11-18-25 - BR - TUE - w/Frank Caliendo - Xmas Tree Preference Leads To Story Of Frank's Huge Xmas Decorating Display - 10yo Kid Drives Mom's Car Back Home From School When She Goes Inside

Summary

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Holmberg's Morning Sickness – 11-18-25: With Frank Caliendo

Date: November 18, 2025
Guests: Frank Caliendo
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness features comedian and impressionist Frank Caliendo for a typically irreverent and comedic ride through pop culture, bizarre news, and holiday traditions. The show blends witty banter, observational humor, and outrageous anecdotes—touching on everything from decorated Christmas villages to 10-year-old joyriders and airline mishaps. Frank brings both his signature voices and personal stories, prompting hilarity and lighthearted debates on what it means to be a “normal” superhero, kid, or dog parent.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Shatner Stories and Comedic Burger Orders

[01:18–03:23]

• The episode kicks off with Frank recalling an encounter with William Shatner, describing the actor's overly detailed burger order and diva-like demands.
• John jokes about wanting to be famous enough that people “just accept your crazy burger requests” without questioning.
• Memorable quote:
  • “I need a burger. Cut it in half!” – “And he yelled it at a lady who, by the way, wasn’t a server. She managed the door.”
    —John Holmberg, [02:11]

2. Frank’s “Dog Surgery Payment Tour”

[03:23–04:42]

• Frank explains he’s only doing a New Year's Eve stand-up show this year to “pay for his dog's surgeries,” calling it the “Dog Surgery Payment Tour.”
• John ribbing: “It’s just your own personal humane system. The Caliendo Humane Prank Society.”
• Discussion about the expense and struggles with dog insurance.

3. The “Brady Report”—Odd Holidays, Fun Facts, Superhero Debate

[05:32–09:45]

• Brady runs down the day’s quirky observances: National Princess Day, International Occult Day, and Mickey Mouse’s birthday.
• Banter about confusing Shatner with Mickey Rooney and Shatner’s short-term memory.
• Superhero chat: John rants against Superman and Spider-Man, calling the latter "just Tarzan in a leotard," and jokes about Spider-Man’s “purposeless” villains.
  • Quote:
    • "Spider-Man is Tarzan... he just swings." —John Holmberg, [08:46]

4. Face Mites and Christmas Tree Preferences

[09:45–13:58]

• A disturbing fun fact: “We all have microscopic face mites... even having sex on your face.”
• Polls show 83% prefer fake Christmas trees; Frank’s house is “all about the fake trees.”
• Frank shares his wife's massive year-round Christmas village, with stories of a stubborn decorator (“Michael”) who built an over-the-top storage unit and glued down figurines, prompting a household battle over tree placement.
  • Quote:
    • "It’s a thousand square feet of Christmas village on cables—a movie set of tiny people and cars. I’ve never seen anything like it.” —John Holmberg, [11:11]

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5. News Roundup: 10-year-old Joyrider Gets Dad Busted

[15:03–17:50]

• In Tennessee, a 10-year-old boy drives a car home after an argument with his mom, then inadvertently gets his dad (who had an outstanding warrant) arrested.
• John and Frank riff on whether driving should be based on age or height—with tongue-in-cheek arguments that ability comes down to “being at least 5'5”.”
• Quote:
  • “We all act like driving is some magic—if you can reach the pedals, you can figure it out.” —John Holmberg, [16:30]
• They joke about 10-year-olds and Mario Kart preparing kids for the road, pointing out: “A lot of dumb people can drive—my point.” (John, [19:50])

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6. Airline Antics: Vaping Weed Forces Plane Turnaround

[23:59–29:44]

• Story of a JetBlue flight forced to turn back because a passenger vaped weed in the plane bathroom, resulting in the crew catching a contact high.
• John wonders about the frequency and logic of turning a flight around for such incidents and imagines the passenger getting verbally abused by other flyers.
  • Quote:
    • "Wouldn’t you beat the crap out of the guy who turned your flight around because he couldn’t lay off the weed for 18 minutes?" —John Holmberg, [26:20]

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7. Maglev Train Speeds and Cultural “Speed”

[30:43–32:52]

• The hosts marvel at a new Japanese maglev train clocking in at 310 mph, joking about the human capacity for g-forces and whether it launches with dragster speed.
• “That’s too fast for a train.” —John Holmberg, [32:07]

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8. Gross-Out Videos & Wild “Toledo Dining”

[32:55–36:42]

• John reacts viscerally to videos of exotic eating (including goat testicles), public gropings in malls, and a harrowing workplace accident.
• Frank quips on the old man groping a woman's skirt:
  • “This old man, he played dumb, he grabbed her and yum yum...” —Frank Caliendo, [34:00]

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9. Dark Humor: Short Video Commentary

[36:42–40:45]

• Segment alternates between computer-voiced commentary and dark, deadpan banter as the hosts watch viral fails, accidents, and NSFW oddities with Frank’s wild reactions.
• Topics include train incidents, surreal sexual content, and mock analysis of cultural practices.

10. Wrap-up: Frank’s Year-End Award

[40:17–end]

• The group invites Frank to return for the “third annual Frank Caliendo Guest of the Year Award.”
• Frank checks his calendar: “If I’m here, I’m in!”
• Banter about the show’s ongoing wild, gross-out “end of year” competitions.

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Notable Quotes

• “I need a burger. Cut it in half!” — William Shatner, via Frank and John [02:11]
• “It’s for the dogs. Instead of a GoFundMe, I’m just going to do comedy.” —Frank Caliendo [03:52]
• “Spider-Man is Tarzan... he just swings.” —John Holmberg [08:46]
• “Face mites... are having sex on your face right now.” —Brady/John Holmberg [09:45]
• “It’s a thousand square feet of Christmas village on cables.” —John Holmberg [11:11]
• “A lot of dumb people can drive—my point.” —John Holmberg [19:50]
• “Wouldn’t you beat the crap out of the guy who turned your flight around because he couldn’t lay off the weed?” —John Holmberg [26:20]
• “This old man, he played dumb, he grabbed her and yum yum...” —Frank Caliendo [34:00]

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Key Timestamps

• [01:18–03:23] — Shatner burger story and Frank’s New Year’s gig
• [03:23–04:42] — Dog surgery fund and insurance jokes
• [05:32–13:58] — The Brady Report: holidays, superhero debate, Christmas decor deep dive
• [15:03–17:50] — 10-year-old joyrider & father arrested: driving age/height humor
• [23:59–29:44] — JetBlue weed vaping incident; flight forced to turn around
• [30:43–32:52] — Japanese maglev train at 310mph marvel/bemusement
• [32:55–36:42] — Gross-out videos: goat testicles, mall gropings, factory accidents
• [36:42–40:45] — Shocking and NSFW viral videos with Frank’s commentary
• [40:17–end] — Frank possibly returning for Guest of the Year award

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Tone & Takeaways

The episode is classic “Morning Sickness”—irrepressibly irreverent and full of manic, meandering pop-culture riffing. Frank Caliendo’s impressions punctuate the fun, and John steers the ship with sarcastic authority as the crew cycles through topics that are by turns outrageous, mundane, and oddly endearing. For listeners, it’s an energetic blend of stand-up style punchlines, behind-the-scenes stories, and no-holds-barred reactions to the absurdity of everyday life.

