11-14-25 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness – 11-14-25 (Full Show Summary)

Episode Overview

Theme:
The November 14, 2025, episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness is largely dominated by John Holmberg's harrowing, hilarious, and surreal retelling of moderating a William Shatner Q&A the night before—with Shatner fainting and collapsing minutes before taking the stage. Alongside regular banter, the crew explores themes of mortality, stage anxiety, celebrity encounters, and the absurdities of modern politics and AI, with an extended, improvised riff turning Bill Clinton and Donald Trump into a running, R-rated joke. The usual gang (Brady Bogen, Dick Toledo, Frank Caliendo guesting) keep the show energetic, irreverent, and sometimes surprisingly vulnerable.

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Key Points & Segment Breakdown

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I. William Shatner: The Night Holmberg Nearly Watched a Legend Die

[05:38–51:00, Main Segment]

Backstage: Holmberg, Frank Caliendo, and Shatner

• Holmberg recounts moderating a William Shatner Q&A at the Orpheum Theater:
  • Did it once, six years ago, “never thought I’d get to do it again.”
  • Shatner now 94—“your LAST chance” kind of energy.
• Pre-show prep:
  • He and Frank coordinate questions and improv bits, only for Shatner to say:
    “I don’t want any of the questions. We’re not doing any of the questions.” (08:55, Shatner via Holmberg)
  • Plan changes: just wing it, conversational.
  • Shatner in good spirits, joking, doing impressions.

The Collapse

[14:16–24:43]

• Minutes before showtime:
  • Shatner wobbles and, after some side-shuffling, COLLAPSES backstage.
    “William Shatner is out cold. …He missed hitting his head by less than a centimeter.” (15:07, Holmberg)
  • Per staff, is out “like a corpse”; no hands out, face down, unresponsive.
  • Holmberg's anxiety:
    • Fears for Shatner’s life, rapidly runs through worst-case scenarios.
    • “This is how old people die…I was worried I was about to watch William Shatner die.” (18:27)
  • Shatner eventually (still on the floor) croaks:
    • "Pick me up." (19:18, Shatner, deadpan via Holmberg)
  • He, Frank, and crew manage to haul Shatner upright; “thank God he’s lost weight.”

On Stage: Comedy Through Terror

[24:04–35:00]

• Shatner insists the show must go on (“We’re doing it” – Shatner).
• Holmberg and Caliendo forced to perform under the shock and strain:
  • “Frank and I—huge smiles plastered on our faces—were in horror, abject terror.” (25:27, Holmberg)
  • Both take on “EMT” roles on stage, eyes always on Shatner, braced to catch him if he crumples.
• Shatner regains form, steals the show, but keeps everyone on edge.

Reflections and Fallout

• Holmberg:
  • Can’t stop replaying the fall—“It’s living in my head…every time I shut my eyes, I see it.” (35:44)
  • “I don’t ever want to be responsible for a 94-year-old again.” (40:00)
  • By morning, still processing, texting with Frank: “I can’t stop seeing him fall.” (34:03, Caliendo)
• Frank Caliendo’s take:
  “Normally it’s just a moderator and me telling the same story. …this was fun. No, it wasn’t… I watched you die, old man.” (33:36, Caliendo)
• Both recognize how none of the audience knew what had just transpired moments before.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “Pick me up.” (19:18, Shatner/HoImberg, post-fall)
• “I don’t want to be responsible for when a guy dies…especially not when it’s Captain Kirk.” (37:24, Holmberg)
• “I’m never agreeing to do anything again with a 94-year-old.” (40:00, Holmberg)
• “All his bones sound like him.” (40:32, Caliendo, impersonating Shatner as a pile of clicking bones)

Timestamps:

• [14:16] Shatner’s collapse described
• [19:18] “Pick me up” moment
• [24:43] Prepping to go on stage, “holding him up like a little kid on a bike”
• [25:27–26:43] On-stage anxiety (“abject terror,” staging, throw rug risk)
• [35:44] Post-show, emotional aftermath, replaying the fall

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II. Shifting Into Riff Mode: Politics, AI, and (Sur)real Scenarios

[51:00 – End, interspersed]

A. Trump and Clinton: The Epstein Files/AI Oral Sex Riff

• The show takes a wild comedic turn: Caliendo and Holmberg turn new “Epstein files” rumors (fueled by a dubious line about Trump and Clinton) into an extended, graphic, improv routine of Trump giving Clinton oral sex.
  • Frank (as Trump): “Hopefully the Epstein files are true. I’m queer. But I only blow powerful men.” (153:46)
  • Bill Clinton (Caliendo): “Donald Trump, he sucked my dick one time down on the island…” (153:04)
  • Keeps rolling for nearly an hour, writing fake dialog, Hall of Presidents bits, late-night phone calls:
    “I can’t quit you…let’s go fishing together.” (74:14, Frank as Clinton)

Quotes:

• “There’s no more left and right, there’s only the blow job now.” (79:46, Holmberg/Caliendo, parodying politics)
• “Make America gag again.” (74:54, Caliendo as Trump)

B. AI, Impressionists, and the Future of Voices

• Brief, serious concern about deepfakes, A.I. using celebrity voices (notably Morgan Freeman).
• Frank asserts: “Only I should make money off of my voice.” (158:16, as Morgan Freeman)

C. Random Banter & Fun Segments

• News riffing: dangerous TikTok challenges; science news (comets, AI talking to the dead, Hitler’s supposed micro-penis); greeting card rants; trivia on Peanuts specials.
• Running in-joke about everyone’s ugly handwriting.
• Silly moments: imagining William Shatner as Joe Pesci in Raging Bull, or cardioid sex acts among Presidents.

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III. Show Staples and Recurring Segments

Code Words & Promotions

• Various on-air “code words” for cash/prize contests (e.g., “action” at 6:00, “deposit” at 7:00, “ride” at 8:00, “odds” at 9:00).

Guadalupe Squares

• [151:06–173:09]
  • Panel game featuring guest and regulars as celebrities (Caliendo shines with Clinton, Trump, Shatner, Morgan Freeman, etc.).
  • This week’s edition continues the Trump/Clinton riff, with wild banter and R-rated humor.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Attributions and Timestamps)

• On Shatner’s fall:
  “There’s nothing funny about a 94-year-old man who’s out cold in front of you…You think he broke something…this is how old people die.”
  – John Holmberg, [15:33]
• Back from the dead:
  “Pick me up.”
  – William Shatner (via Holmberg), [19:18]
• Surreal existential crisis:
  “I’ve never been so anxiety-riddled in my life. I was half an EMT, half a host.”
  – John Holmberg, [27:46]
• Perspective from Frank:
  “It was a night of comedy and terror.”
  – Frank Caliendo, [34:07]
• Frank’s post-show confession:
  “Normally it’s just a moderator and me telling the same story. This was fun. No, it wasn’t. I watched you die, old man.”
  – Frank Caliendo, [33:36]
• On politics and satire:
  “Hopefully the Epstein files are true, and now everyone knows…I’m queer, but I only blow powerful men.”
  – Frank Caliendo as Trump, [153:46]
• Brady on the crowd’s cluelessness:
  “No one in the crowd saw a thing…just gotten out of the elevator, super deep backstage.”
  – Ethan/Brady, [35:05–35:54]

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Episode Tone and Highlights

• Unfiltered, confessional, and farcical:
  Holmberg’s story is heartfelt and anxious yet treated with dark humor; the outlandish Trump/Clinton riff is played for maximum shock value with no apologies.
• Camaraderie and inside baseball:
  The team support each other’s bits, and Frank Caliendo’s impressions elevate the segments to absurd, meta-comedy.
• Moments of genuine vulnerability:
  John shares his real, lingering fears about Shatner’s fall and the weight of being near tragedy with someone iconic.

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Recommended Listening Timestamps

• Shatner Backstage/Collapse/Rise: [05:38–24:43]
• On-Stage with Shatner (Comedy and Terror): [24:43–35:00]
• Dark Comedy Post-Show Reflection: [35:00–39:57]
• Presidential Oral Sex Improv Bit: [62:00–79:40 approx.; also in the Guadalupe Squares at 153:00+]

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Conclusion—Why Listen?

If you want to hear a legendary morning show at its best—unfolding a harrowing, hilarious, behind-the-scenes story involving William Shatner, then following it with some of the most unhinged, un-cancelably vulgar political satire on the airwaves—this episode is unmissable.
The blend of vulnerability, camaraderie, and comedic talent (especially with Frank Caliendo on impressions), keeps it engaging from end to end.

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Credits:
Host: John Holmberg
Co-Hosts: Brady Bogen, Dick Toledo
Guest: Frank Caliendo

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[This summary focuses on the main Shatner segment and its aftermath, the standout comedic riffs of the episode, and the overall wild, unpredictable tone of the show.]

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

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[Frank Caliendo]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Frank Caliendo]

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[Frank Caliendo]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Frank Caliendo]

Morning sickness.

[Corey]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[John Holmberg]

He's evil sitting right here. Come on.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude.

[John Holmberg]

Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday. It's 5:45. This is the morning sickness and we are ready to go here. My name's John. There's Brady. Big Dick Toledo's here. Brett's still out obviously this week as he is dealing with his father still and having that. He's doing well. By the way, people have asked, how is Brett doing? He's getting through it. You know, he's getting the things together. Now's the time. It just becomes that strange arrangement. And he is an only child. He's the only one. So everything is going through him and arrangements are going through Brett. So he stayed busy, but he appreciates everybody talking about him, thinking about him and asking him questions about how he is. So he's. Yeah, he's. He's cooking right along. We'll have Brett back before you know it. We miss him too. Brady, have I got a story for you. Last Night I got to host and along with Frank Caliendo, moderate William Shatner's question and answer. Hour and a half, thereabouts, with everybody. Went down to the Orpheum Theater, bought tickets to that, watched the Wrath of Khan, A spectacular film, when you watch it, is really kind of a great space movie. And William Shatner does a Q and A after for the fans. Fans come in. I don't know. We got there, we're supposed to get there about quarter to seven. And Frank and I arrived together at quarter to seven. Now, I did this six years ago. Six years ago, I got the call to say, would you like to moderate this thing with William Shatner? And I'm like, are you kidding me? Six years ago? He's 88 years old. When is it, when am I going to get this chance? I've always, we used to joke, have William Shatner day here on the show, goes around as a character on the show and everything else. So six years ago, they asked me to do it. I said, of course I'll do that. That sounds amazing. I don't want, I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to screw the night up. I'm not sure. But this is a great opportunity to meet William Shatner and hang out with him and whatever. So six years ago, I go there and I'm just marveling at William Shatner backstage. We have dinner, he has dinner. We. We weren't eating. And Frank went with me again last, but he did not do the moderation on stage. So we're hanging out, doing our thing six years ago. Go on stage, It's a blast. I ended the night saying, it's an honor, it's a pleasure. Thank you for letting me do this. Thanks for trusting me with being part of your show. I, you know, you don't know me at all. So I really appreciate that. It was so kind, so nice. We separate, we part ways. And I remember saying, that's pretty cool. Get to hang out. He's 88. This probably will be the only experience that you get with a guy like that. And it was great. Had a great memory. Six years later, get the call again this summer, he's coming back, he's going to do the Wrath of Khan thing. He's got new stories. He's got a new one, man. Q and A afterwards. Would you like to do that again? I'm like, absolutely. I didn't expect this to happen, but I had so much fun last time. This most definitely is probably your last chance. He's now 94 years old. So last night, one last throwdown with William Shatner and I'm thinking to myself that what a gift. I got lucky twice to hang out with an icon. I mean, you know, the male Betty White at this point. He's been, he's been famous since 1951, he's been around for the longest time. He's been doing all sorts of stuff. You can't go through a decade without him having influenced it in some way or another. And when he shows up, people know who he is and it's, it's William Shatner, for crying out loud, it's Captain Kirk, it's Denny Crane, it's, it's up and down the list you've got name after name, TJ Hooker, as someone has associated with him somewhere along the line. So we get there about quarter to seven last night. Frank and I are told to get there a little early and we do. And frankly it was pointless to get there that early. No one was going to be there for a while. But the crowd started to develop a line outside and Frank and I went out just to keep an eye, like, wow. Surprisingly fairly young crowd. Now the movie started at 7:30, it's exactly two hours long. And then we have an hour and 15, 20 minutes for the Q and A after. So we're looking at 7:30 to 9:30 if everything goes perfectly. And then 9:45 would be when we start the Q and A. And that's going to run till 11, which is fine, but it's Thursday and William Shatner's 94 and like I said, he's been famous since 1950. So there's people who have known him since the 60s, they're in their 70s, right. Meghan's dad wanted to go, but found out that it wouldn't end until 11. He's only, I can't do that. And he's only 71 years old. So Frank and I are talking, we're writing notes back and forth about how we're going to handle this. We've been told several ways that this works. Now, having done it before, I knew that this was a Q and A with four or five design questions that would guide William Shatner into stories he wanted to tell, part of his one man show. That's the typical way to do this. Now Frank was going to join me on stage as an impressionist. We'd go back and forth and do some stuff and they were all in on it. William Shatner was like, this is going to be Exciting. We're going to change it up. So I'm, I'm taking. The audience gets a chance to write questions. So there's, I don't know, I get a stack of maybe four or five hundred questions that just keep coming in as they let people in the outside into the Orpheum Theater, panning some questions. So I'm going through any of the questions. Some of them are stupid. I mean, some people, why did you waste your, your, your carpal tunnel chances on writing what you wrote? But surprisingly many of them were pretty good. So I've got a stack of discards and a stack of maybes, and the stack of maybes is growing. I've got a few questions I've written down. So now I've got a good 25 questions that are stacked up and I got to whittle that down somehow to about seven, including the four that they gave you.

[Brady]

It's a tough whittle.

[John Holmberg]

It's a really tough whittle. So then I start to kind of make amalgamations of like two or three of the questions together. I'd try to combine and throw a name of the person from the audience. And so I go through all this work for about an hour. Frank and I are taking like, we'll do this, we'll try that, you know, work him into that area. This story gets told, he's not there yet. So then it's about now, it's about 8 o' clock and Mr. Shatner arrives with his producer Ethan. All this hour and a half of work we're doing and putting this together. Ethan grabs the questions and he's like, I'm just gonna look through these and say, I'm like, that's fine, I kind of get rid of these. And he's so he's going through stuff and he dog ears some of the ones he likes. And so Shatner and Frank and I get to talking and it is backstage, maybe the funnest podcast you've ever been a part of. If we were recording that thing, it would have been what is going on with these 3? 94 year old William Shatner is on point. He's thin, he looks fantastic. And I'm like, man, you going back and forth. He starts telling knock, knock jokes for no reason. He thinks there's an Australian guy that he's doing a book with that was there and he's. And he's like talking to him about. He said something, he just told us a joke. The interrupting cow, jokingly and William Shag.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, I've Never heard that before.

[John Holmberg]

Is that a. You could use any animal you wanted. And so he goes off and he starts with the interrupting con, which iconic. When you're sitting, you want this from a guy, like when he's like, knock, knock. We didn't see it. Like, who's there? Interrupting Khan, like, interrupting con. And he throws that. He's like, oh, my God. And we all just kind of fall out laughing, like, are we really doing knock knock jokes? Goofing around. Everybody's doing impressions and everything. And he goes, I don't want any of the questions. We're not doing any of the questions.

[Frank Caliendo]

This is what we're doing.

[John Holmberg]

We're going to be on stage, just interview.

[Frank Caliendo]

You're good at what you do, you're an impressionist, you're great at what you do.

[John Holmberg]

And he's telling us praise and then.

[Frank Caliendo]

He says, let's just go out there and you guys chat with me.

[John Holmberg]

I like, if you want to. Ethan, his producer, like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is not the way things are going to go now. He's not saying that out loud, but I can see it in his eyes. And he goes. And he hands me a couple questions. He goes, these are really good ones. And I'm like, yeah, I wrote this one. And it's kind of a. A mess of the three or four people had written this. So I was kind of going to work names in and try to.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He goes, and shadows.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, it has to be organic. You can't do what you do and have it be organic.

[John Holmberg]

We're going out there and we're just.

[Frank Caliendo]

Going to wing it.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm like, that's the way I like to do things. I said, so if you're up for it. I know. I said, I know nobody, Ethan, you don't know me. I got this.

[Frank Caliendo]

Well, just wing it.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm like, and I'll also know where you want to go because I've read the pre questions for your story, so I know exactly how to get you there. When we have a lull or we have a moment, I'm like, I will guide you right into one of your stories. You'll be a superstar on stage for seven or eight minutes because the stories are all great. And we sit down. But Frank and Cali Endo had worked with Terry Bradshaw in the past. Shatner did that show with Terry Bradshaw. He's got it. And he was loving the impressions of everything but himself.

[Frank Caliendo]

Why do people always say that when I'm talking, I pause, I Said actual thing that I. I don't believe I do.

[John Holmberg]

We're like, you're doing it right now. I'm not. And so we do it. And I did mine. I said, mine's over the top. Where I always start with I, because I think that you're going to talk about yourself, no matter what the topic. That's the joke.

[Frank Caliendo]

I, who once was on an airplane and there was something on the wing, and he's like, I don't do that.

[John Holmberg]

And so we're back and forth. He loved the impressions. We were gonna do. Neil DeGrasse, Mike Tyson. Cause he's hanging out with Neil DeGrasse Tyson. So we worked out a bunch of little things to try to go. And as the moderator, me, I have to now host this thing. And it's not as easy as it seems.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

To just go up there and drive that thing with an icon to your left and an incredible performer and Frank to your right and still feel like you have to be some type of entertaining thing without stealing any spotlight at all, which was Frank and I trying not to do. This is William Shatner's night. We feel great. I had told Frank on the drive over, I rarely feel good about something, and I. And I don't tonight because I don't have butterflies. And I love butterflies. Love it. That means everything's going to be okay. So I don't have any. And I'm like, I don't have nerves for this. I don't have any. Any fear that this is going to go poorly at all. And that makes me nervous because I like that feeling of, like, all right, John, get it out of your system. The butterflies before you go on a stage. I love that feeling.

[Frank Caliendo]

For game time, I'm still sort of talking like, shut. You can't help it when you're around him. You'll just do that.

[John Holmberg]

So I don't have him. I'm. I'm sitting back there. I look at Frank and I'm like, this is. He's. He's on point. This is great. We have dinner together. He takes a bite and he goes.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, this is like any goldfish.

[John Holmberg]

What are we.

[Frank Caliendo]

What is this?

[John Holmberg]

It's like. It's a place called Thai Basil. I believe you ordered it.

[Frank Caliendo]

I would have never ordered this.

[Brady]

What is this?

[John Holmberg]

And he takes another base.

[Frank Caliendo]

No.

[John Holmberg]

So then he grabs an apple out of the fridge and eats an apple. We all just kind of sit and talk. So Guy comes around the corner and he says, all right, 10 minutes, we'll be out and Go on the stage, said Frank. John, you guys go over to this part of the stage, stand there. Mr. Shatner will enter from the other side of the stage. So we're across the stage from each other. I'm like, we got it. I'm supposed to go out there after they introduce me with Frank, do 30 seconds of goof, and then introduce what they're calling a sizzle reel, which is about a two minute thing, just a cut up of his entire career. So it's a bunch of clips and music that it's a. Over the years, it's a hype reel of William Shatner. It's funny, it's, it's just pictures of him through the years, it's little clips and funny quotes and whatever and just iconic moments. So we're getting ready to go. Guy comes back, goes, two minutes, we're heading up. So we're like, all right, let's get out of here. So at the Orpheum, the dressing rooms are on a lower floor. You go up one floor, go out to the stage level, and then you walk onto the stage to, I don't know, so 200ft from the elevator. So we all get up, walking in and I told Frank, I'm like, still don't have much of nerves. I said, guess it's gonna feel really good about, like, this is gonna be funny.

[Ethan]

Here we go.

[John Holmberg]

It's gonna be a fun night on the elevator. And by the way, the word for six o', clock, this stupid game these jackasses put together, make it so you can't have a cohesive show. They brought it back Monday, I know, interrupting everything so you could give a word, but it is for money and that's a good thing. So at 6 o', clock, action will be your word for the Take it in the app promo. So action is your six o' clock word. Action. And get it together, maybe win the money. All right, back to what I was.

[Brady]

Talking about, deep drives.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. So it's Castellanos's game. We should call the Nick Castellan knows. Let's just get in the way of everything game. So anyway, I'm, I'm in the elevator with Frank. Captain Kirk is his producer, Ethan, and another guy, stage manager, and everything's fine. Elevator doors open and I look and William Shatner kind of wobbles a little as getting out, and I'm like, oh, down he goes and he starts laughing. Oh. And he starts to walk again and then a side shuffle. And then William Shatner is out cold. No. Drops down Ty Basil took him out. No, he only had one bite, didn't eat drops and I mean falls hard, no break. He was out on his feet and missed hitting his head on an open door by what had to be less than a centimeter down. We are one minute from that introduction, standing side stage and Frank and I have to walk behind the curtain and he's out. 94 year old man, crazy. And I look at, I mean I literally holy. Like that's all you hear, oh, what do we do?

[Ethan]

And he's out for no nerves.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. And I'm. Well, here's the thing I've been worried about. And I'm looking over at Frank, I'm like, what do we do? What do now? I'm a bundle of nerves. I'm a mess.

[Ethan]

Oh man.

