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John Holmberg
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John Holmberg
Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil sitting right here. Come on.
Producer Ethan
No, no, he's not.
Frank Caliendo
He's not evil. He's just a bit rude.
John Holmberg
Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday. It's 5:45. This is the Morning sickness and we are ready to go here. My name is John. There's Brady. Big Dick Toledo's here. Brett's still out obviously this week as he is dealing with his father still and having that he's doing well. By the way, people have asked, how is Brett doing? He's getting through it. You know, he's getting the things together. Now's the time. It just becomes that strange arrangement. And he is an only child. He's the only one. So everything is going through him and arrangements are going through Brett. So he stayed busy but he appreciates everybody talking about him, thinking about him and asking him questions about how he is. So he's. Yeah, he's. He's cooking right along. We'll have Brett back before you know it. We miss him too. Brady, have I got a story for you. Last night I got to host and along with Frank Caliendo, moderate William Shatner's question and answer. Hour and a half, thereabouts, with everybody. Went down to the Orpheum Theater, bought tickets to that, watched the Wrath of Khan, a spectacular film, when you watch it, is really kind of a great space movie. And William Shatner does a Q and A after for the fans. Fans come in. I don't know. We got there, we're supposed to get there about quarter to seven. And Frank and I arrived together at quarter to seven. Now, I did this six years ago. Six years ago, I got the call to say, would you like to moderate this thing with William Shatner? And I'm like, are you kidding me? Six years ago? He's 88 years old. When is it, when am I going to get this chance? I've always used to joke, have William Shatner day here on the show. He goes around as a character on the show and everything else. So six years ago, they asked me to do it. I said, of course I'll do that. That sounds amazing. I don't want. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to screw the night up. I'm not sure. But this is a great opportunity to meet William Shatner and hang out with him and whatever. So six years ago, I go there and I'm just marveling at William Shatner backstage. We have dinner, he has dinner, We. We weren't eating. And Frank went with me again last, but he did not do the moderation on stage. So we're hanging out, doing our thing six years ago. Go on stage, it's a blast. I ended the night saying, it's an honor, it's a pleasure. Thank you for letting me do this. Thanks for trusting me with being part of your show. You know, you don't know me at all. So I really appreciate that. It was so kind, so nice. We separate, we part ways. And I remember saying, that's pretty cool. Get to hang out. He's 88. This probably will be the only experience that you get with a guy like that. And it was great. Had a great memory. Six years later, get the call again this summer, he's coming back, he's going to do the Wrath of Khan thing. He's got new stories. He's got a new one, man. Q and A afterwards. Would you like to do that again? I'm like, absolutely. I didn't expect this to happen, but I had so much fun last time. This most definitely is probably your last chance. He's now 94 years old. So last night, one last throwdown with William Shatner and I'm thinking to myself that what a gift. I got lucky twice to hang out with an icon. I mean, you know, the male Betty White at this point. He's been, he's been famous since 1951, he's been around for the longest time. He's been doing all sorts of stuff. You can't go through a decade without him having influenced it in some way or another. And when he shows up, people know who he is and it's, it's William Shatner, for crying out loud, it's Captain Kirk, it's Denny Crane, it's, it's up and down the list you've got name after name, TJ Hooker, as someone has associated with him somewhere along the line. So we get there about quarter to seven last night. Frank and I are told to get there a little early and we do. And frankly it was pointless to get there that early. No one was going to be there for a while. But the crowd started to develop a line outside and Frank and I went out just to keep an eye, like, wow. Surprisingly fairly young crowd. Now the movie started at 7:30, it's exactly two hours long. And then we have an hour and 15, 20 minutes for the Q and A after. So we're looking at 7:30 to 9:30 if everything goes perfectly. And then 9:45 would be when we start the Q and A. And that's going to run till 11, which is fine, but it's Thursday and William Shatner's 94 and like I said, he's been famous since 1950. So there's people who have known him since the 60s, they're in their 70s, right. Meghan's dad wanted to go, but found out that it wouldn't end until 11. He's only, I can't do that. And he's only 71 years old. So Frank and I are talking, we're writing notes back and forth about how we're going to handle this. We've been told several ways that this works. Now, having done it before, I knew that this was a Q and A with four or five design questions that would guide William Shatner into stories he wanted to tell, part of his one man show. That's the typical way to do this. Now Frank was going to join me on stage as an impressionist. We'd go back and forth and do some stuff and they were all in on it. William Shatner was like, this is going to be Exciting. We're going to change it up. So I'm, I'm taking. The audience gets a chance to write questions. So there's, I don't know, I get a stack of maybe four or five hundred questions that just keep coming in as they let people in the outside into the Orpheum Theater. Panning some questions. So I'm going through any of the questions. Some of them are stupid. I mean, some people, why did you waste your, your carpal tunnel chances on, on writing what you wrote? But surprisingly many of them were pretty good. So I've got a stack of discards and a stack of maybes, and the stack of maybes is growing. I've got a few questions I've written down. So now I've got a good 25 questions that are stacked up and I got to whittle that down somehow to about seven, including the four that they gave me. It's a tough little, it's a really tough whittle. So then I start to kind of make amalgamations of like two or three of the questions together. I'd try to combine and throw a name of the person from the audience and everything. So I go through all this work for about an hour. Frank and I are taking like, we'll do this, we'll try that, you know, work him into that area. This story gets told, he's not there yet. So then it's about now, it's about 8 o' clock and Mr. Shatner arrives with his producer Ethan. All this hour and a half of work we're doing on putting this together. Ethan grabs the questions and he's like, I'm just gonna look through these and say. I'm like, that's fine, I kind of get rid of these. And he's so he's going through stuff and he dog ears some of the ones he likes. And so Shatner and Frank and I get to talking and it is backstage, maybe the funnest podcast you've ever been a part of. If we were recording that thing, it would have been what is going on with these 3? 94 year old William Shatner is on point. He's thin, he looks fantastic. And I'm like, man, going back and forth. He starts telling knock, knock jokes for no reason. He thinks there's an Australian guy that he's doing a book with that was there and he's. And he's like talking to him about. He said something, he just told us a joke. The interrupting cow jokingly and William Shag.