Fans of off-beat morning radio, raucous comedy, and cultural skewering will find the “Frank Caliendo” episodes to be among the best examples of the show’s unpredictable, conversational style.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

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[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[Larry McFeely]

Hey, it's Larry McFeely here with my.

[Frank Caliendo]

Friend Wayne from AMCO.

[Larry McFeely]

And, Wayne, if my car has an extended warranty, do I have to take it back to the dealer for service?

[Frank Caliendo]

No, Larry, if you have an extended service contract, you can use it at any amco.

[Larry McFeely]

It's nice to have other options.

[Brett Vesely]

I'll say Amco has dealership quality rental cars, no hassles and faster service.

[Larry McFeely]

AMCO does more than just transmissions, right?

[Brett Vesely]

Right. If you need car repairs or hear, feel, see, smell, or even think you.

[Frank Caliendo]

Have a car issue, call AM first.

[Larry McFeely]

Just Google Amco for your nearest location. That's amco Double A, MCO transmissions and.

[Frank Caliendo]

A whole lot more.

[John Holmberg]

Stop talking, Frank. We're very busy here. Frank started a story, and we just shatnered him again. I just hit a button here. We'll get out of that.

[Frank Caliendo]

My phone. Yeah, where is it?

[John Holmberg]

In ation. The last thing we went back to was the waiting room and. Or the. Yeah, the dressing room. And Shatner tried to order food.

[Frank Caliendo]

I need protein.

[John Holmberg]

He knew he was.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, a burger. Or a burger. Some sort of burger. How about a burger?

[Byron]

Cheese.

[John Holmberg]

Somewhere else. Cut it in half. Onions. But don't cut those.

[Frank Caliendo]

Two slices of lettuce. Notched, then interwoven, like you're putting together a sofa from ikea.

[John Holmberg]

Don't you want to be famous someday? To where everybody sits and listens to your burger order. And the details of it are just not like what Brett would do. It's just like. Just whatever. Double burger.

[Frank Caliendo]

Wherever you go, everybody's asking every question about the kind of bun.

[John Holmberg]

How do you like mustard?

[Frank Caliendo]

A lot. Cut in half.

[John Holmberg]

Cut it in half immediately. And he yelled it at a lady who, by the way, wasn't a server of food. She manages the door. I need a burger. And she goes, okay. Cut it in half like it was done. She's getting him a burger. And she said, okay. She had nothing to do with kitchen anything. They didn't even have a kitchen.

[Frank Caliendo]

But she was happy to do it.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. That's. I want to be in a situation someday where nobody even questions. Who the hell do you think you are? I'm not a server. I'm not giving you a burger.

[Frank Caliendo]

And found out he never ate the burger.

[John Holmberg]

He never ate it. Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

The next day, see, everything was going. Never ate the burger.

[John Holmberg]

You asked Ethan, did he get his burger? Yeah, he didn't want it. Off he went, which was everything was.

[Frank Caliendo]

So everything about him. I need this.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If he comes back, I'm going to try to get him for our happy ending show.

[Unidentified Male 1]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I want. And I asked Ethan, could he come out for the happy ending show and be part of. You know, he's a big part of the year now. And he goes, I don't see him doing something like that. And I'm like, I don't either. Can we do a video? And he goes, he'll do a video. And I'm like, all right. So I have to script the video for. We'll get something together for him. And he won't read the script. So whatever we get, I will watch for the first time with you guys when we do the happy.

[Frank Caliendo]

And by the way, I need a burger.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, just get him a burger. Have it on standby, even for the video, just in case he starts to go. Frank Calando's over at. You're doing your New Year's show, which I can't believe we're even talking about right now, But New Year's right around the corner at 10pm Prov. You can go get tickets to Tempe. Impromprov.com See Frank for the New Year's Eve show. And you're just doing that night. You're not doing a whole weekend.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Nope.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's it.

[John Holmberg]

That's it.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's it. I'm just paying for dog surgeries, man. That's the tour I think I want to do. Dog surgery payment tour.

[John Holmberg]

This is for the dog instead of a gofundme.

[Frank Caliendo]

I'm gonna go do comedy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What's the surgery? Oh, you have the knee one.

[Frank Caliendo]

We didn't do that one. We had the esophageal. The esophagus deal so far with Romeo and then it looked like we were gonna have another stomach thing and so far that subsided. But that's gonna.

[John Holmberg]

There's probably another surgery there. All right, so you need to buy tickets and help Frank's dogs. Yeah, it's like what we do when we do stuff, it's always for charity for the human.

[Frank Caliendo]

Just my own personal.

[John Holmberg]

It's just your own personal humane system. It's the Caliendo Human Prank Society. It works. And you're being very humane by doing such a thing. You don't have dog insurance.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, you told me about that and I would have.

[John Holmberg]

Why don't you listen?

[Frank Caliendo]

Because I think for four it would be a lot.

[John Holmberg]

It's not cheap, but so is what you're about to do. Yeah, dumb.

[Frank Caliendo]

Brady, do your thing.

[John Holmberg]

It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call it the Brady Report. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] All Pro shades you got. We don't need it today, but this is a good example of when you had your shades out and you forgotten last night. You're out there playing around, you got the shades out, you're sitting in a nice evening, you forgot to draw them back in. Well, the storm just rolled through and your automatic shades from All Pro Shade will go up. Bad weather, they bring themselves back in. They're robotic that way. Motorized shades, a beautiful way to basically do an addition on your house and take your back patio and make it a room. And then of course, when bad weather comes in, it becomes just part of the wall, which is a beautiful thing. All pro shade.com they'll give you a free heater if you do the motorized shade right now. Pick a spot in your house, they'll come out and they'll put together something amazing. All Prochay.com Brady Reporter Good Tuesday morning to you, Phoenix.

