11-14-25 - Guad Squares - William Shatner - Bill Clinton - Trump - Michael Caine And Morgan Freeman - 70s Detective Brady - Arnold - Macho Man Randy Savage

Summary

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Holmberg’s Morning Sickness - Guadalupe Squares (11-14-25)

Episode Overview:
This episode features the recurring “Guadalupe Squares” game, with a barrage of celebrity impressions: William Shatner, Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, 70s Detective Brady (Columbo), Macho Man Randy Savage, and Tripp Reeb. The squares riff off each other's foibles, current news, and one another’s improvised banter—serving up raw, unscripted morning radio chaos with characteristic irreverence and outrageous humor.

Main Theme

Purpose:
To entertain listeners through the “Guadalupe Squares” (a parody of Hollywood Squares), where hosts improvise as various celebrities and fictional characters, riffing on current events, pop culture, each other, and the absurdity of morning radio.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. William Shatner Parody: Tales of Aging and Tumbling

• Shatner is portrayed as both frail and ageless, humorously referencing a supposed “tumble” from the previous night.
• Jokes about vandalizing Denny’s by spray-painting “Crane” (after his Boston Legal character Denny Crane) and ordering “Moons Over My Hammock.”
  • Quote: “Nobody's going to stop William Shatner. Imagine you're at a restaurant and you see outside a tagger. Yikes. ... and then you see that it's William Shatner.” (03:25)
• The running joke is Shatner’s age (94) and falling, contrasted with a stubborn refusal to “take a tumble.”
  • Quote: “Falling down, it's very difficult for us people who aren't stable as we once were.” (03:00)

2. Bill Clinton and Trump Square: Shock Humor and Political Satire

• Portrayals dive into parodic, graphic, R-rated territory, lampooning historical rumors, Epstein, and partisan unity in the most inappropriate ways.
• Clinton jokes about “reaching across the aisle”—now quite literally with Trump.
  • Quote (Trump): “I said I would reach across party lines. Yes. Now I reach around party lines.” (07:06)
• Clinton/Trump riff on their infamous reputations, making increasingly lewd jokes about their relationship.
  • Quote: “Nobody blows like me. Let's be honest. ... You use your hands. I get both hands involved, and you gotta cup those nuts. And he does. I'm telling you what, I didn't need Viagra at all.” (06:07)

3. Michael Caine & Morgan Freeman: AI Paranoia and Actor Voice Rights

• The two characters spar over AI “stealing” voices and impersonation rights.
• Michael Caine warns: “AI is going to take over no matter what we do. ... give it about 16 years before it's taken over our lives.” (08:44)
• They mock-charge three bucks for AI voice rights, riffing on deepfakes and celebrity impersonation.
  • Quote: “Look at me, Corey Dumpling. Okay, here's three dollars. You can be me for three bucks on AI now. Oh, good money. I am an exorbitantly higher price.” (10:01)

4. Brady as 70s Detective “Columbo”

• Brady goes full hard-boiled detective, complete with allergy-sniffly voice, noir-ish monologues, and food references.
  • Quote: “She walked into my office. She had a pair of getaway sticks for miles. She looked at me like I was a glass of lemonade on a hot summer day.” (17:50)
• Extended spoof dialog, with Shatner as the villain: “I would have been probably the guy you liked in the beginning who turned out to be the guy who killed his wife.” (12:14)
• Skewers tropes of the genre, with references to hoagies, “lactating” suspects, and “milk as superpower.”

5. Arnold Schwarzenegger Promotes "Running Man"

• Arnold (impression) obsesses over “Running Man” being shown in theaters again, mixing up Richard Dreyfuss and Richard Dawson.
  • Quote: “Run, Don't Walk to Running Man! ... They show Running Man in the theater again. I just got real excited. There I am running and running ... and then somebody told me, that's not you in this Running Man.” (12:54–13:26)
• Jokes about running away like Toledo’s dad—a recurring in-joke on parental abandonment.

