12-01-25 - FULL SHOW - MONDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

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Holmberg’s Morning Sickness - Arizona

12-01-25 - FULL SHOW (Monday, Dec 1, 2025)

Hosted by John Holmberg with Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, and Dick Toledo

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Episode Overview

This episode of “Holmberg’s Morning Sickness,” Arizona’s #1 morning radio show on 98 KUPD, dives into the post-Thanksgiving blues, football heartbreak, bizarre family revelations, the latest anti-aging fad, and the deeply inappropriate yet hilarious banter that has made the show infamous. The crew’s signature style—irreverent, raw, and candid—anchors a wild ride through topics like cursed football franchises, grotesque Thanksgiving secrets, humanity’s arrogance, and...salmon sperm as face cream? Plus, there’s a preview of their local band competition and a smattering of very NSFW listener emails.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Segments

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1. Post-Thanksgiving Catch-Up, Football Misery, and Cardinals Curses

[02:20 - 08:51]

• The gang laments the end of Thanksgiving, with banter about awkward family dynamics, holiday traditions, and football woes.
• John Holmberg vents about the Arizona Cardinals—likening them to a cursed franchise doomed to lose, while expressing rare sympathy for local fans.
  • Quote [04:40]:
    "I've never watched a team who, when they make a mistake, pay for it every time. The Cardinals goof and they pay for it. There are no, like, 'Oops, they got away with that one.' The Cardinals goof and they pay—always."
    – John Holmberg
• The guys laugh about the dreary status of football, the shifting NFL landscape, and pitiful divisions.

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2. Thanksgiving Disasters: The Wildest Family Email Ever

[09:16 - 13:20]

• John reads a staggering listener email about a Thanksgiving revelation:
  • A family secretly covered up a murder-suicide by the grandparents, fabricating news articles and legal documents for the kids for over 20 years—before dropping it all at the Thanksgiving table, plus announcing a divorce.
  • Quote [10:53]:
    "We were sort of in on the murder of your grandparents, and we're getting divorced for it."
    – John reading Ramon's email
• The hosts speculate about family secrets, Mormon tendencies to avoid reality, and the emotional toll of such revelations.
  • Quote [13:20]:
    "You thought cousin Johnny coming out was rough at Thanksgiving—try double suicides and faked news stories."
    – John Holmberg

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3. Football, Sports Gossip, and Post-Holiday Miscellany

[13:26 - 21:27]

• Recaps of friends' own holiday dramas, including divorces and the pain of sports fandom.
• The group drops in on ASU, the Cardinals, and the Suns—and the increased attention on local sports figures dealing with injuries and fame.

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4. The Salmon Sperm Skincare Deep-Dive

[24:52 - 44:58]

• The conversation lurches into the outlandish: a discussion of a new anti-aging product using salmon sperm.
• Hilarious (and explicit) deconstruction of the logistics, ethics, and human arrogance behind "milking" salmon for cosmetics.
  • Quote [26:11]:
    "That would be a great job, though. 'What do you do for a living?' 'I jerk off salmon.' Well, you know—they're really easy and they're going upstream! Me and the bears go out there... the bears eat them, I beat them off!"
    – John Holmberg
• The crew riffs on the bizarre image of men milking salmon, the questionable benefits, and draws comparisons to other animal-based products.
  • Quote [29:32]:
    "Somebody did this as a perv move. There's no reason to beat off a salmon. I'll speak for all mankind: there's no reason to have ever done that once!"
    – John Holmberg

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5. Human Arrogance & The Cycle of Animal Experimentation

[30:27 - 41:38]

• Comedic tangents on humans playing God: experiments on animals, possible bestiality roots, and the eventual return of karma through alien abduction fantasies.
  • Quote [33:12]:
    "I'm praying for that. I hope 3-Eyed Atlas is actually aliens, because then humans will get a taste of their own stupid medicine. But on the flip side, no more wrinkles! Thanks, salmon."
    – John Holmberg
• The show’s gross-out humor peaks with comparisons of hand jobs to unexpected animal encounters and awkward hypotheticals.

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6. Listener Emails & Family Dynamics

[47:46 - 54:38]

• The crew reads more emails—ranging from jokes about necrophilia and criminal acts to support for wild family stories.
• Listeners from Alaska confirm the practice of "milking" salmon in schools, confirming the hosts’ suspicions.

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7. Local Band Competition Update & Music Banter

[67:10 - 73:32]

• The team updates listeners on the upcoming Playdio Finals—debating which bands will show up, with playful jabs at musicians and the challenge of wrangling AI entries.
• The classic bass-player mockery is strong, referencing the ease of replacing a bassist and jokes about bass solos dispersing crowds.
  • Quote [71:44]:
    "The joke bass players hate the most: the fastest way to disperse a large crowd is to have bass players go out and play solos. People leave immediately."
    – John Holmberg

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8. Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and Consumer Madness

[74:21 - 80:41]

• The hosts break down the madness of Black Friday shopping, increasingly meaningless “deals,” and the phenomenon of camping at Bass Pro Shops for $500 gift cards.
• More fishing talk, including technological advances in lures that sedate fish—prompting more rants about "cheating" in outdoor sports.

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9. Brady’s News & Baseless Fun Facts

[105:15 - 109:01]

• Brady shares “baseless fun facts,” from the number of lakes in the world to Alice in Wonderland trivia and morbid “what it takes to die in space” stats.
• Light-hearted ribbing shines through as Holmberg dismisses everyone’s reading of ‘Alice’ and questions random space-fact origins.

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10. Listener Dilemmas in ‘What Would Brady Do?’

[134:46 - 153:38]

• The segment delivers on awkward life scenarios and questionable advice:
  • A man learns his best friend of 26 years is bisexual—and wonders if he should feel betrayed they never came out to him before.
    • Quote [139:08]:
      "Hand jobs change friendships."
      – John Holmberg
  • Another listener struggles with his disgusting, overbearing father as a houseguest.
  • The herpes hotline: Should you tell an ex you gave them herpes if they think someone else did? The crew says, “Why? What’s the point?”

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11. Entertainment Drill & Pop Culture

[158:23 - END]

• Quick hits on Judi Dench’s failing vision, Kim Kardashian’s “holes” in her brain, Mariah Carey’s annual Christmas windfall, and odd celebrity auctions.
• The group marvels (and laughs) at a Reba McEntire song about women dying of AIDS—tying into World AIDS Day.
• Classic closing sign-off: “Hand jobs change friendships,” summing up the morning’s irreverence.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (w/ Timestamps)

• The perpetual failure of the Cardinals:
  "You find things to do when your football team is that bad... The Arizona Cardinals are cursed." – John Holmberg [03:10]

• The epic Thanksgiving family reveal:
  "We've been faking faking it. Nice dinner last night, I thought. But your mom and I hate each other now because of the murder. Oh yeah, you need to know about the murder too." – John Holmberg reading from Ramon’s email [12:10]

• Salmon Sperm Skincare:
  "Why are we beating salmon off and checking it out? Some perv move. There’s no reason to beat off a salmon." – John Holmberg [29:25]

• Fish hand jobs as meta-commentary:
  "Can you imagine, if 3-Eyed Atlas shows up and starts dragging our asses under water, choking us, and jerking us off because we're smaller... Humans will get a taste of their own medicine." – John Holmberg [33:00]

• Band contest bass player joke:
  "You can replace a bass player with 24 hours notice and nobody cares. Bass solos: the fastest way to disperse a crowd." – John Holmberg [71:44]

• On best friends coming out as bi:
  "Hand jobs change friendships." – John Holmberg [139:34]

• On not letting parents stay too long:
  "House guests are like fish—after three days, they stink." – John Holmberg [153:33]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Football Grief, Cardinals Rant: 02:20 – 08:51
• Thanksgiving Email (murder revelation): 09:16 – 13:20
• Salmon Sperm Skincare Riff (hilarity): 24:52 – 44:58
• Band Competition Update: 67:10 – 73:32
• Black Friday/Cyber Monday Madness: 74:21 – 80:41
• Audience Emails/Family Dynamics: 47:46 – 54:38
• What Would Brady Do? (Life Dilemmas): 134:46 – 153:38

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Listener Experience

This episode is classic “Morning Sickness”: riotous, off-the-wall, full of dark Arizona-hued humor and brutal honesty. It’s not for the faint of heart, but fans of the show will love the blend of sports agony, gross family stories, and surreal riffs on the most unexpected topics. While not deep on celebrity interviews or news, it’s a strong showcase of why the show is consistently Arizona’s top morning program—unfiltered, fearless, and hilarious.

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For the curious or squeamish:

• If you’re wondering how an hour-long riff about “milking salmon” could be both a metaphor for human folly and an actual skincare trend—you’ll never look at anti-aging creams the same way again.
• For recurring listeners, you’ll catch plenty of in-jokes, long-running themes, and unprintable one-liners to keep you entertained (and possibly disturbed) through your morning commute.

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Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

Easy legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it online. It really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms. It's Brett Vesely from Homewards. Morning Sickness Now I've always been the kind of guy that takes care of my own lawn. That's until I found Divine Design Landscaping. These guys aren't your typical mow and blow landscaping company. They do amazing work, and it's just what I needed to finally throw in the towel and let the experts take over. If you've been unhappy with your landscaping or sick of trying to do it yourself, well, it's time to get a hold of Divine Design Landscaping. These guys handle everything. Lawn care, irrigation, tree work, low voltage lighting, 3D designs. Get free [e-mail] that's DivineDesignLawnCare.com it's John.

[John Holmberg]

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[Byron]

What the hell is wrong with you?

[John Holmberg]

Even the music wanted to stop. It started itself over. It is the morning sickness. It's 5:45. We're all sad except Brett and Toledo. And Brady.

[Brett Vesely]

What's his name?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, jeez. I've never been part of a football season where your team is in the worst division and they look worse than everybody in it somehow. And still in first place. That's how bad the division is. Yuck. Awful. But you know, you can move on. Football season ends for a lot of people in December and mine's over. So we just played basketball yesterday at the house while the game was pretty much, we'll just go play some ball. We watched every play, but, you know, you find things to do, it's gonna stink.

[Brett Vesely]

Is it all around for you or are you blaming Aaron? You blame.

[John Holmberg]

The whole thing's a mess, a catastrophe. And the whole staff's going, the Steelers are done. It's toast. I did watch. I've not sat and watched a Cardinals game. Usually I'm just checking in, checking out. I pay attention. I'm not. And I sat. I don't like to watch. I don't think I've sat through another full football game outside of my Steelers all year. I just gauge in, in and out here and there. But I was watching the Cardinals. I realized something about them. My friend said this to me, too, after, because I was kind of asking a Cardinal fan if you took out clips from aside from the uniform every year other than Kurt Warner and Carson Palmer, and I told you that's the current team, you wouldn't. You'd be like, yeah, that's probably about right. If I took this Jacoby Brissette led team and you didn't know the names of the players, and I said, here they are in 1999, you'd be like, yeah, that's them. And then in 2002, you'd be like, okay, you take that team and you plug it into today and you don't know the names. You'd be like, is that this? It's the same thing every year. Nothing remarkable, nothing stands out. No one is aside from the Warner. And it's the same product every single year with, you know, just different faces. They, they are remarkably consistent at what they do, aside for their little blips when they were okay. It's so weird. Yesterday I'm watching and I realized that the Arizona Cardinals are cursed because they can play really well. There may be the only team in the NFL I watch that if they make a mistake, they pay for it. There are no, like, oops, boy, they got away with that one. The Cardinals goof and they pay for it. A ball gets tipped, it gets picked off, they fumble, it bounces right into the other team's hands. There is no, like, all the Cardinals got lucky there. I don't think. I don't know what the Bidwells did. They have. They. Their deal with the Devil was that you can just have a team. You won't ever win anything, but you're just going to be the owners of a team, be billionaires, because this is a cursed franchise. There were so many plays where it's like, well, that one was one of kind of a goof there. That ball got. He forced that when it got tipped. And dudes are making remarkable interceptions against, like, the ball hangs an extra second for them. It was horrible. I felt, I felt sad for the first time ever for Cardinal fans. I'm like, I've not watched you for a little bit. Some of it's undeserved. And again, another close game that they didn't win, that you walk away going, well, if it wasn't for this and it wasn't for that, they don't get any breaks. There were not no breaks at all. Somebody holds on a.

[Byron]

It's tough because it's not, it's not that far away from being there.

[John Holmberg]

They're Razor's edge. They're Razor's edge, but then they'll get that, oh, third and 15 and they get a first down, but holding. They get caught on every, every crucial moment. They don't have a moment where like, man, the Cardinals really stole that. Well, they don't get away with anything. And I have not paid enough attention to them to see anything. Otherwise it was crazy. Jacoby Brissette starts off five for five throws. One pass that's a little bit questionable. It gets tipped, picked off. I'm like, you were down on the, on the five yard line. You were at, how did this happen to you? And then, you know, it wasn't even like they were getting blasted off the field. It's just every chance that the game has to lean against them, they do. And so, Cardinal fans, I felt your painful, but even though I don't care about your team, I felt your pain for a little bit just going, my God, when will this. When will this kid get a chance to just go, you know, wipe his forehead and the sweat goes off his brow and go, we got away with that one. They don't ever get away with it, ever. And you've watched teams like the Chiefs and the Patriots and just tons of teams over the years just like, wow, that ball bounces their way all the time. It's got to be frustrating. And again, I implore you to not be fans of that team anymore. Just pick something new. I don't see it changing at all.

[Brett Vesely]

Become rising fans.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, go do that. Become a Bears fan. Brett's got something. He can be happy in December for the first time in.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know myself.

[John Holmberg]

They won on Thanksgiving. Unreal that they did what they did.

[Brett Vesely]

That was the Eagles.

[John Holmberg]

I was the Eagles who were reeling. Yeah, Brady said it off the air. But the NFL playoffs are going to be like, who's this? Who's that?

[Brett Vesely]

What are they doing here?

[John Holmberg]

Why are they there? Or the culture playing who? The Broncos. Why are the Patriots back in. And I thought they were batting it. Nope, nope.

[Byron]

And you open it up with the one that's not tasting much of that is the Cardinals.

[John Holmberg]

No, they'll never feel it.

[Byron]

All these other teams are out of nowhere.

[John Holmberg]

All these. Yeah. All these other beating. Yeah, it's the Panthers. It's this weird thing. The Panthers are playing really good. Like, you never. Like all the teams that have sucked for the last few years except the Cardinals and the Browns are the Jags, the Texans. Like, everybody's kind of like, yeah, we're good now. Like, we. We just switched power and who's coming. It's like, Cardinals. Like, we like it down here. We're going to stay. We're stay suck for a few more years down here while everybody else who we've been sucking with gets better.

[Brett Vesely]

When you're good at something. I guess that's true.

[John Holmberg]

You know, they are good at it, but I actually felt bad for them. And Steve. Steve Millenus just emailed and says, I blame Ron Wolfley. He played for them and broadcast it. Well, he doesn't do that anymore. Now it's AQ Shipley. He's not even. Ron's not doing the game, so you can't blame him. Either. Same product every single year, save for the Carson Palmer, Kurt Warner years. I mean, literally, you could plug in any season and just say that's the exact same thing that's going on. So football. December. Football. Here we are. It's December already, if you can believe it. Thanksgiving comes and goes. Everybody was good. Your. Your hobo party went well?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody's. No fights, 20 and change.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's good. You didn't have anybody over, so there was no fights.

[Byron]

Thanksgiving in five years.

[John Holmberg]

It's been a long time to just sit and have nobody come by. Did you feel obligated to walk down the road?

[Byron]

Saturday's event was the biggest thing that five years.

[John Holmberg]

Ohio State and Michigan you had. Yeah, yeah. You got. You got your win against Bungles. Win Bungles again. Worst they could win the division. It's terrible. Division ridiculous. There's nothing good coming out of that division.

[Brett Vesely]

How's that pot belly sandwich?

[John Holmberg]

Didn't have it. Went steak 44 for dinner. Yeah, yeah, we were, you know, adjustments, but, boy, I missed my potbelly subs. I love the potbelly turkey sub on Thanksgiving. That became my tradition. And there's no milk cleanup. There's no leftovers. You're not a pig all weekend. It's pretty great. So, yeah, Thanksgiving, aces. I got an email from a guy pretty solid about his Thanksgiving, and it says, hey, John. You guys have always joked about the, quote, announcement for Thanksgiving dinners, and I've always laughed about it. Well, I guess it was my family's turn. Here we go. We've all mourned the sudden loss of my grandparents back in 2003 when I was kids. They were both found dead after the holidays. I was a little boy, and I was told it was carbon monoxide poisoning. I just found out that my grandmother was poisoned by my grandfather, who then ate the poison, too. My parents went so far as to make fake legal papers and even showed us news articles they wrote to keep us from ever questioning what happened. So why tell us? Well, my parents decided to let us know also this weekend that they're getting divorced after 38 years of marriage. And they brought it to us on Friday. Why? Well, because my dad knew the poisoning was going to happen, and he told my mom back in June of this year that he could have stopped it. She couldn't take that news because she lost her parents. Knowing my dad was aware of what was being planned and also was revealed my grandfather lost a lot of money gambling, and my dad and mom weren't helping them financially. They told Them to sell their house. And that was the catalyst for the suicide. Happy Thanksgiving. Go Bears. Ramon. Wow. Wow.

[Byron]

There's a lot of layers in there.

[John Holmberg]

A couple layers in that. So the breakdown, basically, hey, grandpa's gambled away a ton of money. We need some help. They're like, no, you've got a house.

[Byron]

To sell and I need you to hold a secret.

[John Holmberg]

They threw a little tough love at him. Said, I've got a house to sell, and if you sell that house and you know you'll have some money and you, you downplay everything here and you get into your spot and then stop gambling, we'll get you help for that. And grandpa said, yeah, okay, we'll do that. Went home, killed grandma, killed himself. And then they had to lie about it to the kids to protect them for years. 20, 25 rolls along, maybe you're 22 years later. Kids, there's something dad and I have to tell you. We were sort of in on the murder of your grandparents, and we're getting divorced for it.

[Byron]

Well, he had to let her know in June.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, by the way, I just want to let you know, I knew your dad was going to do that. And you still didn't help him with money. Come on. No. Why would I do that?

[Byron]

Stop a moving train?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I told him to sell the house and he chose not to. He chose a different route. You son of a bitch. You could have saved my parents. Yeah, but, you know, we both agreed to tough love this thing and anyway, sorry about that. I held this secret for a while, and now they're getting divorced over it. And that's how he said that happened on Friday. So they all had dinner Thursday.

[Byron]

It probably came about because they're. Little fight going on. And she accused him. You can't hold the truth on anything. You can't keep a secret.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, well, she didn't know about it. He. Well back in June, saying she's accusing him of.

[Byron]

You can't, by the way. Let me tell you something.

[John Holmberg]

Think of the time since June she's been thinking about leaving this guy for the news he breaks to her about having. You know, I could have been a little bit better about that whole suicide with your parents. Sorry about that. It's been eating me up. And they go all the way, like, we'll tell the kids on Thanksgiving. That had to eat them up for months on end that they're like, all right, we'll just break it to them and don't do it the night of. Let everybody enjoy a meal. Friday, we'll sit everybody down and say, by the way, we've been faking faking it. Nice dinner last night, I thought. But your mom and I hate each other now because of the murder. Oh yeah, you need to know about the murder too. There was a murder? You guys don't remember your grandparents? Oh, I love them so much. Somebody had to bring up grandma and grandpa on Thursday. And then the side eyes between the future divorcees looking at each other going, we got to do this tomorrow. And this one's for Pop Pop and mama. We miss them all so much.

