12-05-25 - Lebron's Scoring Streak Ends After John Calls It Out - Thief Who Stole And Swallowed Faberge Jewels Has Us Talking About Prison And How We'd Fare Inside And What We'd Have To Offer Is Not Pretty

Summary

---

Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode: LeBron’s Scoring Streak Ends & Fabergé Jail Talk

Date: December 5, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Panel: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Podcast Timeframe: [01:11] – [37:37]

---

Overview

In this episode, the crew dives into two vibrant and uniquely "Holmberg’s" topics: LeBron James’s legendary scoring streak coming to an end (with a sarcastic nod to “Jew magic”), and wild, eye-popping stories about prison life inspired by a thief who swallowed Fabergé jewels. The guys riff on sports ego, what changes someone earns 'GOAT' status, the grimy realities of incarceration, and how each of them (hilariously) imagines they'd fare inside.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

---

1. LeBron James’ 10-point Streak Ends

Begins at [01:21]

• John Holmberg revisits his comments from the previous day, joking that just mentioning LeBron’s streak “jinxed” it, and that now he’s getting emails from listeners crediting his “Jew magic” for ending it.
  • Memorable quote: “Good job, Jew. You’ve used the word Jew in an email more than Hitler.” — John, reading a listener email [02:22]
• The group debates whether LeBron’s ego is over-the-top compared to past NBA legends.
  • John: “Never liked LeBron. You know why? Because he likes himself enough for everybody.” [03:09]
• Discussion ensues about the real criteria for earning ‘GOAT’ status:
  • Consistency is impressive, but truly changing the game is what counts.
  • John: “He’s the least consequential greatest player in a sport ever. He didn’t change the game at all.” [04:09]
  • Players who changed the game: Jordan, Steph Curry, Dr. J (“the aerial attack”), Wilt Chamberlain (“just 20 years ahead of his time”), Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
  • They agree LeBron is “excellent” but didn’t alter the sport’s landscape.
• Commentary on LeBron moving teams to win titles (“shopping around”) versus the “GOAT” tradition of sticking with one.
  • ”The game has changed… sure, he moved out. The NBA, they didn’t want him.” [06:08]
• Cleveland Bashing: John lampoons Cleveland, suggesting it should be the decoy city in an international conflict scenario.
  • “Blowing up Cleveland would be a gift to the United States. We just can’t do it ourselves.” [06:14]

---

2. The Realities of Prison Life

Transitions at [07:20]

Strip Searches & Smuggling

• John tells a story from a friend (Zach) who worked county jail intake, describing the graphic and thankless job of searching for contraband.
  • ”If you compound it with, oh, he’s taken 12 dumps and he hasn’t showered once…it looks like mud on the bottom of a shoe.” — John, on cavity searches [08:32]
• The infamous “Fabergé egg” story: a thief concealed the jewel for six days, forcing guards to sift through his waste daily.
  • ”Six days…you go through another load, nothing…oh, you got to wait.” [09:38]
  • The panel debates why they didn’t just operate: “Who’s gonna pay for it? …We paid for it.” [11:14]
  • Jokes ensue about the “resale value” and how these situations test guards’ resolve.

Inmate “Economics” & Survival

• Stories about severe inmate abuse, including a notorious “boy toy” in prison (the “D block” infection story).
  • ”He got drilled so often and so bad…it smelled…he called it ‘gungaria.’” [14:32]
  • Comparisons to dog anal glands and “leaving stuff in the tree, like Boo Radley.” [14:51]
• The prisoners mentioned: “Malibu Bob” (the notorious twink who avoided conflict by giving up his body), and “Banzai Bob,” a violent killer.
  • ”He was a massive murderer…he could make a shiv out of a mattress.” [15:09]
  • “Mattress” weapons described in detail, with Banzai Bob allegedly hardening bodily fluids as poison for his homemade shivs. [21:20]
• The panel jokes about how each would survive in prison:
  • John: “This ass is currency in there, and I’m gonna use it. That’s the reason I don’t commit crimes.” [17:04]
  • “If I was there for life, my ass would be up against that thing on the first day. Those cold bars on my cheeks, just waiting.” [18:42]
  • Debates between trying to join a gang or “just give up my ass.” [16:34]
  • “I’d be the prison bar whore, there’s no possible way…” [18:53]

Prison as Zoo: A Twisted Proposal

• John floats the idea of turning high-security prisons into “zoo” experiences for the public.
  • “Imagine the money you could make…you could walk through, spotting the celebrity prisoners…” [22:50]
  • The guys riff on throwing food at inmates, sponsoring “meet and greets,” and programming like a day at the zoo, down to visitor programs and headsets.
    • Brady: “Be great if you pay extra for meet and greets.” [23:57]
  • Facetious comparison between rehab zoos vs. American “lifers” as permanent exhibits.
• The discussion veers into how different countries run their prisons — with jokes about Scandinavian “apartments” and the harsh reality of French penitentiaries.