[John Holmberg]

And the producer turns and I'm like, this is canceled, this is over. It's elder abuse. We get him up right now. Can't, we can't. It's done. Whatever. It's by the way, while we're backstage at. I mean. And the show started about 15 minutes late. So at this point you're looking at midnight. It's. Well, it's 9:45 now in the 15 minute intermission, we're going to start the Q and A a little after 10 o'. Clock. And it goes for an hour and so, so he hits the couch about nine. Now keep in mind, for an hour from eight until about nine, we're backstage, riffing, speeding. It's almost like an improv thing. There's jokes flying. It's performative backstage because performers are there. And I've got one of an icon of stage, like he loves states of Shakespearean train. William Shatner ramped up like he is loving the performance angle of this. Frank and I are going back and forth. He's loving all. So he's expending a ton of energy in that hour. He sits down on the couch about nine in the dressing room and immediately goes to sleep. He is driving this tour he started. I don't know, how old are you? 61, 60 something. So I'm 53. I couldn't do this. He woke up on Wednesday at 6am and drove from his house in Los Angeles to Tucson. To Tucson, right. And got there probably, I don't know, it was like six, seven hours because it took forever. They stopped at Denny's and Quartzite, which became a great story. And then, and then gets to Tucson, does the show that night in Tucson. That goes till they leave there about 12:45 because he's after the Q and A, he's got a meet and greet for 45 minutes. So he's in Tucson till 12, hops in a car, drives up here to do a show last night, gets here, slept for a couple hours in the daytime, does the show here last night, then after that show scheduled, to get into a car, drive to Anaheim, do a show tonight, then get in a car and drive to Napa Valley and do another show, I think Sunday or Monday. He's 94, so the guy hits the couch and he goes to sleep. Understood. I've been backstage with performers who usually clear a room or they just need 15, 20 minutes themselves. So he's asleep, we're like, that's normal. Anyway, he goes out cold on our way to the stage. I mean, out cold. So suddenly the funny is over. There's nothing funny about a 94 year old man who's out cold in front of you. You think he broke something? This is how old people die. He broke something.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He didn't break that fall. There were no hands out, it was face down, boom. Onto the concrete. And it feels like forever that the body of William Shatner is laying in front of me. And I'm thinking to myself, this is that thing TMZ like William Shatner passes out and there's always a couple of gray, nameless faces in the photo. I'm one of them. Here I am. The moment that this is my life's new story, that I get to say, I happened to be right there when William Shatner dropped dead in front of me. And I'm sitting just, I mean, my mind's spinning on how what just happened. And as we're sitting there, Frank's looking at me, we're looking, I'm like, well, how do I like what you just hear from the ground? Pick me up.

[Frank Caliendo]

Huh? Pick me up. Pick you up.

[70s Detective Brady]

Pick me up.

[John Holmberg]

You couldn't move and this is a dead body talking to me. There's no like hand gestures or no attempt to get himself up. He's a corpse.

[Frank Caliendo]

Pick me up. Where do you begin?

[Ethan]

So deadpan.

[John Holmberg]

So do dead body, William Shatner on the ground. I'm thinking, we're going to pick him up and there's a broken bone. I'm going to think we're picking him up and I'm going to break a bone. I'm like, I don't know if that's a good idea. Pick me up. Okay. So me and two other guys grabbed dead weight. William Shatner, thank God he's Lost weight. Remember how fat he got for a little while? Pick him up, get him going on the stage. And it is jello. Meanwhile, we got stage manager going, I'm gonna, I'm gonna introduce you in one minute, huh? You guys have to get to the other side. And I'm looking at William Shatner, his eyes are gone, like it's just watery mess and he is wobbly. And he goes, well, we're doing it, we're good. I go, we gotta, are we sure? And Ethan goes, are you sure, sir?

[Frank Caliendo]

We're doing it.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I'm fine, we're fine. Okay, so. All right, guys, get on the other side of the stage. So Frank and I walk over there and I'm what the is going on? And he goes, I don't want to do this. I'm like, I'm going home. The old man's on his own. There is no possible way I'm going to sit on stage in front of a nearly part of this desk. There's a thousand people sitting there waiting for him to come out and watch this guy drop dead on stage. I don't want to be, I don't want to do this. And Frank and I get to the other side of the stage and then look at each other in this eye contact moment and erupt in laughter. I'm like, how the are we here? What is going on? Please welcome from 98 KUPD John Holmberg and his friend Frank. Which is the bio I wrote. Yeah. Or the intro. And so I look, our mics turn green. They turn them on. I'm like, we're going. So as I'm walking onto the stage from stage left, looking across, Frank falls. No, there's William Shatner and his entry point, watching us go out on the stage. Now, we had worked out a little thing in the beginning to just say the impressions are what everybody's doing. So we're kind of going to go out and just basically say we've spent.

[Frank Caliendo]

The last two and a half hours with William Shatner and neither of us could stop doing this.

[John Holmberg]

And Frank and I go back and forth a little bit.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's impossible. And you audience by the end of the night will all be driving home.

[John Holmberg]

Doing this big laughs, everything's having fun. I out of the corner of my eye, I can't think of anything else. Is he still alive? Is not what you want for your guest?

[Brady]

Is he laid out on the stage?

[John Holmberg]

Is he still alive? There's no couches anymore. That was how he's done. He can't Lay down. We're now side stage, there's nothing to sit in. I look over and I see Ethan and Mr. Shatner was in a vest, like a, like a Patagonia vest, right? So I see he's got a firm grip on the side of his vest and one on his arm. And Shatner's head's down, it's weakened at Bernie's. Oh, man, Shatner's head's down on the side stage. And I mean, while looking out of the corner of my eye, talking to.

[Frank Caliendo]

An audience, going, soon you too will be doing this.

[John Holmberg]

Ahah. Everybody's ahah. And then I'm thinking in my head, or you're all just about to get the announcement that the guy you came here to see is dead.

[Brady]

We'll refund your tickets.

[John Holmberg]

I say to myself, he's taking tomatoes. I say to myself, Frank actually did a great job because I'm up there.

[Frank Caliendo]

And I'm like, y' all talk like this. And Frank said, let's try to go backstage, get out of these characters, Watch this historical retelling of the life of William Shatner.

[John Holmberg]

Boom, sizzle, reel starts. Action is the word for 6:00am, by the way, you mother. Anyway, Frank and I go back off stage, I look at him, I'm like, look across, look over there. Firm grip on Shatner's arms. He's kind of coming to reels, going, 30 more seconds, get him an IV before. My job is when this is over, to say, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. William Shatner. Real ends. And I start walking on stage. Frank's right behind me and I see Ethan let him go like a little kid trying to ride a two wheel bike for the very first time. And he's up and he starts walking towards us. I have tunnel vision on, I gotta catch him if he starts coming at me. And we drop and we're pretty far apart.

[Ethan]

Shift your microphone so you good hand.

[John Holmberg]

Right hand, right hand mic, yeah, close head. It's like I'm boxing, I gotta keep that. We're, we're fighting, we're not orthodox. It's lefty, righty. So I'm going left hand out. And I said, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. William Shatner. Crowd goes insane. Standing ovation, out he walks. I, there's three seats up there, I have to sit in the middle. Frank's to my right table, William Shatner to my left. He walks out on stage and he's supposed to go for about five minutes in this story as a hello, kind of, how are you? Meanwhile, we have no questions or Anything like that? Because we've decided to wing it, which was gonna be fine. There is a throw rug on the stage.

[Ethan]

Oh, no. Was it taped down?

[John Holmberg]

No, because I hit it. He gets to it. He looks down, looks at me like, you saw it, right? And I'm like, oh, boy, I'm gonna catch the dying body of William Shatner sometime tonight. Shuffles out and he's looking. It didn't really get jump started immediately. And then he starts to talk and he starts getting through the story. Meanwhile, I'm watching a crowd just going, there's the guy we came to see. This is great. I'm gonna have a good time. What they don't realize is that the two guys on stage with great big smiles plastered on their faces, enjoying the evening all phony, are in horror, abject.

[Brady]

Terror.

[John Holmberg]

Of what could possibly happen again. And what happened three minutes ago backstage with this 94 year old man who we've spent the last two hours. And there's a clock on the stand. I'm looking, it says 10:06. I'm like, he shouldn't be awake. It's not when 94 year olds thrive. He gets through the first story, looks at me as he kind of steps over. The throw rug's a good inch between the stage depth and the throw rug is big. It's the last thing you do. Every old, every person who has a parent who is of age, the first thing you do is like, just get rid of these rugs. It isn't gonna knock you down. Yeah, you have to get rid of the rugs. This rug was no joke. It was thick.

[Frank Caliendo]

Holmberg. Morning sickness updates. Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

And it was, it was a step up. You couldn't. And he doesn't shuffle. But Frank even whispered to me and this was when it started getting crazy. Frank whispers to me in the middle of his first little thing. We got our mics down and he goes.

[70s Detective Brady]

It's like Joe Biden.

[John Holmberg]

He's walking around. We're gonna lose him, Mike. You're seeing what I'm seeing. This is the scariest thing I've ever been a part of. The stage has an edge right to the front row. Going, finishes the first five minutes, sits down and looks at me and I'm.

[Frank Caliendo]

Like, what do you got?

[John Holmberg]

We're good. Let's. We're doing this. We start going, he's fun, he's on it. Everything's good. He's sitting down now. I'm comfortable because he's sitting. Doesn't need to catch him. And I set him up for another one of his things. Now we go through a little riff thing that went great. He's getting huge laughs on everything. He's being set up with. Frank and I are doing the impressions of him. He's loving it. He's playing back. We had a great start, everything's good. And then he starts his next story. Now, as it turns out, when you're 94 and you get up real fast, that's when the blood sugar starts going, do we have enough? Do we have too much? What's going on? And I, I watched him want to stand up for a second, telling a story and killing. By the way, this is the, the man who was dead a few minutes ago is now. I wanted. They gave him cocaine. I don't know what it was. He is, this is.

[Frank Caliendo]

Jesus.

[John Holmberg]

Got nothing on this dude. He's back. So Shatner gets up. And again, he keeps looking at me.

[Frank Caliendo]

Like, keep an eye on me, I may drop.

[John Holmberg]

Because that's all I'm thinking. And I'm, and I'm loving the stories, but also half of me is an EMT now, and I gotta watch this thing. This guy's gonna go out, gets up and starts telling another story. And he starts shuffling around again and I'm like, oh, my God, I can't enjoy. I've never been so anxiety riddled in my life. And he shuffles around, he gets back to his seat and he looks at me and I just see it in his eyes. I'm like, man, he is running on fumes. And then he gets to the next thing. I'm like, this guy is a machine. I've never seen anything like what I've seen. He's not here. It's like a boxer who was out on his feet and he's still boxing. And he gets through. So I set him up. It goes really well. At 10:55, I am to ask him a question that gets him to his closing remarks. But we've dicked around so much, there's two questions that could be the close. So I give him the option on stage, I'm like, I'd be remiss if you, if I don't talk about your trip to space, it was a poignant moment in your lifetime because I see.

[Frank Caliendo]

What you're doing, I know what you're doing. Let me ask the audience a question. Because the space story ends relatively sad, emotional, and I've got another story that's very funny. What would you rather hear in the audience?

[John Holmberg]

Like a sad story, a funny story. Every time somebody Says, funny, we don't want to leave sad.

[Frank Caliendo]

Okay, fine.

[John Holmberg]

I look at the clock and like we're right on time. I don't know how we got through this thing. He starts telling the story and the story that he tells is about how the one time he was. They used to film in a place 45 minutes from Star Trek set that was often used as another planet. So they just move rocks around and you'd think you're on another planet and they do it. And it was the same spot pretty much for every Star Trek episode, but they just throw rocks. Remember that? The gorge, little valley. They would go, remember that? The famous thing William Shatner fought that weird lizard that you could see the zipper. And it was the slowest fight ever. It was in this place, it was in this canyon. They filmed all this.

[Brady]

I said, don't move, right?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it was just, it was the worst rubber suit you've ever seen. So he's, he's going to tell the story about how the, everybody told him on the set one day, hey, tomorrow we're filming out at whatever it is, Valencia Creek or whatever, and we're going to be there at a certain time, whatever. So he says, okay, for the first time ever, I took my suit home and I was. That way I could kill, you know, it's a 45, 50 minute drive. That way I can kill another 20, 25 minutes sleeping so I don't have to go all the way to the thing, get in the suit and get. Well, I'll just be in wardrobe when I arrive to the thing. And the story goes that he gets into the wardrobe and he's driving to this place and he's speeding because he likes to speed. And he gets pulled over in the Captain Kirk suit and the officer, you know, he goes to the. I don't even know the punchline of it because he starts telling the story. And then he turns to me and he goes, what are those on stage?

[Frank Caliendo]

What are those cars called? The, what's the street race?

[John Holmberg]

Like F1?

[Frank Caliendo]

No. Anyway, I'm in a car now.

[John Holmberg]

I see that he had no idea which story he's telling.

[Frank Caliendo]

I was on a show once for the Metis race cars and I'm with.

[John Holmberg]

Bill Cower, like, oh man. And he's talking about going like 192 miles an hour in a NASCAR. I'm like, okay, he's drifted off this story. I looked down at the clock, it's now 1106. We're 10 minutes into this story when he decides to say, I forgot What I was talking about. Here's a new story and it starts going and it's now, it's this crazy story about this game show he was on where you had the fastest ones. Got to move on to the next round. And we were slow. So Bill Cower hits this turn at 191 miles an hour. Some lady he was with hits it at 192. So he realizes I've got to go faster than 192 to stay on the show. I can't be the slowest one in this group. And he does it.

[Frank Caliendo]

He goes, donny Osman missed the turn, crashed into a tree. Thank you, everybody. Good night.

[Brady]

That was the ending.

[Frank Caliendo]

He left like, ladies and gentlemen, ladies.

[John Holmberg]

And gentlemen, it was Gabrielle Reese. That's who the other girl was. That went that fast. Ladies and gentlemen, the legend, William Shatner. And the applause just, everybody erupts the story he missed. And then. So we go backstage, he goes, I didn't tell the story at all, did I?

[Frank Caliendo]

I'm like, no, I forgot the end of the story.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't do the right story. Like, that's okay. I don't think anyone cared. I think you get forgiven for being 94. And I'm like, by the way, what.

[Frank Caliendo]

The was that before we went on stage? I probably need to eat something before.

[John Holmberg]

I do these things. Yeah, you made my heart 94.

[Ethan]

Did you tell him that?

[Frank Caliendo]

Of course. You guys were magnificent. What a great show. Bill Shatner, you realize what you put us through.

[Brady]

You should have leveraged it.

[Ethan]

You need to come in studio tomorrow.

[John Holmberg]

And then at the end, I'm like, that was the most horrifying and exciting thing I have ever been a part of. So I did ask, like, come in tomorrow morning.

[Frank Caliendo]

I'll be on my way to. We're going to Anaheim tonight.

[John Holmberg]

Stop your life, right? Take a day off, Take a break.

[Ethan]

Tell his producers, do the shows earlier.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Old people eat at 4. We don't start shows with. I told him in the middle of the thing, I said, you realize you're. I checked it on Google. You're the only 94 year old man awake right now. You realize that there are no other 94 year olds at this moment who are awake? If they are, it's because they're being given the medicine they need to get to go back to sleep.

[Ethan]

So the producer's driving to Anaheim, right?

[John Holmberg]

Well, they got a service. They're all gonna sleep in the back of the car.

[Brady]

Phew.

[John Holmberg]

He.

[Frank Caliendo]

And then at the end, that was a marvelous. What a great What a great night.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, it was. It was really good.

[Frank Caliendo]

Do you realize what the.

[John Holmberg]

You put us through?

[Frank Caliendo]

I had the best time. I would love that. Normally it's just a moderator and me telling the same story. This was fun. No, it wasn't.

[John Holmberg]

I watched you die, old man. Anyway, what a wonderful night.

[Frank Caliendo]

Thank you so much for being part of it.

[John Holmberg]

And then we just sit down, relax, and have another 15 minutes with William Shatner. That was unbelievable. And joking around. Frank and I get back in the car, driving back, and I'm like, what happened?

[Frank Caliendo]

What was that?

[John Holmberg]

And he goes, I can't stop seeing him fall. It was this.

[Brady]

It was a night of comedy and terror.

[John Holmberg]

It was all terror. The comedy happened subconsciously. We're just funny people. So it was going to happen because the stage lights are on, so you just. Scott Taylor from downstairs was there and he texted me and he goes, that was the most fun. I'm like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Let me tell you something. I'm still coming down.

[Frank Caliendo]

The man was dead.

[John Holmberg]

The man was dead for a minute and a half. And you do have that feeling, like, this was an odd thing that kind of crossed over my mind. Who's filming this? Right when he fell down, I'm like.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

And you stand with your, like your arms out, protecting the corpse. Cause I don't want anybody to take that shot and see it. On tmz. William Shatner suffers medical emergency.

[Ethan]

Reset again. He fell backstage. Nobody in the crowd saw this?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Ethan]

Saw the whole thing.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no one saw a thing. So before the side stage.

[Ethan]

That's what I thought.

[John Holmberg]

Just gotten out of the elevator. The way it is, the elevator goes out, you make a right and a left and you're super deep backstage. Then you have to make kind of a weird little whip and you're behind these giant curtains.

[Ethan]

Limited crew would have seen anything.

[John Holmberg]

Me, the producer, the stage manager, Frank, and, yeah, a couple of people who work there. But there was no one. There was an empty hallway and the door to go into the stage was cracked at a 45 degree angle and propped open. And he fell directly at it. And. And it's that I froze. I'm standing a foot from him, behind him, and he. I mean, and it was almost like the earth absorbed him. It was this. It was this delicate thump, thump, thump.

[Brady]

Gravity.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, I fell down.

[John Holmberg]

But that weirdest. And it's living in my head to this minute. You know when something weird happens and then your brain relives It. And you have the same chills.

[Ethan]

You're replaying it right now.

[John Holmberg]

I'm doing it over and I can't stop. And I don't know why. I felt like I watched him die. It was so real to me. And I thought he hit his head on the door. And that would have been the end of William Shatner.

[Frank Caliendo]

The end.

[Ethan]

So it was an hour and a half at least until he might have gotten any medical attention if you wanted.

[John Holmberg]

To keep doing the show. Yeah. And I don't know if he did.

[Frank Caliendo]

I don't think he did.

[John Holmberg]

By the end of the night, everybody's like, he's good. Get in the car. We're going to Anaheim.

[Ethan]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

And I told the producer, I'm like.

[Ethan]

You need we check the news this week?

[John Holmberg]

That's what I was. I. I swear to you what I thought. I'm gonna. I'm gonna get up and go to work tomorrow and I'm gonna. First thing I'm gonna see is legendary actor William Shatner, gone at 94. But he was sprying good at the end of the night again, it was horrifying. But I keep reliving that fall. Like, if I'd have grabbed him, would it have helped with anything? He. And it was out cold. On your feet. No break. No. Hands down, straight into the ground, face down. Bam.

[Frank Caliendo]

Face hit.

[John Holmberg]

Unbelievable night. And I could not have had a better time and had a heart attack at the exact same time. I. My heart was pounding. And then seeing him over there on that side stage being propped up.

[Brady]

All the stories you've talked about, certain comedians, whether it was Mitch Hedberg.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, how many?

[Brady]

I want to be there.

[John Holmberg]

How many of you? Oh, no, it was so close. I want to be in the crowd when something goofy. I don't want to be responsible for it.

[Brady]

Joking about that. Or on a couple different comedians saying, I want to be there.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to be in the car when a guy dies.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to be standing side stage when a guy dies. I want to be at a show when something weird happens. You know, I would have loved to have been at the Chappelle thing when the guy went up on stage with. And they beat the crap out of him. I'd love been in the audience, but being in the audience for it was great. Being somewhat responsible. I don't want to hear Pick me up ever again. It was the weirdest feeling that William Shatner needed us to pick me up. Are you sure?

[Frank Caliendo]

Pick me up.

[Brady]

I like how the manager it's like, all right, let's get up.

[John Holmberg]

Show it wasn't the manager. Everybody was sitting there going, what are we doing?

[Brady]

But no one. No one made the call.

[John Holmberg]

Like, no, no, you couldn't.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, If I'm booked, I go on.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's his thing.

[Frank Caliendo]

If I'm booked, I go on. Well, you almost died.

[John Holmberg]

Don't care.

[Frank Caliendo]

I'm up. I'm fine. Let's go.

[Brady]

And it doesn't.

[John Holmberg]

He's fighting death, but it was just blood sugar. Yeah, but the whole time. And then hindsight kicks in, we're sitting down there. He didn't eat anything. He had the apple. And he goes, you know what I really want is a piece of steak.

[Frank Caliendo]

I need some protein.

[John Holmberg]

All the. All the red flags were there before.

[Frank Caliendo]

I want some protein.

[John Holmberg]

You know what I'm going to do?

[Frank Caliendo]

I'll get a burger after the show on our way to Anaheim. It'll be great.

[John Holmberg]

So he orders a burger as I cut it in half. And he get right down to the details.

[Frank Caliendo]

I want the onions.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want the onions cut in half. And we're joking. Like how intricate his stupid burger order was.

[Frank Caliendo]

I want cheese on the side, but I'm not going to eat the cheese.

[John Holmberg]

So make a cheese sandwich for someone else on the side, but keep it with my burger.

[Frank Caliendo]

And then make the burger. Cut it in half, but the onions have to stay intact. So take the onions off before you cut that. Put them back on one of the halves you choose.

[John Holmberg]

We're joking. He's wanting this burger. And Frank and I told him after, I was like, when he gets hungry and says, I'm hungry, feed him. No more waiting. These shows, they're mentally exhausting. Shows so close. And everyone in the crowd had no idea that I had dribbles of pee. Every step that man took on that imbalanced throw rug of a stage. Well, he told story after story.

[Ethan]

Is Frank coming in this morning?

[John Holmberg]

I asked him to. He can't. He's got to go. He's got to go to a doctor's thing with one of his. I think his wife or his kid. I remember he's got a thing. He's got a driver, too. He's like, I'm coming in, so. And Frank can back this all up. Like, nothing was exaggerated. But then that moment where your body just releases all that tension and we're standing on the other side of the stage and I'm just. We made eye contact, and I just shook my head, and we were in tears, laughing. And then Frank just looks at me as I'm starting and he goes, pick me up. And we couldn't. It was over.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's crazy.

[John Holmberg]

And then, and then it's just normal and you don't know what to do. I'm never ever in my life agreeing to do anything again with a 94 year old. I love my friend Paula. She's 94. What? I'm never going over there again. I'm not doing anything with her again ever again. I'll call her every once in a while for Christmas, Thanksgiving and all that. I can't be around this. And so fragile. When I'm picking him up, it's like every bone is like, oh, all his bones sound like him.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh my. Oh, us ribs. Get your hands off of us.

[Brady]

Nothing picked him up.

[Frank Caliendo]

Well, I'm fine.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know, sir. I think maybe you should know.

[Frank Caliendo]

I'm fine.

[John Holmberg]

We're going on.

[Brady]

What am I looking at?

[John Holmberg]

We're going on floor. And it was a man made of jello.

[Frank Caliendo]

We're going on like you can't know we're going on.

[John Holmberg]

And then the stage guy's like, he, he's booked. He goes, that's one minute, eventually. And then though, then that guy got a bottom out. It was like being at Texas Grill when I was choking to death and the waitress still dropped the drinks at the table. Keep it moving, keep it moving. This, this is, it doesn't matter. Death is part of living, man. Just keep going. And I told Frank, I'm like, the joke we tell in this to start is he's 94 years old. @ any given minute now he's going to need to take a break. So we have a backup. William Shatner and Frank Caliendo. I'm like, you're on, brother. I think you're going to be doing most of tonight. Couldn't have gone better on stage. You would have never known. You would have never known. But my God, was I scared the entire time.