[Brett Vesely]

And you thought cousin Johnny that was coming out during Thanksgiving was rough.

[John Holmberg]

The gay things are nothing compared to ag. Grandma and grandpa knocked each other down 22 years faking faking news stories. So if you're a kid and that's the all you got to think to yourself is, all right, what else did they lie about? Because if your parent. I'm telling you this right now. If your parents went to lengths of making fake news stories to convince you Grandma and grandpa didn't kill themselves, I'm one. Ramon, are you Mormons? That's a question I have to ask. Mormons are a spectacular group of people that make stories up to not have to deal with reality. Then they know it too. It's in the. It's in the. The play the Book of Mormon, stuff it in a box and forget about it forever. And their job is to not be emotional about terrible things and just make up a story and go with it. Are you Mormons? Ramon, email me back because this sounds like strong Mormon behavior that just boils up and then 22 years later explodes all over the dinner table. What a horrible Thanksgiving. That had to be Saturday.

[Byron]

One of the guys that came over for the high state game, his wife basically said, two days before you win, they're going through a divorce. She goes, you win, I'm moving out of the house. The house is yours.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, good for him. Nice job.

[Byron]

So checking in and out throughout the game. He's checking his phone and the cameras are in there.

[John Holmberg]

House is on fire.

[Byron]

No, the parents are helping her move all this stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Nice. Well, that's a beautiful.

[Byron]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's better than murdering her, I guess. Other guy would have come up with.

[Byron]

That solution, you know, she gets half his pension.

[John Holmberg]

But you have a nice little aside there pretty. She has a place to appreciate that. The guy got his house and she's moving his stuff out. But her parents are still alive, so they're not that old. Right.

[Byron]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

So pension's a Few years off, maybe. I don't know. This is. That's a nice thing. The man sort of won. He got a house.

[Byron]

He did.

[John Holmberg]

Good for him. He bad to buy it from her. There's no need. She didn't walk away. She got a nice check for that, but still. And he's over at your place.

[Byron]

Watch the game.

[John Holmberg]

He sounds fun. It sounds like he's having a real fun. Let me just check my phone again. That bitch moving out all my stuff? Yep, she's still in there.

[Byron]

There goes the couch.

[John Holmberg]

And there's her mother. I hated her for the last 30 years. That's over. You don't just divorce your wife. You divorce the whole family every once in a while.

[Byron]

We bought that together.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no one was murdered.

[Byron]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

But the big announcement at Ramon's family murder, and that's a first. Usually it's gay mom and dad getting divorced. That's political or whatever. Exactly. Trump and everything else. And, yeah, this one is a. Just a new one for me, even. And I'm proud of you, Ramon. I think you and your Mormon fam. I'm going Mormon strong on this one. There's no way. You don't. You don't fake news reports. You don't put legal documents together just to keep the kids on a different trail so they don't ever look it up. That's a. That's a brilliant family saying. All right. We have to make them never question this. How do we do it? Looks like we're gonna have to start a fake website. Yeah, that's probably a good idea. That's a really good idea. Yeah, that's smart. I like that. You're a great liar, honey.

[Byron]

You are, too.

[John Holmberg]

Bless you. Bless you. Moroni approves of all of our lying. That way, the kids will never have to deal with this emotionally. That's tough. I know for a fact that it screwed up my family dynamic. Not us immediately, but my dad and his family. When it was starting to get out there that my grandpa killed his dad in a barn fire. And that was sort of a. Did he do it? And then it's just strange because there's three different. If you Google search my grandfather, great grandfather, his death was spectacularly misrepresented. One said it was cancer, one died in a fire. And then one just said he died of natural causes in his home. Like, there's stories about it like, what in the hell? How do you miss this one? It's like, well, he died a natural, but he was burned up, wasn't he? I don't know. Where was the boy? Nobody knows. No, we asked. We. We had no questions. We just found the body, and we assumed some stuff, and we moved on.

[Brett Vesely]

We could get their story together.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, you know, and there's a. Yeah, good chance that my grandpa killed my great grandpa when he was, like, what, 12? And on purpose. Not like an accident. Some say it might have been an accident. They lit the barn on fire to cover up his tracks. Yeah, but you go back and you see the obituary, and, you know, you controlled your own obituary back then. It was, like, natural causes. We don't talk. We don't talk about the boy killing him. We don't. There wasn't even. Horrible accident, natural causes. He drank a lot, and it probably had something going on inside of him. So enough of that. He's good. And my grandpa's like, I killed him. But the rumor started and spontaneously combusted. Yeah, well, they didn't ever say fire, although he was found in the barn on fire, and that was the story. The family knew. All the rest of the city had no clue that the barn just burned down. Happened to be the same day that guy died. Nobody asked questions. Everybody was just like, yep, that seems about right. Poor family. So keep it up, Ramon. You've got your thing going for you. I'm proud of you. What a crazy, wacky Thanksgiving that was. Now I got to go to. Boy, do I. I got to go to the Suns game that Saturday. I don't know my days right now. Saturday night, Hopkins calls me up, and he goes, camp scatter boots. Here we're golfing, and he can't golf. He just had to go on his little scooter because he's on one leg. I was like. We were hanging out, and we're gonna go to the Suns game night. They're. They're doing this thing. So Cam got the. You know, the. You know, the free throw before the game. He's sitting courtside and all that, so he's in the rah rah room. We're hanging out a little bit, and, boy, people are. They bother. They bother, Cam Scam. The guy can barely walk. He's got crutches. He's got a scooter. He's incredibly gracious about it, but there isn't a soul that didn't want, like, to run up to him and get a picture and whatever. And he took a lot of them. And I asked him, I said, how is this new world for you? And he goes, it's awesome, and it sucks. And he goes, it's incredible, but it's also brutal. And I'm like, I can't imagine, like, you just want to walk from here to there. So we're in the Rah Rah room. I'm hanging at my edge at the bar with Anthony and my friends and stuff like that. And Cam goes by, and I'm like, you come here. We'll kind of shield you. This is our area. And he goes, I got to get a table. I got to sit down. I got to be in a corner. And they just plop them in a corner. And then everybody's just weirdly bothering Camp Scatter. But who, by the way, is never allowed to be the honorary captain of an ASU game ever again because they were horrible. And I. A lot of blame goes his way. I think he could have played in that game and done okay. Compared to what ASU put on the field, that was brutal. But, yeah, he can't be honorary captain that. And then when he came out and was honorary captain of the Suns game, they got trounced by the Nuggets. So camp. Enjoy New York. I think we're done here. I think you can go back and go be a giant. No, he was awesome. He's a good guy. But, man, watching that happen and watching him have, you know, all these people just. Just, you know, he can't walk down a hallway. So can I get a weird photo with you? That just strange. It's.

[Byron]

And you eventually have to say, no.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, eventually. Hey, you got to keep going. But, you know, he didn't. He was great, but, man, I couldn't imagine living a life like that, especially right now when you're just trying to get from A to B. Although I will say that most people were pretty respectful about his space, but once they get in there, man, it is. The kid is. The kid is dealing with it, and he's young. I'm like, it had to be awesome. When did it turn off? When did it start being suck? He goes, it's. It was pretty awesome at first. And then after a while, you're like, oh, I can't go anywhere. Like, I have to. It's gonna be annoying everywhere. Plus, the little scooter makes it real obvious it's him. Like, is that Cam Scatter?

[Brett Vesely]

Boo.

[John Holmberg]

Who? The guy with the busted leg? Yes, that's him. It's guaranteed on the skateboard. That's. That's him. Yeah, yeah, the one on that. Cool. Esque. Man, that looks fun. I don't want to break my leg to get one of Those. But just scooting around on one leg like that. It's sort of neat. I really enjoy that. Then. Anything else that happened over the weekend was just strange. Trump got an MRI and still doesn't know why or where or what. They gave me an mri. What body part? I don't know. I laid down. I took a nap. I heard the clicking and we moved on. Like if you've ever gotten an mri, you know exactly why. It was a perfect. You know exactly why you're getting an mri if you've ever had one. It's never in question why you're in that thing. What am I doing in this tube? Don't worry about it. Okay. Because I really like the tube.

[Brett Vesely]

I like you say so.

[John Holmberg]

Why is it making. Why is it making so much damn noise? It's an mri. For what? Don't. Don't bother yourself. Okay? What? If anyone asks why I'm here? Just tell them you don't know. All right? That makes tons of sense.

[Byron]

He also reminded him he took a cognitive test.

[John Holmberg]

No. He mastered that. Crushed it. Crushed it. Because he. Cognitive. That's easy. Like. God. You're acing it. Sir. I know. Can I do it in the MRI tube? It's a very comfortable. I kind of want to do it in the tube.

[Brett Vesely]

Sounds like a Biden move. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I mean you get 80. 80 year olds getting an MRI, usually they're pretty aware of why. I'm going to check your brain. Sir. Yep. Go ahead. It's there. No. We're not. For a brain. We know. We're gonna check it for stuff. I'm not going to ask any questions. I'm just going to do it.

[Byron]

Unless he's got a special. It's just a room. Just stand here. Idea.

[John Holmberg]

Why no tube? Sir. You don't need. That's enough for me. I don't need any questions. I don't have to look. Why did you get an mri? Was the question. I don't know. They were checking something. What body part? I don't know. You don't know? How do you not know that? But he doesn't. John holmberg's morning sickness. The 98 kupd. Hey. It's Larry McFalion. With the holidays here in Arizona, there's nothing like cruising around to check out all those beautiful holiday lights in a brand new Toyota. The Grand Highlander is a great choice. But of course there's always the Camry or Corolla 4Runner and Tacoma. Whatever. Your choice. Toyota has the perfect ride for your Arizona holiday lifestyle. And here's the really good news. This is the best inventory Valley Toyota dealers have had all year. More colors, trims and choices ready for you right now. Toyotathon is on. Visit your Valley toyota dealer or valleytoyotadealers.com toyota let's go places. All right, HMS podcast time. Time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week. East side Tempe Improv in the heart of ASU has Ryan Hamilton and Alice Wetterland performing downtown at Stand up Live. Luis Alvarez and Dimitri Martin entertain you. And up north, the Desert Ridge Improv has sets from both Jason Salmon and Rachel Feinstein for the complete lineups. And for tickets go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. And that's just the world we live in now. Here we are in December of 2025 and it gets weirder every day. I love it. I think it's just entertaining. It's, you know what, you turn the TV on, you're like, this can't be real.

[Byron]

But it is.

[John Holmberg]

I saw something on the news last night or a news. It was on YouTube. I was in a hole. They have found an anti aging serum and it wasn't an ad, it was a real story.

[Brett Vesely]

Wasn't Cindy Crawford?

[John Holmberg]

No. Ellen, by the way, big fan of Ellen's product. It's very nice, makes your skin feel good. Cindy's was a little oily, meaningful beauty. Feels good on your skin.

[Byron]

A little oily like you replaced.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Well, I saw Ellen and Portia de Rossi talking and I'm like, love her.

[Brett Vesely]

Hater.

[John Holmberg]

Ellen's got nice skin for a 60 year old woman. And Portia de Rossi, that wife of hers, even better. So they start talking about Ellen's new product and I'm like, you know what, let's give that a try. Ugly broads with good skin probably sell a better product. And that's what Ellen is. Porsche, on the other hand, very, very pretty. So like I told, I like theirs. Theirs is a good one. So I like that. I like, you know, skin care is a good thing. And so I'm looking at the, at this story and they have found something and it's like doctors and stuff were like, yeah, it's pretty good. It's, it's salmon sperm. First off, I didn't even know salmon did that. Second, how do you get that? Third, who's the dude who put it on his face, said, this might work.

[Byron]

Why would you ever had to have been underwater clouded?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It had to be a dare. Well, yeah, I don't think they're jerking them off in the water. I think they do, probably. That would be a great job, though. I jerk off salmon well, you know, because they're really easy and they're going upstream. Me and the bears go out there and we try to catch them, and the bears eat them. And I beat them off. But then you get little tiny drops per salmon. I can't imagine they're Peter north salmon. Right?

[Byron]

Just spray the eggs. It's like a cloud.

[John Holmberg]

Have you.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus Christ. Get a hobby. Why? Have you ever seen salmon spray the eggs or something? I didn't expect to ever hear from another man until I was in a nursing home and we couldn't walk away from the conversation. Dan, have you ever seen a man jerk a salmon off? No. I'm gonna go hang myself like that guy and his wife. But yeah, so. But the worst part is there's a dude out there who said, hey, this stuff's pretty cool. Feels good on my hands. Quit it. Just jerk the salmon off. You got one job. I know, but I like it when it touches my fingers. And then he just put a little on his eye bags. Are you putting that on? Todd, are you putting that on your face? Hey, come on, man. It feels nice on my fingers. And then he discovers it's working. I don't have eye bags anymore. My wrinkles are going away. It's because I jerk off salmon. And I used the product. What were they using it for? Before he discovered it.

[Byron]

You don't think a woman discovered it?

[John Holmberg]

No. They're not gonna have the fish. No.

[Brett Vesely]

Through the tube sock like the rest of us.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. When you have. Prepping the fish is a different woman term than jerking off. Salmon. Now that's a man's job. I don't think there's a lot of ladies out there going, if we just.

[Byron]

Get the salmon sperm on the line on the factory.

[John Holmberg]

Where and why was that happening before we found out it's a wrinkle eraser. Why did we have a crew of dudes playing with semen? Salmon. Salmon semen before. And then one of them. It had to be a dare, because I know Brett and I were salmon jerkers. And I'm sitting in the facility, and I looked at him. I'm like, hey, Brett, check it out. And I put it under my eyes, like, oh, come on. Gross. I'm like, I know. It is. And then the next day, Brett's like, you look good. Like, what you been doing? I'm like, I'm salmon sperm. I put that on my face yesterday.

[Byron]

Load.

[John Holmberg]

There's a guy with a cup. How do you get it? I don't know. British. Showing me a picture of a salmon being held in the air, out of the water. Like, you think, like, this is like you being underwater and somebody tugging you and you can't breathe. How do you still.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

I didn't get that far into the story. And I'm still.

[John Holmberg]

Because if you held where we don't belong, with, you know, we can't breathe. We can't. And you still beat me off. You're the best one ever at beating something off. Because I'm like, I can't. I'm drowning. Thank you. Oh, I'm drowning and I'm having an orgasm. The salmon is out there gasping for air. Its life just changed completely. And you still make him. That's impressive.

[Byron]

Probably it went down. Some company had a serum and they're like, you know, it's pretty effective. We noticed that vitamin E is very important. That tiny skin, you know, salmon sperm's loaded with vitamin E again.

[John Holmberg]

Why do we know? Let's try it out then. Why do we know that? Why are we beating salmon off and checking it out? What else is out there?

[Byron]

Because they're milking them for salmon farms, probably.

[John Holmberg]

But they can't just. Salmon won't do that on their own.

[Byron]

Well, they do, and it's a suicide mission, so.

[John Holmberg]

But milking them isn't.

[Byron]

And then you have the salmon farm. They can keep the.

[John Holmberg]

Well in the salmon farm. It's a suicide mission.

[Byron]

They keep them alive.

[John Holmberg]

Well, why wouldn't they? That's my point. At the salmon farm, can't they just dummy up a process and keep them alive? They don't die unless it's in nature. Salmon farm. Seems like you shouldn't have to beat them off. That's a pervert's move right there. The salmon are going to do that no matter what. They don't know they're in a salmon farm. And then you just get a batch.

[Byron]

Of fish from one. They want to keep that out of you now. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody did this as a perv move. There's no reason to beat off a salmon. I'll speak for old mankind. There's no reason to have ever done that once salmon get it done on their own.

[Byron]

Like, a lot of it came from bestiality. The roots.

[John Holmberg]

Here's the other thing that's funny about that. Because you. You were very arrogant as a human with this. You are. Because you think it's normal. Imagine Three Eye Atlas comes here and they just start grabbing you by the top of the head and jerking you off. Oh, God. What's happening? They just. Because that's what we do to salmon. Salmon minding their own business. Next thing you know, they're pulled out of the water. Is this guy beating me off? What the.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

And that has never happened to humans. We don't have that. But we have the arrogance to go, let's do it to them. And we pull fish out of water and beat them off. And we do all sorts of. We tag animals for no reason. I'll just. We have to keep an eye on them. But they'll do it on their own. Yeah, but we're people.

[Byron]

The vanity that humans do.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, no. But they didn't know that. Beat off that salmon and see if it's good for your wife's skin. They've never. That's not why we beat off salmon. Because we're arrogant. We do. We say stupid things like, well, it's a suicide mission. We have to keep them alive. I have to beat that salmon off or it won't do it naturally. And it's gonna do it naturally. It didn't need our help. We're running short on a lot of salmon. Why? I don't know. Some human interference. Right. So in order to keep the species alive, we have to beat them off ourselves. Now you want to beat off the salmon? There's no need to do. There are not as many as there used to be. Maybe it's because you guys pull them out of the water and tug them on the side and they're freaking out when they go back in the water. Yeah. It's not normal.

[Brett Vesely]

Great. John. Just like those gay sheep are gonna have gay salmon come out.

[Byron]

And Sharon.

[Brett Vesely]

The other celebrities are gonna start a movement.

[Byron]

More gay meat.

[John Holmberg]

But the picture Brett showed was one of those rinse cups at the dentist. And the dude's got a salmon in the air, and this thing's firing off a load into that little rinse cup.

[Brett Vesely]

You're talking to Peter north of the salmon right there. Man decorator.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that was. He was decorating the other eggs. There's no reason for this. There's no need other than perversion to beat off a fish at all.

[Brett Vesely]

Salmon going out David Carradine style.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they noosed him up. I hope Three Eye Atlas shows up and just starts dragging our asses up, dunking us in the water and tugging on our puds because we won't know. Why are you doing this? What do you mean? You guys have been doing it to other animals forever. It's inhumane. You drowned me and beat me off at the same time. Why? We're bigger than you, that's why. Idiots. I'm praying for that. I hope Three Eye Atlas is actually aliens because then humans will get a taste of their own stupid medicine. But on the flip side, no more wrinkles. Thanks, salmon.

[Byron]

Tight skin.

[John Holmberg]

That's going to be expensive. So you know what's going to happen? The meth heads are going to go grab salmon and try to beat them off themselves. And you thought there was a problem before. Now black market salmon sperm is going to be out there. You can't trust that it's going to be filled with fentanyl.

[Brett Vesely]

Gonna try it?

[John Holmberg]

Heck yeah. That'll be great.

[Byron]

Stick with the scorpion poison. That's big money.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but did you rub that on your skin?

[Byron]

Maybe?

[John Holmberg]

No, I think. Well, you haven't. Yeah. You do whatever you want. Yeah. Are you high? Is he okay? Maybe.

[Byron]

Why wouldn't you?

[John Holmberg]

Well, because I don't want to. I don't want any poison on my skin. Yeah, it doesn't seem like that's a good idea. At least salmon sperms never like made me swell up and die. Or has it? Yeah. Pdrn. It's called Science Backed Anti Aging ingredient and it's salmon sperm. And they were raving about it like. I know, I know it's weird. But they were raving about it. So you got that going. And women will buy anything when it comes. I will too. But I mean, women are really susceptible to that stuff. The anti aging this, anti aging that. And yet all these therapies and things that pop up and they become trends. And it's been a hundred years of advertising on radio and then television and all that. And all of it's been like, want to look younger? One of them. It's. It's never been something that's worked. Everybody still gets old. But we're working on salmon sperm now. And there's a whole new. You know, they say AI is going to take all the jobs. Not that one. You can jerk off the fish all day long. No computer is going to be allowed to do that. Good luck.