Frank Caliendo
I. Oh, I've never Heard that before. Is that a. That you could use any animal you wanted.
John Holmberg
And so he goes off and he. And he starts with the interrupting Khan, which iconic. When you're sitting, you want this from a guy like Wayne Shadow. So he's like, knock, knock. We didn't see it. Like, who's there?
Frank Caliendo
Interrupting Khan.
John Holmberg
Like interrupting Khan. And he throws that. He's like, oh my God. And we all just kind of fall out laughing. Like, are we really doing knock knock jokes? Goofing around? Everybody's doing impressions and everything.
Frank Caliendo
And he goes, I don't want any of the questions. We're not doing any of the questions. This is what we're doing. We're going to be on stage, just interview. You're good at what you do, you're an impressionist, you're great at what you do.
John Holmberg
And he's g his praise.
Frank Caliendo
And then he says, let's just go out there and you guys chat with.
John Holmberg
Me, like if you want to. Ethan, his producer, like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is not the way things are going to go now. He's not saying that out loud, but I can see it in his eyes. And he goes. And he hands me a couple questions. These are really good ones. And I'm like, yeah, I wrote this one. And it's kind of a mess of the three or four people had written this. So I was kind of going to work names in and try to. Yeah. He goes, and shadows.
Frank Caliendo
No, it has to be organic. You can't do what you're doing and have it be organic. We're going out there and we're just going to wing it.
John Holmberg
And I'm like, that's the way I like to do things. I said, so if you're up for it. I said, I know nobody, Ethan, you don't know me. I got this.
Frank Caliendo
Well, just wing it.
John Holmberg
And I'm like, and I'll also know where you want to go because I've read the pre questions for your story, so I know exactly how to get you there. When we have a lull or we have a moment, I'm like, I will guide you right into one of your stories. You'll be a superstar on stage for seven or eight minutes because his stories are all great. And we sit down. But Frank and Calhendo had worked with Terry Bradshaw in the past. Shatner did that show with Terry Bradshaw. He's got to die. And he was loving the impressions of everything but himself.
Frank Caliendo
Why do people always say that when I'm talking, I pause, I Said actual thing that I. I don't believe I do.
John Holmberg
We're like, you're doing it right now, I'm not. And so we do it. And I did mine. I said, mine's over the top.
Frank Caliendo
Where I always start with I, because.
John Holmberg
I think that you're going to talk about yourself no matter what the topic. That's the joke.
Frank Caliendo
I, who once was on an airplane and there was something on the wing, and he's like, I don't do that.
John Holmberg
And so we're back and forth. He loved the impressions we were going to do. Neil DeGrasse, Mike Tyson, because he's hanging out with Neil DeGrasse Tyson. So we worked out a bunch of little things to try to go. And as the moderator, me, I have to now host this thing. And it's not as easy as it seems to just go up there and drive that thing with an icon to your left and an incredible performer and Frank to your right and still feel like you have to be some type of entertaining thing without stealing any spotlight at all, which was Frank and I trying not to do. This is William Shatner's night. We feel great. I had told Frank on the drive over, I rarely feel good about something, and I. And I don't tonight because I don't have butterflies. And I love butterflies, love it. That means everything's going to be okay. So I don't have any. And I'm like, I don't have nerves for this. I don't have any. Any fear that this is going to go poorly at all. And that makes me nervous because I like that feeling of like, all right, John, get it out of your system. The butterflies before you go on a stage. I love that feeling.
Frank Caliendo
For game time, I'm still sort of talking like, shut. You can't help it when you're around him, you'll just do that.
John Holmberg
So I don't have him. I'm. I'm sitting back there, I look at Frank and I'm like, this is. He's. He's on point. This is great. We have dinner together. He takes a bite and he goes.
Frank Caliendo
Oh, this is like any goldfish.
John Holmberg
What are we.
Frank Caliendo
What is this?
John Holmberg
It's like. It's a place called Thai Basil. I believe you ordered it.
Frank Caliendo
I would have never ordered this. What is this?
John Holmberg
And he takes another base.
Frank Caliendo
No.
John Holmberg
So then he grabs an apple out of the fridge and eats an apple. We all just kind of sit and talk. So Guy comes around the corner and he says, all right, 10 minutes, we'll be out and go on the stage, said Frank, John, you guys go over to this part of the stage, stand there. Mr. Shatner will enter from the other side of the stage. So we're across the stage from each other. I'm like, we got it. I'm supposed to go out there after they introduce me with Frank, do 30 seconds of goof, and then introduce what they're calling a sizzle reel, which is about a two minute thing, just a cut up of his entire career. So it's a bunch of clips and music that it's a. Over the years, it's a hype reel of William Shatner. It's funny, it's, it's just pictures of him through the years. It's little clips and funny quotes and whatever and just iconic moments. So we're getting ready to go. Guy comes back, goes, two minutes, we're heading up. So we're like, all right, let's get out of here. So at the Orpheum, the dressing rooms are on a lower floor. You go up one floor, go out to the stage level, and then you walk onto the stage to, I don't know, so 200ft from the elevator. So we all get up, walking in and I told Frank, I'm like, still don't have much of nerves. I said, so I guess it's gonna feel really good about, like, this is gonna be funny. Here we go. It's gonna be a fun night.
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John Holmberg
Visit Quattro dog.comberg's morning sickness on the elevator. And by the way, the word for six o', clock, a stupid game these jackasses put together make it so you can't have a cohesive show.
Producer Ethan
They brought it back Monday.
John Holmberg
I know, interrupting everything so you could give a word. But it is for money and that's a good thing. So at 6 o', clock, action will be your word for the take it in the app promo. So action is your six o' clock word, Action. And get it together, maybe win the money. All right, back to what I was talking about.
Brady
Deep dry.
John Holmberg
Yeah, exactly. So it's Castellanos, his game. We should call the Nick Castellanos, let's just get in the way of everything game. So anyway, I'M in the elevator with Frank. Captain Kirk is his producer, Ethan and another guy, stage manager, and everything's fine. Elevator doors open and I look and William Shatner kind of wobbles a little. He's getting out and I'm like, oh, down he goes and he starts laughing. Oh, and he starts to walk again and then a side shuffle. And then William Shatner is out cold. No, drops down.
Producer Ethan
Ty Basil took him out.
