11-17-25 - On His Deathbed Bret's Dad Said To Use His Ashes To Soak Up Some Oil In Garage - Revisiting John's NFL Ownership Relegation Ideas - Can't Stop Thinking We Live In A Time Where A President Is Accused Of Blowing A Horse

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – 11-17-25

Episode Title: On His Deathbed Bret's Dad Said To Use His Ashes To Soak Up Some Oil In Garage
Air Date: November 17, 2025
Host(s): John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo
Location: 98 KUPD Arizona

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Main Theme

This episode blends offbeat humor and irreverent musings about mortality, football fandom misery (with a focus on Arizona Cardinals supporters), and a running, absurd riff on the current state of political scandals—culminating in John Holmberg’s gleefully surreal desire for a world in which a U.S. President is credibly accused of “blowing a horse.” The show’s characteristic mix of dark humor, personal anecdotes, listener emails, and riffing on collective cultural dysfunction is on full display.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bret’s Dad’s Dying Wish: Ashes for the Garage

• Bret Vesely opens up about his father’s recent passing and unique end-of-life wish: to have his ashes used as oil-dry in the family garage, given their mutual love of cars.
  • Quote: “He was more worried about… his soul. What am I gonna do? The body’s gone. Who cares?” (03:29 – 04:18)
  • John Holmberg and others riff on creative post-mortem ideas, such as being used as janitor sawdust (Vauban) in schools, or ending up as chew toys for puppies.
  • John: “Now I want to follow in his footsteps and become oil dry or something. Maybe... that weird sawdust that janitors in high schools use for kids who puke?” (06:14 – 06:29)
  • Bret: “His wishes were to be kitty litter. He’s always said that… literally since I was in my 20s.” (05:13 – 05:15)

2. Listener Outpouring & Community

• Bret expresses gratitude for listener support, highlighting KUPD’s community feel.
  • Bret: “It was amazing, like the outreach that everybody... thank you for everybody reaching out.” (05:28 – 06:12)
  • John jokes about the show’s influence: “I’ve caused a lot of public school teachers to quit their jobs. I think I’m getting through to these people.” (08:18 – 08:22)

3. Arizona Cardinals & NFL Fan Misery

• Long segment about the futility of being a Cardinals fan; listeners compare it to an abusive relationship they can’t leave.
  • John reads emails:
    • “I’m a cuck for the Cardinals and I watch them get effed week after week… I keep showing up…” (09:56 – 10:14)
    • Brett: “So basically, Cardinals fans are like cucks.” (10:06 – 10:08)
  • Discussion of how fan loyalty leads to years of suffering and disappointment.
  • Brady contrasts “fair weather fans” in other cities with Arizona’s masochistic loyalty. (12:17 – 12:26)
  • Discussion about Cardinals’ home games being overrun by opposing fans (13:08 – 13:47)

3.1. John’s NFL Ownership Relegation Plan

• Holmberg revisits his idea: NFL owners who fail to make the playoffs in five years must sell their team, similar to soccer’s relegation.
  • John: “If you don’t make the playoffs in five years as an owner, you are forced to sell the team…” (14:12 – 15:19)
  • Imagines how often teams like the Browns would have swapped owners.
  • Suggests that financial risk would motivate improvement: “When owners lose money, your teams do better…” (23:59 – 24:10)

4. Creative Memorials & Listener Ideas

• Listeners write in with unique post-mortem wishes, e.g., putting ashes into ammo so a deceased hunter could “go out with the kids.”
  • Brady/John riffing: turning themselves into chew toys or animal beds posthumously: “Make a little bully stick. Make bully sticks out of me…” (17:22 – 17:24)
• Emotional aside: condolences for a lost family dog (Hannah), tying back to the show’s pet rescue charity involvement. (17:56 – 18:32)

5. Absurd Political Discourse: The “Trump Blowing a Horse” Meme

• Surreal conversation about the latest wild political rumor (that Trump was accused of “blowing a horse”), springboarding from references to Epstein files and internet memes.
  • John cheerfully wishes it were true: “If there’s a horse involved and our President has to go on TV and explain that, I’ve lived a full life…” (28:15 – 28:25)
  • Brady, dryly deadpanning: “I don’t discount the fact it could have happened.” (35:56 – 36:15)
  • John: “What if…would I be surprised if a politician blew a horse? …I don’t think anything can surprise me anymore. That might be the one that’s left.” (36:18 – 36:31)
• The conversation broadens to classic celebrity urban myths (Rod Stewart’s alleged stomach pumping, Richard Gere and the gerbil), reflecting on the insanity of modern rumor culture and lack of boundaries.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Football Fandom Misery:
  “How in the world can you keep going back week after week, year after year, to watch what we saw yesterday and the week before? …It’s just got to be miserable.” (10:06 – 10:15)

• On Death Wishes:
  “I have no issues with that. Like, my corpse doesn’t—oh well.” (07:43)

• On Absurd Political News:
  “Tell me it wouldn’t be a better world if Sean Hannity had to go, ‘So… he blew a horse.’ Like, he had to defend that for a little while.” (28:25 – 29:02)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:29 – 05:28]: Bret’s dad’s philosophy on death & detailed family stories on cremation wishes.
• [05:28 – 06:12]: Listener outreach and discussion of show’s community.
• [08:18 – 10:15]: Cardinals fan emails, football misery, and “cuck” analogies.
• [14:12 – 16:44]: NFL ownership relegation plan and discussion about why bad franchises persist.
• [17:06 – 18:32]: Creative memorial ideas; listener’s ammo-ashes story; emotional online pet memorials.
• [27:50 – 36:31]: Extended riff on Trump/horse meme, political scandal escalation, and celebrity rumor history.
• [41:44 – 43:10]: Kickoff for weekly playlist and further jabs at Cardinals misery.

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Additional Highlights

• Listener Participation: Numerous emails and stories from fans about quitting (or sticking with) their football teams, all laced with self-aware humor.
• John’s Rant: About people texting him screenshots of his TV commercials, with exasperated ranting about how he doesn’t want to see unflattering photos of himself. (25:31 – 26:37)
• Playful Banter: Repeated throughout, reinforcing the morning show’s blend of juvenile humor, local color, and surprising moments of sincere camaraderie.