[Ethan]

That'll teach you to not have nerves.

[John Holmberg]

I, I, I, Every time I shut. And it seems weird to say, but.

[Brady]

Imagine being his agent. It's got to be every night. This could be the night I asked that.

[John Holmberg]

I said, is this a common occurrence? No, I'm like, it's not. No. Now it's never seen it. Now it is. That's what I said. This doesn't, 94 year olds don't. This doesn't stop happening. Yeah. This becomes a hobby. They start doing this for fun after a while. Pick me up, pick me. I'VE never again you a bingo card with John Holmberg's life. William Shatner falling down and almost dying. And I'm the one who has picked me up and I'm with Frank Caliendo. Would you. Would you say true or false, John, someday in your life, you and Frank Caliendo will pick up the lame corpse of William Shatner. Be the only ones near him.

[Frank Caliendo]

Checkbox. No.

[John Holmberg]

When am I ever gonna be in that situation? There I was.

[Frank Caliendo]

Pick me up.

[Brady]

He could have been concussed the whole.

[John Holmberg]

Time had he hit his half a step more. He's dead. That door and him were going to meet. Remember when you used to play ball in the house and the ball would fly and it was about to hit a vase or something, and your body just freezes and you kind of grab your head like Rain man, like, and you just hope the ball misses?

[Ethan]

Do you have it with him where you're like, all right, I need to be wary of where this goes in case I need to announce that, yes, by the way, he just took a tumble Toledo.

[John Holmberg]

You don't know this because you're not a funny person, but when you're trying to do a comedy thing and a man dies and you're in charge of what's about to be announced, you got two options. Somebody's either going to tap you on the shoulder. Go. We need you to make the announcement that William Shatner's dead, or you're on. Go be hilarious. I teased Toledo.

[Ethan]

What if he slumps in the chair and then you have to make that announcement.

[John Holmberg]

The biggest fear I had was he fell down again on stage with the rug. Yeah, yeah. Him dying in the chair would have been like, well, folks, we all were just treated to something rather special. And then you would hear, pick me up. I'm not doing that twice.

[Brady]

You won't have to worry about that next year.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think so, no. I don't think so, no.

[Brady]

And wheeling him out, Brady, you said.

[John Holmberg]

If he comes back, you could have stopped it. I don't think you're going to have to worry about that. I think you saying you don't have to worry about that next year is where that sentence and thought ends. There's no, like, next time, him falling down. Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't worry about that part. And I'm not rooting for that. I hope he does come back. But it was. It was. I'm reliving the anxiety right now. So that was my night last night. I got home about 12, 12, 25. Staring at walls. I guess a little earlier than that. And I had no idea. And I'm just like, what in the. And I'm sitting there waiting for them to give me an NDA. Please don't talk about this. And I'm like, no, I'm not signing that. This is an unbelievable night. And he's fine, by the way. Unbelievable that he's fine. I can't. Anyway, that was my Thursday. Wow, you guys were watching the Jets.

[Brady]

Hear from him today?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no, I'll text Ethan. And then at the end of the night, again, I text him and I said, hey, again, thank you for trusting someone you don't know to be part of something that, you know, you've cultivated and worked on for a long time. And then trusting me.

[Brady]

Imagine what he does on these other shows. It's a different person.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it can be. A lot of times it's this Ethan guy moderates it, and they have a whole pitter patter. That's his. They're side by side. They got something down. And then. And Ethan is very. He's fun. He's like. He hosts a Weird Al Yankovic podcast. He's a huge Weird Al fan. He's been on like 2000 weird Al shows. So we talked to. Ethan usually handles it, but when they asked if we would do it, actually, I kind of said, do you want me to do it again? And they're like, oh, yeah, you did it last time. And then they just, yeah, sure, if you want to. They like when there's a second person and they usually go to a town and pick somebody with a little notoriety to say, would you do this? And. Or they just skip it and say, whatever.

[Ethan]

St. James was busy, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They don't like the news guys and they don't like the dudes who are, you know, papers and, you know, journalists and things. Usually it's somebody they try to find from radio that's got a little bit of a fall, and Broomhead would have been good at it and something like that. So just asked me, because they did it before, and that's. And then. So I. I even said, hey, can Frank come along? He was there last time. And we have a little bit of an idea that his stories. Because he had a Stephen Hawking story where Frank was gonna. Like, we were gonna reenact it, and I would be Hawking and Frank would be Shatner, but we were just trying to get through the night. So I. I heard him mention Stephen Hawking, and I think Shannon was trying to set that Up.

[Brady]

It's a quick reshuffle.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, my brain. I've never been more exhausted. My brain was going a billion miles an hour with every single angle that could happen. Do not do this. And, and he's not going to hear.

[Brady]

You, let alone not even mentioning it once on stage. Like, hey, a little tumble before.

[John Holmberg]

So no, no, no.

[Brady]

I hope you guys are. Yeah, you can't.

[John Holmberg]

He cannot put the audience in the same peril that we were in, which was, hey, at any given moment now he's not. We just witnessed something. This is normally a hospital thing. 94 year olds fall, usually leave him there.

[Brady]

Gotta hold that in the whole time.

[John Holmberg]

Usually leave him on the ground as they go pick me up. You leave him there and then, and then an ambulance comes and make sure he's okay. And the worst thing you can do to 94 year old is starting moving him around after a tumble because you don't know if it's spinal neck, something else. You don't know what he hit on the way down. He might think he's okay. There might be internal bleeding. Trust me, my brain went through everything.

[Brady]

His personal triage after he's laying down.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, I'm okay.

[John Holmberg]

We're going on. And it was Captain Kirk. We're going on, Kirk. The Enterprise would get hit and he'd do that wobble and his shirt would tear for no reason when the outside of the ship got hurt.

[Frank Caliendo]

We're moving forward, Scotty.

[Ethan]

Give me all you got.

[Frank Caliendo]

Give me everything.

[John Holmberg]

This thing has many close calls. Yeah, I mean the Enterprise was. And then he's on the deck and he gets up and there's Captain Kirk telling me eye to eye what going on.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yes, sir.

[John Holmberg]

Crazy. Crazy. And I just wish that I could show you guys what happened because every one of us pooped. It was crazy. So when I do my one man Show When I'm 94, that's one of the stories. Crazy. And he's such a nice person. So yeah, as I text him the thank you and that I appreciated the trust and I appreciated everything that he allowed to happen that night on his show. And our main attempt was to not be in the way or spotlight hog or anything like that. Be pepper to his steak. And he said, you know, he text back really nice things. It's like, you are magnificent, marvelous, blah, blah, very complimentary.

[Brady]

Whenever I come in town to do the show, Jim Holmberg, you're gonna be my guy.

[Frank Caliendo]

Could be.

[John Holmberg]

Don't. I don't even know if he knows the J part, let alone miss the name, I don't know. But it was, what a night. And I, I.

[Brady]

Did you even sleep well?

[John Holmberg]

I haven't, I haven't been all night. I've sleeping all. I didn't. I needed sleep well. I slept very. Oh, my phone would ding every once in a while. I'd be like, that's it, he's done. And it was just like accuweather or something stupid.

[Brady]

Did you leave it like, you know, you're talking to your wife. Hey, call me when you get to. Let me know when you get to.

[John Holmberg]

Tell Ethan, the producer. I'm like, you, you guys travel. I didn't want to be the guy that like suddenly interludes into or gets involved and says basically, like, here's what you guys, here's what I'm witnessing that you guys need to get. I was basically saying, hey, travel safe, huh? You know what I mean? Right. Maybe take a day off.

[Brady]

Let me know when you get to the room.

[John Holmberg]

It's just they didn't have a room. Right to the car, right to Anaheim. Sleeping in the back of a Lincoln last night. The 94 year old. I know they're killing the old guy. It's crazy. But it was fun. And the further away I get from it, the crazy kind of takes over. So just, I think every EMT listening right now would tell me, like, don't pick up 94 year olds ever. When they're down on the ground, leave them there, we'll take care of it.

[Ethan]

If the corpse tells you to pick it up, leave. Pick it up.

[John Holmberg]

No, don't jostle. The spine is not the first thing they learn in medical school anyway. Now it's 6:33. The word for 6:00am is action. That was my Thursday. And so I just thought I'd share that with everybody because it is. My stomach's still spinning. I'm still living in anxiety that I nearly witnessed the death of Captain Kirk. It's crazy.

[Ethan]

John, you yourself will never have to worry about doing a one man show at age 94 because you've told us all you will have been dead for 20 years.

[John Holmberg]

At least. At least 20 years. Yes. And that's why I don't ever want to be like, Holmer's doing really well.

[Frank Caliendo]

Good night, everyone.

[Ethan]

I hate to be a hack, but did anyone say, damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor.

[John Holmberg]

We talked about that after the. No, there was if. If our comedy brains were still clicked on, but they shut off. They shut off when he died. It would have been really inappropriate had he actually been dead. If Frank or I went into character and went out of the way.

[Frank Caliendo]

Damn it, Jim. I'm a doctor.

[John Holmberg]

Hilarious. At the moment, it's like you jackasses. He's dead. Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Ethan]

I didn't expect a 35 minute episode of Rescue 911 this morning, but I'm.

[Frank Caliendo]

On the edge of my seat, I passed out.

[John Holmberg]

EMTs were called, like, this is a rescue 911 of you. It was amazing. Anyway, he's on his way to Anaheim. If you want tickets tonight, it might be the last one. I definitely look, take today off, race over, shoot over to Anaheim, get into the pond and watch that show. It's worth it. Crazy. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? 5, 8, 5, 9, 800. A good one. Scream it together. While we all are still here with William Shatner. It's 98 KUPD.

[Frank Caliendo]

Wake up. It's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool actually. No membership fee.

[Frank Caliendo]

I have heard enough of this to you.

[John Holmberg]

PD Holmberg's morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98, can you repeat?

[John Holmberg]

Miles to nowhere. Thank you, Katie and the Hobbs, your reign of glory for the Palladio championship of last year. Closing in on the lame duck month that we will have for you as you will be replaced by someone new. Milestone. We're not in this year's Playdoh, so that theme song only has four weeks left. How about that?

[Brady]

40 bands this year.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know. Hopefully we can get one good people emailing me about my William Shatner night. Calendo and I are texting back and forth already. And by the way, thanks to Rob Churchill who has recreated Frank and me helping William Shatner up off the ground through Grok. So. And it's pretty good. Like me and AI Frank with William Shatner face down on the ground and we're trying to pick him up. And it's. It's a nice reenactment. So It's a Rescue 911 reenactment. Frank said it best. He said it was like watching those Las Vegas casinos get imploded. Now it's almost a beautiful. Like the crumble collapsing. Yeah. Alex says man. John, besides Lincoln, had Shatner not rallied, you would have witnessed the second most famous theater death of all time. You'd be a TMZ millionaire. Life would have changed forever. John Holmberg, Wilkes Booth. I didn't Kill him. This one said, I watched my grandmother take a fall a few years ago, seemingly in slow motion. Was your fall in slow motion? It took forever from the start of the stumble to the actual smack on the concrete. Somehow no one around could get to her. Did his fall feel like it was in slow motion as well? I'm telling you, he. There were three warnings before or I should have just, I mean, hindsight, obviously, I should have just grabbed him and said, stop. The. The stumble out of the elevator was jello legged and I thought he was fooling around.

[Brady]

I thought that's how you get assault charges.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. And then the next thing you know is like, look, get your hands off me.

[Frank Caliendo]

Who is this guy? Well, I was goofing around. I was playing old man joke.

[John Holmberg]

And yeah. So I kind of, I had my hands up like, should I grab him? Should I? He's fine. And then down he went. And it was, it was like a look, I, I was frank and I talked about. He's like, hey, save the story for when I can be there. And I'm like, I can't. Like, it's all I'm thinking about. I'm reliving that tumble over and over and over. It's so weird. And again, if it's your. Like I told Brady, if it was your grandma, if it was your grandpa, you would have more immediacy to touch, grab, do whatever. Like, okay, we got to take care of everybody. Hands off. I was an interloper.

[Brady]

I was just one minute to go or whatever. I'm, you know, if it was my dad or something that fell down, like, all right. Are you sure? Well, no, like, you know, I'm always.

[John Holmberg]

A big believer in man being a man.

[Brady]

Yeah, but you want to, I mean, natural instinct, rather bad. Oh, most people, it was like you'd pick that person up to get him.

[John Holmberg]

Out of the way, not 94. And that's the thing. Like I had my, my, my old people friends, Paula and Fred, and Fred passed away a few years ago, but when he was 90, he wanted to barbecue. He's in the backyard, he's like, damn it, I'm going to barbecue. And I remember Megan and Paula were there going, we can't. He can't be around that. And I'm like, he's fine. The more you tell a man you can't do this, the more he's going to do it. They tell him he can do it. Like, yeah, Fred, you can barbecue. You're fine. And I would be the one. And he's like, yeah, and then he'd flex a little and then you'd see him kind of go, but maybe I can't. So the more you tell him, I believe in you, the more he recognizes his limitations. But when he hears constantly, especially his wife going, you can't do that anymore. You are not healthy enough. You are not good at that. Any man, any age is going to go to hell with you. Watch this. So we're at Fred's house one night and he's like, I'm doing the steaks and oh, John, go watch him, please go help Fred. He said, never. And I go out and I'm like, you doing all right, buddy? Like, I'm fine. I'm like, they're making me come out and check on you now and again. Don't, but I know you're good. And he goes, I appreciate it. We're good. And like, so if you need anything, just go, hey, John, help. And I'll come out and we won't tell him anything else. You got it? So I go back inside. Is he okay? He's doing great. Steaks look good. And then you just hear he's bringing the stakes back in. And he ate all over the backyard, steaks everywhere. And I'm like, God damn it, they were right. Should have never let him work the grill. But yeah, so when it was, when it was last night, when it's him, it's like he wants to go. Somebody said, what if he'd have gone.

[Frank Caliendo]

I can't breathe, I need mouth to mouth.

[John Holmberg]

Would I have done it? I don't know. What am I, a huru?

[Brady]

Absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

You think so?

[Brady]

Well, first of all, if he could speak.

[John Holmberg]

He can't. He can breathe, but he's like, I think he's choking to death. Or he's going full Shatner. I don't know what's happening.

[Brady]

Compressions for sure.

[John Holmberg]

I've been told by doctors not to give 94 year old CPR. You'll turn them into mummy dust. You're not supposed to push on their bones like that.

[Brady]

I've heard.

[John Holmberg]

I wouldn't do it.

[Brady]

I've heard the opposite. That compress away. I mean like if you've got a.

[John Holmberg]

Fractured rib, are you doing that? I'm not doing that. I am not pushing on a sternum of a 94 year old man haphazardly. That's for an EMT. Well, you'll break them in half. Not doing it.

[Brady]

Yeah, I'm not pushing like where I think I can break the rules.

[John Holmberg]

How do you know they're made of mummy dust.

[Brady]

Because there's one way to find out.

[John Holmberg]

Hold them up. And the next thing you know, and all their spirit leaves and they're just a pile of sand. But, yeah, it happened. And oddly enough, 20 minutes earlier than that, we're all talking backstage and he.

[Frank Caliendo]

Goes, oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

And he's also addicted to his phone. William Shatner will, right in the middle of talking to you, he'll just pick up his phone and he's gone. And you can say, frank and I are sitting there with Ethan. We're talking, and Shatner's totally interested. And then he's on his phone, and Frank was in the middle of telling him something and he just went away. And he was. He asked him a question and he's gone in the phone like a child. And Frank looks over at the producer, Ethan, he goes. When he's on the phone, he's not. Oh, he's not here. We can talk about anything we want. He is not here right now. It's like we can say anything is. Yep.

[Frank Caliendo]

And then he goes, oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

What is it?

[Frank Caliendo]

I think I read something just now that says, Donald Trump blew Bill Clinton.

[John Holmberg]

What? What page are you on?

[Frank Caliendo]

The Epstein files. They're out. That Donald Trump has ever. It says here he's blown Bubba. Bubba's Clinton, Right?

[John Holmberg]

Like, yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

I haven't read anywhere past that, but can you imagine?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you're making me do it now. So we had a nice long conversation about what it would. And then he enjoyed the impression of Frank and I doing Clinton and Trump in oral sex.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's fantastic. Let's do that on stage. No, he'll be the Trump, you'll be the Clinton. The two of you will engage in oral copulation. Do it again. That was fun. I want you to blow me right now. Not gonna do it. Very busy. Although you do like the blowjobs. This is entertainment.

[John Holmberg]

This is exactly why I'm doing the show.

[Brady]

And as you're doing it, halfway through it, he goes back to the phone again.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

He's like, that wasn't as good as the first one. Now do this. I need hold of Bill Cosby's.

[John Holmberg]

So we started to come up with the idea of putting him in movies he doesn't belong in, like William Shatner and Raging Bull, where just. He's the Joe Pesci character. He's just standing there in his Kirk outfit.

[Frank Caliendo]

I tell you. Did you.

[Brady]

My wife.

[Frank Caliendo]

Who are you? Why are you. Why would I ever have even imagined such a Answer the question.

[John Holmberg]

Did you. My wife.

[Frank Caliendo]

Where do you get the balls to ask me that?

[John Holmberg]

This is Dinnerwick.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's not working.

[John Holmberg]

I don't. I don't know. It's not working. I don't want. What is he doing?

[Frank Caliendo]

I don't understand the question. What do you mean? Did I. Of course I did.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, she was a beautiful lady.

[Brady]

That'd be great to have this. Auditions.

[John Holmberg]

Like, big stars. Yeah. Anyway, so it was. It was. That was the night, and it was fun. So, yeah, there were a lot of Rescue 911 jokes and everything else, but it was crazy. And I just.

[Frank Caliendo]

I.

[John Holmberg]

You know, I wonder what, like, you know, in an alternate universe, if he. If. If there was a medical emergency, how, like, would I do the TMZ thing? Would I go on with. I wouldn't be Frank. The good news is I had a real celebrity there that I would be like, you're doing all the TV stuff for this. I'm not going and doing this. Like, he'd be.

[Brady]

They'd probably push you aside and, let's talk to Frank.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly right. That's why I would love every second of that. And Frank would probably go, no, we're doing this together. I'm like, I'll sit next to you, but I'm gonna look like your lawyer. I ain't peeping. I ain't saying a word. And then my brain's all like, well, what about lawsuits? And, you know, like, if you pick him up and break it. That's why I don't pick up 94 year olds. Like, if he fell and his ribs were broken, and he's like, pick me up. And you pick him up and you make it worse. Didn't touch him. Everybody else just tugging on the old man's arms, getting him up. We got jackets. I had a hold of his vest a little bit to keep it going, and up he went. Anyway, sorry. I'm going on and on about it, but it is so in my brain, and my brain just keeps redoing it and redoing it and redoing it, and it's weird. It's such a. I mean, TJ Hooker, Captain Kirk dropping dead right in front of you for a few seconds. Your brains, like, what's happening on Wednesday nights? I used to turn on ABC to watch TJ Hooker for Heather Locklear, and now the dude. And it is dead in front of me for a second night, and it's on me.

[Ethan]

Your simulation is awesome.

[John Holmberg]

It's awesome. Whatever. This is my AI you can't beat that. It's crazy. And then, of course, my simulation was William Shatner talking to me about Trump and Clinton blowing each other. And I. And I wrote it down. I'm like, well, I'll talk about that on the show tomorrow if that's real. I just didn't assume that my night was gonna get weirder then. That was the weirdest part.

[Frank Caliendo]

Up to that point, I believe I just read a story where Trump blows Clinton that's in the Epstein emails.

[John Holmberg]

And we're like, no, it's not.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yes, it is.

[John Holmberg]

And he holds his phone up like, what algorithm are you on that you're getting those?

[Frank Caliendo]

I just saw. It just popped up. I mean, how do you. How do you not click on that Epstein files? Who's Bubba? And did Trump perform oral sex on Bubba? Who's got pictures State, since Putin has.

[John Holmberg]

The photos and that's what it does. That came out in the Epstein files yesterday. Somebody, Jeffrey Epstein's brother actually, in one of the emails says, ask Putin if he's got pictures of Trump blowing Bubba. And we're all kind of like contemplating, like, as weird as that Epstein thing is, you assume it's like, oh, my God, we say that all the time. It's like, okay, somebody's got pictures of that guy blowing somebody. That's why he's still there. We do it with the Steelers all the time because we got Danny Smith, our. Our special teams coordinator, who's insane, and the gum chewing guy, and all the Steelers fans are kind of like, why is he so regarded. Like, every. Every time there's a kickoff, we have a holding penalty, there's always something. Why is he, like, the greatest special? He's got pictures of the Rooneys blowing each other. And that's what I think was the thing.

[Brady]

But extortion?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But as strange as the whole Epstein thing is, we started rooting for that to be true.

[Frank Caliendo]

Or if I get down on my knees. This is a great party, Bill. It sure is, Donald. And all these girls are underage, so I'm half hard. But I also realize that I can't touch any of them. So let's blow each other. That is a great idea. I've got to get down to my knees. I'm going to blow you right now in front of all the.

[John Holmberg]

The tweens.

[Brady]

Hit the floor.

[Frank Caliendo]

Hit the floor. I'm gonna hit it hard. I'm gonna do this right, and I'm gonna get it. Look how good I am at it. I know you're good at it. You've got those weird lips like a fish. You're nailing it. Great work. I'm trying as hard as I can. Gla Gl. Do you want me to put the blue dress on? I love the idea of that too.

[Ethan]

So we stained just for you.

[John Holmberg]

Up until that moment where he fell, the. That was the most surreal fake thing that I could have ever imagined again. I always think of my dad and I'm like, hey, dad, you know William Shatner's. Yeah. Last night in a room with just three people, I. I pretended that Trump was giving Clinton oral sex to the satisfaction of Bill Shatner. And he was laughing hysterically.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's bullshit.

[John Holmberg]

That didn't happen. It did. That's my life. And then he died.

[Brady]

It's one of those stories that no one will believe you.

[John Holmberg]

No one's gonna buy that. It's. Oh yeah. Seven o' clock word. Damn it.

[Frank Caliendo]

This stupid game.

