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You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting.
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To sell some guns he inherited.
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What's the best way for him to do that? Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.
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Okay, but what if he lives out of state?
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Easy. LegalGunbuyer do. And he can do it all online. It's really that simple.
B
There you have it.
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Here in the morning. Sickness. Frank Caliendo here. He's going to be at 10pm Pro on new Year's Eve. You get a good weekend for you. Want to talk about the other people that are here? Probably not just sell your tickets, right?
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No. Who else is here?
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You don't know who else is here?
A
No. Neither do I. Oh, Adam is Adam Reyes downtown.
B
Lovitz is up at Desert Ridge.
A
I am?
B
Yes. You can see either me or Frank, but I would prefer it if I got the money. He's supposed to be part of some stuff too. I called him and I asked him if he would be part of something in a video or something. I have to go to a party. That was his answer. I'm like, how do you know right off the bat?
A
You didn't even give him the date yet?
B
No. I knew I gotta go to this big party. Oh, I think he was just trying to. We'll discuss it if he shows up. If Not I'll do it after. But it was. I think he was just waiting. I could have just said, hey, I got leukemia. I have to go to a party. He wanted to talk to me about this party. He wanted me to ask more questions about the party. And I said, don't talk about it on the air or anything, but I got a party I got to go to.
A
Like, all right.
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It's a big one, but he doesn't want it jinxed. It's pretty hilarious. Cali Endos here. He's going to be. Now Frank's going to be part.
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They're opening the island back up.
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You heard it? Yeah, that could be. He's Epstein Island.
A
Yeah.
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It's awesome because Frank just agreed to it and you all heard him do it here on the show to be part of our happy ending.
A
See, this is one of those moments where I wasn't listening fully. Yeah, that's your to know and get you what exactly. I thought I was. You were talking about the last morning.
B
Show about Homberg's Happy Endings December 12, which you've been part of before. So, you know, many times. Yes. And you know, this is a thing.
A
I do know what it is.
B
Yep. Well, that's.
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I didn't realize what was being said until you told me one of the owners calling great. And said, nice job.
B
Nice job. You got Frank committed on the show. And I'm like, yes, we did. So Frank will be there December 12th.
A
No, wait, wait, wait.
B
I don't. Almost sold out already, is it? Yeah.
A
Crazy put my name on as soon as it sold out. And now, Frank, because I'm here New Year's Eve.
B
We're not supposed to promote.
A
But it's not stand up, though, right? I wouldn't be doing.
B
No, you're not doing any stand up. It would be just.
A
No, just funny skits.
B
You did it. Remember when you did it a couple years ago. You and me and Jonathan Kite and Brady wasn't filthy. It was wonderful fun. And then the videos show.
A
Oh, yeah.
B
And then Brett shows the top.
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It's almost the morning show at night now. Yes.
B
Homework After Dark. Jesus Christ.
A
That's. It used to be called. Didn't that used to be called that? Oh, no, it was Happy Endings.
B
It's still Happy Endings, but now it's Homework After Dark. Yeah. So it's, you know.
A
Hey, which, if you slow that voice down, it's. It's triple.
B
Yeah. It's stand up live, December 12th. It's gonna start at 9:45 pre party at about 8:15. Everybody goes. We get goofed up. And that's brought to you by our friends at Learner and Rowan, Happy Endings Euthanasia, which is a real thing Dr. Mike Fixler's part of highly recommend them to make those terrible decisions easier. And they have a funny name for them. That's how I met him. I saw his car, said, Happy Endings Pet Euthanasia. And I'm like, come on.
A
Oh, it's just for pets.
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Yeah, yeah. You can get a happy. Hey, the right price. I think you can do it. But thank you for committing to that here today.
A
That was huge.
B
Huge trips already getting sponsorships lined up ready to go. Yeah.
A
Confirmed for my New Year's Eve show at the Tempe Improv.
B
There's that and then there's the good show.
A
Okay, what if we reenact Shatner?
B
The whole thing. Yes. Well, maybe we can get him to just constantly have a video of doing knock knock jokes and then saying, pick me up, pick me up. I'm fine, I'm fine. Pick me up, pick me up.
A
The last thing there was when we were. John wanted to get back to get to bed.
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Oh, yeah.
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Right after. And the show is over. We're sitting, we're in there, we're about to go say goodbye quickly because normally he gets carted off to go do the meet and greet right away.
B
Another hour we go.
A
Then they. And we're just want to say goodbye.
B
Shadow goes, sit down, sit down. And we were on the. We were on the commander's bridge. Sit down.
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No, it wasn't. It was.
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It was like, sit down, both of us. It was great. Right down immediately. Yeah. Like, okay, find your seat. Get down. He wants us to sit down. It was very odd. And then couldn't. I didn't say Simon says more complimentary of us. And then I just said put kind of a scare to us there, Bill. They'd be gonna talk about that.