---

3. Additional Anecdotes & Listener Interaction

Scattered throughout

• Listener “Aiden” claims to be a trans prison worker; John and crew egg on Aiden to share tales of life inside.
  • “No way you didn’t hose some of the dudes.” — John [28:05]
• Another anecdote about John’s brother’s experience in prison, featuring “McGilla” and his “old wiener,” providing yet another reason to stay out of jail. [20:20]
• John’s father’s text updates: on prisoners, frozen venison bribes, and surreal gifts from their freezers. [28:49]

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You’ve used the word Jew in an email more than Hitler.”
  John, reacting to a listener’s email about LeBron James [02:22]

• “He’s the least consequential greatest player in a sport ever. He didn’t change the game at all.”
  John defending his take on LeBron [04:09]

• “This ass is currency in there, and I’m gonna use it. That’s the reason I don’t commit crimes.”
  John, on how he’d survive in prison [17:04]

• “If I was there for life, my ass would be up against that thing on the first day. Those cold bars on my cheeks, just waiting.”
  John, keeping it real about how quickly he’d adapt [18:42]

• “Imagine the money you could make…You could walk through, spotting the celebrity prisoners.”
  John, on prison as people zoo [22:50]

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|---------| | 01:21 | LeBron scoring streak “jinx” & ego discussion | | 04:25 | What makes a sports “GOAT?” debate | | 07:20 | Realities of prison searches (cavity search/contraband stories) | | 09:38 | Fabergé egg thief & guard horror stories | | 14:32 | Prison abuse stories: “gungaria” infection case | | 15:09 | Malibu Bob, Banzai Bob, and prison violence | | 16:34 | John jokes about how he’d fare in prison (“twink baby”) | | 17:04 | “This ass is currency…” prisoners’ prison economics | | 22:50 | “Prison zoo” business idea | | 28:05 | Listener mail: Aiden the prison guard | | 29:39 | John’s dad and the venison update (“typical Jew giving out gifts”) | | 31:12 | Alcatraz and tourist prison tours riff | | 34:05 | Taj Mahal and comparing reality vs. glamour | | 35:10 | Music segment, Winger’s “Seventeen,” and warning parents about teenage sexuality |

---

Summary Flow & Tone

The episode is rowdy, darkly funny, and distinctly irreverent—mixing sports critique, listener emails, salacious prison lore, and the scathing self-effacement typical of John Holmberg and his crew. No subject is off-limits, with the hosts using coarse humor as a lens on everything from sports hero-worship to survival in prison.

Their banter pulls listeners along with energy, wit, and often squeamish detail, making this a raucous episode for anyone intrigued by the wild intersections of sports, societal outcasts, and unapologetically blunt comedy.

---

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[B]

Men if you're over the age of 50, go ahead and ask ChatGPT about what you face as you age. It's Dick Toledo from Holbert's Morning Sickness for Game Day Men's Health the short answer you'll get is facing metabolic issues like weight gain and muscle loss, as well as hormonal changes in testosterone that can lead to decreased sexual function plus the mental side of the equation. As you navigate these changes, head to gamedaymen's health.com and schedule a free consultation now at one of their 12 valley locations. They'll formulate a plan to keep you in the game, and there's a Game Day location near you, so get started today and book that free consultation@gamedaymen's health.com.

[C]

Why choose a Sleep Number Smart bed?

[B]

Can I make my site softer?

[D]

Can I make my site firmer? Can we sleep cooler?

[C]

Sleep number does that cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side. Your sleep number setting J.D. power ranks sleep number number one in customer satisfaction with mattresses purchased in store and online. And now all mattresses are on sale, plus free home delivery during our Cyber Week sale limited time. For J.D. power 25 award information, visit jdpower.com awards check it out at a Sleep Number store or sleepnumber.com today.

[D]

You thought that was funny?

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you?

Is they don't There you go. Thank you. Miles to nowhere. Katie and the Hobbs out there doing their thing. I wanted to say, listen to this LeBron James. Remember he talked about it yesterday. A guy says, how is it you Jewish wizard?

[B]

Whoa.

[D]

You can speak about LeBron's 10 point streak in games and the same day you bring it up, it ends. First, you work your Jew magic into taking money to go to Holmberg's After Dark. And I bribed you on the air to see Brett's videos.

But this bribe you want your Jew that won't take bribe money. Then you cast a juice bell that I can only explain is Jew Witchcraft. A LeBron streak. You go in there tomorrow, will you please say something? Just make it happy and put money on it. I will follow you blindly. John Holberg endorses this Take that money. The way things are going in the world, it's probably best interest to follow this Jew once again. Good job Jew. You've used the word Jew in an email? More than. More than Hitler.

[A]

I'm impressed.

[D]

See you on the 12th at happy ending, Zach. It's true. I did. I brought up LeBron's streak yesterday of 1300 games in a row back.

[E]

Everyone called him out on it, and he's like, oh, I'm not.

[D]

I don't know.

[E]

I'll show them. I'm not protecting records.

[D]

Nobody called him out on it. We were the only ones that brought it up. Obama administration was the first time he scored 10 points, and he's done it every game he's played up till yesterday when I brought it up and said against the Suns, it was threatened. And he took the game into his own hands and didn't care about the team anymore. He had to get to 10.

[E]

He was listening.

[D]

He had to get to 10. Well, whether he was listening or not, Jew Magic won again.