[Byron]

They'll design a machine.

[John Holmberg]

They probably. But still, somebody's got to put the salmon in it. The machine can't just funnel them through jerk them off and send them right back into the water. Yeah, I can't imagine. That's arrogance. That's human arrogance. To go. Well, the salmon farm, we have to beat them off. Why? Well, they won't do it normally. We like it faster. Oh, I see. You just want salmon sperm. I want loads of that stuff. Todd's face looks so good. We're just gonna keep beating him off, you know, we're just gonna go for money shots at this point, find out right out of the tap. It's the best.

[Brett Vesely]

What a life, though. Just walking around. Somebody grabs you. Jerk shop, throws you back.

[John Holmberg]

You're done. You have it again. I'm. I'm a big believer that I like. You know, I like a little conversation, you know, I want to know. Ah, foreplays. Overrated. If you came over here right now. But if you came over here right now and just started beating me off and. And choking the air out of me, I. There'd be a fight they're not happy with, and then it's.

[Brett Vesely]

Do it again.

[John Holmberg]

Then it's embarrassing. Then they get thrown back in there and goes, what happened over there? Ezekiel, you're not gonna believe this. And I don't want to talk about it. Like, there's. There's salmon with salmon rape. Yeah, that's exactly what it is.

[Byron]

Can I talk to you later? I gotta take a nap.

[John Holmberg]

First cigarette. Imagine you're just walking down the hallway, and Larry McFeely just runs up, tackles you. You know, cuts the air off from your throat, starts jerking you off, and you're like, oh, God, I can't. And then you finish the embarrassment of actually, like, that was pretty good. And then he just throws you back into the hall, no questions. You're like, what just happened? And you have to realize that for the salmon, this is a daily fear. Now, they like it in the water. They don't like being out of the water. We pull them out and jerk them off. I don't even know where you find a salmon wiener. This is the most perverse thing since the Catholic church. This is a creepy, weird. Where's their dicks? I don't know. It's a fish. Oh, give me that thing. Are you jerking that? What are you doing to your. Brady, we have to do this. They won't do it. Magic. They're in a farm. They know it. Don't go for that hook. Brady's the closest thing we've had. He's jerked off two fish, but never jerked a fish off. As far as we know, that story May come later. Pardon the pun. Salmon's burn. It's real. Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Holidays everybody. It's a wonder why Beth kicks our ass for all of December with that Christmas music. Not getting this on.

[Brett Vesely]

Salmon sperm over there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we gotta. We got. This is the most depressing time to be on KUPD is because Burl Ives kicks our ass for the next five weeks. And there's nothing we can do about it. Because all your mothers turn the channel to Burl Ives over and over. Her tips are nice and rosy and comfy cozy. Are we for the 45th time today? Yeah. So they. They got that. Yeah. We're beating off salmon over here. So take that Beth. You can play your Burl odds all day. We'll beat off the fish.

[Brett Vesely]

Ah, Matthew.

[John Holmberg]

Different way, right?

[Brett Vesely]

Matthew brings up a good point. No commitment. John. Where's the problem?

[John Holmberg]

We rape them. We rape them for their salmon seed. Rub it on our wives faces and put them back. And act like nothing can possibly have go. They don't have feelings. Please. Didn't hear the Nirvana song It's okay to eat fish. They don't have any feelings. The lyric Kurt wouldn't have lied to us.

[Byron]

There you go.

[Brett Vesely]

Did John really just complain and about someone choking him while he gets jerked off?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brett Vesely]

Only twinks like small talk.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't see the choking part. While you're getting beat. That's pretty good. Maybe fish like it. Cuz there's that whole autoerotic thing and. Yeah. So. But under. I'm putting it in a different way. Where you take his breathing source away. Not just taking them out of the water. Yeah. They struggle in the air.

[Brett Vesely]

We get the same as being choked. I mean not really.

[John Holmberg]

You can still catch earth's air. Now imagine you're underwater the whole time.

[Byron]

You have to hold your breath.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

You just.

[John Holmberg]

And every once in a while you're like. And somebody's trying to beat you off. And you finish. And then you get thrown back on to land. You'd never talk about it. This is what aliens would.

[Brett Vesely]

I thought they'd throw them back in.

[John Holmberg]

So this is what aliens. When they come down, those hillbillies are like I'm not talking about it. And then 10 years later, Grandpa says I've been probed. He's ashamed. They took him into space, they jerked him off, they stuffed something in his ass and they threw him back. And that's exactly what we're doing to the salmon.

[Byron]

Checking your prostate.

[John Holmberg]

That's. Yeah.

[Byron]

That.

[John Holmberg]

Because they care about our future. Let's make sure. It's cancer. Prostate. You're very healthy. That's what I thought. They put me in nmr. I don't know why.

[Byron]

Dupe.

[John Holmberg]

I gooped on them and we left. And then they just rubbed it on their face like a good girl. Kyle says, what if the salmon are into it?

[Byron]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

They've got a. They found out that salmon have an asphyxiation fetish. Love being choked. I've watched a lot of porn. What if the salmon like it's. What if they don't? You ever try to choke abroad? Who doesn't want to be choked? I. I haven't. I can't imagine that goes over too well. What are you doing? I saw it in the porn once. You're a horrible man. You tried to kill me. What?

[Byron]

What was that about?

[John Holmberg]

What? What are you talking about?

[Brett Vesely]

Here.

[John Holmberg]

Let me show you the video where I learned this.

[Byron]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

Why are you so against. She's having fun. I hate you so much. What doesn't add up? All the girls on TV dig it. We jerk salmon off so our women don't get old. That's how much we hate old women.

[Brett Vesely]

The irony of lesbians rubbing sperm in their face. What a great world we live in.

[John Holmberg]

It is pretty great. That part I did kind of like. But we. We. This is the great lengths men will go to to make their wives not age. What am I gonna jerk a fish off and see if that just put anything on her? She looks horrible.

[Byron]

There's probably no science behind it.

[John Holmberg]

They just want to jerk a fish off.

[Byron]

Yeah. Put it in there. And then they can charge 200 for the serum. Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. But still. They could have come up with anything. Mashed goji berries or something. Before you start beating off the fish. What else in there? Like bears. How do we know? Because you know why we're picking on animals we can beat off. You're not gonna just run up and grab a bear by the wang and start tugging them. If you do.

[Byron]

It's expensive.

[John Holmberg]

It's. Yeah. You're gonna lose a couple guys. First bear's gonna take a couple swats at it before he realizes all you're trying to do is beat him off Again. I'm all for getting off for a few drinks. Yeah. I'm all for getting an old fashioned but unexpected one right here in the hallway. I'm just minding my own business. Somebody's getting punched. Like there's gonna be a fight.

[Brett Vesely]

So fed jumps on you in the hallway and tries to.

[John Holmberg]

Passionate. If Ed overpowers me and beats me off. And I finish, I'm going to straight to Tempe Town Lake with bricks in my pocket. I mean, the most embarrassing part is like. Oh. Oh, we're done here.

[Byron]

What happened?

[John Holmberg]

John, what happened? Ed attacked me and beat me off. And I finished. I. I need a drink and a cigarette. What? Ed did what? I know. It was so unexpected. Then. I'm just gonna hang around Ed's desk for a while. What's going on? Feeling kind of slow today.

[Byron]

Circling.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we act like we love it, but no, because you. You're not thinking, okay, this is just gonna end with a hand job. What's next?

[Brett Vesely]

See? And then Tom writes, hey, ladies, if salmon sperm can do this, imagine what humans.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I. Why did we stop exactly. With our thing? Because ladies are. Tell them why. What? Man in a lab isn't like, we got to tell the ladies that male sperm. An age defying super serum.

[Byron]

We've already had that article about helping lose weight.

[John Holmberg]

Lose weight, stop sore throats, colds. And women are like. But it makes a man happy, right?

[Byron]

No.

[Brett Vesely]

Stops that tennis elbow.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Because you gotta. You gotta work, you know, you get.

[John Holmberg]

A good wrist, though. Yeah. We told them the healing benefits of male sperm. No, it'll. It'll cure a cold.

[Byron]

No.

[John Holmberg]

And it will. That's medically proven by doctors who are cool. I bet it cures a cold. And it did, like, once. And we made it like, you know, part of the medical journals. It. It's good for your skin, it's good for your throat. It's good for all sorts arthritis, all sorts of stuff. It's like, you know, stem cells just from the tube.

[Brett Vesely]

It's the elixir that they used to sell back in the day.

[John Holmberg]

Cures everything. It cures it all. Yeah, it's the snake oil, but it's real. When we're like, you're just saying that. So I give you a hand job. We're helping each other. You're welcome. You're aging fairly poorly. No, I'll take some salmon jizz, though. I go, okay, well, that's. That makes more sense.

[Brett Vesely]

Obviously they like it, John. They keep coming back to the same river every year.

[John Holmberg]

It's true. They do. They do run the same rivers. And they kind of line up. Are the guys here. The guys here now we rape salmon for. Because we hate how much our. I mean, the deeper. The deeper message is we will beat off a fish to make it so you don't get older. Oh, that's tough. That's tough. On women's brains right there. But I'm rooting for Three Eye Atlas to come by and take some human arrogance out of us to act like, we have to do this, we should do that because we need more of that salmon spring. No, we don't. We get by without it. Anyway, happy December, everybody. Welcome back. Welcome back. Hope Thanksgiving went well. If you're looking at your and there's guys out there giggling at this, and then their wives are waking up next to him. We're like, oh, she's got some wrinkles around her lips. Let me get some of that salmon sperm. Excuse me, honey, Honey, I heard on the radio this morning you just want me to. No, no. This is not about me. It's about you. We need some salmon. Live, please. Preferably live. I'm gonna do this myself.

[Brett Vesely]

Excuse me. I'm going to Lee Lee's Market and pick some up for you.

[John Holmberg]

If you know where a salmon dick is and you can show me, you need to be in a jail cell. There's nobody. I'm like, well, that's interesting. How did you learn that? I'm not asking that question. I'm just leaving that guy's house. Want to watch me beat off a salmon? Kind of, but for the wrong reasons. And then I'm leaving at 6:27. That is a conversation you're not getting on the Burl Ives channel. That is a guarantee. And now here's more. Darla Darlington with her I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus after the salmon speech. 585-9-800. You give us a wake up song, we'll scream it together, and we'll enter December with our eyes wide open. Where did this year go? It's 98 KVD. Wake up Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. Hey, it's John Holberg from the Morning Sickness. When my beloved dog Dutchy started to slow down, I knew in my heart the time was going to come. That's when I reached out to Happy Endings in Home pet euthanasia. Once Dr. Fixler got to my house, he explained every step, answered all the questions, and created a peaceful, loving atmosphere right there. We were able to hold Dutchy on her favorite blanket. Happy Endings made it as peaceful and dignified as the moment could be. If your furry companion is getting close to that time, whether it's a dog or a cat, and you want the comfort of home, the compassion of professionals, and the dignity your pet deserves, call Happy Endings. Visit online Happy Endings euthanasia.com Because every, every pet's life should have A happy ending.

[Byron]

Come on down to the Ranch House Grill.

[John Holmberg]

Comfort food is your next meal.

[Byron]

Pork chili verde, chicken fried steak.

[John Holmberg]

Ranch House knows you'll think it's great. Are you ready for the best breakfast in Phoenix? Ranch House Grill has been voted best breakfast four years in a row. We're famous for our chicken fried steak, pork chili verde and large portions. Located in the heart of Arcadia. Join us for breakfast or lunch seven days a week, 6am to 2pm We're a family restaurant with a small town atmosphere serving southwestern comfort food for 18 years. Come on down to the Ranch House Grill for the best breakfast in Phoenix. At 56th street and Thomas Road. You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Thank you very much. Miles to nowhere. Not replaced quite yet. As Plato last week. The delay on the finals moves to tomorrow night. I can't wait. We'll do a recap tomorrow of it. Tripp came to the house yesterday, watched Steelers, and he goes, I missed it. Boohoo. And I said, what? He goes, platio said, you missed a good one. No, like, yeah. No, like you did. There was actually probably nine bands that were excellent. No, like, yeah. And I said, and we're doing the finals tomorrow. And he goes, oh, I get to see it. And he's coming, so he'll be there tomorrow. He's excited. He's excited about the finals. He didn't want to sit through the crap. He's a man who wants.

[Brett Vesely]

He's smart.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He doesn't want to taste. He's not a buffet. Give me the. Give me the main course. This guy emails and says, wait a second. So I can attack and jerk off a fish and nearly kill it, but when I finish on my girlfriend, I gotta go to jail. Sign Nathan Sutherland. Yeah. You know, that is kind of a good point, Nate. Now this one says, I'm from Alaska, and in school, instead of tadpoles and frogs, they use the salmon cycle. And they would actually milk the salmon onto the eggs in the aquarium. There's also salmon farms where salmon are manually milked as well. This guy's name is Hoffmeister. And everyone thinks everyone from Alaska is a little weird. And now you've just proven it.

[Byron]

It's big money milking a salmon.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And somebody said, come on. Brady jerks off to fish. You're surprised he saw a salmon video. It's porn. He was watched. That's his porn. You ever seen a salmon clown egg?

[Byron]

No. It's Amazing.

[John Holmberg]

Powerful. Yeah. I like when fish all over each other. That's solid. It is. It's gross. I saw a thing too, also. I. I like to. I got those mattresses from that Jonathan up there at Verlo in Glendale. It's got a great situation going. But I saw a company. I don't remember the name of the company that has done something that's so obvious. And I never thought of it. You know how they always have mattress ads where like, get better, rest, sleep better. This place is like, this mattress is the best for sex. I'm like, that's genius. No one's. This is like one of those pet rock things. Like, how has no one thought of this before? I've never once seen a mattress set, and I don't remember who it was. I was just so proud of them. So I'm just gonna say it's Verlo Mattress.

[Byron]

What was the selling point?

[John Holmberg]

It just had a picture of a mattress, and it just said, this mattress is better for sex. That was. Was a print ad. And I'm like, how about that? That's very Mad Men, Very Don Draper of you to. We're always talking about sleep. Why not talk about sex? It's the other thing you do. This mattress is better for sex. All the other ones suck compared to. This one's got good bounce back. It's like, whoa, that's genius. No one even goes to a mattress. I've never been up there to Verlo with Jonathan going, I like this one. How is it for sex? One of the things you want it to be good for, not just sleep.

[Byron]

We've got a trial room.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Give it a run. Go bounce around on. I have to look it up, but it was pretty impressed. Just a mattress picture. You can't differentiate it from any other without sitting or laying on it. How about this? It's good for humping. All right. This one says John. So we should start introducing ourselves to women. Hi, I'm Salmon. How are you? They say my seed is great for your skin. Showtime. Shame. Showtime. Sent that one in. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. And then that story we kind of talked a little off the air about. The one Brady on Thursday where the dude killed his wife, his ex wife, buried her and then dug her up and started doing it with her. Yeah, they did a. Yeah, yeah. Do you not want to talk about.

[Byron]

No, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

I thought we're gonna lose him there for a second. It sounds a little out of sorts already. Big week.

[Byron]

I kind of forgotten about it already.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there's no. How do you forget that and remember the salmon cloud Priorities. Yeah. Dude in Simi Valley murdered his ex wife, buried her, then dug her up and started to do stuff to the corpse and then put her back. This is out there with. This is out there with it. You know what? I'm guessing Simi Valley. There isn't five and a half million people in Simi Valley. In our beautiful city, there's a dude right now who's dug something up and had sex with it. Statistically. Has to be true.

[Byron]

That's crazy.

[John Holmberg]

Has to be a reality that probably in your neighborhood where they hide a lot of emotions and a lot of stuff, some dude has an ex wife or something he keeps in the freezer, he does stuff with and puts her back.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, that's just wrong.

[John Holmberg]

How many times has this happened and the guy didn't get caught? It has to be a number also. But in a city of five and a half million, there's no way there isn't one dude out there that has this problem or has someone buried in his yard. Brat. Not in my yard. Not. Of course not in your yard. That's stupid. He's thinking. The other question is, how little did anyone feel for the ex wife? You know, they didn't check the ex husband's backyard once when she went missing. Never. You didn't see that mound in the backyard with the odd mud and the kind of some grass, but not a ton.

[Byron]

Sounds like they were tight with the neighbors. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It just seems like if, like, let's say Messiah goes missing, one of the first places I'm looking is Brett yard. You know, it's kicking some high grass, seeing where the. It seems fresh. This dirt seems fresh on my yard. Of course, not in your yard. But then I'm keeping my eyes on Brett for a little bit.

[Byron]

But it was a while for us.

[John Holmberg]

To figure out if Brett was raping a dead body.

[Byron]

She was missing.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, for us. You don't think she has one person at Local Legends? That would be like, hey, where's Matthia been?

[Byron]

But I'm talking about on our side of it. Who would report to us as saying, hey, when's the last time you saw Mathias? What do you mean, other than the events? It's not like we see her every week. Two weeks.

[John Holmberg]

Sees her every day.

[Byron]

I know, but I'm saying he can come in every day. We would know.

[John Holmberg]

I wouldn't get one email from somebody that says, I see Brett over there. Legends and Matthias not there anymore. I'd be like, hey, Brett was Matthias not working at Local Legends anymore. And you'd be like, oh, no, she's there. She's not feeling well. And then a month goes, she's still sick. What are you doing? He's got dirt on his hands. He's been digging her up. He's got to be more like check ins for people who, you know, stop showing up to stuff. That can't be a thing. Somebody has to have something. And dude's just a normal neighbor everybody described. Ed would have never known. He seemed. He was going about his business, going to work, doing his thing. Little did they know the secrets of your neighbor's yard. It's crazy. I can't even.

[Byron]

So one night he basically snapped. Sounds like buried her.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

And it's a little regret or I'm. I'm lonely.

[John Holmberg]

Or the ultimate act of power, which is to tear her body apart after it's gone. The ultimate act of hate. It has nothing to do with. Golly, I need some companionship and get a hooker for that. He wanted to harm this woman some more. Even after she was dead. The ultimate act of possession. He took her life. And then even after that, more and more of her dignity and her memory is now tied to. This is not a sexual act. None of that sexual. That's all 100 mental ownership and power of a human being. Horrifying. And it's out here somewhere in Phoenix. I can almost guarantee it. People have weird secrets. You know that guy who emailed earlier? Ramon? Mom and dad lied to the kids for years about grandma and grandpa's death. Turns out dad was lying double. Didn't even tell the wife. I could have helped that. I knew your dad had bought some poison and had been talking about it, but I didn't think he'd actually do it. And it all came to. And he could have stopped it just by giving him a couple bucks to keep him from selling their house. Dad didn't want to do that. We all have something, don't we, Brett? We all have. This is the reason I'm telling what I'm talking about. These stories are just kind of, you know, keys to doors that I want to unlock. Aren't they, Brett? Aren't they?

[Byron]

He does look down.

[John Holmberg]

I know. He's not talking. He doesn't want to talk about this. This is a story I think I'd like your opinion on. Brett, what do you think of this man here who took his wife's life and then dug her up and had sex with her and I don't hear the story. Yeah, I told you a couple of times. If you'd like, I'd send it to you. If you'd like me to help out with that. No, nothing. Are you sure? Here's a picture of him. Very interesting.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brett Vesely]

That he's guilty.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Nat. You think he did it? Oh, yeah. You think for sure. Yeah. All right.

[Brett Vesely]

How could he not?

[John Holmberg]

You will.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, are you looking at her, too? Is that the reason why you're saying that, too? Yeah, I mean.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, leave her buried.

[John Holmberg]

Bro, what are you doing, man? See, Brett's basing it off of her looks.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, well, imagine after a while, after she's been buried, it could. It can only get worse.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, no, there's.

