Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode: LeBron’s Scoring Streak Ends & Fabergé Jail Talk

Date: December 5, 2025
Host: John Holmberg
Panel: Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Podcast Timeframe: [01:11] – [37:37]

Overview

In this episode, the crew dives into two vibrant and uniquely "Holmberg’s" topics: LeBron James’s legendary scoring streak coming to an end (with a sarcastic nod to “Jew magic”), and wild, eye-popping stories about prison life inspired by a thief who swallowed Fabergé jewels. The guys riff on sports ego, what changes someone earns 'GOAT' status, the grimy realities of incarceration, and how each of them (hilariously) imagines they'd fare inside.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. LeBron James’ 10-point Streak Ends

Begins at [01:21]

• John Holmberg revisits his comments from the previous day, joking that just mentioning LeBron’s streak “jinxed” it, and that now he’s getting emails from listeners crediting his “Jew magic” for ending it.
  • Memorable quote: “Good job, Jew. You’ve used the word Jew in an email more than Hitler.” — John, reading a listener email [02:22]
• The group debates whether LeBron’s ego is over-the-top compared to past NBA legends.
  • John: “Never liked LeBron. You know why? Because he likes himself enough for everybody.” [03:09]
• Discussion ensues about the real criteria for earning ‘GOAT’ status:
  • Consistency is impressive, but truly changing the game is what counts.
  • John: “He’s the least consequential greatest player in a sport ever. He didn’t change the game at all.” [04:09]
  • Players who changed the game: Jordan, Steph Curry, Dr. J (“the aerial attack”), Wilt Chamberlain (“just 20 years ahead of his time”), Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
  • They agree LeBron is “excellent” but didn’t alter the sport’s landscape.
• Commentary on LeBron moving teams to win titles (“shopping around”) versus the “GOAT” tradition of sticking with one.
  • ”The game has changed… sure, he moved out. The NBA, they didn’t want him.” [06:08]
• Cleveland Bashing: John lampoons Cleveland, suggesting it should be the decoy city in an international conflict scenario.
  • “Blowing up Cleveland would be a gift to the United States. We just can’t do it ourselves.” [06:14]

2. The Realities of Prison Life

Transitions at [07:20]

Strip Searches & Smuggling

• John tells a story from a friend (Zach) who worked county jail intake, describing the graphic and thankless job of searching for contraband.
  • ”If you compound it with, oh, he’s taken 12 dumps and he hasn’t showered once…it looks like mud on the bottom of a shoe.” — John, on cavity searches [08:32]
• The infamous “Fabergé egg” story: a thief concealed the jewel for six days, forcing guards to sift through his waste daily.
  • ”Six days…you go through another load, nothing…oh, you got to wait.” [09:38]
  • The panel debates why they didn’t just operate: “Who’s gonna pay for it? …We paid for it.” [11:14]
  • Jokes ensue about the “resale value” and how these situations test guards’ resolve.

Inmate “Economics” & Survival

• Stories about severe inmate abuse, including a notorious “boy toy” in prison (the “D block” infection story).
  • ”He got drilled so often and so bad…it smelled…he called it ‘gungaria.’” [14:32]
  • Comparisons to dog anal glands and “leaving stuff in the tree, like Boo Radley.” [14:51]
• The prisoners mentioned: “Malibu Bob” (the notorious twink who avoided conflict by giving up his body), and “Banzai Bob,” a violent killer.
  • ”He was a massive murderer…he could make a shiv out of a mattress.” [15:09]
  • “Mattress” weapons described in detail, with Banzai Bob allegedly hardening bodily fluids as poison for his homemade shivs. [21:20]
• The panel jokes about how each would survive in prison:
  • John: “This ass is currency in there, and I’m gonna use it. That’s the reason I don’t commit crimes.” [17:04]
  • “If I was there for life, my ass would be up against that thing on the first day. Those cold bars on my cheeks, just waiting.” [18:42]
  • Debates between trying to join a gang or “just give up my ass.” [16:34]
  • “I’d be the prison bar whore, there’s no possible way…” [18:53]

Prison as Zoo: A Twisted Proposal

• John floats the idea of turning high-security prisons into “zoo” experiences for the public.
  • “Imagine the money you could make…you could walk through, spotting the celebrity prisoners…” [22:50]
  • The guys riff on throwing food at inmates, sponsoring “meet and greets,” and programming like a day at the zoo, down to visitor programs and headsets.
    • Brady: “Be great if you pay extra for meet and greets.” [23:57]
  • Facetious comparison between rehab zoos vs. American “lifers” as permanent exhibits.
• The discussion veers into how different countries run their prisons — with jokes about Scandinavian “apartments” and the harsh reality of French penitentiaries.

3. Additional Anecdotes & Listener Interaction

Scattered throughout

• Listener “Aiden” claims to be a trans prison worker; John and crew egg on Aiden to share tales of life inside.
  • “No way you didn’t hose some of the dudes.” — John [28:05]
• Another anecdote about John’s brother’s experience in prison, featuring “McGilla” and his “old wiener,” providing yet another reason to stay out of jail. [20:20]
• John’s father’s text updates: on prisoners, frozen venison bribes, and surreal gifts from their freezers. [28:49]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You’ve used the word Jew in an email more than Hitler.”
  John, reacting to a listener’s email about LeBron James [02:22]

• “He’s the least consequential greatest player in a sport ever. He didn’t change the game at all.”
  John defending his take on LeBron [04:09]

• “This ass is currency in there, and I’m gonna use it. That’s the reason I don’t commit crimes.”
  John, on how he’d survive in prison [17:04]

• “If I was there for life, my ass would be up against that thing on the first day. Those cold bars on my cheeks, just waiting.”
  John, keeping it real about how quickly he’d adapt [18:42]

• “Imagine the money you could make…You could walk through, spotting the celebrity prisoners.”
  John, on prison as people zoo [22:50]

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|---------| | 01:21 | LeBron scoring streak “jinx” & ego discussion | | 04:25 | What makes a sports “GOAT?” debate | | 07:20 | Realities of prison searches (cavity search/contraband stories) | | 09:38 | Fabergé egg thief & guard horror stories | | 14:32 | Prison abuse stories: “gungaria” infection case | | 15:09 | Malibu Bob, Banzai Bob, and prison violence | | 16:34 | John jokes about how he’d fare in prison (“twink baby”) | | 17:04 | “This ass is currency…” prisoners’ prison economics | | 22:50 | “Prison zoo” business idea | | 28:05 | Listener mail: Aiden the prison guard | | 29:39 | John’s dad and the venison update (“typical Jew giving out gifts”) | | 31:12 | Alcatraz and tourist prison tours riff | | 34:05 | Taj Mahal and comparing reality vs. glamour | | 35:10 | Music segment, Winger’s “Seventeen,” and warning parents about teenage sexuality |

Summary Flow & Tone

The episode is rowdy, darkly funny, and distinctly irreverent—mixing sports critique, listener emails, salacious prison lore, and the scathing self-effacement typical of John Holmberg and his crew. No subject is off-limits, with the hosts using coarse humor as a lens on everything from sports hero-worship to survival in prison.

Their banter pulls listeners along with energy, wit, and often squeamish detail, making this a raucous episode for anyone intrigued by the wild intersections of sports, societal outcasts, and unapologetically blunt comedy.