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Conclusion

This episode is a near-perfect capsule of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: mordantly funny, self-deprecating, and unapologetically weird—rolling together midlife reflections, sports despair, and jaw-dropping political satire. It’s a full-spectrum ride for loyal listeners and a fascinating glimpse for new ones, from “ashes as kitty litter” to the fantasy of a televised horse-gate scandal. The tone is irreverent but grounded in genuine personal emotion and strong community connections.

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Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

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[Larry McFeely]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely. And if you live in Arizona, you already know this state was built for Toyota. Whether you're chasing the sunrise up in Sedona, cruising through downtown Phoenix, or my favorite, camping in the forest, there's a Toyota that fits your kind of adventure. The Tacoma and tundra are rugged and reliable for desert trails. The Camry is smooth, efficient, and perfect for your daily drive. And the four Runner is Arizona's off road legend. Wherever the Arizona road takes you, make sure you're driving a Toyota. Visit your Valley toyota dealer or valleytoyotadeealers.com toyota let's go places.

[John Holmberg]

Morning sickness. There you go. Miles to Nowhere is your final week of proudly being the. The. The band of the year, so to speak.

[Brett Vesely]

We got to do this again.

[John Holmberg]

Palladio's winner last year, Miles to NowHere, and their one year of being our wake up theme song, which was fantastic work. Another. Here we are again with Pleo, the local band competition we do annually simply to try to find that needle in a haystack. And we do. Every year we find a couple bands are like, this is fun. They're good. And last year, every show we've had, every live show, this is what I'm going to do going into it. Brett. Every live show we've had for Plato has been something I would have paid money to see.

[Brett Vesely]

The winners.

[John Holmberg]

The. The five. Yeah, yeah, the five that we have that. The live show over it and we'll do it again at Copper Blues next Tuesday night. Every single year we have it, we walk away saying, I would have paid for that.

[Brett Vesely]

But getting there.

[John Holmberg]

Getting there is a struggle. But that's worth it. That's what makes it so valuable. Blood Eagle army and oh my Lord, let's not bring up all the messes. 40 bands this year. We got 10 extra because Toledo screwed something up. Oh, yeah? Yeah. His emails took all of this first 10 submissions and stuffed them in spam. And so we put the. The 31st 30 in there. And then they're like, how come we're not on the list? He's like, well, you didn't submit anything. And then he went to his spam and noticed in timestamped they were first ones in. So there it is.

[Brett Vesely]

God damn it.

[John Holmberg]

So I know goddamn Toledo is pretty common around here. The six o' clock word, by the way, is over. So we'll get the 7 o' clock one in just a little bit. Brett was just telling us off here and, like, I. I want to definitely say that I have the outpouring of, of appreciation for you was fairly impressive. The. The emails came flying in. You have become beloved in and amongst the people. It was very nice to read and very nice to know that in the past five years, in those short five years, you have become a fan favorite. And that was kind of a cool thing to see. You just said something that I thought was awesome is that you're. You didn't know your dad was cremated and you don't know what you're going to do, but he suggested use him to clean up oil in the garage.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, we're all car guys, so he's all, hey, what am I going to do with it? Who cares?

[John Holmberg]

I think that's actually beautiful.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm a car guy. Clean up some oil with some oil dryer.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but is that.

[Larry McFeely]

I just want to buy ashes.

[Brett Vesely]

Why not?

[John Holmberg]

Does he have any metal parts? No, you just clunk them out and clean up some oil. And that was his fine.

[Brett Vesely]

And it's funny because he told me that when I was in my 20s, even like way back in the day, he's always said that. And then I was talking to one of his buddies right before he passed, like two days before he passed. And this buddy's like, this is gonna sound kind of morbid, but your dad told me this. I'm like, he's been saying that for 30 years. Yeah. And he told me again, so I'm.

[John Holmberg]

Like, all right, that's fantastic. That was it.

[Brett Vesely]

That was it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Brett Vesely]

He was more worried about, you know, he's like, you know, whatever, religious, whatever. But he's just like, I'm more worried about my Soul. What am I gonna do? The body's gone.

[John Holmberg]

Who cares?

[Brett Vesely]

What am I gonna do?

[John Holmberg]

I cooked it. That's the thing for me, I'm like, yeah, it's the body's whatever.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If you need it later, you'll find out you screwed up. Oh, well. But I love the idea of. Of cleaning some oil dry and then just sweep them up and make your garage floor great again. That is the most beautiful thing ever.

[Brady]

Rod caps to do a burnout.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's.

[Brett Vesely]

That's brilliant too.

[John Holmberg]

Some famous oil.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Some like real oil.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

That you burn out on his ashes.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, geez. I don't know about that. That seems horrible. So, like, wouldn't you rather have it like there's an oil leak and caps.

[Brady]

And they got the crew's gotta use. Pat it down.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Either one, sweep it up.

[John Holmberg]

I think that's awesome. When you said that, I'm like, that's the coolest thing I've ever heard. I think that's great. So. Because all I said was, is they're going to be a service. Like, I don't know what we're gonna do. It'll be.

[Brett Vesely]

But you know, either after Thanksgiving sometime if we, you know, figure it out.

[John Holmberg]

Flippantly mentioned.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

His wishes were to be kitty litter.

[Brett Vesely]

He's always said that, like, literally since I was in my 20s, he said that.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, you're serious?

[Brett Vesely]

He's like, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Your dad's friend's like, I don't want to bring this up. Right. Like, trust me, I've heard it since I was 12.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's nuts. All right, well, it's. That's pretty awesome.

[Brett Vesely]

But I gotta say, it was. It was amazing. Like the, the outreach that everybody, like. And I will get to everybody. I'm, you know, I'm just getting back to emails and stuff, so I'll email everybody back. But thank you for everybody for reaching out and thank you guys. On Tuesday, I heard it. We were listening while we were waiting. And then, then the Wake up song came on and I was like, my.