6. Macho Man Randy Savage Birthday Bit

• Macho Man rises from the dead for a birthday celebration, riffing on Slim Jims and his own death.
  • Quote: “No, I was gonna say I'm 20 years removed from my death. ... What you get me? ... Box of Slim Jims. The Macho man approves of the Slim Jim selection.” (15:00–15:19)
• Takes a shot at Toledo's absent dad: “Just like your dad gets you for your birthday every year. Oh, yeah. Thirsty kids.” (15:22)

7. Tripp Reeb (Station Boss) Square

• Jokes about trying to “kill William Shatner for ratings,” wryly referencing the heartlessness of show business.
  • Quote: “We could have gotten some mileage out of killing Shatner. Would you like me to talk to you about it in the office? ... Step into my office. Come follow me fast.” (16:30)
• Exchanges barbs about age and legacy.

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Game Play Highlights

• Secret Square: Burgess Meredith, as Mickey from Rocky and the Penguin from Batman (14:04–14:28).
• The game is interwoven with audience call-ins, absurd questions (e.g., stats on kisses and sexual partners), and contestants choosing squares by celebrity character.
• Tongue-in-cheek “questions” often devolve into long, semi-improvised comedic bits before returning to the actual question.
• Brady’s “detective” character riffs wildly, lingering on lewd metaphors: “Everything was fishy ... like a restaurant I probably wouldn’t eat at. Who am I fooling? I’d eat there, the side of the road.” (18:16)
• Banter around “spitter/swallowers” and “sunny D” from the Clinton/Trump block. (21:10–21:57)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Best Quotes (with Timestamps & Attribution)

• William Shatner [03:25]: “Nobody's going to stop William Shatner. Imagine you're at a restaurant and you see outside a tagger. Yikes. ... and then you see that it's William Shatner.”
• Donald Trump (as portrayed) [07:06]: “I said I would reach across party lines. Yes. Now I reach around party lines. It’s a great thing I’m doing.”
• Michael Caine [08:44]: “AI is going to take over no matter what we do. ... give it about 16 years before it's taken over our lives.”
• Brady/Columbo [17:50]: “She walked into my office. She had a pair of getaway sticks for miles. She looked at me like I was a glass of lemonade on a hot summer day.”
• Macho Man Randy Savage [15:17]: “Box of Slim Jims. The Macho man approves of the Slim Jim selection. Toledo. What do you get me? Nothing, sir. Exactly. Just like your dad gets you for your birthday every year. Oh, yeah. Thirsty kids.”
• Tripp Reeb [16:30]: “We could have gotten some mileage out of killing Shatner. Would you like me to talk to you about it in the office?”
• Arnold Schwarzenegger [13:26]: “Run, Don’t Walk to Running Men. ... I looked at the screen, I’m like, look at me. I look fantastic. Not you. Turns out it’s another guy.”

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Noteworthy Segments (Timestamps)

• Shatner’s Denny’s Tagging Story [03:25–04:02]
• Clinton & Trump’s Lewd Cross-Party Partnership [05:16–07:14]
• AI and Voice Rights Debate (Caine & Freeman) [08:42–10:44]
• 70s Detective/Columbo Spoof [11:03–12:48] & [17:14–19:55]
• Arnold Schwarzenegger’s “Running Man” Nostalgia [12:54–13:26]
• Secret Square Reveal (Burgess Meredith) [14:04–14:28]
• Clinton/Trump “Sunny D” Banter [21:10–21:57]
• Tripp Reeb Scheme [16:29–16:54]

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Tone and Style

• Wild, unscripted, and deliberately over-the-top.
• Parodic, weaving in references to pop culture, current events, and private show in-jokes.
• Risky, explicit humor; brash, irreverent, and full of absurd improvised asides.
• The tone alternates between mock earnestness and unapologetic bawdiness, maintaining the spirit of "anything goes" shock-jock radio.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a master class in improvisational parody and boundary-pushing radio. Expect rapid-fire character changes, edgy humor, and plenty of inside jokes among the crew. If you’re a fan of celebrity impersonations, playful roasting, and unpredictable game show antics, this Guadalupe Squares is peak HMS.

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Transcript

[William Shatner]

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[Announcer]

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[William Shatner]

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[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

And base plus free premium delivery.

