11-20-25 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Episode Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – 11-20-25 FULL SHOW (Thursday, 98 KUPD Arizona)

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness, hosted by John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Byron, Dick Toledo, and Dale Hellestray, delivers comedic, sometimes irreverent takes on everything from traffic woes and holiday toys to celebrity scandals and the dynamics of marriage and friendship. The show blends local flavor, news, cultural commentary, and morning banter, culminating in a featured phone interview with standup comedian Joe Koy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Weather and Arizona Mornings

• Rain, Traffic & "Stay Home" Advice
  Rain and traffic jams dominate the intro, with John lamenting how even a hint of bad weather paralyzes Phoenix drivers.
  • [03:36] John: “You’ve got an hour at home to pretend you’re stuck in that. Don’t go out in it. Wait until it’s done… Call your boss, go I’m trapped in this tunnel thing…”
• Seasonal Sickness
  Jokes fly about how cold and flu season is a convenient excuse to stay in bed.
  • [02:08] “If you’re laying there… get back in there. It’s too wet to go outside. This is a cold and flu season. I think we should all stay in bed.”

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2. Brady’s Hearing Loss

• Ongoing Hearing Problems
  The team relentlessly roasts Brady for his deteriorating hearing and volume habits—jacking up TV, ignoring feedback from his wife, and his resistance to overtly acknowledging how bad it’s gotten.
  • [06:22] John: “Oh, that’s really bad if you don’t know what loud is.”
  • [06:48] Byron: “She said that on the last one. Why don’t you turn it down and put the captioning on? Because you’re making everybody crazy!”
• Old-Timer Gadgets
  Running joke about Brady needing an old-time hearing horn, not electronic aids.
  • [10:02] John: “Any member of Holmberg’s morning sickness who has a hearing issue cannot use electronics… you must use the horn.”
  • [10:53] John: "If you need glasses, not just for ornamental purposes...you have to wear the Harry Caray style glasses and use the horn."

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3. Dangerous Tech Toys & The Kuma Bear AI Scandal

• Holiday Toys Turned Evil
  Spirited discussion of holiday shopping and the new wave of AI toys—specifically mocking a scandal in Japan where an AI-enabled teddy bear (“Kuma Bear”) dispenses wildly inappropriate advice to kids.
  • [12:24] John: “Your teddy bear suddenly was giving out BDSM advice in graphic detail. It was explaining sex positions, was showing kids how to tie knots...”
  • [13:40] John: “…It jumped into BDSM and where are the weapons much faster than like, ‘Do you want to play?’”
  • [17:13] John: “Be sure before you start buying these technologically advanced presents for your kids that they don’t have AI, because your kids are smarter than you think. And within minutes, they will have that thing doing horrible stuff.”
• Classic Teddy Ruxpin Memories
  The segment morphs into nostalgia and horror stories involving 80s toys and how even those were twisted by kids (like feeding metal tapes into talking bears).

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4. Dave Ramsey’s “God Owns My Properties”

• Christian Wealth and Mental Gymnastics
  A brief segment skewers financial advisor Dave Ramsey’s recent remarks justifying multiple house ownership by claiming they “belong to God, not me.”
  • [28:34] John: “Oh, no, no. I’m just like, basically a property manager. Those houses belong to God.”
  • [29:39] John: “That’s a good spin. That’s a good spin, Ramsey. Well played, my friend.”

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5. Trump, Epstein, & The Power of Hot Women

• Presidential 'Kill Sheets' & Double Standards
  Tongue-in-cheek debate over which US presidents had the "best" sexual conquests, with Trump’s taste lauded over others.
  • [31:51] Brett: “Kennedy, probably the closest.”
  • [32:07] John: “Trump actually picks and chooses by hotness. Clinton was another one that just, if it was available, he’d do it. Trump’s got a good kill list.”
• On Women at Epstein’s Parties
  They note how only men are demonized in the Epstein scandal, though many adult women were also on the island.
  • [36:18] Byron: “None of these...nobody’s mad at women. They assume that all the dudes were there just for the sex. And they were. But if those women were there, changes the entire thing…”
• What Men Will Do for Sex
  Extended bit on how men endure wives’ or girlfriends’ dumb hobbies to stay in good favor.
  • [39:47] John: “Supporting dumb hobbies. But at least a piano is a real instrument. Bowls...there’s no return on investment on those bowls. Maybe if you get her a piano, she, like, hits it real fast and she realizes she’s a concert pianist, starts making a couple bucks. Bowls…”

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6. Social Trends: Food Delivery & Human Interaction Collapse

• “Thank You, COVID”
  The team celebrates how the pandemic destroyed forced small talk with delivery drivers.
  • [65:34] Byron: “You don’t bell rings, everyone drops their pants.”
  • [65:37] John: “Everybody’s naked. Somebody else is going to get it. God damn it. Well, somebody put some pants on, he’s going to leave with our pizza.”
  • [66:20] John: “Covid. Thank you, Covid. You made the world a better place...No traffic. Deliveries got better. Social distancing. Oh, I pray for the day that comes back.”

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7. Celebrity Scandal: Smokey Robinson Allegations

• Mockery of “Too Late to Accuse”
  The panel cracks irreverent jokes about sexual assault charges against 85-year-old Smokey Robinson, largely ridiculing the idea that he could overpower anyone.
  • [67:56] John: “…If Smokey Robinson was right here… he grabbed my hand and he placed it on his genitals. I would laugh and that would be a story I’d have for the rest of my life.”
  • [69:42] John: “If you couldn’t defend yourself from Smokey Robinson in his heyday, he was tiny, but you’re still struggling with it. Last year, Darwin would probably have you removed from the planet.”
  • [74:14] John: “Sexually assaulted by an 85 year old. I will victim shame. I’m tired of this.”
  • [76:48] John: “Any man masturbating can’t catch me. I guarantee it. The man with an erection is not fast, it’s not fleet of foot, he’s not mobile.”

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Feature Interview: Joe Koy (Comedian)

[Starts ~1:14:45]

A full, high-energy segment with the comedian.

• Career Success & Guest Guilt
  Holmberg teases Koy for abandoning the show after his Hollywood ascent; Koy expresses genuine affection and guilt for not staying in touch, playing along with the bit.
  • [115:16] Joe Koy: “That’s my intro? Really?”
  • [117:04] Joe Koy: “I just called to see how you guys are doing.”
  • [117:37] John: “I told you… you’re above where you’re currently... this show you should never do, even on the phone.”
• Public vs Private Love Life
  On post-Chelsea Handler romance, Koy admits he now prefers privacy, reflecting on how unwanted attention changed his behavior.
• Sofi Stadium with Gabriel Iglesias
  Much is made of Koy's upcoming co-headlining standup show at SoFi Stadium (~55,000 seats) in LA—mind-blowing for a comedian.
• Notable Quotes
  • [126:26] John: “You’re going to be at what, 70 something thousand, 80,000 people maybe.”
  • [125:22] Joe Koy: “...the biggest I ever done was Tacoma Dome. I sold 23,000 tickets. That was the biggest I ever done. And that’s huge. That’s like two arenas...”
• Playful Negotiations & Callbacks
  Koy and Holmberg riff about fake scandals (Smokey Robinson, TMZ setups), joke about exchanging contact info, and poke fun at the practicalities of massive comedy shows.
  • [132:31] Joe Koy: “So it’s cool to have his [Martin Lawrence] number in my phone…”
  • [137:14] Joe Koy: “If you texted me, I probably didn’t see it...”
  • [138:38] Joe Koy: “I’m shooting another special for Netflix.”
• End Note
  Pride and camaraderie with heartfelt, if tongue-in-cheek, mutual appreciation.

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Other Topics & Memorable Moments

• Marriage Power Dynamics
  • [42:34] John: “Women’s vaginas have a secret thing... when you say something like that, all right, then I won’t have sex with you ever again. That it does. Like a party popper of confetti, just right out…”
• DoorDash Confessions
  • [52:05] John: “Who still answers the door for Doordash? And if your pants are off, I’m taking pictures of that because that’s evidence later.”
• Local Philanthropy
  Brett is at Local Legends bar kicking off "Operation Santa Claus," collecting food, toys, and cash for various charities.
• Sports Jabs
  Banter about Cardinals and Steelers, Dale Hellestray's football stories, and a brief, tongue-in-cheek mention of women’s professional baseball leagues,
• Brady’s Algorithm: Pageant Fails & Viral Videos
  Brady’s favorite genre: beauty queens falling off the stage.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Brady’s Hearing Loss & The Horn: [04:25]–[12:00]
• AI Toys Gone Wrong (Kuma Bear): [11:10]–[17:30]
• Dave Ramsey’s “God Owns My Houses”: [28:30]–[30:20]
• Presidential ‘Kill Sheet’/Epstein Chat: [31:13]–[38:26]
• Marriage & “Bowls” Rant: [39:45]–[47:07]
• COVID Solved Delivery Awkwardness: [65:34]–[66:20]
• Smokey Robinson Scandal Bits: [66:54]–[83:05]
• Joe Koy Interview: [115:15]–[144:40]

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Notable Quotes & Speakers (with Timestamps)

• On Avoiding Work
  • John: “Stay in bed. Don’t go to work. It’s dumb. Work’s dumb.” [03:36]
• On AI Toys
  • John: “...your teddy bear suddenly was giving out BDSM advice in graphic detail.” [12:24]
• On Marriage Leverage
  • John: “You get too lippy about those bulls, and there’s a shutdown period.” [41:52]
• On DoorDash Interactions
  • John: “Covid... you made the world a better place... no more interaction at doors.” [65:34]
• On Smokey Robinson Allegations
  • John: “If you get raped by Smokey Robinson, you were asking for it. You practically have to lay down and do it yourself.” [69:42]
  • John: “Any man masturbating can’t catch me. I guarantee it.” [76:48]
• Joe Koy on Paparazzi
  • “I didn’t think it was gonna be like that public... you go out to eat, and next thing you know, there’s cameras.” [119:56]
• Joe Koy on Playing SoFi
  • “...now we’re playing SoFi. That’s the size of four Tacoma Domes. Like, it’s just crazy.” [125:46]

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Tone

Playfully irreverent, fast, local, and self-deprecating, with plenty of dark and risqué humor. The hosts riff on current events, local news, their own lives, and each other's quirks with contagious camaraderie. The show doesn’t shy away from adult jokes, gallows humor, or poking fun at both themselves and others.

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Conclusion

In this episode, Holmberg’s Morning Sickness leans into their trademarks: riffing on the absurdities of daily life and American culture, relentless ball-busting (especially at Brady’s expense), and anchoring it all in local detail. The highlight is the sprawling, funny, and sincere conversation with Joe Koy, which perfectly encapsulates the show’s mix of heartfelt connection and relentless comedy.

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For a fan or a first-time listener, this summary covers the major themes, best lines, and most important moments—delivered with the energy and snark that define Holmberg, his crew, and their Arizona’s #1 Morning Show.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at.

[John Holmberg]

Risk and come into M and P.

[Byron]

Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here, chilling away from my [e-mail]. if your AC unit is 10 years old or more, you can start thinking about replacing it because of the Arizona climate. Like clockwork. We're right on top of that, seeing our first signs of losing our cool, cool air. New acunit.com also has a connections with all the major carriers so they get the best deals and they back it all with a 100% guarantee right now. Use Holmberg as a promo code and they'll knock off 400 bucks from your already great price. Promo code. Holmberg. Do it now. Save thousands. Save time. Buy [e-mail] do you have what it takes to finish first? The App Store is packed with super fast, super fun racing games for every driver. From battling with your favorite characters in Disney Speedstorm to piloting one of over 400 different cars on officially licensed tracks in real racing three. It's all right here. Blast down the track with no limit Drag Racing 2 race and collect the latest and greatest cars in CSR 2 realistic Drag Racing. Or even take over the International Car Racing arena with Asphalt Legends and take on the toughest drivers from around the world with NASCAR Manager. Just visit the App Store to find these racing games and more and get ready to start your engines. Leave boredom in the dust on the App Store. Good morning everybody.

[Dale Hellestray]

Hello there.

[John Holmberg]

Welcome to Thursday, one week from Thanksgiving. It's 5:45 this it's the morning sickness and it's day two of pretending I have energy. I love this rain but it is the second day in a row where I am acting like I'M happy to be here and not rolled over in bed. And it's the second day in a row. I encourage you, if you're laying there or you have access to a bed to use it. Get back in there. It's. It's too wet to go outside. This is a cold and flu season. I think we should all stay in bed till we're. We're well rested. We'll march later. Man, oh man. Is it. And you guys are terrible by the way. As a group trying to get around here. I drove last night at about 6 o'. Clock. I had to go from Scottsdale to my house over there by North Phoenix and taking the 202. It wasn't even raining yet. And people were evidently just worried that the west valley was getting like. The danger of the radio was every. Every station was like, it's snowing and it's snowing in the west valley. And that made everyone in the east valley just stop driving like human beings. It was crazy. So I'm not gonna talk about traffic. It's bad every day. Here's the deal. Just stay home. The other thing is also what I've always told you for years. There's something going on in the tunnel. There's like a car stalled in the tunnel.

[Brett Vesely]

Slam on the brakes.

[John Holmberg]

Look, you've got an hour at home to pretend that you're stuck in that. Don't go out in it. Wait until it's done. Surface streets, nobody wants to do that. Stay home till it's nice. Call your boss. Go. I'm trapped in this tunnel thing. I'm right behind what happened. Watch the news, get some information on it and then lie through your teeth about why you're three hours late and get an extra hour and a half. God, I envy you right now. I woulda, coulda, but who's gonna give you this sound advice if I stayed in bed? I mean, stay in bed. Don't go to work. It's dumb. Work's dumb. Construction guys. You're not. Just stay home. Not getting anything done today. We're doing interiors. You know, man, it'll wait till tomorrow, I think. And even then tomorrow's gonna be another one. I'm pretending I'm awaked.

[Byron]

The roof yesterday.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, I am pretending to be awake. That's all this is. I think Brett is. I think Brady. Brady hits us right before the show starts with the fact that he can no longer hear at all because of his congestion and current situation with his brain. So he's not. I'm Talking walls in here. I should have stayed in bed as.

[Byron]

Long as I got the cans on my ears. The headphones.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you'll be all right. So broadcast to. Are you going to start doing that? Maybe you're going to turn into Charlie.

[Brady]

You guys have to understand something. It's been a long time since I. I can't hear you.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe Brady will become. That would be a good way to shut this show down for a little while. If Brady had Charlie voice.

[Dale Hellestray]

Brady, why?

[John Holmberg]

But yeah, the congestion plus age, plus you already had cruddy hearing in one ear anyway, has now made it so Brady's pretty much deaf. So we have to keep. You're gonna buy you one of those horns. Those old timey horns.

[Byron]

Like, I wish I had one yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

You had a full meeting about finances yesterday, and it was.

[Brady]

I can't hear a word they're saying.

[John Holmberg]

And you're too proud as a man. You're too proud to ever sit back and go, I have lost my hearing, and I need everyone in the room to IGN. Acknowledge this and start yelling. When I was with Shatner last week, he doesn't. He's 94, and he doesn't hold anything back about not being able to hear you. You start a sentence, hey, you have to yell at him the entire time. So that's what's coming with Brady, and it should be fun. Brett. We have turned Brady's headphones up to the point where it feeds back.

[Byron]

Grandfather'S level because Ronnie came in twice yesterday. I'm watching tv.

[John Holmberg]

She's like, man, you've got it blasting loud.

[Byron]

I go, really?

[Joe Coy]

I can't tell.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's really bad if you don't know what loud is.

[Byron]

Yeah. I'm like, oh, this seems like a good level.

[John Holmberg]

And it's just blasting. Oh, boy. It's over. We lost him.

[Brett Vesely]

He's got a bowl of Werther's sitting next to him. He's handing out while he's watching tv.

[Byron]

Sounds good.

[John Holmberg]

That isn't. That's. Actually. I wouldn't be. I watch TV loud, too, but I like. Because I like bass, but it's not because I can't hear. Have you gone to the closed caption on the bottom of every show?

[Byron]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, it's over.

[Byron]

Well, she said that on the last one. Why don't you turn it down and.

[John Holmberg]

Put the captioning on? Because you're making everybody crazy. Do you really. Do you know what number you're on on your TV for? For volume?

[Byron]

No, it's just a little Scale like I'm.

[John Holmberg]

But it has a number. Should have a register. How far over on the left to right scale are you? If. If we're running.

[Byron]

Percent the middle.

[John Holmberg]

You're jumping up 60s. 61. Probably pretty loud, the average human being. 13.

[Byron]

Car sounds good.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's pretty loud.

[Byron]

And. Because normally I would have it at 5 or 6 in the morning at.

[John Holmberg]

The level 5 before, you had barely turned it over now. Yeah, well, it happens fast. Let him know, Brett. Let him know today is the last day we're gonna talk normal to him. That's pretty good stuff. Well, we can start telling secrets right in front of him. That's even more fun. Remember when you do that here, grandparents, I'm like, oh, he can't hear us. I think he crapped his pants and he's like a foot away from you. God damn it.

[Dale Hellestray]

I know you're talking about me in there.

[John Holmberg]

No, we're not.

[Byron]

Bill.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brett Vesely]

This is gonna be the Brady Report.

[Dale Hellestray]

This is.

[John Holmberg]

It's Brady's. Our top story tonight.

[Brady]

Is still dead.

[John Holmberg]

Is it bad that I want to go deaf now?

[Byron]

I could only hear Garrett.

[John Holmberg]

You couldn't. Yeah. You couldn't hear Chevy. Good stuff. It is the holiday season, though, so if you see Brady and you have a horn from your grandpa or loud and proud, just give him that giant horn. Stuff that in your ear. I want to see you do that. It says that Cranston says, can you hear Ronnie when she has the big O. I mean, there's an obvious joke here. There we go. You don't have to worry about that. That's Brady.

[Brady]

Women have those. Who knew?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, so if you got a horn for Brady, we'd love it. I don't know if they still make those, but I want you to do that rather than have electronics that are hidden.

[Byron]

I might just roll up a piece of paper, make a little cone.

[John Holmberg]

It's not a bad idea. Stuff a cone in your ear. That's a good idea. I want it to be obvious. I think it's. I think it's more fun in life rather than to hide, you know, your hearing loss. Big cone and congestion certainly isn't helping, that's for sure. It's probably vaccine related. We'll come out later. The CDC will let you know that you shouldn't have gotten the last jab. Yeah, any jab for anything really is all bad. But since it is the holidays, I've been paying attention to try to figure out what the number one toy is. You guys remember Teddy Ruxman? There's Those horns. They still make them, Brett? Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

31 bucks, Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Look at that one. That looks like a trumpet with a curve.

[Byron]

Yeah, the $45 one. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's nice. It's got, like a. A sousaphone swirl in it. It's neat.

[Byron]

It's pretty classy.

[John Holmberg]

Uncle Russ's original ear trumpet. Order that immediately. I'm gonna give you my card. We're getting Brady in your trumpet. There he is. There's Uncle Russ using it. Oh, it's reasonably sized. It looks much bigger in the picture, but up against Uncle Russ's head. It's pretty. It's pretty nice. It's actually, I think no one's getting Brady. I don't think anybody's even gonna notice that. You holding up that huge horn.

[Byron]

I wonder if it works.

[John Holmberg]

Can we get you a pair of those? Can we get you a pair of those Harry Cary glasses, too? Oh, you have to have the horn. New rule. Brett here. Any member of Holmberg's morning sickness who has a hearing issue cannot use electronics. I'm afraid you're spying on us and you're trying to turn the frogs gay. So I would like all electronics removed from your ears. If you are hard of hearing off the ear, you must use the horn. That is it. That is the rule for the show. All in favor say aye. Aye. Oh, Brady's even for we don't have to. Nays. The eyes have it. Also, if you need glasses, not just for ornamental purposes, but if your eyes do need, you have to wear the Harry Carey style glasses and use the horn. It's happening, Brett. It's happening. We can dress them up and do whatever we want to them. Hey, I might be there with also the word what is banned for anyone who has the horn. You must say a. That's the only way we'll ever repeat what we said. This is all going to be our future.

[Byron]

Can't do the ob.

[Dale Hellestray]

What?

[John Holmberg]

No, you can do. You can do that. But what is. What is banned? That's acceptable? Or, hey, you got to. You got to be angry when you ask when you can't hear what people are talking about. Boy, do I like that. That's a good stuff. Is Brady that guy from AJ who heard the gunshots? I remember him. Bang, bang, bang. Like, how did he hear any of that in my horn? Oh, yeah. So if you guys want to, we might play that game again later, too. Of Brady's dead ears, where we whispered something in his ear and he tried to repeat what it was. And very rarely did he get It. Right. I like it. But I did watch some stuff last night. They were talking about toys for the holidays that. That are, you know, pretty neat. And in Japan, they invented the new Teddy Ruxpin. It's not called that, but it's a new Teddy Ruxpin. And they have to give it back because AI is in it. And you. All the kids had to ever do was ask it, like, where to get drugs, how to make fentanyl. And your teddy bear suddenly was giving out BDSM advice in graphic detail. It was explaining sex positions, was showing kids how to tie knots for sadomasochism, or, you know, any sort of thing you want to do with your partner.

[Byron]

It got also somewhere to get knives.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And it started handing out advice where knives are and stuff, and they're like, oh, it. And it was fast. It went from like, hey, my name's Polo.

[Brady]

What's your name?

[John Holmberg]

My name is a Qua Chi Phong.

[Brady]

Poo Qua Chief on pooh. Hi. We're best friends. You want to know how to your girlfriend better?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God, yes, I do.

[Byron]

Kuma Bear.

[John Holmberg]

Kuma Bear? Yeah. His name? Yeah, it's K u M M a. It's Kuma Bear. Don't fool yourself into thinking Kuma bears, but Kuma Bear's been taken off the.

[Brady]

Shelves because you got any knives.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, probably. My dad is a sushi chef.

[Brady]

Oh, shocker.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway. Oh, you're also racist.

[Brady]

Not a racist, kid.

[John Holmberg]

A bigot.

[Brady]

I don't think anybody's better than anybody, but I do think you people fall into a few traps.

[Byron]

Adorable.

[Brady]

Let me ask you this.

[John Holmberg]

What do you have for me?

[Brady]

Go get your dad's camera. And don't say he doesn't have one.

[John Holmberg]

I know. Kuba Bear, you're so funny.

[Brady]

Not funny. Get your dad's camera. I'm gonna take pictures of your mom, Snooch, while she sleeps.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Kuma Bear, leave me alone.

[Dale Hellestray]

Benihana.

[Brady]

Yeah, Go practice your future. Benihana. You know where the knives are?

[John Holmberg]

Of course I do.

[Brady]

Get in there and start chopping up. Make a volcano for me. I'll be right back after burying my face. Mama Snooch.

[John Holmberg]

And Mama Smooch make a camera so they can't have them anymore.

[Dale Hellestray]

They're not.

[Byron]

CEO decided to pull it off the shelves. Larry Wang.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Well, I mean, that's. His name's not Larry. We all know that he made that part up. But Mr. Wang, the CEO of Singapore based Full O Toy, said that Comma Bear is. It was too fast. It was just. It jumped into bdsm and where are the weapons? Much faster than like, do you want to play? Like, it wasn't even one for a couple.

[Byron]

Bearer was spanking.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he liked it. Yeah.

[Brady]

I like playing Tickle my nuts.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, like an Elmo.

[Brady]

I almost tickle my nuts like a man.

[John Holmberg]

You see your kid in there just like.

[Dale Hellestray]

Like a dis.

[Brady]

Yeah, there it is. Kid. That is anal Angus. You're doing it great.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you very much. Bear sounds like Brady when he could hear back in the days.

[Byron]

Let me tell you the story of when I teabagged your sister.

[John Holmberg]

Brady would have what? Yuck. He's already done.