[John Holmberg]

Way started to get all of us. Like, we played my way. And I'm like, geez, Lo Louise, this.

[Brady]

Is Larry came in dripping.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Larry was crying. Brady's still not over. Listen, he's still all stuffy from the. The tears.

[Brett Vesely]

My buddy was driving to work and he's just like. I was in my work truck crying like a. On the way to work.

[John Holmberg]

And it happened. Well, it was. It was an interesting outreach, like people to fly into My emails. Like, what Brits? What's Brett's email? I wanted to like, God, that's awesome. Do it. I'm sure.

[Brett Vesely]

Thank you, everybody. I really appreciate it.

[John Holmberg]

Very cool. And I love the idea. Now I want to follow in his footsteps and become oil dry or something, you know? You know what I'd like to be? Maybe, you know that weird sawdust that janitors in high schools use for kids who puke?

[Brady]

The phobia.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right. You have. You know the name of it.

[Brett Vesely]

How do you know the name?

[John Holmberg]

Well, because he probably threw up. We need more Vauban.

[Brady]

I did it again working at Kings Island.

[John Holmberg]

He had a lot of Vobo. I don't know if I can listen to you. Talk to me.

[Brady]

It was orange.

[John Holmberg]

This is tough. You need to snot out. That sounds just uncomfortable as hell. Yeah, it's getting old.

[Brett Vesely]

Or the sawdust of Bill Johnson's Big Apple back in the day.

[John Holmberg]

Instead of that on the ground. Just a bunch of guys. Ashes. Who loved eating. But yeah. The Vaux Band. To be a. To be the guy who you sprinkle on the carpet and fix up. And I absorb all the. Does it absorb? I would imagine it's ashes.

[Brady]

Takes the odor out. The Vauban does.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sort of. It makes more.

[Brady]

And they made it orange so people would walk off the rides. They would step in it.

[John Holmberg]

Can't step in the vomit. But that stuff was. I never found that to be a more pleasant smell. It was just the dirt.

[Brady]

It just moved you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Don't stomp here. Yeah. It was just a mound of like, we. Nobody's picking this up until this becomes a shovelable thing. Maybe that's it. Just include me in some Vauban. I've been trying to figure out what I want done. I've. I've often said just take my body and drag it behind a car for a little while. Like just married and stuff. Just abuse the hell. I have no issues with that. I have no. Like, my corpse doesn't. Oh, well.

[Brett Vesely]

That was my dad. Yeah. He's just. What are you gonna do?

[John Holmberg]

I'm not. I'm not using it.

[Brady]

That's why you go with. Go with the cremation.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. But just throw me off of something just for fun. Like, you know when Letterman used to throw things off of that building?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Me, I'm fine with that. Just to see what happens. It would be gross, but hilarious. Or just ride me around until you can't take the smell anymore and then put me somewhere and we're done. I'm fine with that. I, I love, you know, he liked cars. So sprinkle me down on that. That's awesome.

[Brett Vesely]

True story.

[John Holmberg]

That's awesome. I like that too much. Anyway, so it's good to have you back. That's for sure. I get a lot of emails from Cardinal fans that are quitting. You know, I've caused a lot of public school teachers to quit their jobs. I think I'm, I'm getting through to these people. Says I emailed you earlier this season and told you that I quit the Cardinals. And oh my God, how much more fun I'm actually having on Sundays. Watching football and not caring that the Cardinals effing suck. It's the same crap every effing year. Bye. Bye. Bidwell's thanks for nothing signed Ron. And he's happy again. I'm sure he pays attention and it hurts a little. But this guy says, you ask why? Why? We're Cards fans. I'm a fan because Cards had Neil Lomax back in the late 80s. I saw him shopping at Target on Baseline of McClintock. I was nine. He was nice enough to give me an autograph and sunk in right there. Oh, Jesus, that's brutal. That's 36 years of misery. Just because one guy wrote on your clothes. Can't imagine. Mark says, John, I've been going since Sun Devil stadium days. Just in this bad one way relationship. You can take the Cardinals out of Tempe, but you can't take the Tempe out of the Cardinals. Will I change? No, I won't. And I don't know why I am a cuck in a football relationship. It's my life, I guess. I'm a cuck for the Cardinals and I watch them get effed week after week, year after year. And I keep showing up, trying to make take my emotions out of it. And it works for some weeks, but other weeks I'm like, is this my relationship? Why am I okay with them getting effed every week while I sit back and watch? Yeah. When there's all sorts of other available, like relationships.

[Brett Vesely]

So basically, Cardinals fans are like cucks.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they're huge cucks. They're banging away on the. It's just so sad. And again, I was a Cubs fan. I understand it. But let me tell you, as a reformed Cubs fan, find your way out. It's not that. It's not that nothing happens to you. You know, you're still a loyal human being. You're still a decent person. I'm loyal to the sons to a certain degree, but they're no different. They're just a mess that ends up breaking your heart later. So I get involved to a certain point to where I realized, well, this thing doesn't pay off. It's a slot machine that you can have fun at, but in the end, you've lost all your money and there's nothing to show for. Just lets you play for a while. To have to walk away and say, I just don't care. And that's hard. But how in the world can you keep going back week after week, year after year to watch what we saw yesterday and the week before? They were carbon copy games. They were just like, how bad can they get? John Holmberg's Morning Sickness the 98 KUPD Listen Up Arizona.

[Larry McFeely]

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[John Holmberg]

Gift that keeps giving.

[Larry McFeely]

Visit your Valley toyota dealer or valleytoyotadealers.com toyota let's go places.

[Brett Vesely]

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[Brady]

Sickness it kind of defines why some cities are accused of being fair weather fans where it's hard to be a loyal fan.