[William Shatner]

Price is higher in Alaska and Hawaii. Check it out at a sleepnumber store or sleepnumber. Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[William Shatner]

He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98. That's a good one there. That's Papa roach. That's called even if it kills me and it just might. And on the heels of last night, you never know what's gonna kill you. And watching people drop dead in front of you might be the thing. It's time. Hey, look, it's Thriller. Hi, Thriller. How are you? Oh, boy. Scoot your damn chair up. Don't sit down like a child. Okay, boost it up. Nobody afraid of falling.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

That wind go up?

[William Shatner]

Does goes up. They all go up. I thought.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

No, the chair works better than I do.

[William Shatner]

I like gruff 70s detective Brady that's going on over here. You have every day about nine this allergy. I like your chair in the air, boy. We may change the center square to gruff 70s. You might have to do that. Colombo Brady Columbo. Yeah, one more thing, man. Anyway, it is time now for your Guadalupe Squares. We get tickets to go see Maynard and Pussifer coming up in March. And I know March sounds like a long ways off, but it isn't. It's right around the corner. So we can give you puss for tickets if you win today's Squares. In the meantime, let's play those squares. Here's your host, Mr. Thriller Walls. Thriller.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Thank you, Chancellor. Let's begin a top left square, William Shatner. How are you, sir?

[William Shatner]

I'm fine. Contrary to popular belief, last night's tumble was nothing more than a nice shiner you have there. Let me go over to the door and shut that. Really. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

Already.

[William Shatner]

Pick me up. What, again? What? I have fallen down. I am Old Man Thriller. You understand? Falling down, it's very difficult for us people who aren't stable as we once were. I also am 94 years old, Brady. What do you expect from me, by the way? I don't talk like this. I don't know why people think I do. Maybe because every time you do, it could be press light nut gal, Denny Crane. You know what I like to do? I like to go to Denny's and just spray paint the word crane underneath the side and go in and order Moons over my hammock. You tag the Denny's. I tagged the Denny's, buddy. I go tag it. Nobody's going to stop William Shatner. Imagine you're at a restaurant and you see outside a tagger. Yikes. You would say, what did you say? And then? Tagger. And then you see that it's William Shatner. Captain Kirk is spray painting Crane on the bottom of a Denny sign. Nobody's going to say, oh, Bill, it's viral. Not only is it viral, it's celebrated. I hope he gets our store. In fact, let me go over to the Denny's real quick. Let me get out of the Pick me up.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

One of those days, huh?

[William Shatner]

It's always one of those days. Yeah.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

We'll get you an ice pack, Cory. Yes.

[William Shatner]

Move on with the show.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

I'm doing it right now, sir. Don't you worry. Up now, our top, middle square, Bill Clinton. You've been busy.

[William Shatner]

I have been all right. I've taken a couple naps. Cory. How you guys doing? You have beautiful lips. And you are easy to catch.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

I'm not your type.

[William Shatner]

I don't know. The Epstein files. You're my type. Little bits coming out here. Vladimir Putin might have pictures of it, and man, oh, man, will that turn the world on its ear. That is a lesson in history. You want your kids to find out? Donald Trump, he sucked my one time down on the island. He turned to me and he says, how long did it take Monica to finish you off? And I said, I don't know, like a minute 30? And he said, name that tune. And he went down there and he did it in a minute 28. It was unbelievable. Remarkable. We've been reaching across the aisle ever since, if you know what I mean. All right. You looking forward to the new ballroom? I am looking forward to that ballroom. So much ballroom. I cannot wait to get to the west wing and be bald. Swing that ball. Oh, my God. I'm going to the ballroom to get bald. Amazing stuff. And he's sitting right next to me. Yeah.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Let's go right over to Top right square. President Trump, hello.

[William Shatner]

Exactly right. The Epstein files are true. Hopefully. And now everyone knows. Yeah. I'm queer.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Oh.

[William Shatner]

What? You're good at it. I'm a queer. I'm a homosexual.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

You're very good at it, though.

[William Shatner]

But I only blow powerful men. That's exactly what you'd get from this. I blew standards. Yes. Back in the 90s, the guy to get deals done with was Bill Clinton.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

And I.