[Byron]

No. Come on.

[John Holmberg]

And then there's a picture of him. Guilty. I want you on my jury.

[Brett Vesely]

I can see the court system. So much money.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. Oh, you could. We should have the Brett jury. We'll walk him by and go. My success rate is like, 88%. Let me see the perp. Oh, guilty. Next. Why do you say that? Come on. Is that a teardrop under your. Guilty. He's not even on the lawyer. Okay, Guilty of something.

[Byron]

Pret. Picking the jury.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah, It'd be easy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Julie T. Makes a point. She sent pictures over. She's like, we have a thing called the tortoise den in our backyard for our turtle. Look at this. She sent a picture. It's a grave. I no longer trust anybody with a tortoise. If that's what you do to keep them happy. Look at that. It's a four and a half foot hole. That's for body burial.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

Wouldn't a tortoise dig its own? You think you're helping the tortoise out? Let the tortoise figure it out. Tortoise Dan, you're burying people.

[Byron]

That guy that has all the animals in my neighborhood, the green belt, his tortoise, he's got a big mound.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. There's a body in there. Like, there's a body in there.

[Byron]

A couple of 200 pounders in there.

[John Holmberg]

That's great. Yeah. There's three or four 200 pounders in there.

[Byron]

Yeah, there might be.

[John Holmberg]

Getting rid of some ladies no one's ever checked. Nobody's looking. Oh, you get turtles. Neat. They're actually not turtles. All right. I don't want to talk to this asshole anymore. He's annoying. Nobody likes you. We just like the animals. Tortoise and turtle are different. Didn't come for a lesson. Just came by to see the turtles.

[Byron]

I think I can hear calling. It's like, help.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I taught that one to talk. Turtles can talk. It's a tortoise, man. Come on, bro. There's nothing worse than turtle. Tortoise, guys. And that's a neat turtle. It's a tortoise. I hate you. I hate you. I like the turtle better. It's got a better personality. I hate you. I'm just walking past your house, which you're craving attention. Which is why you've got a wide open gate with the animals, so we can talk to you. It's a tourist. Okay, well, now I have to go walk somewhere else so I don't cross your path again.

[Byron]

You can feed them, but you got to get around the Highland cow.

[John Holmberg]

You can feed his animals.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah. That's why people go by, is it? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

To feed his animals.

[Byron]

Yeah. They have carrots and lettuce and.

[John Holmberg]

The hell kind of world is this? Why he's always had the animal.

[Byron]

As long as I've lived there, I've.

[John Holmberg]

Walked by a ton of farms.

[Byron]

I've never fed any of them animals.

[John Holmberg]

Does he rescue and then adopt or. He just keeps them all.

[Byron]

He keeps them there until they.

[John Holmberg]

Till they die.

[Byron]

Pass.

[John Holmberg]

Right. So he keeps them. The hell is this world? But you walk by and he's like, want to feed it? Bring some food over.

[Byron]

They'll have a little. He has a sign up there. His farm? Yeah. You can feed the animals.

[John Holmberg]

What other farm wants people just walking by feeding their animals?

[Byron]

Just one.

[John Holmberg]

That.

[Byron]

That guy.

[John Holmberg]

You don't find that to be odd?

[Dick Toledo]

How do you know all of these urban zoos? Do you remember Shay Hillenbrand?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

He had his own urban zoo.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he's gonna find urban zoos if there's an urban zoo to be found, I guarantee it. That sign that he's talking about, he's ignoring the fact that it says, hey, Brady, one at a time. It's a sign warning you to stop feeding the animals if you're gonna do it just one carrot at a time.

[Dick Toledo]

People find you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. They live near you.

[Byron]

Well, he lived there first.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. And that's why you moved in. I have lived in several neighborhoods. Never once an urban zoo. Not one, Brett, No. And you live in some big. Some land.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, they got horse properties, but that's it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Never once have I gone by now.

[Byron]

He'S got probably some neighbors that have horse or.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, that's normal. But I'd be furious if some Stranger walked by my horses and they were feeding them.

[Byron]

Yeah. He allows it.

[John Holmberg]

One of his animals gonna get killed. Gonna get poisoned by a lunatic. If it's just free reign feeding, he's supposed to feed the them. Besides that, it's his job.

[Byron]

He does.

[John Holmberg]

It's Jew farms. He's not even paying for feed. The people walking by will give him like cupcakes and stuff. It's easy.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I wouldn't want anybody feeding my dog. You walk by and give him some. It's. It's immediately bad. Yeah. Does he have a wide open like area?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And he's about an acre.

[Byron]

That's along the. Yeah, the green belt kind of along the canal.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

And there's his farm's corner farm.

[John Holmberg]

But what's in it? Just turtles, tortoises. Sorry.

[Byron]

Yeah. He's got a turkey. Male. A tom turkey. He's got a highland cows. He's got a bunch of goats and.

[John Holmberg]

You can just go feed them.

[Byron]

People gather there? Oh, yeah. It's just.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, this weekend people don't gather for.

[Byron]

The cows table out front there.

[John Holmberg]

What? How bored are you people over in Gilbert? It's a cow.

[Byron]

I don't know. Brady go by there as much anymore. When kid when Kirby was little, she used to love.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, sure. Kids like it.

[Byron]

Yeah, it was.

[John Holmberg]

But it's a cow. It can't be too many people.

[Byron]

You become. You get friends with Cinnamon, the goat you have.

[John Holmberg]

You know, I'm gonna check your temperature here. You don't have a lot of time left. You need to start doing better stuff with. Yeah. Imagine that if somebody was just looking over your backyard donkeys feeding your. Your dogs. You'd be furious. That was a dwarf donkey do.

[Brett Vesely]

Never heard of one.

[John Holmberg]

Well, what's the purpose of it? That's. He's Dr. Moreau.

[Byron]

People get him as a pet on their farm and they don't want them.

[John Holmberg]

How do you even know how to get a dwarf donkey? This is just a world I don't live in.

[Byron]

You can get miniatures of fair donkeys, goats. You can ponies.

[John Holmberg]

I know ponies. I didn't know. You get miniatures of everything. I'd like a miniature bear. Then I want a little tiny bear. Can you do that? Yeah. Then he's Dr. Moreau. My point is made.

[Byron]

What do you want?

[John Holmberg]

You want a miniature. I got a little tiny hippo.

[Brett Vesely]

I can give you a miniature elephant too.

[John Holmberg]

What else can he miniaturize? What does Dr. Shrinky Dink do in your neighborhood? That it?

[Byron]

Well, I don't think he's doing it.

[John Holmberg]

He just buys them from the guy who does. He rescues them from people that shrinky dink. People.

[Byron]

Yeah. They weren't happy with the product.

[John Holmberg]

Right. They thought they wanted a miniature donkey. And then we're like, wow, this was a mistake. Yeah, well, that and the fact that it's a. It's against nature. The miniature donkey. What is the purpose of a miniature donkey? To pull miniature sleighs and stuff like that.

[Byron]

Yeah, I guess it's just not. It's just minorly stubborn.

[John Holmberg]

It's not as stubborn. Yeah, tiny stubborn. It's like a woman. Oh, now what? David Vasquez.

[Brett Vesely]

No, no, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

I can't read it.

[Brett Vesely]

No, I'm just laughing about this whole situation.

[John Holmberg]

It's odd.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes, that's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Now that you got acreage, Brett, we got to load that.

[Brett Vesely]

No, absolutely not.

[John Holmberg]

It's also kind of creepy because he's coming out of his post congestion cold, so his voice sounds a little bit like a helpless older man. I fed the miniature donkeys. Oh, Grandpa's. Look, he's going. We're losing him. It's not good. Anyway.

[Byron]

Hearing so much better now.

[John Holmberg]

Can you hear again? Yeah, a little bit.

[Byron]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

What? Are you sure? Are you just lying to yourself because you don't want to really be deaf? You've been blaming congestion for three solid weeks.

[Byron]

So much better.

[Brett Vesely]

What'd you do to clear it up?

[John Holmberg]

Up.

[Byron]

Which. What?

[John Holmberg]

Never mind.

[Byron]

Which. What. I had no idea what you do.

[John Holmberg]

To clear it up. How?

[Byron]

How?

[John Holmberg]

Hey. He say, how are you hearing? Better. What did you do to make it so you hear better? Is what Brett's asking.

[Byron]

Got it. Which.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brett Vesely]

We need the horn.

[John Holmberg]

What did you do?

[Byron]

It just had to play its course. It just. You know, I did amoxicillin Z pack.

[John Holmberg]

You took some pills weeks ago, and it didn't quite work out. And then. So you're not following up on this just to make sure.

[Byron]

I've been treating it. You know, I've been turning because I did a couple breathing treatments. Maybe that helps.

[John Holmberg]

But I did send you the article that kidney disease and hearing loss are a big thing. You didn't check in on that one?

[Byron]

I did. Did.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, good. And they said, don't worry about it.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Doctor said that.

[Byron]

Says it's more of a virus.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Keep my. We're keeping our eyes on him. You asked what he did to get his hearing back, and he said what? I worry. We're worried about.

[Byron]

See, I thought he was talking to you.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Well, no, you didn't, because you asked him what you knew. Exactly. No, you wouldn't have said that. That's a lie. That's a complete and utter lie. You don't say what to a guy who's talking to someone else.

[Byron]

And sometimes I can't understand mumbles over there.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Byron]

Oh, is that what we're going with? It's the heavy Italian.

[John Holmberg]

I understood you clearly. I. I picked it up immediately with my two good ears. Oh, for Christ's sake. This one. Anyway, here's some Burl Ives, everybody. Tomorrow we're doing the. The Palladio finals over at Stand Up Live down there at Copper Blues downtown next. Stand Up Live. And you head down there tomorrow night to watch the bands battle it out for the. For the Palladio championship.

[Byron]

What do we have confirmed?

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's the thing. We got to get it all figured out. But, like, you even had our guy, Brent. He's not. Maybe, maybe not.

[Byron]

Here's the lineup.

[John Holmberg]

A couple maybes. Did you get a few confirmed? Toledo. Are we good?

[Dick Toledo]

We have four right now. Okay, we have the number two Band Without Fear.

[John Holmberg]

Good.

[Dick Toledo]

We have the Number four band. The Mess I Made. We have the Number six Band. Thomas James Band.

[John Holmberg]

I like them.

[Dick Toledo]

And we have number seven, DD Man.

[John Holmberg]

And what about dj? Dj?

[Dick Toledo]

Not a word yet.

[John Holmberg]

What? Dj, we're worried that this is all.

[Dick Toledo]

AI gotten more word from the truck driver that drives with her than I am.

[John Holmberg]

The people she works with.

[Byron]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

And she's got a page. I'm dying to see her do that live.

[Byron]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

She's got to be there. AI, I'm gonna.

[Dick Toledo]

We're calling her again today.

[John Holmberg]

Force this. All right, we'll email her.

[Dick Toledo]

And the truck driver that drives with her.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's got a guy with her.

[Byron]

So we have four.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, I want you to introduce yourself to a guy named Henry Satulovich. He emails quite a bit, and he says a farmer friend of mine sold miniature donkeys. And they had a slogan, everyone needs a little ass. Okay. This is the type of people we're dealing with that sell little donkeys. There's that horn we gotta buy. You got pictures of an old woman with one of those ear horns?

[Byron]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, good. I'm glad you can hear again. What'd you do to fix it? Which. What? Great. Glad it's working out. Yeah. Brady couldn't hear you because you weren't using your hands. Like, you're hard to understand when you're sitting on your hands because Italians start mumbling when you'll get your hands up. You don't know what you're saying. It's called sign language. But he's, he just thinks you're Italian. We don't know John holmberg's morning sickness the 98kupd it's Brady for game Day.

[Byron]

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[Dick Toledo]

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[Brett Vesely]

People are calling now. Saying it or hitting up. It's AI. She didn't sing that.

[John Holmberg]

That's what everybody's gonna say. Well, that's the. That's what we're gonna have to run with because it was too perfect otherwise. Brent's another one his. What do they call themselves?

[Brett Vesely]

Witness protection.

[John Holmberg]

Witness protection. Great song. Great song. Song have to think out there. And people want Pistol Pete. We found out Pistol Pete has been broken up for almost two decades. And they put that song in. The guy's like, let's get the band back together. And then they remember they all hate each other, so that's probably not a thing.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, the Blues Brothers put the band back together.

[John Holmberg]

These guys can do it. Everybody eventually puts the band back together.

[Dick Toledo]

The one star night apparently worked feverishly over the entire Thanksgiving break to get the two brothers, the other guys in the band, to talk to each other again. They haven't for years.

[John Holmberg]

Is that right?

[Dick Toledo]

And he said, yeah, we're not going.

[Brett Vesely]

To be able to.

[John Holmberg]

No, they won't do it.

[Brett Vesely]

Just bring in a replacement bass player. It's fine.

[John Holmberg]

Bass players are dime a dozen.

[Brett Vesely]

You don't even have to do it.

[John Holmberg]

You don't even have to be good at it.

[Brett Vesely]

You don't got to learn. 16 seconds. Brady could do it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Brady. What? It's not like he's going to have a hearing loss from all the noise on stage. It's too late. He plays with feel. That's what bass players are supposed to do.

[Dick Toledo]

Face lessons with Katero.

[Byron]

We're good.

[Brett Vesely]

It's 16 seconds.

[John Holmberg]

The joke bass players hate the most most, because deep down they know they're just angry at being not guitarists, is that if you ever have a large gathering or you want to, you have a, like, you know, a march or a riot, the fastest way to disperse large crowds is to have bass players go out and play solos on corners, and people will leave immediately. No one's ever gone to a club going, wow, there's a bass soloist, and he's gonna kill it tonight. Like, no, I'm not watching that.

[Byron]

Here's the bass player after the Suns game.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. A guy stands up.

[Brett Vesely]

Unless you're Bootsy Collins.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you know, there's a few. The guys from Royal Blood. You watch. That dude can play some bass, but he makes it sound like a guitar. And no bass player can figure it out. He's got something. He's not a normal bass player.

[Brett Vesely]

We got bass players volunteering to play.

[Dick Toledo]

They'll play.

[John Holmberg]

We got bass players.

[Brett Vesely]

Batman says he'll do it right now.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing to it. Give him 24 hours. He needs to learn two songs. Every bass player worth their weight can learn two songs. Especially when one of them 16 seconds long. We don't need, you know, the guys from Pink Floyd trying to reunite here. It's Piss Ball Pete, for Christ's sake.

[Byron]

Might have to modify the competition next year.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you have got to be a band. That would help. AI screwing it all up, that's for sure. But yeah. Hey, John, you did this story about the people poisoning each other. Has anyone checked into Brady's life insurance policy? Sounds like he's got some sort of misery situation going on. Or he's just aging rapidly before our eyes. Three weeks of deafness is strange. It is. It is. But he's okay. Brett asked him, and after a much louder second question, he got a proper response.

[Byron]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Which What? And then that horrible lie. Oh, I thought he was talking to you. Then why did you ask him?

[Byron]

What.

[John Holmberg]

Horrible lie? Just covering freedom. We worry about the answer the way Brett would.

[Byron]

None of your business.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there you go. See, that would have been an answer.

[Byron]

So many things.

[John Holmberg]

Write the book. Yeah, that's my thing. I don't remember Iron you as my biographer, but all he said was, what'd you do to fix it?

[Byron]

What was the magic post?

[John Holmberg]

You didn't hear that, which is the irony of the hilarity. We'll get to later. Anyway, we're hoping we make it through the show. That's all we care about today. Thanksgiving's over. The holidays are here. And now it just gets weird. For the next three or four weeks, everybody's just waiting for stuff to end. It's Cyber Monday, which I don't even know if that counts anymore.

[Brett Vesely]

It seems like it's Cyber Weekend.

[John Holmberg]

This is cyber. It's been Black Friday since last year. Like Halloween.

[Byron]

Well, we crushed it.

[John Holmberg]

Did we?

[Byron]

Friday was it.

[John Holmberg]

Was it a culmination of all the Black Friday I've seen for the last month?

[Byron]

That's 11.8 billion.

[John Holmberg]

Is that online?

[Byron]

That's up basically almost 10% from last year. It's 10.8 billion. Last year it's 11. 8.

[John Holmberg]

I saw the thing about Bass Pro Shops had a Black Friday thing going.

[Byron]

And.

[John Holmberg]

And they had people sleeping outside. Now. What are you selling at Bass Pro Shops that there's a line for? You couldn't get that tomorrow. You can't get that online. I would never sleep outside the Bass. Unless it's just like everything in the store is free for an hour.

[Byron]

There's the only way people that love going out there 6am the next day after, you know, Thanksgiving.

[John Holmberg]

But sleeping over at the mall so.

[Byron]

You can get your train set.

[John Holmberg]

But for deals that are definitely online, you just get it in hand, I guess, that day. But unless it's a free for all, like, first 100 people get to raid the store, fill A cart. Keep everything. I'm not staying outside there. I'll pay the extra not to fight with you over the last teddy bear or whatever I'm fighting for. Doesn't seem like with the convenience of the Internet it doesn't seem like that whole stay outside and fight other people is real. Remember it was just what, 10 years ago, maybe a little longer than that. Where they used to have all those security guards that would get jobs to stand in the malls because people were fighting. People were trampling each other at Walmarts. They have plenty of those videos we saw where people were getting killed to go into Walmart for the door buster deals. They called it door busters. They knew that their doors probably wouldn't hold up. Up. And now we. Now we just like the Internet. How much were you actually saving?

[Byron]

The peak on Friday was 10am to 2pm we were spending 12 and a half million per minute online.

[John Holmberg]

That's insane. And it's going to go today.

[Byron]

4 billion online on Thanksgiving Day. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Today is Cyber Monday and that's the one that has been taking. It's been passing Black Friday over the last few years. As far as like transactions, it's huge.

[Byron]

Huge.

[Brett Vesely]

I did have to go to Home Depot on Black Friday because our garbage disposal. So I had to go there and there was a lot of idiots in there trying to get those deals and.

[John Holmberg]

I guess in store only and. Yeah, but I mean it better be substantial 90 off for me to want to stand in any lines.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean a lot of the stuff on Amazon, I was just searching for other stuff. Wasn't even Cyber Monday shopping or Black Friday and It was just 20 off today only.

[John Holmberg]

It's like at 20 is worth the crap.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If I have to stand in line for things, I'll pay extra not to. I'll give somebody 100 bucks to cut the line and then what's the point? And it's not cuz I, you know, I just throw money. I just don't. I can't do lines. I hate them and nothing seems worth it. I don't feel like I've saved anything. If it took me an hour longer than it would have had. I just bought it for the regular price tomorrow. I prefer my time over money. Especially when you're just saving 20%. That's garbage. But we'll see. My phone is exploding with deals. Ian Schwartz, who probably had to cover this said my first. The first people at the Bass pro shops got a 500 gift card at the mall. All right, that's kind of good. Get 500 bucks handed to you, you're winning something. That's more than just shopping for a deal. You're actually winning something.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, what if you're 501 or the. You know, the last person in Lockhart?

[John Holmberg]

Well, count it out. Out.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You know, when you get there and you're like, okay, it's two in the morning. I'm gonna go do a real. A head check roll. 1, 2, 3, 1, 4, 9, 9, 5. Oh, I'm 502 right on the bubble. I mean, I'd hang around if I was 505. And in. Just in case a couple people or they just. They can't.

[Byron]

Two members of their family, they try.

[John Holmberg]

To leave, I don't get a card.

[Byron]

Yeah, one per family.