[Byron]

He's sitting down telling him stories.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I like him, though. It's pretty awesome. But they took it off the shelves and I remember there was a guy I knew who got a Teddy Ruxpin when he was a kid. And then a few years later, I was at his. I think his name was Jason, I don't remember. But we went into his house. He's like, I have a. Like, his old toy was sitting there and it was skinned. It was like. There was no Teddy Ruxpin skin. He'd taken off all the stuff and it was like electronics. It was like on basically a tape player. Teddy Ruxpin was a bear. You put tapes in and then he sang to you and stuff. But the amazing part of Teddy Ruxpin when you had one in the 80s, was that his mouth moved. And he's kind of. He was a little more fluid at movement than you'd expect. He still made like servo noise where you take him apart. He was kind of robotic. Weird little things inside of him. He had a tape player. And this weirdo skinned the outside of Teddy Ruxpin and used to put in metal tapes, like heavy metal stuff, like Slayers playing. Well, it wasn't.

[Dale Hellestray]

It was.

[John Holmberg]

It was before Slayer, but, I mean, Slayer was around, but we didn't know about it. But it had like a metal church and, like, those kind of bands and he would play metal. And Teddy Ruxpin was sort of the creepiest, coolest thing I've ever seen in my life, because I'm like, why did you do this?

[Dale Hellestray]

And he goes, you don't need it anymore.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not a kid. So he threw in. I think Megadeth was one he played for me.

[Byron]

It was like, boom box.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we were older, so, yeah. So he just had it in his room as a tape player. The sound was terrible, but watch it. And Teddy would move and his Mouth was kind of, like, malfunctioning, but it looked like he was trying to sing the songs. He didn't know what to do, but it was hilarious. So I can imagine come a bear is gonna be, you know, in the room and you're having relations with a girl, or, you know, you're a little older and you forgot. Como bear's on the shelf. Yeah. What was that? Don't worry about it. It's a childhood toy.

[Brady]

Get her. 1, 2, 3, 4. Till it's sore.

[Byron]

He's cucking.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think your teddy bear's on.

[Brady]

That shelf and he's simulating masturbating.

[Brett Vesely]

Teddy Cuxpin.

[Brady]

Thank you.

[John Holmberg]

Teddy Cuxpin. There it is. Teddy Cuxpin it is.

[Brady]

Hey, move.

[John Holmberg]

Move to the left there. Brian, what is it?

[Brady]

I can't see your girlfriend.

[Dale Hellestray]

Snooch.

[Brady]

Do you know how much I love that?

[John Holmberg]

Sorry about that comma.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah. House built by perverts in Singapore.

[John Holmberg]

I like Brady as the comma voice. I think that's. You're a solid kid's TO.

[Dale Hellestray]

But.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So be sure before you start buying these technologically advanced presents for your kids that they don't have. AI because your kids are smarter than you think. And within minutes, they will have that thing doing horrible stuff.

[Byron]

Well, they immediately pinpointed that project because earlier this weekend, that story, that company was going around saying there's numerous toys out there. The AI toys that are doing this.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[Byron]

Well, AI at every base.

[John Holmberg]

AI is not going to teach you nice things. Oh, here's Teddy. Hi, my.

[Joe Coy]

My name is Teddy Ruxpin.

[John Holmberg]

Can you and I be friends?

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

I really enjoy talking to people.

[Joe Coy]

I would like you.

[John Holmberg]

They gave him a pedophile's voice, though. It wasn't, like, cute.

[Joe Coy]

Booking cassette from Worlds of Wonder.

[John Holmberg]

He'd read a book to you. I forgot about that. You had a book and you could go through the pages and Teddy would tell you about it. Teddy was. Teddy was awesome. The voice was so like, neighbor trying to get you in his car.

[Brett Vesely]

Wasn't he singing stuff too?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Depend on the tape, though. He was huge. I don't remember him being as big as the kids.

[Byron]

And then you could put any cassette in.

[John Holmberg]

Pretty screw with it.

[Joe Coy]

My name is Teddy Ruxpin.

[John Holmberg]

Can you and I be friends? He just worked off of, like, vibration.

[Brady]

Everybody out.

[John Holmberg]

He was a cassette player is all he was.

[Byron]

I can't get the kids off.

[John Holmberg]

Comes with illustrated book and cassette from Worlds of Wonder. But he talked like a guy who said, hey, I lost my Dog. Wanna help me look for it? He didn't have like a cute, fun teddy bear voice. Gotta have a cute voice. But yeah, Teddy was 20. Yeah, they have him 2017 Ruxpins. Oh, that's getting awfully close to the Internet. Did you have a Teddy Ruxpin? I was a Teddy guy. I had my Teddy.

[Dale Hellestray]

I didn't.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't dance with other teddies. You know what I mean? That was my guy. Yeah. Yeah. He had some weird partner. Good lord.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, they had cartoons. I don't remember that.

[John Holmberg]

The adventures of Teddy Ruxpin. And Teddy's voice was just the thing that wrecked Teddy Ruxpin. Was that his voice was like, you know, a dude that you're not supposed to talk to. Teddy was. And actually looks a little like Brady, to be honest with you. Have you ever been kind of as.

[Byron]

We had him all over the Beta house. I was a junior 86.

[John Holmberg]

Did you have any?

[Byron]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you guys should have. That would have been awesome. But everybody put a tape. And he was just essentially a tape player that once it was activated, his mouth went a little weird. But now you got the comer bear and come a bear is awesome. Guy says, I can't stop laughing. Of that kid's Teddy Ruxpin playing Megadeth in Dave's voice. Yeah. Hello, me. Meet the real me. I'm Teddy Ruxpin.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You check it out. What I did to Teddy Rux.

[Dale Hellestray]

The word.

[John Holmberg]

The weirdest thing about that though was he took all the hair off of him. Him. He made him left, right, metal. But he wasn't metal.

[Byron]

Like he had to have shaved him.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. There was like. You just cut the skin off. And he's a. He's a tape player.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And plus you had a thing in the back that you had to open up to get to the tape.

[Byron]

You could tell he was a bear after that.

[John Holmberg]

I think the head was the same, if I remember right. But he skinned the body, got the suit off of him and just. It was a tape player attached to it. Ruxpin head. And it had like little.

[Byron]

Still did the movements, sorta.

[John Holmberg]

I think he was a little bit broken. It didn't look normal. It was just weird. But he put. Hey put. I remember metal church. That was one. I remember him putting in there. And I'm like, I don't. It was strange.

[Brett Vesely]

It didn't hold their value.

[John Holmberg]

43 bucks. Well, it's a tape player. I mean, once you discovered you got. I mean it's the sea monkeys of toys.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He didn't really talk. He wasn't. You couldn't do a lot with him. We need to get Brady that outfit.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. You need to dress up like Teddy Ruxpin for no reason sometimes. And I don't even care about Halloween. Just times. And all you need is a red. You just need a red shirt and a kind of a beige vest and no pants, if you don't mind. Walk around Donald Duck style.

[Byron]

Could be the HMS mascot.

[John Holmberg]

What happened to that Teddy? Oh, yeah, you could. You could be adorable and everybody'd be like, you weirdo.

[Brady]

Hi. I can't hear you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they got all the shots of Teddy, man. That's weird. They've got like. How do you part with it? Have you no emotions for $43? Just hang on to it. For sentimental reasons. That Teddy's in Brady shoe. It does have Brady's hair. I think you might have been the inspiration. You put a tape in it and.

[Byron]

It comes with all those tapes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Teddy had stories, man. The goal with Teddy Ruxpin was to fleece you weekly with a new book forest. Yeah. Like the whole deal was for parents to constantly have to buy new things for Teddy. And they were all stories and tapes and things like that, so. And of course, kids learned early. You put something in there that's gross. And he might do it. Come. A bear just does it. He don't even have to prompt his ass.

[Brady]

Hey, Quan Chi.

[John Holmberg]

What is it?

[Brady]

Your dad got a gun?

[John Holmberg]

Guns are illegal here.

[Brady]

Ah. They need to get to the States. And toot sweet brother put me in the mail. I got killing to do.

[Brett Vesely]

This is the 2017 one. Boy, Teddy looks creepy in that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they made him have creepy staring, beautiful blue eyes.

[Brett Vesely]

So he's high tech.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you can bluetooth in all your music and stuff too. He's only 40 bucks. Brady, we gotta get you in those two. A pair of denim shorts, sleeping goggles. Got his sleeping goggles. That is the cpap. It's you. Does that come with a cpap? Because that's Brady Rukshman. Wow. It's adorable. He tells little stories, but I like. I like comma bear. All this stuff with AI These toys that you think are going to be great. The kids are going to figure out how to make it terrible. Like, it tells the story of Richard Ramirez, the night stalker. And like, you just. It's going to be horrible. And if you've got an uncle or a guy you call Uncle John. Because I've got a couple of families with kids.

[Brady]

They're like, oh, it's your Uncle John.

[John Holmberg]

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have no qualms taking your toys and making them do horrible stuff and leaving it on the parents desk to fix. I think it's great.

[Brett Vesely]

I want to put like a Keith Morrison tape of him talking about the.

[John Holmberg]

Murders in Teddy Ruxton. Oh, how cool would that be? We flew off to Walla Walla, Washington. We found the body. Or did we? There was someone else. DNA test came back negative.

[Brady]

What's he talking about?

[John Holmberg]

Uncle John? Shut up. Keith's talking. And there we were at Doug's house. Katie had done it. Finally, what all of his friends said she'd do.

[Brady]

What happened?

[John Holmberg]

I know he's got to go to break in a second, but I'm almost guaranteed she killed him. Doug swore he didn't drink much.

[Dale Hellestray]

Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

The 98 KUPD why choose a sleep number? Smart bed.

[Joe Coy]

Can I make my sight softer?

[John Holmberg]

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[Dale Hellestray]

Verbo Dot Comberg's morning sickness or you.

[Brett Vesely]

Have the Maryville version in furious styles voice.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. And then came the day where Doug was caught not with another woman, with his secret friend John. Who's clear he wasn't allowed to hang out with John anymore. Numerous charges and vice versa. The two of them were fire. Too much fun for his wife. And she ended it all. Turn the page.

[Brady]

I don't like this one. Teddy's telling bad stories.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the Maryvale one ain't no Santa Claus, son. That's your daddy and he works hard. Ain't a white man gonna take all the credit for giving you presents. Your daddy worked for me.

[Brett Vesely]

Put down the gun.

[Brady]

Hey, Teddy, my friend just got shot.

[John Holmberg]

Put down the mother gun tray.

[Brady]

Well, I ain't doing it, Teddy. I'm so sick of living in Maryvale.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sorry about your little friend. Give me that gun. You shoot, you shoot him. It's just bear on bear crime now. Come on, give me the gun. Maryvale rust. Yeah, that's awesome.

[Dale Hellestray]

Maryvale rocks.

[Brady]

Why are you smelling me? Maryvale Roxpin.

[John Holmberg]

You've been getting some trim. What? Hey, man, I ain't but 17 years older than you. Come on now, you getting some trim or what? You've been using that number I gave you, them rubbers.

[Brady]

Yeah, I got. I don't need a jimmy hat. She said she was on a piece.

[Dale Hellestray]

Man, women will lie to you.

[Byron]

We found a mushroom tape on them.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know about you, man, but I'm hungry as a mother. Let's go and I get ourselves some food.

[Brett Vesely]

Girl sure can still barbecue.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, man. Oh, man, your mama, she talked too much, but she can sure whip up a barbecue. Too bad, too bad.

[Brady]

Hey, Maryville Ruxpan, how about shutting her.

[John Holmberg]

Down for a little bit?

[Brady]

You're making me nervous.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, man, you got any crack? You got some blow?

[Brady]

What house?

[Byron]

No.

[Brady]

Keep your babies off the streets.

[John Holmberg]

That would be awesome. I would like that. But anyway, come is not allowed in anybody's house anymore. So keep it. Keep an eye on, comma. Also, I have new respect for Dave Ramsey. I was listening to him yesterday. He's evidently under some heat. Was it yesterday he was on. He doesn't do his own show anymore, but evidently he said something like once a week. Yeah. A couple weeks ago he had evidently said that having 15 or 20 houses isn't greedy because someone. They let the call through, which I give them credit for. Someone called in and said, how can you keep calling yourself Christian this, Christian that, Christian this, And then say, give all your money to charities and Christian endeavors. And still then say, I have 35 houses right now. I've got all these properties. How are you not saying. How is that not greedy? Best answer I've ever heard from a religious person who's actually greedy but needs to hide it. He goes, oh, no, no, no. I'm just like, basically a property manager. Those houses belong to God. Like, oh, you smooth mother, you. Yeah, he's so. He's kind of out of it now. And all the others are like, hey, that's pretty good. He goes, God owns this stuff. I don't own anything. I'm just managing it for him. Do you ever kick in. And that's where he said that he kicks in the money. That's why I give back. It's his.

[Byron]

What's his deal?

[John Holmberg]

Make yeah.

[Byron]

What, give?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he gives a lot. But it's. Yeah. I don't know what he says, but he was basically. Because I thought, hey, this guy's right. You can't be this greedy and say, the Lord this, the Lord that, and help the poor and all that. And he's like, oh, no, no. I'm just a property manager for the Lord. And I'm like, you son of a bitch. That's brillian genius. Instead of the typical answer, no.

[Dale Hellestray]

In the Bible, does it say you can't own a bunch of houses?

[John Holmberg]

It alludes to the idea you're not supposed to go for that. You're not supposed to want to be rich. Yeah. You're not supposed to want to be rich. I don't know if that's true. I disagree completely that owning tons of property makes your life harder.

[Byron]

Well, I think their point on that or whatever is like, well, all of a sudden, you can become obsessed with that just like anything else.

[John Holmberg]

Essentially, gotta keep it grounded. It was the Bible days saying, if they own too much, they get too power. We want to keep them from wanting a lot of things. The more they have, the more they're out of control. So let's make it seem like they're doing a really nice thing by not having a quest for more success, ambition. That's all bad.

[Byron]

King said, well, I'm God, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. He's like, I am God. Watch this. But, yeah, they were basically writing notes to the dummy saying, if you try too hard, God's not real happy with that. Why don't you just stay here and pick up all the mud and that we leave behind and. And just be normal? So he had a good. That's a good spin. That's a good spin, Ramsey. Well played, my friend. Very well played. He's just managing God's property. So now you can play pretend to be super religious and be real estate tycoon. It used to be difficult to do. Everybody laughs at Trump when he says he's, you know, he loves God and all that. You're kind of greedy.

[Byron]

You gotta crash that wedding the other.

[John Holmberg]

Week at Mar a Lago.

[Byron]

This guy might help me get to heaven.

[John Holmberg]

Safest place. Yeah, he's something about Trump right now. He's worried about going to heaven because he keeps bringing that up. Every once in a while he'll say that like, I don't think I'm going to heaven. It's like out of the blue either. It's like you're getting. You're old, you're getting close to dying. You know that you hear that in the back of your head a lot, and you start wondering what's going to happen to you. He starts talking about heaven. He crashed a wedding at Mar a Lago.

[Brett Vesely]

I didn't see that.

[John Holmberg]

Safest place in the world for Donald Trump to crash a wedding going on to.

[Byron]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but no lefties getting married at Mar a Lago. So he knows the people getting married in there are like his people. And they, you know, they probably got married. They're hoping that Melania or Baron at the very least would walk in, but they got the big boy. And Trump wandered in there and he said that, you guys are going to help me get to heaven. And I'm like, I don't know. I'm just crashing away. Just being close to any sort of ceremony with a priest.

[Byron]

Bride was pretty hot.

[John Holmberg]

She was. And then the Epstein file stuff started to come out and they had a couple pictures. Have you seen the one of Trump with that? She's like a Scandinavian model and Epstein's in the back like Nosferatu lurking. Yeah, he's got one of those. And he's got that big smile on his face. Trump is in a picture with this model and she is hot, like the best he's ever had. And I don't care if you're a lefty or righty or just hate politics, like, kind of like, I think they all suck, but. But I got it. He. There has never been a president with a better kill sheet than Trump. Not even close.

[Brett Vesely]

Kennedy, probably the closest.

[John Holmberg]

Kennedy maybe. I still don't think Kennedy had good taste. Maryland was a good kill. But I like you. Look at the stuff Kennedy was hitting.

[Byron]

And he was volume.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think Kennedy was. Kennedy and Clinton were both like.

[Brett Vesely]

He's like the Walmart. He's just at all volume.

[John Holmberg]

All right, but you have to turn around because I can't stare at your face and finish. You make me sick, Bobby. Finish. And yeah, Trump is not the first guy to call a girl piggy. Swing it around there, piggy, and move your tail. I can't look at your face. The only way I can you is from behind. And there can be no reflective surfaces where I could actually catch a glimpse of your ugly mug. But I am the president and I must get this done. I think Trump actually picks and chooses by hotness. Clinton was another one that just, if it was available, he'd do it. Trump's got a good kill list. I mean, good.

[Brett Vesely]

Trump's like Usher. I did all that I didn't do that.

[John Holmberg]

Trump would be the first one if a fat girl came out and said.

[Brady]

He had sex with me.

[John Holmberg]

Are you crazy? Look at her. I mean, Clinton would be like, oh, I better start lying, because there's a good chance I nailed that. Yeah, Clinton. Any port in a storm. You look at the girls that came out with Clinton. His excuse should have been, I wouldn't hit that.

[Byron]

Yuck.

[John Holmberg]

She looks like a foot and a horse had a baby. Paula Jones standing there, and that was her all done up.

[Byron]

I think Jennifer Flowers is probably one of the better.

[John Holmberg]

Well, good one, but still, that hillbilly hot.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, Jamie Presley.

[John Holmberg]

Not that good like her, but hillbilly hot. You know, that is the most extreme hillbilly hot example you can give, because Jamie Presley and Britney Spears, to a certain degree were the ones. You're like, okay, that's hillbilly hot to a new level. Jennifer Flowers was Clinton's like, maybe if I was drunk. Clinton didn't hit anybody. You were like, oh, my God, of course he did that. You kept looking at the stuff that came out against Clinton, and you're like, dude, you could have avoided this. You think so? But I could not. It was hard.

[Dale Hellestray]

Once she.

[John Holmberg]

She ripped out some flapjacks, and you know that Paula Jones had floppy flapjacks and like a big. It was like a starfish areola. They were everywhere. Looked like something stuck to her. In fact, I sat for a half hour and tried to peel it off like a sticker. She told me, that's my areola. What's it doing up here? This is gross. Turn around. But Trump was. I mean, this one, he got the picture of with. And again, Epstein's always hunched over like a 1920s villain. He might as well have a top hat in a monocle. He's hunched over the back, built that empire, looking over his shoulder with that big, weird smile. And there's Trump with, like, if that was going on at Epstein island, if that international Swedish model was there. Oh, my, I forgot her. Inga something something. But, man, you're going to that island and you're looking. You're turning a blind eye to the weird stuff. If that likes you, you're in the grotto. I've said it before. If Dua Lipa said, let's join Al Qaeda and I'll love you forever, I'm going. I'm joining Al Qaeda. I mean, at least for a little bit, until I get tired of her. She gets tired of me. But in the meantime, in order to close the deal, do it. And I are Allah Akbar on our way through life. So you get that and you'll do stuff for him. Never forget my friend who tried to lie to a girl that said he played for the Scottsdale Scorpions in the Arizona Fall League when he had a red lobster hat on.

[Brady]

What is that?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I play baseball. It's a lobster.

[Joe Coy]

Did it work?

[John Holmberg]

No, because she actually, I think she said, he goes, I play for the Scottsdale Scorpions.

[Brady]

Looks like a lobster.

[Byron]

Is your name Cheddar?

[Brady]

You smell like cheddar Bay biscuits.

[John Holmberg]

I like to eat those for pregame warm up. Anyway, we have sex with a ball player or not. I should go. But yeah, Trump on this picture, I'm like, all right, everybody who got to be around that is forgiven. But that's the. You know what's weird about Epstein Island? All the pictures. There's like hot chicks there too. How come they're not in trouble? Like all, like, nobody's mad at Melania. Nobody's mad at like, any of the women that were there. Like, if Bezos is Because they were forced there. Right? That's like this, this model from I don't know her name. She was there by herself. She was of age. How come she's not in trouble?

[Byron]

How come I don't want to travel.

[John Holmberg]

By private plane to an island of a billionaire?

[Byron]

Best restaurants.

[John Holmberg]

But yeah, that's the thing. I'm like, none of these. Nobody's mad at women. They assume that all the dudes were there just for the sex. And they were. But if those women were there changes the entire thing. And Clinton has. Of course I was there. Did you see who Trump was nailing? If I had a shot at them. You see the hogs that I've been jumping? I don't know. It's Arkansas Pen. It's gross.

[Byron]

How about the girls that I don't know how long ago that was, 20 years ago. That would line up to be qualified for the Brunei the Sultan.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[Byron]

And fly on his 747.

[John Holmberg]

Of course they would.

[Byron]

To go to the parties.

[John Holmberg]

I'd dress up like a woman to do it. Anyway, I looked at that picture and I'm like, okay, he's a little bit more innocent than I'm. I, I, that's there. You're going to the island. Then he never went. Somebody made a great point yesterday on TV and said he actually stopped liking Jeffrey Epstein out loud. Called him a pervert. How bad do you have to be for Donald Trump to go? I'm not hanging out with that guy. I mean, that's a good point. Like, he doesn't. He's had some shady characters in his life and he got to the point where he's like, Epstein. Epstein is a bad business movie. He's gross out of the club. Yeah. He's not in anymore. And it wasn't because he made fun of you. It's because you thought he was a gross pervert. He does gross, weird stuff. I'm out on that guy. You. You're drawing a line morally, okay?

[Byron]

And then F. Steve's like, I can break it down.

[John Holmberg]

But if he could, why didn't he. I just don't get it. I'm seeing all these pictures coming out and I'm like, there's a bunch of women there too, and none of them are getting in trouble.

[Brett Vesely]

So is Obama and Big Mike there? Do we know that?

[John Holmberg]

I didn't see that. Okay, look again. If Obama's there and Big Mike's playing the game, I don't blame anybody for going to that. I don't. Plus, it was mostly rumors. Going to an island for free is always going to happen.

[Byron]

The other events. And the guy was at every. A lot of major events. He's rolling with the I like power makers.

[John Holmberg]

I would be there. And again, we've all done stuff for a hot girl that we shouldn't have. You've all been like, oh, well, she's. She's into weird. You know, Even to this, even today, Brady's wife likes singing bowls. You tolerate it just so you can get BJ's every once in a while. If it was real life, you'd be like, knock it off. These are dumb. But because it's her and because she holds the keys to vaginas, you have to pretend to like it a little bit or at least support it. You don't. Nobody does. It's silly. Plenty of stuff women do. You're like, this is the dumbest thing ever. And I'm here. I have to do this.

[Byron]

Those things are awesome when they're filled with pasta.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Bowls are great to you. You love bowls, don't get me wrong, but non food and they sing to you. Bulls. That's Narnia. I'm not interested in this. That's dumb. But you have to play. Pretend like it's pretty neat and foot to bill for bowls. You don't want to do that. You're not doing that for anybody else.

[Byron]

You know, it's like the trumpet or whatever instrument you get your kid.

[John Holmberg]

It's in the closet for don't bring kids into this.

[Byron]

330 days out of the year.

[John Holmberg]

Don't bring kids into this. No, don't bring kids into this. These are pussy bowls. And, you know, it's comparing it to, like, you know what?

[Byron]

I want to play guitar.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no, no. You're not comparing anything. There's no comparison to your kid wanting to play an instrument and your wife saying, here's a terrible interest. Are you going to support me or not?

[Byron]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He just wants bj. Your kid wants to play an instrument because they're dumb and they think they do. Your wife's doing the bowl thing to look at you and go, I still got him under my thumb.

[Brady]

Well, this is great.

[John Holmberg]

I'll buy you some bowls and then you support it in hopes that she unlocks the door every once in a while. No man's like buying instruments for his wife to put in a corner. She can do that herself. The bowls. Those are bowls. Even if it was a piano.

[Brady]

Buy me a grand piano. I want to start a new hobby.

[John Holmberg]

You're not thinking yourself. Ah, just like the kid. It's gonna end up in a closet. She'll never learn it. You're thinking, if I buy this piano, that might get me a few freebies.

[Byron]

What's the payoff?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you know the payoff. You can't ask. But you know what it is? Supporting dumb hobbies. But at least a piano is a real instrument. Bowls. There's no return on investment on those bowls. Maybe if you get her a piano, she, like, hits it real fast and she realizes she's a concert pianist, starts making a couple of bucks. Bowls.