[John Holmberg]

Deposit is the seven o' clock word. Thank you, Richard. Supposed to be the last day, but the computer broke on the second day of doing it. So we got to do another one on Monday to make it because stupid aws. Well. Cause the lawyers get all mad if you said you were going to do it for a certain amount of time and that's the amount of people you have to do it. So they get scared. So we gotta. I think we should just give word after word after word all day away. But we're not doing it 7am deposit.

[Ethan]

I think we should give Monday's words out today as well.

[Frank Caliendo]

Well, it got specific.

[Ethan]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

So they have to do it 7. So that's fine. So get on top of that deposit and put it in the seven o' clock box. Maybe win yourself $1,000. Here's somebody took pictures of the night last night, said, great night last night. John. I had no idea. Yeah, well, it's a thing. But what if Trump blows Clinton? Does that change anything as far as what everything in our, in our world.

[Ethan]

Power dynamic is a little shift.

[John Holmberg]

Does that, does that make it so cnbc, MSNBC and Fox can look at each other and go, sorry, I guess we're all the same. If Trump blew Clinton at the time did it.

[Brady]

He was a Democrat funding at the time and that. That converted him.

[John Holmberg]

That would be Fox also, by the way, I found this out yesterday from one of the entertainers. There's a guy backstage who's in the business and he's worked at a lot of places and he said he's got friends at Disney. Here's another little tidbit I learned last night that's insane, that in 2017, because I, because I made the joke, I said, well, if Trump blew Clinton, that's going to change the hall of Presidents at Disneyland in a huge way. Like, we got to make them do some animatronic stuff because that's, you can't ignore it. That's the elephant in the room. If, if it were to have turned out and probably didn't happen, so don't email me, probably didn't have. But if it did, let's say it did, that Trump wants blue Bill Clinton. That's the world we're in now. You couldn't go to the hall of Presidents and have them stand up, Bill.

[Frank Caliendo]

Clinton, number 45 and number 47, Donald Trump.

[John Holmberg]

And then you'd have to have them go like, at least hold hands or something for the satisfaction of the audience. Because everyone at that moment would be like, that one blew the other. The one in the blue tie blew that. The one in the red tie blew him. We'd all say it. So let's just make it happen. So we're making that joke and a guy says, he's an Australian guy, I have a friend here who works at Disney. And they were so convinced that the Hillary Clinton was going to win. They had already built the doll and he said, so they just kind of worked it out to be Trump. He says, if you look very closely, the face of Donald Trump's animatron is Hillary Clinton. And they wigged it and they made it up and it's basically goes. And you can't unsee it, mate. Once you see it, it is seen. Like, how about that? Now I want to go to the hall of Presidents and maybe since that first 2017, they've redone and built a real one. But now I want to see that. But I kind of root for that kind of stuff now. Again, I'm here for the jokes. I don't believe politics is as angry at each other as they want us to be. They want us to be mad. It's the age old, you know, art of war. You basically divide and conquer.

[Brady]

And it's amazing when it's been released too, that are supposedly, you know, like that, right? There's been a lot of names mentioned and all this.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody knows anything. It's all, it's all this weird gray stuff. But yeah, I mean, I'm not here. I honestly think that the news and the media is designed to make us fight the news and the media is in cahoots. The politicians are all in cahoots to make it seem like we all need to fight. And they're making backroom deals constantly. So I'm not really buying into any. That's why I kind of live in the middle of this thing. I'm like, I don't really want to get in bed with either side here. I don't think either of them are doing anything that different. And if it turns out they start blowing each other, that just proves my point. And I kind of. I kind of hope it happened. And I kind of hope there's more evidence that would be that now, if it is true, it kind of goes back on what Trump was doing a couple months ago before it all was weird when he started to say during the campaign, we're going to release those files. I'm not worried about any of that. If you blew Bill Clinton and Epstein's house or on the island, the last thing you do is start even joking about releasing those files. Because deep down, you know, somebody said.

[Brady]

There weren't any files left.

[John Holmberg]

Right. I mean, and then you'd burn them. But whatever. You'd never once start in your campaign.

[Frank Caliendo]

We're totally going to release those files. Nobody is going to be more transparent than me.

[John Holmberg]

If you blew Bill Clinton, you're not going to go cavalierly running about saying you'd make something up. Go.

[Frank Caliendo]

Some of the things that were discussed in those files, national security and can't be brought out.

[John Holmberg]

And then you get rid of everything as president. But he. But I don't think he blew him, but I hope he did. Deep down in my brain, I'm kind of like, if that would be a pretty great for this show. I mean, come on.

[Brady]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

Months of just Clinton just laying in bed thinking the best blow job.

[Frank Caliendo]

Ever had was Donald Trump. I don't know what to do about that. He haunts my nights. I loved having him in my mouth. One of the greatest days ever. Having him in my mouth was amazing. I'm gonna call him. We don't agree politically, but that mouth.

[John Holmberg]

It'S like a crazy woman. She's the worst person ever, but my God, in bed, she's. She's fantastic.

[Frank Caliendo]

I keep going back to.

[Brady]

They're gifting each other's ties.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Almost morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Can you be Holmberg's morning sickness?

[Frank Caliendo]

I got you a tie. It is very sweet, Bill. I appreciate that. Do you want to come over?

[John Holmberg]

Sup? Midnight. The phone. Sup?

[Frank Caliendo]

You up?

[John Holmberg]

I'm up.

[Frank Caliendo]

What's going on? I just wanted to say hi. Ah, that's Very sweet. I appreciate that. Hello. That's very nice of you. Very nice. What are you doing? I'm just laying in bed thinking about you.

[Brady]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Frank Caliendo]

What are you thinking? I'm thinking I can't get any harder than I am right now.

[John Holmberg]

Prove it.

[Frank Caliendo]

Pics. Or it's a lie.

[Ethan]

Shannon Sharp sent me some rose sparks.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's a good one. Great picture. What an angle. I didn't think men got bigger as they aged. I didn't either, but I think you do that to me. That's the biggest I've been since I was a teenage boy. You're just like a teenage boy. You're insatiable. I would love to feel you in my mouth right now.

[John Holmberg]

I want this to be real so much. And Vladimir Putin's like, I have all of the pictures. He hacked the phone.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's what they want.

[John Holmberg]

That's why the Clintons and Trump were so mad at Russian interference. Those were the two that were losing their minds over it. Because if it's true what Jeffrey Epstein's.

[Frank Caliendo]

Brother said, the Russians, like, they're mad at them all. They're going to make everything up. Everything's going to be made up. If they say anything, it's all lies. I agree with them. For the first time ever, it's all lies. If the Russians say, oh, my God, let's just for take for example, that we did something dirty together. That's all lies.

[John Holmberg]

We all know that, right?

[Frank Caliendo]

Exactly. Bill and I agree. Goddamn Russians. Interference, two minutes.

[John Holmberg]

So let's keep our fingers crossed that. That we live in a world where eventually that, Well, I mean, AI is going to make the picture. But it's. Again, how surreal does it get that I'm in a room with William Shatner?

[Frank Caliendo]

I believe I just read something where Clinton got blown by Trump. Is this real?

[John Holmberg]

Can't be real. Is it real? And he holds his phone, and then Shatner's sitting there, he's talking, he goes, they're banning gummies. And that came out of left field. We're all just sitting there doing our thing.

[Frank Caliendo]

They're banning gummies. Who? The government, Everybody. There's no more gummies. I need my gummies.

[John Holmberg]

Like, you're on gummies?

[Frank Caliendo]

Well, yes, the THC gummies are good ones.

[John Holmberg]

Like, the real good ones.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Is that a great idea?

[Frank Caliendo]

It helps with your eyesight.

[John Holmberg]

Is that right?

[Frank Caliendo]

I don't do crazy amounts of drugs.

[John Holmberg]

No, just.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's good for pain.

[John Holmberg]

It is.

[Frank Caliendo]

They're banning them. I.

[John Holmberg]

What am I going to do?

[Frank Caliendo]

I have to Stuck B Gummies.

[Ethan]

UFC fighters are pushing for that because that's a big thing. Recovery, apparently.

[John Holmberg]

The CBD ones, for sure.

[Frank Caliendo]

Is it banning CBD gummies? I need CBD gummies that. If it do anything to you.

[John Holmberg]

And there I am just eating Thai basil, which I've never had before and frankly, never will again. It was. Bill was right. When you open up that thing, it's like, whoa, somebody needs to clean the goldfish tank. What is that smell?

[Brady]

That's a tough one to bring in. Let alone that you're not. Or there's. You gotta.

[John Holmberg]

It's horrible.

[Brady]

Eat what they.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, we ordered it. They gave us a menu yesterday or day before and said, pick something. So I picked one, and it was just clams and shrimp and goldfish. I think koi. Oh, man. Opened it up and you're daring. You ever been in somebody's house and their fish tank's dirty? Oh, yeah. That is exactly what the smell was when I opened the thing. And I'm like. And that's when Shatner goes, it smells.

[Frank Caliendo]

Like a goldfish tank. What am I eating? I didn't order this. I would have never ordered this.

[John Holmberg]

And Ethan's like, you ordered that.

[Frank Caliendo]

I don't believe I did. I need a burger, a steak.

[John Holmberg]

It was. Yeah, it was not good, but I won't eat that again. There I was just sitting there. It's the whole thing. Does it feels like a weird dream? Doesn't seem right. All strange. It was Trump Blue Clinton that just takes last night and throws it in the trash and says, hey, Holmberg, Earth's calling. Hold his beer. But I would like that very much. I have to say, I'm not a. I'm not political enough to be upset if. If anybody. If anybody starts to blow. What's that? Yeah. The phone rings in the middle of the night. Hello?

[Frank Caliendo]

I can't quit you.

[John Holmberg]

I can't quit you either.

[Frank Caliendo]

I don't know what's going on with us, Jack Twist. I don't either. Let's go fishing together. I'll bring the tent, you bring the truck. I'll spit in the palm of my hand and we'll finish this deed.

[Brady]

My large hand.

[Frank Caliendo]

I think Putin's got satellites watching us.

[John Holmberg]

Do all our dirty.

[Frank Caliendo]

It would be terrible if he did. And then all we have to do is go on TV and say, those damn Russians interfering again in our love. That's what people aren't getting. I love you so much. You fill my mouth like nobody else I know.

[John Holmberg]

And you.

[Brady]

I.

[Frank Caliendo]

Maga. Make America gag again. I'm ready. I can wait.

[John Holmberg]

I'm on the phone.

[Frank Caliendo]

Get back here.

[John Holmberg]

I was in Brady's bullfrog portal.

[Frank Caliendo]

There's no better sound than you. Kind of choking, sounding half retarded.

[Brady]

I love that.

[Frank Caliendo]

I love when that happens. I love every second of it. You mean like this? Oh, my God. All right, I gotta go. Hillary's coming.

[John Holmberg]

Hillary's coming.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's a sentence no one's ever said before. I love you so much. You're my favorite person alive.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I gotta go on TV.

[Frank Caliendo]

And act like I hate you, so no one's on to us. I'll see you on Saturday.

[Ethan]

Is Hillary Boo Radley in the corner.

[John Holmberg]

Just watching terror the whole time?

[Frank Caliendo]

I saw your new ballroom. Oh, did you? I want to see your ballroom from the inside. Oh, I'll show you my ballroom.

[John Holmberg]

Will.

[Frank Caliendo]

Will it fit your party? My big balls bouncing left and right like the AC DC song. I see what you did.

[John Holmberg]

I want it to be real. And the fact that it isn't, or the fact that I don't want to be friends with anybody who doesn't want that to be real. Let me just say that if you're like, oh, that's silly. I don't want. Oh, come on. How much better the world would be if Trump blew Clinton. That would be awesome.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's ridiculous.

[John Holmberg]

Some sort of.

[Frank Caliendo]

What are you, some sort of sick pig?

[John Holmberg]

Like, have you seen Earth?

[Frank Caliendo]

It's not me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, of course I want that to be real. My jaw would hit the ground. Bruce Jenner's a woman. O.J. simpson killed people, and Bill Cosby went to jail for drugging and raping. It's not me. This stuff happens.

[Ethan]

John, looking at pictures of Carter's funeral, it makes me. Makes a lot more sense. Why Trump, Obama and Clinton were all.

[John Holmberg]

Buddy, buddy, best friends.

[Frank Caliendo]

I want to introduce you to somebody.

[John Holmberg]

Who'S here right now.

[Frank Caliendo]

All right. Who is it? You're gonna love this. Here's the phone. Here you go.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, Donald. What's up? Barack?

[Frank Caliendo]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm here with Bill, and I don't know if you've met my wife, but he's not the only one in the White House who can handle a dick.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, really?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Big Mike's been training me, and I hear you've got a package.

[Frank Caliendo]

I think we're about to have a lemon party. And one of the lemons is chocolate.

[John Holmberg]

Please make that a real thing. Please, Brady. Pray to your God right now. Open it up. I don't know. How do you. How do you get him on the line? Dear Brady's God, please, for crying out loud, let two politicians from my lifetime that are still alive have blown each other and the Russians have the photographs. Please let this happen. I know it embarrasses the nation, but come on.

[Brady]

There's your next war.

[John Holmberg]

Guaranteed it would be civil. The Russians would giggle the whole. Do you think we'd attack him? Putin is like, I'm going to release the photos of you sucking on Bill Clinton.

[Frank Caliendo]

If you do that, I'm going to nuke the whole place. I'm not letting that happen. No.

[John Holmberg]

Then you better let me kill Ukrainians all, like, every day.

[Frank Caliendo]

If I let you kill Ukrainians, will you give me everything you've got of me blowing Clinton? I don't know. I mean, that's pretty good leverage, you have to admit. Oh, no, I'd use it against you.

[John Holmberg]

There's no question.

[Ethan]

You're right.

[John Holmberg]

For a while there, we had you, like, with just women pissing in your face. That was a big deal with this.

[Frank Caliendo]

I mean, come on.

[Ethan]

Good times. Good times.

[Frank Caliendo]

I remember that. That was a great day. And I would allow those photos. That makes me a man. But the second that Bilklin entered my skull, I have to say that would be bad for me. Okay, so let me kill Ukrainians and just get off my back. We'll have a summit. Make me look good.

[Ethan]

That power dynamic. So Trump was on his knees.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, yeah. Well, that was the first time. And then.

[Brady]

And then the film Toledo Hard swap.

[Frank Caliendo]

Then we did a Swap a room. Men and women do 69. We did a big fat 11.

[John Holmberg]

Two straight lines, parallel lines intersecting like train tracks with our one and one.

[Ethan]

And the other McDonald's wrappers strewn all over the floor.

[Frank Caliendo]

We were jammed together like weird little Legos. My clicky went in his hole and his clicky went in mine. Lego Presidents. That's what they call it.

[John Holmberg]

I want that to be real. And I don't know how much it's gonna. I doubt it, but I do. I'm rooting for that. I'm not gonna lie. I'm rooting for that. I'm living in a simulation that I can't explain. So if I can somehow wish this into the ether, I. I want to see Sean Hannity react to it. I want to see the people who are nuts on either side. I want to see Rachel Maddow react to it. I want to see how people spin that. I want to see the after effects of one photograph that's real, of Clinton and Trump having oral Sex.

[Frank Caliendo]

I do.

[John Holmberg]

I do. So much further than when you couldn't run for president because you had sex with a hot girl back in the 80s, remember when Gary Hart was going to be president and then he had sex with an incredible hot girl on a boat. He can't be president. We can't have these types of scandals. But now it's being bandied about that maybe a couple of presidents along the way blew each other. I don't see how. You know, a lot of evidence, but yeah, it's out there.

[Ethan]

I guess Clinton's pictures with Jennifer Flowers just weren't. Weren't as cool.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I guess not.

[Brady]

And then, you know, he was kind of the first that after the Gary Hart thing, that was able to maintain Clinton.

[John Holmberg]

It was the very next election.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Gary Hart was 88. And in 92, Clinton's like to check to Paula. Yeah, Paula Jones.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Watch this.

[Brady]

Grand.

[Frank Caliendo]

I'm gonna nail everybody and I'm still gonna win.

[John Holmberg]

Gary Hart's a pussy. In fact, while I'm president, a billionaire mogul of real estate in New York's.

[Frank Caliendo]

Gonna blow me, and then he's gonna be president. This is all messed up.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody knows what's going on. You go back, history repeats itself. The Roman. Those dudes are all blowing each other. The power dynamic. You know, Magic Johnson talked about how you get so powerful and so famous that regular sex bores you and you start getting into stuff you'd never imagine because it's so easy to get.

[Brady]

So you just approve this corporate purchase, this big, you know, deal to make a building downtown or.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. Well, I don't know if he's blowing people for deals. I think it just gets to the point where you just get so much juice that you're like, I can go anywhere I want. Sex is easy. What would be really difficult, I wonder if I could get Clinton to blow me.

[Frank Caliendo]

I'm wondering the same thing because it's so easy. I go outside right now and go, come here. I want a blowjob. And I get one.

[John Holmberg]

Except for. Unless it's Hillary and I don't ask her that. J. Todd says Trump was a Democrat, you know, back then, and then he switched to Republican. I guess Bill left a bad taste in his.

[Brady]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

That's a beautiful thing. It's gross.

[Ethan]

Anyway, Trump's Texas says you think Trump's on the horn on that? Red to Moscow. Hey, Putti Put. Can you throw a couple more bombs out? Maybe start another war? I need a distraction.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, I've been Sent a photo of the Hillary Trump. They've updated it.

[Ethan]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

So that was the Hillary one and now it's the real one.

[Ethan]

It looks like.

[John Holmberg]

It looks like they fixed it. That's the new.

[Ethan]

Oh, wow.

[John Holmberg]

That's the new one.

[Ethan]

The first one looks like the dude that they have on now doing Trump.

[John Holmberg]

This is Hillary. Look at it.

[Ethan]

Totally.

[John Holmberg]

There's nothing. There's nothing about that that looks like Donald Trump. Except for they do have the hair, but that is.

[Brady]

It's trouble with Hillary's eyes.

[John Holmberg]

And then they rebuilt him. I believe he's standing in front of Rutherford B. Hayes. Anyway, seven o'. Clock. Word is deposit. If you want to throw that in there, it's pretty good. Kyle said, why stop at 2? Let's get ourselves a presidential daisy chain and have Putin release that one. You get Clinton, Trump, Obama, Big Mike. Just one massive daisy chain, by the way. Presidential daisy chain. Pretty good band name. Solid. That's a really good one, actually. Presidential daisy chain's pretty solid. Put deposit in the seven o' clock square for your promo code and you'll get it together and maybe this crazy world we're living in will turn into what exactly we want it to. Toledo. We got the. The big board of musical treats brought to you by Action Ride Shop. Get on over to Action Ride Shop. It's gonna snow this weekend. That's awesome. 75% chance of rain down here in November almost always means a little snow up north, which also means they're going to start producing fake snow. The ski season is here, and Action Ride Shop's got you covered. They've got everything you'd ever want for skiing, snowboarding, and all the outdoor snowy stuff. And you can go rent it, you can buy it, you can do whatever you want, but just get there and get ready for the ski season that's coming up. That's north of the 60 on Gilbert or they have bikes like I've got. Pivot makes an amazing snow bike. Big, fat, like it's a pivot less fat. If you can get a hold that Josh can get you one. It rides in mud and snow and I've yet to take mine in snow, but it's taking a heavy sand and it cruises right through. Also is a great climber. So many bikes for snow riding. So many bikes for trail riding. We've got great weather down here.

[Ethan]

Every time you say snow bike, I think about those three wheels. Better off dead. No, the paper boy on that bike with skis, I mean.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's $3. I would love. Give me more. $3. The yeah, I. I'm all in on those snow bikes. The snow ski bikes too. Those little sit down tribe that you can ski down hills. Josh can get you all that action. Ride shop's the place to go. So hop on it. They're over there on McDowell and Power and also just north of the 60 on Gilbert. Actionrideshop.com what do you got?

[Ethan]

Rich Throat goat. From what Impetus for the President Trump.

[John Holmberg]

And Bill for the President. I like it.

[Ethan]

All the small things for Trump Falling to pieces by faith no more for the Shatner tumble.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's a great song.

[Ethan]

Turbo lover for Trump.

[John Holmberg]

And.

[Frank Caliendo]

They'Re not gay.

[John Holmberg]

They just dabbled because turbo lover's not gay.

[Ethan]

They're just turbo at the time.

[Frank Caliendo]

You know I need a flow job.

[John Holmberg]

You know what no one would believe.

[Frank Caliendo]

Watch that Bill if you blew me and we could get away with it too.

[Ethan]

I think you're right.

[John Holmberg]

No one would believe it. You know.

[Ethan]

Try that out.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's. I'm not gay but it's too good.

[John Holmberg]

I want it.

[Frank Caliendo]

I like it's too good a story. We'll keep it in our back pocket and it'll be our secret. I'm gonna unzip my pants now and I think you should blow me. I'm gonna blow you. You're gonna blow me.

[John Holmberg]

I am gonna blow you.

[Frank Caliendo]

I don't know where to start. Do I do hands first? I've got. My hands are great big. So am I. So they're gonna look small.

[Ethan]

Couple others came in mud vein not falling for Shatner 6am this is gonna hurt for the president.

[John Holmberg]

How about that? I like the Falling to pieces as faith no more. We'll go with that one. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not living in a real world right now. That is weird though, looking at the pictures. Megan said that to me. The pictures of Hillary Clinton, Trump. I mean they didn't. They built a Hillary Clinton. They were convinced that after the election they were going to have to put Hillary on that stage in the hall of Presidents and damn it all if she lost. And they revamped it.

[Brady]

Didn't I?

[John Holmberg]

I didn't.

[Brady]

I've never heard a show, a comedy show with the hall of presence. The guy was doing. I'll look it up.

[Frank Caliendo]

Huh.

[Brady]

I think this guy had a. A play like with the hall of Presidents.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there used to be a thing I used to play Spoof. I used to play all the time. When. Because in. In the Orlando one. It's all of Them and they get up and introduce themselves.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And there used to be a thing on the Internet, I used to play it constantly of all of them. Said the wrong name. Yeah. It was all, you know, Roth of a goose. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy Swift. Like, nobody. None of them were real names. And unknown. A guy stood up, was unknown. And everybody claps like that was the President. We forgot and don't know. It's. That was. That's the only one I know. But the hall of Presidents is pretty neat.