[William Shatner]

And I blow them. I blew them. And I blew them. Well, I blow them. Very built today. One of the best I've ever had. That was great stuff. And it's going to change the entire deal. Over at Disneyland, all the presidents is wildly different. It's a. An experience. Where are you going to be in different outfits? I'm going to wander over. My animatronic me is going to wander over to Animatronic Bill and give him a. Give him a nice blowy. In fact, I've written a new book. Oh. The Art of the Blow.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Oh.

[William Shatner]

I'm gonna make it so women can finally make it right.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Another best seller, sir.

[William Shatner]

Guaranteed. Nobody blows like me. Let's be honest. I'm a good blower. I'm a great blower, actually. People say they blow, they don't blow like me. You use your hands. I get both hands involved, and you gotta cup those nuts. And he does. I'm telling you what, I didn't need Viagra at all. This guy reached around, gave me that ass squeeze, you know, the good one that spreads your cheeks apart. Oh, wow. And then cool air hits your B hole. Exactly right. Always have to have cool air on the B hole. Tang high on the plex. Cool air on the B hole. That's a great band. AOC Tried it once, didn't you, Bill? AOC might as well be a shark. I've never. There's. There's less teeth. There's less teeth in a dentist office than there is in AOC's BJ's. So I had to go back to the well. And he did. And I did it. Well, I'm in the well. I'm in the well. I hit my knees and I blew Bill Clinton. And it's driving Republicans crazy. And Democrats are loving every single. Divide the nation all you want. This is a nice thing. This is uniting. This is uniting. I said I would reach across party lines. Yes. Now I reach around party lines. It's a great thing I'm doing. Absolutely love it.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

All right, now over to our middle left square. Michael Kane and Morgan Freeman with different opinions.

[William Shatner]

I'm not done yet.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Oh, okay.

[William Shatner]

I want you to see something.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Yes.

[William Shatner]

Donald, do that thing you do. Oh, you mean that? Yeah. You know, we call it the Doc Severinson. I called it the Chuck Mangione at the time. Here's what it sounds like. I get on my knees. Cory doesn't have any idea who. Let me get. Let me get ready for this. This stuff is fantastic. Ready? Here we spot on. It's amazing. This guy's unbelievable. What a horn blower. He blows that horn. I'm just as excited as I've ever been. Makes sense. He's a trumpet, not a drop. Oh, God.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Oh, too much.

[William Shatner]

No drip valve. No drip valve. Too far. Maybe we just cancel the game now.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Just.

[William Shatner]

That's enough. The dream that lives in this moron's head is getting way out of line. He's wishing too hard for it to be true. Oh, man. And I don't even have to reciprocate. It's top, bottom situation. I just got blown on my new favorite show. Quit him. I cannot quit you. I'm sorry. Go ahead, Corey. I need a nap.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Middle left square here. Michael Kane and Morgan Freeman together.

[William Shatner]

Look, we have a problem.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

What's that?

[William Shatner]

AI is going to take over no matter what we do. Okay. There's something we all must get behind. I give it about 16 years before it's taken over our lives.

[Announcer]

How many?

[William Shatner]

Sixteen.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

How old was she?

[William Shatner]

Sixteen years old. Batman. I want to see you AI happy. A little cafe in France. Not getting angry at anyone. And that's where we're different. Michael Caine. I was in Batman 2. Well, the first. You know what I mean? T o o. Well, no, I was in both of them, but you know what I'm talking about. We were both in it. I know that's when I was getting it, but wasn't the same role. No, no, no. Shut up, Sonny. This man talking. Finally we agree. Anyway, using your voice for AI's not something someone else should make money off of. Only I should make money off of my voice. Jackass impressionist. Running around trying to pretend to be me.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

That would never happen.

[William Shatner]

Tried to kill William Shatner on a Thursday night. No reason for it at all. You're not taking a tumble. I'm not gonna take any tumbles. Nope. Keep my balance. And if I do fall, I pick myself up like a man and don't beg other people to pick me up. You don't reach for a friend's hand. I would reach for someone's hand. Andy Dufresne. This is exactly what I'm talking about. Soon someday you'll understand. Look at me, Corey Dumpling. Okay, here's three dollars. You can be me for three bucks on AI now. Oh, good money. I am an exorbitantly higher price. Yeah, every man has his price. Well, that's truth. My price is take it off. We all use our voices for good. Thank you, God. You're welcome, Brady. Thank you for buying the magic. I've never been with a black guy. Let me get on that real quick.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Oh, no, no. He's not really in the mood right now.