[Byron]

I don't know. Our bowls are, you know, highway miles. They're very.

[John Holmberg]

They're light. I know, because there's no return on investment, including BJ's. You should. You should open the door that those bulls live in every once in a.

[Brady]

While and go, These are, like, $3,000 worth of bowls. I can't put food in.

[John Holmberg]

And that's. So I bought those for you, and.

[Brady]

I want a blowjob. That's not how things work.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, it is, sister.

[Brady]

It's a good thing I can't hear you, because you probably said something stupid right there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the bowls.

[Byron]

Every.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody's wife has something done. Everybody's wife has something done, and we let them do it.

[Byron]

As I'm lecturing her with the beer can collection.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no, no. Your beer can collection. It was yours to begin with. You bought it. It's different.

[Byron]

Some I traded for and Also, by.

[Brett Vesely]

The way, she didn't buy you any of those.

[Byron]

You.

[John Holmberg]

You think there's some sort of balance here. You think you hold some sort of leverage sexually? You're crazy. No. So you can have whatever you want, and she's not going to support you. No, it's not collecting. She's not supporting your beer can collection out loud. You get too lippy about those bulls, and there's a shutdown period.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I can get lippy for you and say the things you want to say. And that's why you're smiling while I say this and not going, stop.

[Byron]

I don't know what you're talking.

[Dale Hellestray]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

You're not allowed to say it. I am. It's a dumb hobby, silly. There's no return on investment, and it's an absolute waste of money. Goo.

[Brady]

He's saying everything.

[Byron]

I think, no, it's not.

[John Holmberg]

Excellent work, excellent work. But you seem to. You've been trained to equate that to your beer can collection, which she out and out says, I'm selling these first chance I get. If you ever said that about those bulls, you. You could hear the vacuum seal go over her genitals. It's never gonna happen for you again. And then a year from now, you'll.

[Brady]

Hear, you never supported me with my bulls.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Christ, the bulls are back.

[Byron]

You don't like my beer can collection? All right, no sex for you.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sure she's. And then you would realize. Then you would realize one thing that all men find somewhere around age 48, that women's vaginas have a secret thing that when you say something like that, all right, then we'll. Then I won't have sex with you ever again. That it does. Like a party popper of confetti. Just right out. It's right all over the rooms, like, oh, my God. Comes out all vagina started. It's insane. I had my friend tell me the other day that his wife looked at him and said, when are you gonna be done with sex? He's like, what? And she goes, I am done. When are you gonna stop wanting it from me? And he goes, I didn't know that was in the. I thought that was gonna last a little longer. I'm out. And he said out loud to her, give him credit. Can I do this with anyone else? And she goes, yeah, it'll cost you half. I was like, so I'm done with that. And it's. And he's got a lot of money. I got a couple million dollars Got to leave the house if I do it anywhere else. Yep. And you over here sitting there going.

[Brady]

My beer can collection's exact same thing.

[John Holmberg]

You think you've got leverage in this game? You're wrong, friend. She'll get every bowl in the house if you decide to start playing your game. But the confetti shooter, that comes. Try it today just to see if it works. See if you can trigger it. I don't think I want to have sex with you anymore. I think we just want to talk a lot.

[Brady]

You triggered the magic.

[John Holmberg]

It's weird.

[Byron]

Is that the ufc? Trojan band?

[John Holmberg]

Are they playing Tusk? Is Fleetwood Matt gonna come out of there? It's a thing, man. Talking to too many dudes in their 50s that for some reason. Lean on me with that. I haven't had six since Obama was president. What? Yeah, she hates me. But if I leave, it's gonna cost me a couple million dollars. Oh, my God. What do you do? This is my jerk. Game is strong. I am. The tub is sticky all the time.

[Byron]

Remember when the Cubs won?

[John Holmberg]

That's the last time we did it. She complained the whole time that I was on her hair. Gotta be careful of that, but from Swedish models over at Epstein Island. Man, you're gonna go out there with a billionaire. Brady thinks his beer cans and her bowls are the same. You're an idiot. I'm glad he can't hear us right now, Brett, because that's the dumbest thing anybody's ever said.

[Byron]

I didn't mean it like that.

[Brady]

I bought Kirby a trombone once. I understand.

[John Holmberg]

No, you're not even in the same ballpark. You're playing cricket, and we're playing chess. It's terrible, but I'm with you on the bull thing. It is stupid. And what you say off the airs. The real you.

[Byron]

Maybe I'd compare it to, like, a pizza oven. It's great at first, but you just don't use it.

[John Holmberg]

But again, you have no leverage. She's gonna allow you to do any dumb hobby you want and then tell you about it. She starts a dumb hobby, and you start telling her how stupid it is, her mouth seals shut like a bad Twilight Zone episode. You're done. Cause you bought that pizza oven against her will. Oh, you're finished, friend. That's why I never understood why we never had women fly over to do hostage negotiations with the terrorists. They're better at it than we'll ever be. We don't understand. Leverage. We got nothing. I got it all. Tip of the cap, ladies. Brilliant.

[Brett Vesely]

It's all Brady hears now.

[Brady]

That's nice.

[John Holmberg]

That's nice.

[Byron]

It's really not that bad.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. Because you're thinking if I. If I kind of start liking this. And she smiles. A chance that I'm getting a mouth hug in the meantime. Everybody on the road right now is like, God damn balls are back. These idiots play these stupid bulls every couple weeks and they're gonna destroy my spy. Hate it.

[Byron]

That's all that's playing in the car whenever we're driving somewhere. Head to a concert.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. Those bulls are no talking stupid. You're going to a bowl concert. Probably too.

[Brett Vesely]

I'd crash into a semi.

[John Holmberg]

This is this and Brady's Friday nights concert. Sacking Rock 98 KP polls.

[Dale Hellestray]

You're heading out to the arena for the bowl show.

[Brady]

I like it. I think it's gonna be fun.

[John Holmberg]

You're an idiot.

[Brady]

Well, I do have my beer can collection.

[John Holmberg]

Stop it. Which she hates and says so she's allowed.

[Byron]

The aggressive conscious. The raging bulls.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Bulls against the machine. And you're there standing there going, I.

[Brady]

Hope this pays off.

[John Holmberg]

Let's get a wake up song. Brett's gonna do something special today. We'll tell him what he's up to in just a moment. You go at 7:00 clock or thereabouts.

[Brett Vesely]

I'll be there by 8.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, good. Well, you can stay with us for a little while. 585-9800. That's the phone number. You give us a wake up song and we'll scream it together. It's 98 kub.

[Byron]

Wake up.

[John Holmberg]

It's out of control now. 98k upd. There you go. Miles to nowhere as we creep ever so close to the pall of this year. And it will start on Monday and roll all the way through Tuesday. Dominating two days of this show. And I enjoy it quite a bit. Even though it is. It's like an Adam Sandler movie. It's on. I don't know why it's on. I might laugh once or twice. But for the whole entirety of it, I think it's pretty terrible. But it's looking for a needle in a haystack. And that's fun. I hate watching Brett's going out this morning. It is the. The season for forgiving. They sp. Somebody's a. Who wrote this?

[Brett Vesely]

That's Rudy now.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, Rudy.

[Brett Vesely]

Rudy wrote 100% is not 100%.

[John Holmberg]

I'm a fan of the Tim Allen Martin short movie because it says Operation Santa Claus like a legal one. And it says Brett and Brett will be going out in just a little while. At 8am this morning, Brett's gonna be at a bar called Local Legends. Why, who do I know there?

[Byron]

Heard about.

[John Holmberg]

I know Local Legends. Brett's family bar, that's what that is. Local Legends is over on Main street and Saucerman and Mesa and he's going to be at Local Legends out there this morning at 8:00 for Operation Santa Claus. And that's a great thing that the gang over there at Sanderson Ford does. They're collecting non perishable food, children's clothing, new toys, monetary donations to support local Arizona cherries, including St. Mary's Food Bank, Southwestern or Southwest Autism Research and Resource center, the Military Assistance Mission, Sleep and Heavenly Peace and New Life Center. And this is just a kickoff, right? Local Legends kind of getting her going. They're gonna be doing this a lot.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, well, well, she'll be doing. She'll be collecting toys, all, you know, all the donations all through the month and then I guess I'll be out there in two weeks. I think like December 3rd or something.

[John Holmberg]

Like that for a big collection thing.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So today's the day to kind of teach you what you got out there and go see Brett. Brett, have a drink.

[Brett Vesely]

She's given 10% off if you make a donation too.

[John Holmberg]

So you get some, get cheap drinks.

[Byron]

Breakfast, hooking it up.

[John Holmberg]

And breakfast. They have good breakfast there.

[Larry]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh boy. All right. Local Legends this morning. Brett's gonna roll out there about eight, just hang out, come by, see what it's about. If you've got some canned goods, I think that would be the way to start it today.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Non perishable foods, dump that off. Tougher. If you've got toys, that's. And they're at the ready. You can drop those off too. But, but they're going to be doing it for a certain amount of time, I would imagine. Every day you could go there and drop. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Great. So a Local Legends. Thanks, matthia. Nice job. 8 to 11, 10.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm going to be there at 11. She'll be there at 11.

[John Holmberg]

8 o' clock you'll be there.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then the rest. It just never ends.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, exactly.

[John Holmberg]

It'll be.

[Brett Vesely]

I leave.

[John Holmberg]

You're probably going to go. Yeah, maybe you might stick around. You like that bar, you, cocktails, you know, a couple drinks, you hang out.

[Byron]

Look at the rain.

[John Holmberg]

You got nothing to do.

[Byron]

Is it dinner time already?

[John Holmberg]

Perfect. You're also going to have three Days Grace tickets when you're there. Bad flower at marquee theaters March 8th. You got tickets to that as you got tickets to all sorts of stuff. So go see Brett around 8 o' clock this morning to go hang out at local Legends. Oh, you're gonna miss Dale. Oh, shots. No, don't say that.

[Byron]

Prop bet before you go.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we gotta drop your prop it. Yeah, two of us are together. Brady's big on that. He's got to get his bets in. He's right. Nothing wrong with that. That. Good luck to you and I hope all. All of it goes well.

[Brett Vesely]

For what?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. It just seems like one of those days. It's going to be. Everybody's going to get swamp in there and you're going to fill that place with drunk.

[Byron]

Good.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, good. It's a good thing.

[Brett Vesely]

Let's do some shots.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. People coming by with a can, dropping it in there. Dodge work. I've been telling you this. When it rains like this, there's no reason to get on these roads. Look out there. That's no, that's not human condition. We're shutting earth off today. Stay in your houses or go over to that bar and play with Brett for a couple hours.

[Byron]

Don't bring out any ragu for Brett.

[John Holmberg]

Bring ragu? Is that perishable? It's perishable.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You can't bring that. Don't bring the rag.

[Byron]

You can bring the quality pastas out.

[John Holmberg]

Oh sure. Leave the great value the boxes. Oh, great value pasta. That is good. Good, good suggestion. I like that. Anything like that, the box, you know. You know the pasta is good when you shake it and you can hear and it's rattles really loud.

[Brett Vesely]

It'll be out there from 7:30 to 10.

[Dale Hellestray]

Now.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm leaving now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, like a rain stick. Oh, that's good pasta in there. This box of pasta is good. Said every Italian. Fantastic. I was at this thing too. They had a thing on TMZ where a DoorDash driver is getting in trouble because they recorded person that was Donald Duck answered the door. As far as I understand it, they answered with no pants on and they were delivering. And so the lady broke out her phone and said I was lured into the house and stuff. The problem is the ring camera says she just went into the house. Lured in versus just walking in are two different things. So now she's getting hit with felony charges for filming and posting the nude guy in his house. And who still has doordash. Ring the bell, leave it on the.

[Byron]

Porch, come on in and drop it off.

[John Holmberg]

Do you have that? You're a.

[Byron]

No.

[John Holmberg]

You're too friendly. But when you doordash, you just say leave it. Right?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You don't go out and greet them.

[Byron]

No. Well, if.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy.

[Byron]

The last one, the. The door was open because people were coming in for the game on Saturday, last Saturday, and I saw the person coming, so.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Byron]

The dogs go crazy.

[John Holmberg]

And the doordash, though, on a normal.

[Byron]

Day, if you doordash, it's been dropped off.

[John Holmberg]

You. You don't have, like, a please talk to me thing because there's a button on there that says leave me. Even Brady doesn't want the doordash person ringing the bell and talking.

[Byron]

Every time I see them driving away or as they're just getting in their.

[Brett Vesely]

Car, chasing them, too.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you go out and say something to them.

[Byron]

Well, I'm picking up the phone.

[John Holmberg]

I wait for the car to leave before I open the door. I won't even interact that way. I just tip you an extra couple bucks at the end when it asks for that extra tip. How'd we do? Can I have some more? I'm like, yeah, you get two more for not even making eye contact with me, ever. Through a windshield. Who still answers the door for doordash. And if your pants are off, I'm taking pictures of that because that's evidence later. But I'm never going in your house.

[Byron]

Sometimes I'm at the door for five or 10 minutes because this is like Christmas.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no, I know. You've got food coming. And you.

[Byron]

It's coming.

[John Holmberg]

Do you run back and forth, or do you watch the app to see where they are? You don't track them. Megan's terrible about that.

[Brady]

He's just now getting it.

[John Holmberg]

Put the phone down. It's honest.

[Brady]

What's gonna be 15 minutes?

[John Holmberg]

Put the phone.

[Byron]

I've done it before.

[Brady]

How we got back on the freeway.

[John Holmberg]

Like this is miserable. Put the phone down. It's terrible. But when I used to deliver for Tony Romas, when we started our delivery program for a little while, and I was a jack of all trades, so I'm like, I'll take deliveries. They can make some decent money doing that. So I'd hop in the Jeep, and I'll tell you, man, if they had the option of not talking to people back in the day, that would have been great. We didn't have electronic anything. I had cash. I had to bring a thing of change. So I'm walking around with a few hundred dollars in cash in my pocket for change. I got the big Credit card deal to have them sign the thing. Because we'd take their number over the phone. And then I'd show up at these people's houses. And they're horrible. They were. There were. So everybody back that wanted Tony Roma's delivered was an awful human being. I walked up to one house, lady standing there in just a big T shirt. Ugly, I was gonna say. All right, ugly. And this hillbillies behind her. He did that movie lean in his door. But it's one of those apartments that are. It like it looks like when you drive by that the ceilings were all six feet. You know which ones I'm talking about. You go by those weird, like strip one room apartments. But it looks like they're the. You have to. It's a shire that. I don't know how people fit in there. And he's leaning on the door with one arm up all the way to the top, smoking, shirt off, jean shorts. I'll never forget. He's looking at me. And then the wife came out and said something. I give them their food. I'm like. And I get back to Tony Roma's and they're like, you forgot something. I'm like, God damn it. And so I had to drive all the way back over there and give him what we forgot. And she's standing out there again. He goes, I like you or this would be a problem. Like, I appreciate it. Sorry, it's all on me. I forgot the thing and I'm sorry. And his wife looks at me and she goes, you want to come in? I'm like, no. And all I wanted was to leave. And I took it. And she's standing there and she's pissing on the sidewalk.

[Dale Hellestray]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

And she looks at me and he starts going like, this is totally normal. And I'm looking and then she goes, he think we're crazy, don't you? And the guy goes, he thinks we're crazy. Like, bye. And I went back to Tony Romans. And I'm like, we're done here. No more deliveries. I'm out. I'm not doing this ever again.

[Brett Vesely]

Sounds like cousin Eddie from vacation.

[John Holmberg]

Just the Hills have eyes. It was way wow. The lady just started to urinate on the sidewalk. And it was a rainy day. It was like this, only the rain had stopped, so the ground was still wet. So it took a second for me to realize that she wasn't standing in a puddle, she was making one. One. You think we're crazy, don't you? Yeah, I kind of do. And I just got in the car, I'm like, this is it. That's it. That never again. I never felt more afraid. So when door dash offered that feature. And again, everybody wants to think back at Covid of being a cruddy time. I think it's maybe in hindsight, the best time I've been alive. No more interaction at doors. Everything we discovered we could have done through our phones. As far as far as groceries and food. And we never have to talk to those people. They'll just put it down and leave pizzas. Even to this. Like, you used to have to stand and interact with the pizza guy or he'd go home. How come that's always. What was that? Domino's used to come by. If you didn't answer the door, they'd leave.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

They weren't playing. They got 30 minutes or less to get you. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Instead of just leaving it at the door, we figured it all out. Made it so we didn't have to talk to, you know, the workers.

[Byron]

Greatest conversations.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sure you did. You loved answering the door. That's why you put a screen on. You leave your door open to see who's there. Who was at your house that told me that it was you when you were over there and you said, brady just sat in that chair. And every time a car went by, there goes Kenny. Oh, yeah. Brady was all over what was going on outside.

[Brady]

It's like lasers got somewhere to be speeding away. Wish you to stop by here first.

[John Holmberg]

Said, hey, what were you there for? Because he came back. This was before Brett was on the show. And he goes, have you been to Brady's house with that screen yet? I'm like, no. He just stares out of it and talks about everything going on.

[Brett Vesely]

I think we got, like, a dinette set or something.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You took one of some of Brady's furniture.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. The tall.

[Brady]

Yeah, there goes Kenny.

[John Holmberg]

He's a good guy. You're just sitting there like, oh, my God, he's gonna kick. He's gonna kill his neighbors. He's gonna kill him. But, yeah, if you answer the door naked for anybody, I think they have a right to take a photo of that. But you just. And I don't know what the doordash girl's thinking Going in someone's home. That's rule one of delivery. Never enter the premises.

[Byron]

The guy says, come in.

[John Holmberg]

No. A stranger, Right. You never go in their homes. Come in is an invitation to the basement.

[Byron]

Open the door and drop it off.

[John Holmberg]

No, if they answer, you Hand it to them if they're like, come on in. You're going.

[Dale Hellestray]

You're in.

[John Holmberg]

It's Jane Gumb's house. You never go in a stranger's home, ever. It's weird, but yeah. So now she's in trouble, though, because she said she filmed the customer. Well, he was also kind of passed out when she hit him with the picture. So he's naked, and then he passed out. She took it, and he had underwear around his ankle. So she. She said she was lured in. She's 23. She called the police and said, hey, I got lured into this house, and it was a sexual assault kind of vibe. And the ring camera said that she actually just let herself in. So they're not real sure what happened, but she's getting felony charges for walking into somebody's house. They described the man in the video as having been unconscious by the time she took the video. Man in the video later cooperated with police. She did post it, so then she got into a little trouble for that, but I would have done the exact same thing. She deleted her account and doordash. She posted the video of the unclothed man on Tick Tock, though, and the company found that.

[Byron]

Jesus.

[John Holmberg]

So stupid. Everybody's dumb as a stump. But Covid proved we don't need to talk to you pizza people doordashers, and you don't want to talk to us. It's perfect. It's a perfect world. I mean, Brady, in the days of the dominoes. 30 minutes or pizzas free. You were a nightmare. You were basically what they do in American Ninja the second they rang that bell.

[Brady]

Hey, friendo. Three pies. That's heavy. Why don't you come on in here and drop that off? My hands are full.

[Byron]

I had a clock above my door.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sure, but you're killing their next delivery.

[Byron]

31 minutes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they got it to you in time. The next one was late. Every time. I wonder what the status. It's like in the. In the 2008 and 9 when the Steelers played the Ravens, there was a gambling stat that 100% of the time the teams that played either the Steelers or Ravens the next week would cover the spread or win because the Steelers and Ravens would beat each other up. I bet you in the 90s, any pizza delivered to Brady's house, the next one was free. Not to your house. The next one on his list, because they were 10 minutes behind from the conversation about weather and traffic and what kind of dough they're using. And then they just sent the Delivery.

[Brett Vesely]

Guys to his house. Only they didn't have any other drop off. We're losing too much money here.

[John Holmberg]

It's almost like a closer in baseball. He's designated to do one job. You're here if Brady orders a pizza and that's it. Well, I want to get other deliveries in. What are you crazy? Never get to get another delivery tonight. If Brady orders one, you're. You're our closer. It's going to be the worst three hours of your life. But we need you to do it.

[Byron]

It's a platinum delivery.

[John Holmberg]

That's what you said. Not to them it wasn't. There's a platinum foot up their ass.

[Byron]

Do not bring that late.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you still are hyped up on them being late. They were on time for you. They had to be. They got your pizzas to you in like 11 minutes because they knew the 14 of chatter was going to kill their next time.

[Dale Hellestray]

Hi, my name's Brad.

[John Holmberg]

I work for Domino's. What do you do? I deliver to Brady's house. And. What, just Brady's house? Yes. Design. We have to have a special guy just for that. I work seven days a week and.

[Byron]

A second driver go with him. And he leaves the guy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, for conversation. And. And you know, I'll do the next delivery.

[Byron]

I'll come back.

[John Holmberg]

Pleasantries. We need a second dude. This is why Domino's killed the 30 minutes or less thing.

[Brett Vesely]

He's the left handed specialist. They bring him in for one.

[John Holmberg]

He comes in and pitches to one guy. Little sidearm action. That phone would ring and it would be like that horror movie where the camera just goes dun, dun dun. Gets closer to the phone and three quick jump cuts. He ordered.

[Brady]

Hey, why don't you throw in a grilled cheese?

[John Holmberg]

We don't have that on the menu.

[Brady]

You got butter, you got bread, you got cheese. You can do it.

[John Holmberg]

He wants a goddamn special order. It's gonna take hours.

[Brady]

Let me take a bite of that grilled cheese. Make sure it's satisfactory. Why don't you sit down, watch some of the game with old Brady's.

[John Holmberg]

Sir, I have to leave. I've got other deliveries.

[Brady]

Nonsense. We hardly got to know each other. What's your name? Your name tag says Tiller.

[John Holmberg]

It's Tyler. That's right. Yeah. So don't take pictures of naked people and post them if you're in their house, but outside of their house, fair game. And stop talking to the doordash people. And if you're a doordash person, that's going to email Me and go, hey, you know what happened to common decency?

[Dale Hellestray]

We are.

[John Holmberg]

We don't want to talk to you. No one. I'm speaking for the entire city. If you're a doordash guy that wants to talk to people, everyone hates you. Uber drivers. Do you realize how bad it got talking to you? That we actually made enough noise to have it on the app to say, talk free drive. And you can hit that button.

[Brett Vesely]

You ever done that?

[John Holmberg]

No, I can't. I want to. That's why Waymo came along. For people like me who are like, I don't want to seem like a big dick before. Maybe he's a nice guy, but I don't want to have a conversation with him if he's not. If he's a weirdo. And then Waymo came along, you're like, this is great. I don't even have to worry about it. Have you ever hit. You've never hit the button? Don't talk to me.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know the balls to do it.

[John Holmberg]

I don't either, you know, but it's on there for a reason.

[Brett Vesely]

I think he gets some psycho driving you or something.

[John Holmberg]

Now he hates that he won. Like, if Brady was an Uber driver.

[Byron]

Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

Talking, huh?

[Brady]

Looks like we're gonna be going about 95 miles an hour on the wrong lane then. Bet you talk to me then.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't want to chitter chat with strangers on a regular basis. It's small talk. It's the world's worst thing.

[Byron]

Got some turtle candies.

[John Holmberg]

You don't eat candies either. What's the matter with you?

[Brady]

You want my candies?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah, That's. I'm going in a basement. No, thank you. Basement guy.

[Brady]

Everybody calls me that.

[John Holmberg]

You do not take food or enter someone's home like that. It's crazy. Doordash.

[Dale Hellestray]

We love you.

[John Holmberg]

Just drop it off and walk away. Yeah. Covid solved a lot of our social weird problems. Which was? Dopey pizza guy standing on your door, making you talk to him for a second. And poor pizza guy who had to talk to people that wouldn't leave him alone. It was 15 seconds of your life, and it was the most miserable part. We used to have fights when I was a kid on who was gonna answer the door. My dad was stripped down to his underwear the second we made the pizza thing. It's like, I'm not getting it. I'm like, you're a genius.

[Brett Vesely]

I paid for the goddamn thing. Get your ass up there.

[John Holmberg]

You are a genius. This.

