12-01-25 - BR - MON - Not Handy John Part 2 As Holmberg Got A Scissor Lift Stuck In His Yard - Russian Spy Pigeons Are A Thing Now - Rules For Going On A Nude Cruise

Summary

Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode Summary: "Not Handy John Part 2, Russian Spy Pigeons, and Nude Cruise Rules"

Date: December 1, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is a raucous, story-rich ride through John Holmberg’s recent home handyman fail (involving a scissor lift stuck in his yard), bizarre international news (Russian spy pigeons!), and quasi-scientific or cultural oddities (including nude cruise etiquette and a debate about the value of a college degree). The hosts keep their signature irreverent, quick-witted, and semi-chaotic banter throughout. This summary cuts past the show’s frequent sponsor mentions and focuses on the best content.

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Major Segments and Discussion Highlights

1. "Not Handy John" – The Saga of the Stuck Scissor Lift

[01:09 - 12:20]

• John’s Thanksgiving Aftermath: Show opens with John still munching post-Thanksgiving snacks and segueing into his failed DIY story.
• The Basketball Court Lighting Project:
  • John decides to add three feet to his backyard basketball court light poles, necessitating a scissor lift.
  • He borrows a lift from his friend Luke at Icon Equipment, underestimating the machine's weight (about 4,000 lbs) and the challenge of moving it across soft grass.
  • Comic Catastrophe:
    • The lift sinks a foot into John’s grassy backyard, even after attempts with a Jeep winch and wood planks.
    • The day devolves into a muddy struggle, leaving heavy equipment stuck in his yard.
    • Hilarity ensues as John's backyard now resembles a redneck mechanic’s yard, with neighbors looking on in bewilderment.
• John’s Reflection on "Handiness":
  • Jokes about feeling manly because he changed his windshield wipers—quickly humbled by the day’s events.
  • Misunderstandings over what a "cherry picker" or "boom lift" really is reveals the hosts’ limited mechanical savvy.
• Notable Quote:
  • John: “My backyard looks like a cool guy’s. You’re a car guy now. They got a broken down, doesn’t-run scissor lift in my backyard.” [06:55]

2. Quick-Fire Fun Facts and Side-Banter

[13:31 - 17:14]

• World AIDS Day Snark:
  • Hosts make dark, sarcastic jokes about “Happy World AIDS Day.”
  • John: “If you’ve got the AIDS, it’s your day.” [13:36]
• Baseless Fun Facts:
  • Lakes: There are 117 million lakes worldwide (covering 4% of surface)—the hosts are only mildly impressed.
  • Mad Hatter Truth Bomb: The character in Alice in Wonderland was never called “The Mad Hatter”—he’s just “the Hatter.”
  • Proving No One Reads: “It just proves…you can say anything. It was like, that’s about right. No one ever corrects it…nobody’s ever read it.” [15:05]

3. Odd News Bites: Thanksgiving Arson and Reddit Ponderings

[17:36 - 20:13]

• Thanksgiving Disaster Story:
  • 21-year-old Illinois man burns down his family’s house in a post-Thanksgiving meltdown (after being told to move out).
  • Hosts riff on young adult meltdowns and ill-advised pyrotechnics.
• Reddit Survey: “What’s normal to have one of, but weird if you have two?”
  • Suggestions: wife, crazy exes, spouses who died mysteriously, life insurance policies, offshore bank accounts, multiple phones.

4. Debate: Is a College Degree Worth It?

[20:13 - 22:57]

• Public Sentiment Shifts:
  • Only 33% now say a four-year degree is “worth the money,” down from 53% in 2013.
  • John’s Rant: Slams communications and business degrees as glorified high-school diplomas—trade school is the real future, except for doctors and engineers.
  • “Brady’s the only one in this room with a college degree and he can barely spell.” [22:03]

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5. World Weirdness: Russian Spy Pigeons & Animal Espionage

[23:02 - 27:00]

• Spy Pigeons:
  • Russian scientists have allegedly fitted pigeons with neural chips, cameras, and solar chargers, making them remote-controlled aerial spies.
  • John’s Reaction: “If I see a pigeon with a camera on its neck, I’m killing it.” [26:03]
  • Comparison to Day of the Dolphin and Soviet animal manipulation.
• Next Steps in Animal Spying:
  • Speculation on cockroach cameras for rescue operations, possible next steps with rats/mice, and dolphin mines.
• Quote:
  • Brady: “You can fly them like drones because they put a neural link chip into their brain and you control them.” [23:38]

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6. Niche Topic: Rules for Nude Cruises

[27:23 - 28:54]

• Nude Cruises’ Popularity: Claims (dubious!) that nude cruises are more popular.
• Key Rule: No public erections! Always sit on a towel.
  • John: “Put some goddamn clothes on and enjoy the cruise…No hot young women are going on the nude cruise.” [28:26]
  • Hosts lampoon the likely clientele and general hygiene concerns.
• Memorable Banter:
  • John: “I’ve been on a cruise before. The chance of a hard on is slim. Looking at the other cruise people…” [27:48]

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7. Viral Content Time: “Brady Videos”

[29:10 - 34:37] (Note: This is verging on shock radio/NSFW edge and features their classic gross-out humor.)