If I was a point guard, that'd be my nickname. Jew magic. Nobody calls LeBron out on that. Nobody looks at him and goes, what a selfish jackass. Because that's exactly what that was. His team was down, like, 17, and instead of thinking, all right, let's do what's best for the team. He's hucking up terrible shots to try to get off the four or six he was sitting on to get to 10 points. Because LeBron knew my streaks in jeopardy, and it ended last night. And I, for one, am thrilled. Never liked LeBron. You know why? I don't have to like LeBron. He likes himself enough for everybody. Oh, nice guy. No other athlete has ever stood up with a serious face and said, I'm the greatest of all time. I mean, what the hell did you just say it. You're not allowed to say that. Then his wife standing next to him at the ESPYs, and, yeah, it's not debatable. He's the greatest of all time. I said it like, all right, family of insecurity. You're screaming on stage that you're the best at everything. Sh. I'm a dick. Matos to South Beach. You just did an hour special to tell us where you're moving. Shut up.

He's. He's. He's the least consequential greatest player in a sport ever. He didn't change the game at all. Steph Curry. That's a better argument of being a goat than LeBron James. He's amazing. I saw him do anything special.

[E]

Kareem Abdul Jabbar. Talk about that. What makes the definition of a goat?

[D]

You change the game.

[E]

Yeah. And that's.

[D]

You make everyone adapt.

[E]

Talk about three players in the argument.

[D]

Him, he said I. Him, Jordan. Yeah, he, Jordan. And. Well, because he was the first center that could move with the ball. Him, Jordan, Steph Curry, and to a certain degree, there was a couple other guys. Dr. J is an argument because he made the aerial attack different. It was all. But LeBron's not. He's just really. He's just a really good version of a basketball player. He's excellent, actually. Top notch. Kobe didn't change the game. He was great too.

[E]

Wilt changed the game.

[D]

Wilt completely changed. Nobody talks about Wilt, but the difference is he can't be considered greatest of all time because he was just 20 years ahead of his time. There was nobody playing basketball his size or anything else. He, he, he's in the argument of like that he's, he's top three of all time greats.

[A]

It's like Pippin says about Jordan. He says, if you're the goat, you don't need to call yourself the goat.

[D]

Say it.

[A]

You, you just, you are your peers and everybody else knows you are.

[D]

And LeBron's the all time scoring champion and that's good for him. But he played 40 years and he played with the three point line and passed Kareem. Kareem had one three pointer his whole career. One. LeBron's. Almost a ton of his points are coming from that. And plus they changed to his own defense. And there's a lot more fouling. They didn't blow whistles back when Kareem played, he got his ass kicked constantly.

[E]

He said the other thing was shopping around. He's like, where did the championships happen? The goat championships happened with the same. You could plug people in the team. Yeah, but it was the same team. He's like, he kind of shopped around.

[D]

Sure.

[E]

For the championship, which the game has changed.

[D]

That's changed a little bit. Yeah. He, he, he moved out. And the NBA, they didn't want him. Cleveland, that's a market. They were like, man, we could do without that. I mean, if I was, if I was running America, I would subtly and passive aggressively tell all of our enemies that Cleveland is the greatest city in the world. Like, I'd be over. There was Xi Jinping. If I was Trump, I'd be like, just so long as you guys leave Cleveland alone. That's the only thing. I mean, bomb the rest of them. We don't want to get into war. But Cleveland is our, it's our heart. It's the hub. It's where we hide all the gold. And then when China's like, oh, they had to go down Cleveland. Where? Cleveland. And then they'd blow up Cleveland and be like, they did our work for us. Blowing up Cleveland would be a gift to the United States. We just can't do it ourselves. We just encourage other nations, like Putin. Like, I don't want to tell you, but New York City is on the line. New York's being run by one of yours now, commie. We don't care. Blow it up. Just stay out of Cleveland. Please, Vladimir, I beg you, don't. Just like telling a kid, don't look in this drawer. It's a natural. Just don't do it. It's not important. In fact, just leave it alone. It's a dumb drawer. I gotta look in that drawer.

By the way, I had a friend who used to do the job. He's advanced further. I used to box with him long time ago. And he became a one of those guards down there at the county prison intake and basically used to always tell me stories like, I didn't know that you go to county jail and you get the full naked inspection. Not always, but there's a lot of people who, you know, drug guys, they bend them over and. And he's. Yeah, and his name was Zach. And Zach used to tell me, yeah, I had to. I'd get the load. There was three new guys. They're like, this guy's got stuff in his butt. Like, rookie. Yep. Get out there. And one of the three new guys would have to go finger some drugs out of a dude's bottom and check cracks and stuff. Flashlights. And I used to tell him all the time, like, what's the worst part of that? Like, there's a. It's already bad to all of us, but there's. For the person actually in it, the details of what the worst part of that must be. And he goes, they're never clean. And he goes, it's almost like, okay, I gotta check a guy's ass. Gross. But maybe if it was, like, right now and you had to check my ass, you'd be like, that wasn't so bad. But if I have. Because I'm clean, right. So just the idea of checking my ass is bad. If you compound it with, oh, he's taken 12 dumps and he hasn't showered once. And there, it's just a sea of, like, it looks like mud on the bottom of a shoe. The next day it's all dried up. And you Got to work your finger through that and the, and the, the thatchet of hair. And you hear that noise with your glove as you rip through the dried mud hair and you finger out the fentanyl or whatever. So he's doing that. Brady talked about the guy who swallowed the Faberge egg yesterday. Yeah, they got it, finally passed it six days later. They had to check this guy's butt constantly for six days. He had a guy assigned to him when he took dumps. He wasn't allowed a toilet. He had a bucket. And the dude had to go through the bucket and then check him again to see if it was hanging by the edge there or if he put it back. So as far as one of the.