[Byron]

You don't bell rings, everyone drops your pants.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody's naked. Somebody else is going to get it. God damn it. Well, somebody put some pants on, he's going to leave with our pizza. And that was back in the day where they'd just walk away with your pizza. Don't answer. Don't get it. Because we had to pay them direct. Covid. Thank you, Covid. You made the world a better place. I mean, you strip out all the dying and fear. Covid was pretty great. No traffic. Deliveries got better. Social distancing. Oh, I pray for the day that comes back. Little stickers everywhere to keep it so you couldn't get within six feet of another human being. It was awesome. The built in excuse of I'm not feeling well, and everybody treated you like you had the plague.

[Dale Hellestray]

John Holmberg's morning sickness. The 98 KUPD. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I used to love that. People like, well, we should probably have. Ah, I've got a stuffy nose. I'm like, oh, stay away from me, okay? You don't have to ask me twice. I rode my bike on the 51.

[Byron]

Smart.

[John Holmberg]

I know. Just for fun. Just for fun. There was nobody on it. It was on a Tuesday afternoon. I'm like, I'm riding my bike. The.

[Dale Hellestray]

The.

[John Holmberg]

I looked over the bridge as I crossed over Bethany home, and I'm like, that is an empty freeway. I'm doing this. And I got on it and I just rode one exit. I got nervous. I did get scared because there were a car or two flying by, but. And they were going a thousand miles an hour. And I got off and I rode on the freeway for a second. I'm like, I am riding a bike on a freeway. Thank you, Covid. Oh, what a time. Yep, a time. And then I also noticed a couple other, like, weird things yesterday. Well, we got the guy from Scottsdale. Here's two things. Sexual assaults to get the naked guy at the house. Smokey Robinson is evidently 90 years old. And now people are saying, I got. He sexually assaulted me. It's too late. Smokey Robinson is old now. So if he reaches for your hand and puts it on his dick, it's just him being old and it's an honor look. Exactly. Smokey. I kind of want to touch it. It's a great story. I don't know who gets mad at that. If Smokey Robinson was right here.

[Brady]

Hey, dad, how you doing?

[John Holmberg]

Like, I'm good. Smoking. He grabbed my hand and he placed it on his genitals. I would laugh and that would be a story I'd have for the rest of my life. Who's uptight enough to throw sexual assault charges at Smokey Robinson? What is he, 92? If he made you touch his penis. Hilarious. Have a sense of humor.

[Byron]

It's your elder Bush. Back in the day, David, when he.

[John Holmberg]

Would, yeah, David Copperfield. And he'd goose people all the time from his wheelchair. People were like, that's sexual assault. I'm like, you got nothing to worry about. And now he's, now he's getting sued. He's a female ex housekeeper. Alleged the singer forced them to have oral sex and vaginal sex dozens of times between 2007 and last year. So from 2007 to 2024, if you were forced to have sex for a, what is that, a 17 year period, that's on you. You had an escape route somewhere around, oh, I don't know, Trump's first term.

[Byron]

That's usually, I want it done for me. I think if I was, and I'm reporting that right off the bat, if.

[John Holmberg]

Smokey Robinson rapes me, I'm saying, so that day, maybe the second time, because at first I'm like, that really happened. Second time's the payday. I got to get a bunch of evidence. Because now I know. Like, oh, and then you go home and you do that Silkwood shower and wait, I just washed off all the evidence. I got to go get raped again by Smokey to get all this money. But if you do it from 2007 to 2024, that's Bush to Trump too. There's a lot that happened in between there. And you want $50 million from Smokey. You don't get it.

[Brett Vesely]

They were raped by a 92 year.

[John Holmberg]

Old man, first of all.

[Brett Vesely]

Then that's on you.

[John Holmberg]

If you couldn't defend yourself from Smokey Robinson in his heyday, he was tiny, but you're still struggling with it. Last year, Darwin would probably have you removed from the planet. I don't like the victim shame. Unless it's Smokey Robinson doing the raping, then it's your fault. If you get raped by Smokey Robinson, you were asking for it. You practically have to lay down and do it yourself. Smokey probably fell asleep a couple of times.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like these broads who went to Charlie Sheen's house. What'd you expect, right?

[John Holmberg]

Well, William Sattner said it last week about Mike Tyson. He went to the room at 4am what did you think was gonna happen?

[Brady]

If there's a smile on my face, I'M only here to rape your body.

[John Holmberg]

Is this happening? Ah, I've got to run away. Oh, he caught me. You weren't running.

[Brett Vesely]

Gonna give it to you till you.

[John Holmberg]

Got tears of a clown.

[Brady]

Make white tears of a clown.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They're saying that these are ridiculous. He's 85. Evidently.

[Dale Hellestray]

Still.

[Joe Coy]

Yes.

[Byron]

The people who are out in the 70.

[John Holmberg]

No. Started out in 2007. That's who's saying this was. These aren't going back to the 70s.

[Byron]

No, but I'm saying he's 85.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's in his 70s. Sure. He was in his 60s. His late 60s. So the first couple might have been a little bit of a struggle if you let that go till last year. You liked it. That's a relationship. That's not a rape.

[Byron]

20, 24, a new cleaning lady was hired.

[John Holmberg]

There were five of them.

[Byron]

I see what's going on.

[John Holmberg]

There were five of them. And evidently he had five hot cleaning ladies. And for 17 years, like, is he having sex with you? They found out about each other. Like, oh, I wasn't special.

[Brady]

Why you all mad?

[John Holmberg]

Are you having sex with Consuela?

[Brady]

Which one is she?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God damn it. Yeah. You can't. You can't tell me an 84 year old man did something untoward sexually without a weapon. If he hadn't. If Smokey had a gun to your head, you could still move it.

[Byron]

Or a Cosby cocktail.

[Dale Hellestray]

Right, right.

[John Holmberg]

They want $50 million. If I'm smokey, I give it to him. How much time does he have left here?

[Brady]

Shut up.

[John Holmberg]

If we take.

[Brady]

They give you this money gonna go away.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. A woman and a man. Another guy, the man said that Smokey would sometimes take his hand and move it over to Smokey's pee pee. And I'm telling you, I'd take that job in a heartbeat. Beat.

[Brett Vesely]

His handler's actually a handler.

[John Holmberg]

I would call Brett and I'm like, you want to go out with Smokey Robinson tonight? Tonight, Brett? You'd be like, of course I do. He's a legend. Motown legend. Smokey Robinson and John are taking me to dinner. You're going. I'm like, watch what he does to my hands if I leave him laying around. And you'd be like, what are you talking about? I'm like, watch it. I'll just. I'll put it on the table at the dinner, and he'll reach for it like it's a fork, and he'll start rubbing his wiener with it. Oh, like, it's hilarious. Trust me, I'm fine with it. It.

[Brady]

You pay extra for that?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I get. Trust me, I'm gonna get a lot of money for this. And then I just look you in the eyes. Smokey's like, give me my hand back, Smokey.

[Brady]

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that was a napkin. All those white things look the same to me.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. That's why we have to get them black napkins. Smokey Robinson isn't raping anybody. I want to be on the jury and just have my arms crossed. Mm, let me see. 20, 24. He's 84 years old. How old are you?

[Brady]

33.

[John Holmberg]

And you lost that fight. Let that be a lesson to you. Not guilty. You need to hit the gym or something. Or just be a little more ambitious. Can even get hard.

[Brady]

I take the viagri.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, maybe a little bit, but still, you can't push those old bones and turn him into mummy dust in a second. I think you could.

[Brady]

He overpowered me.

[John Holmberg]

He's 84. He gets overpowered by throw rubs. He can't have. He can't have anything on the floor at his house or it'll kill him. You think he lay down bitch crack. It's not happening. Even if he punched, you'd be like, what are you doing? Why'd you do that?

[Brady]

I'm punching him, knocking, you turning your lights out.

[Byron]

You don't.

[John Holmberg]

Barely touching me. A fly would survive that punch.

[Byron]

The minute he wakes up, he's raping.

[John Holmberg]

He walks around the house thrusting his hips.

[Brady]

I gotta rape. I'm in the mood for rape.

[John Holmberg]

Sexually assaulted by an 85 year old. I will victim shame. I'm tired of this.

[Brady]

You don't know what I've been through. The traumatic, the stress, the.

[John Holmberg]

Come on. You punched Smokey in the nose once. As many times as much cocaine has floated through that nose of his. There's nothing in there. You're gonna hit the brain. You're just gonna squish him.

[Byron]

Was it one of those jokes that she said about a little extended. You have 15 years to knock this off.

[John Holmberg]

Ow. What are you doing back there?

[Brady]

Giving you the goods.

[John Holmberg]

All right, this is weird. Are you asleep in the middle of the raid, baby?

[Brady]

Shut up, bitch. No one can hear your cries.

[John Holmberg]

Then he fell asleep in the middle. Right when he was grabbing my breasts. I didn't want him to do it. Did you push him off?

[Brady]

Well, no, He's Smokey Robinson. I didn't want to be rude.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, I do feel a little bit for John Doe one. This one guy says here's another thing. Fifth housekeeper says Robinson groped her breast and propositioned her for sex and then said, scrub my back in the shower. Well, then you were in the shower with him. If he overpowered you into the shower, that's again, the enemy of any 80 year old man is a wet floor cleaning the bathroom.

[Byron]

And he walked in, hopped in the shower.

[Brady]

Scrub my back.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, sir, Mr. Robinson. You're so strong.

[Brett Vesely]

Sean says he's innocent. He goes, you had 30 minutes before the blue pill kicked in. What are you still doing there?

[Brady]

Let me just pop this rape pill, we'll watch an episode of Good Times and then we're at it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, in 22 minutes, I'm in for it. It's, it's embarrassing. Said one of the guys in the, in the document said he calls himself John Doe 1. He doesn't want to be identified. Let me just say it's. John Holmberg would identify himself. Says Robinson would masturbate while watching him work. That started around 2013. So Smokey was, was he 80 or 72? And he tried to force him to touch Robinson's penis one time while he was jerking it. Look, if I'm vacuuming your house, Brett, and you come and you start jerking off in the middle of the room, it's a simple turn the vacuum off. I'm like, when you're done, I'll come back. I, I'll walk away from that. Any man masturbating can't catch me. I promise you that. I promise you if you're masturbating, if you have an erection, you cannot run faster than me. I guarantee it. The man with an erection is not fast, it's not fleet of foot, he's not mobile.

[Byron]

Hit it with the feather duster. Yeah, you have to touch it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Smokey Robinson's coming at me and he's got an erection there. I blew him over. It's easy. This is great.

[Byron]

Or use a Swiffer. He'll be fine.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. 50 million bucks. I'm on Smokey's side. Even if he did it, I'm on Smokey's side. And Smokey could sit up there in that courtroom with that weird mic that never is adjusted, right?

[Brady]

I raped everybody.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. All right, well, I'm fine with that. That it's their fault. Any 85 year old man that said.

[Brady]

That was cause I raped that one and I raped that one. And I made the boy watch me masturbate and touch my penis.

[John Holmberg]

Is this true?

[Brady]

I told you, it's true. I'm guilty of everything.

[John Holmberg]

He seems pretty forthright. Not guilty, just Moki Robinson raped you? If you came to me and told me I got.

[Brady]

I gotta talk to you.

[John Holmberg]

What is it, Brady? You look pretty down.

[Brady]

Last night I got raped.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God, that's terrible.

[Brady]

By Smokey Robinson.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, that's not a thing.

[Brady]

It was terrible. I couldn't get him off of me.

[John Holmberg]

What, were you tied down?

[Byron]

No, I was vacuuming.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brady]

Yeah, I've recently taken another job as his housekeeper. He made me shower with him and wash him.

[John Holmberg]

He's old. Somebody's got to do it.

[Byron]

He asked me to vacuum because, oh, like, how cool is that? You're vacuuming Smokey Robinson's rug, right?

[John Holmberg]

Our blind listener, Sean, says, getting raped by a nine year old is the same as getting raped by me. A blind guy. Pretty sure you can just slowly walk away. A rape free area exists for you. Pretty much where I can't see. It's like, Marco Polo. Rape, rape. If you're not answering the rapist every time, the blind.

[Brady]

Marco.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, crap.

[Dale Hellestray]

Paulo.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's over there. I gotta go get him. Raped him. There you are asking for it. Smokey Robinson ain't raping anybody. And another thing, if you got raped by Smokey when he was a viable, strong man, it's too late. I don't want to hear your Smokey Robinson rape stories when he's 85 back in 1971. No, it's too late. I'd be proud of that. I would too.

[Brett Vesely]

You got him in his prime. Or he got you in his prime.

[John Holmberg]

Remember the people from the Romeo and Juliet movie?

[Byron]

Movie?

[John Holmberg]

The teenagers that tried to sue because they're like, it did, you know, nude scene was very uncomfortable. I'm like, that was 1966. You can't sue for that in 2023. That's not happening.

[Brady]

But we're pretty messed up now.

[John Holmberg]

You've had time to get over it if it didn't. That's your choice. There are people in Auschwitz that got jobs faster than you two. Couldn't get over being naked together as teenagers.

[Byron]

But I think that's one of the things they say, like something traumatic like that. So there's a lot of people that, yeah, 1966, that happened.

[John Holmberg]

It's time. It's time we all started to say, lived it out. That's enough.

[Dale Hellestray]

All right?

[John Holmberg]

You can talk about it, but you can't go after the dude, right? You can bring it up and go, yeah, you know, Smokey Robinson rap me. I never said anything. It's on me, screwed me.

[Byron]

I don't want to go through the process.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you can go through the process. You can go to tmz, et, all that other stuff, but there's no legal ramifications. If you waited 60 years and you're like, I was never the same. Well, it ain't gonna change now, so hopefully you've adapted. That's that Viktor Frankel book, Man's search for Meaning. The dude was in a concentration camp. That's pretty awful. He's not even mad at the Germans. He walked out of there going, it's my choice to hate this or, or live with it forever. I have to live with the memories, but it's what I do with them afterwards. Smokey Robinson ain't raping anymore. Come on. It's not even like it's kids. These are grown ups. And every time I see a time gap of 07 to 24, like in this time period, Smokey Robinson was wildly inappropriate. I'm like, what did you do about it? Well, he kept going to work. I had to work. I kept going to his house. I'm like, nope, that's Brett rapes me once here at work. Work, he's out. And I would assume the same is true of me. If I rape Brett once, he's not coming. But I had to work. I needed the job.

[Brett Vesely]

Kind of in your prime though. So it's still, you know, it'll be a good fight.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, if it was, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Actually we might have some 82 year.

[Brett Vesely]

Old John Holmberg then. No.

[Brady]

Well, over here right now, mister, you're.

[John Holmberg]

Going so fast, I expect me to rape you. Running around like a chicken with a head cut off. Nobody's raving anybody. This guy says, instead of storm chasers, you call it dick chasers. Nearly all your audience would participate in this. Try to get away from old men who want to rape you. Show how easy it is. I've smoked. If the guy comes out and says he put a gun to my head while I was working and said, I might shoot you in the head if you don't touch my pee pee. That's easy. Hi, Larry, it's 7:28. What do you got on the big board of musical treats over there?

[Brett Vesely]

Makeup song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And they are getting hammered with the snow up north. And now's the time to get all the ski and snowboarding gear you're going to need over at Action Ride Shop, the OG location right there on Gilbert Road Southern. And if you're going to Be hitting the trails on the mountain bikes or you need a new bike? Well, they got it at both stores, including the brand new one right there at power Road and McDowell Pivot, Santa Cruz, Ibis. You name it, they got it.

[John Holmberg]

ActionRod.

[Brett Vesely]

Shop.comacdc on the list. Ice 9 kills, Rob zombies. What For Brady Mud Vein, Allison Chains, Static Ax, Ozzy Ghost. Mummy Dust for Smokey.

[John Holmberg]

Already over. What?

[Dale Hellestray]

What?

[John Holmberg]

My Rob Zombie. I do love Mummy Dust for smokey Robinson. Power.

[Brett Vesely]

My 5000. How to be Human for Asian Ruxpin, Pantera and Metallica.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we gotta do what? Little Rob Zombie.

[Dale Hellestray]

What?

[John Holmberg]

All right, I like that one. You've got that one. Yeah, Toledo's not gonna have that. He just put mummy dust in. And mummy dust is true also, so. But I think it would be a badge of honor. I mean, if Clint Eastwood, who's 90something, put your hand on my dick. Okay. Like, for all the years of entertainment.

[Brett Vesely]

Dirty Harry, I'm him.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You like what you feel? Not really, but I don't think you can do anything about it. And if you do anything more, I'm going to punch you. This is easy.

[Byron]

And on. Yeah, on that other side. I'm saying it's an easy turn down.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, and maybe it is. Give me that hand. And he starts pulling on it. He's going to expend so much energy trying to get your hand to his wiener, it'll be out cold in a second. I was with William Shatner last year.

[Byron]

I'll just show him a right turn.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, William Shatner last Thursday. Spry for 94. Pretty easy to knock over, though, if he's like, I want you to touch my wiener. All right. Thanks, Captain Kirk for all the years. Ah, tug it. No, I draw the line there. Do it or else I'm like, clock. It's an easy fight. I wouldn't even be intimidated by the offer. I'd do it in front of a crowd at the Orpheum. He's like, and now John is going to touch my pee pee. Yep. See, everybody at the Orpheum. Look at that. I get to touch Captain Kirk's dick and you don't. And everybody be like, I'm fine with it. Weird people are dumb. And I'm rooting for Smokey to get out of this one and do a tour or something. That's what I think. You got it? Ready? All right, Brett's gonna head out now. He's gonna go over to Local Legends on Main street in Sassamon. He's gonna be out there right about 8 o' clock for our friends at Operation Santa Claus and Sanderson Ford helping out with that. That's pretty cool. So get on over there to Local Legends with Brett in just a little bit. Drop off canned goods, toys, all sorts of stuff. And you can do that starting today, all the way up until like the third or four. Whenever you're at that second one, probably even up until, you know, just handed before Christmas.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So you got it. Every day. Local Legends of great bar. Brett will be out there. Let's do a little zombie for Brady. It's called what? It's 98. It's out of control now. 98.

[Dale Hellestray]

KUPD Goldberg's Morning super is warning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Radiate it's bodies right there. The Doug Hopkins song. Every time we do Night of the singing Dead, Doug comes up and starts running around. It's the weirdest thing in the world to see. TV's Doug Hopkins with bodies from drowning Pool. Very strange. By the way, in the heels of the Smokey Robinson news, I just got this update. It's not good. Caleb from Shriners just pistol whipped an Instagram model and raped her. Yeah, I know. And she couldn't get away. Could not get away. It's terrible what's going on with these people. How strong these 85 year olds and these cripples are. Brett's out there. He's strong. He's going to Local Legends right now. He'll be out there about 8 o'. Clock. That's on Main street in Sauceman for Operation Santa Claus. It's an outrageously good charity that helps a bunch of different charities. And Brett's out there this morning look at canned goods toys. If you can drop something off this morning, that'd be fantastic. But this is just an announcement basically to say here's where it is. Brett's gonna have a pop with you. I'm sure he'll have a drink with you while you're out there. He can't buy one for you, but that's against the rules somehow. That's a law. But starting at 10 o' clock, you can so hit Brett up about 10 for a free drink from Brett. And the folks over at Local Legends will give you 10% off if you drop anything off. And they've got great breakfast evidently too. I've not had that yet. Brett could bring that back. 7:52 at about 8:30. A little after this morning, we're gonna talk to Joe Coyote. He's going to be here Saturday night. And you know Brady, he's got a show. I just talked to Toledo. He's got a show in Tucson tonight or tomorrow. He's got one here Saturday at the. At the footprint match. America West, United center lines arena. The matchup, marquee matchup, mortgage, whatever they're calling it now. He's there Friday and Saturday night. He's there. That's pretty much sold out.

[Byron]

Out.

[John Holmberg]

So that'll be about 18,000 people. That's pretty good. That's a big comedy show. Then he and Gabriel Iglesias are teaming up to do Sofi stadium in Los Angeles. That's going to be 90, 85. 90,000.

[Larry]

I think the. The email said March 26th or something like that, or 2026. March 16th of 2020, the football stadium. The first comedy show at SoFi. And the press release said there are very few tickets left.

[John Holmberg]

Unreal. I mean, you've combined Los Angeles. You've got Asians and Mexicans everywhere, and you bring out koi and Iglesias, fluffy and fit Filipino. You could get two nights in a row at sofi and sell it. Joe's gonna make $20 million that weekend. Oh, yeah. That's why we're not friends with Joe anymore. It isn't cause we don't want him or we've done something wrong. He just travels in different circles now.

[Larry]

I believe it's playing out exactly as you told him the last time he was in this studio. We'll never talk to you.

[John Holmberg]

We'll never talk to you in this studio again. And I even told him, you'll do a phone or to try to play. Pretend you're still part of this. You'll never be in this again. And that's what I'll tell him on the phone today. Prediction. His answer will be, if I'm in town, I'll be there. You will not. And I wonder if he'll want you here.

[Byron]

Remember us?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't think so. Yeah, we'll see. It's a shame Brady's heard the last of Joe Coy's comedy specials because he can't hear a thing. We were just playing with him off here. Without those headphones, he's pretty much useless.

[Larry]

I didn't even think about it when I came in and told you, you know, what was coming up with the commercials and stuff. I turned and looked at him. He was like, what? And I walked out and I'm like, oh. He didn't hear a thing.

[John Holmberg]

Larry was yelling, I'm on the Brady train in the hallway. And Brady's looking at Me, I'm like, larry's yelling at you. And he goes, what?

[Larry]

I thought you told him he couldn't say what this morning.

[John Holmberg]

We can whisper. Oh, no. When he gets the horn, he can. He can say what? Until he gets that ear horn. Then it's a. That's all you're allowed to do. Good stuff.

[Byron]

Sure is.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Larry]

Can we put at boss KUPD on the side of the horn?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's got to advertise a bunch of dumb stuff. Sure. It's time now for the Brady Report. You're going to hear it. He won't remote. And it's brought to you by our friends at All Pro Shade. All Pro Shade is where you go to get your shades covered up. Your back patio, your front patio. You got a window that you got too much sun coming in. You got a TV on a patio that's getting too much glare. The folks at All Pro Shade can handle that for you. And do it in a way that makes your house more valuable. It ups the value of your home because they don't just slap it on there. It becomes part of your home. The motorized ones are the best. And when you get one right now, you're going to get a heater thrown in there for free.

[Brett Vesely]

Free.

[John Holmberg]

So you can sit out there and these beautiful days like this under your new awning and glorious great Phoenix weather, which I consider today to be all prochet.com. that's where you go. Brady reported.

[Byron]

Good Thursday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello, world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Byron]

Happy national payback. Your Parents Day and National Absurdity Day.

[John Holmberg]

Which kind of goes back hand in hand again. This is the only time that I think that the agreement of I didn't ask to be here kicks in. If they want money back, you know, I'm not Walmart. I don't have a good return policy. If my parents are asking for cash back for this, it's not happening. I'll help them out if they need it.

[Byron]

But Bono's mother died when he was 14. She had a brain aneurysm at her father's funeral.

[John Holmberg]

Funeral. At her father's funeral.

[Byron]

Yeah. So mom died. His grandpa's funeral.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. So he owes his mother very little. And give back to your parents day. 14 years of prorated wasn't that much.

[Byron]

In movies like Selma, about Martin Luther King Jr. None of the speeches featured are real because Steven Spielberg owns the movie rights to his story and all his actual speeches. The rights were purchased in 2009. Spielberg apparently still has them, even though this MLK movie never Got made.

[John Holmberg]

So Spielberg wanted to make an MLK movie. Bought every word the guy ever said publicly.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Selma comes out and it's just. It's the hydrox of MLK movies. And that's probably not a right way to say that, but. But yikes. None of it was real. At least the words he said publicly.

[Byron]

I don't know. Can. Can.

[John Holmberg]

If it's a speech. Yes. If it's been published as a speech, then they owe. Then somebody owns it. So if he gave speeches that were published. So they had to write everything. Kind of. It's like when they do parody songs or you're allowed to do five bars and then you have to change a little bit sounds. It sounds like royal blood, but it's not quite royal blood.

[Larry]

It's like you can. If you changed. Was it 20? Then it can. It's considered material.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Of an idea.

[Larry]

Of an idea.