• Outrageous Videos Reviewed:
  • Man pooping on a sleeping guy.
  • Woman uses her butthole to blow out birthday candles.
  • “Bermuda Triangle” joke video devolves into a ménage-a-trois joke.
  • Old woman removes dentures; young man uses them in very creative (and graphic) ways.
• Running Gags:
  • The disgusting and comedic implications of grandmas with dentures.
  • John: “I didn’t think I’d be googling vagina dentures this morning, but here we are.” [35:53]

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Noteworthy Quotes & Moments

• On Handyman Fails:
  “With me involved in something handy and manly like this, it’s no surprise it didn’t work out.” – John Holmberg [04:12]
• On College:
  “Business, communications…liberal arts…you’re wasting your parents’ money. Doctors and engineers are really the only ones who absolutely need extra school. Everyone else can learn on the fly, especially with AI.” – John [22:03]
• On Pigeon Spies:
  “Looks like a little—looks like an Asian in the 80s…little Japanese tourist flying with a camera on his neck!” – John [26:12]
• On Nude Cruises:
  “No hot young women are going on the nude cruise. It’s going to be a bunch of old ladies who are like, ‘I’m comfortable with my body.’ Worst phrase to hear a woman say, ever—that means she’s ugly.” – John [28:26]

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Segment Timestamps

• Handyman Fail: Scissor Lift Saga – [01:09–12:20]
• Fun Facts & AIDS Day Banter – [13:31–16:43]
• Weird News (Thanksgiving Arson, Reddit Questions) – [17:36–20:13]
• College Degree Debate – [20:13–22:57]
• Russian Spy Pigeons – [23:02–27:00]
• Nude Cruise Rules – [27:23–28:54]
• Brady (Gross-Out) Videos – [29:10–34:37]

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Conclusion

Listeners get exactly what’s expected from Holmberg and his crew in this episode: wild stories, blue-collar wit, and a gleefully offbeat take on everything from home improvement mishaps to Russian neuroscience, aging, and nudist culture. For those who love irreverent, unfiltered banter with local Arizona flavor and plenty of crowd-laugh moments, this episode is packed with quotable lines and memorable stories.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it. It's really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms. It's Brett Vesely from Homebrew's Morning Sickness. Now, I've always been the kind of guy that takes care of my own lawn. That's until I found Divine Design Landscaping. These guys aren't your typical Mo and blow landscaping company. They do amazing work. And it's just what I needed to finally throw on the towel and let the experts take over. If you've been unhappy with your landscaping or sick of trying to do it yourself, well, it's time to get a hold of Divine Design Landscaping. These guys handle everything. Lawn care, irrigation, tree work, low voltage lighting, 3D designs. A free quote at DivineDesign Lawn Care dot com. That's DivineDesign Lawn Care dot com.

[John Holmberg]

You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Took a bite. Hold on. That's daughtery right there. Holy cow. I don't know anything about that one. That's the bottom. I got to continue eating. It says I'm still not. I'm still not out of Thanksgiving. Nice little snack. In the middle of the show, I looked up and there was 10 seconds left. I'm like, crap. I got a mouthful of granola bar. Nothing you about it. I didn't tell you guys the one cool thing about my. My weekend. Brad. I started. I was very handy once again.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, no, here we go.

[John Holmberg]

And I called my friend over there, Luke, at Icon Equipment.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, he's handy.

[John Holmberg]

Is he? Well, made me feel better. Made me feel better about being a man who's not very handy. So I decided that these light poles that I put in at my Basketball court. They're still standing. Oh, yeah, they're great. Oh, okay.

[Brady]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm adding three feet. Because what I did was the poles that I built came with like six different pieces. And I'm like, I don't even be that high. So they put five of them together. And then after I got them up there, I'm like, you know what? I could use those extra three feet. I can go up a little higher, so I'm going to go do that. But I needed a scissor lift to get up that high. I can't have a ladder up at 20 something feet. Just. It's just not going to work out. I don't have one. So I called Luke and I said, let's get a scissor lift over to the house. Can you do that? And he goes, yeah, it'll be cool. Saturday morning shows up. Scissor lifted like £4,000. I didn't know that. That makes sense. When you see them, they've got to be heavy, right? And these little baby wheels on them, and they're real low to the ground.

[Brady]

Motor it up there.

[John Holmberg]

So, yeah. So we get it out of the. I drive it off the. The back of the thing, which was really cool. Driving the scissor lift, cross driveway, get it up to this little area. I have this little parking spot with some steel parking lines on it. Scissor lift struggles a little bit to get over that. So we as men, like, well, we'll just take my jeep, drive it into the backyard, and we'll winch this thing in because it's gonna. It's. It's so heavy. It's having trouble getting over the little bumps and going up a hill. All right, get the winch out, tie it up. Luke hops in the thing starts to drive it forward a little bit. I start working the winch, and we're tugging them in there. It's working out. Those little tires are spinning on that thing. It's heavy. Then we hit the grass. We buried that thing in my backyard about a foot into the earth. It's still there. We can't get it out because the grass is soft.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So we started up. So we winched it in, and as it's rolling, so we went over to get some, you know, some wood, some two by sixes, put it under those tires and dig it out, dug a bigger hole, made wood stick to the ground. So now there's wood and scissor lift stuck in my ground. It's pretty awesome. And we're gonna have to work on that. So it's still there? Yeah, I turn the sprinklers off and everything. Troy and Michael must love seeing. Well, no, it's in the backyard. It's lifted.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, okay. All right.