John Holmberg
No. Oh, he only had one bite, didn't eat. Drops and I mean, falls hard. No break. He was out on his feet and missed hitting his head on an open door by what had to be less than a centimeter down. We are one minute from that introduction, standing side stage, and Frank and I have to walk behind the curtain and he's out. 94 year old man, Daisy. And I look at, I mean, I literally holy. Like that's all you hear. Oh, what do we do?
Producer Ethan
And he's out for no nerves.
John Holmberg
Exactly. And I'm. Well, here's the thing I've been worried about. And I'm looking over at Frank and I'm like, what do we do? What do now I'm a bundle of nerves. I'm a mess.
Producer Ethan
Oh, man.
John Holmberg
And the producer turns and said, I'm like, this is canceled, this is over.
Frank Caliendo
It's elder abuse.
John Holmberg
We get him up right now. We can't. It's done. Whatever. It's, by the way, while we're backstage, I mean. And the show started about 15 minutes late. So at this point, you're looking at midnight. It's. Well, it's 9:45 now in the 15 minute intermission, we're gonna start the Q and A a little after 10 o'. Clock. And it goes for an hour and so, so he hits the couch about nine. Now keep in mind, for an hour from eight until about nine, we're backstage riffing, speeding. It's almost like an improv thing. There's jokes flying. It's performative backstage because performers are there. And I've got one of an icon of stage, like he loves stage, of Shakespeare and train. William Shatner ramped up. Like he is loving the performance angle of this. Frank and I are going back and forth. He's loving all the. So he's expending a ton of energy in that hour. He sits down on the couch about nine in the dressing room and immediately goes to sleep. He is driving this tour he started. I don't know, how old are you? 61, 67. So I'm 53. I couldn't do this, he woke up on Wednesday at 6am and drove from his house in Los Angeles to Tucson. To Tucson, right. And got there probably, I don't know, it was like six, seven hours because it took forever. They stopped at Denny's in court site, which became a great story. And then, and then gets to Tucson, does the show that night in Tucson. That goes till they leave there at about 12:45 because he's after the Q and A. He's got a meet and greet for 45 minutes. So he's in Tucson till 12, hops in a car, drives up here to do a show last night, gets here, slept for a couple hours in the daytime, does the show here last night, then after that show scheduled, to get into a car, drive to Anaheim, do a show tonight, then get in a car and drive to Napa Valley and do another show, I think Sunday or Monday. He's 94, so the guy hits the couch and he goes to sleep. Understood. I've been backstage with performers who usually clear a room or they just need 15, 20 minutes themselves. So he's asleep, we're like, that's normal. Anyway, he goes out cold on our way to the stage. I mean, out cold. So suddenly the funny is over. There's nothing funny about a 94 year old man who's out cold in front of you. You think he broke something? This is how old people die. He broke something.
Brady
Yeah.
John Holmberg
He didn't break that fall. There were no hands out, it was face down, boom, onto the concrete. And it feels like forever that the body of William Shatner is laying in front of me. And I'm thinking to myself, this is that thing TMZ like William Shatner passes out. And there's always a couple of gray, nameless faces in the photo. I'm one of them.
Frank Caliendo
Here I am.
John Holmberg
The moment that this is my life's new story, that I get to say, I happened to be right there when William Shatner dropped dead in front of me. And I'm sitting just, I mean, my mind's spinning on how, what just happened. And as we're sitting there, Frank's looking at me, we're looking, I'm like, well.
Frank Caliendo
How do I like what you just.
John Holmberg
Hear from the ground?
Frank Caliendo
Pick me up.
John Holmberg
Huh?
Frank Caliendo
Pick me up. Pick you up? Pick me up.
John Holmberg
He couldn't move. And this is a dead body talking to me. There's no like, hand gestures or no attempt to get himself up. He's a corpse.
Frank Caliendo
Pick me up. Where do you begin?
Producer Ethan
So deadpan.
Frank Caliendo
So dead body.
John Holmberg
William Shatner on the ground. I'm thinking we're gonna pick him up and there's a broken bone. I'm gonna think we're picking him up and I'm gonna break a bone. I'm like, I don't know if that's a good idea.
Frank Caliendo
Pick me up.
John Holmberg
Okay, so me and two other guys grab dead weight. William Shatner, thank God he's lost weight. Remember how fat he got for a little while? Pick him up, get him going on the stage. And it is jello. Meanwhile, we got stage manager going, I'm going to introduce you in one minute, huh? You guys have to get to the other side. And I'm looking at William Shatner, his eyes are gone, like it's just watery mess and he is wobbly. And he goes, well, we're doing it, we're good. I go, we got it. Are we sure? And Ethan goes, are you sure, sir?
Frank Caliendo
We're doing it.
John Holmberg
Well, I'm fine.
Frank Caliendo
We're fine. Okay, so.
John Holmberg
All right, guys, get on the other side of the stage. So Frank and I walk over there and I'm. What the is going on? And he goes, I don't want to do this. I'm like, I'm going home.
Frank Caliendo
The old man's on his own.
John Holmberg
There is no possible way I'm going to sit on stage in front of a nearly part of this desk. There's a thousand people sitting there waiting.
Frank Caliendo
For him to come out and watch.
John Holmberg
This guy drop dead on stage. I don't want to be, I don't want to do this. And Frank and I get to the other side of the stage and then look at each other in this eye contact moment and erupt in laughter. I'm like, how the are we here? What is going on? Please welcome from 98KUPD, John Holmberg and his friend Frank. Which is the bio I wrote.
Brady
Yeah.
John Holmberg
Or the intro. And so I look at Frank, our mics turn green. They turn them on. I'm like, we're going. So as I'm walking onto the stage from stage left, looking across, Frank falls. No, there's William Shatner and his entry point, watching us go out on the stage. Now, we had worked out a little thing in the beginning to just say the impressions are what everybody's doing. So we're kind of going to go.
Frank Caliendo
Out and just basically say, we've spent the last two and a half hours with William Shatner and neither of us could stop doing this.
John Holmberg
And Frank and I go back and forth a little bit.
Frank Caliendo
It's impossible. And you audience by the end of the night, will all be driving home.
John Holmberg
Doing this big last, Everything's having fun. I out of the corner of my eye, I can't think of anything else. Is he still alive? Is not what you want for your guest?
Brady
Is he laid out on the floor?