[Larry McFeely]

Hello, world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Happy National Princess Day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you're welcome, Frank.

[Unidentified Male 1]

International Occult Day.

[Frank Caliendo]

Occult.

[John Holmberg]

Occult.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Occult.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Occult, Occult.

[Unidentified Male 1]

And it's also Mickey Mouse's birthday.

[John Holmberg]

You can't prove that.

[Unidentified Male 1]

97.

[John Holmberg]

Three years older than Shatner. But I'm not a Jew. Okay, Mickey, knock it off. Remember we were going to try to.

[Frank Caliendo]

Confuse Shatner to think he was Mickey Rooney?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, we were. The first plan we had was to ask questions all about Mickey Rooney's life.

[Unidentified Male 1]

See how I don't take her to pick it up?

[John Holmberg]

No, what you're talking about. You're in a lot of movies with Judy Garland.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I was.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, that was when he looked at me. We were talking about something from last time. He goes, listen, you have to understand, I have no short term memory.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, none. And it's true. Because earlier in the night he would say things twice.

[Frank Caliendo]

But short term is 10 to 15 years for him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's true. That's a good point. His short term is our lifetime.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Couple of basis. Fun facts. The first bitcoin purchase was on May 22, 2010, when a developer bought two pizzas for 10,000 Bitcoin.

[John Holmberg]

I've seen this story. It's insane.

[Unidentified Male 1]

It'd be worth 1 billion today.

[John Holmberg]

Did he keep it?

[Unidentified Male 1]

He ate the pizzas.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I know, but did he paid in pizzas?

[Unidentified Male 1]

No, he. Or paid in $10,000 worth of Bitcoin.

[John Holmberg]

Right. For two pizzas.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm wondering who got it. Pizza Hut.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Oh, yeah. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Because it has to be transferred to someone for it to work. So someone got a bill. There's a dude who was delivering pizzas that if he's smart, kept that code and has a billion dollars now. And bitcoin's falling right now. By the way, if you're interested, it's a good time to buy.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Stan Lee put a hyphen in the name Spider man because he didn't want people to confuse it with Superman.

[Unidentified Male 2]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Spiderman. Have to have a hyphen to say man.

[Unidentified Female]

Spider Man.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Spiderman.

[John Holmberg]

Probably my least favorite. I used to like him when I was a kid, but as an adult, Spider man is purposeless. What I mean, as far as superheroes go, Superman's the worst because there's just too much. Well, he just.

[Frank Caliendo]

I mean, too powerful.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Spidey had some key.

[Larry McFeely]

Destroys everything.

[John Holmberg]

Superman is ruining things. Constant. Batman has.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, not in the 60s. TV show.

[John Holmberg]

Batman or Superman.

[Frank Caliendo]

Superman.

[John Holmberg]

Superman a TV show too. Oh, yeah, the George Reeves one. Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

When. Who's the comedian who talked about when the. He dodged. Or the bullets would bounce off his chest and they go to the. The. The big shot bounce off his chest and then the.

[John Holmberg]

The.

[Frank Caliendo]

The bad guy would throw a gun at him and Superman would duck.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's. I didn't even know that's true. He would take bullets and then he'd move from guns.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I didn't like Superman because I never thought he'd. It was too weak that you'd be brought to his knees so easily. Constantly. That kryptonite. And everybody seemed to have some. It just seemed. I didn't like Superman. I like Spider man less Though, because Spider man can just. All he does is swing. He's Tarzan.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, we can do whatever a spider can.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

That spins a web and swings.

[John Holmberg]

He's Tarzan.

[Frank Caliendo]

Now he's got spider sense.

[John Holmberg]

Do they have that?

[Brett Vesely]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Then how come I can stomp them out?

[Frank Caliendo]

So they didn't have it originally, but they. Because of Spider Man. Spiderman.

[John Holmberg]

Now they have it. So spiders have Spider Man.

[Frank Caliendo]

Evolution.

[John Holmberg]

Evolution, baby. All right, I'll take it word for it. I still don't like Spider Man. I don't like his villains. I think that's the bigger thing. Spider Man's villains.

[Frank Caliendo]

Spider man is a friendly neighborhood Spider Man. He's a superhero that is more fighting, more normal types of crime.

[John Holmberg]

So. Yeah, but that's just a cop.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, he could climb.

[John Holmberg]

He's Tarzan. The cop is what. He had a.

[Frank Caliendo]

He had a leotard.

[John Holmberg]

Cool suit. I'll give the suit a thing. You gotta stay in shape for that, though.

[Byron]

It's.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Sometimes it would take him. You take a little bit longer to swing through downtown.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Incredible strength.

[John Holmberg]

It's all relative. I wasn't all that impressed with him. That's what I'm saying.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I. I hear every single person has face mites living on their face right now. They're microscopic. They're currently swimming around in oil in your pores and they're even having sex on your face.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, yeah. That's enough of that.

[Frank Caliendo]

What's on my face?

[John Holmberg]

It's like an orgy.

[Unidentified Male 1]

A poll by the American Christmas Tree association found that fake trees are now the overwhelmingly favorite. 83% of people who plan on putting up a Christmas tree or use a fake one.

[Frank Caliendo]

81% of that 83% are in my house.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you've got.

[Frank Caliendo]

My wife has put up. You have. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Christmas village. Never came down. Yeah. Been up since last year, right?

[Unidentified Male 1]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

She just decided it was August. And I said, let's just take this down. She goes, well, it's going to have to go right back up. I'm like, not for another few months.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Nope, I lost that one.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if you're already. If you're fighting about your Christmas decorations in August, you lost a long time.

[Frank Caliendo]

There were other. There's a whole thing. Lot of stories based on. But the trees. But I. The flock trees.

[John Holmberg]

Say it again.

[Unidentified Male 1]

A little.

[Unidentified Male 2]

Is there a little guy that comes over still and sets up.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, no, Michael, no.

[Unidentified Male 2]

Yes.

[Unidentified Female]

It's a lovely little tree. We're gonna put this lovely.

[Frank Caliendo]

I don't want that tree there.

[Unidentified Female]

Well, it's it's notched for that. So that's where it's gonna be. We're gonna put that and then this.

[Unidentified Male 2]

Man.