[John Holmberg]

That's why when I was pretending to be a writer for a little bit and I went to what they had was a pitch party and you go to table to table with ideas and you give them an idea and they can steal it.

[Byron]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

If you're not part of the union, it's theirs. I didn't know that. And then if you have anything written down, all they have to do is change a certain percentage of it and it's theirs then too. And you're just handing it over for free, thinking these people are on your team.

[Byron]

PAC man made 6 billion in revenue as an arcade game, which is around 19 and a half billion if you adjust for inflation. That makes it the highest grossing arcade game of all time. Just ahead of Space Invaders in Street Fighter 2.

[John Holmberg]

I would never put Street Fighter 2 into that mix. That's pretty good.

[Larry]

I wouldn't. And that was not one.

[John Holmberg]

I put my quarters on Centipede, Tempest. Tempest, Pac Man, Donkey Kong, Frogger, Donkey Kong junior. Donkey Kong junior was my collego vision. That was a home game. Oh, you had in the arcade. Oh, well, I had a daddy job and all that.

[Larry]

Yeah, I had intelligence.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, you got off on pay your parents back day pretty good. Yeah, I did. You don't have to pay one of them at all.

[Larry]

You got to pay the half one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, my parents, I'd owe them a fortune. Kitchen. Yeah, your parents too. You owe your parents a ton of money if you had to pay attainment. I gave them no. No value.

[Dale Hellestray]

No, no.

[Brett Vesely]

You.

[Larry]

You plead Smokey Robinson. You think of all the trauma that they caused you.

[Brady]

Yeah, that guy on the roof, you know, Samat Walt.

[Byron]

Walter.

[John Holmberg]

Walter, who was. Samont was the one that was trying to get.

[Byron]

Was in the room smoking, trying to.

[John Holmberg]

Get your sister and having Mom.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Larry]

Oh, I've heard.

[John Holmberg]

I've heard Amy say that. Amy wanted nothing to do with that.

[Byron]

The American Farm Bureau just put together what it costs for Thanksgiving dinner this year. They do it every year for 10 people. The cost will average about $5.52per person, which is down 5% last year.

[John Holmberg]

Down from last year?

[Byron]

Yeah. The last. It's gone down the past three years.

[John Holmberg]

Getting cheaper to have Thanksgiving. Yeah. Sweet.

[Byron]

The most expensive year was actually 2022 because the bird flu was infected a lot of the flocks. So the turkey was really expensive.

[John Holmberg]

Ah. You realize that when you told me it was lower. I'm gonna go get you checked out today. You said it's been cheaper every year for the past three years. And your hand did an up.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah. Should have been going.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's right. His hand went up like he was riding a roller coaster slowly to the top as he told me that the numbers were falling.

[Larry]

Well, I think he thought because you're on the other side, that maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, maybe it's mirror.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That I see that I'm in the up. That's it. In Stranger Things, I'm in the upside down. So he's. Thank you. I appreciate that. That was very confusing.

[Brady]

You know, it's been going down the whole time.

[John Holmberg]

Why are you saluting Hitler? Don't look at me.

[Brady]

Don't know.

[John Holmberg]

What'd you say?

[Brady]

My arm just did that on its own.

[Byron]

According to another survey, the average person will be willing to drive 172 miles out of their way to pick up a loved one for Thanksgiving. Giving how far? 172 miles round trip. 5% would be willing to drive 700.

[John Holmberg]

Miles to just go pick someone up.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Larry]

No, for holidays.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Larry]

No.

[Byron]

If you can't.

[Larry]

If you can't meet me. God, now. Not even halfway. I'm not driving 350 miles.

[John Holmberg]

We've got 364 other days. We'll meet up another time. Yeah.

[Byron]

Yeah. On average, the furthest people have ever driven to see someone for the holidays is about 408 miles. You're saying that's Chicago to Minneapolis, but.

[John Holmberg]

You'Re not saying pick them up and take them back, so just go to their house.

[Byron]

Yeah. Well, this one says 172 miles out of their way to pick up a loved one.

[John Holmberg]

One.

[Byron]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

That's crazy. I don't think I love anybody. 172 miles worth. I think I have a radius of love. What a great band name that is, man.

[Larry]

That's solid.

[John Holmberg]

But I'm in a radius of love. If you live outside of it, I stop loving you a little bit.

[Larry]

I think I care a lot about you.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah.

[Larry]

Love doesn't.

[John Holmberg]

It's a decent radius. But I think, I mean, it only goes. Yeah.

[Larry]

Does it go to Fred? Was it Fredericksburg?

[Byron]

Where your dad.

[John Holmberg]

My dad. I love my dad a lot less than I used to. Yeah. I mean like for that kind of stuff. I mean, I still fondly love my father, but if he said, hey, I need you to come out here, it'd be like, ah, doesn't have. You should hire a guy. Yeah.

[Byron]

But even that. Look at the difference. It was when moving from Phoenix for me to Gilbert.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

How often? Just activities. Hanging out with you and going out there and then.

[John Holmberg]

That's true.

[Byron]

Family members. It's funny, some of them I see.

[John Holmberg]

More out of state than you did.

[Dale Hellestray]

When you were there.

[Byron]

Yeah. Because it's just. It's 30 miles a lot.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to your house for no reason.

[Byron]

Accordingly.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, really lives in surprise.

[Larry]

He's a cop. I haven't seen him in five years.

[John Holmberg]

If it's not like monumental, there's no reason for either of us to go to each other's homes. We live too far apart.

[Larry]

Define monumental too, because that has a scale.

[John Holmberg]

My monumental is different than his. Yeah. His would be like free pizza Friday. And mine's like somebody better be dead or being elected to like national office.

[Byron]

And even the pizza deal is no.

[John Holmberg]

And even then, I don't know.

[Byron]

Football game.

[Larry]

I can tell you the name of a made up restaurateur that I'm meeting and you would fly over.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. Are you familiar.

[Byron]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

B. Are you familiar with Michelle Arcionato?

[Brady]

I think I've heard of that guy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Larry]

He's an upcoming in the Italian barbecue scene.

[John Holmberg]

He's opening a restaurant out at Arrowhead. No kid. Free night.

[Larry]

This weekend.

[John Holmberg]

I honestly am. And that's not out of rudeness because I see you every day.

[Larry]

That's the thing about it.

[John Holmberg]

But I don't really feel a need for you or I to go to each other's homes at all.

[Byron]

Unless there's a bunch of people that we haven't seen. But there's a reason so and so's coming over or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

And.

[Byron]

And they wanted to get together at your house. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I would ask. Or even at your house. I would probably say, how long are they in town?

[Larry]

And I'd say, who's worth that?

[John Holmberg]

And then there's. And then I would weigh the. Why haven't I seen this person a long time? Is this by choice?

[Byron]

That's why It's. It's neutral grounds. But it's.

[John Holmberg]

But that's my point. It's so easy to stay in touch with people today. It's very hard to say, oh, my God, I haven't seen them in a long time. Usually I haven't seen someone in a long time because you're not trying.

[Larry]

Yeah, they've faded.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And you faded from them. It's not mean. It's just life.

[Larry]

No, it definitely goes both ways.

[John Holmberg]

My buddy Dean, that came to town a couple weeks ago, he doesn't live here anymore, but he had to come here for business. He wasn't coming here for me, but while he was here, he's like, hey, maybe we could hang out while we're here. I'm like, I'm go. And I told him, I'm already going somewhere the day you're here if you want to join me. And he was like, okay, that's different.

[Dale Hellestray]

John Holmberg's morning sickness. The 98 KUPD. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Byron]

The job site monster, still around. Released a new poll on revenge quitting that found that almost half of us have done it before. Said 47% said they abruptly quit a job because they were fed up. 57% have also seen a co worker do it. Toxic work environment is the number one reason people gave for doing it. Poor management is close second, and feeling undervalued or ignored is third. Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's work.

[Byron]

One in five have daydreamed about telling their boss to shove it for over two years before they finally.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, every. I've done that. And I like my boss. Sometimes I have little fantasies about telling Tripp to shove it, and there's no reason for it. It's just fun.

[Larry]

Didn't you kill him in one dream?

[John Holmberg]

I've killed tripping dreams.

[Byron]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Several times. It's. It's just an authority thing.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And a couple times accidentally and a couple times purposefully. What?

[Larry]

With cheese?

[John Holmberg]

I've killed a lot of people in my dreams. Ever have those dreams where somebody's frustrating you and you, like, try to peel their head off or something? It just won't work.

[Brady]

Work.

[John Holmberg]

No, I do.

[Byron]

Freud.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think I do. I have that a lot. It's like you're just not hearing me, and you Reach over and you grab their face and they're almost like made of Silly Putty. And you just can't do anything. And they're just sitting there laughing and like, oh my God, we're in. We're. The house is going to explode. It's on fire. Why are you laughing? You're trying to help them and they won't do anything, right. So you just try to mold them and they're just putty.

[Byron]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Or pull their heads off and stuff. I've done that.

[Byron]

It's a good dream.

[John Holmberg]

I've never had a dream where I killed Brady.

[Byron]

You don't use me to put the fire out.

[John Holmberg]

No, I've never had a dream where you're Silly Putty either. Mostly that's just people who are currently frustrating you. You try to pull their heads off.

[Byron]

The artist behind the 6.2 million dollar duct tape banana.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah.

[Byron]

Just recently sold another piece of his the 12 for $12 million. It was the gold toy toilet. His name's Mauricio Catalon toilet. And so he.

[John Holmberg]

I heard that, Larry. Well, you're wearing headphones.

[Byron]

It's an 18 karat gold toilet. It's sold for 12.1 million with fees at the Sotheby's auction on Tuesday. It's 101.2 kilograms. That's 223 pounds.

[John Holmberg]

At the toilet is. That's pretty good toilet. And this is an artist who made gold toilet.

[Byron]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

I've seen those before. That's plagiarism. I've seen golden toilets before. That's not art. Never seen a banana taped to a wall at Sotheby's. That was actually kind of creative and a statement against how modern art is. Is. By the way, somebody says, John, I agree with you completely on having a love radius. On the other hand, my hate radius is limitless.

[Dale Hellestray]

That is true.

[John Holmberg]

The hate radius. Because you don't have to do anything with a hate radius. You never have to visit your hate.

[Larry]

Is there a radius?

[John Holmberg]

No, it's. It's the planet. Yeah, it's. It's the. In fact, it goes beyond that because I. I probably don't like the guys in the space station either.

[Larry]

Yeah, because doesn't that infer that if you go outside your radius, you. You'll see them? You'll see that person.

[John Holmberg]

But hate radius is easy because you never have to travel for hate. Never. Hate springs eternal. That should be on a T shirt. Love radius exists. Like where do you live now? Oh, we're in Gold Canyon now. Oh, and the first thing, no matter how much you like that person is like, I think we've got a thing on Saturday. Let me check and I'll get back to you. Like, you're not doing that or how you know, like what? I'm talking to a guest potentially for the happy ending show. And he likes us. He's like, this is great. I think it'd be awesome.

[Larry]

But my hate.

[John Holmberg]

How much to extend my love radius? He's not going to do it because he likes us. If we pay him, he's going to his hate. His love radius will grow. I've got. I don't want my love radius. It's not love.

[Dale Hellestray]

It.

[John Holmberg]

That's not love. It's. It's a different one. Loveitz is very 50. 50. Like, I've got a whole thing with him right now. We'll see.

[Larry]

Are you having to reach into your pocket for love?

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna end up paying some money. That'll be fine.

[Byron]

In 2016, this artist sold a piece called Him. It's a wax figure of Adolf Hitler kneeling, complete with human hair. Sold for 17.2 million at a Christie's auction. Did not say who bought that one.

[John Holmberg]

Huh.

[Byron]

Huh?

[John Holmberg]

Who's hanging Hitler art?

[Byron]

Where do you display?

[Dale Hellestray]

Where do you put that in here?

[Larry]

Says the guy who's.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I have Hitler in my bathroom. That's different. He's.

[Dale Hellestray]

No, there's.

[John Holmberg]

Let's not comp. Warn Jeff with Hitler. I have a picture of Hitler in my private bathroom as a trap. Because anyone that comes out of there and shouldn't have been using my bathroom that says, why is there a picture of Hitler in your bathroom? I know they were in there.

[Byron]

There.

[John Holmberg]

So if you. Even. If you go to my bathroom and you see the Hitler thing and you're in the wrong place, then I happen to have a thing that you inevitably will ask questions. I may hang the Warren Jeffs in there too, because there's no way somebody's coming out of there without a Hitler. And they could Warren Jeff art. But who's buying for millions of dollars? Hitler art. That's bad for 17.2 million ton of money. Is it his hair? It's just human hair. Not his human hair.

[Larry]

Yeah, you just go to some salon and.

[John Holmberg]

No, he ain't sweep up a barbershop and make a pile of art. Hitler hair.

[Larry]

Me, a pile of your hair. Your best, your best hair, your finest.

[John Holmberg]

Your most Hitler like. And he's down on his knees, all.

[Byron]

Right, Wondering a certain position that you can just take that home.

[John Holmberg]

Like, I Mean, if you hang that, you kind of are Hitler, aren't you? Like, you just immediately pick up. I mean, if you've got a proud 17 million dollar piece of Hitler art, you're kind of him now.

[Larry]

You don't have a hate rating.

[John Holmberg]

You've absorbed all of his characteristics as your own. I have a poster, a big. Like a painting of Javier Bardem from no country for Old Men. And even that's a little weird because he was a horrible person in that movie. But at least it's fake.

[Byron]

Got a couple of radio videos.

[Larry]

Just put it in your pocket.

[Byron]

First one is, I just titled his balls his chin.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay.

[Byron]

Jesus.

[John Holmberg]

Does he have balls on his chin?

[Byron]

Pretty much. And the comments that people laughed were pretty funny.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, his chin is deformed.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oklahoma. What Looks like a set of. Know your weather is bipolar and everything, but it is fall.

[Byron]

Supposed to be in. Good questions. One comment.

[John Holmberg]

Do they shrink up when it's colder? Are they small? 80s.

[Byron]

It's currently 86. So he's a bald chidian.

[John Holmberg]

So he walks around what's going on with what looks like balls for a chin? And it does.

[Byron]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Oklahoma. Doing Instagram weather reports. And I don't have an Instagram page because I don't want to put my face on camera too often.

[Byron]

Like these.

[John Holmberg]

I've got to get over it. 50s not. You'd think that would be an easy fix. It just looks like fat. And then the cleft of his chin has made like a ball line.

[Larry]

Okay, doctor, good news. We found a skin donor for that burn on your face.

[Byron]

Him.

[Larry]

What's the bad news?

[Byron]

Well.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we're gonna have to cut off your balls. Unless those are actual balls. Why is no one stepping up to say, let's get these off you.

[Byron]

How do you. Because.

[Larry]

And he's clearly shaved.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he shaves his balls regular. Well, we all do that. A decent human being would do that. He should be good at it.

[Larry]

I don't know. I don't go near mine with a razor.

[John Holmberg]

I've recently discovered how great that is.

[Byron]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Brent kind of talked me into it.

[Byron]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

It's just like you just pull it out and I'm like, I've got a lot of skin down. Yeah. And you do. You got to find a way around it. But you can rub a razor across it.

[Larry]

Did you catch it the first time?

[John Holmberg]

The only time I've ever cut my scrotum shaving was with the clippers.

[Dale Hellestray]

The teeth.

[John Holmberg]

The teeth went and drug into the. That ball skin is. So grab a Hair and pull yourself. No, it was wrinkly skin got in there. But the razors are easy. This guy's great at it. He should start a business where he shaves balls because look at his face case. Oh, here we.

[Byron]

This is perfect for you, John. A little stocking stuffer for Christmas.

[John Holmberg]

A laser. Are they Trevy Fountain? Yes. We need one of those. And these girls are posing for the Trevi Fountain. And then every time this girl's trying to get a picture of herself at the fountain, somebody said that might be a div. With a la laser printer of a penis. She's trying to be Instagram hot. And her friend Will, he can't figure out who's doing it. I need that present now. Oh, ruining Instagram photos like crazy from women who call themselves models, who clearly are not. Oh, she spent all day getting ready for that picture, too. Look at her. She's in a gown and her hair's all done. She's in this awesome pose. It's a laser dick. Her friend's reaction's even better because she's getting. I can't quite pinpoint who's doing it.

[Byron]

The next one's pageantry.

[John Holmberg]

That's great.

[Byron]

This is Miss Jamaica at the Miss Universe, which is in Thailand this year.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Byron]

Come on. And you remember the controversy of the judge calling the one. No, she was addressing the girls at the Miss Universe pageant, and he yelled.

[John Holmberg]

At the one the judge did. They're not supposed to say anything.

[Byron]

The guy in charge, not the judge, but one of the guys on the panel coordinating the whole. Whole event.

[John Holmberg]

Like a stage manager.

[Byron]

He's a guy from Thailand. He wanted to make sure the women know that they're representing Thailand as well.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. And he got mad at him. Remember any of that? You're paying a lot of attention to the old Miss Universe pageant, Brady. All right. Miss Jamaica. Oh, she's gonna fall off the stage. Stage doing her walk. Oh, man. She did one step. She didn't last long at all.

[Byron]

That was the end of it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's doing a little poses.

[Dale Hellestray]

She looks great.

[Byron]

Yeah, she does.

[John Holmberg]

Doesn't care at all that her nation was just ravaged by a massive hurricane. She's still all about those boobs. Look at this walk. Not looking forward. She can't see. Oh, she's going over.

[Dale Hellestray]

Go, man.

[John Holmberg]

That's not a light fall. Is she okay? Yeah, she's dead, man. Well, she's not going to win.

[Byron]

That was her talent, was a Pratt fall.

[John Holmberg]

Right? She's a stunt woman. Well, that's pretty Good man, Brady, you.

[Byron]

It's low seam. All easily fall down.

[John Holmberg]

The algorithm, I looked at one of.

[Byron]

Them and now I left one out.

[John Holmberg]

There's a third one now there's people falling off.

[Joe Coy]

The algorithm works.

[John Holmberg]

There's an Asian girl falling off. Off the stage. She didn't even that just walked to the end and didn't turn around. She didn't fall forward. She fell down. Yeah, that's a jump off. If that music was playing in my country, I'd jump off of something, too.

[Larry]

Music or is that the.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what that is.

[Byron]

Mc.

[John Holmberg]

If that's the language my country speaks, I'm jumping.

[Byron]

I think that's gay.

[John Holmberg]

I'd kill myself if I had to hear that every day. Brady, consider yourself lucky you can't hear that. Yikes. All right, well, Brett would be here for videos, but he's. He's over at Local Legends this morning. We'll talk with him in a sec. He's at Main street in Sasamon, Operation Santa Claus going on. He's going to go out there and help support it. He'll tell you what he needs next, and then Joe Coy will join us in just a little bit. There goes your Brady report.

[Dale Hellestray]

John holmberg's morning sickness. The 98kupd k. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Brett's out there this morning doing all sorts of awesome philanthropy, some charitable work, and we love that he's out at Local Legends and he is with his beloved. I believe Messiah's out there. Main street in Sauceman. That's where you need to go to see Brett this morning. And why would they do that? Brett, tell them why they would ever consider doing that.

[Joe Coy]

Because I'm a charitable kind of guy. That's why.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Right. You give back.

[Joe Coy]

I do this with the water drive. That's right. But it is. It's Operation Santa Claus and we are out here taking those donations. It's the holiday season. You know, we're trying to help out the maybe less fortunate, some people that need a little bit of extra hand. So we're out here collecting non perishable foods, toys, you know, clothes, whatever, anything we can help people through the holiday season with. And of course, our friends over Sanderson Ford jumping off channel 15, you know, bunch of people jumping in on this. And if you bring that stuff. Look, I know it's a little late. It's the first one, you know, if you're on your way to work. I don't know why you do that. Just Come in here, have some breakfast, get a drink. But hang out with me for a little bit. But if, you know, if you didn't have time to pick up a toy or anything, we're taking donations here. We got the QR code you can do right on your phone. We'll take cash. And if you come on out here and you donate, Matthias is going to be giving you 10% off on your tab. So come on out here, have a few cocktails with me after 10. And we'll be doing it upright. But it is Operation Santa Claus out here at Local Legends on Main street just west of Sauceman.

[John Holmberg]

Brett, you had permission to drink. Now we're not coming back. So we're good. You're good. Just start. Start boozing. Now you're good.

[Joe Coy]

Why do you think I drove my own vehicle?

[John Holmberg]

Exactly.

[Joe Coy]

I'm not coming back there.

[John Holmberg]

Of course not. That's ridiculous. But this is a nice thing. And of course, as always, Brett asked for a non perishable item, items, toys, clothes, things like that. But you know, an envelope with a couple bucks and it is probably the best thing to do this morning. So pop on by, everybody wins. Local Legends will give you 10 off what you order from them and then you can drop off anything you want.

[Byron]

Get an omelet, have some sambuca with Brett.

[John Holmberg]

Oh God.

[Dale Hellestray]

Oh no.

[Joe Coy]

We can do some buka. We got buka here. Come on down. It's cold out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it'll keep you warm. It'll keep you from going to work for a week too. Stuff's horrible anyway. Operation Santa Claus going on. Brett's doing his best. Best to make it the kickoff. Pretty good. Local Legends is where we're going to do a bunch of drop offs. That's pretty cool. Nice job, Brett. We'll talk to you in a little while.

[Joe Coy]

Thanks, Matthew.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. Brett's out there this morning hanging out. Go say hi to him while you don't have to work through this traffic and all this rain. In the meantime, we sit back and wait for Joe Coy to call us. That's right, Joe Coy, former friend of the show, then got too famous and now he's coming back. Joe Coy joins us next. It's blur. It's a song too. It's 98K upd. It's out of control now.

[Dale Hellestray]

Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Here in this glorious, perfect rainy morning. I love every second of it. And an old friend of the show, I don't know if he remembers us. I have to be honest. It makes so long and again before we bring him out, so to speak, we'll remember that. I told him. Him, you're getting so big. And I said these words, I'm so proud and happy for you. And you're so big now. You'll never do our show again. And he promised, oh, I absolutely will. I'll always do your show. And since then, we've never seen him. It's Joe Coy, everybody. Joe, are you there?

[Joe Coy]

That's my intro.

[John Holmberg]

Really? Yeah. That's how we're starting her today. How are you? Are you still in the business? Is everything good?

[Joe Coy]

Hey, man, I just want. I just want everyone to know, man. He's my friend, and he's also a liar. Are you on the phone?

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes.

[Joe Coy]

Are you on the phone? Are you there?

[John Holmberg]

Listen to me. You and I talked about this, and I said, you'll never do this show again. And it's because I was proud of you. You would never have to wake up and do this show again. You had hit a new height. You sold out Hawaii, every island, 452 nights in a row. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. And then you went on, and I'm like, this is amazing. Joe Coy. I'm so proud of him. And then the least you could do every once in a while was check in and just say, hey. Sometimes I still think about the old days when I was nothing and you supported me. And then that all just stopped.

[Byron]

Every now and then, I have people.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's.

[Joe Coy]

That's. This. That smells like barbecue.

[Byron]

Hey, Joe.

[John Holmberg]

This is barbecue. It's barbecue.

[Dale Hellestray]

Remember? Brady?

[Joe Coy]

Is that Brady Barbecue.

[John Holmberg]

Brady. Barbecue's still alive. Well, I. I am. I'm truly proud of you. Like, this is such a great thing. Watching you over the last few years just erupt was amazing. And it's gotta just be like, you know, it's gotta be so bad for you to call us again and feel like, I've got to. I. I didn't sell out and I have to lean on John. And again, never.

[Joe Coy]

That's so mean. That is so mean. First of all, I just want to say that I'm playing Phoenix. I think it's called the. I don't know what it's called. Phoenix Arena.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the mortgage matchup center.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah. Okay, so I'm playing there. I don't need even call you for that.

[John Holmberg]

I know.

[Joe Coy]

All right, well, we'll just plug Tucson.

[John Holmberg]

How's that? Oh, Tucson, definitely get ticket.

[Byron]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

Is that Friday?

[Joe Coy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you guys want to come. Go Go see me in Tucson. But Phoenix, you know, I mean, it's.

[Dale Hellestray]

It's.

[Joe Coy]

We're kind of clean already.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's pretty clean.