[William Shatner]

Sir, you can't prove that. He's done. It tastes like chocolate milk. Oh, come on. No, he's not wrong. Give it a lick over.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Now to the middle square, we have Columbo. Brady, how you doing?

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

That's right. I got a little allergy situation going on here. Ma', am, there's a little something I'd like to talk to you about.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

What's that?

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

When I get the allergies, I sound like a 1970s detective.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

So what's in your throat?

[William Shatner]

I can answer that. Donald Trump. I'd just like to say I've started my own little company. It's called Good to the Last Drop. And I'm not going to stop this character that's been used. Nope. We just bought Maxwell House.

[Announcer]

Oh.

[William Shatner]

Bill, wake up. What? Are we doing it again? I know I got the legs for it. I. I'm gonna start walking like Corey if you keep it up. Can you recover that quickly?

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

One last thing, ma'.

[William Shatner]

Am.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

I'm curious. You guys, step into my office. God damn it. Need to talk to the people in charge of this investigation. Private Investigator 70s Brady is a strange character you're finding. You know who would have been on my Show?

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

What's that?

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

70S Brady. DPI, whatever we call it.

[William Shatner]

There's a hoagie in your hand.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

William Shatner would have been on that show.

[William Shatner]

I would have been on the show for sure. I would have been probably the guy you liked in the beginning who turned out to be the guy who killed his wife. You're the perpetrator. I would be the bad guy. And at the end, I'd be run down by 70s detective Brady. Oh, and then he'd stand on me with his catchphrases, foot buried on my chest as I laid in the ground, helpless, eating a hoagie, saying, do it, Brady.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

Do it. Time for dessert, mister.

[William Shatner]

I knew the show would end.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

It was murder.

[William Shatner]

That's different. Damn it. Wrong show.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Over. Now to the middle, right square. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[Announcer]

Hello.

[William Shatner]

Have you guys seen Running man yet? You got to see Running man running for this weekend. Don't walk. I don't care, bro. It's already this weekend. It's out today. Run, Don't Walk to Running Man. What are you waiting for? You're here for this stupid game. You're gonna do your Tic Tac toes and you're gonna run around and the President sucking on each other's feet and such. You used to like this guy. I don't want to be here while Running Men's in the theater. Run, Don't Walk to Running Men. What is your favorite part of this? Richard Dreyfus is the man. He's in the design. Not Richard Dreyfus, Richard Dawson. I'm sorry. I forget. Very old.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

That's all right, sir.

[William Shatner]

He's in it and he's running about, and I'm in it, and it's great. They show Running Men in the theater again. I just got real excited. There I am running and running, and then somebody told me, that's not you and this Running Man. And I look. I looked fantastic. I looked at the screen. I'm like, look at me. I look fantastic. Not you. It turns out it's another guy. And it isn't Richard Dawson either. It wasn't Family Feud. Can you run at your age? Of course I can run at my age. I can run at any age. If I was your father, I'd show you by running away. Just like he did the Running man, starring Toledo's dad, Esco Nandez.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Over to the bottom left square. Brady. Secret square. Give us a hint.

[William Shatner]

Good morning, you bums. I'm an actor. Oh, no, it's basic. You. I was Mickey in all the Rocky movies. Well, I Had some flashbacks and later ones, but anyway, you're a bum. I was also the Penguin in the original Batman movie.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Is that.

[William Shatner]

Yeah. Is that it?

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

That's. That's the noise.

[William Shatner]

All right. Get the chicken, Hoberg. All right. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Alrighty. Now over to the bottom, middle square, Macho Man, Randy Savage.

[William Shatner]

Oh, yeah. It's been a while since we got down this road right here. Looking over at this crew, welcoming me back for Happy birthday, sir.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

You would have been 73.

[William Shatner]

Oh, yeah. Born in 73.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

That would have been 73.