[John Holmberg]

You can't see it unless you know it's there. But yeah. So I got the jeep in the backyard. I got a full on hillbilly situation. I'm thinking maybe I will I decorate it for Christmas. Get. I can lift it up and down. And Luke's like, sorry, that didn't work out. And I'm like, you know, with me involved in something handy and manly like this, it's no surprise it didn't work out. But you, you should be ashamed of yourself. You should really. Luke should be very upset with himself. But on Saturday, we're going to work on that. Get it back in there and get those lights.

[Brady]

Get a cherry picker in there.

[John Holmberg]

Well. Well, that's what I actually initially said. I want a cherry picker. And he sent me a picture of a thing that lifts engines. They're not called cherry pickers. So he said, you want a scissor lift? And then he had another thing. It's some arm thing that kind of reaches out. Those are. Those are like £7,000. The ones you and I think are called cherry pickers. Evidently aren't. Because the cherry picker is what you guys pull an engine out.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So I said, I need a chair. I text him, I said, I need a cherry picker. And he goes, for what? Some putting lights up. And he sent me a picture of it. And he goes, this. I'm like, well, no, that's to pull out. That's like for. That's for grease monkeys. That. What? What are you talking about? I need lights. And he goes, this is a cherry picker. What are you talking about? I said, I don't know. And he was a scissor lift. I'm like, there you go. And I actually said, what are the things dudes used to work on power poles. And you have that other bucket. I don't know. He's got a different name now. You can't call it a cherry picker, but cherry pickers, when you order them, it'll show up for an engine lift. So don't ever order a fire truck.

[Brady]

Over there with the extension ladder.

[John Holmberg]

So the thing about what? Yeah, and you know what? I was thinking, actually, fire truck wouldn't be a bad idea because they've got the big ladder. The. Because. Yeah, I considered that and I said, well, we need one of those, the reason that a scissor lift works better than the thing you and I are thinking about, that just jets out into that little bucket. Those are. Those are like 7 or 8,000 pounds.

[Brady]

Boom lift.

[John Holmberg]

Apparently you guys are thinking, yes, Boom lift. And that boom lift would sink into the. Into my grass. So we thought we'd just cruise right across. But he didn't realize. He goes, I didn't know your grass was this. I'm like, yeah, it's super soft. It's the only spot in my whole backyard. I've got grass. I turfed everything else. It's the only spot I've got. And is this what's in your backyard then? Yep.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

And it's. Look how low it is. Oh, so. So it's about halfway into the ground, down the tires and into the so and digging out a 3,500pound machine from dirt. Not good. So we got a. And then I had to struggle to get the jeep around it to get the jeep out of the backyard. And then we're going to try to winch it out and then drive it in a new spot. You need some big wheels. Well, I've seen those, but those are like, unnecessarily. Those are $61,000.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's a bucket with a accordion on it. And I understand it has to be sturdy and stuff, but I think they've overdone it. £4,000 is. That's too much. Anyway, we didn't get any plywood, so now we got to do that. So, Brett, you'd be proud of me. My backyard looks like a. Like a cool guy's. You're a car guy now. Nice. They got a broken down. Doesn't run scissor lifts in my backyard.

[Brett Vesely]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

A boom lift is 130 grand. That's what I need right there.

[Brady]

Put it in the baske.

[John Holmberg]

But evidently those. Yeah, Click on that. Add to cart.

[Brett Vesely]

You got a 500 deposit to hold this thing.

[John Holmberg]

We'll get to that in a little bit. Add to cart. I'll Google pay that in a minute. But those things evidently weigh more. And then he said, oh, that would have sunk right into the grass. I'm like, right. So now I got to figure out a way to get this piece of machinery out of the grass. It's Luke's fault, if you ask me. He had too much faith in 50% of the ability of the people that were doing the work. All I wanted to do was stand in the bucket. I had a dream that it was like 25 minutes of my day. Mike show up at 10:30. I got a lunch at 1. You had a dream. I did. I did. I had a full. I had a dream.

[Brett Vesely]

We heard about that.

[John Holmberg]

It didn't work out for him either.

[Brady]

Nope.

[Unidentified Male Caller]

One day, a sizzle if would be stuck in my backyard in the mud, and we wouldn't know what to do.

[John Holmberg]

I had a dream. All I thought was 10:30, Luke shows up. We drive this thing in there, zip it up there, pound the pole into the top because it's just one more piece. Move the lights up, tighten those up, do the second pole. He's out. I got an hour's worth of work, max. About 45 minutes into it being stuck in the ground, and we're on our way to Ace Hardware to buy two by sixes. I'm like, this isn't going to work out. I'm not going to get out by one, am I? And looks like we'll figure it out. I'm like, that's bad. That's like, that's a bad phrase to hear from the guy who knows what he's doing. We'll figure it out is never good. But yesterday at the. Everybody's looking like, what? Tripp's like, what are you doing? What are you talking about? Why is there heavy equipment stuck in your yard? What do you write in the book? Anyway, thanks to Icon Equipment, Luke and I had quite a time. It was fun. Now I get to use my winch again. The thing was like, I had the jeep all the way across the basketball court, and it was in some rocks. And when I winched into the thing that was stuck, the jeep was dragging across the thing, and I had to turn the wheels. I'm like, this thing's pulling the full jets. Weighs more than the jeep. I'm like, this is crazy. How deep is that thing? And he goes, it's bottomed out pretty good. I'm like, luke, God damn it, what are we gonna do with this? It can't live here, but, you know, actually put some plywood in there. Makes a nice planter.

