Holmberg’s Morning Sickness - Arizona

12-01-25 - FULL SHOW (Monday, Dec 1, 2025)

Hosted by John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, and Dick Toledo

Episode Overview

This episode of “Holmberg’s Morning Sickness,” Arizona’s #1 morning radio show on 98 KUPD, dives into the post-Thanksgiving blues, football heartbreak, bizarre family revelations, the latest anti-aging fad, and the deeply inappropriate yet hilarious banter that has made the show infamous. The crew’s signature style—irreverent, raw, and candid—anchors a wild ride through topics like cursed football franchises, grotesque Thanksgiving secrets, humanity’s arrogance, and...salmon sperm as face cream? Plus, there’s a preview of their local band competition and a smattering of very NSFW listener emails.

Key Discussion Points & Memorable Segments

1. Post-Thanksgiving Catch-Up, Football Misery, and Cardinals Curses

[02:20 - 08:51]

• The gang laments the end of Thanksgiving, with banter about awkward family dynamics, holiday traditions, and football woes.
• John Holmberg vents about the Arizona Cardinals—likening them to a cursed franchise doomed to lose, while expressing rare sympathy for local fans.
  • Quote [04:40]:
    "I've never watched a team who, when they make a mistake, pay for it every time. The Cardinals goof and they pay for it. There are no, like, 'Oops, they got away with that one.' The Cardinals goof and they pay—always."
    – John Holmberg
• The guys laugh about the dreary status of football, the shifting NFL landscape, and pitiful divisions.

2. Thanksgiving Disasters: The Wildest Family Email Ever

[09:16 - 13:20]

• John reads a staggering listener email about a Thanksgiving revelation:
  • A family secretly covered up a murder-suicide by the grandparents, fabricating news articles and legal documents for the kids for over 20 years—before dropping it all at the Thanksgiving table, plus announcing a divorce.
  • Quote [10:53]:
    "We were sort of in on the murder of your grandparents, and we're getting divorced for it."
    – John reading Ramon's email
• The hosts speculate about family secrets, Mormon tendencies to avoid reality, and the emotional toll of such revelations.
  • Quote [13:20]:
    "You thought cousin Johnny coming out was rough at Thanksgiving—try double suicides and faked news stories."
    – John Holmberg

3. Football, Sports Gossip, and Post-Holiday Miscellany

[13:26 - 21:27]

• Recaps of friends' own holiday dramas, including divorces and the pain of sports fandom.
• The group drops in on ASU, the Cardinals, and the Suns—and the increased attention on local sports figures dealing with injuries and fame.

4. The Salmon Sperm Skincare Deep-Dive

[24:52 - 44:58]

• The conversation lurches into the outlandish: a discussion of a new anti-aging product using salmon sperm.
• Hilarious (and explicit) deconstruction of the logistics, ethics, and human arrogance behind "milking" salmon for cosmetics.
  • Quote [26:11]:
    "That would be a great job, though. 'What do you do for a living?' 'I jerk off salmon.' Well, you know—they're really easy and they're going upstream! Me and the bears go out there... the bears eat them, I beat them off!"
    – John Holmberg
• The crew riffs on the bizarre image of men milking salmon, the questionable benefits, and draws comparisons to other animal-based products.
  • Quote [29:32]:
    "Somebody did this as a perv move. There's no reason to beat off a salmon. I'll speak for all mankind: there's no reason to have ever done that once!"
    – John Holmberg

5. Human Arrogance & The Cycle of Animal Experimentation

[30:27 - 41:38]

• Comedic tangents on humans playing God: experiments on animals, possible bestiality roots, and the eventual return of karma through alien abduction fantasies.
  • Quote [33:12]:
    "I'm praying for that. I hope 3-Eyed Atlas is actually aliens, because then humans will get a taste of their own stupid medicine. But on the flip side, no more wrinkles! Thanks, salmon."
    – John Holmberg
• The show’s gross-out humor peaks with comparisons of hand jobs to unexpected animal encounters and awkward hypotheticals.

6. Listener Emails & Family Dynamics

[47:46 - 54:38]

• The crew reads more emails—ranging from jokes about necrophilia and criminal acts to support for wild family stories.
• Listeners from Alaska confirm the practice of "milking" salmon in schools, confirming the hosts’ suspicions.