John Holmberg
Is he still alive? There's no couches anymore. That was how he's done. He can't lay down. We're now side stage, there's nothing to sit in. I look over and I see Ethan and Mr. Shatner was in a vest, like a, like a Patagonia vest, right? So I see he's got a firm grip on the side of his vest and one on his arm. And Shatner's head's down, it's weakened at Bernie's.
Producer Ethan
Oh, man.
John Holmberg
Shatner's head's down on the side stage. And I mean, while looking out of the corner of my eye, talking to.
Frank Caliendo
An audience, going, soon you too will be doing this.
John Holmberg
Ahah. Everybody's ahah. This is crying. And then I'm thinking in my head, or you're all just about to get the announcement that the guy you came here to see is dead.
Brady
We'll refund your tickets.
John Holmberg
I say to myself, he's taking tomatoes. I say to myself, Frank actually did a great job because I'm up there.
Frank Caliendo
I'm like, y' all talk like this. And Frank said, let's try to go backstage, get out of these characters, Watch this historical retelling of the life of William Shatner.
John Holmberg
Boom, sizzle, reel starts. Action is the word for 6am, by the way.
Frank Caliendo
Mother.
John Holmberg
Anyway, Frank and I go back off stage, I look at him, I'm like, look across, look over there. Firm grip on Shatner's arms. He's kind of coming to reels, going, 30 more seconds, get him an IV before. My job is when this is over, to say, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. William Shatner. Real ends. And I start walking on stage. Frank's right behind me and I see Ethan let him go like a little kid trying to ride a two wheel bike for the very first time. And he's up and he starts walking towards us. I have tunnel vision on, I gotta catch him if he starts coming at me. And we drop and we're pretty far apart.
Producer Ethan
Shift your microphone.
John Holmberg
So you good Hands left, right hand, right hand mic. Yeah, Close head. It's like I'm boxing, I gotta keep that. We're fighting, we're not orthodox. It's lefty, righty. So I'm going left hand out. And I said, ladies, and gentlemen, Mr. William Shatner. Crowd goes insane. Standing ovation, out he walks. There's three seats up there, I have to sit in the middle. Frank's to my right, table, William Shatner to my left. He walks out on stage and he's supposed to go for about five minutes in this story as a hello, kind of, how are you? Meanwhile, we have no questions or anything like that because we've decided to wing it, which was gonna be fine. There is a throw rug on the stage.
Producer Ethan
Oh, no, Was it taped down?
John Holmberg
No, because I hit it. He gets to it, he looks down, looks at me like, you saw it, right? And I'm like, oh boy, I'm gonna catch the dying body of William Shatner sometime tonight. Shuffles out and he's looking. It didn't really get jump started immediately. And then he starts to talk and he starts getting through the story. Meanwhile, I'm watching a crowd just going, there's the guy we came to see. This is great, I'm gonna have a good time. What they don't realize is that the two guys on stage with great big smiles plastered on their faces, enjoying the evening all phony, are in horror, abject.
Frank Caliendo
Terror.
John Holmberg
Of what could possibly happen again. And what happened three minutes ago backstage with this 94 year old man who we've spent the last two hours, and there's a clock on this and I'm looking, it says 10:06. I'm like, he shouldn't be awake. It's not when 94 year olds thrive. He gets through the first story, looks at me as he kind of steps over. The throw rug's a good inch between the stage depth and the throw rug is big. It's the last thing you do. Every old, every person who has a parent who is of age, the first thing you do is like, just get rid of these rugs. It isn't gonna knock you down. Yeah, you have to get rid of the rugs. This rug was no joke. It was thickness updates, morning sickness, and it was a step up, you couldn't. And he doesn't shuffle. But Frank even whispered to me, and this was when it started getting crazy. Frank whispers to me in the middle of his first little thing. We got our mics down and he.
Frank Caliendo
Goes, it's like Joe Biden, he's walking.
John Holmberg
Around, we're gonna lose him, Mike, you're seeing what I'm seeing. This is the scariest thing I've ever been a part of. The stage has an edge right to the front row going, finishes the first five minutes Sits down and looks at.
Frank Caliendo
Me and I'm like, what do you got?
John Holmberg
We're good. Let's, we're doing this. We start going, he's fun, he's on it. Everything's good. He's sitting down. Now I'm comfortable because he's sitting. Doesn't need to catch him. And I set him up for another one of his things. Now we go through a little riff thing that went great. He's getting huge laughs on everything he's being set up with. Frank and I are doing the impressions of him. He's loving it. He's playing back. We had a great start, everything's good. And then he starts his next story. Now, as it turns out, when you're 94 and you get up real fast, that's when the blood sugar starts going, do we have enough? Do we have too much? What's going on? And I, I watched him want to stand up for a second. Telling a story and killing. By the way, this is the, the man who was dead a few minutes ago is now, I wonder if they gave him cocaine. I don't know what it was. He is, this is, Jesus. Got nothing on this dude. He's back. So Shatner gets up, and again, he keeps looking at me like, keep an eye on me.
Frank Caliendo
I may drop.
John Holmberg
Because that's all I'm thinking. And I'm, and I'm loving the stories, but also half of me is an EMT now, and I gotta watch this thing. This guy's gonna go out, gets up and starts telling another story. And he starts shuffling around again, and I'm like, oh, my God, I can't enjoy. I've never been so anxiety riddled in my life. And he shuffles around, he gets back to his seat and he looks at me and I just see it in his eyes. I'm like, man, he is running on fumes. And then he gets to the next thing. I'm like, this guy is a machine. I've never seen anything like what I've seen. He's not here. It's like a boxer who was out on his feet and he's still boxing and he gets through. So I set him up. It goes really well. At 10:55, I am to ask him a question that gets him to his closing remarks. But we've dicked around so much, there's two questions that could be the close. So I give him the option on stage, I'm like, I'd be remiss if you, if I don't talk about your trip to Space, it was a poignant moment in your life.
Frank Caliendo
And he goes, I see what you're doing, I know what you're doing. Let me ask the audience a question. Because the space story ends relatively sad, emotional, and I've got another story that's very funny. What would you rather hear in the audience?
John Holmberg
Like a sad story, a funny story. Every time somebody says funny, we don't want to leave sad.
Frank Caliendo
Okay, fine.