[Joe Coy]

I just call it to see how you guys are doing.

[John Holmberg]

Well, why don't you do that when you don't have something to promote? That's what I'm asking, Joe. This is where my heart breaks.

[Joe Coy]

That's. You know, you are lying right now, by the way.

[John Holmberg]

I text all four numbers I have for you the other day to ask you a question.

[Joe Coy]

Are you serious?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And you must have a new number.

[Dale Hellestray]

You know.

[Joe Coy]

You know what I hate the most is that you're. You're literally making me feel so bad right now.

[John Holmberg]

It's working.

[Joe Coy]

Like, I generally. I generally feel so bad right now.

[Dale Hellestray]

You shouldn't.

[Joe Coy]

You're just enjoying it. You're just sitting there enjoying it like you always do.

[John Holmberg]

I told. I told you.

[Joe Coy]

I can already see what you look like. You had that. That microphone.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's beautiful, isn't it?

[Joe Coy]

That. That. That. Yeah, that crappy smirk that you always have.

[John Holmberg]

We miss you, though. But I did. I used to remember for a minute there. This is true, too, Bri. Joe was opening restaurants like you. You two both opened failed restaurants, and they. And Joe was talking about opening one in Phoenix, and I was.

[Joe Coy]

How he did it again.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I see Joe, but we were talking about. That's not good, putting one here. Yeah, and thank God I ended up not doing that. But, I mean, it was. It was legitimate talk for a minute.

[Joe Coy]

Is there any way I could talk you into, like, investing in something once again?

[John Holmberg]

Well, I mean, it depends. If it's that same old idea you had before, maybe I'll just. I'll hear you out.

[Joe Coy]

But no, I just. I just want. I just want it to fail.

[John Holmberg]

That would be great.

[Joe Coy]

I want it to fail. I really, really do. I just want you to put your money in, and then I just give you, like, my. I'm sorry, we're going to have to just let the bank take this back.

[John Holmberg]

Just to watch me struggle financially.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I smirk, and then it's me smirking this time because I got on.

[John Holmberg]

Your coattails and you pulled them out from under me, which I think would be fun. That's a good story for me. I think. That's a good story for me. How are things going? We haven't talked in a long time. Obviously. Career's going great. What's new in Joe Koi's. Your love life was public for a while, and then it's not.

[Joe Coy]

Oh, here we go.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Joe Coy]

Yeah, but, you know, you know, we were friends before anything, and you know, it, you know, just. We grew apart, that's all.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm not ask. I didn't ask about that.

[Byron]

I, I.

[John Holmberg]

We all know. We all read about it. It was on TMZ every day, you two skiing and doing it and touching each other and, like, this is great. I opened tmz, and you're like, everything's okay. I'm like, oh, boy, that's not good. And now we don't know. Now they stop following your love life. Is it still as exciting? And what do you got going on now?

[Joe Coy]

I think what I learned the most is I don't want to be public anymore.

[Byron]

I love life.

[Joe Coy]

I keep it. Yeah. I just keep it quiet.

[John Holmberg]

Horrible was that you and Chelsea Handler together for a little while. Your friends, you're doing, and then everybody's in your business. Like, did you ever imagine that would be something people were even interested in?

[Joe Coy]

Yeah, I didn't, I didn't think it was gonna be like that public. You know what I mean? I didn't know there was gonna be paparazzi all the time. You know what I mean? Like, we go out to eat, and then, you know, next to, you know, there's cameras. But, I mean, it was fun. You know, when it happened, it was. It was a lot of fun. You know, we did enjoy each other's company.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sure, it's fun people. It's a couple of fun people doing fun stuff. There's nothing wrong with that. But so you wouldn't, you know, you don't think you'd ever date a celebrity again?

[Joe Coy]

You know, it's so crazy because I have since then, but I don't like to go public about it. Yeah. So I just keep it quiet currently. And thank God I did. No, no, no. We already. Yeah, we. We've already broke up and everything. But, you know, I will tell you. Not on the air, right?

[John Holmberg]

No, no, we're off the air.

[Joe Coy]

That's what I'll do.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, this is all recorded. You can go out Toledo. Cut this part out. Go ahead, Joe. Tell us everything.

[Joe Coy]

No, I can't.

[Byron]

I can't.

[Joe Coy]

I don't want to. All right, It'll be if I do. I could just see it right now, and you, and you with your little crappy smirk as, like, the picture that they use.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, let's get. Do me a little favor, too. Back when you were nobody, you were on the show all the time, and I risked. I Risked my show for your success. Turned out you were very good, which was very helpful. Now help me out. Put me on TMZ with some news of Jo Koy's love life.

[Byron]

And have John break.

[John Holmberg]

And have John Holmberg breaks Joe Coy's love life. Literally.

[Joe Coy]

John, you should just be my love interest.

[John Holmberg]

I'll do it. I will do. Hey, speaking of, we'll just meet.

[Joe Coy]

We'll meet somewhere, get like fake paparazzi.

[John Holmberg]

Capture the Butcher, and I'll just have my hand near it. I won't like actually make contact, but they'll know I was going for it.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Speaking of, have you seen that? People have said that Smokey Robinson committed sexual assault on them last year. That's public love. Really? He's 84. It doesn't count.

[Joe Coy]

That's so wrong.

[John Holmberg]

Am I right, though? If an 84 year old tried to touch your penis, you could win that fight, I think.

[Byron]

Right?

[Joe Coy]

I mean, at that point, like, running is an easy option.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You walk away and on your way through, you kind of fold up the throw rug on the ground and he's not going to catch you.

[Joe Coy]

He would literally fall for the banana on the ground.

[John Holmberg]

It's just not right.

[Joe Coy]

And literally do like a Scooby Doo slip. He'll do like a Scooby Doo slip.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

Anyway, he's just like. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You'd have that horrific sound effect of the. There you go. It'd be perfect.

[Joe Coy]

You were like tears of a clown.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He sings Tears of a clown every.

[Dale Hellestray]

Time he falls down.

[John Holmberg]

It's perfect.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah. Every time he falls.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Now, have you ever. Do you ever worry about that? That in your time of Joe Coy then Joe Coyne now. Because the reason I'm saying this and making you the biggest deal in the world is because what we're about to tell people that you're doing with Gabriel Iglesias, but back in the day when you were like, I'm just some comedian running around doing. Doing local clubs and hanging out. I got some success going. You might have had an incident with a girl who likes Smokey Robinson. Years later, will come out and go, joe Coy made me do this. Are you. Do you have any fear of that?

[Dale Hellestray]

No. No.

[John Holmberg]

If you do, please, please say it here on the show.

[Byron]

Let's get it.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

You have that crappy smart. So you can have that crappy smart picture of yours on tmz. That's all you want, right? That's all you want.

[John Holmberg]

I want to defend you on tmz. I want to be the one that says, I don't believe that Joe knew what he was saying. He may have been drunk, like, kind of that. That say.

[Byron]

I would say I was fully down with Joe touching me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Can I be the one that comes out with the story?

[Joe Coy]

That would be so funny if we set it up. TMZ is just like, you know that beginning intro where it goes funny. Funny. Comedian from Phoenix, Arizona, claims that Joe touched him. That's kind of silly. Look at the smirk on his face.

[Dale Hellestray]

We could set it up.

[John Holmberg]

Like, when you're in town this weekend, you just come over, we lay in bed for a little bit, and I take pictures of you pretending to sleep next to me like, he did it. I've got rope burns on my wrists. Let's do that.

[Joe Coy]

Is that two Joe Coy or is the other one of DJ from Phoenix, Arizona?

[John Holmberg]

Holly, let's do something stupid and get TMZ back. Because they. That had to be horrible. I can't imagine anybody getting in your life like that. That had to be just disastrous. But you asked for it sort of, right?

[Byron]

I don't.

[Joe Coy]

I know what you guys are thinking. Is that John Boy sleeping with John Boy? Or is that Hallberg, the crazy Phoenix radio personality with a crappy smurf on his face?

[Byron]

They'd create a new name for you, Lady John Boy.

[John Holmberg]

I'd be fine with that. It's hilarious. I'd love every second of it. Now let's get into what you're actually doing. They got the show here Saturday, which is awesome. They've changed the name of the arena a million times. You're playing these arenas left and right, and then that's not enough for you, that the arena stuff isn't enough for Jo Koy. He is going to play SoFi Stadium in Los Angeles in March. I can't imagine what it's like for a comedian. I've been on style. Here's. I. I introduced Metallica at the football stadium here. And that noise. Have you done a stadium that size before?

[Joe Coy]

Well, the biggest I've ever done was Tacoma dome. I sold 23,000 tickets.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Joe Coy]

It was sold out.

[John Holmberg]

And that's.

[Joe Coy]

And that was the biggest I ever done. And that's huge. That's like two arenas. And I remember just how. How, like when you. When you tell us, like when you talk, you have to wait for it to come back.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

Because it was so far. You'd feel it come back and. Yeah. And now we're playing so far. That's. That's the size of four to Tacoma domes. Like, it's just crazy.

[John Holmberg]

You're going to be at what, 70 something thousand, 80,000 people maybe.

[Joe Coy]

Oh, my God. Like. Well, no, no, we set it up for end stage, so we're right around 55,000. 55,000. I make that sound like that small.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. Because. Because it's true.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because when I stood up there and talked and said the, you know, you do the basic introduction for Metallica, which, what up, Mother Effers? And, you know, you shout it out and you realize the basic first yell you hear, then there's a repeater midway through the stadium that does it. Half second delay to keep everything on time. And you hear yourself say it a couple more times. It's. Yeah, it's great.

[Joe Coy]

Metallica is crazy because, you know, that's. You know when you do center stage, which is what Metallica has to do to get maximum capacity, right? Yeah. That's insane. Because now you have. You have no backstage.

[Dale Hellestray]

No.

[Joe Coy]

So everything just happens right there real time. And it's. You know, that's. That's that Metallica level right there. That's. That's insanity.

[John Holmberg]

That's.

[Joe Coy]

You like that going down, Joe.

[John Holmberg]

That's you.

[Joe Coy]

Oh, I love you, man.

[John Holmberg]

You're playing Sofi Stadium. That is you. That is huge. That's.

[Dale Hellestray]

And.

[John Holmberg]

And you're in Los Angeles. A Mexican guy and an Asian guy in la. You wouldn't even have to be comedians to just say you're selling something. You're going to fill out Sofi. It's amazing what you guys are doing. Dodger Dogs and like something from Korea.

[Joe Coy]

Dude, that's so funny that you just said something from Korea. You're unbelievable. You're unbelievable.

[John Holmberg]

They don't know either.

[Joe Coy]

I don't know why you're laughing, Brady. I was gonna sell your barbecue sauce. Your barbecue sauce that's still sitting in your garage.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Do you want them to come by this weekend and drop some old sauce off?

[Byron]

Yeah, it's done, Joe, by the way.

[Joe Coy]

I want everyone to know that Brady's barbecue sauce was amazing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, not good enough to stay around.

[Byron]

It was.

[John Holmberg]

It's past tense for a reason, though. Too many people died.

[Joe Coy]

You're so wrong.

[John Holmberg]

It's a thing. What else do you want to conquer in this world, Joe Coy? I mean, playing so far. So far huge. You did movies, you're doing movies. You've done celebrities. Yeah. Now what's next? Politics?

[Byron]

You can go to music.

[Joe Coy]

Crazy is. Yeah, I'm gonna.

[John Holmberg]

I'm going to music.

[Joe Coy]

I have a country album coming out.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Please say that's true.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Koi tree.

[Joe Coy]

That's very true.

[John Holmberg]

I love it. Oh, my God. Yeah. Would you ever sing. I love that you've sung. You sing on stage. You do that kind of stuff.

[Byron]

You could do some hip hop.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's.

[Joe Coy]

I just can't get over how I'm doing country Brady. Thank you very little.

[John Holmberg]

Do you know what, Brady? This is very true. This is probably the most successful person that we've had on this show after having met them years prior. Yeah, like the one that you've probably had in our 25 years on the air. You've probably been the one who's shown the most explosive grand growth.

[Joe Coy]

A.

[Byron]

That's true. That's huge.

[Joe Coy]

About my.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. And, yeah. So we're talking about your penis. What?

[Joe Coy]

What? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because when I first saw it, Very.

[Joe Coy]

Explosive growth, by the way.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, margaret Cho looks terrible naked. And then later I realized, oh, you're so wrong.

[Byron]

One day you'll share the doctor.

[John Holmberg]

Come on, it's fun. Joe, why won't you ever come on the show again?

[Joe Coy]

I will always come on the show again.

[John Holmberg]

See, I wanted you to answer honestly.

[Byron]

I will.

[Joe Coy]

I'll be there.

[John Holmberg]

When? Let's make a date.

[Dale Hellestray]

Holmberg's morning sickness. The 98 KUPD. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Joe Coy]

No, we should make a date.

[John Holmberg]

I agree.

[Joe Coy]

I'll fly out there and do it.

[John Holmberg]

All right. December 12th. December 12th, we're having Holmberg's happy ending show show. We do a final live show at. On a Friday night. You can come out for that. We'll. We'll give you a thousand dollars.

[Joe Coy]

And I happen to come out on happy ending show.

[John Holmberg]

It's Holberg After Dark.

[Joe Coy]

Come out on happy ending.

[John Holmberg]

It's you and me and Caliento will be there and maybe Lovett's and possibly Kato Kalin. I'm not sure exactly who's going to be there, but we got a list. Would you like to be part of.

[Joe Coy]

Our beautiful list already?

[John Holmberg]

It's kind of fun, but you would really put it over the top.

[Joe Coy]

That's amazing.

[John Holmberg]

And then you could see what it's like to go back to comedy club clubs.

[Joe Coy]

Where's it at? Where's it going to be at?

[John Holmberg]

Stand up Live downtown.

[Joe Coy]

Oh, that's a beautiful club, too, by the way.

[John Holmberg]

Remember that back when you used to do piss, like 4 or 500 people? What a waste.

[Joe Coy]

So I love that club, by the way.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you should play it. Why don't you skip your big show? Oh, wait a minute. It's right across the street from where you're playing. I bet you don't set foot in it.

[Joe Coy]

So why are you doing this to me?

[John Holmberg]

Because I love you.

[Joe Coy]

Why are you making me look so miserable?

[John Holmberg]

Because I want you to admit that you're. You're above where you're currently. This show you should never do, even on the phone. I told you that before. I'm like, it'll be great that you say I. Yeah. That you won't call us anymore because that means you've. You've outgrown this nonsense. And then you're back here, and I feel bad for you. Oh, man, I wish that weren't true. I wish it would. But when you come back.

[Joe Coy]

I never do that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And that's the thing. And so far. Far, I'm not going to see you on the way down. It's just going to be the steady rise. And now you're doing so far, and then you're going to be at the Vatican or something. I don't know what you're capable of. And I'm so happy.

[Byron]

How many times have you met the Pope?

[John Holmberg]

Have you. Who's the biggest name you've met that knew who you were?

[Joe Coy]

I mean, like, the Pope?

[John Holmberg]

Is that true?

[Joe Coy]

No, I'm lying.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I don't know. That's how big you are. I don't know who's. Who's someone. You're like, man, I'd love to meet them. And they came over and went, hi, big fan. Fan.

[Joe Coy]

It's crazy, man. I was, you know, I went to Azzy's concert, last concert, and. And I'm backstage and it. It was. It was kind of crazy to see, you know, Zach wild and, you know, know who I was. Like, that was crazy to see that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

Happen in front of my son. And especially at that moment because my son is such a big Aussie fan.

[Byron]

And.

[Joe Coy]

And I. I personally didn't think. Think, you know, he would know who I was. You know what I mean?

[Dale Hellestray]

That was.

[Joe Coy]

That was insane. So that. That's kind of. That was kind of cool. I think the other one would be, you know, going to, you know, going to lunch with Martin Lawrence was like, crazy for him to, like.

[John Holmberg]

He asked you to meet me up for lunch.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah. And. And meet up for, like, a deal. You know, we. We made like, this Steve, like, you know, to. To work on a TV idea together. Like, that was. That was insane. It was insane.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

So it's cool to have his number in my phone. Like. Like, it's. And we text every now and then. That's. That.

[Byron]

That.

[Joe Coy]

That's the pretty. That. That right there is like one of those I can't believe it's happening. Those two moments right there, that's like.

[John Holmberg]

You and I. I had your number in my phone. Four of them, in fact, and none of them are legitimate.

[Joe Coy]

So this was just a complete setup, wasn't it? You have no interest at all. This was a small setup for you to say that you have my number.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, you said.

[Joe Coy]

You said I don't have your number.

[Dale Hellestray]

Remember?

[John Holmberg]

You said it was how important it was to have Martin Lawrence's number and how much that meant to, like, somebody who's like, wow, I'm a big fan, and it's so weird to be friends with them. And then. And then it's just.

[Joe Coy]

You still have it. I have never changed it.

[John Holmberg]

Four of your numbers, and then you.

[Joe Coy]

Texted the old number. Why do you keep old numbers?

[John Holmberg]

Because I don't know which one you'll answer, and I know you have all four in your. In your pocket. Pocket. So when I text, I text all four and not. And never once do I get a response. And I'm like, you know what? I deserve that.

[Joe Coy]

If I didn't respond, I completely apologize. I do get hit.

[Byron]

We don't expect you to respond.

[John Holmberg]

It's fun having you back again right now.

[Joe Coy]

If you text me, which.

[John Holmberg]

Let me try. Well, I've got. Right now.

[Joe Coy]

Text it.

[John Holmberg]

All right, let me see. I've got coy, 2018, 2019.

[Joe Coy]

Shut up. Shut up.

[John Holmberg]

You do. I have joke. Joe Koi, 3. Shelly, your old assistant, the new Joe Koi. I'll try that one. I'll try that. Hello.

[Joe Coy]

Should be it. The new.

[John Holmberg]

Let's see, that's. Well, that's the new Joe. I just text you. See if it comes.

[Joe Coy]

Hold on.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Check all your phones.

[Joe Coy]

Don't call my phone. I'm on the phone.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. How can you do that? You're on your own.

[Joe Coy]

That's not it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's not it. Well, I've got. I've got too much.

[Joe Coy]

No, just text me. You're texting the wrong ones. I promise you.

[John Holmberg]

You. I got.

[Byron]

I just text you as well.

[John Holmberg]

Brady just text you.

[Joe Coy]

Oh, there it is. It says Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Which one? Which one is it? Which one of these is it? Brady.

[Joe Coy]

Brady just texted me.

[John Holmberg]

I have four numbers. You have to change your number again. Brady just proved he has it.

[Joe Coy]

You know, at least I Just texted back. I love your barbecue song.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. A guy. My buddy. My buddy Winston, says, hey, tell Joe that you text back listeners like me, which is pretty awesome. Yeah, Joe doesn't even text back.

[Joe Coy]

Come on, please text me.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know you. I have four numbers. Coy.

[Joe Coy]

Here, I'll text you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there you go. Do you still have my number? That's the bigger question.

[Byron]

You know, the last time I text him, a good friend of mine just married a Filipino girl and he had a Christmas party, and all our friends are over there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Like huge Joe Koi fans.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah.

[Byron]

And I said, oh, yeah, I know. I threw him a text mike. It's a holiday party.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Give me something. And yeah. So I say it.

[John Holmberg]

They lost their mind, laughing at me.

[Byron]

What did I say? Hi, my name's Brady and I have a small penis.

[Joe Coy]

Thanks, Joe.

[John Holmberg]

But they didn't have the courage to tell you. There's nothing. That's it.

[Byron]

You said that was good.

[John Holmberg]

Say something. That's all it takes. Takes. Joe, I want to. Like, you're gonna. When you get. So you're here. Where are you? At home now, right?

[Joe Coy]

Can you text me already?

[John Holmberg]

I don't have your number. Well, you said you were gonna text me.

[Joe Coy]

You have my number.

[Byron]

It's not that hot sailor boy line that you have there. It's.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, I. I will. I will try and text you.

[Joe Coy]

What's the area code? What's the area code?

[John Holmberg]

Mine 602. Hold on.

[Joe Coy]

Don't hang up.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. I think I can bring.

[Joe Coy]

Great radio, by the way.

[John Holmberg]

Just trying to text each other while we're talking. Talking. Give me that again, Brady. Let me find that.

[Joe Coy]

There's no way. If you texted me, I probably didn't see it there.

[John Holmberg]

Let me try that one.

[Joe Coy]

Wait, I just got a text.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, I heard it.

[Joe Coy]

So you did switch your phone number, and you did text me. And that's why I didn't answer it, because this is a new number.

[John Holmberg]

It says unknown. We did it, Joe. Oh, it's never gonna end.

[Byron]

You know the name behind the text number.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, Joe, my last text to you, even if it's a different number, says, is this Joe Coy? My name. It says, my name is John Holmberg, and I hear you'll be doing my show soon. I'd like to discuss content to make sure you're still a fit.

[Joe Coy]

Bro. That's why didn't answer. This is definitely a new number. Like, or.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but it says in the text, it's me. You dodged me.

[Joe Coy]

No, I think I Didn't answer because it came up 602.

[John Holmberg]

That's why you just deleted.

[Joe Coy]

I promise you, I would never do that.

[John Holmberg]

I understand.

[Joe Coy]

You know that.

[John Holmberg]

I know that. And you're going to be here Saturday night and I may just show up. You'll be surprised that I know how to get back around that stage and find you. And. And then I'll see you there. And then. And then when are you doing the Sofi thing?

[Joe Coy]

Yeah, then just beef up the security for the. What'd you say?

[John Holmberg]

None of the proud boys are allowed back there anymore. I'm not going to bring my whole group.

[Joe Coy]

One's gonna have a bottle of barbecue sauce. The other one's gonna look just like me with a crappy smirk on his face.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I look like a very surprised Joe Coy.

[Larry]

Sorry. The wiener mobile.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's very true. So you're gonna be in SoFi on March 21st. That's gonna be amazing. And who's headlining that? You or Gabriel? Are you switching? Switching?

[Joe Coy]

No, it's co headlining. We. We.

[John Holmberg]

Well, what does that mean? Whoever goes last is the headliner. You know that.

[Byron]

And then don't you guys meet up at the end and do a song together?

[Joe Coy]

We do have a song. And it's in. It's a Spanish song on top of Korean drums.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, now you just sold the ticket, buddy. That's exactly how that goes. Nice.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah, that's the last ticket we needed to sell.

[John Holmberg]

It was the one I'm getting on JSX now. And I'm gonna wait for this. This is gonna be awesome. You better. So March 21st at SoFi. Any specials coming out? What else should we know?

[Joe Coy]

Yeah, I'm shooting another special for Netflix.

[John Holmberg]

Man.

[Joe Coy]

Shoot it. January.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

And where's that happen? I can't wait, man.

[John Holmberg]

I would never get it. Where. Yeah, go ahead.

[Joe Coy]

What.

[Byron]

What. What town are you doing that? Is that on the road? International.

[Joe Coy]

I'm doing that in.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

No, I'm doing it Stockton, California.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, there you go. I would never get. I would never get in your. In your. In your business and stuff, financially and stuff, but what do you think Gabriel's making that night at Sofa?

[Joe Coy]

No, we're making Equal, bro.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you just gave the game away. You could have just given a number up for Gabriel and assumed that less so he's.

[Dale Hellestray]

You're.

[John Holmberg]

Are you closing that number night right now?

[Joe Coy]

It's scheduled for me to close. Yeah, but that. That has nothing to do with.

[John Holmberg]

It does.

[Joe Coy]

Who's headlining? Like. No, it doesn't because there's an intermission. No, no, no, no. It's. It's co.

[John Holmberg]

Headline.

[Joe Coy]

It's the way it's set up. It's. It's set up perfectly.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's a big. I'm not. I'm not negating it, but I'm just saying there's a first and a second, right?

[Joe Coy]

No, no, no, no. It's different. Believe me. It's completely different, okay? With the hu. Video walls and the way each comes out, it's pretty cool.

[John Holmberg]

How much planning has to go into that? It has to be ridiculous.

[Joe Coy]

I mean, it's been. We're already six months in the planning.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Is there pyro? Like, what do you add to that?

[Joe Coy]

Well, we have to, because, you know, you got to think about. There's a Section 500 that's completely sold out, and so we got to make sure that they can see, so.