[Unidentified Female]

Look at this little guy.

[John Holmberg]

He has tiny little figurines. You haven't seen this thing, Brad. It's a whole room. It's a thousand square feet of Christmas village on cables.

[Frank Caliendo]

Hallmark area 53.

[John Holmberg]

It's a movie set of tiny people and cars. I've never seen anything like.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's better than the Hallmark store.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Wow.

[Unidentified Female]

The guy came over and put it together, and he was. He just went to this, goes, look at this little man with his little shovel. He's like, he's gonna dig in here. He's gonna dig. And he's digging a space for the.

[John Holmberg]

He gave all the characters history.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But I'm not kidding. Would it fit in here? It would be close.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's a little bit bigger than this whole console.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And it's huge. And it's all Christmas nonsense.

[Unidentified Male 2]

You had to buy a house to store it.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, Michael built a. He built a storage unit for it, a stable that was not. Like, he refused to listen to how we wanted it. So he built it way too big, and it took up half the garage. We're like, no, it has to be stacked and go upward.

[Unidentified Female]

And he's like, well, that's not gonna work for this. This is gon. You have to put this in this direction and this.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, just put them. We're having shelves. So we had our neighbor build it. Get rid of his.

[John Holmberg]

Was Michael offended?

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, he doesn't know about it.

[John Holmberg]

He's never been. Is he never coming back?

[Frank Caliendo]

It's just. He wouldn't. There was just. He just made decisions on his own.

[Unidentified Female]

He was like, no, I glued.

[Frank Caliendo]

Michelle would have him put the tree. I don't want the tree there. I want to put there.

[Unidentified Female]

Well, I glued it down.

[Frank Caliendo]

Like, there was. There was a battle. There was a power battle.

[John Holmberg]

Who cares where the tree goes? Why are you even having that debate?

[Unidentified Male 1]

He's the designer.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, but then let him do it. If you're going to go that tree shouldn't.

[Unidentified Female]

An evergreen would never belong in that area.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, that's where I want it.

[Unidentified Female]

Well, it doesn't exist in my world.

[John Holmberg]

You were just doing the. That's where I want it. To get a little power play with this guy.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, he was doing like he has.

[John Holmberg]

But if you're even saying no, move that.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, my wife was doing.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I thought you were doing.

[Byron]

And.

[Unidentified Male 2]

Yeah, so.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Yeah. So, yeah, essentially.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, she didn't. She wanted a certain way and she was paying money for it. So do what you know she's asking that.

[John Holmberg]

Just let them do do it and.

[Frank Caliendo]

Then oh he did. You didn't have to let him because he was going to do it and he was going to use power glue like it's gorilla glue times a million. Shatner Glue.

[John Holmberg]

John Holmberg's morning sickness the 98 KUPD the best place to get.

[Larry McFeely]

In on the NBA action is underdog. It's Brady from HMS and playing underdog is easy. Just pick whether your favorite players will go higher or lower on stats like points, rebounds, steals and more. This week I'm going with Curry to go higher than the average points. I'm going to pick Devin Booker to go lower than his projected points and Kawhi Leonard to go higher than his stealing average. Join me and download the app today using the promo code HMS and score a hundred dollars in bonus entries when you play your first $5 underdog make picks win money must be 18 +, 19 + in Alabama and Nebraska, 19 + in Colorado for some games, 21+ in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in state where Underdog Fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdog fantasy.com web play and getterms_dfs under.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org In New York, call the 24.7Hope line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text HOPE NY to 467369.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here from the Morning Sickness for Lifechangerloan.com I had a friend text me the other day and he was skeptical. He was like, there's got to be a catch, man. Math is absolute. It can't lie. So we went to the computer, put his info in the little [e-mail] and found out that his loan, which he owes 523 over the next 27 years on, could be paid off in eight years and he will save 389,000 in interest. That's insane. You should be skeptical. Ask questions, then you'll see for yourself. It's not magic, it's just math. Lifechangerloan.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness this 10 year.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Old near Nashville stole his mom's car the other day. Also managed to get his dad arrested in one fell swoop. It happened Friday in Mount Juliet, Tennessee about 20 miles northeast of Nashville. He'd been arguing with his mom. Then she left him in the car while she dropped off some paperwork at his school. When she came back out, the car was gone.

[John Holmberg]

Nope.

[Unidentified Male 1]

So she called the cops, reported it stolen. But the kid was fine. Turned out he managed to drive two miles back home, even to park the car in the garage. He was inside the house when the cops got there, along with his dad. The dad told him he was confused when his son showed up alone. They decided to.

[John Holmberg]

They both had cigarettes, get some smokes.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Dad decided not to arrest the kid because he was so young. But the dad, it was a different story once they got his name. They realized he had an outstanding war. He's facing charges for wire fraud and theft.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the dad was a criminal. Christmas for that boy.

[Frank Caliendo]

I'll tell you what. This is a Peacock original. Yes, it is going to be on Peacock.

[John Holmberg]

It'll be a great half hour. But yeah, that's the better part is the. The fact that dad imagine wasn't very good at being a dad because he was so busy fraudulently wiring money to people that he lost track of his son.

[Frank Caliendo]

But it sounds like a kid. Like it's in the jeans. The kid has the ability to pull some stuff off.

[John Holmberg]

We act like driving is something you can't figure out pretty early. It's just a height problem. A certain.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, I was just gonna say how you reach the pedals if he's tall. Two miles in a residential area is not as easy as you're making it out. Come on.

[John Holmberg]

This is from a short man.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Tennessee.

[John Holmberg]

Ouch.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Literally. I think. I don't think you gotta take it.

[Frank Caliendo]

Listen, there are certain things you can try and battle. That's not one of them.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think kids.

[Frank Caliendo]

John uses fact against you.

[Larry McFeely]

He does.

[John Holmberg]

I think there's a thing where 16. Okay, we've all agreed on that. But I think there should be a height like once you hit 5. 5, you can drive like the child. As a man I've got.

[Frank Caliendo]

So a women would be able to drive a child.

[John Holmberg]

They shouldn't be allowed to drive at all. Are you crazy? They're women. Jesus Christ.

[Frank Caliendo]

That is thinning the herd the way you want it.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. But I think if you're 5 5, you can figure it out. 16, you're not any smarter than you were at 10.

[Frank Caliendo]

You may disagree with that because you don't have kids.

[John Holmberg]

No, here's the thing.

[Frank Caliendo]

I've seen the evolution.