A
And then. And then he asked for the burger. And then. Who are these two?
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Yeah.
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What are they doing here?
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Do they have my burger? Get this. I just got this email. It says, hey, hey, John and the boys, Thanksgiving is here. And you've said this for years and I've always laughed about it, but this year it's happening to me. My brother is going to finally come out to the family. Guess what? He's 14. Here's another fun one. My sister's 24. She just told me yesterday she's going to do it too. Can I come eat subs at your house? Wow.
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Double whammy.
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Double whammy on Thanksgiving. Two of your kids. What did your parents do to have so many gays? How do you do that? You're two for three. Your oldest made it through 14, and he's coming out. Is it too soon? I know a lot of people know when a kid is gay early. Like my neighbor, my grandma's neighbor. I don't know where his parents were, but he lived with his grandparents next door to my grandparents, and his name was Danny. And he would come over to my grandma's house in his grandmother's slippers and robe and sit with my grandma while she smoked and asked Danny questions. And I was only like, five, but Danny would be like. So, yeah, he was super gay as a boy. And my. My grandma. Grandma would go watch this to my mom. I remember, he's like, danny, what do you want to do when you get older? What do you want to be? Or she would ask me first, john, what do you want to be? And be? Like baseball player. Like, idiot answer. I said, danny, what do you want to be? And he always acted like he had a long French cigarette in his hand. He was 4. And you go, I want to get older, have a sex change and marry a doctor. Four years old. And I'm like, somebody's planting answers in Danny. And something else got planted to Danny a few years later. Not me. So you always know. But 14 to come out to the family. If you're 14 and you know you're gay, so does everyone else. You've been dressing like Wonder Woman on Halloween every year for 10 years. We know it's gonna be.
A
What?
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Yeah. Huh? We love you for that. I wonder how different it is now that you have to be so, like, can grandpa still get mad at the announcement?
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Grandpa can't.
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Grandpa.
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Grandpa.
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Grandpa pass. Dad can't anymore. No, dad has to be great with.
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It, and you can use that. You gotta understand Grandpa's got some adjusting to do.
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Okay?
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Okay.
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Yeah. Now Grandpa might go, all right. It's a modern time. I already knew that Trevor was a little bit different. And then the girl comes in and goes, me too. Ah, Christ. That's too much for one man to handle on one Thanksgiving.
A
Uncle Joe, you're pretty quiet over there.
B
I dabble in the D. God damn it. Is everybody here homo? Pass the goddamn green beans. Wash your hands first. Ho, ho, ho. Green Giant. Also gay. God, I knew he was banging that sprout. Yeah, that's too much to put on Grandpa as the guy emailing me there. Talk to one of your siblings and say wait till next year or Christmas.
A
Thanksgiving. Yeah.
B
Oh yeah, hit him for Christmas. Not a bad idea. Yeah. Why is Thanksgiving the time? Because all the family's there. It's easier than an announcement, not answering a bunch of emails, but it feels.
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Like that's just that there's tension.
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Morning Sickness the 98 KUPD hey, it's John Holbrooke from the morning sickness and football season's in full swing and Underdog is the best place to get in on all the action. Playing on underdog is easy pick whether your favorite players will go higher or lower on stats like rushing yards, receptions, touchdowns and more. This week on Underdog, I'm looking at my Steelers and Darnell Washington to go higher than his touchdown stat and also Justin Herbert of the Chargers to go lower than his passing yard cards. Download the app today and sign up with the promo code HMS to score a hundred dollars in bonus entries when you play your first $5. That's promo code HMS Underdog make picks win money must be 18 plus, 19 plus in Alabama and Nebraska, 19 plus in Colorado for some games, 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply the assets.underdogfantasy.com web play and getterms_dfs_html for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org the 24.7Hope Line at 1-877-8-HOPENY or text hopeny 467-369. It's John Holmberg here from the Morning Sickness for lifechangerloan.com I had a friend text me the other day and he was skeptical. He was like, there's got to be a catch, man. Math is absolute. It can't lie. So we went to the computer, put his info in the little equation@lifechangerloan.com and found out that his loan, which he owes $523,000 over the next 27 years on, could be paid off in eight years and he will save 389,000 in interest. That's insane. You should be skeptical. Ask questions. Then you'll see yourself. It's not magic. It's just math. Lifechangerlone.com Holmberg's morning sickness Thanksgiving is tension. The and we've been talking about this on this show forever. It's the like the time people come out and it's because it's the safest time. Yeah, it's. Everybody's there. And you're gonna have some allies in the room.
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Everybody loves gaming.