John Holmberg
I look at the clock and like we're right on time. I don't know how we got through this thing. He starts telling us the story. And the story that he tells is about how the one time he was. They used to film at a place 45 minutes from Star Trek set that was often used as another planet. So they just move rocks around and you'd think you're on another planet and they do it. And it was the same spot pretty much for every Star Trek episode. But they just throw, right, Remember that? The gorge, little valley.
Producer Ethan
They would remember that.
John Holmberg
The famous thing, William Shatner fought that weird lizard that you can see the zipper. And it was the slowest fight ever. It was in this place, it was in this canyon. They filmed all this.
Brady
I said, don't move, right?
John Holmberg
Oh, it was just, it was the worst rubber suit you've ever seen. So he's, he's going to tell the story about how the. Everybody told him on the set one day, hey, tomorrow we're filming out at whatever it is, Valencia Creek or whatever, and we're going to be there at a certain time or whatever. So he says, okay, for the first time ever, I took my suit home and I was. That way I could kill. You know, it's a 45, 50 minute drive. That way I can kill another 20, 25 minutes sleeping so I don't have to go all the way to the thing, get in the suit and get. Well, I'll just be in wardrobe when I arrive to the thing. And the story goes that he gets into the wardrobe and he's driving to this place and he's speeding because he likes to speed. And he gets pulled over in the Captain Kirk suit and the officer, you know, he goes to the. I don't even know the punchline of it because he starts telling the story and then he turns to me and.
Frank Caliendo
He goes, what are those on stage? What are those cars called? The, what's the street race? Like F1? No. Anyway, I'm in a car now.
John Holmberg
I see that he has no idea what story he's telling.
Frank Caliendo
I was on a show once for The Metis race cars.
John Holmberg
And I'm with Bill Cower, like, oh, man. And he's talking about going like 192 miles an hour in a NASCAR. I'm like, okay. He's drifted off this story. I look down at the clock, it's now 1106. We're 10 minutes into this story when he decides to say, I forgot what I was talking about. Here's a new story. And it starts going. And it's now. It's this crazy story about this game show he was on where you had the fastest ones, got to move on to the next round, and we were slow. So Bill Cower hits this turn at 191 miles an hour. Some lady he was with hits it at 192. So he realizes I've got to go faster than 192 to stay on the show. I can't be the slowest one in this group. And he does it.
Frank Caliendo
He goes, donny Osman missed the turn, crashed into a tree. Thank you, everybody. Good night.
Brady
That was the ending.
John Holmberg
He left like, ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, it was Gabrielle Reese. That's who the other girl was. That went that fast. Ladies and gentlemen, the legend, William Shatner. And the applause, just, everybody erupts the story. He miss. And then so we go backstage, he.
Frank Caliendo
Goes, I didn't tell the story at all, did I? I'm like, no, I forgot the end of the story.
John Holmberg
I didn't do the right story.
Frank Caliendo
Like, that's okay.
John Holmberg
I don't think anyone cared. I think you get forgiven for being 94. And I'm like, by the way, what the. What's that? Before we went on stage.
Frank Caliendo
I probably need to eat something before I do these things.
John Holmberg
Yeah, you made my heart 94.
Producer Ethan
Did you tell him that?
John Holmberg
Of course.
Frank Caliendo
You guys were magnificent. What a great show.
John Holmberg
Bill Shatner, you realize what you put us through. You should have leveraged it.
Producer Ethan
You need to come in studio tomorrow.
John Holmberg
And then at the end, I'm like, that was the most horrifying and exciting thing I have ever been a part of. So I did ask, like, come in tomorrow morning.
Frank Caliendo
I'll be on my way to. We're going to Anaheim tonight.
John Holmberg
Stop your life, right? Take a day off. Take a break. Tell his producers, do the shows earlier.
Frank Caliendo
Like, Keith, Yes, Old people eat at 4.
John Holmberg
We don't start shows with. I told him in the middle of the thing, I said, you realize you're. I checked it on Google. You're the only 94 year old man awake right now. You realize that there are no other 94 year olds at this moment who are awake? If they are, it's because they're being given the medicine they need to get to go back to sleep.
Producer Ethan
So the producer's driving to Anaheim, right?
John Holmberg
Well, they got a service. They're all gonna sleep in the back of the car.
Frank Caliendo
And then at the end, that was a marvelous. What a great, what a great night.
John Holmberg
I'm like, it was, it was really good.
Frank Caliendo
Do you realize what the. You put us through? I had the best time. I would love that. Normally it's just a moderator and me tell you the same story. This was fun. No, it wasn't.
John Holmberg
I watched you die, old man.
Frank Caliendo
Anyway, what a wonderful night. Thank you so much for being part of it.
John Holmberg
And then we just sit down, relax and have another 15 minutes with William Shatner. That was unbelievable. And joking around. Frank and I get back in the car, driving back and I'm like, what happened?
Frank Caliendo
What was that?
John Holmberg
And he goes, I can't stop seeing him fall. It was this.
Brady
It was a night of comedy and terror.
John Holmberg
It was all terror. The comedy happened subconsciously. It were just funny people. So it was going to happen because the stage lights are on. So you just. Scott Taylor from downstairs was there and he texts me and he goes, that was the most fun.
Frank Caliendo
I'm like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
John Holmberg
Let me tell you something, I'm still coming down. The man was dead. The man was dead for a minute and a half. And you do have that feeling like this was an odd thing that kind of crossed over my mind. Who's filming this? Right when he fell down, I'm like.
Frank Caliendo
No, no, no, no, no, no.
John Holmberg
And you stand with your, like your arms out protecting the corpse. Cause I don't want anybody to take that shot and see it. On tmz, William Shatner suffers medical emergency reset again.
Producer Ethan
He fell backstage. Nobody in the crowd saw this.
John Holmberg
Oh, no, no, no.
Producer Ethan
Saw the whole thing.
John Holmberg
No, no, no one saw a thing. So before they side stage, that's what I thought. Just gotten out of the elevator the way it is, the elevator goes out, you make a right and a left and you're super deep backstage. Then you have to make kind of a weird little whip and you're behind these giant curtains.
Producer Ethan
Limited crew would have seen anything.