[John Holmberg]

I might stay 505. Anything after that, I'm like, I'm not gonna sleep on a sidewalk for 500 bucks. I'll just. I'll get my bass pros. And I saw something about fish. Fishing's become just nothing but cheating. How is it dynamites not allowed, but they have a new lure that stuns the fish. Yeah, it's got. It's got kind of a thing in it that if it touches a fish, the fish just gets, like, hypnotized and grabs it. I'm like, well, that's cheating. And then another thing's got this sensor on it, like a. A thing that draws fish to it. I don't know if it's like a bing. I don't know if it's like, some sort of noise.

[Byron]

Like she puts a light up at night in the light.

[John Holmberg]

Right. So you can bring them in. Like, this thing's down on the. On the bait. And I'm like, well, that's no different than using a net. There's, like, guarantees. Five catches. And I'm like, well, what's the fun in that? Fishing used to be a crapshoot.

[Byron]

It's like scattering the feed on your deer stand.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you got to draw them in somehow. Now, I get that. But I've always thought deer stands for the laziest thing. If you're hunting, go hunting. Don't climb a tree and wait for them to come to you. Then you're just lazy. Get out there and walk around. Find it. You can sit down every once in a while, but if you're just putting food all over the place, you're just a deer molester. That's what. That's what chomos do.

[Byron]

Soaked in dough and heat.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you're grooming. Yeah, I like it when you cover yourself in piss and walk the woods. That's, that's hunting. But if you build a little tree stand and you sit and wait for one to come to you, you're just lazy. Get out there and walk it. You know, pick a spot, hang out, look around. This looks like a place they might show up. And you're, you should. It should be like a, like three seconds. In the NBA, you're not allowed to stay in that spot for longer than like 10 minutes before you gotta move again or you're penalized. But I don't even have to have guys judging that, that it's just lazy. But to have fishing. Like I would want worm hook, pole. I don't want technology.

[Byron]

I want to go fishing now with this new lure.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you got to see this thing. It was on the news, like. Yeah. Emits some sort of sensor that makes the fish numb. And then they grab the first thing they see. Like, well, that's, that's, that's what molesters do. It's chloroform. Essentially. You're just chloroforming the fish.

[Brett Vesely]

You're roofing the fish, you're roofing them.

[John Holmberg]

And then you get them back at the house and you like, you eat them. But it's just the same.

[Brett Vesely]

I'll just go to Ocean44.

[John Holmberg]

I ain't got time for all that. Oh, man, that's ahi over there at the stake 44. Friday, Thursday. Whoa. That was good. So good. So anyway, enjoy Cyber Monday. You're gonna go spend all your money on stupid stuff again, like semen from salmon. Semen from salmon. That's a good name. From Salmon is a great man name. Bread at 7:25. What do you got on the big board of musical treats?

[Brett Vesely]

All right, wake up. So I'm brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And you know, the weather's getting nice, it's getting a little cold up north and now's the time to head on up there and get that snowboarding and skiing in. And no better place to get all the gear you're going to need. Then Action Ride Shop at the old school location, the OG right there on Gilbert Road and Southern. If you want to hit the trails, you want to do the mountain biking, well then you got to go over to the brand new location over there on Power Road. McDowell. Hit the Hawes Trailhead. Get all the advice, everything you're gonna need at action ride shop. Actionrideshop.com tons of stuff up there. Corey Taylor, the Xmas song Misfits Dig up her bones for the guy having sex with a corpse. Primus. John the Fisherman for what we were talking about staying the cycle of hurting for the Cardinals, Avenged Nickelback. Disturbed Light to torch. Anthrax. Bring the noise for Brady, since he can't hear. And corn, can you hear me for Brady?

[John Holmberg]

Ian also said the next 500 people got to jerk off a salmon so you could go to the Bass Pro Shops and knock that thing. Bass Pro Shops is for outdoorsmen and people from the movie Awakenings. Have you ever been there?

[Byron]

Hell, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You go into the Bass Pro Shop when they do that feeding.

[Brett Vesely]

No, I haven't been there for the feeding.

[Byron]

Zombies.

[John Holmberg]

Zombies. It is a group of people that you should just put handcuffs on while they're standing there. They're mesmerized. Like the fish to get that pheromone bait. They just stand and watch fish eat. And they lose their minds for a second, but they're gone. And they're outside waiting for it. And then they charge in there, and there's normal people walking around, and then them. Am I gonna feed some fish to some other fish?

[Byron]

Oh, you gotta see that.

[John Holmberg]

And they stand there like weirdos. It's strange.

[Byron]

And afterwards, we're gonna get some of them candied nuts.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know what that is. I'm not. I'm not.

[Byron]

Those cinnamon nuts.

[John Holmberg]

We get you too excited when we talk about fish and eating nuts. It's been a big morning for Brady's porn brain. Jerking off salmon. We're at Bass pro shops getting 500 bucks. What? Yeah, there's no reason you don't, like, do anything that you would need anything at Bass Pro Shops other than the nuts, maybe. Right. Except for watch the fish in the big tank.

[Byron]

Although, you know, when my. My dad would come in town, we'd make a. A trip over to Cabela's or. Or Bass Pro. He just liked going over there just.

[John Holmberg]

To hang around, because I.

[Byron]

At the time, I don't think they had one in Columbus. He'd order online. He's like, oh, they got the big store.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, let's go over there. He just liked walking around.

[Byron]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Getting out of the house.

[Byron]

And he had a picture up in the Cabela's in. In another town in Ohio. It was my dad and I when we trapped some beaver.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Byron]

They put the picture up in the.

[John Holmberg]

Store and all the Bass Pro Shops, just the.

[Byron]

The one Cabela's in Circleville, Ohio.

[John Holmberg]

But he wanted to go there to see if they had duplicated this one here.

[Byron]

So I like being part of that.

[John Holmberg]

I like your new I'm dying voice. Also. I don't know what's going on over there. Are you okay?

[Byron]

I'm fine.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Byron]

You sound.

[John Holmberg]

Am I wrong?

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[John Holmberg]

I kind of want to give you a lozenge and give you a nap. You just sound like you're. You're airy. I like it. It's sexy.

[Byron]

Asthmatic.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, maybe. I don't know. We're keeping our eyes on you. We don't want you to have to. It's that William Shatner thing. Although I'm just waiting for the moment. Or I have to do cpr. I don't know how to do. I like the dig upper bones, even though I don't like the misfits.

[Brett Vesely]

That's not Glenn singing, though.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brett Vesely]

That's the other singing swinger. It's the good Mr. Michael Graves.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. It's on the list. Or do we go with the Corey Taylor and take a swing at Beth? Literally next. Next four weeks, we get our asses handed to us by Burl Lives. Beth goes off the air for four weeks and it's the bester show can be. It's just got to be embarrassing for her. She takes off from the end of November all the way through December and their ratings soar. I would be embarrassed. I'd be like, just play Christmas music all year. It can't be bad. Anyway, I love Christmas, but Corey Taylor's right. I hate Christmas music for the fact that we. I mean, again, it's so false. It's so fake. They don't even count it in the annual ratings. This month is like a. Well, this doesn't count. Nobody's gonna of. Yeah. And it just goes kind of aside.

[Byron]

Right. Carrie gets two and a half million.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Every December, everybody goes a little crazy starting November 30th. And gets weird when they put the tree up and they got the music going and then they get addicted to it. I think there's something in Christmas music that, like, some hidden messages that make us all weird for four weeks. I tuned in last night just to see is it going.

[Brett Vesely]

How many times you hear Mariah Carey?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I didn't listen that long.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

But I heard the. The instrumental of the. Yeah. Cheeks are nice and rosy and it's. I still thinking about it like it was. This was 14 hours ago. And I'm still like, it won't go away. I've heard like a hundred songs since. That one's still in I Love Christmas.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm a little Christmased out. Went and seen Trans Siberian Orchestra last night.

[John Holmberg]

Did you go?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, yeah. Great show.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I hear that. So I've never been, but I hear that's awesome. It's almost become sort of.

[Byron]

Were you filled with the Christmas spirit?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Until I got up on my seat and left.

[John Holmberg]

And then it goes.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm sitting there. But I tell you what, I've never felt they got to have something in the Rider or something. That arena was so cold.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Brett Vesely]

It was freezing. It was ice.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know, but I want to make sure, like, you're in the middle of a storm.

[Byron]

Siberia.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah, that's right. They're from Siberia. Maybe that's.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm sure they are.

[John Holmberg]

They're comfortable that way. I saw them interviewing. I saw them interviewing the dude touring this one.

[Brett Vesely]

One. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And he talks about whoever invented it. I don't know the guy's name. He's got beard black on, like that. He. He doesn't dye his china and black. China and black. Okay. He doesn't die at human color. And he's sitting there going, the original message of this was such a beautiful thing. And my. Who is that? Siberian. We just want to keep that message alive. Philanthropy and the music and love and Christmas and all that jazz. And he's got some lady next to him, because. That's exactly right. Whoever the dude is who came up with it, they were just praising him like it was. It almost felt like Scientology. L. Ron Hubbard put this Siberian orchestra together, and we can't get enough of it. And I go home every night and I dye my face Chinaman black. And then I go on stage. I want the hair of a silky Chinaman, black, as black as night. I want under the bed dark. I want lightning bugs to live in my hair. A darkness that can't be. People in the equator would go, jesus, that's black. And it was just. It was almost like he colored it in with markers. Talking about the beauty of it. And I've never been. I've wanted to go, but it feels cultish. Some. The people who like it almost like it too much. Where I feel like, I can't go to this.

[Byron]

How many times have you seen it?

[Brett Vesely]

This is the first time.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. I hear it's amazing. It is.

[Brett Vesely]

It is.

[John Holmberg]

And, you know, I mean, there's like six of them. They're all over the country.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. I mean, I know there's one on the East Coast. I know there's one on the west coast because John Gordon and I were talking about it. The other day. And one of the old guitar players from Megadeth plays in one of the touring versions.

[John Holmberg]

Ellison.

[Brett Vesely]

No, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

The other patrol. Yeah. No kidding. Yeah, I didn't know that either. Yeah, it's something I want to go to, but it's cool to experience it.

[Brett Vesely]

It's. It's great to see.

[John Holmberg]

Once it's kind of a Ted Nugent show, I want to go, but when I'm there I look around and go, I don't want to be with these people. I think the crowd and they're probably a bunch of dudes in weird Chinaman black hair dye.

[Brett Vesely]

There was that.

[John Holmberg]

A lot of it strikes me as a crowd that would like that. Turtlenecks and Chinaman black beards.

[Brett Vesely]

But I tell you what, you're in and out. It was like it's an hour and 15 hour and 20 minute show. That's it. No openers.

[Byron]

What do they close with?

[Brett Vesely]

I left during that.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't go. Stay for the end.

[Byron]

Beat the traffic. How do you do that out of.

[Brett Vesely]

Work in the morning?

[Byron]

Oh, wait. Come on. Unbelievable.

[John Holmberg]

That is kind of bad.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, I don't care. It was Christmas. Doubt I had enough Christmas. I had an hour in. It's December hour and 13 minutes of it. I'm good.

[Byron]

You're already screwed.

[Brett Vesely]

I could turn Beth on on the way home.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's what everybody does because we get hypnotized like it's some sort of weird sci fi movie movie. And then Burl Ives kicks our ass for four and a half weeks. Have I tell you the story. Silver and gold. Everybody's like musk. Listen to that crap. Every office has it on. And it did last night. I did hear between songs, they did the 99.9 Christmas music, k Easy or whatever they're called. I don't even know this jingle. And I'm like, 25 years, I've never had jingles. And so I started writing jingles last night. We're going to do jingles for 20. I know. I gotta talk to Hopkins guys about getting jingles put together. And it'd just be like Homburg wanted crap big jingles on K U P D. It's just going to be about me hating jingles. But I need them.

[Brett Vesely]

The old school WKRP sweepers and stuff like that.

[John Holmberg]

Perfect. It's another jingle for Homework's morning sickness.

[Byron]

We had a company come in years ago back in the day when I was in sales and they created jingles.

[John Holmberg]

It's such a. It's a dream.

[Byron]

You meet with your client and they jingle, set up. They create a jingle form.

[John Holmberg]

I think that's what I want to do when I quit. This is just be a jingle singer. Brady's got the looks and that's all you have to do and somebody gives you a check. It's simple. But be a Beth in the morning and Christmas music all day. That's just awful.

[Brett Vesely]

Any of the other jocks work during the day or is it just straight Christmas music?

[John Holmberg]

They're all home.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

No, they're not waking up, laughing, collecting checks and laughing. Their station gets better than it's ever been for drunk. Yeah, just drunk. Just snow in the system. Christmas music and I don't mind it, but it sticks. There's something to it. Is that the second I heard it I'm like never, ever stop thinking of this song. Damn, Beth did it. Corey Taylor will fix it. We'll do his Christmas song. Kick off our Christmas music too. From Slipknot. It's Corey Taylor's I Hate Christmas and that's a good one. Arizona's most powerful powerful rock radio station.

[Byron]

Fanduel Friday is turning it up with the NBA Happy Hour. It's Brady from the morning sickness and every Friday from 4 to 5:30pm FanDuel is dropping limited time specials to get you in the zone. Boosts, bonuses, surprises, all designed to bring that Friday energy. This isn't just another promo, it's your weekly pregame game. It's the NBA Happy Hour every Friday from 4 to 5:30 only on FanDuel, official sportsbook partner of the NBA. All you got to do is visit FanDuel.com KUPD that's FanDuel.com KUpd to grab your reward before the clock expires. 21 plus and present in Arizona. Opt in Required rewards are non withdrawable. Restrictions apply including bonus and token expiration, leg requirements and max wager amount. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 533-42.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg from the morning sickness and football season is in full swing and underdog is the best place to get in on all the action. Playing on underdog is easy. Just pick whether your favorite player is going to go higher or lower on stats like rushing yards, receptions, touchdowns. This week I'm looking at my Steelers and I am selecting Darnell Washington to go higher than one touchdown and hoping that Lamar Jackson goes lower on rushing yards. Download the app today. Sign up with promo code HMS to score a hundred dollars in bonus entries when you play your first $5 underdog make picks win money must be 18 +, 19 + in Alabama and Nebraska, 19+ in Colorado for some games, 21+ in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply the assets.underdogfantasy.com web play and getterms. Underscore dfs underscore.HTML for details offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play, call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org. in New York, call the 24.7Hope line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text Hope NY 467-369. You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Took a bite. Hold on. That's daughtry right there. Holy cow. I don't know anything about that one. That's the bottom. I got to continue eating. It says, I'm feeling not. I'm still not out of Thanksgiving. Nice little snack. In the middle of the show, I looked up and there was 10 seconds left. I'm like, crap. I got a mouthful of granola bar. Nothing about it. I didn't tell you guys the one cool thing about my my weekend, Brad. I started. I was very handy once again, my friend.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, no, here we go.

[John Holmberg]

And I called my friend over there, Luke, at Icon Equipment.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, he's hand handy.

[John Holmberg]

Is he? Well, made me feel better. Made me feel better about being a man who's not very handy. So I decided that these light poles that I put in at my basketball court, they're still standing. Oh, yeah, they're great.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, okay.

[Byron]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm adding three feet because what I did was that the poles that I built came with like six different pieces. And I'm like, I don't even be that high. So they put five of them together. And then after I got him up there, I'm like, you know what? I could use those extra three feet. I can go up a little higher. So I'm gonna go do that. But I needed a scissor lift to get up that high. I can't have a ladder up at 20 something feet.

[Byron]

Just.

[John Holmberg]

It's just not gonna work out. I don't have one. So I called Luke and I said, let's get a scissor lift over to the house. Can you do that? And he goes, yeah, it'll be cool. Saturday morning shows up, scissor lift, like £4,000. I didn't know that. That makes sense. When you see them, they've got to be heavy, right? And these little baby wheels on them, and they're real low to the ground.

[Byron]

Motor it up there.

[John Holmberg]

So, yeah. So we get it out of the. I drive it off the. The back of the thing, which is really cool. Driving the scissor lift, cross driveway. Get it up to this little area, have this little parking spot with some steel parking lines on it. Scissor lift struggles a little bit to get over that. So we as mentioned, like, well, we'll just take my jeep, drive it into the backyard, and we'll winch this thing in because it's gonna. It's so heavy. It's having trouble getting over the little bumps and going up a hill. All right, get the winch out, tie it up. Luke hops in the thing, starts to drive it forward a little bit. I start working the winch, and we're tugging them in there. It's working out. Those little tires are spinning on that thing. It's heavy. Then we hit the grass. We buried that thing in my backyard about a foot into the earth. It's still there. We can't get it out because the grass is soft.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So we started up. So we winched it in, and as it's rolling, so we went over to get some, you know, some wood, some two by sixes, put it under those tires and dig it out. Dug a bigger hole, made wood stick to the ground. So there's wood and sizzle if stuck in my ground. It's pretty awesome. And we're gonna have to work on that. Oh, it's still there. Yeah, I turned the sprinklers off and everything.

[Brett Vesely]

Troy and Michael must have been love seeing.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, it's in the backyard. It's not lifted.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, okay. All right.

[John Holmberg]

You can't see it unless you know it's there. But yeah. So I got the jeep in the backyard. I got a full on hillbilly situation. I'm thinking maybe I will I decorate it for Christmas. Get. I can lift it up and down. And Luke's like, sorry, that didn't work out. And I'm like, you know, with me involved in something handy and manly like this, it's no surprise it didn't work out. But you, you should be ashamed of yourself. You should really. Luke should be very upset with himself. But on Saturday, we're going to work on that. Get it back in there and get those lights.

[Byron]

Get a cherry picker in there.

[John Holmberg]

Well, well, that's what I actually initially said, I want a cherry picker. And he sent me a picture of a thing that lifts engines. They're not called cherry pickers. So he said, you want a scissor lift? And then he had another thing, some arm thing that kind of reaches out. Those are. Those are like £7,000. The ones you and I think are called cherry pickers. Evidently aren't. Because a cherry picker is what you guys use. Yeah. So I said, I need a chair. I text him, I said, I need a cherry picker. And he goes, for what? So I'm putting lights up. And he sent me a picture of it. And he goes, this. I'm like, well, no, that's to pull out. That's like for. That's for grease monkeys. That's. What are you talking about? I need lights. And he goes, this is a cherry picker. What are you talking about? I said, I don't know. He was. A scissor lift. I'm like, there you go. And I actually said, what are the things dudes used to work on power poles? And you have that other thing, the bucket. I don't know. It's got a different name now. You can't call it a cherry picker, but cherry pickers, when you order it, them, it'll show up for a engine lift. So don't ever order a fire truck.

[Byron]

Over there with the extension ladder.

[John Holmberg]

So the thing about what? Yeah, and you know what? I was thinking actually, fire truck wouldn't be a bad idea because they've got the big ladder. The. Because, yeah, I considered that and I said, well, we need one of those. The reason that a scissor lift works better than the thing you and I are thinking about, that just jets out into that little bucket. Those are. Those are like 7 or 8,000 pounds.

[Brett Vesely]

Boom lift.

[John Holmberg]

Apparently you guys are thinking, yes, Boom lift. And that boom lift would sink into the. Into my grass. Grass. So we thought we'd just cruise right across. But he didn't realize. He goes, I didn't know your grass was this. I'm like, yeah, it's super soft. It's the only spot in my whole backyard I've got grass. I turfed everything else. It's the only spot I've got. And is this what's in your backyard then? Yep.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

And it's. Look how low it is. Oh, so. So it's about halfway into the ground, down the tires and into the. So and digging out a 3, 500 pound machine from dirt. Not good. So we gotta. And Then I had to struggle to get the jeep around it to get the jeep out of the backyard. And then we're gonna try to winch it out and then drive it in a new spot.