[E]

Comments was, does that, does the resale.

[D]

Value on that, does it go up? I think it would go up. It's been through something. It's legendary. Faberge egg. Now it got eaten, but it took him six days to pass it. And they're filling them with coffee and, you know, laxative, encouraging the feces, encouraging the shots. And it wouldn't come out for six days. So think about that. This dude's job was to go get the egg out of the poop. The first day of sifting through and you don't find anything. You're like, oh, you gotta wait for this dude to do it again. You go through another load, nothing. You go home to your family. Good night, honey. How was your day? I don't want to talk about it. Time to go in tomorrow, 6am Alarm goes off, drive back. There's two buckets waiting for you. Go through that one. Nothing. Fourth one, nothing. Go home. Night, honey. How was your day? Don't want to talk about it. Time to go to work. 6:00am Day three, few more buckets, nothing. Night, honey. How's your day? Shut up. 6:00am Goes back. Fourth day. This goes on for six days, guys.

[E]

Like I've eaten a pound of X.

[D]

I don't feel bad for him at all. Faberge egg dude. Why didn't they cut him open? If you swallow jewels, two days of some poor saps job sifting through your poop ends and all right, we're going in for it. Six days.

[E]

Who's gonna pay for it?

[D]

Who cares? The guy sifting through the feces will gonna use my insurance. Put him on my insurance. It's New Zealand.

They have socialized medicine. Everybody's covered.

[E]

Good point.

[D]

He's a prisoner here. They're covered. We paid for it. You chop him open and you save the life of that poor guy. Who's got a family and kids and then he's got, you know, all six days. That means there probably was a weekend in the middle of that, like Thursday, Friday and then he gets a couple days off place park with the kids, then goes right back Monday into this and just sifted. No corn.

Turkey, beef stick, lamb.

[E]

A lot of lamb.

[D]

No Jewels. Yeah, they're eating a lot of that. Whatever Frodo ate, he ate.

[E]

Lamb is bread.

[D]

It's like orc. Orc meat. Probably a couple of orcs fairy and he's just sitting there go nah Jewels today walks back up New Zealand. Have to go sift through this again. See you boys. John Holmberg's Morning Sickness the 98 KUPD it's John Holmberg from the morning sickness and football season is in full swing and Underdog is the biggest, best place to get in on all the action. Playing on Underdog is easy. Just pick whether your favorite player is going to go higher or lower on stats like rushing yards, receptions, touchdowns. This week I'm looking at my Steelers and I am selecting Darnell Washington to go higher than one touchdown and hoping that Lamar Jackson goes lower on rushing yards. Download the app today. Sign up with promo code HMS to score $100 in bonus entries when you play your first $5 underdog make picks win money must be 18 +, 19 + in Alabama and Nebraska, 19 + in Colorado, 21+ in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where Underdog Fantasy operates terms. Apply the assets.underdog fantasy.com web play and getterms_dfs_html for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org In New York, call the 24.7Hope line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text Hope NY 467369.

[A]

It's Brett Vesley for Game Day Men's Health. Well, as a lot of you guys know, I had a ton of personal stuff to deal with lately, which means I wasn't even thinking about taking care of myself. Game Health is the largest men's health clinic in the valley with 12 convenient locations. They know what us guys are going through and can get you started on a game plan of your own. They specialize in TRT treatment and they even offer other men's health solutions like hgh, peptide treatment, medical weight loss and sexual health treatments. Check them out online@Gameday MensHealth.com it's time to start taking care of yourself. And for guys, there's no better place to start than game day. Men's health.

[D]

H's morning sickness.

[E]

Years ago, the diamondbackers of one of the officers that worked the games worked in the prison. And he told a story about. There's one guy in the cell block that was the boy toy for the crew. And he got drilled so often and so bad, you'd walk into the cell area, the D block or whatever it was.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

And it smelled.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

The guy had an infection so bad, but he wasn't getting it treated.

[D]

Remember, it was called.

[E]

He called it gungaria.

[D]

Oh. It's just from getting bungled so much that your body just starts emitting a scent. Like anal glands on a dog. Like, you fix it, fix it.

[E]

Smell it the minute you open that.

[D]

Because it was dirty. You know why? Because it was getting, you know, squirts and no cleanings.

He's just full all the time. They were hollowing him out like a log. Oh, and leaving stuff in there like, you know, Boo Radley in the tree.

[E]

Kept going. It's so soft.

[D]

Little carvings in the notch. He was a tree notch. You could live. You leave gifts for Scout and Jim.

Literary references. Yeah, well, my dad built that. I'm in prison complex. They gave him a tour of the worst section, which is like Section five or what, I don't know what's called. And they had some dude named Malibu Bob or something like that. And he was a massive murderer. And they constantly had him, like, chained to his bed because he could make a shiv out of a mattress. It was a beast. Wasn't allowed to have anything. I don't remember his name, but he'd kill everybody if you just looked at him wrong.