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That's right, Robert. I'm a homosexual. Raymond. I don't want to hear this. I'm trying to eat. I know. And I'm trying to eat poo wieners. It's just a time when everybody. You've got allies in the room. They've got a couple people. Well, there's that. And also, I think if you feel ganged up on by a couple members of the family, the rest of them are there. Whereas if I broke it down to Grandpa at Grandpa's house, he can explode on me. And it gets really awkward because we.
A
Had one on Monday.
B
The person coming out, they're going to have.
A
No, they're gonna have an intervention.
B
Oh, yeah, an intervention on things. Well, because it's easy. It's actually. It's actually just being cheap is what it is.
A
Everyone's there.
B
You flew out already. We might as well have the intervention for the drunk. You ever have anything like that? Your Thanksgivings, awkward ones?
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No. Yeah, I don't. I don't remember.
B
Brady had a fistfight at one of his, which is great.
A
I think my mom, Aunt Joan, pass out to Joanne.
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And Joanne, your Aunt Joanne, she got liquored up. That'll happen. And drunken stuff is fine.
A
We would go. I remember we would visit some of the Italian homes at times. Our Italian relatives in, like, Schiller Park, Illinois. When you go down to the basement kitchen, you'd have to. There was actually like a zipper of smoke.
B
Like you just.
A
Like just a wall of smoke. You'd have to go down there. And the people down there look like the dogs playing cards. Yeah. In Chicago, the Italians have kitchens in their basement. Do you have that? Did your family. My grandfather.
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Yeah, my grandfather did. My grandparents did. You had another kitchen. There's two kitchens in the basement.
A
In the basement?
B
On regular floor. Why?
A
And my grandfather was German, but we had his basement. Was the family gathering full kitchen?
B
Basements or basements?
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In the.
B
But you're saying there's a second kitchen.
A
Yeah, full kitchen.
B
Because Italy.
A
I don't know.
B
I don't know. I don't think anybody's got a reason for that.
A
Yeah, you'd have a full. Different spread of food downstairs than you would upstairs, too.
B
Really?
A
Oh, yeah. And where they're like being. Grabbing an Armand's pizza on your way to Johnny's Beef.
B
So you got Mom's food upstairs.
A
Yeah.
B
And dad and the crew playing poker downstairs. Yeah. With the heavier meats and the.
A
But the kids. What was that? The kids could go. Both. Everybody. Everybody. Do everybody go?
B
Everybody There was everything.
A
Yeah.
B
That's weird.
A
Downstairs was more the men gathering. Men. Yeah.
B
And then one would go, by the way, I'm a twink now. Are you guys all right with that? They got two aces in the hole here, you know what I'm saying? Speaking of things in holes, me going into that. Yeah. You never had any announcements or anything like that? I've never had a Thanksgiving. I don't think so. My dad pissed my mom off one Thanksgiving. They had been divorced and they were play pretending they all got along. And you could feel the tension that my mom was mad, and my dad brought his new wife to my house for Thanksgiving.
A
You can't bring new mom.
B
Yeah, well, new mom. I was meeting new mom for the first time. So new mom showed up.
A
That's a weird.
B
It was super weird. But everybody's like, it's okay. It's okay. I'm like, I know it's not everybody's.
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I'm the only realist in the room that it's exactly.
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That's not okay. Exactly what I said. I'm like, if we're saying everything's okay, we're admitting it's not. Yeah. Like, we're not okay with this. I'm fine because I don't.
A
Pick me up.
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Pick me up. Dad comes in, my mom, and. And then for some reason, new mom, her two kids just showed up out of the blue, and they were like college age. And my mom had made dinner for everyone, like, Thanksgiving dinner, and they started to just tear into it. And my mom was like, that's ours. They should have had their own Thanksgiving. So then she started getting upset, and my dad. At the end of the night, my mom started packing up leftovers. And then she's giving them, like, Tupperware to people. My dad goes, oh, no. And my dad's very blunt. He goes, no, no, no, thanks. I had plenty. I don't want any more of that. I'm like, okay. My mom just started to, like. I could just see Marcy boiling. You don't want any of my. Well, this took me all day to cook. And I didn't know you were bringing an entire second family. I'm like, mom, come with me. Come with me. I'm like, this is it. No more Thanksgivings together. We're all done here. If you guys want to do it, you're doing it without me. That's just the way this is and my dad's like, what the hell did I do? I'm like, you're a little bit rude. That's all there is to it. By the way, I'm a homosexual. God damn it.
A
Not now I think about it. We did. We have had. The turkey is nowhere near ready for dinner time. Oh yeah. Like it's not even. Like it's eight hours hours away and there's a lot of crying. Is that called butterballing? I just remember Michelle butterballing it out.
B
Because she screwed up and it wasn't.
A
And all the others weren't gonna eat turkey today. Yeah. Not even in the the same. Not maybe not in that year.
B
No kidding. It was that slow. She was lighting with a match and.