[Unidentified Female Caller]

With your lemonade.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You know, you make some lemonade out of this, like a big, nice planter. And you can lift up your plants, like, for all the world to see.

[Brady]

Get them in the sun.

[John Holmberg]

Thinking about, like, making a vine. Yeah. And then as the vine grows, when it touches the ground, I lift the scissor, lift up about 5ft. Vine grows, touches the ground. Next thing you know, I've got 25ft of vines. It'd be the most Impressive thing in the world. Christmas time. Put some lights on it.

[Brady]

Easter. He is risen.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. I'll just stand there as Jesus every. Every morning and rise with the sun. Homebreak's doing that thing again with the. I don't know when. He's crazy. Thought he was a Jew. Anyway.

[Brett Vesely]

Sounds like Dukes of Hazzard over there. Hillbilly stuff going on.

[John Holmberg]

There was some serious hillbilly Saturday morning stuff all my gay neighbors had to look at. Michael's always looking out the window. I don't even think he's got a tv. This. All his entertainment's outside. What is going on over there? Jesus Christ. We've got this massive flatbed just sitting in the middle of the cul de sac. And awesome part of that was that the flatbed folds down with weight. Ever driven something off of that? Dang.

[Brett Vesely]

Put cars on those two.

[John Holmberg]

That was awesome. So you're driving along and then suddenly the bottom falls out like a Disney ride. And I got to drive it off of that in that bucket. You just. And then Luke tells me. He goes, we got one safety harness. And I'm like, are you going up there with me? Yeah. So one of us is not going to be safe.

[Unidentified Female Caller]

And since I own the company, not.

[John Holmberg]

Going to be me. So I may need more heavy equipment to come pull the heavy equipment that's stuck in my grass out. And it's deep.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

There you go. But I changed my windshield wipers a week ago, so I'm still living high on that one. Not handy. Part 2. It is time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report. It's brought to you by our friends at All Pro Shade. AllProChade.com is where you go if you want beautiful shade. You want something to fix that back patio. You want a TV on the back patio. Everybody's doing that. Every house, it seems, has a nice little setup on the back patio with TVs and, you know, a place to hang out. It's like a living room outside. Because we live in paradise. Why wouldn't you? So you can make it even better by putting a beautiful electric motorized awning on the back of your home that makes it look like it's supposed to be there, not like it's just an attachment. Get rid of these silly umbrellas that I got going on and start making things work out the way it's supposed to. All pro shade.com will give you a free heater. If you get a motorized shade for your backyard or front yard, wherever you want to put it right now. And that is a smoking deal. A great Christmas holiday special. John Homburg's morning sickness the 98 KUPD. It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug hopkins.com boy, that team at Doug Hopkins office is amazing. Not only will Doug Hopkins buy your home for cash as is and get that deal done lickety split, his team is unbelievable. So if you've got a place that needs a ton of work, Doug will help you out by making that cash offer as is. Or he'll list your place. If it's already perfect. All you have to do is start the process online@doug hopkins.com or grab the.

[Unidentified Male Caller]

Phone and sing Hopkins 1-800-sale now.

[Larry McFeely]

Hey, it's Larry McFalion. With the holidays here in Arizona, there's nothing like cruising around to check out all those beautiful holiday lights in a brand new Toyota. The Grand Highlander is a great choice. But of course there's always the Camry or Corolla 4Runner and Tacoma.

[Brady]

Tacoma.

[Larry McFeely]

Whatever your choice, Toyota has the perfect ride for your Arizona holiday lifestyle. And here's the really good news. This is the best inventory Valley Toyota dealers have had all year. More colors, trims and choices ready for you right now. Toyota thon is on. Visit your Valley toyota dealer or valleytoyotadealers.com toyota let's go places.

[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness allproche.com Brady reported.

[Brady]

Good Monday morning to you Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

Hello world.

[Brett Vesely]

Hi.

[Brady]

Happy world AIDS Day.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, loving it. If you've got the aids, it's your day.

[Brady]

Couple of basis fun facts.

[John Holmberg]

What does that mean? Shouldn't it be happy? Let's get rid of AIDS day. I guess that's every day. This is a day to celebrate the aids.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Happy AIDS Day. Really? The word happy is called world AIDS day.

[Brady]

But you know, what do you say? I like so unhappy from it.

[John Holmberg]

I've got the aids. Today's my day. Well, happy day AIDS day for you. World AIDS Day. I'm 53 years and oh against the AIDS. Everybody in this room still clear of AIDS?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Then happy AIDS day because we've done it the right way. If you've got AIDS right now. Sorry. Enjoy your day.

[Brady]

A couple of baseless fun facts.

[John Holmberg]

AIDS.

[Brady]

There are about 117 million lakes in the world which cover about 4% of the surface of the earth. Thought it'd be more than that, did you?

[John Holmberg]

It Seems about right.

[Brady]

Lewis Carroll never uses the name Mad Hatter in Alice. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, the character is just called the Hatter and he had a mad tea party. So people started blending the two together.

[John Holmberg]

The Mad Hatter's tea party was just the Hatter's mad tea party. And you know, that proves to me no one's ever read. Just proves to me right now that you can say anything. It was like, that's about right. That's right. And no one's ever corrected because, you know, turtle tortoise guy would correct you if he knew.