[Byron]

You need some big plywood, big wheels.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I've seen those, but those are, like, unnecessarily. Those are $61,000. Yeah. It's a bucket with a accordion on it. And I understand it has to be sturdy and stuff, but I think they've overdone it. £4,000. That's too much. Anyway, we didn't get any plywood, so now we got to do that. So, Brett, you'd be proud of me. My backyard looks like a. Like a cool guy's. You're a car guy now.

[Brett Vesely]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

They got a broken down doesn't run my back.

[Brett Vesely]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

A boom lift is 130 grams, man. That's what I need right there.

[Byron]

Put it in the basket.

[John Holmberg]

But evidently, those. Yeah, click on that. Add to cart.

[Brett Vesely]

You got a 500 deposit to hold this thing.

[John Holmberg]

We'll get to that in a little bit. Add to cart. I'll Google pay that in a minute. But those things evidently weigh more. And he said, oh, that would have sunk right into the grass. I'm like, right. So now I got to figure out a way to get this piece of machinery out of the grass. It's Luke's fault, if you ask me. He had too much faith in 50% of the ability of the people that were doing the work. All I wanted to do was stand in the bucket. I had a dream that it was like, 25 minutes of my day. Mike show up at 10:30. I got a lunch at 1.

[Brett Vesely]

You had a dream?

[John Holmberg]

I did. I did. I had a full. I had a dream.

[Brett Vesely]

We heard about that.

[John Holmberg]

It didn't work out for him either.

[Byron]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

One day, a sizzle if would be stuck in my backyard in the mud, and we wouldn't know what to do. I had a dream. All I thought was, 10:30, Luke shows up, we drive this thing in there, zip it up there, pound the pole into the top because it's just one more piece. Move the lights up, tighten those up, do the second pole. He's out. I got an hour's worth of work, max. About 45 minutes into it being stuck in the ground, and we're on our way to Ace hardware to buy two by sixes. I'm like, this isn't going to work out. I'm not going to get up by one, am I? It looks like we'll Figure it out. I'm like, that's bad. That's like. That's a bad phrase to hear from the guy who knows what he's doing. We'll figure it out. Is never good. But yesterday at the. Everybody's looking like, what? Tripp's like, what are you doing? What are you talking about? Why is there heavy equipment stuck in your yard? What, are you writing a book? Anyway, thanks to Icon equipment, Luke and I had quite a time. It was fun. Now I get to use my winch again. Again. The. The thing was like, I had the Jeep all the way across the basketball court, and it was in some rocks. And when I winched into the thing that was stuck. Pulled your. The Jeep was dragging across the thing, and I had to turn the wheels. I'm like, this thing's pulling the full. It weighs more than the Jeep. And I'm like, this is crazy. How deep is that thing? And he goes, it's bottomed out pretty good. I'm like, luke, God damn it. What are we going to do with this? It can't live here. Here. But, you know, actually put some plywood in there. Makes a nice planter with your lemonade. Yeah. You know, I can make some lemonade out of this. Like, a big, nice planter. And you can lift up your plants, like, for all the world to see.

[Dick Toledo]

Get them in the sun.

[John Holmberg]

Thinking about, like, making a vine. Yeah. And then as the vine grows, when it touches the ground, I lift the scissor, lift up about 5ft. Vine grows, touches the ground. Next thing you know, I've got 25ft of vines. It'll be the most impressive thing in the world.

[Byron]

World.

[John Holmberg]

Christmas time, put some lights on it.

[Byron]

Easter, he is risen.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. I'll just stand there as Jesus every. Every morning and rise with the sun. Hombre's doing that thing again with the. I don't know when. He's crazy. Thought he was a Jew.

[Brett Vesely]

Anyway, sounds like Duke's a hazard over there. Hillbilly stuff going on.

[John Holmberg]

There was some serious hillbilly Saturday morning stuff all my gay neighbors had to look at. Michael's always looking out the window. I don't even think he's got a tv. This. All his entertainment's outside. What is going on over there? Jesus Christ. We've got this massive flatbed just sitting in the middle of the cul de sac. And awesome part of that was that the flatbed folds down with weight. Ever driven something off of that?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, you put cars on those two.

[John Holmberg]

That was awesome. So you're driving along and then suddenly the bottom falls out like a Disney ride. And I got to drive it off of that in that bucket. You just. And then Luke tells me, goes, we got one safety harness. I'm like, are you going up there with me? Yeah. Yeah. So one of us is not going to be safe. And since I own the company, not gonna be me. So I may need more heavy equipment to come pull the heavy equipment that's stuck in my grass out and it's deep. Yep, there you go. But I changed my windshield wipers a week ago, so I'm still living high on that one. Not handy, part two. It is time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady Report. It's brought to you by our friends at All Pro shade. AllProChade.com is where you go if you want beautiful shade. You want something to fix that back patio. You want a TV on the back patio. Everybody's doing that. Every house, it seems, has a nice little setup on the back patio with TVs and, you know, place to hang out. It's like a living room outside. Because we live in paradise. Why wouldn't you? So you can make it even better by putting a beautiful electric motorized awning on the back of your home that makes it look like it's supposed to be there, not like it's just an attachment. Get rid of these silly umbrellas that I got going on and start making things work out the way it's supposed to. AllProche.com will give you a free heater if you get a motorized shade for your backyard or front yard, wherever you want to put it right now. And that is a smoking deal. A great Christmas holiday special. AllProche.com Great.

[Byron]

Good Monday morning to you Phoenix. Hello world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Byron]

Happy world AIDS day.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, loving it. If you've got the aids, it's your day.

[Byron]

Couple of basis fun fact.

[John Holmberg]

What does that mean? Shouldn't it be half I happy let's get rid of AIDS day. I guess that's every day. This is a day to celebrate the aids.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Happy AIDS day. Really the word happy world AIDS day. But you know, what do you say?

[Byron]

I like throwing happy in front of.

[John Holmberg]

I've got the aids. Today's my day. Well, happy day AIDS day for you World AIDS Day. I'm 53 years and O against the AIDS. Everybody in this room still clear of AIDS?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Then happy AIDS day cuz we've done it the right way. If you've got AIDS right Now. Sorry. Enjoy your day.

[Byron]

A couple of baseless fun facts.

[John Holmberg]

AIDS.

[Byron]

There are about 117 million lakes in the world which cover about 4% of the surface of the Earth. Thought it'd be more than that, did you?

[John Holmberg]

It seems about right.

[Byron]

Lewis Carroll never uses the name Mad Hatter in Alice. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, the character is just called the Hatter, and he had a mad tea party. So people started blending the two together.

[John Holmberg]

The Mad Hatter's tea party was just the Hatter's mad tea party. And, you know, that proves to me no one's ever read. Just proves to me right now that you can say anything was like, that's about right. That's right. No one's ever corrected because, you know, turtle tortoise guy would correct you if he knew.

[Byron]

For sure.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody's ever read it. You know, I used to go to a restaurant that was an Alice in Wonderland theme. What? Yeah, it was awesome, but the food wasn't very good. That's why it closed. But it was up on. Was that like 7th street in Bethany Home. And it was a couple different places, and then it turned into this thing. But inside there, they always talked about the Mad Hatter. And these people were addicted to Alice in Wonderland, everything about the place. There's playing cards everywhere, and never once did they say, it's not really the Mad Hatter, it's the Hatter. All the people were dressed as characters from the. It was a lot have to be.

[Dick Toledo]

If you're gonna commit.

[John Holmberg]

It was a full production, and you're just sitting there eating fried pickles, going, I think you guys might be overdoing it if you were serving something different.

[Dick Toledo]

By the way, we've been.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I've got.

[Byron]

A few times.

[John Holmberg]

Trust me. Our old buddy Drew Hutchinson goes call a pro next time. He's got his Jeep tied to one of these things. It's perfect.

[Brett Vesely]

Perfect.

[John Holmberg]

I need that thing. What's that? A lift bucket? Oh, it's failing, though. This is one of. I don't want to watch this. This is why everybody. No, no, no. It just tosses this guy. He just throwing around like pancakes. No, these are a bunch of aerial boom lift fails. I don't want to watch this.

[Byron]

That's why people are sending it.

[Dick Toledo]

This is what's gonna happen to you.

[Byron]

Don't get the boom lift.

[Dick Toledo]

They're saying, oh, my God. That's why you have your safety.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus Christmas, that dude's back is shattered. There's two guys just hanging out of it. No, no, no.

[Byron]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

That's what we were doing. The things driving across these plywood. And that's exactly what happened. It started to just smash the two by sixes and shoot them around the backyard. Okay, turn that off. That's horrifying.

[Byron]

You could last about 15 seconds in space without a spacesuit and a helmet before you'd go unconscious. But you could stay alive for up to three minutes.

[John Holmberg]

Prove it.

[Byron]

Do it.

[John Holmberg]

Let's do it. Says who? I like the idea that you just blow up immediately like in that movie with George Clooney.

[Dick Toledo]

You just become missed right at the.

[John Holmberg]

End of it when he's just in that suit. It's just that guy inside there. His explodes.

[Byron]

We have a little fallout on Thanksgiving. A 21 year old guy in Illinois is facing charges after he got into a heated argument on Thanksgiving and ended the fight by torching his house. The dudes house was in Beach Park, Illinois. He's 21 years old, Eric crumps his name and he's still living at home. He had been antagonizing and arguing the other people at dinner.

[John Holmberg]

So he burned his parents house down.

[Byron]

Because they're basically notifying him the news of Thanksgiving was. Time for you to move out, son.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you gave him some turkey and a one way ticket.

[Byron]

He was standing on the street with a knife and the cops got there. Luckily no one was hurt. Everyone made it out okay but. But he did douse his bedroom with gas and sure lit on fire. Now not only is he not have a place to live, but his family's out of a house too.

[John Holmberg]

For now. They'll be all right. He has a place to live. Jail.

[Byron]

He does have a place to live. His family does not.

[John Holmberg]

I'll tell you this, I would have kicked him out a while ago looking at that mug shot you raised. Crazy.

[Byron]

Someone on Reddit asked what's something that's normal to have one of. But it starts seeming strange if you have two of them.

[John Holmberg]

A wife.

[Byron]

Close. Crazy exes.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, all right. John holmberg's morning sickness. The 98 kupd. It's john holmberg here chilling away from my [e-mail]. if your AC unit is 10 years old or more, you can start thinking about replacing it because of the Arizona climate. Like clockwork. We're right on top of that. Seeing our first signs of losing our cool cool air. New acunit.com also has a connections with all the major carriers so they get the best deals and they back it all with a 100% guarantee right now. Use Holmberg as a promo code and they'll knock off another 400 bucks from your already great price promo code. Holmberg. Do it now. Save thousands. Save time. Buy [e-mail] hey everybody, it's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness. And you hear me all the time talking about my friends at Lost Our home Pet rescue. We do the pick of the litter and it's brought to you by our friends [e-mail] Every week I head over to Lost Our Home Pet rescue and I meet a brand new beautiful animal that needs a home. The work they do at Lost Her Home is unbelievable. Not just your average pet shelter, that is for sure. They help people in a lot of situations. Look them up online. Lost our home.org and check out everything we do at 98kupd.com in the pick of the litter section. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Byron]

Spouses who died in strange ways.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, you can't have double deaths.

[Byron]

Both fell to their death.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's like having. Yeah. No, the second your another spouse dies. No, it doesn't. No, it does not. I mean, it happens. But one's a murderer. There you go. You can't have two bad luck moments. That's a getting hit by lightning twice in the same day.

[Byron]

Life insurance policies on other people.

[John Holmberg]

Did you ever get one on me you were talking about?

[Byron]

Yeah, talked about about it. Offshore bank accounts.

[John Holmberg]

It screams one's okay, two, you're up to something.

[Byron]

And the last one was phones.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you got a couple phones. I know a doctor who has multiple phones and that's just so he gets like he knows which one is the emergency. You know, when that one ring, it's like having a red phone and a regular phone. When the other one rings, he's got trouble.

[Brett Vesely]

So he's got the bat phone.

[John Holmberg]

He's got to keep that one. He always keeps it. He never goes to it. But it's like if this one rings, I got trouble.

[Byron]

There's a poll that asked people, do you think a four year college degree is worth the money? In 2013, 53% of the people said it's worth the cost.

[John Holmberg]

A college degree.

[Byron]

Yep. Four year.

[John Holmberg]

I've been saying it hasn't been for 35 years. And now people are coming away. Am I thinking 2017.

[Byron]

Drops down to 49?

[John Holmberg]

It should be down around 20% right now.

[Byron]

2025 is now is 33.

[John Holmberg]

It's still too high because 33% of you aren't.

[Byron]

Doctors say it's not Worth it, right?

[John Holmberg]

But. But you're not. Doctors, engineers, even lawyers to a certain degree. Probably don't need it as much as they used to because of AI.

[Dick Toledo]

You see the CBS news story on Metallica? All within my hands.

[Byron]

Organization.

[Dick Toledo]

They don't believe in college degrees, do they? Funded like $10 million worth of grants for trade schools.

[John Holmberg]

Specialty in trade schools. That's the future.

[Dick Toledo]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Uncle John's been telling you this for 20 years. Everybody scoffed at me when I saw the communications degrees and business degrees were leading the way. And they're still charging people like $12,000 a semester at average schools for a degree that ever. It's just a high school diploma at that point. You would never pay 12 grand for a high school diploma. But when you're getting communications and whatever and there. And it's just a slew of them, you're getting nothing. So you might. And then master's programs like. Well, not now. They're taking more money. Money. Doctors, engineers, teachers, I guess. Although I think they could do specialty school too.

[Byron]

Yeah. If it's a communications degree or something like that and you're paying 60, 80 grand, you're an idiot.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because there's. Everybody can get one. Business, communication. What's the liberal arts? They're wasting your parents money. Doctors and engineers are really the only ones who absolutely need extra score school. Everybody else can learn on the fly. Especially with AI Especially in communications. Oh, communications. Pointless again. I remind you, Brady's the only one in this room with a college degree and he can barely spell.

[Dick Toledo]

I have an associates.

[Brett Vesely]

I have an associates.

[John Holmberg]

I have an associates too. And we shouldn't count those as college. That's the bare minimum of effort. It doesn't make you like. Oh my God. They make it seem like you're the Scarecrow at the end of the wizard of Oz where you're like E with MC Squad. Like, you don't get anything extra trip. It's great for networking. That's the biggest thing. You meet a bunch of people and then usually they spread out all over the country so you got more people to talk to. But ambition is more important than college.

[Byron]

Putin scientists unveil spy pigeons fitted with implants and cameras that can be controlled. This neurotechnology firm.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't you do this a while ago?

[Byron]

Well, they're experimenting now. They've got their flock of pigeons that are fully operable. So they're. You see the apparatus they have on? They can cover 310 miles a day, 1850 miles a week. Basically. You can fly them like drones, because they put a neural link chip into their brain and you.

[John Holmberg]

You control them.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We talked about the camera that, that, that was. He was working on it, so he's got it.

[Byron]

They wouldn't say how many pigeons they went through to finally perfect it. But here's what they have. They got a little solar power thing on there.

[John Holmberg]

Look at that. To get a little charging station on their neck.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And now Russia doesn't care about going through bodies to get an answer. They did it to their own people for a long time.

[Byron]

So they're going to use pigeons for certain things. They'll use albatross for overseas stuff because.

[John Holmberg]

They can cover, fly a little longer. So it's just basically like a. A prop plane versus a jet.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Long hauler. Like the. The albatross is a C130. These little pigeons are.

[Byron]

They already been training. They have their dolphins, their attack dolphins.

[John Holmberg]

We've had that forever.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Day of the Dolphin is a great movie with George C. Scott. They were training dolphins to get mines off of her to magnet bomb boats.

[Byron]

Huh.

[John Holmberg]

So the Russians can fly pigeons and spy on us. And, you know, if I see a pigeon with a camera on its neck, I'm killing it.

[Byron]

Dive. Dive.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I'm gonna do the best I can to shoot that. It's not like they're hiding it either. Looks like a little. It looks like an Asian in the 80s.

[Dick Toledo]

Something out of a Pixar movie.

[John Holmberg]

Little Japanese tourist flying around with a camera on his neck. Try do that to the Japanese. No one would suspect the cameras. Then we'll just figure that they've figured out the gift of flight.

[Byron]

And then, you know, it's not just that one. They show they got loads of multiple.

[John Holmberg]

What if they.

[Byron]

Most people are like, it's pigeons. They can go through a couple of those.

[John Holmberg]

We've got plenty. What do we. What are the ground animals that are rats and mice and stuff probably will be next. Next.

[Byron]

Well, they were talking about. I mean, this is years ago. Remember, they're putting cameras on, like, cockroaches to find buildings that collapsed, people that were trapped underneath there.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they put cameras on dogs and just have them walk around. But they're not like.

[Byron]

Now you get a smaller creature in there to go around.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But they're not controlling their brains. They're just putting a camera on a dog.

[Byron]

Now they can with the pigeon.

[John Holmberg]

Now they can with anything. By the way, Luke from ICON just said, in my defense, your commercials say you've just got turf in your backyard. I didn't expect real grass. That's true. I do have the patch of real grass we had to cut through. Turned out to be the downfall.

[Byron]

They're becoming more and more popular nude cruises.

[Dick Toledo]

No they're not.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we talked about this about two months ago.

[Byron]

About there's one rule.

[John Holmberg]

No jerking, no hard ons. Yeah.

[Byron]

No erection in public.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. With your clothes on. Really?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Try not to do that.

[Byron]

But I guess you gotta let people.

[John Holmberg]

Know I've got a higher one. I've gotta go. I gotta go. Don't worry about it.

[Byron]

So you're gonna have to head to your cab.

[John Holmberg]

Trust me, I've been on a cruise before. The chance of a hard on is slim. Looking at the other cruise people, it's not like you're walking around going, look at all the hot chicks on this. Couple ladies playing shuffleboard, right? No shuffleboard. No bending over like that. With an ass that big.

[Brett Vesely]

No hard ons. Especially on carnival cruises.

[John Holmberg]

It's gonna be a rough ride. Especially those Disney cruises. All those kids running around nude Disney cruise. The nude cruise is a terrible cruise.

[Byron]

Operators ask passengers to always sit on a towel if they're naked.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we talked about this.

[Byron]

A little bit off is not nude.

[John Holmberg]

They're doing it. It. Come on, put some goddamn clothes on and enjoy the cruise. Why do you have to have your bush out? Your big ample old lady bush? No hot young women are going on the nude cruise. It's going to be a bunch of old ladies who are like, I'm comfortable with my body. Worst phrase to hear a woman say ever. That means she's ugly. I'm comfortable with who I am. You know, never says that. That hot chicks. Cuz they don't have to. I'm comfortable with my belly, says a man. And then everyone laughs. A woman says it. It's like g, she's so brave.

[Byron]

I don't have any Brady videos.

[John Holmberg]

What? Emily Ratajkowski has never gone, I'm comfortable in my own skin. We're like, yeah, well duh.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah, we've seen it. We like it.

[John Holmberg]

And she'd be one that would walk around naked. Oh yeah. She's so comfortable in her own skin. You ignore the fact she looks a little bit like Mike Shanahan hand. We just look right past her face. We're doing it with Sydney Sweeney too. Cuz sometimes woof. You just want to hand her some bananas and a math test. You're going to like both of these. Remedial math and free bananas. What do you got? This is not Good.

[Brett Vesely]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Your face is horrible. All right, let's try it out.

[Brett Vesely]

Start off easy here.

