You should not eat the beef or settle down. We're having a relapse.

[Brady]

I can taste it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. Then it turns into a big avalanche of eating. You're staying away from it. Well, congratulations on your baby showers. How many more do you have left? You got a Baby shower. You got to do a baby moon. Probably have to pay for some.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah, we'll probably be watching. Watching the two grandkids for their baby.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Oh, the baby moon. It just drives me nuts.

[Dale Hellra]

That's something new. We did not.

[John Holmberg]

It's just gonna keep snowballing until people like me speak out and say, enough.

[Dale Hellra]

It would be better if you had a kid, John, so that you could speak from experience.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, I'll speak from experience of having not had a kid. It's awesome. Second enough. The baby moon, the gift giving, the parties, the gender reveals. Nobody wants to be at these things.

[Dale Hellra]

No one likes your gonna go, John, when you're. When you're dead and dead to your wife, obviously.

[John Holmberg]

I have a plan. Yeah, to spend all of it, match the credit cards, and then off myself.

[Dale Hellra]

And then leave that with your wife.

[John Holmberg]

She's going with me. I'm. It's a murder.

[Dale Hellra]

Who's gonna do the murder?

[John Holmberg]

Ask me. I got that. I don't want to hear any complaining. It's a great plan.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Leave it the way I found it. I showed up with nothing. I'm leaving. Leaving with nothing. Max or credit? Maximum.

[Dale Hellra]

So. So you've really.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I, I wanted to, I wanted to start about 60 and just take everything I've got, pile it up, live until it's dry. And while I still got good credit, get really good credit cards. Don't touch those. Start hammering those down to everything I need, like tickets and stuff like that. Don't pay for it. When I start getting the creditors going, you're in big trouble, like. All right, well, we're done. So that's where my money.

[Dale Hellra]

See, you put too much thought in things that are ridiculous.

[John Holmberg]

That's not ridiculous. That's smart.

[Dale Hellra]

Toilet. And thought about that while you're peeing.

[John Holmberg]

I'm thinking about it a lot.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's an awesome story. So I, I, I roll these credits. Glorious. It's hard to talk people into that one, though. It's hard to talk somebody into a murder suicide.

[Dale Hellra]

I would think that would be. Especially when you got such a young vibrant.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's, that's not the point. All right, I got to leave.

[David Jolly]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. That's a uplifting chat about your grandkid in the powder party.

[Dale Hellra]

Congratulations, Hillary.

[John Holmberg]

And you're giving him trouble about cats. You just did the gayest thing I've ever seen in my life. Big deal.

[Dale Hellra]

You'll be doing it.

[Brady]

Probably.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Cuz no man is Britain. Yeah. He won't be alive for that, no man is brave enough to say, this is stupid because they'll use vaginas.

[Dale Hellra]

I tried. I tried that.

[John Holmberg]

So you're on my side?

[Dale Hellra]

I tried, but we ended up having fun.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even want to hear you. That's the most hypocritical moment ever. All right, Dale's gonna. We'll do the entertainment drill. Dale? Hell. Australia. Oh, we'll get the pics in a little bit. You settle down. It's 98.

[David Jolly]

It's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. You P.D.

[Dale Hellra]

Komberg'S morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Let's get in trouble for that. Ah. The whole time off the air, Dale talks about how he hated the whole idea of that party and fought and fought and fought against it until he.

[Dale Hellra]

I hate the idea of the couples shower.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Dale Hellra]

But being a grandpa is different, Johnny.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, it's got to be great. It's got to be like me, the kids. I don't mind kids being around for a few hours. Go home. Yeah.

[Dale Hellra]

As soon as they start whining or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Get them out.

[Dale Hellra]

Get out of here.

[John Holmberg]

When they become kids again, off you. You go. You get me more than you'll admit.

[Dale Hellra]

Yes. I will not admit it.

[John Holmberg]

It's so true.

[Dale Hellra]

Are we not doing our picks?

[John Holmberg]

We'll do our picks. Calm down.

[Dale Hellra]

But this is the Brady Report.