[Brady]

And that's in Orlando. Is in.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they have it at Disney. Well, I don't know because I haven't been back for. I remember Disneyland was the one where Lincoln got up and talked to us when I was a kid. This was 1983. We went to Disneyland. 83 or 84. And you go to that thing for the first time. And the ladies and gentlemen, President Abraham Lincoln. And the curtain draws back and he's just sitting in that chair, false gone seven years ago. And he starts doing the Gettysburg Address and starts talking to us. And then he gets up. At the time, I couldn't believe what I was looking at. Like, is that a man? And it was fake. And then. And then they did all of them at Disney World. I don't know if Disneyland now has all of them the way Disney World does, but at Disneyland, it was just Lincoln. So they probably have changed it since. But man, oh, man.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It was the coolest thing I've ever seen. And they've made it better since, so. But they made Hillary and then put a wig on it and said, no one's close enough to know. We'll fix that later. All right, well, this is from my friend Bill Shatner. It's Faith no More Falling to Pieces. It's a hell of a song, too. It's your Wake up song. The word for four more minutes at 7am is deposit. Stick that right there in the box at 7 o', clock, take it in the app, go to our app and make that happen. It's Faith no More, everybody. It's falling to pieces. It's 98 KUPD.

[Frank Caliendo]

Hey, it's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fee.

[Frank Caliendo]

I have heard enough of this.

[John Holmberg]

Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude.

[John Holmberg]

All right, there you go. That's an interesting story. Here. The Nine Inch Nails from the Airy Soundtrack from Tron the movie Tron, which I don't know that is doing very well. I don't assume that it is. I haven't heard a lot about it.

[Ethan]

I don't think it's doing as well as they wanted.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. And I don't think it's gotten great reviews. But the interesting thing was some of our Bobs do they do research on stuff all the time. And interviewed, interviewed a listener named John who wrote back that he had quit radio. He didn't want anything to do with it. And he's like, yeah, you know, basically the Bob's had wrecked it. It had become homogenized. Everywhere he goes he heard the same thing. He said, but when I did check in, it was kupd and he said, and I heard you guys playing the Nine Inch Nails song and thought, wow, that's not a radio move. Somebody's making a gut call there. Which is true. And. And he kind of recognized it and started to listen to the station. And he's addicted to the station. He came down here yesterday. He was Larry's guest. Larry called him up and said he wrote a letter and looked at the research thing. And this dude came down with his wife yesterday. Couldn't have been cooler. It was like two in the afternoon. And Larry's like, hey, that guy's coming down. I showed you his letter. Can you meet him? He was an awesome dude. And that song right there was why he's like, you know what? That's what makes you guys different. I feel like you'd still do gut moves. I still feel like you guys, you know, say the things and do the things that everybody else isn't allowed to anymore. I'm like, yeah. He said, that's what radio used to be. So thanks for recognizing it, John. And thanks to Trent Resn Nine Inch Nails for bringing him back to the fold. That sing that simple song brought that guy back in the mix. Take that Bob's. Your research backfired on you. You we're doing it right. We should research. We should do a research program on what they're doing. Oh, how about that?

[Frank Caliendo]

That would be awesome.

[John Holmberg]

That would be pretty amazing.

[Ethan]

I would just overload that would like make it a stupid PowerPoint presentation.

[John Holmberg]

Just everything. 8:00am Code word from the BOB game Ride R I D E. And again, we're supposed to be in the last day of the BOB game.

[Frank Caliendo]

Take it in the app.

[John Holmberg]

We named the game. We had the thing, but it's basically this thing they're doing all over. But it is giving you guys money and that's an awesome thing. So handing out cash to the people that have won has been the goal the whole time. Thousand bucks. We're going to do it one more day, but thank you guys for being part of this. Last week's winner was Dwayne Wong. Randy twice. No, no Dwayne Wong. Randy Troja. SEC Ryan Alvarez, Eric Parsons. The list goes on and on. It could be you. Next could be the Rudy Bustillas. That was the name that we announced falsely because he works here. I know Rudy. I didn't know his last name was Bustillos. Ride is today's 8:00 clock code word. And that might be the one that gets you 1,000 bucks. And again, a quick thank you to everybody who has gone on the app and done this game. The numbers are unbelievable on our end and if it translates to ratings, we're all gonna get hand jobs from the Bobs. And trust me, we're raw dogging that. I'm finishing on each one of them and I don't care.

[Frank Caliendo]

John, you're so Sir.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you got it all. Sorry about that. Here's a little hand towel. It looks like a big towel to you because you're so small in my hands, but yeah. So the Bobs are going to be thrilled. We crushed it. And again, we have a couple more days to make them lose their minds. Just tell everybody at your work to download that app. They don't have to participate if they don't want to. If they don't like the station, that's fine. Just have them download the app. They can delete it. In a week or two, the pops will lose their minds and knee jerk some weird thing and maybe even give us more money to give you guys. So it works for everybody. I give away the secrets. What happened? I give away the secrets of the dumb box. But the word at 8 o' clock is ride. R I D E. Good luck to all of you. I hope you all win $1,000, which is statistically impossible. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. That's called the Brady report. And it's brought to you by all pro shade allprochade.com get you all together. And the great thing is, like we always talk about, you get those motorized shades, those motorized blinds, and the weather's coming. This weekend's gonna be some rain, gonna be some nastiness, probably some wind with that. When the wind gets going, these motorized shades have sensors that say nap too much and they suck themselves back in just like Trump and Clinton. They suck it in and then they put themselves away. Unlike those umbrellas that sometimes end up in your pool. And if you've ever been like me, pulling an umbrella out of a pool, that is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Ever. Patio furniture is one thing. I had a table go in once and I waited for summer to get it out because it was the pool. Guys, like, let's just leave it. I'm like, you're right. That is so hard to get. I was like an eight person table. The motorized shades, they don't do that. They're smarter than your average umbrella. And you can get those right now from All Pro Shade. And because it's closing in on winter, on those beautiful days that turn into cool nights, you can still use your patio under your new awning from All Pro Shade because they're going to throw in a heater to boot. AllProchade.com Brady Report.

[Brady]

Good Friday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world. We've made it. Happy National Family PJ Day.

[John Holmberg]

Gay.

[Ethan]

We're overthinking this thing.

[John Holmberg]

Ever. Do you ever do that? You probably have done that.

[Brady]

I noticed Ronnie had sets of PJs for her and Kirby Christmas.

[John Holmberg]

But not you.

[Brady]

Nope. I wasn't.

[John Holmberg]

Man, you've been elbowed out.

[Brady]

I had. I know I had them.

[John Holmberg]

Do you ever say anybody like, where's mine? It's a subtle hint. I bought the whole family except you. Some stuff.

[Brady]

We. We haven't done it. I think one other time. Well, we did it last year.

[John Holmberg]

Family PJs.

[Brady]

Yeah. And she, Bunny and me. And we all four had it. Yeah. She thought, oh, that'd be fun.

[Ethan]

It's funny. Coming out again.

[Brady]

Yeah. Pinched out right now.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe she doesn't think you're gonna make it to Christmas. It's day to day, you know.

[Brady]

It's not like that. She did notice. I didn't have to say anything. She got those PJs. I've never worn them again.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you're offending her.

[Brady]

Well, it's Christmas. Right?

[Frank Caliendo]

Right.

[Ethan]

But also has.

[Brady]

She will still wear that. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

When it gets cold.

[Ethan]

Let me ask you this. Did she make this purchase in August right around the.

[Brady]

No, it just. I just noticed the surgery, they came earlier this week.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. So she's prepping and you're not involved yet.

[Brady]

Yeah. Or unless I got a different set coming.

[John Holmberg]

Or maybe they didn't have enough material and they have to sell it.

[Brady]

I use last year.

[John Holmberg]

Last year, but it doesn't match.

[Brady]

Yeah, right.

[Ethan]

It sounds like you're holding out hope for this year. Still.

[Brady]

No. I think I'll ask her.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. How come I didn't get a set of pjs?

[70s Detective Brady]

Get your own.

[John Holmberg]

That's a sign.

[Brady]

Big sign.

[John Holmberg]

It's a big sign anytime your wife's pet name for you is an asshole.

[Brady]

What are we doing for Christmas this year?

[John Holmberg]

Big sign. When you get that business.

[Ethan]

Asshole.

[John Holmberg]

It's this asshole. I got an email from a guy that says, I just found out my wife's vows last year were chat GPT Nah. And I go, so what? I'm like, all Hallmark cards are plagiarized nonsense, too. And he goes, yeah. He said, but wouldn't it bother her if I did it? I'm like, of course it would. Yeah, but that is if she found out. Women are so lost in their own dress and the way they look that they just think, suddenly you found pros. Like you became Keats or Shelley the day of your wedding. And she's like, this is magic. She's not going to think you use chatgpt unless your dumbass tells her. You know that newspaper that just got in trouble because at the end of the article, they just printed it, said, if you'd like me to spice this up with a new headline, all you have to do is click. He included that in the article. Everyone at the newspaper is fired. That's what you gotta watch for. You don't just. You click it, you proofread it, you edit it, and you make sure that no ChatGPT evidence is there and you give your wife the vows. That way she's never gonna know.

[Corey]

So.

[John Holmberg]

And no dude is gonna be upset if a woman chatgpts the vows. We don't care what the vows are. You don't remember a word of them. No one does. They do. And if you're all of a sudden magic and flowery and beautiful, they're going to just think that you love them that much that it came out of you, even if you're 99. Dolt. So go ahead and do it. Chachi pt for vows. That's easier. If you're mad about that, then every card you've ever gotten in your life should piss you off, because they're all somebody else's words. I've never understood greeting cards. I don't get it.

[Ethan]

Like, all the time back that I've spent in a greeting card aisle. No, not that one. No, not that one. No.

[John Holmberg]

In the meantime, you could have probably just done it yourself.

[Ethan]

Just write your Name, it's all. It's just as good.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

They're now selling more cards that have.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing on the blank inside. Yeah, but blank insides are great. But then guys like you.

[Brady]

Funny.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, funny, but when you got to scribble a love note in your handwriting, it looks like a murderer.

[Brady]

It means something.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So it's better for you to get one of those calligraphy ones. Cuz when you scroll out my mind.

[Ethan]

Like, did you ever send a love note?

[Brady]

It had to. Have I. I've done it.

[70s Detective Brady]

There's two S's in possession. Well, you're my possession.

[Ethan]

Love doesn't have a U. Yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

The. The typo or, you know, misspellings didn't happen too much. Being able to write and read it.

[John Holmberg]

Horrendously unromantic handwriting. What's different? Like, if you told me to write your beautiful card, it would like, who wrote this? She would say, who wrote this?

[Brady]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

John did. I'm like, oh, now she's questioning whether you and I were in cahoots on what to say. It's like, it's not your thoughts. You can't win. Yeah. You shouldn't write love notes because it.

[Brady]

Would like it with writing.

[Ethan]

So toward the end, it gets worse.

[Brady]

No, you just. Every time. The time that you are writing, a lot of times, it's always trying to get it done in time.

[John Holmberg]

You feel like you're speaking through it.

[Brady]

If I took my time more, I could write.

[John Holmberg]

Sometimes you have, like, when you hand me a note, the Y is backwards. Almost like you. I don't know if that's speed or anything else. It's the lefty thing. That's what I always say. I think it's because you're lefty and you knock things out and sometimes.

[Ethan]

So the tail is on the left side.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It comes in hot. The G does too. It comes.

[Brady]

It depends. It's a combination of print.

[John Holmberg]

And yes, you've handed me notes where sometimes the G is a little like, it's so goofy. It's backwards. But I always attribute it to being left handed.

[Brady]

Goes like that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. His whys get weird. Like he's got a few of them, but his handwriting. And Brett's worse.

[Ethan]

Brett is worse.

[John Holmberg]

Brett might be worse than your handwriting. Like, you two should not write romantic.

[Ethan]

Love, but you should write love letters.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If Brett's gonna write a love note to Mathia, you are Option A compared to him.

[Brady]

It's gonna get away with it. She wouldn't suspect.

[John Holmberg]

She'd think Brett was going to yes. Brett's handwriting. Hey, you might as well write with his feet. It's terrible. Anyway, sorry.

[Brady]

Got a couple of basic fun facts. The San Jose Sharks have a dentist office inside the stadium.

[John Holmberg]

All hockey places should.

[Ethan]

Yeah, I think they.

[Brady]

Yeah. Lobsters are cannibals. When they're hungry and looking for food, they'll happily eat another lobster.

[John Holmberg]

They're delicious.

[Ethan]

Trump says, I know the feeling.

[John Holmberg]

Huh? What the hell are you talking about? All right, leave the joke to the professionals. What does that mean?

[Brady]

A guy brought 24 wild rabbits into Australia in 1859. And they multiplied so fast in less than 70 years. Population? 10 billion.

[John Holmberg]

10 billion.

[Ethan]

How many years?

[John Holmberg]

70.

[Brady]

70 years. They reproduced at a rate of 18 to 30. Every single. For every single female rabbit per year. Wow.

[John Holmberg]

My friend Stebbings had rabbits when he was a kid, and they had it in their side yard. And they were adorable. Those fluffy, hairy ones. I don't know what you call those. They were cute. They weren't like jackrabbits. They were pretty black and white.

[Ethan]

They do okay in the desert.

[John Holmberg]

They're great. Oh, here's. Here's why. Because, like, four streets over, people are like, these goddamn rabbits are everywhere. They were burrowing under the entire neighborhood. In Tempe, we lived on Price and Southern. They were out. You'd see Mark's rabbits. Like, there was a field between our neighborhood and the price before the 101 was there. And there's just rabbits sitting out there. Mark's fluffy bunnies into the earth. And then you'd go to his house, and there was, like. Where there were once seven, there are now 40.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

And he's marshmallow like, you gotta get rid of these damn rabbits. And the neighbors are knocking on doors, holding rabbits by the scruff. Get this goddamn rabbit thing situated. They made full size rabbits so fast, I don't know if they gassed him or what. But Mark suddenly didn't have rabbits anymore.

[Brady]

That's the old station we worked at with one of the music directors, Erica.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Rabbit rescue. And.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, it's.

[Brady]

That's a problem. People would get a. A rabbit and it would do exactly.

[John Holmberg]

They get a couple rabbits, but you don't know the.

[Brady]

The sex of the rabbits literally tunneled two.

[John Holmberg]

It went from Hermosa Road, Manhattan and La Jolla. It went to La Jolla Road. Like, that's, you know, two on each street. It's going under that, under the street, under another house, under another house, under a street, and under another house to get to the third street. And they'd pop up in people's backyards and they'd dig holes. And it was like a matter of days. You go back over to Mark's house if you haven't been there for a week, he's like, what is going on over there? And it's. It was a S10 camper shed. No, just the top of the camper, the shell, and then 100 rabbits. And Mark's like, we don't know what to do. I think his stepdad Larry just killed them all.

[Brady]

Awesome. Fester.

[John Holmberg]

It was. I don't know that he ate him. I think he just stomped him out. It was bad. Yeah. Rabbits are fast.

[Brady]

We've got a TikTok with this attorney firm in California. Put together the five most dangerous TikTok challenges of all time, based on ER stats and news reports. Number five, the Benedict Benadryl challenge.

[Corey]

Where.

[Brady]

People were risking death to get high on cold meds. Basically, that was in 2020. The Fire Challenge. Pouring flammable liquids on your skin and lighting it. Bunch of kids suffered serious burns.

[John Holmberg]

I don't remember that one. You'll be the dumbest person alive to try it.

[Brady]

The milk crate challenge is number three. They had overstanding,000 ER visits between 21. 2020 and 2021. Yeah. You'd stack them up and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Try to see how many could get.

[Brady]

Step back down.

[John Holmberg]

Try to climb down the pyramid of milk crates. Yeah.

[Brady]

The Tide pod challenge number two, between 2016 and 2020.

[Ethan]

Yeah, they are.

[Brady]

35,000 kids in the ER didn't report any deaths on that one.

[Ethan]

I gotta say, as a parent, like, Alex will be 20 in February. Getting to 20, I'm like, how did.

[John Holmberg]

How do you do that? Here's the other thing. People blame Tide pods and the Internet for that. Instead of once just going and hitting their kid, going, what the hell's wrong with you? Like, he's the dumbest person life. That was never their. Never Braden's fault. It was never, ever the dummy's fault. It was always the influence. Like, yeah, they're going to see some terrible stuff. It's your job as a parent to make sure that they don't try everything dumb. They see it's. It's going to be part of their lives forever. Morons.

[Brady]

The number one, the blackout challenge. It's where you deprive yourself of oxygen to get high. She went viral in 2021. They claim it's caused at least 100 deaths since then, maybe more.

[John Holmberg]

I lived in Poway, California. This is not Internet related. This Is dumb kid related, and people need to recognize that. And I was standing on our porch, and the neighbor kid across the street was a couple years older than me. He's a big kid named Steve. And Steve came over there, and he goes, we just figured out something. I'm gonna try it on you. I'm like, what? And it was this weird thing where if you lift somebody by their ears, if you, like, palm them like a basketball and try to pick a kid up by his ears, he'll pass out. That's what they thought. And I was the smallest kid. So who tried on you? And he picked. Put his palms of his hands on my ears and started to lift me up. And I'm hanging there, and I'm like, this is great. The older kids like me. My dad came out and he goes, put him down. Bonked him in the head with. I think it was a newspaper or something. He had him.

[Frank Caliendo]

Get the hell off my porch.

[John Holmberg]

What are you doing? You're gonna break his neck.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's why he passes out.

[John Holmberg]

You're separating his spine from his body, you moron. Because they're swinging me around. That's what it took a parent to come out and go, knock it off. It's not. The influencers. They found out somehow or another. I don't even know if that's true.

[Brady]

No, the. I think that the oxygen one, the blackout challenge, is where you breathe.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there's been that one forever. Yeah, you pass out kind of. Oh, this one was one that this kid wanted to lift me to see if I'd pass out from that. What he was doing was breaking my neck or separating my brain.

[Ethan]

The death from that, though, I mean, you're depriving yourself oxygen, but when you.

[John Holmberg]

Fall over, that's when you die. Yeah, but you. Your.

[Ethan]

Your body is supposed to recover, right?

[John Holmberg]

No, no, but like, you hit your head or something. I think that's what it's got to.

[Brady]

Be too, because he used to do.

[John Holmberg]

It as a. I gotcha Shatner. He basically did. He turned to me in the elevator.

[Frank Caliendo]

I'm gonna do three quick breaths, and.

[John Holmberg]

Then one big one, and we'll see what happens.

[Frank Caliendo]

I start now.

[John Holmberg]

And down he went.

[Brady]

There's a guy in Russia who's facing charges after he staged a carjacking because he didn't want to go shopping with his wife. It happened in April, but the cops in central Russia just shared the details. His wife called them and said her Toyota Corolla was stolen. Then she said she called back later and said they found it Abandoned Cops checked it out, found that there. There were signs of forced entry, including damage to the ignition switch. But they got a little suspicious after a while because the details didn't start to add up and eventually concluded he staged the whole thing to get out of being dragged along on the shopping trip. Now he's looking at two years in prison.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Brady]

For filing a false report.

[John Holmberg]

Do like I do and fake a seizure. No one ever wants you to go anywhere for like two days. If you just start flopping around on the ground going, wallet, wallet.

[70s Detective Brady]

We can't go to the.

[Ethan]

Get some Alka seltzer mix.

[70s Detective Brady]

We can't go to the farmer's market. He had another seizure.

[John Holmberg]

And then you're at home, she's at farmer's market, you're tugging away to porn.

[Brady]

It's great.

[Ethan]

John. Huge lesson in actually listening intently to the show.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Ethan]

Earlier this morning, you guys were talking about, well, just a minute ago, PJs. And I heard, well, wife turned to me and said, I'll trade BJ's with you.

[John Holmberg]

Family. BJ's are a bad idea.

[Ethan]

That's a bad idea.

[John Holmberg]

Mother, father, BJ's. Well, wait a minute, let me rephrase that. Husband, wife, BJ's are okay.

[Ethan]

Family was a big difference in the conversation.

[John Holmberg]

Sure changes the meaning a lot. For the want of a letter, another.

[Ethan]

Guy says, john, the first time I used chat GPT was for my wedding vows, actually. I had like two sentences in and put the rest of it into chat gpd because I gave up. Gave me a five minute monologue. It was beautiful, man. Made me tear up a little bit. I'm not telling anybody.

[John Holmberg]

Don't. Well, you just did, dumbass. Keep it to yourself. Back pocket. Nameless back pocket. Anonymous, man.

[Brady]

And now it's time for some science news.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

Hello, my friends. Professor Brady Logan here with your science news. There were reports this week that the interstellar object that swung around the sun, Three Eye Atlas. Three Eye Atlas, exploded while zipping past the sun. They're saying the whole thing might have.

[John Holmberg]

Exploded or the Holmberg conundrum and it bore itself into the sun. And they're not telling us.

[Frank Caliendo]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

But now it sounds like there may have. May have jumped in, jumped the gun on that because that Harvard researcher who's been pushing the alien thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Shared images Tuesday that it's still intact. Most experts continue to say it's a comet because it is leaving a little.

[John Holmberg]

Bit of a trail doing something. But it goes away. The trail will Occasionally disappear. According to this dude from Harvard.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

He says it could be thrusters the aliens are using.

[John Holmberg]

To speed it up, he was on Bruce St. James, and Larry Gatos had him on yesterday. That Harvard dude?

[Brady]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. I forget his name and his. It was an interesting thing because he said, look, I'm not saying it is or it isn't. He's. Everybody's making this guy out to be the nutbag. But he's not. He's nice. I'm not saying it is or it isn't, but it's behaving erratically and strange compared to a comet. And he said, and from my estimations and his team, there's a 40% chance it's made by something like. That's manufactured. Yeah. And he said, and then that would be all we need to know, that there's something else out there it may not be coming for. He said, everything you're supposed to say may not be coming for us. But if it is a manufactured thing, we got something to talk about.

[Ethan]

Did we learn anything from Star Wars? They send out probes first.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Yeah, it's the probe. But if we find out, oh, this was built our lives. Everything is, like, okay, irrefutable now.

[Brady]

In the ancient human news.

[Ethan]

Then ask yourself if it really matters if Trump blew Clinton.

[John Holmberg]

It still matters. We still have to look. It's like, just because the neighbor's house is on fire, we're still fine. I'm just gonna go to work. You have to do something, but it still matters in your home. You know, his TV still works. You're gonna watch it.

[Brady]

A study found that Neanderthals may have never truly gone extinct. We just got it on with them so much, we absorbed their entire species.

[John Holmberg]

Really? That's interesting.