[John Holmberg]

But no one. That's the thing with with the Cardinals. No one would accuse you of that because they would understand why you've stopped showing up. You know, L A gets a wrap of being fair weather because they're spoiled. They've got championships. They show up in the Third inning of a baseball game. They leave early. It's like, eh, we'll be there when it matters. Cardinal fans, I don't know why you show up. My friend is a Chiefs fan and he went to the Cardinals game yesterday and Jordan met me for the Suns game after and he said, I'm on my way. I'm like, the game, the game just ended. You're still there. And he goes, yeah, we stayed for the whole thing. I'm like, why in the. Would anyone who's not a fan stay for the whole thing? Because I just had to see Albaca. Like, yeah, okay. I guess that, I guess that's watching a fire to watch the building collapse.

[Brett Vesely]

I hate watching.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's just brutal. So I'm not trying to be mean to you Cardinal fans. I'm telling you that there's, there's help out there for sure. This guy says there it's been a rough year for sure. A glimmer of hope, too. That's what made it worse. Three times so far the opposing teams have had more fans in the stadium. Niners, packers, and Toledo's cuck army. It was loud at least. The warning is playing halftime this week and the jags don't have 30,000 fans outside of Florida. That is kind of a draw. You've got a nice halftime concert with three hot Mexican girls that are.

[Brett Vesely]

Can I buy tickets just at a halftime show?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Do I have to go to the whole damn thing? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Can I just get it up in the middle of that?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And there's no real arguing back. Like you can't yell at other teams unless you're yelling at a Jets or Browns fan. But no jets or Browns fan is going to tell you guys, you can quit. They're in the same boat as you. I'm telling you, there's options. And until the Bidwells are done with this thing, nothing's going to change. There's been one constant with why the Cardinals? Throughout time, one constant has been attached to them. You can change all the faces and all the names on the field and everything else. The word Bidwell is still there. And so long as that's there, it is attached to what you watch every week. It's time somebody said something again. My plan a couple weeks ago, that if you don't make the playoffs in five years as an owner, you are forced to sell the team. You must sell the team. If you cannot turn it around. The fans deserve something and there'll be plenty of guys doing it again. You don't have to get out of football, but you just can't own this team anymore. You can move over and buy another team that's going through what you're going through. But right now, the Cardinals would be one year removed if they do it again from being on the bubble. And I guarantee you, and I've said this with my plan, not one owner would ever sell. Not one owner would ever sell because they would be imperative that they get in the playoffs every couple years. And again, if you only made it once in seven years, you have to sell, too. So it has to be a consistent kind of comeback. You can't just be one every five years. You make an appearance and you're out. No, we gotta. It's a good plan.

[Brett Vesely]

Imagine how many owners. How many owners the Browns would have.

[John Holmberg]

Or something like that. Never stop swapping ownership. But I tell you right now, Jimmy Haslam and the Browns would have a playoff team if that was the rule. You have to make a playoff. You have to. And then in seven years, you have to have won one playoff game in those seven years. If you have not. If you're. If you only went once in seven years and you lost the game you were in, you have to sell. You know, if you're constantly making the playoffs, okay, that's close enough. You can keep the team, but you better get it together. This guy says he quit the Cardinals back in 93. I was an original season ticket holder and they didn't even try 93. The whole family gathered around the table and called BS dad went back to the Bears and we chose our own teams. Go Broncos. I believe he's a Bo Nicks believer. Joy. He's got joy now. This one says, I quit the Cardinals entirely. They were always my second go to after the Lions. I've been done with them since Kyler puts that dumb effing shirt on. Yeah, he's talking about the Michael Vick Murray. Showing us who he was was the last straw. I'm a Bidwell cuck no more. Happy Monday, America. Yeah, here's another one. Guy says, my brother passed away and his request was to be put inside of ammo so he could still go hunting with the kids.

[Brett Vesely]

I've heard that, too.

[John Holmberg]

I've heard people say, how much can you get out of that? Quite a bit, right? He says every time they fire a shot for him, every year they put one in the air for him.

[Brady]

Like a shotgun shell, I guess, with the powder.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty cool. Yeah, that's pretty neat. I like that one, too. I put out on my list as well. Yeah, I like when people come up with creative ways to do that.

[Brett Vesely]

People said you could use yours as a kitty litter and send it to us or home pet rescue, since you're all about the pets.

[John Holmberg]

That's a great idea. You know, I wouldn't mind also taking all of my skin off and making beds for the animals or rawhide chews or something.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, that's a little Jane gum there.

[John Holmberg]

But what's bad about that?

[Brady]

Make a little bully stick.

[John Holmberg]

Make bully sticks out of me. You know, that's a wiener. I wouldn't be as impressive as those bully sticks would, but, you know, one of the smaller dogs could have a nice day with that. I think that's fun. That's a good idea. I'll consider that. I was at a. This sounds terrible. I think it's the last gala I'm going to. But I was there Saturday at the Biltmore for Gabriel's Angels and it was beautiful. That was great. They had a. A short rib Brady. Normally it's, you know, dry chicken. The short rib was amazing. Incredible food. And Gabriel's Angels was an outstanding event. And I got to meet all these people. They do great stuff for like kids who've had issues and something go wrong and they, the dogs come and it's like these soothing moments with the pets. And it's a great charity. It's an awesome charity. But that, that food, I couldn't get over it. It makes you want to. Makes you want to donate more. When they feed you that well, it's glorious. So I went to that. And then also, I have to say, Megan's sister Stephanie and her husband Sean lost their dog this weekend. Hannah. And Hannah is an awesome, beautiful girl. And they moved to California. That was the only friend they had in California was bringing Hannah along. And they lost Hannah. Hannah was probably about 12. I'm. And they lost Hannah this weekend. So if you've got another one, it's just like I do when people email in some hugs and some cookies in honor of Hannah, who is just an awesome dog. Just so sweet.

[Brady]

Buy the dinner for Ted by the celebrity chef.

[John Holmberg]

No, I knew the guy. Did you know the guy? Yeah.

[Brady]

I know you wouldn't bid on it because he was a two time winner on.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he was on some TV series. Yeah, yeah. They said, oh, you can literally have the Food Network in your house. I'm like, I do and I don't ever watch it, so let's not. Yeah, I didn't. You know of him or did you know?