A
Then there was burnt stuff. There's always something.
B
So Michelle's not a good cook?
A
No, she's fine. I mean it was fine. Just the turkey's not really usually a problem.
B
That's bad. Your answer was bad.
A
No, she's good.
B
She's fine. It's not a good answer. She's a good cook.
A
I just don't remember the last time.
B
She doesn't home cooked meal or bj. Which was the last you had. It's happened. It's my goal. I hit it to make Frank uncomfortable with one thing and I do it every time.
A
And it's fun. Yeah, but why am I crying?
B
I don't know. Because they're still thinking of the answer. Like I don't know. I don't even married for a minute. Yeah. So if you got a thing where you're isolating that. Yeah. Oh, that was a good laugh.
A
Oh God.
B
I didn't mean to put you on a spot.
A
No, I love it.
B
I'm sure it was a blowjob while you at a home cook. Me?
A
Yeah. One of my favorites.
B
You ever have one of those?
A
No.
B
You should ask for that for Christmas. What do you want this year, Frank? I want a blow job over meatloaf that you made. Double meat? Yeah, double meat. I'm going to do it.
A
That's the fantasy.
B
You're in the. You're in the basement kitchen, if you know what I'm saying. And I'll be up here eating out of this tops floor kitchen. Anyway, happy Thanksgiving. Getting that home cooked meal. I see what he's up to anyway. Every guy could answer a home cooked meal or blowjob. Which would you rather have, Brady? I'll start with you.
A
That's a tough one, Bob. Is it for you, Brady?
B
That's not for me at all. No Home cooked meal. We got doordash now. Start to start humming. Play the harmonica system.
A
I'm big. Home cooked meal for me.
B
You'd go over a BJ Home cook meal? Brady had to think about it. Yeah, like your favorite meal. Home cooked.
A
No, no. Close.
B
You sure?
A
Yeah.
B
I think you're just saying that. I think the way your face was for home cooked me look pretty exciting.
A
I can have both.
B
Well, see, that's what I'm saying. You get one that day. Yeah, that's it. Thanksgiving is either this or that. Thanksgiving.
A
Why is your wiener in the meat list?
B
Thanksgiving is one or the other.
A
Oh, I'd go.
B
I'd go BJ for Thanksgiving. You would forego a Thanksgiving for a bj? My God, man. That's lies. That's a lie.
A
That is a lie.
B
By the way, I'm also gay. We're all gay now. Happy Thanksgiving. It's what the Indians wanted. We got hot releases coming up in just a little bit. It's 98. It's out of control now. 98. Can you PD?
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It's Nick Toluto from Homer's morning sickness. For our friends at FanDuel who want you to know that every NFL Thursday is your chance to hit the jackpot with FanDuel. That's because with FanDuel's Thursday touchdown jackpot, you can win a share of $2 million in bonus bets each week. And to get in on this Thursday's action, all you have to do is place an anytime touchdown scorer bet before the game kicks off. And if your player scores the first or last TD of the game, you'll win your bet plus a share of bonus bets. 21 plus and present in Arizona. Opt in must apply profit boost token on select market prize pool to be split equally among all eligible participants who made the correct first or last TD pick. Bonus issued is non withdrawable bonus bets which expire 21 days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See terms@sportsbook.fanduel.com gambling problem. Call 1-800-next- step or text next step to 533-42.
B
Hey, what's up? It's Mo and my friends at the University of advancing technology has been ranked the number one best college for computer science for not one but two years in a row. Which makes total sense because UAT are on the lookout for those who don't just embrace technology, they live it. From advancing computer science and robotics to cybersecurity, gaming and artificial intelligence, UAT is where innovation thrives. So if you're ready to lead the next tech revolution, visit uat.edu mo. And don't just study tech, live it.
In this lively episode, the HMS crew – John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and special guest Frank Caliendo – blend irreverent humor with personal stories as they promote Frank's upcoming New Year’s Eve standup show at the Tempe Improv. The gang also responds to a listener email about two siblings coming out at Thanksgiving, and debates the age-old question: Would you rather have a home-cooked meal or a BJ for Thanksgiving? Expect their trademark banter, playful ribbing, and a few classic one-liners covering family dynamics, awkward holiday confessions, and nostalgia for basement kitchens.
The episode is fast-paced, irreverent, and sarcastic—true to the HMS brand. The crew’s friendly teasing and personal stories make even awkward topics approachable and funny for their audience, while the candid, unfiltered language keeps the tone casual and relatable. Blurring sincere moments with humor, the show leans fully into the chaos of family holidays.
For listeners who missed this episode:
Expect candid stories, family dysfunction, and a heavy dose of HMS-style humor as the crew navigates everything from stand-up gigs to sibling revelations to the pleasures (and perils) of Thanksgiving tradition.