[E]

I like Malibu.

[D]

And my dad was up there. It's kind of a less intimidating name for a terrible, terrible person. But it was the death row group. And then they were up in this high end security. And my dad said that while he was there, there was a dude that ran around. He dyed his underwear like this weird pink. And he would lean up against the bars and let the guys have at him until the guards got him.

[E]

Oh.

[D]

Like he was twinking around and he would lean bar to bar and like, let a. And dudes would tank him for super, super gay. So he was. He was. That's how he avoided being in fights all the time. He's like, I better just give up my ass. He became like the. The. The town. And he was allowed to roam free and, like, give up library books or whatever. And he would lean his ass up against the bars and then they'd send him on his way.

That's the only reason I don't commit crimes. I want to. I would love to steal and do all sorts of terrible things.

[A]

The ass play.

[D]

But, oh, my God, just seeing that I would have to be Malibu Bob's twink baby. Because I'm not. I'm not joining a gang and fighting every day.

[E]

I got you under my wing.

[D]

Yeah. I'd be someone's. I've never understood that either, you know, beat up the biggest guy or become someone's. I'm like, that seems easy because there's a chance the biggest guy's gonna beat me up and make me his anyway.

Not fighting the biggest guy at a prison. That's dumb.

This ass is currency in there, and I'm gonna use it. But that's the reason I don't commit crimes. The reason. Fear of prison behavior. No, thanks. And it's the bad guy stuff. You know, you get in there for like a DUI or whatever. You can just sit in this now. Prison's not so bad. You're not in prison, you're in jail. You go to that place over in Florence and you sit in the high level sections where all the worst of the worst are.

[E]

You're in a new city.

[D]

Yeah. You're here in a new planet.

I remember Malibu Bill, or Bob. And every time they'd leave him to his own devices, he could carve out a shiv in like a second. Figured out like, he's using parts of the bed. He'd just scrape off a little melons, stab some dude in the throat. It's like, where did Malibu Bob get that thing? He was. He was gonna. I don't know if he's been murdered yet, but he was on the Row. But he was in their new. You know, that complex when they built it was the high end super prison. And they had, like. Everything was monitored electric and whatever. But they let that twink run around and keep these guys at bay. Just shove his ass up against the rails.

I would laugh for hours if that was sitting in my cell. And just a butthole appeared on the. On the wall. What's this? Want some? Good Lord, no.

[E]

You'd get in there.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

You're delivering books.

[D]

Well, then about. About six months later, I'd realized nobody ever beats that. What's he doing different than me? Because I'm bruised up every day, I go, well, if I'm going to Be here for the rest of my life. I might as well make the adaption.

My ass would be up against that thing for the first day. Those cold bars on my cheeks, just waiting.

[A]

You'd be one of the sisters that'd be.

[D]

I'm just waiting. This is the new life I've done for myself.

[E]

Here's your go, dog. Go.

[D]

No, I go. I go full Epstein. It'd be two days before those sheets became a rope. There'd be no way they'd let me have shoelaces if I went to jail, because I would be hanging from them. I'd be. And I'd probably fail at that. I'd mess that up, too. But no question, I would be the. The prison bar whore. There's no possible way. I mean, they see me out there with those skinheads. I like Mexican people. I think they're fun. I want to get in there and start stabbing people and beating them up just because I'm.

[A]

Get your teardrop tattoo.

[D]

I'd have a tattoo with teardrops coming out of my anus because it would be the most damaged thing in there. It would. It is up for grabs in jail for life or prison. No, I'm not gonna do it. Like, you know, if I'm there for two days for something, I'm not gonna be. But if they're like, all right, you know, I'd say, I don't know what it'd be like.

[E]

Just when you think you got out of it because you're. You're the twink.

[D]

Yep.

[E]

You get into fights with other twinks now?

[D]

Okay, I'll handle that. I could beat up KDKB all day long. That's fine. KDKB of prison. That's a funny fight anyway. And I'm not a real one, but I would use it anyway. 400 month sentence. Well.

Better start getting some. Do they just spit in my hand?

You have anything to say, prisoner?

What the hell? You just spit this hand. Let's get to work, boys.

Yep.

[E]

Build friendships.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, I'm building French. Building whatever I can. So my brother was in prison for a year. Too many DUIs back in New York. And there was a big guy in there named McGilla used to pull this big old wiener out and smash it on the bars, between the bars. And that was enough of a reason to keep me out of jail. Yeah. I don't know.

That scares me to death. The guy you're talking about was Malibu Bob. Robert Comer. There was another name. Oh, that's the guy. Banzai Bob. I knew about Malibu. Banzai Bob was the bad guy. That was the really bad. Then there was Malibu Bob. I guess he was just a surfer who got in some trouble or something. But Banzai Bob, that was his name. Thanks, Cranston. That was the dude. Everybody was like, he'll kill everybody. He can't even look at him. Just like, you got a mattress, and that was it. In his room, he had a mattress on the ground. And he figured out a way to make the mattress parts into a thing. And, like, hardened an edge and stabbed it with a chunk of mattress that he figured out how to harden. And he made the tags. God knows what he was using to make that hardening stuff. He was the one, I think, that they told everybody, like, you got to be careful because he'll take his own bodily fluids and. And dip his shiv into that. Whether he had, like, some poisons or not, I didn't know. Yeah, but it would, like, make you sick. Like, he'd put poop on the end and then wait for that to get hard. And then suck it to a fine point and then jab it in later. I don't know how it worked, Brady. They make drinks out of their pee. I don't know what those guys are. Ingenious.