[Brett Vesely]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You don't know him.

[Brady]

I do know him.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, who is it?

[Brady]

His name's Robert. Yeah, he's. He had sauce. South Chicago sauce, it's called.

[John Holmberg]

Ah.

[Brady]

And I went over to his house one day because he guy's backyard has every cooking, outdoor cooking apparatus you could.

[John Holmberg]

So this was like the hall of fame.

[Brady]

It was, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You went over there and just toured another man's yard and some guy was.

[Brady]

He was cooking up a 800 wagyu.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady]

Steak that seems to try. Well, they were trying to see how good it really is. One guy bought a couple of them.

[John Holmberg]

800?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

For steak. You can't tell the difference on that.

[Brady]

I mean, it's good, but. Yeah, it's. It's like a bottle of wine.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. A lot of times. Silly. Well, that's. Yeah. Yeah. He had something that you bid on and he'd come to your house and cook for you. I didn't know who he was, but when they said Food Network, I'm like, oh, talentless knob. Anybody can do what he does. And that's what I always think of. Maybe he's not, but that's what I thought. I hate the Food Network. I hate it with a passion. It's just. Especially Guy Fieri. If Guy Fieri judges your food. Fantastic garbage. He has the palate of a two year old. Whoa. That car I thought was coming at the building. Jesus. I think everybody heard that through her speak. Seven o' clock word is roll. R, O, L, L. Roll. That's the word you want to put in there for the final day to take it in the app. Seven o' clock is roll. You find it on there. You put the promo code for 7:00am R, O, double L, and you make it a thing, and you may win a thousand bucks. It's your last day to qualify, and then we'll do it. That'll be it. This guy says, I'm a Browns fan. You know my story, John. This guy's been trying to convert over to be a Steelers fan since he said years and years of sucking, and I stuck with him. And they finally bounced Baker Mayfield for the dude with rape charges. And that was it. I was out, and I haven't looked back. I hate the Browns now, and it is freeing. You can walk away. There is help available. This one says, since we're talking about both the Cardinals and the day you die, I'd like it when the day comes. For me, I would love to have the Cardinals at my funeral so they can let me down. One last time, lower you into the ground. Yep, I like that quite a bit. John As a Cowboys fan, I'd give my left nut for for the rule that you keep recommending. If it had been in place all along, Jerry Jones would have been gone in the early 2000s. I don't know. They made the playoffs a bunch, but if you can't, you know, Cowboys are another one. They keep squeaking into the playoffs to save Jerry's job, but I guarantee you, Jerry Jones, we can't ever put a Super bowl on it. That's too much to ask. But if you can just be competitive every couple years, these owners would do it. You relegate. And soccer's got this figured out in Europe. If you don't make it out of the bottom three, you just go to a cruddier league. They downgrade you to a cruddy league, and then the top three from the cruddy league move into your spot. John Holmberg's Morning Sickness the 98 KUPD.

[Dick Tolitto]

The College Football season has given us plenty of reasons to fire up Saturdays and FanDuel has got a boost you're not going to want to miss. It's Dick Tolitto from homework's morning sickness and it's called boosting with the Boys. It's giving everyone a college football profit boost every single week. And here's how it works. Each week we're giving everyone a profit boost to use on college football. Everyone gets the boost. All you gotta do is go to fanduel.com kupd to download the app, check out the Boostin with the Boys offer and get in on the action. 21/in President Arizona opt in require bonus issue does not withdrawal Profit Boost Tokens Restrictions apply including any token expiration and max wager amount. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to.

[HMS Podcast Announcer]

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[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness and the owners can't stand it. The relegation thing in soccer Is unreal. It's outstanding.

[Brady]

It is. It's amazing. Still, you know, there's got to be a little bit of revenue loss. But it, those teams are the cities.

[John Holmberg]

They'Re in, oh, they lose a loyal ton of money because the TV rights and all that. So you lose a lot of money when you get relegated out a lot because you're in the beat, you're in the minors, basically, you're in the second class league and you're fighting to get back into the bigs. The Premier League is. You don't want to be in the second league and it's pretty awesome to watch that. You're like, these teams are fighting to not be in last. They have to get out of that three spot or they're going away. And owners lose money. And when owners lose money, your teams do better. I promise you that if we could hold it over the Bidwells over there to one year, not make a penny, they you'd start seeing some action over there. Not necessarily good. They'd just be trying a little harder. They wouldn't be resting so easily on stupid stuff. By the way, to everyone who knows me, there's no reason to email me or text me a picture of myself on the commercial with Doug Hopkins during the game, saying, is this you that Nobody's going to impersonate me. Nobody wants to look like this. If the name is under the bald head, it says John Holmberg. Yeah, pretty safe to assume that. Did I just see you on tv? You are sending me the picture. What do you think happened there? What are you doing on that? I'm on a commercial with Doug Hopkins. Is that really you? No, it was a guy, an unfortunate tard who looks enough like me that we hired him. This poor bastard has nothing to live for, so we gave him. Why would I do that? And quit texting me like I don't know about it. Saw a commercial on tv. Look, right? I was there. I know.

[Brett Vesely]

Did you know you're on a commercial?

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to look at pictures of myself. Stop that. I told Troy Hayden that yesterday. He goes, hey, look at that, you're looking pretty good. And I'm like, no, no, I'm not. Thank you. That's nice of you. I said, but why do people, they don't do it to Troy. Hey, saw you in the news last night. It's like, of course that's what he does.

[Brady]

Is that you?

[John Holmberg]

Is that really you? Did you just deliver that fire story? Did you know that baby that got hit? No, I'm what the hell's wrong with you? Just couldn't believe it. Saw you on tv. And they send pictures of me to me. The last thing I want to see is me looking back at me and you. And by the way, if you're going to take one of the pictures, could you at least take one where I'm not blinking or I'm not in mid. You know, like, I look like sloth or, like, just a goof of, like, kind of like I'm half alive? Take a nice picture. I know they're hard to get, but don't do that. I tell Hopkins that all the time. Like, the people do that, because even his commercials, like, hey, I saw your spot, and they send a picture of it to him to, like, prove it, like, stamp it. It's very strange.