John Holmberg
Me, the producer, the stage manager, Frank and yeah, a couple of people who work there, but there was no one. There was an empty hallway and the door to go into the stage was cracked at a 45 degree angle and propped open and he fell directly at it. And. And it's that I froze. I'm standing a foot from him, behind him, and he. I mean. And it was almost like the earth absorbed him. It was this. It was this delicate thump, thump, thump.
Advertisement Voice
Gravity.
Frank Caliendo
Yeah, I fell down.
John Holmberg
But that weirdest. And it's living in my head to this minute. You know when something weird happens and then your brain relives it and you have the same chills.
Producer Ethan
You're replaying it right now.
John Holmberg
I'm doing it over and I can't stop. And I don't know why. I felt like I watched him die. It was so real to me. And I thought he hit his head on the door. And that would have been the end of William Shatner. The end.
Producer Ethan
So it was an hour and a half at least, until he might have gotten any medical attention if you wanted.
John Holmberg
To keep doing the show. Yeah. And I don't know if he did.
Frank Caliendo
I don't think he did.
John Holmberg
By the end of the night, everybody's like, he's good. Get in the car. We're going to Anaheim.
Producer Ethan
Oh, man.
John Holmberg
And I told the producer, I'm like, you need we check the news this week? That's what I was. I. I swear to you what I thought. I'm gonna. I'm gonna get up and go to work tomorrow, and I'm gonna. First thing I'm gonna see is legendary actor William Shatner, gone at 94. But he was sprying good at the end of the night, again, it was horrifying. But I keep reliving that fall. Like, if I'd have grabbed him, would it have helped with anything? He. And it was out cold. On your feet. No break, no hands down, straight into the ground, face down. Bam.
Frank Caliendo
Face.
John Holmberg
Hit. Unbelievable night. And I could not have had a better time. And had a heart attack at the exact same time I. My heart was pounding. And then seeing him over there on that side stage being propped up.
Brady
All the stories you've talked about, certain comedians, whether it was Mitch Hedberg, how many. I want to be there.
John Holmberg
How many of you. Oh, no, it was so close. I want to be in the crowd when something goofy. I don't want to be responsible for it.
Brady
Joking about that, or on a couple different comedians saying, I want to be there.
John Holmberg
I don't want to be in the car when a guy dies. I don't want to be standing side stage when a guy dies. I want to be at a show when something weird happens. You know, I would have loved to have been at the Chappelle thing when the guy Went up on stage with. And they beat the crap out of him. I'd love. Been in the audience. Being in the audience for. It was great. Being somewhat responsible. I don't want to hear Pick Me up ever again. It was the weirdest feeling that William Shatner needed us to pick me up. Are you sure?
Frank Caliendo
Pick me up.
Brady
I like how the manager, it's like, all right, let's get up. Show.
John Holmberg
It wasn't the manager. Everybody was sitting there going, what are we doing?
Brady
Well, but no one. No one made the call.
John Holmberg
Like, no, no, you couldn't.
Frank Caliendo
Yeah, If I'm booked, I go on.
John Holmberg
Yeah, that's his thing.
Frank Caliendo
If I'm booked, I go on.
John Holmberg
Well, you almost died.
Frank Caliendo
Don't care. I'm up.
John Holmberg
I'm fine.
Frank Caliendo
Let's go.
Brady
And it doesn't. He's fighting death.
John Holmberg
But it was just blood sugar. Yeah, but the whole time. And then hindsight kicks in. We're sitting down there. He didn't eat anything. He had the apple. And he goes, you know what I.
Frank Caliendo
Really want is a piece of steak. I need some protein.
John Holmberg
All the red flags were there before.
Frank Caliendo
I want some protein.
John Holmberg
You know what I'm gonna do?
Frank Caliendo
I'll get a burger after the show on our way to Anaheim. It'll be great.
John Holmberg
So he orders a burger as I.
Frank Caliendo
Cut it in half.
John Holmberg
Almost sickness. Can you be dishonest? Holmberg's morning sickness. And you get right down to the details.
Frank Caliendo
I want the onions.
John Holmberg
I don't want the onions.
Frank Caliendo
Cut it up.
John Holmberg
And we're joking. Like how intricate his stupid burger order was.
Frank Caliendo
I want cheese on the side, but I'm not gonna eat the cheese. So make a cheese sandwich for someone else on the side, but keep it with my burger. And then make the burger. Cut it in half, but the onions have to stay intact. So take the onions off before you cut that. Put them back on one of the halves you choose.
John Holmberg
We're joking. He's wanting this burger. And Frank and I told him after. I was like, when he gets hungry and says, I'm hungry, feed him. No more waiting to these shows. They're mentally exhausting. Shows.
Frank Caliendo
So close.
John Holmberg
And everyone in the crowd had no idea that I had dribbles of pee. Every step that man took on that imbalanced throw rug of a stage while he told story after story.
Producer Ethan
Is Frank coming in this morning?
John Holmberg
I asked him to. He can't. He's got to go. He's got to go to a doctor's thing with one of his. I think his wife or his kid. I don't remember. He's got a thing, he's got a driver, he's like coming in. So. And Frank came back this all up like nothing was exaggerated. But then that moment where your body just releases all that tension and we're standing on the other side of the stage and I'm just, we made eye contact and I just shook my head and we were in tears, laughing. And then Frank just looks at me as I'm sh. And he goes, pick me up. And we couldn't, it was over. It's crazy. And then it's just normal and you don't know what to do. I'm never ever in my life agreeing to do anything again with a 94 year old. I love my friend Paula. She's 94. What? I'm never going over there again. I'm not doing anything with her again ever again. I'll call her every once in a while for Christmas, Thanksgiving and all that. I can't be around this. And so fragile. When I'm picking him up, it's like every bone is like, oh, all his bones sound like him.
Frank Caliendo
Oh my, oh, us ribs. Get your hands off of us. Nothing picked him up well, I'm fine.
John Holmberg
I don't know sir, I think maybe you should.
Frank Caliendo
Nope, I'm fine.
John Holmberg
We're going on.
Brady
What am I looking at?
John Holmberg
We're going on floor. And it was a man made of jello.
Frank Caliendo
What going on? Like, you okay? No, we're going on.
John Holmberg
And then the stage guy's like, he, he's booked.
Frank Caliendo
He goes that one minute eventually end.