Ingenious. Banzai Bob. That was the dude.

[A]

Oh.

[D]

Cause he carved. That's right. He misspelled and carved his name into an inmate that he killed. He did get executed, people. Everybody remembers him. That's on him. Malibu. Malibu Bob was another dude they talked about. Malibu Bob might have been the twink everybody was hosing. Bonsai. Bob was the bad guy. That's right. My dad said he's walking through with the ward, and he's like, that's Bonjour, Bob. And they peek in the little thing. He's just sitting in there on a mattress. No toilet, no nothing. He wasn't allowed to have anything. It's like when he had to poop. He had to bang on the door and go, I gotta poop. You've lost your rights for that. We gotta cuff him up, chain him up. And then he'd go stand over a drain or something. And then just drop a bomb. And they'd hose him off, put him back in his mattress room.

[A]

So, like, Cannibal Lecter type style.

[D]

Very. Yeah. Yeah. Evidently, they did get him. But evidently that. That dude was. And again.

I don't understand that brain. And I don't want to be anywhere near it. And that's why we have those people. Zoos. Over there in Florence. I do think that there is a missed opportunity financially though, to have people just go in there and walk around. Because, I mean, imagine the money you could make. They do it at the zoo and essentially correctional institutes. Well, the zoo is. They're not correcting anything. The zoo is in. You can't put them back into the wild most of the time in that area, you can't do it. You give. The lifers are people zoo forever. So it's just like going to the.

[E]

Zoo or is it like Denmark or somewhere where they're just.

[D]

Sweden gives you an apartment. But that's not for lifers. The. The people who do terrible, terrible things. And those countries are also treated pretty poorly. They get. They send them to France, which is the worst prisons, and nobody knows about that. But the zoos over here, they're not putting those animals back in the wild, but they kind of pretend. So if you went up to that girl prison and you know on the plaque outside their cell, Jodi Arias and here's what she did, you and your family could have a day looking at them and seeing them in their natural habitats and kind of walking through. I think it would be great. People zoo. You could raise some money, pay for everything.

[E]

Be great if you pay extra for meet and greets.

[D]

Well, yeah. Well, feed like. You like to throw pumpkins at the hippos that are there in them. Yeah, they're jailed hippos. Those hippos are. They feel like they've been incarcerated. They're like, I don't know what we did, but now we've got boundaries and walls and rules and feeding times and all that. And then some big dude in a blue shirt comes and chucks a pumpkin at me. I've never had pumpkin before I got here. It's the same as ostrich meat. They just give you food you've never had before. Same deal. You feed them, you get the feeding. Can feed. Feed Jodi Aries. You just throw burger meat at her and stuff. She scrounges around for it. I think it would be fun.

[E]

It starts booming. Then you could just take prisons and start pairing them up. And we want to mate this prisoner with this one.

[D]

And then we don't have a population issue. The second we do, we would like some reason that the zoos feel like they have to start doing that captivity beasts to keep the prison. Prisons are fine. Plenty of new volunteers. John holmberg's Morning Sickness. The 98 KUPD.

[E]

It's Brady from HMS and I would always hear guys talk about their testosterone levels. But I didn't know much more than that. That changed when I went to the game day men's health clinic and found out what my testosterone level was. Gameday's on site lab was quick and easy and I found out that I was an ideal candidate for testosterone treatment. Game day offers other men's health solutions like hgh, peptide therapy and sexual health treatments. All you have to do is visit one of the 12 game day men's health clinics in the valley or check out gamedaymenshealth.com it's time to get in the game.

[F]

I'm here on a job site with Tim, who owns his own electrical contracting business.

[D]

Three employees and two work trucks.

[F]

Tim traded up to Geico commercial auto insurance. We're positively here where he needs us most.

[D]

They sure are.

[F]

With step by step help on all his insurance needs. All for shockingly low rates.

[A]

Shockingly low, huh?

[F]

Just a little bit of electrician humor.

[E]

Do you get it?

[D]

I got it.

[F]

You know, it feels like we have a real connection. All right, I'll stop.

[D]

Get a commercial auto insurance quote [e-mail] and see how much you could save. Get more with Geico Holmberg's morning sickness.

But I say we build the prisons with a whole viewing deck of the yard. Like, oh, look, there's Jodi Arias. And the people who are really up on things can start spotting the celebrity prisoners. What did that one do? That one's super fast. And then you look in your, your program and you find inmate 457.

[A]

You have the little self guided tour with the headphones and everything else on.

[D]

You're standing outside of cell 457. Inside there is a person who used to masturbate on the victims they killed. The hollow out killer.

[E]

Bonsai Bob.

[D]

There's Bonsai Bob. Keep your distance, kids. Bonsai Bob will carve his name into your back.

The whole crowd does that noise. Oh, and then Bob's eye Bob drops a deuce on the ground and chucks it at the people like one of the gorillas.