[William Shatner]

No, I was gonna say I'm 20 years removed from my death. I'm here for my birthday and what you get me? I got no. The answer.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Got you some Goldie chairs.

[Announcer]

Gold.

[William Shatner]

I like the chairs. And the Tabridi. What you get me? Box of Slim Jims. The Macho man approves of the Slim Jim selection. Toledo. What do you get me? Nothing, sir. Exactly. Just like your dad gets you for your birthday every year. Oh, yeah. Thirsty kids. Oh, man, it still hurts my eyes to do it.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

All right, over now to the bottom right square. Our Lord and Savior, Tripp Reeb.

[William Shatner]

Hello, sir. Hi there.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Hi.

[William Shatner]

Hi, Brady. Hi, Tripp. Hi, Rich. Hi, Trip. I understand you tried to kill William Shatner last night. As a crew. A crew. And I have to prove what a great ratings move that was. Yeah. Too bad you didn't finish him off. We'd be all over National. I didn't want to die. But if it was for the ratings, I could have helped out. It would have been nice, right? You would have had the last person to ever touch me. And who would have ever guessed that would have been John Holbeck? That's surprising, is it not?

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Yeah. Not family, not friends.

[William Shatner]

Yeah. I mean, it's a shame he's still walking around and stuff. Cause we could have. We could have gotten some mileage out of killing Shatner. Would you like me to talk to you about it in the office? Yeah. Step into my office. Come follow me fast. Did he make it pick me up? Ah, crap.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Well, don't trip also, sir.

[William Shatner]

Yeah, well, I'll keep my eyes on. You know, he's got me by 20 years.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Oh, man.

[William Shatner]

I know. All right. Who's on the phone there? Corey.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Oh, so we got Chris and Carolyn and joining us.

[William Shatner]

Chris, are you there? I am. Carolyn, are you there? Yes, I am. All right, Carolyn, you're a girl, I guess. Go ahead and go first. Okay.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

I'll take the middle square.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Middle square. Columbo, Brady. That's right.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

I'm a 70s detective, Brady Bug. Because of my. My cold. We're about to solve some crimes. Anybody you need to find, lady?

[William Shatner]

Do I what?

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

Anyone you need to find in your life?

[William Shatner]

No.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

All right, never mind. You don't need a private investigator then. Should have picked this square.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

I got a question for you there, sir.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

All right, go ahead.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

The Average person kiss 29 people and has just eight sexual partners in their entire life.

[William Shatner]

Eight fornicating whores. Whoops.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

Sorry. She walked into my office. She had a pair of getaway sticks for miles. She looked at me like I was a glass of lemonade on a hot summer day. I didn't know what to do, so I just asked her. I said, if you need something from me, I think we've already got a sexual harassment problem. And I don't need IA up my ass. That wasn't what it was. Her husband was missing. And everything was fishy. Like a restaurant I probably wouldn't eat at. Who am I fooling?

[William Shatner]

I'd eat there the side of the road.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

All right. Everything was fishy. Like Finn's and Friends store. Anyway, the writing's not real good on this show.

[William Shatner]

No.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

All right. Anyway.

[William Shatner]

Like son of a fish.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

Son of a fish.

[William Shatner]

There you go.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

Everything was fishy. Like son of a fish. She batted her eyelashes at me, and I barely kept my feet. Cause the wind from those big old hunkers were pushing me around the room.

[William Shatner]

We know how you like those.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

I love those eyelashes. She said there was one thing that she needed to show me. She's lactating. She thought of my lactate.

[William Shatner]

Oh, no. Come on. This episode's getting good.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

No, we're not doing that this episode.

[William Shatner]

Just. Yes, we are.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

Okay, it's on HBO then. Anyway, she started squirting her milkers at me. And she knew that that was the key to sol.

[William Shatner]

Is that her superpower?

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

No, it's just something I ask all my clients to do.

[Announcer]

Gotcha.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

I'm into breastfeeding. We'll find your baby.

[William Shatner]

Gone.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

I had to get into character and know what the baby was after. And I needed to taste that milk. O Diablos went on for days. It's looking at. Looking at the two salt mines sitting next to each other squirting out milk at me. Anyway, this has gotten gross. What's the question?