John Holmberg
And then, then that guy got a bottom. It was like being at Texas Grill when I was choking to death and the waitress still dropped the drinks at the table.
Frank Caliendo
Keep it moving, keep it moving.
John Holmberg
This, this is, it doesn't matter. Death is part of living, man. Just keep going. And I told Frank, I'm like, the joke we tell in this to start is he's 94 years old. @ any given minute now he's going to need to take a break. So we have a backup. William Shatner and Frank Caliendo. I'm like, you're on, brother. I think you're going to be doing most of tonight. Couldn't have gone better on stage. You would have never known. You would have never known. But my God, was I scared the entire time that I was.
Producer Ethan
Teach you to not have nerves.
John Holmberg
I, I, every time I show and it seems weird to say, but as.
Brady
You being his agent, it's got to be every night. This could be the night I asked that.
John Holmberg
I said, is this a common occurrence? No. I'm like, it's not. No. Now it's never seen it. Now it is. That's what I said. This doesn't. 94 year olds don't. This doesn't stop happening.
Brady
Yeah.
John Holmberg
This becomes a hobby. They start doing this for fun after a while.
Frank Caliendo
Pick me up.
Producer Ethan
Pick me.
John Holmberg
I've never again a bingo card with John Holberg's life. William Shatner falling down and almost dying. And I'm the one who has pick me up and I'm with Frank Caliendo.
Brady
Would you.
John Holmberg
Would you say true or false, John, someday in your life, you and Frank Caliendo will pick up the lame corpse of William Shatner. Be the only ones near him. Checkbox. No. When am I ever gonna be in that situation? There I was.
Frank Caliendo
Pick me up.
Brady
He could have been concussed the whole time.
John Holmberg
Had he hit his half a step more. He's dead. That door and him were going to meet. Remember when you used to play ball in the house and the ball would fly and it was about to hit a vase or something, and your body just freezes and you kind of grab your head like Rain man, like. And you just hope the ball misses?
Producer Ethan
Do you have it with him where you're like, all right, I need to be wary of where this goes in case I need to announce that, yes, by the way, he just took a tumble.
John Holmberg
Toledo. You don't know this because you're not a funny person, but when you're trying to do a comedy thing and a man dies and you're in charge of what's about to be announced, you got two options. Somebody's either gonna tap you on the shoulder. Go. We need you to make the announcement that William Shatner's dead, or you're on Go be hilarious. I teased Toledo.
Producer Ethan
What if he slumps in the chair and then you have to make that announcement?
John Holmberg
The biggest fear I had was he fell down again on stage with the rug.
Frank Caliendo
Yeah.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Him dying in the chair would have been like, well, folks, we all were just treated to something rather special.
Frank Caliendo
And then you would hear, pick me up.
John Holmberg
I'm not doing that twice.
Brady
You won't have to worry about that next year.
John Holmberg
I don't think so. No. I don't think so.
Frank Caliendo
No.
Brady
And wheeling them out.
John Holmberg
Brady, you said it. If he comes back, you could have stopped it. I don't think you're gonna have to worry about that. I think you saying, you don't have to worry about that next year is where that sentence and thought ends. There's no, like, next time, him falling down. Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't worry about that part. And I'm not rooting for that. I hope he does come back. But it was. It was un. I'm. I'm reliving the anxiety right now. So that was my night last night. I got home about 12, 12, 25, staring at walls, I guess a little earlier than that. And I. I had no idea. And I was just like, what in the. And I'm sitting there waiting for them to give me an NDA. Please don't talk about this. And I'm like, no, I'm not signing that. This is an unbelievable night. And he's fine, by the way. Unbelievable that he's fine. I can't. Anyway, that was my Thursday. Wow, you guys were watching the Jets.
Brady
Hear from today?
John Holmberg
Yeah, no, I'll text Ethan. And then at the end of the night, again, I text him and I said, hey, again, thank you for trusting someone you don't know to be part of something that, you know, you've cultivated and worked on for a long time, and then trusting me.
Brady
Imagine what he does on these other shows. It's a different person.
John Holmberg
Well, it can be. A lot of times it's this Ethan guy moderates it, and they have a whole pitter patter. That's his. They're side by side. They got something down. And then. And Ethan is very. He's fun. He's like. He hosts a Weird Al Yankovic podcast. He's a huge Weird Al fan. He's been like 2000 weird Al shows. So we talked to. Ethan usually handles it, but when they asked if we would do it, actually, I kind of said, you want me to do it again? And they're like, oh, yeah, you did it last time. And then they just. Yeah, sure, if you want to. They like when there's a second person and they usually go to a town and pick somebody with a little notoriety to say, would you do this? And. Or they just skip it and say, whatever.
Producer Ethan
St. James was busy, right?
John Holmberg
Yeah. They don't like the news guys and they don't like the dudes who are, you know, papers and, you know, journalists and things. Usually it's somebody they try to find from radio that's got a little bit of a file and Broomhead would have been good at it and something like that. So just asked me, because they did it before and that's. And then. So I even said, hey, can Frank come along? He was there last time. And we have a little bit of an idea that his stories. Because he had a Stephen Hawking story where Frank was going to. Like we were going to reenact it and I would be Hawking and Frank would be Shatner. But we were just trying to get through the night. So I heard him mention Stephen Hawking and I think Shaton was trying to set that up.
Brady
It's a quick reshuffle.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Oh, my brain. I've never been more exhausted. My brain was going a billion miles an hour with every single angle that could happen. Do not do this. And. And he's not going to hear you.
Brady
Let alone not even mentioning it once on stage. Like, hey, a little tumble before.
John Holmberg
So no, no, no.
Brady
I hope you guys are.
Frank Caliendo
Yeah, you can't.
John Holmberg
He cannot put the audience in the same peril that we were in, which was, hey, at any given moment now he's not. We just witnessed something. This is normally a hospital thing. 94 year olds fall. Usually leave him there.
Brady
Gotta hold that in.
John Holmberg
Usually leave him on the ground as they go. Pick me up and you leave him there. And then, and then an ambulance comes and make sure he's okay. And the worst thing you can do to 94 year old, just start moving him around after a tumble. Cause you don't know if it's spinal neck, something else. You don't know what he hit on the way down. He might think he's okay. There might be internal bleeding. Trust me, my brain went through everything.
Brady
His personal triage after he's laying down.