[Brett Vesely]

You're watching tv.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know. Like, I feel like they're trying to let me know I'm in it. Did you know about this? Like, no. Doug and I were just talking one day about if he likes real estate, and then I told everyone to sing the jingle, and I didn't know they were taping. It turned into a commercial. Of course I knew I was in it. There was a script. It was all on purpose. And I'm sorry. I'm mucking up your tv. The good news is the Cardinals are so bad that by the time that commercial runs, no one's watching that game anymore. Most people had turned it to the Broncos and Chiefs at that point because it was, like, 44 to nothing. That's brutal. If you sat through the whole Cardinal game yesterday, you deserve some sort of an award. You're a crazy person. Now let's get back to the Epstein thing, because Trump blowing Bubba is very funny. And people. I didn't follow this up. I just. I think if I only wanted something to be real. And I've already gotten emails from people going, you know, it's just a political football. It's like, look, I don't care. I know what it is, and I don't care. I want the blow jobs to be real. And when they say he's blowing Bubba, I wanted it to be Clinton. Turns out it's not. I just found out that Bubba is a horse that Jizwell, Max, Lane, whatever her name is, had, and they called it Bubba. And then so they're saying that maybe Trump blew Bubba, and that's Putin's got pictures of Trump blowing Bubba. Now, I want that to be real. If it's the horse's name And Trump blew a horse. And somebody can prove that.

[Brett Vesely]

I'll prove it.

[John Holmberg]

AI is going to make all this happen, right? Well, all weekend, I saw Trump and Clinton together. There was one where it was my favorite one of the weekend. Trump had a mouthful of water. He just took a sip, and he did that thing where we kind of swell your cheeks out and kind of swish the water around, and it's a still shot that just said, this is Donald Trump and 60 million Bill Clintons. And I'm like, God damn it, that's glorious in a mouthful. But if there's a horse involved in this, I couldn't have imagined that. I also want that to be true. And that's not because I'm politically against one side or the other. I just think that would be better for my existence if. If we had. You know, remember in the 90s when Clinton had to go on TV and explain what he'd done, and it was just a man and a woman enjoying each other's bodies. If there's a horse involved and our President has to go on TV and explain that I've lived a full life, that would be pretty much the exclamation point on this existence. Just go. At least I got to live through the President blowing a horse. I mean, that is. And I know it's not real. I know it was just a joke, so bear with me on this one. But tell me, it wouldn't be a better world if Sean Hannity had to go, so we blew a horse. Like, he had to defend that for a little while. Like, he had to be like, Tucker Carlson and those guys keep a horse. I mean, like, what's the big deal? Yeah, I want that. And MSNBC screaming, he blew a horse. And the fight then would be okay. He blew a horse. I want that to be real.

[Brett Vesely]

Imagine Gutfeld starting to show off with that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, and the somber nature of that final press conference when Nixon's known for the I am not a crook.

[Brady]

It's the day. This is the end of it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And then I am not a crook speech was a pretty big deal.

[Brady]

It was dizzy.

[John Holmberg]

I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Pretty big deal. I have been caught in a lie. Big deal. Even people who weren't president when that dude Jimmy Swagger, or whichever one was like, I have sinned you, because he was. Now imagine, I did not blow that horse. Okay, here we go. We're off and running. Now, maybe he did, maybe he didn't. But let's get. And then the evidence comes out.

[Brady]

Five minutes about how cool that horse was.

[John Holmberg]

I wouldn't do that. That's just weird. And against it. I'm a good man.

[Brady]

What a gate.

[John Holmberg]

And then about two months later, I'm like, he might have blown that horse. And then somebody comes forward with a. I don't know, it would be a saddle with a stain on it, I guess, and somebody's been storing in a closet. Oh, the blanket. That's it. The blanket that goes under the saddle and it's got DNA all over it. Awesome. And then you got to come back and go, all right, I blew the horse. But as a man, I have made mistakes. I'm like, oh, my God, my life is complete. And I know Trump people would absolutely love it. You know, the Trump haters, the no Kings people, if he blew a horse.

[Brady]

Does surprise me.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They would say, I knew this. Okay? Nobody knew this. Of course, of course, of course, of course. Anyway, it's not a thing, but if it was, wouldn't the world be better? I've been a big one for not doing any of the Epstein files, because it's in the hands of people who are going to manipulate it, cheat it, lie it, and do everything else. You're not getting the truth, so it doesn't really matter what gets released. And also, there's only going to be things that are designed to tear something else down. If the horse blowjob thing happened, I think we'd all just shake our heads and start over. It's the Etch A Sketch. We would Etch a Sketch, the whole deal. Just erase it, shake it and be like, all right, that's enough now. A scandal that can't be topped. That is a scandal that cannot be topped. Throughout time, there's never been a king of England. They're like, he's, you know, King Joffrey, the horse blower. It's never been a thing, but damn it all, that's the. That's the best one. Said play the Sarah McLaughlin music and just show pictures of Trump and ponies and stuff and have it go by and raise money for abused animals. Yeah, the world's better that way, I think. I love that. But it's all anybody was talking about and hearing. You know, again, I'm living in a simulation that I heard about this for the first time when William Shatner told me he thinks that's real. And then we had a nice conversation about it. It's pretty awesome. And again, Brett, you missed it, but Thursday night, William Shatner died in front of me and then resurrected himself. And we did it. Yeah, we did a show. He fell down, passed out and fell down in front of me walking to the stage to do the show Thursday night. Died. Just stood over him, you know, caliendo.

[Brady]

Help him or famous words.