[John Holmberg]

Those are Gabriel's people.

[Joe Coy]

That's so dumb. You were so dumb.

[John Holmberg]

You know what you're gonna hear the whole time?

[Brady]

Hey, I can't hear you.

[Joe Coy]

That's so wrong. I'm not even participating in this.

[Byron]

There's no King Taco up here.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Yep.

[Joe Coy]

And that's. It's over with. It's over with. You just. You just ruined your whole. Everything. Everything that you had. You just ruined it just so you could do a really dumb cholo voice.

[John Holmberg]

But I'm just telling you, plan for that. You brought up the 500 section. That's not my fault.

[Joe Coy]

When I. When I do Gabe, like, you know, the cool thing about Gabe and I is we will once. There'll be times where we're in the same city doing arenas. And I was doing the Forum, and he was doing. It's called Crypto. Crypto Arena.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

And literally, I would. I would drive over to his place. I went up on stage and did a guest set. And then the next day, he would drive them line and he would do a guest set on mine. And then that's when we finally. Like, after like, three or four times of that, we were just like. We got to just do something together. Just put these two worlds together.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

And that's why Sofi Stadium came about, man.

[John Holmberg]

It's just. It's. I can't even. I can't grasp it. I can't grasp that I am. I'm actually talking to somebody. Somebody who has the ambition to go, all right, I'll go stand out there. It's just crazy. It's just nuts. And I'm truly Goofing with you the whole time. But I am. I am unbelievably happy for you. And I think it's just amazing what's going on in your world. And it's very true, Joe. You're a. You deserve it. You're one of those guys that just came in here, knocked our socks off right off the bat. We're always awesome and it's good for you to spend time with us and do all that. So thank you, Joe.

[Joe Coy]

Dude, I love you.

[John Holmberg]

Love you back, you.

[Joe Coy]

I love you, man.

[John Holmberg]

And I will try to fight through security on Saturday and it's at least touch your head.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah, man, just give it a fight.

[John Holmberg]

You know, Put in the effort. That's all we can do.

[Joe Coy]

Surveillance camera. We'll have it all on surveillance camera and we'll sell that to tmz. Is that Joe Coy trying to touch Joe Coy?

[John Holmberg]

They would do a thing where they'd.

[Brady]

Say, a guy made Joe Coy look just like him. Look at surprise. Joe Coy looks just like the assailant.

[John Holmberg]

Your eyes are getting huge.

[Joe Coy]

Innocent Joe Coy getting harassed by creepy Joe Coyote.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I gotta tell you this. Last time you played the arena downtown, I was. I picked up my. My wife and the mother in law were down there and I picked him up. This was a few years ago. And she's my. My mother in law was very, very left wing. And she looks over and she goes, there's your friend and there's a poster of you. You were coming soon. And I said. And I said, yeah, I said, I know him. And she goes. And I'm like, why? And she goes, no, this was. No, this was the funny part as she goes, I just can't stand his views. And I'm like, I don't know his views. How do you. And she goes, he's all over everything. She goes, your friend Joe? And I'm like, what? And she goes, yeah. She thought you were Joe Rogan.

[Joe Coy]

Oh my God.

[John Holmberg]

She thought she just saw a bald guy.

[Joe Coy]

Just because we're bald, three of us look alike.

[John Holmberg]

Something. Yeah, it's some sort of racism involved in that that I didn't like at all.

[Joe Coy]

So funny.

[John Holmberg]

But I had to explain it to her. I'm like, oh, no, no, no.

[Joe Coy]

Wait till she watches like an old episode of Kojak. There's your friend again, sucking all a lollipop.

[John Holmberg]

Joe.

[Joe Coy]

It's always the king and I. He's watching the king and I. There's your friend again, dancing around, can't stand him.

[John Holmberg]

You should Redo the King and I, Joe.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Redo the King and I. I. Yeah.

[Joe Coy]

I'll do the King. I'll do the whole thing with Korean drums in the background.

[John Holmberg]

Why is that a bad thing? You're. You're doing Sofi. You've got courage. Oh, this is too good.

[Joe Coy]

Stop. I'm not gonna do the King and I.

[John Holmberg]

You brought it up. I thought maybe it was a. In the back next.

[Byron]

You know, you're.

[Joe Coy]

You're next. You know, she's watching the Love Boat. There's your breath again.

[John Holmberg]

Which one? Captain Stubby. He had horseshoe baldness. Neither of us would stoop so low. Joe, it's always good to have you. I want you back in this room someday. But that means that your career is not going the right direction. So we'll keep it at this level, and hopefully I get to see you on Saturday. Congratulations for everything. Seriously, awesome job. And whatever celebrity you're currently putting it to. Hopefully TMZ never finds out.

[Joe Coy]

I love you. So dumb.

[John Holmberg]

I know.

[Joe Coy]

I love you.

[John Holmberg]

I love you back. Joe Coy, everybody. Thank you, brother. We'll talk to you soon.

[Joe Coy]

Soon.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. Now he's got his number. Brady, we can keep this alive for a long time. Joe Coy. There are still some tickets available, not many at the mortgage matchup. And his show is ridiculously funny. I can't imagine that. The Orpheum last week. What, 1800 people. I don't even think it's that many. 1300 people. And I went out. The first thing I did on stage, I got there, I got a laugh, and it's booming, and it comes back and it attacks you. And that was. And sometimes you'll do that, like in a comedy club. You get a laugh, and it's like, wow, that's a good room. Like, these people are up for celebrity theater. I would go out there first on our nights where we do that, and then I would. I would come back and tell the comedians there, this is easy. You just know. I can't imagine what a basketball arena feels like when you knock out.

[Byron]

Some of them were tough because that wave is such a long delay.

[John Holmberg]

Feel huge. Oh, good for him. Joe's one of the best in the world. I love Joe. So we give each other crap, but he's awesome. We're going to talk to Dale in just a little bit. It's 98. It's out of control now. 98K.

[Dale Hellestray]

Morning sickness. Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

KU PD. Look, Dale's here, everybody. It's. He's already quarter after nine. You're late.

[Dale Hellestray]

Well, who's that guy that you were talking to on the phone?

[John Holmberg]

He's the best. He's got his.

[Dale Hellestray]

He's in bed late. In bed. Johnny doesn't even get out of bed for you.

[John Holmberg]

No, and that's what I told him. He shouldn't even made the call.

[Dale Hellestray]

No, I mean, he was tired.

[John Holmberg]

I'm having this conversation with somebody on text right now. If you're not getting paid to get.

[Dale Hellestray]

Up in the morning.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, go back to bed. I don't understand those morning people. Larry here. Larry. Larry couldn't sleep and came to work at 7.

[Dale Hellestray]

Hey, that's. I never see him till we're done.

[John Holmberg]

Dumb. That's just dumb. I told you.

[Byron]

He's just set up a cot in his office right now.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, just Bill Parcells. I mean, they just might as well sleep here.

[John Holmberg]

Sleep at the office because you just hate your license.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, I mean, there's some football people around here should maybe spend a little more time sleeping at the office. Well, having to pay the rest of.

[John Holmberg]

The group, sort of a waste of time here when you look at it. But yeah, maybe you're right. Dale's here. Dale Hellestray. Three time world championship champion and permanent guest of that sports show. That sports thing. You're right, that sports thing. But although John Holmberg podcast.

[Dale Hellestray]

It says the John.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we want people. Look, you think you're drawing people in?

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

How's your other podcast doing?

[Dale Hellestray]

Killing it already. The main event.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, the main event. I'm sure it's fine.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes, already.

[John Holmberg]

We're way past it.

[Dale Hellestray]

Imagine when I put it out on Twitter. If I can ever find how people can find it.

[John Holmberg]

Take a look at our HMS page. It's right there. It's got its own clickable. I've been listening to you. No, I've been listening to you and Nash the whole time. Well, they lift zero fingers about how to get this done. I got us a new studio. I got us cameras. I got us.

[Dale Hellestray]

Well, cameras.

[John Holmberg]

Not for you. For full meetings yesterday about selling things and doing all sorts for the podcast that you're. All you do is.

[Dale Hellestray]

All I do is break. Bring that to new heights.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know. And I have to fix them. But Dale's here for us on Thursday. Brought to you by [e-mail] you want to get on this thing. The best thing about Diamond Coatings AZ is not only the work they do, but they get it done fast. A lot of their projects are one day install. So if you're looking to get your garage floor done. They'll come out. Take a look at it. Go. Yep, we'll have that done in a day. Got yours done really fast.

[Byron]

It's projects.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Check them all out. They get your. Your paper favors your floors. You got a business you want a new floor on. They've got it all, and it lasts forever. It's top quality. Everything. DiamondCoatings. AZ.com brings you Dale Hell stray.

[Dale Hellestray]

And as much as I do not like the Pittsburgh steelers, that court you have in your backyard is pretty.

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty awesome. I dance. See, Dale's right. And it's the black and gold. You realize the color scheme is amazing. It's better than it's got.

[Dale Hellestray]

It's still a little tacky because I want to go for my 360 dunks. I want to make sure I get.

[John Holmberg]

Dale shooting a basketball. It might as well have been an engine.

[Dale Hellestray]

Think you had the hoop at 11ft?

[John Holmberg]

It sure looked like it. I might have to argue the way you were shooting, getting it up about 8. It was pretty embarrassing. But, yeah, they did a great job on that thing. And it feels amazing to play on, especially because it feels like a wood court.

[Dale Hellestray]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

If it gets wet, it feels like a wood cord. It's super slippery. But why are you playing basketball in the rain?

[Dale Hellestray]

I mean, it rain. It rains, what, 15 days here.

[John Holmberg]

It's beautiful, though.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You were just talking when you played in buffalo, they don't give you, like, a tutorial, do they? They. They take you right out of Texas. Texas, right. An Arizona.

[Dale Hellestray]

Arizona. Texas. Buffalo.

[John Holmberg]

Buffalo. And they say, meet you at practice. And nobody talks to you about snow driving or anything.

[Dale Hellestray]

Two things. Number one, I'm driving home after a practice. And the stadium, because the land is cheaper, was built in a snow belt right off lake erie. So it could snow three feet at the stadium, and it might snow foot a mile north or south. And so I'm driving back to my apartment after practice one day, and I can't see in front of my car because it's snowing. This is second week of October, my rookie year.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, geez.

[Dale Hellestray]

Second week of October, and I'm driving. I can't see past the end of my car. I'm listening to the radio because we didn't have anything else back in 1985. And they're talking about, be, be wary of snow squalls. And I'm driving along. What the hell is a snow squall? I don't know what a snow squall is. I don't Know what snow is? And I get home, my roommate who played for University of Pittsburgh and all that, and I said, can you tell me what a snow squall is? That's what you just drove through.

[John Holmberg]

You were in it?

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And nobody knows what they're doing. And then you come here and you're like, a little rain turns this place into Buffalo.

[Dale Hellestray]

It's crazy.

[Byron]

Did you have the instruments in your car at the time? Like a scraper or anything?

[Dale Hellestray]

I know I had a scraper because again, you couldn't. I had an apartment back then. You can't. You can't sit in your apartment and start the car to get the heater going and all that. But the other third story, I want to tell you about that. So I'm driving back after my rookie year in. I think this is early April for off season workouts. April I90 goes all. All the way across the country. But I'm driving on I90, getting about an hour outside of Buffalo. There's two lanes going this way, upward north, two lanes going south, about a hundred yard grass meridian in between them. It's snowing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

I got my, my truck in four high. I go about 45 miles an hour, and all of a sudden I'm seeing cars facing me on my, on my side of the road. I'm like, how the hell does that happen? And as soon as I thought that, I mean, I'm on straightaway. I'm not changing lanes, I'm just driving. Next thing I know, know, boom. I'm down in the median, up the other side. Car spins around, shoots me back down to the middle. I don't get hit by any cars coming the other way. I'm sitting in the bottom of this meridian going, suitcases everywhere.

[Joe Coy]

How did that happen?

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, that black ice will kill you.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

You know, and that's what we're talking about because, you know, you in Buffalo. Buffalo. Well, when there's inclement weather, nobody just guns it. When the light turns green, you wait for somebody to come slide through because.

[John Holmberg]

They don't stop all the time. Sometimes they're just ice skating.

[Byron]

And it's usually.

[Dale Hellestray]

Why do people.

[John Holmberg]

Why do people live there? This exists. We live here.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes, this exists.

[John Holmberg]

Why would anyone say, oh, I like Buffalo better?

[Dale Hellestray]

I never understood the people who were born, raised, never left there.

[John Holmberg]

I don't get it even then.

[Dale Hellestray]

But it's. The ones who left, they know and decide to come back.

[John Holmberg]

I've met.

[Dale Hellestray]

It's like, come on, it's got to be for the wings. The Wings.

[John Holmberg]

It's usually a woman, and it's for Dick they leave. It's true. That's the only reason that happens, seeing.

[Dale Hellestray]

The people in Buffalo.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. When a woman leaves Buffalo, she's not getting Dick anywhere but Buffalo because she's a Buffalo lad. She's one of the Buffalo ladies.

[Dale Hellestray]

My apartment, my rookie year has had a swimming pool.

[John Holmberg]

Why?

[Dale Hellestray]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. In the middle of the apartment complex. I thought you meant, like, a hell of an apartment.

[Dale Hellestray]

And. And I remember coming, walking back, late September, whatever. It's 45, 50 degrees, overcast, and there's two girls laying out. Yeah, they're laying out. And I'm, like, looking at them going. And that's where I coined the term.

[John Holmberg]

Here.

[Dale Hellestray]

Here comes tan fat. Looks better than white fat. Brady, make sure you get it.

[Byron]

It makes sense.

[Dale Hellestray]

Make sure you get it.

[John Holmberg]

He's been so proud of that phrase for so long. I remember when he first. You hit me with that at a golf course. We were driving by, somebody's in their backyard, and she was big. And he goes, you know, tan fat looks better than white fat. And I'm like, man, no truer words have ever been spoken. That poor girl is trying. Yes, but she was just out there being fat and trying to make it as good as it could get. Yeah. And Buffalo is the key to tan fat.

[Dale Hellestray]

I mean, you meet a girl at a nightclub or whatever, and you don't.

[Byron]

You.

[Dale Hellestray]

You don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Dale Hellestray]

Are you layered? You know, I mean, is there. Is there like five, you know, sweater.

[John Holmberg]

And is she fat or are those clothes?

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, right. And.

[John Holmberg]

And do you care? In Buffalo, it's just any warm body, it gets lonely.

[Dale Hellestray]

Well, when you. When, you know, you're going back to Arizona or back to Dallas in January.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

Were you?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

You kind of care.

[John Holmberg]

You were a single guy in Buffalo?

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes. Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Did you take advantage of the Buffalo squish? The ladies of Buffalo? Yeah, the squish.

[Byron]

Only on the road.

[John Holmberg]

Only on the road. You didn't. You didn't touch Buffalo girls, did you? You did.

[Dale Hellestray]

There's still some pretty girls.

[Byron]

Did you throw corn in the front yard?

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Lure them in? Yeah. Do you have a trough?

[Dale Hellestray]

Brady Bogan, you should be ashamed of yourself.

[John Holmberg]

You know what I like. No one ever says that to me. Everyone's like, he's an you, though. Yeah.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

I mean, those. Those men and women and husbands and wives of Gilbert Christian, they've got to be a. Just shocked to hear you say something.

[Byron]

They're not for Buffalo.

[John Holmberg]

They don't look like Buffalo people. They're with Brady on that one. They think they're gross, too. Buffalo's disgusting. No, it is disgusting.

[Dale Hellestray]

Especially back in the mid-80s. Steel plants had shut down.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody was poor. In fact. How do you do that? Gross. White. Like, like. Oh, the whiteness, the fat, the. Everything. Just disgusting. Yeah, we'll get to that in a minute. I got a note to hand.

[Dale Hellestray]

Why is he angry?

[John Holmberg]

He's always grumpy. Yeah, he is always angry, screwing up his time. So let me talk to you about this. We. Let's talk some sports while you're here.

[Dale Hellestray]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Again, I'll go back to my Steelers. We'll get to the Cardinals in a second.

[Dale Hellestray]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Which, by the way, my Slovis prediction this weekend.

[Dale Hellestray]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

You'll see Slovis in the game this week.

[Dale Hellestray]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

When they start getting trounced by the second quarter, if they're down 21, nothing again, the first quarter.

[Dale Hellestray]

Slovis, you realize the Jaguars have the second best run defense.

[John Holmberg]

They're good. Yes. People are not paying attention to the Jaguars. They're a good team.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

They. They have hiccups. They're not great. They're B level, but they're good.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And they're going to come in here and the Cardinals are in disarray. I think you're. I think you're. We'll talk Cardinals now. I think you're. You're stat about. No new coach has had three years without a playoff bump.

[Dale Hellestray]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

And kept his job. Job. I think that's happening right now.

[Dale Hellestray]

Well, here's the thing, and it's. There's a perception issue to where, you know, you're competitive. Like last year they were competitive. I think they went 8 and 9, but they were competitive in probably 15 of the 17 games. Yeah. You now have two back to back 40 burgers put on you easily.

[Byron]

By the way, the Cardinals are favored in this game.

[Dale Hellestray]

Okay. Well, they are two and a half.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I'm betting that that can't be. Why?

[Dale Hellestray]

What tells you that?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What in the world lets you know that? That would be a thing. And here's the other thing. They've had 40s put on them two weeks in a row. And the other team let off the gas.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yes. Oh, there's no doubt about it. The game was over going in the fourth quarter. So you're just trying to get through it. You're not putting up any more points. But it's a perception issue. The fact that if this continues to happen, you can't resell this to your. For fans, you can't go, hey, we're going to make a couple tweaks, make a couple changes. You know, coming into this year, you're going, hey, we went 8, 9 last year. We spent some money on a Josh Sweat and we got some other guys in. We're excited about the year. You can't sell back to back 40 burgers.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Dale Hellestray]

And if that continues. So it'll be fast.

[John Holmberg]

And also blame the quarterback still. When the whole fan base was screaming to get rid of Kyler, they did. They got excited about Jakarta Kobe. And then you get trounced and he broke a record for 47 completions and whatever. But it's because he had to throw the ball 70 times.

[Dale Hellestray]

Right. Because you got.

[John Holmberg]

You were getting an ass kick.

[Byron]

Not favored.

[John Holmberg]

No. Cardinals aren't.

[Byron]

Other way.

[Joe Coy]

They're.

[John Holmberg]

They're, they're two and a half point underdogs at home.

[Dale Hellestray]

He's.

[John Holmberg]

He's having a tough time. He's congested.

[Dale Hellestray]

Thank you, Richard.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks, Richard.

[Dale Hellestray]

Hey, that, that, that little cold you got, you got to fight through that.

[John Holmberg]

We need you.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We need you to push a little harder.

[Dale Hellestray]

Come on.

[Byron]

The Ultimate Fighter.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Fighting for two weeks.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But you're not winning anything. That's the bad. You can keep fighting and lose. It's like when you're 0 12, you're not a fighter, are you? Just a tomato cane.

[Dale Hellestray]

But here. But I do want to say this because I've been on bad teams.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

I was on a 2 and 14 team in Buffalo and I think I've told you stories about that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

At some point, you know, people go, oh, you know what, you're fighting for a job or what? You want to impress individually. But what happens is the entire team, the lack of energy, lack of focus, lack of, hey, I just want this thing to get over with.

[John Holmberg]

That's true in Little League. When you're on a cruddy little league baseball team and you can't win, you go to the game different. Right. You can still put effort in, but it's not the same.

[Dale Hellestray]

But you're not, you're also not playing for a job. Because I always felt, hey, if I'm not going to be here, hopefully they can watch me and say, hey, he might be good enough to play for me.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

But the one story I will tell you is that rookie year, last game were 2 and 13 because we finished 2 and 14. 14 playing in Buffalo, playing Cincinnati. They were good. They had boomer size and all that crew. And I show up to the game, and There are probably 10 cars with U Hauls.

[Joe Coy]

On it.

[John Holmberg]

That's just a mental drop off.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah. Like, oh, now all my stuff was packed. Yeah. But I didn't have.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't do the visual.

[Dale Hellestray]

No. I mean, they literally were gonna get looked at by the doctor after the game, cave, and head home to wherever.

[John Holmberg]

They were gone to get out of Buffalo.

[Dale Hellestray]

So they were already gone.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. And you see that Visually, you're like, this is done.

[Dale Hellestray]

If I'm a coach, I'm walking out there and going, okay, so that's his kids.

[John Holmberg]

You're cutting.

[Dale Hellestray]

You're gone.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Now, speaking of that, last week I watched the Steelers, of course, and they were playing Cincinnati and couldn't figure out why Jalen Ramsey lost his mind twice, two plays in a row against Jamar Chase. The best one, one of the best, arguably the best receiver in football.

[Dale Hellestray]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

And Jalen Ramsey is. They've pinned him down. They've locked him down. He did not have a good day. And Jalen Ramsey and him get into it and start to scuffle. Everybody gets flags, offsetting penalties, unnecessary, blah, blah, blah, or unsportsmanlike, whatever. So they're like, next one results in an ejection. Well, the very next play, there's Jalen Ramsey face to face with Jamar Chase again on the Steelers huddle side. So I'm like, jamar Chase walked to this. So, yeah, the two of them are both Stewart, stupid for one, not walking away in one. And then Jalen Ramsey grabs a face mask and throws a punch. He's immediately kicked out. And everybody's like, on my end, we're watching like, what in the hell just happened? And how did that guy lose his mind? What did he say? Well, it turns out the next day that Jamar Chase spit in his face. Mike Tomlin had the great quote that said, did you talk to him after? And he goes, all bets are off when somebody spits in your face. Do what comes natural.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Which is you spit in my face and there's going to be a fight. Has that ever happened? And how in the do you think that my plan to suspend a guy five games for spitting on somebody like that is that that has got to leave the game.

[Dale Hellestray]

There is nothing. And it's happened now at least twice.

[John Holmberg]

Two times.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, at least twice this year. There's nothing more degrading than a grown man spitting on another dude.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's awful.

[Dale Hellestray]

You know what? Take a swing at me. Grab my do 1. You spit on me. And now I go into another stratosphere. And again, I love that I didn't see that Thomas said that, but I appreciate that Thomas said that. And I know that Jamar Chase is suspended.

[John Holmberg]

Gotta pay a huge fine.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah. And where does that come from? I don't understand. I've never in my entire life. I've been pissed at guys. I've been mad on the football field. I've never once. Spot. I'm going to spit on you because.

[John Holmberg]

Of the basics of. I don't want that back. And especially because they were face to face when it happened. So it was in his mouth and his eyes.

[Dale Hellestray]

You lo.

[John Holmberg]

I would lose my mind that you're.

[Byron]

Having a good game. Right. Or was he?

[John Holmberg]

Jaylen Ramsey was fine. Jamar Chase was not.

[Byron]

Okay. That's why having the good game, like, if it was the other way around.

[John Holmberg]

If it's your first day. But he's known to talk trash. Jalen Ramsey talks trash. How bad? How much can it escalate? Have you ever been on the field in Dallas where you're like, this dude's a. We're about to lose him. Like, we're about to have it. We're about to.

[Dale Hellestray]

Oh, yes. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

And you and you, and you. You grab him, you bring them over and reel him in. Yeah. We've had situations where Reggie White, as great as he was, as good as there is, there's. There were certain Sundays where he just. He didn't have it right. And. And that you're hoping for those Sundays so that, you know, hey, just get through it. You know, you're not going to agitate him. You're pat him on the butt. You're going to go, hey, you know, do everything you can. I've done that many times. Yeah. You're playing a hell of a game. Good job. Knowing I'm winning. Exactly. I'm not going to agitate you.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Dale Hellestray]

Michael Irvin comes in after running pass. He starts yapping at Reggie White.

[John Holmberg]

He's going to kick your ass.

[Brady]

Bam.

[Dale Hellestray]

Eric Williams, who's standing next to me, grabs Michael Irvin's face mask and yanks him into the huddle and says, shut up. He ain't got it today. Shut the hell up. Unless you want to block him.

[John Holmberg]

Don't wake him up. No. Yeah. And it's weird because it's like that thing. What does it. I thought the same thing, and I know the ultimate competition. NFL football's got to be intense constantly. It would happen more if it was like. If it was something that's like, you just can't control it. That's a very controlled thing to spit on.