Or like when my dad and I saw that baboon look like John Travolta at the Albuquerque zoo. And he started to beat off in front of us. We were like, we were like a foot from him. He's just sitting on the other side of that cage. My little face was right next to what he was about to. He could have unloaded right on me. He just started tugging that thing rat like he pulled it twice and just stretched out like Laffy Taffy way out.

[E]

Whoa.

[D]

My dad just started laughing and then he just started tugging fast like okay, let's go. I was face to baboon wang. But yeah, I think this prison idea's got something to it.

All right. Trans listener Aiden says gay guys and transsexuals in prison are always getting quote it. They'd be the ones that get in the most trouble as well. Cos always tell the trans they need to wear a bra because some had breastwork done. They have a small group of guys that would feel them up. I'd have breasts put in after I went to prison. I wouldn't get a prison tat. I'd get a prison boob job. I worked in a federal prison in Florence for a couple years. Trans guy Aiden. You were a trans guy working in a prison? Aiden, tell me some stories about that. No way. You didn't hose some of the dudes.

No way.

Before or after the like. Oh, I gotta know the Aiden needs. Aiden is in the running for listener of the year for our show. Man oh man. But I think we're gonna give it to the deaf guy. He'll just sit up on the stage and stare at us. That's all he can do.

Crazy. Last year we had the blind guy. All he could do is sit up there and we faced him the wrong way and stuff and he didn't know where he was.

[E]

He had a blast.

[D]

He had a good time. And you'd hear him laughing every once in a while and just staring at the wall, laughing. It was a very funny visual. That was a couple years ago, but I like that one a lot. Anyway, don't go to jail. Do what you can to stay out. It's not a proud thing for sure.

By the way, my dad just texted me the guy that was banging on the door that said he was accused of rape. Everything's okay. My dad gave him six pound of frozen venison. So we're. We're all right. The only reason cures all. Only reason I'm convinced. The only reason my dad drove here from Texas to load. Load that freezer with venison and then call me. The last days here. Go. I left you a little something at the place. Oh, did you? And I gotta go over there and figure out what to do with 4 or 500 pounds of elk meat.

I'll eat some of it, but I don't know what he expects me to do with all that. Brady will get some. I'll hand some out. Maybe we'll make a gift. Try some yeah, I'll give you.

And make night elk meat. That's the weirdest thing. Here's some elk meat. What'd you do? Did you kill this? No, I found it in a freezer. My dad drove it over here from Texas. I know he's got some of that stuff in there. I ain't dumb I'm wise to the Ways of Dan 7:18.

[A]

Typical Jew giving out free gifts.

[D]

Why? Well, that's not a Jew. I should charge you. That's my sweetest side coming up. Well, it was a free. Oh, re gifted. Yeah, that is kind of a typical. All right. He's not wrong. I see now, see, I even fought it. All right, what do you go to the big board of Musical treats?

[A]

Wake Up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. Don't forget, right now, Josh and the boys are running 20 off all beach cruisers that are stock at both locations. And you can check them out over there at the brand new location on power Road and McDowell. And of course, the OG store at Gilbert Road and Southern. Plus, Gilbert Road and Southern's got all your gear to get you up north and go hitting the slopes, boarding, skiing, whatever you're gonna do, they got it for you.

[D]

Actionrideshop.com. somebody points out, it's like, this is a good idea. They give tours of Alcatraz. People go to a prison that's empty. Imagine if it was chock full of prisoners.

[E]

When we did that tour at Alcatraz, we met a guy, he had a book out.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

And he was there for 25 years.

[D]

Yeah. That dude stands outside and makes you sign his book.

[E]

And then they have like two or three that. I wanted the rotation where you can meet him. And a lot of people didn't even know.

[D]

He's just sitting at the table, hanging out, selling his book. I wanted to go into the. When I did that tour, and it's a. It's cool. I wanted to go to the warden's house. They don't give you a tour of that.

[E]

You walk on the. You walk around the outside, you don't.

[D]

Get to go in. I want to see how that guy was living. Because you got to think, well, you saw the.

[E]

When we were there, they showed pictures of the setup. It was.

[D]

I wanted. I wanted. I saw pictures of Alcatraz, too. And I went there to go inside of it. I don't want pictures if I'm standing next to it. Let me in. You know, I was kind of disappointed at the Universal Studios tour when we went down Beaver Cleaver Street. And I'm like, cool. Can we go in? It's like. It's just a facade. I'm like, this is a joke. Where's the set? How come I don't walk into Beaver's house? No, no, Just look at the outside and keep driving. Jeannie's house was right across the street. The whole thing was, like, 40 different places.

[A]

With the psycho house.

[D]

It's just a face. Can we go in the Bates Motel? No, they're filming something in there. I'm like, well, let me in there. No, this is garbage. I just get the bus ride through this. I can do this on the Internet. But, yeah, the prison stuff, I. I wanted to go into the warden's house because I thought he deserved a mansion. Like he should. Because, you think about it, he's got no grocery store, no Circle K, no quick rundown to the Wherever he wants to go. He can't get lottery tickets.

[E]

It wasn't small.

[D]

No, it was nice, but it wasn't what it should be. He lived on an island with hundreds of murderers. You got to treat that guy like he's king.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And you know, he has to do.