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Average person, 29 kissing. 29 people. Or eight sexual partners. True or false?

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

29 kisses and eight. And eight bones.

[William Shatner]

Partners.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

That's what I'm talking about. 29 kisses and eight bones. Well, in my case, the number 69 on both characters.

[William Shatner]

All right.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

69 smooches led to 69.

[William Shatner]

69S.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Alright, so you're saying 70's Detective Brady.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

Has taken a very erotic turn.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

It's 70s. It happens.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

All right, go ahead.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

All right, so you're saying false there. Now, Carolyn, do you agree or disagree with false?

[William Shatner]

I disagree.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

I think it's true.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Incorrect. Then Sorgo gets the center square. I saw that coming over to Chris here. Make your selection.

[William Shatner]

Brady. Secret square.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Secret square.

[William Shatner]

You're a bump. Go ahead and guess that one. Burgess Meredith.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

There it is.

[William Shatner]

Well done. Oh my goodness. How did you do it?

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Circle on that one. Now Carolyn can go to Trump for the block.

[William Shatner]

Yes, please. I want to know, does Trump know what's the difference between a spitter and a swallower? Go ahead. Both already. Go ahead.

[Brady (70s Detective Character)]

It's about five pounds of pressure on.

[William Shatner]

The back of the head. The pressure on the back of the head. That's very true. And Bill Clinton's a very gentle lover. And so he lets me choose myself on whether or not it's going on or in how much? Not just enough. Just enough. A perfect amount. It's almost the. It's perfect symbiosis between he and I. So it just kind of. Yeah, it kind of leaks down onto my chest.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

You do it for so long together, you get used to the rhythm.

[William Shatner]

You know, he has a nickname for me. Oh, why don't you tell him, Bill? You know what I call him? That's adorable. Really. I call him Orange Julius or Big Gulp. He's like a giant sun kiss. Big Orange Julius. Big Gulp. Oh, man, that's good stuff. I really enjoy you. God, I hope you enjoy Epstein. Files are true. And these pictures come out because I think the people need to see it. Nobody blows like me and no one gets one like you. You're very good at receiving. I really am. That's true. I know how that girl got it all over her dress. I want to give him a little more of my sunny D right now. I'll be honest with you. Turn that Bituman bright orange tonight. Anyway, I don't know who's the squad. We're in love.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

If his mouth's not busy. Of course. Men under 5 foot 8 live an average of 6.2 years less than taller men.

[William Shatner]

Hang on a second. Sorry. I just finished one off men under five feet. She says false. I'm gonna run with it. We're late on time.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Carolyn, you agree or disagree?

[William Shatner]

I agree.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

And you are correct with the block there. Next one wins. Next One.

[William Shatner]

Oh, no, you're right.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Make a choice.

[William Shatner]

Trip.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Read.

[William Shatner]

That's me. It doesn't matter. Close enough. Everybody thought that. You know what I want?

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

What's that?

[William Shatner]

I want to give somebody something for breakfast. Oh, God, I hope it. I hope it's hot Dannon. I love hot Dannon. I love the hot Dannon. Come on. That is enough of that. Would it be. Those two are gross.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

All right. Question for you here, sir.

[William Shatner]

Not Dannon. Yuck. Okay, then. Fine. Sorry about that.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

You're good.

[William Shatner]

Oikos. A little warm. Oikos. Nothing from Caroline on that. No, Carolyn didn't like the Oikos. She's not a. Not a health nut. That's all right. She wasn't paying attention. I do that all the time.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Well, I'll take care of Trip here. Question for you.

[William Shatner]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Men are more attracted to short women because they are more fertile than tall women at. True or false.

[William Shatner]

Nice weather outside, don't you think? It is. And you can keep Miracle Whip outside all day. Let's. Let's try it. Put a little Miracle Whip on that. You guys are making me sick. Anyway, the question was men. What?

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Men prefer shorter women due to their fertility. True or false?

[William Shatner]

Shorter women. We prefer that because we don't like tall women. They're intimidating.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Oh.