[John Holmberg]

The official kickoff of the holiday season with Brett at and begins today.

[Brett Vesely]

Don't read the top part.

[John Holmberg]

All right, I won't. Oh, boy. Oh, I can't see. It's not on the screen. Okay, you're killing me over here. Thank God.

[Brett Vesely]

Hang on.

[John Holmberg]

So far, so good. And keep in mind, on December 12, just 11 short days, the top 10 videos of 2025 will be shown live at Homeberg after dark. Here we go. All right. I didn't write no. All right. We won't say anything about what it's called. There's a guy who. Who's asleep on a bench on a beach. And a dude walks over and poops on his face. Okay, then I didn't. He just pooped on the man's face while he slept. He's asleep. Oh, yeah. That is some serious diarrhea on another human being. All right. And we don't know if they knew each other or not. I'm assuming not Spot. It's just a stranger pooping on another one. All right. Happy birthday. There's a lady blowing up birthday candles.

[Byron]

Blue flame.

[John Holmberg]

Guys. I did it. You did. Parents should be so proud of classy broad. That is a classy one. All right, that's enough for her. Would you eat that cake, Brady?

[Byron]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

You would.

[Byron]

She did crop dust on top of it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You'd look past that. Would you take us?

[Byron]

Yeah. She cleared it, though.

[John Holmberg]

You think it was strong enough that it went over the case?

[Byron]

It went over.

[John Holmberg]

The kids candles were tall enough. I don't. I won't eat birthday cake anymore because people, if I watch somebody blow out the candles. No way. That is gross. When you see that. That science video of the. What comes out of somebody's mouth when they're blowing out birthday candles?

[Byron]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brett Vesely]

Here's a little geography lesson. I guess we'll say, okay. Bermuda Triangle.

[John Holmberg]

We've all heard the stories that accompany the legendary Bermuda Triangle. This kind of went away. Shrouded in mystery. Wildest conspiracy theories known to man. How is it that a part of the ocean that isn't even officially recognized as part of the ocean has become so revered. All right, here we go. Now it's just three Asian girls balled up in a triangle. I guess they're not Asian. They just have dark hair chowing down on each other.

[Byron]

The after party Trans Siberian merchants.

[John Holmberg]

This is how all the TSO shows end. That's Brett. You missed the finale, man. You're looking. That's the Bermuda Triangle. That was awesome. I thought it was going to be gross. That was great. Oh, this is as an older woman, probably in her 60s, with a young man. He's got his finger in her mouth, simulating some sort of. Oh, she's. She's taking out her teeth. Her top teeth just came out. She's in her 60s. Yeah. The guy is not pleased with it. Oh, oh, now she's giving a gummy. And he's using his teeth. He's using his teeth to masturbate. And now. Oh, he's putting his teeth on her. On her old lady fart. Oh, God. Oh, it's a full set of dentures in a woman. He's making it like talk. He's putting teeth in there. Oh, geez. How can he focus? Oh, Grandma, stop it. Oh, he's using his teeth to please her. Oh, he's putting her teeth in his. In her butt. Now he's making a little mouth out of it. Oh, my God. He gave her vagina dentures. So stupid. Oh, my God. And then it's the holidays. That lady's got grandkids coming over. Cause, you know, she puts. Give grandma a little kiss. I love you. Kiss it so much. Have you seen my teeth? Yeah, on the Internet. You. What are you doing with those things? Oh, you shot grandma's movie.

[Brett Vesely]

We may have to save that one for the show.

[John Holmberg]

Could you imagine? What if we watched that and Toledo's like, oh, my God, that's my grandma. Come over and get Grammy a kiss. I haven't seen you since last Christmas. What have you been up to? A lot less than you. I've been surfing the web.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah, your grandma's on crazy dot com. Dude, is this.

[John Holmberg]

Is this Gladys? I met her at your house on Thanksgiving last year. Yeah, that's my grandma. The one with the teeth? Yes, that's my grandma. Bro, isn't that the dude that you brought from work to Thanksgiving in the video with her? Yeah, that's where they met. That's Chris. God damn it. Your grandma's done some stuff.

[Byron]

Soon it's going to be like people of Walmart.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, we've all done weird stuff, and nowadays everybody videotapes it. So you get the idea that grandma and grandpa were up to some things. Every time your grandma.

[Byron]

You think grandpa's out there with the teeth. Go, hello, Hello.

[John Holmberg]

Do you. Do you think he wasn't? Do you think that when Shirley, my grandpa passed away.

[Byron]

This is the new boyfriend.

[John Holmberg]

Let me tell you this. Brady did Your grandma have dentures?

[Byron]

Nope. Nope.

[John Holmberg]

Neither of them?

[Byron]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

Did grandpa?

[Byron]

No.

[John Holmberg]

No. Nobody did. Okay.

[Byron]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

That's good. It's good. Taking care of their teeth is important. My grandma had dentures. And I guarantee you, as a joke.

[Dick Toledo]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Bill mates. Bill made the thing have teeth. I guarantee. I guarantee you papa for just a joke was like. And took him out of that weird glass of fix a dent, shoved him in there and made a mouth. Guarantee it, John.

[Brett Vesely]

I didn't think I'd be googling vagina dentures this morning, but here we are.

[John Holmberg]

So don't knock a gummy until you try it. I dated a woman years ago who lost her teeth when she was a teenager and she had dentures. She took those things out and it was the best thing ever happened to me. Dick Downing. I don't doubt that, but yuck. And how'd she lose her teeth? Meth disease. Improper care. But I guarantee every Grandpa. Did your grandpa have grandma have dentures?

[Brett Vesely]

One side did. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Those were in her.

[Brett Vesely]

Bother me.

[John Holmberg]

There's no question. Eventually going to start playing with them. You do dumb stuff. She's taking already. The first thing guys think is take them out, you get the best. We're already sexualizing dentures. The second we think about them, you're looking down there at that thing and you're looking at those teeth in that glass and then that thing and the teeth and like, what would this look like with a smile?

[Dick Toledo]

Clap them together.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, but they're going in there. And then you turn your head sideways and you made a little mouth, mouth. And eventually grandpa drew eyes on her legs, made a little face out of it, maybe even shaved some of that into like a top notch mustache. Make him make a little Hitler with great teeth. Tripp's listening right now going, ugh, I hate how right he is. Yeah, there you go, everybody. That is what your grandparents do. In the Brady Report. It's Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. This season. Let your shoes do the talking. Designer shoe warehouse is packed with fresh styles that speak to your whole vibe without saying a word from. Cool sneakers that look good with everything. The easy sandals you'll want to wear on repeat. ESW has you covered. Find a shoe for every u from the brand new brands you love like Birkenstock, Nike, Adidas, New Balance and more. Head to your DSW store or visit DSW.com today. You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Look at that Fitz is on his way somewhere right now. If he's awake, we worry about that. Fitz is on his way over to the fries on 67th Avenue and Bell this morning. Why would we tell you that? Our afternoon guy, Fitz Madrid, is heading over to a grocery store in the morning. I mean, Fitz is unique. You might want to watch him shop. He buys weird stuff, but he's also got a pretty cool thing. Monday night, Raw is here, and Fitz is going to be hanging out with Bailey and Wheatley American Vodka. Bailey is a wrestler. Vodka is the other thing. The official vodka of the WWE is Wheatley American Vodka at Fries on Bell and Glendale. Or Bell and 67th Avenue in Glendale. Nine till 11, he's going to be out there. Superstar Bailey is going to be signing the bottles of Wheatley American Vodka and taking photos with all you folks. So if you want to roll out there, Fitz is going to guide you through the entire endeavor. He should be on his way right now. He should be arriving as we speak. In fact, if he's being a diligent. Employees, 15 minutes early is on time. He's going to have tickets to go see Bad Omens, Motley Crue tickets in his hands. That's pretty great. Bandanas, T shirts, all the KUPD stuff you could ever dream of. And Bailey, if you're looking her up online, wwe B A Y L E Y Brady, is that what you're doing right now? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Bailey B A Y L E. Yeah. By not Balin, the girl with Tourette's who's very exciting, but not there. Bailey from the WWE is going to be out there and fit's going to join you. 9:00 this morning and we'll chat with him a little while, also find out all about that. And also while we're talking about getting out and going out tomorrow are delayed. Palladio finals, which I'm kind of excited about, or tomorrow night at Copper Blues downtown. We want to fill this place up and make a. Make a dent in a Tuesday night with these bands. Bands and have a blast with them and get the winners. Now, we're still searching for our top five to be available, but we had eight bands that we're like, I'm fine with any of these, but hopefully we can get DJ Bathsheba, the Alchemist. We're looking at you, hoping that you're real AI. And then of course, the witness protection guys who starting to wonder if they're AI.

[Brett Vesely]

They don't want to be seen.

[John Holmberg]

They don't want to be seen. They know. They know. Anyway, it's a, it's a very exciting thing. Tomorrow we, we crown the Palladio champion after the show and that'll be pretty fun. So supposed to be last Tuesday. No one could get there. Two of the bands were sick. One of them doesn't exist anymore. A couple people on the road, it's like, Jesus, we don't have a show. That was. That's the first time that's ever happened. But we want these bands there. They were so good, good that I want to see if they can pull this off live. So head on out there with us tomorrow night and you guys can regale, you know, in all the glory that is Palladio. 20, 25, 6. And get ourselves a champion. That'll have a theme song for start next year. I'm excited about it. It's going to be fun. If the songs are as good live as they were on the air, you're going to always remember like that was a night I'd have paid for. That was it. And it's free. So head on down there tomorrow and let's have some drinks and goof around, have a good time. And usually Matt down there at the club ends up donating a bunch of money to the Humane Society on top of it all when we do nights like that. So we should do it. We should have a bucket out front. Everybody should just drop 10 bucks in. Okay, that would work.

[Dick Toledo]

We've done that, remember, in years past.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? We should do that. Just a ten dollar drop off. Not mandatory, but heavily suggested on the way in to cover the bill for the Humane Society. Help them out in the holiday season because that's coming up either way. Playdio tomorrow night. If you don't want to donate, that's fine, I guess, but we'll put a bucket out there. That'll be fun. We got what Would Brady Do? Coming up in just moments. It's 98. You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. 98. What the hell is wrong with you? Let's find out exactly what that is, shall we? It's time for what Would Brady Do? And it's brought to you by our friends at MMP Guns. My, my goodness. The specials over at Mo Money Pawn or Through the Moon. In the holiday season they take carry. And you can't walk in there and say, do you have. Can you get. They can get everything and they probably have it somewhere in there. MMP guns in the back there's got all sorts of specials too, including their as all through the holidays are going to run that hundred dollars off the builder classes. The builder classes so you can build your own 9 or AR15. They've got all sorts of stuff for you to get involved in. Check it out. MMP, Guns.com, mo Money Pawn, 12th street in Indian school, they bring you what Brady did. Are you ready?

[Byron]

Ready.

[John Holmberg]

All right, we'll start. We'll start here. Dear Brady, I just found out my best friend is bisexual. We've known each other since elementary school. I had no clue. 26 years. He came out to me and then guess where it started? Yep, you guessed it. St. Tim's in Mesa. He was part of the teen program and he and a guy that used to be on our little league team team experimented with each other and he discovered he liked it. He actually told me he loved giving. He's still my bestie. But anyway, what would Brady do? Steven, that's kind of a vague. What was Brady do? What did you do? You find out that a guy for 26 years you've been best friends with him. Be like if Stebbings just came out goes, you know, I used to dabble around with Todd Link as his wang. A lot like no kid hidden.

[Byron]

It's an adjustment.

[John Holmberg]

It's an adjustment. All right.

[Byron]

So it's gonna be a friend.

[John Holmberg]

It's an excellent answer. That is an excellent answer. It really is. What else you want me to say? He's not wrong. That was a subtle way of saying, holy mother. That's an adjustment. That's succinct. Yeah. What would you do? Your best friend comes out.

[Byron]

I mean, what about me? Asking a lot of questions yet again.

[John Holmberg]

St. Tim's lets me down. Not only did Father Dale never come after me, now my best friend's a homosexual. And I never knew. You didn't even try to grab me once.

[Dick Toledo]

Poor little.

[John Holmberg]

We had slumber parties. If Stebbings turned out homo and started coming my direction later with, yeah, I've been gay since forever. I'm like, what about me? We swam. Never once did you even get hard. And we played pool, basketball. I'd have noticed. You should be upset.

[Byron]

Upset at him for.

[John Holmberg]

For his friend not finding him attractive at all. Your best friends. Oh, at least get me in. He loves giving. You didn't even offer. That's rude, Brady. That's the same as going to somebody's house and they've got food all over the table. And they never once say, well, now it's your opportunity.

[Byron]

Then what would you do?

[John Holmberg]

If you found out that over the past 25 years, I am a culinary master, in fact, people come far and wide for my meals. And you're just now finding that out? Why never get me any food? First thought should be been holding it off from. It's not right. It's just not right.

[Byron]

I don't know. That's. I don't think. I mean, it's interesting you would be upset at that. I don't know if I'd be that upset about it. That. Because you didn't. You're upset that he didn't hit on you first off?

[John Holmberg]

A little bit, yes. And also that you didn't show any trust in your best friend to know this about you. But you were blowing, you know, peeping Brink over here from the baseball team.

[Brett Vesely]

So you're insulted by it a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you thought I'm. You thought so little of me that you couldn't tell me your darkest moments or your deepest secret. Not necessarily dark, but that I wasn't worthy enough to know that about you. And meanwhile, you're blowing everybody all through high school except me but you.

[Byron]

But could you understand why?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Byron]

He wouldn't let you know.

[John Holmberg]

Not at all. I've seen me naked. I don't understand any of. Why he wouldn't want some. No. I don't know. This guy's probably a lot of pressure.

[Dick Toledo]

Why he wouldn't want some. Is that.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly right. At least make. Give me the opportunity to punch you in the nose. That's all.

[Dick Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

We've been drunk together I don't know how many times, not once. You didn't let slip. I really like you. Like what?

[Byron]

We've talked about this.

[Dick Toledo]

How easy it would be if we were.

[John Holmberg]

You guys are best friends for a reason. Like, let me dabble with your doll. Give me the opportunity to say no is what I'm saying. Sir. Brady's right. It's an adjustable. But it's also an insult for two reasons. Physically, he didn't find you attractive. And emotionally, he didn't think you were deep enough to handle the news.

[Byron]

Sure. That's big. Big fear. Losing the friendship.

[John Holmberg]

Why is it not a fear? Now? We could have been best friends. And dong, apparently I was ready be.

[Byron]

Over not being insulted.

[Brett Vesely]

Great song.

[John Holmberg]

And the worst part is, is that. That, you know, all those times you made jokes about gays and things like that, he was there. Now you're taking it all in, and now you're just, like, a jerk. You find out your best friend's gay. He's still your best friend. So really the only thing to be upset about as I make jokes about this is the fact that he didn't try to give you a hand job. That's all. Otherwise, it's the same guy. I would ask the question, how come you didn't trust me with this? What did you think I would do? That's a big one. That's a real one. You'd still be friends with him. Yeah, sure. What if he was. What if he came out and became a flamboyantly gay man and you guys. And you guys had like.

[Dick Toledo]

It's an adjustment John.

[John Holmberg]

Like Doug King, he just all of a sudden, it's like all I love cranks in my hand and just. And then every time you're with him, he's. He's trolling for deep.

[Byron]

We've only had. There is. I can think of one person I.

[John Holmberg]

Give Doug that you and I know. Yeah.

[Byron]

That later in life is converted. Basically. He said, I'm done being hetero. I'm gay.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Byron]

Have yet to talk to him about it.

[John Holmberg]

You stopped talking to him?

[Byron]

No, I just didn't know that. Hadn't seen him in a. In a while. And you see the posts on that.

[John Holmberg]

That's different altogether because that dude's transitioning on top of that at all.

[Byron]

Texted a couple of times. Yeah, let's get out and golf sometimes.

[John Holmberg]

But that guy who is awesome is a woman now, right?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

Which tee box does he hit from?

[John Holmberg]

That's the thing. If we golf, if we are in.

[Byron]

A tournament, if he hits from the.

[John Holmberg]

Ladies, I'll tell you that. That guy could smash it. Yeah. He had a good flight on the ball too. Yeah. If we can get him in a tournament, I'd do that. Just put him off in the red tees. I know eight or nine people that later in life came out gay. It's no big deal. Yeah, but if it was my best friend for 26 years, I'd have to wonder how come I was married to one of them. Yeah. Your wife did it. Yeah. You're not friends with her anymore. Well, we're not.

[Byron]

Not friends.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You're not like Paladin trolling for bush? No, no, no. Out on bush patrol.

[Dick Toledo]

No, I. I think we have different tastes.

[John Holmberg]

You do?

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I know. Oh, yeah. She likes them rough. Yeah. I never asked you that. Apparently dawn likes a rough. A rough neck.

[Byron]

A rough rider.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. With the haircut and the glasses.

[Dick Toledo]

Somebody to handle her.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, that's why I thought she'd want to be With a tiny no. Start manipulating and screaming at that scared into the corner. Yeah. Best friend's still your best friend if he's gay. Just got a couple questions on what. I mean, that would be my biggest one. What did you think I'd do with this information that made it so you thought you had to keep it from me?

[Byron]

Yeah, that's fair.

[John Holmberg]

That's totally fair.

[Byron]

That's fair. Especially.

[Dick Toledo]

I think everybody overlooks the fact that you've. You've got history for 40 years.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, I mean, that's me and Mark, not these two. I'm placing myself.

[Dick Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But I would also, like, say, and was there anything that I did wrong that made you feel like. Like, you know, and I don't want to. I won't. I wouldn't accept the answer. It was just time. Like, no, no. You knew the whole time. And you kept that from me for a reason. And I don't blame you. But I want to know why you.

[Byron]

Want to get better because you feel. I think there's a slight bit of, like, almost betrayal.

[John Holmberg]

It's. I think it's more. Depending on what disappoint. I don't think I'd feel betrayed as much as I'd be like, oh, I must have not been as good a friend to you as I thought that. That you don't realize. You don't trust.

[Dick Toledo]

You want to hear.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You don't trust that I'm there for you and your worst or most private moments. And there's times when you do keep something from it, like, but someday you might say something. But 26 years and knowing the entire time who's your best friend and what are you smirking at?

[Brett Vesely]

Who cares?

[John Holmberg]

You don't care.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

If you're gonna twink around. Twink around.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, that just doesn't bother me.

[John Holmberg]

Give me a couple offers.

[Byron]

Offers.

[John Holmberg]

That's all I'm asking. Come on in the car. Once he's drunk, he's like, I've always wanted to give you a hand job. I'm like, no, but it makes me.

[Brett Vesely]

You just want to be able to turn them down.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Oh, okay.

[Byron]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It feels even when a, you know, an ugly person says, you're beautiful, you feel good about yourself for a second. Then you gotta start scrambling in your brain on how to tell this. Let them down easily.

[Byron]

You know, a lot of times that changes the. The friendship.

[John Holmberg]

It can. Hand jobs change friendships.

[Byron]

Cross looking to cross the line.

[Dick Toledo]

Words have never.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe the greatest phrase in the history, history of the Show. Hand jobs change friendship.

[Brett Vesely]

We need shirts that say that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. We need. We need billboards. Yes. In fact, let's see if we can change our digital billboards to Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Hand jobs change friendships. It's true. It would change some stuff mentally, but.

[Byron]

That'S why he didn't want to cross the line.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he didn't want to do it with you. But he. Again, it is kind of weird that he hasn't said anything to you. And maybe you just let off a vibe that you would be. Maybe you've been kind of gay joking around the whole time. He didn't realize you were kind of. He was eating that up every time. And getting a little further from, maybe.