[Brady]

For sure.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody's ever read it. You know, I used to go to a restaurant that was an Alice in Wonderland theme. What? Yeah, it was awesome, but the food wasn't very good. That's why it closed. But it was up on. Was that like 7th street in Bethany Home. And it was a couple different places, and then it turned into this thing. But inside there, they always talked about the Mad Hatter. And these people were addicted to Alice in Wonderland, everything about the place. There's playing cards everywhere, and never once did they say, it's not really the Mad Hatter, it's the Hatter. All the people were dressed as characters from the. It was a lot.

[Unidentified Female Caller]

Have to be if you're gonna commit.

[John Holmberg]

It was a full production and you're just sitting there eating fried pickles, going, I think you guys might be overdoing it if you were serving something different.

[Unidentified Female Caller]

By the way, we've been.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I've got a few times. Trust me. Our old buddy Drew Hutchinson goes call a pro next time he's got his jeep tied to one of these things. It's perfect. I need that thing. What's that? A lift bucket. Oh, it's failing, though. This is one of. I don't want to watch this. Well, this is why everybody. No, no, no. It just tosses. This guy, he just throwing around like pancakes. No, these are a bunch of aerial boom lift fails. I don't want to watch this. That's why people are sending it.

[Unidentified Female Caller]

This is what's gonna happen to you. Don't get to boom lift. They're saying, oh, my God. That's why you have your safety.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus Christmas. That dude's back is shattered. There's two guys just hanging out of it. No, no, no.

[Brady]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

That's what we were doing. The things driving across these plywood. And that's exactly what happened. It started to just smash the two by sixes and shoot them around the backyard. Okay, turn that off. That's horrifying.

[Brady]

You could last about 15 seconds in space without a spacesuit and a helmet before you'd go unconscious. But you could stay alive for up to three minutes.

[John Holmberg]

Prove it.

[Brady]

Do it.

[John Holmberg]

Let's do it. Says who? I like the idea that you just blow up immediately like in that movie with George Clooney.

[Unidentified Female Caller]

You just become missed right at the.

[John Holmberg]

End of it when he's just in that suit. It's just that guy inside there, his explodes.

[Brady]

We have a little fallout on Thanksgiving. A 21 year old guy in Illinois is facing charges after he got into a heated argument on Thanksgiving and ended the fight by torching his house. The dudes house was in Beach Park, Illinois. He's 21 years old, Eric crumps his name and he's still living at home. He'd been antagonizing and arguing the other people at dinner.

[John Holmberg]

So he burned his parents house down.

[Brady]

Because they're basically notifying him the news of Thanksgiving was. Time for you to move out, son.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he gave him some turkey and a one way ticket.

[Brady]

He was standing on the street with a knife and the cops got there. Luckily no one was hurt. Everyone made it out okay. But he did douse his bedroom with gas and sure lit on fire. Now not only is he not have a place to live, but his family's out of a house too.

[John Holmberg]

For now. They'll be all right. He has a place to live. Jail.

[Brady]

He does have a place to live. His family does not.

[John Holmberg]

I'll tell you this, I would have kicked him out a while ago looking at that mug shot you raised. Crazy.

[Brady]

Someone on Reddit asked what's something that's normal to have one of. But it starts seeming strange if you have two of them.

[John Holmberg]

A wife.

[Brady]

Close. Crazy exes.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, all right.

[Brady]

Spouses who died in strange ways.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, you can't have double death.

[Brady]

Both fell to their death.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's like having. Yeah. No, the second your another spouse dies. No, it doesn't. No, it does not. I mean it happens. But one's a murderer. There you, you can't have two bad luck moments. That's a getting hit by lightning twice in the same day.

[Brady]

Life insurance policies on other people.

[John Holmberg]

Did you ever get one on me you were talking about?

[Brady]

No. Yeah, talked about it. Offshore bank accounts.

[John Holmberg]

It screams you're up.

[Brady]

One's okay.

[John Holmberg]

Two, you're up to something.

[Brady]

And the last one was phones.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you got a couple phones. I know a doctor who has multiple phones. And that's just so he gets like he knows which One is the emergency. You know, when that one ring, it's like having a red phone and a regular phone. When the other one rings, he's got trouble.

[Brett Vesely]

So he's got the bat phone and his.

[John Holmberg]

He's got to keep that one. He always keeps it. He never goes to it. But he's like, if this one rings, I got trouble.

[Brady]

There's a poll that asks people, do you think a four year college degree is worth the money? In 2013, 53% of the people said it's worth the cost.

[John Holmberg]

A college degree.

[Brady]

Yep. Four year college.

[John Holmberg]

I've been saying it hasn't been for 35 years and now people are coming away. In my thinking, 2017.

[Brady]

Drops down to 49.

[John Holmberg]

It should be down around 20% right now.

[Brady]

20, 25 is. Now is 33.

[John Holmberg]

It's still too high because 33 of.

[Brady]

You aren't Doctors say it's not worth it.

[John Holmberg]

Right? But. But you're not Doctors, engineers, even lawyers to a certain degree, probably don't need it as much as they used to because of AI.

[Unidentified Female Caller]

You see the CBS news story on Metallica. All within my hands Organization. They don't believe in college degrees too. They funded like $10 million worth of grants for trade schools.