[Brady]

A study found your cancer risk might actually decrease as you get older, but only once you're in your mid-80s. For some reason, cancer has a harder time spreading. Once you've turned around 85 years old.

[John Holmberg]

It just leaves you alone. It's a long boomer.

[Ethan]

There's no material here.

[Brady]

Yeah, pretty much. I mean, if you've not had cancer up until this point, then you're.

[Ethan]

It's like Brett's impervious age.

[John Holmberg]

So cancer's like my dick. It ain't going in anything old.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Speaking of Ds.

[Ethan]

Worst transition ever.

[Brady]

Hitler's DNA reveals the Nazi leader likely had a syndrome that can affect genitals. They have DNA from the material in the couch that he finally laid on when he basically shot himself.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I Thought he was in.

[Brady]

They cut a piece of the. Evidently they got a piece of the couch.

[John Holmberg]

And we're not even sure he shot himself. We're.

[Brady]

Then they. And then there was. That's what I said.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm ready for it.

[Brady]

Shot himself and then they. The fire. I thought.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they burned him up.

[Brady]

But evidently someone.

[John Holmberg]

He decorated the bunker. Hid couches. I guess you could hang out.

[Corey]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Someplace. Lay down like a mattress. But I didn't realize he had a living room.

[Brady]

So the Cleveland Clinic did the testing and they found this syndrome that can disrupt the process that drives puberty and manifests in a symptom symptoms basically coming that he has a micro pe.

[John Holmberg]

He had a micro dick. Which is not surprising.

[Brady]

There's a good chance his testes never.

[John Holmberg]

Dropped down either from it always had him inside.

[Ethan]

I picture him being on a chase like Rose was in the Titanic naked. Not a couch, but like a.

[John Holmberg]

You know, that's something you need to talk to a therapist about.

[Ethan]

Well, that's how I envision it.

[John Holmberg]

Stop it. Stop picturing Hitler in a lounging position being drawn by Leonardo.

[Brady]

It's called Kalman syndrome.

[John Holmberg]

And they're saying that Hitler might have had that.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Which means your balls never drop. He's a golden state killer.

[Brady]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Same thing. He's got a dime sized pinky knuckle penis. And that's what drove him mad. He should have been mad at. He should have not been mad at the Jews, then furious at after.

[Brady]

That's what they're saying that. That doesn't. Doesn't connect that way necessarily. But he also did not. You know, they mentioned Ava Braun, but he never really.

[John Holmberg]

She stayed tight.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's what we learned today.

[Ethan]

Speaking of John, I can't get this out of my head. So you're telling me this morning that. And I'm not sure if this is exactly exact term but Monica Lewinsky and Donald Trump are Eskimo.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they're Eskimo.

[Ethan]

Another term.

[John Holmberg]

Eskimo addicts. I think they spin in the Eskimo attic. Is it igloo or Eskimo? Eskimos are offensive. Not Eskimos are offensive. Saying Eskimos. Eskimos are also offensive. There's probably a few offensive Eskimos.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Ethan]

Igloo I wouldn't think is offensive in itself. Right.

[John Holmberg]

No, Igloo. Igloos are real. Well, Eskimos are real. I don't. I'm not going to stop saying Eskimo because a. I'm probably not going to run into One. And B, there's still a football team called the Eskimos, right?

[Ethan]

Yeah. And I don't think they want you to stop saying it.

[John Holmberg]

I think they do. Do they? In Northern Alaska.

[Ethan]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Ethan]

Isn't that what they are?

[John Holmberg]

No, evidently, that's the N word to them.

[Brady]

The other little DNA we gave them.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. Inuit is the appropriate.

[Brady]

Yeah, but, yeah, it must have come from a lot of times, the words. They hear it. And then it's been Americanized after.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I don't know, because Canadians did it first.

[Ethan]

Doesn't ring as true.

[John Holmberg]

And Eskimos were around when Alaska was Russia, so I don't know where it comes from. It sounds like one of their words, to be honest with you.

[Brady]

Yeah, well, that's what we end up doing. We take one of the words and we. For sure.

[John Holmberg]

But it sounds like whatever an Eskimo would say that kind of flows with their words. We thought we were doing a nice thing by saying squaw peek, and it's turned out that's Hor Mountain.

[Brady]

The analysis also debunks the myth that Hitler had a Jewish grandfather. Yeah, the DNA and the blood showed he did not.

[John Holmberg]

Are we sure it's Hitler's blood? Isn't this like the shroud of material? We now know the couch he died on. We're not sure where that was, but we have the furniture, evidently. Okay.

[Brady]

We had a piece of a couch.

[John Holmberg]

So we are now putting to rest how he died as fact, because I've.

[Brady]

Always heard that he shot himself.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I've always heard that. That was speculation and assumption that he killed himself in a bunker, whether or.

[Brady]

Not he killed himself or not. But, yeah, he was killed by a gunshot.

[John Holmberg]

We don't know that for sure. That's a. That's a theory, isn't it?

[Brady]

I thought because there were people heard at one time that he. He shot.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, that's what we've heard. My point. That's what. But we have not proven that. We've all heard that. But that doesn't mean I don't have any. There's no. I don't. Maybe there is now, but there's been no irrefutable evidence that says this is how Hitler died. We weren't sure and he was dead at all.

[Brady]

Like, wow. If it. It sounds like the fire maybe didn't happen till after the fact, but someone's like, well, I'm gonna cut.

[John Holmberg]

But again, material only. You're going off of this as if we know, because, like, what you Thought is what I've heard they shot themselves and then it was burned up.

[Brady]

But I.

[John Holmberg]

But that's never been confirmed.

[Brady]

Right. But I wouldn't doubt that someone cut part of the material. Who knows if they have again that way because they did that with Lincoln.

[John Holmberg]

But the point being we know how Lincoln died. Yeah, we're sure of it. So of course they cut some of his shirt up and stuff like that. They tore his dead bones around on a train, remember?

[Brady]

I don't know if you saw the episode of Black Mirror, seen them all. It's the one where they do a startup like an AI.

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna have to be more specific.

[Brady]

They're almost all that talking to dead people.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

Well, there's an AI startup in LA called Two Way.

[John Holmberg]

It's Domino Gleason. I think that's a great episode.

[Brady]

And it launched an app that lets you communicate with friends and relatives after they die. The AI version takes her voice and everything and takes her image and basically you can talk to them all you want. And they show an example of this lady who's pregnant talking to her mother who passed away. Gross. Giving her being pregnancy advice and stuff. And then the baby's born and it's a year into it, or probably two or three years old.

[John Holmberg]

Meets grandma.

[Brady]

Meets grandma. Grandma reads her a bedtime story that she read her daughter.

[John Holmberg]

It's I, I still like for me, the problem with that is it's like, have you seen the Bob Barker AI stuff where he loses his mind or he's drunk or he's in a wife beater and stuff. He starts cussing everybody. Sometimes if it's your mom, sometimes the Bob Barker's not quite right.

[Frank Caliendo]

Like it's just, it's.

[John Holmberg]

The voice is always good. The face is a little off or something. If it was your mother.

[Ethan]

The uncanny valley. It's different with that.

[Brady]

Yeah, I've just seen all those different contestants on the prices.

[John Holmberg]

No, the contestants are great because you don't know what they're. But Bob sometimes doesn't look right. Sometimes Mr. Rogers on those. He's too surprised. Until they, until they make it perfect. If, like, if Marcy was part of this. My mom.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And I did that, I'd notice the differences and it'd be like, oh, it's not real. And it would disappoint me. Until. Look, in a year or two, that's going to be different. It's going to be real and it'll.

[Ethan]

Probably holograms also, according to AI, the word Eskimo Derives from the Algonquin and Cree. Words that basically mean two things. Eaters of raw meat. Another definition is one who nets snowshoes.

[John Holmberg]

Cool. This guy says, you're up, listener. Here in Michigan, our high school football team is the Escanaba Eskimos. Mo is the mascot. Slant eyes, whole deal. Look it up. The Escanaba Eskimos. Mo is their mascot. And they. They made him the stereotype.

[Brady]

The last thing. Science news. Russia's first AI robot.

[Ethan]

Oh, my God.

[Brady]

Have you seen the video Toledo?

[Ethan]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Is this the Eskimo? The Escanab. Oh, yeah, that's. Yeah, they made him super Chinese looking. Oh, he's up there in Eskimo land, where you gotta have your eyes. Yeah. With the sun glaring off, the snow white.

[Ethan]

It's Esquimo.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, with a Y. He did, too.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They go snow blind. That wind gets that. And the sun bouncing off all that white. Their eyes have to squint down. That's evolution, baby.

[Brady]

So Russia rolls out their AI robot to the theme from Rocky. And it kind of. You have to see the video. It kind of shuffles.

[John Holmberg]

And Rocky beat Russia. Why would they do this?

[Brady]

Because he's coming out like a champ.

[John Holmberg]

But Rocky brought. They should have done it for Drago.

[Brady]

Rocky united.

[John Holmberg]

I know. He brought down Russia and made him a democracy for a little while. That was Drago's fault. Oh, my goodness. All right, so then Russia builds a robot and brings him out to Rocky music.

[Brady]

This is their. Yeah, first version.

[John Holmberg]

Is it designed to fight us?

[Brady]

Just show they have the technology.

[John Holmberg]

Seems awfully American for the Russians to do this. Wait, you got to turn your science music off. Oh, my God. You got a disaster up there. Here comes the Rocky robot. There's the sound. Oh, boy. You've made a mess of things. Sounds up. What is. I got nothing. What is the.

[Brady]

There he waves.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's Shatner.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's the same thing.

[John Holmberg]

Shatner lesson. That's exactly how William fell.

[Brady]

But it goes so well with the.

[Ethan]

It's a little top heavy.

[Frank Caliendo]

Apparently this comes out well.

[John Holmberg]

Then they put a curtain over him like racehorse.

[Frank Caliendo]

What a disaster.

[John Holmberg]

They tried to bring the curtain downs all twisted. You could know nothing to see here. Oh, the Russians blew it. That's good stuff. That's exactly how Shatner fell. And they built it for. It's just their fade. Look. That's impressive that they got that robot out there for the stage. They've been ready for it. He just missed. Took a tumble. Oh, you turned yourself off. Go ahead.

[Brady]

A ferry in France. That Be more specific.

[John Holmberg]

No, I think he means it.

[Brady]

It's a ferry.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's a gay.

[Brady]

It was heading to. From New Haven to Sussex. Going from basically France to Sussex, England.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brady]

And the. It was loaded with a bunch of kids, families.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that type of ferry.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. I had to change my brain.

[Brady]

Basically, you put. You can park your car on it, then you go. It's a fair cross. The body water. Well, the kids were enjoying hardcore porn on the TV. They were trying to air the F1.

[John Holmberg]

Race going on and they messed up.

[Brady]

Yeah. Wait a minute.

[Ethan]

The kids were doing this or the.

[Brady]

No, kids came running out of the Gotcha. The area where the porn was playing.

[John Holmberg]

Screaming, and they just accidentally air dropped.

[Brady]

So they apologized to everyone on the ferry.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing you can do. They were trying to get the F1 race and they turned it on and.

[Brady]

Somehow that came up.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Pierre's phone, the last thing he was watching. So when he hit mirror, screen, mirror.

[Brady]

Oops.

[Ethan]

I thought sex was more accepted over there. Why were the kids running?

[John Holmberg]

Still not going to do it in the middle of the day on a ferry ride. I think that's.

[Brady]

Nudity is kind of more accepted, but the porn takes it to the next level.

[John Holmberg]

I think we assume they'll do billboards if they don't have porn just playing on ferry rides for. We're going to Sussex. Enjoy the new Madison Navi.

[Brady]

I guess some people are pretty worked up because Las Vegas had its housekeeping Olympics. Teams from the resorts. How would glory battle every year? And people are saying, yeah, how dare you do this? But here's a couple pictures of the.

[John Holmberg]

This is.

[Brady]

Here's the vacuuming AI did.

[John Holmberg]

Is this real? Because AI does these fake Olympics of women vacuuming and stuff.

[Brady]

Yeah, well, 15 second clips going around. People coordinated.

[John Holmberg]

So it actually is a thing.

[Brady]

Yeah. And they have one where you're. You have to fold the shirts.

[Ethan]

Yeah.

[Brady]

This one's different from the AI.

[John Holmberg]

What do you win?

[Brady]

Pride that you.

[Ethan]

You win pride.

[Brady]

Pride. You're the best. You're the fastest at vacuuming.

[John Holmberg]

Well, let me tell you what nation's gonna dominate this.

[Brady]

Nine teams competed this year.

[John Holmberg]

Mexico. They're gonna clobber everybody.

[Brady]

They don't do it. They do it by the resorts. So the nine teams that competed this year.

[Ethan]

Come on, Brady.

[Brady]

We know with Arya Va Dara, who won, taking the top two spots. Arya.

[John Holmberg]

Well, damn right clean spot.

[Ethan]

Here we go.

[John Holmberg]

So they would even bother with the Mexico part because it would be just competing against themselves.

[Brady]

Mini Zamboni. Well, by resort, the floor buffer did.

[Ethan]

It in T Mobile.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Head to head in a variety of events like bed making, mop relays, and a toilet paper toss. They even had a dance off. Which of course, course, is a critical aspect of every successful housekeeping sesh. Me. This whole thing is part of a tradition in Vegas celebrating the people who keep Sin City shining the guest room. They celebrate them. They celebrate them by making them do their jobs again. As one commentator put it, the only way we can. You know what they should do is give them a free weekend or something and some free play rather than go over to T Mobile and do some more vacuuming. We'll celebrate that.

[Ethan]

Sorry, I almost said it. Those vacuums suck.

[John Holmberg]

Those vacuums are incredible. Yeah, I love the Aria stuff. All right, Aria 1. That's good. That's a win for me then. That's where I stay.

[Brady]

I got a couple of radio videos.

[Ethan]

People are really missing the Brett videos, by the way.

[John Holmberg]

I know. Well, you know what, though? An honor.

[Brady]

I've got one that is Brett 30 plus. Okay. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You're trying to do your best.

[Brady]

It's a. This is a lady that gets arrested because these cops were in the process of arresting somebody. You'll see it.

[John Holmberg]

They're doing their job and somebody else gets involved. This New York City. Oh, here comes a cop breaking free.

[Brady]

Of an arrest she tried to trick.

[John Holmberg]

She tried to trip a cop running after another guy. What a jerkass.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The cop gets around it, does a great job, and goes back and busts her. I saw that. Is basically what you're getting.

[Brady]

But now she's like, somebody help me.

[John Holmberg]

Getting arrested for getting, you know, help me. She says, help me.

[Ethan]

Oh, you're on your own, sister.

[John Holmberg]

This is the fault of the. The news. Making cops bad guys. You don't know. That's terrible. I hope she goes to jail for a long time.

[Ethan]

How about him for side seeing it coming?

[John Holmberg]

That dude's a good running back. The jets should sign him because they got nothing.

[Brady]

This is the Brett one that we'd see normally.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Is that a cement truck and it's dropping? Oh, there's a guy in it. Yep, There's a guy in the cement mixer hole and he's pouring out. Oh, my goodness. Did they know he was in there? Oh, this is a punishment. Yeah, he got thrown into the back of a cement mixer and they pumped him out of the thing down the chute where they're pouring fresh cement.

[Ethan]

Pouring that cement out on the ground.

[John Holmberg]

Or is it. Well, no. Well, that's what cement goes.

[Ethan]

Yeah, but it usually goes in a frame.

[Brady]

Yeah, I know. Have you seen the insides?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they just.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's a spiral blade thing that mixes everything.

[John Holmberg]

Is that it? Got one more. Okay.

[Brady]

Roller coaster.

[John Holmberg]

This looks fake.

[Brady]

Mouth wide open.

[Ethan]

It's the same one as that other AI video.

[John Holmberg]

That's an Asian who throws up. And he throws up on himself. Gets to the top. Oh, it's the person next to him. Oh, God. All right. The person next to him throws up. And on their way down, it goes into the mouth of the person screaming next to the puker.

[Brady]

I can't tell.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's AI.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I don't care. The imagination is ridiculous.

[Brady]

Oh, it's gotta happen quite often.

[John Holmberg]

You're screaming and screaming and the person next to you vomits. You make a turn and it all goes in your mouth. God hates you. Yuck. All right. Is that all?

[Brady]

That's it.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Well done. That's it. It's 8:36. The word for 8 o' clock is ride. R I, D, E. Put that in the promo code for 8 o'. Clock. Try to win yourself some money. There goes your Brady Report.

[Brady]

It's not weird.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[Brady]

No membership.

[John Holmberg]

Fe.

[Frank Caliendo]

I have heard enough of this.

[John Holmberg]

Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98.

[John Holmberg]

AO, Chevelle. They just make your radio better, make your speakers better. I still. It's a huge regret when I met Chevelle to try to tell them that exact phrase. And I stumbled all over myself and told them that you're everybody's second favorite band. And it's not what I meant when I said it. You guys just make radio better. You make music better. My speakers are grateful to have Chevelle pumped through them. And I told them, I'm like, you're like everybody's second favorite band. And I don't know why that is. You should be everybody's favorite. You're on everyone's list when you were relevant. Yeah, it was exactly that moment. Stupid. Monday, we're going to announce the. Well, there will be no announcement of people. Bad news, good news, bad news. Holmberg After Dark is coming up here. That's the next thing we got on our docket. We got Pledio. Next week or not next week for the week after next. Then Thanksgiving happens, we come back, and then we have our happy ending show. Homeburg After Dark will be happening, I believe, December 12, downtown. Stand up Live. We're gonna have. Tickets are on sale now. If you can find out how we're gonna announce officially how to do that. But Matt down at the club said we've already sold, like, 40 tickets and it's not even announced it. Like, fantastic. So people have evidently liked this thing. The guest we had, I can tell you right now, is Jay Pharaoh. Phenomenal, right? Pharaoh? I did a podcast with Pharaoh years ago, and me and Ralphie Frank and Jay Pharaoh and Chuck Powell were in this thing, and it was an hour and 20 minutes of gangbusters funny. And so far. And I have always brought that back. Uh, he. He was more than happy to do it. He's gonna. He just got an offer to do another thing, so he's moving his schedule now.

[Frank Caliendo]

He.

[John Holmberg]

So he canceled.

[Frank Caliendo]

That would have been amazing.

[John Holmberg]

I wasn't allowed to announce that he was part of it once he was here because he's selling tickets for something else. So it would have been like a surprise. But you could trust me. We're gonna. We got another one also balancing on whether he can go or not. But we've got. It'll be fun either way. We'll announce that on Monday and it should be pretty fantastic. But homework after dark's December 12th. I got a lot of people asking. That's a good thing. Get that right and have all that going. It's a fantastic show of videos and nonsense and everything else. And I probably will end up having something to do with my Shatner story. I've been retelling that on. On my emails all morning from people who woke up and said, oh, I had so much fun at the Shatner show last night. You guys were great. I'm like, you have no idea what I went through with the Shatner show. If you didn't hear it this morning, grab the podcast, go back and listen to the first 40 minutes of the show. I retell that William Shatner died in my arms.

[Frank Caliendo]

He just died in my arms.

[John Holmberg]

We'll just use this.

[Brady]

The Cutting Crew down.

[John Holmberg]

Go Shatner. It was a crazy night last night, and it was. And I, you know, credit to the professionalism of both William Shatner and Frank Caliendo and to a certain degree, me. Although I can't say I was professional at all, because inside I know what I was feeling, and it was not professional. I was scared to death all night.

[Brady]

You know, that's why the show goes on. Because if you would say beforehand, this is what's going to happen, that shows Canceled.

[John Holmberg]

Everything should have been canceled.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And I didn't want to be part of elder abuse. There's a Frankie Valli from the Four Seasons is. I don't know how old he is. He's got to be in his 80s, right? And they sang Grease and all that. You know, there's like a big. Frankie Valli was a big deal. And he is so old now that they, they put him on stage, sell tickets, put him on stage. He stands behind a microphone and he just, he doesn't lip sync. His mouth just kind of goes, blah, blah, blah. And they play the track of the song and try to just say, this is your Frankie Valli concert. And it, it, it's borderline abusive. And I don't know who's making the money or what they're doing with that, but it's terrible. I don't, I don't believe that's true with William Shatner and the people around him. Everybody cares about him greatly and he's super spry. But after the tumble last night, after, you know, oh, pick me up, you start to wonder, like, and I even said it out loud, we got to cancel this, right? This is canceled.

[Frank Caliendo]

Nope, nope.

[John Holmberg]

We're going off. Everyone's going on like, oh my God.

[Brady]

So Frankie Valley looks like when you're a kid, you had those army figurines.

[John Holmberg]

You melted them stand.

[Brady]

They're on a little stand and they'll play, you know, oh, night.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

So he doesn't fall down, he just stands there like a statue.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the GI Joe's that you would melt in the sun because they just stand there and then they look like they're melting.

[Brady]

Except he doesn't melt.

[John Holmberg]

No, he looks melted. Always pre melted.

[Frank Caliendo]

But it's.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, so I, I didn't want to be part of that. So, you know, I didn't touch him. So I'm still. I'm, I'm not normal from last night. Frank and I keep texting each other this morning. Giggly stuff. But we're both. It was, it was, it's off putting. Then you just feel terrible that the old man dropped and then you went out and started laughing and having fun. Joking you. You turning on the comedy vibes, you know, like he is teetering on the brink of not being part of this night. Man, what a. He's a trooper. 94. Not many 94 year olds get up and do an hour of entertaining after a faint drop. Anyway, you get the whole story if you go back on the podcast this morning and again they, the, the, this is supposed to be the last day that you guys can take it in the afternoon, but it is not. We'll do a Monday one because there were mistakes made on one of the days by our Internet. So we're going to do it all over. And if you remember the words from the day we missed, they're the same ones because we had to pre. The lawyers made us pre approve all the words beforehand. So it's all listed. So we're just going to go back to whatever day got screwed up and do it again Monday. So it's your second to last day to get the code word in. And the 9 o' clock word is odds o double ds odds. So that's the 9 o' clock word you put in the 9 o' clock box and we are done for the week. And you can win a thousand dollars from us right here at 98 KUPD. So throw it in there, take it in the app, boost our app numbers, get our bobs off our back and we'll be happy. Everybody wins. Everybody wins. What a week. So, yeah, get ready for the happy ending that's coming then. Palladio is the Monday after closing up the year.