[Brett Vesely]

You'Re just not his type.

[John Holmberg]

But if he. If you were doing that and your gay friend was like, I don't like that about him, why would he remain best friends with you? So you probably weren't that. I don't know. Email us back and tell us how his type.

[Brett Vesely]

That's got to be it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dick Toledo]

And that has to be okay.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's not enough. Enough.

[Brett Vesely]

It's not enough.

[John Holmberg]

I'd be insulted even right now if you came out as half gay and came to me and said only half. He's bisexual. Yeah. A half a gay, they call it. Tom Br says something different, and so does Tucker Carlson. Did you see that?

[Byron]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Tucker Carlson was with Pierce Morgan and said the homo f word like, 11 times, trying to get Pierce Morgan to say it like they were in the back of a bus with a Mormon. Mormon. He's like, you won't say it. Why don't you just say. Are you afraid? That's just the word I don't care to use. I don't understand where you're forcing me to do it. I've said it before, but. Then say it. What? You little. I don't want to do that. This just seems. It just seems crude and beneath me. Will you say it? I've said it three times. I'll say it again. Like, Tucker, calm down.

[Brett Vesely]

Hold my beer.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Dear Brady, my dad is coming to town for the holidays and I don't want him at my house because he's an awful guest. He craps, like, five times a day sometimes without flushing properly. He makes messes all over the place. He's a great man and I love him deeply, but he's a horrible house guest. He takes his bed blanket to the couch and hogs the whole couch every night. Blanket from bed. I guess. I don't know that's what I assume. Bed blanket. Sounds like he's.

[Byron]

Or they're sharing a bed.

[John Holmberg]

Why would they be sharing stories? That's the last story.

[Byron]

Combining stories.

[John Holmberg]

His bed blanket is his. Ooh. Oh, you're thinking he's upset when he goes to bed, there's no blanket. No, that's. What is this? Charlie Bucket's house? We don't have a ton of money, so we can't resort or send him to a resort or anything. And he says he's staying for two weeks. I need a plan toot sweet to get him out. Please help rob me.

[Byron]

Then you gotta.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Byron]

Pull the scab off and tell him, Dad, I don't like. I don't want you staying with us.

[John Holmberg]

You're the worst house guest in the world. Clean it up or you're out. Treat my house a little respect.

[Brett Vesely]

Hey, Motel 6 is what, 60 bucks a dine or something?

[John Holmberg]

And if he can't afford it, he shouldn't be coming out for vacation.

[Brett Vesely]

Reloading other things to spend his money on.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. In two weeks.

[Byron]

It lasted that long. I mean, that he's come out that many times. I wonder.

[John Holmberg]

And it's like, we know.

[Byron]

I just can't.

[John Holmberg]

That's an assumption.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Might be like the third time. And it's like, I can't do this. 14 days. I can tell you right away, I don't care who it is.

[Brett Vesely]

You're not letting down. Stay at your house for 14 days, are you?

[Dick Toledo]

14 days.

[John Holmberg]

14 days.

[Byron]

That's too much.

[John Holmberg]

If my dad came out here and said, hey, I want to stay at your house, I'd be like, walking. Why? Well, just. You want to live. You want.

[Dick Toledo]

You're an accomplished man.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You're fine. Get a room. Don't you want a break? Well, we could spend time together. We can do that while we're awake. I don't need you sleeping down the hall.

[Brett Vesely]

You go back to the resort dropping a deuce.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. I don't need anything else at all. Brett's 100%. If my dad said, I'm staying for 14 days, and now I'll give you one or two nights, but that's it.

[Byron]

My parents came out, and when I was single, basically, it came out for a couple of. Two week.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, a lot. And your dad did housework and stuff, like he was.

[Byron]

And I was gone, you know, most of the day during the week.

[John Holmberg]

And then he was an outrageous.

[Byron]

But yeah, it doesn't work for everyone, that's for sure.

[John Holmberg]

You don't. You can't have Parents stand for two weeks at a time per vacation. If they're going to move in with you, that's one thing. But two weeks at a time. And here's the last one. You're gonna like this one. Brady. Dear Brady, I gave a woman herpes about seven and a half years ago. She thinks she got them from another person, but it was probably almost certainly me. Should I tell her or let her keep thinking it was this dude in Florida? Ross. That's a tough one.

[Byron]

Interesting. Why did it come up again? Why do you want to. Are you feeling. If you're feeling empowered enough that you want to tell her.

[John Holmberg]

But why?

[Brett Vesely]

It's a bumpy road.

[Byron]

Sorry. Great point.

[John Holmberg]

She thinks it's another guy.

[Byron]

But then I guess eventually if. Does. Does she know that he has herpes?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. That's the thing.

[Byron]

You're gonna have to. It's amazing it went this far onto it that she would not.

[John Holmberg]

She thinks it's someone else. Why even look.

[Byron]

Well, no, for him. She finds out that he has herpes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it would change some stuff up. So would you tell her? Or you just say I recently had gotten herpes too and make it seem like you just got it? So it was uninvolved when you were together and then get back together because you can't catch it twice. Right. If you just told her, how would.

[Byron]

He know for sure, though? How could he confirm that? That he was the giver?

[John Holmberg]

Because he probably knew when he did it and then found out she got her piece.

[Byron]

Another guy.

[John Holmberg]

My guess is this happened at Tony Romas once. Somebody with it didn't know he had it till after. And then a girl he was with in the interim of trying to figure out what was going on, started crying at work. Turned out she had it. They'd been together and she thought it was from her boyfriend. She dabbled with this dude on the side and shouldn't have caught the stuff. But everybody there had it, evidently, because nobody was even upset. But he never told her because he thought it's best to just kind of keep this quiet because he was pretty sure it was him. But again, nobody really knows. You know what? Maybe you didn't give it to her. Maybe it was.

[Brett Vesely]

Why tell her?

[John Holmberg]

Why bring it up?

[Byron]

What's the point?

[Brett Vesely]

What's the.

[Byron]

That's what? She's got it.

[Brett Vesely]

She ain't getting rid of it. Who cares?

[John Holmberg]

And if you're talking about herpes with her, you guys are thinking about doing it again. There's no reason otherwise. Unless you knew back then because I thought they were. And it doesn't matter.

[Byron]

They weren't. They're not together right now.

[John Holmberg]

They're not. I think from the. The little read between the lines moments of that. That was a. A quick thing about eight years ago, seven and a half years ago.

[Byron]

I think he's assuming a little too much.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, just let it go.

[Brett Vesely]

What she don't know won't kill her.

[John Holmberg]

And herpes won't kill her either, so. And now, you know, if you bang her, you two just swapping back and forth, nothing's changing. So she's back on the menu. If you ask me.

[Byron]

And when she finally says, you know, if you. If she is back on the menu and she says, before we go any further, I want to let you know I have herpes, you can say we have that in common.

[John Holmberg]

You know what you could do? Somebody's already made a billboard.

[Brett Vesely]

Batman. Already made for us.

[John Holmberg]

It's a great billboard. I don't like the color on the bottom. I think that needs to pop more. But I do like what you done is have sex with her and say it's worth the risk, and then a couple weeks later, call her, go, you gave me herpes and then take money from her? Yes. Ultimate gaslighting and manipulation. That's what you should work here with, your herpes. Yeah. I don't know. That's a tough one. And Max is saying, what if she cheated on you with that guy from Florida and that's why she thinks you. I don't know. It didn't sound like it was a relationship. He just said, I gave a girl herpes about seven years ago. That wasn't an ex girlfriend. That wasn't someone else. That's just. I was with someone, so I don't. I'm not really reading that this was a serious relationship. Maybe, but they're still talking, so. Hand jobs change friendships. That's what we're going to walk away learning today, I think. Couldn't be more true. I don't know. Does it matter who gave it to you? I guess, probably. Probably. Does it?

[Brett Vesely]

Why you already got it?

[Byron]

Well, it can matter why.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, I think you need to pinpoint it. Why? I don't. You're not wrong. Why is it? Decent question.

[Byron]

You got it.

[Brett Vesely]

You got. You're not getting rid of it.

[John Holmberg]

But if you found out you had it, you'd be like, what the Huda?

[Byron]

I'd be pissed.

[Brett Vesely]

But like, what are you gonna do about it?

[John Holmberg]

That's true. I'd want to know who gave me AIDS on World AIDS Day? Yeah, I'd like to know who is the gift giver? Who's the one? Because if I got to start making phone calls to everybody I've been with, the one that gave it to me better fess up. Anyway, they're not gonna.

[Brett Vesely]

Nobody can prove it, so it doesn't matter. That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

No one can prove it. I love Brett's.

[Byron]

What?

[John Holmberg]

All Brett's arguments end with that phrase, no one can prove it. I dare you. Well, my herpes have my DNA. It's not like kids. Anyway, get scraped. And I'll meet you at 10 o'.

[Brett Vesely]

Clock.

[John Holmberg]

It's 9. 21. There you go.

[Brett Vesely]

Checks for everyone.

[John Holmberg]

It's a disturbing group. And parents, you should know not to stay at someone's house for two weeks. It's a great phrase. House guests are like fish after three days, they stink. That is what Brady did. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you, PD? It's almost 10 already. One first day of December out the way, 24 days to go. Advent calendars are open. Weird. And then, of course, you got stuff going on this morning with our own Fitz Madrid. Fitz is out this morning at the fries on 67th Avenue in Beth, and he's hanging out with Bailey. She's a WWE superstar. And they're gonna have Wheatley American Vodka out there, too. That's the official vodka of the WWE right there at Bell Road in Glendale from 9 till 11. So he's already out there. Got an hour and 20 minutes to hang out with Fitz. Bailey's gonna be signing the bottles of Wheatley American Vodka and taking pictures with you guys, while Fitz stands nearby, awkwardly comments on the situation, and then hands out Bad Omens and Motley Crue tickets, along with bandanas, T shirts, and a whole bunch of more. Am I wrong?

[Byron]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

I nailed that, right?

[Byron]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

67Th Avenue and Bell. That is where our friend Fitz is. I nailed it. You know what, babe? You know what this is like. And you're like, oh, here we go. Some odd comparisons coming here. And he's gonna be right. He'll get you thinking, that guy. So head on over there this morning. Fries glendale. That's on 67th Avenue and Bell. That's not so far. And then I got another one. Josh Libby, our deaf listener. You heard me. He didn't. What? Yeah, Brady's our deaf performer. He's our deaf listener. He said, I read the transcript from Wednesday's podcast. Thank you for mentioning me on the air. Absolutely huge for someone who's been listening for 20 years. Too bad I couldn't hear it. Hahaha. Signed Josh, the deaf listener. We have a transcript. Who's doing that?

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know.

[Byron]

I've been doing it for years.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God. And he could still read it.

[Byron]

It's amazing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you've been doing the first show for years. I've seen you type. Oh, he has it. Oh, okay. What's it do when I say phage? It's not a word, but it's going to spell something horrible for him. Am I wrong?

[Byron]

Maybe fajo.

[John Holmberg]

Fajo. Yeah. Phaot's gonna screw up the whole thing. And he. He reads or I wouldn't read this show. You couldn't pay me enough money to read this show. It doesn't make sense. Does it say in bad Indian accent in parentheses every once in a while.

[Brett Vesely]

Or hello my friend.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Brett giggled racistly. Is that. Does it describe. Suddenly it's got to take all of it out. When Brady's like a guy in India did a thing and then a thing and then I'm just like, oh my friend. No, no, no, no. That's just gonna read poorly. Unless somebody's like in Indian accent accent. Racist, racist. Stereotypical Chinese accent. It would just constantly remind you we're bad with all the subtext. You can't read hateful tones that Brett has and everything he says with a grin on his face. Come on.

[Brett Vesely]

No hate.

[John Holmberg]

No hate there is true. You're not a hater. Skepticism. Anyway. Thanks Josh. Libby. Thank you, Josh. There, I got it out of the way for everybody. What? What? It's time now for the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] the home of Tactical Black Self Defense Training 89 for a month of training. They're keeping that special alive for a little while longer. Some gift certificates available. That was just for the first few people, but it went well enough. They're going to keep doing it for you guys.

[Byron]

Guys.

[John Holmberg]

Because they care. 25 years is what they're celebrating in 2026. So they want to give back a little bit to you guys. Pretty awesome stuff. So if you want to get involved, you still can 89 for one month and you can get that as a gift for someone else or for yourself or whatever and start learning how to be a better you while you get in great shape doing it. It's a good thing. ReactDefense.com is where you go. The price cannot be beat. Start being a sheepdog. Stop being a sheep.

[Byron]

Sheep.

[John Holmberg]

It's the home of tactical Black Brady. Entertain me.

[Byron]

Dame Judy Dench is opening up about her worsening eye condition. She's got that macular degeneration.

[John Holmberg]

My mom's got that.

[Byron]

And now she's pretty much blind.

[John Holmberg]

My mom's got like a hole in her vision in one eye, and she got the dry one, so you can't fix it. The wet one you can take medicine. The dry one, you can't.

[Byron]

Her Fellow actor Ian McKelvie stopped in to say hi to her. It's like, I can't. I can only see an outline. You sound very well.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I feel great. None shall pass.

[Byron]

But she can't recognize anybody. Can't even watch tv. I can't even read, she says. On the latest episode of the Kardashians, Kim Kardashian has shown with her doctor who expresses concern about her recent brain scans. He said he sees a series of holes in her scans which indicate low brain activity.

[John Holmberg]

And there's a black guy in every one of them.

[Byron]

Basically, her frontal lobe is less now.

[John Holmberg]

That you could read. That was a good one. You don't need voices for. You're welcome, Josh.

[Byron]

Apparently, it's not the end of the world. He did say that these holes impact her ability to handle stress.

[John Holmberg]

She's been. Her holes have been a problem for her for a while.

[Byron]

Yeah. Dealing with Kanye, dealing with effort to become a lawyer, Ray J. Her business ventures.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but let's be honest. If it weren't for her hole, she wouldn't even be famous.

[Brett Vesely]

Absolutely. And her surgeons.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Loosening those holes has been her whole life project.

[Byron]

I mentioned it earlier this morning, but Mariah Carey rakes in 2.5 million in royalties every year from All I Want Christmas.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Rob Wood makes a point, says John. When you read your impersonations, they're perfect. Do you think your deaf listener ever sits back and goes, ah, it's a good Morgan Freeman while he's reading it. That's a good question. Like, why even bother? You shouldn't listen to the Impression show show the Guadalupe Squares. Makes no sense. Even when you can hear. Can you imagine trying to read it?

[Brett Vesely]

That's true.

[John Holmberg]

I'd skip that part.

[Byron]

That song was co written by a Russian Brazilian music producer named Walter F. In the cf.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Byron]

Nailed it. He did a lot of work with Mariah in the 90s. His net worth is over worth Over.

[John Holmberg]

A hundred million in just from that song. And he spent it in both Russia and Brazil.

[Byron]

They did a little celebrity auction this last week and there's a couple of rock memorabilia stuff. The safe that Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson's sex tape was kept in.

[John Holmberg]

Tape safe? They're selling that?

[Byron]

They sold it.

[John Holmberg]

Come on.

[Byron]

Guess what it went for 20 grand. $102,560. Okay.

[John Holmberg]

That was good. 20. 20 was good. Just cuz I just thought somebody dumb would do it.

[Byron]

They were expecting 4 to 6,000.

[John Holmberg]

That's. You can buy a safe for that.

[Brett Vesely]

Throw it in the trash if you got Tommy Lee's money. What are you doing? What the hell's wrong with you?

[John Holmberg]

Is it to benefit something?

[Byron]

Yeah, proceeds. Music cares.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Byron]

Benefits.

[John Holmberg]

So just getting rid of some stuff that. Okay, that's a little different.

[Byron]

But Kirk Hammett donated a couple of guitars. They went for 192,000. His 1960 Les Paul. He had a couple other guitars. 75,000. 160,000 for the Gibson SCS. That's.

[John Holmberg]

That's getting something there. You're getting some.

[Byron]

Adam Clayton from U2. He had a couple of guitars he sold too. But Tommy Lee. 2500 bucks.

[John Holmberg]

Is Adam Clayton the drummer? I see the other guitar, the bass player.

[Byron]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

Who's the drummer?

[Byron]

Forgot the edge is the guitar player. And then.

[John Holmberg]

Huh. I don't know who the other. Who the drummer is. Big tall, dopey guy.

[Brett Vesely]

I thought it was that. He's a bassist. Larry Mullins.

[John Holmberg]

Larry Mullins, that's right. Damn it. The two you forget about, right?

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Guy says John, your deaf listener. Imagine coming to this show for your pretty faces. Because that's why he's there. I call him Josh Keller now because the only thing he isn't is blind. Because he's for sure dumb too. Well, don't cancel that transcription. You're not dumb, Josh. That was from a listener named Key Custer. Find him and curse him out.

[Byron]

Smackdown.

[John Holmberg]

How does it transcribe that?

[Byron]

Josh is laughing right now.

[John Holmberg]

I want to read our show. What a drag. Except that thing about the black guys in the holes, that was pretty good. We could read that. That transfer translates. Geez Louise. All right, that's enough of us. Oh, I wanted. Somebody emailed me and said did you ever. For World AIDS Day, Tamara said that she was listening to a song called she thinks His Name was john by Reba McIntyre and she didn't realize it until today when we said it was World AIDS Day, that this is a song about Reba singing about some lady dying of AIDS and trying to figure out who it was. Have you ever heard this?

[Byron]

No.

[John Holmberg]

So in World AIDS Day, just coincidentally, Tamara, she stole the Brian Adams song.

[Brett Vesely]

Another thief.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It'S the same song.

[Brett Vesely]

Your ex made some money with you, did she?

[John Holmberg]

She can account for all of the men in her past, where they are now, who they married, how many kids they have.

[Byron]

She knew that.

[John Holmberg]

Can't write a love song about a woman who did this to herself. Yeah. Am I supposed to be touched?

[Byron]

Did they do it all for love?

[John Holmberg]

It sounds like they're about to. It's the same song.

[Byron]

On. She can't put her fingers.

[John Holmberg]

She's trying to. She's trying to blame a guy for giving her aids. How many dumb people have played this at a wedding when they married someone named John?

[Byron]

There's one. There's just one John. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I'm wonderful. That's my new theme song. I may or may not have given Reba McIntyre's friend AIDS. That translates. You could read that. God, I'm glad I don't listen to country music. Think of the things they sing about Jesus. They're trying to make me feel sorry for her. The whole song starts with, she was a pretty big scabs on her back.

[Byron]

I mean, how.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. All right. Yeah. That's played at weddings because some. His name is John and he's the one. He's the one.

[Brett Vesely]

I'll let you know if I have to play it.

[John Holmberg]

I haven't even done yet. Do it.

[Brett Vesely]

I will.

[John Holmberg]

If you get a groom named John, just say, hey, there's a great song about marrying somebody named like John being the one. I'm gonna play this at your wedding and see if anybody goes. It's songs about a woman dying of aids. Yeah. What's the difference between that and Mary Marriage. They're both terminal. Anyway. Well, thanks, Tamara. Happy World AIDS Day, everyone. That's not a suggestion. Go out and grab it. It's not on sale. Or it's not like Cyber AIDS Day. I guess it's World Day. Avoid AIDS Day. That would be the one to remind you to not get it. Crucial parental advice. Don't get it like that lady did in Reba's song. We're all done, right? Larry's coming up next. Fitz is still out there at that fries. He'll tell you more about that and everything else Larry's got for you. Be nice to him. He'll be kind back. I promise. We're done. We'll catch you guys tomorrow. Right here in the morning sickness. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.