[John Holmberg]

Specialty in trade schools. That's the future.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Uncle John's been telling you this for 20 years. Everybody scoffed at me when I saw that communications degrees and business degrees were leading the way. And they're still charging people like $12,000 a semester at average schools for a degree that it's just a high school diploma at that point. You would never pay 12 grand for a high school diploma. But when you're getting communications and whatever and there. And it's just a slew of them, you're getting nothing. So you might. And then master's programs like. Well, not now. They're taking more money. Doctors, engineers, teachers, I guess. Although I think they could do specialty school too.

[Brady]

Yeah, if it's a communications degree or something like that and you're paying 60, 80 grand, you're an idiot.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because there's. Everybody can get one. Business, communication. What's the liberal arts? We're wasting your parents money. Doctors and engineers are really the only ones who absolutely need extra school. Everybody else can learn on the fly, especially with AI Especially in communications. Oh, communications. Pointless again. I remind you, Brady's the only one in this room with a college degree and he can barely spell having associates. I have an associates. I have an associates too. And we shouldn't count those. That's the bare Minimum of effort. It doesn't make you like, oh, my God. They make it seem like you're the scarecrow at the end of the wizard of Oz where you're like, he was MC Squad. Like, you don't get anything extra. It's great for networking. That's the biggest thing. You meet a bunch of people and then usually they sprayed out all over the country so you got more people to talk to. But ambition is more important than college.

[Brady]

Putin scientists unveil spy pigeons fitted with implants and cameras that can be controlled. This neurotechnology firm.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't you do this a while ago?

[Brady]

Well, they're experimenting now. They've got their flock of pigeons that are fully operable. So they're. You see the apparatus they have on? They can cover 310 miles a day, 1850 miles a week. Basically, you can fly them like drones because they put a neural link chip.

[John Holmberg]

Into their brain and you, you control them. Yeah, we talked about a while ago that. That was. He was working on it, so he's got it.

[Brady]

They wouldn't say how many pigeons they went through to finally perfect it. But here's what they have. They got a little solar power thing on there. Look at that.

[John Holmberg]

To get a little charging station on their neck.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And now Russia doesn't care about going through bodies to get an answer. They did it to their own people for a long time.

[Brady]

So they're going to use pigeons for certain things. They'll use albatross for overseas stuff because.

[John Holmberg]

They can cover, fly a little longer. So it's just basically like a. A prop plane versus a jet.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Long hauler like the. The albatross is a C130. These little pigeons are.

[Brady]

They've already been training. They, they have their dolphins, their attack dolphins.

[John Holmberg]

We've had that forever.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Day of the Dolphin is a great movie with George C. Scott. They were training dolphins to get minds off of Herb. To magnet bomb boats. John holmberg's Morning Sickness. The 98 KUPD.

[Larry McFeely]

This is Larry McFeely. And if you're trying to feel like the valley's version of Santa Claus this holiday season, then you've got to get behind the wheel of a new Toyota, slide into a Camry or Corolla, and cruise the valley delivering gifts in smooth, quiet comfort. Need more room for those presents. The Grand Highlander has space for the whole sleigh crew. Want to take the scenic snowy route up north. The 4Runner in Tacoma is Santa's favorite for hauling the big stuff. Plus, this is the Best inventory Valley Toyota dealers have had all year. Toyotathon is on. Visit your Valley toyota dealer or valleytoyotadealers.com toyota let's go places.

[Comedy Announcer]

All right. HMS podcast time again. I'll let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. East side Champion Prom in the heart of ASU has Ryan Hamilton and Alice Wetterland performing downtown at Stand Up Live. Luis Alvarez and Dimitri Martin entertain you. And up north, the Desert Ridge Improv has sets from both Jason Salmon and Rachel Feinstein for the complete lineups. And for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com.

[John Holmberg]

And tempeimprov.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness, huh? So the Russians can fly pigeons and spy on us. And you know, if I see a pigeon with a camera on its neck, I'm killing it.

[Brady]

Dive. Dive.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm gonna do the best I can to shoot that. It's not like they're hiding it either. Looks like a little. It looks like an Asian in the 80s.

[Unidentified Female Caller]

Some out of a Pixar movie.

[John Holmberg]

Little Japanese tourist flying around with a camera on his neck. Try do that to the Japanese. No one would suspect the cameras. Then we'll just figure out they've figured out the gift of flight.

[Brady]

And then, you know, it's not just that one. They show they got loads of multiple.

[John Holmberg]

What if they.

[Brady]

Most people are like, it's pigeons. They can go through a couple of those.

[John Holmberg]

We've got plenty. What do we. What are the ground animals that are rats and mice and stuff probably will be next.

[Brady]

Well, they're talking about. I mean, this is years ago. Remember, they're putting cameras on like cockroaches to find buildings that collapsed, people that were trapped underneath there.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they put cameras on dogs and just have them walk around. But they're not like.

[Brady]

Now you get a smaller creature in there to go around.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but they're not controlling their brains. They're just putting a camera on a dog.

[Brady]

Now they can with the pigeon.

[John Holmberg]

Now they can with anything. By the way, Luke from ICON just said, in my defense, your commercials say you've just got turf in your backyard. I didn't expect real grass. That's true. I do have the patch of real grass we had to cut through. Turned out to be the downfall.