7. Local Band Competition Update & Music Banter

[67:10 - 73:32]

• The team updates listeners on the upcoming Playdio Finals—debating which bands will show up, with playful jabs at musicians and the challenge of wrangling AI entries.
• The classic bass-player mockery is strong, referencing the ease of replacing a bassist and jokes about bass solos dispersing crowds.
  • Quote [71:44]:
    "The joke bass players hate the most: the fastest way to disperse a large crowd is to have bass players go out and play solos. People leave immediately."
    – John Holmberg

8. Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and Consumer Madness

[74:21 - 80:41]

• The hosts break down the madness of Black Friday shopping, increasingly meaningless “deals,” and the phenomenon of camping at Bass Pro Shops for $500 gift cards.
• More fishing talk, including technological advances in lures that sedate fish—prompting more rants about "cheating" in outdoor sports.

9. Brady’s News & Baseless Fun Facts

[105:15 - 109:01]

• Brady shares “baseless fun facts,” from the number of lakes in the world to Alice in Wonderland trivia and morbid “what it takes to die in space” stats.
• Light-hearted ribbing shines through as Holmberg dismisses everyone’s reading of ‘Alice’ and questions random space-fact origins.

10. Listener Dilemmas in ‘What Would Brady Do?’

[134:46 - 153:38]

• The segment delivers on awkward life scenarios and questionable advice:
  • A man learns his best friend of 26 years is bisexual—and wonders if he should feel betrayed they never came out to him before.
    • Quote [139:08]:
      "Hand jobs change friendships."
      – John Holmberg
  • Another listener struggles with his disgusting, overbearing father as a houseguest.
  • The herpes hotline: Should you tell an ex you gave them herpes if they think someone else did? The crew says, “Why? What’s the point?”

11. Entertainment Drill & Pop Culture

[158:23 - END]

• Quick hits on Judi Dench’s failing vision, Kim Kardashian’s “holes” in her brain, Mariah Carey’s annual Christmas windfall, and odd celebrity auctions.
• The group marvels (and laughs) at a Reba McEntire song about women dying of AIDS—tying into World AIDS Day.
• Classic closing sign-off: “Hand jobs change friendships,” summing up the morning’s irreverence.

Notable Quotes & Moments (w/ Timestamps)

• The perpetual failure of the Cardinals:
  "You find things to do when your football team is that bad... The Arizona Cardinals are cursed." – John Holmberg [03:10]

• The epic Thanksgiving family reveal:
  "We've been faking faking it. Nice dinner last night, I thought. But your mom and I hate each other now because of the murder. Oh yeah, you need to know about the murder too." – John Holmberg reading from Ramon’s email [12:10]

• Salmon Sperm Skincare:
  "Why are we beating salmon off and checking it out? Some perv move. There’s no reason to beat off a salmon." – John Holmberg [29:25]

• Fish hand jobs as meta-commentary:
  "Can you imagine, if 3-Eyed Atlas shows up and starts dragging our asses under water, choking us, and jerking us off because we're smaller... Humans will get a taste of their own medicine." – John Holmberg [33:00]

• Band contest bass player joke:
  "You can replace a bass player with 24 hours notice and nobody cares. Bass solos: the fastest way to disperse a crowd." – John Holmberg [71:44]

• On best friends coming out as bi:
  "Hand jobs change friendships." – John Holmberg [139:34]

• On not letting parents stay too long:
  "House guests are like fish—after three days, they stink." – John Holmberg [153:33]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Football Grief, Cardinals Rant: 02:20 – 08:51
• Thanksgiving Email (murder revelation): 09:16 – 13:20
• Salmon Sperm Skincare Riff (hilarity): 24:52 – 44:58
• Band Competition Update: 67:10 – 73:32
• Black Friday/Cyber Monday Madness: 74:21 – 80:41
• Audience Emails/Family Dynamics: 47:46 – 54:38
• What Would Brady Do? (Life Dilemmas): 134:46 – 153:38

Listener Experience

This episode is classic “Morning Sickness”: riotous, off-the-wall, full of dark Arizona-hued humor and brutal honesty. It’s not for the faint of heart, but fans of the show will love the blend of sports agony, gross family stories, and surreal riffs on the most unexpected topics. While not deep on celebrity interviews or news, it’s a strong showcase of why the show is consistently Arizona’s top morning program—unfiltered, fearless, and hilarious.

For the curious or squeamish:

• If you’re wondering how an hour-long riff about “milking salmon” could be both a metaphor for human folly and an actual skincare trend—you’ll never look at anti-aging creams the same way again.
• For recurring listeners, you’ll catch plenty of in-jokes, long-running themes, and unprintable one-liners to keep you entertained (and possibly disturbed) through your morning commute.