Frank Caliendo
Oh, I'm okay.
John Holmberg
We're going on. And it was Captain Kirk.
Frank Caliendo
We're going on, Kirk.
John Holmberg
The Enterprise would get hit and he'd do that wobble and his shirt would tear for no reason when the outside of the ship got hurt.
Frank Caliendo
We're moving forward, Scotty.
Producer Ethan
Give me all you got.
John Holmberg
Give me everything. This thing has so many close calls. Yeah, I mean the Enterprise and then he's on the deck and he gets up and there's Captain Kirk telling me eye to eye what going on. Yes, sir.
Frank Caliendo
Crazy.
John Holmberg
Crazy. And I just wish that I could show you guys what happened because every one of us pooped. It was crazy. So when I do my one man Show When I'm 94, that's one of the stories. Crazy. And he's such a nice person. So yeah, as I text him the thank you and that I appreciated the trust and I appreciated everything that he allowed to happen that night on his show. And our main attempt was to not be in the way or spotlight hog or Anything like that be pepper to his steak. And he said, you know, he text back a really nice thing. It's just like, you are magnificent, marvelous, blah, blah, very complimentary.
Brady
Whenever I come in town to do the show, Jim Holmberg, you're gonna be my guy.
John Holmberg
Don't. I don't even know if he knows the J part, let alone miss the name. I don't know. But it was, what a night. And I, I.
Brady
Did you even sleep well?
John Holmberg
I haven't, I haven't been all night. I was sleeping all. I didn't. I needed sleep well. I slept very. Oh, my phone would ding every once in a while. I'd be like, that's it, he's done. And it was just like accuweather or something stupid.
Brady
Did you leave it like, you know, you're talking to your wife. Hey, call me when you get to.
John Holmberg
Let me know when you tell Ethan, the producer. I'm like, you, you guys travel. I didn't want to be the guy that like suddenly interludes into or gets involved and says basically, like, here's what you guys, here's what I'm witnessing that you guys need to get. I was basically saying, hey, travel safe, huh? You know what I mean?
Producer Ethan
Right.
John Holmberg
Maybe take a day off.
Brady
Let me know when you get to the room.
John Holmberg
It's just they didn't have a room. Right to the car, right to Anaheim. Sleeping in the back of a Lincoln last night, the 94 year old. I know they're killing the old guy. It's crazy. But it was fun. And the further away I get from it, the crazy kind of takes over. So just, I think every EMT listening right now would tell me, like, don't pick up 94 year olds ever when they're down on the ground. Leave them there. We'll take care of it.
Producer Ethan
If the corpse tells you to pick.
Frank Caliendo
It up, pick it up.
John Holmberg
No, don't jostle. The spine is not the first thing they learn in medical school anyway. Now it's 6:33. The word for 6:00am is action. That was my Thursday. And so I just thought I'd share that with everybody because it is. My stomach's still spinning. I'm still living in anxiety that I nearly witnessed the death of Captain Kirk. It's crazy.
Producer Ethan
John, you yourself will never have to worry about doing a one man show at age 94 because you've told us all you will have been dead for 20 years.
John Holmberg
At least. At least. Least 20 years. Yes. And that's why I don't ever want to be Like Homebrew's doing really well.
Frank Caliendo
Good night, everyone. I hate to be a hack, but.
Producer Ethan
Did anyone say, damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor?
John Holmberg
We talked about that afterwards. No, there was if. If. If our comedy brains were still clicked.
Frank Caliendo
On, but they shut off.
John Holmberg
They shut off when he died. It would have been really inappropriate had he actually been dead. If Frank or I went into character and went out of the way.
Frank Caliendo
Damn it, Jim.
John Holmberg
I'm a doctor. Hilarious. At the moment, it's like you jackasses, he's dead. Oh, Jesus Christ.
Producer Ethan
I didn't expect a 35 minute episode of Rescue 911 this morning, but I'm.
Frank Caliendo
On the edge of my seat, I passed out. EMTs were called, like, this is a.
John Holmberg
Rescue 911 of you. It was amazing. Anyway, he's on his way to Anaheim. If you want tickets tonight, it might be the last one. I definitely look, Take today off, race over there, shoot over to Anaheim, get into the pond and watch that show. It's worth it. Crazy. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? 5, 8, 5. 9800 a good one. Scream it together while we all are still here with William Shatner. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up. Hey, it's not weird.
Frank Caliendo
It's pretty cool, actually.
John Holmberg
No membership fees.
Frank Caliendo
I have heard enough of this.
In this special episode, John Holmberg recounts—alongside Frank Caliendo—the dramatic, hilarious, and terrifying events of hosting William Shatner’s “Wrath of Khan” screening and Q&A in Phoenix. From backstage banter and plans to a near-disastrous medical emergency with Shatner right before showtime, the episode captures the tension and relief experienced by all involved as the 94-year-old icon narrowly avoided catastrophe, then delivered a memorable live show.
“There’s nothing funny about a 94-year-old man who's out cold in front of you…This is how old people die.”
— John Holmberg (16:12)
— John Holmberg (21:22)
“I'm onstage half-emcee, half-EMT.”
— John Holmberg (28:24)
“It was a night of comedy and terror… The comedy happened subconsciously because the stage lights are on, but the terror was real.”
— John Holmberg (34:48)
“Knock, knock… Interrupting Khan!”
— William Shatner, recounted by Holmberg and Caliendo (08:44)
“Pick me up. Pick me up.”
— William Shatner on the floor, just before being lifted (19:54–20:29)
“There's nothing funny about a 94-year-old man who’s out cold in front of you… This is how old people die.”
— John Holmberg (16:12)
“I'm onstage half-emcee, half-EMT.”
— John Holmberg (28:24)
“It was a night of comedy and terror… The comedy happened subconsciously… but the terror was real.”
— John Holmberg (34:48)
“If I’m booked, I go on!”
— Frank Caliendo channeling Shatner’s unstoppable attitude (43:44)
This episode stands as one of the most suspenseful, chaotic, and funny behind-the-scenes stories HMS has aired, where John Holmberg, Frank Caliendo, and crew go from sharing laughs with William Shatner to scrambling to keep a living legend on his feet—literally. Both tribute and cautionary tale, it’s an unforgettable window into “show business at the edge.”