[John Holmberg]

It's the entertainment drill. And we'll get to that first. And then at the end. Who are your Cowboys playing?

[Dale Hellra]

They play Monday night.

[Brady]

Yeah, Monday night. The Raiders.

[John Holmberg]

They play the Raiders, their favorite. Who wins that one? We'll do. Your picks right now. Are crazy.

[Dale Hellra]

They had the week off. They had the death. Yes. Those are gonna knock each other off. Win one for Neanderth. Cowboys.

[John Holmberg]

Straight up. Cowboys. Brady, your bungles are taking on my Steelers. You pick the game, I'll pick a prop bet.

[Brady]

Oh, geez. Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Dealers are five and a half points.

[Brady]

Five and a half.

[John Holmberg]

Then Pittsburgh.

[Dale Hellra]

Who did Pittsburgh play last week?

[John Holmberg]

Chargers. Terrible game.

[Brady]

2510.

[John Holmberg]

Let's go.

[Brady]

Can the Bengals come on?

[John Holmberg]

Staring at the phone's not going to do any different. Make a choice, lady.

[Brady]

I'll go with the Steelers.

[John Holmberg]

Damn right. And for my props, I will pick the Pat. Friarmouth has a touchdown.

[Dale Hellra]

Okay, now, you could turn it in this week. Shut up. Yeah, I forgot about 33. Fine.

[John Holmberg]

No, there's no.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah, you didn't turn it in last week.

[John Holmberg]

Well, then you kick in one of these weeks and maybe I'll pay you the 33. I forgot to pay my. Nobody's paying any bets but me.

[Dale Hellra]

You make the most money. You buy ugly ass. Four trucks.

[John Holmberg]

It's a beautiful, beautiful car.

[Dale Hellra]

Brady. You get out of your aviator. You just look at John's thing, shake.

[John Holmberg]

Your head and go, yeah, it is cute. And Brady, for no reason. His came with four car seats. He doesn't need them. But it's a mom car. So if you guys want to keep your showers. Yeah, for your showers. Showers. And I'm sure I bet you it comes with like blue and pink powder because you're going to need it a lot if you're driving one of those because that's all you do is go to those.

[Brady]

Then we need a fourth pick and.

[John Holmberg]

We'Ll go with that. We'll go with Brett's Bears just for fun.

[Dale Hellra]

Who do they got?

[Brady]

The Vikings in Minnesota.

[John Holmberg]

Do we go against it for Brett?

[Dale Hellra]

No, I think Brett picked the bears this week.

[John Holmberg]

You think he takes them again?

[Dale Hellra]

I think they're on a roll.

[John Holmberg]

We'll take the bears plus the two and a half.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That gives us plus 1150 for our bet. Okay, so I'll place that right now and get that.

[Dale Hellra]

Oh, you said that last.

[John Holmberg]

I forgot last week. Now I'm gonna do it because I. You don't forget two weeks in a row.

[Dale Hellra]

That's just terribly stupid.

[John Holmberg]

It's time for the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by my [e-mail], the home of tactical black self defense training. Got zip tied up yesterday. Dale at react defense. They threw zip ties on and did hostage fights. And the way to break out of zip ties, man, oh man, is that not as fun as you think? And it's the biggest thick ones. And you have to really commit to just going boom across your chest to break them. If you don't, your hands stay. So you get zip tied. You try to get it and they didn't come off. Then you got to go fight with your two hands tied together. We had a blast yesterday. I was hitting these pads that would just blow. You know how you realize how strong you are with both hands together. Oh, my God. The punching was so much fun.

[Brady]

That's what they did at Dale's shower. They did zip tie relay race.

[John Holmberg]

I would have to zip tie me to stay there.

[Dale Hellra]

How do you allow yourself to get zip tied?

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's the thing. Maybe get bonked in the head, knocked out, you wake up zip tied, something like that. Like you've been taken hostage. It was again, scenarios that have actually happened. That's what they go through. Like this happened to the police. Reports of this thing. Guy was zip tied by the captors and couldn't break. But we gotta teach how to get out. And now they put like wires in him and stuff. It's crazy.