[Brady]

Brady, I can tell one person that we're trying to go after for the homework after dark on the 12. Who's that? Dick Van Dyke. For you to.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we're running a convalescence home for celebrities. I would. You know what? I actually considered maybe having Shatner come back for that. I don't know what Shatner costs.

[Brady]

He would have said yes for sure last night.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't take a fee. Frank didn't take a fee for last night. And they offer money and we're like, this is silly. We're not gonna. That's. We want to be there. You're giving us the best seats in the house on stage. I'm like, we don't need to get paid. And if he's not getting paid, I'm not getting paid. And the fee wasn't much. It was a little bit, but it was still something. So we did ours for free. He can do us.

[Brady]

He can come back, provide the Lincoln.

[John Holmberg]

I'll do it myself. I'll put him in the Bronco and we'll get over OJ style and I'll go get William. But Homeburg After Dark starts about the same time. He did his thing last night. So we can just get him a nice room, rest him, and then have Brady. You'd have to go to the hotel and you'd hear what I heard, which is the most harrowing thing in the world. Pick me up and it's very strange. Brady, I'm feeling a little dizzy, man. Last night was weird. We got an entertainment drill coming up in just a little bit. Prepare yourselves. It's 98.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fee.

[Frank Caliendo]

I have heard enough of this.

[John Holmberg]

Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude.

[John Holmberg]

The word for 9:00am is odds O DDS. And throw that in there for the 9:00 clock square and get yourself a chance to take it in the app and win a thousand dollars from your friends at 98. KPD. Going back and forth with a guy named J.R. he's kind of an acerbic butthole. Maybe that's why I like him. But he's like, what a false game. This is to boost your numbers artificially. Yeah, duh, you. Of course it is. It's like a sale. Like when pennies had a sale, it was to, you know, we need a little boost. We need a little thing here. We're trying to fool the Bob's. The Bobs want to do it because they got to justify their jobs. Just deal with it. We understand all that, so should you. But Jared's like, what, do you get more money in your pocket from this?

[Frank Caliendo]

Maybe.

[John Holmberg]

What's it to you? Get out of my pockets. I don't see any more money from it but the station yet. Hey, just, you know, a quick little aside here. Everything we do is for money. I hate to break it to you, we're having fun with you and stuff, but in the end, this is a business, right?

[Brady]

No, I don't. I volunteer at a food bank.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about us. They can do whatever they want. I'm talking about this radio station. Everything you hear is an attempt to do better, to make more money. That's it. That's what every business should do. So yeah, when you throw that at ass, it's just making your station more money, huh? Go on. It's not a valid argument is what I'm saying. Junior. It's time now for the entertainment drill is brought to you by our friends [e-mail], the home of tactical black self defense training. Their situation is outrageous. 25 years in the business that starts in January, their anniversary of 25 years. And they're going to be doing some special stuff all the time. And they're kicking it off a little early. $89 for a month of training, which is just astronomical. And get involved in this thing. Start learning your way around the body that you carry every day. You walk into a Circle K and a quick trip, whatever, and walk out. You never know what's going to happen. Perfect evidence of that last night. You never know what's going to get you. William Shatner died in my arms last night. I didn't see that coming. Who knows what's coming your way. And we had to walk out to my car in the middle of the night out in downtown Phoenix. Never know. But you walk around and make sure that you know what you're doing as you're walk. Walking around. Situational awareness is so important to self defense. They teach you that first and foremost. Also talking about William Shatner and stuff, they've got the Silver Sheepdog program. If you've got a dad or you're a little older yourself and you're like, you know what? I got to keep moving you move it or you will lose it. I've seen people in their 70s that end up going there, that were walking around shuffling their feet, waddling like old people do and started the training because it doesn't really matter how old you are. And the next thing you know they're starting to feel their muscles back, they're starting to walk cleaner, they got their balance back. It's good for you. That's the key. Exercise that's fun, that stimulates you, is good for you. Reactdefense.com that's the place to do it. 89 bucks for a month. That's amazing. Reactdefense.com it's the home of Tactical Black Brady Entertainment.

[Brady]

It's been 52 years since a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving was released.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Brady]

1973. Here's a couple of fun facts.

[70s Detective Brady]

Wow.

[Brady]

As usual with the peanuts, no adults are shown. And yet this was the first Peanut special to have an adult voice.

[John Holmberg]

He speaks. The piano player.

[Brady]

He's singing the song Little birds.

[Frank Caliendo]

Ah.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady]

For those of you you know, he did all the music. Yeah, yeah. Lucy is the only, the only one in the opening scene.

[John Holmberg]

I don't remember the beginning.

[Brady]

I don't either. I just always remember my brother and sister would watch. Was always kind of boring to me.

[John Holmberg]

The Charlie Brown.

[Brady]

The Thanksgiving one.

[John Holmberg]

You unimaginative son of a.

[Brady]

The Christmas one.

[John Holmberg]

Take it back, you communist. Why don't you just go thriller, pick him up and get him out of here. Go over with Toledo's wife and go live in your red world. Boring.

[Brady]

I was 8 years old at the time. And most of the action stuff I was getting was Bugs Bunny. Sure, a lot of violence.

[John Holmberg]

You're a fool. It's good to this day.

[Brady]

The music, very soothing. It.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, it's the Thanksgiving special.

[Brady]

It's the bell.

[John Holmberg]

Isn't going to be a war or.

[Brady]

A racist rabbit eventually get tired?

[John Holmberg]

No. You're just mad that everybody in there was eating but you. You son of a. Take it back. Snoopy's a God.

[Brady]

Oh, I like the Snoopy part. Woodstock.

[John Holmberg]

All right, well, you start liking the kids, too. Life lessons all abound and things.

[Brady]

There's a couple on there I didn't like too much.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yes. Well, it's a group of people. And I understand you weren't a big fan of Franklin. You grew up in a racist.

[Brady]

No, I like Franklin. Lucy was little.

[John Holmberg]

You'd have taken Franklin to the show and tell Pig Pen. Pig Pen was nobody's favorite, but still, you know, a representative of someone we all knew.

[Brady]

The actors who voiced Lucy and Charlie Brown are still in touch. They went to high school together. And our Facebook friends.

[John Holmberg]

How about that?

[Brady]

Tracy Stratford and Peter Robbins was Charlie Brown.

[John Holmberg]

Only it always bothered me is how the director made all the kids over enunciate. Charlie Brown. They would always say, it's so strange. That's right, Charlie Brown. Like, stop doing it that way. Even as a kid, I recognized it when you watch the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing and their mouths do stuff that human mouths shouldn't do. That's because you're an idiot, Charlie Brown. There's Canadian.

[Brady]

There's a spin off inspired by Linus. By Linus's speech at the Pilgrims first Thanksgiving. It's called the Mayflower Voyagers. It's from this is America Charlie Brown miniseries.

[John Holmberg]

This guy just said. I never thought I'd agree with Brady, but peanut specials suck ass, son. Craig House, the Communist. Charlie Brown and Snoopy and Spike. All of them.

[Brady]

One of the producers had an issue with Woodstock committing bird cannibalism.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he ate some of the turkey. I did always find that a little odd. And Snoopy, he takes a big bite too. He's got that little fork.

[Brady]

He joined Snoopy and carving.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he beats up the bird. But again, maybe parakeets and turkeys hate each other. Need each other.

[Brady]

The producer edited out. Years later, when CBS cut the special for time. It was restored to its full glory in 2001. Moved us to ABC. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

When they wanted to have the. It's cartoon cannibalism. Come on, get over it.

[Brady]

In a new poll, 97% of people couldn't tell the difference between AI generated music and something that was made by actual humans.

[John Holmberg]

The real stuff.

[Brady]

And half of those who failed were concerned about it.

[John Holmberg]

And they're just playing original music or. Yeah, because I can tell when there's a version, like a soul version of Alice in Chains. I know that never happened, but if.

[Brady]

You played that for someone and said this is.

[John Holmberg]

If they didn't.

[Brady]

You heard this. This R B band.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That you wouldn't know.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If they didn't. If they weren't familiar with Alison Chains.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because I've heard a few of them where they'd blues up a country song I'm not familiar with. Like something by Morgan Wallen or something. Yeah.

[Brady]

If you'd play it for me, I would. Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Like, it's a cool blue song. Why is he thinking about tractors?

[Brady]

I guess Billy Eilish is not a big fan of Elon Musk. And she posted suggestions for what Elon Musk could do with his money after finding out he could be the first trillionaire. What is it she said? She went after him pretty hard. She said you could become the world's. You know, you're going to become the world's first trillionaire. You could do with your money. You could like end world hunger, save endangered species or rebuilding Gaza. But she will.

[John Holmberg]

And he'll make more money doing that. You have to understand that that's going to be a money generator.

[Brady]

But according to Billie Eilish, he's probably not going to do that because he's a effing pathetic wussy B word coward.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if Does Billy needs to. I think Billy's an incredibly talented person. She needs to apologize. When Elon goes, Here's $250 billion and starts a foundation that does some great stuff.

[Brady]

Here's my.

[Frank Caliendo]

Maybe he will.

[Brady]

I'm kind of guessing Billy does all right financially.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

What are you gonna do with your money?

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly right. Everything's relative. Billy's a lot richer than Thriller, Right?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Thriller's selling bone marrow just to make days go by. Billie Eilish, put an end to that because you could. We know what none of us do what we could do. We're all kind of selfish. But if I had a trillion dollars just to get people off my ass, I'd probably give 200 billion.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

To something.

[Frank Caliendo]

And guess what? The people I gave it to.

[John Holmberg]

Would mismanage it. We are the world. Africa's still hungry.

[Brady]

One of the things that we. I mean, we try to do that even with the stuff that we do in the morning.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, we try to go as grassroots as we can to keep it out of other hands. The more hands touch it, the less money there is in the end. Now we experience that with the tiny stuff we do here.

[Brady]

Morgan Freeman's lawyers have been busy stopping people from using AI to recreate his voice without permission.

[John Holmberg]

He's angry about it.

[Brady]

I don't appreciate it. If you're gonna do it without me, you're robbing me.

[John Holmberg]

Well, then let me tell you what you could do. You don't need the real Morgan Freeman. Just call a guy who can probably get it done for you. I'll take care of this from here.

[Brady]

I thought about that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Between all the stuff that you've done and Frank coming in there, and we've.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you can make get sued like crazy if you're pretending to be them. I'm Morgan Freeman for dildos, and I get money from the dildo people. I'm going to, like, get big trouble for that.

[Brady]

It used to be disclaimer, you'd say.

[John Holmberg]

At the end, or the celebrity voice and person. Yeah, but if you're not doing that part, like, AI doesn't.

[Brady]

Ray J. Remember AJ he just recently found himself on the business end of a defamation lawsuit filed by Kim Kardashian and Kris Jenner.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy.

[Brady]

Because originally, he's been saying it for years. He's actually taking them to court for some of the money. Yeah, he said that release of the. The video with he and Tim was.

[John Holmberg]

Orchestrated by all three of Kim and his mom.

[Brady]

Mom determined said, let my mom in on this. We'll just play along with it.

[John Holmberg]

Why doesn't Ray J. I thought he got a cut.

[Brady]

Well, he accuses them of peddling the false story that the tape was released against Kim's will for two decades, and now he's tired of playing along.

[John Holmberg]

But didn't he get paid?

[Brady]

I thought he got some money, but he's probably going back because he thinks I should deserve more money.

[John Holmberg]

My guess is they stopped paying him, and now that the payment isn't coming, he's like, oh, yeah, you're not gonna pay me anymore. Well, here we go. Well, there's no more money coming in from it, Ray J. Yeah, but you did. All right, so his. His dick was sort of the springboard for the Kardashian fame.

[Brady]

That's why I think she's gonna become an attorney. She's got to take the bar again.

[John Holmberg]

She's got to sue Ray J Away from the legal.

[Brady]

Handle all her legal.

[John Holmberg]

It's a good idea.

[Brady]

All you have to do is write a couple of letters.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty smart.

[Brady]

We got a problem here.

[John Holmberg]

If you cease and desists that, she can write about her own sex tapes and stuff. That's smart.

[Brady]

I had. You knew him. A buddy of mine, he was attorney and he'd represent himself on most of the business stuff. He was the one that owned the gentleman's clubs.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brady]

And anytime that would come up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Represents.

[John Holmberg]

He could lawyer himself right out of trouble. He was having sex tapes.

[Brady]

With all the dance movies out this weekend. The Running man, which Arnold has given thumbs up.

[John Holmberg]

Arnold loved it.

[Brady]

Yeah. Glenn Powell stars in it.

[John Holmberg]

But I have a feeling Arnold got paid to love it.

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

The better it does, I would imagine Arnold. I wonder if Arnold was an executive producer of the original and then this one as well. So he'll get a cut of this if it does. Good. I would say.

[Brady]

Well, I think there would be something to that. For even to get his thumbs up on that fast.

[Ethan]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He didn't wait till it came out in the theater. But he's. He's going nuts over this thing. I like. I like that Glenn Powell guy. He seems like somebody you'd want to hang out with. Like a celebrity. You know, Thriller. Gonna give me a shrug.

[Frank Caliendo]

The.

[John Holmberg]

The Chad Power show. I'm not interested in, though. Have you watched it? Have you?

[Brady]

No. Since your review.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't watch it.

[Brady]

Oh. Because I talked to someone else. I always think of. I don't know why they went with Chad Powers. I'm like, is that to go after Eastbound and Down?

[John Holmberg]

You know about Chad Powers? You don't know the story of Chad Powers?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Chad Powers was the thing Eli Manning did. He tried out for. Oh, that was his name.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

So he tried out for the Penn State quarterback thing. And it was like, who the hell is this guy as Chad Powers? And he had the makeup on and everything else. And he was, you know, just lit up. This walk on thing at Penn State.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

This guy's incredible. That's what a couple of coaches knew. And then it's Ted Lasso. They're taking a one trick pony and trying to make a show out of it.

[Brady]

And I've heard. I've heard the same thing. As far as Peyton Manning's deal. They upped him to do a new series of those motivating Mannings. No, it'll take an athlete and go undercover because he did the first couple.

[John Holmberg]

He's done a couple.

[Brady]

The Baker Mayfield one is very funny. His name's like Don.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's the Eli Think. Yeah. All right. Shut her down.

[Brady]

Taylor. ACDC show in Melbourne, Australia registered low on the seismic activity on Wednesday night. But Taylor Swift's Error tour gave off a larger signal from the same venue.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there are a hundred thousand years old. The Swifties are actually dancing. ACDC's crowd is seated or leaning on a walker. As good as they are. There's no more. You're thunderstruck. But it has to be done before 8pm could be.

[Brady]

And there could be maybe more of a body mass index too. I don't.

[John Holmberg]

There might allow fat girls at Taylor Swift is what you're saying. I think the weight distribution of fat girls to biker guys for AC DC balances. I just think they're jumping around. Shake it off. And then the other ones are thunderstruck. But let's have a nap. It's nice.

[Brady]

Some slow ones in between.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Some cooldowns. Most of ACDC says he's pretty driving.

[John Holmberg]

A lot of headband steady, not a lot of feet moving. We've got a Guadalupe Squares coming up in just a little bit. You want to play? We've got a contestant that needs to be a girl and one that needs to be a boy. And we'll get those squares going right away. 5, 8, 5, 9, 800. That's what we do. The Guadalupe Squares are next.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees.

[Frank Caliendo]

I have heard enough of this. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good one there. That's Papa Roach. That's called Even if it kills me, and it just might. And on the heels of last night, you never know what's gonna kill you. Watching people drop dead in front of you might be the thing. It's time. Hey, look, it's Thriller. Hi, Thriller. How are you? Oh, boy. Scoot your damn chair up. Don't sit down like a child. Okay, Boost it up. Up. Nobody afraid of falling.

[Brady]

Go up.

[John Holmberg]

Does goes up. They all go up.

[Brady]

I thought.

[Corey]

No, the chair worked better than I do.

[John Holmberg]

I like gruff 70s detective Brady. That's going on over here. You have every day about Nine this allergy.

[Frank Caliendo]

I like your tear in the air, boy.

[John Holmberg]

We may change the center square to gruff 70s. I'd have to do that. Columbo, Brady Columbo. Yeah, one more thing, man. Anyway, it is time now for your Guadalupe Spurs. We got tickets to go see Maynard and Pussifer coming up in March. And I know March sounds like a long ways off, but it isn't. It's right around the corner. So we can give you Pussifer tickets if you win today's Squares. In the meantime, let's play those squares. Here's your host, Mr. Thriller Walls. Thriller. Thank you, Chancellor.

[Corey]

Let's begin on top left square, William Shatner. How are you, sir?

[Frank Caliendo]

I'm fine. Contrary to popular belief, last night's tumble.

[John Holmberg]

Was nothing more than a nice shiner you have there.

[Frank Caliendo]

Let me go over to the door and shut that.

[John Holmberg]

Really.

[Frank Caliendo]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[John Holmberg]

Already.

[Frank Caliendo]

Pick me up. What, again?

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Frank Caliendo]

I have fallen down. I am old man Thriller.

[John Holmberg]

You understand falling down.

[Frank Caliendo]

Of course, it's very difficult for us people who aren't stable as we once were. I also am 94 years old, Brady. What do you expect from me, by the way? I don't talk like this. I don't know why people think I do.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe because every time you do, it could be priceline.com.

[Frank Caliendo]

Denny Craig.

[John Holmberg]

You know what I like to do? I like to go to Denny's and just spray paint the word crane underneath the side and go in and order.

[Frank Caliendo]

A Moons Over My Hammock.

[Brady]

You tag the Denny.

[Frank Caliendo]

I tagged the Denny's, buddy.

[John Holmberg]

I go tag it. Nobody's going to stop William Shatner.

[Frank Caliendo]

Imagine you're at a restaurant and you see outside a tiger. Yikes.

[Ethan]

You would say, what did you say?

[Frank Caliendo]

Tagger? And then you see that it's William Shatner. Captain Kirk is spray painting Crane on.

[John Holmberg]

The bottom of a Denny sign. Nobody's going to say a word, Bill.

[Brady]

It's viral.

[Frank Caliendo]

Not only is it viral, it's celebrated. I hope he gets our story.

[John Holmberg]

In fact, let me go over to the Denny's real quick. Let me get out of it. Pick me up.

[Corey]

One of those days, huh?

[John Holmberg]

It's always one of those days.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Corey]

We'll get you an ice pack.

[John Holmberg]

Corey.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Move on with the show.

[Corey]

I'm doing it right now, sir. Don't you worry. Up now are top, middle square, Bill Clinton. You've been busy.

[Frank Caliendo]

I have been all right. I've taken a couple naps.

[John Holmberg]

Cor.

[Frank Caliendo]

How you guys doing? You have beautiful lips and you are easy to catch.

[Corey]

I'm not your type.

[Frank Caliendo]

I don't know the Epstein files. You're my type. Little bits coming out here. Vladimir Putin might have pictures of it. And man, oh, man, will that turn the world on its ear.

[John Holmberg]

That is a lesson in history.

[Frank Caliendo]

You want your kids to find out?

[John Holmberg]

Donald Trump, he sucked my one time down on the island.

[Frank Caliendo]

He turned to me and he says, how long did it take Monica to finish you off?

[John Holmberg]

And I said, I don't know, like a minute 30?

[Frank Caliendo]

And he said, name that tune. And he went down there and he did it in a minute 28. It was unbelievable.

[John Holmberg]

Remarkable.

[Frank Caliendo]

We've been reaching across the aisle ever since, if you know what I mean.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brady]

You're looking forward to the new ballroom?

[John Holmberg]

I am looking forward to that ballroom. So much ballroom.

[Frank Caliendo]

I cannot wait to get to the.

[John Holmberg]

West Wing and be bald. Swing that ball.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, my God. I'm going to the ballroom to get bald.

[John Holmberg]

Amazing stuff.

[Frank Caliendo]

And he's sitting right next to me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Corey]

Let's go right over to Top right Square. President Trump. Hello.

[Frank Caliendo]

Exactly right. The Epstein files are true. Hopefully. And now everyone knows.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

I'm queer.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, what?

[Frank Caliendo]

You're good at it. I'm a queer woman. I'm a homosexual.

[Corey]

You're very good at it, though.

[Frank Caliendo]

But I only blow powerful men. That's exactly what you'd get from this standards. Yes. Back in the 90s, the guy to get deals done with was Bill Clinton.

[Brady]

And I.

[70s Detective Brady]

And I blow them. I blew them.

[John Holmberg]

And I blow them.

[Frank Caliendo]

Well, I blow them. Very built today. One of the best I've ever had. That was great stuff. And it's gonna change the entire deal. Over at Disneyland, all the presidents is wildly different.

[John Holmberg]

It's a. An experience where you gonna be in different outfits.

[Frank Caliendo]

I'm gonna wander over. My animatronic me is gonna wander over to animatronic Bill and give him a. Give him a nice blowy. In fact, I've written a new book.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Frank Caliendo]

The Art of the Blow.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Frank Caliendo]

I'm gonna make it so women can finally make it.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Ethan]

Another best seller, sir. Guaranteed.

[Frank Caliendo]

Nobody blows like me. Let's be honest, I'm a good blower. I'm a great blower, actually. People say they blow. They don't blow like me.

[Ethan]

Use your hands.

[Frank Caliendo]

I get both hands involved and you gotta cup those nuts. And he does. I'm telling you what, I didn't need Viagra at all. This guy reached around, gave me that ass squeeze, you know, the good one that spreads your cheeks apart. Oh, wow. And then cool air hits your B hole. Exactly right. Always have to have cool air on the B hole. Tang high on the plex. Cool air on the B hole. That's a great band. AOC tried it once, didn't you, Bill? AOC might as well be a shark. I've never.

[John Holmberg]

There's.

[Frank Caliendo]

There's less teeth. There's less teeth in a dentist office than there is AOCs.

[John Holmberg]

BJ's.

[Frank Caliendo]

So I had to go back to the well.

[John Holmberg]

And he did.

[Frank Caliendo]

And I did it. Well, I'm in the well. Well, I'm in the well. I hit my knees and I blew Bill Clinton. And it's driving Republicans crazy. And Democrats are loving every single. Divide the nation all you want. This is a nice thing. This is uniting. This is uniting. I said I would reach across party lines.

[Corey]

Yes.

[Frank Caliendo]

Now I reach around party lines. It's a great thing I'm doing. Absolutely love it.

[Corey]

All right, now, over to our middle left square, Michael Kane and Morgan Freeman with different opinions.

[Frank Caliendo]

I'm not done yet.

[Corey]

Oh, okay.