[John Holmberg]

16 year olds have something called testosterone that makes them worse. Some of that's true. Some, some were never.

[Frank Caliendo]

Some of them have it put in.

[John Holmberg]

But like 10 year olds don't make as terrible a choices. They're just kind of disagree 16 year.

[Frank Caliendo]

Olds listen 10 year olds make horrific.

[John Holmberg]

Will try to race. They think they're there is. They think they're more capable than they actually are.

[Frank Caliendo]

Definitely the testosterone is an issue.

[John Holmberg]

You get a, you get a 10 year old who's 5, 5 played a.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Lot of Mario Kart.

[John Holmberg]

He gets you A to B.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, no. You're right about that. They're going to play Mario Kart at 10. They don't have Joey at 10 thought he could dunk. That's from playing NBA.

[John Holmberg]

Joey is a caliendo. He should have never thought he could dunk.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's his father's fault for Joey is 511 now.

[John Holmberg]

Is he that big? Yeah, he's the biggest calendar of all.

[Frank Caliendo]

Maybe six foot.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Either way.

[Unidentified Male 2]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Kirby at the same height. Yeah, I think it's. I know Kirby's been able to dunk for a few years. I think the. Yeah, I think the height is more important than the age. I do because old people, they shrink. You should shrink them out of the car as well so you know you've got kids. Alex still shouldn't be driving if it was about a mental. If it's mental acuity. You get rid of almost everybody under the age of 20. So just give him a height thing.

[Unidentified Male 2]

The one I guess if you want to. The one thing he has in his favor is he rear ended a lady. So he's deathly afraid of doing anything bad in his car.

[Frank Caliendo]

That is the most sexual innuendo freeze company moment I've ever heard. We're on the other side of the door. Ropering rear ended a lady in his car and now is very careful about doing anything.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Either way, dumb kids are dumb kids are all dumb.

[Frank Caliendo]

10 year olds can't do anything.

[John Holmberg]

I would not kid made it the whole way.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah. That one kid solved the crime in.

[John Holmberg]

The garage and solved a crime. He's basically Spider Man.

[Frank Caliendo]

Kid Colombo.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I, I, I have no problem with.

[Unidentified Male 1]

He's like, dad's out of the picture for Christmas. More presents for me.

[John Holmberg]

But the reason why these stories happen in the news like, oh, a 10 year old drove. I'm like, come on. We act like we're all Mario Andretti. It's not that hard.

[Frank Caliendo]

No. A 10 year old doing physics is amazing. A 10 year old driving. But I guess it's not the same thing.

[John Holmberg]

But it's not hard.

[Frank Caliendo]

It's harder than you think.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not. A lot of dumb people can drive. Yes, my point.

[Frank Caliendo]

But 10 year olds.

[Unidentified Male 1]

But a 10 year old on the farm might be driving a couple of times.

[John Holmberg]

14 in New Mexico. Because it's a necessity. 10 year olds can do it if they're. If they're at all aware they can.

[Frank Caliendo]

They're mostly not aware.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's true of.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I would argue you wouldn't want your. You wouldn't want the legal age being 10 years old.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't say the legal age. I said height. Once they get to five, five you can start considering.

[Frank Caliendo]

Kids will tell at 10 years old about homework and stuff like and 16 year old how it's. They're better liars at 16 than they are at 10.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that doesn't make it better. Yeah, you can get fooled easier by a 16 year old.

[Frank Caliendo]

There was a thump and then a boom and then my underwear was gone.

[John Holmberg]

What.

[Frank Caliendo]

Are you talking about?

[Unidentified Male 1]

A JetBlue flight from Boston to Tampa got delayed three hours last week.

[Frank Caliendo]

Can I ask a question before you get that? Does JetBlue have a first class? I thought I saw something. Carrot Top posted something about lay down seats on JetBlue and I've googled it and can never seem to be able to see.

[John Holmberg]

Is it just Carrot Top getting his own row?

[Frank Caliendo]

Maybe he's.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, just laying down. This is cool. Yeah. Nobody wants to sit with Scott.

[Unidentified Male 1]

You've flown JetBlue.

[John Holmberg]

I love JetBlue.

[Frank Caliendo]

Do they have a first?

[John Holmberg]

No, it was all.

[Frank Caliendo]

But they.

[John Holmberg]

It felt like first because everything there was. That was the first one that ever had TVs in the back of the.

[Brett Vesely]

Great TV too.

[John Holmberg]

It was awesome.

[Frank Caliendo]

I used to go to Long beach and stuff like that. But there's.

[John Holmberg]

I flew to New York once and it was the best ever.

[Frank Caliendo]

These had like cubicles like he was.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Here's what.

[Unidentified Male 2]

Here's what. Gemini has Blue. JetBlue has two premium cabin experiences, Mint, which is a lie flat first class product on select transatlantic, transcontinental and Caribbean routes. And a new domestic first class cabin being rolled out in 2026 on planes that don't have mint.

[John Holmberg]

Were you suggesting that Carrot Top perhaps lied about this or built a prop for planes?

[Unidentified Male 2]

Giant prop mint offers private suites with closing doors, a larger lie flat bed and dedicated storage. While the future domestic first class product will be in a traditional two, two configuration.

[John Holmberg]

It's like a little Carrot Top cell.

[Frank Caliendo]

I think it went Vegas to Orlando because he lives in Orlando and it was probably an overseas plane that they.

[John Holmberg]

Moved in, you know, just for Carrot Top.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Front hand private jet, blue massage seat.

[Unidentified Male 2]

Seat slash bed massage. Up to 6 foot, 8 inches long, 15 inch TV screen, choice of snacks and premium drinks. And a tuft and needle. Sleep experience.

[John Holmberg]

And a gym for him to lift weights. There's Carrot Top in his jetpack. Oh, Jesus, what has he done to himself?

[Unidentified Male 1]

He looks great.

[John Holmberg]

What's with the hair, lady? Elaine, he didn't need to add color to his hair.

[Frank Caliendo]

He's 94 years old.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. He's the same age.

[Frank Caliendo]

Where's that old guy? Carrot Top?

[John Holmberg]

He looks like a Star Trek. Why would he make his hair purple?

[Frank Caliendo]

That's orangey red.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's dye.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's the best I've seen it look in a while. By the way, anytime you go anywhere with him, doesn't hide the hair or anything.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Frank Caliendo]

Loves being talked to even. He's usually wearing Carrot Top Gear.

[John Holmberg]

Is he?