[Dale Hellra]

You're probably shooting me before you get me zip tied. Unless I guess I'm knocked out.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if you don't have a gun, though, if there's no gun play and these guys are just bonking you or you get into a fight and they zip tie you, they're trying to take.

[Dale Hellra]

It a little quick, stay alive.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Zip tying a guy is not easy unless you got a gun right to the head and somebody else is like working. It's. There's ways to get zip tied. All right, but trust me, you don't want to. But we've learned how to break out of those.

[Dale Hellra]

And your wrists aren't all bruised. You can get.

[John Holmberg]

You can get beat up. I got the lines. Yeah. I didn't get mine.

[Brady]

He kept.

[John Holmberg]

I never got him.

[Dale Hellra]

You didn't commit. Oh, you.

[John Holmberg]

Because I'm a. And then once that.

[Brady]

Once that Sleep in them.

[John Holmberg]

Once that pulled a little, I'm like, I don't think I'm gonna do that again. I'll just fight with two hands. It was fun. My adrenaline was through the moon. You can do this for 89 bucks for the month of training. They'll get you in on this stuff. You don't have to do the zip tie thing. It was volunteers, but it was awesome. And you learned to do stuff like, man, what if this happened? Would I know what to do? And immediately, like, I can't get out. I got to learn how to fight like this. And you realize how powerful you are when you feel weakened. That's what the place does. It takes your weaknesses, turns them into powers. It's an amazing thing. 89 bucks for the money of training right now. Reactdefense.com it's their 25th anniversary, and they're celebrating by giving it back to you. It's the home of Tactical Black, Brady and Dale Entertainment.

[Brady]

Sean Diddy Combs. His prison release has been pushed back.

[Dale Hellra]

What?

[Brady]

He just says he violated a rule in in prison and it pushed it back a month.

[John Holmberg]

Save.

[Brady]

Your original release was supposed to be May 8, 2028. Now it's June 4, 2028. He was making prison hooch. Got busted.

[John Holmberg]

He was making jenkum.

[Brady]

No, not jenkum. It was fermented sugar. Fanta soda and apples.

[John Holmberg]

Ew. Fanta soda. Where do you get that?

[Brady]

It must. That's one of the things I'd be.

[Dale Hellra]

In the vending machines.

[John Holmberg]

That's still a thing. I haven't had Fanta since I was a kid.

[Brady]

It's gotta be. It's gotta be in the bottle too, because you. I don't know if they allow them to have the vending machine cans and stuff. Take the.

[Dale Hellra]

I. I don't know if they allow them have bottles, Brady.

[John Holmberg]

I think they give them the prisoners the glass bottle.

[Brady]

They have the 2 liter bottle and.

[John Holmberg]

Then they pretty much going to shove that up a guy's ass. If you have one of those.

[Dale Hellra]

I don't think that's a thing or bust.

[Brady]

That's why they're okay with the bottles.

[John Holmberg]

Then zip time and. Yeah, the bottles and the. Yeah, it's not going. Probably just a paper cup. A Fanta. It's better than the other one. You know what Jenkins is Dale? It's where you take toilet water. And what was the other stuff?

[Brady]

Your urine and poop.

[John Holmberg]

Your urine and your poop. And you ferment it. You put it in like a little mason jar, put it up by the window and it turns into liquor.

[Dale Hellra]

How do you even start. Like who even goes?

[Brady]

Huh?

[Dale Hellra]

I wonder what would happen.

[John Holmberg]

You are one amazing alcoholic. To think I'm going after this.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Cuz you read about it. Once you find out that that'll ferment into something. They added something else.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's gotta be like fruit or sugar or.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't remember what it was, but yeah.

[Dale Hellra]

Sanitizer.

[John Holmberg]

It could be. There's something with alcohol in it. Wow. Pop it in there and it. That's what jenkum is. And then purple juice, of course, is the. The robotus Robitussin and some sort of soda or something. I don't know what that is. Something else in there. That's what Jamarcus Russell used to drink a lot of.

[Brady]

Got purple hooked on it pretty good.