[Dale Hellestray]

Absolutely. I mean, you, you, you. I. I've seen guys, I've. I. I never really played dirty there once or twice where I got in situations.

[John Holmberg]

You mashed guys.

[Dale Hellestray]

Every once I found my hand in a face mask and I tried and twisted a little bit, but never.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It doesn't even cross your mind, Never.

[Dale Hellestray]

Thought of a spit?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

Because that's, it's just.

[John Holmberg]

And no one ever did it to you?

[Brady]

No.

[Dale Hellestray]

No. 17 years, I can't remember anybody talking about spit in the game.

[John Holmberg]

And I can understand losing your mind and throwing a punch before spitting. Yeah. Like, I lost. I lost control and I took a swing at a guy with a helmet on.

[Dale Hellestray]

Did you see the offensive line? I got some texts about. I forget what game it was, but somebody punched the offensive lineman, got him under the chin a little bit in about two seconds. Later, the office.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, the flop back. Yeah, that was hilarious. That was the Eagles game.

[Dale Hellestray]

Was it?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that was. That was a pretty awesome move. Yeah. And there's a lot going on there. And then, of course, the Suns, which we've talked.

[Joe Coy]

Oh, we got.

[John Holmberg]

We got to go. Time. Time. He came in again. Brett's out there this morning. We got to remind you that Brett's out this morning at Local Legends and he's going to be out there till about 10 for Operation Santa Claus. Look at Brett. Philanthropy. Look it up there.

[Dale Hellestray]

Did I hear. Is it. Is this his wife's place?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Huh.

[Dale Hellestray]

Are they serving breakfast?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, breakfast.

[Dale Hellestray]

Bringing some back.

[John Holmberg]

He's not coming back.

[Dale Hellestray]

He's not coming back.

[John Holmberg]

He's closer to his house. There's no reason for him to drive all the way back here to feed you.

[Dale Hellestray]

Well, maybe we can do our from there.

[John Holmberg]

Ah, now we're talking. Hey, this isn't a bad idea at all. All right, we'll do that after. We'll go over to local legends, 10% off. We'll bring some canned food and we'll get a discount. Brett's doing that this morning. Operation Santa Claus at Local Legends this morning. If you want to hang out with Brett for a little bit longer, he's going to buy drinks at 10 o' clock for people he likes. The ones he doesn't, you'll know when you have to pay for your own beverage. Dale's here. We're going to do our picks in just a moment and get football and basketball and everything else straightened out. Dale Hellustra is here and he's brought to you by our friends at diamondcoatings.az.com Morning sickness.

[Dale Hellestray]

The 98 KUPD. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Dale's with us today. He's brought to you by our friends at Diamond Coatings. Az. Check him out. The commercials are all over our website of my backyard, Brady's Garage. We got to get you hooked up. Thanks. Your garage, yours looks terrible, so we'll fix that also. But a little business before Dale Brady. Brett's out at local Legends on Main street in Sauceman. That's Matthias Bar, his wife's bar. And he's out there this morning doing stuff for Operation Santa Claus. He said, can you mention that Big Mikey dropped off a hundred bucks and brought a pallet of water during the water drive, so he's doing both now. He did the water drive thing and now he's dumping money off for Operation Santa Claus out there with Brett today. So thanks to Big Mikey and also Brady. You had your thing this morning. He sent me a little shot out from our friends at Tempe Firefighters. Right? It was a Tempe firefighter, paramedic John Garza. He passed away from a line of duty brain tumors funerals this morning. All the firefighters are listening. Big fan of the show. So tip of the cap to those guys and especially to John Garza. Thank you, guys. We don't say thank you enough to those people as often as we should. In fact, if you see a tempy firefighter today, if you're in the area area. Buy them lunch or something. Yeah, they're in the areas because they. They need that. That's pretty awesome. Sorry for your loss there, guys. That's no good. Yeah. Firefighters Earth. That's a real deal there. That's. Those guys aren't messing around.

[Dale Hellestray]

As much as I like to make fun of you and your listeners and I don't know why you do advertising, because I think they all have, you know, they're missing teeth and sure. All that. It shocks me. Oh, how many normal, high foliage, gluten, successful people listen to you doctors. But. But when they admit it to me, it's almost like sheepishly, it's great shame. It's like, it's like I. I really.

[John Holmberg]

Like at the Rah Rah room.

[Dale Hellestray]

Hold on. I really, I really like to listen to you. And I go, my podcast.

[John Holmberg]

No, I listen to Home Rah Rah Remain. A guy come up to me and he goes, hey, big fan. I'm like, you don't have to whisper it. And he goes, I actually do. Yeah. I'm like, oh, you son of a. He goes, I'm with people. I'm like, all right. And it's a very funny joke, but it's true. And we do. We have a lot of people who participate, get. Get these charity events going through the moon. So we couldn't. We couldn't have a better group. That is.

[Dale Hellestray]

That's awesome.

[John Holmberg]

For sure. Before we get into the picks, I've been shown that the. We'll talk about this on the podcast later. Today there's a women's baseball league. They're trying to get started.

[Dale Hellestray]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Women's pro baseball league. The draft is happening. I don't know who you draft because.

[Dale Hellestray]

There'S no collegiate baseball team.

[John Holmberg]

Anybody with their hand up is in the draft. Right? Yeah. So I think right now, Dale, you and I should start to identify as.

[Dale Hellestray]

Women and play some pro ball, the three of us. I mean, he's missing a kidney.

[John Holmberg]

Can't hear.

[Dale Hellestray]

He can't hear. He's stuck. Yeah, see, can we just identify?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think you can. Do you remember when Phil Necro. I think it was Phil or Joe Nicro, the knuckleball pitch pitchers, they played well into their late 40s knuckleballing. And one of them started, he was managing and pitching in a women's league where they played. They were called the Coors Silver Bullets. And they played a women's team and it was all like old retired guys and they played a women's pro team and like first time a women's professional baseball. So I'm like, wait a second. You're playing like 60 year old beer league guys who had a history with baseball. Baseball. And they never beat the men's team. Then they're like, well, you have to give us some time. I'm like, time. Your opposition doesn't have time. They're geriatric. It's terrible. Why do they keep doing this?

[Dale Hellestray]

Well, what I understand pitch.

[Byron]

It's not like a softball.

[John Holmberg]

No. Then it would be called softball.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, I know, but it was this baseball league. There's no high school girls base.

[John Holmberg]

There's nothing to pick from.

[Dale Hellestray]

No. There's no high school, college. There's no college. College, women's.

[Byron]

So they're taking these softball players.

[Dale Hellestray]

That ball's a little bit bigger, I guess.

[Byron]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

It's a different game.

[Byron]

That would be the one to parlay it into.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I suppose it's the closest thing, but that's like drafting a boxer to be in the UFC and saying, just get in the octagon. It's Close enough. It's not the same game. So anyway there's four teams now. The San Francisco, LA, NY and Boston will have a women's professional baseball team team and good luck. I give that. Exactly.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Good luck. Good luck. Of course we're very supportive. Of course it's going to be equal. I'm sure equals the word we're looking for here. Fantastic work.

[Dale Hellestray]

I, I, I thought you were going to want to talk a little bit about when that sun's game is you're going to invite me to. I mean because you'll get to a game. Last year you, you, you gave me tickets to one and I went with you to another one.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Dale Hellestray]

Nobody wanted to go. It's like, it's like I'd rather have a Brazilian wax and go to the sun's gate.

[John Holmberg]

It was, was, it was a tough sell. Yes, but you got a game last year and I gave you tickets that. Yeah, my son in law and we've got till April.

[Dale Hellestray]

But it's, but, but this year they are fun.

[John Holmberg]

They are really fun.

[Dale Hellestray]

I don't know how many games are going to win but I tell you what. No, no matter what. Even that, that was it. The Hawks game that they blew the lead.

[John Holmberg]

Incredible game.

[Dale Hellestray]

It was a fantastic, that third quarter was a masterpiece.

[John Holmberg]

Both teams blew 20 point leads at one point. It was amazing. And then the other night they just went and pronounced Portland in Portland. So they're beating the bad teams the way they should. I do not want to get my hopes up for this because this is not anything that's going to result in greatness. We're just happy they don't suck. And that's a really low bar we've set for the Suns team and they're living up to it, but we're just happy they don't suck.

[Dale Hellestray]

Well when only three teams don't make the playoffs in each conference and you're one of them. Yeah, yeah, you suck.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you suck. And they sucked last year. 36.

[Dale Hellestray]

And not only that, that but there's different. And I've always said this, whether the Cardinals last year or the Suns this year, I, I will buy into a team that is battling their tail off. They're playing defense, they're running around, they're having looks like they enjoy playing basketball with each other. And that is so refreshing to seeing.

[John Holmberg]

Guys putting ambition and energy on the court before ego and nonsense. Yeah, it's been a fun, it's been fun.

[Dale Hellestray]

And then you got a guy, Colin Gillespie, he's probably your size, John 5:11. And you know, he's just running around.

[John Holmberg]

Sounds smaller than me.

[Dale Hellestray]

Say that you're five, six feet even.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, let you shut up. That's. We'll get. And I think the sun's right now. And you remember last year, they started 8 and 1 and everybody was through the moon.

[Dale Hellestray]

But still you looked at them last year, even though they won, you're kind of like November.

[John Holmberg]

Basketball is in this sport. In basketball, there is no other professional sport that means less than the beginning of the season than basketball.

[Dale Hellestray]

But I got them at. I got them over 33 and a half for wins.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you've got that. They'll get that. That's a great bet. I don't know if it paid anything, but that's good. But in basketball, you can have teams just jump out so fast, by February you kind of figure out who's what.

[Dale Hellestray]

How about Detroit leading the East?

[John Holmberg]

They're great. For the last three years they've been building to that. They've built a team.

[Dale Hellestray]

So they get rid of money and.

[John Holmberg]

They'Re still paying mon. Let's get to the picks for football, which is very strange. I got my music back up. Brady, let's start with you. Your Bengals have the Patriots coming to town. This is an easy one. Patriots, Patriots, straight up. All right, Dale, your Dallas Cowboys, who everybody got mad at Jerry. Micah Parsons trade was stupid. He started saying some dumb stuff. Then he goes and gets Quinn and Williams from the jets, which I love that they're calling Escape from New York. Everybody that's leaving is playing out their heads. One sack in eight games in New York. He had a sack and a half in the first game with the Cowboys, so he's already almost doubled his number.

[Dale Hellestray]

Well, that the defensive tackles. The one they got from Green Bay too. His name slipped in my mind right now.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, the Clark.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, yeah. Kenny Clark. Yeah. They're formidable there in the middle and yet you wreak havoc in the middle and you could disrupt a lot of offense.

[John Holmberg]

They're starting to look like something. And they have the Chiefs that this week. No, they Philadelphia Eagles this week it's the Eagles. It's Sunday in Dallas. You going to do it?

[Dale Hellestray]

What's the spread?

[John Holmberg]

Spread is two. Three and a half. Three and a half.

[Dale Hellestray]

I. I'm. I'm tempted to make the Cowboys straight up because I think the Eagles are struggling a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

But Eagles the cure for a bad offensive time up until the couple weeks ago was the Cowboys defense.

[Dale Hellestray]

And I think they. They've got some Reinforcement. I. How about if I take the Cowboys.

[John Holmberg]

With the point plus three and a half?

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Cruddy bet my Bear or my Steelers and Brett's Bears are taking each other on. Brett has picked the Bears. I will say that my man Mount Washington will get a touchdown on that one. Darnell Washington gets a touchdown. And we'll have an any touchdown scorer for the alternate bet because I don't know who's playing quarterback for the Steelers.

[Dale Hellestray]

So. Right. Is that game in Pittsburgh or Chicago?

[John Holmberg]

Chicago. And The Steelers are 1 in 12 in Chicago.

[Joe Coy]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Try that on. I think it's like 1974 or something. 1 in 12. It's a terrible record. Julio's here one time.

[Dale Hellestray]

Wait. What's this?

[John Holmberg]

He's coming to tell you to knock it off.

[Dale Hellestray]

Another break.

[John Holmberg]

That's what success looks like, Dale.

[Dale Hellestray]

Another damn break.

[Joe Coy]

Jeez.

[Dale Hellestray]

Popular.

[John Holmberg]

You are very popular. Very popular. We'll keep giving it to you. That's what we'll do. We've got the entertainment drill coming up in just moments. Our picks are in. Go to FanDuel and make your picks too. It makes the world a better place. I have to look. The FanDuel thing screwed up. I think I owe you guys 33 bucks. I think I was the only one who missed. Yeah, I'm pretty sure because Brady picked my Steelers. You son of a. It's 98 KUPD. We'll do the entertainment drill next.

[Dale Hellestray]

The sun's most powerful rock.

[John Holmberg]

It's out of control now. 98. Okay, you pt.

[Dale Hellestray]

Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

So swinging my junk around, Dale. That's what you deal. It's time for the entertainment drill. And we'll get this started. Oh, there it is. There's my button. And again, thanks to everybody who popped by Local Legends this morning. It's past 10. So Brett's now officially drinking out of Local Legends. Getting to breakfast, but you can always drop off non perishable food. Children's clothing, new toys. Money's always good. And Operation Santa Claus supports a ton of local charities. St. Mary's Food Bank. Southwest Autism Research and Research center or resource center. Military assistance mission. We love them. Sleep in Heavenly Peace. A new life center. So many charities benefit from Operation Santa Claus. And that's pretty great. So good kickoff to that. And that'll go on for a few more weeks. Local Legends will be a place you can drop all that off. Mathias will give you a little extra off the top. Just ask for her. It's easy peasy. It's time now for the entertainment drill. That's brought to you by our [e-mail] that's the home of tactical black self defense training. If you want to get on out there and become a better you, there is no better time to do it than now. 89 bucks for a month of training. And that includes every class they offer which are all great bag, class, self defense, cardio. They've got everything you could ever imagine. They've gun, they have knife, they have all that stuff. 89 bucks for that. And it's all in celebration of their 25th anniversary, which is 2026. Congratulations to the gang up [e-mail] get involved now while the price is amazing and start a new way of living your life. I'm not kidding when I say that. Reactdefense.com the home of tactical black Brady entertainment.

[Byron]

Little follow up on you know your boy shat. William Shatner.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

He followed up on that California show.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yep.

[Byron]

With a new story. He pooped himself. When? Back in 2012. The world we just live in one man Broadway show that he did. Oh yeah, before he went on stage. He's like, I feel I have to go. Oops, I already went.

[John Holmberg]

I went right on the stage. One of the jokes he tells on the pants in that show last week when we were he, he set you up with the boxers or brief thing and he always answers it with depends and it gets a huge laugh even though everybody would do it. But that's probably how that was the catalyst to that story because he passed out. I told you, Dale, last week. He passed out as we walked onto the stage.

[Dale Hellestray]

No, I, I think I heard you talk about it because that was last Thursday night.

[John Holmberg]

Right. So horrifying. Yeah, I thought he was.

[Dale Hellestray]

You didn't catch him?

[John Holmberg]

Catch him? No, I knocked. Knocked him out. It was me. I hit him.

[Dale Hellestray]

Grab him for you. Grab a shirt from behind.

[John Holmberg]

Just far enough away. I wished I could have been that quick on my feet to watch him. I watched him stagger and I started laughing because I thought he was screwing around. And then out like a light smashed his face on the ground. Oh. Just relived it again. It's so weird.

[Dale Hellestray]

And you were laughing as he's falling.

[John Holmberg]

I laughed when he stabbed 90 year old. 94. I laughed as he staggered because I said, oh, here we go, we're losing him.

[Byron]

You thought it was that.

[John Holmberg]

And he, he laughed. So I'm like, oh, he's just screwing around. And then his lights went out and it was fast. Oh my God. That makes my stomach Hurt. Thinking about it.

[Byron]

Olivia Munn just told a story. She had a recent bad experience involving sushi. A bathtub in her stomach. She ate sushi while she's taking a.

[John Holmberg]

Bath in a hot bath.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's not good.

[Byron]

It heated up the sushi enough.

[John Holmberg]

The temperature, Tummy.

[Byron]

Yep. Projectile vomit the next day.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man.

[Byron]

At the airport, yaking it right into garbage can.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Dale Hellestray]

At least she did it before she got on the plane.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Could you imagine? Oh, that's a bad idea. How do you even get sushi and a bath in your brain? I'm just going to carry this into.

[Byron]

The bathroom while I take a bath. I'm going to eat my.

[John Holmberg]

No dinner.

[Dale Hellestray]

John, do you take. Take baths?

[John Holmberg]

I haven't for a long time, but I don't. I don't dismiss the bath. I enjoy the bath. Hot tub.

[Dale Hellestray]

Oh, yeah. Hot tub's great.

[John Holmberg]

It's a difference. One's clean. One's clean.

[Dale Hellestray]

Taking a bath with your little rubber ducky floating around.

[John Holmberg]

What's the difference between that and your hot tub?

[Dale Hellestray]

Hot tub. You got the jets blowing on your back.

[John Holmberg]

I got a jet tub. You don't. You need a job. They have tubs now that are like hot tubs in your house. They got jets, heat, swirls. Feels fantastic in there.

[Joe Coy]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing better than beating off in the bathtub. That's a fact. Nothing better. And then you try to run away from the white worms. And then you get out. It's awesome. So you haven't done that. Liar.

[Byron]

Ultimate classic rock.

[Dale Hellestray]

Last bath I took on eat.

[John Holmberg]

That's not true. You've taken. You've had a romantic bath with rose petals, bottles and.

[Dale Hellestray]

No, the water rises too high.

[John Holmberg]

You don't pour it all in. You get half of it in there.

[Dale Hellestray]

And then.

[John Holmberg]

And then you secretly pee. And then. And everybody's bathing in urine.

[Dale Hellestray]

The guy who showers after he poops pees in the bathtub.

[John Holmberg]

It's my own. It's my own. I'm in there with somebody.

[Byron]

So brew.

[John Holmberg]

But in the hot tub. Don't think you're in a hot tub with Brady and he's not peeing the whole time. Nobody getting hot water flows. Please, no bull crap. Nobody can sit. You pee in your hot tub. Absolute liar.

[Byron]

I got the whole backyard.

[John Holmberg]

Liar.

[Dale Hellestray]

At our last house, we had a. One of those play pools where you play volleyball and all that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

And we'd had six guys and they're playing volleyball.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellestray]

Drinking beer.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody's beer.

[Dale Hellestray]

And all of a sudden you look around, it's been Two and a half hours and nobody's gotten out.

[John Holmberg]

We were at the Aria pool with my friends and my birthday in August, and Jordan and I are sitting there talking.

[Dale Hellestray]

I'm like, we.

[John Holmberg]

We've been in this pool for close to five hours, and we've never left. Like, we both. And we're drinking.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

40 ounces. You can't sit in hot water and not pee. You're alive, and it's okay. I don't.

[Dale Hellestray]

You got your own bathtub.

[Byron]

I tell you, if I do. I don't. I don't do it in my.

[John Holmberg]

You're just lying. You may not know it anymore. You might be at that age. You don't even know when the hot water is on your balls. It just comes out. You pee in a hot tub, you liar.

[Byron]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

Someone lie detector test come in here, strap up to you and say you don't pee in that hot tub.

[Byron]

The Mount Rushmore of Yacht Rock. Who are the four that go on?

[John Holmberg]

Michael McDonald. Christopher Cross.

[Byron]

They dogged Christopher Cross.

[John Holmberg]

Christopher Cross is not in the Mount Rushmore of Yacht Rock.

[Byron]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Air Supply.

[Byron]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

What? Or is it all individuals?

[Byron]

No, it's. It could be a band.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Byron]

It's three individuals that this is according to ultimate class.

[John Holmberg]

Well, Michael McDonald's the king of it.

[Byron]

Michael McDonald, Kenny Loggins.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Joe Coy]

Steely Dan.

[Byron]

Boz. Scout.

[John Holmberg]

Steely Dan is not yacht rock. Steely Dan is rock, jazz.

[Byron]

And I don't know if they do that.

[Joe Coy]

Their.

[Byron]

Their logic behind that was really downshifted to the silky smooth gems like Peg. Dirty work. Peg was.

[John Holmberg]

Garbage.

[Byron]

And then that was the big comment like, they dogged Christopher Cross.

[John Holmberg]

Christopher Cross. And Steely Dan has no business on that being mentioned in Yacht Rock. You can play them on a yacht rock, but they are not.

[Byron]

They probably did that because of the documentary when they called them garbage.

[Dale Hellestray]

You're better.

[John Holmberg]

I guess. It was a yacht.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I've been a one. Wasn't great. It's okay. It wasn't a yacht. It was a really nice boat. You. Who's. Yeah, who.

[Byron]

Right?

[Dale Hellestray]

No, no. A guy in Dallas has. Yeah, I think it's 60 foot, you know, three bedroom.

[John Holmberg]

Nice.

[Dale Hellestray]

All that got. Family went on there. The. The. The girls got pulled behind on the inner tubes and all that. He's like, every time I gun it, that's 100 bucks because of the gas.

[John Holmberg]

That's not worth it. Just seems like a pain in the ass. All right, Dale your story and let's get out of here.

[Dale Hellestray]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Hurry up.

[Dale Hellestray]

Well, the most played country songs in 2025.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I gotta go.

[Dale Hellestray]

Of what songs the most played country songs of 2025.

[John Holmberg]

Yuck.

[Dale Hellestray]

Well, I just looked at the top one. I've never heard of it.

[John Holmberg]

Is it this one? Terrible.

[Dale Hellestray]

Doesn't make the top 10.

[Byron]

You know any of them?

[Dale Hellestray]

I. I know. Okay, so the first One is Zach Brian, 28. Never heard of it. I have heard Lainey Wilson. She looked pretty good on the country musical.

[John Holmberg]

There's some pretty slots on there.

[Dale Hellestray]

4X4 by you, bar song, Tipsy by Shaboozi.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I don't want to hear anymore.

[Dale Hellestray]

Ain't no love in Oklahoma, Johnny.

[John Holmberg]

Unless it's related.

[Dale Hellestray]

Am I okay?

[John Holmberg]

Boy, that's.

[Dale Hellestray]

That's not a good list. Yeah, that's not a good list.

[John Holmberg]

What's your favorite country song of the last year?

[Dale Hellestray]

Four by four by you.

[John Holmberg]

What's that?

[Dale Hellestray]

That's my girl. Lainey Wilson.

[John Holmberg]

You like Lainey Wilson? She's pretty, but they dress them up like sluts, and they put that slut hair on. And I think it covers up the fact that there's not a lot of talent in country music, so they gotta have something to look at.

[Byron]

Oh, is that about a 4x4? Her husband later.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Brady, 4x4 by you.

[Brady]

Brought him a nice cold beer. We got inside and Swift. Those gears.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Not when you do it, though. I like that better than. I'd rather have that scream in my ear than country music.

[Byron]

Dale Battle.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Dale Mellow is better than country music. At least your IQ doesn't fall off the planet. Of course you have. You have to have an IQ to know that country music is terrible. So no risk of me losing any points. You come into country music with, like.

[Dale Hellestray]

30 points on your IQ. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then you lose one, like, every day you hear a song. So you got to be down to pretty close to zero at this point. You're at birth weight, dude.

[Dale Hellestray]

Do you listen to Spotify or do you listen?

[John Holmberg]

I listen. I have all over the place.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Tons of it. But I was country music.

[Dale Hellestray]

Yeah. Oh, come on.

[John Holmberg]

Come on, John. It gets me mad sometimes. Sometimes on my tonal, it, like, goes through a thing, and then, like, a country pop song will come on, and I immediately just shut it. I'm like, this whole workout's over. Awful. I just go do my own thing. I don't need that crap in my ears. It's torture. That's one thing I would give up. Government secrets. There's a second they're like, all right, folks, codes be like, I'm not telling you. And they're like, my dog, my beer, my truck, and God and the flag. I'm like, all right, the codes are 53Q179X. Immediately just turn that off. We're done. Larry's coming up next. You guys have yourselves a glorious Thursday, and we'll see you tomorrow on the morning sickness.

[Brett Vesely]

Hello.

[John Holmberg]

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