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, yeah. Like he'll have ct, his logo and a picture of him, you know, pulling stuff out of a box.

[John Holmberg]

I like that. You follow Carrot Top, his every move?

[Frank Caliendo]

No, I'm good friends with.

[John Holmberg]

He's great. He's still running that thing at Luxor.

[Frank Caliendo]

Amazing.

[John Holmberg]

I think he looks a little like Sally Jesse Raphael. Yeah, he's got a Sally Jesse thing going on.

[Unidentified Male 1]

So does he spend more time in Orlando than Vegas or. He is.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, mostly in Vegas because he's working.

[John Holmberg]

All the time like Diane Keaton. I don't know who he looks like. It's just everything's. He looks like Sean Hayes doing a Carrot Top impression. It's too good a show to miss though, in Vegas, I'll tell you that. I got talked into it once. I'm like, man, Carrot Top's brilliantly funny. It's a good show. All right, that's enough Carrot Top pictures.

[Unidentified Male 1]

So there's Jet Blue flight. About an hour into the flight heading to Boston, the pilot told the air traffic control that they're turning around because someone vaped weed in the bathroom and the crew inhaled it.

[John Holmberg]

Oops.

[Unidentified Male 1]

We assume he meant the flight attendants. The pilot got pilot not sure if they got high enough, but they inhaled it and that's why they told air.

[Larry McFeely]

Traffic, we're turning around the audio on.

[Unidentified Male 1]

It's pretty funny.

[John Holmberg]

All right, so they had to radio they're in the air.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody vapes an hour into the flight and they get a little secondhand smoke into the cabin.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Yeah, mostly in. Into the. Where the pilots were. And a couple attendants I think it was in the front of the right bathroom.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that weird bathroom up front. Wow. So they. They could smell the weed coming out of there. Imagine when you take poops on an airplane. And if you do, you're the devil. By the way, that goes right into the cockpit. Those poor bastards have to smell your ass.

[Unidentified Male 1]

200 passengers were all fine.

[Air Traffic Control / Dispatcher]

Customer vaped in the lab.

[Unidentified Male 2]

And we.

[Air Traffic Control / Dispatcher]

Yeah, Smoking marijuana in the lab would be elected to turn to Boston cipher 1191.

[John Holmberg]

Roger. Was the guy doing it?

[Air Traffic Control / Dispatcher]

Jet 1191, did you say you are going to be an overweight landing? Hey, Firm just ran the numbers. Planning an overweight landing. JetBlue 1191. But this is the nature. Is it just the overweight landing for JetBlue 1191? Yeah, we had a security issue on with a passenger, mostly at the service there, smoking marijuana. Our crew inhaled it and now we're overweight.

[John Holmberg]

I did not do that. I did not. Emergency.

[Air Traffic Control / Dispatcher]

I need the seat number or seat assignment for the prison in question. Your gate number and fuel.

[John Holmberg]

How about the most hated? Mantle, You're the guy who got the plane delayed because you had to hit some vape.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And it's probably the only way this guy can fly. And he thought, I'll just vape this. Get away.

[Unidentified Male 2]

Gummies.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, gummies are the answer. Why are you.

[Frank Caliendo]

They tried to take them away. If you try to take the gummies away, there's gonna be vaping on every JetBlue flight.

[John Holmberg]

Wouldn't you. Wouldn't you beat the crap if you were like flying somewhere and you had to go. We're going back to Boston Logan Airport because one of you guys couldn't lay off of the weed for 18 minutes. One of the NBA on our flight just had to have some. It didn't make any sense to anybody, so the beating had to begin the second they landed. Thanks a lot, asshole. That's all that guy heard.

[Unidentified Male 2]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Man, this is relaxing.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Jeez.

[John Holmberg]

John holmberg's morning sickness. The 98 kupd. Hey, it's john Holmberg from the morning sickness. And football season's in full swing and Underdog is the best place to get in on all the action. Playing on Underdog is easy pick whether your favorite players will go higher or lower on stats like rushing yards, receptions, touchdowns and more. This week on Underdog, I'm looking at my Steelers and Darnell Washington to go higher than his touchdown stat. And also Justin Herbert of the Chargers to go lower than his passing yards. Download the app today and sign up with the promo code HMS to score a hundred dollars in bonus entries when you play your first $5. That's promo code. HMS Underdog make picks win money must be 18 plus, 19 plus in Alabama and Nebraska, 19 plus in Colorado for some games, 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state Underdog Fantasy operates terms apply the assets.underdogfantasy.com web play and getterms_dfs_html for details offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800- gambler or visit www.ncpgambling.org. in New York, call the 24. 7, Hope line at 1-87-7-8-HOPE NY or text hopeny 467-369.

[Unidentified Male 2]

It's Nick Todlittle from Homer's Morning Sickness for our friends at FanDuel who want you to know that every NFL Thursday is your chance to hit the jackpot with FanDuel. And that's because with FanDuel's Thursday touchdown jackpot, you can win $2 million in bonus bets each week. And to get in on this Thursday's action, all you have to do is place an anytime touchdown scorer bet before the game kicks off. And if your player scores the first or last TD of the game, you'll win your bet plus a share of bonus bets 21 + and President Arizona opt in must apply Profit Boost token on select market prize pool to be split equally among all eligible participants who made the correct first or last TD pick. Bonus issued is non withdrawable bonus bets which expire 21 days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See [e-mail] gambling problem call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 53342.

[John Holmberg]

Was Kirby flying out of Boston?

[Unidentified Male 1]

Yeah, that's what Dexters are saying.

[John Holmberg]

I wonder how often that does happen though. Like somebody vaped some weed on a plane and it just so happened the stewardess is a nose like mine. Yeah it's like oh got a big nose stewardess walking around going we have to turn this plane around. They'd have been fine. It's like driving at 10 you little weed going you can still make a plane.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Probably the they're okay like with the strawberry vape or whatever but the marijuana.

[Unidentified Male 2]

No they're not okay with any vape.

[Unidentified Male 1]

No.

[Frank Caliendo]

Just just crack.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I don't know if they turn around.

[Frank Caliendo]

This crack make you paranoid like just regular coke?

[John Holmberg]

What are you asking me?

[Frank Caliendo]

Okay, well I just thought I know if everybody knew. I don't know because I just think the pilot. We're going to turn this thing around. Somebody's following us.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we got eyes on a jumbo United that I don't like the look of at all. He's got four wings. There's six wings, eight wings.