[Brady]

They're becoming more and more popular. Nude cruises.

[Unidentified Female Caller]

No, they're not.

[Byron]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we talked about this about two months ago about.

[Brady]

There's one rule.

[John Holmberg]

No jerking, no hard ons. Yeah.

[Brady]

No Erection in public.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. With your clothes on. Really?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Try not to do that.

[Brady]

But I guess you gotta let people know.

[John Holmberg]

I've gotta go. I gotta go. Don't worry about it.

[Brady]

You're gonna have to head to your cab.

[John Holmberg]

Trust me, I've been on a cruise before. The chance of a hard on is slim. Looking at the other cruise people, it's not like you're walking around going, look at all the hot chicks on this.

[Brady]

Couple ladies playing shuffleboard.

[John Holmberg]

No shuffleboard. No bending over like that with an ass that big. Oh, no hard ons. Especially on Carnival cruises. It's gonna be a fried. Especially those Disney cruises. All those kids running around. New Disney cruise. The nude cruise is a terrible cruise.

[Brady]

Operators ask passengers to always sit on a towel if they're naked.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we talked about this a little bit. They're doing it. Come on. Put some goddamn clothes on and enjoy the cruise. Why do you have to have your bush out? Your big, ample old lady bush? No hot young women are going on the nude cruise. It's going to be a bunch of old ladies who are like, I'm comfortable with my body. Worst phrase to hear a woman say ever. That means she's ugly.

[Unidentified Male Caller]

I'm comfortable with who I am.

[John Holmberg]

You know, never says that. Hot chicks, because they don't have to. I'm comfortable with my belly, says a man. And then everyone laughs. A woman says it. It's like, ugh, she's so brave.

[Brady]

I don't have any Brady videos.

[John Holmberg]

What? Emily Ratajkowski has never gone, I'm comfortable in my own skin. We're like, yeah, well, duh.

[Unidentified Female Caller]

Yeah, we've seen it. We like it.

[John Holmberg]

And she'd be one that would walk around naked.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She's so comfortable in her own skin. You ignore the fact she looks a little bit like Mike Shanahan. We just look right past her face. We're doing it with Sydney Sweeney too, because sometimes. Woof. You just want to hand her some bananas and a math test. You're gonna like both of these. Remedial math and free bananas. What do you got? This is not good. Why? Your face is horrible. All right, let's try it out.

[Brett Vesely]

Let's start off easy here.

[John Holmberg]

The official kickoff of the holiday season with Brett and begins today.

[Brett Vesely]

Don't read the top part.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I won't. Oh, boy. Oh, I can't see. It's not on the screen. Okay, you're killing me over here. Thank God.

[Brady]

Hang on.

[John Holmberg]

So far, so good. And keep in mind, on December 12, just 11 short days. The top 10 videos of 2025 will be shown live at Homeburg After Dark. Here we go. All right. I didn't write. No, no, it's all right. We won't say anything about what it's called. There's a guy who's asleep on a bench on a beach and a dude walks over and poops on his face. Okay, that. I didn't.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

He just pooped on the man's face while he slept. He's asleep. Oh, yeah. That is some serious diarrhea on another human being. All right. And we don't know if they knew each other or not. I'm assuming not. It's just a stranger pooping on another one. All right. Happy birthday. There's a lady blowing up birthday candles. Blue flame butthole.

[Brady]

You did.

[John Holmberg]

Parents should be so proud. Classy bra. That is a classy one. All right, that's enough of her. Would you eat that cake, Brady?

[Brady]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

You would.

[Brady]

I think she did. She did Crop dust on top of it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You'd look past that.

[Ranch House Grill Announcer]

Would you?

[John Holmberg]

Take a slice theory.

[Brady]

Yeah. She cleared it, though.

[John Holmberg]

You think it was strong enough that it went over the case.

[Brady]

It went over.

[John Holmberg]

The candles were tall enough. I don't. I won't eat birthday cake anymore because people, if I watch somebody blow out the candles. No way. That is gross. When you see that. That science video of the. What comes out of somebody's mouth when they're blowing out birthday candles. Oh, all right. There's a little geography lesson.

[Brett Vesely]

I guess we'll say.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett Vesely]

Bermuda Triangle.

[Muta Triangle Narrator]

We've all heard the stories that accompany the legendary the Muta Triangle.

[John Holmberg]

This kind of went away shrouded in mystery. This is gonna be a gross cutaway.

[Muta Triangle Narrator]

Wildest conspiracy theories known to man. So how is it that a part of the ocean that isn't even officially recognized as part of the ocean has become so revered?

[John Holmberg]

All right, here we go. Now it's just three Asian girls balled up in a triangle.

[Brady]

I guess.

[John Holmberg]

They're not Asian. They just have dark hair chowing down on each other.

[Brady]

The after party. Trans Siberian.

[John Holmberg]

This is. This is how all the TSO shows end. That's Brett. You missed the finale, man. You're looking early. That's the Bermuda Triangle. That was awesome. I thought it was going to be gross. That was great. Oh, this is as an older woman, probably in her 60s, with a young man. He's got his finger in her mouth simulating some sort of. Oh, she's. She's taking out her teeth. Her top Teeth just came out. She's in her 60s. Yeah. The guy is not pleased with it. Oh, oh, now she's giving him a gummy.

[Unidentified Male Caller]

And he's using his teeth. He's using his teeth to masturbate.