[Dale Hellra]

Really? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's why he walked around Dumbledore all the time.

[Dale Hellra]

Why do you keep hacking on me?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's got the COVID I was covering my mouth. Go brain.

[Brady]

Dale's got a great story.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Dale Hellra]

Well, what's interesting about this is for some reason I'm friends on Facebook with a girl that was on this show.

[Brady]

What?

[Dale Hellra]

The golden bachelor mel Owens caught flack. For saying he wasn't interested in a lady over 60.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's. He's a human male.

[Dale Hellra]

But last night he handed his final rose to a 62 year old woman. Do you remember a few months ago, blah, blah, blah. The Golden Bachelor finale aired last night and no, he did. He handed out his final rose to 60 year old peg Munson. She's a retired firefighter bomb tech from Las Vegas. Old, is he?

[Brady]

I think he's 60.

[John Holmberg]

62. She's 62.

[Dale Hellra]

Also, Mel gave Craig a ring in the finale, but while they're still together, they're not engaged. But there's a girl. I think she was a former cowboy.

[John Holmberg]

Cheerleader and she's on your Facebook page just saying, hey, Dale. She was one of the finalists for the Golden Bachelor.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No one likes it. You know what? I've always talked about this. My favorite part of the Golden Bachelor, the first couple days of the show, there's these women who haven't kissed a guy for years. They're either, you know, frigid old ladies or widows or something. And so they haven't. So their faces are super soft. And you know from aging that your stubble gets really hard. So the golden bachelor is making out with all these broads and then they go into their little room to talk about it and their faces look like they've been drinking kool aid for like a day and a half. They're just rubbed raw from all the movies making out because their tongues haven't touched tongues with anyone else for.

[Dale Hellra]

Have you actually watched a episode? Golden Batch.

[John Holmberg]

Loved it.

[Dale Hellra]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Because it was just, hi, how are you? I'm just so excited to meet you. And then they take that stubborn.

[Brady]

I watched episode one where they introduce all the.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, and then he makes out with half of them. And it is so good because they. They get rug burn on their faces from his stubble because it's the first time they've kissed him. Ages. Something that wasn't a baby.

[Brady]

He was 66. She's 60.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, that's gross. I don't want to think about them doing anything. But it's hilarious.

[Brady]

Las Vegas bomb tech. She's wild.

[John Holmberg]

Golden Bachelor is hilarious because it is desperate.

[Dale Hellra]

When would you have to wait to be on there?

[John Holmberg]

I think you got to be 60.

[Dale Hellra]

60 it is.

[Brady]

So there are a couple below 60.

[John Holmberg]

There's a few. Understood. Like the women can be.

[Brady]

Because he said he wasn't gonna do anything.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I thought the guy had to be 60 and everybody else could be whatever. It's great. It is so fun to watch old, desperate women clamor for one last shot at a payday. Or just the dude to be like, please, like, like, I. I've got 80 cats. I need a man.

[Dale Hellra]

I'm here with 15 other women. Find true love.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna pour this old beef out for as long as I can. I'm gonna give her one last run. She's got like, a squirt bottle of lube and, like, just a hope. That's it. Because she's dry as a cracker.

[Brady]

And was he the four former. He was a former football player, right?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I don't know about this guy. I didn't watch this year's episode. I watched the last one. The dude was lying about everything. It was great. He was just manipulating these women.

[Dale Hellra]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, so good. So funny. Because it's. It's. It's television desperation like it is. It's so sad and at the same time, great. Oh, you got to watch episodes of that.

[Brady]

Sharon Kelly and Jack Osborne have returned to their podcast since Ozzy passed away in July. And they talked about two people that they were surprised to hear from. Pleasantly surprised to hear from President Trump.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Left a voicemail. And King Charles paid respects with. Wrote him a little letter.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. For Ozzy. Dale hated him, but Ozzy was a legend.

[Brady]

And I forgot Sharon was on the Apprentice. Yes. Season three.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He left a nice little note.

[Brady]

And Jack was like, it was really cool because he didn't have to do that.