[E]

A good job for supplies.

[D]

Yeah. You got to get on the boat if you ever needed anything. And I go to the boat. Right. Or you walk over to work again. There's work looming in your backyard every day. And your kids were there, and they had to play in the backyard.

[E]

Mini school.

[D]

Yeah, they had that weird little school for all the employees. And then you had to walk over to the kitchen at Alcatraz and eat more slop. They didn't have any good food.

Grab some candy. Over at the Alcatraz, I mean, you couldn't have a whim. You couldn't need a pizza. Domino's isn't delivering.

[A]

Not in 30 minutes or less.

[D]

No. It's got to get in that ferry. It's going to take forever. Best part of the trip to Alcatraz is that ride over. It's beautiful. It's gorgeous. San Francisco sucks balls in every direction you can imagine. Literally and figuratively. But that boat ride, the view of it is stunning. When you're not in it and you can see it, it's gorgeous. But when you're inside of it, it's like intestines. It would be like if you cut open Margot Robbie from a distance, you're like, this is the prettiest thing I've ever seen. But when you're on the streets of San Francisco. Not that you open it up and it's gross. That city is one of the grossest towns.

And it smells like piss and sissy trees and sissu trees are everywhere.

[E]

Supposedly they've cleaned it up a little bit.

[D]

That's a low buddy of mine that's been living there. Well, he lives here.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

He's telling you the things that he needs to hear himself say, so he.

[E]

Doesn'T what he's been saying for years.

[D]

It's a dump.

It's been a dump for a long time. When those hippies took it in the 60s, everybody tried to fool you with full house and Mrs. Doubtfire and all those beautiful. Because it photographs incredibly well.

[E]

They never left. Hate Ashbury.

[D]

It's a chick with a dick. It looks good. And then you get to know it and you're like, this thing's got a dick.

[A]

It's like, you say the Taj Mahal.

[E]

Great.

[A]

Beautiful. Look around it and It's.

[D]

Do the 360 view on that street. Do 360 at the Taj Mahal. It's like, that's stunning. And then just pan the camera to the left. And then hordes of poor Indians, hordes and hordes. And then the back is just two river dilapidated nightmare shacks across the street.

[A]

It's like the west side. I mean, it's. Yeah, it's terrible.

[D]

Yeah. If you put the Taj Mahal somewhere to just be an example, it would be the. Where the brewers play. This is amazing. You turn around, you're like, why are there so many smoke shops? How much smoking do these people need to do? All right, go ahead. What do you got on the list?

[A]

A lot of it going with your early story. ZZ Top pearl necklace.

[D]

Oh, that's not part of my early winger 17.

[A]

ACDC squirt shoot to thrill Bring your daughter to the slaughter I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead. Christine 16 Sweet mandang, sweet poontango A dead skin mask.

Rowness. Crazy nights for Banzai, Bob, Pantera, gnr.

[D]

I'm gonna start this Friday off with Winger.

[A]

All right.

[D]

They are underrated. Seventeen's a good song. And when we talked to Kip Winger a couple years ago and he said he didn't write the one line in the song, and it's the most famous line in it, and he's embarrassed. Daddy says she's too young, but she's old enough for me, he's like, I didn't think of it when we sang it. And he goes. And years later, it haunts me.

I love winger 17. For all you parents with teenage kids that Keep saying. Oh, no, mine's different. Kids are different today. They don't like tugging on each other and making squirts. They just. They're different. Yep. No, they're not.

You just think they tell you all their secrets. We're friends. My kids. We're friends. My wife would know. Nope.

Think of it. When you were 17, did you run home and tell Bunny and Torp that you just got a hand job in the back of a car all the time? Nope. Never once Ever? Once. Mom, guess what happened to me? What? Brady lady gave me a hand job in the back of the bus today.

[E]

It was great.

[D]

Just thought I'd tell you because we're friends.

[E]

Bus. Good for you.

[D]

Yeah. You didn't take it. Yeah.

[A]

He's not riding a bus.

[D]

No, they called it a bus. It was when you. When you weren't in one of the limousines that took you to private. You rode a bus.

You even had that guy that tried to mount you in that C28 or whatever it was. The T Tops dude that you lost your virginity in, that Legs up in the Bread concert. No, that was his uncle. He did probably go home and tell his parents that, but they ignored it. Uncle Mike gave me a hand job on the way home from bread.

[E]

Fell for life.

[D]

Let's go get you a grilled cheese. Oh, everything's forgotten.

You got it Ready, Winger? I saw sparks fly. Oh, here it is. Listen to this. 17. Pay attention to your kids. They're making squirts. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[F]

I'm here on the job site with Dale, who's a framing contractor.

[D]

Hey, good morning.

[F]

Dale traded up to GEICO Commercial Auto Insurance for all his business vehicles. We're here where he needs us most.

[D]

Yep, they sure are.

[F]

We make it easy for him to save on all his insurance needs, all in one place with coverage that fits his business and bottom line. Oh, I shouldn't have looked down.

[D]

It's all right.

[F]

We're so far up here.

[D]

Look at me. Take a deep breath.

[F]

I'm good. So good.

[D]

Get a commercial auto insurance quote [e-mail] and see how much you could save. It feels good. To Geico.