[Frank Caliendo]

Somebody on the wing.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Got a couple of pretty.

[Air Traffic Control / Dispatcher]

We got a passenger who's vaping now, screaming, there's a little monkey on the wing. I see it too. I gotta be honest with you. I think I got a little second hand going. Oh, what's up?

[John Holmberg]

You wake jumbo niner. What are you doing up there?

[Air Traffic Control / Dispatcher]

I don't know if you've seen what you're wearing, what you're up to. Are you hungry? I think we're gonna pull over to take this to the Water Burger and drive her through. I'm starving.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Let's go see if an overweight flight. Yeah, they gotta turn it around. Turn around everything.

[John Holmberg]

No offense, Brady. Yeah, I know just the plane.

[Unidentified Male 2]

Well, you see, he did get a little.

[John Holmberg]

So what?

[Frank Caliendo]

It's over with.

[Brett Vesely]

It's working.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I'm just saying every flight's gonna be turned around.

[Frank Caliendo]

Happens all the time with those big old ladies in San Ant. Those big old ladies got to drop them off.

[Air Traffic Control / Dispatcher]

We're gonna dump some fuel. And some of Charles Barkley's least favorite ladies.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Go to the speed train.

[John Holmberg]

Speed train. This won't be good.

[Unidentified Male 2]

That one's the most interesting one to you.

[John Holmberg]

The video speed.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I think it's kind of cool that don't ruin Pan's new $70 million maglev train.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Goes 310 miles per hour.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Unidentified Male 1]

And they're trying to get a little trouble.

[John Holmberg]

That Asian word sounded terrible. Jesus Christ. That's a train passenger train.

[Frank Caliendo]

Do that again. I looked down at my phone for a second and missed it.

[Unidentified Male 2]

It'll reset.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God. It sounds so dirty when they talk. Watch this. There's people on that. You know how the Japanese look at all those cameras?

[Unidentified Male 1]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Useless.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I kind of found that interesting.

[John Holmberg]

That is interesting.

[Frank Caliendo]

That does look like Superman flying.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it did. It's exactly what it looks like. He zooms by. Is that real or AI?

[Unidentified Male 1]

310 miles per hour. I. You know, that's why I was looking at him like it's a funny car going by.

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's literally like Ron Capps train. Wow.

[Frank Caliendo]

How fast are those actually?

[John Holmberg]

310 miles an hour. Really? Yeah.

[Unidentified Male 1]

330.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sometimes 3:30, 335. But yeah, they can easily go 3:10. How about the.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Where's that going 100 miles per hour in less than one second.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, but where's the frame? Exactly. I mean.

[Frank Caliendo]

And it's not stopping.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I don't like that at all. Yeah, that's too fast for a train.

[Frank Caliendo]

The force on that's gotta be.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta just be inside there. Your bones are being crushed up against the back of the. Does it start like that or does it ease into 310?

[Unidentified Male 1]

I hope it eases.

[John Holmberg]

Or is it just it sounds.

[Unidentified Male 2]

Put a bunch of chiropractic people on.

[John Holmberg]

Here we go.

[Unidentified Male 1]

It's gotta be a gradual build.

[John Holmberg]

It's gotta be pulling six GS. Yeah, exactly. Like, you can't just jump into that well.

[Unidentified Male 2]

And it's gonna take 40 miles to stop, too. Right?

[John Holmberg]

You can't just. Hey, can't stop a train. You're right. Nothing stops a train. Well, that's air conditioning.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Next one. Some Toledo dining again.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God, am I gonna throw up on goats nuts.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. It's like some sort of weird cooked goat shell. Oh, and an Asian lady's eating its nuts right out of the legs. Oh, boo. This one's not as bad as the eel. Although the inside's pudding. Like, once she broke through the goat scrotum. There's pudding in there.

[Unidentified Male 2]

That's you.

[John Holmberg]

Look, there's pudding.

[Brett Vesely]

Why do you go to those places?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, why do you fly to that? It's awesome. Not that awesome.

[Unidentified Male 1]

We've got to try that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Is that a goat? I don't think there's a goat leg.

[Unidentified Male 1]

There's the hooves.

[John Holmberg]

It's like Dr. Moreau or a deer.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Could be a deer.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, you're not supposed to do that to the nuts.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Here's a guy copping a feel at the mall. Okay, they caught him.

[John Holmberg]

Which one? Bald guy and bald guy. Oh, this old man's walking towards these two ladies. And this one's in a short skirt, but he gets right in her way. Goes right up the skirt in the front. Gives her a little front punch. Corey, did you see that?

[Frank Caliendo]

This old man, he played dumb. He grabbed her and yum yum.

[John Holmberg]

And stuck his thumb in a knickknack. Paddy whack. Holy smokes. He goes for it, and he stays there a second. You think he goes back to the car and just smells his hand? That's the only reason to do that.

[Brett Vesely]

Because he stayed there for a minute.

[John Holmberg]

The headline. He did the unthinkable. Like, we're proud of him. He went where no man had courage before. Look at him. I think that's Dr. Fauci. Also St.

[Brett Vesely]

Elsewhere music behind it too.

[John Holmberg]

That's Law and Order Sexual Victims Unit. Brett doesn't watch Law and Order.

[Frank Caliendo]

Is it Victim?

[John Holmberg]

What, that fiction? That's nonsense.

[Frank Caliendo]

He's afraid he's gonna see part of his family.

[John Holmberg]

What's the problem? Was she. What the broad was wearing? She had a hole in the bottom of her pants. They call those skirts. Oh, I didn't know what that was. I thought she was like, you know, give a penny, take a penny type of thing.

[Frank Caliendo]

Listen, if she's wearing that skirt.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that was the other thing. Shatner started to talk about how Tyson's innocent on the stage and retried Mike Tyson's rape case in the middle of the comedy night.

[Frank Caliendo]

He's just a young guy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

He goes up to his hotel room. There's a woman there. It's 4am what else does she want?

[John Holmberg]

What did she expect?

[Frank Caliendo]

To have to talk?

[John Holmberg]

She was there at 4 in the morning. What did she expect? I mean, she has a vagina. He's going to use that. Poor guy anyway. You're telling me that chick's walking around with those. Those circle pants with no bottom? You can't just reap it. We can't just take a taste with a fabric hoop. Now, this is all new to me. All right, what do you got there, Brad?

[Brett Vesely]

Keep it mild because Frank's here. No, there's a little parachuting action.