[John Holmberg]

Did you like President Trump's New Deal? And no more fat immigrants. He's not letting you in if you're fat.

[Dale Hellra]

Did not see that.

[John Holmberg]

You want to come in here normal, that's fine. You show up and you sign up and you're overweight. You're going home.

[Dale Hellra]

Sucking up our medical.

[John Holmberg]

No more fatties, Dale. No more. Good thing you're already here because you would be out. Don't like the big ones. It's true. He's booting fats.

[Dale Hellra]

Really?

[Brady]

Well, it hasn't passed yet. He would.

[John Holmberg]

It'll happen. Trump has. He's. It's going to happen just to drive people.

[Dale Hellra]

Who gets in first, me or Brady?

[John Holmberg]

If you're trying to immigrate to the nation. Brady's out because he's already gotten met. Well, you both do. You're both medical nightmares.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You're both drains on the system. Everybody out. Everybody out. You're both done. Yeah. You're both going to come over.

[Brady]

All be done.

[Dale Hellra]

Huh?

[John Holmberg]

No different for physical. They can fix that. Yours is Constant chronic problem.

[Brady]

I fix mine, huh? I can fix mine right now.

[John Holmberg]

But you haven't. That's what I'm saying. If you were trying to get in right now, and you high blood pressure and heart issues and one kidney and all this going on, you're not coming in here.

[Brady]

But don't you think it's expensive replacing things? I already did it in here. Well, done it. I thought you have to do it again.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't have to. It's not a chronic condition. And besides, it's not going to bleed them dry. Everybody every day with pills and this and that. You got to take pills, you got to do this, you got to be careful. All these and it's going to lead to something worse. Mine's a simple surgery. It's one and done. They're talking about chronic illnesses, diabetes, heart disease.

[Dale Hellra]

What's your surgery?

[John Holmberg]

Well, he's trying to compare me to him.

[Brady]

Two shoulders, two hips back.

[Dale Hellra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I walk right in. I walk right in. Yeah, you can keep acting like it. Your heart's on its last thread and you're telling me that we're the same. You're crazy. I'm in this country first they'd like. Let's let that go. Get her, get in. Give me a job in government. YouTube be standing outside looking in. How do you do that?

[Dale Hellra]

Johnny, can you get it in?

[John Holmberg]

No, I can't. Sorry. No rah rah room for you. I like that plan. I like that a lot. It's 1014 already, Dale. You've wasted enough time. That's it for us. You got. Tonight is William Shatner night for me. Tickets still available. You got to go out there if you want to. Not many though, I'll tell you that. They're down to their last few. So William Shatner and I will be on the stage page tonight if you want to head on down.

[Dale Hellra]

What are you doing?

[John Holmberg]

I am moderating William Shatner's question and answer period after the Wrath of Khan. I'd done it before Bill and I go back. Frank's going to be part of that as well as guest, so it'll be me, Bill Shatner, and then our friend Frank.

[Dale Hellra]

Do you actually call him Bill?

[John Holmberg]

I have called him Bill once, but I didn't like it. I didn't like it. No, he didn't care.

[Brady]

I didn't requested it.

[John Holmberg]

He likes that I call him Mr. Shatner just because it just seems like.

[Dale Hellra]

Well, what's he, 90 something?

[John Holmberg]

94. But yeah, he wants to be called Bill, but I don't know him well enough to go, hey bill. Yeah, Mr. Shatner.

[Dale Hellra]

So you treat him with the utmost.

[John Holmberg]

Respect sort of just on the phone. Please call me bill. No, Mr. Shatner, it is, it's pretty great. So tonight we should have fun.

[Dale Hellra]

Literally just a question answer period.

[John Holmberg]

People pay money. People pay money and they, they get to ask the questions and so I get to sit and moderate all the stuff and then we tell stories and back to forth. So I was so good at it last time they asked me to do it again. Meanwhile you tour at the hospital getting EKGs and stuff, trying to get into the country. That's it for us. We're done. Larry's coming up next. Have a great Thursday. We'll see you tomorrow. Right here in the morning. Sign of salon.

[David Jolly]

It's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.