[John Holmberg]

And then, and then after about a minute of laying there dead, he just heard, pick me up. That's real. Caliendo wants to come in on Tuesday just to get it off his chest, what he saw. Because we, we can't stop. We've been texting each other since, you know, Friday morning, pick me up. And then I had lunch with Kevin Rowe Friday afternoon. I told him the story and he text Caliendo, pick me up. And then Frank just started to send him voice messages. One of Kevin, I've been in a wreck. I need a check. It's great. John holmberg's morning sickness the 98kupd it's john holmberg here for my friends at fanduel. The greatest thing ever to hit sports since sports itself in the NFL. The Sundays are here. Now. They're making it even better because this week FanDuel is bringing the bonus. That's right. Right now, all customers can get 50% profit boost on any NFL bet. However you play your game, FanDuel's got your back with something extra in your account. Visit fanduel.com kupd and download the app and get in on the action before kickoff. From our friends at FanDuel. 21 plus in present in Arizona. Opt in required bonus issued as non withdrawable profit boost tokens. Restrictions apply including any token expiration and max wager amount. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 533-42. Hey everybody, it's John Holmerg here from the Morning Sickness and you hear me all the time talking about my friends at Lost Our Home Pet rescue. We do the pick of the litter and it's brought to you by our [e-mail] Every week I head over to Lost Our Home Pet Rescue and I meet a brand new beautiful animal that needs a home. The work they do at Lost Her Home is unbelievable. Not just your average pet shelter, that is for sure. They help people in a lot of situations. Look him up online. Lost our home.org and check out everything we do at 98kupd.com in the pick of the litter section. Holmberg's Morning Sickness. It was the weirdest night of my life. But that was off the heels of talking to William Shatner about Trump blowing Bill Clinton. He then died in front of me. We picked him up, he went out and did an hour show. It was pretty. It was pretty spectacular. And then I got the video of the night of Thursday night. I got that Friday evening from the producer. He sent it to me. He goes, here's the video of the show. And I got to watch it from the other side. Not the I'm afraid he's dying side, but from the audience side. It was a pretty good show. It was a pretty entertaining night. But he was dead about a minute and a half. And then he looks at me after he's being wobbled up in all jello on Brett, and he turns and he says, if I'm booked, I go on like, yeah, but I think you're dead. The show must go on. And it did. He gave me a little wink, and off we went. That was amazing. And I still relive it over and over.

[Brett Vesely]

It's crazy.

[John Holmberg]

But let's get into the world of horses being blown by leaders of the. You seem like that's something you're not interested in.

[Brady]

That's crazy.

[John Holmberg]

It would be amazing. I don't think it was.

[Brady]

I don't discord it anymore. Discount the fact that it could have happened.

[John Holmberg]

But that's the scariest part, isn't it? Is that it's not out of the realm of possibility. Is that your brain's like, you know what, though? Don't just throw it out because I'm.

[Brady]

Still, for the most part, like, no, probably not. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But the words for the most part came out of your mouth.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Which means there's a shred of possibility that lives inside of your brain that says, would I be surprised if a politician blew up a horse? And I think all of us are like, I don't think anything can surprise me anymore. That might be the one that's left. And what if. Because you know the rumor about Mick Jagger and David bowie through the 70s. But what was the. Rod Stewart had to have a bunch.

[Brett Vesely]

Of horse stomach pumped.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, pumped out. And I was like 7 years old when I knew that that was something that someone told second graders. You like Rod Stewart, you're gay. How come he had a stomach pump and it was just nothing but horse semen. And I'm like, I don't even know what any of those words mean.

[Brett Vesely]

Richard Gere and the gerbil.

[John Holmberg]

Richard Gere and the gerbil. What more is there out there that we're like, maybe. And then that was how I found out the Richard Gere thing is how I found out that the gerbil thing is real. That's a legitimate practice. Or was. I don't know if that's still going on.

[Brett Vesely]

You've seen the stuff we got now.

[John Holmberg]

That's true, but we've never had. But this is the world we're in.

[Brady]

That I gotta check to. Was there a store out that you can no longer buy gerbils? And in San Francisco?

[John Holmberg]

See, I think that maybe that was too.

[Brady]

After that. After that story came out.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know if that was the protective nature of, you know, PETA to make sure. Well, we'll just limit it to this place here. This seems to be happening a lot here. And they just did it in Palm Springs. All you'd have to do is drive to Sacramento and get a gerbil and then drive it back in. It's not like anybody's gonna stop you.

[Brady]

But that's how.

[John Holmberg]

But that, in our lifetime, was something that our grandparents never had to deal with. They never had to sit there and think that their favorites. The worst they worried about was their favorite star might be gay. But they kept it under, you know, under wraps. Our favorite stars might have gerbils in their asses. And we deal with that like it's not that unusual. Oh, yeah, he's one of them guys. He's got a gerbil up his ass, and it didn't even stop his career. Richard Gere, Pretty Woman.

[Brett Vesely]

After the gerbil.

[John Holmberg]

That's usually a rumor that destroys a man. He did okay with it, and that's getting it done. You got Draymond Green doesn't even want to be called a woman. Poor Richard Gere. So we live in a world where the horse blowing thing is very much a possibility because we've heard some stuff. The Rod Stewart one was weird. I still remember where I was when I heard that, and it was at Osuna Elementary School in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Me and a kid named David were out on the. Like, next to the basketball court. And you know what we were doing? Because we were borderline hillbillies in Albuquerque. We took magnets to school, and we would go along the dirt and pick up this weird magnetic iron that lived in the dirt. And we'd store it in coffee cans, thinking that it was going to be valuable. We had no idea, but. And then somebody came over and called us homo F words like, what are you talking about? Because David was singing a Rod Stewart song. And then the older kids, the fifth graders told us third and fourth graders that Rod Stewart had a belly full of horse stuff, and that was, dude.

[Brady]

You think I'm sexy, huh?

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah. No, I remember laying on each other singing, if you think I'm sexy. Yeah, of course. It was awesome. It's a great song. But that's how you learned that. So in our lifetime. I don't think my grandpa ever said, you hear about Gregory Peck? He had a stomach pump from goat, got goat piss all through. Nobody thinks that. That was never a thing. It is for us. So the next logical step is a politician blowing a horse. We got video everywhere. So fingers crossed, everybody.