[Frank Caliendo]

I want you to see something. Yes, Donald, do that thing you do. Oh, you mean that?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

You know, we call it the Doc Severinson. Oh, I called it the Chuck Mangione at the time. Here's what it sounds like. I get on my knees.

[Ethan]

Cory doesn't have any idea.

[Frank Caliendo]

Let me get ready for this. This stuff is fantastic.

[John Holmberg]

Ready?

[Frank Caliendo]

Here we go. It's amazing. This guy's unbelievable.

[John Holmberg]

What a horn blower.

[Frank Caliendo]

He blows that horn. I'm just as excited as I've ever been.

[Brady]

He's a trumpet.

[Frank Caliendo]

Not a drop. Oh, God.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, too much.

[Brady]

No, drip.

[John Holmberg]

Drip valve too far.

[Frank Caliendo]

Maybe we just cancel the game now.

[Corey]

Just.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's enough. The dream that lives in this moron's head is getting way out of line. He's wishing too hard for it to be true.

[Brady]

Oh, man.

[Frank Caliendo]

And I don't even have to reciprocate it's top, bottom situation. I just got blown on my new favorite show.

[Ethan]

No one can't quit him.

[Frank Caliendo]

I cannot quit you. I'm sorry. Go ahead, Corey. That was good.

[John Holmberg]

I need a nap.

[Corey]

Middle left square here. Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman together.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, look, we have a problem.

[Corey]

What's that?

[Frank Caliendo]

AI is going to take over no matter what.

[Brady]

What we do.

[John Holmberg]

Okay?

[Frank Caliendo]

There's something we all must get behind. I give it about 16 years before it's taken over our lives.

[Brady]

How many?

[Frank Caliendo]

16.

[Corey]

How old was she?

[Frank Caliendo]

16 years old.

[John Holmberg]

Batman.

[Frank Caliendo]

I want to see you, AI happy. A little cafe in France.

[John Holmberg]

Not getting angry at anyone. And that's where we're different. Michael Caine. I was in Batman. Well, the first. You know what I mean. Well, no, I was in both of them, but you know what I'm talking about.

[Frank Caliendo]

We were both in it.

[John Holmberg]

I know.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's when I was getting it.

[John Holmberg]

But I wasn't the same role. No, no, no. Shut up, Sonny. This man talking.

[Frank Caliendo]

Finally we agree.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, using your voice for AI's not something someone else should make money off of. Only I should make money off of my voice. Jackass impressionist. Running around trying to pretend to be me.

[Corey]

That would never happen.

[John Holmberg]

Tried to kill William Shatner on a Thursday night. No reason for it at all.

[Ethan]

You taking a tumble?

[John Holmberg]

I'm not going to take any tumbles.

[Ethan]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Keep my balance. And if I do fall, I pick myself up like a man. And don't beg other people to pick me up.

[Ethan]

You don't reach for a friend's hand.

[John Holmberg]

I would reach for someone's hand. Andy Dufresne.

[Frank Caliendo]

This is exactly what I'm talking about. Soon, someday, you'll understand. Look at me, Corey.

[John Holmberg]

Don't blink.

[Frank Caliendo]

Okay, here's three dollars.

[John Holmberg]

You can be me for three bucks on A.I.

[Brady]

Now. Oh, good money.

[John Holmberg]

I am an exorbitantly higher price. Yeah, every man has his price.

[Frank Caliendo]

Well, that's true. My price is.

[John Holmberg]

Take it off. We all use our voices for good.

[Brady]

Thank you, God.

[John Holmberg]

You're welcome. Brady. Thank you for buying the magic.

[Frank Caliendo]

I've never been with a black guy. Let me get on that real quick.

[Corey]

He's not really in the mood right now.

[Frank Caliendo]

Sir, you can't prove that. He's done it. Tastes like chocolate milk. Oh, come on.

[John Holmberg]

No, he's not wrong. Give it a lick over.

[Corey]

Now to the middle square, we have Columbo. Brady, how you doing?

[70s Detective Brady]

That's right. I got a little allergy situation going on here. Ma', am, there's a little something I'd like to talk to you about.

[Corey]

What's that?

[70s Detective Brady]

When I get the allergies, I sound like a 1970s detective.

[Corey]

So, what's in your throat?

[Frank Caliendo]

I can answer that Donald Trump. I'd just like to say I've started my own little company. It's called Good to the Last Drop. And I'm not gonna stop this character.

[Ethan]

I think that's been used.

[John Holmberg]

Nope.

[Frank Caliendo]

We just bought Maxwell House.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Frank Caliendo]

Bill, wake up.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Frank Caliendo]

Are we doing it again? I hope I got the legs for it. I'm gonna start walking like Corey if you keep it up.

[Ethan]

Can you recover that quickly?

[70s Detective Brady]

One last thing, ma'.

[Brady]

Am.

[70s Detective Brady]

I'm curious. You guys step into my office.

[John Holmberg]

God. Duck.

[70s Detective Brady]

Need to talk to the people in charge of this investigation. Private investigator. 70s Brady is a strange character. You know who would have been on my show?

[Corey]

What's that?

[70s Detective Brady]

70S Brady, DPI, whatever we call it.

[Brady]

A hoagie in your hand.

[70s Detective Brady]

William Shatner would have been on that show.

[Frank Caliendo]

I would have been on the show for sure. I would have been probably the guy you liked in the beginning who turned out to be the guy who killed his wife.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Ethan]

You're the perpetrator.

[Frank Caliendo]

I would be the bad guy. And at the end, I'd be run down by 70s detective Brady. Oh, and then he'd stand on me with his catchphrase, his foot buried on my chest as I laid in the ground, helpless, eating a hoagie, saying, do it, Freddie. Do it.

[70s Detective Brady]

Time for dessert, mister.

[Frank Caliendo]

Another show would end.

[Ethan]

It was murder.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's different.

[Brady]

Damn it.

[Ethan]

Wrong show.

[John Holmberg]

Over.

[Corey]

Now into the middle, right square. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[John Holmberg]

Hello.

[Frank Caliendo]

Have you guys seen Running man yet? You got to see Running man this weekend. Don't walk. I don't care. It's already this weekend. It's out today. Run, don't walk to Running Men. What are you waiting for? You're here for this stupid game. You're gonna do your tic Tac toes and you're gonna run around and the president sucking on each other's feet and such.

[Ethan]

You used to like this game.

[Frank Caliendo]

I don't want to be here while Running Men's in the theater. Run, don't walk. To Running Men. What was your favorite part of Richard Dreyfuss? Is the man. He's in the design. Not Richard Dreyfuss. Richard Dawson. I'm sorry for getting very old.

[Corey]

That's all right, sir.

[Frank Caliendo]

He's in it, and he's running about, and I'm in it, and it's great. They show Running Men in the theater again. I just got real excited. There I am running and running, and then somebody told me it's not you and this Running Man. And I look. I look fantastic. I looked at the screen, I'm like, look at me. I look fantastic.

[Ethan]

Not you.

[Frank Caliendo]

It turns out it's another guy. And it isn't Richard Dawson either. It wasn't Family Feud.

[Ethan]

Can you run at your age?

[Frank Caliendo]

Of course I can run at my age. I can run at any age. If I was your father, I'd show you by running away just like he did. The Running man, starring Toledo's dad, Escinas.

[Corey]

Over to the bottom, left square. Brady secret square. Give us a hint.

[Brady]

Good Morning, you bums.

[John Holmberg]

I'm an actor. Oh, no, that's basic. You.

[Brady]

I was Mickey in all the Rocky movies. Well, I had some flashbacks and later ones, but anyway, you're a bum. I was also the Penguin in the original Batman movie.

[Corey]

Is that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Is that it?

[Corey]

That's. That's the noise.

[John Holmberg]

All right, we're sorting.

[Brady]

Get the chicken home back.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Frank Caliendo]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Corey]

Alrighty. Now over to the bottom, middle square, Macho Man, Randy Savage.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, yeah. It's been a while since we got down this road right here. Looking over at this crew, welcoming me back for Happy birthday, sir.

[Corey]

You would have been 73.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, yeah. Born in 73.

[Corey]

That would have been 73.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, I was gonna say I'm 20 years removed from my deathbed. I'm here for my birthday and what you get me. I gotta know the answer.

[Corey]

Got you some folding chairs, Gold.

[Frank Caliendo]

I like the chairs. And the tabridi. What you get me?

[Brady]

Box of Slim Jims.

[Frank Caliendo]

The Macho man approves of the Slim Jim's a lot. Toledo. What do you get me?

[John Holmberg]

Nothing, sir.

[Frank Caliendo]

Exactly. Just like your dad gets you for your birthday every year. Oh, yeah. Thirsty kids. Oh, man, it still hurts my eyes to do it.

[Corey]

All right, over now into the bottom right square, our Lord and Savior, Tripp Reeb.

[Frank Caliendo]

Hello, sir.

[John Holmberg]

Hi there.

[Corey]

Hi.

[Frank Caliendo]

Hi, Brady.

[Brady]

Hi, Trip.

[John Holmberg]

Hi, Rick. H. Trip. I understand you tried to kill William Shatner last night. As a crew.

[Brady]

A crew.

[Frank Caliendo]

And I haven't proved what a great.

[John Holmberg]

Ratings move that was. Yeah, too bad you didn't finish him off. We'd be all over national news right now.

[Frank Caliendo]

I didn't want to die, but if it was for the ratings, I could have helped out. It would have been nice, right? You would have had the last person to ever touch me. And who would have ever guessed that would have been John Holberg? That's surprising, is it not?

[Corey]

Yeah, not family, not friends.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I mean, it's a shame he's still walking around and stuff. Cause we could have. We could have gotten some mileage out of killing Shatner.

[Frank Caliendo]

Would you like me to talk to you about it in the office?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, step into my office. Come, follow me fast. Whoa. Did he make it pick me up.

[Frank Caliendo]

Ah, crap.

[Corey]

Well, don't trip also, sir.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, I'll keep my eyes. You know, he's got me by 20 years. Oh, man. I know.

[Ethan]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Who's on the phone there? Corey.

[Corey]

Oh, so we got Chris and Carolyn and joining us.

[John Holmberg]

Chris, are you there?

[Frank Caliendo]

I am.

[John Holmberg]

Carolyn, are you there?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yes, I am.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Carolyn, you're a girl, I guess. Go ahead and go first.

[Frank Caliendo]

Okay.

[70s Detective Brady]

I'll take the middle square.

[Corey]

Middle square. Columbo Brady.

[Brady]

That's right.

[70s Detective Brady]

I'm 70s detective Brady Bogan. Because of my I cold. We're about to solve some crimes. Anybody you need to find, lady?

[Frank Caliendo]

Do I what?

[70s Detective Brady]

Anyone you need to find in your life?

[Frank Caliendo]

No.

[70s Detective Brady]

All right, never mind. You don't need a private investigator then. Should have picked this square.

[Corey]

I got a question for you there, sir.

[70s Detective Brady]

Go ahead.

[Corey]

The Average person kisses 29 people and has just eight sexual partners in their entire life.

[John Holmberg]

Eight fornicating whores.

[Brady]

Whoops.

[John Holmberg]

Sorry.

[70s Detective Brady]

She walked into my office. She had a pair of getaway sticks for miles. She looked at me like I was a glass of lemonade on a hot summer day. I didn't know what to do, so I just asked her. I said, if you need something from me, I think we've already got a sexual harassment problem. And I don't need IA up my ass. That wasn't what it was. Her husband was missing and everything was fishy. Like a restaurant I probably wouldn't eat at. Who am I fooling? I'd eat there.

[Brady]

That's the side of the road.

[70s Detective Brady]

Everything was fishy. Like Finn's and Friends store. Anyway, the writing's not real good on this show.

[Frank Caliendo]

No.

[70s Detective Brady]

All right. Anyway.

[Ethan]

Like son of a fish.

[John Holmberg]

Son of a fish.

[Brady]

There you go.

[70s Detective Brady]

Everything was fishy. Like son of a fish. She batted her eyelashes at me and I barely kept my feet because the wind from those big old hunkers were pushing me around the room.

[Ethan]

We know how you like those.

[70s Detective Brady]

I love those eyelashes. She said there was one thing that she needed to show me. She was lactating. She thought of my leftover domino.

[John Holmberg]

Come on.

[Frank Caliendo]

This episode's getting good.

[Corey]

No, we're not doing that this episode.

[Frank Caliendo]

Just. Yes, we are.

[70s Detective Brady]

Okay.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's on HBO, then.

[70s Detective Brady]

Anyway, she started squirting her milkers at me. And she knew that that was the key to solving this murder.

[Brady]

Is that her superpower?

[70s Detective Brady]

No, it's just something I ask all my clients to do.

[Brady]

Gotcha.

[70s Detective Brady]

I'm into breastfeeding. We'll find your baby.

[Frank Caliendo]

Where's the baby gone?

[70s Detective Brady]

I had to get into character and know what the baby was after. And I needed to taste that milk. Those yabos went on for days. It's looking at the two salt mines sitting next to each other, squirting out milk at me. Anyway, this has gotten gross. What's the question?

[Corey]

Average person, 29, kissing 29. People or eight sexual partners. True or false?

[70s Detective Brady]

29 kisses and eight. And eight bones.

[Corey]

Partners.

[70s Detective Brady]

That's what I'm talking about. 29 kisses and eight bones. Well, in my case, the number 69 on both characters.

[Frank Caliendo]

All right.

[70s Detective Brady]

69 smooches led to 69. 69s.

[Frank Caliendo]

Alright, alright, alright.

[Corey]

So you're saying 70s.

[70s Detective Brady]

Detective Brady has taken a very erotic turn.

[Corey]

It's 70s. It happens.

[70s Detective Brady]

All right, go ahead.

[Corey]

All right, so you're saying false there. Now, Carolyn, do you agree or disagree with false?

[Frank Caliendo]

I disagree.

[John Holmberg]

I think it's true.

[Corey]

Incorrect. Then Turbo gets the center square.

[John Holmberg]

I saw that coming over to Chris here.

[Corey]

Make your selection.

[John Holmberg]

Brady.

[Frank Caliendo]

Secret square.

[Corey]

Secret square.

[John Holmberg]

Go ahead and unguess that one, Burgess Meredith.

[Corey]

There it is.

[Frank Caliendo]

Well done. Oh, my goodness.

[Brady]

How did you do it?

[Corey]

Circle on that one. Now, Carolyn, you can go to Trump for the block.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yes, please. I want to know, does Trump know what's the difference between a spitter and a swallower?

[John Holmberg]

Go ahead.

[Frank Caliendo]

Both already.

[John Holmberg]

Go ahead.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's about five pounds of pressure on.

[John Holmberg]

The back of the head.

[Frank Caliendo]

The pressure on the back of the head. That's very true. And Bill Clinton's a very gentle lover. And so he lets me choose myself on whether or not it's going on or in.

[Ethan]

How much does he use?

[Frank Caliendo]

Not just enough. Just enough. A perfect amount. It's almost the. It's perfect symbiosis between he and I. So it just kind of. Yeah, it kind of leaks down onto my chest.

[Corey]

You do it for so long together, you get used to the rhythm.

[Frank Caliendo]

You know he has a nickname for me. Oh, why don't you tell him, Bill? You know what I call him?

[John Holmberg]

That's adorable.

[Frank Caliendo]

Really. I call him Orange Julius or Big Gulp. He's like a giant sun kiss. Big Orange Julius.

[John Holmberg]

Big Gulp.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, man, that's good stuff. I really enjoy you. God, I hope the Epstein files are true and these pictures come out. Because I think the people need to see it. Nobody blows like me and no one gets one like you. You're very good at receiving. I really am. That's true. I know how that girl got all over her dress. I want to give him a little more of my Sunny D right now. I'll be honest with you. That of mine.

[John Holmberg]

Bright orange tonight.

[Frank Caliendo]

Anyway, I don't know. Who's this guy? We're in love.

[Corey]

If his mouth's not busy.

[John Holmberg]

Of course.

[Corey]

Men under 5 foot 8 live an average of 6.2 years less than taller men.

[John Holmberg]

Hang on a second. Sorry.

[Frank Caliendo]

I just finished one off. Man under 5ft. She says false. I'm gonna run with it. We're late on time.

[Corey]

All right, you're saying false, and, Carolyn, you agree to disagree. I agree, and you are correct with the block there.

[Ethan]

Next one wins.

[Corey]

Next one.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, you're right.

[Corey]

Here, make a choice.

[John Holmberg]

Trip read. Trip read. That's me. Doesn't matter. Close enough. Everybody thought that.

[Frank Caliendo]

You know what I want?

[John Holmberg]

What's that?

[Frank Caliendo]

I want to give somebody something for breakfast. Oh, God, I hope it. I hope it's hot Dannon. I love hot Dannon. I love the hot Dannon.

[John Holmberg]

Come on.

[Frank Caliendo]

That is enough of that.

[John Holmberg]

Those two are gross.

[Corey]

All right, Question for you here, sir.

[Frank Caliendo]

Not Dannon.

[John Holmberg]

Yuck.

[Frank Caliendo]

Okay, then. Fine. Sorry about that.

[Corey]

You're good.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, God. A little warm Oikos.

[Ethan]

Nothing from Caroline on that?

[Frank Caliendo]

No, Caroline didn't like the Oikos.

[John Holmberg]

She's not a.

[Frank Caliendo]

Not a health nut. That's all right. She wasn't paying attention. I do that all the time.

[Corey]

Well, I'll take care of Tripp here. Question for you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Corey]

Men are more attracted to short women because they are more fertile than tall women. It's true or false.

[Frank Caliendo]

Nice weather outside, don't you think? It is. And you can keep Miracle Whip outside all day. Let's try it. Put a little Miracle Whip on that.

[John Holmberg]

That. You guys are making me sick. Anyway, the question was men.

[Frank Caliendo]

What?

[Corey]

Men prefer shorter women due to their fertility. True or false?

[John Holmberg]

Shorter women, we prefer that because we don't like tall women. They're intimidating.

[Brady]

Oh, they're unfertile.

[John Holmberg]

And they don't. Yeah. It's too hard to get your eggs and sperms together. It's too far for them to travel. I get you a short broad. Squirt them right on there. Yeah.

[Corey]

I thought you had strong swimmers, Sir.

[John Holmberg]

I do have strong swimmers, okay? Stronger than your dads.

[Brady]

Ouch.

[John Holmberg]

There's always room for one.

[Corey]

There's always room for one.

[John Holmberg]

Your dad's sperms were so weak, they had water wings.

[Frank Caliendo]

I'm just gonna end it there. Whatever. False. That was a good one.

[Corey]

All right, so you are saying false. Now, let's see here, Chris, do you agree or disagree with.

[Ethan]

False.

[Frank Caliendo]

I agree with Tripp.

[Corey]

That is incorrect.

[Frank Caliendo]

Gets it out of the blue. Nice job.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on. Both of you'll get something nice. Hang on. Oh, yeah. We're done. Let's get the hell out of here. This is nuts. This took some strange moves today.

[Ethan]

Yeah, it did.

[John Holmberg]

What are you gonna do?

[Ethan]

Not that I didn't expect it, but there were a couple that.

[John Holmberg]

Look, I Went through something last night. You almost watched William Shatner die in front of you.

[Ethan]

Yeah. Call Katrina today.

[John Holmberg]

I might talk to her. A little bit of, I'm telling you, trauma and then you're like, he's dead.

[Ethan]

Hopefully that sound was longer than the actual fall itself.

[John Holmberg]

No, I told Brady, I said, I think it's affected me so much because I literally thought he just died. And then he laid there in that lump and I'm like, he's dead. And I went through all the emotions of a dead man and not knowing. Yeah. And not knowing what to do on top of it all. Captain Kirk. Yeah, I was there when Captain Kirk died, was what I thought.

[Ethan]

That has to be your new band name.

[John Holmberg]

That's an album name.

[Brady]

You could get him to sick bay in time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it would be sodomizing. Linda's new album is called I Was There When Captain Kirk Died. Yeah, I couldn't get him there. I was.

[Ethan]

You have to write a song like the Edmund Fitzgerald or something for him.

[John Holmberg]

This one says, I gotta read these two before we go. Williams says, just wanted to let you know how important this show is to me. I'm currently on a ferry. What? Heading from Nantucket back to Hyannis. No matter where I am, Alaska, Maine, Nantucket. I always listen. I can't survive a day without you.

[Frank Caliendo]

You.

[John Holmberg]

I love you, Holmberg. And the show.

[Frank Caliendo]

Just say.

[John Holmberg]

The show kind of got creepy there at the end.

[Ethan]

Alaska to Hyannis.

[John Holmberg]

I know it's a hell of a commute and Skip says this is driving me crazy. I listen every morning and now I have an addiction to win nothing. I don't have any expectations I'll win any of the games. And I look at it this way, what I do keeps you on the air because I don't trust the Bob's. All Bobs are bad. I have a history with my own Bob's. They'll always get rid of what makes the most sense to keep. And I can't wait for this hourly thing to end so I can get back to listening and not trying to get a word of the day that I don't have a chance of winning. Thank you. For the past 10 years, every day and listening. Fifteen years of hit and miss. Sign, Skip. Well, thank you, Skip. Thanks to everybody who plays along with us like that. That's very nice of you. And yeah, most of you aren't going to win any of the Bob's games. It's all false hope. It's a lottery. But thanks for playing and we'll do it again on Monday. One last time. We'll be done. That's enough. Corey, what do you got going on this week?

[Corey]

NAU football on Saturday and AS women's basketball on Sunday.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, okay. Terrible stuff.

[Corey]

They won their last game, 88 to 40. Who? ASU Women's basketball.

[Ethan]

Are they ranked?

[Corey]

Not yet.

[John Holmberg]

One of the teams was averaging 10 points a quarter.

[Corey]

That was University of San Diego.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, that's a big school.

[John Holmberg]

They had 40. They're still 10. That's. They don't.

[Corey]

No, they do. No, the men have halves.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay.

[Corey]

Oh, women have four quarters of 10 minutes.

[John Holmberg]

Women have periods. Thank you.

[Ethan]

That's it.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you. I'll be here all week. That's enough. And good job fighting this week, boys. This was a cloudy week and we did a good job fighting. And Brady's been injured the whole time with this allergy thing, so not nice work getting through this week. And I guess we'll talk to you guys on Monday. Hopefully all things go right. Unless Shatner kills me. That's enough. We're done. Larry's next. Have a good one. We'll see you Monday.

[Frank Caliendo]

Solo. It's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool, actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fee.

[Frank Caliendo]

I have heard enough of this.