[William Shatner]

They're unfertile. And they don't. Yeah. It's too hard to get your eggs and sperms together. It's too far for them to travel. I get you a short broad. Yeah.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

I thought you had strong swimmers. Sir.

[William Shatner]

I do have strong swimmers, okay? Stronger than your dad.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Ouch. There's always room for one. There's always room for one.

[William Shatner]

Your dad's sperms were so weak, they had water wings. I'm just gonna end it there. Whatever the. False. That was a good one.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

All right, so you are saying false. Now, let's see here. Chris, do you agree or disagree with.

[William Shatner]

False. I agree with Tripp.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

That is incorrect. X gets the square.

[William Shatner]

Gets it out of the blue. The girl wins. Nice job. Hold on. Both of you will get something nice. Hang on.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Right here.

[William Shatner]

We're done. Let's get the hell out of here. This is nuts. This took some strange moves today, didn't it? Yeah, it did. What are you gonna do? Not that I didn't expect it, but there were a couple that. Look, I went through something last night. You almost watched William Shatner die in front of you.

[Announcer]

Yeah.

[William Shatner]

Call to call Katrina today. Maybe I might talk to her a little deal with a little bit of. I'm telling you trauma. And then you're like, he's dead.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

I, I, hopefully that sound was longer.

[William Shatner]

Than the actual fall itself. No, it, I told Brady, I said, I think it's affected me so much because I literally thought he just, just died. And then he laid there in that lump and I'm like, he's dead. And I went through all the emotions of a dead man and not knowing. Yeah. And not knowing what to do on top of it all. Captain Kirk. Yeah, I was there when Captain Kirk died was what I thought. That has to be your new band name. That's an album name. You couldn't get him to sick bay in time. Yeah, it would be sodomizing. Linda's new album is called I Was There when Captain Kirk Died. Yeah, I couldn't get him there. I was. You have to write a song like the Edmund Fitzgerald or something for him. This one says, I got to read these two before we go. William says, just wanted to let you know how important this show is to me. I'm currently on a ferry. What? Heading from Nantucket back to Hyannis. No matter where I am. Alaska, Maine. Nantucket. I always listen. I can't survive a day without you. I love you, Holmberg. And the show. Just say the show kind of got creepy there at the end. Alaska to Hyannis. I know it's a hell of a commute and Skip says this is driving me crazy. I listen every morning and now I have an addiction to win nothing. I don't have any expectations I'll win any of the games. And I look at it this way, what I do keeps you on the air because I don't trust the Bob's. All Bobs are bad. I have a history with my own Bobs. They'll always get rid of what makes the most sense to keep. And I can't wait for this hourly thing to end so I can get back to listening and not trying to get a word of the day that I don't have a chance of winning. Thank you for the past 10 years, every day and listening. Fifteen years of hit and miss. Sign, Skip. Well, thank you, Skip. Thanks to everybody who plays along with us like that. That's very nice of you. And yeah, most of you aren't going to win any of the Bob's games. It's all false hope. It's a lottery. But thanks for playing and we'll do it again on Monday, one last time and we'll be done. That's enough. Cory. What do you got going on this week?

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

NAU football on Saturday and AS women's basketball on Sunday.

[William Shatner]

Yeah, okay. Terrible stuff.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

They won their last game, 88 to 40. Who? ASU Women's basketball.

[William Shatner]

Are they ranked?

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Not yet.

[William Shatner]

One of their teams was averaging 10 points a quarter.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

That was University of San Diego.

[William Shatner]

That's a big school. They had 40. There's four quarters of 10. They don't.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

No, they do. No, the men have halves.

[William Shatner]

Oh, okay. Oh.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

Women have 4/4 of 10 minutes.

[William Shatner]

Women have periods. Thank you.

[Host/Producer (possibly Holmberg)]

That's it.

[William Shatner]

Thank you. I'll be here all week. That's enough. And good job fighting this week, boys. This was a cloudy week and we did a good job fighting. And Brady's been injured the whole time with this allergy thing. So nice work getting through this week. And I guess we'll talk to you guys on Monday. Hopefully all things go right. Unless Shatner kills me. That's enough. We're done. Larry's next. Have a good one. We'll see you Monday. Solo. It's not weird. Pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.