[Brett Vesely]

No, Big Mike is not a horse. Okay? Come on.

[John Holmberg]

So, John, back in the day, Catherine the Great had a rumor. She used to bang her horse. Okay? But they didn't have cameras back then. So the worst you'd have gotten was, like, a tapestry of that act. And you can deny that all day. It was easier to lie back then. I say, hey, did I see you banging that horse? Like, oh, don't be ridiculous. I'm Catherine the Great. I think I watched you bang a horse. Prove it. I drew it. It does nothing. There's no such thing as cameras. You can't prove anything.

[Brady]

Yeah, but the painting of the wall.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I painted it on the wall, and I made a tapestry, and I drew it in pencil. Nothing anybody could have drawn that. It's AI that was the AI of the day. I just drew Brett blowing a horse. That doesn't prove anything. But cameras, man, Eyewitnesses, cameras, They're everywhere. And I'm just fingers crossed, hoping. Did I get the 7am word? I didn't. Roll is the word for 7am R, O, double L, 7am roll. I did give it. I think I did. Brett, what do you got on the big board of musical treats Awakens on?

[Brett Vesely]

Brought to you by Action Ride Shop, of course. And, well, now it's time to hit the trails. And now it's time to start thinking about the winter gear as well. So if you want to. You want to hit the trails. Well, the new Action Ride Shop right there on Power Road. McDowell is the place to be. And of course, you want to hit the. Hit the slopes. Going up north, we're supposed to get snow this weekend.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. Supposed to come tomorrow. Supposed to come this past weekend, and nothing happened. It's beautiful.

[Brett Vesely]

But Action Ride Shop's got everything. Snowboarder, skiers, whatever you want to do, head on over to Action Ride shop at the OG store on Gilbert Road in Southern.

[John Holmberg]

ActionRide shop.com 25 years ago when this show started. Bridge ever think it'd be like. And then in a few years, hopefully we'll be talking about the president blowing a horse and everybody be like, maybe.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we never saw that. No. Much like the horse. We never saw that coming. Somebody says, I don't think that Hillary blew the horse, but I think she got knocked up by. Because I look at Chelsea Clinton and I think there's some horse in there. Yeah. There's some possibilities. You want to make fun of Chelsea's face. That's Bill got blown by one. Well, I'm. Bill got born by one. She was. She was horse shaped. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, she was.

[John Holmberg]

She wasn't that big. Maybe Shetland pony, but definitely a couple other candidates. Who's that for?

[Brady]

Clinton. That were horse.

[John Holmberg]

That were horse like. Yeah, the. Paula Jones had a horse face. Big time horse face. But at least she wasn't horse sized. Monica was.

[Brady]

I just remember seeing.

[John Holmberg]

He liked thick.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Brady]

12 or whatever they were.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, he had a few. It was. He had a. He had a hillbilly look about him. He liked that. The sugar cubes is a good idea. I'm just carrying these around case somebody brings me some tea or a horse. God, I hope all of it's true. And I know people are like, this is stupid. Yeah, it is. But this is what we're talking about because it's in the news and we're not sure how far to take it. All right, what do you got up.

[Brett Vesely]

There on the list? We got a couple for Draymond. Aerosmith. Crying offspring. She's got issues. And then everything. For the cards. That three doors down. Loser. Corn blind. For the fans. Helmet. I know. Slipknot disaster piece. Megadeth in my darkest hour For Cardinals fans. Megadeth Liar. For Bidwell.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[Brett Vesely]

Ozzy Suicide solution for Cardinals fans. My curse from kill switch. Engage. Five minutes alone for Bidwell because these card fans are a little pissed at him. And stone sour. Absolute zero for the Cardinals.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I like my curse. Let's do a little kill switch. My curse for Cardinals fans. And I'm trying. I'm trying to help you out, guys. Let me get you ready on a Monday. It's a great song tour. This is your own problem. It's tough, man. I can't imagine it. That has to be awful to watch. It's just got to be miserable. And Brady's a bungles fan. It's not even close to being that bad. And that team's nearly impossible to watch. Although it was awesome watching my big tight End Darnell Washington truck everybody on your defense in one play, which was just the best thing I've seen in a long time.

[Brady]

But you kind of knew. I mean, early on when Burrow went down.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't matter. It's just fun to watch that team suck because they're so good at it. And Burrow, you know, the. The only thing you got the Flacco.

[Brady]

Honeymoon period might be.

[John Holmberg]

I think maybe it is. I think maybe he had his little blips and then it might be time to say goodbye to Joe.

[Brady]

But then it'll be a mystery. See if a Aaron Rodgers get some miracle work.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, who cares? I don't. My team doesn't matter. They'll come back. They'll be fine. It's a good franchise. It's just tough to be part of a franchise, you know, Only has brief windows that open and close like the Cardinals. And if they don't go through it, it's just going to be continually sucking for like a decade. I can't even grasp it. It's got to be awful. And that's why we'll play this for you Cardinal fans. It's my curse. Kill switch engage. I'm so sorry for your Mondays. Your Mondays all suck. It's most honorable. It's out of control now. 98 K U P D All right.

[HMS Podcast Announcer]

HMS podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week. All right, Josh Johnson in the flowers tour is going to be downtown at stand up live east side at the Tempe Improv. Tony Rock is performing. And up north of Desert Ridge improv, you have Langston Kerman. And next week for the holidays, Dion Cole, Eric Griffin and Greg Fitzsimmons are coming to town for the complete lineups. And for Tickets, go to standuplive.com Desert.

[John Holmberg]

Ridge Improv and tempimprov.com It's John Holberg here. Time to talk about TV's Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug hopkins.com. i just sat down with TV's Doug Hopkins and we did some TV commercials while we're watching football. So you get to see me sit next to Doug and somehow or another make Doug look pretty. And I'm happy to do it too. I bought and sold houses using Doug Hopkins. So I've been through the process and he's the real deal. He is not going to cancel or change the game with fine print contingencies. Simple cash offer and the deal is done. Start the process online@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing.