11-19-25 - BR - WED - Family Discovers 800k In Gold Bars In Backyard - Racoons May Be Evolving To Become Pets - ILL Man Named Saba Bonilla Busted Swinging Gun From SUV To Pick Up Chicks

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode: 11-19-25 – Family Discovers $800k In Gold Bars In Backyard, Raccoons May Be Evolving To Become Pets, Illinois Man Waves Gun To Impress Women
Date: November 19, 2025

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Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness features the show’s signature blend of Arizona local flavor, irreverent humor, and oddball news stories. John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, and Lisa cover topics from an unbelievable treasure discovery to questionable attempts at romance, bizarre animal evolution, and Thanksgiving table talk. The episode mixes news, fun facts, video commentary, and rapid-fire banter, exemplifying the morning show’s looser, edgy comedic tone.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Grilled Cheese Weather and Celebratory Days

• Opening banter centers on the perfect weather for grilled cheese ("look outside and tell me a grilled cheese waiting for you wouldn't be awesome right now" – John, 02:03).
• Shoutout to Beckett’s Table for the ‘best grilled cheese’ (03:00).
• Fun Observance: "Happy National Have a Bad Day Day" and "World Toilet Day" get mock celebrations.

Notable Quote

"I'd take two days of wretched tummy aches and poops just to taste grilled cheese."
— John Holmberg (03:00)

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2. The Super Japanese Toilet Saga

• Ongoing tale of John’s dream to install a deluxe Japanese toilet—complete with lights, music, and bidet features.
• He needs an electrician to handle the installation due to the power requirements. The guys riff on the experience of using such toilets.

Notable Quote

"It's got the Internet... I got this thing on order."
— John Holmberg (05:11)

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3. Fun Facts: Jackass, Presidential Beards, and Death Stats

• Jackass Fun Fact: The original cast included Stephanie Hodge, who left after being seriously injured (06:17).
• Presidential Beards: Only five U.S. presidents had beards, all Republicans (06:41).
• Death Odds: You're 104 times more likely to choke to death than be struck by lightning (07:30).

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4. $800,000 in Gold Bars Discovered in France

• Follow-up on a man in France who found gold bars and coins in his backyard, worth over $800,000 (08:04).
• Police traced the gold to 20 years ago; if no heirs are found, it goes to the state.
• The crew debates what they’d do in that situation—consensus: don’t tell authorities, “go third-world” and keep or quietly launder the gold.

Notable Quote

"You find gold, you go third world on that. You do not report it."
— John Holmberg (08:39)

"If you find gold, [the government] gets it. Why? Because you can't prove it's yours."
— John Holmberg (09:46)

• They joke about melting the gold bars, sign-spinning gold buyers, and general government “greed.”

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5. Raccoons Evolving into Pets?

• University of Arkansas research: raccoons are becoming physically cuter and less disease-ridden with urban adaptation (13:29).
• Riffing on how proximity to humans speeds up “domestication syndrome” in animals like foxes and mice, not just raccoons.
• Strong feelings about the risks and reality of raccoon behavior: “They’re mean” and “will mess you up” (15:19–15:32).

Notable Quote

"They're adorable homeless people... but raccoons aren't friendly when they don't want to be."
— John Holmberg (14:43)

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6. Ridiculous Story: Illinois Man Waves Gun to Impress Women

• 27-year-old Saba Bonilla arrested in Rockford, IL after waving a semi-auto rifle out of an SUV window to try to pick up girls (15:46).
• The group comically dissects his logic and how he’s been convicted of weapons charges four times already.
• Explores racial stereotypes and what they imagine Saba looked like—a segment filled with freewheeling (often edgy) humor.

Notable Quote

"He said he was attempting to have sexual relations with them..."
— Brady (16:23)

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7. Thanksgiving Poll: Topics to Avoid

• A wine company commissioned a poll for the top 10 subjects to avoid during Thanksgiving: politics, religion, money, appearance, exes, and relationship status (18:35).
• The hosts swap stories about how quickly conversations can devolve into political fights, especially in mixed families.
• Mock strategies for keeping things civil and safe via benign conversation starters.

Notable Quote

"How many steps to get to Fox News?"
— John Holmberg (20:07)

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8. Product News: Heinz Squeezable Gravy

• Brady delivers with uncharacteristic efficiency: Heinz has released a squeezable gravy bottle, exclusive at Walmart for leftover sandwiches (22:08).

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9. Viral and Shocking Videos

• Arizona Road Rage: Video breakdown of a local road rage incident involving cars, fights, and an indifferent stray dog (23:06).
• Arizona Asians Instagram: Discovery and lampooning of an Instagram page allegedly about Asians in Arizona but featuring mostly car accidents.
• The hosts speculate about its origins, intended audience, and the stereotypes it (uncomfortably) traffics in (27:29).

Memorable Exchange

"Arizona Asians is just car wrecks. Which is hilarious."
— John Holmberg (27:31)

• Sinus Extraction Video: Grotesque but compelling video commentary on a massive booger extraction (28:36).
• Industrial Accident Training Film: Over-the-top safety film that plays out every workplace disaster imaginable (29:21).
• Pepper Spray Cop: Video (possibly AI) of a cop calmly pepper spraying an angry woman (31:04).
• Manhole Mishap: Surveillance video of a woman and her dog falling into a manhole (33:12).
• Goat Attack & Other Oddities: Series of bizarre, sometimes NSFW clips, including goat attacks and sex toy mishaps.

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10. NSFW Oddities & Final Banter

• Commentary on the Asian sex doll market and a notorious vacuum/sex toy video (32:14–37:04).
• John reminisces about his dad’s infatuation with a hot Electrolux vacuum saleswoman, injecting a bit of storytelling nostalgia to close the main content.

Notable Quote

“The best part is you can't hear it over the vacuum destroying his penis.”
— John Holmberg (37:13)

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Memorable Moments & Quotes (with Timestamps)

• Grilled Cheese Weather — “Look outside and tell me a grilled cheese waiting for you wouldn't be awesome right now.” (John, 02:03)
• Toilet Tech — “It's got the Internet... I got this thing on order.” (John, 05:11)
• Gold Bar Ethics — “You find gold, you go third world on that. You do not report it.” (John, 08:39)
• On Avoiding Thanksgiving Drama — “How many steps to get to Fox News?” (John, 20:07)
• Arizona Asians Page — “Arizona Asians is just car wrecks. Which is hilarious.” (John, 27:31)
• NSFW Vacuum Mishap — “The best part is you can't hear it over the vacuum destroying his penis.” (John, 37:13)

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Notable Segment Timestamps

• Grilled Cheese Banter: 01:34–04:30
• Japanese Toilet Discussion: 05:09–05:46
• Gold Bars Found in France: 08:04–10:45
• Raccoons Becoming Pets: 13:29–15:46
• Saba Bonilla Gun Story: 15:46–17:12
• Thanksgiving Conversation Topics: 18:35–21:18
• Road Rage & Arizona Asians: 23:06–27:39

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Conclusion

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness delivers an amusing, candid ride through weird news, pop culture, questionable behavior, and personal anecdotes. The panel’s sharp, occasionally edgy wit is on full display as they bounce from international headlines to local oddities and NSFW viral videos, all punctuated by memorable one-liners and banter.

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Note:
This summary intentionally omits ad reads, station promos, and non-content filler per instructions.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by mmpguns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

Easy. LegalGunbuyer do. And he can do it all online. It's really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

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[John Holmberg]

There you go. It's Falling in Reverse. It's voices in my head. Another one that visually we're just talking about that off here. You can like song, not like song, love song, hate song. You can't beat Google and that one. Put it on YouTube and watch the video they put together. Falling in Reverse does some stuff that's just outrageous. That dude's girlfriend is the wrestler, right?

[Brett Vesely]

That I'm not sure.

[John Holmberg]

She come in here. I think that was the guy from Falling in Reverse that she's.

[Brett Vesely]

I remember we had.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The hot wrestler that came in and she was pretty sure that's who it was. The visuals on their stuff is unmatched. Before we get to the Brady Report, TJ said, john, I just caught the tail end of you talking about grilled cheese. What was the place? It's. I'm telling you, Beckett's table it. Here's the thing. I'll say it from my experience. It's the best grilled cheese you can get. And on a day like today, which is grilled cheese day, look outside. Tell me a grilled cheese waiting for you wouldn't be awesome right now. I'm sorry, lactose intolerant people. It's not my fault God hates you. You're missing out on the grilled cheese. I would be like, I would take two days of wretched tummy aches and poops just to taste grilled cheese. But Beckett's table has a great one. You may know of a better one. I'm not in it to argue. I'm just saying it's a really good one. You're not going to be disappointed at Beckett's tables. Grilled cheese. This guy says, I just caught the tail end of you talking grilled cheese. I normally wouldn't message about food at the risk of sounding like Brady, but the chef show on Netflix shows in detail how to make a five cheese grilled cheese. The wife and I make it on sourdough and it will change you. Grilled cheese is one of those things where we all turn into Brady. It's a knee buckling food when it's right. Nothing better than the dirty ass grilled cheese sandwich. Oh, you can't help it. Look outside right now and tell me like, hey, Brett, you want a grilled cheese? Like just the skies says grilled cheese. So good. No. Evidently the guy from Falling in Reverse and that wrestler have broken up. Oh, okay. Just recently. Thank you, Switzerland. He's all things falling in reverse. Drama. He goes on Reddit pages, talks about their love life. It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report, which is brought to you by our [e-mail] Now, I know on a day like this, you're like, what do I need shade for? You know better. This is rare. So you get your shady awnings, you get all your stuff up, and a day like this, they'll be sucked up. You won't even notice them against your house. That's what they do at all. Pro shades. They make it part of your house, not just something stuck to your house. And you see some of those people that put those awnings or those sales or something like that just looks funny. And all they're seeking out is a little shade in a place like around the pool or something like that. Think about it. Now, all the places in the summer you can't walk because it'll burn your feet or you can't sit because the sun just pounds on you. All Pro Shade can get that done now. Have you ready for those Sunny, sunny days. AllProche.com when you get a motorized shade right now you're going to get yourself a heater thrown in there for nothing so you can enjoy the outdoors on a cool day like this under the beauty of an all Pro shade awning or blind. Keep it together. Get it now. All prochet.com Brady reported.

[Brady]

Good Wednesday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello world.

[Commercial Announcer]

Hi.

[Brady]

Happy National. Have a bad day day.

[John Holmberg]

Have a bad day day.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like intentionally. Yeah. I can't. Grilled cheese son a nap.

[Brady]

It's already started. Pretty strong.

[John Holmberg]

You gave me a blanket right now I'd lay on the sidewalk. It's just one of those.

[Brady]

And it's world Toilet day. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I still got to get on mine. Not on the toilet. I gotta buy. I gotta buy that I'm still in the mix for my awesome super Japanese toilet.

[Brett Vesely]

In fact, that was done.

[John Holmberg]

No, it is. I just have to get an electrician to come rearrange my. I have a guy. So don't all of your. I'm sure all of you. Showtime. Kevin Falcone wants to start calling the SS and I had to give him a history lesson. But I have to reverse my electric from one one side of the room to the other to make this thing go because it takes up a ton of juice. It's not just a plug in. It's like a full on thing of its own.

[Brady]

I sent you that picture, the one I used.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, yeah. At that guy's house.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's a different. Did you take a dump at his house though or did you wash up?

[Brady]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah. You got to use the wand. It is life changing. And it got lights on the bottom and it lights up and it plays music and it talks to you and it's got information. It's got the Internet. I got this thing on order. I just have to finish the deal. I'll do that. That's my rainy day project. That and windshield wipers. Because I am an absolute road hazard breaker. And a grilled cheese.

[Brady]

A couple of basis fun facts. The original cast of Jackass included a female cast member named Stephanie Hodge.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she was on there a couple times.

[Brady]

She was brutally injured during a stunt left the group. She broke her back and pelvis and was nearly paralyzed.

[John Holmberg]

Wasn't she in one of the movies? She didn't do anything but she hung around.

[Brady]

Remember?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Only five U.S. presidents have had beards and all five were Republican.

[John Holmberg]

Garfield, Lincoln. What the hell? Arthur?

[Brady]

No, sir.

[John Holmberg]

He had huge sideburns. That doesn't count as a beard.

[Brady]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

All right, was he president? Maybe he never was president. Buchanan?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh man, I'm lost now. All right, go.

[Brady]

Ulysses, Grant.

[John Holmberg]

Damn it.

[Brady]

Rutherford B. Hayes.

[John Holmberg]

All in that same time frame between the 70s and 90s of the 1800s.

[Brady]

Old Benny Harrison.

[John Holmberg]

They call them. I think they're. I think they're called the forgotten five. The presidents after Lincoln up until about 1895. There's a bunch of them in there. They just don't even know.

[Brady]

You're at least 104 times more likely to choke to death than die from being struck by lightning.

[John Holmberg]

Well, because you eat every day. That makes sense. They're supposed to eat every day. Some of those college girls don't. And good on them keeping it together. Keep it tight, sister.

[Brady]

This is a little follow up story from about a couple weeks ago. Do you remember the guy was bought a house in France and was in the backyard digging a hole and discovers some gold.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah.

[Brady]

Gold bars. And some coins. The gold bars. And it was. Everything was estimated to be about $800,000 plus. Well, the police found out where the gold bars were made.

[John Holmberg]

They did.

[Brady]

They were made 20 years ago. And they said they got a hold the loot and give it time.

[John Holmberg]

Found the owner.

[Brady]

Yeah, and if the owners have passed away and there's no heir, the treasure would go to the state.

[John Holmberg]

Again. You find gold, you go third world on that. You do not report it. If I find tons of gold, my. But what if it's stolen? So what? I was digging a pool and I found gold. I'm keeping that.

[Brady]

Well, a couple from England, which was earlier this year, had found some coins from like, I forget which king, but they're about 700 years old. They sold it for like 20 coins. 416,000. They got the key.

[John Holmberg]

First call I make is Brett. What do I do? What do you got? I found 800 grand worth of gold bars digging a hole in my yard. I'll be over in a minute. The state ain't getting it, I'll tell you that. They don't even pay taxes off regular jobs. Brett's people, let alone found gold. And I guarantee you I'm not going to get 800 grand out of that. No, but I might get four. Oh yeah, and that's a pretty nice cut. And I don't have to deal with anything. And I'll put it on you guys. We'll launder the hell out of that gold. Give me a shovel. Brett and I are going searching. Is that true of the lost Dutchman? All those old people that die every year in the summer when they go out and look for the lost Dutchman's gold? If they find it, doesn't it belong to someone? Technically. So the state will get it. It's basically probate. This is a great commercial for Trajan wealth. If you don't have your. These pricks. These government pricks will steal all your money. If you don't have it buttoned up with legal stuff, if you find gold, they get it. Why? Because you can't prove it's yours. You can't either. But it was on our state land. It's on my land. That's ours now. The mob is cleaner than that.

[Brady]

Yeah. And I like, that's where straight.

[Brett Vesely]

What we're doing.

[Brady]

He found it, and there's no heirs or anything.

[John Holmberg]

And it's. The weird thing is, it's the decency of that human being to say, hey, I don't know, this might not be on the up and up, but I found some gold in my backyard, and I don't want to get in trouble. And the state's like, that's great. Good for you. We're keeping that. Well, wait a second. Do I get anything for this? For being a good citizen?

[Brady]

No Reward. No.

[Lisa]

By the way, that was Brett's first on air admission.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That. He's a mom. We do.

[Brett Vesely]

He said.

[John Holmberg]

That is true. That's a good point. No, no.

[Brett Vesely]

You said it was gonna be honest about it. That's right.

[John Holmberg]

We're honest about it.

[Commercial Announcer]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

He's honest about it.

[Brady]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

The Cosa Nostra. You know the life, baby. But I'm calling Brett a minute. I'm like, I know you goof about this, but you know Sammy the Bull, right? Madam. All right. Take me to him, Sammy. You know, then I'm a target for the mom. This kid's got $800,000 in gold bars. I'm like, I'm giving them to you. I'm not asking for much other than to just be part of this. You can have half, and that's when those guys are your pals.

[Brady]

Absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not gonna go in there and go get this done for me. I'm like, look, let's split this. It's worth it to me that you get half of this to keep these idiots off my back.

[Brady]

First of all, I mean, I'm no professional, but I'm thinking if you find gold bars and they're like, oh, we know where they're made.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

I'm creating a little fire and melting that. It's liquid gold.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brady]

Make it into a lump.

[John Holmberg]

There's a dude that stands on 16th and Bethany with a sign every day. It says, we buy gold. Okay, well, I've got that. I just found a lot of it, so I'm going to bleed that out over the next few months. Found another one.

[Lisa]

I'm guessing he doesn't buy the gold, right?

[Brady]

No, no.

[John Holmberg]

He just spins the sign.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

The dudes in the. I would hope not. There's two places not telling him nothing. If he's spinning, there's a. Well, he just spins the sign. He's homeless. He's up on another street spinning. The sign says, make your own pizza. I see him all over the place.

[Lisa]

Imagine some idiot going, all right, here's my gold.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Megan's dad gives him money and, like, he's got to eat. And I'm like, he's fat as. This dude's getting fatter by the day. He's a. He's a homeless. That's just. He's like magic Johnson with aids. He just got huge. He's not. He ain't suffering for food. So he does the we buy gold spinnies, but next to it is the jo Chris cupcake store. I'm like, man, there's a lot going on in this shopping. And then that's Texas grill.

[Brady]

Any good at spinning or he just holds?

[John Holmberg]

No. He's funny because it's almost like if Michael j. Fox was a sign spinner. He just kind of. He just kind of shakes the sign.

[Brett Vesely]

So tax season. Is he wearing the statue of liberty outfit, too?

[Brady]

Never.

[John Holmberg]

Well, not on that corner. He still buys gold. And up the road, when you're. When they don't want to buy gold anymore for a couple days, he goes up the road and spends a sign for some pizza place. But he doesn't spin it. And he. His head's down. He's. He go on 16th and Bethany. He's there every day. Sometimes he's on the Starbucks side. Sometimes he's over by Texas grill. But when you stop, he just. He doesn't lift his head, but his eyes go up and he stares directly at you. And then the sign just starts shaking. He doesn't. There's no effort involved.

[Brett Vesely]

Withdrawals.

[John Holmberg]

A lot of the times it could be. A lot of the times the arrow's not even pointing towards. It's just, come on, We're Close enough you can figure this out pointing across the street. Sometimes you just. It's like he's having a little seizure. Just pushes it back and forth. It's just the signs moving around.

[Brady]

Researchers say raccoons may be inching closer to becoming pets.

[John Holmberg]

Don't do this. You want this to be a thing.

[Brady]

Don't worry.

[Lisa]

Is this an organized raccoon study from.

[Brady]

The University of Arkansas Department of Biology found that raccoons are physically changing in response to their interaction with humans.

[John Holmberg]

Because they eat our trash.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

John Holmberg's morning sickness the 98 KUPD.

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[John Holmberg]

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[Brady]

Holmberg's morning sickness and by physically changing, they mean their faces are evolving to look cuter. Yep. They're not dumpster diving. They're. They're, they're basically becoming less disease ridden.

[John Holmberg]

They're adorable homeless people. They beg for things. And the cuter they are, the more and the nicer they are, the better their chances are. Getting some of your granola.

[Brady]

One biologist says once wild animals start spending time in the proximity of people, they become a little bit less afraid and perhaps even start showing physical signs of domestication syndrome. Raccoons aren't the only animals that's happening to foxes and mice or live in urban areas and have a softer facial features.

[Lisa]

But we've called it a.

[John Holmberg]

They're mean.

[Brady]

They're mean.

[John Holmberg]

Raccoons aren't friendly when they don't want to be. And they get real strong real fast.

[Brady]

And once. Yeah. They get to a certain age, they get crotchety.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

So do all of us.

[Brady]

I tried it.

[John Holmberg]

That's true of every human and animal. Get a little older, you get a little. They do crotchety. But you can't claw someone's eyes out when you're 80. You're gonna get beat up for lack of trying. A raccoon will mess you up.

[Brady]

A guy in Rockford, Illinois, got arrested on Friday after hanging out the side of his car and swinging a gun around because he thought the ladies would like it. Someone called 911 after they saw 27 year old Saba Bania hanging out the window of a black SUV and waving a semi automatic rifle. It was a Smith and Wesson. It looked like an AR15.

[Lisa]

I'm right here, ladies.

[John Holmberg]

Look, if I had a friend named Saba, I'd be like, hey Saba, you know what the ladies like? What is that, my friend? They like when you hang out a window and wave your gun around and scream.

[Brady]

The gun sitting in the back seat of the SUV when the cops caught up with him. He also had a large capacity magazine with 30 volts hidden in his pant leg. At least two women were in the car with him and when the cops asked why he waved the gun around, he said he was attempting to have sexual relations with them and believe the.

[John Holmberg]

Women like these things under the understanding that when the women are not dressed like beekeepers, they are horny for guys with power.

[Brady]

Turns out he's been convicted on weapons charges four separate times.

[Lisa]

Oh no.

[Brady]

They arrested him for unlawful possession of a gun. He's doing court December 16th.

[John Holmberg]

You know what though? Speaking like the raccoons have evolved to being cuter, the terrorists have evolved to have better lies. When they got caught about to shoot up a building, I wanted to sex the ladies.

[Brady]

What does Saba Bonilla look like?

[John Holmberg]

No, Saba Bania is exactly what I'm saying. He's got a beard. Just a beard. No mustache. Just a beard. Chin strap, dark, devil like eyes. A hat.

[Lisa]

So what age you think in 2027?

[John Holmberg]

I was gonna say 28. I didn't. I don't remember. Maybe it was subconscious that I thought that big white sheet for a shirt.

[Lisa]

Come on now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, everything When I say whatever pops into your head immediately is what he looks like.

[Lisa]

All right, I'll go anti. I'm gonna say trucker hat.

[John Holmberg]

He's a white and pure white Saba Bonilla.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm going doughboy from Boys in the Hood.

[John Holmberg]

It's a black guy.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Saba Bonilla is at spive's closest. He's kind of just like Post Malone. Middle Eastern Post Malone. Yeah. Don't call him Jesus. That'll. They'll go through the roof.

[Brett Vesely]

Sorry.

[John Holmberg]

He hates that you say I look like Jesus.

[Brady]

These women love it.

[John Holmberg]

The chicks, they dig the gunplay. You put their hats on, go cover up your head and ankles. No, don't show, don't care. But what is going down in my hood? Islamabad. Boys in the hood.

[Brady]

A wine company commissioned the poll about Thanksgiving and asked people according to the top 10 topics we should not. We should avoid on Thanksgiving. Politics.

[John Holmberg]

Politics. Religion.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Lisa]

Gay.

[Brady]

Money.

[John Holmberg]

Money. Gay.

[Brady]

Appearance or weight.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, you know, well, you don't do that at Thanksgiving or any other time. Start telling baby. Hey, you're looking a little sat there and coming up your bag. Quiet down, piggy. Stay away from the mashed potatoes. You've had enough starch.

[Brady]

Their ex. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You don't talk about any of it. That's common knowledge. Say, how's Tracy, Brad?

[Brady]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Past the potatoes, you prick.

[Brady]

Personal show.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I understand you're out of work. That must be tough. And fat.

[Brady]

I said current relationship status. What, are you writing a book?

[John Holmberg]

I don't remember hiring you as my biographer. What's with all the questions? What are you supposed to talk about that would be more helpful. Give me five things that are easy to get through out of Thanksgiving. I can. I'll. I'll tell you this.

[Brady]

Well, it's easy even if, like, you know, they said relationship status. How's it going with everything? Oh, good.

[John Holmberg]

I'll tell you this right now, even.

[Brady]

If it's not, you know.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, it's a hell of a conversation.

[John Holmberg]

Here's the challenge.

[Brady]

Then they're done with the question.

[John Holmberg]

But here's the challenge. I could give you five topics that seem safe. We could play a game with my mom and any other person.

[Lisa]

How many steps does it take?

[John Holmberg]

How many steps to get to Fox News?

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

How many steps? And like, hi, how's your. How's Matthia doing? She's still working at a bar. Bet you they got a lot of Mexicans bartending there. Oh, here we go. Biden's America. Not my mom. But that's an exaggeration. Although a couple of pops in her. You're going to hear about immigration. Oh, you're going to hear about immigration.

[Lisa]

Yeah. I tell Lisa. I'm like, you can't drink because she can't do it. The rest of your family is people pure red.

[John Holmberg]

And she can't do it because she's pure blue.

[Lisa]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So she's triggered easily by just a simple joke.

[Lisa]

There's been a few times.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm sure of it. And you have to take her in the other room and go, how. How soon until she's talking about Ms. Now, the new network formerly known as MSNBC or other people in the family talking about Fox News. You can have a conversation about flowers. And if there's a. If there's a crazy communist like Toledo's got, and she's up against some reds. The other reds.

[Lisa]

One of the cousins already said two steps.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, two steps till Lisa says something.

[Lisa]

Yep, he's been there. Vince has been.

[John Holmberg]

Because if you even say, like, my God, the flowers on the camelback right now with all this rain, you know that's not gonna end if we leave the French trump environmental thing. Oh, here we go.

[Lisa]

So to her credit, usually, and the family's credit, it usually doesn't jump to start with Fox News or. Oh, no, like you said, one, two steps. It'll start with the appetizers.

[John Holmberg]

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm coming over to your house for Thanksgiving. I'm gonna sit at the table, and my first words are gonna be, how's everybody doing? Oh, we're great. How are you? Mom, Donnie, go do that because they're.

[Lisa]

All from Long Island.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You have the funnest Thanksgiving.

[Brady]

It's.

[Lisa]

I love throwing the now we got.

[John Holmberg]

A communist mayor panic.

[Brady]

It's over.

[Brett Vesely]

Please set up some ring cameras in the conversation grenade.

[John Holmberg]

Mom, Donnie. Miho. I would just. Sam Elliot that. And then I'd. Then you'd see. Where did John go? Oh, he said, mom, Donnie, and he left. Jerk.

[Brady]

Heinz has launched its first ever squeezable gravy bottle featuring home style turkey gravy. It's called leftover gravy specifically for the sandwiches.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh.

[Brady]

It's available exclusively at Walmart. Com.

[John Holmberg]

All right, you. That is the best delivery you've ever given of any story. The most clear, concise, all the sentences. There wasn't a pause. There wasn't that three words.

[Brady]

Why couldn't I stumble on that?

[Lisa]

The previous one about the poll took you about four.

[John Holmberg]

All of a sudden he's Rod. Roddy. Sold. [e-mail]. thanks. First time I've ever said Brady is a serious broadcaster. He meant that one. And by the way, they make that story. They make that ste. Stuff out of that lady's armpit. Oh, leftover gravy, they call it.

[Brady]

I got a couple of radio videos. First one's a little road rage right here in Arizona.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, here we go.

[Lisa]

We've been finding a few.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's been a couple.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Last week we had that horrible crash.

[Brady]

There might be cussing on this, but.

[John Holmberg]

I don't how to make a right turn in Arizona. It says, oh, guys getting out of his car right there. Oh, and another guy just hits him and pushes. He hits. He's trying to push him to say, you're not going. Oh, it's a rotors now the other guy's standing on the car that hit his.

[Brady]

Now a dog kicking the winter.

[John Holmberg]

There's a dog. This is 27th Avenue. What is the intersection? I want to know. That has av.

[Lisa]

I'm trying to see the sign up there.

[Brady]

He's going for the dog.

[John Holmberg]

I guess it's av. Oh, no. He hit the guy. Holy smokes. That's got to be. I'm guessing clear.

[Brett Vesely]

We care more about the street than what happened.

[John Holmberg]

I'm thinking something like. It's got to have a. There's a 20 or a 30 next year. Oh, Ave. Is. That goes without saying. This dude's just. And the Mexican music isn't helping the stereotype.

[Lisa]

Oh, there's the dog.

[Brett Vesely]

The video for the Maryvale chamber.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, this was their visit Maryvale video. He's got a car and he brought it and he hit him and then he ran away. Yeah. I gotta tell you, Brady, I don't think that anybody cares about the dog. I think the dog is just going about his 43rd Avenue Peoria business like a regular. He's going to work.

[Brady]

Know of all the places to stand back in the middle of the road the other way.

[John Holmberg]

The dog might have gotten out of the car because he saw what was coming.

[Lisa]

Disabled, Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, and he's about to be. This dude cuts around the 43rd Avenue and Peoria.

[Lisa]

By the way, this was posted by Arizona Asians, so maybe there's just.

[John Holmberg]

Click on that real quick.

[Lisa]

All right, all right.

[John Holmberg]

What are they doing? What are you. What are you guys up to?

[Lisa]

22,000 local.

[John Holmberg]

That's an Indian.

[Brady]

How.

[Lisa]

Pima Kim, Those are Indians. Why so many Mexicans have Filipino DNA? That's one of their videos.

[John Holmberg]

I know that.

[Brady]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

What's with all the pictures of Indians.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

And crashed cars. That's racist.

[Lisa]

Came here to the Arizona territory. They came across our ancestors and they asked them. They said.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you think our ancestors spoke Spanish? They were Asian. So they replied, pimach.

[Lisa]

Pimach means I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

So then those. Why is Arizona Asian so focused on this tribal speech? And then everything I'm seeing is just car accident.

[Lisa]

Here's another one.

[John Holmberg]

Is that what. It's waymos hitting each other. Is this a joke? Arizona Asians. And it's just dedicated to car wrecks in some sort of bigoted way.

[Brett Vesely]

That's not my website.

[John Holmberg]

No, I was gonna say. Brett, are you the. What's that one? There's one Asian.

[Brady]

Start following this one.

[John Holmberg]

Click on the Asian lady And see what she's. A simple trick to squeeze out every last drop of lotion when it feels empty. And was shocked by how much she saved.

[Lisa]

Take a look.

[John Holmberg]

She's opening the lotion bottle. She's got a theragun massager. She's putting it against the lotion bottle and massaging out the lotion. Usually you do need both of these items. Wow, look at that. It's a half a bottle of lotion coming out of there. Barragan, your lotion.

[Lisa]

All right, I'll tell Alex today.

[John Holmberg]

It works. So.

[Brady]

Yeah. She got half the bottle.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They're an innovative people. Discovered a simple trick. They are. Why is there Mexican doing the voiceover? Yeah, just go get some more lubric.

[Lisa]

And then there's a black guy.

[John Holmberg]

What's going on on Asian Arizona? Oh, they're making bacon tender and super tasty, just like the dishes served in restaurants. After soaking, mix the pork belly with ginger, garlic, a little oyster sauce, pepper salt, and some peanut oil. Coat it evenly with a spoonful of starch. Asian bacon. Brady, stop. Put your pants up.

[Commercial Announcer]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Arizona Asians. It says.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

And it's just car accidents.

[Commercial Announcer]

Brett.

[Brett Vesely]

Don't look at me.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna have you talk to Tripp later. You gotta take down your new stupid Instagram page.

[Lisa]

Apparently, it's sponsored by Learner and row.

[John Holmberg]

Learn and row are involved. One nine.

[Brady]

Oh, oh, oh.

[John Holmberg]

Because it's car accident.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's helpful. Asians need to know that number. Morning sickness. The 98. KUPD. Holmberg's morning sickness. This is racist. Arizona Asians.

[Brady]

Second one.

[Lisa]

Call Lerner and Row.

[John Holmberg]

Arizona Asians is just car wrecks. Which is hilarious.

[Brady]

Whoever did the profile say on the.

[John Holmberg]

That is so funny.

[Lisa]

The official 26 years of helping us serve the community.

[John Holmberg]

It's the official Asian social club of Arizona since 1999. And literally, Ian Schwartz follows it.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

All right. It's just car.

[Lisa]

He might have been listening to us and just did that.

[John Holmberg]

That's just wrong.

[Brady]

I think he's been there for a while.

[John Holmberg]

Come on. You can't have, like, a foodie guy.

[Brady]

There's foodie.

[John Holmberg]

If you had Arizona Mexicans, the Instagram page, and it was just places where strawberries grow. Okay. Can't do that. Or just good Home Depot Parking lots.

[Lisa]

Another one for Native American.

[John Holmberg]

She's an Indian. What are they doing on the Asian much about it?

[Vrbo Announcer]

Here are some facts that might surprise you. It's celebrated in November, timed with the harvest season to honor the rich History.

[John Holmberg]

What is going on On Arizona Asians. The Indians have taken it over.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Huh. All right, well, we learned something.

[Brady]

Next was a little nose procedure. It's got bad sinus.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's got tweezers in the nostrils. This never ends good. They're pulling out a block or something. What is that? Oh, is that a big booger? Was that a fish?

[Brady]

Watch this.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. It's some sort of. It's melted caramel. And it's in this guy's nostril.

[Lisa]

Has he never blown his nose?

[John Holmberg]

It does look like a. Like a fish.

[Brady]

A fish, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, and then it turns into just a melted. It looks like when they split up a Snickers bar on tv. Oh, my God.

[Lisa]

I still have Snickers.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Well, break it in half and take a look at it when you stretch that caramel.

[Brady]

This is a workers comp insurance film that employees have to watch.

[John Holmberg]

We're in a factory of some sort.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's. Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Jesus. It's real. It's real. Horrible things that can happen. You on the job. Oh, a nail shoots up into a guy's eye.

[Lisa]

Dad's worst fear.

[John Holmberg]

A guy swings a. Oh. Guy's stuck into a. Just spun him up. Oh, it's just every tragedy in the office.

[Brady]

Look at this one. Oh, the tank.

[John Holmberg]

A hydraulic tank gets loose and hits a guy in the head. A forklift tipping over and crushing a dude. It's every accident that can happen in an industrial setting recreated. Don't let this happen. At worst, smooshed a dummy. Oh, my God.

[Brady]

What is happening?

[Lisa]

Is there an end to this?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brady]

Now it's. That's.

[John Holmberg]

Did Michael Scott make that? Some dude just fell onto a.

[Brady]

Things that can happen here at the.

[Lisa]

Warehouse and that say Final Destination, OSHA edition.

[John Holmberg]

It was horrible.

[Brett Vesely]

People are saying about the website there. Well, India is part of Asia, dude.

[John Holmberg]

Not those. Yeah, I know.

[Brett Vesely]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

You know, Cleveland. Wahoo. The feather ones. Not the ones that poop at Tempe Town Lake, maybe. I don't know. Not the dudes and dresses who serve food that's inedible. Inedible.

[Brady]

You're not serving food with their feet. Yeah, that's true.

[John Holmberg]

If you can't tell the difference, then you're not playing along. All right, Brett, what do you got?

[Brett Vesely]

All right, start off with. Hang on, let me rewind this. They're saying this would be me if I was a cop.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. It's a police officer with some lady yelling at us. Right in his face. He's smiling. She's losing it. She's an inch from this guy's face, and he just pepper sprayed her from an inch. Oh, and he had a big smile on his face. They're like.

[Brett Vesely]

That would be Brett just smiling.

[John Holmberg]

He's smiling because he knows. Oh, he put it right in her mouth. Is that AI?

[Brady]

I think it looks a little.

[Lisa]

She starts her scream a little early.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, that just might be a sound issue. Still.

[Brady]

Awesome.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I hope it's not. All right, here's a sex mouth. You can buy one of these mouths.

[Brady]

That just attach it to.

[John Holmberg]

And he put it on a vacuum. He put the sex mouth on the end of a vacuum, and now he's got his partially erect penis and it's. Here we go. Oh, my God. That was so bad.

[Brett Vesely]

Brady.

[John Holmberg]

You don't find that funny? That was so bad. Brady can't relate to that. I think all of us can think about almost doing that. Oh, you were mad about the pews. Brady likes a nice, shorn Japanese penis. I mean, this does not go well at all. That is horrible.

[Brett Vesely]

Dude.

[John Holmberg]

It's such good intentions, too. We're about to have the best day ever. I'll figure out a way to make a vacuum. A sex robot. That one actually putting six mouth on the end of a vacuum. And it would suck for hours. No more women necessary.

[Brady]

Oh, man. That's the 10th one.

[Brett Vesely]

That could be a bottom of the top 10.

[John Holmberg]

That's. Yeah, that's just fun. That's a good opener. Yeah. Okay, here's another one.

[Brett Vesely]

Lady with her dog.

[John Holmberg]

We got surveillance cameras. She's getting out of one of these. She's getting out of what looks like a. No, it's not cool. It's nothing cool about that.

[Lisa]

AUTOMATED. That's a tuk tuk.

[John Holmberg]

And. Oh, she fell in her manhole. She got out of this little, weird tiny matchbox car. Her dog's standing there. Smart enough, she stands in a manhole, and it swallows her completely. Swallowed her. Now she belongs to the beast. Oh, my God. Yeah. Down she went. And their manhole covers are, like, on spinners. Holy smokes. Yeah, she's dead.

[Brady]

I don't know. Because the dog, she went down there with a leash.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Trying to grab onto the sewer in that country. That dog wasn't gonna last through lunch to go to Asian Arizonans and see. I bet you it's on there.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, we got this one off that page.

[John Holmberg]

There's a big lady. Oh, just attacked by a goat. Ran for the can she's holding on top of a trash can to defend herself from a rogue goat. That dude just laughed and the goat took her down. He horned her. These are fun today. Other than that new nose thing.

[Brett Vesely]

This one. This. The. The. The title is this must have been the broad that Trump was talking about.

[John Holmberg]

Piggy off the Peppa Pig page. Peppa Pig. I'm Peppa Pig.

[Brady]

She kind of looks like.

[John Holmberg]

This is my little brother George. It cut to a fat lady wearing a pig snout having relations with a man. Get him, little piggy. I gotta tell you something. Whoever the dude is in that video is my idol because he got a fat girl to wear the nose and say oink, oink during sex.

[Brett Vesely]

And he stayed erect during it.

[John Holmberg]

Wow, that's. I mean, look, he's looked like she.

[Brady]

Was on a board.

[John Holmberg]

He's a special man. Huh?

[Brady]

Didn't look like it was a dude.

[John Holmberg]

It probably wasn't a real human being. Nobody would have sex with her. But the fact that she put the nose on and said oink, oink. She had to get talked into that.

[Brett Vesely]

Here's the new Asian sex dolls.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett Vesely]

Don't need the rest of the.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Just ahead. And it attaches to the end of your chair and goes through the motions of the up and down of oral sex.

[Sleep Number Announcer]

This technology is revolutionary.

[John Holmberg]

It's the most amazing invention ever. You know who came up with that? The dude with that vacuum sex mouth. The next day, okay, that didn't work. We try a new thing and decapitated a woman. Okay, here's somebody's. What is that? A mouth? Okay, we've got somebody duct taped in. All red duct tape. They are missing their arms and legs. They're from the knees down and from the elbows down. They've been amputated and their whole body is wrapped up in duct tape. Their mouth is spread open with a speculum and their head and eyes are all taped up. They're shoving a. They're having a gimp eat. That was just weird.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. So that's it. That's all we got.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't even know what fun today.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know that last one.

[Brett Vesely]

No, there's really nothing.

[John Holmberg]

Where do you get red tape like that? Holy smokes. Well, that was fun. It was fun, everybody. I really enjoyed that vacuum guy because, you know, when he. He was sitting at work one day and he goes, wait a minute. When that idea dawned on him, oh, what the hell? I have to go home. Let's see. Let's take a look at that again. I don't know what he's Seen in Japanese, but it has to be. I'm so excited. You're never gonna see. Listen to him scream. The best part is him and you can't hear it over the vacuum destroying his penis. But listen to him in the background screaming. It just did not go well. That the vacuum is too good. Dangerous. Should I have a warning sticker? Oh, how I survived my teen years without trying that once is beyond. Yeah, I mean I thought about it when my dad bought that Electrolux and we called him the girl. Little piggy. Yeah. From that hot door to door salesman. 19 year old girl sold him a 1200 vacuum in 1993. It's like a four thousand dollar vacuum for no reason. We had a two thousand square foot house in the. Some of it was wood and tile, a couple of rugs to vacuum. I died. Marcy's gonna love this. But I looked at that thing and had attachments and hoses and spaces.

[Brady]

Put the wood floor attachment on there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, hell yeah. That was probably what he was thinking.

[Brett Vesely]

Was that the one he would go and lift a couple dumbbells real quick.

[John Holmberg]

When they came over and.

[Lisa]

Oh yeah.

[Brady]

Pump us well up.

[John Holmberg]

Her name was Lisa and I. The fact she wasn't in 80s rock videos is still a mystery. Why like if anyone from Bang Tango would have seen her that she'd have been in their video the next day.

[Brady]

Because she's the number one vacuum.

[John Holmberg]

Well, she ended up. She was so hot. She just wanted some money. And somebody's like some guys like you could sell vacuums for it. Worst thing ever to put that angel in a situation where she went door to door. She was going to sell a lot of vacuums, but she was also probably going to get kidnapped or murdered. Definitely touched inappropriately, but yeah. My dad. When Lisa would come over on a Saturday, my sister would get in a bathing suit. What's going on? Some of the girls are gonna come over, gonna go swimming. Who? Tina and Tracy and I think Lisa. I'll be right back. You go grab that curl bar and just hear for like 15 minutes breathing it out. Comes back in his shirt, he's all swollen. What are they getting here? Another hour. God damn it. You have to take a break, have some wheat germ and then go back and do it again. When the doorbell rang, I was gonna go swimming too. Don't come out, dad. Especially in those weird boner shorts you wear. It's not boner shorts. I just prefer a tighter swimsuit.

[Brady]

Quit it.

[John Holmberg]

Leave us out there. Ding dong. I got it. I'll get it. Don't answer that door yet.

[Brady]

17.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus Christ. We got a couple more plates. If I get 10 push ups in real quick, I can. The chest will be tight too. Oh, it's Dana's little friend. What was your name again darling?

[Brady]

Lisa.

[John Holmberg]

That's right, Lisa. Your shorts are small, sir. Well, that's what I can't help it. There's a lot of big things in there. Not so much about small shorts as what's filling them. Anyway, they're in the backyard in the pool, next to the camera. I mean the lemonade. There you go everybody. That is your Brady Report. It's 98. It's out of control now.

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