Podcast Summary: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness - December 4, 2025

Episode Overview

This lively episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness mainly revolves around the hosts’ hilarious yet exasperated rant about etiquette and unwritten rules for charity golf tournaments—specifically, the perils of bringing inexperienced (and, in their words, unattractive) female golfers into a “scramble.” The crew—John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo—also recount some wild and weird recent news stories, including a raccoon rescue gone wrong, food safety mishaps with DoorDash, and a Guinness World Record-winning canine. Throughout, the hosts maintain their signature Arizona sarcasm and irreverent humor.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Golf Scramble Rant: Should Beginners (and Certain Women) Be Allowed?

(01:17–11:47)

• Setting the Scene:
  After a charity event for Sojourner Center, John and Brady vent about the frustrations of being stuck behind a group with an inexperienced female golfer.
• Main Complaint:
  Holmberg insists organizers should be strategic about whom they let into foursomes, especially during tournaments.
  • “You don’t invite beginners to five-hour events. Take them for 30 minutes on the range at most.” — John (03:11)
• Unequal Treatment Dilemma:
  The group is hesitant to yell at an inexperienced woman out of social decorum, noting “if it was a dude, one of us would have said, what are you doing? Pick it up!” (03:09)
• Selective Tolerance:
  Humorously, John claims the only reason to tolerate a beginner is if "she's incredibly hot and you're trying to bang her" (03:17), referencing social motivations.
• Beginner Golfers’ Privileges:
  John rails against giving beginners a head start. “If you’re good at it, you get 100-yard head start. If you’re bad at it... you shouldn’t be.” (02:24)
• Key Rule Proposal:
  “If you forget your club at all ever on the golf course, sit it out for three holes.” (11:10)
• Notable Quotes:
  • "Where do you get the ignorance, arrogance, and craziness to actually go, 'Sure, I’ll do something I’ve never done before' — because she’s trying to bang that same guy." — John (07:24)
  • “Like if a hot girl tries to cook for the first time and lights the kitchen on fire, you still like—‘you’re great!’ If she’s ugly... you’re in a courtroom in a few.” — John (10:06)
• Brady’s Frustration:
  "Pick it up, pick it up!" — Brady, as they watch the golfer fumble over her shots (05:36)
• Conclusion:
  Despite all the complaints, the hosts agree the charity event itself was well run and fun, but they “need some rules” to keep tournament play smooth.

2. Strange and Wild News Stories

A. Raccoon Rescue Gone Wrong

Wild America segment (16:12–18:39)

• Story:
  Man rescues injured raccoon by driving it over an hour pressed to his chest—gets bitten and contracts rabies, raccoon euthanized.
  • “This is why I’m doing this story close to you, Brady...The raccoon bit the man in his face and hands.” — Brady (16:53)
• Key Insight:
  Nature center warns never to directly handle injured wild animals, especially raccoons.
• Memorable Commentary:
  • “You know what raccoon rehab is? Put it out by the trash. He’ll be fine.” — John (18:21)
  • “You put them in a dumpster and he’s like, ‘Thanks. I’m back to being a raccoon again.’” — Brady (18:32)

B. Food Safety with DoorDash

(19:44–21:11)

• Incident:
  DoorDash driver caught on video picking up a dropped chicken wing from a customer’s doorstep and putting it back in the package—then licking his fingers.
• Host Theories:
  • John asserts, “It didn’t just fall out. He had that open on the way over, and he was dipping his fingers in the juice, forgot to close it, and that’s why it fell out.” (19:59)
• Tips:
  • “If a DoorDash driver drops stuff off and it isn’t stapled and taped, do not eat it.” — John (21:11)
• Comic Suggestions:
  • “Would you like to buy the driver some fries? Take it off the tip and get yourself some fries.” — John (21:58)

C. Cheese Recall

(18:45–19:30)

• Recalled shredded cheese for metal shards—but not in Arizona. Hosts joke about “panning for gold” with cheese.

D. Weird Justice Devices: ‘Barnacle’ Car Parking Locks

(22:10–24:09)

• Story:
  Philadelphia introduces “barnacles”—big devices that suction to windshields to immobilize illegally parked cars, $100 to remove.
• Host Response:
  • “I could hang out the window. I’ll show... like Ace Ventura.” — John (22:32)
• Hosts recount their own experiences with car boots and parking fines.

E. Fabergé Egg Swallowing

(24:09–26:16)

• Guy in New Zealand tried to shoplift a Fabergé egg necklace by swallowing it.
• “Now they’re just waiting for him to pass the egg.” — Brady (25:01)

F. Guinness Dog Tongue Record

(26:19–27:28)

• Ozzy, a French Mastiff mix from Oklahoma, now holds the world record for longest canine tongue: 7.83 inches!
• "Have a tongue like that, he's not passing many IQ tests." — John (27:24)

3. Bizarre and Outrageous Viral Videos

(27:43–36:13)

• Highlights:
  • Girl Fights: Breakdown of white-girl brawling: “It’s slow... she’s got her on the ground…” — John (27:50)
  • Motorcycle Stunt Gone Wrong: Biker set ablaze after a friend pours lighter fluid on the bike.
  • Band performs shock antics: Woman removes her tampon on stage and throws it (“True female Gar!” — John) (29:43–30:41)
  • Narco Hit Caught on Video: Motorcycle crash revealed as an assassination attempt.
  • Pageant for the Disabled: Hosts watch a video of a no-armed, one-legged woman in a thong competing (“She looks like an AT-AT from Star Wars.” — John (33:16))
  • Midget Group Sex Video: “I'd still rather be behind that foursome than the one we were behind yesterday in golf.” — John (35:51)

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Golf Tournament Selection:
  • “You have to have like a Paige Spiranic beginner...We’d have watched that all day.” — John (04:21)
• Brady’s Annoyance at Play:
  • “Pick it up. She’s not gonna swing another. Oh, she is.” — Brady (04:32)
• Double Standard on Criticism:
  • “You can’t yell at them. They want equal treatment. But if you started yelling at her, she’d start crying. Dudes won’t cry.” — John (08:10)
• Why the Raccoon Rescue Was Stupid:
  • “You’re dumber than him.” — John, about the man who handled a rabid raccoon (17:53)
• On DoorDash Temptation:
  • “You can’t smell KFC in your car without at least touching it and licking your fingers.” — John (20:39)
• Video Commentary:
  • “That’s a true female Gar!” — John, about onstage tampon escapades (30:12)
  • “I can’t see that many malformed human beings doing one thing at a time.” — John (36:00)
  • “Sorry midgets, but that was gross. One at a time, please.” — John (35:51)

Timestamps for Major Segments

• Golf Scramble Rant: 01:17 – 11:47
• Brady Report (Weird News & Fun Facts): 12:27 – 26:19
• Bizarre Viral Videos & Listener Submissions: 27:43 – 36:13

Tone & Style

• Language/Tone: Highly irreverent, sarcastic, at times bordering on inappropriate—quintessential “guy talk” radio.
• Authentic Voice: The hosts riff on typical Arizona experiences, with self-deprecating humor and punchy banter.
• Usefulness: The summary would amuse and inform listeners who missed the episode, highlighting the show’s signature quick-witted energy and ability to turn every topic into a comedic debate.

In Summary

This episode offers peak Holmberg’s Morning Sickness with its blend of inventive ranting, Arizona-local flavor, and boundary-pushing “guy humor.” Whether riffing on golf etiquette, delivery food safety, human folly, or the world’s longest dog tongue, the team keeps up a relentless pace of laughs, mock outrage, and the occasional side of surprisingly practical advice.