[John Holmberg]

And now.

[Unidentified Male Caller]

Oh, he's putting his teeth on her old lady fart. Oh, God.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's a full set of dentures in a woman.

[Unidentified Male Caller]

Now he's making it like talking. He's putting teeth in there. Oh, geez. How can he focus?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Grandma, stop it. Oh, he's using his teeth to please her.

[Unidentified Male Caller]

Oh, he's putting her teeth in his.

[John Holmberg]

In her butt. Now he's making a little mouth out of it. Oh, my God. He gave her vagina dentures.

[Unidentified Male Caller]

So stupid.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. And then it's the holidays. That lady's got grandkids coming over. Cause, you know she puts.

[Unidentified Male Caller]

Give Grandma a little kiss. I love you kids so much. Have you seen my teeth?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, on the Internet, you bitch. What are you doing with those things?

[Unidentified Male Caller]

Oh, you saw Grandma's movie?

[John Holmberg]

We may have to save that one for the show. Could you imagine? What if we watched that and Toledo's like, oh, my God, that's my grandma.

[Unidentified Male Caller]

Come on, we get Grammy a kiss. I haven't seen you since last Christmas. What have you been up to?

[John Holmberg]

A lot less than you. I've been surfing the web.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah, grandma's on crazy.com.

[John Holmberg]

Gladys. I met her at your house on Thanksgiving last year. Yeah, that's my grandma. The one with the teeth? Yes, that's my grandma.

[Brady]

Bro, isn't that the dude that you.

[John Holmberg]

Brought from work to Thanksgiving in the video with her? Yeah, that's where they met. That's Chris. God damn it. Your grandma's done some stuff.

[Brady]

Soon it's gonna be like People of Walmart.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, we've all done weird stuff, and nowadays everybody videotapes it. So you get the idea that Grandma and Grandpa were up to some things. Every time your grandma.

[Brady]

You think Grandpa's out there with the teeth. Hello?

[John Holmberg]

Hello? Dude, do you think he wasn't? Do you think that when Shirley.

[Brady]

Mike, Grandpa passed away? This is the new boyfriend.

[John Holmberg]

Let me tell you this, Brady. Did your grandma have dentures?

[Brady]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

Nope. Neither of them?

[Brady]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

Did Grandpa?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

No, Nobody did. Okay.

[Brady]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

That's good. It's good. Taking care of their teeth is important. My grandma had dentures. And I guarantee you, as a joke.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Bill made. Bill made the thing have teeth. I guarantee. I guarantee you. Papa, for just a joke, was like. And took him out of that Weird glass of fix a dent, shoved him in there and made a mouth. Guarantee it, John.

[Brett Vesely]

I didn't think I'd be googling vagina dentures this morning, but here we are.

[John Holmberg]

So don't knock a gummy until you try it. I dated a woman years ago who lost her teeth when she was a teenager and she had dentures. She took those things out and was the best thing ever happened to me. Dick Downing. I don't doubt that, but yuck. And how'd she lose her teeth? Meth disease. Improper care. But I guarantee every grandpa. Did your grandpa have Grandma have dentures?

[Brett Vesely]

One side did. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Those were inner bother me.

[Unidentified Male Caller]

There's no question.

[John Holmberg]

Eventually gonna start playing with them. You can do dumb stuff. She's taken already. The first thing guys think is take them out, you get the best. We're already sexualizing dentures. The second we think about them, you're looking down there at that thing and you're looking at those teeth in that glass and then that thing and the teeth. I'm like, what would this look like? With a smile?

[Brady]

Clap them together.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, but they're going in there. And then you turn your head sideways and you made a little mouth. And eventually grandpa drew eyes on her legs, made a little face out of it, maybe even shaved some of that into like a top notch mustache. Make a little Hitler with great teeth. Trip's listening right now going, oh, I hate how right he is. Yeah, there you go, everybody. That is what your grandparents do. In the Brady Report. It's 98 Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. Hey, it's John Holmberg from the morning sickness. When my beloved dog Dutchy started to slow down, I knew in my heart the time was going to come. That's when I reached out to Happy Endings in Home pet euthanasia. Once Dr. Fixler got to my house, he explained every step, answered all the questions, and created a peaceful, loving atmosphere. Right there. We were able to hold Dutchy on her favorite blanket. Happy Endings made it as peaceful and dignified as the moment could be. If your furry companion is getting close to that time, whether it's a dog or a cat, and you want the comfort of home, the compassion of professionals, and the dignity your pet deserves, Call Happy Endings. Visit online Happy Endings euthanasia.com because every pet's life should have a happy ending.

[Brady]

Come on down to the Ranch House Grill.

[Brett Vesely]

Comfort food is your next meal.

[John Holmberg]

Pork chili verde, chicken fried steak.

[Comedy Announcer]

Ranch House knows you'll think it's great.

[Ranch House Grill Announcer]

Are you ready for the best breakfast in Phoenix Ranch. The Ranchoft's Grill has been voted best breakfast four years in a row. We're famous for our chicken fried steak, pork chili verde and large portions. Located in the heart of Arcadia. Join us for breakfast or lunch seven days a week, 6am to 2pm We're a family restaurant with a small town atmosphere serving Southwestern comfort food for 18 years. Come on down to the Ranch House Grill for the best breakfast in Phoenix at 56th street and Thomas Road.