[John Holmberg]

Parachuting into a race, it looks like. And he did not land that well.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Oh, Rod, hold the flag. I'm fine.

[Frank Caliendo]

Pick me up.

[John Holmberg]

She's just standing there. She gets hit by a massive American flag that also needs to be burned immediately because it's the first thing on the ground.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. How about that? Get killed by the American flag. That's all right.

[Brett Vesely]

Here's one of those OSHA videos.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Another paper mill.

[John Holmberg]

You know, we're in a paper mill and there's a couple of Asians working on some. Well, one got sucked up into the circle. The thing sucked his head up all the way up into the machine. I don't know what that machine is designed to do other than suck up Asians by the head. But here we have a perfect example of why not to work there.

[Frank Caliendo]

But why is it wrapped around his neck in the first place?

[John Holmberg]

Well, something happened around there. He hung himself. And here's the other thing. The safety measures there are so bad that you're in a tank top and shorts at the world's most dangerous job.

[Unidentified Male 2]

Well, and they also was to Reverse the machine.

[John Holmberg]

Is he dead?

[Larry McFeely]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Just throw him back in there.

[John Holmberg]

It hung him. Holy cow. So he just got wrapped up in that.

[Frank Caliendo]

But it looks like he did it on purpose.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Maybe.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know if he's trying to keep it out of the way.

[John Holmberg]

Let's take a look. Watch this guy standing there. He does. He puts it around his neck. He's hanging himself. He did this on Frank's. Right? That's suicide.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I couldn't stop him. Yep.

[John Holmberg]

He did that on purpose. Didn't.

[Frank Caliendo]

Just really didn't like working. Yeah.

[Unidentified Male 1]

You're not gonna get your Christmas sweaters in time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

I mean, that's. I can't believe I caught that and nobody else. You're just like the them.

[Brett Vesely]

We're numb to this stuff anymore.

[John Holmberg]

That's true.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, so one of these wonderful countries that Toledo visits that ends in Stan. So let's go with what happens next.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. All right. There's a guy with his shirt off and a couple other guys behind him. We're in a really cruddy country, it looks. There's a stand at the end of it. Or perhaps it's a part of India that's actually. Well, it looks just like all of India. Few dudes with their shirts off, a couple guys with polos on. And one guy's drunken dancing, I guess, or sort of.

[Unidentified Male 2]

I'm going Machete Bob.

[Frank Caliendo]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna say somebody pulls a machete. Brady.

[Unidentified Male 1]

I. I'm thinking it's a body that was falling that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, something's gonna fall from above. Frank, would you like to take a guess?

[Frank Caliendo]

A monkey's gonna steal something, and anybody with a shirt on is soaked in sweat in their back.

[John Holmberg]

It's very humid at this horrible place. I'm gonna say that the dude who looks drunk is gonna take his pants off. All right, here we go. All right. The guy dancing around. A couple other dudes with no shirts show up.

[Unidentified Male 1]

Up.

[John Holmberg]

Now there's more guys now. Yeah, now just. Now there's a lot of. Just start dancing. Now. They just. All. All the shirtless guys are. Now it's flash dancing in the. Oh, no. I didn't see that coming at all. The UN Delivery showed up right on time to feed the shirted people. And they killed about nine shirtless people with a truck that just. They. How stop the gays? Yeah. That is how they punish that guy.

[Unidentified Male 2]

Just missing it.

[John Holmberg]

Gay marriage in the Stan countries is handled with a Range Rover.

[Frank Caliendo]

That was not thunder from down under.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, no, no, my friend. It Was just a light rain in Bhopal. Oh, my God. I want to watch that more. All right, here's another one. All right, this guy. The importance of always having a solution available to us. Oh, this won't be good. Oh, Jesus. There's a lady amputated legs just above the knees, and she's doing a little Mr. Krabs nubby.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's a nubby.

[John Holmberg]

She's got a man's erect penis between her thighs, and there's no legs below her knees, and she's moving them up and down. I would do that.

[Frank Caliendo]

Can you send that one to me?

[John Holmberg]

Sure. I got an idea. Hey, Michelle, don't you hate your legs? Is it bad?

[Frank Caliendo]

Is it?

[John Holmberg]

Is it bad?

[Frank Caliendo]

I wasn't grossed out that much by that one.

[John Holmberg]

That one was more intriguing. Yeah, like, oh, finally a use for those.

[Unidentified Male 2]

No, you. You're gonna want to save your gross out for what's coming.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, here we go. I think that's a woman. I think it might be a dude, too. Might be a dude. This might be a guy. It's a lady with something in her butt. It's a butt plug and it looks to be. There's beads. Is it a lady?

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, no, there's a sloth.

[Air Traffic Control / Dispatcher]

That's a piece.

[John Holmberg]

That's the unit.

[Unidentified Male 2]

What?

[John Holmberg]

What? Oh, God. That beautiful woman had a penis and stuff in her butt. Okay, what's going on?

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know. All right, just wait till. Wait till the last show of the year.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, we got some gems this year, Frank.

[John Holmberg]

You should come out. What day is that? December 12th. And you can give away the third annual Frank Caliendo Guest of the Year award. Yeah, he said this could be your year.

[Unidentified Male 2]

If I'm.

[Frank Caliendo]

If I'm here.

[John Holmberg]

He's checking his calendar. He ain't going anywhere.

[Frank Caliendo]

Gone.

[John Holmberg]

Reschedule. What was that? I don't even want to know. What noise.

[Frank Caliendo]

What's the date?

[Larry McFeely]

The 12th.

[John Holmberg]

What's the.

[Frank Caliendo]

Friday? Yeah, Friday, the 12th. I should be home.

[John Holmberg]

All right, you're here. Frank's in. We've got another guest. Oh, the guest. They're all lining up beautifully, except Jay Farrell. There you go, everybody. That is your Brady Report. It's 98. It's out of control now. It's John Holmberg here from my friends at FanDuel. The greatest thing ever to hit sports since sports itself in the NFL. The Sundays are here now. They're making it even better because this week, FanDuel's bringing the bonus. That's right. Right now. All customers can get 50% profit boosts on any NFL bet however you play your game game. FanDuel's got your back with something extra in your account. Visit fanduel.com kupd and download the app and get in on the action before kickoff from our friends at FanDuel21 + in present in Arizona. Opt in required bonus issued as non withdrawable profit boost tokens. Restrictions apply including any token expiration and max wager amount. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 53342 hey, what's up?

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